The Marshmallow Stick Injury

Welcome welcome welcome to Arm Chair Anonymous. I'm Dack Shepppard. I'oin Monica Badman Your favorite topic, your favorite activity, camping I don't love it. Yeah I need to go in a tent The bus life is fun, but having this prompt made me realize, no, I need to unzip that thing in the morning, crawl out. you're like,h, fuck I just woke up in a plastic bag. But then you're like,, let's make some coffee. And then everything just starts getting better and better and. Now have you gone tent camping since you stopped drinking Yeah. you have. Oh yeah. ye. Oh nice Okay. Not a ton. You're right. drrinking helps. C so much. It helps. It is one of those activities where it's like, is there an activity of drinking? Like snowmobiling. They tried to crack down on drinking and riding snowmobiles in the northern Michigan and Wisconsin. I'm like, guys, you're not gonna have an activity. It's all connecto. Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, so this is crazy camping stories and they deliver. 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Now available in Canada too That's Qu I ncE d. com slash dax for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Quints. com slash dax A Tes Come and go Tound T 'em slow . Aable Hi, Emmy. Hi. How are you? I'm great. How are you guys? Good, where are you at? I'm in Ontario, Canada. Beautiful, London, Toronto. Where are we at? I live in Orangeville. It's just a small town Maybe an hour and a half north of Toronto. En route to Muskoka? Kind of a bypass, but yeah, it's sort of on the way. Okay. And have you spent any time on those lakes? Yeah, we've been up there a few times camping, topical camping, camping d d dang D Ding dang. Yeah. I have friends with cottages up in that area too, so yeah spend a lot of time up there Yeah, you Canadians got that figured out lake life. So where does your camping story take place? Tell us. My camping story takes place in Grundy Lake. It's an Ontario provincial park. That's maybe two hours north of Mascoa. It's a little ways up This takes place around fifteen years ago, so my husband then boyfriend in June will have been together for eighteen years. Congrats. You seem very young to have been with someone for eighteen years.. I get that a lot. We started dating when I was seventeen. Our wedding anniversary is january second. Oh. That's a peculiar day to get married, know I like it. We were gonna to try and do a New Year's wedding, but nobody would take us because they're all booked up. So we were like, well the second is a Saturday. so As much as I feel like you complain about people not living your birthday, like we made people go to a wedding on January. know after they just quit drinking. But I love that because then it's like we're starting off the year with a party. That's nice. And love that's nice because beginning of January can be tough mentally. Well alsoso if one of your resolutions is like, get married, you knock that out of day too. Yeah. hisis name's Nolan When we met, he was super into camping. I had done some trips, but not a ton. so he really got me into it. He was more of like a portage guy. Is that with the canoeing Yeah, and like you would put all your food in a barrel and you have your backpack and you can you win. Oh wow, cool. Yeah And I had done a couple of trips like in Angonquin and we had done things like that before, but in this particular case, we were going to Grundi. so it's car camping. so you would drive up and park your car on the site, right? and you set up your tent and the away you go. So we were used to food barrel, string up your stuff in a tree absolutely isolate everything from animals because when you're further north, you have to worry more about the wildlife. So we were kind of More in line with that, but then when you go car camping, you're basically only as tidy as your nearest neighbor. So you can't do a whole heck of a lot there. We've been camping and we've seen like raccoons eating hot dogs at the picnic tableure, sure, sure sure. You're describing Michigan camping perfectly. We always drive right to the spot. You wake up, there's raccoons everywhere. There's empty bags from the hot dog buns that they got into. Exactly. So in this particular case, we were there for a couple days and it was really beautiful. We hadn't been there yet and lots of really great hiking, amazing swimming. It was like really T typical Canadian shield, like a group of seven painting. It was so beautiful. We had done a lot of hiking and we had noticed a lot more animal signs than we had expected, given that it was a car campsite. What kind of animals are up there? What do we gotta be nervous about? Not so much moose in that area, but you'd be more thinking about bears. No wolves? I don't think so. maybeike there's tons of coyotes around here but they're not really gonna Right. Although we did hear that crazy coyote story and it was in Toronto or somewere. Rady got killed. What? It was like some kind of weird hybrid, wasn't it of a coyote Wolf coyote? It was like a wolf coyote. story we heard. Is that what you're talking about? It was an armchair anonymous. Oh, I know, but then also we looked up, a coyote did kill some. Once. Oh, One time in the history of coyotes in California The person might already been dead, but anyways anyway. They eat a lot of dogs. like if you have your dog in your backyard around here, you have to be careful something like that. but yeah, it was one particular day. We had already been there a bit and it had been raining all day. And so we were kind of cooped up under our tarp. And then it cleared up and we thought, okay, let's go down to the water, let's enjoy the scenery. It was a gorgeous sunset. We wanted to watch the stars because there's no light pollution in that area. So we went down to the beach area just by our campsite and we were kind of hanging on this rock. and it was this like big kind of sweeping rock that went down into the water, scenery all around, and it was gorgeous. And then at one point while we were laying there, we could kind of hear some rustling in the