Cousin Counsel and Final Announcements

Hello everybody, welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Landon. And I'm Riley. And here we are. Here we are. We got a good one for you today, folks. Um I'd just sleep last night . I slept good. My sleep score was like a 78, but I had like a I dreamed all night and I like I woke up at like four o'clock and I was able to pick back up on my dream whenever I was done. Don't you like it when you can pick back up on? Love it. Because I want to finish the plot. Uh my sleep score is 77. Mine was like a 76, I think. Forgot to cut my sleep mode on on my phone last night and at 429 this morning I get a Snapchat. Landon was late to his office hours. And it woke me up and then I was up and then I fell back asleep for a couple hours and it was all well with the world. Yeah. It's all been good over here. What are we talking about today? You know, we don't have this episode planned out whatsoever. So just whatever comes to my mind is what we're gonna talk about. Um I don't know. Okay . Okay. Well um did you make your coffee this morning or no? I did make my coffee this morning. It was really good. You know, I had to switch instant coffees because the one the Nest Cafe that I always used was like it just tasted super burnt. So I opened up another one and it still tasted burnt. So I went down to the K Rogers the Kroger uh and I got some Starbucks instant coffee and was it better tasted like well ness in the world this cafe's never done me dirty. You know, it's never done me dirty either. In Nes Cafe, if you're watching, I still love you. But I think I got a bad badge. And the time Starbucks tastes like a Marlboro Menthal lot 100. And it does. And it will make you shit over a 10 rail fence. No, no, 14 rail f ence. Fifteen. Eighteen. Maybe seventeen. Anyways, um yeah I made my coffee this morning. Um you know what I've been doing? I've been putting cowboy colostrum in my coffee every morning. I love that stuff. And I know it has health benefits, but just the fact that it tastes like a vanilla milkshake to me is a nice. It is so, so good. I'm telling you, this cowboy callostrum, it's colostrum. And um it's 100% bovine clost rum, yeah. Colostrum i it comes from a cow after they have their calf. The the calf needs the first colostrum. Yeah. Well so do we. Everybody didn't grow up on a farm. No. We've we you know, we grew up like we've been growed up. Like having grown up. Yeah, we've been grown up having that. Anyways. Um but anyway, so just put a scoop of it in my coffee every morning. Or do you you put it in your coffee too? Yeah. And it helps with bloating digestion immune system. I mean it helps with skin. Skin. Oh my skin. I mean y'all can see it. Everything. It is so good. And for the ladies, the ladies like to use it for their hell their their hair growth and nail nail growth. I don't really need that, but um you know. I can deal with some hair growth because I am balding. I have the worst digestion in America. Yeah, we'll get to that I have to have a ton of everywhere. Our viewers can go to cowboycolostrum.com forward slash banter or use code banter at checkout for 25% off your entire order. So go get it. It's good stuff they have vanilla, chocolate strawberry. y'all have seen us put it in our videos. I make a coffee with it all the time on my TikTok and y'all've seen me put that scoop of stuff in there and y'all are always asking if I have a discount code. I do now. It's banter twenty or banter. It's just banter. It's just banter for twenty five percent off. It'll make you go wee wee. Yeah, it'll make it so good. But speaking of digestion, we went to a Mexican restaurant yesterday. Because let me tell y'all something right now. I grew up in a town of five thousand people and when we eat Mexican food, we eat cheese dip. We don't call it queso. No, it ain't quite a queso. The cheese dip's not looking like Elmer's glue. It ain't real. I spelt queso with a K until the twelfth grade. And did. And I just need something that looks like Elmer's glue whenever I go to dip my chip in it. If it sits there for longer than two minutes, it needs to have a film on the top. And listen, I love the authentic stuff, but that's all you can find here in Nashville because it's the city. And you can't find white people Mexican here. But we went to a place last night and it was good. We knew it was gonna be good because we walked in, the air conditioner wasn't working. No, it was hotter than hell in there and the the sweet tea was so good. I had humidity by the time we got our chips and salsa. I'm telling you, he was sweating. It was bad. Anyways, um Landon got uh I got what did I get? You got chimichangas. Oh, that chimichango was good as shit. But I also get the chimichangas with no um vegetables you don't fuck with a grilled tomato. No. I got um vegetas. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I got chicken steak and shrimp. And shrimp? Yeah. I didn't get to try shrimp. I'm gonna the chicken was Okay, go ahead and feel it. Listen the chicken was raw. Oh shit, Riley's fall fill. It's completely under your seat. Anyways, the chicken was a little bit raw, I think, and I knew that when it came out. It just wasn't cooked to my lik ing. And y'all, I ate my dumb ass ate a piece of that chicken, and by the time I walked out of there, I could have bent over and should have done it. You knew it was raw out of my ass . You knew it was raw before you ate it. It just looked raw. I remember there used to be a show and they had a song that was a little poison . I'm cured now. I'm cured now because I should have been a little bit , but I remember they had a song that was like Lunch can be brown, lunch can be yellow. I hope I don't get salmon ella . I got it last night. Yeah, listen, by the end of uh that chimichonga, I was in the bathroom holding on for dear life. I literally had to go into the AD A stall so I could hold on to the rail. You were handicapped. I wa But that was the only bathroom in there. It was the only stall in there, so it was automatically that one, but I was holding on for dear life. Anyways. Um well I have another story to tell about that same exact situation. Okay . I sit down in my booth and out of all the places in this whole entire restaurant. Out of all Say that it'll make me giggle. Out of all the places we could have been sit in that restaurant, we got set beside a wild ass child that would not quit beating the hell out of my the back of my booth. Beat the shit out of that baby. I'm you could hear it. I mean it was like boom boom boom boom boom. Sounded like a damn high school marching band. I mean hell. And I I beat it back. I that's what I did. I'd I hate that. And I and that's just a testament to why I say I'm never having kids. Funny story, my nana. We always talk about nana and someone commented on the last podcast and said we needed to have our grandmas on. And my grandma was on Well my, grandma 's just crazy as shit. Uh, but I love her to death. And