Will and the Graduation Accident

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Arm Chair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rogers, and I'm joined by Lily Patman. Hi Today we have crazy graduation stories. It's that time of year. It is happppy graduation. Congratulations. Congrads! Culations Congratulations, graduates Are you starting to see people around town in there having their hats and gts? Fun Saturday lunches becausecause the family's in town. No. It's so fun. It is fun. One of your children is graduating Yeah. I mean, they do a graduation now for every single grade. Well, this is a big one. O of elementary and school.. I mean, they didn't do anything for us. Did you have a graduation? Yeah, we had to sing. We sang when the Saints come marching in? I don't know. What's I believe I can fly That's right. We sang that. Do you want to hit me with something? I can believe I can touch the sky Think about you every night and day Yeah M about it, but yeah every now and think if I remember correctly when I was in fifth grade, please enjoy crazy graduation stories This episode is brought to you by American Beverage. We've probably all had that moment where someone says something about an ingredient in your drink and you're like, shouldhould I be worried about that? And then you look it up and immediately end up in the wildest corners of the internet with completely contradicting information. All I want is clear transparent information. and I bet you do too. That's why American Beverage launched Good to know. It's a site where you can look up over one hundred and forty common beverage ingredients, what they are, how they're used, how they've been reviewed for safety. No spin or judgment. just facts. You can decide for yourself. 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They have these lightweight cotton sweaters, which I love for when it cools down at night,'s nice Drape around your shoulders in the summer and then throw it out when it gets a little cool. And it's not just clothes. They do home stuff, ding ding ding, travel stuff, everyday essentials. It's all the same model, quality without the marku. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quinces dot com slash ds for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available in Canada too That's Qu I nCE dot com slash dax for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Quins d. com slash dax A times come and go T. So them slow S You gota know Johnny Hi, can you hear me? Beautifully. Where are you at? I'm in DC. What line of work are you in? I work for a nonprofit. Oh. And how's it going? Are you moving the needle Maybe a little bit. I've only been here since October. I was in a lobbying firm, so it was quite the switch. Why were you going out and whining and dining politicians and urging them to Wow. Oh my go. It was a lot of fun, but you know, it kind of takes a toll. I bet. What does it take a toll on? 'cause you're burning the candle at both ends, or ethically, you feel compromised. It's a little bit of both. It's a lot of drinking, it's a lot of going out. I'd be great at that. Yeah, actually no. I like to be in bed by seven. Okay, so you have a crazy graduation story. Yes. I'll go with the name Patricia. I don't want to get anybody in trouble. It's also my drunk alter ego name, so it felt fitting. Okay. G. Where you from originally? I'm from Virginia. Oh, okay, great. So my girlfriend and I at the time, we decided to have our graduation party joint brewery that was about an hour away from our school because her parents happened to know the owners. Your college graduation? College graduation. Yes. twenty twenty one. So we go, we get there. I for some reason scheduled a job interview at the same exact time as our party So I show up, I'm wearing my blazer over my party outfit. I go into the tap room, I take my interview. everyverybody else is partying, having a great time. because it's on Zoom. Yeah. COVID, post COVID. So I had applied to so many jobs. I was like, if I can get an interview, I've got to. So I have this interview, I crush it, I'm feeling so good. I'm like going get a beer. I'm gonna go outside, join all my friends, like it's gonna to be awesome. So we go out there, we have a great party gifts and we do all the stuff. Cornhole, we're drinking, we're having so much fun And I look over and I see this gator. And Monica, you might not know what a gator is. Oh, I do. Not an alligator. The driving. Y. My friend had one. like a little six wheeler. And so I see it and I'm like, I gotta drive this thing. For sure, a couple beers in. Yeah, yeah. My girlfriend's parents know the owners, and I'm like, hey Please just take this first a spin. And so I convinced them to let me take it for a spin. I convinced like four or five of my friends to get on it with me. Did anyone give you a how to on how to operate it? I don't need a how to. I've been so sorry. Yep, Okaykay. My apologies. I'm like, we gotta do this So we get on, we go down this big hill and then there's a river and a lot of land at the bottom. We get down there. I've got like three people on the back a couple people in the front seat with me. I'm having fun. I'm gonna show off a little bit., Sar. I'm gonna do some donnuts. And so I turn it real hard and I just gun it. And of course, it flpp. Of course, off course And you got chked full of passengers. I jump off. I got my fighter flight put on a the bag, they fall over, I look around The gator has landed on top of my girlfriend.. Keep in mind, her whole family is there. We haven't been dating that long a couple months. My other friends in the back, they're kind of beat up, but it's not too bad. People start running over. They have to lift the gator. Oh, this is the nightmare. I look at her and it's like this color that I've never seen in her face. She's not crying it's just like White mixed with yellow. Yeah. I can only describe if like you just know there's bones that are broken. And so immediately my stomach just drops And so they get her in the gator and they drive her back up to go to the urgent care. And I'm sitting there just taking it all in. I get up to the top of the hill Her mom gives