Reflecting on Sports and Physicality

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair experpert. I'm Dack Shppard. I'moined Monica Padman. Hi. Today we have Hannah Burner on. Hannah is a stand upp comedian and a bestselling author. She has a book called How to Giggle. Yes. basased on her wonderful podcast, Giggle Squad with Hannah Burner. Paage de Sorbal. She has a new stand up special Now streaming on Hulu called None of my Bus And Babers is doing a TV show with her. She's got a lot happening. It's exciting stuff. And I just adore her. She was so fond. Yeah, she was. Also ex professional tennis player, which is we get into that It's really professionals as I were, but college division one. Elite. Serious business. Please enjoy Hannah Burner This episode is brought to you by American Beverage. We've probably all had that moment where someone says something about an ingredient in your drink and you're like, shouldould I be worried about that? 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Now available in Canada too That's Qu INCE dot com slash dax for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Quins d. com slash dax He's in our chance He' Hes chance o Well that's about seeven minutes. I'm so sorry But maybe you'll understand because I've just recently learned you also have some ADHD to management. Oh I'm sure we'll get into it. I' got to catch up on a lot of important emails. No there's very glass half phone. I appreciate that. Actually, I thought it was a little intimidation. I was like, they're icing me. They know it came in No, but actually I have to admit to you guys. Amit. I'm a little nervous I was all on l, and then I got to think and I was like, you don't have any stories. No personality. I history. a while but since like two thousand six when I had to give a hand job for the first time, I whoa, that's a long time. twentyw years. No, I've been nervous before, but this is so exciting. I'm so honored to be here. Whoa, we're so flattered. That's incredibly flattering. You guys make podcasting cool How do you Yeah I both I think share an award. Did you guys win the IHart podcast of the year this year? We did. I think it was a little bit of a made up award. Well yeah. tellell me why. Aards are made up Yeah. As are made, I can't accept it. I'm like that was a great brand prom. Well, hold on. Are you on IHart No. Okay. tra who would have bought this? Exactly. But they were like announcing the daily Amy Poar and I'm looking at Pagege, and I'm like, we're not fucking winning this. And she's like, they wouldn't have invited us to come all the over here. We literally were fighting duringentation. But yeah, the worard is nice. I think it's a very legitimate award. We want it too. This is a stupid art form I was like an athlete, like you knew who the winner was. This is This is just people having fun. Also, I'm not gonna like see the daily people and be like, hey, losers. Right. You better next year, be more fact checky. O daily. That was my hot take for the Golden Globes. I was like, it's so flattering. And also, if Malcolm Glad was not nominated, I don't know what this category means. Oh ye, Emy Poher shot on NPR. That was great. did she Well she was like N PR try harder next time, you loser. to us. Yeah, I got. The year that we won we had beaten Doctor Death, which was among my top three podcasts I've ever heard of my life. Did you listen to Doctor Death? No, 'use I'm a bad listener. Okay Interesting. I'm a bad listener. Because of the ADHD. Probably. I also after I stop my nine to five job, I don't have that morning routine where you like listen to a podcast. So it's a lot of me. Do you not exercise You don't have to attack me right when I try. We jump reallyking me the second I get here. I understand you don't have a commute, so you wouldn't listen it there. I'm just going to the top categories of listeners, it's like they're on a commute, so you listen. I call my mom a lot You do how frequently? Too much. She's like, hey, the nest is you gotta get out. This is Linda the jazz singing principple I'm obsessed with people do research. like you guys a journalist. I don't care if people say journal. show to annori.. You don't call Dan? You know, my dad My best friend, my tennis coach. was. We're like connected. We're like, I don't even have to talk to him. They'll like randomly send me a text like, if youre having a tough day, I love you. I'm like, good darn dad. Weere my mom, I'm like, shouldould I get this salad or the chicken fingers I my mom Like his birth control works. So you're multiple times a day with her Yeah, that's really sweet. For how long at an interval Great question. She's a badass. She was a principal of a public middle school in Brooklyn, Nework. P amazing. Yes, Fi O. Fty O As they say. There's a hardcore, I know It's hardcore. Yeah, ye. And she's just right about everything So in life, if you have someone in your family who's smarter, more experienced Why am I trying to figure it out?' very wise of you actually. I know what I don't know. I just learn that we're opposites Since getting married The first guy've dated was really smart. Congrats. I didn't do the CT. I've done it now. really quick Is it Des or D? It's Desmond. Right. I know that part, but the D. And Des is like a short in Ireland. They say Des. Okay, great. So Des. So Desmond does sound like a linebacker for the Packers. He does. He's all fucked up. He was born here and grew up in Ireland. At fourteen, he was drinking being naughty parents kick him out and he jokes to the World sereries of drinking Ireland because it'sa there. continontues partying. Sober by nineteen I don' know it's interesting to me when people are sober. Has he been sober since nineteen? Wow. He's fifty now. I know I'm eleven months older than I' He's November Yes Yeah. I scorp be o. And he's also sober. For one second. we love you. You a little pan I could say L is it December? it is I was like my whole marriage is right out. He's been sober for thirty one years. That's why I a lot of atticts. I if we're getting right into it. guys what we do. That's how we are, you guys. That That's just it we don't know how it should be. We really don't know how. O attict falls for you There's no other attention like that. When they fucking lock eyes with you and you're their like new source of your their attention. Yeah. It's incredible. but I've realized you want to be with a guy who's been sober for like an extended period of time. Probably. Yeah. Wait, wait, you learned because you had someone like a year and then it went sideways I' done the sober Cally' sober. Yeah. Or then he like calls me' like, I have to tell you something, there's a reason you haven't se me in two weeks. Yeah. And I never smoked a cigarette. Right becauseuse you're an alete. Because I was an athlete. I think in my past life, I was an addict, so I'm like play with that. Oh okay. Like when I to try cocaine in my thirties and then' be like I like cocaine and I'm addicted to cocaine in my thirties. No, well, there's just a little bit of ground between trying in an addict. Malcolm Gladwell book. Over ninety percent of people who try cocaine don't become addicted. You're saying you might, you sense that you might, it's like in you. I'm addicted to comedy. I'm addicted to things. so I'm like, why test it? Because the best part of it becomes that you like it. Yeah, ye. You remind me so much of my best friend Pineet 'causeuse he was like hardcore athlete baseball, division one, the whole thing. neverever drank once in his life, never had a cigarette. And then that whole part of his life was over, But he's like, why would I do that? now? I've already proven I'm maniacal about things when I like them. So I'm impressed. I'm just like, I'm here once, let's try everything. Yeah, I always say the worst thing is you have a horrible night And then the best thing is like now you could have a problem. But actually my bachelorette party in twenty twenty two, my friends were like one One hit of c. bump. little b one. Such a loose I one spoon. a teaspoon. One glass, One glass of cocaine. And I was like, okay I sweed it was the end of the bedroom. we're like in our pajamas just like you know, hotel I was like, let's do it. Yeah. Immediately got a nosebleleed. Oh like va just slowly came out and my friends were like, notot fun. ruined it. Yeah, scary. And I was like, sry, I'm so pure.. Can't do. What do you drink? I love eating. If you're at a meal, I'm like, so if I drink that drink, the chicken Parmesan's not gonna hit as well. And I get like tired I get sleepy when I'm sure. sure. I lose all my wit I'll start a conversation and just start laughing at myself. I don't get cooler when I'm drunk. That's why I didn't like weed is The one thing I have to offer is I'm like orally dexterous and I'd get high and be like, I'm not sure I'm making a point right now. I'm pretty sure no one's following me. My superpower is gone and now I just have a big nose in a weak g. I would look in the mirror and be like is my face round or oval? Like that was my job And I think everyone's mad at me. So I ruined parties when I do the alcohol the drugs in the alcohol I gott to go back to the cocaine the one. Where was the Bachelor part You to in Miami? job rule came out. It was the greatestest weekend. And I'm not a partyer. I told my friends I was like, maybe we go to a farm and we pet animals. and my friends were like, no. Yeah, yeah. We're going to a strip club. I'm not taking the weekend off work and all this shit to go fucking pet horses. And I'm like was one of my E early friends to get married so they weren't tired yet. Like I was like the first friend to have a bachelorette party. so the girls were like, this is like the hangover. Yeah. They wanted to fuck fast. Where now when people say they have a bachelorette, you're like, I miss the email, like I'm soorry I start making up gigs I don't have. You were in Miami in was it fun restaurants or were there nightclubs? It was fun restaurants Actually, shout out to a friend of the pod, not to nameedrop. Yeah. Let's do it Please. Marcelo was there. Oh my God and you guys were doing. Oh my God you go to a get. A geti. I don't wanna take credit for anything Marcello's done because he's a star and he's always been a star. However. this was preS andL for We're hanging out at the stand. He might have got you unengaged I know.s He's a killer. he is. I know Marcello as just the sweetest driven creat He's a guy' girl. He's just hanging out with the girls like gossipingot. But I was telling about the beta and he's like Com to Miami. Yeah, yeah. And he slides me like a list of all the things and he goes, I might be around. just let me know. So when I'm there, I'm just trying to have fun and I text him like, I'm in Miami. How had you met him? We'd be in the clubs doing stand upp. Yeah, I didn't know him well enough to have him at my bacheltte, but immediately you're like. Yeah ye ye. Yeah. I wanted him to walk out of this interview into my house and just live there I text my friends and I just want my friends to have fun. I get stressed if other people aren't having fun. Like at one point no one was talking to me. Everyone wass just talking to everyone else. I was like, good, I'll just I'll go fuck myself because at least my friends had to pay to be here.'ndency back loveving. Hs Marcello because like he's just a bottle of fun, and I'm like, Where we going? What are we doing? We're at a club. He gets my face up on it. Oh wait, he got your face up on like a screen at the club.ome guy. he really he's like a fixer. A Miami fixer. But then I realized He was my Domingo Likees like, who's the guy at your bachroom? I'm like, that's Marcello. he's just organizing. Is that impossibly charming, disarmingly? N threatening yet your' horny guy you're with. So not threatening. So was like us and Marcello running around Miami. And yeah, that was preSNL and it was wow such a fun time and now my friends will be like, Is that the guy that was in the pool? Did anyone hook up with him Oh, well, I I did I was telling people that I was like, this guy's gonna blow up. You gotta get him. Get in on the basement floor. Get him on the st. Now he's getting a gorgeous Yale lawyer like architect. So sorry gals. Yeah. I missed out. That's okay. life is long. I told myself I wouldn't be with a comedian. Oh, but I'm married to a comedian boy Okay.es Desmond. Yeah. How did he return to the States? Was hisis parents were like, okay, you can come home. Good question. I feel like someone needs to call the government figure that out know. But he stayed there and actually fell in love with comedy there. I was kind of like This is my new home. He got on a TV show where he did like a documentary series and it was back then where like if you were on a TV show, everyone watched it on one channel. Sure. Yeah there was like BBC one, two, and three takeake your pick. One point five. Yeah, yeah. And he goes out and everyone suddenly knew who he was. So he became a really successful comedian in Ireland and lived this Breat fun life without me because he's selfish. and then he during COVID, came back Does he long for it? Does he want you guys to spend time Ireland? He's going there for a bit. It's actually when you live in New York, it's the same distance to Ireland to LA. All right. But it was weird where He'd lived this beautiful full life of comedy and success. and he's pre trained is what I like to say. Pre trained. I like that. What that mean Shet trained. She doesn't have to do. Yeah. Yeah he's not standing on the table. He's not like peeing on a couch.. He doesn't have to They roll over. Yeah. he's been yelled at by previous owners. I don't have to do Yeah, the heavy lifting. The heavy lifting. And I've never dated an older man before. It wasn't like my kink. How did this happen W, this is actually kind of romantic. Yeahes love We love romance, we love me cute. And also Monica's probably I like older men. Yeah, she would also end up in this situation. Although it's starting to change, but we can talk about that. Her fucking age women Annary was like sixty five years old because Sean Penn was sixty five. For a minute. Everyone loves Seaan Penn. 'Cause he's the kind of guy that like wouldn't remember your name. Like I can just tell and I'm like, I fucking need your attention right. Not addict exact thing if he can remember my name. Oh my gos. I was in the room was like, I need to talk to her Yeah, done. Also when if he saw that nose was bleeding, he'd be like, who cares? let's go He would love. Let's do it.'s'll eat the blood right off your face. So romantically I always loved comedy. I was just a comedy fan. I was doing co calling sales and we'd go to all these New York City comedy clubs and this handsome guy comes up on the cellar and I'm saying there. I'm like twenty five and he's cute and he says that he lives in Ireland. Does he have a fun accent, like a hybrid So he has this insane hybrid accent. He talks like a trucker like this. Yeah, but he'll say like British words like quite O like Yeah, like he'll say big eloquent words, but talking like he's a firefighter. Yeah. It's a fun little mix. Yeah. He speaks Mandarin. Oh. my husband is so much more interesting than me when me talk about him, but he's traveled Yeah, but I've traveled I't speak Mandarin. I bored with stand upp in Ireland. Well he wasn't bored, but he wanted to challenge himself. so he wanted to learn Mandarin and do standup in Mandarin. This is what sober guys do. They're looking for a hot. it's true a track or something. He's like, I need something more. Okay. That makes of all the zany solutions to the it. L H his mom took some Tylenol. I don't know what happened. But so he says like, I live in Ireland. I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh I guess I'm not marrying that comic. And it's funny how comics, they're just so hot on stage. especially the men. they just say something. I mean, girls, you're like, okay, stop it. But the gu I get it. chat. So when guys talk, you're like, look at I'm commanding that round of T so hot. I think I followed him, but I didn't talk. I'm also not like going to find him. I don't know.. Doing that? Fast forward, shout out to friend of the pod, Nickki Glazer. Okay. I just love Nkki. who for some reason since day one has been so nice to me early on was like, do you want to follow me around at the club and you could ask me dumb questions? Any questions she would answer. Niki early on, she kind of saw something in me and then she knows how lonely it could kind of be when you're the girl. Yeah. I do think in a lot of emo comedy. it's like, if you can ugli yourself or be as much of a man as possible, you fit in more. so girls will gravitate to that. And I think because I always kind of had my own voice in the beginning and I didn't care. I love men. They're all good. I didn't need them to pick me like I'm like an athlete. I'm like I could talk about spoice with you. Like I don't you all tenn. My my calves are bigger than yours. Ohody's good. Yeah. Do you think that was research? No was. her calves are bigger. She had a cal off with's creamy fal.y Oh Look at that motherfucker. I they are I show you have them. You wan to enter the frame? ever met my calves in not a sexual way. Theyough'll just be like, so what you do? Do you do raises? like what is the? You get what I get on a plane like what's your diet Yeah like there's no sexual connection about it. But Nikki, she's so beautiful and then she can say so many things and I think, also, I'm a brunette, so we're not competing with each other. Right like we could be back in a line. They're like that's aunet. You confused. We're not the same. I was fascinated by her and I just followed her around one night. She did like seven spots and I'm like, are you planning your bits? Why are you doing so seven in one night? monongst. She even talked about how she does her roast and stuff and it makes me be like That's what you do. If you want that, you have to do that. Well again, you're fucking a hardwiire for this. This is tennis. It sounds kind of crazy, but tennis and standup are very similar. Tell me the parallels. Well, tennis is, have you ever played tennis? Yes. In ninth grade, I was on the team. I was terrible. I only played doubles with my friend Rich Daver because we just wanted to make jokes. Do you play tennis? do not This is me turning into my coach They say the court is seven inches from ear to ear. It's fully a mental game. Especially at a certain level when everyone's strokes are pretty much the same. The muscle memory is there. We all can serve the same. The second you on the court It's your demons and they're just out there. You can't call a time out. you can't pass the