Cousin Council Advice Segment

Get away from me, I didn't hear you gotta be stopping ! I don't even love a s but I ain't eating no damn tuna fish bread. Hello everybody. Welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Landon. And I'm Riley. And here we are. Thank you so much for tuning into the first episode. We were shown so much love, we can't even believe it. Um, it's literally insane. It's been crazy. We are so thankful, and we just hope that you get a good laugh and can forget about all the other shit going on in the world. Yeah, and we also charted, they charted us. We're I think we're sitting 13 right now. Mm-hmm in our category. Category and 130 in the world. Which might I add is above Chloe and Kardashian. Which is Don't listen if you if you're from our hometown and you don't know what that means, it's basically the opposite of being posted in um the busted paper. Yeah. So I mean deal with that information as you will. So anyways, um so we've been if you're watching this with power right now, iconic for you. Yeah. 'Cause we've had a we've had a ice storm in Nashville and half of Nashville is still out of power because the mayor sucks. So I won't go down butt. But whatever. That's anyways I hate the cold weather and I know you thrive in it and I don't understand that. I never will. Uh I don't even want to, but um it I'm sick and tired of the cold because there was a point in my life where I was big as hell and I was miserable in the heat. And I'm still miserable in the heat. And honestly, I can sit here and complain about the cold weather all day, but as soon as it turns So I'm just tired of you hate weather. I mean, you just won't fall year round. The ice has stayed on the ground. I mean, okay, so it snowed. How many inches did it snowed here? I don't know, but I'm about sick and tired of the ship because it's gotten so cold here that it just melts and then refreezes and you quit turning your face away from the damn camera the the microphone. You keep looking over . Bitch, these microphones are these microphones are state of the art. They can catch me over here. Yeah, but in the video, it's gonna be like, huh? Yeah. You're gonna like. Well, this is my camera. You've got yours, and we have one for the wide. Who's over there? Please excuse the hell out of me that I'm using the range of motion that God gave me in my neck to move it. You're not an owl. Who I okay, I might be talking about no limb. Okay, Betty . Anyways. Um continue. You just needed to Well, I done forgot what we were talking about because you're not going to be a money. You're miserable as hell in this in the water, I mean in the ice and the heat. I I do hate the damn cold weather. I can't stand it. It's li the damn ice on the pavement is thicker than a cheesecake factory menu. I'm sick and tired of this shit. It is. It's and it's been here for a long time. I'm tired of it. I mean we've had ice on the pavement for seven days. Listen, give me a daiquiri and a UV index of damn seven. I'm pretty sure it says somewhere in the Bible that it's thou shalt not have ice on the sidewalk for seven days I know that it I I know that I'm tired of the cold weather. I'm sick and tired of it. And you can thrive over you you're like a damn lizard on a rock. You love the heat and you love the cold. I hate the heat. You're the first damn one outside at the pool whenever it comes. Because everybody looks better tan . Amen . Amen . Anyways, but we did not lose power, thank God. No, we didn't lose power. I'm real thankful for that and it's probably would you have survived? Let me just ask you that if w would you have survived if we lost power ? I mean I would have lived but uh very uncomfortably you think? Hell yeah. I want to be able to run my microwave when I want to. Yeah, you're right. And I listen, I know I complain about the heat and the cold, but if you catch- over again. Who's over there? I know you complained about the heat and the cold, but um I really have lost my train of thought now because Land is being an asshole . What did you ask me? I don't even remember. If I would survive in the heat, yes I w No the cold. No the without power. I would survive without power, but I would be miserable . Is that better ? Yes. Thank you, King put shit Oh sorry I looked the wrong way I'm gonna have to put a neck brace on so I don't look to the left Okay, anyways. Um you've made me what were we even talking about, Riley. I don't know, Landon, we were on a great trajectory until you started talking about my Well we were talking about the weather and how it was just all shitty and then we had to go to the grocery store though. versus the Walmart security. Oh my god . Me and Lay and split up because we haven't been to the grocery store because we have we got snowed in. We got iced in. You can't go nowhere. And so I went to the Walmart yesterday. Do you know what I had to get? I had to get kale, okay? I had to get kale. And never in my life did I think I'd buy kale, but I wanted to buy kale because I seen somebody making a smoothie on