Answering Audience Etiquette Questions

Hello, I'm Alan Carr. I'm your server for today. I saw a blast like 's got it. That's huge. That is, that is right. And you just I just did the duty wchine. The dickens is that. Do you want to work in celly again? Have you heard what you said ? What's in this tomorrow ? Hello and welcome to Bottoms Up with Alan Car and Lee Piot. Yes, this is the show where you say V no and we say VS I love it. Love it . We always start with a welcome drink as ever and we have we don't have drinks here yet because we ordered a special guest today, the brilliant William Hansen's gonna be here with us and we've got a dub enay. Dubonet, du Bonetet. Dubonh, Donet. Dubonett. He can tell us this. Yes, yes, yes. Which is a wine based apparetif by appointment of her Majesty, the Queen Elizabeth. Because apparently she loved it, didn't she? It's the Queen Mother's Drink, he's gonna tell us all about this. I'm gonna pass it on a gin and a gin and du Bonnet Du Bonnet. What do you like with Etica and stuff? Do you like someone opening a door for you as you come through? I love that. And do you know what my worst? I like catsapl ? All right, I'm never be asking him about Etika. When you're hosting a podcast because he just hosts a podcast. Yes , you know, what's the etiquette of insulting and being mean to your podcast cow host . You know what's funny? I'm friends with William and I've always said to him whenever I go and meet him, I'm always a bit like sat more upright. I'm very aware of etiquette, you know , but my big gripe at the minute is people who would get on the tube before you were light the tube. Oh that does our heading. It does my heading. Yeah. One time I was so angry I went wait. I put my hand out of mine. Wait, I was really angry , which again actually probably is also bad etiquette. Well, you know my worst habit, don't you? Is it a flossing? Yeah. Yeah I've got such gappy teeth, I use anything to floss between myself. I will take a book . This is not a joke. You've done rope, skipping rope, coasters. Poasters. Yeah . Anything really. That's what's got so many different gaps. Just one interdense it doesn't really work . But you maybe need to find something a little bit more hygienic than like a random soggy coaster in a pub . But I suppose you know, you're drinking the alcohol is not absorbed. Oh my god, yes, yes neutralizes any bacteria silver linen . What else? You're quite good with Attica? Well, this is what he's gonna teach us. He's gonna basically because we want to can I just say about etiquette though ? The sun's out , people wearing bikinis, boob tubes . Okay , I don't like that, especially when they're just in the freezer bit of Iceland Isn't all of Iceland a freezer bay? Yeah There's no big giant freezer . Well, here's a question for you. If the god, I can't look for anyone listening, for anyone listening has got that huge that is right. Can you just stop this because William is about to leave, okay? I'm sure if he walks in and thinks I've got my work out today. My question is My question is about the top less people . This is a test for you . You're in Iceland. I'm security guard in Iceland. You're se acurity guard in Iceland . There's a toppless. Okay, Katona . There's a topless man ripped six pack pecks bulging biceps. Would you be as annoyed? Would he wearing speedos? Well, yeah, yeah, let's say speedos. Do you want to see my prawn ring? It's really cold . 'Cause the whole place is a freezer . No, but I don't know if it's an older thing , but I just don't like one bit of sun and you know, speedos in Hyde Park ' Icause live in Hyde Park. That's a bit much weight. Bikini. Yeah, yeah. Big people, yeah, but no fat is. Oh, okay, I'm glad we've come to that on camera. No fat . I'm glad we've cleared that up. So basically you only want to see people who are ascaped. People who don't look like me . You don't want a reminder of you at all. You don't want to be reminded of . Oh, guess who slid into my DM? Who Nur and you are Nur me Turkey ? Right? Yeah. Right . There's a hair transplant clinic in Istanbul . He said he's seen some of my posts and said he'd like to reach out. I bet they didn't. I know yeah. Oh, if I can get a complimentary air transplant. Oh my god, amazing. What do you think should do it? I think you should, nah. We should go over. Why don't we document it? We'll go over to Turkey and watch Alan get new hair from Ner n. No, no, no NA RRA Did you say that to him? Nah . I mean no way no, I mean, I don't know, but that's rude. I don't realize how insulting that is because you know what I got asked to do as well in Austr alia ? Celebrity Fit Club. And you go fit club s. No, but you know what the actual name of is? Fat Fat Club, yeah. But they put celebrity on it to entice you over. Oh , but they do say fit club or fuck club because as celebs? Yeah, you're not going to say on e guns and yeah yeah yeah and then you turn up and you're like sorry you've spelt fit from you know I do. But it is insulting I. often get people would comment on my videos get with your turkey teeth. I don't have turkey teeth. They are white . They are white. I do like them white, but they're not they are real. I will say that. They are real teeth. And then you get some lovely compliments. Someone said you were like a Hollywood star. I saw your Instagram stories yesterday . Well, a Hollywood star and look at you Yes, someone said that I reminded them of the stay puffed from ghostbusters . Yeah. Oh yeah oh that I just heard all about one of the crew at the bar bee Marshmallow? Yeah I think you know who it is. Yeah, because you liked the comment . I wrote the comment . Bernard . Okay, I think we need I think we need someone here to bring a little bit of dec orum to the seeding. That's right. And we are super excited to have him here. Like I said earlier, he's the king of etiquette . He's also a podcaster. He's a bit similar to you. He's got two podcasts talk to you about. Yes. Author, Etiquette code. And basically, he's a master of modern manners. He really is. He's got his own etiquette school. It's the one. It's the only William Hanson . Hello , hello boys. Oh , you look amazing . Thank you so much for three peace suit, lovely stuff. Good to have you here. Linen number. Thank you for having me. Does anyone think you're a member of the boy band Hansen? I'm a member . I love the fact you can remember that. Yeah, well I know I know not I know but it's a good song. It was n't it ? They're American, I'm not. No. You're not American. You're very, very British. We try and we try. And something that is very, very British is a gin and du Bonnet. Well, yes, although technically de Bonnet, it was a French creation , right? But you know, like a lot of things, we've sort of delighted it. Yeah, it's already British. We stolen it. It was a French to the people . It's nothing on the rest is pomising. Except for ourselves God. Yes, it was a French chemist Joseph De Bonnet, who created it as a way to up soldiers quinine intake . Oh yes, yes. But then yeah, then it came over here. And is that a myth that you don't get malaria if you drink lots of quinine? Yeah, that's a myth. I mean, you'd have to drink a vat of it. I go . So try it. Yeah, tell us a story because Jin and Du Bonnet is your go to drink on your hit podcast How Bisxid My Boss? Yes. So for the very first episode we did of sex dinner, we used to, you know, like some podcasts, we might occasionally have done several in a day. And so I was told, I can't imagine what that's like. Exactly no lucky is it was very tiring. And yeah, they said, Can you just bring something in as a show and tell? I had a Deboni reception the night before. Half a bottle there . And so I brought Sonny in and thought we could talk about it a bit like we're doing now. The axe evolved. And then because we did four episodes in a day , that is basically and Jordan liked it. We then started to drink it every episode and seven hundred later was still going home. So how much do you just free pour in there? I mean, I am free pouring, but you would it's two parts to bonet one part gin. Okay, basically. And they've already put the gin in. Yeah. So I'm putting in. So for anyone listening, it kind of looks like a color of maybe like a hang on, you need to put your slice in. Oh, we got the iceice. S. You can either put you up a sweet or savoury tooth. Savoury. You probably prefer lemon? Okay. If you prefer I'm gonna go orange orange. All right. Now if you do both wise, do I use this prong? Yes, use the little armor. Tender hooks for you. Would I put the prong in which bit of the lemma? Stick it in the middle. The middle bit and then in. And then would you use that maybe too? Well, you probably would. Yes, use that. Would you like me? You use that as an interdense stick? Well, it's better that than a cue card as you were doing earlier. How dare you ? Would you garnish it for someone else or would you either? I would let them do it themselves but Lee can have a word. We've got to stop this because he's just going to we're just going to do his editing but does it? Would you move the tray to one side? Are you a bit like do you know how doctors? Yes. You know when people go Oh I'm a doctor and they go , right, so I've got this rash all down here. Is that a bit like with you now where people just stop you and ask all the time? Yes, a little bit or they go, Are you judging me? How was my hand shake? Or they ask those sort of questions? Of course you are judging them. Of course, but we say that not you get this as well, I suppose with stand up window stand up comedy. I suppose should we use me in your act? No . completely boring. Yeah, oh they'll go. You can have that one mine. Thanks Throw it away. Have you ever seen what Princess Margaret went through? They've seen her itinerary. That is fabulous. Guess up is it about nine thirty, has a chain smokes , then a wine , then a vodka . Then a martini, vodka pick me up, and half a bottle of wine at nine at twelve thirty. It's fabulous . About Yes in a bath drink in the bath. A drink in the bath. That's great. A lovely drink late in the bath. I don't know if she loved it in the bonnet herself though. She was more sort of the clear spirit. Well, shall we have a taste? Yes. Allan and I haven't actually tried to click start the clock. I know . Fucked up, by fucked up, by fucked up. He doesn't. He does know . Clinking is not good. It's apparently common. I said yeah. What about if you're doing it in a speedo and a boob tube? Even more common Yeah. It's a sign of distrust, isn't it? Well, yes, the sort of drinking the clinking of drinking vessels goes back to when it was a glass, it was pewter or wooden tankards, and so you would want the ails to exchange to show that we have poisoned one another. So if you know you're down the slug and lettuce and you don't trust your friends, you clink away, but also the glass. I mean, it is going to break if you keep smashing it together So you meant to just go you just go bottoms up or say Up Your Bow No I'm done. That's always been my motto yes and you can say that in polite society. You can. Yes. The Queen Mother always She didn't live to a hundred percent of it . Right, let's have a taste of this, cheers. Oh now, that's not a bad G and D to Sarah Freeport. G and D, nice.. Yeah Well, yeah, it's very drinkable. I think so . Age in an oak cask, like us all my ex wife . This is an old bottle actually because it's got the old royal warrant on. The king has actually renewed it, which none of us thought if you want, this is tiny, trivia. No, I love it like this. It's now if you buy a bottle information like this . You now buy a bottle, it'll say by appointment to his Majesty King Charles III. As the king