ball. They're isolated. Vulnerable sport. And when you lose, you can't be like, well, the fucking forward didn't do their job. You're like. You's nowhere to kick the blame. You can't. That's also why tennis I had a very successful career, but I I had a lot of mental battles. I'm chatting in my head. I have my ADHD and there's some Russian robots on tour. These girls look right through you. I felt so different from them and I would get performance anxiety. I thought I was crazy. And I was battling myself every day. Were beta blockers a thing that tennis players took back then? So beta blockers are I feel like a little hard with the physical stuff becauseuse you need your heart rate. You you need your heart rate? Yeah that makes sense. You're shaking. Yeah.'re shaking. I actually had a Service, Yep moment in college. Okay and for people don't know what the Yips, just say what the yips are. It's I hate saying the word, but I have to raise awareness. Yeah. Yeah. Yips are like in baseball when a professional player on second base can't throw it to first or like Tiger Woods can't It's where your brain decides like you can't do something, even though you can Yeah. simone not being able to do that rotation. And I think now it's a little symptom of some OCD where you basically think like what's the worst thing that could happen to me? And then you make it happen And I'm a vulnerable nineteen year old, a lot of pressure playing number one for University of Wisconsin. Oh wow. And I remember I'm training too much in the summer and I'm making changes. and then someone mentioned to me like, oh yeah, once there was a girl who couldn't hit a second serve after she changed her grip or something.. I walked off that court and I knew it was me. It's so dark to say. But it was all in me already. It just was a wave for my anxiety to like show its an off ramp for the anxety. It was so bad. I was doing underhand surfs L number one That's horrifying. Full scholarship. Division one. You lose your scholarship if you don't do well enough. You start serving underhand. Yeah, literally. Yeah. Yeah, they have a staff psychologist at these division one schools. So funny not to be like back in my day put in twenty eleven, there was one psychologist But she was kind of like What's that when she did the whole team and it wasn't serious? Anyone cutting? Yeah Okay Anyone doing little bumps of cocaine? I could have fucking used it probably. S sure. And then you become obsessed with it. You wake up in the morning, you're watching videos of serves. That's your whole obsession. And then it's like a shame, which is the worst emotion. And your dad is your coach during all of this. So I went to Wisconsin, he was like He'd go off to your being like, this is I need I Pional. I basically was like, I'm mental case. When meanwhile, I'm just like a girl trying her best just trying to do what, but I was like on'm a mental case. And then I was doing well, I didn't get hit by a car. Oh my God. But again, that was literally like a sign from the universe because I was like, if you keep working hard, you will be great. I was doing that since I was eight. And I was like, I work harder than everyone. I have the talent. if I could get past these mental problems, but you're like digging yourself a terrible way to be. No, I honestly like people like comics are dark and I'm like, I'm happy I'm like, that wass pretty fucking dark. Yeah. most people in college were like Discovering Anal. Like I was like in a room alone, being like, get your second served together or no one's gonna love you. Yeah Also to be clear, it was just the second. So if you didn't get it in on the first serve, then that second one you're incapable of doing, you had to do it underhand. Yeah. That's a little better. At least you had one serve that you could have gotten l That's why I still win matches and stuff. Yeah. You need that second serve. have reframed it. It's like, this is my thing. My superpower is that for whatever reason okay with being embarrassed? Oh, he's like that too. I hate it. Weould you go to the mall together or something? Oh my go Beuse my dad is super silly. Like everyone't used to be like embarrassed like my dad. My dad would do something stupid and I'd be like, he's so funny that was iconic. I've been embarrassed in so many situations where like I feel nothing. Can I share this with you? Yeah This is one of the biggest bonding moments I' I had with my daughter, my older daughter. She thinks it's really embarrassing when people run with a backpack on. Who knows why? but like that's like one of her things. What if her leads to class? And then like somehow she was crossing the street and like she misjudged the light, blah blah, blah. then she had to run. And then she saw like a big group of girls from her school. And she was like, I was so embarrassed And I go Do you like it at all? And she goes Yeah I love it And I go, get me too the reason I love it is it's so weird. Iess it's the addict in me. It's like anything outside of my normal state, I kind of enjoy it. J just like when you're deeply embarrassed, the sensations in your body and the panic, I get aware of it. It's almost like when you're on hallucinogenics and you're like, well, that's scary. Oh, but don't worry it's hallucinogenics. It's like I feel insane like I'm gonna die, but I know it's just these, I don't know I like it. But I feel like for my mental health If you can choose to laugh or choose to be ashamed to yourself. Yeah. And once I realized that you could choose that, my life kind of changed. And then I also realized, hestly, you're more interesting when you've done stupid shit Like when you've overcome stuff. That is why I think I like addicts because I'm like, you've done some stupid shit. Yeah. And you've come out of sh thing.. And you've had to sit there and face it and then be like, I'm still gonna try to be my best the next day. Yeah, I lived. Can we go back to you getting hit by a car Look, I'm New Yorkity I'm not even like woo woo L.A. no offense. Neither of us are from here. so I was like, o're participating in all of it, but it's not our identity. so it Do I enjoy a pet psych gake for? Yes, yes. I like Aowan too. So towards the end of my senior year, this is like when it's the big tournament where you get the accolades, you get the awards, like it's the big ten championship. and it's seven AM and I'm walking to practice's like two degrees out. I have a big park on And I get hit by a car who didn't see me. Was it a white parker? whereere you like know Cam parkers were like you can't see sh. You didn't know either. Also, I think deep down I was like, fucking hit me, please. That's what I'm getting at. It kind of seems like was like what if I Also, if I was any wardrobe I could be in to get hit by a car,' be a parker. Also not to do a call back to your daughter I had a backpack And when I was chucked and landed on my back saved my fucking life. So shout out to nerds. Is that the brand of backpack Oh just being a nerd. Okay who wear backs. Sh out to reading, Sut out to books.ut out to. Hold on. So you had a backpack, you were wearing a parkack, you definitely did this on purpose. I got subconsciously. My first words were tellell my coach, I'm gonna be late. I was in such a cult and they were like, you're going to the hospital, babe I had like a really bad muscle contusion because my calves are fucking very strong. But the car was like, oh, we didn't know. But I was out for three months. Movement is a big part of my game, like speed. So I got back, obviously not one hundred percent And I this is tennis terms, but I lost five matches in third set tie breaks that like if I had been fully healthy, I would have won all of them. And it gets the point where I want to raise awareness for it's okay to quit I love that. it's okay to change your dream. And I was one of those weird seven year olds that looked my dad in the eye and I was like, I want to win the US open. Yeah. And he was like, if that's what you want, I'll make it my whole life. We're gonna do that then. We're gonna do it. And it was everything to me. I w to hang with Dan. But it's stressful when all these people are involved in your dream and then you're like, I guess I'm not doing that anymore. Remember the twenty years you just put in? Yeah,'reing Moving on to comedy. I've done so much work to be like, do you still have any value now? Yeah. And like when you quit, it was this moment where I was like, so that was all a waste. And then you don't quit and like become something great. You go from being captain of the tennis team to being in New York seven years old. Well, everyone else was developing all these other things. Everyone else was like, well, I was going to be in marketing and that's why I have all these internships. and you're just like, sometimes my surf sucks Andanah, I don't want to freak out, but we just had a guy who had a schizophrenic episode and tried to kill his father. in that stressful situation became because He was a career runner in college and quit. That a stressful event triggered the schizophrenia percent believe it. But my dad and I, we come from old school Brooklyn. hisis dad was a basketball coach in Brooklyn.. So Jerry Berner, imagine he was like those coaches they make movies about. Like it'd see a tall kid walking down the street and be like, are you in school? Are you a power forward? How's your hands reflexes and then he'd be like We're gonna to get you to college. You need to show up to class, and I'm gonna get you to college and we're gonna to win a championship. Like Jerry Berer was iconic. So my dad was just always coach mentality. Kuys quickly what he did for. I know he went to business school, but he's a salesman. So he's just like a charming sales guy who wishes he could play sports every weekend. so that's what he does. H any addiction Me. He was addicted to us. Like we'd wake up at eight AM on a Saturday and he'd have a list of all the workouts we're doing. and I was jacked up. I was like, Dad, how do you want me to jump? He definitely lived vicariously through me, which was problematic, but also he believed in me more than anyone. But when I lost I felt so bad that dad wasn't proud of me. it is the best daddy issue you can have. You're like, my dad thinks sound the shit. That's what I'm gonna to say. You're gonna have a fucking dad issue. and if it was that your dad spent way too much time with you and focused too much on you, I gotta pick that up. But we just talked about this on an episode about dads who are coaches. Oh it was with Lee. whose mother is a symphony orchestra violinist. It was her teacher for a bit. and it was like, oh gosh That mix of it being your parent who's supposed to be unconditional, which he clearly is. You'd have dinner one night Yeah after a loss and the tension is there. You can't help it, but then I would win a match. I just remember us jumping in the parking lot like we just won the Super Bowl Yeah. And those moments are so special, but then it became I wasn't playing for myself. I wasn't playing just for fun And I think that's important any parents that are like raising their kids make sure they're choosing it every day. I thought I loved it, but I loved him loving that I want. That's complicated. also Do you think you can go to the next Level and still love it. Every professional athlete we've interviewed, they all stopped loving. Andre Agassy's book was Yeah, not flowers and rainbows. Most of the tennis playays we had Ric Rodic on I love him. I played with him in a charity event this summer and greatest moment of my life. Yeah, he's a fucking stud, But it's funny you get to make fun of him in a spike tear in his visor Only he could pull that off. I know. A visor with spiked hair. That was his like look. That was his look. And every girl was like Oh I've never been more attracted to this strangely. It' also so nice. But yeah, tennis, it is your longest relationship. so that's why you have breakdowns because one day you just don't have it anymore and you're like, so I can't think about it, I can't play it Who am I? Yeah. But long story short When I started to discover comedy, I did get scared that I was gonna have performance anxiety again. Yeah. I was like, oh, no, I found another thing that I could disappoint people with that I have potential, but I can be in my head about. But I got dared to do like a live podcast because I started with podcasting in like twenty eighteen. It was my small mental health comedy pod And someone was like, do ten minutes of stand upp 'cause I'd been writing a lot of tweets. And I remember walking on stage at Caroline's. Well, that was your first time, wasas that Caroline? I did it all wrong. The first time I did it was the sold out crowd at Carol Lines ten minutes.. tenen minutes is also long for people this is the thing I I'm crazy. And I've served underhand against Duke and lost. I'm like, I can talk to a bunch of girls at Caroline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also was like, I'm gonna to go on stage and I think I'm gonna to feel like how I feel before I serve. And I had a lot of trauma still. You also love that when you filmed your Netflix standup special, right? which is like it's not ever filmed. but now that it's filmed, am I gonna forget my entire? Oh yeah an hour. And also your brain can say like, ' you've already done it. You've al loves patterns. Yeah. So I'm about to walk on and immediately, C hits me. And it's a calm that I like have goosebumps that other players would tell me about. Like they're like, yeah, you're nervous before, but then you get on and then you calm down. I never had that calm while you were playing tennis. I always felt like it was judgment day And I was like, what the fuck is wrong Like on a stage. I crab I was like, Oh, this is where they wanted me to be. And all the training from tennis and the discipline and the mental warfare and things that made me not good at tennis Thinking too much, M me go to crowd work 'cause I can't help but impulsively say when I'm thinking Yeah Stay tuned for more arm chair experts. If you dare, we are supported by all states Checking All state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking your gas gaage before hitting the road? You genuinely thought you could make it, you were wrong. That's a very long stretch of highway where you learned exactly how far fumes can take you. And it's not far enough. Yeah Checking first is an excellent plan. So check All state first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. and for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an All state roadside plan today. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, insurance and roadside assistance plans are subject to terms, conditions and availability, inssurance provided by All State North America insurance company Northbrook, Illinois, Roadside assistance plans provided by All State Motor Club, Incorporated an All state affiliate Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think Peron's Dase or PD for short PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options including non surgical treatment. To learn more about Peroni's disease, visit talkboutpd. com. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. in Squarespace. was that bridge? Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill setet, a bdody of work riv It's been yours but at some point you're ready to put it out there, and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. 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And you know, I'm a side sleeper I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot so I have cooling. and I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning. Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold. So I also have cooling. and they have over twenty models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body Plus, they've got cooling upgrades, which heading into summer, non negotiable. Truly Go to helelixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. That's helelixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you Helixleep dot com slash armchair I had this creative side that I was always suppressing. L I was goofy in school and I loved art. And I suppressed it all by like nine years old to become a professional tennis player. Yeah, did you have thriving friendships throughout? I know you went to Florida for a couple years.ooding for tennis, but were you missing out on a lot of sleepovers and all that stuff? I definitely did, but I also had no interest. Yeah, you just weren't there. It's not that you were missing out. Yeah, I had friends. I remember a coach Giving me this whole speech about how this guy would haveve gone pro, but he loved partying too much. And I was like twelve and he's like, all he does is party, all he does is party. And I'm such a like naive little girl. I go, How many birthday parties has he been invited to? How many birthday parties does he go to? I didn't realize that there was this catch other form of partying. Mind you, for some reason, guysuys who love partying like find me I also loved having a purpose. Like I'd wake up and be like, this weekend, I have a tournament, but it was torture. Did you have girlfriends on like the tour or the kids you saw a lot at me? Women's tennis is hard because they're all you're the second too clos to one, you're like Oh, this is gonna affect when we play. orr you are friends with them and then you play them and you're like, I fucking hate you. Sure. But can't you hate them for forty five minutes? We're women. That's not how it works. But what's beautiful is now I'm actually reconnecting with a lot of tennis girls from juniors kind of like, Hey, what's up? Yeah. And we have this crazy trauma bond and I feel like We're in war together and we didn't know it. Yeah. And we're all really getting along now, which is beautiful. And also if a girl was doing well, I'd be like L My my dad probably thinks she's doing better than me. likeike wishes she was his daughter. So I'm like, now you're fucking up me and my dad.. Now you're coming from my dad. Oh God. I do wan to say from the dad's perspective, the line we're hovering, it literally happened to me last night where my daughter's running for student council president.. She's been reading me drafts of the speech Asking for input. I've been helpful, helpful help. Gven notes. Then last night I found that line I don't know, I might give some specifics of the things that you're gonna change about the school as opposed to blank. and then that just set off the whole thing. And I was like, oh my God Don't know. You're asking, this is good. you're asking, okay. And then yeah, you can just well I know what you want and I have an