TikTok and I wanted to make a smoothie with kale. Okay, but you so you bought kale. So I bought kale and I also bought wax strips because my eyebrows look like a damn caterpillar and I don't care what you say about men getting their eyebrows waxed. I'm not trying to look like a woolly mammoth above my forehead uh on my forehead. So I bought some wax strips to wax my own eyebrows. The how'd that go? They're still here, so good enough. Anyways, and then I got a couple other things and I had to pee. And I wasn't about to leave my my groceries that I just walked around and shopped for outside the bathroom. Outside the bathroom. And you're only thinking, Riley, you took kale in the bathroom. You took food in the bathroom. That's kind of gross. I left it on the counter as soon as I walked in. So I'm sitting there, I'm standing there, use the bathroom, come back out, and there's a man walk in and he looks over at me. Sorry, I looked to the left. He looked over at me and he said , Sir , I'm stamp I'm stepping away from the urinal. Like I just buttoned my pants. Could you not talk to me after like maybe when I'm washing my hands? And he goes, sir, you can't have merchandise in the restroom. There's a sign out front. And I said, Oh, I'm sorry. I had to piss. And he said, This is considered shoplifting. I said, Well, if I was gonna steal something, I wouldn't steal kale. So I think we're good here. He said, Well, I just want to make sure you know before I have to get security . Security I wish you would call security on my ass uh putting my kale on the bathroom when I took a piss at the Walmart . Bullshit, I just left the mall. You think I'm gonna go to the mall and if I was gonna steal something, it'd be bigger than Kale and I wouldn't steal it from the damn Walmart. Amen . And he had a title. I'd steal something nice like some Lindor chocolates or some shit. Listen. He said you know this is shoplifting, sir. I said no. And you want you to rally grabbed his basketball basket, walked outside, sat it down outside the door and went in the office and told me he'd be right back. I grabbed my shit and left. I ain't waiting around to be questioned by the damn Paul Blard at the Walmart. I didn't steal shit. I bought that shit. And I actually used the wrong card at checkout and had to use another one. So I bought that shit. I'm good for a bag of kale. Don't underestimate me again. What did you how was did you use the kale? Yeah, I put it in my smoothie, it turned it green, but it didn't sound like it's gonna have to bend over and shut to China if you eat too much kale. Really? Yeah. Make sure you have the runs. Which is the complete opposite of me because I've been constipated for the last three days except for this morning I finally shit. Well I'm so proud of you. Yeah I I've been constipated for the past three days. Lana looked at me the other day and he was like, Riley, I'm constipated and I said, Well Lana, I have a supplement for it down at the house if you need some . And he said, no I think, I'm gonna try a high fiber diet . And I was like, oh, okay. You've been looking at Pinterest or something. No, I just high fiber makes you poop. Oh, I know, because I was at the Costco one time with my mom and you know the only reason anybody goes to Costco is for the samples, let's be so honest. And so I was walking around with mom. That's the only grocery store I like to go into as a kid. And you know the old people that give you the samples they have to have a parent's permission. So I was like, Mom, I want to try that brownie. It was a fiber one brownie. It was a fiber one brownie. And she was like, Riley, you don't want that brownie. I said, Mom, I do want the brownie. I wore it extra large in the fifth grade. I wanted the damn brownie . And so she gave me the brownie and she said, now Riley, this has fiber in it, and fiber makes you poop. And I was like, okay . I got to I I took I ate that brownie and in five minutes, before I even got to where they could check my receipt, I could bend over and ship plum back to the sample booth . I It was working on my guts. You sharded 12 years old. I did, I sharded. I did, sorry . I trusted a fart . You know what I trust more than a fart? What? Mall no, you know what I trust a fart more than ? What? I would trust a fart after a fiber one brownie before I trusted a security guard at the mall. We were at the mall yesterday . I don't know what this eighty-eight year old man, eighty-seven-year-old man thought he would do in the case of an emergency, but that poor old mall cop couldn't even I mean if he stepped one more time he'd have broken a hip. He was fragile as hell. And the other day we were like , we were trying to find what were we trying to find? I don't even a store. We were trying to find a store in the mall, and Landon goes. Um, I said, Well, here, let me just ask somebody. And I said, I'll ask this security guard. And Landon said, Well, he don't know where anything is . I said, Well, Landon, I sure the hope hell he does know because if there is an emergency in the Dillards, I need to know that I'm not gonna die in the big D. Yeah, but them mall cops where we're at, if they if if my mall cop could have a chance of having a sciatica nerve, they don't need to be a m m cop. Listen, the mall cops at the mall here range from eighty five years old to 14 to 15 drop out of high school. I walked up the other day and there was a mall cop. She was like 18 maybe. She had in her earbuds and she was just bopping to some music over next to the auntie Ann's pretz els . And I really hope nothing er I hope shit never hits the fan at at the mall because if it does, we're screwed. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you on your phone? I was just looking at something. If I'd have done that you'd have kissed me out. No, I was just thinking like this is kind of way off topic. But if I have I grow anxious when I have an unexpressed thought. I have to say what's on my mind immediately, or I'll die. Amen . That is the most relatable. Absod am . If I have an unexpressed thought, I grow anxious. It makes me so I have to take a deep breath. You feel like elephants on your chest. I do. And I just have to say what's on my mind. And you have to go to the doctor because all of a sudden your left arm starts tingling. Yeah. And you can't breathe. And you're Googling your symptoms and you've had three strokes and an aneurysm. And you just have to get it off your chest. Do you not feel that way? Yes, I do. You've had a heart of stroke and died. And you're on your way to the county morgue with a toe tag. Yes. That's why I think we need to bring back bullying. Oh. Not bullying mean bullying, but listen not like being a mean girl. I know exactly what you mean. Not like bullying to the point where somebody like starts to feel bad about themselves, but we have become a world where people can't handle the truth. And to me, that's a problem. Okay , I agree. So you think we should just bring back the tr I think we should bring back the truth. We don't have to bully, but if it leads to that, then I guess it leads to that. But we also need to bring back standing up for ourselves so people can't bully us because yeah but anyway I get what you're saying you're you're saying that you wish that we need we need to bring back having a bring back speaking our minds amen I think I speak mine all the time. I do too. And if you don't like it, you can get a damn pair of earmuffs because it's gonna have to save the bitching for your mama. Mm-hmm. And probably she don't even want to hear it either. Take some rubber tussing 'cause there ain't no fussin' with the tussing baby . That's right. Uh I'm not gonna lie, I kinda got a little distracted when our Mexican food came in. Yeah, we ordered DoorDash and it just got here. We ordered DoorDash from Cinco de Mayo. It's a Mexican restaurant here in Nashville. They don't need to know all them details. I just know the food is here and I'm hungry as hell. I am too much. What are we gonna talk about now? I had a list here of everything we needed to talk about, but uh I don't coordinate the episodes, I just show up Valentine's Day. Let's talk about Valentine's Day. It's coming up. What's today? February . February 1st. I feel like January was 83 days long. We went from the flu. The flu was going around. It was New Year's. We watched the ball drop , the immune systems dropped, we went then what else happened? I I It's Nashville, so some panties probably dropped too. And I'm just glad it's February. Yeah. Does this month have twenty-seven or twenty-eight days? Are we in the leap year? Oh w is that a leap year? I think the awesome. Oh, we're not in a leap year. I don't even know what that means. I was just wondering. My nanny's brother was born on leap year. I don't know what that means, but he's still growing the hell old. Oh no, he passed away. Which one was that? Bubba Jr. God love him. Oh I loved him. He's he said what was on his mind. Yes, he's all the time. He didn't have a Ford Yeah, he didn't give not one, two, or three. Fucks. Yeah. He was good at card games though. And it was always good to have him on your team because you'd beat the other team. Yeah, and if he got mad at you, he'd throw a glass of sweet tea in your face. Bring back Bubba Jr. style bullying. Bubba Jr. was his name, by the way. Shout out Bubba Jr. His legal name. We're from the middle of it, was it?? I Oh don't know. It was probably like John Davis. I think it's something owl. Ow. Oh well, where the fellow? That was not right. That's not right. Anyway. Okay, get off the subject. Anyway, we talked about January was eighty three days long. Valentine's Day's coming up. Valentine's Day's coming up. How do you feel about that? I mean, I think it's a great holiday. Is it a holiday? Oh is it a federal holiday? Surely not. That's what I meant. Yeah, probably not. Um Well, I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I think it's a great day, but I just can't help but notice that everybody posts a different Valentine every year. Oh, it's so bad. It's like Thanksgiving. Every