The Pharmacy Fax Machine Incident

And actually men don't like the things I think they like. You're very hard to work out, you look. Oh yeah . It doesn't sort of was going to say honey. It doesn't the wax have to honey. It's like honey, isn't it? Because we all look like a bunch of dicks in front of him . That said, one of the great nights . Until a lot of people are calling you the pound shop hannah Fry. I'm not mad at that. I'd love to be any Hannah Fry . It's my honour. It's my privilege. One of the funniest things about the now incredibly viral horse fingers video. When I woke up the day after the clip went out That's what people measure their lives in the clip before the clip and after the clip. AC BC No, BC AC before clip after clip. In the after clip world, the thing that gave me most joy because in any good friendship , there's always great piss taking. I know how much you hate an animal bit. Oh, I just think it's you know people say that puns are the worst. I think lols bits about weird animals, facts about animals . Just awful . And yet it's your thing. And yet now it is my career. That's it. It's the most successful thing I've ever done. I don't mean on this show, I don't mean on social media. I mean ever. By the way, we should say that what this was if there hasn't been someone that's seen it. Not to say that there are many people that haven't seen it. I think that's like saying have you seen that the queen died? I mean, I've just seen that cause amonia just on social media. It's horrible, terrible times. So the idea the thing was that Alice said that horses legs are fingers. Do you know that horses legs are their fingers? Everyone's furious, yep. You gotta own it, though. Yeah, I'm owning it. I'm monetizing it. All the celebrities that you know I'm into pitbull, right? Oh, God, yeah . Again , pitbull has had to go , well, I became pitbull because I wanted sort of get with loads of women and I wanted them to all think I was hot . Whereas now twenty years after he started , all the women that are coming to his show that he would want to lust after him are dressing in bald caps and aviators and leather jackets to dress like him and he's gone well do I push against it or do I just go that's funny? Yeah well that's a laugh isn't it? Oh yeah good one and all the men that I wanted a shag by talking about the fact that horses legs are their fingers now weirdly don't want to want to come near me. Right. Whereas I thought they'd be like, who is that? Girl talking about the hoof being the fingernail and actually men don't like the things I think they like . You're very hard to work out, you look. Oh yeah . Speaking of which how much time have you spent in the comments? So the comments seem to fall into two main categories . One is who is the Stombridge ? And one is who is this Donbitch? A bit of that is right . She's nearly there. But they're mainly in the Donbitch category, yeah. And do you feel okay about those? I didn't initially, but I'm owning it now. Very funny people as well, though. The comment that sticks in my mind and I can't remember who it was , but he said, hang on, so if its legs are fingers, that means the body and the head is the hand . It's just like the palm. So the horse is the palm of the hand and then the legs of the fingers . My favourite one because this fact came from a friend of mine who is a doctor and a few people are asking for him to be struck off . So I really have to, I mean, I could docks him, but I really should keep his identity under wraps. How people send you other horse facts? Yeah. All of that. So you don't want that. I'm binning that off, yeah. So to all our listeners and viewers, whatever you do, don't send horsy or animal facts to Alice. She hates them. Emails or messages that start a fact I really love. Don't want trivia. I'm not interested in trivia, but just don't. Yeah, but how are you going to how are you going to position keep positioning yourself as a pound shop Hannah Fry? Yeah if you haven't if you're not armed with half baked facts. I mean where does Hannah Fry find them? She can't be finding all those facts like she can't be just walking around her life going like , Oh there's, a fact hanging from a tree. Hannah Fry is not to say you're not, but she's very well read and a fellow okay. Famous academic. Yeah. Yeah. What's your point? Well, she's read all the things in the books. I've read things. Not books A doctor told you about this. Yeah, and then you passed it off. I interviewed a doctor on a train, okay? So a bit of admin on the horse, that's done. Take that off. Horse admin sorted. Great., good Hospital admin now. From last week's episode. God there's a lot of admin. There was a lot of hospital chat last week. Yeah, TikTok and the ICU, plus you had a brighticular exam. Yes . And then we encouraged people. Men and women. Definitely men as well. Check the tissue around the chest. Armpits. Pits, any differences? I check myself every little. Nipples. Always check the nipples. Yeah for changes, discharge, all sorts. Is this on the top of your head? This is like an NHS work. I know it. I know it all right. I'm