Protein Bar S'mores Experimentation

Welcome, Mcome Mk. I don't know what happened. I don't know You know the Yips? We just had a we had a guest on talking about the Yips All right. So athletes famously get the Yips. And what if I got the Yip that I couldn't say, welcome, welcome That's how crazy the hips are.ike you take this thing you can do, you've done for decades and all of a sudden you mentally can't be. Well, that's such a dingy ding because I'mading rereading a book right now called Art of Fielding that is this. It is about Okay, so welcome, welcome, welcome to Normshare experpert. I'm Dan Shepppd. I' joined by Lillily Padman. Hi. And today we have a very, very, very funny Young man, A young boy. Funniest. He's the cutest in the funniest. He's also an Emmy Award nominated actor and comedian, Jack McBreer Thty Rock, recrecket Ralph. Zillow Gone Wild, ding ding, ding ding my new favorite show. and forgetting Sarah Marshall. Another ding ding ding. Very memorable. seeason three is airing right now of Zillow gone Wild on HGTV or You could stream it on HBO Max, That's what we're doing tip But yeah, if you follow the account Zillilgone Wild, which I do, it's a great Instagram account. It's all these very unique homes, unique. Yep.. And Jack goes and visits these and they're incredible. And before we go, I want to announce some summer armchair anonymous prompts. Here we go. Tell us a foreign object story body Oh yeah.. Fore an object and body. Yeah, foreign object in body. We love that one. Let's go round three or four of that. Tell us about a time you fought a wild animal. Oh wow. Tell us about a crazy family secret. Oh yeah Tell us a crazy stalking story. we dare go back to stal stal. We've all been so scared. Stalking is scalary. Tell us a crazy home intruder story Okay, so we have foreign object and body Fighting a wild animal, crazy familyily secret Crazy stalking story or crazy home intruder story. Go to armchair experpertpod. com to submit your story And Emma, we'll sift through those and pick somebody and hopefully we'll get to talk to you. We'll talk to you. Please submit Please enjoy Jack McBrer This episode is brought to you by American Beverage. We've probably all had that moment where someone says something about an ingredient in your drink and you're like, shouldhould I be worried about that? And then you look it up and immediately end up in the wildest corners of the internet with completely contradicting information. All I want is clear transparent information. and I bet you do too. That's why American Beverage launched Good to K know It's a site where you can look up over one hundred and forty common beverage ingredients, what they are, how they're used, how they've been reviewed for safety. no spin or judgment. just facts. You can decide for yourself. Visit good to Knowfacts. org for more information. We get support from Quince Have you been wearing the Quinslinen shirts? Yeah. I've been wearing them a suspicious amount. Yeah, European linen ones. They're thirty four bucks, which is genuinely insane for how nice they are. It doesn't even make sense. Well here's the deal. They work directly with the factories, cut out all the middlemen, so you're paying for the actual quality and not some brand's marketing budget Everything's fifty percent to eighty percent less than comparable stuff. I love it because it's all very classic and traditional and I know I'm gonna to be able to keep it for a very long time and the quality' off the charts. That's true. The style is very consistent. Whatever you get there, you walk down the street, you're gonna look good. They have these lightweight cotton sweaters, which I love for when it cools down at night,'s nice Drape around your shoulders in the summer and then throw it on when it gets a little cool. And it's not just clothes. They do home stuff, ding, ding ding, travel stuff, everyday essentials. It's all the same model quality without the markup. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince dot com slash ds for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available in Canada too That's Qu I nCE d. com slash dax for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Quins. com slash dax He's in our chance Georgia. I don't give I did that on purpose for you. But you didn't go. I went. You did. I sure did. I sure did. T all about it it I seen you have some notes prepared? Yes. This you're the first guest to come with the random. I aog No. Dly no. No. I don't wanna do this I don't want to do this kill that. I no longer want to be. I don't want to be here. Where are you coming from? Are you on a whirlwind tour right now promoting? Where have you been? Were you in New York a minute ago? Did you just do Seth? When did you do Seth? Oh gosh, that was back in July Almost my a year ago Yes, moreore than yes. Cose weer doing yourull. You are done. How do we start this thing? We're started. Where were you Where you go? Y It's almost over. Is it? Yes, it's almost over. a dream. Why is it takaking you so long to come on the show? That's our first question. Yeah, you've been invited id't have anything to say. What do you mean? Well now I have a shter to talk about What was I gonna talk about? Well, let's get into that because I think we deal with this with some guest we're like, there's just people we're super interested in. and we're like, hey, we'd love to chat with you. And they're like, I have nothing to promote. And then we think like Is that the only re become chat? Then life mayom. I don't do podcasts. Y'all tell me, y'all do it. You did Can's? Be he made me. Okay. It did. But is it your policy if you're not promoting something? You're like, I'm not gonna go. Do you feel silly doing a podcast without something to promote? Well, it's not silly, but I don't know what I would talk about. You, your life, your interesting life. Wow You don't think there's anything there. Yeah, see when we started the show, it was not helping people promote projects. It was just to talk to people. And it started out that way. and then it got sort of tricky where people wanted to promote their project. People started using us, you know? As they should. Well, but explain to me what y'all's view of Podcasting is. Okay Is that fair? Yeah, Yeah. Niness be. I would probably start with the fact that I had been guest on them ten years ago So before you had your own, you were doing guest. Yeah, like I did Marin and I did Chris Hardwick and I did whatever. I did these long form podcasts and I remember thinking, Oh, I like that so much more than having seven minutes to be really funny and get your three stories on the talk show. And just like being able to relax and shoot the show, which is my favorite thing to do I came away from those going like, I actually enjoy that. I love shooting the shit with someone for an hour Yeah, so that was the motivation to do it is like, I love being on them. why not host one Were you on those podcasts to promote something or just to chitchat? I wanted to be on Marin's show. I want to be on Chris Hardwick's show. Anything that I like, I just would want to be on it or involved. Like sttern Sttern was the main dream. Yeahah, and then I got to do Stern.. Had you listened to Stern ever? No, neverever. No.ot once. Do you know who he is Yes, I know who Howard Stern is. Oh Howard Stern.. I know who Howard Starn is. I know I'm certain who Howard Starn is. Celvin Stearn So has there ever been a show like that you liked as a viewer and you wanted to be on as a guest? Like a show. Yes, of course. Tell me, electric company. And you got to be on that episode. Yeah. Oh wow. Nailed it A Netflix baking show. Yeah. You're a big fan and you want to be on A kid show called Yoogaba Gabba. Oh sure. Jack Black also famous. Exactly.. All the jacks. Yeah. Nicholson. D Nicholson. What if the show? it was just a listing all these You could probably do two hours of a list of jacks. This is a lot time h. Jack Kennedy. Is Jacks a nickname impation I'm insulted. You're calling bullshit on Daxs, right? No, no, no. It was just I really don't know. For example, my real name is Jack and not John Oh Okay. So I didn't know if Dax was a nickname for something, but then I couldn't figure out what it would have been. Dax is the real name and then maybe the nickname is Dan, which is really pedestrian. What? you're saying a nickname for decks would be Dan. It wouldn't be, but in my case, it has become Dad and Dan are the two d Not by my children, but my friends were Michigan. It's confusing for all of us. She is rolling her ass This is g's job. I know. Tell me about it. Wait, so tell me about youui Yeah. You're not from Georgia. You'm from Georgia. I'm from Duluth. What? Yes. I know you're from Macon. Born in Macon. When I was fifteen, we moved to Conor. Okay, yeah, rightight outside of Alanta. Yeah. That's where mom and dad still are. Brother and sister still live in Athens. best place ever. B place The coffee cup. It says the coffee cup. I'm trying to get Dax's children to go there. Okay, now, it's hard to get into. probably during your time, during my time, it was not as difficult to get into She' still prestigious. Rer very preig school. Macon, Georgia is eighty five miles from Atlanta, something like that. Southeast. Oour fifteen. Yeah. It's right in the middle of the state. When I was there, it was a medium sized town. We had the Alman brothers, we had Little Richard. They're both from Macon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my best friend from childhood moved to Georgia to Macon County. It's a county, right? as well. Macon is a city. Macon County is a different part of Georgia. But then there's a city of Macon and a county of Macon. Okay, and they're separated There. Then all my references make no sense becausecause then when I would visit them, Macon was like rough and tumble So I think there was even a movie back in the whatever decade, Macon County Line or something like Okay, yeah. And I think that is more along the lines of your buddy. Yeah, it was like very rural. you get beat up pretty easy at the bar. Yeah. What was the vibe in Macaking the city? Very straightforward. We had the Macon Mall. What'd your mom and dad do? school teachher Both of them. Yeah. Yeah. What subjects? Mom has always been health and PE and Daddy has always been social studies Okay, I love that he's daddy. I know.adad. Yeah. No. Daddy. Keep in. Yeah. cutting that. We love that. Excellent. I'm a grownup. Did they meet out of school teaching? Oh no, they met as children. They knew each other from way back. We've just been making family for generations And when we did move to Canyers when I was fifteen, they did teach at our high school. mister Creswell, who was our principal was like daddy's sority what is it called Paternity brother Georgeia Southern. And so there was an opening for two teachers. and so mister Creswell just called up M and dad. So mom and dad were teachers at my school where also my brother who's two years older than me, my sister who's two years younger than me. We all went there. so I was always at school with at least Three members of my family. Oh my God. Wow. Yeah, does that not ruin your schooling experience? I mean, I wasn't a bad kid. Mbe you couldn't be was terrified The only downfall is like if I cpped out on a test or something My mom would hear about it before I did. Oh they would go run and tell Well, they'd be in the teacher's lounge and miss Garrison would be like, Jack really shit the bed. I don't think that's what they said. The kind of language they use? That's where they would get nasty. That's the side to your mom. You don't even want to know about that. happens at the teacher's lounge. Why would you even say this? Smoking cigarettes and drinking black coffee? Absolutely not. Black coffee growing. That's the worst part. Did either every parents smoke Oh gosh no, Well, don't say oh gosh, no, my parents smoked. Are you bragging? Yeah, a little bit. They were super cool. But were' children of the seventies, you'd agree with a lot of parents were banging darts. What? smmoking cigarettes. Yeahack. Js. I feeling you just came out of the nineteen thirties' so innocent. Well,s Jin words. you're saying bangking darts mean smoking cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah, 'cause he says it all the time. Did you know it before he said it? That's a great question. It is a phrase I probably have not, what was that? Oh' team spr Why are you doing this? That's okay, Jack.' just doing casual conversations. If were you excuse yourself? Would you rather I light up a cigarette and buyang a dart in front of you? Or would you rather just do a nice little squirt often do you do it thirty times a day, maybe more. Does one squt equal a cigarette? No, no, no, two squirts equals one milligram. That doesn't mean anything to you. But now it's a moderate dosage of yeah. But let's put it this way. You know everyone does those little pouches now. Well, those pouches range from four milligrams a pouch Teen And this is one milligram for two spraces. is baby stuff. Do you have any vices? I mean, daddy likes his medicine. ye You like to drink, right? I seek it out. You don't. What do you mean you don't seek it out? think people not go and hand it to you? This This is magicix. Where did these come from? No, when I'm sitting out by the pool, Yes, a nice biredlight. If I'm going to a Mexican restaurant, sure, I'm marita. But also like sometimes I just feel like I'm pretending of like how grown upps work. I'm just like, what is your Sauvignon Blanc situation? I don't know what I'm talking about I was playing as an adult I mean, that's the story of my life. Half the time I'm just like, Oh Property tax Miles per gallon These are adg cons. A tasting menu. Hangs. Bangame dongs. Please cast the banged dog. When you get blasted, you'll get blasted, right? Well, I don't care for that term. Oh you don't. I mean, if you're at a party, sure, I like to have fun, but also I'm old enough now to know how bad the next day feels if you get too Blasted? Yeah Mackeard. What's your preferred word ood by the devil. The devil's sur. Yeah, exactly, Eactly. I like it too. What was the older brother like that's two years older than you? Pete, very intellectual about to celebrate his retirement. What? He works at the UGA library. He does IT. Oh my go might have run into each other. They's been there for many, many, many years I wish I had. I wish I could say I had. You never went to the library She's never had any technical issues while she was at the library. Yeah. Yeah. I was into more hard back books. You're so analogue. Yeah lo what they say about me. You He was super smart. Was he nerdy? He loved reading and he loves math. Was he hanging out with the jocks or was he hanging out with the mathletes? He loved his books There was a great deal of reading. Okay. How about your little sister? What was her vibe? She was in the plays with me in high school and then she went on at UGA, I think she was getting a degree in journalism, but was waiting tables at the Athens countountry Club. And then during the course of that just as the years progressed, promoted promoted promoted, became the general manager at the Athens Country Club. So they're both in Athens. Both in Athens, Katie has since moved away from hospitality. She is a sixth grade math teacher in Athens. What rung of the ladder were you at in school Like what was your crew? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I can talk to wallpaper. so it's not like I was specific. I could kind of sit at any lunch table I wanted to just because like, what am I going do You were friendly. Yeah. You weren't into athletics at all were you? I mean, I tried cross country for like half an hour. But when I talked to my parents, I was like, if I audition for the play, I might not be able to do all these meets and stuff. And so I talked to the coach, coach Fifefield and he just let me do the plays and that kind of set the course for me. You used plays as an excuse to drop out of ross country. U it as an excuse. Well just s his whole career A justification H Monica I feel se and respected. Go bang that hash. No dark. Bang those We're gonna get it by the end. You know what's fun in the audience right now, you've set the hook basically, which is this is all of facade. You coast under this. You speak very nicely, you're very kind. You're offended by some words And then come to find out you're a very dark rascal. You're a dirty You' d and a d We read some text. know, we come prepared Will you just think explain your approach with birthday greetings. Please explain it I love reaching out on people's birthdays. It's really nice and because it is a personersal message to them not to be shared with the universe. I need this. I feel liberated to speak freely and playfully. Yeah I will use some off color language Yeah dad just say you you What you'sing. What's gonna happen feel like he's sincere about this. I know, I do too. Like you really don't want people to I know that you use the word bitch. I've never done that Oh my gosh. Listen, my point being okay. It's the best part. Okay so But here's the thing. We're going back to podcasting. This is a very. public. Yeah. V that kind of thing. And I have interactions in my life that pererhaps are not meant for public consumption. Sure. And there's nothing wrong with either But you understand the dilemma, no? Well, I don't. and I really would like to sincerely hear from you Yeah. This perfectly lands us to uranize fun chasm as just personality types, right? I am like This is me, y'all. And if you don't like it, I can accept that. But what I refuse to do is act like anything but my full self at all times Like that's my That's my ethos. Right. I'm on one side, which is like, yes, I have too many people and I'm an addict and I have treated people badly and I've stole Okaykay, you know all the dirt. Stole quite a bit. J Tamer re, Jack, you know? I don't use the word. was it? I didn't try. You always say try becausecause I said it got stuck. I wasn't able to liberate the coins from the thing once I got it into my apartment, but I did steal the parking meter. Stele a parking meter, but he couldn't lots of stuff. That's illegal. Theo point is life's too fucking short to not steal a parking meter. Well that too to have a version of myself I'm protecting from, quote the broader world. Rebuttal? Yeah. Yeah yeah. So that's just where I come from. Great. And then yes, I feel your reservation. I'm dying in know sation. For me, I can speak to You in a way that I'm not going to speak to a six year old. I speak to a stranger in a way that I don't speak to a college roommate I mean, call that what, you will. I don't think I'm being inauthentic. I think I'm reading the room. Well, that's true That's really switching a little bit perhaps. Call it what you want. But do you have a fear that you would say something that the general public would react really terribly to I would not send a text that I send to your lovely wife, Kristine Bell, where you use the word bitch prettyeg allegedly And Etly I'll. Yeah. they're incredible. Okay. They're incredible because they're so long and nice for a very long time and then they always end with you fucking bitch or some kind of horrendous. No, no, no. My point being I love con like, let's go out to dinner. Let's have these conversations.. Well yeah. You're saying it as if like standard. It's standard. And I think also over time, Privacy is not a thing anymore. Now that there's social media, people are putting their whole selves out there. I don't think you're on Instagram R you know. You've remained kind of private, but we live in a public world. You do. Exactly. No. And I think it's actually wise that you've remained outside. For me, it's all about sanity and. c and avoidance of chaos. Yeah. it is chaotic. An you think you've always been that way or do you think nurture wise there was some bit of chaos you didn't like, I mean, I think I would be the first to admit I probably have some control issues. and maybe this is how it manifests. You know, there's so much that we can't control. Let me ask you a very hard question in a sincere way.. Do you feel like there's parts of yourself that you were hiding for a long time growing up and that that became part of No, I mean, like I am who I am. And I've always had great friends We met one of your friends here. I told you immediately, Alexander Skarsgard T I didn't have any feelings about one way or another. just I admired him in movies and thought his body was gorgeous true world And. When he told me you were his best friend, the amount that he like ratcheted up in my head as a And I told you immediately. Very telling, we were like, Oh, you're so cool. He's the best. He's just one of my favorite people. How did you meet him? We met may thirteenth, twenty ten in New York City. You know the date say it again? may thirteenth, twenty two. You have that kind of memory or just for that date for a lot of things.. Oh yeah. Yeah. I call you on your birthday every year. You're so good about the birthday. you need to know how you keep track of everyone's birthday. Now I do keep it in a calendar, but for some reason I do just know it. likeike what of January second? Yes, that was really good. It's weird. I think you might have this border inline super memory thing is also with the people's names already, like the g teacher for onene quarter, the whole thing. And then these dates There's a huge overlap with people with that condition and OCD. Are you little OCD Now see I don't know the answer to that. You know, there are some people who have legit OCD who can't leave the house without flipping light switches and stuff. For sure. That's not me. What does your closet look like It's immate. So There there was a sixty minute segment on it. This is how you even know this. They went around and talked to different super memory people and they went into all their closets. And Mary this famous actor Mary Lou Hinner. Yes. she has it. remember . You didn't even see the segment and you remember it somehow. Well, she's famous. Yeah, but then her closet was like the most color coordinated imaculate color. I'll send on Freder. It's perfect. It looks like a uniclor or something. How much do you work on it? Well, how many hours a week do you spend managing that? That'. Once you set up your system, all you gott to do is maintain. Okay that' takes twenty thirty minutes a week What's your policy? you get getting undressed that night? Walk me through it. I've said too much I sleep clothes. I don't wear strangers that think the outfit that I'm wearing tomorrow. No, I don't care for dirty clothes laying around. So I have a hamper, but then I don't let it pow up too much 'cause I don't like that. Do you step into your closet clothes and then begin undressing and putting items in the hamper and then rehanging the things that won't get washed Does all happen in the closet or will you sometimes get disrobed in the bedroom and then move the whole project I think this is telling. It is. I do. No for me, it's the closet just because you want to keep the stuff there. Yes. I had to hunch, it all took place in the closet. Whereas I'm walking and I'm taking clothes off and I'm throwing one on the bed and then I'm throwing one over here. I'll ultimately gather it all, but I don't go to the designated sp That' interesting. What do you do I now, as of a couple months ago, have a walk in closet. It makes a difference. It makes a huge difference because now everything happens in the closet. And I before was a mess. Willy milly Its just everywhere and I would throw it, I'drow it on this cushion and then some on the bed. But now that I'm a good steward of my belongings, I do that. I'll take off my clothes in the closet, I'll put them in the hamper, I'll hang the thing so it looks nice. Yeah, and then you'll get into your nighttime your jam jams. Still in the closet What do you sleep in Jack Fella? No I would have never guessed that Jack would be our hardest interview. is hardv It isine. You won't even say what you sleep in. It's nobody's business. Oh my go. Okay his part of this might be a little southern. I'm not letting him off that he something else is going on, but I'll let it I' let it' life. But the notion that people knowing what you sleep in might be it's nobody's business. He lelees in meundies I sleep in pajama pants and a wife feeder. That's a great story. And I have to because Jack, my legs get sweaty when I sleep. Okay. Do your legs get sweaty? Why would you think this is information I'm gonna share with strangers? What' that? Strangers were su of yours. These are strang. What is wrong with y'all? Why would you think this is appropriate? If we're at lunch, would you tell me You what. okay. That's good. That's good There is a circle I could enter. Okay, I gotta go back to your bits ' they're so good. less people think you're such a goodie goodie. I'm not a goody goodie. I swear. you do In forget through Marshall, I said some very racistuff Dirty stuff. Dirty grown upp things. Grown up Annuities. That was a character. Yeah. But Jack McBrer was saying it That's true. I think on thirirty Rock, you said probably some stuff too, but less. Rre swear words and more just crazy words, madeade up words. You know, we're celebrating twenty years since I think pre here? That makes me feel old two thousand and , You did it. Wait, Jack, do you love acting and I'm being sincereough? 'use you get to play a different person and you're not really responsible for it. Have you seen the characters I play? I do not have range, fea. I smile, I talk southern. I say weird stuff, right that you don't normally say. in front of people Right, But in the shows you have to say it in front of people. Is that liberiny? Well, because then I can blame it on the character, I reckon. Yes. What I can tell is that you're not at all burdened by this. Like this would burden me to have two different presenting versions of myself. like one I do here, one I do here, one I do there. That to me would feel burdensome. Well, now I do have to ask and I'll asker both of y'all Do y'all feel that I behave very differently To me, I feel like even when I'm making remarks to your wife on her birthday, foul Really bad stuff. It still me just being in a more playful manner. Yeah, a little. F fromom my point of view, that side of you is so appealing. I can't even imagine constructing some story work Everyone would' like that I'm not gonna say those words in front of six year olds. Yeah, yeah, but there's no six year olds listening and it's okay. O Zillog Gone Wild. Yeah, we don't have a six year old. Z Gone Wild. Yes, you have to meet whatever the tone of the show is where it's at, for sure. Okay, one other one you did, Well, you've done a bunch of great bits, which is you We've been to many functions at our house or parties, I guess, and they're not functions. You know, this is the first time we see in this house. That's too long. And we haven't had as many socially things 'cause yes, probably I would say. Yeah,. But one time you came over, you called on the way and asked Christ, is there anything I could bring over? And she said, No, we're all sorted. And then you stopped anyways and you got a bag of like ruffles at the store, brought them, put them on the counter and didn't make a big deal of it and then left. And after you left, we had discovered that you had left the receipt on it and you had circled and highlighter how much you had spent. then And then you wrote a little note that said, this is my business manager's email. Please reimburse me for these chips Okay, I don't remember doing that. You don't remember that Oh and then here's an even better one in the same vein. That's fun. You're getting really exposed. But that's what I'm saying, Playful bits that are for y'all. And I realize for your podcast, we're telling the world about it. is so good.. And then this one's the best An another time you came to a party. You didn't bring anything or if you did, you didn't leave a receipt. So we're like, Oh, that's b. something o then you did... You did. I just we missed it and there wasn't a whole receipt thing. So we almost had that letdown of like, oh man, Jack McBrer was here, but there's no bit. Where' the paper trail? And then a full week later, we received mail from the post office. And when we opened it up, it was a letter to us saying that you had had a nice time at the party and that you submitting your invoice for the personal appearance fee twelve thousand dollars. But you were going to make some deductions because there were other celebrities there that helped you share the burden, Yes. Yeah am. Like Darcy was there and you deducted fif fiveteen hundred and William Hanson was there and you deducted another fif thousandteen hundred. Oh it brought us down to yele, like eight thousand dollars. Wh you are haveab as a friend? Let's see F. And that's so playful. Like that's . Yeah, ye n right. So I want to know how much of your day between the birthdays, clearly you call someone every day. It's someone's birthday everyday, right? Not wrong. Today I had six You had six birthday. See, this makes me think of like Sideris and his postcard routine. This is a commitment. but also how much time does that take? I mean, you talk to somebody for two minutes on the phone. That's really nice. I hate to add one to your list. I'd love I'd love to be a part of contversacy. I knowgust twenty fourth. I know, I want one of these like bad, bad You know, that Kristen gets. Are you gonna post them? No I won't. I p I'm nervous about I feel unprotected here. Rromise, I won't. August twenty fourth, we are August twenty fourth I already have some august twenty fourth. Yeah It's a common one actually. That whole week is insane. Yeah in my house. Is that true? Yeah, My sister, my mom, Monica, my dead grandmother What is nine months prior People are going in there It's like Christmas. Oh ye. they want that warmth. Yeah. They're seeking out that warmth by the fire. B. It happened to me. I'm the one that came out of that. I'm allowed to say it. Wait, what's your background Oh go. Are you a performer? Yeah. I started out as a performer. Did you study theater at UGA? I did. I wonder if we know people in common. You're so much older than her. as am I? We're both so much older than her. with you. I that's rude. I know the truth about her hes. J shut up. o. Just shut up forever. Okay. And now we're talking. And then she did UCB. You did in New York or LA. L.A. it So we definitely know some people there. Yeah. Okay. Interesting Stay tuned for more arm D We are supported by all state. Checking All state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. N checking that your keys are actually in your hand before you close the car door. Have you ever sood in a parking lot full of sun staring at your keys sitting right there on the seat four inches away and completely useless to you. It's a very specific kind of humbling Checking first is a good idea. So check All state first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. and for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an all state roadside plan today. You're in good hands with All state. 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The actual cause of PD isn't always known, In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options, including non surgical treatment. To learn more about Peroni's disease, visit talkaboutpD. com This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. in Squarespace was that bridge? Maybe you're in the same spot You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. 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Mine still feels just like it did when I first got it. Well, that's the thing. It's not one of those mattresses that caves in after six months. These things are built to last. And you know, I'm a side sleeper I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot so I have cooling. and I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning. Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold. So I also have cooling. and they have over twenty models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body Plus, they've got cooling upgrades, which heading into summer, non negotiable. Truly Go to helixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. That's helixleep dot com slash armchair for twenty percent off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you Hixleep dot com slash armchair you H you ever had any blowback? Like have you ever said anything that you regretted? Does that happen? Publicly. Oh publicly, I'm sure I have. Well, like in the early days of thirty Rock. Okay, here's a good explanation of something that you seem to be dwelling on. Yeah, yeah. So my background is in improvisational comedy. And so I was doing that in the mid nineties to the early two thousands in Chicago. That's kind of where I found my legs. Met Tina Feay there. So we're talking Imrovlympic, you're talking second city Fine. established institutions of comedy and I felt like a million bucks. L I had found my people. I was on top of the world. What I loved about doing impprov and doing impprov at that time, I could be any character. I could say anything, I could create any scenario. and it was all in the spirit of ensemble creation of playtime. It felt like being kid on the playground. prettyre magical Lo and behold, I moved to New York. I'm able to join the New York UCB gang. That was super fun. Paul Sheer, Jason Mansukus, Rob Hubel, Rob Rrigle, so many just famas want a guy idiot, We're nebors we take hik a lot. Oh, you do. Oh those mustes be so fun. It' be fun. I bet there's a lot of swear wors on those hikes. Okay. And again, I'm in that fun sandbox world of impprofitits Then I get thirty one And then you have to do press interviews and say things that go into print I' never had to do that before. two thousand six, this is also the advent of social media. advent of smartphones. Things are being recorded. seeason one, I'll never forget there was an incident with Michael Richards at a stand upp club. Oh, he used the N word. And you start realizing like, oh, the internet is forever. And so I did start getting very self conscious. I was censoring myself in improv scene. Oh, in improvs even. And so then I kind of just had to some inventory and just be like, okay, what am I comfortable with? What am I not comfortable with That's why I tend to be more relaxed in conversation at dinner, at lunch when there aren't microphones and cameras pointed at me and just understanding that the words that I say will follow me for a very long time. And so yeah, and maybe this is control issues. Am I being cautious about that? Very likely. Do I feel that it is keeping me from Any happiness? No, abbsolutely not. Right. You don't feel cost. I wish people understood this about me and I can't tell them or ye, ye,. Yeah. Is that fair? Totally fair. I also think there's some relevant context from where you're from, right? which is like the South is very polite. There's a lot of decorum. We spend a lot of time now in Nashville. Oh I don'terve it all. Yeahah, yeah Oh, fine. I was just there in March. Reese Wwitherspoon's birthday. A ye We're really sad we weren't at that party. Yeah Yeah yeah, it's still going on. J at of fun parties. I know, Of course because you're fun to be around. that's. E people know you will never speak out of school either. Yeah. so you come on a podcast where people are hammering. shooting darts, man. Blowing darts and banging spray They were so stupid. But both parents, school teachers, Christen's met them. She's gone out to eat with them so much. She has she She a gril a thousand years ago in New York City. Oh, they love her. But they're pretty PG, I'd imagine, right? If they're school teachers. At school, they are, but I mean They had an aughty side too? Well, I'm going to say something I've never said in public before, but this is going to bite me in the butt. I'm sure So mom was pe in health at my high school. and so a great number of my classmates would take her health class, the curriculum for a sex education in Conners, Georgia at that time period And so Betty McBuyer would go and tell classes her exploits with Jimmy McBrayer. Okay. So I had friends at this new school that I had transferred to coming up to me Hey, you should probably never go in your hot tub again. Oh. Oh wow. That kind of thing. And also like they were young parents. They're very funny. The whole family, we're goofy and we joke. It's not like we come from some buttoned up and puritanical kind of thing. No. Were you guys religious? We went to church, but we went to Methodist church, and that's mostly Social. Yeah, tell me like Methodist versus what just o more hardcore. A little more hardcore. Ours was Cherokee Heights, United Methodist Church and M and Dad both went there dad's mom, my grandma was mom's Sunday school teacher, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah just like a multig generational let's go to church kind of thing. It was very relaxed. It really was about the social aspects. Once I learned the golden rule, I was like, o, okay, I got it What's still over Do do unto others as you do unto yourself? Are you asking me what they're going? I am, yeah. Yes, that is correct. F of Jesus. Is that it? Well Well, I had it. I don't feel like. you got. There's so many like those should not kill seems like a golden rule. That's pretty that should be high up there. It's like a Cer.. But I guess if doing ono others as you doing yourself rules out murder probably. It's a pretty good umbrella. Mess' suicidal. Yeah, it's not every.iddight. That's the truth. Yeah. sometometimes the truth has if he said out loud, Jack.'song. where we divide. How did you end up in Indiana for school? Why did you pick that? I wanted to go somewhere outside of Georgia, withith all due respect to Georgia I love Georgia. I was like let me try something else. There was a program that I thought I wanted to do at the time and they were offering me some money Hey, what was the program I studied theaterre management. Tell me what that entails. I suspect it was essentially they're like, Oh, you're not that great of an actor, but you're kind of smart, so you're gonna help raise our GPA. Oh. But at the end of the day, I took a bunch of theater courses, but I was also taking a bunch of business courses, which, as it turns out comes in very handy later in life. I have a lot of actor friends who are not very financially literate. very business savvy. And so I'm like, o, well I got this. Yeah It's funny. it's shocking and then it shouldn't be shocking at all. It's like these people already declared they were into the arts. But you are shocked when you hear like, wait, how would Nick Cage not know that he spent all of his money, right? On the island. Th islands are pricey. That's the maintenance that gets you jet. That's how they get you. They don't show you those prices. You think you're just buying a jet, but that's the gas. It's the gas. That's what gets And then you go from there directly to Chicago, what prompts that move? I wanted to try a big city that maybe wasn't Atlanta. Again, with all due respect to Atlanta. I just knew that I would be always coming back to Georgia Let's see what else is out there. And because I was in Indiana, I had visited Chicago. I had visited Indianapolis. I had visited St. Louis, I'd visited Louisville. So Chicago was one that I'd visited I really loved it. and some buddies of mine who had graduated the year before were already living there, I knew there was a room available. So it just made a very easy transition. When you went there, no goal of doing comedy yet, Not yet. You end up going to a second City show, right? Is that how it started? Yeah It changed everything. It was the summer of nineteen ninety five and there was a terrible heat wave. Like people were dying. You like four hundred people died. Oh died. Like they were putting them in refrigerated trucks. The mortuaries were full. It was bad. I lived. Well, you're from Georgia. I mean I like guys.y. I was like, this is kind of hot. Like it's one of those where you take a very cold shower right at the end of the night and you just Lay in bed, soakaking wet and just pray for sleep. I know. It was one of those. People were saying like their bar of soap in their shower wouldt melt. It hot. Oh my. It was very up to one hundred thirty or something. People were dying a big box fan in the window blowing on that wet physique. Well, we knew that meant you were asleeping nude, I guess, ' you Yeah. that I didn't say that. I didn't say it, but we just figured it out. Okay, figurered would the rest of me out then Iidiot. And so it was so hot. My roommate was just like, well, you know, there's this comedy theater downtown. You know, they do free improv. They got cheap beer and it's air conditioned. And I' like, let's do that went there and I was like These people are living my best life. These people are doing exactly what I want to do. I didn't know that this was a thing And they are hilarious And here's what I'm very excited about is that Over the years, so many of those people that I saw that inspired me I've been able to work with them. And that is a big deal to me. I'm very proud. Yes. That first show who was in it Adam McKay, Rachel Dredch, Scott Adsit. I think John Glazer was there, Scott Alman maybe, Jenna Jolovit, just some heavy hitters. I'm actually going to Chicago tomorrow. Oh And so I'm going to make sure I get to second City andC a show So you what start classes there. I went through the groundings, I'm not totally sure how Second City works, but there's classes real. Correct. So I started taking classes and then you just, you know, elevate up the ranks, your last class, you put on a big show. There are kind of open auditions to join the touring company. That's kind of like your entry level to Second City. So I auditioned and eventually got on the touring company. Where do you guys go? Do you go everywhere? O, Ohio Ohio. Great deal of Ohio. Do you like corporate things? A lot of corporate things, but a lot of colleges, performing arts centers. and Second City is a very established and illustrious institution I was so proud to be there. And it was interesting because I was kind of forging my own path And sometimes you'd get frustrated because I'd be real excited about getting the touring company And you try to tell a friend back home or somebody in your family or something they're like, oh You know they don't understand what it is. Yeah They get what a big deal it is. Yeah, yeah. But I knew it was a big deal. And so I kept going, kept going, got put on a resident stage. was there for many years. Is there like a main stage there? There's a main stage and I was on the ETC stage, which is the studio theater And so you were there for seven years. What were you doing for employment So when I first got there, I was waiting tables, got fired For what, you seem like you'd be a great waiter. First of all, I'm a very good waiter. I did mess up though. I was giving coffee to my regulars and not charging them for coffee. and then they'd leave two dollars two for a tip and I'd keep the two dollars. Okay. I was stealing. Thavery. Hey people are still gonna love you. You didn't like seat someone with COPD in the smoking section or anything like that. It wasn't that kind of Yeah, you didn't have that kind of infraction network Where you sat someone clearly on an oxygen tank in the smoking section or That was very specific and very strange. Yeah Yeah, but that's not why you got fired. No. No no. It's just old fashioned stealing. Okay It was coffee. Were you trying to steal or were you like, No, I just wanna be nice and give these people some free coffee. But also like I was working the breakfast shift, one person running around that floor. All of these people just wanted to eat their oatmeal and drink their coffee, read their newspaper and smoke cigarettes Before they went up to work upstairs we were in the basement of a big old office building. so they're like, Come on, buddy. And so I was just running around. I was like, donon't worry about it out of kind of necessity, but it was stealing. Oh no. I' proud of it. Where'd you go on to after that? Timpin Navigant consulting. and now here's a life hack I've learned If you're going to be in a job like that Make yourself indispensable. Okay, and how does one do that? That's easily said? Well, I was in charge of creating the filing system and you just create it in such a way that you're the only one who knows where everything is. And I mean, don't get me wrong, they could have figured it out, but I knew where it was if they had the Rosetta stone. If they yes, knew the secret code. Cin rings. But it goes back to maybe that is where I don't wantanna be so cavalier as to say OCD because that is a legit hard thing for people to deal with, but whatever my tendencies in that world are Sometimes it comes in handy. And I'm not gonna lie. I have everything on my phone I'm talking about like A list of every teacher I've had in my life. A list of every roommate I've ever had. , why not? Because well, ' that's a crazy first. It the list sounds great. It's crining the lens probably is wear. That's my point. Do the thing Th Then you don't have to do the thing ever again. That's true. That's true. I would assume you were friends with Tina while you were in Chicago. Yes, more so her husband, Jeff Richmond, who is my director at. Okay. And who was the musical? He was the musical supervisor, I think that was his title at SNL and then joined us for Thty Bck, composer and director, and I've known Jeff longer than I've know Tina. I mean, like their family And so she was charmed by you, I presume.. Well, she kind have writly. Aittle late. She wrote the role of Kenneth for you. So there's a lot of ground laid before that. Correct causes you to leave second city and go to New York. and was that a hard and scary decision? Very good question, Dax, and thank you. Yeah, it's the first one. I got one. B' been here like three hours, Was it hard to leave Second city? Yeah, it was. I left february third, two thousand two. The reason I know that is because every february third The stage manager will film your final night and they do a big thing where everybody says nice things. You get to do your favorite scenes So I have the DVD of my final night at secondecond city every feebruary third, I'll watch it. Oh twenty four years ago. But it was such an important. in my life that changed everything. But yes, it was a big deal. I had a job I was doing fine The ETC gig was one of the best gigs in Chicago. ETC the Studio Theater was, I think a Thursday through Sunday schedule. So you always had Monday Tuesday, Wednesday off. Oh yeah. Main stage was perhaps the more recognized whatever and bigger stage. They were working six nights a week, eight shows a week, and they were getting paid like maybe fourteen dollars more. was like Yeah yeah stay right here to leave was a big deal. and it was a big decision, but it was one of those things when your skin feels tight and you're just like, let's see let's see what's next. Let's see what else I can do. Let's see next thing is. It felt exciting, sccary When you were at Second City, did you have SNL dreams? Yes. Yes S. I think that's pretty common. I think a great number of comedians in general, no matter if you're at an established theater or not, that show was so important to me growing up, quoting the dumb bits and imitating the characters and being such a Reference point for so many people just in my life in my world. You could find your people in school by who liked us and out. Well, yeah. yeah. I don't know. I felt so cool watching it. like it was late at night. It wasre. It felt nughty, it was like timely, topical. It impacted me in such ways. So of course I wanted to do it. They did see me. You got to audition? I got to audition I don't think They've seen the tape? No. No, Of course they didn't happen. I auditioned the same day as Seth Myers. Oh you did? Yes. In New York? In New York. Oh Blew me out. Yeah What was your nerve level? Oh, very high. quuite high. Itible. Ver high. it was one of those things where of course I was not fit for this show But man, just to be able to be on that stage, for me, just being in an airport and having somebody hold up your name on a s. Yeah That's so. You take a m e and throw it off every. Yeah. But I got to be on thirirty Rock. That is a show based on SNL. That is a show that is produced by Lauren Michaels and written by the previous head Writer. I'll do that. When you moved to New York, did you already have something set up? Did you know you were gonna start working at Conan? No, I seem so entusiast. No. No, the reason I went to New York was Jeff Richmond, taking care of his boy, Jack McBair, was remounting a show Hamlet the musical that he had originally staged in Chicago one hundred years earlier. And he said, Hey, I just heard you're leaving seconde city. Would you be interested in doing like a three month run of this show that we did in Chicago? And I was like, Yeahah I got nothing else do. So my final night was february third, two thousand two was in a U haul with all of my junk in a car on february fifth, two thousand two. So you quit before knowing you were going to New York? Isn't that crazy? That is. Why did you even decide to quit? My skin felt tight It was time to go. You just s to your gun. Well, surely youphve had that whereere you just you know something either feels very ri or you know something feels not very ripe. Yeah, but I've never had that conundrum while One thing was a safety net, right? That's fair. I've had that city in Detroit going like, I gotta get out of this city within hours or I'm gonna wake up and be fifty and an alcoholic. Like I could just feel where it was all heading. But I wasn't giving up something fantastic or any safety or something I'd worked seven years to achieve. You're not wrong. It was scary, but also it made me feel b Brave and strong, mean all that kind of stuff. And also like the genuine curiosity of what could this be C I meet Where could I go? What is going to happen That feelil Fun to me. that to me outweighed any of the fear And were you about twenty nine or thirty at that point? I was twenty eight when I did that, turned twenty nine in New York So how quickly do you get immersed in late night with Conanrian?. So my first one would have been march third, two thousand two. Wait, so you left in February and one month later, you're on Conan. Okay, but it's not like, oh, he's brilliant. No. so many people who are writing for Conan O'Brien had come from Chicago, had come from Second City, were already working with Conan They heard that I was in town. They're like, Hey, Mc Bargus here just plug into something How aboutout Hamlet the play What happened to that? I was still going. Oh, you were doing that too. Yeah, because you could do a bit for a cononent in the middle of the day go do the show at night. Oh wow. Multitask. A lot of jobs. So many jobs. Also in New York, you kind of had to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you live in New Yor? No? Stop trying to make it about me. We see. Yeah, ye. this is how people talk when they ask questions. Good