opinion on how you could get it. First of all, I don't give a fuck you student C. In fact, I hope you're not student Ccil president because I imagine I'll have to drive more things. L I don't I want her hobby you want see TV with me. That's what I want her to be a professional at But yeah, and I'm like you're trying to help as much as the person can receive the help. And it's going well, it's going as well. And then you do this thing and it's like scarring. and you're like, I don't know, I felt the same as the previous bit of help I gave. Wait, what was it you said to give a little more specifics? Yeah, it was like, I want to improve the school and I'll listen to you improve the school. And my suggestion was like I don't know, do you wantanna a dance? Do you wantan to like is there a? Iave her So she sent me this speech too upet. She She has resources and she's getting it. She sent it to me two days ago. It was emails, so it wasn't face to face. so maybe that helped. And you're not her dad. But that's my whole point. I gave that exact. You gave the say no. at least I feel convicted in the And I saw her yesterday. She wasn't like mad at me. so clearly we totally mended before that. Did you tell her to lie? Be like politicians lie. sayay you're getting ice cream every day. Exactly. You could say it There's gonna be hot dubs in every classroom I think someone did that in my school. they were like, we are getting ice cream. Okay, J every mor is gonna be the gym teacher. Timothy Sha gonna be teaching. Now, hers is so cute ' she says I can't promise. and then she makes such a massage of chairs. That's adorable. And then she's shitting on the other people running. She's like, did you hear We totally mended last night and I said, Look, I think I probably was underestimating. This has got to be so stressful. You're gonna like give a speech on Friday. You probably feel overwhelmed and you're probably stressed out. and I hit critical maths and I'm really sorry. This just played out as the exact difference between when a father gives a note And when then me. an auntie. Yeah. But overall, it's out of love that you care about her. Yeah. L's over Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe your dad really had tennis aspirations. No, he did. Oh he did fully. like if he had the resources, he would have wantan to do it. And he like loved that He could provide it for me. We had this movie type moment at sixteen where I was really struggling mentally. and he was like, we're going on the court. He's so dramatic for this too, but like love it for that. He goes, you're gonna hit one ball And you're going to tell me if you want to keep playing And whatever you say, I'm gonna love you. L that dramatic. I remember hitting it and being like I'm gonna keep going, daddy And then it starts thunderstorming and then you still want to keep going. I ended up playing for the boys' team, which was pretty cool in my high school In high school. 'Ca then they have a girls team in Title nine. and I always have drama around me, so they ended up causing some drama. They were like, she shouldn't play on the boys' team because it's unfair. The boys are boners, it's not So distracting. They ended up granting my team a girls team that my dad ended up coaching. so that's the nice rib awesome. So he got to ruin all their lives. That's literally his joke. He's like, whyy ruin one? You ruin But he's always had an amazing sense of humor. He loves making fun of me where they're so mean to each other in the best way. We got to this point where I was like, he's always disappointed me because I never made it pro for my dad, but he's at this moment where he's like, you know, I admire about you. You? get thrown down and you always get back up. And I was like, if that's all my parents want for me, I'm like, I could live like that. Yeah. Just get back up. Yeah. Yeah what you can't understand when you're a kid is, I'm proud of you Full stop 'cause you're you. I'm enamored with you. I love you. If you become president It'll be cool. I'm not gonna be more in love with you. There's a base, I'm at one hundred percent of adoring you. And none of your accomplishments are gonna raise that, nor any of your failures will lower that. True. Also my dad would get annoyed at something I would do on the court and then I'd watch him play and he'd do the exact same thing and I'm like, and that's the problem. I'm you You're not at you dad.ics in the genetics you gave me. And I also would say he could have been a comic He ended up not going that route. And I think I'm basically him with my mom's discipline. That's great. That's why now when people, you know, as a female comic, you say stuff on stage and he'll have his friends be like, I saw that clip. My dad is so happy. He's like, I want my daughter to be happy. I've seen her through a lot of different phases of life So my parents could not be more supportive of What's the little brother's story? Oh, he was like, fuck you dad, I'm not playing this game.. He's naturally as athletic as me, as performative, but when my dad would be like, let's run in the park, I'd be like, okay, my brother would be like, I'm playing World Warcraft. I'll a shit about you. Right. So he's iconic for that. And so he was tons of friends, sleepovers. Yes wentent to Wisconsin but like was in a frat. Why did he also go to Wisc? He followed me. How much younger like twenty two months. So. he saw the stress inducing part of it for me and he was like, I'm good. I was like, you don't need dad's approval. And he's like, no, watch me. And my dad would be like, do you want to do this? And he'd be like, And I'm like, Ohh my God, he's so cool. I wish I could do that. Do you think he followed you to protect you? or be protected by you. He saw that She's like in mental distress. I feel like he looked up to me, but also he weirdly' more mature than me. So I think it was a combination of, I'm proud of her for going there, but also let me keep an eye on her. Yeah. That's so. I did want to ask about the transition from Brooklyn actuallyually, let me go back. There's one another other question I had before college, which is you were commuting to this school in Hell's kitchen, yeah Of course. Fr Brooklyn? Yes. So were you riding a train every morning? Yes. I'm enamored with this idea. So you were a little kid. Were you out eighth grade when this started? I was a junior when I came back from Florida. I found out this public school in the upper West side had this great voice was it called Began. Began. Oh my God, it was so artsy too. We did project based assessments. So instead of tests, we would present teacher things, like it was veryressive.ity progressive.. But they had amazing sports somehow. It was like the best tennis team in the city. and I literally had a meeting with the coach. I'm like, if you come into a school, we'll fucking win a championship. And he was like, you're. I don't know if I could legally say that. This is years later. The best part about it is You walk to the train, and there's a couple other kids who live in Park Slope where I was who go to school with you. So you endind up every morning with like fifteen kids. and we all get on the train at the same time. And then you have forty minutes to do homework or study. And also people are fucking scared of teenagers. Like we ran that subway. L we're annoying, we're telling stories And everyone's just going to work together and it's a beautiful thing. and the subway is like magical to me. Yeah, I was wondering in those, I guess two years of commuting, did you see some shit? Oh yeah. Yeah, like some of the wilder things. I've seen some shit and I never even lived there. The coolest thing about the subway is you think about how we've all lived such crazy lives and in this moment, we're just in this quiet place. the same car. Like how did we all get here? And we're all from different backgrounds, from different religions, from different traumities egalitarian part of New York City. The train, I've had a guy puke on me. Puke Oh That's actually kind of common. Someone's hung over and it's seven AM. You also you all press together and it's just socialally like this is pre COVID Yeah, but you have to get on this train and there's really no room and you just h. You can't breathe your like fighting for air. but that's just socially acceptable. I'd be very uncomf if I was like a middle aged businessman and a teenage girl got on and wed turn so used to it. You get so used to it. There's also like, you can't take up the whole poll. Put one fingers, you're not fucking lying on the pole. Also if you see There's like an open area There's a reason. There's a guy who pooped himself. There's a dead pigeon my body. dead body. The mistake people make at subways, they see an open car and they go, my lucky day No. This is a good con. S' doing witchcraft and you're about to go down. Have you seen What happens in Tokyo and subways? Haed to write a script that push set? No, the shoulder sleeping. This is the apex of a collective society They get on and you think you were packed in New York, you know, they're doing four acts in Tokyo. Oh ye, they're And then once they're there, they just lean their head over on a stranger's shoulder and fucking half the people are just dead asleep standing up That's incredible. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous.s I wish I could have that kind of pacece Nudity where you see a lot of nudity. 'Cacauseuse I've seen some pants down onewk. One of my early first kisses was in Central Park and then I looked and there was a guy jerking off. Oh wow. And That was crazy 'cause I'd never seen even a boner before. Yeah ye. Andere you like, o my Godd, I'm so good at kissing. . I should be an actor because like Oh goh should kiss more office. I'm such a New York city lover because I feel like it's easy to get in your head, but if you just walk outside, you see so many people who one don't give a fuck about your stupid problems. And two, I think my grandpa once told me like you'll see people in their darkest times in New York and he's like, they could have been an astronaut ten years ago. Everyone's just at a time in their life and New York doesn't stop for anyone. It's a beautiful reminder just how Little we are in this world. New Yorkers do have each other's back, I think post nine eleven where like you'll be in a subway and someone starts like choking or something and someone's like, I'm a docter. I got this donest say than you like you just move on save your life Yeah. He says fuck you every doesn't fuck you so fuck my shirt. fuck next time, pull my shirt up I don't know this to say this, but I feel like most often people from small towns are desiring going to a bigger flashier place, they go to New York, they go to LA, wherever they go. And you went from, yeah, this childhood in New York to Madison, wereere you like, what's happening here? It was a culture shock. Yeah, bad. 'acause I didn't know what a Wisconsin was And my dad was like, they have a basketball team and I was like, I don't know. I didn't know Midwest culture. And they're apex Midwest culture. I'm from Michigan, they go harder. It's different. There's no cow tipping in Michigan. Well, there is, both sure's a lot of rural.. You're like, you don't know my culture. Wisconsin does have like amazing beer, amazing cheese, but like I'm like half Italian And guys were like I've never seen something so exhaust. Yeah. be. Everyone's in Norwegian or German. I'm used to New York City where if you didn't wear something weird, People were like, you're a loser. O like Wisconsin, if you wear something different, everyone's like, you're weird. Sary. It was kind of scary I remember feeling a little misunderstood. I remember feeling like a little loud. I didn't hit it off with the men that while they were all orn fed huge, beautiful men. They would like talk about duck hunting and I was like,, why do to go duck? What they d? Eactly. And it wasn't like a culture shock where you're like cool interesting culture. It was more I felt misunderstood. Well, I could just imagine also the reduction of stimuli that you're not even aware your nervous system has become completely accustomed to, That subway ri pluck someone out of the upper peninsula of Michigan or Wisconsin, just drop them on the subway. They're fucking nervous and be like what is a lot? That dude's gota, you know And it's the opposite for you, right? I almost feel like you would have been painfully bored. understimulated. Maybe that's why I was so in my head all the time because there was nothing to think about.. I was interviewed by the mizoo coach early on. I was like, tellell me about your school and he was like don't think you're going like it. He was like, this isn't a good fit and I don't want to put you through this. And I was like I like, don't you to choose me? But it was interesting some people really want a small town simple. But Madison, Wisconsin is an amazing town. It's the capitol and the school combined and it's truly spectacular, but as a college athlete, you don't experience it. Did you go to any field parties?. I don't know, I never went to a field park. Okay. I'm an uncultured swan. Yeah, I just wish he had been. Have you ever been to a field park? I don't think so. You get it, you know, you go into a field and start drinking And he goes it's pretty crazy Yeah. say it's sc in New York. you guys have all kinds of stuff to entertain yourself. No one's gott to be that creative, but you just put twenty five people in a field and telllling that fun that you got to be creative. I heard people love Sonic. People in the suburbs would go to like a Sonic parking Sonic. Yes. Everyone went to Sonic and just hang out in the car with everyone there or waffle house huge ang out It be like fighting. There's like a joke online where people was like, my parents thought I was studying, but I was in a field about to die somewhere, just running around. Where I think in New York City, I was too scared. Central Park after eleven PM, you will get raped. That was like a fag. Yeah. was that was on you at that point. Yeah G go to Central Park. Yeah. You went to a barbers shop and got a haircut. What did you think was gonna happen So I think New Yorkers, like we never had any drunk driving issues because no one could drive. Yeah. I think in New York, either you were doing meth at eleven or you were scared. I was scared. You were in that lighter group. Yeah. Tell me about the gap between getting out of college and then summer house. What happens in that phase That's one of my darker times, but I love telling people in their twenties, no one tells you that it is your darkest time. Twenties are tough. Well, because older people they just are so envious they want to be twentyies. And you forget that you're losing your mind because you have no identity you find out that that identity is not gonna work out. In my twenties. I was teaching tennis, which was fun because I like new tennis, but I also was like, you fucking loser. People are playing tournaments and you're teaching like a six year old, you fucking loser Nots to name drop, but I was teaching this very wealthy man in the Hamptons. Oh a full grown adult, man. Yeah I would teach I teach from six years old to ninety six. Oh wow. I would take all your money. And also everyone loves tennis. Yeah. these guys, they just were lonely. I was just strictly teaching tennis, but like I was teaching them how to tech sometimes. You're actually like a therapist because tennis is so intimate where're like you miss a ball and they're like, whyy did I miss? And you're like Are you having trouble at home? Like you work stuff out. And this guy was like, okay, we're having some people come over. There're all these rich dudes. He's like, and Chelsea I'm twenty one years old by the way. Chelsea lately is like at its height. Okay I was gonna say, are we talking Clinton? Are we talking Hamton? could have I actually really did think it was Clinton. Yeah. So I'm glad Yeah you heard people I heard like man and then I then Chelsea Hamon This might pentag gun two different ways. handle Hil more on drugs That so she? shows up and I read all her autobiographies. I didn't know it yet, but I loved comedy. She walks on, I'm fucking double faulting. I'm so nervous. We're playing doubles. and it's one thing to meet someone who you admire, but to spend two hours teG tennis was as a twenty one year old. I remember at the end I was like, do me advice for like a A girl getting growing up. She literally looked at me, she was like, I got lucky and like walked away. she was so nice, so funny. And now I went to her show last night and we texted. I was like, Chelsea, you know, I taught tennis when I was twenty one. She's like, guns to my head. I have no idea who you are. I never remembered that. But yeah tennis was cool where you'd get to see different people's lives and these Aussly rich people who were empty and just lonely and just paying people to be around them Yeah. I got to see this different level of money. Yeah you get all this money and you've had this huge fantasy and then you're like, whyy aren't I euphoric? I'm supposed to be euphoric. Yeah. And now I'm terrified ' now I know there's no solution. And I'm like, this guy is so successful at his job, but can't hit a backhand and he like hates himself. So it was very fun, but I was like, I need to move away from this Really quick There's the long worn stereotype of like Dude's telling their buddy like, you're letting your wife take tennis legs. L they's gonna fuck that dude, right? That's like a very well worn truck. Yeah, there's a hot Brazilian guy that's fucking your wife. Yes, where the wife's not like, absolutely not twenty one year old fucking tennis coach. I think which is also why maybe I'm good at comedy. I have a way to like brow myself down. I'm not showing up with makeup to out Yeah I'm yelling at them. I'm not like, Hey, My. see you.m like I'm a good man. That's not why my practicice. Yeah, lot like I'm come from a coaching background, so I'm like there to make you better. R. And so like the wives were like, good, fucking yell at him. He's so annoying. Yeah. And I'm like, Yeahah I'llrop. It's just the energy you put out into the world. All right good. Could I make made more money? it Iels a little flirting or maybe? I don't knows Christmas. I never know. It feelels a little nicer with the BeCause I see some of these billionaires, they do tennis lessons and everyone's afraid to like tell them what they' wrong and they don't get better Yeah. And I'm like, someomeone tell this guy to bend his knees. Okay, so you were coaching tennis. Ching that g. And I'm like, I have to get away from tennis. I have to find who I am. I started doing