AL

Alan Carr's 'Life's a Beach'

Keep It Light Media / Travesty Media

Cruise ship tips and quick fire round

From S10 EP18: Jane McDonaldMay 25, 2026

Excerpt from Alan Carr's 'Life's a Beach'

S10 EP18: Jane McDonaldMay 25, 2026 — starts at 0:00

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Law suppupplies last ends june thirtieth terms at aka. ms slash collllege PC Welcome to my travel podcast, Lights of Beach Every week I invite a special guest to take us on a journey together to their favourite holiday destinations and to reveal their top travel tips and tales Don't meet your idols they say. Ha! hereere on Alanir we say Poppycoock. Flying with us today is a Ba award winning singer, presenter and icon who knows a thing or two about cruising, Hot on the heills of her number one album Living the Dream, She is heading to Mighty Hooler to headline this weekend and then touring the UK starting in Derby on the twenty eighth of August. Oh she's a busy queen. Tay tables down volumer It'J McDonald This is the final morning call for Jane MacDonald. This is the final morning call for Jane MacDonald. Can Jane MacDonald, please make the way to the game. This is the final morning call for Jane MacDonald. Jane, Je MacDonald, canan you please me? You Jane. Jane, Jane Get it Okay G D Thank you Look that we've got on board. It's Jane MacDonald, how are you doing Jane? I'm fine, Look can I turn left? Yeah. You You always turn bloody left. You haven't seen economy for thirty five years. Well, no, no no I'm right. You' you' on a bloody boat A you permanently se sick? No, because I've got to se legs now. You know, when I first started I w But you know, my mother just kept saying the tablet should be fine. And I did and I was. So there you go. Oh wow. I've wanted you on this show for blooming years. Oh fininally you've arrived. I don't know what to say. Oh sure. I? I'm gl smacked. You shouldn't be Sing me We go back so long. We do, we do and you very kindly came to see me in Black That it. Oh you're so sweet. I love it. You are a genuine national treasure. Oh, that's very kind of you Eager ear listeners at home will know that I'm sluring a little bit, but I have had quite a boozy lunch Because I have been nominated for two BaFs. Oh wow. M memorable moment with the traitors. Yes. And Alan Anamanda's Greek job. That's a hard one. I know you Allen and the mananda. Allen and the mananda And then I do this sitcong called Changing Ends. and the boy who plays me is an up for best actor. So I it An I So I'm a little bit emotional. Yes, you should. And' got Jay MacDonald on me plane. Oh Oh ye. congratulations. That's incredible. And you've got a bafterter as well. I have got a bafterter. It's amazing, isn't it when you get. I feel like Alan and Amanda's show' got that same warmth and authenticity that you have. that's why people love you, you know? rightight back at you. Oh. We're real love. That's what they' like. G it' turning you aning, Alice get on It's of a lovely, aren't it? He, I've got some news as well actually I've got some news. Yes, my new album. Yeah has gone to number one in the indndependent Label charts. Liviveing the dream. Living the dream is number one. Congratulations Sam P shop, Missself. Don't be stupid.! This' just like what But that's fantastic. Well, you deserve it. Thank you. That's amazing. Thank you very much. So we're haveving a lovely time. we've got lots to celebrate. and that's so good Well, listen, let's talk about live in the dream So you're going on tour in this arena tour inn't it as well? Yeah Yeah. Wow. So what's plan? Tell me everything Is there anecdotes? there go I saw pink in concert and she flleow around on a trapeze. Yeah. you' be doing that? Absolutely. But then again, not with my blood of it'd get a bit dodgy that one? Well I saw you on that cruise ship, you said you're not a beendynd. No, I'm really not a be You know, I'm really not a bendy Wender. and it's embarrassing. you know, so No I' the same as you if I went spinning around it be like a sprinkler You're right, you're right. It's not good. It's not a good look, is it? So let's talk about the album. You recorded it in Nashville. is. How amazing is that It was incredible. Is it one of those places where when you go in the studio, you just feel Okay, wow. Yeah. when I started crying, I got so overwhelmed. Really? Yeah, because when walked in on this wall All the albums that had been recorded in this studio. And those like Taylor Swift, Coldpllay Wow Garath Brooks. Rea McIntyre, Dolly Parton And I'm thinking, what am I doing in here? You know, Because you do you know you're getting in Coster syndrome quite a lot. Yeah ye. And then the musicians came in and I had the producers there And