Comedy circuit and tour updates

Welcome to edition one hundred and thirty of our Killer No Filler Podcast with me, Rachel Fairbird and Kira Cabberclain. Just before we start, we'll do our usual disclaimer this isn't w Hero Worship with his podcast 'cause we've meet for interesting serial killers, as long as we are doing his podcast, it stops us from writing something in prison. Um we did what's known as a millennial pause at the beginning of that. When like film a video and we like pause and then start doing it. It's known as the millennial pause. But you know what? I'm out with shit like this. I am so sick. I was saying this the other day. I'm so sick of hearing what fucking generation people are. I'm like We never used to speak about this. You just people Young people or younger people. Not everyone over the age of thirty two is a boomer. Do you know what I mean? Yes. It's so I I hate these, like I'm a millennial, I'm Jemesse I d I don't I think I think I'm an ol I can't remember, I think I'm an older millennial or whatever. It's actually geriatric millennials. Of course it's geriatric. Why wouldn't it be? I think it's so divisive. I think it really creates um it's I think it's just another way to to create divide between people. Shouldn't we go it shouldn sh age should not be a thing. It should just be like listen, this is what we do What's these little fucking things that people notice. Next millennial pause. Mm-hmm. Or is it just somebody going before they start doing something. Like what the fuck is this? I I I can't can't be bothered with it. I think the alternatives if you sort of start your video half way through a word and presume that people will get what it was from the context. Um Oh maybe we shouldn't read too much into things, maybe people are just doing stuff. Do you know there's also Millennial Grey and Millennial Green? Sure. Why not? What is this shit now? Well, you know the the the fact that people are so keen to put themselves into fucking What is this shit? Um well I think it's actually uh the generation below us potentially describing it. But millennial grey is do you remember everyone had their houses in like Like you know, dove grey, uh, with grey sofas grey. you know, walls like that's millennial grey. And then people have gone, Oh, I'm not gonna have grey in my house, so I'm gonna have green in my house So sort of like a strong I would say sort of I'm looking at it well, like a British race in green, um is Millennial Green. Is this pl wait, is this Life nearly done 'cause I'm ol I'm over. Do you know what happened to me yesterday? I I went to um I've got a swollen finger actually. I uh strap in. I went to uh had sort of w where where I live, they do health checks for people over a certain age. Uh probably grey millennials, I don't know. And uh I went to it. I've never Felt Punishing somebody so much in my life. Attitude problem. It's basically going and it's it's for things like blood pressure, et cetera, et cetera. Totally fine. And uh they do your cholesterol with a prick on you at your finger. And the woman asked me about um my diet. Now I eat I say eight per cent of the time very well. I eat loads of vegetables, blah blah blah. Occasionally I sort of go m p you know, fuck it, I'm having a burger or whatever. Or might just the pub a bit, et cetera. Um and I was s I was sex managing it, and she had this look on her face, like As if I was lying. Like, who are these fucking people? And then Do weight do you heighten weight? And strap him for this. She said, You're just in the correct range for your height, weight wise. What Right? Uh, would you benefit from going on a healthy eating and weight course? Fucking hell. Now I don't understand how what you are there's like nothing now let me tell you, I I suffer, as you know, severely with sort of issues around body image and stuff like that. Hence the reason I I do everything I can to make myself feel okay. And uh just thought, well first of all, I can't let this t me into Dama Spiral. I know that I am not Overweight, as it were. And I know that I'm relatively healthy. And I was just like I can't believe that someone said this to me. And I can't believe that They've offered me that. I actually felt like are you being a con with me? Are you gonna send me in to Yeah. I it It blew my mind because I'm just like If I tried to to lose any weight, I don't think I physically. I would be deeply unhealthy if I did. But it's the old BMI argument, isn't it? It's like you could have, you know, an athlete, a boxer, heavyweight boxer who is fundamentally healthy, but on a scale they're obese. It's bunkers. Why are we still doing this? It's also been debunked. It was just a thing for like insurance. It was just like an arbitrar measure. Well it wouldn't take into account like Race is a big factor, you know, like age, yeah. But also your physique. You'll you'll build. Like I I'm I I'm like a I c I'm an adult woman, but I cannot be the same weight as a child. Even though I'm the I am the height of a child. You got tits to weigh, mate. What this is the thing there, at least five kilograms. Yeah. Don't you reckon? Yeah. I reckon. Easily a dumbbell in there, mate. Um but I've got a My fingers hurting from where they did the cholesterol thing. I think a lot of these things are fucky bullsh. I I'm sorry I went, 'cause it just sent me into a you know what I'm like, 'cause I'm I'm not joking, I don't want to be dead serious and all that, but I do have You know. Issues around that kind of thing. And I've got an actual body dysmorphia diagnosis. So you know, you go in something and you're feeling good and then you come out and you're like Okay, cool. Wha what what good has that done me? It's really d yeah, damaging. Really damaging. That's helpful to nobody, is it? No. No. When I went into uh Millennial Green and no doubt. Uh I went into have a medical gone every whatever three years for fostering. And um my partner's tall and thin and they're they're like the amount of time she's like, you know, oh yeah, d kind of don't worry about you. And then she's always surprised when my like blood pressure is better, when my everything is better. And she's like, you know, like doing it twice and checking everything. Basically going How can you, monster who lives under a bridge, possibly be healthy? And also every time when you say how much you're exercise, she's like mmm like I'm lying about my exercise. come here from the gym. I go to the gym shit. So the thing that I I was thinking this as well. So you know, I used to smoke about twelve cigarettes a day. Possibly more. And I've not smoked. I've had the odd cigarette on an evening out, but I have not smoked for a good few years now, I would say. Now, when I was smoking, there is absolutely no way that I could have done what I did at the gym, even though I was still going to gym, or I could have um Ron? Or like run for I couldn't run for a bus, no way. I I couldn't breathe. It was terrible. Like my now I now I don't do it, I notice uh the difference that it was. So somebody so you could have had somebody at me, n you know, within or maybe not within the BMI. Who ca who is deeply unhealthy. inside and then you could have somebody who's bigger than me who can lung capacity is but look, the whole thing's bonkers and I won't be back. I'd rather die of of an undiagnosed illness than uh than go through that again. Um I can't believe it. I'm genuinely reeling. If the if they if you don't have the right BMI, I just don't know who the fuck stands a chance then. Also h how much more can people how much more can I do? D do I have to just wake up in the morning and have a carrot? Am I a rabbit? Have I been diagnosed as a rabbit? Anyway. Uh this uh Do you know what you would look lovely having some makeup tested on you. Oh, what a lovely time I'm a Wouldn't I? What a lovely time. Why are we still doing that? It's fucking mad. one of my sisters mates. Uh she didn't have to make me laugh. She posted on social media the day uh Yeah, of course this is horrible. They're testing like weight loss medication on monkeys. But she put I can't believe that we're still doing this. This is unbelievable. Get a pedos and tenists in those cages instead. I love that argument. I love it when people are like, It's inhumane to do it on animals, I agree. And they're like, Get the nunces there. And it it's the mass that they wanna like test. The older I get, do you know what? The more I'm like, Yeah, fine. Ha ha ha. Why not? I bet it would be cheaper as well. Like