Reflections on the Rosemary Burns Case

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Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website, as well as the printed magazine, brought to you by the Crossed Horns Sle Over at Mitchell's. And you heard correctly all nozzles are fifty percent off all nozzles of any kind This month, I was contacted by Carol Burns, who, it turns out, is the daughter of Rosemary Burns, somebody who won big during an episode of Beef Call, our weekly live quiz web stream The magic of the prize that she won was that she didn't even have to enter the competition to win it. Here's a little reminder for you Oh, this is Pple W' bread and breakfast Hello, is that Rosemary Burns Yes, hi, can I help you? On the contrary, I can help you by telling you that you've won this week's beef call B prize. Sorry I you want a room? No no, I don't want a room, although I am aware that you want bed and breakfast Yes, yes. How can I help? You've just won our big prize this week . ition So you've won, Do you want to know you won Yeah. well Did you okay You've won one hundred tons Asewer. Oh no No no. A full hundred metric tons of top quality bum gravy Sorry, I don't want that. If you look out of the window or open your door Hopefully if the timings have worked out, you should be able to see Oh God Big Lorory turning up. Oh no. with all that special fudge. Oh no, no, but we've got we've got we've got customers already here. they're going to see that and they're a big heap of God's mam out there for you God, there's so much of it. A real brown porridge breakfast there for you guys And so joining me to I assume thank me for my part in making that happen and to thank the Beef and Dairy network for the part it has played in her mother's life more widely. It's Carol Burns. Hia Yeahes, sorry, can I just correct you there? I'm not actually reinging to say thank you I'm bringing this is the only way that you agreed, as you know, it' the only way you agreed to talk to me was to have me on as a guest. But to start with, I don't feel comfortable with, but anyway The reason I'm coming on is to find out about the role you played in my mother's life Right And I guess definitely definitely not thanking you. Well, maybe once you' find out the ins and outs, you will be thanking us. Okay I mean, that's very confident, but okay So your mother, Rosemary Burns She, of course, won our competition to have a hundred tons of manure delivered to her home That's a generous prize, especially when you consider that she didn't even have to enter the competition to win it So maybe you want to rethink the idea of not thanking us because that's a very generous prie, don't you think Well No, I definitely don't want to rethink the idea of not thanking you. I want to make sure that I continue to sort of not thank you. And I don't see how that can be Are you saying that was a competition prize So without even entering it She was selected to win gun prize of a hundred tons of premium Buvine batter delivered directly to her home I just don't see why my momum would have any interest in that. L if she was a farmer, fair enough, but you know, she ran a Bnb and we didn't even have extensive land around it. so Why would she want that Do see what I mean Listen, let's talk about When she won and took delivery of that wonderful shipment of pasture pudding Did she contact you on that day Yeah, she gave me a ring. And I bet she was delighted. No, she wasn't delighted. She was absolutely raging. Did she mention the consistency of the manure and the obvious quality of it Oh my God. no No, obviously not. you're not saying like I've just had, you know, this huge shipment of deevil's Playdough and it's top quality stuff No, she wasn't saying that. I'm sure it won't surprise you. She was just absolutely apoplelectic. Why is there all this shit on the drive? Why is there all the shit on the drive when I've got to change like Five of the guest bedrooms, including like sorry, most importantly, Benedict Kumberbash was coming that day, right What to stay at the BMB? Yes, to stay at the BMB. He wanted an authentic English experience. Right. Because he was researching his next I mean, he is English, but Interesting. So you think I mean, this is a bit of a sidebar. Do you think Ben Camerberbachat at that time felt like he was losing a grip on his Englishness? Yeah. I Be he was working so much in America, that's interesting Yeah, I think that probably happens to a lot of Anyway that's not the point. The point And so do you think he was probably quite delighted then when he turned up at the BN B And there was, you know, hundred tons of the king's compost outside Yeah, no, he wasn't delighted with it. From what I understand, you know, when when Benedict Kumberbach arrived at the BMB, Mum was caked in shit Do you think that would make you delighted Do not think there' in a way that you know, the most authentic English experience of all is to be welcomed into the a home by by someone who's totally caked in that and holy cd. Authentic as in what like in the you talking about like in the Victorian days or something? Well Well, maybe, you know, you haven't said what role you haven't said what role he was preparing for. Was he preparing for a