I was exack on it because it's my label And I just heard them striking up one of our songs that we'd written. Yeah. And it sounded so good. And I just thought, that's my song. Yeah That's my song that I wrote in Nashville at the Blackbirds Studio And it was incredible. And I really got overwhelmed becausecause it's takaking all this time to realise Yeah, that should have been a country singer all along. Is it true you're bringing out Jay MacDonald's Nashville? You've got on Channel five, That's right. W. Be when you listen to the album, you've got live in the dream, you got the next chapter. you got don't mind if I do. There is feistiness there and when you listen to the lyrics, it's about grabbing like can I say by the testicle? Yes, you can. And I feel like when I see poll to poll on channel one, that's you sort of coming into your own. Do you feel like a kind of confidence now? Yeah, I do. This is a chapter that I've never felt One, this happy This confence. This sort so you know you can tell you can tell in the music and when you telli and everything. It's just a wonderful, wonderful place to be right now when you know life throws ups and downs at us all the time Yeah And all love We could We need a brew. We do and there's only I drink a lot of tea, but when I see you, you love the brew I don't a coffee drink. No, you don't D, I've heard this. I've heard it. But so yeah, I'm at that stage of my life now where it's just Great. I'm living at the dream. I'm living the dream. Yes, ye. Really Amazing.. So Listen, let's talk about poll to pole Do you think Channel five are trying to kill you? Yes I mean, there's just they are youre you're mincing around these lovely places then you're kayaking you're next to these giant seills. you're in subzero temperatures. Yes. I think they are kind to finish me off I think you're probably right there you know, it's say goo and jump off that cliff. It'll make good talent. You know, So you do that You't yeah Yeah I'm doing a show about what's it called? bucket list. Oh they told me Orient Express swimen with dolphins the measure would be up for a body bag and a parachoe lifeife's dangerous enough but goinging to the toilet could kill me. Oh bless you. You and Elvis? All right. Have you got a burger with? Oh bless. No, just make sure you don't eat at the same time. I'm not a savage. No. No, you're not love are you So un pul to p. Yeah You go Arctic and then Antarctic and everything in between Yeah You said you're overwhelmed. Is that the best place you've ever been, J reckon? Well, it took me weeks long. So yeah, it has. And you know, we sort of started in Antarctica, which is the south. Yeah and then went up to the north. in that time as well We visited Brazil, went to Rio. Uruguay. I love Uruguay. Absolutely. Do think everyone's fit in South America. Yeah. It's like a carry on fil minute. You're walking aroundound, there's people in speed I I something like that.. There's some beautiful people out there. and I'm at that age now where I can just look and admire I'm not at I want to touch. I wantna try before you by. Oh bless you. Oh I'm over all that. I'm over all that and it's lovely. I just go o, look, you know, like you do Put me knitting down. smashing. So you are sort of running out of places to go, aren't you cruise ships. Is there anywhere you haven't been Well, yeah, there's loads of places really. I mean to Hawaii I on the South Pacific. I haven't done China So Thailand out there. So there's quite still.s still quite a lot to do. Amazing. So yeah. So listen, we've got to talk about your travel. Now me and you have sort of been on holiday together ish. Yes, we are We went to Venice together We did. And it was the weirdest time and I hate it when they do this. We're all We're all in the lounge, aren't we? And then you know when it goes Barding. You don't like that Barddy just pops up to it does sm. B Yeah Then read Gate closing. That's right. Oh my god Well, Jane, I'm running along. I thought, is that your same boat You said about in wedges and you run in wedges. you all to run like that in Wakefield? Listen, when you'all gonna miss a plane, you'll get a I'll tell you what, they were huge these wedges as well. They were honestly. They weren't they? Yeah. And I know you put them on because you don't want to put them in the hold because it wear your bags down. That's right. Yes, I know. So they honestly they were light bricks these things Yeah. We rnt healthful leather and it was a long way. I know it was. I know, I know. And there were you and me. And then it wasn't gock on the gock. Yes. Yeah. Oh what can you imagine that? I know. If that plane went down, imagine the gay community? honestly. Well let's not say who might get