Closing the Show

Need to pay a friend back for festival tickets or a morning coffee run? AppleCash makes it simple. Just tap plus in the Messages app to find Apple Cash. No need to jump between apps or search for usernames. It's a private and secure way to send money. Send cash right in the chat with AppleCash. AppleCash services are provided by green. bank, member FDIC Terms apply Pifico crisp Mexic loager that wasn't brewed to blend in. We were made for the moments when you live like you mean it. When you don't just hear the music, you feel it. When you let the bonfire burn into the night, and find places you'd never spot on a map So when the moment calls, choose to reach for the bright yellow can. Choose yellow, Choose Pacifico. twenty one plus, disiscover responsibly, Pacifico Clara Beer, imported by Crown Imports Chicago, Illinois Hey everyone, Scott Okerman here and welcome to another bonus Bang where we rerelease great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And you know we're out there on the road right now with the twenty twenty six ground beefing tour. And because of that we decided this is maybe the perfect time to release live episodes that we've done in the past so you can hear for yourself what a good time it is to come out and see us And so this week's bonus Bang is the latest in the series that we're calling Globe Trot withith Scott, where we're featuring some of our very favorite live episodes from previous tours. This one is called twenty twenty four Tour, Washington, DC. It was recorded at the Warner Theater on june seventeenth, twenty twenty four, and this was the fifth show in that tour And who do we have? We have Paul F. Tompkins as big chunky Bubbles. We have Lily Sullivan as diary keeper Bridget Jones. and we have Carl Tard and Lisa Gilroy as Jingle makers, Lark and Hartley Jingleheimer. So this is a good one. As you'll hear, our live shows are a lot of fun. We have the funniest guests, the greatest crowds. so Come on out and join us. We want to see you. you can catch me along with Paul of Tompkins and the CB all stars. and we're touring North America, the UK, and Ireland. so you can check out all of the tour dates and byy tickets at cBbworld dot com slash tour. Now if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of comomedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hn't seen the Neighborhood Listen, College toown Come a subscriber at cBbworld dot comot Not only do we have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives, ad free, every live show we've ever done, ad free, ad free new episodes, more original shows, but we also are putting out every live episode from the tour we're currently on the very next day after the performance. That's for our Maxima subscribers. Now we're going to be back Monday with a new episode of comomedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang . she went on another bankan the compy. Washington D goodness, we made it out here. Who's hell with the light What you What are you illuminating, ma' Or sir, I can't see you Ooh, those are good seats Hm We paid to be late. Gotta do this, hereere we go, Ready If this was your catchphrase, you'd be home by now Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Thank you to prodducer pants So that catch face submission. Welcome to comedy Bang Bang. What an exciting night. We're back here at the Warner Theater. Yes. My name is Sott Ockerman. I'm the host of C comedy Bang Bang. We have an incredible show here for you tonight. I'm gonna talk for a bit to stall while everyone. findinds their fucking seats, I guess Front row And this is how you treat it We have a great show. comoming up on the show a little later, we have an artist. We have a writer And we have relatives of mine. So this is Very, very exciting And we're back here in Washington, DC, of course, our nation's capital Very important this November, Pokemon, go to the poll One of the most embarrassing things I think ever said. Who here has never been to a comedy bang bang show before? Very nice to see you. That's not what I meant to ask. Who here has never heard comedy Bang Bang before? Really? Okay, welcome to the show. Maybe someone's explained it to you, but that's part of my job here is to explain what's gonna to happen. We are going to have several guests out here. It's a lot like a talk show. I'm the host. We're gonna to have guests out here and we're going to be having conversations with these guests. These are conversations that have never been had before U Unless LA Peterson comes out in which case some of The information may have been covered before These are conversations that will never be had again. We will be transcribing every single thing that is said and make sure to never everver using actually any of the words that we used here tonight ever again So we're going to try to avoid Ah It's an important one. And we're gonna have a good time tonight. That explains it, right I I need a verbal confirmation Okay But before we get to that, We have a very important piece of business to get to Some people know what I'm about to talk about Take your time What'd you get? the world's largest beer? Not making eye contact at all Uh oh immmediately turning away We are about to do something. It's the most