Processing Trauma and Inspiring Future Generations

Choice Hotels gets you more of what you value. Comfort in. It's calling your name. Save on the stay. Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim, Book to Rack at chys hotels. com My partner would do health for this episode and I want to tell you why Fty six percent of Due Health members showed signs of hidden cardiovascular risk after doing their blood test. forty six percent And you know what? they had absolutely no idea, no symptoms, no big dramatic warning. And look, I get why people put this stuff off because results can feel reallyally scary. you know, you think What if I find out something I can't unk Finding things early can change everything and that's what's great about what Dr. Rongand has done with Doo Health. This app gives you something clear enough to question. Understand then act on It checks your blood three times a year including lots of things many of us have never even been tested for. And then it explains your body is telling you clearly and calmly and then gives you a weekly plan with an in app coach So you know what to do next More worry. It's a way forward Go to do health. co slash begin again and use code begin again. lock in early access pricing. Giseelle Pellico became known publicly in twenty twenty four when she waed her right to anonymity in the sexual assault case that shocked France and the world. Today she joins me to share her story. This episode does include details of Giselle's case, parts of which may be difficult for some of you. so please watch with care. This conversation was recorded in both French and English on YouTube you can choose how to watchatch using the language oions below This is part two of her story. Monsieur Pelico started to Drug and you in twenty eleven. It's difficult to comprehend how a man be so unbelievably manipulative that you felt guilty about accusing him of something that he was actually doing. When did you find out about that? it took time for them to find the proof on his laptop, on his phone and I learned that second of november twenty twenty. went through your mind, your heart, your body when you saw that And I think my brain kind of stopped. I disassociated What was it like to have people not believe you? Fask should askk? I think for them it was terrifying to think to themselves as a husband. I mean, it's terrifying to think that you can live with somebody and think that you really know them and then you don't know this man at all. And I think that also must have been disturbing. In other words that I kind of disturbed by doing all this. I understand that because today the person in fact who examined me in Versailles, she said, you know husband when brings meroissill in the morning, I think, oh, he's nice. I'm wondering if he's not like your husband So of course, I reassured her I said no not all husbands and not all men are rapists and pervert. You've also got to reassure, but the fact that you talk about it allows you also because after all this trial in fact freed up women's words who never dared speak before. I had many, many women who said thank you. Thanks to you, I'm going to have the strength to do so. And I felt that was brilliant Because I thought, well, at least your story will help others. There always has to be somebody who really in fact kicks you and tells you in fact to do this. And now I'm handing over to others. and I believe we're going to change society. I made people more aware and I think it's something that's got to be done. Society's got to move and I think that in fact I have confidence, I have trust in the young generation because they're involved And these there were men who came to say, thank you. Thank you, Madam, because I look at women differently u I think one of the As a mother I also have three children One of the most heartbreaking moments for me was reading about you trying to Tell your children What had happened And they're all adults, you know, they've got their own children. and They like you have been under the impression that they have this great dad Grandfather And you know that you have to go and burst the bubble. and how I mean, you know, it's something that You literally just can't imagine what that was like, but how was it that moment before you told them where you thought, okay, I've got to change my children's lives forever and then telling them, what was that like? It was the most painful time of my life to call my children to tell them what her father had done that he was in custody. And that image, or at least I can still hear my daughter scream becausecause everything collapsed. It was a total defigration My life and their lives And I think for the children, it was even more difficult because it was their father They had a certain complicity with their father, a lot of connivance with their father. And then suddenly everything collapsed, their pedestal. How could this individual betray us to us to that extent? How could he lie to us? So of course, hate and anger was legitimate. But I tried to contain it. I didn't want everything to explode and it was a way of protecting myself. I tried to protect my children. I wasn't able to do so because one got the impression that we were not on the same side. They were downstream, I was upstream, but it was really complicated for everybody at the time And of course, a deflteration that really carried everything away because suffering in fact nore no longer a family We all try to protect each other and then to see how we can rebuild. We needed time. We needed a lot of time now. ourur relations have really been much better. We're united. We're united more than ever because it really has united us. But at the same