Entertainers and Political Agendas

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All merch is available exclusively at clubraandom dot comot whileile you're there, catch up on recent episodes and grab some swag and bring a little random home Once again, that's clubraandom dot com It's so great that we went back 'use it's gonna get us a lot. Oh, come on, it's fun. It's just another thing for rich people. No. It's a lot of car guys in one industry. I think you just named a bunch of guys that don't have any real vices. How Jeff, Wellill, how are you? Good, how are you? A a great place, with is fascinating By.am. It look the same as ever. Really? The last time I saw you in person was at a comedy festival in like Montreal or something. How long ago? that was like I think before politically incorrect. before I think it was Yeah. What year did you do Carson first? The first one was ninety ninety Mine was eighty two. Is Oh, jeez, is that right? That's great We're probably Aless if Same carcon age. How old were you when you did it I don't know. I was I was twenty six. I was twenty eight Yeah. So yeah, just I just did walking with Kevin Neilan, by the way. So we chatted about you a little bit. yeah, all good, I hope. Oh yeah. we never know comedians to talk shit about each other. they're not feuders. And petty also.. And so By the way, has it been revealed who's gonna to present you with the award? I know It' littleittle going to do it. Yeah. Oh, that's great. And congratulations. Oh, thank you. You know about the Mark Twain awward. Yeah, yeah.. Bve me. It's turned into I mean, I'm very honored I mean, if this if it wasn't a big one, I wouldn't have done it. You know, I don't need awards because they never wanted to give me awards. So I was it was just anything less, I would have been like, well, please because it's a lot of work to you know, you've got eight speakers and Kennedy Center and you know, it's a show. It's a Netflix special. Yeah. You know, I'm going to put on a dull show. So like I'm doing my jobs not that this is a job because, you know, I love this. I mean what a great break in the week when I Get to talk to somebody who I never really knew often like you, but always knew of and was around You know, that to me is so fascinating like let's catch up on the last forty years. I feel like, you know, there was that night in Montreal Yeah right. And then, you know, you kind of ghosted me for two scores. Well, I've always been kind of an outsider anyway. I never mean Theal over here is amazing. I never make it over the do. The paths just wouldn't cross. First of all, we're both on the road all the time. And the last place either one of us would be is in the same city because we're probably playing the same theater. Right. Although you probably play much bigger. You play stadiums? I mean arenas? Arenas, yeah. But how about twenty thousand? Now, we averaged between eight and ten now Something like that. between vib and ten ye. That's one another thing I love about doing this. I like to talk to successful people. And I know you have big numbers on like of all time, like peopleeople come to see you, you were playing on a level above where I ever played. I never played eight thousand, ten thousand The highest I out was like five six thousand Yeah,s a it's a whole different thing. I don't know. Everybody has their knes you know. Yeah, and it is amazing and I'm not saying you're better than me It There's no accounting for taste. No, I mean, you're a great comic and people recognize that.. But yes, do I think numbers Dce Clay used to do twenty five thousand? do I think he's a better comic than me? I don't and I love him and he's funny.. And he's a good actor too, by the way. But you know, I don't have to No numumbers sometimes, numumbers, they don't mean everything, but I always respect them alwaysways respect them. Like Well, it's the same thing with McDonald's or Ruth's Chris. You know what I mean? It's McDonald's does billions. Ruth Chris does a few hundred steaks. and that's a completely different thing. So Rh Chris steakhouse Is that where you're trying at? Yeah I'm talking about that steakhouse versus McDonald's burgers, you know what I mean? J somebody's doing I know that name. It always bothered me. I don't know why it's a terrible sounding name. And it was like, you know, look, not like I haven't eaten a steak. I'm not a vegetarian, but I'm not a particular fan of steak. Like it just seemed like a place there would be a bunch of meatheads I could be wrong, you know, I was trying to find the fanciest steak place I can think of. No that it is. I just have a you just triggered me. I'm just a thing with Ruth Christ. I've always always sa it on the road in Vegas and like I just I don't know, I'm not trying to insult I to starting to feud, you know, comics there friends with Ruth Chris take up these bastards where I never was and never treated me bad, but oh, burning to get even with them. No, they could be the greatest. I'm sure they're very good because I know they're successful. R. Oh N never mind. Fucking bug me. Okay. byy the way, what is what here What is that? That's mine. What your own? No. What is it? That's just sparkling water And when And this is the teahila That's tequila. have some. I got have a tiny bit. Oh That looks great. Where you were A Red neck, whereere are you from? in, Texas. Texas. Yeah. I knew it. Gbven D, something, but Yeah I don't know what that means. You don't really look like you're from Texas. Well, I never really had an accent. My parents didn't have much of an accent, so I never really, you know, but yeah, I grew up there Yeah. whatever. Can I ask you a question before wey? before we're halfway through. I don't I don't know what the word reasonable actually means But I've just been fascinated watching you in the last couple three years. And it just seems like its shifted a little bit where What is the definite of Well it's more than three three or four years. It's longer than that. But there definitely was a shift. I mean, this is the debate I'm always having with my critics. who would like to say I've changed and I have a million ways of saying it to them, but basically I didn't change. I didn't forget what it is to I didn't become a conservative. You forgot what it was to be a liberal And we don't have to go through all the ways that the left, the far left, has gone off the deep end, but it is what Godd Trump belked and so forth. So did I change? I didn't. And I wre wrote a whole book or took stuff for my show mostly. weaved it together into a book that basically tried to prove that point. Look at my history I'm pretty much always the same. R You know I will I will put the reasonable in there because I feel like you listen a little more now. that could be true. I mean, look Um We all who are on TV a lot? I mean, how many specialists have you done? fourteen? thirteen. What? There's thirteen. thirteen., thirteen hours. They're all big thirteen hours. No, it's more than that. They're yeah. So when I tape a special, I do easily do almost two hours. That's a lot, wow. But then when weedit it down to an hour So that's a lot of material Yeah, you take up the shit, huh? Yeah sure, you know, O of course. But, you know, you take it down to the fine points And people don't understand when you it's so much different doing stand up in person and then you try and put it on television, the timing changes That's a lot of material. Yeah, it is. I mean, I've done thirteen HBO specials. R you know, over from nineteen eighty nine I mean razy. Yeah. And do let me ask you this, does somebody come to you and tell you a joke and you go, I've heard that somewhere before? And then you realize it was a big party your act years ago Also, I go through I'm you know sort of a meticulous chronicler of I'm just an anal person, you know, as far as like taking notes and stuff. So I'm the opposite of Beelzer who never wrote down one word. Is that right? E. W. you know, And it showed sometimes. you know. Not me. So like I will go through like a set list from nineteen eighty two. And I'll just see like the little bullet point I had for it And I'm like What does, you know, wet painting mean? Right? You know, that was some bit I had I know. And then I've done that same thing and I'll go and I'll try and regurgitate it in my mind and go, It killed. I could at least Right. Right. And I'd like to do it again just one time. And you can't remember it And you know those notes made absolute perfect sense when you made them I look through them and I'd realize I mean, they're voluminous the files I have of how much pen to paper and wrote Some of it is just raw stuff, writing. And I was never the kind of comic who purposely wrote. That was the Seinfeldian way. You get up in the morning, you got the yellow pad, because they learned it from Dr. Cusemy. Whatever happened to him. R. Right. I heard him. Yeah. But that was his thing. You just purposely I said I can and I could never do that. My method was to get high per, you know, with my friends. And funny show would just come out and just try to capture what comes out naturally. And would you like if you're gonna when you were getting raised for a special, did you go to a club and work on a work minor. We never edit any of them because I have so practiced it. u that When we shoot it, I know it's the right basically an hours a nice hour two or something. but fifty eight minutes. you can't tell changes with crowds, how you know, Friday they can be more tired. They don't laugh as much.. That can be five minute difference in a show between Saturday when they're rested and they have the energy to actually laugh more. That's our business. Right So, you know, but I have, I mean, the last one I did this we taped at the beginning of December twenty four in Chicago And you know, I stopped after doing it. stopped the road which is like where you still are. And I still was, you know, if you're like a few a decade younger than me or something that's probably totally know exactly where you are. You're not seventy four. No, I'm seventy. Okay. You're sixty four. Oh four. Yeah. All right. so we it's only six years. Closer. You got out here soon. You aged twel. Oh' good Some people at our rage unrecognizable. Well, especially I don't mean to be mean, but do you look