co calling sales because my dad was like, if you want to be successful in life co calling sales. And if you could handle that, you could handle anything. Did he also becauseuse dad was a salesman he's a car salesm. said If you think there's any job in the world that's not sales, you're crazy. Every single job is sales. That's exactly what my dad said to me. and he's like, you have to sell yourself, to sell everything. Yeah. It's true, because I've dealt with other arrtists out here who are writers I'm like At the end of the day, dude, you're walking into a studio and you better put on a fucking show. Early on, I was like, guysys, I don't know I'm talking, but I will sell it. Like I don't know what this is. out of my back. I don't believe it. I don't have any knowledge of the product and I'm gonna move this unit. O s also did sales. Yes, Yes because it's an X factor, the salesman, it's a hard gig., it's just like stand up. You're going to get rejected fucking nonstop And he' got to be able to go, yeah, whatever. So I actually I joined the sales team and it was a bunch of guys and me, but again, I'm used to it I used to train with loud guys. It really feels like I've always been in this male dominated space that I'm like, okay, I'm here now. And I would just like kind of giggle on the phone a lot Like I would just kind of be jokey and silly. And I remember one guy being like, all you do is giggle on the phone, which is so funny because now that's my career. Exactly. But I had like a lightness and silliness about it. I started doing really well. I was making good money at like twenty three. Nice. But I started to feel like I was just taking from people. My day was just you were something I needed something from. Yes. And I'm a creative. That went against my core where like, I'm a people pleaser. I'm an artist. I want to give. I started hating it. I would like hide in the bathroom I'd hang out with the social media team and be like, what do you guys have to do today? Can I ask what you were selling I was selling marketing for small businesses. I know why you felt a little dirty 'ause you're like, don't know this marketing iss gonna to help your business. And there's no way to actually find out. alsoso I'm not selling yeah, like these big businesses, this like guy with the pizzeria. Yeah. And I mean, it wasn't an expensive product. Listen, I did the same thing. I worked for my dad. Yeah, I had a lot of different sales jobs for my dad. just like, I don't know if anyone's getting anything they paid for. Well, yeah, 'cause then you sell it and then the people I'm like, are you guys doing what I sold But it was such a good experience. I said, I want to do marketing. I started doing marketing for a t shirt company. And you have a communications degree? Communications degree. And at the end of my communications degree, I had a little internship at Wisconsin where I did some sports broadcasting.. Because deep down, I actually thought I was gonna be a sports broadcas on. I know sports. Yeah. I can turn it on. Welcome to USPN. I'm Hanna Burner. I was like Oh my God. ye. And I had some like funny interviews That did well. You have to move to a small town to be a sports broadcaster. and I was like, I'm fucking done with this. I want to be in New York City. I actually told my mom this is crazy, but I was like What if I interviewed people on the subway I thought of that like twenty two. W. So like your body knows what you want to do. But then I' ask an idea. So fast forward, I'm in Vegas selling t shirts at like twenty five And I see an old video pop up on YouTube of me interviewing a Wisconsin basketball player And I just thought, I want to be on camera, which is again Embarrassing. Yeah. Saying you want to be on. True. It's vulnerable. Yeah That's ye Yeah yeah. especially as a woman to be like, I should be seen Yeah. And you guys should look at me. Yeah. Preferably all day. So I decide at twenty five, I start telling people like, I want to be. on camera. I didn't know what it was, maybe sports. I didn't know. alwaysways love stand upp, but I did not think I'd be stand upp. and This company Betches is hiring for a video producer. And I knew how to edit from Wisconsin. Wh knew a communication arts degree, get't you? What are we using? Premiere proro Premiere Pro great, whichich is how to launch my entire career. So I'm editing for them. They find they like, can you make a sketch? And I got this like wedding videoographer to film it. It was called when Bay Facetimes you Bay was really in at the time. Yeah, that means your boyfriend. Yeah or girlfriend. Or like someone you're in into. Okay. BA E. Yes. Okay. You're so in. You know what the kids are doing. Every. Do you w to see me dance? Oh my God. spelling. Oh boy. o. Maybe there's a seven year old dude listening. he was adrift. and I justar work. Okay, sorry. So I have headphones on and I go, Ohh, I need my headphones ' I'm in my pajamas. and then it shows me put like a full face of makeup on and a ring light and then I go found my headphones, like let's tell, it was just likeila video It goes viral and they're like, canan you do this three times a week? And I felt The drug again. I say yes to everything. Re wee h you on six. And I was like working on the weekends. I found my passion again. I was like, my whole life, I could just make funny videos. L this is fucking sick. And I start casting New York City comics to be in the videos. So I start surrounding myself with cool give a little budget I got tag here and there, a little fifty bucks here. Okay. But I was like seeing these people's lives I'm like, So you do podcasting day, you're auditioning and you do stand upp at night and that's your life. And I was like, that's kind of cool. Yeah And then I get a call to be on a reality TV show Stay tuned for more arm chair experts. If you dare This episode is sponsored by Better Help So Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's twenty twenty six state of Stigma repeport surveyed two thousand Americans and revealed that eighty five percent of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet seventy four percent say society discourages people from doing so. That's a huge gap. Most of us agree therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going Right. And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference. I mean, as you know, I'm I obsessed with therapy. I've been in it consistently for years and years and years. and I have said this and I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit. Oh o Okay. Yeah. I know what I'm not And I gott to go to therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself And Betterhelp makes that first step easier. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and with over thirty thousand therapists and twelve plus years of experience, they typically get the match right the first time. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with Better Help. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash dAax. That's betterhelp dot com slash DAax This episode is brought to you by Sopfi The all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it does not have to be that way. 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Every single piece I've gotten from them still looks brand new afterfter a lot of washes, there's no stretching, they lay perfectly and they support in all the right places You're pretty particular about that stuff too, which is saying something. It is. And I'll just say it, the lightweight cotton thong is the best one I've ever tried. I also have their cotton jersey t shirt. I have it in black and I really love it. It is a tight fit, but it is very flattering. Sometimes I don't love a tight fit shirt, but Sims just does everything right. I really don't know what they're doing over there The t shirt is perfect for summer. It's a great summer shirt, G get yours, shop Sims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at skims d. com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the sururvey and be sure to select Armtra experpert in the drop down menu that follows They found you? I got a DM from a producer. Wow. And they were like, we were looking for New York City kids in their twenties. I can't imagine at that time you had seen season one or two of. I hadn't watched. Right, R about ids who work I see usinging kids because I'm so old now, but people twies twenties Humans who work human beings. whoo work during the week and then they party in the Hamptons on the weekends. Now, I grew up in New York City and I'd go to shelter Island and play tennis and do old man stuff, but I was like, I know this lifestyle. And I'm like, can I promote my podcast? And they were like, yes, we love that. So I think I've like hit the jackpot. I do with the Zoom and I'm like, I don't think I'm a reality TV person when you see me. I don't know what they saw me, Maybe they'm loose lips. I was like, I'm a people pleaser, but I like being funny. I think they love that I was the sporty girl. R. They like to cast you. Yeah they need an archetype. I was like the truth teller sporty girl who was like relatable. I wasn't too hot, but I wasn't like too drunk. Like I kind of had myle the audition or Zoom. Do they like show you pictures of people and then you comment?' actually really funny So do you think so and so's life is headed in the right direction? How do they want you to make some judgments? And I remember not knowing anything about the people, but like trying to have a hot take. Yeah. She she's sponsoring me with podcasting. I'm like, if I don't about it I'll have a hot take. I I haven't seen it, or anything about it, and I've got a fully fl. And I will fight this out with you right now. Yeah. But also again, I like a challenge I also was still feeling a little lost. I remember telling my mom about it. It also paycheck. I wasn't making money at the time. and my mom was like I'm a little nervous, but you've done a lot of hard things even at your young age. See what happens. She's like you're a nice human, like you're not gonna to get into fights with people. You're not going to cry. You're not a crier. Yeah, yeah, yeah do all those things. so. Honestly, reality TV was the most fucked up, beautiful experience I've ever had.. Yeah what are the pros and the cons or the highs and the lows? The highs were that if you get a good edit People think you're the greatest human in the world. Yeah. L you just are the greatest. You are the funniest. You've never made a mistake. Everything you say is right. You're playing a character for a storyline that they choose to say. Yeah. And honestly, I had two really good seasons where I met friends for life. You met Paige or Paage. But then we had our COVID season Oere we were locked in a house. This seems bonkers. This is like child abuse. Well, everyone went crazy when we signed up. Everyone went crazy in their homes without a camera crew there. Honestly, like the later seasons is when like egos get involved, and you know each other too much. like you're too comfortable with. Also people have popped, other people haven't. There's a whole lot of shit up. Everyone's counting, everyveryone's followers and it's not based on You had a good standup special. It's based on did you get a nice storyline that people related to? Let me ask one quick question on that because often you're on set as an actor and the actor goes, my character wouldn't do this. And like they're fighting for the death of that. and that's not even them. So like, if you get assigned a storyline that's like so different from who you are. I'm going to blow your mind. Okay You don't know what wased to say I was about to say. So Okay, this is my advice for people on reality TV. If the producers are coming to you being like, okay, want ask these questions, do this, you're in a good place. If no one talks to you before the scene, you are the storylineer.. So you come in thinking, you don't know what's going on and you can't tell if people are gonna to be like, they're bullying me Or I should be ye yelled at right now. Like yeah, reality TV is made in the edit. The people do not know what's going on when they're When they say edit, it is a lot of the conffessionals tell the story. So I like to say, think of someone who doesn't like you, how they would tell a story and then think of someone who does like you and how they tell a story. They decide who's gonna tell the story. R Or you might be telling the story. People have a lot of different experiences and some seasons I felt like were really real. and then some I feel like they have enough to work with. Then like sometimes they protect people, they don't protect other people. I feel like I learned so much from it. It humbled me. It made me realize how not in control you are. Obviously, I wanna be liked. I'm in this industry It made me realize not everyone likes you and to have to sit with people not liking you for like something the back of your head said, That was things that I had to fucking face my demons. S It also led me to stand up comedy because I was getting upset and I would be at the club at night And I'm with all these comics and I'm like, not a good episode, not a good episode. And they were like, making fun of me. R And they were like, if I was on the show, I would do this, this. They right sized it for you. Yeah, it was so funny. It kept me sane. And then when I was on stage, I wasn't on my phone. And people were authentically reacting to me in the flesh. I hate saying that it's a gross thing to say, but just me being me, you didn't like me for me. And also comedy is so honest. And I realized if I want to find myself, this is where I'm gonna do it. then I got fired. Really quick. How old were you? thirty. You better believe at thirty, all I would have done is write about myself. It'd be impossible not to. I loved your Nicki Glazer episode because you guys really hit on this and I was like, I'm rel into this too much. but I have to give credit to my old husband. My old beautiful, tired husband. O the description p husband. Yes. He's still here. not for long. T. But he. had this whole career before me And he had mentioned like sometimes when he was his most liked, he felt like he was his most hated because he didn't have anyone telling him like, o, that's not actually what's going on. And when you're performing live, you have to walk on and feel love. You can't be in your head like these people are coming for me. Yeah yeah. So he Early on, had like a strict rule in our household. And he actually was tough with it. He's like, if you see something, you get upset, that's your problem. Yeah. Like he was tough with me, which you know But he saved my life. I wouldn't be here. And that's like dramatic, but it's true. You would have done much more cocaine. I would have been loving cocaine. But he was like, what's like a car crash, like you want to watch it But you don't have to watch it. you're watching a car crash that you're in. Yeah, it's my car. Yeahah, yeah. It's gonna be extra traumatic because the car crash you're observing is you going through the windshield. My biggest advice for like artists and creators Once the comments start affecting your creativity They win. So at that point, I was't trying to be a reality TV star. I was trying to be a standup comedian. So I was like, but if you're not likekable, people don't trusty with a joke. So it started to get to the point where it's ups and downs in reality TV and I was like, this is chaos I had gotten fired from it and a talk show. That was like the end. What you got fired from a talk show? Well, at the end of my summerhouse Bravo days, I had got a talk showrao Okay o. I was like, okay, I have other skills that I can lear and people were kind of seeing it. My time ended on the show. What happened? It was a matter of, you need everyone to be friends Not everyone was getting along. It was a choice. I was gonna be the one. Kash They also camp Paiage? No, Paagege is perfect. like we love Paage. So did she go further seasons than you? Paage lasted really long. on the show. Yeah, yeah. I was the bad girl. Oh. I just say getting fired Star power T star powerower. If you're listening, you'reluent That takes like it's thin les who love and hate, like getting fred. They were like, you're too much for reality TV. I was like iconic. But you are a people pleaser, so that must have hurt. That's why like when producers are like asked this question, I was like listening, which ultimately was not Great for me. but again, I learned so much from it And I was sitting in a car in Missouri, headed to a stand upp club And I get a call, You're fied from somewerehouse, you're fied from chat room.. And I remember thinking now I need to get a Netflix special. I got such a chip on my shoulder. 