if you went in, you know, like um Yeah, you know there's different like different like weight loss jobs and people like you can have this one, which is however much. It has been tested on monkeys. Whereas this one is the pedo edition and it's a fibre cheaper a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh dear. Week, month, I don't know. Mm-hmm. Uh Neville Heath. Yeah. I found about this from a true crime talk that I went to. Oh really? It was a talk about um police crime museum which isn't it is just for police, it's not for the public. Uh And w Yeah, so it's to train police of I don't fucking know. Be honest with you. Was I listening properly? Not really. Um it was very interesting though, uh and it was uh weirdly in this bar in Soho but we're not we're not gonna be him as in a bar in Soho No the talk for instance. Um It was yeah, it was downstairs, isn't it? Anyway, it was it was quite interest very interesting. Woman was very nice. She was a curator of the museum. And uh I heard about this guy from that talk and I'd never heard about him before. So here we are. It's Neville Heath. Also known as the Lady Killer, and Lady Killer is a sort of like I think that describes a You know, a man in a snapshot of time, right? Where they were called late but I don't know if he was the first one, the first lady killer. I uh I always imagine that's a show title for somebody like Jum Yeah, yeah, yeah. One thirty five at just the tonic. one thirty five AM. Just tonic. Lady killer. Lady killer. With with it like a bow tie and a whisky. Yeah. And like a a woman's leg on him. And the only thing that's that's colour is the woman's shoe that's red. I was gonna say red shit. Oh, I love it. Uh plead that name, Owen. Ha ha ha. I actually don't, who fucking cares? Yeah, don't bleep it. I'm not bothered What's he gonna come and do? Come and try and sleep with my mum. She'll fucking see him off. Why has this become this? I don't know. See em off. Fucking hell, I haven't heard that in ages. That's what my dad used to say when he's setting dogs on people. See em off. Yeah, see em off. See em off. When I say people, I do mean uh religious missionaries who dare to come to the just to be clear. Just to be clear. Um Have I told you about Tim? Every time I say something that he Or maybe something you've not heard before. he thinks it's just some northern saying that I that we only say Manchester. Um do you know what I think you know when you hear a word and then You hear it. Several times there's got to be a There's a thing for that, isn't there, like? Yo mean is it called synchronicity or something like that? I think it's young who's a theory about that. You know, like when you're pregnant you just notice pregnant people or when you're learning to obviously learn a drive, yeah. So I the other day, someone I thought was a spelling mistake in an email. It's a dramaturg. Oh yeah. And I thought. I I thought somebody Somebody f fallen on the fainted on the keyboard there. I said, I don't know what that means. And then I saw it in something else and then I met uh I met my friend La Lainey Johnson. Mm. Uh she's in she was in London, so I met up with her and she said it and I went, Oh my god, what is this word that I keep hearing? What is it? I thought it was a spelling mistake. Dramaturgy as well. I d I really don't like that word. I don't know. It's such a weird word. Anyway, basically someone that comes in and balls the ass off you about a text, isn't it? I imagine if you're an actor, you're like, Oh great, it's a day off the dramaturges come in and they're just gonna tell us everything. But yeah, never heard it before. I've heard it about fifteen times since. Yeah. So I've no doubt I'll hear about Neville Heath about a hundred times now. And it's definitely like the first two times you have to be like They said that wrong, right? And then you're like, No, I'm hearing this word often enough that this is a real word. Yeah, it's so weird, innit? So we've got a I love this era, by the way. Um just after the just after the war. Neville George clev cleverly Heath. 'Cause there's no R. I thought it was Clev Clevely. Yeah it is. Let's do that again. Neville George, Clevely Heath. Sorry. Sixth of June, nineteen seventeen. It was born in Ilford, Essex. was a low middle class background, his father was a barber. Yeah, which is an old East End song. And also, uh, do you know what I was thinking about? So his mum is listed as being a homemaker. Which sounds really sort of old fashioned and progressive, right? But I think that is acknowledging that that is a job. Do you know what I mean? Like you're making like you are doing you are running the household. Whereas when people are like, Oh, they were a stay at home mum, that's like to me that isn't acknowledging how much work there is in like running a house or housewife again. But like I l I basically bring back Saying people are homemakers. I think it's a good I Uh I've been thinking this recently. I don't have any children. I'm not um I don't even have any pets. The amount of tidying up and cleaning that I do. It's fucking insane. Around everything else. It is bonkers. I mean if Tim is listening to this, uh Maybe this is a thinly veiled attempt to get you to pick up a fucking broom, mate. And bearing in mind back in the day you'd have like six or seven kids, like it is no fucking wonder people had to have stuff. And if they didn't like Oh yeah, it's absolutely mad. It's it's a lot. And and also I am Insanely tired. I I c I can't go to bed if there's a pot in the sink. It is an illness. Like I I'm obstac I'm I I have to Sometimes I get up in the night and I might move at the it's It drives me insane. I think it it's part of it, yeah. I think the cleaning bit of it. It's just 'cause I like to clean things, you know. I ca I wash my phone case about twice a week. I don't like it. Look, this this comes from my Auntie Trish. I've told you that my Auntie Trish, we know when summer is coming because she disinfects her pegs. From the washing line. She disinfect them. And I'm I'm starting to get like that. She started to get like that if she had her first child, she became germ germ phobic. But I'm a But yeah, but this is why that's another reason I don't want children. Fucking clean up after someone else. Um They made a lot of sacrifices for Neville, the parents, so he could go to a prestigious grammar school. in Merton Park in London. Um it was called uh what's it called it? I can't read my own writing. Oh, the grammar school I haven't got the name of that. Um can I can I talk about how he was born. So he's alleged to have been born During an air raid. and it was a really long, difficult birth and they were meant to have used four steps on him. And they were basically like we think they squeezed a bit too hard. And there was some damage whilst he was being born. Um, but at the same time There's no like there's nothing on record about him being dur it's just they don't know if it's bullshit that's come from him or come from his parents to kinda justify his behaviour. Um So in nineteen twenty he had a brother called um Carol William Clevele Heath. Now he is delighted to have a little brother to play with, dotes on him, um, and Carol dies of TB at the age of two. Um Yeah, and now he was only six, but it had a massive impact on his life. losing his little brother. And then the parents got very kind of protective over him because they'd already lost a child and sort of uh he was described as being coddled. Um the age of six, maybe a little bit beautiful. If you ever meet a man. He he he meet his parents and the parents say he was a much long for child. Run. You will you will never have peace until you are in the cold hard ground. Never Is it bad that I think also if I m like met a guy, met a guy's parents and his mum kissed him on the mouth when she saw him, I'd be like, I'm not Not because of like anything sexual, but I'm like, tit right, this is the tit I I'm she'll never make peace with me. Well there's a lot of stuff about that, isn't there? Like J was it David Beckham that kissed Who did he kiss on? Oh Victoria Beckham or somebody kissed someone on the gob. Can't remember. But that's that's that's fine. It doesn't you know. Yeah, do it. Oh, I'm not saying there's anything sexual, but just like the intimacy of it of being like Yeah, it's weird, that's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I would just be like, Okay, I can't win with her. Nothing says. I still get tucked in. Okay. And you you