at at the women that were in your high school class and go,, what happened No, where would I see them? Oh Facebook, right. See, the whole world is it's funny that you say that and most of the world knows what that means becausecause they're on Facebook and You don't do any of that stuff. No.. Why the fuck would I want to see my old high school people? I mean, it's only got to be depressive. Well, I gotta tell you, I don't do either. I don't I kept up with technology for many, many years And in fact, in the early nineties, you know, when I was doing my own tapes I learned to edit digitally when that was all brand new. Taught myself all that But that was the end of my technological, you know, I know how to work the phone But when it comes to do you I don't Do you keep up with like everybody youve ever met in your life? No, no, no. But it isn't that, but you're on Facebook. Yeah Is not an accusation you? I am I am, but I don't do it I have other people that do it. Every once in a while I that's me too, I'm sure. Right. I don't know. I have people who know people who know the answer to that. That's how removed I am. I'll of to ask those people to ask the people who actually do shit. No, I'm sure we do. I post a picture now and then because I know how to do that And I'll say things and then they'll put it up there for me. But I don't know how to And Facebook is now, you know it's all yesterday. Now it's all Instagram and TikTok and all that stuff. I think it's awesome to just embrace the generation you're in Not on everything of course. but There is a movement among the younger generation now to go back to the way we had it. They get it that the phone fucked up their heads.. They know they're fucked up.. That's one thing about them. They're ignorant, but they're not unsavvy about like real life IRL Right And they know how fucking crazy it is. They know this. They can't seem to stop themselves. Sot you don't have a device that you look on Instagram. have an iPhone. Yeah, but do you like I go I onm bored, I'm gonna look at this? I'm gonna ask the track question. What do you do when you're not doing this? You're not playing golf. I'm doing this, but we're not filming it getting high and drinking, what elur? No, I wish I could do thiswere. Seriously, now I'm really curious. you have free time? What are you going to do? I mean, up until a year ago, a year and a half ago, I guess now Um, really having stand up act and being on the road, not quite as much as you, I'm sure, All year long regularly, like every other weekend. Right I would do it very I had to be here to do the show. and also I don't want to be way that much. It was perfect. I would fly into one city, I get up Saturday, fly to one city, do the show Stay overnight, fly to the second city Yep and then after that city, fly home. That night. Of course, you have to do it that way. Yeah, otherw way can't do it. You can't do it that way. And you couldn't even get to these gigs in time. I have to be here all a week. And it's theaters, right Theaters. And you know, so like two cities over thirty hours home in my bed Sunday night. After I leave Saturday morning, that's not the worst. It was great But even that You know, it just became the travel, the hotels It's wear and tear. It's not great for your health But you know, you have to if you want to have an act, people say, well, just do it sometimes. No, you have to keep sharp. You pitchon arm is crazy. you know, during the pandemic, I had never this sounds crazy, but I started the ventrlogism thing when I was in the third grade And I realized that since the fourth grade Th those are puppets What? Yeah? Oh those are puppies. Yeah yeah I'm sorry. And what's your name in your bathtub is great. I felt right. Whitney. Whitney in the bathtub. Everybody said, Be careful, you might scare. E I walked in and I went, this's like my house R It'sing meail. I got this. So I made have talk by the way She's very happy. Was it in the bathroom? I made her talk Now that would be funny If if she went if she didn't weigh a ton I' drag her out here and put her on my lap.. to make her talk.ing ton. What was I talking about I't remember if I talking about Whitney Eston in the bath. Oh, no. I don't know what were you talking? I don't know. I'm the one whos smoking pod. You don't smoke pot? No. We don't say it like you're ashamed. Some people like it, some people don't. I've never ever in my life tried it I'm one of those guys I mean Yeah. I mean, the I don't If I don't want people to judge me for doing it, everythingthing is like people's personality. I always say this about politics. Everything is political these days, which is kind of good for me. That's what I've always been talking about. so I'm not complaining. But politics really comes out of people's personalities. It comes from like What your parents told you. how they brought you up, where you were brought up you know, I mean Conservative. It's just it it's a person I feel like it's a personality before it becomes a political party I also think I equate it to sports. It's like you most people love whatever sports it was that their dad loved At least for guys. Oh my God, of course. Okay. and I think the political parties are the same way. and I look at it and I think I'm in show business, blady, blah, blah, blah blah blah. I would think that I would tend to lean left And I tend to lean right and that's just the beliefs that my father and my parents and where I grew up. rememember I was going to say That doesn't mean you're in the clan. Right. You know, this is my problem with the left. It's like anything that's not super with us on the far, far end of it, and then you're a conservative. Do you get this like you're a conservative. I did a ranch here one night about landman never getting any love from the media or the awards. It's an awesome show, But it's like seen as conservative. Why becausecause it's not, you know, taking place in a yurt. You know, there's not a transsexual sharp sharp in the show. So it's a I've been to a yurt, but I've never used the word yurt in a conversation. So I think it'd be a great name for a show. Yurt. Have you been to an actual yurt? His name is Yurt and he also lives in a yurt. That's my idea for the show. Have you ever been to a yurt No, it's like in Mongolia. Oh no they haven't. There's like one I' have to raise my wife U up in I don't remember where it was. It was in Utah or something. the dead of winter, you get there. They they take in you're drawn by a horse like Santa Claus in a sleigh. And you show up there and it's just big yurt and it's and they have an outhouse and it's fantastic So so what's difference for the layman, not like I don't know, betweenet a yurt and a TP, would you say I have no freaking clue. Well, a year is. Now what are you doing? What's that? No, I'm roofing you, Jeff. I've always wanted to fuck you from that first night in Montreal. It was so romantic. People were speaking French You were younger, you look older. wait a second, I want to know what you're doing. What is it? That's What's up, Je? Jane. Which gives me superhan strength. does it? All right. I noticed That's why I can lift this glass. All f No you're Yeah, it's like a TP, but bigger? That's what I'm asking. I don't know. Like if I'm in the market for a yurt slash TP, if I go to Amazon, it's, you know I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is that there was a chef there. It was a four star yurt Really? ye, it was amazing. A Why do you say four stars? was it was incredible. The food were there. They had a chef there, a famous chef and you're in the middle of nowhere. there's snow everywhere. It's ten degrees outside And you're sitting in a coat but it was fantastic. Americans can be hypocritical about anything They really can, just like, I dare you. Yurts. Oh yeah, I can fuck that up.. I can look like an asshole in a yurt. Absolutely. Peace rallies. Oh, please. I'll be marching for Hamas. How about that for fucking up. They can fuck up anything. It's hysterical. Okay, so we're talking about the left and the right. So I have always said that I truly believe that most of this world is good people And my example when I was doing one of my specials in twenty thirteen, I was in Abu Dabu, Abu Dhabi Aabi. No, that's yogi b yogiab. 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There's a reason Zip Recruiter isn't the number one rated hiring site on G two. Use Zip Recruiter and find enthusiastic talent fast Four out of five employers who post onzip Reruiter get a quality candidate within the first day And now you could try it for free. At ziprecuiter dot com slash random. That's ziprecruiter dot com slash random Meet your match on Zip Recruiter So doing a show there for four thousand Muslims. and all in the front rows were the guys in the white dishash and the women in the black and the few rows back. And I did the same show with Ahamed the Dad terrorist, and that was their favorite character To nights later I'm in the middle of mine. huh? It's my favorite too. Oh, well, thanks. Well, two nights later, I'm in the middle of televiv Israel doing the exact same show for four thousand Jewish people didn't change the word of the show And they all loved it equally the same. So my big thing is I truly feel this world is filled with good people that all want the same things. We want a house, we want a job, we want security, we wantalth health care for our kids and ourselves and all that. And it takes a handful of idiots to fuck it up for everybody else You know what you should do And I know I'm getting a reputation with the staff. I'm always telling people career advice, but I think I really would have been a good manager. You should do that as a documentary special The same show in both those cities. Oh and put stuff in the middle, at little interviews here and there.. You can handle that with people from the region and stuff show the same material. And from that character working in both those cities, I think that wouldd be very powerful. A lot of people would watch that. I would definitely watch that. Yeah'd be well one of our biggest YouTube videos is showing me there in front of them. but yeah. I got a great location scout crew therere right now in the Strait of Hormuz. the one You may not be able to get through, but that's why you get a fixer. You get somebody over there who speaks the language, and you know, a little rattling of the cups, as they say, bribe here, a little you know, goes a long way. That's actually a great idea. It actually is a great idea.nteresting And You're right, people would watch it because people watch that thinking' I going be kill And it was great. But I will tell you I mean when the show started, my manager comes to me and he goes, we got it because I was a little bit nervous about being there. I'm like, well, what am I doing here? You know, we've been doing Norway and Sweden and the UK and all that. and I knew it was all great. And even Paris, France was great. They lived in Paris France. but then they said, Abi and I' like, are youid Well, I mean, but they loved it. Okay.. I'm going to put it in perspective, however, It is great and you should get a medal of honor for the Balls to do it. Balls means a lot to me and you have them I don't mean that in a personal way. All right, thanks. But there was Montreal. But anyway, that's right now we've created this whole thing where we have a backstory where we fucked in Montreal. It's ridiculous But shit Im gonna say I'm talking about the special doing the special Yes somethingomething so important to me You were u doing this special. we should do it as a special Oh, I'm going to put it in perspective, which is it's great that you can do those jokes with that character. You don't really have freedom until you could do those jokes and the character was a Mohammad puppet dog. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. no. But just know where the parameters are. Oh sure. That's where we are. Yeah We not we are not in free speech country. No, no. It is not. I mean, I know America to the kids is the worst country that ever was because they know nothing about us or any other country. But it doesn't matter. Sgovera looks great on a t shirt. But it's what they know. Shegovera looks great on a t shirt. Why are you trying to fill my head with facts But the truth is that we do have that is there are levels of freedom and, uh, You know, that there's just You know, and People have different opinions about that and we don't have to go through them here, but you know So in your current act is this what you're talking about? There is no current act because I did stop That was boring. Really? Yeah. yeah, I didn't do anything in twenty twenty five. No,. Um, Like I said, you either like fully have an act going all the time. Right. I mean, I was always working on it. It was always a third job Um, a job I like more like I always said more like a hobby. I always said it was more like building a ship inside a bottle that people do. because it was always this tinkering with my act. I love the process of doing my act and oh, okay, that worked G. it would work better if I moved it here. You know, I used toar bring on stage a kind of a poor man's teleprompter, bullet point. so. I could edit that in my computer and just every time I did it, it got better and better and sharper and cleaner and fun I love that process. And people don't understand that every word and every pause. Yes, and every breath, M. Yes.ight Absolutely. But what I was going to tell you was I forgot is during the pandemic, since the fourth grade, I had never gone more than two weeks without doing a show I always was always working, always always always the only job I ever had. I got withdraed too. Yeah. but so I thought, I'm going do a special during the pandemic So I sat down and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote this entire act, never having tried one joke in front of anybody You talk about the pitching arm and having to do it, I felt like I know what I'm doing here I think I know where I'm going to get laughs. And sure enough, after five months of not being on stage, we shot it in somewhere out there outside, everybody with four tops had to be with their own family. Everybody's wearing masks. We had like, I don't know, a couple hundred people. You didn't need a rehearsal. You didn't need a run through. I never understood these most of my friends, the comics You know, they go to the comedy clubs and work out the shit before they I never did that once I was at of the comedy clubs and I didn't need to.. I had been already doing this for twenty fucking years, or whatever. I know what's going to work and what's not going to work. You know mayaybe not as well or maybe better, or maybe it wouldn't go there or go there ly without ever having to try it out that I do a joke, you know, in Des Moines or Cincinnati that I'd never done before and it just got nothing. Right. No, I couldn't done that after two years in the business or five or maybe even ten, but after twenty I don't know how you can't. Right. And and your act, I never saw the live act in a theater. what It was it The subject matter that we'd all expect it to be, Was it political stuff? Was it then I guess you've never seen the stuff on tape either. but I would say it was a mixture. I would say my view is that everything is sort of political. So there was nothing that was trivial. I put it that way. But I talked about my sex life. I talked about, I mean, I loveved the., I've seen the bits. I've seen the bits and they're great. But I mean, it's like like trivial stuff. So yeah, you inside It trivial. like even if I talked about my sex life, it always was like be with the idea of some sort of issue in the day that was going on, like in cells You know I mean, that wasn't a thing when I was a kid. in cells, you know, involuntary celibate these guys who like have made of virtue out of being unable to get laid I was an in cell also. I just didn't we didn't have a name for it and we didn't want to fucking brag about it and put it on the internet. I tried to keep it a secret. You know, I can't get laid. But these guys think it's like a thing to like we're in cells and you know, we demand plus. I mean that really, this is what they're So like, am I talking about my personal life? Yes, I'm also talking about something that's really going on in this country men being lost is a big problem in this country. I don't understand it. and I hear about like kids these days the sixteen year old boys that don't They're scared to drive and they don't want to get their driver's license. What happened? What are he talking about and they're not dating as much You know what I read today? It's gonna blow your boomer mind. Okay m sorry.'s That's going to be the clipch I use. This is going to blow your blom mind. I'm keeping that Okay e steady yourself because it's you're going to want to punch something. Okay. I read that the reason why Gen Z doesn't like capital letters too intense. Now I break That that's I believe it. We Why don't they you know, they they're just They're different. The brains have evolved, I feel like because a lot of because of the phone. Gen Z is the first post phone generation.. That's why they matter. That's why we talk about them so much. That's why they're so different. is that they are the beginning of what Ray Kurswell years ago called the singularity, which is he He said in twenty twenty eight is when man and machine would kind of sort of melded inexorably and that's what they're talking about now with AI And it is amazing. isn't that your tour called AI? Yeah, A intelligence, Right? Look at me,' a real host. You know, Jeff, I don't know about you, but if I was in Wait before we get to that, I'm serious. Oh my go. So I've always blamed all these problems on Steve Jobs. What are you on? Ginseng? Look at this day you fucking tooledo. Wait, I't want to lose this thought. Pent State College, Detroit. I T night College. T night the Fox The theater See, I played the Fox I play in Detroit. Awesome. To nights, but of course, you, mister Big Shuck. T nights. Las Vegas plan in Hollywood on april twenty sixth. Oh, look at the Davenport. Iowa pleasant. Therville. I remember Thackerville Tagerville's great. Only comedians know the name fact. Aagerille. Comedians and geologists, you know a tornado. Chaseers. I'm big in Tornado Alley. Danville, Cherokee, Chocka, Hollywood, Florida. Oh yeah, Los Angeles. I heard of it. What? I County fair. Wait, where County Fair. You play County fair? Oh, sure, but they're big They're huge. You're out on a rac trrack. And it's outside. Right. I dont see I don't see me ever having doneun well it k. I didn't do it. I wasn't asked. It's not like, oh, they snubed me I don't remember anybody ever saying, get Bill Mre for the County fair So who's your audience now? Like if you were at the County Fair eating corn dogs. I have the best audience in the world. Are you kidding? They're so loyal R And they're so brilliant because they think like me. And you don't mean they're the people I've lost. I mean, you know, you have balls to go to Saudi Arabia. I have balls too and then I'm not afraid to lose audience. and I have R. Like the super woke they left a while ago. Well, when I wouldn't go along with their nonsense, Who's left And they're literally don't like get upset about uth They don't the studio audience. I used to fight with them all the time now. they don't bot, they get it It's Well, see, that's what I've always loved about you is that, you know, so many times I'll be watching and you'll piss me off And then a week later, I'll watch and I'll go, oh, Okay and And that's why I don't like the word re What pisses you off? I don't. I mean, when I make fun of Jesus I like religion. I mean, you're religious. I was brought up in a Christian home And my big thing is it's same with Du Grasi, what's his last name DeGress Paul Neil DeGress Tyson? Yeah, that guy. So and I've talked about this in the last few days to a few people because I feel like you guys have both of you have backed off a little bit And I think there's he's a scientist.. we're working in a different. I get it, But the Charlie Kirk interview with you was really interesting. Me with him here? Yes. I loved it. because by the way, they're doing a documentary And they asked if I would be in it. They said, the other people they said are in it already, all you know, hard right wingers I said yes, I'm giving them five minutes after my taping. Friday night because And I told them, don't expect me to be just saying you know, heyieography about