bushes beside us. Nolan was like, what was that? And he was kind of freaking out about it. I should tell you too, he's insufferable when it comes to camping and wildlife Whenever we would go places, he would sleep with a twelve inch knife. He would have like an axe in case like something happened Borderline paranoid. Definitely. borderline ye. But he likes it, which is interesting. I know. It's like he wants it. So I just was like, it's nothing. Leave it alone. And then it's kind of wrestling a bit more and he's like, no, I'm like, I think that's actually properly something. And I'm like, you need to relax and chill ' you're ruining my experience. And so at some point, he goes, stand up. And like before I could even really react He had like grabbed me by the scruff of my back and had like hoisted me up to his standing position And I kind of looked over and a meter and a half away from in the bush is this huge bear. Oh Monica, a meter's three feet. That's the length of our coffee table here Describe for me how big this bear is color. black bear. It was not small. Bigger than a newewfuin? Oh, definitely. yeah, one hundred percent. Okay, great. So a newewfullin is a hundred pound dog Monica Okay.onica. justet. Yeah. Do you know how about weights and measures? Dax is an honorary Canadian. Anyway, so the rest of the story, it has to be from his point of view, becausecause honestly, I blacked out. I don't remember any of it. What Nolan says is that I stood up and like saw the bear and then he said that it was like The road rununner legs. He said that my feet went so fast and I just started sprinting as like fast as I could. Big no no. You're supposed to play dead. You're not running is, Monica? When you sprint away from the. You're not supposed to do that, and that's exactly what I did. I knew not to do that. I've watched Bear girls and like I know about these things and I had been camping and I knew that, but like my flight response Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So your body takes over. Who can be thinking in those moments? You don't know how you're gonna to react in any situations until you're in them. You think you can model it out and then you gotta be in them. I ran. and then because I ran, the bear was chasing me. Yes. Oh my God. And then Nolan started chasing the bear. Oh jeez to like get it to like parkon. You know, I like threw some stuff on it. and he eventually kind of got in between me and the bear and he started doing what you're supposed to do, which was clapping and like, whoa, bear. and it stopped. I don't think I wanted to eat me. We probably startled it. Again, you both triggered both of your instincts which is like the bear just knows to chase anything that runs away from you. and then you have to think about it Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I just went sprinting and it chased. so it stopped and then Nolan chased it back I don't know how he did this. He was just waiting for his opportunity, like he was ready. This is what I'm always training for him. Oh my God, do you think he like paid for this? Like this is a ser exper do platinum experience. So yeah, I chasted up the tree and it was kind of hanging up there. And then the first thing that I actually remember was that he grabbed my forearm and he was like, stop running. He grabbed me to stop And then I saw the bear my legs turned to jello and I fell over. 'a I was like so over adrenalized, ye. It was freaky. So the bear went back up the tree and then we were like, okay, we got toa get back to our campsite, but now this bear is up in the tree that we need to pass to get back to our campsite. Oh boy. And we were like, well it chaseed me once, I don't know, mayaybe it'll chase me again track basically around The other way to get back to the campsite and thinking, you know, okay, we'll go back. But then on our way back, we saw two more bears. Jesus Oh. One was further up on the trail and it kind of scooted across in front of us. And then we saw another one like in the periphery of a campsite. so we're like, we're out we're not doing this anymore. So we got back to the site and we packed up our sleeping bags and we just slept in the rav four that night because we were like, I'm not sleeping inside anymore. Yeah Yeah yeah. We packed up and we drove home. I think we had another night we were supposed to spend and we were like, no, it's not happening. We're not doing it. No one had fulfilled his fantasy. He was like, I don't need to round two of this. I got enough to brag about. I don't need to press my luck That's exactly it for years and years and years. He was like insufferable and he was so annoying and we would be like, stop And he got vindicated in it, which is so annoying. Yeah, he's got the leverage now for life, probably. Well, for a little bit. A couple years. He was even remarking how a couple nightays before, and he guys we were walking back, he was like, I told you that I heard something and like that was probably a bear. And I'm like, okay I kinda understand that Then he had to get in the middle. He almost got mal. I gota applaud Nolan when he was met with the situation did the And by the way, I would argue his response was probably heavily weighted by you being there. him on his own, I don't know that he exhibits this kind of chasing a bear. He's pretty intense like that. Like we've had situations where we're like not necessarily seeing animals. Like if a dog is running in the park towards him, he's like, yeah,'ll just put out my foot and kick. Like he's not the kind of guy who would run away. If my response is flight, his is definitely fight. That the bear. Exactly. you found each other Yeah Yeah, so I left him to die. Didn't think about him for one second. When you walked back and he walked by the other two bears, like you just walked right by it? Well, we were sketchy about it, but the one that we saw, like we werealking and it just like skirted across a trail and we're like, well, the whole thing was very heightened. I've talked to people who go there all the time and they're like, I have no idea what you're talking