'use you have to be crazy to stand up every night. You have to have some kind of attic mentality. And I remember thinking, I love when people put me down or like cut me out or I feel like no one wants to be there. and to come back stronger, I just love that. I love the rising of the Phoenix. I love the underdog. Yeah. Also no one in realI TV gets a Netflix special. so I was like Let's fucking go. A joke like, did you need revenge? Did you need so sicilian about it you I never put any of my energy towards hurting anyone. I literally was like, and now we're moving on and we're putting all that anger into like when you don't want to get up to go to the club, you're fucking getting in that Uber and going there. Yeah. Or these people were right in M one. And my brother always was like, you're gonna to lose battles, but you're not gonna to lose the war, which is like so intense My sports family.. Yeah, That's so good. But I just want people to know things are going to happen to you regardless. L shitty things happen to you every day. It's how you react to it. And if you can laugh at yourself And not to be all like Inspirational, but I was ar was that the word you' looking for? I've never used this word before. Let's be honest. It about how I feel But everything that's made me interesting is like me fucking up Mm. Yeah, that's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You star the Giggle squad. A I say Giggly squad. I kn I was missing. It wass literally close enough. We're gonna to blame my dyslexia. He is dyslexic. twenty twenty Yes. You guys start this. We were doing Instagram lives. Do you remember? No an Instagram li? No? No, noope, no. G good for you. But you were doing an hour a night for like three months, Is that what you? Yeah, That was crazy. We also were on reality TV and they'd never show the funny parts. They li like to laugh at you. The guy would be filming us in the bathroom and we'd be like riffin, riff in, riffin and he would just turn and walk out. and I was like, that was going. That was too Yeah. Isy, you hate Emm'ies It' like really working like you're trying to make the videographer lagh or like, this doesn't have to do with the current storyline' foing so I wasteed my time. We were faciming and I was like, let's just go live And we did every day and it started to become kind of cultish. It was like five thousand, ten thousand people. And then we had to film our last season. so we stopped doing it. And after the season ended, Paige never thought she'd podcast because she has a face for television. She's never thought that was her direction. And I was like Pige like podcastingt like I've been doing it. We got to get into it And she's ler rolled her ey. I was like, f And then it's been our like therapy, being able to be ourselves. In your year six We're in your six now? It's huge. It was a slow, slow growth Becauseuse also we don't have guests, so there wouldn't be like a viral episode. The guest is stressful. And also I'll be honest, sometimes they walk in, the energy is off Right You're pulling teeth. There are positives, but having just our formula and just riffing with your best friend every day has been know it's much. Well we do the fact check, which is sort of the version of that, which is so much easier. chemistry,'ve chemistry Yeah I'm always looking forward to the fact check. There's many gu guys who like, Oh, let's see if I can get a person who hates being interviewed to enjoy this. The celebrities at least that we interview like they don't want I get it. They got to promote a movie. And they're friends with you guys. So this is their like warmest in some cases. Yeah, yeah. That's true. And then those are the trickiest ones too. I don't know. A I allowed to bring up the fact that you fucked a bowl in high school? You know, like ye I know so much and I don't know what they're comfortable with Somehow harder. Who fucked a bowl No I also to say that I actually don't know anyone that fucked a bowl, but let's say I did. Do you do two episodes a week? We moved to two episodes a week, which has been fucking fun because we have it in us. Let me ask you a very gross question. I know that you're making a lot of money now because I know the size theaters playing and Yeah's fucking awesome. And I know how many stand up date you're doing. so you've got some fucking casola Are you enjoying it? Have you done anything stupid with it? Did you buy a fancy apartment? Like what's What's happening with all this money? Oh my go. I'm cheap. Is it at all stressful in your marriage that you're making more money? Oh, he loves it. He loves it. goodood for. That you got a mature man. He calls me his pension pussy. He's lived his own life. He's very successful in his own right But he jokes when we started dating was my last season of my reality show when it was a hard time. He's like, I came in when you had no jobs. one's calling me a gold digger. Yeah exxactly. And also I would say during the honeymoon phase was a really hard time for me.eople weren't liking me that much. And I had that like moment You're like just time you stutter People weren't How do you feel like I'm waing here like getting me and she's like liking me. was no. It was a no. P were passing No. People are like die. And you meet a new guy. And I come from the mindset of when I'm successful People like me more So I'm sitting there with a new man And at one point I was like, I don't have a job Definitely not popular Why the fuck would you choose me? Yeah. ye Yeah. And he Level headedly was like, you should talk some about that because that's you. Yeah. Oh my God, he sounds so great. I haven't dated these smart guys before. They're annoying ' they can win an argument. Watch out for that. Like I'm like, how did you know that word? He's done a lot in his life. He's wise. Like when I ask him a question before this pot up when I called him, I was like, Any words of wisdom? Oh that's lovely. And he's the one who's like, shut up sometimes. This is my mistakes that I've made. Don't make them again.. So he's a huge part of me also having the confidence to like put myself out there. This would be the worst is if you guys were in a fight and then all of a sudden he just ripped out like a proverb in Mandarin. He does all the time. He does. He's Irish, so he says things like over the cuckon ns. I don't know. He says hered. Yeah, three sheeps in a barnard. Yeah I jump over the rored neck of a boat and I'm like, don't I don't know if that means. but it's like hot 'cause I'm like, he knows slain. Yeah Keep looking those things. I don't know what you're saying about I'm not Madtie anymore because that was cute Irish people love a proverb Pverbs I aren't good. I think I don't need to go into that. You're like not, we're gonna skip that. I think oppressed people come up with a lot of rad shit. I think that's why in sinners, we got to see the Irish jig paired with all the black music. I was like, oh yeah, look what comes out of fucking darkness. Yeah. I'm similar to you like we are in the same industry, but I think because we're in different times of our careers, it's been really helpful because he's like, Oh thank God, I don't have to do that again. Yeah. So other guys might be like, why is she getting that? and not me where he's like, I've done that, I've been that. Don't do this ' I did that. So he's insightful. There are times where I'm thirty four The Hulu spepecialist buts come out. I want to do press and he's like, you have to do that one. And I'm like, but why? He sees the big picture. Yeah. Yeah. He sees the marathon. But he's tough with M. He'll call me out He's like, Is that do e youo? We're honest with each other GNAA? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. we pick up a lot of bullshit there' nohere. You know some guys you're like, go to therapy and he's like, I've done years of therapy. and I'm like I am a therapist. My sponsor is seventy guys. I've talkaught guys on roofs. He was in Ireland where he was doing like NA. he like knows all the like guys who were in NA in Iland then like he's seen some anarliist That's why also I was like This guy could handle me. Like yeah. Yeah, He's war torn. Okay, so you weren't using your money to buy anything cute., That's what we're learning You bought something cute because you look ashamed of yourself. I am wearing I very expensive w breaker, but it's my friend Paige who lent it to me because she knows how to be rich. Why bet I asked her of these questions? She would never fucking she knows. But like being rich is hard sometimes. I mean, that actually cancel that. cut Cut it cut it out. Don't make the title. No, but being rich is like a whole situation the world. Now you have something to lose. You also go like, oh Shit, I have money. You're supposed to figure out how to make money with your money. Like you just have this whole new list of things you think you're doing wrong. Yeah, people start talking about landscaping and you've never thought about a flower in your life. It's crazy, but I do think not to be a woooo, but I never came into it for money. I'm like an athlete where I'm like, I want respect.. I want people to look up to me. I'm an inspirered little girl. I want a statue in front of a tennis arena. I I want my name on this bench So then when I started doing better financially, my whole family thinks it's hilarious. My brother's like in finance and he's like, what are you up to? And I'm like, I don't know, dude, I'm just having fun. Yeah, it's working. It's so crazy that you could be creative and just like be yourself. Well look, I I did want money. I wanted money so fucking bad. And as an actor, I was impossible to deal with and as a director and wr I just please give me all the money. And then thisah I D didn't think you could make money at it. So that is the irony of it all which is kind of beautiful because I think if you're just out there for money The universe doesn't respond to that way. even if it can work for a minute, it has a shorter life. I've seen people succeed with the cash grab in this space. It just loses its momentum because once you have the money Now what do we do it for? But then there's so many people where you're like, how much money do you need?ike people launching the craziest businesses. But I think it's like they need to feel alive too. They're not dead after getting rich. Yeah. Again, it's funny I'm sure there's two or many categories of people, but there's like some people that are right, they just always want to be entrepreneurs and that's great Yeah There's a whole other group that I'm sympathetic to, which is just like, you're aware of the fact you have this opportunity And you see other people have taken that opportunity, they've turned it into things. It this weird guilt. Am I supposed to be doing this or I should be doing this? So I think a lot of people get into things out of that weird motivation. especially social media where people are like, I made a hundred grand yesterday in this website and people are like, if that guy could do it and he lives at home with his mom, like I could do it. But a lot of it is so No one really doess. Yeah. Don't get me into life coach. Even like I was watching that Mmosphere documentary and I was like, guysuys, none of these guys have any money. They Everything's rented. Do not fucking everything Lamboo is rented. Yeah do not own a Lamborghini. Those are not their girlfriends. But they know how to sell something. And they do. Yeah. They sure do Do you want to use your salesp in the right or the wrong way Exactly. Y, ye. Okay, so I want to applaud you for we ri at Dawn 'Ccause you got your Netflix special. Thank you. And it was hugely popular. Thank you. Yeah, that's fucking. did that moment feel like, you're like, I did' it. It was cool ' I got a call and they were like Netflix wants to do a special with you. And I was like, I did it, I did it. I tell my husband, Netflix wants to do special with me. He looks through the e and he goes No You're toying for eight more months. This is your first special Everyone's gonna watch it. I don't care if they think you're ready, you're not And I was like, obsessed with my Spial King. But like thank God, because in my head, I'm like, they think I'm ready. I love my jokes. let's go. They'll never call again. That's the other thing. And you're like, if I don't take this now, they'll never call again. Yeah. especially sometimes in comedy, like you're a little hot and you start getting too many opportunities that you're not prepared for. And I was green. I really was very early in standup, but in standup, I was doing an hour very early on. So I had a lot of stage time because I was selling tickets But they always say you could sell tickets the first round, but they're not coming back if it's not good. But I'm telling you like I felt like a surfer found the right wave. This is moving in the right direction. Like I'm not getting yips. This is what Tenish should have felt like. Then I shot the special But I did have a mental break before the special. I was doing tapping. Oh You know it's like you're like like, haven't tried tapping What is tapping? tellell me about tapping? No, shouldh I t? Oh, mom'm showing my age. What is tapping? It's like an OCD kind of, right? You say something that's making you uncomfortable. But then you tap to like relax the nervous. put yourself back in your body? Actually have no idea. I was in a dark place where like I would have shoved something at my asshle if they were like, T Charlie Sheenett, you go on stage.uck. It's like an anxiety thing. Yeah. Basically before the special, I started getting those thoughts where I was like, what's the worst thing that can happen? What if I can't form sentences? And then I kind of go obsessed with like, how did I ever form a sentence What is a sentence? You could over think how to walk. Well, in Baberss, AK Par, when you were on her show, she was saying very astutely, comedy is best when the person' relaxed. That's kind of the magic trick. And so is sports. You have to hold the racket lightly likeike when you're playing racing, you hold the steering wheel very light. You lose control if you go too tight. Yeah So how did you overcome that and end up fucking winning the match against Netflix? So two weeks beforehand, I remember starting like crying to my mom because she's like just calling again. And I was like, I'm fucking terrified. And I remember my husband going You should be It's scary. It's a big deal it's scary. It's scary, It's ner wracking, You have a lot of pressure. peopleeople want you to fail. You can be human. He's like, I freak out before specials too. You're human. I gott a beta blocker subscription.ice. saved my fucking life. And I listen to like pumped up music. I'm familiar with that side of myself that's like, you've gone crazy. You've gone the deep end I do think with standup, what I like more than tennis is it's really hard to get in your head when you're talking There's no room where tennis, it's fucking that's so loud. Yeah. watchatching this asshole dribble do their OCD ticks. Nedell's like waking assking out Yeah. Everyone's tweaking stimming. With this, I think what happened is the shows before, I was really nervous and on stage, I was like, pretend you're shooting the special, pretend you're shoing the special. I was being really overly hard on myself. Yeah ye,. So leading up to it was a nightmare. And then the day of, I took the beta bllacker, I was meditating with my mom before I went. I was literally like And I walked on stage, I was coning. You were like, Oh, I know how to do this. And then I walked off and everyone was like, ye you did it. And then I was like, The second time around of shoing my special, I didn't have the same love one. It was almost like exposure therapy, But it is so funny how in your most vulnerable moments, your demons come back. off course. They're for. The shadow is doing busush upps in the background at all times. The shadow iss like, Oh, we're up. Also not to sound like an old basketball coach from Brooklyn, but I love the quote that even when it's raining ope is always there. So it's the idea that like even when it looks like there's no opportunity and it's dark, like it's there, you just can't see it. Yeah, I like that. So I try to tell myself that Very encouraging for it to come out and be number two right out of the gates. That was insane. Yeah, let you know you're on the right path Oh, I just have to say one thing. I did see which absolutely loved To watch someone act out my nightmare Because even when we would do live shows, twenty five times in my head be like, We're in Minnesota, backstage. We're in Minnesota. But Hannah had the moment where she was in Buffalo, New York And she came on stage. I was like What' a bosson? No! Oh my Lord The searing delight I got in my fucking core watching that was like, Oh she did it. I had that moment where like I have two ways I could go about this. Iike a gaslight that exactly think that I didn't say that just keep going. They missed her. They made it up. Sheid she a boss? No, she missed her. No She b. But I'm like my head was like hot, like, you know. And then I was like Or I address it. But then these place Buffalo, Boston, you don't know That's fuck. That's bad. You want to do that in Minnesota. Yeah., that'skay. you know. Yeah, they're like, oh yeah, we love you. we love beer. Easy mistake. notot really, but okay. This place, I start dying laughing. The thing is the girls who listen to my pod and go to my comedy shows and the guys, they're so funny We have this funny relationship where they make fun of me. So after the show, everyone's like, love your show in Boston. They're just like le Yeah yeah. And then it kind of became a shick. I wish you got really known for it. So every time you did it, you could do a more abstract funny. Wh of people be looking forward to where you're gonna to say like I'm what's up Nairobi? you know, whatever it is. So my openers now because I kind of black out when I'm on the Godmicike Like, when you're on stage, you're good but Godmic, you're kind of not focused and they're always like Nebraska. and this is the day and they have to kind of tell you that. but It's happened to me multiple times I' here to tell the same tale. I you survived. Wait, so did you say like sorry or were you like, I didn't I went stightady to like celebrating the buuffalo bills. Yeah, go go bills You didn't get the team wrong by the way. Oh my go. I'm already. Actually in Texas once, Texas has so many fucking teams and I I actually at Texans instead. at UT. The wrong place. Oh boy. I thought I was gonna get stoned. Yeah. And I was like, we were good for like thirty minutes and this is where they turn. But that's the high of stand up. Yeah. Okay, so none of my business Hulu June fifth Premieres You shot it in Toronto? Yes. This feels like an interesting choice. Explain it to me. I had done a lot of shows in New York. My three like places I love filming is New York. Boston, Philly, peopleeople are loud They're aggressive. They love chanting They're smart. Yeah. They've had a long week. They're the star of the show, even if they're in the audience. Is what you're scary. I'mary.. They hold me hostage at the show. And they're just their energy is like amazing. And also it's convenient since I'm in New York Toronto, weirdly, I have this incredible following. And I know people shoot stuff there and I had done New York earlier in the tour. I like I can't do New York. So Toronto just came naturally. My mom's like, why did you pick Toronto in February? Why could't we do Miami?am Yeah sure. But I really like this one theater. Which one? L Bluma Appell Theater. It's like nine hundred Cedar. It feels really intimate Even though it's a lot of people, it feels close. When you first do stand up, no one tells you when you get a special, they go, whereere do you want to shoot it? And you're like, whereere do people shoot it? And they're like, wherever you want? And I'm like, I haven't been like, I don't know where I am right now.. I thought I was in Boston last week.e time around, I was like writing down theaters I liked. And some of them have really good vibes too. Yeah, you really do need a good vibe. in the filming, even though it doesn't always come across in the film as great of a show sometimes, like you can't tell if the audience was really good or really bad And also standups, you don't really tell each other The spots. standandups are a little gatekeepy sometimes. Like they're not like, this my director like We're kind of like entrepreneurial where like you can ask, but that's their business. Yeah. So I did Blue Maell, two shows. None of my business, One of my favorite, I got