mean when they tuck their vest into their pants, right? Yeah, exactly. School The grammar school that he went to was called Rutlish School and it's a grammar school in Merton Park in in London. It's it wasn't a private school. But it was it was it was fee paying though, but not as it was. Yeah, so it's a grammar school, but there were some fees so they had to kind of save up to go there, but it wasn't it wasn't anything close to you know, somewhere like Eaton. You know how there's like gradients of it was one of the smaller Primary schools. Alumni include John Major. Really? Yeah. Raymond Briggs, who uh from The Snowman. Mm-hmm. And Jeff Norcott. No way Yeah. Oh my God. I messaged him yesterday, comedian Jeff Narco. I said, Hey Jeff, just doing some research for the podcast. I said, Did you know you went to uh you you went to the same school as no your notable alumn alumni as Neville Heath, the lady killer. I'm John Major. All right, Jeff, we get it. You're a Tory. I worked with him last week. What a nice man. Love Jeff Narcott. He they he was already stealing at the age of six, you know. Um but they would never he would steal things like toy, sweets, very cheap, affordable things from shops. And his His mum was like I can't understand it because we could buy him those things and he had similar things at home. And he would hide them in his room. Yeah. So it's obviously just like for kicks. Now they told him off but they never like punished him. Bearing in mind that we are talking about what, like the th uh I mean it would have been like maybe the twenties now. Um so Battering a kid would have been an absolutely normal way of punishing them and it was still the sp spare the rods, spoil the child kind of stuff. But they would be like, Don't do that again, Neville and he'd be like, Yeah, okay. And what he would do when he was caught is he would do a runner, he would go missing So let's say he heard his mum upstairs and she was like, Neville, I've just found whatever, a bag of toys. He would do a runner. disappear for hours and then come back with the excuse. So he would go away and like cook up an excuse and be like, listen, I know you found those toys and I would like to explain. And he was very charming and so his parents were sort of like they just never pulled him up on stuff. So he has a brother, um, who's born in nineteen twenty eight. Called Michael. And he is again really excited to have another little brother again, but that's when they ship him off to this grammar school. So he doesn't really grow up with his brother. He's away in school. He didn't do very well at school. No, but he was like so academically he wasn't very good, but he was very sporty. He was really popular, he was really charming, he was made a prefect. And at the time, this is wild. Oh yeah, they were talk about him being handsome as well. Prefects were allowed to caner the children. So if you're a prefect, which is I don't think they have that in countries outside of England, right? Prefect is. And they exist uh all skills are all levels. They're little fucking suck ups. You suck up to the teachers. And uh you can always y listen, when I meet a prefect as an adult, I'm like Y uh there's prefect vibes, isn't there? Yes. And you know, they'll stand when you're walking through the corridors, they'll stand there and try and tell you to get into line. To be honest with you, it didn't work at our school. Just no one was fucking having it. It sort of fell off. But um Yeah. I think it's energy. I think yeah. Like head girl energy. And Ugh. I sometimes I use that as a compliment, sometimes I don't. I've got a friend of mine who's got head girl energy and I love that about her. She just like gets things done and is really good at baking and running, like managing this big centre. Um anyway, so sh in my school they tried prefix for a year. And it absolutely just d they never brought it back again because 'cause it just was 'cause it's a basically a way of uh like them being like enforce a hierarchy and to choose Oh my God, you just took the words out of my mouth. What to oh what do kids need what do kids who were who are struggling against uh in the teenagers, puberty fitting in, et cetera. I know what we need. hierarchy that's been created by the adults. No thank you. We need a professional snitch in amongst them. That's what we need. Those kids are always weird but there's always one at every school as well that hangs out with the teachers. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking little creep. Yeah. So and then the ones who talk to the bus drivers as well. Just d stop talking to grown-ups. But some people are those kids who like, you know, I think maybe I would've w been one of those with old parents who who can talk to grown ups and not g no, I was all right with kids my own age, but yeah, I think it's quite a nan kid kind of thing is being much more lost to all people. Me, the the the olg nan kid over here. I actually prefer older people. I was half done. But likewise I don't like speaking to people. It's not a fucking way. What did Tim said something to me the other day? Oh. And I mentioned it. And Tim said. That must have been awful for you. I think it was all more awful for them, to be honest. Ca as much as I c can speak like this, if you meet me out and about normally, I'm like I don't know. Please don't talk to me. I I have such a I have to build myself up to speak to people so much that uh Do you think that's like the shyness of being a kid is a hangover. Yeah. one hundred percent. It's I am st like I am still shy now. Like it takes me I'm a lot better than I am, and a lot of this is bluster. But I uh the idea sometimes of going into uh a situation. And I get it every time it's a ne well I know it's quite common this, but any new scenario, I don't just I I can't just approach it. Everything in my life becomes a turmoil. So it's like if if I know I've got to go somewhere and do something with somebody new, in a new situation. Fucking oh God, everything's wrong. I've never been able to do anything. I can't talk. I don't know what I'm d like my entire life collapses until I've got that situation over. I know there's been occasions so I don't know if this is the same thing, but where you've been going to do something, and maybe it's something I've done before. And you'll be like, ah, and you'll g I've really like wound yourself up to do it. And you'll be like, Well, I don't know why I said yes to this and then afterwards I'll always get a thing and be going, Thanks very much for that. Uh it turns out it was absolutely lovely. But you really like r wound yourself up and convince yourself, you can't do it, it's gonna be shit. I don't know why I said yes, I'll never do this again. And it's like It's right. It's nerves and I think I always revert back to being as shy as I used to be. Do you know I mean like it it's like a Um I think I've been like that forever. Do you know what? I might just go back into my shell. Why not? Why not? You know, people coming, people are coming out of the shell all the time. I'm gonna go back in. Can I take me back in? Take me back to my shell. Can I take me back? I I I won't get into it too much, but basically my partner and I used to watch this YouTube channel of this mad guy who goes wild stealth campaign. And um on one of the eps he brings his kid and the people who watch this channel I think are rough as assholes. And some of the grammar's a bit you know, like in any comment section, no judgment. But it really made me laugh because um someone went It someone went to say about his son, Oh, he's really coming into his own, but then also confused it with Um He's he's really coming out of his shell, so it's like he's really coming into his self. And I'm like, No, that's something else. That's that's something he doesn't do on camera. Oh God Oh no I think it's and oh yeah, and also he's really coming into his own shell and we're like that is definitely Makes a change from a sock. Let me quickly finish about the school, sorry. So he's in this posh school. Now he i this grammar school obviously gives him access to a different he he's basically got ideas about his station. One of the things it teaches them is how to speak in R P so perceived pronunciation. So he sounds like you know good old boy who's from you know went to a very good school. So he sounds like posh people. He thinks he should be a posh people person. He is quite embarrassed about his background. He th he's quite embarrassed that he's going