uh one time we were in the Mexican restaurant back home. And also, let me just say this: if y'all are from our hometown, you can't beat the El Trio. No, you can't. You can't beat it with a stick. You can't beat it with a stick. You can't beat it with anything. You can't beat it with a rod or a staff. You can't beat it with a flas water. No. Mm-mm. Not even a back scratcher. Anyways, I commented that on uh a Facebook post yesterday and the manager of El Trio Teresa she loved my comment . Hey speaking of what are you talking about your nana though? If somebody's beating on her booth she'll like lean forward and throw we were in there with her whole ass back into that booth. And then whenever they get up, one time a ma'am was like, I'm so sorry, ma'am. She was like, Yeah. Yeah. Bet you are. Yeah. Betty will cut you. We probably got our case though with a case fit in . Anyways what were you saying before that ? About what? I don't know, you were s going on to another story. About what was I talking about? What were we talking about? I don't know. I don't remember. What what are we talking about to leave? You know, every time I forget something my grandparents will look at me and be like, you know what ain't gonna get any better. Well if it gets any worse, Riley's gonna have dementia. If it gets any worse, put me in damn shady shoals. I mean I mean hell and give me a lunch every three hours because I am I You'll forget to eat. I am going to have dementia. He will. And he's hard of hearing. Yeah. Bitch I ain't never gonna forget to eat. Let me tell you. I don't know if this shirt has gotten tighter or if I have gotten um bigger but it was I had to put my arms in it go like this you had to bend down and put it over your knees. No I don't do that because I'm not sh I'm not tall, I'm just thick. Do they have a tall and did they have a short and thick section at the clothing stores? No, it's just big and tall. They should have this is my official petition to start a small and thick section at all department stores because all of us big people are not tall. No. Half of the big people I know are short and fat. And that's why they look bigger because it's a little bit short. And they think because if you're fat you have to be tall, like big and tall. No bitch, I'm short and fat. I'm like a Rolo up in this bitch. At least Rolos taste good. Hey I fuck up a Rolo. You ever had a Rolo on a pretzel? Mm-hmm. You ever had a Rolo in the middle of a sugar cookie? No, but I'd love to try it. Well, we're gonna try it. We should make some sugar cookies with our sunrise flour. Oh, that's a good idea. Speaking of sunrise flour, um Raleigh was craving a pizza this morning, so I guess we're gonna go back and make a pizza. I do. Speaking of pizza, we'll go ahead and finish this because I gotta tell a story. Oh well I was just saying I'm not a fan of pizza because I don't like pizza sauce, but I'm gonna make it with that flour. I'm that dope. We're gonna try it with Alfredo sauce, but our viewers can go to sunriseflourmeal.com forward slash banter and get twenty percent off their entire order or use code banter at checkout. It is the best flower ever and it's organic, so you know what you're putting in your body. Yeah, and Riley said he'd never try some organic flour, but it's good. Listen, I don't like organic stuff. Comes from the United States of America. And you can't get no better than that. Amen. Amen. Anyway, sunriseflower meal dot com forward slash banter. Um speaking of pizza. We've talked about this a whole bunch too. If y'all ain't got it yet, you're just missing out. Yeah. Speaking of pizza, the pizza hut in our hometown closed down. Lord, it was about time that thing, I mean Wellell hell, you may t you why it closed down because there is four pizza restaurants. Listen, if you're from small town America, small town Georgia in particular, you know that the only damn thing you got a booger? I think I did, but I don't know. If I've had a booger this whole episode, just ignore everybody. Anyways, um, you know that the only two things there are to eat in a hot small town is pizza and a Mexican. There is a Mexican restaurant every 25 feet in our hometown. Yeah, and there's a pizza restaurant every time. And there is on Main Street, it's called um North Main Street. Why are you naming the name of the road? Because it's I don't know . It's details to the story. There I I literally am about to call it Pizza Alley. I mean hell is a goat there. There's Pizza Alley. On the left side of the road. Oh, he's right next to Taco Bell. What latitude and longitude? You know, I didn't check that for it. Um there is a little Caesars right across the road. There used to be a vape shop, but they turned the vape shop into a Papa John's. Well, it was before it was a vape shop, it was a title pawn. And before it was a title pond. It was a Papa John. It was a Papa John's. So they just reinvented the wheel. Yeah. Put Papa John's right back in there. And so Papa John's go down on the go on down the road. And then there's a pizza hut on the right. Uh-huh. And then going down the road some more. There's a little local pizza restaurant. Called Crushed Tomato. Mm-hmm. And then there's another pizza restaurant too. What is it? Domino's. Domino's. It's crushed too much Domino's on the left. It's in the old Sonic building. Yeah. I'm telling you, the only thing I've ever seen is Sonic turn into is the chocolate monkey and um Pigeon Forge. Well they they destroyed that sonic and rebuilt it. Listen, I wonder what the What is your favorite pizza restaurant, by the way? I don't even like pizza. I don't either really, but we're gonna make some today because I'm gonna make it without it's not that I don't like pizza, it's that I don't like marinara. I'm not a fan of marinara. Okay, so I put Alfredo sauce on my pizza. I wonder where they're gonna turn that pizza hut into . Because listen, a pizza hut, you just know that it doesn't matter what the hell you put in that pizza hut. You're always gonna be able to look at it and tell that it was a pizza hut. Just like you're always gonna be able to tell that was a Denny's. That was a sh oney's bitch. That was a shoney's. Hey. I I bet they put like a title pawn in there. I don't know. You want to open a business up in there? What are we going to open? What are we going to open? I don't know. Bloodline bantered live in the pizza hut. Hey, but the pizza hut used to be good. They used to have a bangin' ass salad bar. And listen, I know I'm thick with things. Hey, the pizza here in Nashville's good. I'd be door dashing out. Oh . I know that I'm thick with three C's, but let me tell you something. I fuck up a salad bar. I love a salad bar. I do too. But it's the time we get done making our salad, it held no nutritional value. Iceberg lettuce, about ten pounds of cheese, about fourteen pieces of croutons, bacon bits, some ranch, Riley's about to ruin everybody's mood and ruin my mood and ruin everybody's life because