about. We've never really encountered And it definitely is bear country and they're probably super used to humans, especially in that general area. But we have not been back. Well, listen, if it had been a brown bear, we're not talking toy. rightight? Yeah, remember the brown bear story that guy was hunting moose and those things are fucking gnarly. I think there are brown bears in Ontario. I think you have to go a lot further north to really get involved with them. They're definitely around here. like they're not far from where I live either, but they're not coming into where people are. Yeah, I saw footage on Instagram two days ago re pretty certain it was ant AI. Yeah, there was a guy in a four wheel, or driving down a trail and he came around a corner. There was two fucking brown bears like twelve hundred pounders. The way they ran right up to the four wheeler and hit it And then backed up. It was the scariest approach I've ever seen. Like the way they run when you're looking at them is fucking terrifying Oh! Yeah, I wouldn't go anywhere where there's brown bears. We've had lots of moose encounter in and like Algonquin and they're pretty till if you don't get in their way. They're dangerous moose, but not intentionally, right? They don't see you until they're unc. how are. We did get trapped one time in like a river inlet 'cause there was a mom moose and like a baby on either side. and we had to just hang out there for like an hour because like you wouldn't cut them off, right Oh my God. I don't know enough. and like o And Monica have you ever seen a moose in real life like it They're impossibly big. They're so tall Yeah, they'll be standing in the water and you see them and then they kind of come out on the bank and you're like, oh my gosh, they're twelveet tall. And I think they get up to eighteen hundred pounds. I told you this story where Uncle Grandpa and I, Tom Hansen were in his backyard in Wyoming and we're just shooting the shit and we're letting the dogs out. And there's only like eight feet between him and the lake behind him And he's facing me and it's night. and then all of a sudden just the whole background behind him changes to black. and a moose is running through the backyard and just went between the gap of him and the lake. Tom's like, Oh my God, what was that? And I'm like, dude, a fucking bull just ran behind you You're almost gone.. Let's go camping. I'm good. We still camp all the time. We're super pro camping. L we have a five year old and we take him out. He loves it, but we definitely don't go to those areas because I think Nolan wouldn't sleep at all. He'd have to have a machine gun with him or something. And doing the canoeing still, the portage? Gosh, we haven't done that for years and years and years. It's kind of one of those things The joy in it is maybe the peace and the tranquility some people go hard, but with a five year old, it kind of sounds like my worst nightmare. Yeah Yeah, absolutely. Well was really lovely meeting you. Lovely to talk to you guys too. Thanks a lot for hearing my story. Yeah, tellell Nolan we say thanks for his role in this.. Without him, we have no account of what the fuck you did. He's the best, I love him All right, take care. Oh my go, Your best friend's calling Cally? Yeah.be's about the time she saw Matt Damon and Ben Affleck camp She kept it quiet uil B Cie, I am Callie, Yes. Callie is an important name to me. My best friend's name is Callie No, she spells with a K. Understood. Have you met a lot of Calies in your travels? I have not met a lot of Calies, but people do like to say like California, what is it short for? Or they tell me that they had a cat when they were a kid named Cali E time I say, Well was it a calico cat? And the answer is Always yes. And where are you, Kally? I am in Plano, Texas. I guess we call it a suburb of Dallas, but it feels like it has all the things that's grown so much. I was there last year with my best friend Aaron Weekly at a sprouts or a total wine. We have both of those. I'm telling you, we have everything. Yeah, Plano's where it's at. So Plano, Texas, that's not where the story takes place. So october twenty fourteen, my husband and I had been married about a year and a half at this time. liivving in Sou Oklahoma and my older brother and sister in law who lived in Oklahoma City, they decided along with us to buy tickets to a concert in St. Louis and we were going make like a whole road trip of it. But being the young, not wealthy, poor married couples that we were, we decided we would go camping for the first night to like stve on the hotel room. so We had figured out campgrounds at the Mirrimac caaverns in Missouri about an hour outside of St. Louis. and so we kind of picked that place out ahead of time and we all into our two thousand seven Toyota Prius that we had at the time. I feel like it's worth a small pause because I just want to put in detail that my brother is like six foot seven. and so I just want you to get the full picture of four grown adults in the prius for six hours. withith camping gear as well. Yes, of course Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think Peron's Dease or PD for short PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. 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And you know, I'm a side sleeper I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot so I have cooling. and I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning. Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold. So I also have cooling. and they have over twenty models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body Plus, they've got cooling upgrades, which heading into summer, non negotiable. Truly Go to helelixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. That's helixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you Helixleep dot com slash armchair This episode is sponsored by Better Help So Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's twenty twenty six state of stigma repeport surveyed two thousand Americans and revealed that eighty five percent of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet seventy four percent say society discourages people from doing so. That's a huge gap. Most of us agree that therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going Right. And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference. I mean, as you know, I'm I obsessed with thepy I've been in it consistently for years and years and years. and I have said this and I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit. Oh Okay Yeah. I know I'm not And I gott to go to therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself And Betterhelp makes that first step easier. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and with over thirty thousand therapists and twelve plus years of experience, they typically get the match right the first time. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with betteretter Help. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash DAax. That's betterhlp dot com slash DAax So we made it to the Mirramat caaverns. and had a short hike, ate over the fire We' up l talking and drinking around the fire. At some point, my sister in law and I decided that we were tired. so we went into the tent like this is veryy legitimate tent camping. We're not in a cabin or an RV. It's not glamping. Do you have two two man tents or do you have one four person tent? I have one four person, which again, sort of like the Toyota Prius. It's like you can fit four people and zero other things and you must lay very near each other. My sister in law and I go to bed and we leave my brother and husband up finishing visiting and This is twenty fourteen after all. so none of us have really great cameras on our phones But many of us have bought a canon and believe that they are professional photographers. Oh yeah. They're up late and they have their telescope and their time lapse and they're looking at the stars and trying to take amazing photos. They're nerdy out. Yeah. they're having their astronomy course out there We are already passed out thats it. At some point in the night, they get tired and also come to tent and go to sleep And then I don't know what time it is. Now I happen to know it was around two AM. but at the time, I don't know what time it is. I just know that I wake up to a sound. Something that also pause on is My older brother and I have Sort of similar personalities and that there's a bit of like anxiety mixed in there, like a heightened awareness of danger. And so I wake up and I hear a sound that I realizees sirens in the distance. and so I'm awake and I see the Irossant, my brother and my sister in law and my husband, they're all still asleep. So I s up and the sirens are kind of getting louder And this campground where we are at is actually I don't know if we can call it a mountain. It's probably like some kind of foothills. okay? I don't know the geography of Missouri is super well, but there's a mountains thing and you're going down switchbacks. so Im sure we're familiar with like you don't just go straight down a mountain. You're doing the back and forth to kind of cut the elevation easily. And so I start hearing Sirens, but also There's light an engine, but it's not a constant engine. it's like revving like it gets really loud and then it cuts And I realized that it's like somebody driving very quickly down these switchbacks and they're rubbing the engine every time they make it around one of the turns. At this point, I sort of noticed that my brother was awake. And I hear that it sounds like there's two engines and there's sirens. And so I look to my brother. We're both sitting up now, off course, our spouses. They are more of the balances out type. I can't say that my husband is laid back in any way because that is certainly not the case, but definitely not jumping to the worst case scenario. my brother and I So we happen to be the ones that are awake. My brother and I and I looked to him and I say Is that not? Fucking police chase coming down the mountainside. Yeah, yeah. He starts looking out the little netted windows. Kind of a foggy night this night, but we've got headlights and we've got flashing police lights he's seeing. And so we start to wake up my husband and sister in law and The way that this campground is set up is it's down these switchbacks. and when you get to the bottom of the switchbacks, it's just simple state campgrounds. And so there's like a gravel oval and tent spots and there's RV spots. We happened to be the only ones that were tent camping. It wasn't super busy and there was a couple of RV is like a little further away from us. The Mirbac River is just maybe about fifteen or twenty yards from our tenent, like it's just right over there and you can hear the water trickling all through the night. And so these headlights are coming down. When they get down there, all there is is the campground. It's the only thing the road leads to and so Okay, I think it's time to wake them up. so we go to wake them up. their first thing is doubt. likeike, oh, sure guys, I'm sure it is definitely a police chase coming down the mountain because Y'all don't tend to jump to these worst case scenarios or anything. So they're kind of doubting and then about that time. the car is now in the campground. pololice c is chasing it. My brother has fully stepped out of the tent at this time and is like watching it. and he's like Gys, we ot to go down past the RV's. The police trace has ended now. We've got more deputies like showing up. They've turned their tires off. there's lots of shouting And it is at this time that it becomes very evident that we have a foot chase on our hands. Oh, Wow. We don't know what this person has done. We just know that they've been chased directly down the way from us. So we decideed that we need to get in the car and we need to get in the car quickly. And so we're trying to hurry, get our shoes on and everything. But about the time that all four of us are outside of the tent, you can hear us fllashing in the water and this is the river that has been completely calm, just like a peaceful triickle all