year some,one posts, I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband, and then the next year the wonderful husband's gone. And you're posting you're so thankful for his and it's been like that for the past 10 years. They can't they change their significant it just goes like this: you're on a high, you're on a low, you're a high, on you're on a low, honey alone, honey Um, I just can't get over the restaurants like McDonald's. They think they need to be uh like I I'm not judging if you take your cig your your your partner or or your girlfriend your boyfriend to a uh on a date on Valentine's Day to McDonald's I'm judging. You're judging? Yeah. I just can't deal with it. Unless the McRib is out and then you can take 'em because I fuck with a McRib. Okay . How did you why are we putting roses on the tables at McDonald's? They're just trying to fit in. You know, your ice cream machine don't even work. And you always put you always put ketchup on my hamburger when I tell you I want it plenty. Sorry, I'm somebody has tack blowing me up over here. Who is it? I can't say on the phone. I mean on the camera. I feel like we're on the phone. You know, we got comment s about our last episode and it was like I feel like we're on FaceTime with each other and that just warms my heart because that's iconic. Well if I forget what I'm saying like I did earlier because Lane it was me and me and Timmy just pretend like I hung up 'cause the cell phone service got disconnetedc and I called it. I've not been mean to you this whole episode. No, not mean. You were just you you you shit on me for looking to the left. Which I've gotten better at since we started. You keep looking over there, it don't help nothing. Um anyways, uh well um what do we got coming up? Nothing I don't really know. I don't do anything except for sit on my ass on the couch. I don't either, honestly. I mean I I cooked dinner last night. It was good as hell. It was good. But it had enough salt on it to make your blood pressure go stra fight to three hundred. Yeah, Lannon every time he cooks, he he's a good cook. Every time he cooks, he gets a little heavy handed on the salt and I have blood pressure problems because I was fat for a long time and it took a toll on my arteries, I guess . And so every time I eat at Landon's I have to leave and prop my feet up 'cause my ankles are swollen. It's just 'cause he uses the shit out of Worcestershire sauce, I think. No, it's slap your mama. Oh. I love slap your mama. I do too. I put it on my ramen noodles earlier. My noodles. Ramen ? Ramen noodles? Ramen noodles? That's actually how you say it. It's actually not how you say that. You're from the South. We say Raymond. Okay. Raymond Nood Raymond Noodles. Raymond Noodles. Yes, it is like that, but see, we have to pretend like we're cultured since we're from the middle of nowhere, so we have to say ramen . no Why do we have hell no? It's a Raymond. R-A-M-E-N . If you're watching and your name is Raymond, you just got a shout-out. You're welcome. Make sure you're subscribed and following us on Apple Podcasts, Raymond . Raymond, but I fuck with the chicken noodles, okay? I put some s I put some slapy mama in them earlier and ate the piss up. You ate them today? Yeah, right before we got here. Really? Yeah, that is the one thing I've ate today. I got excited when we ordered Mexican and said I hadn't eaten all day. I did. I ate some ramen noodles. You really say ramen? That gives me the ick. Yeah, just because we're in the city. Nobody knows who we're talking about when we say Raymond. You know, if I could explain you in one sentence, it'd be when Hooten met Hollerin. Thank you. I love to Hootin Holler. Hell yeah, that's like my only personality trait. I'm gonna put that up. She's a hootin' a hollerin'. Do you remember being at home? You're bitching at me for looking to the left and you have half of your body out of the frame because you can't see it like a normal person. Speaking of hootin' and a hollering, do you uh Raleigh, who gives a forged shit if my foot is out in my chair. I have to pee again, but we can keep going. Do you have bladder problems? I think I do. You know, somebody said that's a precursor to diabetes, and I hope it's not, because diabetes already runs in the family. You got by ha bladder problems with diabetes? They say diabetes can I don't know. What were you saying? I was just saying, do you remember growing up at night and growing up at night? Growing up and it'd be like twelve o'clock in the morning, 1 a.m. and you needed to go to warm something up in the microwave. And I swear the microwave. You had to stop it right before it hits one second. Yeah, because it'd be hooting and hollering. The microwave is so much louder at night. It's just like whenever you go to get something like a bag of Doritos at night and like I used to The Crankle. I used to tell everybody that I was on a diet and at night I would go get Doritos or something out of the living room. And those Doritos were in a damn mariachi band at night because