me this look like You really did it. I know. Yeah yeah. Did they think you were a bad influence already Yeah. I guys. Turns out you kind of maybe did need a little precursor. Yeah. Yeah, like maybe you did need a little hey, just reminder these flip easy. Yeah Yeah Science's twenty twenty. So we get to urgent care and you know, we get her checked in. She wants nothing to do with me at this point I sit in the car with my friend we're looking around and we're like, this is gonna be a while. So We b some jello shots. those like pre made ones that're pre packaged In the car, it would take at least one of those We' like this is gonna to take the edge off. you know, It's been a really tough day. Sure, sure. It ends up My girlfriend has a broken wrist and a broken ankle and we have graduation like two days. And so she had to walk across the stage with a boot with a cast on her arm and a mask because it was COVID. So she looked She looked like she fell out of a skyscraper or something. But I do have to say we got married in September So it did all work out. Oh. I thought you definitely broke up. Oh you thoughts ' because of the jello shots? Yeah, like you can't even not drink right now after you basically killed. Well that's all the more of reason. You really need drinking at that point. feel terrible. know. Shame. Yeah. Have you fucked her up more? She does most of the driving. Okay. good. I good So cautious about it. I really learned my lesson and I was so embarrassed. And my friends love to bring it up. That's what they're there for. I know, but it all worked out and her mom loves me. Oh. Well, lovely meeting you. Yeah, thank you guys so much. I was really nervous.in. It was great to meet you guys. All right.. All right, thank you. B My friend Kim had a gator Okay. And she had a lot of money. Okay And we would go to her big, big house and ride around in her gator. On the yard. Yeah, and in the neighborhood. It was really fun Were ever she was gonna crash you? No, she was very responsible. She wasn't a daredevil.. My kids are. You know, I watch them drive the golf cart And it's an interesting experience for me because I'm like, well, I know they're like me. So this thing's gonna to end up on its side at some point, you know in that What do you do That's just how life goes. Yeah. But then if it's on their bodies, then we got to go to urgent care and we got to wear a boot Well and a cast? a mask. In a mask Yeah Yeah. fun. But what else are you gonna do? Yeah, I know. Everyone's allowed to learn their lesson. My pippy used to tell me this allegory, but that's what it's called. He said that life is like driving up a mountain And it's a twisty road that goes around the mountain in concentric rings. It gets tighter as you go up, you know And so Your first lap around, you go pretty fast. You know, you don't really know better. And you say to yourself, I'm going to go a little slower. I barely made it And when you get on that next ring, it's a little tighter you get older. Okay. And so even though you slow down, you find out a little too fast for that too And then so the next ring you go up, you're like, I'm gonna go even slower, but I got tighter again. And that's life, That's the process of life. I guess for a male. Interesting, like you're just constantly adjusting. Well because your responsibilities are going up and the stakes are getting higher you get older and you can't go as fast. You have to keep going slower and slower and slower because it tightens. You have to be more and more responsible for. Okay. probably a really good man. Notices the pattern of oh, it's getting tighter over here. So I got a double compompensate Yes. Yeah. That's the art of life. because you do want to go as fast as the road will permit. Right. Otherwise you get run over hit just you just try to maximize. Oh just for fun. But you don't want to go off the side. No, you don't. You want to be right on that edge. Wow pp Pippy had a lot of wisdom. That's nice. and a lot of shortcomings too, you know. Well' It's shortmain complex, I think w want to get into it. He used French, It was a mix, double whammy, very French and identified as being very French. thoughtought of himself as French. Oh, that's the little We called him Pippy And this mother f was't. I wered that. And he was insisting that we call my grandma Mimi, but she wasn't up for it So that never stuck. It was Pippy and grandma. He wanted to be Pippy and Mimi I know, so Pippy is what they call French grandpa. That's what a French meant. But he wasn't French. He was by ethnicity, but it's not like he came from France Like And his parents didn't come from France. He was like eightieth generation, you know. Right. Tk a lot of pride in the Le Beau. Did he call his grandpa Pippy?, Well, then that makes sense. You kind of want to be friend him Yeah. But to say that you gott to call my Belgium grandma, Mimmie. although maybe they speak French in Belgium Maybe he just thought that was cute. and she obviously and he was tiny. And it didn't work, which is the best part because we never Grandma Midge. Yeah. So you didn't really just call her grandma. You called her grandma Midge. Always grandma Midge. Yeah. neverever grandma. And to remind everyone, Midge was her replacement name because she thought Madeeline was an old lady's name, but Midge was really youthful That's really cute. Is she still with us? No. When did she pass? Just a couple years ago. I don't think you told me. I'm sorry. Grandmage has passed. That's really sad, actually. You know, don't make me mourn right now. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I would have texted your mom. That' have been five years ago I't I lost track with her Hi, Is this Olivia? This is her. I was just scararying Monica with stories of my grandma. I learned a really sad thing that Dax's grandma died like five years ago A years ago. And she's a little upset right now. I hadn't told her. Well, that's a big thing. That is a big thing to not share. Did you go to the funeral? You didn't. I would have known that. No, I didn't stop running me over the cold I loved my granda I was a good grandson. I know. I did not go to the funeral. I don't even know if there was one. okay All the kids were even invited. I might not have been invited. Okay. is I loved you I was a great g. You were, you were. I'm not taking that. Well, you were kind of a bad one because you didn't tell any of your friends that I didn't want to make anyone say that. Listen, again, Olivia, if I sandled up to a woman at a bar and I was like Hi, I'm Dax. Are you staying at the hotel And she said, yeah, I'm midge M. And this is you trying to prove you're a good grandson. God. I feel like you're a little old for me. You look forty, but your name is one thousand. Okay. Sorry you got ensnared in that. Where are you at? I am currently in Iowa visiting my family. Speaking of grandparents, I'm here for my grandpa's ninety fifth birthday. Wonder That's wonder. What a ding ding ding. That That's like so samscripted. Yeah. Happy birthday, grandpa Also congrats to you on those genetics. Yes. He's like very healthy too. so yeah, fingers crossed, but I live in Chicago So Rob, shout out. I live in Wicker Park. Right next to where I lived in Bcktown. I have to say Rob lived everywhere. Yeah. Every time people say where they live in Chicago, he's like, that's by me. Guys where I live. Chicago's not that big. It's not like LA. Also this is the same for Michigan. like I was in Milford, Highland, Wald Lake, Dearborne, and Detroit. I know but all you guys just act like you're right by where that is and so. We'll say Bcktown and Wicker Park are connected. So this instance, I don'tember I lived in Wicker Park at one point too in the stadium You have a crazy graduation story. I do. So to set the stage, I am in a master's program at the University of Illinois at Chicago, twenty twenty one. What's the graduate degree in? I must know. You know, I was a little worried you'd ask this actually because it's weird. It was half medical path design It was called biomedical visualization. Oh wow. One of the easiest things to think about is you know, during COVID when that image of the virus, the like red one with the spiky balls came out, That was made by somebody who went to school where I did. Oh interest. Okay so they can make artist renderings of biological things. My first job outside of grad school, I worked for a company that did surgical simulations to like teach doctors how to operate before they're doing it on a person. And then I also did it for like an e learning anatomy company. So niche. You could come to LA and do previs, probably. Oh, what's that? So when you're gonna do a complicated, really expensive action sequence, quite often they'll build the whole model digitally so everyone can watch it and get their sense of where there'll be in time and space. So that door' open to you in case you want.. I don't know that I'll be moving to LA. But yeah, I'm in grad school I am just veryer depressed. I'm just straight up not having good time. I'm really going through it And there's just like a combo of things going on and I won't get into detail there, but I in my head am thinking, okay, graduating school, that's going to fix all of my problems. I just have to get to may seventh and then everything will be better. To keep this forefront of my mind, next to my desk, I have a sticky note and it says X X days until may seventh And so every single day, I'm going, I'm erasing the number. I'm going, okay, three hundred and two days left. Okay, three hundred and one days. starts a while Yeah yeah Yes. prettyty much a full year in advance. Okay. But I'm like, okay, I can do this. Graduation finally arrives My family comes to town and Everything's going well. It's a really great day. I'm feeling good. My life's going be better from here. Things are really looking up It was raining that day, but who cares? like everything's great And we go out to dinner with my friends and my family who'd come to town. My friends and I go out to drinks after dinner, and while we're out at drinks, my sister calls my fiancee and says, Hey, mom's in the ambulance I need you to come here asIP. Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think Ceron's Dease, or PD for short PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity The good news is PD is treatable. 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And you know, I'm a side sleeper I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot. so I have cooling. and I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning. Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold. So I also have cooling. And they have over twenty models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body Plus, they've got cooling upgrades, which heading into summer, non negotiable. Truly Go to helelixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. That's helixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you Helixleep dot com slash armchair This episode is sponsored by Better Help So Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's twenty twenty six state of stigma repeport surveyed two thousand Americans and revealed that eighty five percent of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet seventy four percent say society discourages people from doing so. That's a huge gap. Most of us agree therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going Right. And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference. I mean, as you know, I'm I obsessed with therap I've been in it consistently for years and years and years and I have said this and I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit. Oh. o Yeah. I know I'm not And I gott to go to therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself. And betteretterHelp makes that first step easier. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs. and with over thirty thousand therapists and twelve plus years of experience, they typically get the match right the first time Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with Better Help. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash DAax. That's betterhlp dot com slash DAax They've just gone to the hotel And they were walking from the parking lot into the hotel And it was raining that day And it was dark after dinner, and my mom accidentally stepped off of the sidewalk into some grass and did a full frontal split.. That was really bad. late age splits. And she also has an artificial hip. Oh boy, o boy big double whammy there. And we find out later on that what happened when she does go into that full frontal split. is the cup that holds the joint of your ball. And so it completely came out. Oh. So her leg is out of the socket. Oh. It's like a Barbie. I just imagine a bie. She's a Barbie. Yeah She's a disfigured Barbie. So she's taken by ambulance. And she's taken to a hospital that's pretty well known in Chicago for not being the best at all. kind of like the Lots of things happened. I don't want to bore you with every single thing that happened the time we're at the hospital, but to give a few highlights, one, they really drugged her up when we got there. So she was out of it the entire entire time we were in the hospital with her, like loopy out of her mind One especially spooky moment was at three AM. She was like really high on ketamine and was like in a different voice and screaming and laughing all at once. And we were like, what is going on? And what they used to give her The drugs The needles and stuff like that, they left all over the bed around her.? We found out like once I made it to the ER and I'm like, what is all of this? And my sister and I had to clean that up. Also after they moved her out of the ER into the other part of the hospital They just decided not to tell us for they' bringing her And so for hours we're trying to find out where she is. Some people are like, oh, she's not even a patient here. It's a big mess. She's undoubtedly in a hallway waiting for a bed over exact. But then as we're Looking around, suddenly, I just get a call from a surgeon at the hospital. And since I am her medical proxy, he was like, we're taking her into surgery right now and I just need you to say, okay. And like, okay, if she needs it, I can A very long twenty four hours short. She got out of surgery. The surgeon told me she was stable enough to get back home to Iowa. It wasn't fully fixed, but it was like good enough to like get her back home And from there, we had to get a wheelchair to get her out of the hospital. So you're thinking, okay, hospital, great, give us the wheelchair. We will take it. We are dying to leave here. And they say, oh, no, no, you need to get your own wheelchair. That's something I never knew was a thing about hospitals. And so we're scouring Facebook Marketplace. We're asking any friends and family. We're looking all over the internet I'd imagine people they buy a wheelchair and then they don't need it. I'd imagine that the free section in the paper would contain tons of wheelchairs. Good. Facebook Marketplace, that isn't allowed on there because it's a medical thing. You gotta go to Craigslist. We end up finding like a really sketchy website. We call up the guy. He's like, okay, I can come drop it off in an hour. He comes in his van. He drops it off. We're like great Let's get the hell out of here. We do and now my mom lives back here in Iowa, where I'm visiting right now. And luckily I just graduated. I had some open time. so I go ahead and drive her back home. She's laying in the back seat, her legs like tied together basically. my God, this is horrible. We make it back to Iowa. the next day, we go to her original hip surgeon And he like takes a look. He's like, noope, everything looks good. donon't need to do anything else I was like, well, the other surgeon said it's not all good. And he's like, Nope, it's fine. And so Two weeks later is my wedding. Oh. So fast forwarding. through that two weeks of Caring for my mom doing last minute wedding prep because I pushed a lot of stuff off because I was working on graduating. Get to my wedding day My mom was doing good. She was actually like walking a lot better. And we were doing like the cute mom daughter thing of I'm putting on my dress. She's like buttoning it up. And then we are about to do first looks Suddenly she falls over And she is like holding a mimosa, splashes it love my dress that I just put on and is in a ton of pain again. Okay hold on that pause for a moment. This is horrible. I mean, again, this is so flimsy and generic, From the outside you could go. My mom's really having a hard time letting go of Godghter. it's like the graduation a symbol, she goes down. Are you suggesting m house? And then the marriagees today, notot even that she would be aware of it, but the way theen aren't in m care of yourself ye. Wow. Anyways, okay, that's just worth noting. I actually gave birth a year ago and we were joking about that. We're like, o, mom, like be. A porican joke now. Yeah, maybe it's best you just stay in bed, mom. Okay, so she pitches her mimoa all over you. She hits the deck. fuck M So she's like, I can get up, I can get up. We're like, okay, she's like trying to get up and She cannot get up. My aunt and uncle take her to the emergency room. Oh my God. This is like devastating on multiple fronts. Of course, I want my mom to be at my wedding, who I I really wanted her as well as my dad to walk me down the aisle. That was something that was super important to me. And then another thing is my sister was actually going to be singing during the ceremony. She had like learned to play the ukulelele and she was gonna surprise me and play the ukulele while she sang the song. So my mom's in the ER. she's like going like absolutely ballistic, she's devastated, she's distraught, she's like asking the physician, like Can you just get me out of here? It's my daughter's wedding day and she's like going on and on about my sister's song for some reason. She' gotta see it. My other daughter's playing the ukulele. so like I gotta go. Five minutes later, the physician comes back in with the Ukulelele and plays that exact song for her What? This is an Iowa doer. Yeahah. This is a different What? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah That just made me feel grossed out. I don't know why. cly I I don't know why. Oh interesting. Oh it made me like sob. I was like someone taking care of her and was making her have like a good b. my thought is You just don't trust doctors who can play you can no, no, no, no, no. The point wasn't that She wanted to hear a song on the Yukcai. she wanted to see her daughter clear play at her other daughter's wedding. This doctor Well, clearly that's what it was. Maybe it was like him. Let me try to'm'm was trying to go like let me give me the next best. I know. I just like I don't know. Yeah, I appreciate your honesty. Yeah. I don't think you trust doctors who play ukle. I think if you dig deeper, that's what this is about. Maybe there's Yeah it's like, wa, why you gotta know how to play? With his fingers, like you that translate into the medical f line shouldn't I just don't understand how there was nuleay like at the hospital already. He's probably wooing nurses. Yeah. Now you get Yeah you're getting me there The nurse was in the room like holding the sheet music for him on an iPad. They'd like looked it up. I still like it. My mom actually ended up being able to make it to the wedding Got it in place enough. We just pushed back the ceremony a little bit and then she was able to still walk me down the aisle. Did you have to buy a second wheelchair or how didd she get around? We had that one still. Okay, so Olivia, I have some thoughts about this whole chain of events. I'm worried about how ambitious your scheduling is. Yes. The I w to scheduled your wedding two weeks after graduation. I didn't wan to say it I thought the same. But I think it's because you're like, I gotta be done with college and I gott to start my life. And starting my life means I'm getting married. I'm gonna be done with this Why was it so bad the college? Oh, it was like a lot of personal things and then we were in college during COVID. I'm just sitting alone at my desk and like up all night like alone and like kind of going a little bit bloopy by myself. But yeah, the wedding two weeks after would not recommend to anybody. I think I was just like, let's just get it done then I don't have to worry about things anymore. But this is none of my business, but I will say I'm old enough now it's like, unfortunately, that is how we mark through life. It's like get to this thing, get to that thing. And then you don't realize, no, that's that That's life. You're missing. Yes, you're missing it, trying to speed to this next thing. It's so human. The one last thing I wanted to say was that sticky note It creeps me out now that I was like counting down the days until this bad thing happened. Yeah. All the time, I'll say to my husband, like, I just like hate thinking about that sticky note. It's like a doomsday clock I had for myself and he's like, you're thinking way too much into it. L it's not that big a deal. The more people we interview, it's like the mind's capable of these Crazy things we don't understand. my God.ight Right? Like manifesting weird stuff and Yeah Yeah spooky going on. It's unreasonable to think, I mean, we've all done this, but like as soon as this is over, everything's better. And it's kind of just the world telling you That's not how it works. Yeah yeah yeah, you know I think too, we, Olivia live in a city that is asymmetric in this way that so many people are out here trying to achieve a career that is very elusive And I think we're surrounded by a lot of people that think their life's gonna to start. they when they get that thing and that's kind of heartbreaking because it already started Yeah Yeah. It's all such up and downs. I will say I do think things got a little better after grad school, but there's other dips and valleys afterwards. The hits keep on coming. There's no perfection. Yeah, that's life, man. The hits keep on coming. Yeah. Well, Livia, you're delightful. You have a smile that many times reminded Me of our friend Amy, who's our fite personally.. I love Amy. She's just so Yeah ye, you have that same quality. Well, it was so great to meet you guys. Tell grandpa a happy nightth. My goodness. I will. I hope your mom lets them have this holiday without any theatrics because she's gonna be like this is closer to letting go. Like there's a lot here. Oh. It actually is her sixtieth on Monday too. So She's got her own thing. Okay. She's gott to stay healthy for that All right, well, lovely meeting. loveoly meeting you as well. Bye. Be, take care Amelia? Yeah. I don't know that I've ever met an Amelia. haveave you? It's a great name. Only Amelia Bedelia Yeah, Amilia Vedelia or Emelia Earhart Rest in Beace. Well, we don't know Tue. She could still be alive. She could still be up there. She could be She's just s up there. She's opening the cloud Circling Who is the second Amilia? Amilia Badelia is a very popular children's book series That's the protagonist or the author. The protagonist. Did you have those books when you were a child, Amelia? I did. yes. Did you feel special I did. Yeah.. You deserve that. Thank you. Where are you at? Just outs out of OhHai. Yeahah, not far from you. Thatuchs a nice place. Did you grow up there or did you relocate? We just moved here. I lived in LA for like. fififteen years, and then before that, I'm from the East Coast. Okay, so you have a crazy graduation story Yeah, I'm cheating a little bit. This is right after graduation, related to graduation. The story happens because of We can't lose. Right after we have our high school graduation. This is June of two thousand nine. We all graduate. everythingvery is great. The following week, it's tradition for the graduating seniors of our school think M schools and next county to go do a beach week to celebrate and it's usually in Ocean City Maryland, which is like three hours to the coast. We all celebrate. We're all freshly eighteen. We can all get in real legal trouble. We're like groups of these freshally graduated kids renting houses near each other at the beach and then everyone would party for that whole week My very best friend Meghgan, still to this day, her mom was somehow able to rent us this like massive mansion. It was perfect. It was like three stories and then square shappe. So each corner had a bedroom. So there were like twelve bedrooms, balconies all around, big old central staircase. How far from the water? It was like a ten minute walk So we would party all night and then go die at the beach for a while the next day and then just Same thing over and over again. Hookups, An hookups happening? Oh yeah. Oh. Wonderful. 