The Discovery of Dumped Cars

W Welcome, wecome,lcome to Armchair anonymous. I'm Buck Rogers and I'm joined by Je Lightye here and today is stealing part three. tellell us about a time you stole something People are stealing stuff. P are out there stealing, especially you Yeah. You've done it once a little bit more, but still not a ton. Okay. Okay. It wasn't a pattern No, I had friends that were much worse. Okay. I'll just say that. Okay. And I had friends that were better. you Thank you. Yeah. I stole once Cookies Yeah. Please enjoy stealing partart three This episode is brought to you by American Beverage. We've probably all had that moment where someone says something about an ingredient in your drink and you're like, shouldhould I be worried about that? And then you look it up and immediately end up in the wildest corners of the internet with completely contradicting information. All I want is clear transparent information. And I bet you do too And that's why American Beverage launched Good to Kn. It's a site where you can look up over one hundred and forty common beverage ingredients, what they are, how they're used, how they've been reviewed for safety, no spin or judgment. just facts. You can decide for yourself. Visit good to Knowfacts. org for more information. We get support from Quince Have you been wearing the Quinslin shirts? Yeah. I've been wearing them a suspicious amount. Yeah, European linen ones, They're thirty four bucks, which is genuinely insane for how nice they are. It doesn't even make sense. Well here's the deal. they work directly with the factories, cut out all the middlemen, so you're paying for the actual quality and not some brand's marketing budget Everything's fifty percent to eighty percent less than comparable stuff. I love it because it's all very classic and traditional and I know I'm going to be able to keep it for a very long time and the quality's off the charts. That's true. The style is very consistent. Whatever you get there, you walk down the street, you're gonna look good. They have these lightweight cotton sweaters, which I love for when it cools down at night,'s nice Drape around your shoulders in the summer and then throw it out when it gets a little cool. And it's not just clothes. They do home stuff, ding ding ding, travel stuff, everyday essentials. It's all the same model, quality without the marku. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince dot com slash dAs for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available in Canada too That's Qu ncE dot com slash dax for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Quins d. com slash dax A times come and go. Tound. Takeem slow W say. You gotta know Johnny Hey Dax He Bana. C hear us? I can. How are you? Wonderful. Where are you, John? Currently, I'm actually in a fishing slash skiing cabin in southern Vermont.. Oh boy, I just read that's one of the safest places in the country, Vermont. you feel safe there, John? I do. We are in the middle of absolutely nowhere Oh wow. And this is a cabin you own or you've rented or you're a guest of. This is actually a yearly fishing trip and this is year number thirty six. Wha. That's so cool. With friends are family. Friends and family. It's made it through COVID and Wars and you name it. I love that. That's such an enviable tradition. Yeah, that's beautiful. Shout out to my friends who helped me set up this spot. And what kind of fish are we getting? Is there one we're after in particular out And do you eat them or you just catch them. Personally. I have a shellfish allergy. I don't eat fish. I don't partake in that part of it, but it's good just to be here Yeah, when buddies have tried to talk me into fishing, I'm like, let's start with the fact that I do not want to eat a fish, period. I don't care how well you cook it. And then also they're slimy. I not dying to touch one. And then the bait Also gross generally. For me in general, it's not great, but we go along with the app with the theme of the weekend. Okay, so wow, already shocked because you have such a trustworthy face. But you're a fucking thief, John, you're a terrible thief. Yes. You're a bad, bad person, John. Not my proudest moment, but I have stolen. Sure I have too. Me too. We've all stolen. Rob have you stolen? Yeah, probablyro have. Proably Is It's like kind of universal Makes you realize I a lot right. Okay, set the stage for us. I actually grew up in one of the boroughs in New York City. So this happens in one of the five boroughs. I'm gonna leave that out. We'll try and keep this somewhat anonymous. Okay. So this is the summer of a little bit hazy, nineteen ninety nine, maybe two thousand, not quite twenty one, maybe a year out of high school. Little bit of a different time. All of us had fake ID's. We were able to go to bars So we one night just decided to go out and have a few drinks, got a little creative, you know how those nights can go. We go about our business, we have a good time. We did the right thing. We walked. Now these are city blocks. We're probably ten, maybe fifteen blocks from my house. So we decide to walk home. Now fast forward to the next night We were having a party at my house, so we thought it would be great to have a party favor just to kind of share with the group. So on the way, another friend of ours house, very