a Copperfield ambassador. You are actually, I was just thinking that. Sorry, I'm squeezing my nipples. I was actually checking myself there. Save it for the Patreon. We've had a voicemail and I can queue it in using this press of a nipple Hi can just say firstly thank you for having another way of getting in contact other than WhatsApp because I don't have WhatsApp so I can never get in contact with Greg on the radio. Hearing Alice's story made me remember something awful that happened. I was in hospital waiting to have a mammogram and I was nervous . I went into the room and the nurse had her back to me and I thought she said undressed so it whapped my boobs out and when she turned around she actually asked me for my address Oh my but this poor woman turned around and was just face to face with my breast and look at woman mortifying I'm sweating just thinking about it It's a mind field. What I will say is the one place where you'll probably get away with mishearing address for breasts and they won't, you know, there'll be no further action. I think if that's in the post office, different matter. But I think if you are in the vicinity of a mammog ram, like you're alright, I think. Do you know what it just made me think? When girls go for bikini wax or anyone goes for a bikini wax , you often are told just like take it all off later. You know, some people leave their pants on, but like just take it all off because why would you leave your pants on? I guess for modesty, but I mean you got to get in amongst it. Yeah, but then they just have to sort of rummage around in unicors no offense. But doesn't the sort of I was going to say honey. But doesn't the wax have to honey? What is that honey, isn't it? Isn't it like honey? I don't know what you mean by honey. But it's a little sticky. Doesn't the honey have to get her legs? Don't you have to refer to the woman as the honey? Or the substance is the honey. No, I'm not pitbull. No, but the wax has to get, it would get all tangled up in the in the gubin in the knicker. In the knicker. Yeah. No, well, exactly. But I'm just I just made me think I wonder if anyone's ever taken it all off. So they've just been completely nude . So not are you not then? No, are you not? Toppless as well. But if you're having you not ever doing your okay, two things . Yeah . Included in a bikini wax is not your armpits . Well, it might you could buy it as all in one. Can you not do legs, armpits, bikini? Okay, if they were gonna do that, you wouldn't just get naked, they wouldn't just cover you in honey and do it all in one girl. It sounds delicious . They would absolutely do it one at a time. As in like they might do a bit of they might do a bit of bikini a bit of leg , but they're not going to just coat you and then be like be back in five and then cover you in bits of fly paper. Yeah exactly That's four hundred fifty pounds please Why not? This makes me think of a time when we talked about boys going for a wiener rhinos and I just thought Oh I thought boys I thought boys pulled their trousers down. You only ever do that once as a boy in primary school because you're used to doing that at home. Yes . And there's a gut I've got the name in my head . I know at secondary school there was a kid who did this in year seven and forever it just follows you around forever. So that's a really infantile thing to do is to pull pull everything down. Yeah, straight yeah. At the Urinals because you're at home you're like, oh that's what you do. Yeah. But at the Arino ita's just e itith'ser over the top of the trouser or through the teeth of the jeans through the teeth of the fly. No, surely not through the teeth of the jeans. There's a big debate actually about through the teeth of the jeans. That's treacherous. It is difficult button is much easier. Flop over everything. Flop over, yeah. Why are you doing it like that? Yeah, is that a bit gauche? Well because you sort of you undo all you undo from top down so that you've got a clear opening. You're undoing from the top down and then doing all your buttons up again. Essentially you sort of make the trouser can I show you? Yes. So if the trouser I've got a popper here. Let's film it. Let's get it off. Okay . Well, I won't do the whole of it, but I'm telling you , this is what the Patreon. So here's my trouser, okay? Yeah . Long groin. So you could either zip, open and flop out. I don't think anyone's doing that. Or you go open , down , V shaped valley and it pops out. But is nobody just like flopping over the top without undoing anything? If it's trackies, you can. Okay . But you can't like I wouldn't be able to because it's too wet. Well it's too fight. I simply couldn't because if you flip no there's no there's no way I could I wish I could it's an affliction. If you flop over and the waistband is too tight, then suddenly it might be trapped your hand might move and you can pick and it pings up again so it could go anywhere. What on earth is going on down there? That's true, right? The other controversial method is through the pant hole through the gene hole. No . Pant hole , gene hole. It's too