'ause we had like twenty five people sleeping in that house so many kids in that house. The Best part is that it's in a gated community and it's at the end of a dead end street and it's surrounded by vacant lots and like beach woods So the Chances of us getting busted by the cops were brought down way low and that's like all we cared about at that point. We're used to running, but like in high school, you get caught, we just get a citation We do some alcohol classes, we do some community service, and then it's expunged from your record. But now we're all eighteen So we're on high alert. ps That's why this house was the best because we weren't getting a lot of reaction from the neighbors. So we made all of the other houses mostly come to ours to party. And this is like way before Ubers. So kids are piling up like ten people in their Honda civics and then driving over, partying all night, passing out and then driving back to their houses in the morning and it's re much rinse and repeat every day. And then we get to the last night before checkout. So checkout's on a Sunday morning. And so we decide to throw a rager on Saturday night. invvite everyone from the other houses to our spot And then clean up the next morning. worry about it then. So it's like ten PM. People are arriving and it's already like a house full of like fifty people. When all of a sudden, somebody on the front balcony who can see the driveway, shouts cops. U oh This episode is brought to you by Sopfi all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it does not have to be that way. With so far high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees, which feels rare these days. 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Their matching technology is seriously powerful, and candidates can actually explain in their own words why they're interested in your job. That context up frront saves so much back and forth. There's a reason they're the number one rated hiring site on G two. Save time and meet great candidates sooner with Zip Recruiter fourour out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at ziprecruiter. com slash staxs. That's ziprecruiter d. com slash stackax. Meet your match on Zip Recruiter. So terrible. everyverybody panics. say like default is like girls hide and the guys are looking for any excuse to like run. Yeah jump off of something. Yeah, they're kicking out the screens in the windows and jumping off the balcony. and I'm with a couple girls like flushing shit, hiding shit, all the dudes are just booking it into the woods behind the house And this is all within like one minute, like sixty seconds. It's just panic. Yeah. In through the front door walks a group of four girls. And we were like and Turns out, wasn't a cop. It was just a cab because they decided to take a cab. whoever was on the front balcony just saw the top of the cab in the dark and was like, oh, that must be cops because nobody in our group is responsible enough to takeake a cab. Also cabs either were Crown Vs or Caprice cllassics, which are also cop cars. Yeah. you default. you're like, that's cop, let's go. Now we're all communicating in the house. It's a false alarm. We're all like flip phone texting the guys that ran off, like it's all good, come on back. And we're all like gathered up on the main floor Catching a breath, the boys are making their way back in. They're like covered in scratches from hopping the backyard fence And they've got like massive mosquito bites from the woods and we're laughing And then in the front door walks our friend, Tyler Tyler is now only wearing boxer shorts and his shirt is flung over his shoulder And both are soaked in blood. He looks at us. Everyone is silent. He's silent And then he just makes a ninety degree turn and goes into the bathroom and slams the door. And we're like, Okay, we're not prepared for any medical emergencies. There had been some injuries that week already. Somebody got a full can of beer thrown at their head. Meghgan got cellulitis from a bug bite. someomebody got their foot like stuck in a door and their toenail ripped off. No It was already a mess, but we were like, that was A lot of blood. We're like Tyler, UK, you know, knocking on the door and his boys are like We found some band aids. Do you need that? And we're like I don't think that's it. He finally opens the door and he's still like gushing blood. From where? Just down his legs. He's just like, somebody has to take me to the hospital And we're like, No, are you sure? He's like, yeah. And so we're like, okay New task Who's the most sober to drve to the hospital. Yeah. So we had a group breathalyzer that I think somebody stole from one of their alcohol citation classes, but we would bring it to parties and Yeah yeah. Of course, you know, playl the games with it. So we're passing it around Everyone's been drinking for a week straight. So we're all like, no, no, no. And then it gets to Megan and Meghgan hadn't been drinking that day because she was reacting so badly to her bug bites So She was the most sober. Meghan It was like, okay, I'll do it But she was reluctant because this is her brand new car. It's an R thirty two. She loves it And she also has a suspended license for speeding. So not ideal. This is my kind of group. This is really taken me back. Yeah, you guys would have fit in. Great So she's like, fine Put some fucking beach towels down, please. So She's driving, Tyler gets in front passenger and me and my other Bie Shelby were like, we're going to come as normal support, even though we're face We're gonna hop the back with you guys. I know it's hilarious because five minutes before everyone was avoiding cops and adults and now it's like, I'll go. I'll be the hero. Time to shine. risk at all. And then we sped off, defefinitely because Meghgan's driving and that's why her license is suspended. And this is before GPS. we don't know where the hospital is at all We're just driving to the downtown boardwalk area of Ocean City and we're like, maybe we'll see a sign. I don't know what we thought or our plan was. We're driving for like ten minutes and he's still gushing blood. in like a puddle of it And a Megan spots two cops walking on the boardwalk and she was like, fuck guys, like I gotta do it And so she jumps out of the car She runs over to them and she's like You guys gotta help my friends It's like stick or something. It's bleeding. you gott to help them. The cops come running over. And they're like, Hey, man, you got to tell us what's up. You know, we're calling an ambulance, but you gott to tell us. And he's like, noope, just call the ambulance. And they're like, it's coming, but we got to tell the EMPs what we're working with And he just like sits there and he just goes I ripp my fucking ballsack open, okay?. 