the bigger writeer of yourictaries. Let's not. Now don't be a trainer You got some something on your face.! You know, when I saw you do that, I thought, he's mine mate, he could do that to me. You know know. Everyone asked me, Oh do you ate Peloma? I love Peloma. But I was desperate? What can I do? It' the ce the Titers tipping point all right. You know what I I made know the chase. That's true, love that's Oh. what did you think of Venice? Did you like? I loved it. Yeah. you know, And we did sort of the local things, you know, like Harry's Bar and Yeah, you know, The square Yeah. and I bumped into Gock again there. Oh no yeah. But yeah, it's lovely. Yeah, ye. and it is a beautiful place, but you know and I think they've stopped the big cruise ships going in now. Yeah yeah. So that's not because of you is. No, it's not to do with either. but it's only of the little ones that can come in now, which I think is a lot Yeah, because I sat there in Go's Hotel. He always stays to that lovely fancy wom is at the De Palace near there. They're huge these cruise ships and they came through and I thought, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. And there's never very rarely a time to always say, Oh, that's too big. Yeah You know, but But I I add two then. It's too much. Yeah. I quite like, you know, a posh little one. Yeah. ye tangible. manageable one. So you're famously from Wakefield. Malison, you know, I was thinking There's a cost of living crisis here and we often talk about these fabulous places, but let's try and sell Wakefield. Now tell me some bits to go because some people can't holiday abroad. Now is that Yorkshire Sculpture park near Wakeld Yes it is No Wh's laughing? I know, it is's there. It is. It's amazing. Beautiful. And the Barbara Heetworth Museum. Correct, The gallery Yes, correct. That that Trinity Walk. Have you shopot there? I have. that I was only there very, very shot. I was doing the HMV sign in. Yeah. Oh Yes, and I got me Allan pot pies now. Allan Pot pies. Alum. Alum. Alum for Allan pot pies. I' looking at my belly where you said that? Im on Alan's Pot pies. But they do the best meat Ohere we go. No it's true. So what's nice about the meat? Do know, it's seasoned tremendously well and the pastry, the pastry is just right and the jelly o it's. Oh the jelly. Oh, Their pot pies are second to none. so can they sponsor this podcast? Hey they might don't know, you never know um Alum pope pies the jelly Ohwaysive. get Witfield. Vello But we have got some great places. We've got N Milladam We've got newill I can't believe I'm doing this.'ve got New Millad Dam. I people want a holiday in Eland I think no one mentions Wakefield, but in there there's things to do and things to see. There is, there is. We've got New Miller Dam, which is a beautiful beauty spot where you can walk aroundound and And then we've got the Pugneys Lake, which is also lovely. Yeah. Have a nice walk around there We've got all sorts of things in Wfld. A Sandal castle, That's beautiful. Sandal, that's like a ruin, though? Yeah, it is. wouldould suit DI wire? Yeah. Maybe me and Amanda can do it. Yeah you should do. Alan Amanda's sandal job. Nice, loveovely. It's got a ring. It has actually,'. It actually This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a fifty page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online makes sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responssees setup required compatibility and availability varies eighteen plus This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom sccrolling? Smart Move. Another smart move Getting help from one of State Farm's nineteen thousand local agents when you choose to bundle homeome and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. For kids, summer isn't just time off, it's time g with confidence and curiosity. But when school meals pause, millions of children lose the food they countter Your support helps the Feeding America Network nourish every child's potential. Give now at feedingammerica dot org slash summer Hungry. So where did your holiday as a kid? What's your first holiday memory? Bridlinton, Brid. I always went to Bridon and that's because that's as far as my dad's vanard goes, you know. And there was no health and safety. I mean, it was a heavy smoker And we had no top on. I used to sit on the petrol tank Oh sh. That's true. I used to sit because I were youngest And I used to have to sit on the petrol tank and there were no top on it So you know, we'd lost the top from somewhere. I mean dad were there if I gone. Yeah, you know, So I mean we all could have just gone up, C't we really, but we got there. Yeah. I mean mother had this massive tupperware box And it it seem it's only an hour from Wakefield But it used to take eight hour it used to take all day So you know, we always have this pack of sandwiches and always egg and cheese and onion, which is not great. We had egg and mayayonnaise and always ended eating them by the time we got to the end of the road. I know it's not started. That's it Yeah, Are we there yeah. Can we stop now? Yeah. That's true. 