old school Italian family. So grandparents off the boat. I don't know if that's actually a thing off the boat, but that's what we say. Sure. Yeah. Now if you can picture, they had in their front yard a, for lack of a better way of saying it, a concrete donkey So this is decorative. For people who have not been to some of the boroughs in New York, this is kind of standard fare for the Italians, right? They like a nice lawn statue. Really? If it's made of concrete, you can see lion' heads, you can see donkeys. Wow. It is a thing. I went this Christmas, my brother and I went to one of these neighborhoods. I think it was deep in Brooklyn, but it was like, it's known for every house is so decorated And we were walking along there aside from the incredible light decorations, It was like, again, a ton of lawn statues. like you can't help but notice. So we thought it'd be a good idea to transplant one of these statues from my friend's house to my house just to joke for the party the next day. And he wasn't with you in your group of guys that were at the bar, right? No, there were just a couple of us at the bar. So we thought it' be nice surprise for him the next day. A little bit fuzzy on the details, but it was buried. They are quite heavy I've looked them up. They're probably in the realm of one hundred to one hundred and twenty five pounds. Okay wow.. This one had been there for quite some time so it was a bit the ground So we must have had to have done a little bit of work just to get it up. We bring the donkey back to my house. We think we go through the kitchen, upstairs to the bedrooms and off to bed next morning bright and early, I wake up to what I can only describe now as just blood curdling screams coming from the kitchen in my house. Oh. I'm awoken by this. I come out of the bedroom, I look downstairs just a murder scene. Blood and dirt and hand prrints and drag marks all over the wall. The floors are covered in mud. Oh Oh my go. So it turns out the donkey was buried a bit more than we had remembered. It was on top of another concrete block, probably a good eight to twelve inches into the ground. We of course, coming from Bar had no tools in us, so we used our hands, we used whatever we could find to dig it out Those were the remnants of us Thinking we just gently went off to bed. It's just an absolute mess everywhere. You guys were bleeding profusely and didn't realize it. Hands were cut, arms were cut. We probably just carrying it home too. You probably scuffed up some shake. We couldn't get the wagon that was attached to the donkey out. but on the back of the donkey were two metal handles that the wagon attached to. That's what we brought it home with just raking open our legs, just cuts of dirt every So a little bit of a different time. I was underage at the time. My parents were okay with hosting parties at the house as long as everyone kind of dropped their keys in a bowl. no one was driving, you know, was kind of the city, so no real need for that. My parents did allow us to go ahead with the party we were having on night number two. Okay. so was mom the one screaming like what the fuck happened in my kitchen? Mom was upset It looked as though we dragged a dead body through the house. Now the donkey was tucked out back, but we were a little worse for the wear. So we cleaned the house, parties starting as planned on night number two, maybe about an hour in We hear C just screeching down the street We could hear it from the backyard. We come up front. just to see what's going on. The brother of the friend that we had borrowed the donkey from comes out of a gigantic Cadillac. Baseball bat in hand. Oh, yees, so New York. I love this. So to set the stage, you know, none of these rumors are ever confirmed But he was Rumored to be an enforcer for the New York mafia. Okay Great. perfect. Perfect scenario. you know exactly what you want. Yeah. He comes out yelling and screaming. My grandparents are heartbroken. These bastard kids took this from the front yard. We meant to keep it secret, but we told everyone who was there. and this is a little bit before cell phones, but we got around so He knew what was going on. We of course come out, we're playing done. My mother hears this now having gone through the horror scene earlier hasn't quite put two and two together She comes out starts yelling at him, they're going back and forth. Finally, you know, something along the lines was said of getet your animal son off of my property or animal brother or whatever it was. Yeah So to give you an idea, you know, my mother is kind of in definition of New York grit for her to stand up to this person that she doesn't really know what's going on. Wielding a baseball bat. Yeah, J an idea of the type of person that she can be. She had received a Christmas card a few years prior to this from someone that she had deemed wronged her. Who knows what it was? stillill un to thisic She thought the best course of action was to take that Christmas card. tear it up into about a hundred pieces. Gently put it back in an envelope address it Al also put a return address, which was her house and mail it back to the person. Right. Okay seing her sign. She can hold a grudge. She can hold a grudge and she's seen some stuff. So yelling is going on lose to becoming physical, finally the brother leaves. We play completely dumb about the donkey. My mother turns around and sees my friend and I, the one from the night before who were there, and she kind of puts it together and says, So is this what that mess was last night? Did you steal a goddamn donkey? And I was like, Mbe. And she's like from the New York Mafia. Everything after that kind of just died down. I'd like to say, you know, our plan was to give it to my friend that day back to his family Itid't happen. That donkey has made a move with me five, six, seven times over the last thirty years. It was never returned. It was never returned. 