he don't fuck with a crouton. I don't fuck with a crouton. I'm sorry, I just don't. How do you not ? The only way I fuck with a crouton is them Texas croutons. The only way you should not like a crouton is just if you ain't got no teeth and you have to gum it. Hey, listen, my papa ain't had no teeth for 40 years. And them t gums are hard as hell. One time my papa, uh, he hadn't I swear he hadn't had any teeth for like as long as I've been alive, 23 years. And uh they buried my house house his one time because they got a new one. They got a new trailer. And they buried the house in the front yard and he buried his teeth in the house. He hadn't had any teeth since then. They dug a hole that big? He hadn't had it's probably against the law, so if you're the sheriff and you're watching nah it's it's passed the statue of limitations. Man. Statue of Liberty done exit the building. Um but the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, it sounded right. Um, I swear to you, the my my papa can eat a damn he could crack a crab leg with his damn gums. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens when you ain't got no teeth for years. Yeah. Yeah. Damn damn good. Anyways, I'm just saying that's the only way somebody shouldn't like a crouton is if they ain't got no teeth. You know what I do like for a little crunch? You're gonna say a cracker. No the fuck I ain't. Who the hell eat crackers are for tuna and chicken salad. You're right. I've never understood put or oysters . That sounds good kinda. Landon likes them tar grudd, I like them raw. I like them raw too, but I can only handle about four of them at a time because they sometimes you get it just tastes like a big bugger. Sometimes uh what was I saying? Oh, I like a sunflower seed on mine . Do you like 'em um why ? I don't know. It just kinda gives a little bit of crunch. So does a crouchon. I love a sunflower seed. If you ever do need to I was eating sunflower seeds last night before bed, and the best flavor is the Taco Bell Supreme. No, it's not. Yes, it is. The ranch is the like number one, but Yes. But a Taco Bell Supreme sunflower seat is gooder in hell. Yeah. I fuck up a sunflower seat, let me tell you. I should have been in the MLB . What w what position would you have played? Shortstop . Right. 'Cause I'm short. And I stopped 'cause I don't fucking run. I don't know. I played baseball whenever it was diaper league and I played the pitcher circle. You know, people actually don't know this about me, but I used to play baseball and I was a damn good baseball player. You were good at baseball, but you didn't you didn't like the coach. I didn't like the coaches. I never liked a coach and I because I hate people telling me what to do. I do too, bitch. And I already knew what to do because my daddy was a coach. My daddy was like like he tried out for the Braves. Like we we was we was good. You know You know, people often ask me, um What I don't remember what we're talking about. Baseball? Dimension Sports. People often ask you if you had to play a sport , what would it be? No. No . Anyways, I'll finish my sport. Well shit, I forgot. I was a damn good baseball player. I played my little heart out and I mean I made varsity in the sixth grade. Yeah. Yeah. Tan was good. And I hated it. He played catcher. I was a catcher and low key though, like I played third base, I played second base, I played outfield. I liked it in center field because that's where got the most action. I feel like if they put you in the outfield you're just bad, not middle school. What position do you think I'd play? I feel like all fat people are catchers. No, not no. Your knees would give out. Or first base. First base. I'd fuck up first base. Yeah, but you gotta be able to stretch. And you're pretty f pretty flexible. I'm flexible. Put me on first base. Put me on third base. I will stretch out, do the splits, and catch that shit from second. Um and I'm faster than light ning . Let me tell you something. I'm gonna be honest. I'm pretty fast to be fat. Okay . You're you're quick. I am. You're the flash. Yeah. Lightning McQueen. Cachow. Hey, don't mention cars now. You text me. That's my guilty pleasure show. I watched Lynn McQueen when we were twenty seven years old. I don't care . Well I'm looking back at our messages and I thought you text me some stuff we were gonna talk about today and and then I can't find it. I did 'cause me and Landon were on FaceTime last night and we were talking about what are we going to talk about. Oh, I know what it is . A resume . Y'all . Oh, I remember what I was gonna say. People often ask me what I would do if social media didn't work out. And I'm just gonna be honest with you, I don't know. Because I have been working for myself for so long. I think if I had to have a boss , it wouldn't work. I would die . Yeah, me, I I feel the same way. Um , I hate answering to people. I don't like having to ask for permission when I want to do something. Like I don't In any circumstance. Like if I decide me and Landon often That's why I ain't never getting married. Me and Landon me too. Me and Landon often plan our vacations like a week before they leave. We actually planned one last night that was we're we're leaving on um July fifteenth to go down to the the Orange Beach, Alabama. Yeah, but we hadn't booked that hotel yet. No, we'll book it a week before we go. Yeah. Um but I I don't listen, I don't fuck with uh asking for That's why we love y'all. That's why we love y'all. Yes. So smash that subscribe button. I love you out so bad it hurts. So bad it's awful. So mm. What were we talking about before that? A resume. That's what My biggest pet peeve is whenever you look up something online and you're like free resume maker or free trial. Something . And I log into that shit. And I spend 13 years and 14 hours trying to figure out what the hell I've done for a living. I my grandparents owned a trucking company . And every job I have ever applied to, I have put on a resume that I was the office manager at Wilson Trucking. And I wasn't. I was not the office manager at Wilson Trucking. My nana had, she turned her closet into an office, her extra clos et into an office in the guest bedroom. And um I would tell everybody that I was an office manager at Wilson Trucking. And you weren't. Hell no, I slept on the I was on the pot phone number you put on there was my nanas. And I told her I was like, hey, if somebody calls you asking if I'm good for a job, just tell them yes. Well, I've done the same thing. My parents on a meat processing company, and I have been a meat butcher, I've been an office manager, I've been a cashier, I've been I'm a jack of all trades and my biggest pep peeves whenever you log in, spend fourteen hours on a resume or something else, and you finish it and it tells you it's free and then it wants you to pay three ninety-five to get your fucking resume. Well, let me take it a step further. A free trial ain't free. These people out here