shook things up a bit, is there something that he hasn't gone like? No way, no way. Well, that Claire's accessory is supposed to have taken that back, hasn't it? Yeah Sharp That didn't get its warrant ready. No . The Queen loves that. She loved a clip on, she did . She got her ears pierced. They're a shaping. It's a lot of people don't know . So yeah, no, she has. He's sort of shortened state banquets a little bit. There used to be like what was called the dessert course. Now that was fruit. It's not pudding. There was pudding, and then there was dessert, which is a fruit to dessert , which was literally a piece of fruit that you would cut with cutery, and no one really touched it because they're all up tight there anyway at a state banquet. They don't want to start sort of cutting into pine quite messy as well. It was very and it was a waste, so they stitched that. how did you discover Debonay then? How did you did you see that it was like the Queen Mother's favorite drink? And did you go? I'm gonna add it. Yeah, yeah. Yes, in short. Yes. And how like how do I frame this question ? How long have you been like this? You know, what? Like a very sound sophisticated etiquette , you know , how long have you when did this evolve? When did it start? Do you have an early memory of it? Yeah, I think my parents sort of would have dinners at home and I would sort of be shown how to set the table and would help my father. And then when their friends would arrive, I would rush to the door first to greet everyone and take their coats and show them through into the drawing room and that sort of thing. And then Granny gave me a book a bed when I was twelve because I know this is hard to believe I was a precocious child. I know shock. And she thought it would appeal. And it did. And then I bought more Eshad books. And then when I was sixteen, seventeen , my school said, Oh, we need someone to teach the young girls how to sit a table. And I said, Well, does that mean I don't need to do rubby? And they said, Yes, you can do that instead of rusty. Seventeen, eighteen years later, I'm still going. Yeah, yeah. But society's changing. You know, like, you know, with a heterosexual couple , you know, a man would take the wife for dinner and then the man would pay. Yeah . What if there's two gays you go? Does the power bottom pay or the top ? I would say if you don't know if you're verse do, you pay by check and card ? If you're a sign, you just walk out. Yeah, I don't have anything I would say it's whoever initiates the date. And I would actually say even for heterosexual couples, I would say that's probably f air now. Oh, so if I invite someone else saying that should we go for dinner? Yes. I'm paying. And then after that I think that's clear, it's just a lot nicer. That is clear. And you should reciprocate. So if I take you to the Ivy. You don't take me to Nandos or something like that . Nandos. You to Greek island? Yes. Nandos just next to Tesco . Yes . And Domino . So I want to talk firstly about how I sexted my boss or as you call sexted. Sexted? Yes, sex. How long that? Eight years, eight eight years years eight in March. And I went to see your live show at the Oto Arena not the Oto Arena. Naturally. Wembley arena, that was it. The Ottawa area. Sororryry, s , Wembling Red Shirt. Still the Raina, that's still, I mean, for God's sake. Yeah, sorry. I'm being modest. Yeah . But your arena tour, basically . And what struck me when I went and saw it is it felt like you've 'cause you started in a small pub when your first ever live show of the podcast. How many people? Forty. Forty people, you sold it out and did you feel like, oh my gosh? We sold out that forty show at AS and eight in Tuckenwark. We sold it out in four minutes and generally I said to John with no sense firing it's like being a delete which sold a forty ticket Yes and we thought oh there's amaz ing and then cut to the arena tour . And it was did you still have that feeling? Was it just the same but slightly different in the sense of like ? Yes, I mean, I'm used to talking to you , I'm an educator teacher so I go and talk to groups all the time. So I'm fine with walking to river, not knowing who I am talking to. So I'm okay with it. Obviously with an arena tau you've got other moving parts going on . Jordan is a radio presenter , in effect a box with a couple of other people around. So he gets a lot more het up about it, although it's so much better than he used to be when we did the forty forty people tour show. Wasn't mature. And I would ask actually as well . Maybe this might bring you down slightly , but surely as an etiquette expert you are, do you what do you ever have slip ups? Do you ever have moments where the insinuator ? If I was going to say the one thing that you don't always tick box when it comes to etiquette, what is the one thing you might fall on? Have you ever worn a c roc? What? A crock? A war, Monsieur? Okay , no . He stepped in a croc, monsieur. Yeah, have you ever used a reused to carry a bag instead of a bag for life. No. No because I do a canvas tote because I'm gay. Canvas to Canvas Toe. Oh , when you meet royalty, did you get I suppose do they bother telling you that kind of thing? It's not mamma. What was it? It's mammers and hands? Not mammas and farmers. Yeah, yeah. I bet you knew that already, didn't you? Yeah. They whisper in your ear, you know, 'cause I was on the Raw variety performance and I couldn't go we have much to say to me and you don't start was this queen or Compared the Queen . Yeah. And then Princefield gave me a bit of a dirty look, couldn't it? Because I was dressed as a man . I was helping at David Walliam said, Would you come on and be the girl, Ashley? Do you remember Ashley and Podsey? He was the dog and I was Ashley . And then I was wearing like this , what's it called Fred Flintstone mini dress and a