much manoeuvring. How you get it back out? How are you reversing out of that? It's too many layers to that. And holt and holt and hold. Pant hole, I've never, I've never what is never bought I've never bought into the pant hole. What is the pant hole for? So I don't know what the pant hole's for actually. Maybe air. What do you mean air? No , it could be it could ventilation could be. I don't know if it's it's not ventilating till you open it up as it? Can I just check if I've got panthole today? I mean if you must yeah I must. Because some of them have a button on, whereas some of them are just pantole, aren't they? Oh wow, hand down. There is a panthole . But I never use it. Are some boys going through the panthole and then flopping over ? That would be mad because there's too many things that can contract. Like the panthole could close and then it's not a vortex. That portal's closing. And then your balls are in nineteen ninety nine, but you are in the future. The balls aren't coming out for a week. No, but they're you're not popping the balls out for a week. No, but you're saying that the penis has gone through the pant hole. So the balls are in a different dimension if the hole closes up. Yeah. But actually, I'm just covering myself because I didn't know the balls didn't come out. The balls can come out, but it's sure . If you drop trow, then the balls are coming out. Yeah, they're out, but they're down. Well, yeah, I didn't think they were up. No . No, no, no, but I'm not a moron. No, but you're not holding them all up and sort of, you know , Oh, holding them all . Holding them up. Like it's supporting the penis. Some people doing a two hand wee k? Well , if they are, then good luck to them. Brother. Good luck to the recipient. Check your breasts , remember and also up to down and three do not drop your trousers at your rhino. There was one day in a pub because you often just have a glance not because you're checking anything, but because there's nowhere else to look and you 're in the loose. Yeah 'cause there's always a trough . Yeah. And it's just blokes, just hang . And you just sort of you're looking down and you might just look across. Yeah . I once upon a time in a pub saw my identical penis twin. That's not real . That's not real. It's real. I saw it and went I've got exactly the one. And was it Joey Tribiani star? Were you like, This is a touring show? Yeah, but I thought that's a great bit for the radio on Monday if you went, well, we can't do that. I simply can't do that. Okay, well, you're loss. We'll save a bad chat in seven years time. But were you kind of taken aback? Where you were like, Oh my god. Like is it sort of Davina's loss? lot Lost families away . We like, I am emotional. Wow, I'm so happy for you. That's really imaginable. I think about him often. And you don't have a brother. Well, maybe well, well. Maybe Maybe . Okay, good, so we were just saying, how are you? That's where we got to. Yeah, welcome to Bad Chat . On that note , how's your week then? Well, I didn't meet anyone with the same penis as me. Wow, which is a once in a life don't think. But I did go to Sir David Attemborough. Heard of him? Have I heard of him? Yes, I have one hundredth birthday. It's one of the oldest ages you're allowed to be. It is and he was sort of forced to be there. He said in an interview or a producer, if it said in an interview, ideally he'd be at home drinking wine. Yeah, exactly. Which is great honesty. But he said, and this is so sweet and also so devastating because we all needed some joy. He said I know that the country want to say happy birthday to me. For God's sake. But that's nice though. Great guy. Because he thought everyone's so sad , but this will mean a lot to people if I just turn up and wave in the box. Stop. He wears it lightly . He wears being the most famous person this country's maybe ever produced. Yeah lightly. He sort of doesn't like being a celebrity. I interviewed him once at London Zoo and he was so gracious about everybody asking such shit questions like what is your favourite animal? And he was like, thank you, it's such a fantastic question. I'm like, Sir Dave, it's a shit question , but go on , we like your answer. Like obviously you said every question, you know, what is the most amazing thing you've ever seen? Thank you. Just thinking about it. You've thought about this before, but you've been, but you're giving people the moment. It's actually a fantastic picture which I have to show you where I look like his if he'd remarried his gold digging much younger wife and I sort of looked like a character that his children would have asked to not be at the event and I've insisted upon it. In one of them, he's sat in a wing back chair . So it kind of feels like we're in his library or something and I've asked us to have a professional portrait done. In the other one because I'm dressed really weirdly. I'm wearing a pencil skirt and I've got a beehive and I've got this very sort of like rigid formal pose on and we just look like a couple and it's yeah actually think about it I got it getting that framed I got it's there