are scamming the hell out of us. Why do I have to put my card information in before my free trial starts? It should be after my free trial starts. Yes, it should. Don't charge me no damn $7.99 a month and say I get a free trial if I've had to pay that $7.99. You know, I ain't never checked to see if it went back on my card. I do. And you know what my other biggest pet peeve is whenever I sign up for a free trial and I really do like the product, but I only needed it for one thing. And I forget to cancel that shit. And then I get a notification from Wells Fargo in a week that says you've been charged $49.99 for resume plus dot com or I they ain't even real, but some bullshit . I mean I I have to I have a couple of apps on my phone. I don't need it all the time, but I need it like maybe once every three months. Yeah. And I I just keep paying for that shit. I need to cancel it. I have had the same gym membership oh hell back here for three years. Because let me tell you something. Work out anytime , y'all are the worst bitches in America to cancel a gym membership. And to ha call them out. You have to pretty much ask for fucking permission. And then you have to pay a membership fee and then you have to talk to Jesus and then you have to talk to the president of the United States and get approval from Congress before you can cancel your fucking membership. And and it's and they've got it that way because they want your money. And so if you're Planet Fitness or Crunch Fitness or Orange Theory or any other any other gym out there that would like to sponsor our podcast, hit us up because workout anytime you can kiss my ass. I don't fuck with you, workout anytime. If I can't go in on the website and hit cancel subscription or don't ask me no questions. I don't want it to be like, Why are you canceling? No. Bitch, cause I don't fucking come. No, I don't want to go. I would rather go to the Krispy Kreme. Yeah, oh that just makes it I've not been there in a long time. Do you remember whenever we were Whose hair is this ? Really that,'s long . Well, I was unfamiliar that I had a Rapunzel in my damn apartment. But um Do you remember whenever we used to go to Pitch and Forge and we would go to Krispy Kreme with Sissy and Mike. And we would get two dozen Krispy Kreme in the van. And we would eat all of them both. No, we would roll down the window and like show people going down the main street. Oh the the hot sign's hot sign's on and we'd get so many reactions. Yeah, we would. We always get reactions. We've been entertainers for a long time. We've been entertainers for a long time. I remember we used to sit in my grandmother's um or not sit, we used to bite each other in my grandmother's front front yard. So a car would drive by and I'd be like, okay, Riley, knock me out. He'd act like me hits he'd hit. We'd hit each other with sticks. And and I'd fall out and act like and cars would slow down and stop and be like, Are you okay? I forgot about that. And then we'd be like, I just I'd like knocked out. Me and Lannon also used to do skits on Facebook and we called ourselves the Southern Brothers . It was the most important thing. Those are all the way to do not go look for them. That they were not going to be able to find them because I make sure I made sure they were scrubbed. I called it. If there's one person that can scrub the internet, it is me. If I want a video gone, it will be gone. Speaking of scrubbing the internet, bitch, let me tell you something. I should have went to Quantico because if you will tell listen, my friends have often came to me and said, Hey, I'm going on a date with this person. I need to know everything about 'em. Give me ten minutes and a diet coke and I will tell you what they had for dinner three weeks ago on a Monday. And you will. And speaking of this, they should have put me in quantico, but we figured out this morning one of our good friends is being cheated on, and they don't know it yet. We're they're actively figuring it out right now. But um , yeah, and I feel bad for the little girl that's cheating. I don't. She's a bitch. I don't feel bad for it, but she's gonna get her ass whoop ed . Yeah. If you're a cheater . Fuck you. Viral podcast. I swear I love them. Me too. If you don't watch a viral podcast, you can go watch it. Um but yeah, I just I don't fuck with a cheater. I don't know. Cheater, cheater, pumpkin, eater bitch. Me either. Mm-mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm-mm-.mm Um what were we gonna talk about? I forgot. I don't know. You had a whole list and then you didn't. I think we were talking about a potluck or something. Y'all. If you ever grew up in a Southern Baptist church or anything of the of the sort . I will not eat from anybody's house unless I know what they look like. But whenever I'm at church and we're having homecoming or something and they say bring a covered dish. A covered dish is like I will bark like a dog, bitch. Uh music to my ears. Brenda bringing in her chicken casserole. I mean she must have stuck her ass in it or something. I mean hell. They ain't never been a potluck art. If you have a potluck, you invite me and I will come and I will bring a covered dish myself. Blessed is them old Southern Baptist women, them old Southern women in general. Ooh, that'll make you sing how great they are, baby. I'm telling you. Do you remember Aunt Deb? Aunt Deb used to make a pasta salad. It was or a seven layer salad. Oh. And before she passed to glory. Jenny Merle used to make a blueberry what was it called? Cobbler? No, it was like a blueber ry. Um Who was Ginny Merle? She passed away. Who's who She wrote three or four cookies? Who was her husband for the church? Who was her husband ? I forgot his couple. Clyde? No. No, that was Ernie.. Yeah What was Ginny? What did Ginny Marl? A blueberry what? Ginny Marl. I've got to call my mom. Call her right now. Keep them entertained. Hold up. Okay, I gotta keep you entertained. Listen, I love a potluck. And if you bring any kind of potato, I'll kiss you on the mouth. It was a blueberry something. Hold on, we'll go. We're calling Jennifer. There's no telling what she's gonna say. Y'all just stand by. Hello . Hello. Hey, what are you doing? Well, I got Papa , Lo et, Terry, Keely, and your daddy, and I'm we're going to baby Huey's to eat lunch. Okay, hey, I called to ask you. I'm recording an episode of the podcast right now. But um what was that thing that Ginny Merle used to make and it was so good ? Blueberry A blueberry yum yum? Yeah That's what it was. Who was her husband? What was her husband's name cotton cotton okay that's right that's right he's still alive and kicking right yeah he just now stopped driving and he's like 95 and she made the best food ever. Yeah. Okay, well that's what I wanted to know. I forgot what the name of I bought called it a blueberry custard, but I knew it wasn't that . No, it was a blueberry yum yum. Okay. Alright, love you by . Love you by She sounded a little