headband and a wig. And I didn't know because it was such a small part. I didn't know I'd be invited back to do the lineup so I didn't have to change your clothes. So I was just there like that. And I was like, Oh, prints it go Honestly gave me dirty look. And then I never knew when you're in a dress you're meant to curtsy. Well , but I was a man. So I just did this You're spreading dutty wine. Dutty wine . I just did the dotty wine. What a dickens is that? Dickens? You know what dutty wine is? I don't the butterfly. No, in court I give up . You can teach me the duck of wine . Yeah, check out our socials and William Hansen doing the tutty wild after this . I want to also talk about your book. You release your first book, Just Good Manners. Yes, indeed. That was out a couple of years ago. And which actually you were saying that Etiquette evolves and actually one of the things I like doing about with that book is actually writing an Etiquette book that has been produced sort of in the, you know, in recent history going actually we have same sex couples . We have left handed people are allowed to live and eat and eat them. I don't agree with that, but I'm old fashioned. That you're old fashioned. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it. Yes. But I wanted to write something that was a little bit more modern because etiquette has to evolve. It's ridiculous. It has to evolve, doesn't it? And don't you think there's probably a little bit of a vacuum, isn't there from the Etiquette books back in the day? And then no one really made new ones and you're now kind of revolutionarized. Well, tell me what a well known Etiquette sort of publisher ish that reproduced a book for the coronation . And I thought, okay, well I know that every time it's a queen announced king, blah, blah, blah, that's going to be one of the big changes. But they'll also use this opportunity just to update it . And Miss MS, the honorific you give to women whose marital status is irrelevant, was still on page two hundred twelve, this seven word eight point footnote as if it was a dirty concept. And I was so enraged with that. I had phoned my publisher up and I said, right , this is what we have to do. We've got to write something because Ms so normal. Loads of people are amaz.ing I know I know. And the Royal household used it with the Harry and Meghan invitation. It was the first time they'd publicly used it. So actually and that's why Etik gets a bad name is where people sort of been using it to suppress others. And no, it's about including others. Because what does Miss Miss is like a woman that you don't want to say if they're married or not? Yes or you don't know if it's not relevant. So in business often you see it, but you can use it socially as well. I think they should be like a male version of people last master. People don't know if I'm seeing someone or having sex but it's Mr. I think they know. Thanks, Dave Always got my back . So about you into this trouble Now announcement. You just announced literally a couple of days ago or a day or two ago. Yeah . Your new book indeed be a novelist. I'm going to be in my novelist era, a facial forking, which will be out in a cashier, which is a my pet . I'm not a fan of a cheap pun . I find it belittleing and insulting. We've got that on the cover. You can . Yes, so I'm very excited. It's an idea I've had since twenty nineteen , but now it just looks like I'm cashing in on writing murder mysteries and I have actually written it unlike a lot of other people that you know write it's very true yes a few people in my head but it was originally it was a I've always loved Cozy Crime and Agala Christine as well. You two very similar love for which she favor ? I think that probably Roger Eckrod, that blew my mind when I read that, you know, that' nevers been done before. She's just a genius. All of them are absolutely solid. And so I remember meeting someone and they said, Oh, I bet you could write a great memoir. And I said, Oh yeah, but if I wrote that in the middle of my career I'd probably never work again. And they said, just make it fiction. And sort of suddenly the clowns passed and I thought, Oh well, I could marry up autobiographical stories with us. So when you read it, there's bits of you, yeah, so you've been forked a few times. It's been known , yes. So the Grand Duchess of Incom Taxhoffen, which is my fictitious European country gets stabbed in the neck with a strawberry fork, which is a very sharp fork, and it is my protagonist, who is an Entertain Coach? No idea who he's based on. No it's his strawberry so he has to work to clear his name. Did you ever go Berg Island? Berkey Berkheim in Berlin Berk Island. Oh burr island. Bur sorry Sur. Oh my god that's a soap 'cause it's got H on the end of it burnt burnt Bur I saw a blah like nur your hair transitions . Yeah, no, I haven't yes That's an amazing baby. That's sold on the market for fifteen million pounds. Is it on the market now? Yes. Oh , yes. Interesting. She wrote, you know, and then there will be none and then evil under the sun. Yes. And you can go and sit in a thing with the typewriters there when she's at. I mean, yeah, it's an island that when the tide comes in, you are trapped there. You can't get back. And the whole hotel is out deck. There's no telies, no nothing. You are stepping back in time. It is stunning. Where is it? Is it Devon? Yeah, Def.initely Devon, yeah, bit where she lives. Where's your sir? Where's it was it London ? London, okay? No where that exciting? No, the family are over in London when the murder happens. Right. William, yes. This obviously is a wine pot. said this is a wind dung . This is obviously a wind up . Let us know when we start recording . This is quite strong. It's nice isn't it? It is . I'm not going to talk about our late queen, who I think was a brilliant queen. Yeah, but