that shit was so loud. You'd open and it was like and if you're opening it in a room full of people, it's just like and you know what? I I feel Piss me off. I feel strongly about this. I have to get up. I believe that we're technologically advanced enough in this country and in this world that we can stand to fill the whole damn bag of Doritos up. You can fill up a chip bag. I opened a You can put icing all the way to the corner of a freaking pop-tart. We are advanced. I opened Pringles the other day and the damn thing laughed at me. I was there's more air in the bag than d Doritas. You have to get plum up here before you reach the first damn Pringle. You're you when you're you're When you're elbow deep in the damn You're elbow deep in the back before you even can pick up a damn Dor And then you eat three or four and you feel like a fat ass because you've ate the whole bag and there were only twelve . Speaking of twelve, do you know whenever you open a ramen ramen noodle pack, the back of it says that the servant size is two I will die of a fragile death before I share a pack of ramen noodles with somebody. If you think that's gonna fill up, who the hell is that filling up? A toddler . Not me as a toddler. I was fat as hell. It's filling up like nothing. A damn it's not even fill up my bowl. Cardinal bird. I have to put two in there to get full. Hell yeah, I bet I ate two earlier. It just pissed me off when I got to the end of it. That's like a titino's pizza, which I love. Landon loves a tatino's pizza, but he eats an you wonder why you're constipated? It's cause you put enough cheese on that damn thing to kill an elephant to choke a damn cow . He'll say, Do you want extra cheese? If he makes one and I'm with him, he'll be like, You want half this? I'm like, Yeah, sure. He'll say, You want extra cheese on yours? And I'll say sure . There was an inch and a half of cheese on this bitch. I love cheese. Anyways. Yeah, but Tatino, can you eat a whole Tatino's pizza Yeah . I can. Can you ? Yeah, actually I can. Surpris ing. Landon doesn't eat a lot at one time. He'll snack and graze and then I'm not a fucking cow. Graze . You do that. Like grazing on grass. You eat three or four bites out of something at a time and then you ask for a to-go plate. And if you don't take it to go, you put a napkin on it. I always feel yo, this is a serious thing. And I I feel strongly about this . If I don't eat all my food at a restaurant and I don't want to take it to go, I used to order get a to-go box even if I wanted it or not. Anyways, if I don't take it to go, I put a napkin over it because I don't want to make the restaurant think I didn't like it . I pay for that shit. If I don't pay it always so I too I.''m like, its not your fault that I didn't eat all my food. It's my fault because I'm a bird and I just eat two bites and I'm full. But you know what? I don't even care. This is maturing. After after today, I paid for that shit. I don't give a fuck if I eat it or not. You don't even have to bleep these F words out. Yeah. Damn it . I've said three in a row. Yeah. I've said three in a row. I'm on a row. Anyways. What are we gonna talk about? See this. Just pray for me. This is a complete topic change, but you know, I can't. I'm ADHD. Anyways, undiagnosed. I um iagnosed a woman on my Instagram reel and she rode across the pond. When you say road, are we talking about like she rode across the ocean? Because she not afforded a no Riley. She was in a boat that things called that they put on the front? A trolling motor? I'm I don't know if she had a motor or not, but she rode across the ocean. I like would you do that ? Bitch, I'm gonna need you to close your eyes, count to three, and ask that question again. Something big enough to hit a wave and not capsize. She hadn't capsized, yeah. I think she made it, did she not? She made it. She made it. That's dedication. If that boat doesn't say of the seas after the first word, I'm not getting on it. Okay. Boat don't have a buffet. If that boat if I don't gain sixteen pounds on that ship, I'm not getting on it. Amen . And yeah, I agree. I agree. If the shower is not a call, it's a But you know what though? That is dedication because it is. Could you imagine? What the hell would you do if wire Have you never seen some of the shit in the ocean? And you're gonna get in. I'm scared of a damn jellyfish. I'm gonna get in. I stick to the pool. You're gonna get in and a damn Pringles can with two spatulas and try to roll that shit? Row. Row that shit. I'm I'm not getting I'd be rolling the fuck over in my grave 'cause I'd be dead before I got on a kayak in the ocean. More powered here though, she made it. So clearly it's doable. But it ain't doable for me . It ain't nothing but a bunch of monster damn soup. The word do is not in the R-I-L-E-Y , so I'm not doing shit . Especially if it means I'm getting in a boat to row across the Atlantic Ocean. Could you not have rowed a get across a lake first? I'm sure she practiced there . How the hell you gonna practice for a twenty