that saying from the program I don't know if you heard your husband ever say that. but like what other people think you know in your business? At least I learned that there Is that where it all stems from? I think it stemmed from that, but then it became kind of trendy people being like, things that are none of my business. and I have a joke. looking in the mirror is none of my business. Like I don't look in the mirror a lot. I don't fuck with the miror. Yeah I like. Yeah, what do you say you go like, you don't want to look in the the first thing have information you don't need about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say over the course of my life, the amount of times I looked in the mirror and was pumped is like it's certainly under one percent. I' never like look like, let's do this, man I always say I am delusional like I think I know what I look like and it's the best photo I've ever taken. And when you walk into a room like that, even if you have fucking stuff in your teeth, it helps. Oh confidence's everything. Oh, it's everything. I gotta say though your hair looked fucking gorgeous in that special. How many hours went into? That was fake It was oky, that helps. But also you kind of come in with extensions and like this guy was going in and at one point, I was like, there's a dead animal on my head.ike it's getting heavy. It was heavy. And also when you're a convict, you're yourself, right? And I'm just going on stage, you know, I'm in some city and I'm tired and I did makeup like five minutes before. So when I walked on, I was like, who am I right now? And I was saying bits about like being part time hot and stuff And people like weren't laughing at much in the. I was like, oh, 'use I look like a different person. I did four hours of makeup. And people don talk about how it's a different presentation when you look. Nick's very great about this. Yes. She's like, you can catch me on one day and I look like this. And then her joke was, and then another day, I'm Dax. She said, sometometimes I'm Kristen Bell. Yeah, that was in a one. No it wasn't. Yeah. She goes Sometimes I'm looking, I'm like, this is working. I'm hot. and you might go to bed with Kristen Bell, but you're gonna wake up couple with death. That is so funny You don't remember, that was in the first interview. And she's like, I hope you got that right and I'm like I did. You look like a dude, notot that I look like a ugly Yeah ye. You're like, you're lucky, you could look like me.'m strong. It's a good jke, goo to bed as Chrisen Bell and wake up funny. So funny. So how do you decide what we're going to tackle next? Is it like writing songs? you're just like hoping things hit you? All I hered about was getting that first Netflix special. And then when I finished it, I was like They need another. That' like crazy. It took me six years. need another. and What's tough about standup as opposed to like musicians that could play a great song all the time is it feels like winning the Super Bowl doing your Netflix special. And then you go back to the club and it feels like you have to learn how to play football again. You can't start all of do your classics. It's burned. L it's like a stand upp rule. So I'm literally going on stage like inkles before I'm sorry. L Im like what is funny? But it helped me grow as a comic to realize like I wasn't just funny ' I had these tested and true jokes from the first special. I was funny 'cause I was being myself. R. And let's now grow and how I express myself. Yeah You have a lot of physicality and there's a lot of just you being fucking goofy as hell. I think I'moofier in this special, this one. Yeah. I think it's a little more confidence, maybe. It's infectious. I guess that's like when I'm on stage. R. 'acause no one could tell me to like stop Yeah. I could do whatever I want. Now are you more nervous because you do some crowd workork in this as well. Are you more nervous to do crowd work when it's being filmed versus live? I feel like the stakes are higher. So this time around I actually did a lot less crowdwork on Tour. L I was like, I'm getting my hour. but some people would come to see the crowd workork. So I have my moments, I'd do it For this What I did was I do my material and then I kind of just went off for like twenty minutes at the end doing crowd workork.. So I'm like in the thirty minutes, I will get a couple beats. Yeah. So but I also was like, even if I have no crowdwork, I know I have the special I'm proud of. So the crowdwork to me was just kind of a cherry on top. it is like a new thing Put it in if it's good and your special. I did keep some girl messaged me saying there's a bachorette party here tonight, which I'm like, f, that's not what I need for my special. I'm like, I'm gonna dress in the beginning. So I'm like, Hey who has a bachelerette tonight No one says anything. And I'm just like like so awkward. like you guys are leaving me for dead. And's this. And finally someone's like,. And I'm like, youadian ass polite, quiet bachelortte L fuck you guys for embarrassing. Sorry. literally sorry. Yeah yeah sorry. Sorry I sorry you're celebrating. And I'm like, well, tonight's about me. so shut the fuck up, Alexa But I have a crowd workork at the end. that's something I always do. So I ask guys, have they ever thought about what sex feels like for a woman? Yeah, this was stressful when I was watching it. 'cause I'm like, what would I say? It's an abstract question. It'uch a fucked up question. Yeah so say it again. you ask dudes. haveave you ever thought about what sex feels like for a woman. So they know immediately, there's a right and wrong answer. and they overthink it a lot. What would you say I think I would say filled Okay, so then you're saying you're saying thought about you? Oh yeah, which was the quest H you ever thought Oh have I Oh Godd, yeah tons. A ton of men are just like, no. One guy said stabbing and I was like, we gotta stop everyone's upset. We gotta go home. V like guys give the funniest answers when I say what adjective Iice explain adjective is a describing word. would you use for how it feels like and they go white. Do you think they're afraid to answer? they don't want they're in a crowd of ninety. And it's all the pot girs like my crowd rs like thisot girls like Yeah And a guy doesn't wantan to get stoned. This guy says warm is A guy said warm, which is my favorite answer. It's sweet. Because it makes no fucking sense. No. I remember microwave is cock I'm warm. You warm when you're in me. Y. I've never been cold and been like if only had a dick in me, I'd be warm. Yeah Maybe he meant like warm fuzzies You know, he' in No, he meant tough panic. Maybe his dick runs hot You we don't know. We don't But all these boyfriends are coming to the show, which creates this great tension because they want to be made fun of. Like they'll sit in the front. someone will DM me like, hey, my boyfriend's stay next to me his name's this, like go in on him. Yeah Go. guys like it. But with that tension, I love trying to like make us understand each Youve already filtered out a lot of dudes. No single guys are coming to the show. No single guys and a bunch of hot. They smart, they were And I feel like the guys are liking it 'cause they know that I'm not trying to make it for them. And then they're like, who, that was actually really funny. This was like really fun time. L I had these younger guys message me, they're like, we actually learned a lot about sex. They're like, I those birth and kill Tony. L I really laughed I made it. I made that. But I'm of this opinion of like there's like a divide between men and women right now. And I love trying to connect us and help us understand each other, but through the tension of comedy And the guys asking them these questions is so fucking funny. I know there's been fights going home in the car with some couplees, but like I hope they grew from it. There always are a good comedy show. always. A little post reflection. Yeah, there's been some Chris Rock ones where like, Oh everyone's fucked. Everyone here. L when he's talking about cheating on his wife He's like when I tell women, they're like, I cannot believe you did that when I tell men And they're like, oh my Godd, only two. You must really love her. Like Oh my God. like what is that car ride home gonna be like when he lays that joke out? I mean, whoa. I know. But do I do like to kind of be that female locker room talk to make girls feel less embarrassed about things going on, but then also let guys in on like, you know, this actually is how we're feeling. Yeah. Just changing the world And then the last thing we have to talk about is you're about to do a scripted show on Netflix with Poolar and Kay Cannon, who I love Kay to death It's in the very early stages. Okay Aain, I don't like being put in a box. Amy loves Giggly squad. I can't even wrap my head around. share the elatian one feels when Poar likes your show. There's nothing quite like. H heart, Amy Polar. I'm like stop comp absolutely. Do you have any advice for going from St up to sccripted I've gotten to see you now In the stand upp special, in interviews There's a version of you right now that is absolutely my favorite You're chameleon like Thank you. Yeah, in this beautiful way, you've got a lot of different facets. but this version of you is what I wna see in a scripted show. There's nothing protective about this and I wantna watch this for hours I'm gonna cry. Oh, doing it. we're all loveved. We're all gonna cry. You did a great job. You won the match. I'm proud of you. He's like Chuck Mark. He got a rold star. But let's just shout out Kay Camp. Oh my God. great is. Well, yeah, Kay, I think she actually like was into Bravo. That's why everything I've done kind of comes full circle. Kay is such a house. So I'm taking this as like, I'm gonna learn a lot from these like incredible women that have done this before me and try to add my own spin to it. I feel like I'm about to enter a really, really tough college class with the best professors ever. and I'm just trying to be a sponge to learn from them. Yeah. I'm delighted that that's your To be anointed by those two is meaningful. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I just booked my first small role in a movie. and I've been auditioning for like two years and Nothing. L my husband would make fun me all the time. I'm like I still could get it and he's like, it's been four years. I'. Yeah, it's on VOD already It's not easy. So I've been like doing my auditions this stuff and I finally booked something, and I was like, holy fuck And what do you think you figured out from that I didn't try that hard in that audition. It's always the one that you're like, o, fucking on. yep, ye. Al always I fucking That's the trick you have to constantly get to is like I was like, I'm never gonna to get this before I was like This is for me. This is your family. This is mine to lose. You're welcome, I'.. Yeah. This is. Oh, forty three year old Jewish Karate expert Fuck Were they been watching me It's a whole new thing and I might not like it, but I'm delving into something or fallback jobs. so you'll be fine. You to remember the big coach. I wanna take lessons. Maybe you can teach me. I would love. And I might be really hard on me. you know Did you play any sports? I was a cheerleader. I was a competition cheerleader. State champion two years in a row. Wait, that's fucked up. Girls are getting get thrown. Oh, yeah, you're getting thrown, you're doing buullet hip. She was getting caught by her pussy.ll times. Yeah, I fell my head. I got. Well, you know, I am pretty into the CTE world. I don't think I have it, but I can't rule it out. She has some CTE jokes in her sp and I thought was Yeah she loves it I think most of us have it. I did it a football player in college. and I did CT charity for free Wow. the thing that they make you feel so tiny. 'ause you know, I have big calves. I can't be with one of these like poets. W this guy pick you up and stuff. In the special like joke that like most guys to pick me up, like they can, like I'm five seven I'm not Massive, but they have to do a whole breath thing. like You were demonstrating li with your leg. Yeah. He could live with his back. I'm bottom heavy, so yeah, he could throw his back and then This guy was chucking me on That's I was like nun chuck. a fucking feather. I was a little feather in the breeze. I felt so dangy. Yes. You know there are trade offs for these things. I brainin. brain damaged know. No no, definitely we didn't about figure CT out for sure Yeah Okay, well maybe theyar up on this. I didn't know why you were so into it. I think Monicas passionate about it. I did bring it up a lot. It's out here.' talking about it. fre several guests out. where she's like, do you think you have CT? I'm like, Monica, that is not a question. shaking notes but. So I'm just curious. So have you been tested for HIV The mis is as bad as say. I also I'm kind of' kind of worse.' medication for fucking. I must feel like doctor slash interview where you're like, there's a gap. Were you just doing? I did to my friend recently and I was like So just have you been tested recently for AIDS 'cause he had hiccups and on ER. But everyone want friends. Keep ye. Exactly. He was like, I haven't had sex in a year. And I was like, but you can get it other way. Yeah. There's other ways. What other ways? Inravenous drug use. Yeah, no, stepping on needles. People wear flip flops. That's right. and he wears flip flops and sometimes date on how many AA inood Have you ever sat in a movie theater seat and got stabbed by a needle? They tell you to look at the movie theater seat before you sit. There's definitely a subway that's happening. Exactly. F them. That is all I'm saying, Please find the person for me. I'd love to interview them Hannah, this has been delightful from the bottom of my heart. You're such a delightful guest. You guys are incredible. Thank you for inspiring me to podcast and this is just an honor to be on here. We're so happy to have you. Everyone, watch None of my businessusiness on june fifth. O Hulu Disney plus, it or Whatever they call it. justust find it. Bundle it. Bund it. Bundled it. and steal Disney app. That's what I have to do. Ex boyfriends password if you have. And then keep your eyes peeled for the Netflix scripted show. Monica, be on it Yeah, I'll be onah. H maybe a CTE episode.. Oh my God My.s fucking child rightself. Your whole world comes together. Yeah m starts making sense That's our main storyline, actually conveniently. Sounds funny. All right, love you guys. Bye Stay tuned for the facts check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong Well, I'm not I'm wearing a merch shirt. Yeah, we're both wearing merch because we have new merch coming. We have new now but coming comoming like next week. So go ahead and put it on your calendar. We have new merch dropping and it's all very cool. There's a Limited edition sweat, notot this one, but there is a limited edition sweatshirt at that Meaning it says limited dish. It does and ye yeah. and it is what it claims to be It's true to its name. Yes, and it is So cute, but all of it's so cute and I feel like it's very chic, it's simple, it's wearable. and I'm very happy with it. Very happy with this. You work very hard on it and I appreciate it and so does Rob Yes. Youest tell me that, but I know it. june fifteenth june fifteenth. So that is a week from today. Yes. Put it in your cow guys. Set an alarm. Do it. So the loudest alarm you have. I did have to take off the shirt I was wearing which was going to be a conversation starter for us. No You already saw it in the interview tell people what it said. I've only had oat meal today. Right which apparently is my sayane. Apparently in our family, Lexicon, they that is What the family says, I say. Yes, five days a week. And I'm inclined to believe them. Yeah And so now I have a t shirt that says it. I know. And Kristin got a shirt that says her saying. Her saying is does anyone want to go to bed early tonight? She announces that every single night at five PM. Do you wantna hear a story? Yes Okay, so we went to Nashville. Yes And Lincoln and I went on the six AM flight crack acidon. Yeah. I was very happay, she was willing to do this. We had to leave the house at like four in the morning. Yeah. And she's thirteen. I wasn't trying to get up at four in the morning when I was thirteen. And she could have gone at night with Delta and Lincoln Delta and Kristin. And she came with me, which was really great. And we had a really busy day. We landed and we immediately went and got the boat. She helped me put the boat in the water. Then she's like, let's go to let's go get something to eat at Sam's on the lake. And I was like, o, it's my dream. It's my favorite restaurant on the lake We go there. Yeah, docking the boat, dock it, get out, go to put the rope around the cleat.. And you already know this about me, but for the folks that don't know. I have two pair of reading glasses And I refuse to take them out of where I use them. One stays in here because I have to read in here and then one stays in my nightstand. Right. And they never leave. otherther than if I travel, I bring the one Paairred day. What if you need it upstairs I'll come grab them from here, but I'll return them from. Okay So o. And the point is I will not bring them to a restaurant where I need them the most. I cannot read any menus anymore. I'm the guy in the restaurant that has the bright light on a menu so I can see it. Okay This's point where Dellel was like, why don't bring your glasses and I'm like I'm too afraid to lose them. She's like, whyy don't you get a cheap pair Exactly, whichich is a great solution. Anyways, I broke this rule I was like, I'm going bring my glasses to the restaurant and I'll be able to read the menu.. And they were in my shirt collar And when I bent over to put the rope on the cleat, they immediately just fell off of my shirt collar into the water. Y. And I just watched them sink to the bottom of this Ver murky. area where people park boats next to a restaurant on a lake But I get to a point where I have let it go Okay By the end of the night, I've let it go. We have a wonderful time. We have a very fun lunch on the floating dock. And also were you like, I' I mean, I'm the smartest. I just knew. I knew I wasn't supposed to bring these. I'm validated. Everyone sucks. I didn't feel vindicated or validated. I just went to straight like, Goddamn it, those were expensive. I love them. I knew I shouldn't have taken them out I was just in trouble, not like I was right. Okay. I come up with a plan. that's what it is. Okay. I'm gonna get she Lincoln says it. whyy