to a school that isn't eaten or You know, one of the big ones basically. Um So he uh while he's in school, his parents move to Wimbledon, massive five bedroom house. Um and he's like, Yeah, this is the kind of house that I should be living in. Well they can barely afford to live there and pay the money for his school. So they start renting out the rooms his mum, and he is really embarrassed by this and does his best to hide it. So w he'll bring h friends home at h on the holidays and be like, This is where we live 'cause it's like a big house and then we'll do spend the whole time hiding the fact that they've got lodgers moving in and out. Yes. Um Now he starts attacking girls whilst he's in school. Now most of the instant instances are linked to drink, so he starts getting pissed quite young, um, maybe about thirteen, fourteen. I am su an at on reкор. But I the way it is goes about, I'm sure this wasn't his first one. So Th occasionally the boys' school and the girls' school mix together 'cause this is an all boys' school he's in, and obviously like Yeah. It's it's spicy stuff. So the girls school and the boys' school are having like a social And I think they're in one of the school buildings or someone's house and they're playing game called Murders. Ironically. And what it is is there's clues around the place and you gotta solve the murder. So he's in a team with his mate and this girl from the girls' school. They go into the bedroom to look for clues, and then he says to his friend, Help me, I wanna kiss her. Help me pin it down. So they are holding this girl down. And getting off with her against her will. She screams and he starts to strangle her. To stop her from screaming. Which is such a like violent act that we know statistically escalates to murder very quickly if a man puts his a like hands around a a throat. So d everyone bursts in 'cause they hear screams, and that's when the sort of attack stops. She's got bruises on her neck from how hard like instantly. She she like runs out. She's got bruises on her neck from how hard he's been squeezing her. Dad sees them. goes up to Neville and is like, Did you strangle my daughter and get up like force yourself on her? And Neville is so charming, the guy at the end is like, Well, you know, we've all been young lads. completely doesn't do anything. He also doesn't tell the screen. Yeah. Literally is like, you know, 'cause he's like very charming and he's like, Oh you know, oh boy, I must have r misread the signals and this is a fifteen year old who's drunk who's talked him out of the situation. And so he never gets any punishment for that. What happens to him is he is doing so badly in school at sixteen, they're like listen. You know, you need to book up your ideas. So he goes into these exams, he fails them, and they said, Just retake them and he was like, No, 'cause he was too embarrassed. So he uh out of what he graduates but he has no qualifications. He goes on to tell everyone he went to Eton and then Oxford, right? Because he's got the accent and no one checks. Is he doing stand up now? He's a dramaturge. Um so he graduates and he graduates in a time when it's uh the depression. obviously after the Wall Street crash. Ninete twenty nine. got him a job in London working in like a textile factory and he absolutely hated it. Quite a monotonous job. He obviously thought he was destined for greater things. Well I was gonna say it sounds like a bit like too much hard graft for him that. Absolutely, but you know what we did see at the time. The RAF, the boys in the R F were like celebrities. So the R F was seen as a very glamorous uh it I think it still has a bit of that reputation. I remember when I was growing up a guy, I knew wanted to be in the RAF and he was like, Oh yeah, it's like a gentleman's club, basically. So compared to the army, um so the R F was sort of like dashing and all the girls wanted to be with them and you know, the planes were new technology, so it was like a cool kind of like very sort of top gear vibes. Um, top gear. Top gear. Yeah, but you know how like top gear like well we've got kind of flushy cars and like listen, I haven't seen it in ages. Um So uh yeah, they would like these big kind of Oh yeah. Oh look at him with his stone washed jeans. Yeah. Um God top gear is so why don't we talk about tidy shoes with the laces over the top. Isn't it mad that that c that show has been allowed to nearly kill like two presenters and it's still Mad. Mad. It's wild. Really mad. So yeah, the the RAF was known for actually giving people social mobility 'cause it was so respected and you could gain this kind of celebrity status. A lot of like lads from lower middle class families were like, If I can get into RAF, that's me set for life because I'm You know, I'm gonna be there with all the postos anyway and like mates for life. So um that yeah, they had loads of in jokes in the RAF, like they'd call money beer tokens, that's where that comes from. Um but you would also dress for dinner, there would be loads of socials. It was actually quite an expensive thing to be a part of, but it was fine because most people had an allowance from their family and then they would get their service wages. So they had loads of money. He did not have loads of money 'cause he was from a kind of normal background. And and I'm sure the RF was a right old laugh then, 'cause it was uh The thirties and there wasn't a war yet. Yeah. So they just got you. Yeah, they were literally drinking, pissing about in planes all day. Then they go down to where he was stationed, um he he'd go down to Cambridge um and pretend he went to Oxford, and so he'd be like wooing all these like young students and stuff. He um so he leaves home in nineteen thirty four. He joins the rifle battalion, which is a way into the R F and very quickly. He's really good in the R F. He gets in in nineteen thirty five. By nineteen thirty six he's got his wings. When we were growing up and people would be like got my red wings and it means it doesn't mean the lovely shoe it means that you had sex with someone on their period and it was like brown wings which I'm trying I don't look y you grew up in the countryside and you fuckers are weird. No, just came from university, so I was in Liverpool at this time. Right. These will be country folk at university. This is a fucking people from the countryside and listen Tim's from the country fucking weirdos. You are weird. Yes. Right. Do you know Tim's? Is that Tim banging around in the background? Actually, about wings. No, we'll get embarrassed. Ask him about if he's heard of it. Say it's come from me, not you. Can you come here for a second, please? Can you need it for a second. Okay, so we've too on camera. Darling, I've got my rollers in my I haven't got my face on. Where are you? Okay, that's fine. Kiwi would like to know, right, I think this is a countryside thing and I think this is disgusting. Do you know anything about this? People would say things I've got my red wings or my brown wings. Brown wings is anal virginity, isn't it? Thank you Yeah, tell him he's right. This is people from the countryside. They get some big sit and Red Wind's peer starting. This is This is people from the countryside going to universities bringing their weird fucking shit with them. What do you call it? Just another Tuesday or something. No, we didn't call it anything 'cause we you know, we we weren't we weren't wide eyed in the big city. You called it a Wednesday, that's what you called it. Yeah, just a there you go. You don't want to hear her. Thank you for your import. Bye Tim. Bye now. Oh, funny. Uh countryside correspondent there, Tim Marshall. What an episode of Country Vile of him walking towards the camera going, Brown Wings. Oh what we call anal virginity. Such a funny phrase. It means your anal virginity, does it? Oh God, he's so precious. Please let's not take away the uh the magnitude of the event. The virginity is very important there. Yeah, it's holy and sacred. Oh God. Anyway, he sees his wings, neutral wings, in nineteen thirty six. And he uh so and he becomes a full pilot. So there's all these stages to it, but he is brilliant. He's like very good at being a pilot. So He starts to live beyond his means because he wants and with everyone else he doesn't want to know that he's not as wealthy as him. So He starts to steal things, he starts to write bad checks, he steals blank checks from his friends. Yeah, he stole money from one of his friends. Jewelry, fifty one