exciting fifteen seconds in podcasting. We're about to do the balcony report Now the balcony report, the people in the balcony were very excited. You should not be Beacause this is not to highlight the people sitting in the balcony. You paid twenty dollars less for your seats. Fuck you These are my people This guy This is merely to instruct everyone here in the theater as well as the people listening at home as to how many balconies are in each venue in which we perform You'd like to know that, wouldn't you You're all facing this way. You can't see behind us And now there is an exciting new wrinkle to the balcony reports on this tour. We are going to be countounting Not only the balconies in each venue, but the balconies as we go And as I say that, I'm realizing I've lost my place already Let me mentally tab you Sorry, I know you can't see that, but a very large bug came at me Warner Theater Someone said, yeah, okay. Yeah,' yeah Huh Huh So five total so far? Thank you Thank you very much. Well, let me tell you how many balconies are in the Warner Theater. Home of the bugs that attack the performers Warner Theater, I am proud. and pleased as punch to announce that the Warner Theater has one balcony Which brings us. to a grand total thus far the bang bang into your mouth tour twenty four To six balconies Yeah It's gonna be exciting by the end Can you imagine how many balconies that'll be? It'll be in the hundreds by then. At this point, we're in the first week, six All right, I think everyone's here Are you ready to start this show? We have a great one for you tonight. Let me bring out our first guest He is the aforementioned artist He is an artist who works within a very specific medium and that medium is bubbles Please welcome big chunky bubbles to the stage Hei Hi there BCB H I don't know how I feel about that. Okay. Seems very very early in the tour to be talking to you. Really Are't you glad to be getting me out of the way Some nicer people are coming Not really. No. Bore you It's wonderful to see you, big chunky B. Isn't it? Be honest L Look, I know we've had our differences in the past, sure. but I'd love to say clean slate from here on now You treat me with respect and I'll treat you with respect. So it's conditional upon how I treat you? Yes. Well, you're the host of the show Okay, I will treat you with respect You'll pardon me if I ask you questions that annoy you. Why Why would I do that becausecause I'm not intentionally trying to annoy you. Yes, my actions may Pause annoyance I don't know where I'm going with this. You're saying it's just in your DNA to be annoying And there's nothing you can do about it. I don't think it's that necessarily, but I do believe that You are irritated at the slightest offense. Re the slightest offense. So there's some offenses I should just let go Do you see what you're saying See, it's starting already. I'm genuinely trying to communicate. You are yelling at me already. This is just sound All right Clean slate, clean slate We're gonna to have a good conversation. Yeah, let's try. That's right. Now this is not for me necessarily. this is for the people out there in the audience, but we need to go over some of your details Are you kidding me This is the millionth time I've been on the show You are first of all, your stage name is bigig Chunky Bubble. That's correct. You have a real name as we all do. And it is do we need to tell people I really think they need to know. All right, my real name is Pety Amin Now Is that a name you go by around the house and with your friends or do you insist upon big chunky bubbles? Do you think when the Phantom of the Opera is hanging out with his gang, they call him the Phantom of the opera? They probably call them Jewels or whatever That's an interesting question. I don't think they ever refer to him he ' he's always going Christine, Christine You know, and don't make me don't to please I beggaking you, don't take my man You get it That's fun. We're having fun. We're having fun already I'm almost prepared to say I like you and that we're friends. Okay, we'll see if we get to that. You're getting there. Now I mentioned to the people that you are what we call or the medium in which you work is bubbles. Y. You are a bubble artist. I'm a bubble artist. I work exclusively with soups, stews, and chowders Thank you. So few people appreciate it You know, people look down on Bbble artists. And I think that's unfair They look down on them in terms of the way people just look down on all artists or No, even other artists look down on buble artists. Really? Do you think it's are we allowed to talk about totem poles I don't know if alloud is the idea. We probably just shouldn't. Hierarchy's a better word. Pecking order, I guess we could talk about. Oh, you're gonna send some tickets We really have a pecking order Every time I've seen chickens, they just look like they're all over the place You' tell me, that's a system So you believe bubble artists are the lowest in the. I don't believe that I'm saying other people believe that. Okay, please don't get employed. Well, listen to yourself Again, that's just a mistake You know what? That's fair. Okay. I apologize And I apologize for making a mistake. Dnt Peristroka. Nostrovia U'm now u