don't you get one of those fishing magnets? I go, what the hell iss a fishing magnet S you never seen these fishing magnets? So people Use theseagnets at the bottom of the lakes and oceans now and they pick their metal. They pick their., Okay. So you hadn't given up on them? No, we're still like, how do we get them back loosely? And she's like, you should get this magnet thing. So I order it that day, mayaybe even at the dinner. Okay It arrives that following day and I'm like, well, before we drive out there, I have the same frames in sunglasses. Let's see if they even are Magnetic or would be picked up by a magnet. Yeah. Test it? No. Oh ouch So I'm like, ugh Now you bought this thing. But this thing also came with this weird hook that you dragged. It looks a little bit like the hook in the machine you dropp down to win a stuffed animal. Right. So it's got that. So Lincoln is like, we'll go back and we'll use the hook And we'll drag it along the bottom. I'm like, that's not going to work But I recognize how sweet it is that she really wants to get my glasses back So all four of us drive up, not on the boat, but in the car. We go, we had filmed where it happened. so we'd know exactly where they went in And we start doing the hook thing. We're doing that for probably ten minutes, no luck, of course And Delta goes I'm going in. Oh no I go. What do you mean? She goes, I brought my bathing suit. I said to myself, my dad does so many nice things for me. If I'm not willing to get in there and find those glasses What am I doing And I go Hold on, you brought your bathing suit in anticipation that you might have to get in and try to find them. She's like, yes Monica, this water could not be here. to go in there. Yeah. it's like it's about it was probably two and a half three feet deep next to the dock. And it is murky as it gets. and boats are coming in and out and it's getting churned up. and fuck knows what's on the bottom. Exactly bacteria is too. She got in there in her bathing suit and she was using her feet to feel around this whole Eeric. God knows also where they float. What did there knives down there? That was a concern of mine, but I was so mo by this little girl. And people would walk by and Delta's just like up to her shoulders with her trying to find my classes with her feet It is suggested that if we have a snorkeling mask, we could probably no one's go should go c down swim in the leg. So I wasn't terrified about that. Kristen is deployed to go to the gas station dock, you know, two hundred yards away to see if they have snorkeling masksk. She thinks she's seen that in there. I'm like, they don't have that in there. Whatever. She's on her walk back. I see she's not holding a snorkeling mask. I go No snorkeling mask. She goes The diver will be here in thirty minutes. Oh my go. What? She goes, yeah, was then they're trying to buy a mask. and the guy that worked there said, you know, there's a diver that works on the lake. That's all he does is he gets shit out. Oh, that's his job. That one hundred fifty bucks. The glasses were more than that. Oh, okay So we wait a half hour. This dude rolls up in a pickup truck He gets out, he drops the bed of his truck. He's got his snorkel equipment. He's just in board shorts Older dude And little ch chat with him, he was lovely He hops in Monica. he hopped in And then hopped out and I was like, Ohh, something's wrong with his regulator or something. He's holding. Yeah. He's fucking holding them. Wow. The celebration we had, we'd been there at that point for over an hour trying to get these classes. I had written him off. He went down and he came right up and fucking had him Then then we start got to tal to him about That job What does he found? How does he get called in? What has he found? Bridge Someone lost their bridge. Not to be confused with a car bridge. their teeth. Oh. That front rack of teeth people get called a bridge said some dude's bridge fell out while you swimming He's like, I'm never gonna to be able to find these teeth. He's he went down and it's just like dark bottom. hes just these smiling teeth looking. God, how clean? like, how clean Oh he said he put the teeth immediately in his mou.. He said he took him out his hand and popped him in his mouth That is So disgusting. Well, that's rural living, my friend That is so disgusted. He got a parasite. He won't. And if he calls into armchair anonymous I won't have compassion. You're not gonna. Okay He won't look for rings I think it's a lost c. All of the things, that's the thing. These are too tiny. It goes into the silt. There's just no way you're gonna find. He's not that committed No, I think he's learned the hard way. You don't ever pid. He should look. What if it's right there? Yeah In his experience, you can't really find a ro. Okay, well, let me challenge that. One time I was at the beach with Anthony and Allison and some other people. and Anthony dropped his wedding ring in the sand. This is death You know you're not finding it, but we were like, we're gonna find it We found But did he ever leave the area he was standing when it fell off? Does he know exactly he must have where exactly where it fell off? So you at least had like Well we weren't perimeter sitting and we were all sitting and hanging. So it was like, okay, it's like around here. How long did it take to find it? I forget I don't I don't remember how long it took, but like and you know the thing when you're like scooping up the sand, but then it's going deeper. Yeah. It's going deeper. But it was found. So miracles can happen. Oh yeah. yeah, peopleople do find rings, but this guy has learned that he's going to be out there for two hours and he's not going to get the ring and the people are going to want him to keep looking and he already charged You know, you're not hiring him for the full day. two hour limit for one hundred fifty But he should still do it. becausecause if he finds someone's wedding ring engagement ring like, That of joy. Yeah, the amount of joy. I was pretty pumped about my ring glasses. Okay. was I don't have wedding rings so I I can't. So how did you clean it? orr you put it right back on your face? I put it in my mouth I want to clean these off with my mouth. Oh my God. Yeah, I I did clean them when I got home. There's a little scratch, but I can't see it when I got the glass. I'm delighted. I had written them off. Like the whole trip there, I was just being team player. I was like, My children want to help their dad So I'm going to go and allow that And no hope of getting the glasses. So when he popped back out with my glasses, it was like Christmas. That's exciting. It was very exciting. Now what have we learned from this that you're gonna get some cheap ones to kind of move around the world in? I think you should. I think I should too I just I'm trying to imagine when I'm going to do that I need you to just for one second, imagine this was reversed and I told you this story. Yeah I know you'd be like So there's a there's a really good solution that you're just not doing. Yeah You know what I would do Io what's your prescription? would' And I'd stop at the drug store and buy you readers and I'd come in one day and I'd,ere's your reader. That's a lie You wouldn't do that. You you'd be like, don't you know what? if you can't help yourself with this just very basic solution, you don't deserve it. That's what you would say to me with your mind. All right. And sometimes with your mouth Okay. so I want you to just order Eight glasses If I could or I guess I could order my to associate readers with the drug store because that's where I I do have a cheap sets of readers, but they don't work obviously as well as my. I mean, they won't work as well, but that's not for your m just for dinner, youre. Yeah just Epe probably like eight ofem you leave a bunch on the way. Yeah, everyverywhere you look, there's just cheap. R. every restaurant you go to frequently. Oh yeah,ount to them. Is there a place I can keep these? Yeah. By the way, restaurants should have four or five different prescription readers. And then when they see a guy like me pull out his flashlight, they just swing by and they're like, will you plus four. I don't know what how it works, but plus one hundred five. I just, I think liability wise because of ey sicknesses, pink eye. You think that's what's preventing them? Yeah. I just think they haven't had the idea. But that would be that to be that little touch That would be like that's what NomA would have Oh, You mean no boo No Noma, Nooma. Nooma You Denark. Iard about Noma. No, I knew about Noma because Yeah, friends were going there when we were in Norway, or no when we were in Denmark, friends were like, oh, we're going to be in Denmark and they were going just for that restaurant. Yeah It's a whole thing. Yeah. Okay, I have an update. Okay I think some people have seen this, but if you haven't If you listen to the Luke Malone Elizabeth Lourneo Fact check, that's the one where I told a harrowing story about me almost pooping in my car. Uh And I had left a friend's house where I was playing Majang. And we debriefed. We debriefed and I told the story. The people whose house I was at didn't know about the story. And I didn't say who they were on the fact check, but I did think God, it might get back to them, but you know And so the other day I get a I get a call And we're recording. And I see that this person's calling me and I get kind of nervous. You know, anyytime someone who doesn't normally call you calls you It's a little nerve wracking But Then he left me a voicemail. Hey, Monica. It's Andy. I was just thinking about you and I know this is kind of random, but I just had this thought. Like if you ever out of house And you need to use the primary bathroom You can definitely do that. We would be more than honored for you to use that restroom. and we know it can be a little awkward in our house sort of like If you need a little extra privacy or something. 'a there are two doors to the primary. You can close the bedroom door and then you can close the bathroom door. gives more privacy. That's the better one 'cause the other one also there's a new wallpaper, which we wouldn't want to have exposed to anything But you are welcome, welcome with open arms to use that bathroom anytime you need. Yeah Well, so that was very funny. I saw a text. It was this voicemail. It's just' written out. Oh, and then you wrote I don't know what you're talking about. It was very funny your response. Oh, then yes, I responded. I said I said I want to see that. I want to hear that part. Okay. I listened to the voicemail. and then he later was like Did you get my voicemail Yeah. and I said Wow, what a random thing to tell me. It's appreciated, but I have no idea why you would possibly tell me that. I don't ever need to go to the bathroom and if I do, I prefer to use my car. but thanks. I prefer to use my car. Okay, so that, you know That's great That was permission. This isn't an I told you so, but I'm just saying that's that was my prediction that they'd feel so honored to have you go extra hard in there. I know. I mean, I knew that they would be fine with it, but I'm still not fine with it. You're not fine. I, Jess is really struggling with this story He li frustrated. really is actually like I can't believe you wouldn't just go in that house. I'm sure he's in the same zone I get where I actually get a little angry at you about the foring. It's just like I don't like the idea of you being miserably uncomfortable because of your shyness or your fear people are going to judge you or exclude you. I don't like that thought for you. I know. Well, let me tell you, those are different because I never need to fart and I'm not farting I don't. I I proming. Monica. This isn't that scenario. Okay, but now hold on. This is're we're jabbing the beehive for. All right jab previous position and our previous arguments always centered around the fact that no, you do have to fart as much as me, but I am a boy who is arrogant and I just think I'm entitled to fart suggested that there must be something biologically different about you and I because I have to fart all the time and the notion I could not fart during the day is insane to me. But you're telling me you are not at all resisting the urge to fart. I'm not, but I think that's learned body behavior, like because because I didn't I just don't M I don't out of respect or I didn't out of respect for so long, like I don't have to. I just think you don't have to and then you're giving yourself the compliment that you're respectful, but you're not even fighting the urge Well now I don't know what position to take. That's right. You've really you've painted yourself into a business. Iner on this. I don't, I'm not gassy. There we go. I'm not. That's great. But I think even even if I was. Yeah. I mean, Iess look, in my life, have there been times where I'm like, o, Okay, like I kind of need to I got to hold it. Yeah. It's a funny thought holding a f. I know Yeah as if you could grab hold it in. I mean,, but yeah, I would. I would hold it in I wouldn't just let it out. Right. But if you had sixty three of those urges in a day, we gotta get on some You might You might go, I can't. What am I talking about? I can't go through life like this. Well, this is interesting because when I was telling the, you know, I was telling the Elizabeth and Andy story to Anthony and Allison, my other two friends that I was playing Majam with, because also I want I was like, if you guys heard that story, just it's not your house. Okaykay. You know, I needed to tell them. Oh sure U And so then we got on this conversation about Farts and like I okay, you know how you can like control the sound by kind of like pulling your butt cheek apart Yeah hyper extending your butt cheeks. Like you can pull it apart and create more of an airway. Well, less resistance for the air to make noise against. Right. So it's just coming straight down. It does make a sound if you do that. Right. But I have you done that I can't imagine why you would need. I have done it I have done that. You've done But not In what context? For fun?. Maybe in bed for fun? Like yeah. It's like running little experiments. Like I don't even like to hear it on myone really. Oh, I do, I do. I know. You're sick. Okay, but it's a hilarious noise. Like yeah, I get em bit I be embarrassed by myself. Wow. Yeah. I have a high, high high level of embarrassment in life So you're in your bed by yourself. G. And you hear And you're like, oh my God, Monica. Like you have a I don't say. Oh, Monica, what are you doing? Are you? Monica? Stop it No, I'm just like, I just would get like you get em Yeah, I would get started get a flush of embarrassment and kind of like I hope nobody saw her, but you know, no one's there. I urge you to mount this topic with your therapist. to see what she has to say about it? You really sound like Jess because he's like what he's basically like what's going on What's going with your embarrassment going on? Like, yes, I had a deep, deep fear of getting ostracized, so I was not embarrassing I'm very aware of Do anything embarrassing And unfortunately for the people in my life, I'm extremely aware of when other people are doing things that are embarrassing as well. Yeah. I get secondhand very, very easily. For sure, but you would look at me currently. U, arriving now, Rob are on because of Dax's C addictions? This press milk addiction. you would Hear me say I have enormous fear that I'm gonna be financially insolvent. Yeah. And you would go, Dax, you gott to get over that. That's an old fear that like doesn't even make sense, man. It makes zero sense. And you being ostracized, just doesn't make any sense anymore. This Well, I've never farted and it was so stinky around people. I've never done that. You have secured finances So like no, but hold on in our friendship group, many of us fart the men. Not the women. I mean, they do, but they don't they they don't like out. and about like you guys do. Anyway, this is circling back to like my whole point. Okay. You guysrocer shopping No yeah, I also ordered a sandwich. like you got like produce in there Oh thank you. This is Dax's Colostrum arrived again. Thank you, Rob. Cow breast milk is here I have no idea. If something is going to smell or not. okay? L when it's in my body, I don't partart enough Mbe, but there's no way for me to know this and I do think it's arrogant for you guys to be like, Oh, I know this one is' going as smile. Well, hold on. If you have a lot of farts and you let them out a lot, I'm sure Rob will agree with me You have a sensation? Rob doesn't fart a lot. Oh, that's right. he's not a big fartter. But mean he bet he farts a ton by himself. Do you? My point is you often You there's a signature heat There's a heat signature in the body in the bowels, yeah Where you're like, oh, this is this is not safe for public consumption. Oh my go You do, right? Yeah. you can feel when they are going to be putrs. This is okay. I people to comment. I really do. I need people to comment and say whether you experience this or not. And in your gender, please. Now, am I wrong? Yeah A lot of times I'm like, I think we're good or I've already tuted three or four times and I didn't smell anything and I think I think we're just good for the day and then it turns But In general, I would say with eighty percent accuracy. I know whether they're going to smell or not. Okay. now The original question I wanted to ask is The technique of have incredible sphctric. Sreading your butt cheek. Oh too let it out. We talk more about when you did that A. Okay. I to picture you reaching back. You couldn't have been in public. Yeah, that's my whole point. Okay, so that there's no smell I mean, I'm so sorry that there's no sound Can you do that hands free? Make it quiet? Yeah. ye You have to Really slowly and gently let it leak out. You can't push. You get that sensation when you fart it's like uncomfortable when you gota push. It's almost like Pop it, you know? Well, you got toa get it out. You gotta get it out. And so your body tells you to push it. like your nature is to be in the woods and push it out and get that gas out of there.ure. But you can this is why I would probably be good at anal. I can relax. I have good control and I can relax but relaxing There's a way to relax where it's just letting it slowly leak out. If you're a pro Rob Yeah, I know what he's talking about.ree. But you're using your weight to shift. What do you mean? like I can't gyrating around. I was having this conversation with them and like some of them claim they can go hands free. And I was like, that's insane. And here you are. And I think you can because I rarely hear