yeah almost we're too close together as what I think it is. Like our shoulder, we're kind of also you've done a thing which everyone can relate to, but if you have met a famous person, you're panicking about putting your arm around him. Yeah , he's put he's kind of came out putting his arm around you . So you're both clasping your hands in front of your waist which looks a bit sort of marital somehow. It looks a bit kind of I don't know. So yeah, I've kind of got weird hands that have just turned into one sausage arc and then he's yeah. And the kids, the kids are going. Well, I'm not going if Alice is going. I'm not going if she's going We know what she's after . Lovely man though. Lovely man. So did you have a nice time? It was unbelievable. Beautiful show. Kirsty Young , best in the game, just hosting it, beautiful musical tributes, archive that people hadn't seen before, his early days stuff, the story of him, just amazingly put together. You got to make it the hundred, you gotta make it the best. Until the end. Oh when I worried this might happen. He made it, didn't he? He made it. Yeah, fine. Okay. He made it. That's the worst no, that's the worst thing . I'm gonna say I think I can think what the worst thing is. The second worst thing that could happen. In fact, there were three bad things that could have happened. Yep , and two of them happened. Oh gosh. So he's still alive. He's alive and well. That's the best thing. With bank that you're going home with that, first terrible thing that shouldn't have happened that did . They all thought , Oh, let's sing happy birthday to him. Oh cringe. Don't it's the worst song ever. And it's the BBC concert orchestra. They're amazing, but even they can't make that song good. Getting the BBC Concert orchestra to play happy birth day is so disrespectful. It's completely beneath them and they know it's beneath them and they tried to jazz it up by doing it out of time. Therefore none of us knew what the rhythm of it was. So in fact , I'm gonna play it to you because it sounds so bad . Right, you sing it in the rhythm ? Happy Birthday is a day Happy Birthday Birthday It's you and they What is that tempo? Sorry, who's on the Who's on the remake? You gotta rehearse it with us before he gets in if you're gonna do that. DJ mustard on the beat, what's going on? Because we all look like a bunch of dicks in front of him . That said, one of the great knights . Until something which is controversial I need you to hold my hand through this please . Paddington showed up. Oh my life and I know you're feelingings on Paddton. Okay, look, I've read the book. I've listened to the book at triple speed . No Paddington stories on my book. Your book. Where I go in a bit on Paddington. Yeah, you do. But only because and I've respect Paddington greatly. It doesn't feel like it. Literary wise, into the stories love him as an idea. It's just , it's too much now. He doesn't need to be at every event. He was at the Bafts and if we're honest, the bit fell flat . I know a thing or two about overexposure. I was gonna say I would I would dug for cover. I'm just saying takes one to no one . Okay ? No, make hay. No, not just while the sun shines all day bloody long, please. Make hay while the tandems move in. I'm just saying be careful, Paddington , you're at risk of overdoing it. Yeah. The bit we didn't need him to turn up at the Attenborough thing as well. We'd already had unbelievable archives of actual bears . Yeah. Okay. Actual animals that he had interacted with over his life. Big Dave, sorry , not Paddington. Pat no, but Paddington, what if he could insert himself into that footage, he would have done. Never does any jokes. It's not funny, Paddington. Sort of his thing is he's a he doesn't understand. I just wanted to say I just wanted to say thanks so much, David, for looking after all the bears. Do a bit, yeah. My other thing is, if Paddington's in everything , if he's at Sir Dave's hundred . If he's doing the stuff with the Queen, famously RIP, if he's, you know, doing all the stuff, if there's ever any Paddington scandal, he's in all the montages. How are we getting are we cutting around Paddington? It's a great point . If anything bad happens, we discoveries are wrong. And I'm not that for legal reasons, I'm not saying he is, but you know, as soon as somebody's everywhere I imagine you could, because he isn't real , you can just, you know, animate him out of it. Yeah, right. Just tip exem out of stuff. Yeah, I guess. Put more on top or someone who's so bought and better . Wallace. Just brom it. Put a better bearing. You raise a good point by the way, about the Queen thing. If Paddington is always depicted as taking people to heaven, if anything, get him out the album all of Adamborough's there because he's a harbinger of doom. Get that bear out of the room with the hundred year old legend. Out. Can I just say you started this by saying, I respect him. I really feel like you don't . I respect him. I'd respect him more if I saw him less . Well, I probably need to get some money into this thing. So let's have some ads. It feels like a prime