You think that other that all other artists look down on bubble arts and there's nothing. I mean like It used to be balloon artists were the lowest And then that stupid Dcooning got involved He made that sculpture of the balloon animal. and now all of a sudden they're legitimate Am I thinking of the right guy Dons What's the guy's name Tunons. Cbs, Jeffrey Yes, they say. Yes You idiot is what they're saying. T you To be honest, I had no idea who you were even talking about today. You haven't seen the famous sculpture of the balloon dog. Where would this be? They He made more than one. they're all over the place. And then there was a big deal where some lady with a backpack knocked one over and they're like, Ohh, no, this brch is working hard. Who cares Make five hundred more If anything needs to be three D printed, it's that stupid thing Am I right? Are there some here in DC? Pp Yeah e? What If we imagine there were eighty Mona Lisas, who would care I would go see at least one of them You go there or you get like you happen to be there and you take a look. If I was passing by and like there was a Mona Lisa on the corner or whatever, I was on the corner. Like with a hot dog cart That's the image I have in my mind of what you're talking about, though. Are they just not out in public? or they're in museums! And there's how many museums are there in the world? Like A you kidding? come on What is this, Gine How many do you think there are? A hundred I'll go play is write rules. Are we sayate just aret museums? Then you get into modern art museums. Yes. It's a fool's errand So now Do you have like the big hoop and everything that Of course I do. Yeah We call it the hoopla. Isn't that fun? That is fun. Yeah. And so you have a little hoopper called the Hooplelet And you when you perform, you perform with large terraines of I have several terines of various soup stews and chowders before me. and they're on, you know those sterno things. The term escapes me at the time It's a time. rightight now is the time Why can't I think of what they're called Eterno. Hold on, let's take this to the audience Who knows what they're called? Chafing dishes? Chafing dishes, of course. The perfect name for that Do know how food chafes when it goes down your throat? Yeah Well, you got to keep it chafed So you do you allow the audience to sample the stews, soups and chowds before you do your act? No becausecause they could contaminate it in some way, that make it would make an impact on the integrity of the bubbles So instead, these are It's like watching top chehef, you know, like you watch people make delicious food and then you're sitting there hungry and you're like, well, I want I want to eat something. I assure people at the top of every show that these soup, stews and chows are terrible And then what I will do is dip a spoon in there, take a szip and go Sort of wave against your face like Thanks. I hold my nose pe you. Are people enjoying this? I feel like we're really getting down into the business of what I do in an almost serious way. Remember, I'm not real What What? Oh never mind I thought I heard something. So yeah, so you blow these do you bl don't blow the b. never blow. I bag you blow. Sometimes they do In my off time. Oh really? Yeah, I'll buy one of those you know containers of bubbles with a little wand. I'll dump the bubbles out, put some soup in there I'm wasting two things So in any case, everyone has a mental picture of what you do. I hope so You do the big long bubbles Eact, I'll do a big oblong bubble. I'll do a huge circular bubble. I'll do a sort of squared off bubble, bubble inside a bubble, The whole schear Did you ever do that like you smoke a cigarette Oh that guy?. And the guy with the blond ponytail for those old YouTube clipbs There is I do employ dry eyes from time to time. Do you really? Yeah. Okay. One time I reenacted the story of Frankenstein making all the body parts with the whole thing. Dr. Frankenstein, having the idea So like a light bulb above his head? Yeah, you saw it? No it. That sounds so complicated. He recruits Igor to strap the man down. Where was Igor recruited at school? Probably from some temper agency, I would imagine. of assistantance This is a guy who does clerical work, got in over his head. So now What are you doing these? I was afraid you weren't gonna ask me that. You seem to be very upset we were going over previous details. I was gonna stick to those. I know, but it's embarrassing. What's happening? Is that why you're here in Washington, DC? Yeah. Our nation's capital I was gonna do a big event. You remember when David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear The statue of Liberty, Bberty Where's that one No idea. But yeah, I was watching it live. Yeah, it was very a huge event. In fact, I was at my grandmother's house and I made my parents turn it on. Oh, you sure wasn't a wolf in disguise That happens sometimes I checked. Hey, how'd you get there through the wood What about the river? Do that give you any trouble Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. Sure. I'm trying to have fun on your level No need to stoop down to my level. I think I think podcast host is beneath bubble artist. Oh, I wish that were the case. But one time the