night is suddenly splashing And so we're like, Ohh my gosh, she's in the water. He's just right there. He's in the water. And of course, you're not thinking that it's a drunk driver. you're thinking that this is a hardened violence criminal. Fleeing a murder scene. Yes, absolutely. We are now really trying to get to the car and we all get in the preus and lock the doors, and my husband turns it on and hits the gas It's a masculating thing to hide in. And so you're already hiding, but you're also hiding in a breeus. All of a sudden the Fan' haos And nothing's happening. And so this is like exactly like a scary movie at this point. We're all completely screaming. The fog has sud in. so the hell like's happening a fog. I don't know the science behind it, but the air outside is chilly and there's four big upset heavy breathing individuals in the car. And so The windows are fogging on the inside. Jesus can't be anything. Why is the car not working? It felt long, of course, but probably like forty seconds of this like he doesn't know what's wrong. He reaches down and he finds that the tripod from them being professional photographers the night before, he had put it in the car before he went to bed, put the camera in the tripod away And it was on the floorboard of the driver's feet and it was up against the brake. Well, since this was a Toyota Prius You're not hearing an engine reving and thinking, oh, something must be on the brake. Nothing's happening. like the electric engine isn't engaging because the brake is fully p. Al you got to push the brake to turn it on, maybe even too. I think with the brius, you got to like have your foot the brake's got to be depressed for the engine to turn on. If we weren't in a panicked moment perhaps you'd noticed the tripod trying to put his feet down there. But so after like forty five seconds finally, he ried up thing and we decideed like, o, we just We to leave the campgrounds for now and on our way. out of like the gate We tell the police, hey, because it set up like a checkpoint and I was like, hey We think he was in the river like right by our tent over there and we just drive on up the swishbacks out of the mountain. On our way up, we pass a fire department truck that's pulling a boat on a trailer because they they'll go start their water search. Oh, This is. We have left our tent and our bags and all of our that's like around the fire. We've left everything and driven back up to like the nearest town like fifteen minutes probably, got some terrible motel and just kind of like woke up. and disbelieved the next morning and drove down there. and there was no sign of anything, everything lookooked peaceful and normal And we backed up our stuff and Drove on to St. Louis and had our weekend. It was a Sunday night concert. so I went to a concert And then I think it was at some point on the drive that orr maybe like the day after we got back We should look up and see like if there was a news story, figure out what actually happened. there was no sign of anything. And the guy was not a violent criminal. They apparently just refused to stop for a traffic stop earlier in the night and then ross counties and you know how it is out there, you lose your jurisdiction. and so The one deeputy had let him go and then somebody else tried to stop him later in the night because they had heard the call from earlier, and that's where that chase started. And they just had multiple traffic violations. I don't know why They were in a lot more trouble afterwards, but no reason to be running. Well, I would just think if he already has three DUIs and he's not supposed be driving, you're looking at prison time, you're like, well, fuck if they don't catch me they don' know who was driving the car. I mean, you make a lot of smart decisions at that moment. There's a lot of reasons Theo being, there was not really a crime listed other than like resisting arrest. But he was found in an empty campsite under a tint wearing nothing but boxers forore. Oh my God. Wow? There's been a lot of debate through the years of like was it Under a tent? Was it under the cover of a tent? Does that mean that he was? In our tent? Should we be concerned that he was in one of our sleeping bags? there be like mean the spurp in the ground? I feel like that. Like I feel like he was under the entire tent. He just dove under get That's a good hiding spot actually. Yeah, He must have not dug out enough or something. someomehow they found. Wow. Wow. That's our camping story. Oh wow. haven't done much camping since then I have three little kids, so I'm kind of in like a tiatus from camping. My husband does take our two older kids. Once the baby gets older, then I think I'll be back to camping. But yes, we continuue to camp after that. even have had a couple of family camping trips, but I'm taking a break from it because T much chaos. Yeah, It's a lot to keep your eye on. It does make me crave camping. Be next to a river hearing it. Babbling brooks. Yeah, some police sirens, maniacs. S peaceful police siren. The guy with nothing to lose. Wow. That's wild. Yeah, well, Kaly, that's wonderful. I mean, not for you, but for us. Thank you guys for having me and hopefully G get lots of good ones for this one. Yeah, thank you so much Hi, Kevin. Hi, how are you? I'm wonderful. How are you? I'm probably the most nervous I've ever been. Oh my goodness. I've been inside house fires before. that says a lot. Yeah. I' flattered, but you should not be nervous. No, there's nothing intimidating about Monica or me. Well, I'm scary. It's definitely calming me down, so it's good. Where are you, Kevin I live in Crete, Greece Mediterranean. You are lying. How does an American end up in Crete? I'm the safety director for a Navy base out here for a US Navy base. Oh, you are.. Have you guys been busier than normal? You know, I thought you're gonna ask that and business has picked up a little bit. We're doing good. We're staying safe out here. Okay, good. How long have you been in Crete This is our second time living here, but I've been here recently for about two years. Before that, we