Charlie. I liked him as a person. I'm glad I talked to him. I do not think he was a monster If you look, if you look at U oh ye heart attack,. Sorryad you got a good thing on o If you look at his statements I've read the full statement, of course, because everybody is only interested in getting points for their team They mischaracterize them. But even when I read the full statement, which were accurately characterized You still disagreed with them. Right. But it wasn't what they pres it wasn't what they presented. Again, it's always in the middle. It wasn't as bad as they said. But I still disagree. Sure. You know That's what I loved about the interview that is that You sat there and considered things and listened to him, let him talk, and it was a really great discussion. My little motto here is everybody's a monster till you talk ight, Marjorie Taylor Greene came on real time. Suddenly, everybody loves Marjorie Taylor Green. Lauren Bobert, you know, these people who come on real time and it's like Um, Anapolina Luna loveo her. R. You know, we had a great time. Talk to her after the show. I said like, you know, if only If I'd only known about you what I read. I would have thought, you know, crazy, You're not crazy. Are we going to agree on everything? No, but not crazy. and certainly You know, talkable too. That is my single biggest issue with the left They won't talk to people, including me.. T like really, I'm so So out there, I mean, we voted for the same person. right. How far out there could I be Right? But they just won't. And the Republicans, they definitely are better at drke, well, we'll talk Well, that's what I do love and haven't sitting that like, okay, brring up another thing, Mark Marron. He and I couldn't be further apart Cedically, politically, but you're not gay Okay. so I'm kidding. But we sat down like this and had a really respectful conversation and both of us surprised each other and we walked away with a with a with mutual respect. But we respected our differences.. And we'll have some of that too. Right You know, I feel like ours is I feel like I mean, look, I like Mark, although he's takaking terrible unfair, stupid shots at me, but that's okay Uh But I feel like his Spodicabathy was probably more on an emotional level. Whereas I think you and I or that's what you were trying to bridge. Whereas you and I are kind of like the same kind of boomer guy.. You know, no nonsense. None of that, you know there's no microaggressions in our life and, you know, shit like that U Not that microaggressions aren't a real thing if you're black, that's true No it is true. Yeah. I mean, you know, microgression is somebody just looks at you shitty. R. Yeah, when I know just as a human, when someone looks at me shitty I feel shitty about it and I don't like them Yeah So, you know, there is that. But uh Well, I was going to say is back to the Steve Jobs thing. I the cell Jobs Yeah I said I said it a second ago that I think most of this is Steve Jobs fault. I say that jokely because phone. yeah, in nature, everyone everyone was not meant to have that loud of a voice. or that of effective of a voice. I think we were meant to have everybody should have a voice, but to be able to say something and the entire world hear and see it instantly, I don't think is healthy. In nature, we were meant to do it we're doing looking another human being in the eye in person There are things that we are reading about each other. I mean, this is what happened in Montreal. I know it was very exciting. No There are things that you don't even realize consciously that you're reading about another human when you're talking to them in person. know their face, it just matters. It just it's just hugely different.. And they don't seem to want to they, I mean anyone who' like okay with living life on a screen, they don't seem to hair to acknowledge that veryery key distinction that we have not evolved past that And maybe we shouldn't Why think making us better? I think it's fascinating that Trump you know, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. and then you have these leaders going to room. And three hours later, they come out and they've made a deal It's like the art of the deal behind a door and he knows how to talk to people And there's something there. You meet the guy in person. That's why I That's why I had that dinner with him that they all hated. Sure I bet you walked out of there and I've heard what you've said and I've seen what you said And I bet you walked out of there going, you've said it a million times that this is not the guy that you thought it was going to be Is there that I said, a crazy person doesn't live in the White House The person who plays a crazy person on TV lives in the White House And why he chooses to do that or whether that is the real I just put it in the lap of the audiit. You decide. I'm just the reporter. I went into the mind. This is what I saw down there, and you make up it of what you will. But of course, we don't live in that world. Is he a master manipulator or or is his skin just that thin? Oh, it's totally that thin. really Thin But not in all contexts. That's was so interesting was I challenged him on any number of things fromom the trivial, like why you don't have a dog to the Iran deal.. And he never once Never once, bristled like cut me off, deelivered a monologue, stopped looking me in the eye You know I wrote, by the way, I wrote great joke about the AI because I want to ask you about why you called it that. but happen it happens to be my torial at the end of the show this week is about AI. and I've never really been as aroused about a subject because I do think it's going to kill all of us.. And you know, I had done one earlier about And now everybody's writing about it, how AI is just such an ask is it I mean, everything, you know, hey, you know, can I great question, Bill You know, everything is just always kid and it's I'm saying it's seducing us. Right. It's gonna to fucking kill us and it's seducing us, including all the people who say, Donald Trump, he can't do anything without a bunch of ask users just like you. R, right. Great question, Ashley So so I'm curious, is your AI a man or a woman I don't have it. Oh, you don't talk. I don't want it in my phone. Oh I don't want it knowing everything about me. You already lost the battle. You just sold your humanity for a bunch of fucking bar tricks that it does. If it had cured cancer by now,d maybe I'll make that trade off. But it hasn't. It can make SpongeBob look like it's getting blown by Stephen Hawking. great. But But you got to say that it is unbelievably useful in many cases. You know what crazy I'm sure it is I seem to be getting along just fine. It was sure. L it wasn't like I didn't have Siri and Google But now I I need something even better than them. You know, we get so hooked on convenience that we are willing to sell such bigger things for the slightest little improvements in convenience. Sinld used to have a great bit about the you know, the thing on board games You know, you hit the thing and the dice go up in a bubble. Right. And he would mimic throwing dice and go Gotta be an easier way. That's really funny. That works. Yeah, That's really funny. No, I get it. I just enjoy the toy aspect of it all. That's all. I just I love the. You're a car guy, right? Yeah a car guy. And it with comics in. I mean, Letterman's a car guy and Leno's a car guy and who Seinfeld? Seinfeld, of course, I don't know what it is, but you know what you just named It's a lot of car guys in one industry. Well, I think you just named a bunch of guys that don't have any real vices So interesting. You're right. And so maybe this is the thing Right. It's expensive, it takes time, it takes money. but that's why I hate cars. cant I don't hate them, but but they do nothing for me. You can't smoke a car. I get a new car like every three or four years. and every time I get it, I'm like, okay This is going to be different this time. I'm going to actually learn all the things about this car because you know, you have to go through the guidebook and learn everything is. and I'm like, and it never happens. So When two years pass and I go, fuck, I'm almost to the next car. So what do you drive dririve electric Boy. Was that a good decision Mercedes, I used to have the Tesla. Yeah. I did not switch because of Elon's politics. I can separate them. I switched because Mercedes made a like much better version of the Tesla and it charged twice as much. So you're being serious. It was a good dec Do you like it? You love it I don't love cars. No. I fucking hate it actually. I fucking hate it. that the robots are too much in control They is something else I'm putting in the thing Friday night about I do not like the idea that the robots are in control and these people who say, you know,, the future is going to be great. The robots will be our slaves doing everything Bullshit, I already feel likeike I'm in competition with them. I'm not their slave master.. My car tells me when we can go, right? I was stopped once stoped. I didn't want to stopp. I was in the middle of like veryery heavy traffic. and apparently my The passenger side door was ajar, right They wouldn't let you go And though you know that feeling when everyone behind you is hunking? Right. And you're like, And it's not like a big thing lit up. It said, close the door I guess there was somewhere like a little Whatever it was, it was typical millennial bullshit likeike hide it from the boomers. What's really going on this whole Back when we were in college, it would say, your right door is open. Remember that When my first car, I would just pull over because there was no sign at all. I would just If my door swung open, I'd pull over. That's what I mean It tells you, right. I don't like that. I got it I understand West human. I get it I do wonder though, when Elon comes out with the robots that work in the factories I have a warehouse with merchandise and I wonder if I'm going to buy that thing and let it be stacked in boxes O course you will You're a greedy fuck. No, no. That's just fun. What are you worth? Like hundreds of millions I bet you I've seen. Like I think I read once that only Seinfeld and Chris Rock Make more money on the road This is good tequila. I don't