time at one point the family exploded her but fortunately Our family is now getting together again and I know that for some people the rupture is such that they never get together again. And that's something also I want to know for people to know that you've got to be able to respect each other's suffering I think this is something that I admire about you so much is your understanding My feelings and my feelings But yours may be different because of your childhood, your upbringing, you're very open to understanding that not everybody's going to feel the same way I think one of the other things that you about in the book is about that the ways that the different ways that the children dealt with it But you wanted to stay in your house. after for a while and I I was So interested by that that even though you'd seen footage of you. Unconscious being attacked by these men in your own bed, but bed was still a place of safety. Can you explain how that felt What did your bedroom feel like to you after you'd seen all of that footage? even when I came back from the police station, I saw those three photographs and I couldn't imagine it was reality. And so when my children came to see me because I slept with a friend on the day when the flags were revealed and then I went back home and my children joined me So in the evening my daughter asked me to speak with her and I knew if I was going to sleep with her, I was going to really collapse. I didn't want to collapse. So I slept in the bed of rape because I still felt that it was my bedroom. It was my area where I felt protected. I still hadn't realized horror of what I has undergone in that room. And you know you've got mechanisms, defence mechanisms you can't even master sometimes. But I got into bed and I slept on my side of the bed without realising all the horrors. Of course I saw the videos afterwards, in may twenty twenty four, in other words, of four years after the fact, and when I see those videos and I can see all these horrible scenes and these scenes of barbarism which are unbearable, intolerable. And I think how could I have slept in that bed? And that's something that I would never have done if I'd really seen all the videos. But at the time, when I only saw those two photographs, I couldn't possibly envisage what had been done to me in that bedroom. I mean, it just also means that Obviously for anybody that doubted if you could remember or not, you really couldn't remember anything that happened to you And in a way in the book, you were almost grateful to Monsieur Pellicourt for Um, rendering you unconscious. So you don't have any recollection of the horrors that happened to you It's funny, isn't it? Be becausecause you were talking about being a cup half full women That is what you mean that even out of this terrible disaster, you can see something positive Yes. I didn't want to collapse because if I collapsed then they would have won. they would have really won. and that wasn't acceptable. I'd like to talk to you a bit about your journey to had you had originally decided that you were going to stay anonymous and that you were going to just keep it within the court. and But then quite late on You made the decision to go public and Howould you just explain why that was?on? So my daughter, in fact said I was right oppose anonymity. So I went for long walks and I came home and I talked about it it was my new partner. and I said to him, you know, I've decided in fact to oppose anonymity. He said, whatever your decision is, I will follow you. I called my lawyers who were surprised because I said to them, initially it was going to be total anonymity. they said me thinkink about it and I said no, when I make a decision, I don't come back on it Sheagineagine was that. And I thought, let's go for it. But And of course I had to prepare myself and they said, B Gise then you're going to have to look at the videos because you're going to see them in court. So that's when I asked to wait a bit of time And then I sort of locked myself in my partner's office And I looked at the videos and my heart was beating, I thought my heart was going to sort of be torn out. And Mes They asked me do you want us to carry on showing them to you? And I said yes But then I took time because after what I was seeing was something that was really unbearable, no pity, they were all accomplices, they were all very aware of what they were doing. When they think in court, they said no that in fact, Mr. Piluku had controlled them because they were scared of Mr. Pilikou That wasn't the case. They were there very happy with what they were doing, some of them putting thumbs up as though I was a trophy. There's one who said, Well, I thought that she was potentially dead in her bed But when I touched her, she was hter So you know, I heard some absolutely appalling things, but there's not a single one who decided not to do it. They all thought it was rather bizarre, but all of them stayed in that room. There wasn't a single person who went to denounce not even an anonymous letter. So they were all accomplices of mister Beny Cool. And you orchestrated everything. There's not one of them who said you'd have thought there could have been a couple who said no, o apparently there are two that decided not to go But they didn't go and denounce and say what was happening It's terrifying. It's terrifying to think that we're able to make this woman go through all these horrors without any pity whatsoever. I think u you know, going through something, an experience like you have, it would be understandable for people to wonder how you can ever trust again and how you could ever love again How did you to find love after suchuch a