'ause when he was jumping off the fence or something? No. I don't have the fact on this 'cause he never spoke about it again. But everyone jumped a fence and we don't think Eyiler cleared the fence And he ripp opens up Oh, mama. These cops are young too and they're like giggling. They love it. Yeah. Meghgan is like dry heaving because she's like, nutsack blood all over my new car But the ambulance shows up, takes Tyler, Meghgan volunteers to go with him. They leave, and then the cops turn to me and Shelby and they're like, you guys are a mess. So you're not getting anywhere near a car. And we're like, we'll walk back. It's like miles away. And they're like, no, you can't walk back We have to see you off safely. So why don't you get in the back of the cruiser and we'll take you out. Oh, you're gonna bring the cops to the party. ye. But we were like, no. and they were like, yeah, let's do it. And they were like, noobody's in trouble. promise you are not in trouble. We just got to see you off safely, then you can go have your night And we were like, okay. so they get to the entrance of the gated community and we're like, noope, just drop us off here. L we're good. And they were like, nope We got to see you off safely. Wh house is it? So They pull up to the house. And sure enough, an actual cop car is pulling up so everybodyes running again Jesus people leaping out the balcony and out the windows. And I promiseed, they drove off. That was nice of that.. How fucked up was the house the next day? Oh my God, there's blood everywhere. I mean, it's been a week's worth of booze. just Sticky, All the toilets are clogged because people were flushing blunts.. All the window screens are kicked out And check out was like eleven AM So I don't know how we did it. I gotta hunch the mom got a little bit of a bill. I don't remember. I think we did an okay job. It might have been passable enough for whatever cor cleaning cre. right now. I do know that Tyler does have kids. Okay.. Oh I think everything is good. It was a happy end It didn't totally visctimize. Yeah.. Yeah, that's good. That's best. Oh wow, what a time to be alive. You're just hoping to be one of those kids that doesn't go down. as long as you're one that doesn't go down, everything's guroo. Youre right. Thanks for that crazy story. Yeah, it made me very nostalgic for trouble. Yeah. Every time I tell it, I do get nostalgic Can I give two quick shadows? Yes, of course. Meghgan, of course. She's the hero of the story. And then my brother, Coreory, who introduced me to your show a couple years ago, He listens to a lot of podcasts while he's on the road, driving his eighteen wheeler from Mster Truck show to Mster truck That's his show amazing We could have met him when we lost Got last year in Monser Jam and we had to search the semi.ad day Yeah He might have been transporting the gravevedigger communal vehicle. Yeah. That's a fun li. That is. Ch Cory. Well, lovely meeting you. Nice to meet you too. Thankk you so much. Alle. takeake care Bye He. Hi there. You you have headphones? I'm trying to grab my out my bag manan, sor sorry. Yeahah, take your time Are you in the south? Yeah, in Georgia. I knew I said like four words, you already knew it? You know how I knew it? Y shirt. And don't ask me how, but all my friends have that shirt. Oh really? M. That's a standard Georgia issue. It is peach color ish. I don't know. I just could sense it Also, what's it like to be so handsome? Is it fun? It gets a little old, but my wife is the only person that doesn't constantly remind me. Sure. Yeah, that's why we get married to feel shitty about ourselves. Sounds like you got a good one. If I were you, here's what I would do Well, I would have sunglasses on that had little tiny mirrors on the sides so that I could watch women turn around after I passed. Isn't that a dream onon a go? Yeah, Re really sorry. I wasn't listening because I did see a George something in the background. I can't tell what all y'all can see back there, but we've got Two Coca Cola bottles from our two National Championship. Oh hell yeah. I'm never gonna open these guns. Tell me this is a UGA graduation story. It is. Yes. You know, I went there. Do you know this, Will No, tell me. I went to Georgia. I graduated in two thousand nine Really? Are you from Georgia? I am. From Duluth. Duluth. Okay yeah, I'm in P Street Corners right now. so I'm right next to your hometown. Yeah. Oh, this is so exciting. Too bad I didn't meet you before you met your wife. I moved out here yearadu? What would have been a catch? That is too bad. I graduated in twenty twenty one. Oh my go. All, That's okay. You. No. I gotta go. No, no, no, no, no I gota run right out of here.. Will. Will, you're too young. way too young. You don't pass my test, which is that you're younger than my brother. Oh. Hey, that's a good litmus test. That just. That's the cutoff.. Look at his face again, Who gives a f? Yeah. Are you twenty four? I'm about to turn twenty seven No we did something that Yeah. Okay so how thirty eight You're thirty eight, so eleven Thank you. I thought you were thirty six. Age shing out here. I know. I'm trying to help. he? You're fifty one. I'm helping you. I'm pretending you're younger and he's older. Thank you. Okay. anyyways, graduation. Let's get to it. Yeah. Go dogs. G dogs. That's honestly the only great thing about this story is that it was the University