ill at the end. She was ill at the end of that call. Anyways, bipolar, y'all that probably pissed her off. Listen, cotton sits on like the fifth pew back in the middle. And And he has the softest hands ever. No, that's Clyde. And but Cotton does too. Yeah. And he is so nice. And he lives over uh next to my nana and we used to go over and Carol to him around Christmas. Do you remember that? He lives on the little house on the road. I'd named the road. Could you imagine Raleigh and I rollin' up to your front porch singing a Christmas carol? Grandma got run over by reinde er. No, we had to sing like Silent Night . Anyways, blueberry yum yum. Oh, it was so good. Who else made good stuff? Listen, I can't get over Deb's seven liter salad, but Aunt Deb passed away and her obituary is on my fridge. And I and and she was a real one. I I can't I I still can't believe she's passed away. But you know, if anybody would want us to talk about her on the podcast she'd say get your bag. Yeah she would she would. Um, what else? My nanny always made a banana pudding and ham and green beans and bracelet. Yeah, I'm telling you. We would have like and then some of the women got lazy and started ordering from restaurants . I remember they used listen, if your church caters, don't invite me. I don't want it. No, I don't want to cater in. Our old church used to have cake and coffee night on Wednesdays. Uh-huh. And all the women of the church would make a cake and we'd eat co we'd drink coffee. You can't get any better than that. Listen, if you can And they'd judge the piss out of you when you left. If you wasn't wearing a skirt, you were going to hell. Because back in the Baptist church, women did not wear pants.. No I remember my other grand people still don't we church back in my hometown. My non is Pentecostal and they wear pants . Oh . My Aunt Hope also preaches sometimes. She will. She speaks. She brings the word of God. Into your heart. And she can sing. Anyways, what else are we gonna talk about? Um, I don't really know. Um Well, you you had it planned out. You're the one who planned this episode. And you just shit the bed. You forgot everything we were going to talk about. I know what we can talk about. What? What we're gonna eat after this. Bitch, I don't know that pizza. Uh really, I'm hungry. I'm a starving Marvin. Should we tell that story? Yeah, we can tell that story. Starving Marvin. So one time I said, I'm starving Marvin, and I thought that was a second. It's Starvin Marvin. I'm starving. M-A-R-V-I-N. You know, I forgot the names. Marving. Star . I came up with a line, a system, and I was like, okay, if I'm starving marvelous. This is how we tell how hungry we are. Well, I'll look at Riley and be like, I'm Marving, and he'll be like, okay, he's pretty hungry. And then what was the next one? Joanna. I I one time I was like, I'm starving Joanna. And if I'm getting Joanna, I'm pretty damn hungry. You know, like I I'm past Marving. I need to eat. What was another one? Jebediah. No, Jebediah was way up there. Joanna. Damn, we've not seen the one. No, we can't, but Marvin. Starving Marving, starving Joanna. Yeah, that's nice. Cletus! Starving Cletus. Cletus. Cletus is like, I'm hungry, bitch. Like get me food or I'm pull off the first exit on the interstate. I'm Immediately. Find me a cracker barrel. Find me a quick trip to get a taquita. I don't care what I don't care what it is. Find me a Hunts Brothers pizza bitch. Oh God, that'll make you pussy throb . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, but that'll make you horny. Um You did not just say Starving Jebediah. Jebediah is like, bitch, if you don't pull about to eat the bag or I'm killing somebody. Yeah. Yeah. And then um I don't remember the the next one, but I remember it, but we can't say it. Yeah, but we're starving. And then we're thirsty Kirsty. Yeah. If we're thirsty as hell, we're thirsty Kirsty. Yeah. Anyways. Yeah, anyways. I don't really know I can't I've not we've not said that in a long time. I know, because we hadn't been hungry because let me tell you something. Nasheville's food game is on fleek. It's good. Uh speaking of food game, yesterday I found out I got a little litty titty the night before last because we went to a an event and they had drinks and then after Free Drinks. Yeah. Surf sides. I fuck up a f open bar. I mess up a surf side. That reminds me of that Medea episode, Medea wedding or something. She's like, We have an open bot. And then Bam goes, We'll be there. I love Medea. Anyways. I came h ome and tried my Starbucks instant coffee and I made an espresso martinti. Okay. And I had about four. Oh. I slept like a rock. I've not had one of those in about four days. Oh my gosh, what does Medea say whenever she's like, the rock and the river ? Do you remember what I'm s what I'm thinking of? Yes, but I don't know what she's talking about. The m Sun the Rock and the River Hold up, please. Intermission. Wait, hold on, no. We have to figure this out. Hold up. Sorry. Medea the rock. The tree and the river. That was written by Paul Baby. I'm going to read a poem that was written by My Angelo. It's called The Rock. The Tree and the River. She knows you're gonna burn up in hell. I'm going to read a poem that was written . Okay. The the rock, the tree and the ribbon. What are we talking about? I don't even remember. Food . Yeah, you were talking about food. Food game in Nashville. Oh, uh, I found out that you could schedule a DoorDash order . And so at like eleven o'clock I was like, damn , I want a bagel. And so I scheduled a bagel delivery for 9 40. And I woke up at 9 30, took my dog out. Whenever I got back, the damn bagel was at my door. Junior, the DoorDasher, dropped it off at my door. Uh my DoorDashers piss me off. They drop it in the lobby. Yeah. And even though I'm tipping them to come up to my apartment door and drop it and I give them the code to get up the elevator because our apartment complex is like Fort Knox because we have to be safe. And they drop that shit off in the code. And then Doordash has the audacity to say, would you like to add an additional tip? Well, if Junior came up like I told him to to drop off my food at my damn door, yeah, I would. I would. I'd add $40 extra on my hell yeah, $100. But speaking of bagels, do you remember whenever we went to New York and we got a New York bagel? And we stopped at a bagel restaurant and they definitely had cockroaches. They definitely. They failed their inspection. But let me tell you something, that bagel was so damn good. And I did I'd go back and eat it right now. We threw half of it away. Because we were full. No, because we were gonna go meet our friend at the uh the coffee shop at Ground Zero to go eat lunch and we went and got pizza at Law Industria. Yeah. They follow me on Instagram. Yeah. But that bagel was the best damn bagel I've ever had. You know, I've been to a couple different bagel stores. We've been to Proper Bagel. It's good. I love Proper