period drama in which case, you know, a smiling innkeeper covered in shite? is exactly what you want, isn't it Hello, my name is Kevin Kranmer and I'm a manure delivery driver As long as I can remember I wanted to be a ballet dancer Ever since I was a child. I mean I remember it began because I looked out of my bedroom window one day and I saw a leaf, one of those leaves with this kind of seed attached that certain types of trees drop to reproduce And it kind of one of the ones it's like a little kind of little helicopter leaves exactly. And it pirouetted through the air and I thought, imagine if a person could do such a thing? And my father said, you know, they can. there's a thing called ballet And I said, Oh, can we watch one Dad? And he said, no, it's boring Forith the men in my family we all end up working in quite what they call disgusting lines of work. For the simple reason that in my family, all the men have no sense of smell. So my dad was the same. his father, his father before him My grandfather was a fishmonger, but not any fishmunonger. He would deal mostly in well, certain types of the smelliest kinds of fish you can get And his speciality was the Squid anus, which you may have seen it sold in breadcrumbs in various restaurants and partarticularly gastro pubs. And the squid Anus ring was it's a real delicacy, but when you first remove it, it's the stinkiest piece of fish, the stinkiest cut of Sea life you can get and not the weed know, but you know other fishmunkers refused to deal with it, but he was absolutely capable, of course. And that's why he became a manure delivery driver, delivering Pmium Bvine gut butter around the UK I believe you'll I believe since you were sixteen, you've been working for the Schite Family Ship Farm. Yeah, Schaite Family Shhip Farmers are working directly with Beverly Schitz. Beverly Shites are one fororem So are you telling me that even if I was to approach you with a lovely room temperature jar of Dolmo pasta sauce. Yeah. just underneath your nose That wouldnt wouldn't do anything for. I'd maybe feel a bit of the sort the vapor of like splash of tomato sauce on my top lip, but that's as close as I get to the delight of smelling it. Because I guess you're aware of the delight of Smany only from seeing the reactions of others to the opening of a Domo. When you see the puppets sort of breathe deeply and go, the puppets in the ice is our Domo day. In the effort. Yeah. then I feel like It must be something really special, but it communicates that feeling What would you give For just one instance of being able to smell A freshly opened doomeo jo my arms and legs But she tell you what she ended up doing with withith all that all that lawn lasagna Yeah, she said that after she tried to move a small amount and realized that it was like wayay too much for that. she just ended up setting fire to it but You know, The effect of that was that it made the surrounding areas so hot. like the BMB has never been that warm. It was so hot The Benedict Cbat was just like wandering around with the top off That led to the paparazzi surrounding the BMB for the next three weeks, which was It might sound fun to you, but it was really stressful. But do you not think that that is bringing quite a lot of much needed attention to what I think I'm was an ailing BNB. I got the vibe from when I spoke to her that the BNB wasn't necessarily that successful. And that suddenly, you've the W worldlds press there. you've got Benedict Kberbuch with his top off lit It is glistening torso lit. by the flaming dumps H Well Okay, I'm not going to lie There was an uptake in terms of people booking into the BnB. There There you go. No, because often those people that booked in, when they turned up, they were really disappointed that Benedict Kumberach wasn't walking around topless So you know, they weren't happy customers and then we had like David next door. take his to off and walking around in the drive in the hope that that would help Mum. but It really didn't help You know, Benedict Cumperbach is a good looking actor in his forties, isn't he? and David' a an oxygenarian ex geography teacher. so It's not what people are after? It's not. It's really not It's nice of David to do that though Yeah, to be honest, well he was, you know, a lovely guy and yeah he was quite fond of mum, I think. M had quite a few suitors as it were, and he was one of them. of the dad left. So your mother was were single at this point Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it was interesting actually because she Yes. I think she kind of had a bit of a new lease of life after my dad left because She actually ended up. I s't knowfraget to tell you this, but u Well, the guy that dropped off the Mure. As you know, it didn't just happen the once did it. Well, this is something actually that our listeners won't know because we sometimes like to do things You know, we like to do good deeds and not necessarily crow about them because If you're doing good things in the hope of people thinking you're a good person, then are you being a good person? It's one of those philosophical arguments, isn't? So, we like to do good deeds and not tell everyone But I guess because you brought it up, we can reveal that