people like you. Yeah nice. Well, you're right. Yeah I hate everything about this. Do you remember what your first bid on Conan was? Yes. What was that? I was the overcfident new prison inmate written by Brian Stack, who's now at Colbert and he was Second City. So many people in my life have just taken care of me And when I tell you I am So grateful That's why you got to be nice to people that I'll start now. I'm gonna start today. Well it was an overly confident new prison inmate and it was very special for me because I hadn't done hardly any TV before that. I didn't know how this worked and I knew Conon was okay with the bit. And so it kind of started a fun tradition of people just like just put Jack in there kind of thing. Yeah you ended up doing eighty appearances in the next three years. Yeah. that was paying some bills. For any of the UCB kids, like that was the gig. Hell yeah, the best. eighty paychecks you're getting what some kind of sag minimum or after minimum, like six hundred bucks every time, maybe. You're so starving in New York. You gotta move to New York That good, I think. But no, it was the gig. I was like, I have arrived. Yeah You were on TV at night. tell y'all something. I haven't toald anybody this, but I think this is Germaine? Is? Yeah yeah, yeahlevant.. Is that?. Is that correct? But every time I'd go to do a bit for Conan, it filmed in thirty Rockefeller Center. So I'm taking the F train from Alphabet City in Manhattan and get off at the Rockefeller stop I'm a person who if I find a penny heads up, I'm going to hold ont to it because that's a lucky peny If I find a penny tailser I'll flip it to be heads up for the next person. Oh wow. nice. so nice. It's disgusting. Well it's you're so busy. betweenetween the list and the having to stop for the penny I just feel like your days are so busy. How much time do you think it takes to flip a penny? Are you stepping over cracks and stuff too? You got a whole thing with those? I don't believe in bad luck Oh like I dont like that. Tails a pen. Well then it's good luck for somebody else. So every time I'd come to do a bit for Conan If I found a penny heads up in the subway stop or in the building of Rockefeller, I'd hold on to it. I had this whole like little box and stuff that I just put them in there Lo and behold, you get on a show called Thirty Rock. And I was like That's cut of you. Yeah, I like. Do you still have it? Of course. Yeah. I' try to be regular. I know. I'm just monitor next to his little God. Iot a PDF You've been doing that for three years and I'm sure you're pretty content and it's wonderful becauseuse you're on TV every couple of weeks. And obviously we all worship Conan. And I was doing the shows at UCB. I was on top of the world. And then two thousand and what year is it? Like tail in two thousand four' beginning two thousand five. When do you find out that that thirty Rock is going to be a show I took a break and came to LA for a year, almost a year Another wild move, right When you're on Conan and things are going well and you're at UCB, you came here for a year. Well yeah, I mean, think about it this way three years you're doing this thing and you're having a ball, but SNL wasn't hiring me. I had done bits for Can, it's not like I could have elevated further there. I was doing my shows at UCB. I was like, okay, but what else? And not out of discontent, but just out of Curiosity, what else? alsoso New York is very expensive and it gets very cold Yeah, and you're from Georgia. I'm from Georgia. and it got cant handle that. Madam. cannot handle. So I was like, let me try LA Let me go be broke and tann. Let's feelel us. And what was that year like? So fun. I was just like, lookook at me, I'm an L Sen juice and stuff? I don't go there. Okay, too far. Yeah, Monica. He's old fashioned healthy. He is a sun worshippper. He believes in getting like six hours of sun a day. I believe in that as well. Keeps you young. They say it's really good for your skin. Sun bathing really good for your skin. Here's the thing Somebody's gott to look into that again because it just makes me feel good. I agree. I'm with you. Vitamin D is real Thank you. People have so many deficienies. I have an unpopular take. I'm only very sparing with sun bllock and it's only in a few spots. and I feel like sun's good P peopleople hate that of them.. I know, but also we gott toa take care of so much other stuff. That gets exhausting to me. I'm right, there you go. Some's gotta give. Dishwasher repair. What else you gring up say Yeah there. Okay, so you came here, you weren't drinking green juice, but living my best life. I'm temping, o wow. So I'm living in Los Felas, bought my two thousand four Hyundai accent. from Enterprise Rntal car, which I still have to this day. No way. Wow.'s twenty two years later. you're still. twenty two years later. You're still in that car and I just hit sixty five thousand miles. Th think about driving like a thousand miles a year. Okay, so think about it this way though. That one year I was here in Tempon, so I had to drive all the way to the west side Tellaflora. I worked there for several months. But during the course of that, Burke Tleag Units, got some arrested developments, and eventually got thirty rkes. So within the year that I was here I got thirty Rck, which took me back there. And because of that, I just left my car in the garage for seven. Okay seven years.K. It didn't start when you got back. You needed to call trucked to jump. Well I had a roommate who had started up. Oh, Oh, that's great. Well, that was the piece of the puzzle I needed. Is Really? Yes. Otherwise you had a world record on your hand for the longest battery sat stagnant and then working. This is the worst day of my life. The worst. So you go back to New York, but now you go back, wereere you a season regular right out of the gates? Sies regular, yes, I was Remember it was not a sure thing. Thirty Rock took a while for people to tune in and for NBC to have enough confidence to keep us going. So it was tenuous. The first year. Yeah. and I mean, subsequent years, but I just knew to keep my side of the street clean, just do the job, show up on time Be nice to people, Dck. Uh, pick up the panties. pick up the panties. I was just so excited to have the job You loved it all seven years. So f. New York eventually let me know that we were not meant to be together. Oh in what way? Everything. It was just the amount of people and the cold and the gray. What a wonderful change in my life, my time there brought about It can feel oppressive Yeah for me if I'm there a long time I'm like, Oh, I just too much. takeake me to the water, take me to the park somewhere, get me out of this zoo. Yeah. Do you get intimidated by other people? I guess I'm really curious what it's like to work with Alec Balolddman. Oh, scared, yeah. Terrified, sure. Terrified to this day. No. It was one of those things where pretty much everybody onn the call sheet was so much more established and just had so much more experience than me that I'll just like do the job, hit your marks. I mean, to be fair, Alec brilliant on the show and I think he knew very early on, I'm not gunning for his job. I am happy to be here. I am here to make all look as good as possible. You are not I'm a th player. I was not a threat. I'm not a threater Bind kittens. Right. But no, the whole thing was intimidating But also it was just fun to kind of like yourself and be like, I can do this. Y'all can count on me even to the writer's room. y'all give me anything that you want me to do because I can do it. There's something about being appreciated by Tina that feels so good. It's almost like an anointing, I guess for her to likeike you And You make her laugh and she repeats things you did that she liked is a very rewarding scenario, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, I kind of just worship her a little bit. Of course, but I will say this too She doesn't suffer fools. so She chooses people for a reason.u. That's why she's never come on this show So She hasn't picked us yet. How do I change the subject? Can you probably text her and tell her love to have her? I'm gonna take a seizure Were you sad when it ended? or do were you also getting that familiar kind of, o, time for something new? Good question. It was a mix. All of us at different points we kind of just burst into tears like the most random thing. I'll never forget I was like, this is my last free haircut Oh yeah. I'll never forget Jane Kurkowski walking down the hall and it was me and our friend Alethia, who's in wardrobe and we were just like laughing at some internet thing. and we were like. And Jane just burst into tears because she's like, We're not gonna see this anymore. So that was indeed emotional, but I was excited. And also I wasn't worried that I was never gonna see these people again. I call all of them on their birthdays Right, Right, att least once a year. Well I'm telling you for the twenty year anniversary, we got to do something, right? Yeah. We got to do part. have a panel or a table reader or something. Were you not frustrated? I remember when I would watch the show, I would think, I'm so confused why this show isn't as big as Sinfol. I thought it deserved to be a mammoth. And every year they kind of put it on the bubble the same way they did parenthood It was like, arere we gonna bring it back? Are we not? Well, I mean, I'm kind of glad that I didn't have to worry about that stuff You could kind of sense the writing on the wall. We were talking about like the introduction of streaming We're talking about the surgeence of cable shows, you know, the Soppranos, Madmen, all these things from cable were such heavy hitters Also it What's my frame of reference? you know? like this is my first show ever. But I easily tell that we were not getting the numbers that friends Seinfeld will embrace all these legacy NBC shows. Again, that was not my fight to fight. And so I was like, All right, yout have a job tomorrow with it. But it just felt like it deserved it. It so fucking real Yeah yeah, it really was You know, the people who like it really like it and the people who don't They they don't get part my family. I mostly I mostleep me back in Mon Stay tuned for more arm. Yeah This episode is sponsored by Better Help So Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's twenty twenty six state of stigma repeport surveyed two thousand Americans and revealed that eighty five percent of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet seventy four percent say society discourages people from doing so. That's a huge gap. Most of us agree therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going Right. And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference. I mean, as you know, I'm obsessed with therapy. I've been in it consistently for years and years and years. And I have said this and I I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit Oh Okay, ye, I know when I'm not And I got to go to therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself. And betteretter Help makes that first step easier. 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So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with maail bodies on the same level as I am? They never are. To learn how to put AI to work for people Visit serviceNow. com Okay, in that period too You do forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah two thousand seven, maybe, April of two thousand seven. And Krist, did tell me some funny stories about that today. What'd you say? Well, one, that good thing everyone was introduced to your Sun bathing routine. on set? Yeah, well she said that they would be on the way to set and Jack would be by the pool. Okay. right out the gates Okay. I mean, she's not wrong. So forgetting Zerah Marshall, my first time in Hawaii I believe I was in a movie with all these like famous people. We were staying in the resort where we were filming Turtle Bay In Hawaii, I was like, this is crazy. So yes, I was there for a month and I was gonna say The other thing she said is you somehow finagled them to be able to stay like two weeks after you ar arved. No, It was just the schedule. I didn't like There was nos and finagling. No, I don't even know the meaning of the word. You called Conan and had them give you a full page outfit for your audition for thirty Rock So I know you know how to call people Fenagling, That's asking for a favor. Okay. I think Fenagl is French for favorite. That'song. think that's a lie. But you managed to be in the sun for twenty two of thirty days. Now here's where it got tricky. They're like, well, Jack, your character is like a Mormon coming from Utah. You wouldn't be Tan That sounds like a makeup problem. know. I tried to slather on as much, but after a while, you're like, bro, I'm getting pan. When you're at poolside, are you just sitting? A you on your phone? A you reading a book? What do you do with that? I can't sit for that much time. I can, and here's whyack. It is transranscendental. I go somewhere else. It is meditative. I will be laying there and I'm not fully asleep, but I'm not fully awake. I can't lift my arms. I just go somewhere else and I just feel the warmth and I see the light from the outside and I'm just like, this is who I am.. This is who I'm true But then I'm just playing this Who was I in a past life? Yeah? Son God Or like a lizard? Itould be a lizard. Yeah someone that's gota get itss core body temp up before it could do anything. Maybe that was a reptile. Maybe. I was a solar pyramid How long are you doing this like an hour? You gotta flip So ye, you don't wanna do this for a full hour. I mean, you just flip, jump in the pool. Okay, but you're out there an hour hour The best. And your hair just turns that bleachy chlorine green. Yeah. It's the best. Our youngest daughter has green hair and I'm so proud of her.. It's such a badge of something. Citment to swimming is what it is At the same time, and this is where I met you. So you and Kristen became friends on that movie And then I start meeting you just right after that movie. And I want to say you came over and you had just filmed this, but you filmed a Mariah Carerey music video? eight feebruary two thousand eight. It was during the Riter strike I positive I was not the first person they called. but I was the first person to say yes. And I play Mariah Carerey's love interest. What? In the hit video. Touch my body And is it this someone that's like, Don't want to see you up on YouTube? I'm always enamored when there's been certain words that get put in songs, and I'm really impressed that they pulled it off. Toto's Africa To get Killim andjaro in a song is really, really hard. You're not wrong? Yeah. And then another favorite of mine, The Year of the Cat Great song What's the word? The yearar of the cat? It's seventy song. But what's still the wor It just the title The Year of the cat. Iving your have to sit down and write a rock ballad that's hugely successful and it's called The Year of the Cat. That's like a feat. So to s thing like on YouTube, YouTube, that to me sounds impossible. Like if you approach me inste Dext, you have to write a hitsong. You have to say YouTube in the song. times Four times while holding and doing donener kindind of do a run on it. That seems hard and I'm impressed. Well, to be fair That's when YouTube was becoming a thing. Im like, Oh, that whole era. It needed a dressing. It needed a dressing. She's the perfect spooks person. She she wants to do stuff, but she don't want to see that shit up on YouTube.ure. she's also letting us know I have like a little bit of a naughty side and you guys probably were very aligned on this. Yeah. Priv.ike you gotta keep stuff off YouTube. I'm sorry, setting healthy boundaries is okay. Yeah. I think Weish should all, Prag recommend it Yeah But now you did almost kill Mariah Carerey during this Sir video, is that not true? I didn't kill Mariah Carerey. But what happened? you did I did sureill Mariah So yes, I did. It was a terrible accident. and she was fine and she was a very good sport about it. So that is for the record. We're supposed to be like frolicking in a field and I'm supposed to throw a frisbee to her and bless her heart. She was singing as she was supposed to and just twirling around. So I threw the frrisbee when I was supposed to, but it left my hands. It doesn't have like a string that I can yank it back. It just happened to like hit her in the face. In the face. I was mortified. How soon into its flight trajectory did you start realizing, Oh fuck, I think that's gonna hit her. And did you yell or do you were you afraid to ruin the videoinging? This is a tough position.undrum. Is yelling worse than a frisbee hiting her in the face I think it's b. I'd rather hear yelling than get hit in the face with a Fisbee is my pick. It was just an embarrassing and unfortunate thing. But Was it obvious to you it was gonna hit her in its flight? Nothing is obvious to me. know that. Everybody knows that. And it maybe happened so fast. It was a blur and you have moments where you just feel your stomach just sink and you're like I might throw up right now and I'm mortified. I'itches or w. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was such a good sport.. I think she just needed some touch upps and stuff. but you just need to cover the bruising a little bit. Why are you trying to make me look like an animal? And did she explain to you why she wanted you to be her love interest in the video? Did that ever come up It came up in conversation that she seemed to enjoy thirirty Rock, but I really do suspect that they were trying to get bigger names and stuff. Okay. All right. I'm not lying. I don't know She likock. That's your shadow filling in a lot of Unknowns. The shadow voice that tells you're terrible in a piece of shit.curity. I don't have a shadow you do a shadow voice. You can lie about having one, but you have one. Yeah. There's some part of you that's like, Jack, you're so whatever, it says. Fill in the blank. Why would never, 'causeuse I can't think of a bad thing about you, but I bet your shadow has six or seven it things are bad about you Is the shadow in the room with us. We bring the shadow everywhere with us. Y'all are so stupid. Do'all get tired of this job? No, we love. doing is talking. You get tired of talking about myself. But that's not the premise. You didn't say, hey, can I come over and talk about myself for an hour? I'm like, hey, can I learn about you for an hour and everyone else would like to learn about you? Yeah, but we could also do that over dinner But no one else gets to hear it. Okay Sounds good to me Do you watch interviews? Do you enjoy your interviews? No other people. Like I love interviews. I used to listen to all the Sern interviews and I had those streaming app so I could just listen to the interviews I just love interviews. I love letterman interviewing people No, I'd see the iconic ones about like Drew Carerey I two Yeah, whenrew Cerry showed his chits For Letterman's birthday. before price is right. Iiconic moment. That was make Man am I dumb Does your shadow tell you you're dumb? No. Okay. Well. This guy I hope you don't think that. You know what He's very bright. He's got a very good vocabulary as I watched some other interviews with you. Oh, I did say Germaine today. did. That brought me smoking the bandon Did you ever watched smoking the bandon as a kid? I'm sure I that in Georg But one of the officers says to be for T justice over the radio I don't see how that's germane to the situation and Be for T Justice says German's got nothing to do with this He thinks he said Germans. The context led me to believe that. You figured that out. I did context for. You' smart. She got me. You read me like a book. That's right. A pop up b. Okay Now After having that security for seven years on thirty Rcks Do you not crave that again or would you love that? Yes, having job security is wonderful. don't need more money. I don't need more tention, I don't need any of that stuff. For me, I'm like, what be fun What this feel like What What it be like to work with this person or in this studio or in this location or with this script? That to me is more That's a very rare commodity to not feel like you need more. Where do you think that comes from? I think that's just baked in the DNA. But I do think like we didn't have a great deal of money growing up. We were not made to feel that we were less than or, you know, anything like that. But I do feel that whether it was intentional or just subconscious, but you make the best of what you got whether that's financial, whether that's whatever's going on in your family You make the best of what you got. And so That was a very helpful lesson for me in terms of like, I don't need a lot I can make the best of a small space or a small paycheck or twenty two year old Kia Punday Ponday, sorry s sorry, sorry sorry, sorry sorry B Both Korean, I didn't get it. Wow. They're both Korean gard. I't see color. Well, I do know that about you. You're famous for that. See Tan? We know that. I like her. Yeah, he's like this one. He sees a savage base in the mirror every morning. Somebody told me that you can take a tide Yes know that? Because we talk about it a lot on here, because we know people who've done it one sitting next to me Is it you? I did it for her. you barely tried it you didnt try it. Oh yeah, I loved it. I would love to be on it, but then a friend who got an illness, we found out also loved that peptide so then me and the other person that were on it got really paranoid about ites, see. Based on nothing. L I'm sure there's a million reasons this person got sick. Okay. It also does weird stuff. likeike your freckles got darker. Oh yeah, yeah, on my forehead. That was one version of it. There's two versions of it. Then I did the second version and it didn't have those issues But here was my point because we debated it. I was like, I like how I look tan better. Everybody lis better with color. Absolutely. And If I have an option to do one that might up my rate of carcinoma versus one that doesn't, why wouldn't I choose this one? It seems crazy L I don't understand what the moral conundrum is about using a peptide versus the sun. I mean, I get it. For me, it's like I'm not going to be the first person to buy the new iPhone. I'm like, y'all go first. Yes.it. Y'all work out the bugs, then come back. I had some ethical issues with it as a brown person. Oh, tell me more. I was like, as a group Darker skinned people are more marginalized and then you're just picking the piece you like about it and getting to have that piece and it just doesn't feel fair. I see. Yeah a big. It was a big debate. area. Are there peptides that change your skin color in different ways? Like make it lighter Well, there's skin bleaching and stuff, which a lot of people have done. Some Indian people have done skin bleaching to look lighter because you're considered prettier at times. Is that an external thing?. Well, like the movie stars there are generally quite light skinned. Yeah. And there's like the paper bag tests, like if you're lighter than a paper bag. Colorism is a real thing people of color. So I think this gets a little triggering when people are like, oh, I'm just gonna to like take this peptide and be dark now But my point was you don't mind when they get suntanned Like no one's mad if a white person sign because that's natural. So you're really drawing this, what I think is a little bit arbitrary line. like do you get it naturally or do you get it from a peptide? and that somehow changes it. But also like this is information that I didn't know and that's helpful to understand. It all started because this woman identifies as black Which is clearly a problem. A G. No no, I was pointing to the TV. we put a picture of her up on the TV. She' like this woman That's the headline. Yeah, she's fucking Irish by the way. Oh yeah also I'm white. this German woman. She identifies as black, like saying I identify as a woman, right? Like that's her white identity No And then she took this peptide. She had a lot of body modifications and then she took an elephant's dose of this peptide and she moved to Africa. Oh. So I think that's what kicked it off. Ustandably, that context puts it tririggering on a path Where that reaction is justified. I understand. Rob, maybe you can pull that up at some point just for Jack's amusement because it's really amusement. We don't have to do this I really didn't realize the path You' be amused that a human has chosen this path on planet Earth. and it's okay to be amused by that. And if we pretend that that's not amusing, I don't know where we're at. Im talking about care anymore For a minute, I felt pretty strongly about that peptide and feeling like Uhh, I don't know if that's good because of this. and now I'm like, whatever, I guess just do whatever you want. Everyone try to look as hot as you can. That's all we're all trying to do is look as hot as we can. Are you jack? I am. Look at my hair. I think you look wonderful It lookpt Fisher Prize hair. Lego Lego. Yeah my like a Lgo snap on here. You make the best of what you got. What you've carved out post thirty Rock is a pretty insane voiceover career. Yes, whichich is kind of for people who aren't hip to it. It's about as good as it gets in a sense because the money's great The time commitments very low And you can maintain some anonymity to some degree. The best. Now I have been told and I hope I'm not getting my information wrong, because many of the characters that I voice do sound like this I believe the term that was explained to me was that this would be a signature voice as opposed to a more character voice, like many of the actors on the Simpsons can do, like you know twelve, fourteen different characters or not. So pretty much E character that I voice is gonna to sound like this, which I'm okay with. Yeah. Let me I'm not a good actor But you've been in Rcket Ralph in the Squel, like big stuff. Disney shows that ran for an eternity? I know I know I can't believe it He just likes to cook him. Yeah, we're almost out of timewn. Yeah, yeah, we're almost there. donon't worry. Were out of to Cercial backike Yeah. So there's a before and after of her. We don't know how she did her hair or what peptide that is, but the hair like a wig situation. But it's clearly not with that widow's peeak unless they do a lace front with that much extra hair up front. But you can see where this would kick off the kind of conversation that Monica might have some issues with peptide use. That's understandable. yeah I'm learning a lot. We're here and teach. Okay, let's talk about Zilligone Wild. Yeah T jack Were you following the Instagram account before you got approached for this thing? 'cause I was. Oh okay. I'm a first in Zillow gone wild Instagram. Excellent. So I'm not on social media, but I know that during the pandemic, this became a very popular Instagram page. And it's just actual listings on Zillow that stand out Yeah, crazy listings on Zilla. They're gone wild. It'sone wild We'll get to this this line you gott to kind of You don't want to be mean to anyone and also let's call it like it is. Some of these are crazy, fella. Yeah. I mean, like by season three, I realized like, okay, my baseline is, does it have a toilet? That's where we are.. That's what you're hoping. But it's been so fun. And what I do enjoy about this show, I get to do the TV version of what that Instagram page is. Right. So the Instagram page is like scouring all the Zilla listings around the country and it's gathering the most unique ones. And when anyone would look at them, if you don't follow this page, you go, how on earth are they gonna sell this? Someone has committed their entire house to raccoons and raccoon stripe everywhere. You name it, peopleople have done. It's been done. When did you get approached in this? This would have been in march eleventh, Well, it was june of twenty twenty three. Oh my go. It's weird, right? It is weird. But it helps me keep things organized. So here comes the dementia. I was in the groundlings. You like looking at houses? Is that a hobby? I do. Yeah. Now I' li in my dream house, but when I'mroll around the neighborhood and I see an open house I'm going in that open house. Oh, I love it. And I think that's just a very human thing. I mean, There's a genuine curiosity like, oh, what are they doing? What is this like? What's their view? So they approached me about the show did it a bl. You know, you're going in blind. I was like, amm I going be good at this? This is my first time doing unscripted. Yeah. I was like, amm I going to be interesting? Can I keep a conversation afloat? It was very important to me and I made this very clear with the producers, I don't want to be snarky. I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to embarrass these people. I don't want this to be an exercise in humiliation. I be celebory and I want this to be exploratory and really lean into the curiosity, the human curiosity we all have about like what other people are doing. On top of the fact that these houses are crazy. Yes yes bonker. So you're one hundred percent right to have that ethos going in or that principle. and I agree, it should not be making fun of people Also often you are standing in places. where like the only thing one could say is like, this is fucking nuts. I don't know. E when you go with that intention Well we have that, like on Amchair anonymous, same thing where it's like, we're not here to make fun of people. If you go in with the idea that you're not here to make fun of people, you do see the best That's true But his is more extreme. L you need to see the places he's standing in and you have to recognize, like here's an example and it wasn't even the owners of the house. They had bought it from someone else.. But he's in a house and the thing that makes it qualify if for gone wild is the previous owner was obsessed with storage. And so you walk into the kitchen, you have your normal refrigerator high cabinets, but then you have two more rows of cabinets above that going up into what had to be like fifteen feet up the ceiling. And it looks a little like it gives you vertigo a little bit to see that many cupboard doors And then it just unfolds it's getting crazier and crazier. and there's a moment where they walk into this eighty feet by forty feet. So it's about a four thousand square foot room that is a big cavernness room in floor to fucking ceiling shelves. I was sayining to Kristin, we were watching it last night and I'm like, I'm too distracted by needing to know what the mental illness was of the person who built it. Like my explanation was, you know, just like there are alcoholics that are low functioning or high functioning To me, that house was like, well, this is a super high functioning hoarder. They had the money and the wherewithal to still hoard, but do it in a way that would be organized and it's madness. That was a crazy house Again, like how can I spin that? I think you are probably correct. It was someone who might have had issues of holding on to things. but had the wherewithal to keep it organized. But then it also begs the question, were those shelves ever filled? How did they clean out this house when it originallyashed hands? yeah, no, you are correct. And so what is crazy, they don't let me even do any homework of like what the house is about to be 'cause I wanna catch my reaction genuine and I'm like, well, I bet you anything, I'm gonna to say, wow. This is scary. Like that room Weirdly was a little bit scary. That one was unnerving because you know, I had seen the scope of the house from the outside, but I don't know what I'm about to see inside and it was like High S school June of sheels. Wow. It was so big that they were ultimately going to cut it in half so that he could have a four car garage one side with his cars inside and she could have another workspace and whatever. And there was still going to be plenty of room. It's the size of my barn, Monica in Nashville, but with shelves. So you're interviewing the people who, not in this case, but normally the people who live there or like you're watch probably built it A lot of times it is the people who built it and made these design choices and sometimes it is the people who bought it because of those design choices. Either way, it is fun. I get to like spend several hours with the person we're taking the tour. and you know, a great deal of it is on camera, but some of it is off camera and you really get the dirt and everybody has been a joy. They're opening up their homes to us. Yeah. That's a big deal. It's vulnerable. You're saying go ahead and judge me basically. And especially in season one, they didn't know what they were saying yes to. Right. We got lucky with that. We were able to like set the tone And I feel that that has made it easier in subsequent seasons to, you, have that proof of concept, even though just like, I'm not here to make fun. Show us what you got. Yeah another one in the first season was this bunker. So I personally, you can't take this swing. The shows works on so many levels. First of all, you're the greatest host. You're so fucking cherry and likeable. house guest. You're an incredible w. Y. The chips, the ruffle. You'll receive Thank you, No. Y. you will. And a bill for those who come hereion it. August twenty fourth, That's right that car Okay, so it works on a lot of levels. A It's just so fascinating to see people's houses and all the houses are completely bizarre You're a phenomenal host, but the part for me, the third gear and juiciest of it is is And you're already witnessed it. Like I love being armchair psychologist And so I'm watching the one with the bunker and this boy bought a bunker, a missile silo abandoned missile silo but goes seven stories into the ground. It's all underground. It's all underground. There's a door above ground and it's all underground. And you walk down fifty feet of steps. and then you're in this rusted out cavern Now mind you's a horror movie. Yeah. he painted the walls and he put some stuff up And then he takes Jack over to