were in Okinawa, Japan. We like to travel. We like to get out and move around. Y. Say we you have a wife and some kids, Is that what's happening Yeah, I've got a wife and we've got six kids. Three of them are a little bit older. Oh man. What a life guysys are living. This is awesome. Six kids. How are they liking that adventure? My seventeen year old son is kind of ready to be done with it. He's sick of moving his room around. The younger two that are with us now, they enjoy it. They get a lot of good opportunities, man. a lot of things that people Normally don't get to see. Yeah. Saquil O'Neil was discovered on a military base. if you recall that story Monica? Yeah. mayaybe it'll be discovered by a visiting coach. We'll see. My kids are very unathletic right not gonna to happen. They need statisticians. Yeah, Maybe it'll be a bath coach or something that comes.. Maybe the biology, I think is where we're going. Okay. Is your wife also enlisted? No, I'm actually a civilian. I'm not in the military and she's She got the hard job. She's been heschooling these kids for the past ten years. Oh It's hard. She's living her best life out here in Crete though. Oh good. You have a camping story. Yes. So this takes place a long time ago two thousand three. I grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio. I see you. Monica, Cedar Point. King's Island, Cedar Point. You were very close to Kings's Island. Let's get it out now. Very close. We got it out. Yeah. The beast. The beast of course. thing will break your neck. So we would typically go down to Red River Gorge to go camping. Is that in Kentucky? Yes, probably like southeast of Lexington. Beautiful place, lots of like old like sandstone arches everywhere Lots of good hiking. So we'd probably been down there ten times by this point. and there was a group of us. I want to say there was eight or nine of us, good mixture of guys and girls. What age were you at this time twenty two. My buddy Josh, he had just been dating this girl for I think two or three weeks And She gracefully said, I'll go camping with you guys None of us had really ever met her before. It's a lot because by the way, I've been in this exact situation. She's joining a group that's already done this a million times, right? Yes. goodood for her tough. The first look we got of her, she did not look like she was an avid camper. Okay already, she was a little out of place. So we get down there Friday. Everything's good. you know, it's usually cooler full of beer, fire, sit around, tell stories, getet up Saturday morning and go and a hike try to look for some new stuff. So we're out. we're all doing our thing, hiking, having a fun time and We'd run into this other group of hikers and we start talking and they start telling us about this cave that they had just been to We're like, this checks out. we'll go. So this is something I believe they called it Moonshiner's cave. If that tells you anything, some stuff was going on there at some point. So we get on the trail we find this place and it's got this low opening and we've got our flashlights with us. And the guy had told us that we can go all the way through it There's an opening go out the opening and come back around the end So we're going through, it's pretty dark. It's cving. Guys are trying to be macho, girls are Not liking it. like they're puttingough we. When they're stuck, ye. Yes. they're stuck. You don't want to go back. Pretty dark This episode is brought to you by Sfi all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it does not have to be that way. With so far high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees, which feels rare these days. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, perfect for getting ahead of a bill or grabbing what you need right when you need it. 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The other half was not too happy So we're all squeezing through this thing We all make it through. Everybody's kind of happy The new girlfriend Molly, I think she's probably a little bit claustrophobic. So she's kind of getting a little bit nervous, a little bit antsy And we start walking, we finally see sunlight. The problem was the sunlight was coming from above us. There's definitely an opening there But it's like a sinkhole. What? So we're looking up Probably twelve to fifteen feet Jagged sandstone all over it and My buddy Joe's like, look, I think we can climb out of this. Oh, no, Joe. No, no, no. Joe was that guy Noe was that guy. Everybody's got the friend Joe. He attempts to scale at first. he gets up No issues. It looked like other people had done it before. You can kind of see where people were putting their hands. I went up, my buddy Pete goes up and then two of the girls come up No issues Up at the top, it's kind of slippery. You got wet leaves, a little bit of mud and stuff and it's Molly's turn to come up. No. Oh Molly. Molly, I feel horrible for Molly. Has anyone considered like tying a bunch of shirts together any kind of rope su to throw down? No. There wasn't even a thought. No. It was like we're all just gonna to muscle through this climb out So she gets on there. We're kind of guiding her where to put her feet, where to put her hands. She gets up to the top. She comes up to me, I grab her hand. And I say, you know, you're going to go behind me, but go to the left. donon't go to the right. It slick For whatever reason, she ignored it, she didn't hear it. She steps to the right and she slips.. Have you guys ever seen those like nesty plunge commercials No No. They just fall backool. Oh my go. She went straight down this ho Head first. Oh wa, Oh my Godd. Doesn't hit the side miraculously. Lands on her back, eyes roll back. We all freeze. It's dead silence. Everything's going through my head. I'm like, is this girl dead? Is she paralyzed? How are we going to get EMS here? Like this is kind of before cell phones. Also climbing out of a shaft is much easier than climbing down a shaft. We still had a few people down there. J was your boyfriend down there. Okay And I just remember screaming down like, don't