after that first shipment of a hundred tes of Barnard Brownies she continued to receive shipments on on a by weekly basis Yeah, u By the way, I don't think you should worry about people thinking that you're crowing about being a good person because you're not. So you know, this wasn't a good deed. This was extremely discombobulating If you can imagine, I mean Can you imagine this for now? Can you imagine like a massive shipment of manure turning up at your place, but you don't know when H. You know, you don't know when it's going to happen? Yeah, I love a surprise Hm Rosemary was on the docket like anybody else. She was down for a hundred tons of premium Jersey cow manure U So just like any other job, I dropped it off down there I pulled up on the street corner as I normally do, but just as I was pulling up to the curb, I saw A man he was hanging about next to the house just inside the front gate and he at first didn't recognize him because he had his hand over his mouth and nose as people tend to do when I'm one hundred meters away or so because they the kind of It's described as like a brick wall of smell hits them. Again, I'm just going on other people's reports So but then as he sort of removed his hand to say like What in God's name is wrong with you? I realize it was the actor Benedict Kumberbatch. I only met Rosemary a few minutes later after Cumberbatch had retreated inside sort of wretching and pinching his nose When I pulled the lever to release the manure flat bed, you know the truck it has a piston and it lifts and so you can just deliver the entire cach of manure all at once. And so I'd I'd begun unleashing it and I heard it begin to pelt the pavement when Rosemary stepped out of the the house And that's when I first saw her begging me to stop So I'm just pretending I can't hear her. She's on the pavement, she's vomiting just behind her out of a first floor window. Bennett Cumberack, she's vomiting out the Bn B as well U it's a real kind of orgy of vomit and chite going on. And it's It's quite of overwhelming actually, but or at least it would have been if I could smell it. but fortunately I can't So that was one cense less to worry about at that moment Visually though, it was absolutely repulsive Anyway, the point is The guy who dropped off the manure M and him, it seems like, you know, they did kind of Yeah, they did soft click could say She said that in some ways Please don't please don't misquote her or me on this. but in some ways There had been a silver lining to all the shit on the driveway And that silver lining was Kevin. So she was very, very angry for a long time. But then there was one day I turned up and it almost seemed as though A Zen calm had settled over her a little bit So I unload the manure and unusually there's no screaming, no begging. U she just said, do you want a cup of tea And as it happened, I did want a cup of tea because while obviously I can't taste it, the heat of the tea sort of It sort of burns my mouth in the closest approximation I can have to a pleasant flavour So she brings me the tea and I said scalding hot, please. In fact, I said, if you can have it straight out the kettle, that would be great, but she said the extension lead wouldn't reach outside. so I had to have the next best thing as fresh from the kettle as I could have it. And she said once side' had a lovely schoolalding sip or two. She said, Well, why don't you stick around for a bit and help me with the manure for once. Since you're dropping it all off here And she was the last delivery of the day, so I thought, well allright, why not So hop off the u hop off the truck And I said, whereere have you been putting it? Because it had been cleared every time I went round. And she said I just burn it U And I said is that why all the houses around you appear to have been abandoned And she said they did say something about the reeking stink of burning shit every couple of weeks. Yeah, so all I know is that You know, he would turn up Um A the manure had been delivered, she would set fire to the massive pile of manure and then obviously, and Kevin would have to take his stop off. So anyway, I helped her to kind of getet the rest of the manure kind of off the street and off to the side and then set it on fire And she had a full on gas mask on at this point because I think she'd had to go out and buy one because the smell of the burning shit had really started to take its toll. And so she had her she was replacing the filter in her gas mask when I realized I was really sweating and very getting very, very hot after all this enormous bonfire of manure. So I took my shirt off. and And one good thing about working in a menial job like delivering manure or similar delivery jobs and that kind of thing is your physique does really see the benefit. And at the time, you know I had an absolutely glistening eight pack on my might torso And so she I could tell that she was through the lenses of the gas mask, she was gazing the midriff and I thought, Oh Hello Somet thingss up here Okay, so so So what happened next? Well, you know, I don't want to go into too many sordid details, but What I will say is the top stayed off, the gas mask stayed on and low there was half an hour of red hot buffing