I wonder whether, you know, she's got to do the meat and greet or the grip and grin as we like to call it . I think she has a few of these just to take the edge off. I'm sure she did. Yeah. I mean, I was told latterly she only had it at lunch because she found it too strong for the evening. That's what I was told. . But I drink it all time. And we've sometimes record oured podcast at nine AM. So we should do Olivia Ratwoods podcast. We had a god, we nearly got cancelled. Oh, really? She served us Martinis. Excellent. I made a tennis at ten thirty AM and they were so strong and then we did the podcast and of course as you know it all goes to our agents and they just check it. My agent goes do you want to work in Telly again as in ? Have you heard what you said ? Apparently it was Filth. Slagged everyone off . Everyone was a commoner . Welcome to my website We're going to move on in a second talk about wine and help us with some wine based dilemmas or dilemmas in general or etiquette in general. But I wanted to ask you, like are, you 'cause know I you're a martini drinker. Are you looking down? I've been picking this thing, isn't it? You've been doing autopsy on that. I know I'm so sorry. It's sexual tension, isn't it? Is it? Right then look at it . Yours are still intact Which means you're not sexually dangerous. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Daniel. Yeah, you come around better than you. Thank you for saying that . I had a bloody cobbler on this podcast . But are you a wine drinker? Do you like a wine? I do like a wine. I sort of don't get too excited about wine. I don't drink wine at home unless I've got friends around. Right. I don't have an evening cup of wine. Oh, because this is the thing I've seen as well, the arriving with a bottle meant to open it. That's what I want to know. And then sometimes you hand them the wine and you're really looking forward to the wine and they get one out of there. I'm not gonna get cheaped. But there is that, but they know what pairs with whatever this is the theory You don't know any of my friends . If they're serving duck and they've gone and selected a certain wine that goes nicely with duck duck rolls from the local takeaway. He will say duck as a food just thrown up the wall . Yeah, but look, if you turn up, if you did give him bottle, obviously I'd be terribly grateful actually but it' as lovely wine. And I think oh, it's better than what I'm gonna serve , then I'll serve it. But then the trouble is if I've got eight people around, there's only one bottle dot this one dark. Yeah, exactly. Yes. It's once you present whatever, whether it's chocolates, wine, champagne, or hot. It's for them and it's up to them to decide what to do with it. Yeah. Do you believe when a woman gets up to go to the toilet table? Oh no, to do her toilets, is that right? Yes, yes. To do to do her toilet. Do her toilet is your makeup. Powder nose. Powder her nose. Powder her nose. Complete is a complete toilet. Tense why you have a toiletries bag. So it was your makeup. So I was like that and I sound a woman , Ms. Gar. Okay . And I go to get up, would you two stand up? In a social setting, if I knew that you liked it, yes. But I would also, if Lee stood up as a man. I would also stood up. We wouldn't know if he stood up . I'm standing up right now . Again, why am I joining in on this? I think I'm short. You're not short. How tall are you? Six. Oh yeah, you aren't quite tall. Well, I'm only an inch longer than you asked longer . What's in Mr Bonnet? Too far. She's the queen fucking asked herself off a tit le. I'm sorry if that loses me I know well it does This is too much This is so strong You see I'm used to it. Okay , so we're going to talk about etiquette later. But before that, I thought since having you here , you could maybe if you're up for it, teach Ms. Carr over there . How to be a Samelio or waiter, how to come and do the correct and he can pour me a drink or pour a drink and you can critique us as we go along. Does that sound right? Rebooting letter lady. Yes Can I just say I was obsessed with that woman looked like me, didn't she? Rosemary Schrager? No Harwood. Jill Harwood Carl Chief. Yes, she looked just like me. Oh my people would have figured we're the same person. Oh, really? I could see that. Thank you. Let's reboot her. Yeah. Or I love it. It was right there. Yeah . Right. So a bit of a role play. Who doesn't love that after a Du Bonnet? So I'll be a was it French made? Yes, Semelier? Semelier, that's it. I always get those two mixed Not sure about the stars here. I know we're waiting to Oh, hell,o hello , I'm Alan Carr. I'm your server for today. Now, does he give the full name as a server? No, we're not interested in your last name We're very almost not interested in your first name, I want you to hello, I'm Alan. Hi, I'm Alan, your server. Hello. Not hi. Oh hello, good evening. I'm your server today. Alan. We're in America, are we? Oh, okay, I'm Alan. I'm here. That's doing . You're doing I'm here. I've turned up to work . Would you like a napkin? Oh , blue roll. Lovely. Blue roll , thank you Thank you. There you go . That's it. Gorgeous. Yes. So any specials on today? Yes Yeah, Dubonnet surprised . We got fish, we got mates. What sort of mates? Oh, lots of it . All right, so talk us through. So he should tell us the starters. I'm gonna go for meat. Meat? Yes. Will you have meat or fish? Yes, I think I'll go for the meat, please. Meat. Okay, lovely. Yeah. And that's how do you like it? Mitedi mum rare? Do we get a choice? How do you like your meat? Boned . What about the wine list? Talk about wine. We've got some lovely red wine. This is Molebeck comes from a vineyard in Argentina in Argentina, and that this is lovely. This is a lovely with meat. Good . Bones meat b,ones, meat. Should we have a taste? Yes. Would the power bottom like to