'ause were you afraid to return it? 'cause then you're just copping up. Copping too Quite a bit. Yes. Had the buddy not attended the party and seen the donkey? The donkey was tucked. Oh, it was hidden. I would not be surprised if he listens to this The secret might be out. I did send a picture of the donkey and we haven't looked yet Oh, it's a donkable. It's very cute. So I will say I have taken care of the donkey over the years. It's had quite a few paint jobs and been moved around to a few states.eal this too. I'd want to stal it presumably the grandparents have passed. That was twenty seven years ago. Probably. But does the family still live in that same family house? So the house is still in the family. Oh The friend that we took it from, I believe at this point has taken over the house and lives in the house. Oh my go. Now have've yet to go back and see if there's just a lonely wagon sitting in the yard. I don't know if they've replaced the donkey. I could see a real beautiful ceremonial returning of the donkey. like a mending of fences alls good that ends well situation. We don't get involved and then the mafia comes for I a guy to roll up now thirty years older, slowly gets out of the car, slowly gets the baseball back J hold his back as he gets out. If I didn't have Sciatica, you guys would be in trouble. This makes me kind of wish I grew up there. It feels like a very fun childhood. It was great. you know, until we started stealing from home.. ye What line of work did you end up in? I'm actually in finance. I work in university finances. Yeah, finance, that's an option. You got like four things I'm gonna guess if you're from there. It's like you're a cop. Firefighter is gonna to be on that Firefighter cop, criminal finance. I think That's really it. My wife and I joke, we have a son who's either going to be the president of the United States or in jail.. Sometimes you can do both. Very true, M. I wanted to give a quick shout out to my wife, Liz. She is actually the reason why I listening to you guys. Okay, Liz. Yeah, thanks, Liz. That makes me so happy. I like when couples listen I not like when anyone listens, but I really do think it's sweet when couples share. Any you can share, especially if you're married forever. ' you guys find something you both like. You're like, okay, this gonna to buy us a little more. Yeah play of time and just relaxing yourself. Well, lovely, me, you, John, thank you so much for taking time out of your fun fishing trip to talk to us. Yeah, you guys as well. This has been great. Thank you. All right, takeake care. Catch a big trp Back in the water. donon't eat it You can get the newspaper out and you can hold it like Dax does. Yeah. That was a pike Not that it matters, but it was a pike And I thought it was so big. It was twenty two inches long. Then I found out that's not a very big pike. You thought it was so big. I thought I had a world record. yeah. I'd never seen a fish that big It looks big in the picture. The stealing problem reminds me, of course, several stealing situations. He stolen a lot. But sometimes these situations just presented themselves. So One time we were flying home, I was with my cousin. He was two years older than me. We were flying home from a car show. and I was like, oh, hey, before we split up, will you buy Aaron and I a couple cases of beer? And there was a liquor store by the airport. He's like, yeah, of course. So we get in the car and we go to this liquor store that we had been to before. And as we walk in, like the door' wide open and we go inside and we're hearing an alarm, but it's not an obnoxious alarm. It sounds more like like a freezer door was open or something.. And there are lights on, but they're not the normal lights. I mean, all in reflection. It was kind of like the security lights came out. L maybe if you lost power or something, those kind of lights were on. Okay And we're looking around and all of a sudden it occurs to us. Oh God, someone has broken into this liquor store. There's nobody here. It's closed and someone broke in And we're like, oh gosh, let's get outt of here. And then I was like Oh fuck, let's grab a couple cases of beer. So yeah, I grabb a couple cases of beer and I did grab about five or six packs of cigarettes O And did you see anyone like murdered behind the counter? No, I killed to know what had been stolen before we got there that the people were gone. or maybe they saw us come in and they hit. I don't. But we definitely did make off with some cases of beer and some cigarettes. Yeah. But it just felt like one of these opportunities not to be missed. Yeah, I mean, I understand that's a little bit of a pickle. I didn't go there Ste But you did go to get underage. Yeah, that's fine. I