you know, for mum I mean, I hate to say this, but for Mum, I think that was A good thing. Okay, not the not the manure But the consequence of the manure, which was Kevin taking his top off So that became the routine from then on. I mean, every two weeks I'd come back with another one hundred tons of manure lift up the flat bed drop all the manure off. I'd stick around. She'd bring me a scaling hot cup of tea. We'd set fire to the manure. I'd take my top off, she put the gas mask on and we'd get to it By which I mean doggy style sex. This is a couple ofash bread breakfast. Hello, is that Rosemary Burns? Yes, Hi, can I help you? You've won one hundred tons of manure Oh no. No no. No, no. A full hundred metric tons of top quality bum gravy. Oh, u sorry. I don't want that bum bum bum Sirir s policy on policy, F policy I' bum bum bravy Gravy. Policy, F policy, on bum bum bum bravy. Oh Bum bum bum bravy. quality quality gravy. Well, how do you feel? Tell us how you feel, Rosie. Having won the big prize? Just tired Enjoy the manure Enjoy all that special fudge So Care, your father isn't the picture romantically as your mother' is concerned at this stage. Yeah, I mean Their marriage broke down like a long time before that Was he not providing her with any manure Absolutely zero if that's not a euphemism. No, that's not euphemism. I think that in any successful romantic partnership couplple should be exchanging manure But certainly on special occasions So, I mean My dad was, you know, is a lovely guy and Yeah o, fair enough, the passion in their marriage had gone a bit and even I noticed the way that he would look at my aunt, but nevertheless that can't be explained away with massive amounts of manure that was lacking in her life Now I don't mean to be rude and of course people have their own preferennce when it comes to these things I just want to make clear to the listening audience. You at the time were, I believe, thirty two years old? Yes, thirty two years. And she was in her mid seventies? Mid to late seventies Yeah. Which was a surprise to me because when I first saw her, I would have guessed she was about eighty two. But to be fair, she had to spend a lot of time burning very toxic manure, so you know those fumes can have an effect. Sure. I mean, I think some listeners might be thinking, what you know This seems unusual. Well if any of your listeners are, you know, men, women, people of the world, then they'll know that sometimes these things just, you know The chemistry just works.ure these things happen sometimes even without you knowing why, either party really knowing why.. Or at least that was the way the first couple of times and then Qite soon after I realized she had quite a bit of money put away, so that's kind of why it carried on Okay, so talk me through your thought process then when you realized that she had a bit of money behind her? I thought that she had quite a lot of money and if we kept having sex, I could convince her to give me that money. Rise And what did you want the money for? Ballet. A, I see So I thought I can probably get the money to do this from her if I sell her on my dream of being a ballet dancer, going to the conservatoire and being trained And at first she wasn't certain And so I said, all right, well let me do a demonstration for you. And I did a very, very basic ballet routine just to demonstrate my natural abilities, which I have to be honest,' Great But you know, I had my shirt off, so she was somewhat convinced still wasn't certain, so I took my pants and trousers off as well. U and my legs as much as my torso have become absolutely rippling shimmering and gleaming muscular adonist like muscular Physical ideals basically, through my lifetime of menial work. and on top of which I've got a very big penis And of course, lit by the light of a burning pire of bum onions. That creates a kind of effect. That's right. And if you're lit by the fire, specifically the very warm flame the warm coloured flame that comes off of a towering pile of shites, that will even enhance the image of the human body better than any, you know lighting setup in a movie studio And so she agreed to ay your fees? Yeah, I mean, after another half an hour of hard rutting, she was convinced. I'm a bit confused, Carol because Everything you've told me so far sounds pretty positive the roosemary Okay It was for a while, but let me just tell you what happenens. So She would phone me every time there was a shipment, right? And you know, at first, she was really pissed off, but then it got to the point where When Kevin came into her life, she would ring me and she'd be really happy. and I would appreciate hearing that. And then one day, she rang me in absolute tears Rice. of joy. Night tears of absolute sorrow because it wasn't Kevin doing the delivery that day It was Melissa a Spanish woman who had taken over the delivery process But she must have known, wasn't she that when she gave him the money to go to the rooyal ballet school that he would have to stop you know, making the The regular visits from Brownown I think she just hadn't really thought through in terms of the consequence of that, you know, she she was so Um She was so keen to help him Kevin, how do you describe how you