'cause there were no services in them day. No, no, no. You know, so you had to pack up and do it. and there were no motorways either You know? No it's right It's right, it's you know, dinosaurs chuning at the car as you're going along a lovely friendly caveman would point you towards Bridlington. That's right. You know, theon were cobbled. It were cobbles at that time. The Romans were still working on it Asas J MacDonald ever had a holiday romance? I've had lots of. I like. like Normally people go, I'd rather not talk about. I've had that many. Oh, I love it. I like them because they're not very long. No that you know, when they le leave it. And yeah But you can leave them and never see them again. and I quite liked that. Yes. You knowar sign of you Aries. Oh o. What are you? Gemin now. O two face. Oh ye.. I've seen it now. Yeah. So yeah, I didn't have really time because I was too busy with my job all the time Yeah A holiday romance was great for me. Yeah yeah. Have you ever done a gay cruise? Well, well, I do my own cruise now, a Jay McDonald C cruise Where we hire the ship and and you've got a couple Wh me And you should. Yeah. And it's brilliant. It's absolutely brilliant. We did it last year for the first time and it was carnage. I've never seen anything People were up to like four in the morning And then stayred up for the breakfast? Yeah. It guysice for you. Well you will invite gays on a boat. Oh we love it. We love it. So we're going again. We're going again this year. We're come. G she can love. Yeah. It's whereere did you take off from Tilbury I know, that's in middle of nowhere. I thought You get it the doark. Til beark. Til beark. No Of course it is it's a ship. Oh yeah Don't be smart. I' come right off you So we get there, everybody gets on and it's just fabulous. We have such a good time With your title track, living in the dream you're talking about how You love being on stage and you're very simple that you know you take your shoes and your dress and you're ready to get out there. Is it that sim? that Is it that pure when you're on stage and not touring Don't spoil it. No I no. but it is It is to the public, you know, they they just see you you know getting onto a tour bus and then get into the next place, but they don't see the because you say in this lyrics you're stressed but you are when you li this live. Exactly. So when I get stressed I go on tour Ill take my shoes and address and I go Yeah I get on my bus with my band. and that's probably where I'm most happiest. I'll be honest and seeing the fans. Yeah. And you're doing the palladium. I am T nights. Wow, wow, wow.. That's an amazing place. Oh I know it's cheesy, but it's like a hug when you go on It's not a bad seat in the place and when you go on that stage Everyone is around you Yeah amazing. It's lovely, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So we're doing two nights there And B bllackpool. I love black Black Poool, you' got to do bllackpool. I know, so we don' ant opera house there Belfast we going to Belfast with That waterfront home? Yeah. ye ye I performed then there was a fire alarm halfway through. No. There's something worse than standard there with your I talk about mistake going out the window when you're there in a car park with the whole audience. Nice. Hello, Man. C over for all. Nice, of course What are you gonna to say in the next bit? Well, wait and see. Just wait for the fireman to actually leave the venyue. I hate that bet you did that on purpose, saw the fireman I wasn't getting a laugh. I was like that fuck that bum. It's like headbing it So listen, tell me somewhere now we're not gonna name and shame, but has there been anywhere that hasn't sort of lived up to your expectations? We're this is not a nasty podcast. We're not trying to name and shame.as there anywhere you've gone that you've bit like No I don't think there is, but I always see the best in where I'm going And I do love adventure. Yeah. So I don't and of course we've got researchers who go out and find all these amazing places for us. So I just know I usually see the bins first. I mean I've never seen a glam Yeah, honest to God, I don't know what this is, but I see the bin. Yeah. I just seem to be near the bins all the time You know, I go into a theater, I've got to go in the back door which is by the bins. I go