think everyone would agree that's fine. Mison. Can you hear me? Yes, we can. Can you hear us? Oh my gosh, yes. I I just landed in the Philippines. I'm on my honeymoon. Oh my gos. Congratulations. That's incredible. You get to have sex for the first time tonight. Well, it's actually the end of my honeymoon. We're starting our leg back to California. I live in San Diego. So our flight was delayed. It's like three fifty in the morning here. like He able to get on the call. Where all did you guys go? We flew into Manila and then went immediately to Chargal, which is this kind of surf vibe. so cool. Island hopping and then we went to El Nedo and then we went and finished in Caran, reallyally random, but we've been gone for like almost three weeks. Wow. These are all towns in the Philippines. Different islands. Okay, I've never been. is it wonderful It is pretty wonderful. It's pretty wild. We were looking for a place that like we would never go again. ' we do Europe sometimes and we're like where' somewhere that's gonna feel like so far crazy? And I definitely accomplished that. We definitely have had some crazy things go on. Oh, wow, you have to write back for honeymoon. Yeah, yeah, crazy honeymoon Five days ago, I got this crazy thing called jungle Rash and on my butt. The whole like sex thing, it was so bad. I had to go to the hospital. Oh Oh Yeah, it was like crazy, so bad. like boiling rush. Oh So yeah, I'm a little tired. Well good. We'll probably get the most revealing version of the story in your delirium Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think Peron's Dase or PD for short PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options including non surgical treatment. To learn more about Peroni's disease, visit talkboutpd. com. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. in Squarespace was that bridge? Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work riv It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there, and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from. I've been working on this to here it is, come find me All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace. com slash dAax for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAax to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain This episode is supported by Helix. All right, let's talk about something we both really care deeply about. Sleep. It's the most important thing. I've had my Helix mattress for years now and I genuinely think it's one of the best investments you can make for your home. Mine still feels just like it did when I first got it. Well, that's the thing. It's not one of those mattresses that caves in after six months. These things are built to last. And you know, I'm a side sleeper I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot so I have cooling. and I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning. Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold. So I also have cooling. and they have over twenty models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body Plus, they've got cooling upgrades, which heading into summer, non negotiable. Truly Go to helelixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. That's helixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you Helixleep dot com slash armchair This episode is sponsored by Better Help So Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's twenty twenty six state of Stigma repeport surveyed two thousand Americans and revealed that eighty five percent of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet seventy four percent say society discourages people from doing so. That's a huge gap. Most of us agree therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going Right. And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference. I mean, as you know, I'm obsessed with therapy I've been in it consistently for years and years and years. and I have said this and I I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit. Oh Okay yeah. I know I'm not And I got to go therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself And Betterhelp makes that first step easier. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and with over thirty thousand therapists and twelve plus years of experience, they typically get the match right the first time. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with Better Help. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash dAax. That's betterhLp dot com slash DAax All right, set the stage for us. You're a thief. Yeah, I'm a thief. Monica, I just want to say, don't judge me going into the story. I am totally grown up now. I stole two in the first grade. You've changed your ways. So no judgment. The story takes place when I graduated high school a few weeks after. What city? in San Diego? No, so I grew up in Vermont, which does kind of have a little city with the story being like Why you might think Coles was a place that I would frequent or do anything like this? So there wasn't much to do. I was seventeen. I had just graduated high school and I was with my best friend. I'm gonna keep her anonymous today. We're gonna call her Abigail. I called her to let her know I'd be on this. She preferred I didn't use her name We were actually in this place called White River Junction. and