pounds worth, which sounds a lot for those days. Um from a friend. Um and he was doing forgery Et cetera, et cetera. Mm-hmm. Um It started going AWOL. As well. Well yes. He so he wrote some bad checks, basically. He has so much debt. He's amassed loads and loads of debt from living beyond his means. So he takes out a loan from the bank. This is in nineteen thirty seven. He's like, I'm just gonna clear everything off. The two debts he writes a check for first are to hit the mess secretary, so that is money that he's sort of racked up in their raft. And to an aviation club. So both R F related. Now those che he basically gets the loan, immediately writes the checks and puts them through, and they bounce because the the money hasn't fallen to his account yet. He does what he did in his childhood and does a runner and is like, Oh God, all the walls are coming in. He doesn't realise if he stayed for another day They contacted the bank and they were like, Do you know what the money is coming in? He is good for it. It just hasn't happened to you. But he's already done a runner. He steals his friend's car. He runs away and he goes back to his parents. But grief, old boy. I mean a lot of trouble. But they were like, What are you doing back? And he's like, nothing. And he r like doesn't ex and they've got an idea that he's got into trouble, but he just never elaborates on why he's there. So um in July uh July twenty second, nineteen thirty seven And are like Come on. You You're Neville, aren't you? And he was like, No. And they were like, Are you sure? And he's like, No, I am. And he says, Don't worry, I won't run away. So they take him back to the base um uh for his desertion, right? And so he's court martialed twentieth of August. He goes to trial and he goes, Listen, I really panicked about the money. I didn't want to let you guys down. I you know, I shouldn't have done it. And he he should have been sort of uh being charged with desertion, which is a very serious crime with a crim with a prison sentence attached. But they he's so charming that went, Do you know what? We'll say absent without leave, so you won't get anything further. Um, old boy. Not a problem. And they want to gun things. Exactly. But they dismiss him from the R F. They basically fire him. But they don't there's no further criminal charges. But that's his life kind of over. Um because he he thought, Well I'm gonna be a you know, a famous RF pilot. When he goes back home, they're like, What are you doing here? Bearing in mind he's only twenty and he went, Yeah, I actually got kicked out of the RF because I stole a plane and flew it under a bridge really fast. So he comes up with this kind of elaborate, cool boy version of why I was uh I was sacked for being daring. I was too much of the boys. If I'm honest, lads. They couldn't find one to fit me. I do I went to an aviation museum recently with one of the young people that we have. And um They have the old like R F uniforms. It's a we it's a weird place this aviation museum. It's lots of like You know, weird mannequins with like arms that are too long with them and the gas mask on them. I told you I went to when I was a kid, my dad used to Queens Rold Bus depot in Manchester. So my dad used to work when he worked for JM Buses and they have a police a a transport museum in there. You might have been. And I went as a kid and it was that It's still open at five, isn't it? The buses are in there, but then the all the mannequins uh I used to dragged out screaming because we're so terrified. Of the mannequins? Yeah. Yeah, I was w like s crying and crying and crying and but I was like, All right, come on, we better go. My God. Yeah. Costume like you say with the arms that suit. The disjointed arms. It was like one of them was in a boiler suit and had the arms all hanging by its knees, gas mask on. I was like, this is like a slipknot gig. It's so like weird and horrifying. Also like My partner's so like anxious and and one the lad that we were taking round was sat there like having a go in the planes and he's like, Oh I'm gonna have to get him out of that plane, he shouldn't be in that plane. And I was like, It's fine, they can have a go. And he's like he's not allowed they're not allowed to be in the planes. And I was like, he's allowed to be in the planes. And he's like, No he's not. I was like, I know he is because I've been going in all the planes. I'd rather go in absolutely everything. That wasn't ballod. I get ballocked. Why don't you go and look at the gift shop? I got something from the gift shop actually. Oh I saw it, yeah, the the in the shape of a bullet, Matt. Brilliant. Yeah, it was good. It's really good though. Best thing there. Um cracking that. So he got moves back to Wimbledon with his parents and he starts stealing, basically, to try and keep his lifestyle going. So he escalates how often and the value of uh like what he's stealing. Well he starts using aliases as well. He calls himself Lord Dudley. Yes. And Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong. Um so he's really uh he's really going for it. Now it's it things ha happens not for everyone else but for him. The start of World War Two. Because Uh and he 'cause obviously they're like, Well We need all the blokes. Uh he joins the um Royal Army Service Corps and he's posted to the Middle East. It lasts less than a year. It's in Palestine, right? I'm not sure. Yeah. Well the other thing he did is w and when he was on this base, they used to on their days off fly to Cairo Do you know about this? This is mad. So they used to he he's based in yeah, Palestine. They used to fly to Cairo on their days off, and when he goes to Cairo, apparently Cairo's kind of unaffected by the war, but there were lots of officers there looking for a good time. So he goes to this brothel And they have loads of mad stuff in this brothel, including p like you can watch girls having sex with animals, uh uh uh awful, mad, wild shit going on. There's one called the Amazon experience, which costs fifty quid, which is a lot of money. But they were like, You can do whatever you want to the person in that room. Like there's no like that's what you're buying. You're buying that person and it's whatever you want to do. So he's like I really I mean the worst thing would be that he wants to talk to her. Telling stories about how he flew his plane. Yeah, she's like um there's a piece of wood over there with nails in it. Um there's a there's a tiger in that corner who is well up for it. Please anything but this. I think but men talking about flying planes is like yesterday's crypto. So she so he To a tenor. is like okay, what's a lot. It's a lot of yeah. But it's still a lot of money then, but it's not it's not fift quid. So he has a riding crop. And he just Like really So basically, just really beats her up. It's awful. He's really, really violent. And then is like, oh, that's what I like, really hurting someone that I'm having sex with. Now he got a bit of a reputation in the area. He was actually very popular with women because he would talk very openly about the other women that he'd have sex with. And he would like rank them and describe whether they'd perform well. He said, you know, high society girls are the best 'cause they're used to getting a good thr they're used to g riding well, getting a good thrashing. And he's he's like basically saying women are much better if you can beat them up first and then have sex with them. What he's doing there is getting a woman mixed up with a horse. Yes, that does happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's what's happening there. So he um although I I wouldn't I wouldn't say that uh I'm not going to speak from experience, but I don't think it's better to have sex with a horse after riding it for a long time. But but yeah, he's definitely some weird equestrian vibes there because it's a riding crop that he uses. So h apparently he would sort of really explicitly describe what he'd done with women. He described parts of their body. He would like rank them and he'd tell these stories. And you would think it would be other like men standing around, but it was women being quite titated. I think in the way that other women were being kind of slut shame and some women Absolutely love, you know. other women being like denigrated. Oh what you've got there is a whole gang of pick me girls they've they've been around forever. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Do you not exactly that of like, Oh yeah, so when does the pick me girl go back to? Well at least the fucking second one. Yeah. Um so he just gets a taste for this kind of weird stuff and has realised that is what gets him off is basically Sadism. Is uh It gets sent back to England. Unfortunately for him. And then he he absconds again. Mm-hmm. And he goes to South Africa. He gets about, doesn't it? Well, South Africa as well was un kind of unaffected by the war. And South Africa obviously had been like colonized. very i i in the early sort of twentieth century anyway, lots of like socialites were living over there and you have the happy valley set and stuff like that around that time. So it was kind of a cool hip place to be if you're a posh young English person. Uh he starts using the name Armstrong. Mm. He found out um Th the army the South African Air Force find out that he was is a pain in the ass, basically. Um but they're like, Well you've been all right while you've been here, so we're just gonna keep ya and they let him stay. Now in nineteen forty four he was seconded obviously this is the war to the RAF. But he loved that. And he flew missions over Holland. Uh which says to me that he did it once and never show up about it. Then, in nineteen forty five, in December, he goes back to South Africa and he gets court martialed for the third time. It's mad. For undisciplined behavior and wearing unauthorised decorations. Yeah. Stolen Valor. Is that what this is? Hello, boy, is this Victoria Cross. He wore medals that he didn't it's so funny because so much of the behaviour of like, Yeah, you can go to a Brussels and absolutely beat the shit out of a poor woman who's, you know, almost definitely traffick there in Cairo. But don't wear a little badge saying that you achieved something that you haven't. So yeah, that's what you got done for is basically lying about the his achievements. Although he was good. And that first military base that he was in, they were known as being at sort they were known as being amazing. They had like a lot of ace pilots, is it called? Ace flyers. Where that means they'd shot more than five enemy planes down. They were the first ones to get spit fires, like He was a talented pilot, but this isn't there's not a story about that. No. He returns to England in February nineteen forty six and he's back with his parents in Wimbledon and I bet he's livid. Now he's sort of whatever he's doing It doesn't take long until uh March nineteen forty six. Um there is the first incident that we know of. What th the second incident I would say after what happened when he was at school. Do you think I definitely think he did other stuff. Definitely. I uh undoubtedly. He gets a hotel on the strand in London. And he meets a young woman. Um Called Marge what's her name. I've got a name here, sorry, uh What's the second name? Marjorie Gar so he meets Marjorie Gardner. Gardner, yeah. Uh and they meet up and she's like I'm into bondage. And uh they go to this hotel. And what happens is he leaves her. uh whatever's happening he leaves her and the staff are uh are alerted that she's screaming and they go into the room and they find her um tied to the bed. And he Neville has done a runner. Now she comes back in a bit, Marjorie. She doesn't press charges against him. Cause she doesn't want the reputation of like having sex with a guy that she doesn't know in a bondage situation. She's kind of embarrassed by it. So he meets a woman called Yvonne Simmons. This is on Sunday the sixteenth of june nineteen forty six is a fast mover. And um He books a room at the Pembridge Hotel in Notting Hill Gate. And he books it under the uh ra rank of lieutenant colonel. w but with his own name. And he m he goes to a dance and he meets a young woman called Yvonne Simmons. She's nineteen. They meet her dance in Chelsea. He's ten years older than her. She's not bothered. Um they have a couple of drinks, they have a bit of a dance to go to the Panama in South Kensing Panama Club in South Kensington, which incidentally, um this is where Marjorie Gardner works, because Marjorie was described as a part time actress, but she left her husband and daughter to come to London to seek her fortune and she was working as a dancer at the Panama uh in South Kensington. So Yvonne. And uh Neville go to the overseas club as well. and they spend the whole next day together. And he proposed to her. And Look at you smiling. As if it's not gonna go wrong. Yeah, but it's just that thing of being like the I know that thing of when you meet someone, you're like, Oh fo you know, when you have that kind of thing. And he's handsome and he's saying he's a war hero You know, like I can see why she would be like, Oh, it's a whirlwind romance, especially in this kind of like heady war era time. Well they decide then, she's like, Oh well, we're engaged. Of course I'll come and stay at the Pembridge Hotel with you this evening. Um so they stay, and then the next day Yvonne goes to go back home to Worthing. And they spoke on the phone several times. Um Do you know that he tried to get her to sleep with him and she was like, No, no, I'm a virgin and we'll do it when we get married. Um And yeah, so she kept being like, No, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sleep with you. But then I'll suck you off, but I will not go all the way. You can have your brown wings, my lad. Brown wings only this evening. He He actually when he's speaking to uh Iv i Yvonne on the phone he actually rings Marjorie as well. Marjorie Gardner comes back. And uh on June the twentieth they arranged to meet. So he's got his fiancee back in Worthing. and uh he's taken uh Marjorie, who works at the Panama Club. they go to the Panama Club and then they go to the Pembridge Hotel, a little bit worse for wear. But apparently this was like a common method of his that he would kind of woo a girl by proposing to her and she'd be like, Oh my gosh with no intention of marrying her, he just wanted to bang her. And night there would be no ring or anything. So the next morning, twenty first of June, a chambermaid's cleaning the rooms, she goes to room four, she knocks, nobody answers, she lets herself in. And uh Marju was found lying on the bed. U single bed, 'cause there's two single beds. Not related to this, but I fucking hate it when you get in a hotel room and that is the setup. Oh two single beds pushed together. No, just two singles in general. Fox sake. She is naked, her ankles were tied, she was she had a bruised face. One of her nipples was almost bitten off. There's seventeen lash marks on her back. And she'd been killed by suffocation, but after the injuries had been. And the the lash marks were so hard you could make out a diamond pattern on it. And the g the the pathologist was like, This is a riding crop with a really distinct pattern. If you find that crop I can tell you like if if you find the weapon, we'll find the person, basically, because it was Very distinct how she had been yeah, thrashed, basically. So Neville, meanwhile, is having a lovely time in Worthing with Yvonne. Uh twenty second of June, he says to her. Yvonne, I had to talk to you about a terrible murder that occurred whilst I was in London. It's nothing to do with me, but I must tell you. Did they go for dinner at the Blue Peter Club that evening? And er he tells Yvonne, he says, uh I was staying at the same hotel as uh a girl uh who was brutally murdered. Uh and he also said, Well, she was an old friend and and what had happened was, um Yvonne, I I she had a man that she wanted to entertain and Well, I gave her my room keys, being the gentleman that I am, and and and uh so they may spend the night together. Um so that that's what happened, and then obviously this man has murdered her. And Yvonne's like, good gracious, that's terrible. I'd be actually like Uh and who's this woman? Yeah, yeah. Well, he apparently got really touchy that night when the evening papers arrived. She's like, Why is he being weird? Why is he mean Knowing that he was In it. Yeah. Well the next day. The twenty third, Yvonne sees in the paper that they want to speak to Neville. Uh and she calls him and tells him, and he says, Yes, I ought to clear up the matter. And he writes to Inspector Barrett. With the same story that he told Yvonne. Adding to the story that the man that Marjorie was seeing was called Jack. He added as well is making it worse. He then says that he went to his room at two AM. Went in, found Marjorie dead, panicked, and left. This left. It panics again. And he