moment . Yeah. The new Paddington Musical West get your tickets now from How was your week? Oh, not as glam as yours because you've been doing lots of shiny shiny things . I have really done my backing . Oh , I'm okay. I'm here to listen as a friend of yours, but I just let you know I do find ailment to chat. I know, I know. Great. I did the breast last week. I do the best today. Breast important. Yeah. Not if I'm holding my hand there. Breast important. Big fan. Back slightly more sort of sitting around with my parents talking about . But go on, what is you seem okay? Well no, much better today, although the left right movement is just me basically walking around to the left and I'm wondering why you were angled like this. It was really bad over the weekend and it was it was so painful that I had to get my friend to come and help me get in and out of bed , which is I would say on the pathetic scale , a nine out of ten. Eventually I went to the osteopath and she said, Oh, I'm going to try and kind of like massage where it's really painful . So I'm going to use some oil. So you might want to your t haieir back. And I was like, I can't . So she had to put my hair in a ponytail. You feel like you're about to go to primary school . Your mum was doing it at the door. Really did. So it's been really bad. Been in bed all weekend Let's let no anyway, so kind of on the end, but I'd forgotten that today some builders were coming to my house because as you know, my house is like a hilarious house of tricks where like a new light doesn't work out. My kitchen is basically in darkness because it just is all crooked and bad and all the electrics are bad. It's also loaded damp. It's super cool. I thought when they arrived today that it was more of a kind of get to know you session, find the chemistry, how do you work? How do I work? Like sort of when do you have lunch? When do I have lunch? Like how do you take your tea? Like a sort of like, you know, when you go to school and you start off doing half days . I thought we were just doing a bedding in session. Right. Induction. An induction. Induction week. I thought we were doing an induction. So they arrived and there's just all the stuff still in my kitchen and they were a bit like, uh why does this look like you live here? There's not supposed to be any stuff in here. So then me and the really sweet builder were just going through my herbs and spices draw together like oop, pop in the cumin and house . I was like, this is not the best use of your time at all, but they had said, Oh, we won't start doing all of the big stuff straight away, but obviously they weren't just gonna walk around like Mary Poppins and just put their index finger over things and just check the dust. Like I don't know what I thought they meant . And then I was like, Oh, do you want a cup of tea? And I could tell that they were like, well, you're ready to do it because everything's bloody out. Like you've basically got the chopping board out with some bread on it. Like everything was out. I just feel like builders are just they want to get on with it. Remember that episode of Mr Bean where he gets bored with painting his room so he wraps everything up in newspaper and then puts a firework in the paint and just blasts it all over everything . That's Big Bostino likes that one. Loves a bit of bean, loves bean. Bean core loves bean course I love Mr. Bean . Anyway, I was talking about. All those builders want is to be in and out like Bean . That's it. Is that the point? That's it . The builders probably got into the trade by growing up and watching bean. Yeah. Be more bean. Bean more bean, get in there . Firework. Fireworks in the paint pot. Firework in the toaster. Boom. Guy comes in to take Grabby's hat as the fireworks are going off. Boom. Hat outline of the guy now just doing full beams outline of the guy against the wall. Smudge's portrait has to repaint portrait hangs port'rait back up now just we're down. What's his mother from the movie? Bean call . Being cool. Look, I've had enough of us. Should we add a caller to this situation? Ideally. Okay, let's speak to this week 's caller. Hello . Hello and welcome to Bad Chat. You're on Bad Chat. Hi . Who is calling ? It's Liv. Liv. Hi Liv. Live your life. Please do not swear. We're not live, and you can swear. Welcome . Hi, welcome. No, that's me. No, you're not welcome. Don't welcome us. We welcome you. Liv's like, I hate this. Dude , just hangs up. Okay, Liv, we have a grand total of two listeners now confirmed on the record. So we're just trying to find out who's listening. Who are our people? We've got kind of an official questionnaire here and we just want to get to the core of you essentially for data purposes. Oh, clog size . Like thirteen thirty nine thirty nine. thirty nine and a half. thirty nine opinion. thirty nine point five. Okay, let's see what we can do. Bear with us there. Great. We'll see if we've got enough wood left. Lived Liv just the first question on the old questionnaire have you ever seen a ghost ? No. We've got realists. Okay, good. Do you believe in ghosts? I don't think about it because it actually weirds me out a bit. If they were real , like they wouldn't want me to say they weren't real. It's the god, it's the god problem. Keep him onside. Exactly exactly. That is the thing. Keep them on side. So even if in your heart of hearts you're like, don't think so when it comes to judgment day, which it will. You know, you want to be able to say I was I was shouting around town that you exist ed. Like look at the receipts. I couldn't stop Hallelujahing. I couldn't stop King of Kings . Would you I would like to meet a ghost? I am ghost hopeful. Are you? I think it' bed great. Lived, are you are you a horoscope scal? 