know what it is. Is that what it is? I thought it was the ketamine. I feel fantastic. I don't know what it is. I still want to know what Jing is, so. Oh, I'm sorry It's just a way to make sparkling water into diet soda without any of the chemicals that are in diet soda. Oh right I feel like I keep My My wife made you cookies for Your wife made me cookies. Yes she did And she's she know about Montreal? She does now. Okay. That was before we met. So what was that gig in Montreal? I'm curious. It was a comation It was I've only been to like two And you say the eighties No, let say, hold on a second. Was it pretty C could have been ninet? C could have been ye, it could have been late eighties, early nineties. I don't know But you were doing a thing and I was But how many people were on the bill? Was it a big extravaganz?? Man, that's tough You know No, I swear. I go back to I go back to theaters now. likeike I shot my first special in what are you laughing at? Man, that's tough. I don't remember know, but it's just a great way to express what at our age is because I get this asked all the time, you know, when I'm talking to younger people lot of times. I often am, you know, I'm a mentor. That's why I live for that to help the young people. Of course. But yes, it's like they they ask questions about things in nineteen eighty four and you're like That's tough. know I mean, you know, you're asking a lot, like diskfall, like there is a memory, but it's just no. I mean, it is amazing the way your mind, not you consciously, but your mind decides your mind is your mom going through your old playboys or your old soldiers, toy soldiers and just baseball cards and just throwing shit awayuff. And sometimes you want to say to your mind Mom I wanted that. Right And you threw it away. Well, the worst part is when you forget what it is that you were trying to remember Yeah I do it live here every week. I'm doing it right now. Yeah. But no the thing in Montreal, I do not remember because those gigs that I felt were big gigs back then. I will go back to that same facility and be like, what? Because my first special, I thought it was two thousand six at a theater. And if you'd asked me two days ago, would I would have told you it was twel two hundred people and We went back because we were going to shoot another specialist and said Let's go back to that place in full circle. They came back to me and they said, it's like three hundred seats. I' like It's smaller than a comedy club. Wow. So the thing that we did back to your old room. huh? Like going back to your old room where you grew up. Yeah Yeah. Yeah. And you feel big. Right. and no more. So the thing that we did in Montreal could have been it could have been three or four hundred seats or it could have been one thousand I. Well I only obsess on it Montreal was the site of such a traumatic moment in my life. What happened? I was I was booked there as a headliner before I was ready to be a headliner. So what year was that? nineteen eighty. Okay. W, yeah, it was long before I moved out LA. I hadd only been doing comedy a year and a half And I was not ready to be a headliner and proved it that night. And it was just, you know The only laugh I got was mispronouncing the name of the local premier, Renee Levescue who was running to separate Quebec It was a big issue at the time, whether Quebec would become its own country And there was just something about bombing Like sometimes I go to the comedy store. Like after dinner, we're just like, what are we going to do? I don't want to go home Ohh, you know what's great Becauseuse I don't drink anymore really. I mean just here and I see these people on stage. I mean, it's either reallyally good painfully bad, either way, it's not uninteresting. And when I see the painfully, I mean, I've seen some things that were just and I'm like, wow I know that exact feeling Maybe I didn't lash out that badly, but I definitely made things worse as this comic is doing. Oh. and Um, didid it I couldn't do it now but Well, that's why I'm with Melroose improv. and that's why I don't I don't hang out with comics. I'm like kind of my own lone wolf. I've never been part of that that, you know, you know, you did the Tonight showow with Carson and then you went back to the improv and you've watched it and everybody yeah. peopleople snobby because you work with puppets. Of course. Really. Yeah, of course. It was like so it really should be another kind of designation for the woke to champion, if you will You know, I mean, right, off course. like in Walk hard, You never see Walk hard? No, I never did. Never saw Walk H What are you a communist? It's the best. It's so funny. Jud Appetaus sign up a music The Beatles Oh, it's amazing. All right. And but one of them is there's a Dylan character and his champ he champions Minchet. Oh no, that's great. He seems a folks for the little people, you have to even just look at that clip. It's just too much. All right. But yeah, so the improv is same way because it was it was, you know, and there's a stigma against anybody who's not a straight monenologist. You walk up on stage with anything. I carratop. you know, he people love him. Yeah, but now we're good friend. So we go see a show and it is in Vegas, it is laugh out loud forny from beginning to end. It sure really. just because it's It's a device Well, see what I like what what I do, the reason I love it is because I can point and counterpoint and I can bring up a subject and a topic and if the character says something that's not quite right, I can do the opposite side of it. It's a conversation. It's What it is. You know, I have the same jealousy of you that I have with my very, very dear friend. Cheth McFarland because Like what I do is I say as me what I say. And so I get a lot more shit than they do. Beause when you're a cartoon It's amazing. if I said the things that they do as a cartoon Yeah, cripples and race, I would be castigated to no end and you can hide behind the pup. Its I don't mean as a knock. It's just it's just a device. that allows you this distance that gives you a latitude with the audience. that I do not enjoy because it is me as me. They know I'm not a character, right. And so you are just much more O front And Gutfeld covers it by says something horrible and he goes a racist would say. He covers it up that way, which is like really to me really brilliant. He'll say something horrible and then he'll back it up with that. The misogynist would say. Yeah. So you know, But you're right. And it is but it is fun like that because I can say outrageous things and then and then So you're right, I do. I can get away with a lot of stuff. And But I like doing that because people walk away from my show going, I really don't know what he thinks. I'm not sure what his beliefs are because he did both sides. And that's, I mean, that's from the very beginning That has always been and should always be classic paradigm of the ventriloquist is, you know demonstrating But these are nice people. for God's skes, what are you saying? you're so out of line. I am the voice of. donon't insult the nice people like that. They're You know, that's every ventrlic was mo. It has to It has to have that send. Yeah. you know. So who who when you how long have you done this show We started this in twenty twenty two Who is the absolute best where you went? I think this is going to be a dud is it would turn out to be a fabulous interview whereere you might got to be. It's not an interview Well a discussion. I mean, turned into the best discussion that you like found. Oh my God, I mean Even if I had an answer to that, I wouldn't Okay, then which one has gotten the most watches that people have loved I don't know those things either. My deal with this was I already have a job.. Well I'm going to do is walk over here from next door where I live. Right at exactly the time the show starts and leave right after it ends. And that is the level of my commitment. C I I love it that way. Can I say the I barely know who the guest is I used to love what Carson would say that he'd walk off stage and he'd get home and somebody'd say, how was the show? And hen couldn't even remember who it was he interviewed. Yeah. Well, that certainly when you do an everyday show. Right. But even now, if you said, who are the guests on real T timee Friday, like I would Okay, I could think I could conjurered up but two weeks ago. no I mean, that's the nature of This kind of business is, u It's a little like a sports team like, you know Next game As soon as the one game is over, you're thinking about the next game. What do anything is going to happen to theid?llject. We'rent to Cinnati. What's going to happen to the midterms the Democrats are going cannot help but w this even they can't blow it. Really? Oh yeah, Trump is Historically unpopular U he's even unpopular getting unpopular more so in his own party his own base. They did not like the war. They think that was It's funny, me and the base on opposite sides, I did support the idea of picking out the Iranian regime Now that it didn't quite work, there was no uprising, I'm not for like making this indefinite. But he's already pivoted to blockading which is better than we're going to bomb you and end your civilization. I mean, once it got to that point,, he lost me. Right. See, that's the point. says he says a few of those things where you go, what are you doing? A few. More than a few. But okay. Right. No, I mean, look, I said during the campaign before he won. I'm not going to pre hate anything. Since he got into office. I've made a list of what I hate and what I don't hate It'sound like there's nothing on the What I don't Hate list. There are lots of things I like. Or think, you know, he has a knack for like identifying stuff that has been festering E something like You know College campuses. Yes, there has been an insanity festering on college campuses. No amount of voodoo could make me think I didn't see that. And the border. You know, he closed it, but he fucked it up by having sucking ice on the American public in a way that was unconstitutional and way too cruel So, u, I don't know, but the Iran warar, I thought, it's worth a shot. takeake a shot, Mav the shot And we did and I think we missed our timing. They should have done it in January