I'm from like a really small town in rural Vermont and we were in a bigger kind of city area for a diversion class. I don't know if you're familiar with that, but like if you get caught drinking as a minor I can choose to go to diversion class so that it's like wiped off my record. Okay, great. So I was already there for that. Yeah, G. I'm getting a vibe. I'm getting a vibe. we would have hung out in high school. continue. Yeah. So me and my friend had gotten caught drinking and we were there for diversion. I had diversion early in the morning. She had a class hours later And I think we were just feeling like, bucket. Let's just like go ham. We did sometimes frequent the local CVS and like pocket a couple things here and there. Like it wasn't something crazy. but I think both of us at that day were like, let's go to Cole's. Oh yeah.' just take it down. There's not many stores in the area. There was like a pet store and not even a target Pols where less security, less risk Cheap stuff, let's just go Mot' eleven. Let's take it down. Yeah, so both of us grabbed carts, individual carts and we weren't even like thinking, I'm putting in my carart. Stuff you don't even want. Right. because it needs to be stuff that I am going to take and also stuff that I am just putting in my cart to kind of trick everyone in the dressing room.. Yeah yeah. the things that I'm like we're taking it's like jewelry, shirts, cammies, bras, hats that I was like don't even need this shit, but we were just feeling like, let's just do it. I don't even know how much stuff was in my carart and vice versa. We both kind of went into the dressing room and how you do it is you put stuff on in the dressing room. I had probably like five layers of cammies on and jewelry on the same with her. and both of us were like, where are you putting the tags? Like you take the tags off the garments. And I'm like shoving them under the mirror and like in the b. There's en stuff in our cart that we're like, oh yeah, we don't want these things. I have a big purse. My purse is like chopked full of shit. And I don't know if you guys have ever stolen much, but the adrenaline is pumping as we're leaving the cold. Oh ye. What we didn't notice, I'm honestly like Im more anxious on first. What we didn't notice when we were going on our rampage was that it was stock dayay at Cole's. So there was a lot of people in the aisles taking stock of what was in the store, counting inventory. So there was like a lot of workers that day that I just don't think we were tracking that were very aware of, I think our movements. Oh boy. And we didn't know what they were doing, but what they were doing was seeing essentially how much shit had been stolen over how over long. And so there we are Layers on layers of cloth on the two of us stucked in my bag thinking that we just got away with the world's greatest heist and we're just walking out l d d. And you know, we walk out of the doors and no alarms go off. Huge sigh of relief. And then all of a sudden These two guys come walking up to us very quickly and they're like, you need to come with us. Oh boy. boy. And I just like look at my friend. And meanwhile, I just have to remind you. We are seventeen years old. Like we got accepted to college. I am freaking out. They tell us to come with them, get back in the store right now. They know that we've been taking stuff They walk us to the back room all the way in the back of the store. And Miguel is just starting to get a little hysterical. I'm starting to not be able to like communicate too well. Getting caught is an overwhelming experience for the nervous system. Yeah, and I think we were handling it much differently, which we'll also get into a little bit. But so they take us into the back and I'm like silent at this point. I'm not saying anything until they touch me in the act. And they pretty much get us back there and they're like, empty your bags right now. We've been watching you. We know that you've been taking all this stuff, empty your bags. I want to see everything So there we go, we're emptying our bags. They also didn't know at this point that we had physical stuff on our b Abigail and I look at each other and we're just like, we gotta tell them We have stuff on. Okay You're at at that point. He's just rolling his eyes, like looking at his security guard. they're like, Are you fucking kidding me? And they walk us with a female worker to the dressing room and wait for us as we're on cllothing ourselves and taking everything that we've taken off and handing it to them over the dressing room. We go back to the backroom. They have everything in front of them. Abigail is hysterically crying at this point and I'm looking at her and I'm like pull yourself together. You're disappointed. You picked the wrong crime partner. Yeah She was pleading with them Please don't do anything. We're going to college. please don't call anyone. I'll call my mom. I'll pay for everything And he's like, we're calling the police. You guys have stolen over eight hundred dollars worth of guys That's almost impossible to do. It's really hard Yeah. yeah, it's a really impress. Eespecially with Cole's cash. Yeah. Stinging b. They're like. This is a felony offense. We call the police. Which if you don't know, anything over five hundred dollars is a felony offense. I'm