where the missile used to sit and it is just taken on fififty feet of water. There's just standing water ground water seeping in Not his fault. Not his fault. No, no. What are you gonna do? And also, what are you gonna do? Put a raft in that? He put a raft in it? No, he really did. was huge. I mean, a missile sat down there. Mit. You can't imagine how stressful it is to even just look at the environment. I can't imagine what it was like to be in that subterranean damp, rusty. All right May I? Yeah. O homeowner, Andrew was a delight. veryy sweetoy. You know, good old boy, did some hunting and fishing and stuff and treated himself to his own man cave, which happened to be an abandoned missile silo Was it creepy? Y Yeah And you have someone like him leading the tour and stuff It did answer some questions. Would I have spent a great deal of time down there And no No, thank you. I don't want to go. But the psychology I was enjoying and I said to Kristin, because he's giving his interview and he's like, you know how many people can say they've owned a missile silo? I'm like Yeah, that's the only value to the place is to say you owned it because there's nothing pleasurable about being down there. No whver want it. It's for sale. someome other boy No woman's ever gonna to buy that place. You're not wrong. There's something about boys that are like, Yeah, I have this thing nobody has. I'll tell people at school. It's so cute and sweet. That was sweet. And I will say this and I'll be delicate. I suspect and I haven't followed up to see if it's still on the market or what, but someone who perhaps is more concerned with Long term safety prepping yeah, pre your words, might consider a space like that. Yes. Safety is really the through line though, because that's what everyone is looking for in their house. So the person with all the shelves, that's also about safety. I agree. I've learned a great deal about how people define home. It's been really wonderful seeing how people define that. For me, it was just like four walls and a roof Peace and quiet. That's not the case for everybody. But this season, what are you doing? I know you're paling up with David Bromstead. Yeah. So he's like a legit HGTV person. Yeah, he has a huge show, My lottery Dream Hall. Correct. And so the thing is like he knows what he's talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. Right, right. shad. Yeah But when it comes to houses, I know there are words I'm supposed to know. like, Ohh, Wayne Scotting Your most genuine self always comes out when you see a swimming pool Like when you were at the pink house, you were like, Ohh my god, this swiming like you almost exploded out of your body. Gosh, like pools are the best. Are you a good swimmer I mean I flat. Okay Well, yeah, I' never that. Th's many bud lights he's got and I love lights. I. I do love a pool. that, I wonder The water. Do you like the ocean I do, but I like the controlled environment of a povery contained. So this season, you go twenty six feet under Las Vegas? Yes. What was that one? It's a bunker. It's not just a house. It's got a yard, a fountain, an event space. You feel like you're outdoors. Like they painted the sky, they've got lights. It is weird. It messes up with your circadian rhythm. That's. Yeah. Did you watch fallout by chance You are, But I know which one you're talking about. Yeah, with the no noose.. But they're all in vault underground.. So it makes me think it would be they're living their real life. And Paradox. a spoiler. if you haven't seen it yet. You're probably not going. Yeah I just ruined it. seeason three be forty one houses. So like, I've been traveling a great deal. My carbon footprint is not great. It's not great, but how's your airline status? So good. If I knew what those meant, it just gives you all these numbers and I'm like, I don't know what this means. Okay. You're at the top You're probably diamonder. Platinum.y and then you got the hotel doing the same thing I was like, I don't know what this means If you cash any of these in for your own life? I don't know how. Okay. Okay. okay. I don't know what this stuff means. Have you ever gone to see Alexander in Sweden? Yes. You have. Yeah. What was that like? How were you not in love with him? I would be in love with him. We all are when you meet the boy, like Yeah. so lovable of his kid. He was such a delight. We were surprised. We were completely taken by surprise Yeah. And he's so gorgeous. I could just look at himif. He's one of those people where you meet him and you're just like, o, You're my guy. What do you do when your when you guys go out to bars at night and pr? I mean, no, he cooks at home. Okay. He can be quite a homebody. It's domestic Yes, it's domestic. But like it is also funny because half the time we're acting like an old married couple, half the time we're acting like middle school boys in class kind of thing. you know? giggle and he loves comedy. and so I'm like America's plus one, but I'll go with him to the Sag Awards or the Emy' or whver You joined him at SNL this year when you h. I joined N SN When he meets the cast of Sitz Creek And I'm like, let's go sayy let's go say. He's like, Okaykay, so he gets nervous I' like back. G guysys are such a good duo. A, He's a gem. And then you were on murder bots. That was so fun. It is one of those things you got to be best friends with people who just give you jobs. That's a really good rule ofumb. I want to act in something with him. Yeah. That's on. It is one of those things where I don't know who we wereed to each other in a past life, but we found each other. Oh I love it. Okay, well the new season of Zillow Gone Wild is out may first on HGTV. I also was watching old seasons on HBO Max. Correct. So streams. Feel free to go over to HBO Max. Your birthday is Today. No. Oh my God, that would have What's the date today? april twenty ninth When's your birthday? May twenty seventh. Oh May, I wrote down four twenty seven It's three twenty seven If it were four twenty seven. twenty And it's four twenty nine. Oh my God, today's five. what is today? five twenty nine? Are you okay It's all that nicotine. Shooting too many blanks. That's right. Oh, I made it bad. I'm really confused ine. Today's four hundred and twenty nine His birthday is five twenty seventh three. No, May. May. Jesus Christ. Sorry It's Lcol' birthday. Lcoln's birthdays march twenty seventh. I don't know why I'm like That' I'm getting stuck on march twenty seventh. March. I have three birthdays next month. I'm sorry, I'm sorry All right, I'm going to try to send you a very vile You don't have to do that you don't enjoy receiving them, just dhing them out Do whateverone want. Okay I'm gonna warn you now I'm gonna call you Oh, I'm blocking it. How gonna go. Happy birthday, you pecker, your f and subject Pcker. You're terrible. I haven't used that word in thirty years. Good. They use it mean something in nies. They regularly call people nies in shows in movies Pckers. That guy's a pecker.. It's gone It' a penis. Yeah, yeah Just reminding everyone Boiler alert. I'm all about this spoil. Jack McBrar, I love you. Thanks for getting through this. It was a weir experience. But it was fun. was It was fun. We got a weird job. Yeah ye We like it. Blessing. We w to keep it. I adore you. I can't wait to your next party attendance and your next receipt and your next invoice. Throw a party just so Jack can. I should been too long. Or I just want to go playay by the pool. Yeah. Okay, great. Yes. let's do that. That's easy, Suna What does that mean Do you go in the sauna? Do you enjoy sauna? Is hot or with steam? Hot. Dry I thats what aute. Alexander's never had you in a sauna in a Swedish sauna. Can I just use the pool? Yes, absolutely O Suna's awesome. It's very social We like to get in the sauna together, chit chat. How big is the sauna? It's embarrassingly large. be. It's shamefully large. It's like your carbon footprint. Is it? Yeah. I have a terrible carvinget phot. I know you do. you just let that out of the bag. Well, it's not my fault. I know f. It's HGTPs. Check out the new season May first whichich is five, which is the month of your birth in nineteen seventy three. Okay, I love you. Eone wild.ill going wild. stay tuned for the factast tracks so you can hear all the facts that were wrong This episode is brought to you by yellow. That's right That is really right. It's officientally brought to you by yellow. Monica as you know I have these little snacks between our recording sessions. Yeah, you do. It's always the same bar. I'm kind of addicted to it and it's got half of my fiber in it. It really does sound like this is an ad now. Yeah, but I'm noting the name of it. So it's not an ab. Oh. I just love this bar. It's got half my daily allowance of fiber in it. so I need need that. I eat two a day I love them. They're such a treat for me at night when I get into bed. It's your dessert? After I brush my hehe. Oh, after. Yeah, which people hate Yeah, people w like Th then I'll remind them that. Pion te is more about being on there for twenty four hours and becoming tart or vice versa. It's more of a time game. As long as you interrupt it.ways let's not here or another there. Last night I was laying in bed having my snack. Yeah. one hundred and ninety calories. Okay And I thought huh I wonder how this would taste on a melted marshmallow Between two graam crackers. Oh, a s'ore. A s'ore. I w to try a s'ore with my protein fiber bar. Whoa. this summer, I'm loosely scheduling it for a july fourth weekend. Cool. So that's a new project I'm working. That's fun. I know somets wee announce our new projects I feel like you got inspired by an armchair anonymous we recorded. Maybe you didn't even know that you did because It was a camping one and I asked a little boy if he was gonna make S'mores that night. and he said, yes and I worry about S'mores. Yeahah. And then I asked if he was gonna to use a reesuss peanut butter cup. Oh yeah. He said he had done that. He was a pro Yeah, he was. He probably hasn't tried this. I don't know that anyone has be the first person in history that tries this Protein bar is a small topping I think that could be true. I'm skeptical But I'm for you It's very rare. You know, I'm obsessed with anyytime you can do anything on planet Earth that someone hasn't done. eight billion people. We're at eight billion, by the way. now I think' a ding ding ding for a fact actually coming up. Oh it is. Coming up Easter egg. Okay, forthcoming fact But yeah, Lincoln had to correct me. I was like seven a half billion. That's not it anymore. We're well above eight billion. Now are you worried about what the heat of the protein powder In the bar, there's protein in there, right protein bar, right? It is, which is unconventional for me because I don't prefer it. It is vegetable protein. plant plant based protein. So I do think it'll melt better than like, say protein, that's what you're worried about. Yeah, I just feel like I'm a little nervous about the what's going to happen consistency wise when there's in there. Maybe a microwave one tonight see what happens when it gets hot You're right it might turn hard, but I think it's gonna get It's gonna to turn pretty runny and ymy. You're pessimistic. Report back on the next fact check. Well, it's not gonna to happen unt July. Oh I Mig way. Yeah. let's do some experimentation. Okay. Sometimes you do start projects and then you don't follow up, like your cashmere that you're making out of your back hair. I'm still contributing to the stock poet. I just haven't heard lately. Yeah, I just haven't given an update, but there's a growing bag in my bag. How much do we have these days Probably enough for like a pinky sock. Oh, all right That might be maybe half a pinky s. Okay. it's like simimble. I don't know how much it's when it's once it's spun Right, You got a spin wll. Yeah. I think it goes down in size quite a bit. It does, it does. So don I don't really know. It's pretty thin. I hair we're working with. The very that's its appeal.. It's baby soft because it's off of my baby's legs. in your your It might be Daddy's back. Yeah, none of the other hair would qualify because the rest of its cores. I was just getting complaints about it actually from Delta about The beard's not soft unless it's a certain length. Oh. And then my gray hair on the sideid' is kind of scraggly. It's not as soft as the rest of it. Well you could dye it and it'll get soft. I just reached out to Amy to see if she has a window to give me highlights. Now that my hair is getting longer, I like to have highlights. Oh wow Yeah, you know that. I do. Yeah. I do know that lights are fun. Have you ever considered any kind of Layers for your hair for dimensions? No. No. When you got perfect hair, you don't fuck with it. It's not that I have perfect hair. It's you have perfect hair. Well, that's very kind. Thank you. But it's that I o, how do I say? you're afraid you're gonna offend somebody somehow So if you're white and you you' a Burnette, you dye her hair blonde or vice versa. in the case of Dakota Johnson, vice versa. Okay. Isas that a film she was in or No, no, no. she just went blonde to brown. Okay, great. Yeah. And it still looks natural. You could have been born that hair color Now, if you have brown skin like me and black hair like me, I could not have been born with blonde highlights or blonde hair. I got you. I could not have. So it is just so Ovious Unnatural that it's unnatural, that its that it is something done. Now, that's fine. Yeah, because look at me. Everyone knows I have gray hair on my sides and next week I'm not gonna have gray hair on my sides. They'll know it's all fake. Well that doesn't matterhing about it. It's more about just like the brain knows that Well, by the way, if my hair goes gray, I'm dying in black. There we go. Like, it's not that I'm against But I'm dying at my natural hair color. Right. And that will appear like my natural hair color. Now if I do a big If I dy my hair blonde, it's going be pretty clear that I dyed it That might be okay. That's fine for whoever wants to do that, but I like George has got in that. You know, George has these beautiful ringlets, Panet. Okay, yeah. And here's there is very dark As it was seeing when I was Facimeing the other day, he clearly has like a layer of blonde highlights It looks really fun and radiant. G. Playful. I'm sure. And it's clearly fake as hell. There's no a. Yeah. He doesn't care about that. Yeah. And a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't and that's great. Like do whatever you want. I'm just I just mean for me for your brand. I don't think I feel comfortable with like having something very obviously ing to shape s hides Yeah it's not me. Yeah, you're not taking big swings with your hair. I've never taken You think your biggest swings are. I would say with your fashion. Probably. but even then I'm not taking huge swings many I mean, no, I do. My big swings are in my ability to Confront people. Okay. That's your where you reserve all your Those are where I take bigger swings than most people in I'm not afraid to have a hard conversation with someone who other people might be afraid to. Right. You You look at me super intense. just I do have hard conversations with you that I do think a lot of people would avoids That's where I keep it. I keep it in my hair. I got him. So I'm not willing to. Well, and one time I got my hair cut When I was really little, well, my mom did it. And it was a mushroom cut. And it looks horrible. Yeah, mushrooms c. veryery few people can pull off. She didn't mean to make it a mushroom cup, but that's how it turned out. Yeah. And so I just cannot You know? so you're kind of reacting to a little bit of hair trauma. A little, I guess, a little. And I do think if you can have long hair I mean, not for everyone because it's hard to maintain, I guess, like it You did just bring up a grievance I have. Oh, let's hear it And it's the least sympathetic grievance I could have. Okay. I'm acknowledging that. No one's going to feel bad for me.. But I am frustrated. The thing So the thing you just said, like you're not afraid to confront me, but other like you arere not afraid to confront me and other people Yeah, I'm not be as well. It's both ways. Yeah, yeah. Aside from that, I've had numerous examples, Anna being one of them, right? Where Anna said like, o no, I thought I was afraid you're going to be mad. She's afraid of you, yeah. Yeah, and I'm like I'm like Hna I mean, really if we were around every tape ever. I've been nothing but like just so sweet Tona. I know. It's not about that. And I was just talking to Delta about this because Yeah, this intimidation factor that I don't feel like I you feel you deserve or earned. Yeah, yeah Like that people would be afraid of me. I'm like, that's not. It's this is a slippery conversation. Oh okay Is it I want I mean, I'm happy to have it.ate I'm happy to have it, but I don't want us to get in a fight and I'm a little worried. Let's leave you and Iye out of it. I don't think we can. Well, I think we can not I'm not addressing you and