'Cause I feel like these things sometimes go together No, is that bad? Is that wrong? No. What star sign are you? Emma Virgo. Okay, so disloyal she's a John Virgo. It's John Virgo a Virgo . I've never thought about that. Liv almost definitely doesn't know who Johngo is. Don't worry about it. You should learn. You'll learn. Ah, John Virgo's a Pisces . Disappointing. Yeah, that's that's sad and I think he should make a public apology about that . He's not dead . He is dead. He died on the fourth of February . Rest in peace. Our thoughts are with his family. Rest in Pys hn Verga was the ghost I saw ? That would be amazing. That's a movie . Ghost snooker. I think it's a self funder movie. I'm willing to do it. When this podcast flies up those chart s. It's definitely one of those downloadable movies a Vimeo it's a vimeo for my first project as writer director star , co star with John Vergo's coast. That is actually a family comedy from the nineties . That actually probably exists. Not for John Virgo, but as many balls as you can, can , can, can . I will, John. I will. He's like in my head I'm doing the World Snag Championships and he's my sort of guide Yes pop . I don't know if I can pot them, John. You can pot as many balls as you can here. Take my waistcoat wa,istcoat, waistcoat. And are you wearing a ghost waistcoat or does it become a realist coat? There's a ghost waist. So we're going to have to work that out for the DOP. What are we doing? Is that is that CG or you will need special effects for this? Okay. So it's gonna be it's gonna cost you. No, it's fine. I'd watch it. Thank you. Thank you. Watch it or invest in it. Could I crowdfell? Yeah, I could crowd it. Definitely watch it. Let's talk about the important stuff. Like, let's forget the rest. Let's cut to the brass tacks. JuCSEs, which you did by the sounds of it six months ago, as did I. So he takes. Talk to me, talk to me about those letters. Let those letters roll. Four A stars, six A's Yeah. Live I. could feel it in my waters that I was I was amongst friends. I was worried that she was going to really make us feel terrible and give us numbers. Oh no, oh no, I'm not that young. No . Oh, God. Few. Jesus Christ. I mean no one's asking me for it. Life. Liv Ask Alice what she got. Do you feel like it's come up naturally ? Alice, what did you get in your GC ? She's asked you. Oh, thank you, Liv. I got nine A stars and two A's. Oh, wow. Oh, thank you. Gosh, I haven't talked about that in a long time. Yeah, god, dusting dusting the old stars, off the old eleven GCSU's there. Well done. Thank you. Well done to both of you. And what about you, Liv, you know, what you need to know, Liv is I was head girl, okay ? Greg was you had some honorary title. What were you? Preferred. I was deputy head boy.. Well, not a real That's actually not a real. It was more it was more I sort of it was MBE versus CB not really . You're tricking yourself into thinking that you had a cool job, whereas my mom was cool because I was sort of one foot in either camp . The student body trusted and respected me and I could sort of be the go between the narc if you will. Yeah Cool kids call it the student body . I others would call them friends, but you call them the student body. No, they very much they were, they were the body of students. Do you remember, do you remember in Henry the Fourth Part two Prince Hal goes out amongst the peasants. God we've traveled from Mr. Bean. Yeah . Okay, so he goes out amongst the peasants and he had the common touch who could also then go and be the king. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay, if that what's my role was. I could sort of code switch between the student body and the members of staff. I had, you know, I simultaneously had the faculty. I had friends in the school, but I also had a parking space next to head teacher . But well done a big head girl. So wait, come on . Me and Liva being polite, but like what did you what can you spell with yours? My GC 's. Yeah. Six A's and four B's. That's okay. That's fine. No, I'm not gonna be shamed into that. Absolutely fine. I'm not shamed. Live, I shouldn't be ashamed of that, should I? No, I'm a teacher. No, they're really good. Yeah, thank you. What do you teach by the way? Are you big school little school school . Big . History. History . Well, I got one of my A's in history. Live just like kind of off the podcast, off record . It's not that off menus. Not that good. They're good. Yeah, they are