just asking them if there's anything that we can do. They are not having any of it. Police are on their way. They're like, we already rang the police when we picked you up outside. Absolutely not. So we're just kind of waiting in silence until the police show up Police show up, There's four officers. They comment. crammed into this back room with us. I'm just paralyzed with fear. They essentially were like, you're coming down to the station, like you're under arrest. Oh. Both of our bags, are little purses. Each one of us in handcuffs, they walk us out the store. In the middle of Vermont, I know a lot of people in the area. And this room that we were in was all the way in the back of the store So there we are handcuffed Individually, with the police officers holding our bags in one hand and holding the back of us in the other and just walking us through the entire store. People are looking at us, kids are pointing at us. It's very exciting. So morified. And there's two cop cars and they want to separate us. So they put Abigail in a cop car and they put me in a cop car shove my head down the whole nine yards. I get in a cop car with him and there's like a ten minute drive to the police station. And at this point I start crying. Can you just tell me Am I gonna be okay? A I go to jail? Yeah. Yeah,'s so scary. I'm supposed to go to college. I had a scholarship. Oh my was getting out of diversion I was mom' gonna be so disappointed. And he's like, Yeahah, you're going to jail. This is a felony. So we get to the jails and we are in jail There is a cell, we're in there with one other woman who seems to be on crack. So we got fingerprinted mugs shots, all that stuff. And I think our bail was something like one hundred fifty dollars. Not a lot. We didn't have to call our parents. I think that we waited a certain amount of time. I paid the bail we were able to go and she kind of the same thing like she had not called her mom. And I remember we finally got out. It had been like maybe four hours. I called my mom my brother was a pod dealer and like he'd gotten kind of in trouble with the law. so it was not most horrifying news, but she was very disappointed. It was really horriful. Yeah. Long story short, we did have to go to And we ended up getting a class A misdemeanor, which is just below a felony offense. We had to go present ourselves in front of a judge. A hundred people are in this courtroom awaiting their moment with the judge to plead not guilty or guilty. Our parents didn't go with us. We didn't know like what to do and I thought this was going to be on my record. If I said not guilty, no one's advising us what to do. And so we go up to him is like reading the case in front of everyone. He's like H, shoplifting. Cals eight hundred dollars. Jesus Christ ladies. You have nothing better to do. He's like, how do you plead Please. guilty because Obviously we' caught red handed. And he's like, I'm going to stop you right there before you do something stupid. Don't plead guilty. Or else you're gonna go to jail. What? Really? He's like, take the not guilty plea because what just happened in the state of Vermont was like those diversion classes that we were just taking or drinking, you can now take them for shoplifting. Oh my God. like one week before this. Why would not guilty Because maybe then they're gonna offer a plea to have to avoid having a court case over this. If I plead not guilty, then the state's got to present a case and prosecute you in front of a jury. And the state's going to go, we are not spending all this man power on prosecuting these two shoplifters. so then they would come back and offer a plea like, okay, if you cop to a misdemeanor, you'll be guilty, there'll be no trial. maybe? Yeah, that's kind of what it was sounding. like. So I remember I got fif thousand five hundred dollars for my high school graduation and I had to spend every last timeime of it on that diversion class Oh, it's pricey. Yeah. veryery pricey. And so yeah, that Ultimately is the story of how I'm never allowed into cole for the rest of my life Are you really? Are you banned from Coes? I'm ben.! Wow. Sorry, you can't use Coes C. What if you put a ton of effort into getting that expunge from your Coes' record becausecause you were a minor and you're like, I do want the right to shop co I love to go to co. And then they could put you in a commercial. like this woman fought to shop. Oh, wow. It would be a full circle for everyone. I'll give them a call. Did you get to go to college? I did. Yeahah. Everything was wiped from my record with a diversion class. It was a wake up call For sure. I never stole a again. Oh, that's good. That's good. Simes we gotta hit Rck bottom. Yeah, yeah. Madison, we're so grateful that you took time out of your honeymoon and jungleot to find Wiifi in a toilet and tell us the story. I know, I can't believe of all timees. this is how I have to see guys. Can I just give a quick shout out to my arm cherry besties I have an arm cherry shirt too that I'm not wearing. My friend Emily got it for me and it's a really great station. Oh It's a good one. Anytime anyone's like station, we station. Re a great station. My girlfriends, Emily and Laura love them and we're arm cherry group. So we always debrief the episodes and I love you guys so much. This is so surreal. So nice