Bagel. Um, I went to Homewood Bagel the other day. Okay, with um went by myself. I went to Seven Brew and then I went to Homewood Bagel. Appreciate you. But it wasn't, it was in Alabama. Oh, okay. Yeah. Um I went to and it let me finish. The Homewood Bagel was good, but the Seven Brew I mean hell I couldn't even hear myself order because the music was blaring so damn loud you know scholars said that in our last episode. I I'm telling you. I've never been to Seven Brew. It it ain't what it's uh You know what I love that the Dutch Bros. Okay. I don't understand why their logo is a windmill though. You know, I really dislike I love a Starbucks. I love a Seven Brew. Like Seven Brew's good. It was good. Um, I don't I had never been before. That was my first time going, so I don't think I ordered the right thing. And then I've never been to Dutch Bros. I ordered the Ug I ordered from the Ugly Bagel. It's it's called the Ugly Bagel Company and it was good. I got a Philly cheesesteak bagel. Uh oh. That shit was good. That's a lunch item, not a breakfast. I know. I was really wanting a bacon, egg and cheese, but they didn't. That's ten pounds of mayonnaise. I get it on a everything bake, wouldn't it? Me too. Everything . Yeah. I love those seeds on top. Yeah. Bird seeds. Yeah. Looks good. They're pretty good. Looks like they're healthy for you . Yeah, not after they put as much mayonnaise as I want them to. If my bagel ain't got mayonnaise. I remember at the New York though, I got like a rainbow bagel with like cream cheese in the middle. It was like it was so damn good. I'm telling you. If that cream cheese isn't at the end of it, I don't want it. No, if it's not dropping onto the little uh tinful paper. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Um We've been going for a minute. I know. I feel like this has been kind of smooth. Smooth and steady winds of race. Tortoise in the hair. Um but I'm any hot takes? Got any hot takes today ? Hot takes. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to think of one over here. I don't think The Office is a funny TV show. I've never watched a minute of it. Not even one second of it. Well it looks like it was filmed on a Blackberry phone. Or a microwave. It looked like it was filmed on a microwave. Yeah, that's not really my dad just snapchatted me, okay? Okay. Um I remember I texted you last night and told you what we should talk about. But I don't know. Yeah, but I can't find it in the messages. It got lost in the vortex of our messages because you know we send a whole bunch of shit. We do. Me and Landon be talking shit with the best of 'em. Oh, it's bad, y'all. I will say I woke up this morning and it's it's raining like a heifer pissing on a flat rock in the house. I think it's raining in half the continental United States. Yeah, because Riley and I said last night it's been Wldor O weekend, what are we gonna do for the weekend? We were gonna go to the lake, then it was gonna be raining, so we're the lake. We're gonna sit in our apartment, which is boring, then we're gonna go to Broadway, which is too busy. And we were like, Let's go to the beach. So I texted Riley last night and I was like, Let's go find a place at the beach. It's g In there too. We were trying to escape the rain and it ain't there ain't no escaping. So we we are just going to um you know . What are we gonna do? But we can't go out of town on Memorial Day because we're recording the podcast and we have a very special guest. Very special. Are we gonna tell him on this one or no? Yeah, do it. Okay. Um we are having the one and only Abby Lee Miller on our podcast. Bus driver, steady on the road. Spaggy Lee is in the house. Damn. Are you choking? No, I my voice cracked, but I think it's just because I had a little bit music. Anyways, we are having the one and only Abby Lee Miller on the podcast. Um be uh looking out for that episode. It's coming within the next couple weeks. Um I'm excited. I'm so excited. That woman is my spirit animal. I know me too. Speaking of spirit animal, people say she's a bitch, and people last episode was saying I was in a mood and I might have been on my video , y'all have to understand mine and landing's dynamic. One second, I have a hairball. Take a drink. Oh, you're giving your order today. Yeah, one second. Hold on. He's pause. He's ASMR. Like unfiltered. Y'all never watch a shit again. Uh. Me and Landon are mean to each other, but we are mean to each other, but nobody else can be mean to us. Yeah, ex that's it that's uh we're like sibling mean. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't ever consider Landon mean on the podcast like No. I mean I might have been bitchy last week, but like I I Whoop de Doo bitch. I was bitchy. I'm used to it. I mean, hell, would you rather be coming here and be like, oh yeah, I'm so happy Speaking of, I don't know why. No, I'm just gonna be myself. If I wake up in the on the wrong side of the bed, let me be on the wrong side of the bed until about twelve o'clock PM or four o'clock PM or whenever it's And I will tell him to flip the fuck back over. And he will. the right side and I won't do it. Y'all don't think that I'm just gonna sit here and take shit off. I think it's too much. And same difference here. You woke up on the wrong side of the bed a couple days ago and I was ready to evacuate the premise. But Riley don't remember it when he wakes up on the wrong side. Yeah. I have amnesia. I'm like Dory, I have a short term memory loss. Anyways Um If one person in the United States could be president, who would you pick? Like unrealistic? Well, I have a realistic answer. What? Leanne Morgan. Let me tell you something right now. I love Leanne Morgan with every bone in my body. She's the funniest person in the world. And it's because we grew up just like she did. I mean, her parents didn't her daddy own a meat processor plant? I think so. My daddy on a meat processing plant. I mean, she grew up in the middle of nowhere and every time she says one of her little sayings, I just want to hug her. Like go in and I looked on her website yesterday, she has a tote bag that says go in and doing. I want it. I don't even need a tote bag and I'm gonna buy it just because I love it. Y'all, I love that woman with every bone in my bang. I have watched her Netflix special enough to recite it backwards. Well, you snapchatted me the other day and was like, why are you watching Leanne's special for the four hundredth time? And I was like, because that's my comfort show. It is, y'all. Let me tell you. She's got a sitcom. Y'all if Lee. Leanne, if you see this, I just want to give you a hug. I do. No, I think. And bring you a covered dish. I do church. Potluck. Me to too. I want bring you some damn candied yams or something. Hell. And I know she likes it. I mean her Costco trips and her Sam's trips. We need to Tess. I love Tess too. I think Tess is gonna be a stand-up comedian one. We need to get her on the podcast. I just want to meet