I But I'm addressing other people. that are afraid of me. I know, but the people that are afraid of you. Yeah sometim, I think. I've seen instances of you being a little okay, I don't know how to it's not well Scary, I guess to them, to them, right I don't know if Vanna has. I mean, if we're just all in conversation and me and you are like doing a thinging intimidating. that's like I don't want that I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of that. I think is the way some people feel if they've seen it or been around it or Oh say you just You are someone who speaks their mind as am I and is not afraid to like Enter it Tricky conversation, Enter fray. And what I've had to learn is a lot of people Don't want to do that. Oh, sure Bye That used to be hard for me. To accept that they didn't want to do it? Yeah. You thought they did want to do it they were just afraid to. Well, all of it, it's just like, it's like, oh, like if you think this, why wouldn't you just say it?h. And then I would get like Annoyed peopleople not saying stuff when And then like, but I but then I had to understand that not everyone wants to have conflict. Not everyone. In fact, most people don't. Oh, yeah. And so they avoid it. Um U that's fine, you know? Yeah. And so I Yeah, I think that's why I think big is part of it too. because often I think when I was talking about with Dlta, it's like theseese little kids that come around I'm so friendly. Oh, are the little kids scared of you? Yeah, I think in general a lot of the friends are afraid of me U which is my doing, like I got tattoos and I got big I'm gonna take a lot of responsibility. But I'm just like, I'm so I think I'm so friendly. Yeah, you are. But sometimes that's intimidating. To be friendly? A little 'use it's like Why is he so friendly? No, it's just like, oh, I have to talk now. Like this person's engaging with me. So now I can't just like go outide unseen. Like this person notices me. Yeah. And now I have to talk and I'm a little kid and I don't really know how to talk to adults I Remember, I don't, maybe this has changed over time. I hope it has But I used to be so intimidated by everyone's dad Itesn't matter how big they were. what they looked like. The role of dad. Yeah. The role of dad was always intimidating. Yeah. Of course, I don't want anyone to be intimidated by. I want everyone to feel very Oh loved by me and comfortable. And And you also want people to Understand that you aren't to be messed with or your family isn't to be messed with. Daddies I don't care if baddies are intimidated by me. No 's all part of your persona. Your persona is I will not be fucked with. like I'll be nice to you, but if you cross a line, like I'm killing you. Okay to death. So killing you to death. Or if if you say something about someone that I'm protective of, I'm killing you to death. So like, you know, there's some What's the line? What's the line I might accidentally step on. Okay I don't know if the kids know about that Theyelt as friends. Maybe they just cantu it. They cant it spy sensive. Ionder if I wonder if you yourre tattoos I'm just mostly this is probably my grievance against Hanna where I'm like Sweet, sweet girl. I've been just so loving. I can't imagine having put more effort into being like loving. You're very very kind to her. The idea that she would be scared of me That just hurts My feeling I'm sorry I hurt your feeling. I am, I really am. I am. I don't want your feelings to be hurt and I hope you can understand Ustand like I can Presents Dax, you're you'rere you're a presence Okay, I guess I'm over at. Yeah. I just You understand what I'm saying? I do. The notion that someone would be afraid of me, someone like Anna But listen, okay, first hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay. wo things. All. One, you've never mean to Anna ever. She doesn't think that. She doesn't think like O Dax was mean to me or anything like I've never heard her say that Yeah. And then also Anna is Also not you're putting her in a category of like She's like such a like sweet baby. like she's not. No, I don't think she's a sweet baby. She does cry very easily. I mean She cries a lot. that's hard for me when people when girls cry. So anyime girls cry, I'm I'm like I have no game plan anymore.ure. Yeah. Okay. she does cry She's a p. I love it about her. I mean, she's a cancer. Oh my gosh, she'd so mad if she'd heard me say she's a Pisies. She's a cancer. And she does cry at the drop of a hat. Yeah, yeah. But she's tough. like Oh yeah, she'll be fine an hour later. Yeah, and she's not crying about sometometimes he is crying about things that people say or do, but like, you know, she can she dishes it out. Yeah, I don't think she's fragile. fraile. I don't think she's fragile at all. It's fragile. In fact I think she's very robust. I will tell you, so she She made a mistake once. Okay. Um for you You and Kristen. Oh, yeah, I already know You know what this is. She made a mistake Yeah. And it was financiallyed it impacted you financially. Yeah. And she told me, you know, and so she's very stressed out about that. But then she said then you made a point to tell her to not ever stress out about your money And that was very kind she felt a little better. I said the best use of money that could ever be is that the people I love can be happy from it. And so the notion that someone be upset because of missing money, that's the whole reason to have it. ye I refuse to let you be upset about because I'm not mad. I would never get mad at someone. I love over money. Well Yeah. U. But what? I thought it was really sweet that you said that and and you did you did everything you could to make her feel totally better about that What Are you smirking abouthing. I just I don't know Sometimes Sometimes I'm jealous. Okay. Sometimes I'm jealous of people who have Honestly like a less, I don't want to say intimate, but kind of a relationship with you. Like I think, you know, I don't know. You think yeah, if I worked with Anna everyday for eight years And she blew a big chunk of money for armchair experts. Is that you're saying, kind of? Well, I would address it. I don't think You always and vice versa, ding ding ding For me Yeah Me to you in Dakota's hair.ota Dakotahn Johnson vice versa. I don't think we necessarily treat each other with the same level of like sweetness and kindness that we treat other people that are less like Um I mean, for important to me. peopleeople who are less important to me, I can treat better. Well, yeah, which makes total sense. like the less impact someone has on your life. Yeah, the less concerned you are about their behavior because who cares? it's not going to affect you Yeah. But yeah, if you run a business with somebody, it's more than that. It's like, it's more than that. It's, you know, The history, the being there since the kids were three months old, you know, like the whole family element, the the it's deeper than that. L it's and I'm so happy about that But it I think it can come at a cost, but that's just like the way life is, I guess. Yeah, I think if you cross this threshold that's not full siblings, but it's almost sibling as. Yeah. It's like I' we're together way too much for me to ignore things or Yeah, and there's just like, okay, well, I've Earn this, You know how I feel about you Like's what you think in your mind. Like my siblings. Yeah. Like I love my brother and my sister And I'm going to be there for them so we're all dead. Yeah. And so I'll tell them things that are harsher for sure than I'll tell anyone else because It's implicit the safety of the relationship. I know. and I think that's where there's sometimes a weird like a extra hard layer us or for all me and the family is like there is that relationship, but there isn't the intrinsic safety. Like it's implied safety. It's a feeling of safety, but it's not biological, It's not, you know Which biologically also people don't, that doesn't always happen. but I think it all depends to like your personal experience in life was so it's like Eron H being my biological brother would not make us closer nor would it make our relationship more permanent Like it's just so fucking permanent. Yeah. We both know it. And yeah, we talk to each other differently. It's what I love about it, right? It's just like He knows I'm not judging him. Right. And I'll just say, whatever I observe, and vice versa Dakotaan Oh my D Jona Johson. Yeah. It's a vice versa episode. Yeah. brought you by yellow and vice versa. You look all of it like everything in life. It's all trade offffs. So you take on more good And you take on more bed. You take on more You know, closeness, I'm still to some degree seeing Anna's presenting self Right You know? Yeah I don't see, I'm not with her forty five hours a week. So I don't really know on of the way that her ex girlfriend knows her or Kristin knows her Or me? Yeah, or you? Yeah And yeah, I just think all these predictable things happen when you get super close to somebody. Yeah That is true. And you're like, well, we no longer have like an acquaintancehip or a loose friendship. We're now like we're coexisting. So if we're coexisting, we have to like call out Yeah things that Yeah. ye I know Yeah, it is. It's just trade offffs. it's it's interesting But yeah, you're very nice to her, all to say. And she shouldn't be your feelings shouldn't, but your feelings shouldn't be her. because She's also he's also my boss to an extent. And Kristin's her boss, but but I'm not I make that really clear. Well, yeah, but also if you ask her to do something, she can't say no. So I don't ever ask her to do anything T two or three times I've asked her to do something, I pay her on the side. But I say like you don't work for me. I know, I know, but it's part you know what I mean. Like it's a dynamic. like if you If you ask her to do I' her boss's husband. If you ask her to do something, it's different than if I ask her to do something. Yeah It just is. Yeah. And so there's gonna that's just the way You know Again But again, the time that I Like someone asked her to do something that shouldn't have asked her to do something And I witnessed it. and that person got it talking to. Okay. because you should be intimidated by me. Just because but it was a family member so I' I get a talking to. No one wants to get a talking to from dad. That's just the way goes. Stay tuned for more armchair experts. If you dare Speaking of family. Yeah. My brother proposed to his girlfriend. He did. Yeah Did he make a big thing of it? He did. He did. He did. He took her to this nice restaurant and then he like had a whole thing, like whole to do. these flowers was a whole to do. Oh. got down on one knee and he did it up And they're very happy. Oh good. She said yes. She said yes. Okay Yeah stressful gl didn't do it at a sporting event. No You wouldn't do that. I guess if you've already asked the woman, would you say yes? and she said yes, thenen you can do it at a sporting event? But I do not like when the woman's surprised. she's an entire audience waiting to see if she's gonna to say y stresses me out. That That's not a fair assessment You don't have a real answer. They have to. Yeah. the pressure Now if anyone wants to propose me, do not If you know me even a little bit, I hate audience participation. So if you ever if you propose to me in a way that's in public, I'm saying no Okay, that's just across the board. No, you don't even know me. Matt Damon asks you in public. He doesn't know me. And what happened? like what happened with his life, you know? Well, he's he's said goal in this scenario. Okay. She left him. Oh good. okay. Yeah, he didn't He wanted to st with her forever. He's fine. He's f He's coming out of the swelling like roses. She's a bad guy. Cool and then He askks you at a hockey game, a Boston Bruins game You want you to see his boss and Bruins. Okay. Yeah. And we're on the cam. Yeah, you're on the cam at Damon and Monica Padman Kiss cam and then it turns into Oh all of this is a nightmare. I'm saying no. I always turned the non kiss cam into a kiss cam when I would go to the Dodgers game with Peter Krause and my brother. Anyt time they would show us on the big screen just to say like parenthood's here, I would turn and try to kiss him That is definitely the kiss cam. That's very funny U Okaykay, I have I have a situation that happens. Oh, okay, great It's been a while. Yeah I am Nhing for your response. Okay. Okay Okay Jess and I went to a restaurant, quQarter Sheets. I probably shouldn't say it, but I said it izz Yes, love it. It's very hard to get in. You have We have a whole routine where you stand in line, you put your name in. it's always like at least an hour and then we go next showing We go next door and there's a bar next door called Little Joy, very cute. Okay. We have a drink and chips. They sell chips there Like homemade Nootato ch. S like the gas stations. Okay, like ruffles and lays. Yeah, but like kind of the fancier ones like kettle okay, you know. And so they have different ones every time. It's very exciting. Anyway, we do that and then we go. So we did that the other day and we got to quarter sheets there was a really nice couple next to us and In fact, you know, we ordered, they were getting ready to lete like they were got their check and we had ordered. we got Beans, they make the best and they're always changing up the beans and every time they're so good, oh my go So We're eating our beans And like there's like this couple and the woman looks us and she's like, Ohh my god, so sorry, we're just like st We're just like staring and like gawking. and we were just like, I know the beans are so good. We had this like little exchange. They were so nice, they left, right? We're continuing and then the server comes, he moves that table over. So othersays they make this big table. partarty of what? sixix, eight four four. Okay The table' probably like for six, okay So Then these people come in, two couples and they're kids. So two couples, each with two children. and they were little kids. some were babies And um We looked over and they were all sitting and it was like cute. and you know, we were like, o, I wonder likeike A they like? in laws or like what's going on? One of the babies was So cute, like delta level. Okay. It was wild and I really wanted to hold it. Once in a generation cute. Yes. And and o, so cute and small and whatever. Anyway, so we're like, you know, we I will admit I think Well I will admit that I think we were looking like fair amount at this family and like they're being cute. And they would like get up and like go and you know, rock the baby and come back. One of the babies was feeding, one of the kids came around and I said hi to one of the kids. Okay, all this is going on. Yeah. We're enjoying our meal' great. and at the end we were paid. And the server brought us this cookie And they said,'s it's from them And I was like, o, my gosh, that's so nice. This is so embarrassing, but I have to admit it. Of course, I thought They were a fan of the show. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. So I was like, o my God, that and they're like because and she said because all the kids Right. And I was like Oh, Oh, and Jess and I both were like, no, no, no. That was totally fine. You didn't need to do that. And like one of the dads was like, no, like it's like yeah, no problem. But like didn't really it wasn't like trying to like really engage. just like you're welcome kind of like be done with it. Yeah, yeah yeah. And then what we kept being like, o my gosh, like like I really hope like your family like your family is so cute. We were talking about how cute your kids are. And and Jess was like, yeah, like we're just single over here. And you know, there's kind of some laughter and then we were leaving again, it was like, thanks again so much. you really didn't have to do that. And We both left and he was like, that was weird. And I was like, it was weird The Moms were mad at us They would not look at us when all this was going on And like I was like trying, you know, I was like trying to engage. I mainly was looking at one mom. He mainly was looking at the other. So he was talking about this lady and I was talking about this lady and experiencing the exact same thing And I was like, wait a minute Is this some sort of like Rentment cookie like They thought We were judging them So they got us this cookie to make like to abate the situation, but they were actually just they were mad that we were upset, but we weren't upset Uhuh Yeahah. And then I hated this cookie. Oh o you already eaten it? No, I you were taking You were sitting in my kitchen Okay. Yeah, it was wrapped. Oh okay. And I felt weird because I was like, oh my Godd. Why is it that now we feel bad M When we didn't we really did not the reason I know we didn't do anything wrong is because we didn't have any bad thoughts. Yes, sure. We actively we were not like, oh my God, there's like so many kids here or anything. They were so cute. Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah. specially the little ones. Yeah, they're the kid. really wanted to hold it Yeah. So I didn't like me. Well, first of all, I do this all the time. Okay. So like when I go out to bricktops and it's the kids and we've got a party of nine and I know we're loud. I often buy people that are directly next to us is dinner. That's sweet. I do that all the time t Often they'll go, Oh no. and I go Oh no, it's fine. That exchange can go on. too long Well, that's ' you're famous. Well, they're just like I don't want to debate whether you likeike you earned it or I shouldn't have done it or whatever. It's just like, I just want to go like, hey, thanks for being a good sport. I know we were allowed. And then if you're kind of like No, I reject it. No I loved it. and at some point I want to go, well what do like what are we debating now whether you should like you want them to refund my card. now you pay Maybe Mbe they just wanted you to go like Banks and to be done with it and didn't want to. have to beg you to. takeake it or convince. we didn't say like Take it back or will'll buy you one now? Like it wasn't like a whole thing. like It was just like, oh my god, no. Okay. That It wasn't an issue. They were apologizing and you were saying it was unnecessary. You don't need to apologize. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also let me tell you something about quarter sheets if you're gonna go there. Okay. This was our table, right? Okay,'re They're here. Okay. so they' that's not an example. Yeah yeah, so for Monica for the listen know we're talking now twelve inches. Yeah eighteen. If that had to walk through sideways to get out of the booth. This was like me at the fight on Saturday. You got stuck I was next to a linebacker. Oh, Jared Verse. Were you scared But I was like, this couldn't be more inconvenient. We're in folding chairs that are butted up next to each other. Had a dainty woman been next to me, we would have been touching shoulders. But I had a real linebacker from the LA Rams and I sitting next to each other, then Ryan, not small Then Barry Bond. Oh my probablyably the most jacked baseball player of all time. W, that's cool. It's there It's exciting. There wasn't enough room for all of us. So we had toore choreograph and coordinate Like they Ryan and the linebacker would lean forward for a while and watch the fight. Okay. And then they'd want to come back and then that was my cue to lean forward and then Barry Bonds was following suit. So there was like all this wasas it Sore unspoken? All unspoken. Okay. But of course, because I was touching this man for three hours This Gorgeous linebacker. He's so good looking Monica Wow. I mean so good looking. I'm like, this dude's twenty five.s for the Ramsy this good looking. What a good time that must be. I was very friendly And talking quite a bit, maybe more than he bargained for Yeah, but I was like We are snuggling Yeah. Let's chat a little bit.'s used to being touched. She's a football player but particularly Yeah they touch each other's butt Yeah. And then they Oh here very hand is very. You guys see his smile though. It's so infectious. That's not a good picture of him because he's chewing on a piece of plastic. But what was that going to tell you about him? I was gonna o He's on a he's trying to eat non Processed f Oh, wow. 'acause I offered them some of my caramicorn I had gotten and he said he wasn't fucking with sugar. And I was like, how long have you been off sugar? He's like thirty six hours. but in general, I try to e processed food. I was like, look at this young man. He's twenty five,'s wor, you know, he's conscious of his health. He has to. It's his job. And he's got to put on weight. Like linebackers are supposed to keep on a lot of weight Yeah,'s a lot to deal with. That was exciting U Anho, so so the closeness You were very sitting very close to him as I was to this family. Yeah. And so you couldn't really just be like, thanks and then like turn your head. It had It required all required up I really can't See, I can't make an argument or they're mad at you guys. I know. just don No, I can I can. like the they're like Stop staring. Stop staring at us or Yeah, we have kids. like that's this is what happens. You have kids. Yes, I felt that they were defensive. And then I created a scenario where The husbands are the ones that sent the cookie. Okay. Okay whichich would be very unconventional. I'll just say that's I know, but the husbands were the ones. they were mainly sitting the whole time And the wives were like up and back up and back. And so they put maybe okay, this maybe would happen, okay. Maybe the husbands were like, hey, maybe just like, don't get up, like don't ' you're bothering them Or something You know? And then they're like, well, we have to. L we have to take care of these children. You might have stumbled into a little conflict between V. Exactly. Yeah. And so then they sent the cookie and then you guys, we weren't doing anything fucking wrong. You don't need to apologize. We're just handling the kids. M mayaybe they were mad at their husband. Yep. And then they send this cookie over reiterating that they had everyone had done something wrong. So then they were m at vicks in. they're like, my husband's sending fucking cookies of this hot chick next to me. No they're like Why did you? Wh a known cookie boy Literally, I am a cookie boy. But they like, why did you do that? nothing we didn't do anything wrong. You didn't need to do that. Okay. And then they're sent their resentment at us. And so I had to throw the cookie away because it's laced with poison. Oh my. Mental poison Okay It wasn't just you were full. No, I took it home. I know. home But why could eat it any day? You really didn't want to eat it because it felt Yeah. it felt weird. inx I didn't feel jinx. I justed it and I got annoyed. I got annoyed by the cookie because I was like, now I feel bad and I should not feel bad. Yeah, yeah ye Yeah Yeah. So when you were planning before you laid out the story, you're like, I'm anticipating your response. Yeah And what what would you think my response? No I thought you were going to be like Well, yeah, like moms are going through a lot and and and, you know, they probably felt judged. I thought you were going to do a lot of defense of them them. whichich Again, I was not judging them They were beautiful women. Were they? Yeah. Yeah. And then like The do attract. so cute One U yeah. Yeah, they were. All. They were, they were. The whole thing was beautiful. Beautiful.. Everyone was pretty. Eone was hot. Kids were so cute. Like it was a great Yeah, and then I started to do that. I'm like, now I feel bad. I don't even have a husband or children because your own personal stuff came up Probably. I probably can't have them. And like now I feel b. Excuse me, you have this beautiful child. like Yeah, so I got upset. Yeah, well My response is only How do I alleviate. Your upsetness And then my solution to alleviate it is like the oldest fight we have nonstop. So it's not even worth You know, suggesting. Which is just I don't like the idea that strangers have sometometimes control of your emotions. That's what I don't I know. I know you don't That's like the I understand That's the part where I get protective of you and then It always ends up where I'm angering you more. so No you're not. but but I don't like that anybody has any control over your injustice fund night out to get Pizza. That's all I don't like But when he so he, the fact that he said it first, he is so oblivious to this type of thing. Yeah. The fact that he said it, he was like, that was something was weird.. And I was like, If any of that was if you guys read that correctly, Yeah, my money would be falling on yes, some tension between the husbands and wives, not you guys You're like a material. this one, they just want to ignore this whole situation. happens. It's not towards you. It' It's towards their husbands. Husbands or us though, like, oh, these single people like don't understand what it's like and it's it's hard for us It is hard for them. They are having to get up and go and up it's Taking little kids to a restaurant is beatown. It is a beatd down. And what I wanted to be like is like I know. like I don't know because I don't have them, but I've also been to a million restaurants with with kids and I've taken kids to restaurants by myself feele for you right now. I know that that is hard. I don't feel put upon. R U And but I don't want to feel bad for existing Right, right Um, but you know, I'm over it. Just got over it. Yeah. Just got over it. But it's hard. I think like family is Everyone's having a hard time Life's challenging. Life's challenging for everyone. That's right And I got this bruise and I don't know why. You're not sure where that came from? No. Okay. All right, let's do some facts. This is for. I just want to remind everyone about our presenting sponsor, Yellow. Yes, That's right. Let's circle back. You know what's happened since we interviewed Jack McBreer Our family has become obsessed with Zillow Gone wild and we're actually all caught up now. We're in season three, which is airing now There's only three episodes out. Oh and we watched two of them last night and we know that there's only one for us and we like to do two in a row. So you gonna to wait? But it's it is it has replaced It's been the sve of million dollar secret not being around It's our current show. We love it, Monica. I'm in trouble a lot while we watch it. why because It's silicone wild Yours see a lot of choices. Sure. And I have a lot of opinions about the choices. but aren't they kind of they're wild choices by They're wild they're on the show because they're pretty wild. Yeah, but some of them are very cool. Yeah. What I Well, first of all, the people are very interesting Beause anyone who's gonna like turn their house into a pirate ship? Yeah You know, they're unique. Of course. And then Oh, this is great. You'll relate to this 'cause this has sometimes been our friction. I think when I notice things It comes across as me being mean Judgmental. Judmental or me? Yeah, we have gotten in. Yeah. Oh, is it happening on? Yes, because I'm like, oh, notice they blank and I hear dad. and I'm like, wait So it's from the kids. Yes. Okay Okay. Yeah. Dad. and I'm like, hold on a second guys. first of all, this person's not here Yeah you That's a big defense of your is. Yeah, it's true. Like this this person doesn't have any sense that I've said anything observed anything about them. Yeah And I'm not name calling. No no. I was like, Ohh, that's an interesting move or whatever. Yeah. That's unique. Unique is the word I like. Remember, you know the word I don't. Weird. you hate weird. That's why I specifically just said unique. Yeah. Yeah. But do you say weird when you're watching with them? No, I'm on high alert with them too, just like you I have to I I thank God for them that they are also presenting I think my thing like what is the thing that gets triggered at me? The thing with me is some kind of baggage, which is like acknowledging reality isn't mean. L reality can be mean Yeah. The world's implicitly mean in some sense, but pretending certain things don't exist in reality to me feels very dishonest. Yeah And not realistic. It's not how anyone thinks. It's like I say the thing that I know they were thinking, but you're supposed to not say Right And that just feels disingenuous and's like, what are we talking about? But some okay, but there's a scale. like some people aren't thinking. You miss a lot of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like But I blame your eyes for that. I think some of it is just your eyes, not your character Mbe. Mbe some of that is true. Like we were watching someone infamously where this really came to a head. They had an enormous tongue. Right. To the degree where I was like, I can feel their struggle of trying to keep their tongue in their mouth.. And it's like stressing me aware of the tongue. Yeah. And I was like, I didn't notice it. No, evenven when you pointed it out, it was like, what What do you mean? And here's the spectrum, right? It's like, you didn't notice. I noticeed and said something. Kristen noticed but hadn't said anything. But so yeah, when when I said this, she's like, yeah, I've been watching it too. And then you were like, that's so mean Also, what are he talking about? Well, it was mean to me because I was like Oh my God, you you are I think well, it obviously triggers people are nitpicking. Y you're looking at everything that's wrong with me and they notice it and I already feel that way. And like so I I really I don't I don't really Do that Uhu Physically. Now I do do it. you're watching a couple' retreats or a couplees therapy and I'm sure you have all kinds of Oh God, I'm first to note personality thing. And I'm very fast on it. Like, o, this person is this, this person's doing this, this person's crazy, this person I do that all the time Physically, I really don't I do that and maybe as you said, it's not my character, but it is my trauma. And it is my reality. L I don't notice. Yeah, you don't notice. There's been a few whammies where we've been observing something. I'm like, you did not notice the guy had an eye patch on. You know or something This is the notorious story with Cali. I was talking about a girl and she was like, o, the one with the lazy eye. I was like No, rightight And she was like Yeah, she has a very substantial laziy. You're like Nate in that way. Remember my famous ones like Nate's roommate had Trettes. veryery visible in Tret Oh my and live with them for a very long time. Yeah. And then I said not in a mean way. just simply inquiring like, so so and so has touretes, like have they shared it all with that thing? you know what it's like to I noticice they don't have it when they're performing. That's fascinating. He was like, what? He literally was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, what are you talking about? You live with this person. I know. Everyone here knows this but you somehow and you live with the person, I guess it's a beautiful quality. I don't know where it comes from, but it is real. It is real. And then like do you think any of your friends have massive toourets and you've missed it? They could. Yeah You seem to know my ticks pretty well rather not give by not and neither are Jesses. He would join you there. But anyway, Okay, yees. So so whatate were you commenting on that was quote mean to them? Like can you give an example? I mean, I'm afraid that the person would know I was talking about them in which case then it would be mean. don't for them Generally them. Oh. Well, I mean, I got a lot to say about the house, you know, sure. I think what's what's what's regularly on the table with this show is And it's sweet Ultimately, it's sweet, but it's so delusional A lot of these people are trying to get millions of dollars for these houses that like they're the only people in the world that want to live in them. It's so specific. Yeah. someomeone's going have to definitely go in and like rip most of everything. But it's like their heart and soul. It's their heart and soul. and it's sweet. But I'm also like when they show the thing at the beginning, it's like this many square feet on this much property in this state Uhuh point eight million dollars I'm like guys, I just can't help it. I'm like guys, they're gonna to get three hundred and eighty grand. Like that's the I also feel some obligation to let my kids know what like market value. does not mean? That can be mean to them. Really? Yeah They love it, you know they the book to be true. It's like it's not again I don't think it's mean. It's a certain reality like four hundred square feet in the middle of New Mexico, three hundred miles from a town. Oh. arere you saying like Oh my go, this dump and then like I'm going That house is really worth two seventy. Okay, well, yeah. you know, like that's just the truth. The truth is the truth But sometimes you add color to the truth. Well, that might happen more. Well then yes, so then some of the houses, I'm just getting physical anxiety. imagining being in the house because it's so there's so much going on. It feels like that's a bad acid trip, right? It's just like a million d dads everywhere and there's not a single plain wall you could like look at and calm yourself. Yeah. And so I will be expressing like go going in the bathroomm like, Oh, like I physically I amm like, I can't imagine sitting in that room. Right Dad. Oh, you know It's sweet. you're right. It's great. Every place is great for them. Oh, That's not true. That's not true. They're discernning. because at the end of each episode you're gonna vote. They vote on the show what was the most extreme. And so we have favorites and then we're polling for certain ones. S incredible treehouses and stuff. They're aware of people like Yeah Yeah They're notice. You know what it is and this is a great, great thing. I think for them if like it were quarterbacks of famous football teams houses we were going through and there was something insane about it. That'd be fine