Well, shout out to them and so nice meeting you, Madison. I hope you get home safely. Thank you. Nice toet you guys. Take care Hello, Hello. Occasionally we have an arm cherry with a headset like yours and I always love it because it makes me think we're either gaming together or I've called AT andT. I do feel like I'm gonna do some telemarketing after this. You sure. And where are you, Rachel? I am in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh lovely. What a lovely city Milwaukee is. You don't expect a lot of stealing there Well, Leverne and Shiry were rascals. They were there in Milwaukee. I guarantee there's an episode where they steal something They did all the highjinks. Well, this does not take place in Milwaukee. Okay, tell us where it takes place. Dcember two thousand eight, my then boyfriend and I went on his work trip to Cancun, Mexico. This was such an exciting time for me I was in my late twenties. This was a new relationship. We had been dating for about five months or so. This was our first big trip together. This was my first time going to Mexico. At this time in my life, I was living with more of a scarcity mentality. My had undergrad and graduate school, student debt. and so this was A dream come true for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. a reprieve. Definitely. A week before we leave for Cancun, it's my birthday and my boyfriend gifts me a gift card to the spa at the hotel where we're going to be staying. We're in Cancun, trips's going great and it's spa day. So boyfriend goes to his meetings and I head to the spa for my massage. I have a lovely massage experience and after the fact, they lead me to this relaxation lounge. L it's a nice quiet room where you can sit and just chill after your service and enjoy some Zen. Maybe have a tea Exactly. So this is where the story is going.. The refreshment in this room were this world My twenty eight year old self was just thrilled. So we had the cucumber infused water and the lovely teas and these platters of the most decadent tropical fruits. and the piece their resistance guys was this large bowl of the biggest Cas shoes. You have ever seen. Oh. How big are we talking? HQuarter sized. These puppies, they were amazing. The salt to nut ratio was incredible. They were crunchy, but yet creamy at the same time. I want them. And I couldn't believe that I could just help myself to as many of these cashews as I wanted. I enjoy these refreshments. Now it's time to go to lunch. My boyfriend gets a lunch break, so we meet for lunch He's asking me about my morning, telling him how lovely my spa experience was, and then I tell him about the world's most amazing cashew nuts. He's excited that I've enjoyed my day and he's happy that I'm having a good time, but he's not understanding how amazing these nuts are. You're frustrated. You're like, you don't understand what we're talking about. Exactly. So this is now when I hatch the plan to smuggle some nuts out of the spa so I can prove to him how amazing these really are This episode is brought to you by Sfi. all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it does not have to be that way. With so high high yield checking and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees, which feels rare these days. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, perfect for getting ahead of a bill or grabbing what you need right when you need it. Plus, get up to a three hundred dollars welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit Sign up for SFi checking and savings at soFi d. com slash arrmshare. SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi Bank NA member FDIC terms Apply. We get support from Sims. Monica has been on a whole kick lately. I really have. When I get new Sims, it is like Christmas. I get so excited. I love skims and they have Sims cotton, which I literally reach for every single day. The fabric is really soft, but it also holds its shape. There's nothing worse than Sagsville. Exactly. It's really bad. Skims never does that Every single piece I've gotten from them still looks brand new after a lot of washes, there's no stretching, they lay perfectly and they support in all the right places. You're pretty particular about that stuff too, which is saying something. It is. and I'll just say it, the lightweight cotton thong is the best one I've ever tried. I also have their cotton jersey t shirt. I have it in black and I really love it. Tight fit, but it is very flattering. Sometimes I don't love a tight fit shirt, but SkIMs just does everything right. I really don't know what they're doing over there. The t shirt is perfect for summer. It's a great summer shirt. G get yours, shop Skims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at skims dot comot After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the sururvey and be sure to select Armtraair Epert in the dropd down menu that follows This summer, switch to Xfinity and get WiFi so reliable, you can host the world Now, you can lock in your price for five years, guaranteed Exfinity. Imagine that Restrictions apply, select plans only So because I had had a spa service that morning, I had privileges to use the spa for the rest of the day. I decide I'm gonna try out the plunge pools. I had never done that before. I thought that sounded like that would