into HMV are going by the bins. So it's just not right. My life just smells like a bin You know, the quQeen, it smelt like paint because there was always some d in front of a painting. Mine is the bin. Well I wouldn't put that on your posters. No, I'm not going to Jay MacDonald live at the palladium. All I can smell is bins you know what We at that love No really? arere you? Yeah please. It's true because you actually say on the show and also on your website as well, I am an explorer who thought that this girl from Wakefield would be an explorer, but you do. You go all kinds of places. I we sort of have the same kind of career. I I don't seem like you're tour all over the world You know, with TV, you do have these producers and they're like Alan Ry, I just want you to jump now into the waterfall. Can you like wrestle that shark? and youre like, whoa, whoa, who who whoa. I mean and there is some things that go no, no no and I have recently. I don't know I'm getting fifty or so I'm Is there anything you've said no to? No I've done it all. I'll make me look like an arso. Well, yeah No I mean they want me to gard the shit. I'm like No, but you never say no. No. I jumped off the skky Towerer in New Zealand in Auckland. Well Well, I've talked about this on ear. I'm so glad. because I turn up there and you bungee jump off Yeah that's And I'm there unpacking my case. I can see people screaming whising past the window. Yeah I'm outis hotel people a lot. I can't tellang it in now I know honest to goodness. so were at the bottom with Markt Powell, who was my execut producer on the show. and they were just waiting for it and there were a cloud that went past so we couldn't do it then. And then all of a sudden it cleared and all you could do with this Yeah. And he's like I'm thinking, oh gosh. And then all of a sudden you this Aally me just coming down this thing But it was nerve wracking. Yeah. And I got to the bottom and I thought, what am I doing with my life? Yeah. Th then I went swimming with alligators. that's one of the things I turned down on Really. I didn't turn it down. I went up there, I was all billy bit B big Blly. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, but you jum me. And it's the tipping forward, I couldn't do it and you could do it M, I had no choice. They just don't clip me off on Was you wearing those massive wedges? No, I'm surpred you'd go down foot first. Well, I could have done, yeah Youve landed on your fet. That's true.'ve my big fet. I've got big f. Oh how big's your fet. I've got size eights. Oh Big are they? Hobbies. I know. They're nott ary are they Well, actually, yeah, now we come to mion it. Yeah, Oh you see, foot fetishers everywhere. D you get them? you get them? Well, I think so because there's quite a lot of Fny know did you get fan mail sking your tenend as your fe? No becauseuse I' is your size eight. No. I don't do any of that so oney has in my office. D ye? Yeah. Croc? No, veryery nice. One of your wedges? Nice, That'll be good, won't it? What are you ling? Do you know he is is a traitor in? Oh stop it now. You do you lie? You murdered twelve national treasures And every can trust Jff. I love it. I love it. What do you like for experimenting with food and everything? Will you go street food? do you like that? Yeah, I love a go at it. I don't enjoy all of it. And I have a go. Yeah and I I did this local one and it said, Oh purple prawns, purple prawns Purple, pr every gone about these purple prowns And I thought purple prawns let's try some E Sanan Prz. And then they were go, what do you think? I went these smash in. In my head, I'm going, they just taste like pink ones. But the only difference was the price You know, and the wayight it field come out in me there and I thought, well, that's just a bit of a. them in Trinity wall. No, you wouldn't love no. And you wouldn't not be able buy them. No ' they're too expensive. Yeah. But they did taste and you know, if you go into to that place in the world, which I can't remember what it was. Have you ever gone rogue though? I've lik chicken, fate, balls, testicles. Yeah Ive done all that but I did that on the ship. I faced. Yeah I did fit did it notothing light, it' just like. Yeah, I've tried quite a few things. That's a bit crunchy. It actually is. And Do you believe in star stuff? Yeah, I don't actually Yeah. Yeah, I have a go It' written. Yeah. I have a goal I don't say I like it all. No, no. I should try it. I do try it, yeah. ye. Now listen, you know you always sing a song at the end. Have you had any feedback from anyone? Do you get like, o my Godd, love it. Thanks for doing that And No don. No when we started to do things like cake by the ocean and APT and stuff like that