treated Rosemary in this regard. Would you say you ghosted her Yeah, that's essentially true. Well, ghosting is a strong word though, because I didn't actually ghost her. that suggests that I never you know returned her calls or whatever. It's just that every time she phoned me after I'd confirmed the money was in my account I just pretended to be a dressmaker from Edinburgh And whenever she called, I'd just go, Oh the alterations will be ready in a couple of days And after a few rounds of that, she got very confused and just gave up trying to contact me More after this What most people don't know about this podcast is that all the editing is done by somebody I hired called Dr. Bff But when I was looking for an editor, there was a number of different candidates, but Dr. Boff stood out because they were eager to learn more about what the job entailed They knew they wanted to work for me. they seemed like a good fit, and their excitement around the role really made them stand out. If you're hiring, you want a candidate who's passionate about your role, but you can't get that insight from a resume unless you post your job on Zip Recruiter. and now you can try Zip Recruiter for free at ziprecruiter dot com slash beef Zipp Recruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates quickly. and Zpp Recruter now has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster Find your own Dr. Bff. Find candidates who really want your job On Zip Recruiter. fourour out of five employers who post on ziprecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at ziprecruiter. com slash beef. That's ziprecruiter. com slash beef Meet your match. on Zip Recruit Message for Dror Boff, just put that in the middle of the episode. Thank you Carol, when you think about their relationship, did you not think that there was something inevitable about the fact that onnce he'd gone to this rooyal ballet school surrounded by young lithe bodies. he'd be a bit less interested in Capped out old B andB owner All right, look, I don't appreciate I just don't appreciate your tone, after what you've done, after the tumultuous effect of delivering huge amounts of shit to my mum's drive at random points And, you know, creating complete chaos Yes, there were highs, but there were massive lows as well Yeah and also like after that point it just got the deliveries got more and more frequent. sometometimes there was like more than one delivery a day. You know, it's way more than mum would ever be able to burn. and one time I went around there and she was just lying down head first in the pile. Oh just what full body d. Starfish. Yeah on a huge pile of bovine land minines. Yeah She was probably enjoying the, you know, gives off that kind of warmth. No, she wasn't enjoying it. She'd reached her absolute wit's end. She didn't know You know, she didn't know where to turn. She Citizens advice Bureau were not very helpful. They'd never encountered this before She she couldn't get through to anyone apparently in connected to you podcast or company or whatever the fuck it is So yeah You may see ruined her life, so I am un thanking you really strongly and publicly. What was ballet school like? Obviously, you'd had this dream since you were just a little boy and then suddenly it was coming true, must have been amazing It was the u greatest experience of my life, it was absolutely everything I dreamed it would be until the end of my first term And at the end of each term, there's a performance that is publicly viewable and it's assessed to show just how much you've learnted across that term And that's where everything started to go wrong, really So I was doing my routine which was you know on point and and then a few spins, get lifted you know by my dance partner and I was just gearing up to the final move of that of that routine. When I realized everyone in the audience's faces had changed, the expression they had is what I'd come to think of as manure face where you know, you're driving a truck up to the farm and when the smell hits them Their face screws up and they recoil and they start to look very uncomfortable. and it was that look that they had on their faces So the first thing I did, of course, was turn around and see if perhaps a manure delivery truck had arrived in error to the wrong venue here at the theatre. But that wasn't the case. And I then leapt into the final move of the routine that I had rehearsed, which is a grand jette. That's where you'll know this. It's where you do the full splits in the sky Are you sort of jump up like both legs going in opposite direction? Legs fully splayed wide open, like your whole body is just about to tear in half.ight And it was as my legs parted and my groin was exposed to the room that I mean There was a lot of screaming, there was some vomiting. People started running out of the building I thinks at that point the fire service were called And as I landed, a flawlessly executed landing, by the way, it was at that point that I realized, oh God, I haven't washed my Lotard once all term Of course because you weren't able to smell. I couldn't smell anything wrong at all. and that kind of nylon, it dries very fast. So what I've been doing is soaking and drying these these tights in my fettid