be a nice experience. So I put on my bikini top and bottom, some regular old flip flops, and then like a swimsuit cover upp, ain neck, short, dress I'm ready to go I grab A cinch sack. You know those like nylon bags that you like cinch closed at the top. They're kind of flimsy. goo to the plunch pools again, haveave a lovely time. I'm now done with that and it's time to go back to this relaxation lounge, AK Cashew Paradise And I'm in the locker room and I'm realizing I did not bring a change of clothes with me. I'm in my wet bathing suit. I'm going take it off. No big deal. I can just throw my cover up over myself and you know I got my flip flops and I throw the swimsuit in the bottom of my cinch sack. Go back to Cashew Paradise myself to a nice glass of cucumber infused water and I'm scoping out the crowd, waiting for all the guests to leave the room so I can start this nut smuggling mission. But I'm realizing, oh shoot, now My wet swimsuit is at the bottom of this bag. I can't have nuts just willy nilly in the bottom of this bag mixing with my wet swimsuit. Rachel, I don't want to sound critical, but this is a terribly laid out heist. I just want you to know. you don't have clothes. wetness in the bag. you plan to take the loot out. I mean, this is a terrible point I think Yeah, yeah yeah I agree. I've gott to now have plan B. Next to the infused waters are these fancy looking plastic cups. So I start filling up the cups. Oh and I'm strategically placing them in this cinch sack, like pyramid style.. How many than b a bad plan on top of a bad plan. There's no way these are staying upright when you carry the bag How many of these glasses you filled up? How many are in the bag? I'm gonna say like five or six. Oh. Okay you went for it. You took all of them. There was an excess. I'm carefully putting the straps of the cinch sack over my shoulders and I decide I'm gonna help myself to one last glass of cucumber water. But there's a detail I forgot to mention This spa was so gorgeous. Like when you walk into the spa, it's this beautiful white tiled lobby, reception area. There's gorgeous flower bouquets everywhere. There's this huge cinderella style staircase that takes you up to the second floor where all the services and amenities take place I walk out of the relaxation lounge and now I just have to traverse the stairs down and exit the spa. I can see the doors It's just me in the staircase and then I'm home free. So I'm walking very carefully Trying not to be suspicious. my descent and I don't know what the heck happens, but all of a sudden My water goes flying. I start stumbling down the stairs. The suipsack is flying open. Nuts are going everywhere. And when I finally realize what has happened, I am laying my back on the middle of this lobby floor in a pool of cucumber water and pasheo confetti totally aked because my cover upp has now come up over my. I but honestly, it's because your equilibrium was thrown off because of all the nuts on your back and you think that's what it That's what happened. Now we call this Rachel in comedy filmmaking. This is called a set piece. So we've set up all these different situations, you know, the wet bathing suit, the nuts. all of it's culminating perfectly at the same timeve executed a real life comedic setpiece. And clearly everyone in the spa is worried that a guest of the hotel's fallen down a flight of stairs, right? So they're probably panicking and running over to you. The reception staff, they literally just stood there staring. I was thankful for it because I did not want to have any sort of conversation, I jumped up as fast as I could And just bolted. Okay Oh, you ran out of there. H tailed it. In the movie version, the staff starts running down the stairs to help and they all start falling on cash's all over tripping on the cash. Yeah. That's how you get away is everyone's like, Yeah ye. Did you still have the cinch sack and were you able to return to your room and have some to present to your boyfriend? Was it a successful caper at the end of? That's a great question. That boyfriend is now my husband And I asked him about this and he does remember that there were a few cashews left in the bag. I have to say, Rachel, I say this with so much love in my heart. This does sound like the story of an eight year old. It's a little bit mister McGibb. R this is like if you let an eight year old go to a spa by herself, all the weird dumb things she would get into. Look, spas are exciting. Oh we should do spa. I think we have, but let's do it again. I think that's how it started That was massage, but lots go spa clearly. Well, congratulations on landing this bow. Did you tell him you had fallen and all that? O did you keep that secret? Oh yeah, because I was so sore and I started to bruise Really undid all the relaxation. Well you're really tight. Yeah, I fell on the staircase here yesterday. Oh Well, that's delightful that you ended up togethert meet c you, but it is adjacent. And we have two amazing children, Jillian and Jonah, they're awesome So it all worked out. Lovely. Well, that's a very cute story, Rachel. We love it. sharing it. Yeah. Thank you for having me. This was such a trip. Okay, thans, Rachel. Be Oh M you are. How are you? How are you Good, what kind of name should we select for you? Whatever you feel will be the best