her she we need to buy tickets to her show. She's coming to Nashville. I know. I'll travel to see her. I won't travel to see a lot of people, but I would travel let's go for real. Okay. Anyways, that would be my my president of the United States. You know , I think I agree with you. I mean it couldn't get any better than that, really. Yeah. Other than like well, Dolly Parton, but Yep, that's my president. Really? She's already my make the make the United States a monarchy and make Dolly Parton the queen . I love her. I love Dolly Parton, y'all. I don't I can't understand. I I don't I can't explain it. There's just something about that woman. The day that she dies and I might cry. Don't even put this into existence. The day that she goes on to glory to her home in the sky will be a day of national mourning. It will be. It'll be a not I mean it it I would literally give my life to see her. Really? I love that woman. Oh maybe somebody out there knows her or something and you know she don't even got a phone, she still uses a fax machine. I would fax her every fucking day. I'd sit at my fax machine and wait for a few without line brain check today? Yes, I was about to say. Okay, you got it pulled up. Yeah, hold up. I don't have it pulled up. I never have bloodline brain check pulled up. And then we're gonna do cousin counsel after this . And uh y'all. We have the robes. We have the robes . Um and we have a couple of cousin counsel submissions that are quite berserk. Oh, do we? And Raleigh's making me read the one that's awful. Yeah, because I don't want to. Does it embarrass you or something? Yeah, kinda. It's just awful, ain't it? It has to do with anyways, bloodline brain check. Hold up, chat GPT's cooking. Someone told us last time don't use Chat GPT. Because it's gonna be the end of civilization. Y'all, if chat GPT actually uses water, I think I said this before. I've I've drained a lake somewhere. Uh ocean . Oh, people are Snapchatting me this morning. If you don't have me on Snapchat, add me on Snapchat, by the way. Yes. Lannon's is just his name. Mine is um Why is it yours just your name? Because apparently somebody else has my name and they stole it before me. Mine is Rally G Mitchell 3. I love I don't love my last name because it's just like uh like. But I love it because nobody else has it. Okay, ready? Yeah. What planet is known as the red planet? Mars. Oh, you're so s nice. What is a person called that studies the sky in space? An astronaut? No . A scientist? No, they have a name. I want to say a paleontologist, but that's bones. Bones. Fossils. I don't know. Go on to the Look it up. Look it up whenever I'm looking for the planet. It's a damn astronaut. No, it's not, bitch . Yes, it is. I remember we used to go to the planetarium in school on field trips. What the fuck's a planetarium? It's like where you look at the planets on the ceiling. Oh, the Huntsville Alabama rocket . No, we went to the Walker County planetary. It was real shitty. But I thought I was going to be able to like see Mars. Space. Spa Space . Damn astronaut. No, it's not. Astronomer. Oh, I was not thinking that. An astronomer. I was close. What force keeps us on the ground? Gravity. Okay. What is water what is H two O? Water. I just answered it for you. What did If you don't know what H2O is, you dumber bobby boucher. What gas do humans breathe in to survive? Oxygen. Okay. What is a verb ? In Leon Morgan terms, it's when you're going and doing. The verb action of the sentence. What is a noun? Um it's the um person, place or thing. What is a synonym for happy? Synonym means um joyful. Oh, that's literally what it says. I'm on one today. I'm I'm smarter than a damn fifth grader. Who was the sixteenth president in the United States? Sixteenth was Abraham Lincoln. Yes. And I didn't know Abraham Lincoln was a president. No, I knew he was a president. I just didn't assassinate. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence? Thomas Jefferson. Oh my god, you are the president of the United States. What is the capital of France? If you get this right, I'm gonna be really impressed. Okay. You almost said it. Paris. Yes! Give me some . Holy shit, we're smarter than fuck. Can you hit me your phone? Do you have any more over there? Good catch. Short stop. I said give me more. Okay. I know this, but I don't know if you what is nine squared? Seventy eighty one eighty one Yes. Look, you have to do this trick. Y'all remember that? I just remembered mine. If it's like nine times two you go one, two, it's eighteen. What is the definition of an even number ? Like an even number is one that ends in zero, two, four, six, eight zero, yeah, that's right. I mean yeah, those were even numbers, but like what is the definition of an even number? Bitch, do I look like you're gonna when I tell you this it's gonna like tell me a number divisible by two. Yeah, I did not fucking think that. Well we're thinking I I fouled geometry. Okay, you you have to know this because I was a nerd in school and what is the value of pi rounded to two decimals? Three point one four one five nine, bitch. Oh you got more than two dashes. Yeah. That used to be about passwords. Who would have ever guessed that? Nobody would have ever guessed that. The damn mouth teacher, maybe. What part of the cell contains DNA? Nucleus. Yes. What is the uh we've said this on one before. What? I'm not gonna say that one, that's too easy. What is the center of the solar system ? The sun? Yeah. Um wasn't a what is an adjective? A description word. Of what? A noun. Yes. Oh my god, y'all. I give me an honorary diploma and ask me to do a commencement special. I need you to tell me the di the difference between there, there, and there. The oh, this I'm passionate about this. Okay. T H E I R shows possession. T H E Y apostrophe R E is they are, and T H E R E is a person place or thing. Like it's not a person. Well, it's over there. Like it's over there. I'm going over there. Who gave the I Have a Dream speech? Martin Luther the King Jr. Yes. Okay, I think that's enough. You ready for cousin counsel? I just want to know which country gifted the Statue of Liberty to us . France? Yes. Oh! We got them all right today. Bon jour. Okay . All right. We're gonna be right back for Cousin Council. Okay. Yeah, we are. We have to get changed. Okay, everybody. We are back. Welcome back to Cousin Council. We had to get changed. Yeah, we did. We''rere we in our We have our gabbles and our robes back. Yeah, we do. And the people sitting behind the camera today are gonna be tired of hearing this. Yeah, they are. It's okay though . Okay, um you can go first. Read the first one. Okay, let me pull it up. Terran. I have to get it on my docket , excuse me. This is from Tarran. Yeah. Court number seven four four four nine seven one. Plaintiff is I don't even know. Okay, this is from Terran . When I was in my student teaching internship, a student went to hit another student with a charging cord and hit me