Everybody's now got into this. What on earth is she going to sing next, you know? So U and that's Mat Pell An he's just say, Oh, what do you think to this And we, you know, we all sit down and say and ask I can't do that. What you makeaking missing that for? They go viral. Yeah I love them. I know it's not right, is it But it's lovely. It's lovely becauses that's my stick really at the end because not many people sing at the end of the show. No no. And whether you love it or hate it, it's staying Now, I think people were doing it something that like it used to do like Sylla and Bruce. that used to sing at the end. Yeah, well, that were all Ben Fraower ' Ben Fraer, Channel five came up with the whole idea of me cruising and doing the thing. And he said, I want you to sing at the end and my face said, Well, o, please don't No And it went, honestly, I think this will work.. So I mean, hat's off to him. It does. Hats off to him for bringing that. Where was you sing in Mambo Italiana? Oh, in Portofino? Yeah What a fabulous night. I know Night You didn't give a shit, you were isn't around those tables Take me out up in a boat. ye I loved it. I loved it. Yeah, it's good fun. now' good. Yeah. We why people love it. The people just want fun now don't they? There's so much depressing things around it. Yeah. Yeah ye. So we just have a laugh. Yeah. And that's it, really? Yeah ye. So tell us with these cruise ship because what Sell it to me I don't fancy Krusiv. I want to go on this gay one because I f'tcy a p all gay. So we have a lot of gay people on it, but every walk of life goes on there. You know, there's no children on it I'm It's great and you don't have to be in the fan club You don't have to you can just book it Yeah. come on. obviously, if you don't like me, don't come on it because I'm there a lot So But it's just a great a great We have a good time on there. So seell me a cruise ship for people who don't like cruises sayake? Right Always go to a travel agent if you want to go on a cruise and tell them what you want Because there' a cruise for everyone. There's the really quiet cruisers, the discovery cruisers, which is what Pol to Pool was on. Yeah where it's all like minded people wanting to go to that place and experience it and get off the ship and go on it down that table and they were saying, they love the effethos of it and you got to wash the boots before you go out there with no contamination That's right. You see Yeah ye. ye. So there's all that. There's the party cruisers where everybody's up dancing and raving off the reeds whichich is great unless you are in the suite underneath Oh no. whichich I have been ever come out and unite and your mules open No. I said C you imagine me doing that? Ecuse me? Ecuse. K K eight down. I've got two performances tomorrow. I going for your ham and tongues. But you can really pick the right ship for you. So there is a ship for everyone. There's a ship for me Yeah, there is love, yeah. Oh Yeah. so it depends what you want M ship fed. Y. Hey crew get ready for landing, cabin crew get ready for landing. Right, we are about to land, so we've got time now for a quick fire round, okay. Isisle or window window. Beit your pole. Beach, full moon party or full English breakfast Full English ile high or I'm too shy. I'm too shy. bullshit Wedge your travel show. Oh, u well, used to be wedge, now a travel show. Holiday romance, overrated or underrated Underrated, undernderrated. always late. Oh first at departure gate. Oh, first at departure gate. I know I saw you whisting along that And then last but not least, tip 'em or fuck 'em. Oh tip 'em. Tipem. Absolutely. I to hear that J I knew you would love. Yes. I've heard in Trinity Walk, you're a very good tipper. especially with those Alan's pulp pies. Oh, Alan's pies. Yeah be something enough enough now come on, you're not gonna get you probably will get appreciate it now would you? You get free pulp pie if eventually. No, but I must have mentioned it in one of the interviews when I was at HMV the other week. And the secondent two round Oh I could smellem They'd just come out of the oven, o they would we could get free Alan Barris R here. No, you can't. No, I mean in HMV in Wakefield. Oh, okay. No so. The Santom to loose Woman on. I don't think I'm ready for his journey. Oh, hello. I'm finishing on the song. Very nice. G on Youone sing it, baby. Show's over guys. Thank you so much, Jane. I love you. Love you B. Thank you. It's great to see you. Thank you You're gonna smash Mighty hooler this weekend. You have been an absolute dream and good luck on your tour later this year. We love you. Thanks for listening guys. Don't forget P be

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