of Georgia. Everything else it's just a mix of humiliation, but also a joke and the further we get away from it the more I can laugh about it now Oh, I can't wait. The only reason I'm even doing this is because my little sister, two younger sisters, my middle sister followed me into Georgia. and she literally called me like three weeks ago and said, Will, I listen to this podcast This is the content that they like to talk about They have a website. One of the topics is crazy graduation stories. She was there the night of it. and she said Would you be willing to just go for it, see what happens? Please thank her on our behalf. Yeahes.use our favor is when when Arm Terry' ensnare other people in the. Yes it's great. Hopefully, she'll get you and you'll start listening as well. She already sent me a couple episodes. I' start listening. I'm not as good of a podcast listener as I used to be a couple of years ago. We'll get you back. I'll get back onto it. Yeahah Okay, would tell us what happened? What year? what went down? This was May of twenty twenty one. And I was graduating from the University of Georgia, and it was a great day. It was a great evening, great weather However, we were still kind of in that weird COVID time. And so graduation for us actually got split over a couple different nights. It wasn't our entire undergrad class, It was just the business school graduating class And so we were actually we were doing it on the field of Sanford Stadium. the University of Georgia football field right there was outside. and I was really excited. Most of my friends were going be with me that night. A few of our friends that were not in business school had graduation on different nights, but I was greatly looking forward to it. and I knew it was going be a mix of emotions. To celebrate, my family came in town. I'm originally from Birmingham, but my parents had come in town. my two younger sisters had come in town, and then I actually had A new girlfriend at the time we'd been dating for a handful of months, but she only met my parents a few times And so this was her second or third, maybe fourth time, really spending meaningful time with my family. And so really quick, this is a master's degree, obviously school. Undergrad, I thought about doing the double dogs, but I'd had enough schools Terry. Ferry College of businessusiness, That's right Just shll out. Yeah, ates taxes em farrass. No, I love it. I'm just laughing at Monica. Her love for UGA is very endearing. I'm not kidding. One of the only reasons I'm really enjoying this right now is because of the Georgia thing. Having to tell this humiliating story. It's kind of like, whyy am I doing this? I'm like, I got a fellow dog on. I wanna say the ceremony was starting about seven o'clock. So we got an early dinner reservation at a steakhouse right there in downtown Athens. It was my parents, my two sisters, my girlfriend and myself. I've got some jitters, like it's college graduation. this is a big deal. I also have some jitters. This is my girlfriend. She's meeting my family again. But overall, it was really successful. We had a nice dinner. We drank a beer, like we were having a good time. and then we get in the car. The plan is going to be drop me at graduation so I can go down on the field. I've got my cap and gown on, I'm dressed up My family was gonna to park and then walk into the stadium and find seats up in the stands. So I run down onto the field, I meet up with my buddies. There's probably thirty or forty five minutes until the program is set to start And I'm just chopping it up with the guys. We've got our friend group of guys and girls. We're hanging out, we're taking pictures. It's pretty surreal. How have we already made it to this? The time has been flying. I look back in the corner in the stands, and I see that my family and my girlfriend have found some seats. When're waving to them, they're waving at me. I'm texting them' like this is all aw. They've got on the big screen up there, they've got the countdown of how close we're getting until like three two one And then that's when the lights go off and they do it like a big introduction video and then the president's gonna to come out and the whole thing starts. So I'm looking up and there's ten is minutes left before we're supposed to kind of get our seats and the whole thing's gonna get rolling. Really quick. I need to know what did you eat at the steakhouse? The twelve ounce fileet. Okay All right, no seafood. No, no, I stuck to the red meat. Honestly, in hindsight, I wish I'd had the seafood because there's about ten or nine minutes left. I'm wearing a cap and a gown and we're outside and I'm feeling great. And so I was just kind of farting it up a little bit like subtly. But there's some mixed nerves and I've also just eat a bunch of steak in the last hour. Yeah. And a guy. Yeah. You've had some beers. Yeah, I had a couple of beers. And I what do you guys call it an unauthorized evacuation? Yeah, That's right. Yeah. That's a technical ter So I'm talking to my friend, I just got to let out a tiny little fart. I immediately felt something wet com. O. I froze and I try to play it super cool. My face got immediately red. I'm looking around. I'm like there is no chance. That just happened. We have all had that experience probably at least once. I'm literally standing there looking around, begin panicking. My heart is pounding through my chest. I know for a fact, I just had an unauthorized evacuation in my pants. Inizable it sounds like. Decent size. It was just really wet was the problem. It wasn't like something just sitting in my underwear. Like my boxers were just wet. Were you only wearing underwear? No, I had slacks on. I looked good. I had slacks and I had a button down tucked in. I was I was wearing a bow tie. Oh my go. Oh, yeah. We've been having a good time. I was even down like five minutes before that I was waving, they had some cameras going around. I got on the big screen. on my phone. My sign said, Hey, mom, it they're text to me. It was awesome. And then this happens. And so I start panicking. I look up, I'm saying there's an eight minutes until the ceremony is supposed to get going