instead. I told them to quit and my teacher, who should have gotten them in trouble, stood there and laughed as one of the students called me a crybaby and cussed at me. And you know what I would have done? That's why I can't be a teacher because I would take this gavel and beat the hell out of somebody with it. And I would, and that's exactly what I was gonna say today. I I don't understand why kids just think they can treat teachers however and I could never be a teacher because you have to be nice and kind. Yeah, but some teachers are awful. There's one teacher on TikTok that's like ultra famous and she gets on my damn nerve so bad I can't see straight. No L . I'll name her. Okay. She flipped shit out because somebody threw something in the roof one time. Like you're a teacher. You signed up for that shit. Wham, wham. Wamp womp. She's the one that eats ranch with her with her stuff. Anyways. Um good thing she does. I would tell you to uh whoop that kid's ass, but you ain't his mama, so tell the mama to whoop its ass. That's good. Case of journey. Okay. This one's a little of course I have this one because you are awful and I can't believe you're making me read this. Because I don't think I can say that 'cause I say am I the asshole for breaking up with my long distance boyfriend over a dildo ? When I was in high school, I was in a long distance relationship with a guy from Tennessee for two years. He was in bushcraft and woodworking. One day I got home from school and found a package from him. I opened it to find he hadn't made me a wooden tilto Would that not give you a splinter? Yes. Go ahead, finish. It would. It looked like a small baseball bat. Again, I was in high school and lived with my mother who I was terrified who would find it, so I threw it out in the woods on my way to school one day. Later he brought me a real one. That that I never asked for. I went to visit him over the summer and he told me to bring it. I was confused, but I did. This man literally I can't this man literally you was using it on himself and tried to get me to do it for him. I sat on the edge of the bed and started staring at the wall while he had it. Yeah, I broke up with him after I went home. I'd have broke up with him too . Yeah, that's insanity. All I can think about is them little baseball bats they give you at the Braves game for being the first one hundred in line. Uh I think you should have called Jesus. 911 immediately. 911 immediately called the ambulance, because that is fucked up. Some people are freaky dicky like that. That is weird as shit. Okay. I don't care if you're into that or not. Like why? I can't bl my face is blushing on that one. I can't. I couldn't. I'm sorry. Well why did you make me read you're reading the next one we get. That's fine. Uh that literally uh I don't know what to tell you there, girlfriend. I I think you're better off single. Uh that that's insane. Yeah, that that's that's but like some people don't think that's insane that's that's one for the record books. Anyways, you got the next one. I'm done cousin counseling. Uh that one was from Cassie. This one is from Zoe . When I was in hospital, my ex was intentionally being rude to me for multiple months to try to get me to break up with him so that he wouldn't have to before I left for college. Fast forward a year later after the breakup, his other friend confessed his feelings for me and how he felt bad that his friend was so rude to me and cheating on me with a college girl. Didn't know about the other girl at the time of the breakup. We kissed and other things on my ex's birthday and his friend went to hang out with him after was I bitch for this. You know what I'm saying? I think so too. I don't um I you know what? Be a homie hopper. Be a homie hopper. Because the homie If the homie does you dirty be a homie. The homie was hopping. Yeah. Because he was cheating. Uh-huh. And he was trying to get her to break up with her hand. Break up with her an I would've if I was him, I'd have gone to the h hang out with him and be like, yo , I was hanging out with that girl yesterday that we were friend that you used to date and uh we had so much fun. You know, I've talked to some people that I think tried to like be distant or like a bitch to try to get me to stop talking to him. You ain't got to try, bitch. I quit. Yeah. Let me tell you something. If you're not putting forth the same amount of effort that I'm putting forth, bye. Bye. Bye. And you know, sometimes you'll find those people who like you talk to every day and you even if it's just a friend and then you stop initiating the conversation or they stop needing you for something and then all of a sudden you don't hear from them. I'm telling you. Until they need you again. And you know what I have to say to you? We all have friends like that, and fuck you. Fuck you . Yeah . Anyways. Oh, oh. Well, I think that um That was cousin counsel. Yeah, I'm just gonna stay in the robe and wrap up the episode. You know I am too because I don't feel like changing. Uh but I will say too Broadway. You guys have I'm not wearing it to Broadway. Uh you guys ask us for merch and merch is on the way. You can go to bloodline banterofficial dot com and sign up uh to receive an email whenever our merch drops. We'll we should have that drop in within the next couple weeks. Yeah. Um and Bloodline Banter Official O F F I C I A L dot com for those who cannot spell. Um and bloodline banter official.com. Damn, how many times you're gonna say that? That's Bloodline banterofficial.com. That's the last time. Um and go there, sign up for the email, we'll tell you when we launch it. Yeah, we're excited to launch it for real. We've been working on it the past couple days and it's gonna look good. Um also off topic, we're having a meet and greet. First meet and greet we've we've ever had in Fay, Alabama. In Fay, Alabama at Socials. It's at Big Juicy Fashions at uh at our friend Glamma's place. Uh-huh. And she asks us to come down there. We're gonna be there on June the 20th from ten o'clock to two o'clock. So if you're in the area or even if you're not in the area and want to take a road trip, come on down and see us and buy some merch. Um it's free. You don't have to pay anything. You don't have to purchase anything to come. Just come take a picture, hang out, and we'll have fun. We'll have a blast. I'm excited to see Hootin people show up. Me too. Hooton leads to hollering. Huh? Hootin leads to hollering. Mm-hmm. And I'm on Hooten and Holler. Mm-hmm. Anyways, well I'm hungry and I am starving Jebediah. Okay. I'm hungry and thirsty cursty, to be honest with you. And I think I need um I think I need a snack. Okay. So we're gonna go make that pizza. All right, everybody. Um we will talk to y'all later. Until next time, follow us on all of our social pages and subscribe on YouTube. Subscribe on YouTube, follow us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Yes. And until next time. Love you bye. Love you bye.