leaves to go to Bournemouth. And he books in to a hotel in Bournemouth call the Tollard Royal Hotel. The same day, I think it's the same day he writes to the police to be like, Oh, try to clear up the murder. He's meeting Yvonne's parents as well at a golf club so he's had an absolute not to give him any sympathy, but This is the worst day. Right, I've got to try and clear myself a murder. Got to meet the in laws at a golf club. What a train. The worst. So he he he boogers off, he goes to Balmouth. He checks in the Tollard Royal Hotel. He calls himself Group Captain Rupert Brook. Mm. Now ten days later. Okay, this is Wednesday the third of July. So he meets a woman called Miss Doreen Marshall, who's twenty one. Um she's in Bournemouth to get over a bout of influenza. Oh, those are the days when Convalesc. Oh, I love a bit of that. Now they have tea. And they agree to meet for dinner that evening. Now after dinner they walk along uh the you know, I have a walk round Bournemouth, they walk the short distance back to his hotel. Um at eleven thirty PM. Time goes by, Friday the manager of Doreen's hotel, the Norfolk, he's like, Well, I haven't seen that charming girl for a while. I hope she's okay. He contacts the police because there's no sign of her. He also contacts the manager of the Tolland Hotel because he knew that that's where Doreen was going. So Mr Ralph, who is uh the manager of the Tollard, he approaches uh Neville or group Captain Brook, uh as he is in this scenario, and asked him to confirm that he'd gone for dinner with Miss Marshall. Uh, he says, Oh I never did such a thing or Oh boy, let me help you must contact the police. So he he he agrees to to help. The p he rings the police, they call him back at half past three. Can you imagine that happening now? Wouldn't happen, would it? No. Police ringing your back. So he um He go they say, Can you pop down to the station, old boy? Uh we have a photograph we'd like to look at of the missing woman. So he goes to the station to look at the photograph of Doreen. Anastasia. One of the other police officers is like, This bloke looks like that Neville Heath who we've had a photograph um circulated. And now in the papers it's not just say it's saying he's a person of interest, we need to speak to him. So he's on the like he's on the list. And he just asks him. It is Excuse me, are you Neville Heath? And he's like, Oh gosh, of course not. I'm group group Captain Marshal the Mothers the Third. I fucking don't know. But what happens is, Neville says, Could you fetch my jacket from the hotel? And it's train tickets in the name of Neville Heath, right? And Doreen's necklace. What what blows my mind is The levels of politeness in this. Yeah. Like you know, old school politeness. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Of course, not a problem. Should I go to his pockets? Is that rather unorthodox? What would you do? It I it's it yeah, different time, in it. So there's this ticket. They they officers just take a chance and they go to I imagine nowadays it'd be We can't go through that pocket. And if if you did, you found that. Well you can't actually go and collect that because there'd be so much red tape, wouldn't there? So the officers they go to the train station with the uh there was a a ticket for um luggage as well. So they go to the station and they're handed a suitcase. And there was clothing in it, marked Heath. And a hat and a scar stained with Marjorie Gardner's blood. I don't know how they know that. Maybe an assumption. I think it was on wasn't it on something of hers? Yeah, it must have been her hat and scarf, then, mustn't it? And a riding crop. With a distinct diamond pattern on it. So his question, Nebel Heath. Uh at nine forty five PM. And he's like, Oh gosh, no. Do you know what? Yes, yes. And he admitted Um the you know They did it, didn't they? It pretty much said. Yes, I did it. So he's taken to London as punishment and he's charged with Marjorie Gardner's murder. Now earlier that day, in Bournemouth, a Miss Evans was walking her dog along Brankston Dean. Chine. She passed a rhododendron brush and it was covered in flies. And she just mentions this to her dad on the off chance. Father, I went past a rhododendron brush and my goodness, it was absolutely covered with flies. And he's like, Oh gosh, not a rhododendron, they're invasive species. We must go and have a look. So eight o'clock that evening they go back. I imagine this is the second time the dog has its walk, isn't it? Well we've go back later and we take Rover. So they go back and in a wooded gorge they find Doreen Marshall's body. Now she was naked except for one shoot. She'd been battered and bound. And then one of her nipples had been bitten off completely. And there was the there was like a Y shape um that was mutilated into her torso. Um We must say as well, I don't I mean do we have to say this? I don't know. It it is a fact. He did also insert things into the women. Oh yeah. It's not been said what these things are, 'cause we don't need to know everything. Well, this was a branch, in this case, from a nearby tree, but he that he definitely had assaulted The other women with like something from the room or something that he'd taken away. So There you go. The found pool. Dory. And horrible, really. Apparently some of the police officers just immediately vomited when they saw the scene. It was so because she'd been there a while Oh come on, stiff up a lip for God's sake, man. Also there was bloodstains all over the road. So you can see where the assault happened and I i I I I'm amazed it took them this long to find her. Hm. Yeah, so he b basically, like, on the path, had attacked it, there's blood everywhere, and then dragged her into a bush nearby. And oh there's a weird thing as well where they found like So she had a pearl necklace, twenty eight pearls on it. and they found it broken nearby with twenty seven pearls on it. And they found one pearl in Neville's pocket. Yeah. Um twenty fourth of September. He's charged with these murders. Ninete six, twenty fourth of September nineteen forty six is his trial. J D Caswell Heath, who is defending him, he's relying on uh an insanity plea. But the experts were like No Yeah, they were like, he's not insane. He's fine. They didn't want him to stand. He was like, no, I'm not gonna let him stand because obviously as soon as you hear a speak, you'd be like He's a twat, but he's not insane insane. He's just really unlikable. So it doesn't take the jury long to find him guilty. Oh and also they try to find his friends to sort of you know, when they do like uh like a character witness be like that's the last thing I'd need. Well but I'll be honest, no none of his all his friends are like no No I'm not gonna say he didn't do this. I've got nothing to say about he I mean he's great at fun, the old boy, but uh but he absolutely did this. So guilt eh. God, I wish I lived in that time, you know, that oh god, uh I went to see a brief encounter at the theatre the other day. And that was uh They're all talking like that. Mm. Oh God. How could I possibly just leave your kids and husband, you'd be better off with it. So October sixteenth, nineteen forty six. Um so get a you know, with all the stuff you're like, it's just enough going on with the war. Why have you got to be a fucking maniac? But apparently that is a time where there was like Loads more crime anyway, because everyone's a bit nuts. Like lockdown and it's kind of lawless, you know, the blackout ripper. Yeah, exactly. The authorities have kind of more things to focus on. So after this, think about what you've got after this time. You've got the Yorkshire Ripper. You got Trevor Harder. Mm-hmm. Um This um I'm sure someone sort of study on this. Well I f well no, it's I I won't get into it. Well I think there's a hu few humanitarian crises that have happened in the last like ten years where there will in time there'll be someone who's outed as being a serial killer or murderer who completely got away with it because there was so much like Devastation and and things. Um I'm not it sounds like I'm naming names. Bradley Walsh. Um It was it was a big event. So the Pensonville Prison, there's about three thousand people, mostly women, um, who were basically protesting and some are like, Yeah, you're going down. Mm. Interesting. He was very dressed up for the occasion. He had a lovely sort of grey uh Oh, everyone did in those days. A grey pinstripe suit, and then they said the guy who is uh