five foot wave and a great white shirk? You gotta be a trooper and we ain't that . Hell no, you will never catch me in the skiff. Anyways, I had something else to talk about, but I forgot . Do you have anything you want to bring up? You wanted to talk about Gypsy Rose Blanchard. That's what it was, I didn't put that on my notes. Gip Jip. What the hell are we? This was Landon's idea, not mine so don't give me the deal on the tick tock for you page right now and people know about it my video went like got a hundred k views people are looking at the gypstein files that's what they've named them if you search gypstein files on tick tock I'm passionate about this. I have a whole series on my TikTok dedicated to Jip Jip. And Jip Jip has, God lover, she lost her marbles . I think we already knew that, but Riley. Perhaps we did. She was supposed to be In a wheelchair and she's up belly dancing in the bathroom like Shakira . You can't keep a bad bitch down . You know what? You're right. Hit it, Jib Gip. Gip Gip, she was. She was. She also said some unimaginable things that I can't even repeat or we'd get I've seen him and I really I hope Gypsy gets the help that she needs. And that would include a rhino pasty and you know what people could probably say the same thing about me probably people could probably say that I need lipo in the chin and that's true. But I'm self-aw are. Yeah.. So suck it Anyways, I I just wanted to talk about how the gypscene files are literally insane and if you've not seen them on TikTok, you need to go look at them immediately. And Jip Gip, every time she stood up out of that wheelchair it filed for compensation. Workers comp. See, that doesn't happen . Like my tur my my four you page isn't like in the note. My four you page is literally people um sing ing. Oh, I love a good song. My four-e-page drinks, I'm Simon Cow sometimes. My four-e-page drinks, I'm Simon Cow sometimes. It will put some talent on my four-e-page singing, dancing, acting, all of the shit. See, mine is. And I never usually have to hit the red buzzer. It's pretty good. Well, the good I'm so proud. Anyways, keep going. Mine is usually like I don't even know. It really varies to rent the You've said that two times in two episodes. You're gonna have to work on your posture before you bitch at me about my tech neck again. You're doing good today actually. Thank you. Okay. It's because we've switched seats, I feel more comfortable on this side. You can't see my double chin from this side, I don't think, and I hope you can't anyway. Okay, you're not making any sense. Continue what you're saying about your for you, pitch. It's all over the place. One day someone's cooking, the next day someone's talking about how uh they got divorced and have three daddies, baby daddies. So it really it it's's it's fluid, it changes . Mine don't. Mine's a lot of the times though I don't scroll on the for you page, I scroll on the following or the friends page on TikTok because you want to support your friends. Because I follow the people I follow for a reason. Because I want to be interested in their shit . Uh excuse me. It's because we're drinking champagne. It's because we're drinking champagne and because if you just sit here and look at it, the bubbles bubble up and it's kinda like electricity met meets alcohol . Somebody texted me the other day and told me champagne tasted like static electricity. It does. It does. Yeah, kinda. With a little bit of hint of grape. Okay. I feel like we're getting way off track and we need to rain it in. We are, hell. You had a list and we went we don't think we've hit. I hit all the shit on my list. Did you? Yeah. Do you got anything you want to air out to the people? You know, all I got to say is that I'm hungry as hell right now . The Mexican foods here and here in Nashville, we're listen, we're from a town where we have two Mexican restaurants and we we only go to one really,. Yeah, okay. And um we uh it's not authentic, okay? It's authentic to me. Bitch, it ain't authentic to everybody else because it's literally we order a a cheese dip. We don't say queso. No, queso in my vocabulary. No. Not to sp mention it's spelled with a Q and starts with a K. What the fuck? Um we don't eat queso. We we eat cheese dip back where I'm from. Cheese dip. And here in Nashville, they are very like authentic. That shit is authentic. Like I respect the hell out of it. But I have that gene where cilantro tastes like don't dishwashing liquid and so I just don't enjoy it. I hate cilantro. We finally found cilantro tastes like soap. We find I can tolerate it now kinda. We finally found a Mexican restaurant that has that trans fat cheese dip that will stay in your s you know how your parents told you if you swallow gum it'd stay in your stomach for seven years? That cheese dip's been coating my intestine since 2003, bitch. And I'm just excited to eat it. Hell I ordered some kind of chicken feeded a salad because I was excited . Shit. You ordered a chicken feed of salad? Yeah. That's growth. I'm trying to lose a