it, but you do say like, oh I fred it or oh does it smell? And I haven't heard anything. So I guess I didn't know if you just had non Verbal Not verbal cards Yeah No I have verbal farts. But for the most part, I can Damping, you know, I can I can modul it. Have you ever been wrong about that I she sure. Yeah yeah. o, that's a noise Now, Eron, I don't think any of that as you've heard Aaron's fords, right? Yeah. They're infamous Yeah, there's high It sounds like when you take a balloon and you just let the little bit of air squeeze out like pulling it apart. Okay The highest pitched Okay I don't think he'd be good at any know. Do we think he has just a very That's what I'm just saying. I I don't think he would be good. I think 's what I'm dealing You think I have an extra tight? Yeah. Well, that's a nice c co. Do you want a co Just I just know my body, like imagining doing that hands free Are yoursou Are yours squeaky? They're not. Are they thunderous? Saky Or thunderous. I want them to be thunderous. They're not thunder They so tiny. Every now and then. I was like, I came into your house and you didn't know and I was like walking around downstairs and then I just were Like really basy be delighted You know that little tiny person up there, it sounds like an elephant I mean, I would venture to say because I don't b a lot. Right. If I do if I must. Yeah, when you must. Uh yeah, there's a Lot of air. Yeah, sure. because if I only have a little air, I just it goes back up in my body. Okay becomes a burp or No, I'm can never burp. Okay. That's like sometimes when you are burping so much, I think it's a tick actually. I do kind of think it's a little bit of a tick for you, but that's okay. I love it I dress I know my ticks. It's not a tick. I don't think you know. becausecause I don't think you always know you're doing it. I think sometimes you're you're like burping and stuff and it's going unnoticed. like because it's a tick, but also I do You can't have that as a tick because you can't manufacture gas Well, you can swallow air and but I've never been able to do that automatic burp. Yeahah. Yeah. Like, I' always had friends in junior high I can do that. Do it Right on command. That was good. I bet he fart on command. I bet he does f on command, but he's not letting No. Trust us. Why don't you trust us? Do you knowt you feel a little betrayed by it now? No, I want everyone to be very open around me. Yeah. you just sometometimes it does look, sometimes Yes It's because he's your brother and your husband. Exactly. And it's your partarts a lot Well he he doesn't around me. Oh, he doesn't. you broke him of that. Or does he step outside a lot No, but you know me, I call it out and a way. I do out and a way yeah. Out in the way is nice because that's not That's not endangering anyone or disrespecting anyone in the space Jess has learned And I do feel, I guess I feel guilty about this, but do I? not really. But when it's your brother husband. Itmart enough to know you should say you feel guilty, but in your heart you don't don't I don't. But when it's your brother husband, I also think it's a little bit on you. Like rememember when you told you guys say like if If there's like a big hair coming out of your nose or something, like it's on your spouse to say Bically we went out date with a couple and the man had several long, very noticeable hairs going out his nose and we left and I said, she does not love him. And they got divorceced like three months later That's a real story. It was the only indicator about the nose hairs or was there a some to me was a big like what is going on in this relationship? I can see from across the table that he has Three or four very prominent hairs growing out of his nose. You're sitting next to him I know You didn't need glasses to read the menu Why aren't you telling your husband about this? But do you think okay, but there is some people are really sensitive, really sensitive and maybe she tried before and maybe he was like, stop being so critical of me. And so maybe she's learned like, okay, I don't think that's a place I can go. That's possible. obviously I have been in several relationships. I know a lot of people in relationships, and that is why you're in a fucking relationship so that you can have one person you're not sensitive around that can pop the zits on your back, you can fart around. like it's just too exhausting to be hiding all this disgustingness that we all carry And that's what the point of it is. I'm linking up with someone to just fucking drop the charade Be myself and hopefully they love me. But you're already doing that. You're already farting and stuff. Well, but like, you know, I'm very sensitive about my anus, as you know, I've talked about it a lot. And I have let Kristen shave my anus for work and that's not something I'm like gonna line up to let people do. Why don't you show it on here and get real? No, I already showed it on This is movie if you want think use the take with my anus on display, thank God. It would have given him a different rating You think it's that Okay, maybe this is ding ding ding, connecting to the fart silencing. like maybe you guys who can who can let it out with silence, maybe you guys have huge assholes. Maybe I don't think mine is Let's call Let's ask him if he and hand E's anus, of course. And it's tight. Its looks the same as mine, but both of us agree it's a very unattractive part of us. Well everyone not ever be looked at. Not everyone Often women have beautiful butt holes Yeah, print it. loat it. Pint it. Fip it. send it I send it directly to daily mail or whate everyone hates me Yeah, beautiful Okay, that's just ' you like you're attracted to women. but I like No if you showed like ten pictures of men's assholes and ten pictures of women's assholes to AI and you said, which one's more disgusting For sure AI without any Why would they be that different? They're hairy? Well, women, okay, that's that's stig that stigma. okay because even if they're hairy Monica men have more hair on their butt than women. That's you can say that but Yeah on their butt and their and their cheeks and their chin and their mustache. Right They Yes, they do They do, but no, but also I'm just saying like women do. and then l or whatever. I've seen hair on women where you get electrolyses. And it did not look like hair on men's buttles I' just say. Okay. No no Now just do you think he could go hands free with the asshole you've seen? Weekly? Yeah. No, he could spread it apart with everything. I think it would still sk. Even if he moves it with his hands, we gota. Yeah, I know he's done it My son doesn't love me anymore All right. All right, well, I guess let's do something Yeah. Clean it up Let's clean it up for Hannah. Yeah, let's do that. Ding ding ding, clean up that went in the wrong direction again. Reset, take two, clean upp, the cleanup Stay tuned for more ars Dare tririple shot half calf oat milk two pumps extra foam. Your coffee order might be getting a little complicated. Your toothpaste doesn't have to be. Armen Hammer Baking soda tooothpaste keeps it simple, with a powerful ingredient that works hard for you. Baking soda. That's why it's the number one dentist recommended baking soda toothpaste. As you brush, the baking soda particles dissolve to help break down plaque and stains for a whiter smile. so your teeth can feel clean, look bright, and make brushing a no brainer Try Armen Ammer Toothpazed, simimple, powerful, clean I loved Hannah Bernard. Yeah, she was so fun. She was so fun. Yeah, I agree. know It's happening to a good person Yeah, we like that. Yeah. I'm glad I wasn't a professional athlete Wow I mean, I'm glad you weren't either. because just a life of like singularly focused life from like eight until twenty on this thing. That's not for me. It's not for you, but it's also why like you not wanting that is also why you. You know what I mean? It's all tied together. It's like that your outlook on life and what you want life to look like and be doing Yeah is not conducive to you. yeah, I want way too many experiences Yeah. It's funny. I just came up with this theory this morning in the dentists chair. Oh, oh yeah, you got dental work I any work, but I got edges polished. Anyways. That's work. Yeah, yeah. But I was talking to my dentist and he was telling me about his son and he's telling me about, you know, he's a socer player and like Clearly he's putting a ton of effort into it and he wants him to go to this league because the competition will be higher. and you know he's telling me all this stuff. And I'm just listening and I'm like, I just can't relate, right? Like I don't desire for my kids to be great at anything. I know it's so strange. I figured it out though. It has been so strange to me for a very long time, and this morning for the first time, I think I made sense of it. Okay So I'm listening to him. And then I'm thinking about him as a person, and then I'm thinking about me as a person And I said to him, lookook, I just came up with this theory, so maybe it doesn't hold any water, but It makes a lot of sense to me that you are this way with your kid because you're a specialist. You have dedicated your life to becoming an expert and a specialist at this thing, dentistry. Yeah. He's also like an expert drawer and stuff. That's the type of duties. I said, I'm a generalist. I'm not great at anything. My attack is like I'd rather know seventy percent about a lot of things than one hundred about a few things. That's just how I am. Yeah. So yeah, it makes total sense to me that like I'm not looking for my kids to become expert level on anything, just 'cause I'm not that way and I'm fine. Right. But don't you still want that for them? No, if I had to pick whether they were specialists or generalists, obviously I'd prefer they were generouralists Obviously I was drawn to being a generalist. I know but that's so much about you. So same with him. everyveryone is. That's that's a given is you have your life experience and then you have these kids, you're worried and you hope they'll turn out right. So you want to make sure if you believe in endless hard work and focus, that's how you get to where you want to go Yeah. If that's the approach you believed in Of course, that's the one you pass on. My approach is like No, it Saty Wampus and it was all over the map and I ultimately landed on being a generalist Wh But you didn't land on it. That just happened to be where your life went. It's not like and where your skills lie. Like if their skills lie more in niche or specificity, That is what they should do. Like it's not to m it should be to maximize whatever innate skill you have Well. whether that's being a generalist or I think that's a separate conversation. So a separate conversation is Um Do I not want them to be what they are naturally are? No, if they want to be specialists, you're gonna to watch the most supportive dad. Right ever. If they were pursuing soccer in the way that this kid Yeah, exactly. I would support it But Given my own nature, I'm just going to be laying out the world as I see it and as I've experienced it I could be I could be swayed against that if they're showing some interest in being a specialist. Yeah, yeah. But of course, I'm not going to pass on being a specialist because I'm not one. I'm a generalist. So naturally I'm going to pass on the kind of ethos that a generalist has Which is what? I just said, like I would rather know seventy percent about one hundred topics than I would wna know one hundred percent about three topics That's just my nature. My goal is not to invent something. For a lot of people, their goal in life is to win first place look at And that's great. I'm not against it. Yeah. My goal in life was to be able to hang with maximum amount of people on planet Earth. Like my goal' always been I want to be able to drop into every single group of people and get along. You know? Like on the weekends, I'm hang out with the drag racers and Kenyon grass shit. And during the week, I'm with the fucking art kids and the snowboarders. I just love the variety of people. And so Um Being a generalist suits that ultimate goal of mine, which is just to like be able to fuckking hang and move between any group And some people's goal is like I want to invent this thing or create the cure for cancer or win the only gold medal. Both are totally fine endeavors. Yeah, I mean, I think all of it is too much. I think a goal is like just find a purpose. Doesn't matter if it's niche, doesn't matter if it it doesn't matter what it is. ag findind a purpose. You just gotta stay busy on planet Earth. Yeah That's the reality. But you have to stay busy in a way that makes you feel good that like makes you feel ye and you got to figure that out your parents aren't never gonna to figure that out. No, they're not And I guess there are techniques for doing that But Well there are there there are many of these people that are specialists that they believe Their kids should work hard, they should work harder than anyone else and they should get better than everyone else. That's what they believe the game of life is. And that's great because for a lot of people, that is the game alive. I know, but it's like of saying it now as like this like The one year old And That's not really how you behaved. Like when you were at the groundlings and stuff, like that's specialized And that's working really fucking hard and it's working harder than it's it is. It's putting in tons of hours and it's not there was Jess right next to me And J went to every single show at the Ground Lanes. He was friends with all of the groundlings that were in the company. his life was the groundlings Yeah. I was going to UCLA I had a drinking problem, I like to go out. Right. I never did it like him Right And a handful of people. I did the amount I wanted to get on stage and have that experience, but I didn't G devote your I didn't the way he saygg Jested or several other people I knew It was too constraining to only have one thing for me. like I mean Lots of things happening erest So I was saying when I was talking to the dentist, the only thing I approach expert level on His cars And I'm not That's also true I'm not. Tom Hansen knows more Jay Lano knows more than me about cars. Right. Jay Leno is a specialist on cars And I'm Damn good. I can talk to ninety percent of the people can't leave me in the dust on cars. Right. But that's what I'm saying. That's the one that's probably I'm closest to an expert on, and I'm not even close to an expert on that Yeah So anyways, I do think it impacts how you raise your kids. You know, I was like, why aren't I going like, you gotta We got to get you harder opponents and play in the next league, you know, like I just I can't even find that desire in me Again I hard it? No, that's not true. When you take Lincoln to the driving area, it's a carting. Carting. And she's doing well where she is. You're like, we're going up. R Yeah. these are all like, yes You're one hundred percent right These are all shades of commitment It's like, yes, do I want her to learn the racing line and learn to brerake? And again, I hope she reaches a level that when she goes to go k track with all of her friends, she can win Right. like that that yeah, that requires But it then going to another league And having to be the best Carter in L.A and then the best in California and the like that part I just I lose interest in I want to go have fun Hopefully I'll win I don't not like winning. I like being especially driving Yeah. Yeahah, but I don't have that gear. Right And I don't think it's good or bad. I just don't think I have that. Yeah, everyone's different. A lot of people would have had these like fun trips with the cart with Lincoln and they would have gone and got a coach by now. If they wanted if Lincoln wanted they're like that, right? Like, Well you got we got to get you a coach and we got there's all these steps we could be t. There are variations. Yeah. There's one way of looking at life. This is how my parents did it. You know, you yeah, you working hard is the whole thing. Yeah It's not the gifts you've been given. Like you're smart, doesn't matter if you're smart, if you aren't working hard, no one cares. Yeah. It won't do anything. So that was very instilled of it's a game of hard work. And but yeah, they're not like Oh, we see you see you show some aptitude here. so we're gonna like go get you a coach it was on me. It was like this is how you do it. Now it's on you to do that. Yes which I appci I appreciate and that I think that is definitely if I had children, what I would impart as well. L it's it's time to work hard. If you care about this thing. If you don't care about it, who cares If you do, I'm definitely someone that's like devote it all. Yeah. I think my bigger desire than being great at any one of these activities. like I want to be competent in everything Like And once I get to competent Like I'm pretty much my journey's over You I go to the motorcycle track and I ride with the guys and I'm totally competent. Some days I'm the fastest there, some days I'm not I do that thing. They know I. That's enough. I don't need to be my friend Josh Haron, who's winning the amA fucking super bike, you know. Yeah Anway can't relate. , I know. I know It's fun Yeah, it is fun. Everyone's so different. Yeah. I think everyone's inclination is like You evaluate a difference and then the first impulse is like what one's right and which one's wrong And I think that's the thing you got to fight against in your mind all the time There's no right or wrong, but there is what works for you and what doesn't work for you. You know, so Yeah. That was anyways. that was about Hannah's extreme tennis journey. Yes I mean, what I do believe and this episode, I think kind of reiterates that a little bit as I or reiterated to me I think Boarding your kid, of course, is like the most important thing. but The level of investment in your kids activity is a fine line to ride. I think. Well, I think the people that are in that position need to constantly be policing themselves about whether it is their desire or their own desire That's I think the line that needs to be navigated well. Yeah. because I think if it could easily be like their're a reflection on you, you've put all this time into it. So if they win, it is your win as well. Right. And if you're kind of sucked into that aspect of it Yeah It feels like something you'd want to be conscious of. Yeah. I think it's tricky. I think it's very slippery for everyone involved in that. Okay, what does Marcello's girlfriend do? And yes, she did go to Yale and I said she was an architect. And she she is. She's an architect co founder