touch her, donon't move her. Let's give her a second. It felt like eternity Eyes open up and you hear She had gotten the winds like severely knocked out of her. and she lay there After like thirty seconds My beta block is sticking in and my mouth is getting all dry here. After about thirty seconds, she sits up She starts feeling around. she was visibly like terrified But she stood up, we started checking her. everything was good and And we're like, lookook, you got two options. We can go back through the cave to get out to get back to the camp. or Bad option, climb again. Oh boy I was a trooper though She ended up climbing out We got her out Everybody got up safely We're all kind of just like racking our brains like what just happened. Go back to the campsite. Everybody kind of goes to their tents. People are cracking beers. She goes in there We start hearing like crying, like weeping We're like, oh no, she's in a bad way. shock is war Yeah the sh is set there. Yeah. The other girls go in there and she came out of the tent, she lifted up her shirt, her entire back Everything was bruised, like the worst bruising I've ever seen in my life. We got out of there safely. noobody was seriously injured. I doubt she ever went camping again. I don't think that relationship lasted too long. Right. Ites't sound like a match to be. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. But we all dodged a bullet that day for sure. Yeah So there's photos. Yeah, take a look at those photos. So one of them is the entrance. Oh Okay, the entrance doesn't look inviting at all for for the listener entrance is like, I don't know, there's a three foot gap best to get in and it's just miles of shell above you orasstone And then the next photo is someone looking down into this hole. fuck that. Also what she landed on is just covered in fucking sharp rocks. It was a miracle. Wonder if she did break anything and she just ignored it. I'm surprised she didn't have internal bleeding Probably did and You guys just didn't do anything about it Dax mentioned the whole shock aspect. She was probably in shock. She gets that flight or fight thing going on and she's not really feeling anything. And I to bore you, but I had this pretty horrific motorcycle accident in Santa Monica and I didn't have insurance. So I refused the ambulance and then I actually rode the broken motorcycle ten blocks home and I think I'm fine and then I got in the shower and boy once I got in the shower Oh boy, I think I have some broken things. It's crazy how long it can be delayed like that. Yeah. well, it's a little bit of denial mentally and then obviously you're like, I do not want to go to the hospital. That's just another ordeal. Can't afford it? I hope Molly is thriving. Oh she is. In her big city job where she never has to go camping ever again. Probably an injury attorney somewhere. Wow. Well, Kevin, I don't know why you were nervous. You told that story like a pro. Beautifully. But let me ask you this, you have beta blockers on demand which makes me think, do you do public speaking or something? When do you need them? Yeah, with my position, it's called the AFN, like the Armed Forces Network. We do have a radio show that I'll go on and promote different safety things and then I've gott to get up in front of the command a lot and just give speeches and, you know, talk about risk management, all that kind of fun stuff. Yeah. Wow. I've never and I have a lot of friends that obviously take beta bllcers because they're performers, but I've not heard the dry mouth thing. likeike Kristen takes them before she sings. That's exactly what I thought. I was like, oh my go, that's a side effect. How is she doing that? Yeah what if she got dry mouth right before a big thing? Guys we're all different. Our bodies react differently. You're right. You're so right. You're right about that, Kevin. Hey, can I give a quick shout out Yeah My beautiful wife, Tanil, it's one o'clock in the morning here. She tried to stay up She apologized that she wanted to come see me. we apologize that this is the timing. This is the best Zoom call I've ever been on. so I really appreciate. Well please send her our lo. Yes. She is a true Angel on Earth if she is homeschooling all these children. We did it for whatever it was two months during COVID and it was almost Family ending, you know She's definitely the rock of this family. She keeps it all together. so much love to her. I wish she was here. Oh lovevely. Haave fun in Greece. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna stay as long as we can. Well lovely meeting you, Kevin. Take care. Kalia, Kalika. Byee. Does that mean that way It was definitely goodbye Grease. Was it goodye, I love you or like it could have been a lot of things or like guys are so hot Hello, Are you in an RV? I am. actually. It felt very fching considering it's a camping story. Exactly, Sim I'm actually packing to go camping this evening. Oh my.ing. Are you in Canada? Yes, I'm definitely in Canada. You clearly picked up on that. Yeah. Are you in Ontario? I am in BC. I'm on Vancouver Island. Oh, the beautiful Vancouver Island. Are you in a motor home or are you in a trailer? I'm in a trailer, so I guess It could be loosely considered camping considering it's thirty feet long and has a number of very nice amenities. Well, don't you think that there is a trajectory for all of us campers, which is like you do a lot of tent time and then eventually as you get older, you get weaker, right? It's true. I did the sort of natural progression from tenting to the little camparette to a fifth wheel and now What feels like a very bougie trailer. Congratulations. Yeah. It's good living. We drive a bus around, but yeah, to be able to be in nature and then also come in and cook food is pretty damn nice. And hear the rain as opposed to experience it. Yeah, good distinction. So will you go camping somewhere on Vancouver Island? I'm in Couch and Valley and we do a load of camping at Couch and Lake We are situated in a pristine location. We have rivers and oceans and gulf islands and lakes goord to