good. No, but all the best, but no one there we go. There we go. I think we got it, clip it, clip it. Can I hang on ? Because I had a I had a big upgrade from my from my GCs to my A levels because I then went on to have two A and then B at A level overachieving because I was predicted AB and actual AAB Alice . Well, I was predicted three AS. And that was pleased with that . Pleased with a prediction? Yes. What was the reality? It's a long time ago . But AB gracious in victory as in defeat So please know more about your elevator. Force finger video if you can. I got the same as you. I got two AS and two V. Oh, Liv, it's such a fall from grace. It is such a fun. Got two A's. Oh, the same as you. Same as me. Never thought we were a team. No, we're the team. Sorry Fuck's sake. FFS. Cute. Which are basically my availables So I'm gonna put that in the John Vergo script. That was a lovely little joke. That was lovely John love that. John Virgo would love that joke. He would thought that was really good. He would actually that might be his opening candid . Yeah. When I was growing up in Liverpool, my A levels were FFS . Actually, it's great. I'm not mad at that. I was really I was really anti this project. And now I'm really on board. Excellent. Oh gosh. Liv , you have been incredibly helpful . You and patient. Patient just listening to us doctor. Your data is liquid with gold . And we will be using that for third party purposes. Thank you. And good luck with oh my god, are you are your students doing GCs at the minute and eight of us and things? I'm actually not teaching this year, so no , but yeah, no, I've taken a year out to do a masters. So I'm a student. Oh, fantastic. Can I ask what it's in? Yeah, yeah, it's an education. Oh, you already doing that? Busman's holiday. It's like me doing a master's in radio. I don't need to. I'm already doing it smashing it man. Most did it. Thank you . Liv, good luck with everything and bye bye . Bye. Great, that's all going in the database. If you want to answer our quest ionnaire next week, then go to the show notes. All the ways to get in touch with us like WhatsApp , email if you've heard of it are all there and you could be the next Liv the next Rosalie . And if you'd like to pledge one hundred thousand pounds to fund the John Virgo movie, there are links in the show notes as well. And what do you get for that a tote bag and a bag ? And an executive producer credit. Great, but you're not allowed to be anywhere near the set. No, not actually. Yeah . To save us from ourselves, can I read some correspondence? Please. I mean, thank you to everybody already who's just getting in touch all the ways. I love getting love getting an email though. It's nice. It does feel like the broom cupboard. A missive. It does, doesn't it? We haven't even commented on where we're sat . Yeah, there was there was a comment underneath the , I think it was the Breasts video . Yes , saying weird that you're sort of in a hospital admin room but no , to be clear, we've built this. Yeah, we're in Bad Chat HQ. So if you're watching this, you can see this beautiful, it's sort of where an off ice meets a sort of home office of the nineties, maybe? Quite like tiny desk from NPR. Lovely yes, but if they're listening or watching can be completely different very different as well. We have had an email from Laura. Hello, Alice and Greg. Doctor? Already good . I qualified as a pharmacist when I was twenty three and shortly after was put in charge of an entire Lloyd's pharmacy store. I was responsible for the running of the shop floor and the dispensary, boss to fifteen staff, a pretty responsible job. One work night, unplanned, I got very drunk with a friend, Rebecca, who was also a pharmacist and managed another L loyd's pharmacy store for reasons of anonymity. We'll call Rebecca Sarah. We both had to work the next day and I was absolutely hanging. It didn't feel appropriate or professional to let on to the staff that I was hung over so I just, said I didn't feel great and that I was ill. The staff were all lovely to me, looking after me and checking on me, making me cups of tea and feeding me snacks. Imagine my horror when later in the afternoon a fax came through slowly in huge meticulous handwriting that I immediately recognised as Rebecca Sarah's. It said Don't feel sorry for Laura, she's not ill, she's hung over This churned out in slow motion , all the staff just looked at the facts and then to me, I just wanted to die there and then. I think the slowness of the fax machine just prolonged the agony . So good. The game is up because of a fax. There's something so pleasing about that it's quite it was Rebecca Vardy's account tight about it, isn't it? Yeah, Rebecca Sarah, what a little snitch. Lovely place to be hung over, I'd say, a pharmacy. Well, I was worried they were going to prescribe all kinds of things and she'd have to say, Yes, I can 't actually take any of those. That's true. It's not good place to be hung over in terms of the customers , but for you, you've got your diarrhea over there. Gorgeous. You got paracetamol, you've got urphen, you've got