taste? And what would the etiquette of that be? Is that would you say that taste? It's a very generous taste. Well, that's what happens at a harvester . Now, what to harvester? Please, sir, would you like to taste it? Is that right, should I have gone to him sl?ight Thely more feminine one? Oh, you're so kind He's impressed. That's pretty good a ticket from you. You're gonna mind you phoned, I hope. But you n't have pawed so much. Oh, okay, just an inch in the bottom . Even less than an inch . Yes. Easily, please, sir. That's lovely. Lee, can we talk about how you're holding the wine glass? Oh yes, sorry. I'm afect of the stem. Yeah Sorry, I'm affecting the temperature of the glass. You should always hold it top of the stem. Top of the stem at all times. Generally. Sometimes during the end of the night, I just like to be like this holding it from the bowl. Would you never do that? Not really , which is so nice. You look quite a sad though you look quite melanche. I know I feel like I'm talking about like an ex. Yeah . Okay. Is that bad etiquette? Generally, yes. Like talking about an ex. No, you can talk about it with friends. Yeah, perhaps. You know when they bring the wine and you get the wine on Oh shit . If you smell the tip ? Oh, it smells lovely. That may have some. But you know when they maybe have a taste for William you know when they come out and they go like that what is that is that normal because you go to a bottle of wine. No yeah you can have some wine they go like this But if I particularly ordered a particular vintage it's amazing how many times you get presented and actually if you don't bother to check that they're either presenting the wrong line. Oh or not here, sir. No not in this halvest is that still a very generous taste, but I'll go with it . You're very generous . And the sweetest wouldn't roll your eyes without it. And this is where everything gets changed because actually traditionally this sort of tasting thing or checking it was just as if it was corked. It wasn't as if you liked it. Now that's a screw top. How many screw top is we've learnt on here? Screw top is just as good as a gork. Yes, but it also means that it's probably not corked because it's actually the chances of corking a screw top is almost uninimal. Exactly. The entire batch would have to be off . So now I would say it's probably okay . There's quite a lot of other tables I have to search . If you could just rattle along . Well, I'll finish here . One minute. So yeah, it's fine. One minute, I'm busy . Do you like any other talents ? How long have you worked here? Just to date . It's your first job . I worked at Claire's Accessory . They just told me to go. You once sold the queen of Prince Albert Now, may I join you? Yes. Is that normal? I don't think it came to a start . Is that normal for the waiter to sit and join. We like you so much. We'd love you to join us at our table. We're asked . Well come. Maybe would you pour would you pour the waist up. Show us how to pour it. The waister tail or in the table and then a little twist to catch the drops. , and remember, don't clink because cling is common. Don't be a commoner . Well, Alan, that was very good. Well done. Round of applause for Al berta everyone. Thank you . It's the career tries you've always got. Why me lly . All right. William, we couldn't have you on without asking our audience for any etiquette questions. And we put a post up. We have a few and then we've got some quick fire ones for you. So this is from Chantelle Louisa . She says, Hi, William, how can you politely ask a guest who arrives an hour early not to? Good lord. An hour is a that's an awfully long time. I mean, I remember once I was it was a university thing and, we were sort of filming for student TV, like a Come Dine with me, whatever. I was sort of helping produce it. And someone arrived fifteen minutes early, and the host, it was great TV, just opened the door and then shut it all an hour. An hour is 's their problem, not the host. Come on the host is soon this lovely wife. We'll just go . Do come on through . You're a bit early. British understatement. Do you mind just sitting here whilst I, you know , cook? Or do you just pretend you haven't heard the doorbell? No, no, I think you've got to let them in . But I have to let them in. I'd make a decision not to invite them again. So what would be the ideal time of arriving ? Whatever time I've told you to come. No, but yeah, but is that fifty minutes after. So if I say seven hundred and thirty , seven hundred and forty is ideal . That gives you a bit of leeway because we had a butler on and we said, You know that final drink? He says the last room you go to after dinner, that final room, two drinks and then you go. Is that right with your agreement? Yes. And that's of course incredibly close friends or if you're staying coming into the library or the billiard room. Precisely then it's fine. Oh this is a gold my god planes. Should I read it? Go on then. Pete Pink asks how does William feel about paper cups on planes for wine? You don't get paper cups. You get plastic wine. Or plastic either way. And you know, Amanda Holden, when we used to film in Greece, we'd take a lot of Ryan Air Flights and she would ask for a rose and they'd always say no because they'd another rose but she kept asking Is that etiquette or is it just stupid? What to keep asking ? To keep asking for a rose even though you know they don't serve it. Well, is that a customer? Was she asking it every time so she thought if the flight attendants kept going every time we're asked for a rose like they put it on the head go no rose next flight. Rose A, please. You think you could just mix the two and then just give it a long to shine in there? We wouldn't know, would we? No. Yeah, no, I don't like the paper. No, I generally don't drink anything out of paper. Or