when there were actual uprisings in the streets, when they were in the streets When they were in the streets, the Iranian regime Kill them all Now who's left to rise up? You know So The thing has not been conducted well, but it's still I'm so glad that he climbed down from U, we're gonna to bomb your civilization to death. to u We're gonna blockade your blockade. Oh, you think you're the only one to go. Blockade. Okaykay, I can live with blockades N not we're going to destroy your civilizations. Is there nobody around him going That's why it was so good that I had dinner with them. That's why what I'm try was trying to tell the crazy left wingers. You need more people like me talking to him, notot less. R. You're always complaining. You're surrounded by ass kers Yeah, get me in there. R. Get other people like that. He wants to talk to people, I think. I't. I think he's bored sometimes with the ass kissers. And I don't think he respects anyone who does kiss his ass completely. I don't. R. I've known people like that. does it drive you crazy when there's people around you that you know that they're scared to be around you or you've had employees that are scared to be around you and will say whatever you want. that has to drive you crazy, right You about me? You yes. It's it's an interesting topic. There there are it's nice Especially when you're seventy. peopleeople give you what I believe is the proper respect person deserves just for reaching that age There is a certain level and everyone used to understand this in America It's a very ageous society, many do not J just for getting there. You should get a little something. Your ask kist, no, that's not what I'm saying just a kind of baseline respect. You got there, you must have done something right, especially if you got there and you're not like, you know, a mess. But there are seventy year old idiots. They used to be They used to be thirty year old idiots. Of course. There's no fool like an old fool. Okay. But what I'm asking is Be this is what drives me crazy sometimes. and people that workd for me is some if somebody is scared to death of me and won't say what they're thinking and won't give me their opinion, it drives me nuts. I want somebody who will tellell me what they're thinking. And totally. Okay.. So you've had those people around. So to finish the thought, yes It's nice that people give you the respect you deserve, but when people work for you It is it is very hard for it not to tip into something that I bet you ninety percent of the people out there would love or if they enjoy it do love. which is a little bit of I don't know if you really feel that way or you're just saying that because I'm the boss. I don't need My ass kiss. I'm very happy with who I am. My ego does not need fluffing.. I think it's the appropriate size. It's not small, it's not out of control. It's healthy, that we need that. I do not I value the truth. And that doesn't also mean on the other side to be a contrarian. Just don't say the opposite that's interesting.. Just tell me the actual truth. That's what I'm always trying to get from people. Just the actual truth That's why I love talking to the young people that I mentor You know, people in their twenties, because they don't know what the right answer is supposed to be, right They don't know about Rachel Madatter. or Fox newews, right They don't know about what Tucker Carls is saying. They don' they just know what strikes them. How were your conversations with Bill O'Reilly We don't really have any I you've been I mean, I've had him on the show,. He occasionally emails me and I always to hear what Bill has to say and sometimes it's complimentary and it's nice. email back. I would say we have a cordial good relationship. we always kind of did. I mean, there was always you were cousins, you know, when when Henry Lewis Gates didid my genealogy on you that show where they do youras he done you? No, no, no. Oh, you should get it. I'm adopted. so I don't know anything That would be even better. I don't know what they think. It would be like a CSI I could have married my sister. But Bill O'Reilly, which natural Mar, very Irish You know, O'eilly. I mean, so way back in Ireland, I don't know, you know, we're all cousins at some point. So you really are Yes. That's great. I mean we all are to a degree. Of course. Even you and I are, of course I mean, we all come from Lucy. one with that thought. Although she was almost as old I mean, the whereere was Lucy found? Where in Africa? Yeah, East Africa. all of them's in East Africa. That's where Man developed. Lucy is about two point five million years old, about four foot tall uh, female and, uh stood pretty upright. You know, So two point five million years ago We had an ancestor who was four foot tall and stood upright and You know, was was well on her way. I say you go girl. You know, I mean I know that's not what is in the Bible. I hope I have Again, yeah, I'm a Christian and grew up in a Christian home U at the same time I You know, I have those beliefs and I and I appreciate when people respect people that can have faith Yeah And that's what I was saying about you and the Gassy N undergrass Tyson. Tyson. Yeah Is that I've been interested in like I downloaded one of his books the other day and it just seemed like he'd tempered that a little bit And you know, I I don't know the truth Nobodybody knows truth Nobody knows it yet. I can't speak for him. I can only speak for me when I say, I'm always with Richard Dawkins, one of the most famous atheists, when he says, on a scale of one to seven, seven being utter certainty that there is no God, I'm a six point nine. Right. That's what I mean, who knows where it all began? foollowing the And see something like that for me. I'm fine with that That's your right to believe that. and that's what drives me crazy about the left as you talked about before, They shove it down and if you don't believe the way you do, then you're an idiot. So no, I'm not saying that. Bill O'Reilly speinaking Bill O'Reilly once, I don't think this was in a debate with me, but again It' stop to remember the past. It could have been, but I think it's just something he said when he was contesting people who don't have faith or believe in God. And he said, the moon, how do to get there How to get there whichich I thought was like the low end of your kind of argument if you're going to make that. because first of all, we know how the mooon got there.. We don't know questions beyond that. The moon, I can answer that one. It's a piece of a planet that maybe ours that broke off and got smoothed out over the billions of years, you know, by the universe. Whatever Uh, okay And it's so great that we went back because it's going to get us a lot. Oh, come on, it's fun. It is fun. It's great. It's just another thing for rich people to do No But o We have to do that. But the question, you know, the moon, how did it get there? We can't answer that. Well we can't answer is why is there anything Why didn' any thing ever exist? you know? And if there was no thing with a beginning, would that be something? it's just ridiculous. Your brain is never going to comprehend this. So some of us just let that go. And we think that people who make up stories about why things are are just making up stories to make them feel better. But if it does make you feel better I'm not gonna You know I believe in good health. If that makes you feel healthy, if putting your head on the pillow at night knowing If I die in my sleep, I'll go to a better place right I kind of wish I had that. Well see, that's a reasonable All those things you just said is very reasonable. and that's why I appreciate sitting here with you now and talking to you And twenty five years ago Fir was all about the sex, you know that. Well, there were those interviews about you, yeah Jeez. U So and what are you getting ready to smoke Clove cigarette Oh okay. No, I'm kidding, it's pot Somebody' laughed. Okay. Probably my deal Be they kn I mean be great. I'm just gonna have a taste. I got it. I'm trying to smoke less and eat more. So I don't know anything. So's not a health c. Is this Is this stuff really more potent now than it used to be? I'm really the wrong guy to ask that because I've smoked steadily over the years. So like my resistance level is probably like Dennis Quit in that movie where he was the quarterback and he's in the hospital and like You got to pump up the volume Doc. I'm a football player, you know I had a dentist once who told me he had Ozie Osbourne in the chair once and like, you know, Ozzie was like, please stock. I'm Ozzie Osbourne. goodood shit. you know, I get it that you think this amount of gas w hs people high, but is that true? That's cute. I mean, it's a story I remember Could I have ded it Never. Could you have told it to me at a party in Montreal? It's possible, but that was my recollection of the dentist telling me that, but you know The beetle scud acid from their dentist. That's how they got high for the first time Did you know that?, I didn't know that. Oh you never heard that story about. Is that what happened?'uch a boomer. Yeah S's a boomer story and I don't know it is Beatles, you know, Right. I mean Yeah, that their dentists like put it in their coffee And they didn't even know it. They for some reason were there was like this dentist of the stars. you know, we have same thing that goes on now there' lot celebrities love doctors. Right. And very often, by the way, doctors kill them. Right. Elvis. Dct. Nick. Yp, Michael Jackson. Yep, Dr. Conrad Murray. Yep, My personal internist now. No. we're kidding. But u G, what were we talking about?. It's tough G in there. Doctors kill stars. R Stars definitely like to have doctors around them. and why why would you not right But I know there was a bigger point to it, but We don't care. We don't care. Where' the tequila go? That one? Right there. That one,, that's that one This just pore me a slight amount. like imagine I'm a drunk who' really trying to U That's enough. That's enough. Re Really trying to, you know, clean up his actfect and get off the street. Perfect. But my wife didn't make you cookies And's so nice. How long have you been married? Audrey and I've been married for almost fourteen years. We have twenty boys that are ten years old. Wow. This is your second wife? Yeah, And I have three daughters from first marriage. When was your first marriage Whenin? When, Yeahah. ninety four four. ninety four. And Is that right ninety four to win Yeah, ninety four. to two thousand seven He's from Bob New H Did you love Bob Newar? I L love Bob Newmark. He used to do a bit on the if I'm doing on the tonight show You know, said at some point you the people out here in LA, they start measuring everything by their wives. Dodger Stadium. boy Last time I was here, I was married to Helen. That's true. That absolutely true. Yep So anyway, I have three grandsons and my son. Grandsons. Yeah, threeree grandsons. Holy fuck. Yeah really. And they're the oldest one is almost the same age as my twin boys. So the Christmas cards are very confusing why do you think the first one didn't He took only it wasn't for me That's why. we'll be right back Yeah. Sorry, it kicks in from years ago on ABC. So great. Yeah. Did Carson really have on his tombstone? I'll be right back? No. He didn't? No. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. Oh man. that's a wife's test. What he said he said he was gonna have put on it Really? Yeah, I think I don't think so Oh well, they'd been great. I mean, think you Do you still have family Yeah, I have a sister. Yeah. That's it That's it? Yeah. And what does she do She's retired. I mean, I'm seventy. She's four years older than me. No. She was a teacher. Yeah. so you have nieces and nephews? No. Yeah. No, neither one of us got married. The line ends here. Many people have said to me, you know, Bill Don't you know you're lying? I was gonna end die. Im like, what am I fucking prince Harry? What are you a fucking f li? And also, I mean, I just think celebrities having kids, it would be a Nepo baby.. I don't want a Nepo baby and it's unavoidable.. Like even if they're not in your business, it's, you know, it's just it's almost inevitable.'s and why wouldn't you? I mean today's kids of celebrities. It's almost like D Rur. You're gonna do it. Well, I've told all my kids count anything coming from me. I'm spending every bit of it. My father told me that. He said there will be no inheritance So good luck. Keep working That's what I've told them all. Yeah, but you're a celebrity. If they do something, anything in the public eye, it's much more interesting for the media to cover Dam than somebody who is not who does not have a parent or a celebrity because that's the first thing. It's like, oh, we can put this bold name in. They know your name So like, you know, but they gotta work for it. Wello wein Dunhem. Yeah. I'm just making that menu. Its okay. That's terrible dude. Oh that's good I didn't want it to be the real kid. Whatever your kids Who we Dun 'em. Okay. He wass like, Okaykay, this is a kid, mayaybe you're gonna still have Chloe Dunham. Daughter of Jeff Dunham, the famous, you know Okay made more money on the road than Chris Rock and Gary Seinfeld and she is now, you know, has a new record contract with gigantic records Okay. you know likeike you know, she's got two million followers. I mean, a lot of the people who we know are household names, I mean, obviously the granddaddy of them, the Kardashians, but on down I mean, yes, half of them come from the Disney channel.. and they seem to have talent like enda and you know, they at least have training under Disney. And then half of them just seem to be influencers and Nppo babies and peoplee who were kind of grandfathered into the whole scheme of show business. And what did your dad do My dad was in radio news Where back in New York, and what did he do? Like he read the news. like back in the day when sixties, seventies, when every radio station, I mean, this is before, I mean, there was FM, but it was mostly AM And every radio station would have news at the top of the hour. Yeah. headline Moscow Prime Minister Kennedy Howell of the United Kingdom has you know, do you have tap Do you have tapes of him Yes, I have some tapes And is it abbs a radio voice or? Yes, totally. Absolutely. Oh yeah. it's so great. That's what it. Oh, absolutely. Right Y. And I remember when I first started getting into, you know, auditioning for stuff I'd be in front of the mic and they'd be like, donon't talk like that. I'd be like, donon't talk like what? Tal like yourself like that. Like what And then I'd start rereading like this and like no, no, no, no I know you have the accent that I would say att least eighty percent of the country has which is somewhere. Well, I mean, it's It's not I mean, yours isn't is isn't pronounced But it is an American accent We're an American. I love America. So so there ain't ain it ain't a knock on you And you grew up where in New York In New Jerse. New Jersey. whereere you Well, a suburb of N York in Bregon County New Jersey. Oh,. My father drove across the George Washington Bridge every day in Washington Heights, which is across the river in Harlem Upper Harlem and took the train, the subway down to Rockefeller Center or midtown where is ation And what was the station First it was WOR Wow. thenen he worked at NBC And then you know, in his later years, he was an editor. He worked with Howard Stern. He worked with Don Imas as the news editor Yeah, he and you know, In those days They would work, and it was a stressful job You know, my father was an Irishman, not a drunk at all, because he never missed a day of work never affected his family life When he would get home from work, he needed his three or four martinis. Oh, you know, dry, meaning just gin. But what he he was the morning guy? No evening the evening. Yeah toard the end, they put him on mornings and he fucking hated it R. And he used to get up at three thirty in the morning dririve in the dark and the fog That wasn't so bad. It was coming home after a night of work where they had stopped off at the Hoho, which was the Chinese restaurant at the bottom of Rockebeeller Center to have a little Chinese food. And you know, he probably had three martinis before he got in the car. Yeah,. But you know, that's what people did in the seventies. Right. And happily married, they stayed together? Yeah. I mean, I think That era people had such different standards and they just divorce just wasn't Okay, different standards, but was the cheating going on and they just stayed together It has to be that. I would be seriously shocked if I found out either one of my parents was cheating. Oh, that's great What you think yours were? No, I don't. I know there was a time that my father was very unhappy. That's called marriage. H was financial problems. He'd made some bad investments. They you know, just they built the house. I was a little kid. things weren't going well. And that's the only time I really remember them arguing. And I look at the pictures and I go Is that all it was? And I think it it's not all that it was. I mean, it doesn't help when you're having financial problems. Right. I mean, financial problems don't help making your dick hard. Even if finance is going well, right time You know, and familiarity in a marriage is going to work against exxcitement and Red hot monkey love. You know what? And's just that's just the deal. Okay, Okaykay. so I'm gonna agree with you in my first marriage And in my marriage now, it's like, telling you and I hate people that say this If it works, it works. and if it's If the two together are supposed to be together, that stuff can last. and keep going. And it's rare, rare, rare rare. The fact that and again, I hate able to talk about their marriage when it's great because it's like, shut up We love being together all the time. That's great, which is very, very rare And u Yeah, when we first got together and Audrey was on the road with me on the tour bus, we were together side by side for eight years, never left each other's side and never got tired of each other. And that's so odd. and she I'm, you know How many years older? I forget. I'm drinking tequila. How many? I'd like to know. Oh Noope M I get hit with this all the time. She was born in eighty and I was born in sixty two. So eighteen years please, you're an amateur. eighteen years. Okay, so this is beyond respectable for me. I mean eighteen years, please It's but you know, that is a great feeling. I know that feeling I don't know if I could ever maintain that feeling thirty one days a month Um, It's just it's just asking a lot. I just don't know how much And it's not them It's just u or her actually. it's just How much charm do I have I like the fact that I have enough days to just be within myself, not having to put out any degree of charm to anyone ask my staff, No, I'm kidding. I'm not mean or anyway. I just, you know, we only meet once a week anyway. But you know, I mean, I do my business and I go home. Right. Like a dog. Right. They takeick me out. I do my business. You're not a tough guy to work for? No I mean, I'm a tough guy to work for if you need Michael Scott. If you need some asshole who's like clapping you on the back every week and say, Hey, you're doing a great job. No. I mean, you know what? if I'm not complaining, you're doing a great job. Right. I'm that kind of boss. I think that's so much better. When I was an employee, I love that kind of boss. donon't talk to me at all. Right. Just don't talk to me. Do you shower them with things? Shower them. I certainly do not. Okay, here there's another question Okay, and I know it's an age old question. Why is it takaking this long for anybody to come out and say anything? That It's amazing. We were having our issues meeting today at the office. That is exactly the question we hit upon. Okay, And you know, you want to believe everybody, but why how is it takaking this long? Was he really wasas it really all cover up? I have I far I find that hard to believe But whyyn, I' obviously not a woman don't get it. Scared to death if something like that would happen if I was a woman? Well Its It's a subject I've talked upon before, especially with Cassie and Didy that case Yeah, which was very high profile.. Boy do you get a lot of blowback As usual Jeff, I will will not pull a punch even when I know there's blowback and my thesis was Of course, we have great empathy for women and what they've had to go through and still go through.. Me too has a