New Beginnings and Finding Love Again

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Ice works fast Heat makes it last So when the rest of the world settles because of a setback, Iicy hot accelerates your comeback with fast acting, powerful pain relief I see Hot. You're so back in exactly the same way that I started keeping a diary when I was ten continue to do so I then I now write to Joan every night and I have no You know, Wooie' spiritual delusion that she's hearing this or that I'm going to get a response But I know in writing to her, it somehow makes It keeps the connection going Because I know what her response would be. Do you write, dear Joan? So I write emails to her. mean I write in an email form in a diary, but you, dear Joan and today that this happened. This would really have amused you. I think we should do this or so it's somehow it makes it feel like that person is still there It's an ongoing conversation No Do Do you not feel that she's still there? No She's gone. Yeah I mean, she's inside me and in my daughter and in the memory of our friends. and I've got photographs of her around the house. but I don't My father was unequivocal about saying that Heaven and Heaven and hell are human concepts and Everything is the here now We only have one life, Nobody's come back. And I haven't been able to find a better theory than that So I take great comfort from the fact that it is Her life has been completed in the same way that all the other people that I know and have never come back So I have no from I'd like to have had faith that somehow when you die, I'm going to see all the pets and the people that I love in some other space, but I don't I don't have any delusion that that is going to take place. And I find that reassuring So are you reassured now about the end of your life? Yeah, yeah. And she said to me, wouldould I bury her ashes underneath a cherry tree that we've got in this cottage in Goucestershire And that's the one thing that I have not been able to do. I've still got her ashes in box that they came in Now are your sisters. sister, I can't bring myself to do that. You, I know that People said, Well, that's her last wish. but It might not be her actual ashes. I said, That doesn't really matter. Its just that is the last that I have of her physically And I just can't bring myself to do that because I think, well, if I sell this house or there's a rainstorm in the mud know, illogical stuff, so I think just better to keep this in the box I don't think it's logical at all Well She asked that they be in the garden. understand. I understand you saying if there's rain or like if we sell, like then she's left there That's That's not practical just an emotional It' still stopping you from doing though, isn't it Sentimental oldfool. comot V'sery interesting in those last minutes because I kept just telling my sister that I was gonna be okay. Oh did hear I knew she was worried about that Don't worry about me going to be okay. you can ' she looked after me so much. Yeah, emotionally So when you said that to her, what was her reply? There wasn't one because she was she was kind of put to sleep She couldn't talk anymore. I no But I think they said she can still hear Yeah, apparently hearing is the last sense or whatever to go Brick Jones said to my daughter I four days before she died I know you're going to be sad, but try and find a pocket full of happiness in each day, which was a brilliant mantra to bitch. Well you wr You wrote your book. Yeah, a po pocket full happiness So tell me what did she mean by that? She, I think more than anything, she said I know that you will be sad Every single one of us, including you two, are going to die. So without saying it. What is built into that little phrase is Don't have any guilt about feeling joy. or happiness after I'm gone And that has been an amazing thing not to feel guilt of thinking my goodness, this Christmas pudding tastes fantastic. Hoby Joan's not here. No, but it still tastes fantastic Um, to She gift Yeah to really embrace what you have and not think, oh, you've got walk around in a quagmire of grief for the rest of your life I think that's really good. Speak to the kind of person that she was Yeahes, she's very pragmatic and also you know, philosophical about That's You've got it You've got to enjoy yourself Otherwise you Yeah, was you going to be walking around in widows weeds, widow's weeds for the rest of your breathing days That's not good either But how were you after she died You think you feel that you're never going to be able to fully breathe again because it's so You know, it's like anvil being stuck on your chest and that you're not going to be able to walk or I think more than anything I shot like crab or u toort us or a turtle that your shell has been taken off, that you're so vulnerable that you can be just squashed by anything and you can't imagine that Your life can ever normalize again And people always say, you know, time will heal or time will tell all these cliches that come out with U So it's a sort of day by day adjustment I don't You know, four years on from her death, I don't wake up and think Joan's dead today, which I had done for so long And the wonderful trick of memory is that I don't whether you've had this, but I've experienced the last six months. a re calibration of it that's when I remember her now I remember how in full health. I don't remember her when she was what she looked like and was like when she was ill. And if I look at photographs again of it I'm really taking aback of how Altered someomebody is by disease haveave you had that experience with your sister? I definitely just think of my sister in rude health in rude health. Yeah norm more ye. And how long did it take for you to have that? About probably five years, I would say Yeah And do you feel guilt at all about the fact that you're living and she's not never could Aren't we lucky? Really luck Really, really lucky Hey, it's Christie from Lua Lemmon, and I'm here at the office checking out the shake it Out shorts. These have been my go tos and I kind of think of them as a middle ground between a true run short and a more playful athletic sporty short They have all the performance you want for running, so a comfy liner, our lightweight swift fabric, even a pocket for your keys But what I really like is the flowy fit and layered hem. It gives it a little bit of volume, a little bit of fun, so they feel as good on a run as they do just at coffee afterwards. You can find the Shake It Out shorts in store now or online at lululeemmon. com Study and play. Come together on a windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get O both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred sixty five premium, and a year of Xbox GamePass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows dot com slash student offer. Lawupplies last ends june thirtieth, turnerms at aka dot ms slash college Pc And we're live from the living room as Doug eyes up the match they spread He's reaching for the buffalo wing. Perfect Hang on, what's this? Oh, he's good for C of Pepsi too. Inredible N's a finish Sensational combination. Look at the delight on his face. There's no doubt about it. He just tastes better. Match days deserve Pepsi. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a pack of Pepsi Zero suugar for today's match Poetry in motion. I was seventy when I met John and he was sixty four very set in our ways. he'd had a life in in fashion designing clothes and. How did you meet We met some We met at a friend's house hand was quite funny because The woman who I friend and I were taking We're sharing a cab to get back from Alalifax to go for her to go to this party and for me to go home And I said, let's drop me first because I'm on the way And she said, No, I'm in such a hurry because I've got it's such an important dinner party. and and my sister and I giving it and it's me and her giving it, so I have to be there and she was panicking and then you know very jumpy about this dinner party And ide said Allright, so we dropped her and she said, come in for a drink And I went in and this dinner party was a table for four with candles and champagne and beautiful lighting and all flowers and I mean it was an office set up for four people, right? And these were two sisters who were giving the party And John was one of the so he was being med with one of the sisters. Yes. He was definitely to be He was designed for one of them I either of them either, I think Was it an instant attraction U I not for me. I was so felt such a Gooseberury that I just wanted to get out. you imaginations doing you No, you shouldn't be there And so I wasn't concentrating at all, and I didn't listen to anything he said. But apparently I told him that I was going to Canada of which I was on a book to us and So the next day This guy arrives on what I'm so unobbservant that I thought she was driving a quad You know, it was a big machine. Yes. it was a of s of farmer's qual. Yeah. And he said Oh I brought you a letter. I thought you'd gone to Canada ass it And time'm the guy from last night. So wait, he saw you He thought he'd gone to Canada And he wrote you a letter And can go to your housever is to se din. Yeah I think he and said the letter said I know you're in Canada, but I just wanted to tellell you where I live and also suggest we have a walk with our dogs. because you talked about our dogs. when you when I come back So I said, well, let's go now. In fact, I met him was just as I walked out of the front door with my secretary myPA. We walked out together, we were gam to walk the dog round the field So I said, Well, we're going to walk the dog around the field, why don't you come too, which I don't think was what he had planned. But when he said, let's walk the dog together, he wasn't quite meaning with someone else and with my PA. An anyh the three of us walked aroundound the field. And u and Francisco, my PA very quickly got the message that She was the good for now. So So she went off when he came in for a drink and she went off And And you know that thing when you fall in love and you just talk all night. Yeah. just ye exciting and he was string away. I realize now he was quite nervous because I know him well enough. but He seemed to me totally confident. and he was just talking about history. I mean, I remember him Walking up and down, I was sitting on the surf and he was walking about And he was talking talking to me about traveling and why. And he loves travelling. He does love it and so do I? And then we went off to dinner. And then I went then he said, Will you come to my house and I'll cook you that and I thought, Oh, you c cook. Wow. When I got there, he cooked me Hagas. And you know, haagus, nobody has to cook haagus. It comes ready made. Yes must have been the first ready meal because nobody would want to actually cook coagas So so you just heat it up in the microwave. So Hagerson Bash Neps because he's a Scot. Right And of course I love that and it was absolutely delicious. He always said, well, it worked because she stayed for breakfast. And unfortunately it was the last thing he cook for me Because the next time also that first couple of weeks We were talking about beef, what was the best beef? and I was so impressed because he bought some decks to steaks. So decks a wonderful breed The They're bit like Aberotty and Angus, but they're much smaller. Right. They're very flavorful, but they're quite small. And he haded two stakes. sticks to fillet stes. Well I mean nobody buys fillet stes anymore. They cost an arm and a leg. so I was really impressed. that he had hght Pilip but next to stakes And he put the frying pan on them on the heat and he put a blob of butter in it and it was just beginning to melt. and then he put the steaks in And I just jumped I mean There's only one rule about stakakes. You get the hat the First of all, it is not a good idea to. use butter straight away because it bs you need to get a little bit of oil for it it's so hot that the pan is absolutely smoking So that you get that loveless here. Yes And the juice doesn't run on steaks And then you could put some butter in Anyway I was just so anxious. I mean, I wasn't thinking about him, I was just thinking about they're the best stes in the world and you're ruining them that I pushed him out of the way And and I saucced it and I cook the sauce it So I've been cooking ever since. No. That was the last people. You've made a rod for your own back. Yeah, but I don't care ' A actually I love cooking And we if you asked him what he lives on, he'd say leftovers I do remind him that you know, the only reason there are leftovers is because I must have done some prime cooking at some point because overs from some from what? Yes, exactly How long have you two been together now? sixteen? Yeah, fifteen fifteen years? something like that I mean, you know what's really nice, Pru is that when you talk about him, It's like you're talking about a new love You look you look happy and'm excited. who's a lovely guiry And I'm very lucky. I mean, not many people have One happay marriage, never mind two. Yes And I had a really my first marriage was really happy So Rin. Rain He was a lot older than me and And I always knew he'd died before me because he was twenty years older than me U But he was wonderful man. and I'm so lucky to have had him for twenty years, twenty five years And then I had ATS I didn't like widowhood. That's not the No. You've lived an incredibly varied life, you know you've done you've had two husbands and you loved both of them. it wasn't like you fell out of love in a divorce or anything like that. You've experienced great love twice in your life, which is extraordinary And they're lucky. Yeah how many people can No, not many. Not many people have one, you know, it's really something else. and Two children brought you such joy and then such an incredible er and I was I often think do we know, you know, it's, um, I just do think that I deserve the sord of Diamocleles to knock me on. I mean, I should