mastic. I think it doesn't taste very nice. No even like a coffee cup on the go. No. I don't like a coffee on the go. Really? I do like drinking liquid on the go. I like to be static. You are quite a controlled person, aren't you? In the sense it's been your life together. You've got your life together and yes. I can't stand mugs. Do you like a mug or not? Well, you just podcast with me I'm worn out I don't mind a mug. No, actually, I don't like an overwhelming amount of liquid. Why do you have a China cup? Yes, always. You know what I wouldn't say on the go pad i? That's never a good on the move, pad tai . It was like I'd just t ipped it over my face . But you shouldn't eat on the go. Maybe a smint. I'm busy. I'm busy. A smint would be fires. Okay, we're going to do some quick fire questions for William s. Be honest, our man inn Bersritain getting better or worse in your opinion They're certainly different from how they used to be. I think they evolve, but then every generation there's a sort of quote from a monk from sort of BC something that says the younger generations are getting ruder. So I feel that 's a thing that's going to be around forever . So I just think they change. Okay, yeah. Is cheers an acceptable thank you or all being terribly lazy would say cheers? No, just say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers earlier. No, thank you, Sat. I mean, cheers is what when you're Yeah, cheers. That's okay, but cheers in terms of saying thank you . Bottoms up, is that de Classete It's more colloquial . Yes . But it's also a podcast for rectal dysfunction. Do you know that we didn't find out, didn't we? Ostbag was a very mixed bag . But no, I would say thank you is better than chiz.. Okay Splitting the bill evenly when someone had water and you had three courses polite or outrageous. That is outrageous, but you should also always order the same like are we having first courses? Talk to one another , agree what you're having. So everyone's kind of having the same. I've done it before when, right? I've been out for dinner. Okay , and someone won't be drinking or it's pregnant, for example, they won't be drinking and I always think that someone at the table and it's usually me should say oh so and so wasn't Lucy wasn't drinking so you should just pay for yours and we split because you can tell that they don't want to say that, but often you can see them looking , well, you all had however many bottles of wine. I've just had tap water. And I always think someone else should just offer it. Completely agree. And that's fine, but in terms of the food where and it's when you start going, Oh well, you had the And that's fifty people more expensive. Yeah. Oh yeah, don't go to dinner for that penny pinch. Exactly, just a hug, get a take away. But yeah, agree with what you're all having in terms of food. Yeah . Is it ever acceptable to ask for the Wi Fi password the moment you arrive? Is this before? Hello ? What's your WiFi No. If you're going around a friend's house, you're not going around to sort of scroll social media to your emails, you're going around to talk to them. So you're going to go around Lee's house, I tend to do that because conversations dried up. If you're staying the night, I think it's fine to then say, Oh, you know, a couple of hours in. Mind if I jumped on your wi fi. Well, similar vein, you're at dinner and someone starts scrolling. Do you call it out or do you? Oh, you've got dialogue for me. No, no, no. That's a big no. No . Did you call it out or do you suffer inside? I said gosh, everything alright ? Oh that's good. That's firm but fair . Everything all right. I'd say that was passive aggressive borderline. Everything alright? Everything all right ? Is that too much? That's a bit mark. What about what about that? Everyone all right don't pick up the boss on this. What about Is there an emergency or something like yeah that's good? Yeah. Britain and passive aggression for etiquette go hand in and hand hold. But what you you do, turn off your WiFi router. Well, I won't say that they find your rotor . I can never find mine. Where is it? What I don't know where your router is a hat. I'll turn my router off if I could find it. Well, Alan's been gone for five hours looking for his router. There is a restaurant, I won't name which one. In fact, I don't think it actually should have existed. It was a very famous restaurant where they had a signal jammer installed Ministry of Defense signal jammer . And what they would do, if you suddenly were on your phone making a phone call, they'd press it under the Matra D's desk. I was told this by the Matra D . And then they'd go up to go, there's terrible signal in here, sir, but if you go outside, and I thought sophisticated that is brilliant. Illegal, but sophisticated. Yeah. My birthday is illegal things . My birthday. Give me one of those ministry of defense things. Yeah. Imagine Allan opening. It's a signal jammer. I've always wanted . Piling is very smart. Buffet etiquette. Yes, the biggest crime. Piling your plate high or going back three times. Piling it too high because you're depriving it because also generally most people that pile it too high then don't touch half of it anyway and then you're depriving other people of it. So buffets they're meant to be used to graves you can go back. We were saying and we've both done this and we're not proud of it. We do like our food and apparently you know, sometimes we've had, haven't we the older the takeaways come and it's just us just me singular and then you end up going the food's here plates and it is just me . Yeah . That's clever. It is yes. Yeah. But no, I wouldn't I wouldn't pilot your plane. Okay , unless you're on your own. Air kisses, how many is correct and is anyone actually getting it right embrace it. Yeah. You start left or right? Start on my right. Yeah . But is