monstrous experience.. Well, that didn't happen straight away That happens three years later I had no intention of meeting anyone or fall in love, I can guarantee you that But you don't necessarily decide on your destiny, well, yes or no. and when things beautiful things are brought to you, you're going to grab them. And I met this young man, a seventy three year old. I like to say a young man because I believe that we're still young anyway And we fell in love and we weren't expecting it at all, neeither he nor me. And to trust him, yes, well that's the way I work. I believe you have to trust in human beings because not all Human beings are perft. and a rapist. I've got two sons and two grandchildren they've been properly educated. Social media is a real danger we've got to be able to control it, control those. pllatforms that have appalling things that really damage our children's brains. We have to be vigilant and so education, respect above all. and I have trust in humanity. I'm sure that we're made If together you mustn't set apart men and women And the love is magical And even though he's in prison and you saw him in court You never got to speak to Monsieur P Belli Cu personersally There are still questions you want answered Is it your wish, your desire one day to see him and be able to sit down and ask him those questions and what do you want to know Yes, it's true, Iven't been able to talk to him throughout the trial because after all, I was dressing the chair of the courter. Well, yes, that's also part of my Musperndi to go and meet him. What I'm going to say to him that's private, but I do need to do so. I don't know whether he'll answer. I don't know whether he'll tell me the truth, but to have betortrayed us to that extent to have harmed us so much, yes, but the question still remains You talked earlier about being with Caroline here onn this trip, your daughter And I know that when you both Um when you told your children and You know, it was difficult for all of you and It's actually much better now. Is it nice to found each other again and to be able to Um, Yeah, get through it Dne me. Yes, because it was very painful But everything is okay. And I don't like chronic. Ditily No, it doesn't matter It was a very painful moment for everybody And suffering was terrible for me and also it was terrible to make my children suffer, but I know that they're betterough. I know that Caroine has still got some past to walk along, but she's strong and she'll get there Are you proud of your kids Oh Cliff. Oh, very proud. I'm very proud of them. I'm there, mother I think sometimes when something really difficult happens to you Um Anger Anger is one of the most destructive emotions It can be very positive because it shows you When your boundary has been violated But at the same time can be super destructive for yourself How just one last thing because I think lots of people go through and great anger when they are attacked or raped or violated in some way How did you process your anger? Well, the difference is that I don't have any recollection. J. I wasn't suffering as a woman who'd been raped and who remembers her rapper becausecause then the trauma in fact carries on all these young women I spoke to. And women I met in France. I learned that in England there'd been two adolescents, for example, who were raped And of course, the trauma is going to remain for those young women. Those young women are going to have to be really well accompanied to be able to repair themselves and they have to be recognized as victims. I was lucky to be recognized as a victim straight away But that's not the case for all the victims that are currently trying to fight against it. How do you restore yourself after that When you almost in fact see that you're the only one who holds a shame. I think that justice' got to be more rigorous after all, justice is there to be able to name the crimes and to be able to support the suffering of these victims and these acts mustn't remain unpunished because otherwise it's far too easy. You could just rape and go home as if nothing had happened. Society has got to evolve, justice has got to be more rigorous and the sentences have got to also be exemplary Can I just also say this book is a very difficult read at times but it's also full of hope and it's full of wisdom. it's full of Great courage You are an amazing woman And I read this book I felt I owed it to you A everything you've been through and Read all of it, every word. E everyveryone should read this book all the reasons Because it's inspiring in every way. Of course this book has transformed my life because I didn't think it would have such success, but I think it's for a good cause and Ill always be able to talk to people if there need to give them strength if they needed to meet me. Well I know it must be a very strange life for you being Gisee Pelicou, the very famous French woman inspiring so many women to tell their story or find courage I thank you from the bottom of all of our hearts So telling your story and being so brave you changed the world. What a legacy Whatght I begin again? I don't know if I changed the world. but if I got there, it's also because I was supported. All these women gave me an enormous amount of strength and women who wrote to me and I got thousands of letters. Of course, I couldn't answer all of them, but I'd just like to say to them, than you for everything you've done for me. and look around you. You're not the only ones, you're not on your own Well, that's a beautiful ending. I'm going to finish there. Madame Pericour, thank you so much. You are an amazing, amazing light.ry about my tears. No, thank you. That was Sitian Ciabla