all the stuff. Do you think hungover, it would be nice rather than parasetamol to just have a big spoon of cowpol? Obviously, this is great on its own , but I think Laura has done this for one embarrassing reason, which is that we really went hard on encouraging people to get in touch by fax on this show because we were like, What's our point of difference? What's our USP? Everybody has, you know, a text number .body E hasvery an email No, we're going to spend, I would say around thirty thousand pounds on old fax machines. And Ellie that works on the show has lost days of her life trying to learn how they work. And also the will to live. Oh yeah . So now this one behind us, if you're watching, you can see it. Oh, it's beeping. What does that mean? That's actually it worked. It's actually plugged in and work and does work a bit. That has never happened before. Ellie, does it not ? It does work a bit. I have gotten fax on it. Yeah, you have received all the time. She has received one fax on it. And as I understand it, this works all the time when manned and on, which obviously is quite high that's quite a high maintenance device isn't, it? But do try and faxes ? And that fax number again is one, one , two, eight one four That number again. Oh three, three, three oh one , two eight one four it's like happy birthday all over again and actually I would say if you want to be a regular listener and want to be in the club, I think buy a fax machine. Yes , please . Buy a fax machine if you really want to support this podcast. Sense of fax. That number again, is a little something like this. three, three, three , oh one, one, two, eight, one, four . Thank you for your email again Send stuff to us. We like stuff. And we like all kinds of stuff. So if there's something in the show that has sparked a memory or a story that, but also if you're like I don't know where this thing belongs. I don't know where this obsession, confession, digression should go. There's nowhere for it. We, as you have seen, go to all kinds of people. Like we're not on script here, I think is an understatement. Well, that was the whole point, wasn't it? Last week, we said, We want to start the show with you, you get involved, we'll start with nothing and see where we get to at the end. And actually should we recap today? Recap me. Well , we started off by talking about we did horse fingers. So obviously remember, please send animal facts to Alice. No, they're going to straighten the bed . We need a shredder actually. That's a mental note. Any sort of trivia that you think the pound shop hanna fried might enjoy. So pound shop of fries were we started. We then went to horse admin, we then did mammogram chat. We had some waxing chat, putting honey under your arms and ripping off other places. Turn to your rhinal chat with where do you whack it out over the top or through the fly , don't overtake your trousers down at your rhin ol you call, yourself a dumb bitch send other people. Then speaking of which we're talking about Paddington wished the David a happy hundred th birthday . We then spoke to Lev, who was a clock size thirty nine and a half European . And then we've sort of started a crowdfunder for John Virgo Snooker Biopic , where We is doing a lot of heavy lifting . As I said, you're the producer. Talked about Mr. Bean at one point, don't know why. You talked about Beancore, which I really love, hashtag Beancore . Then you talked about your bad back and then not being able to function properly with builders . And here we are at the end talking about faxes. Do you know what I mean? And that's called a show. So that's just what we covered today. Yeah, okay, that's just little threads that you put out there. But look, we don't want the same stuff next week. It'll be new stuff. Yeah, boring. However , I think there's some stuff in there that will be there will be people listening going, yeah, I've actually shown off in front of a builder and it was embarrassing. Right exactly. Show offing in front of a builder. Maybe when you learnt the hard way about the original, maybe there's something else that somebody learned the hard way. To be clear, that was Edmund . Okay . Full known. And to avoid loss uits, that is Ed for short. Maybe you've got a film pitch that you've had in your back pocket and you want crowdfunded. I'd love to hear them. If there is a DOP listening that would like to get on board with the John Virgo Biopic movie where I am playing a new upcoming Snooker guy at age forty. He'd have to be there's no age limit for snookers there . Then yeah, get in touch about that. Maybe you did something interesting with the student body . Or your friends, the faculty. Were you deputy head boy or girl? Not a thing, but were you head girl genuinely a title that you can hold. Head knock, senior brown news . Things like that. Don't be a copycat. It doesn't need to be the same, but whatever it is or something completely different, bad chat. I like that . I love that. You have to be watching to see what I did with my hands there. Whatever it is , that we'll see you next week. Bad Chat is a person ica podcast