before he's being executed. He Pier P Albert Pierpoint, it was. That guy. We should do an episode on Pierpoint. I'd love that, yeah. We should do, yeah. Maybe a live show. That'll be fun. He um too much uh it's a it's a it's a three parter, I think. I'd like it. Maybe we'll do it. We'll do it. Yeah, because Well it's the classic. I love this bit. It's the classic, isn't it? Yeah, we see a simple. Does he want anything? Yeah. I guess any last requests. He asks for a whisky and says Better make it a double. Always got a singer to go out on. Do you know when I was going through through this? Tim was in the house and I said, Do you know what? No one has last words like they used to have last words. It's like What now What would your last words be? If you were being uh yeah, d being hung behind or It's been a pleasure. I that's that's good. Sill you and Valhalla. Um I uh my my w I know I would be panicking because I would have lied on my weight. Uh lied about my weight. So I would just be strangling to death because I'd be like, No, I'm only this much and my neck wouldn't have broken cleanly. Maybe you Br praise praying to God that the the doctor or the health professional wasn't the cunt that I saw yesterday. Um He was only twenty nine. when he's hung hanged at nine AM uh october sixteenth, nineteen forty six. Um and it took him seven seconds to die. Yeah. I mean that's quick, but I bet when it's happening to you that's ages. Listen, I've been on stage not knowing what I'm gonna say next for seven seconds and it time is relative. Like that has felt no no less time than like uh you know, three minutes. Do you know the uh The th it doesn't happen as frequently now, touch wood, she says. Have you it's been a long time since I've had this feeling where you start doing your gig and you go Oh shit, I'm gonna die. Mmm. Have you And it's like a weird Yeah, 'cause I'm not very much fit in circuit gigs at the moment. So I'm kind of like loosey goosey when I start and I sort of find it. But you realise some rooms are not gonna give you any grace with it, and you're like, Oh shit, I've gotta kick it. I was gonna do this bit, now I'm gonna have to do this bit and see how that goes and I'm really gonna have to I hate that feeling where I'm like Yeah, oh shit, I can't be comp not complacent about it, but I can't enjoy this and hit my rhythm. Like I've got a It's that weird feeling you go. Oh, I've not felt this for a bit. Yeah. This no. It feels like such a cop out. I I yeah, I had one of these such a cop out when you look round and you're like, Oh, there's a lot of men have just started looking at their phones as soon as I went on s you know, where you're like, oh I'm back to sort of I I guess I've got a bit complacent because as you get more like not like famous or anything, but a bit more well known for doing comedy, people might have heard your name. People are like, oh, I think they're gonna be good. But then you go some places where you're like, oh no I'm back to being a woman comic again and this is gonna be really hard. W do you know what is as well, I think 'cause you know, the longer you do this you eventually learn to trust your ability. Yeah. You might think I'm not for everybody, but I can do this. Mm-hmm. And I think when you've trusted yourself, you go in the back of mine I'm going, Oh my God, no you're gonna die. You trusted yourself, you fucking monk. And then you sort of you get it back. And you go Mm. Yeah. I think now I I am if I knew that the gig was gonna absolutely tank. It could be this evening. I'll let you know next episode. Um I I feel Now if it wasn't working, I'd just go, Do you know what? I can't be bothered with this. See you later. And I'd just give my feedback. I c I can't be fucking asked. I'm not I'm not in it to fight anymore. Yeah. I'm not here to learn and I'm not here to fight. Not interested. It's the Harry Harry Hill the the the thing that I always remember him saying was, someone asked him for advice and it it was like, if it's going well, get off. If it's going badly, get off. Yeah. And I fully agree with that. I don't know why we're expected To to fight through it. Or when people go, you go, have some dignity and they go, twenty, but thirty if you're enjoying yourself for like as long as you want. And like, I'll be doing t well, no, I'm terrible for overrunning I'm I'll be doing twenty seven. But um yeah. If if I'm booked for twenty, I will be doing nineteen minutes and fifty seven seconds. Twenty two is usually what I'll do. And if I'm booked for thirty, I will do twenty eight. Yeah, I mean no one is angry when yeah. There is no you you aren't These gigs where I've said no to things where they go forty minute clothes and I'm like Absolutely fucking not. It's twenty for a reason. In fact, I think fifteen is the Now, audiences' attention spans, yeah, definitely. Fifteen minutes is the Yeah. That to me, that's perfect. They they want to swipe up on you by that. Yeah, let's get this thing fucking rolling. Come on. Um That was the lady killer. I enjoyed that. Okay. That wasn't me describing the British comedy circuit. That was the Lady Killer. Yeah, it was it was a bit of a rump, wasn't it? I kind of like anything set at that time. I find it so. Um I imagine everyone with little thin mustaches. And ooh. Sorry, I've just been sitting in a very awkward position. Um Thank you to everyone who's bought tickets for Halloween. It's nearly sold out. Tickets are on sale now for a one off show we're doing at the Edinburgh Fringe. Um wanna say the twenty third of August, I'll check that now. Well, it's definitely in August, I can't remember the date. I will um be in Edinburgh for the month. My tickets are on sale from rachelfairbird.com or the Edinburgh Fringe website. Mm. twenty three my new show. Vexy beasts. Monkey Barrel. Tron. I was like that would be the most so informal to have sunglasses on your head whilst doing a podcast. Oh I've done it. There's definitely me. Hundred percent. Owen, find it. There will be a podcast. I've done gigs with some glasses on me. I'm fucking asked. In the days before everything was visualized, years ago at the McKinley Comedy Festival, I did a uh Rod Gilbert had a show there and I did his radio show. But I was like oh it's radio and I to do gigs constantly for the day. So I had my hair and rollers, but it was they for some reason they fucking filmed it and took pictures. So I'm sat there with like, Rollers with like clips in looking like well, a scouse girl on a Saturday, telling me. The thing that everything's got to be filmed now. Fuck off. Just give it a rest. So you wanna come see me in Edinburgh, Rachel Powerbird dot com. It's on sale for the entire month. Then I'm on tour. I'll probably be coming to a town in you. If I'm not, there's a reason for it. Um Not I don't wanna. It's the bottom line. Um August twenty fifth, we're in Edinburgh and there's an announcement coming very, very soon. About Uh Crimba. Right. And other things. Is it? I thought why not? Yeah. Well that'll be a w aren't here. No one's fucking listening. This is a bit of a tap by No I mean no I mean it's like no people I mean, yeah, some people will still be listening to this, but no one that's gonna tell us off is fucking listening. Oh. Yeah, yeah, there's not been it to this part. Um you didn't tell me about your trip to uh what's it called? Bista Village. Never again. I did I did a gig for Andrew Bird, uh lovely Andrew Bird in Bister. That gig's brilliant. Lone Wolf Comedy, what a great gig. I'm to I thought oh I'll get there a bit earlier, pop to Bister Village. What a load of fucking shit. It was great when I went. My partner got some Vivian Westwood jeans. I got him like this shiny, like Do you know what I think it is? You're all trash. Yeah, maybe everything I've described is fucking dog shit. Like I'm just e Ugh everything No I mean Kurt Geiger, no no shade on Kurt Geiger. It's it's fine, it's not my job. But even high end stuff in there looks like it's from Kurt Geiger. And I always have this thing like that's uh with high end stuff. And I was like Even when it when it's at an outlet I'm like, this is the shit that nobody wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's still Four hundred pounds. Yeah. I wonder why no one wanted this like fishing net in highlighter colours. With the zip across it and like a laboo boo hanging from it for thank you. You went in Dulchinger Banner as well, did you? Anyway, thanks for listening. See you soon. See you soon. Thank you for listening. Peace.