sweat solidly for a period of about three months. And on that final grand jette, you'd You'd basically let out a kind of Neutron bomb of stink It was it was a waft as if the gates of hell had been opened, I was later told. Right. I mean, it was appalling. People in the audence looked like they'd been shot in the face with a gun. It was it was I felt completely and utterly ashamed And I thought that was as bad as it could get until the principal of the school led me off the stage and out the back fire escape doors of the theatre and told me in n uncertain terms that I was never to come back to the school and that I would never be welcome in the profession of the ballerino. ever again and he told me that through some quite heavy vomiting. And then after all that, after all that you put her through, she died Oh. Not because of the the regular deliveries of of fertilizer flap track. No, not because of that. She No, she died ongy jumping. What I'd say is that if you have a dream, The lesson I learned was never ever try to achieve it becausecause if you have that dream and then have it snatched away from you You just want to pull both your eyes out and die. That's, you know, it's the worst thing that can ever happen to a person. to know that the dream was possible and that you've lost it is the worst thing that can happen to a person next to being drawn and quartered. But it's fair to say that you You didn't pull your own eyes out and die. you actually took out your anger, which I think ye, I can imagine was Quite profound on someone else Yeah, the uh So there's this thing called sublimation where you take one emotion and you sublimate those feelings into something else, whether it's a a calling, a pastime or you simply transpose the emotion to a different situation in your life So I very quickly realized the person to blame for this humiliation, for this disappointment was actually Rosemary, the woman who'd made this dream possible in the first place Hm Now, obviously that's kind of quite a sick way of thinking you essentially defrauded an old lady of one of her life savings to go and do this It's not her fault that you couldn't smell and ruined your career by wearing a crossy old Lotard But you were somehow able to square that circle in your head at the time Yeah I mean it's an interesting perspective you've got there. I don't see the logic of what you've said myself, rightight? you know In this world, people have to find their own way of making sense of things, don't they? And you know I wouldn't judge you For having that perspective, just as I'm sure you wouldn't judge me for what I did U But so what I did doing was, well, I thought this pain, this agony of failure will never end until I have exacted revenge on roosemary, which is when I thought, aha playing the dressmaker from Edinburgh, that went quite well Aents are obviously a skill I can call on in times of need like this. Right which is when I decided to get a job as a chirpy New Zealand bungee jumping instructor Right called Cliff Cluff the bungee jumping instructor So the next step was just to set up a bungee jumping instruction company, which is quite Quite simple really, because they're not regulated. There's no official body you go through. If you've got a length of elastic and a bridge somewhere, you're home free, basically. I sit up Cliffs buny jumping school Right And put entry fee. fiveive pence pounds and wrote that on some flies put one of them through roosemary's door, it'dop there really because I didn't need anyone else to come. And I mean I think since being left by me, she's needing some sort of distraction. So she turned up the next day So I'd set up shop at Cheddar Gorge on the logic that it's one of the sharpest plummets in the United Kingdom, and it would be the most convenient way to set up a bungee jumping enterprise So yeah, I mean, the rest is history really, she turned up and I said, Ah Miss Rasmmer, nice to see you. And I've showed her the harness, how to attach it. I thought I'd better sell this otherwise she might get scared and not want for doing. But to her credit, she was very brave. She was actually really, really keen to try it out and she said she always wanted to and she'd been too frightened I said, A no don't read it's going beine And so you put the u Deed the harness on And I told her about how the That length of very, very strong elastic was attached to an anchor point at the top of the cliff face above Cheddy Gorge And u All I did then was just say some encouraging platitudes, like are you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take and eventually convinced it to jump off, but obviously it wasn't an extra strong length of elastic. It was just a particularly large licorice whip and it wasn't attached to anything. So then I watched her plummet and you know, I thought this is your moment. You know, she's going to be smitherein in moments you've got to have your saying So I pulled off my fake mutton chops that I'd been wearing right and the crash helmet and also the goggles. and I shouted down Haha, Rosemary, this is what you get for humiliating me By the way, it's me who you sent to ballet school which didn't work out, by the way And she had sort of rotated in the air and looked