that just personal preference? No no, I would say generally it's only in Italy where they start on the left. What if you're bi curious ? You can start whichever side you like. I like Yeah Is there ever a polite way to leave a bad party at all? Can I not judging me now? Can I just top up the red? Yeah , go for it I'm not a waitress anymore. No, that's transparently obvious that Allen's sitting at the table just so you know I'm not a waitress . I've clocked off . I've finished my shifting aprons in the watch. I'm out of here. By losers. Well done for serving yourself last . Nice. He doesn't. And look, you've done some of it in the glass. Oh, look, I didn't do that. You just Yeah , one out of crap. Use my blue roll. Hold on See? It did tell me that 's a good thing. Now not getting on that shirt. No because if you notice it would be over you wouldn't want that shirt to get ruined and not be worn again. Is there ever a polite way to leave a bad party early or any party early? Well, it depends on what type if it's a dinner party you s,ort of sort of ask you do have to sit there until the end of the food. Yeah . If it's a, you know, a drink swirr, you can know, it is a fluid affair. You would just say what a fantastic time. Thank you so much for having me. Hope to see them off you go. I've done it before where I've had friends go You didn't say goodbye and it's been a big party and the reason that is because often I sometimes think in those kind of parties people are waiting for other people to leave first and then you almost set off a chain of ev ents of people leaving. Particularly for millennials. Yes. And if I see my friend who's thrown the party on the dance floor having the best time, I don't want to come up and be like, I'm going, see you later. That is the party . Yeah. So I just slip off and I go best time blah blah blah is that etiquette though ? No because I think what you're showing there is that you're showing consideration for the host. So I think that's fine. I think it's very good. Belfar sector 'cause we're an Irish an Irish or a French is yeah. No, my friend has a great way of getting out of a party. He says, Oh, my house alarm's gone off. That's a good one. Oh yeah, 'cause there's no one's ill , no sinister and you have to get him to turn it off. That house alarm is going I need to go. He wants an excuse . He said we went for a drink. He said, Don't put anything online. I've cance lled the party I'm going to. And I've lied and I've said that my mum and dad's house has been burgled and I need to, you know , be with them. Yeah. So anyway, we chatting along, drinking dr andink, and you went, well, the thing is, you know, that's what happens when my mum and dad's house is on fire I thought it was a burgle. He went They were asking us his lives are catching up today. I know, I know. Always stick to one lie. That's a good idea. Yes, don't give two but don't over explain. Oh, and this is quite hard, but finally, what's the one everyday habit people do that quietly screams bad manners . I get the most annoyed when people just literally don't say please or thank you because you don't need to have read an Eniquette book or gone to Edetic school to know that you need to be saying please and thank you . But on a more day to day level it's people on their doing speaker phone calls and headphones scrolling social media. On public transport, terribly frustrating. Yeah, they should all be waterboarded. Yes. You heard it here first, everyone. Brilliant. Waterboarded with Dubani. With Dubonet or with a high altitude Malbeck? Yes. Thank you. Thank you. William, thank you so much. It's been great. Help I sexed my boss. Is it every Tuesday it comes out Tuesday and Friday? Every Tuesday and Friday ball. Also sor,ry , we haven't talked about the luxury popcast as well. You have another one of Didn't this start as a keeping up appearance as one in this kind of advice? Yes. It was an episode by episode companion to the United Sitcom, which I'm sure you both love . Yeah . And then we sort of finished it, and then the producer said, No, it's doing, alright. So second we say is chalk and cheese. Yeah. Luxury is cheese and wine. Jonathan . Jonathan Bernard Smith. Yes, I'm by podcast and like you And they're both great fun, but they're different propositions. You know, we did a whole episode the other day about bins. Oh, okay. We wouldn't get that on sexed . Whereas Jonathan and I have forty minutes of content about bins. Yeah, yeah, it's brilliant. Honestly, and that's out every Wednesday and Thursday. Oh my God, you most of the week. Monday, Saturday, Sunday Monday's off. And your book, The Fatal Valkin, that's out next year. That is out next year. Oh, okay, look forward to that. Always a pleasure. Thank you so much. Do you think we've learned anything in terms of etiquette? Nothing useful. No Good. We've all had a lovely time. We have, and that's all that matters.. Indeed Thank you for having me. There's one last thing to say bottoms up. Bottoms up. No cling . All common enough. William Hansen, everyone. And like I said, help I selected my bath available to listen now on all podcast platforms as well as the luxury podcast. Just good manners is out now and good luck with your book your novel next year. Can't wait. If you've enjoyed this episode , then show us some love, follow bottoms up on Spotify and Apple and why not subscribe to YouTube? And you'll get a brand new episode dropped every week. Yeah, not just subscribe on YouTube. Please give us a thumbs up as well. It really helps. And if you haven't already, please do give us a five star review. At bottoms up show, if you want to get in touch with us, slide into our DMs or bottoms up at listen.co. uk if email is more your thing . And don't forget to always drink responsibly. Bottoms up with Alan Carton Lee Peat is a listen production . Bottoms are don't clink