lot of work still to do Also At some point, women have to take more agency and when it when it starts to happen, report it right away.. We don't want to hear about twenty years later you know, I mean Get out right away. If it's abusive port it right away. That's the only way this is going to work Because yes, there's's you lose credibility when it's like, he did this horrible thing and then we started dating or whatever it is. I mean, it's not always that, But sometimes it is that and it just makes it very murky And and women are stronger than that, and they can do this and they need to do this. you know. I don't think we are living in an era where the authorities are not sympathetic to this anymore, right? That is one thing that I think did change with me too. They're not going to just say, Okaykay, honey, you know, you're wearing a mini skirt, G out of my office, right? You know? You can get into big rouble for that now. right? As you should, right So Can you know step forward. And so I still think we're living in that era where women are adjusting to this New reality And I'm sympathetic to them because They see a guy like this getting away with this for as long as he has. And it looks like, oh, well, what has changed if he thought he could get away with it But here's the bottom line. He didn't didn't threat It's kind of like the cop thing For years, I was very critical of the cops because no matter what abuse they did, they never like held their own accountable. That changed.. When things change, yes, I changed. There's my theme I change. now cops do go to jail, right? You know, the guy who choked George Floyd is in jail. R. Many cops right. That used to never happen right. And it used to never happen that anybody could do anything to a woman I mean The golden age of movies It wasn in a golden age if you were an actress. Right It meant Louis B. Mayer was gonna get blown, right before we even start fitting you for the costumes, So things sometimes changes for great Sometimes changes for great changes, you know, ye I mean This thing I object to is with younger people is the idea that change just if it's change is automatically better It's not automatically better just because it's newer It can be. But some things are not better because they're newer, right You know, I mean, we see that with technology. There's just a lot of shit that U You know, I call it reverse improvement, right You didn't make it better. Yeah. Oh it is fascinating to me. when you look back at some of the inventions and stuff when you know, they didn't even have electricity and blah, blah, blah. We're no smarter now. We just have better stuff. That's it And, you know, the brilliance of the arts and all the stuff that goes back. It's I feel like we've dumbed ourselves down a lot. Well I hope you and your loyal audience. have not like you dumbed anything down I feel like N not talking about that No, no, but I'm just saying You know I think we've dum we've dumbed ourselves down with technology. You were talking about the same thing with the phones and stuff and everybody's staring at it and the new generation understands that we need to somehow go back and that's that It's that reversal of progression that I think would help society and help us as human beings No I just mean your audience wants you to be politically incorrect and You should, you know, That's a great thing. You know, they they they don't you know, want to be pandered to. Well, here here's the way I've always judged it with with my audience is It's like I feel like if I'm offending five percent of the crowd and I want they want to walk out, then I've come to that line that I enjoy Right. And this is the other thing is like this is one thing that really is I cannot figure out My job in front of an audience is to entertain that audience. They have paid good money to come see the show I am not going to push my politics on them That's not My thing, My thing is to make them laugh. I don't know at what point in yours is a different thing. pololitically incorrect. your different character, different thing But I'm talking about straight stand up comics that are supposed to entertain an audience Always ask an audience. This is what I've done for the past years I ask an audience, I was asking, who's going to vote for Hillary, Who's going to vote for Trump? And then in the last even over in Europe, I would say, we have had an election a year ago this past November. How many people dislike What's going on with that administration? How many people like it? It's crazy. the different countries are give different reactions. Why am I doing that? I'm trying to see who's in that crowd. Because I can slightly adjust some of the jokes to entertain a majority of the audience I'm not going to do my show for me. I'm doing it for them. So I don't know at what point at late night or in show business, did did did celebrities feel that they have to push their political agenda on everybody and they think that their everyone needs to know their politics. My job is to entertain and make people laugh. I was just watching It's Carson. I was just watching the Elvis Bz Lehman, you know, he did the Elvis movie, and then he did like a second movie on Elvis. epic Elvis Pley in concert. Right. And it's Elvis singing his songs. I mean I'm a huge Elvis fan Um, I was not a huge fan of lot of the songs he chose to do in his stage act I love his recordings from that period Late sixties, early seventies, awesome But he didn't do them on stage. He did shit like CC Ryder. I don't get it. Anyway, Bz Lehman did this and he showed, you know, u of Elvis and there's one where he' doing this press cerence. I've seen the clip many times. he's wearing his tyypical huge collar Codade had a beautiful Cobalt Bue and somebody asks him And he's looking at his best, he's amazing And they're asking him like, What do you think about the protesters these days? Rember And he goes like, Ma'am, please, I'm an entertainer You know, I just I'd rather keep those thoughts to myself And u and and then she's follow up You know, what about people Other celebrities who comment on it. I don't even want to comment on that And was like Thank you, Elvis. Right You know, thank you Just saying fucking suspicious minds as you do so well And and again, I'll make fun of both sides. I'll still do political jokes, but I try even it out the same way Leno and Carsen both did And because I think that's I think Most people can laugh at themselves a little bit if you're not too insulting. Yeah, I think there's more politics in Iq than you think there is. I mean, just to hab a puppet named Dad Terrorist. I get it. I get Istand I't run away from. I understand that. But I'm not calling the other side an idiot. Exactly. No, no, no, I'm with you I'm for you. I like you. I wouldn't have be here if I didn'. I don't think I have people where I like. I don't have to do this. This is my little pleasure. It is my midwekly pleasure. This is great. And by the way, can I ask you what band is that back there That's the Supremes. Is why That The little guysy in the band. Oh, that's There's no band. I mean, that's actually a real classic. I bought that from an art collector. That moves. I could like turn that on. That looks great. It's fucking creepy isn't They look like they look like something out of the shining. I love stuff like that. Yeah, I'm sure you'd I collect toys and stuff.. let you make puppets. Oh you. actually make them, don't you? I do I build the dummies myself. I evenven worked much on my tour bus Did you ever may see the movie the stepfather You got to catch up on movies. I do. You should see that one. What was the other one I need to see good something good though But the stepfather. Okay, That's great. Why? They remade it Well, he kills his whole family. Oh, perfect thanks. Like the first scene he just slaughters his whole family. But And then he leaves town, changes his look And of course, this is, you know, the eighties, nineties. so you could do this easier without social, you know, I mean without surveillance and So now he's in a new town And of course, he's a charmer. He gets with a woman always, like in the last family who like his God Kids, but no husband And you know, he's like the all American guy. that's you portraying, but he's really down in the basement plotting to kill them because That's how I picture you. per I' the puppets and you're the step. That's my second e. And by the way, we have a new show out called Jeff Dunhams The Cars that make. The cars The cars exxactly. Yeah what I do best pluged it. So it's on discovery and Dcovery. Yeah, it's on discovery and who knows. it's been doing really well Jeff Dunham's the cars that made us. I bet you leteno' on it. He is. He How could he not have? He was great, too. And what about Jerry? You gott to get him on there. He's a car nut. know I don't understand. That's another guy. I am a comedian, I think, but he would never have me on the cars and coffee thing. I'll text them. Thanks. I like Jerry. I've always said when I talk about Edgar Bergen talk about I always say that Edgar Bergen was the Jerry Seinfeld of the radio era because he was a huge radio star. And I always use that comparison. I've always thought Jerry was great, but he Never had me on his show. Did he still do cars and coffee? I mean go straighten this few hour I' no feud. I saw him in an elevator in his manager. What's his manager's name Well, this manager passed a Oh no What was his name? Oops. I don't know I'm just f. I can't rememberer. Yeah, yeah, but I met him in Evor. George Sapi. Ge Geor Saper. I't, Georgeapier died. Yes. Okay. but I met them in Elevator. very nice. Oh, yeah. You're greater. I appreciate you having me on, Bill Re pleasure Yeah. It's good to know you. Yeah. this was almost as good as Montreal. becausecause we had sex there. That's twice because that's what Ohh now it's twice. I love the way this story only grows. Perfect. I don't know how this ends. It's ending. It's ending. I think it's over. All right, perfect. Taco Night in intooom, to sushi in Tokyo, make every bite rewarding with gold from Emmx. Wherever you dine, four times some membership rewards points at restaurants worldwide are powiling up. Learn more at Americanexpress d. com slash exxplore dash gold. Terms and points cap applly