couple more pounds. You're you're getting skinny. Trying to lose any more. If you lose any more weight, you're gonna blow in the wind. Say it again. Say it again. That is like Bohemian rhapsody to the ears. Ugh. I feel like you just played Beethoven's chorus on the piano. This is Cousin Council. Why do you have me doing this submission? It's dumb. It ain't my fault someone lives a stupid life. This is severely dub. Okay. Let the cousin council begins . Hello everybody. Welcome back to Cousin Council. Um where y'all seem to want our advice or counsel, which is the most dumbest sh it you could ever want. But here we are and we're doing it. When we give you advice, I just want to let you know that you then become a liability. And this is not legal advice because listen, there are two ways you should take something. What would Riley do? And what is the right thing to do and listen bracelets may WWL D W W R D Riley's version of things may include cussing someone absolutely the hell out of it. It's okay, okay. Let's get started. Go ahead. Okay . When I was eight years old, my dad told me that he was drinking Dr. Pepper, so I took a big drink of it and it was bourbon and I don't know how to cope. Well, um I don't necessarily think that's something you need to cope with. I guess I could be wrong. You know, we've all been through different things. Swallow and move on with your life. Well, you know, I get it didn't taste like Dr. Pepper. And Dr. Pepper may have tasted differently to you for a long time after that. But I have a funny story about this actually. Can I tell it real quick? Sure. Um one time I feel I feel like everybody's done this took a big swig of my father's spit cup. Like Copenhagen long cut . No, I don't think everybody's done that. No, it's definitely a good thing. That's what you need to cope with. Bourbon, sign me up. And I I come to your house. Anyways. Um yeah, I just no need to cope. Just move on. I mean, you know swallow and move on. I'm sorry you went through that, but get over it . This one has me gagged, okay? Some of y'all need to seek psychiatric help and you need an embedded. And I don't even know if I believe this. Because what do you mean? Even if you are ridiculous enough to share this and it's not true, th that shows me you have a deeper problem potentially than what it actually is. So this person says, one time I hooked up with a tre e. No context. No, the tree can't even buy you dinner. And you're going to hook up with the tree. What the hell is wrong with y'all? Y'all have lowered your standards completely to hell. And Riley said earlier, we get that pine trees are pretty, but don't fuck one okay I didn't think that needed to be said but apparently I'm wrong. I just hope are you okay? Like did you call 911? Is the cooter intact? No . That may have ripped the cooter plumb back to the tutor, okay? Listen , this is an issue . My advice to you is to never leave your house again. Case adjourned . Hell, you are gonna be on a registry like some people are for other reasons and you're never gonna be able to go to a national forest again. As a matter of fact when we get off here I'm calling the Department of Wildlife Resources . Hellfire y'all are weird as hell. Okay . That case should have never even been opened. Hell. I feel bad to close it. I don't want that on my ledger . In the past five months, I You know one day you're gonna have to answer to that. But go. Riley, we adjojournurn the case. Ad it one more time. In the past five months I have stubbed my pinky toe six times and now it's crooked . At this point, where's some damn tennis shoes or cut it off. I mean hell. No, wear some steel tuad boots. Like like you're going to work on the railroad or something. Hell. Um my condolences to you, but how do you manage to stub your pink the same toe so it's crooked? If I stub my toe two times in a year are you bumping out my never getting out of my bed again. What are you bumping your toe on? Hell at this point the toe has to be like completely lop sided . Yeah, that's just Yeah, guess I'm still toad boots. At this point, just go to the doctor and see if they'll cut it off because it I mean it's clearly in your way. How big is it? How big is your little to e? What are they putting in the water? Okay. Case case closed . I still can't believe that bitch hooked up with a tree. And that was cousin counsel. To submit your story, hot take, whatever you want. You can email bloodline banter at the castcollective.com . Give us your best shot, but don't screw a tree. Amen . Well, everybody, thank you so much for tuning in to the second episode of Bloodline Banter. We love you so much. Wherever you get your podcast, make sure you're um following us on Apple. Download this episode, subscribe on YouTube. Apple, Spotify, YouTube. Hell, we're even on Amazon Music. And I didn't looked at the uh the the statistics the other day. Anyways, wherever you get your pods. I've been looking at that shit like the stock market. Y'all keep watching. I love you all. Give me gifts. We love you. Bye.