visit, which we sort of rotate between. You have brown bears? More black bears, cougars. I had a bear in my garbage can two nights ago, which the dog right through the ceiling and was a wonderful mess to clean up Oh Oh my Godd. Oh. Okay, so you have a camping story. Tell us about it. When did it happen? I have many camping stories. I'll tell you the best. It happened three years ago, twenty twenty three. I scheduled a week long trip to Couch and Lake. It's one of my favorite spots. your out of cell service, beautiful swimming, etcetera. And a good sort of kick offff is the first week of July, so school's wrapped. I was really looking forward to, you know a much needed break from work How many kids do you have? Two kids. This story is essentially about my son Brenner. He was nine at the time and I have my daughter Ruby, who was five at the time and my husband and our dog joining me. So my son's a big sports player. So he was on a number of baseball teams and the sports team scheduled tournament over the same weekend, so we quickly realized we're going to have to commute the campground. So for the first three days, we're gonna to have about three or four games that we' travel to and from to play and then I'll have the remainder of the week to relax. And so the first night, Friday night, we stayed in town for a game, drove up. I was very unvental, got to our site, settled in. and I decided to call it a night. I wanted to get in early. It was a big week packing and doing all the things. And so I said I'd hang out with my daughter, Ruby, reading a book And having a glass of wine and finally, you know, unclenching my jaw. The boys I' recognized some friends from town, they're camping next door, so they decided to join their campfire. So I'm hanging out and not too much later, I'd say forty five minutes to an hour, I hear a bit of a commotion outside of the trailer door and my husband and son kind of crash into the trailer and I immediately can tell something's gone wrong. boy so I'm trying to get a bit of understanding. It's quite chaotic. I of note have experienced many, many emergent situations with my son at this point. We have had enough headwounds and poison control calls that I can now sort of ag them is, okay, that's glue, thoseose are stitches. Here's where we're at. So I'm trying to remain calm and just kind of get scope of what's happened and they tell me that he's burnt himself and he might have burnt his eye and I So what? What? He says their next door decide to do the standard camping thing and make some s'mores. And so he's handed this two pronged metal roasting stick. As if you've made s'ores, you know, sometimes when you get it from the previous user, there's a little bit of marshmallow lefto. So he put it in the fire to burn it off, it fell off, and he picked it back up and went to blow out whatever was still attached to it. and he dropped the hot metal poker onto his face and into his open eye Oh Oh my God, this is like a torture scene in a kidnapping movie, right? my God. I can't think of anything worse than getting a hot poker to the ice.. It wasn't the sharp part too? Yeah this is my understand. This is what I'm told. I've dropped the hot poker onto face and I'm like Okay, what is happening? What have you guys done? There's two ds, they grab cell phone flashlights and they arere like, hold open your eye, let me see and pour in some cold water from a bottle of water and to see, you know, are you sure you burnnt your eye? My instinct is I'm like, how are you not on the ceiling screaming bloody murder right now if you've burnt your eyeball. I cannot imagine the intensity of that pain Pretty cool. I'm looking at him immediately. There is a small pink mark at the highest point of his cheek. And as you know, burns, they don't really develop right away, but I noticed that, okay, there's enough visibility there. There's no mark near his eyelashes and these these beautiful long dark lashes. So I think, well, surely they would have melted his cheek being a little bit younger at nine or a little bit fuller. and so they stuck out further than there. So I'm just trying to play as much logic as I can He's not letting me look in his eyeball. It's really bright, so I turn up all the lights and I kind of do a subtle side light. I look and I truly can't see anything. So at this point, I don't think he has, perhaps. Maybe he just closed it in time. I give him Tylenol advil and what's called rescue remedy. It's like a little homeopathic thing to sort of settle your nerves I get him settled and I say, what do you want to do when he just wants to go to bed and I'm like, o Okaykay, for sure. So I'm like, I'm gonna sleep with you. If anything happens or you're not feeling good? let me know. And it's important to knowe, the Campamaron closes their gate at about I think eleven o'clock, ten or eleven. And we are forty minutes away from any sort of healthcare center as well. So I eventually fall asleep. I'm very surprised to see he goes to sleep quite quickly. He's barely cried. He was more than anything quite embarrassed because this was you know a friend and he was a little bit older. was probably going to be on his hockey team that fall. And so I get everybody settled and in the morning Very first light, I look at him and I see that, okay, that burn on his cheek has developed. It's that dark purple. You can see it's a bit of a shallow scab forming. I kind of gently check on him and I say, how you doing buddy? Do you mind if I just double check your eye. I wan to see. I just w to make sure you're okay. So I crack the blind a little bit and it's all filtered through the ferns and trees, it's low light and gentle. and he cracks his eye open. And there's this white line right down the center of his eyeball. Oh my God color the pupil, everything and he looks like this insane snake. Oh my gold. I was like, he's immediately blind. This is all happening. He's never h sports again. I almost throw up but have to shove every single part of that. Yeah, you don't want to freak him out. No, right? So I'm like, oh, okay. well, you know what? I think it be worth