back up at me and had heard what I said and said, whyy are you doing this? This doesn't make any sense. You were the one that took my money It's not my fault if things didn't work out for you. and I said, You would say that now now that I've had my face rubbed in the dirt in the worst experience of my life And she said, listen, we should have a conversation about and by that point she' just been absolutely obliterated on the Rockcks below Well, Carol, I'm very sorry to hear about the circumstances of Rosemary's passing You sorry about the rest or Is that an apolog Is that an apology Like, can we extend that apology Well, for start, I'm not apologizing for your mother's death. Well, true, although I suppose indirectly You know, her reason for doing that extreme sport was to get over Kevin and she wouldn't have met Kevin had you not been delivering huge. Thank you. when you Thank you. You're right. She wouldn't have met Kevin. thank you for that. What she What do you mean? thank you Okay, well before we go come You know,' Okay, we're very sorry for any distress caused H Okay, And to make it up to you I've been I've been making some inquiries and I've managed to secure a delivery today for you. No, no. It's one hundred tons of pre No cowd. No. I'm saying no. I'm saying moment no. No, no, this is an absolute no. This look down the window You should see the Oh my god. The Lorry will be reversing up the drive right. God I am aware that at your home, you don't have very much outdoor space. No no, no no don't you worry. We've ed it into a slurry. We' where we'll be funneling it through your postbox. spepecial delivery of that special hot liquid fudge sauce. No, no, no, no, please, please stop, stop out no How you My God. You do look sex seed without your tops Well, thank you, Matthew for being so candid. I' fine, pleasure. I guess I'm interested in, like, do you have any reflections on this? Now the dust has settled U you know Rosemary is dead and buried And how? Do you sort of look back on all this and I think You could have done something differently or No I mean, what about admitting publicly on a podcast to murdering someone Is that something an a But he say, I haven't murdered anyone Yeah, I mean, I'm not a legal expert. I can imagine certainly the police might take a different view than the N've arrived at there right if they do, then you they might pop around and want to ask a few questions and But of course I won't be there when they come calling. It'll just be heemish and he'll have lots to tell them about the latest women's fashions coming out of Milan Oh I see so you'll pretend to be The Scottish dressmaker. Yeahah, itotent to be the dressmaker from Iree it Yeah I mean, if you thought of everything Well, Matthew, thank you for talking with me today. fine. Yeah. Thank you. I've enjoyed it actually. Good. And you back delivering shites Yeah, no straight back to the The old Shite wagon. Beverly was very nice about it. all I explained everything that happened with the taking the money from the old woman and not washing my Lotard and everything. and she was very, very sympathetic about it actually. She said a similar thing had happened to her actually and she'd, you know it winked. I right. you know, I assume there was some other older person that she'd encouraged into the grave at some point, but anyway, what I don't know for sure. but she was very nice about the entire situation and I'm back on the wagon. So you know, I'm seeing plenty of that manure face again only this time. It's at appropriate moments Big big thanks to Kevin Cranmer and Carol Burns for speaking with me And I would like to dedicate this episode of the memory of rosemary burns But I'm also a bit conflicted because she never actually paid the delivery surcharge on any of the manure that she received So her estate is actually in debt to us And we will be using everything within our power to claw those funds back So that's what we've got time for this month. But if you're up to more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as our off topic section, where this month we run down the top ten restaurants in Glasgow that will let you take in an eagle, it turns out So Until next time Beef out Thanks to Susan Harrison and Tom Crowley. What's more action packed than prestige television With more continuity than comic books. And more reality than reality television It's professional wrestling And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment, you need the Tits and Fights podcast. This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity, and just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandes listen to Tights and fights every Saturday on maximum fun. You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother me for fifteen years. and. Maybe you stopped listening for a while, Mbe you never listened, and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for fifteen years, I know where this has ended up. But no. No, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing Yeah. you don't even really know how crypto works. The only NFTs I'm into are naughty funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother and my brother and me. 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