smartlest guys make fun of me. They're just passing by. a group. That's a group. They're real friends in real life, Isn't that nice? That's very nice. That's why they started the show. Yeah. They also just wanted some free money. I love when money is free. Yeah, Isn't that the bestress So what are you doing here? Well, I was gonna do a big bubble show on par with the extravagance of David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear. And then eventually some allegations made him disappear Maybe the statue of Liberty was O Revenge This statue' revenge. Starts making rumors. Did you hear this about DavidCumperfan Yeah, well, that was a big deal, Big Chunky bubbles, as you recall, because not only was it a very large monument, but it was so symbolic of America and our. and yeah, to make that disappear Who, that would be like making something like, you know, the Second Amendment disappear or something like that Don't say that even as a joke U So what what were you going to do as your huge, huge act? I was going to fill the reflecting pool at the Capitol withith lobster Bisque. And for the fourth of July, I was gonna react Washington crossing the Delaware in bubbles I know. it would have been beautiful. It's very ambitious. J were you gonna have it be permitted or were you gonna try to sneak in the The night before I wasn't going to sneak first of all, I was not gonna make it permanent. I don't know how I would even do that. No, permitted. Oh yeah, permitted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It turned out the permit I got was phony. No. U Thanks for being on my side. That's how I felt. Where did you get this phony permit? I sent away for it M I saw a thing online that said you can get a permit for anything And it was a guy, like a weird looking guy and he was wearing a suit that was covered in permits. He reminded me of that guy with the Yeah, that guy. How did he get away? He wore the question mark soon. What about the Riddler? That was How did they get he should have gotten sued Anyway. I thought, okay, great. There was a form and it said, fill out the form. What you want the permit for? And they didn't have one specifically for what I was looking to do. So I had to go all the way down to other So on trip. They had bermmets for everything. Of course they did. It was fake What were some of the permits you had to go through before you got down to other? permit to climb a building like a human fly permit to eat a boat Is that on my strange addiction? guuy eating boats. No, 'cause there's no permit for it pererm it to be a human millipede Millip. Yeah. Oht no. That was disgusting. There was a picture And so You send awaya for how much, do you mind me asking how much you paid for this? It's embarrassing. It couldn't be too embarrassing. We've all been scammed before. I mean have we Sure. It would make me feel better is anyone here been stampbed before? Yeah. It's more common than you think. Actually that many people mainly in the balcony, which kind of Makes sense How much do you think I paid for it Probably a hundred dollars. I wish twowo hundred, maybe. M highigher Tw twenty I mean, go go higher than that F hundred dollars I guess I should just tell you. I took out a loan I thought this was gonna we might takeig it to the big time No, you took out like a mortgage or Yeah, I took out a triple mortgage on my home. Tripleage Yeah. Why is that even allowed How much did you end up paying for this? two hundred fifty thousand dollars No. It shouldn't be allowed. Also, Venmo shouldn't go that high What'd you put in the note on Venmo? Permit And an emoji of a piece of paper I should have done the emodeium The money flying away So you come here to Washington DC. I come here to Washington DC. Does it sound like I'm doing the Gettysburg address or something? Sure It sounds like you're about to deliver a powerful speech. So you come here and you arrive with all of your terraines your' chafing dishes. Exactly were you going to I put where it's what was the body of water again? It's the water The reflecting the reflect capital. Were you going to put that in a chafing dish and have the sterternos and everything? No, it's just water. I thought they'd drain it for me. So you arrived thinking it was gonna be. Yeah. And I showed up, it was still full of that dumb old water And I saw the nearest ranger and I said, What's this? what's this? what's this Why is this full of water? And he said, It's a reflecting pool. And I said, I know what it is Then we have that Abott and Costella routine back and forth for about twenty minutes So very similar to our conversations I give And And at the end of the conversation, you realized you'd been had or Well, I showed him the permit and he looked at it And he frowned and he showed it back to me And I have to admit, after I saw him look at it, it didn't look very official It was just a piece of paper that said permit on it. I thought there was a code or something Maybe a hologram, you know? or like a QR code or something. Yeah. And then you realize you'd been duped. Yeah. Wow Lot like you know some of the other people who showed up to Washington, DC about four years ago Only good intentions and then That's a terrible, terrible story. You must have bought not only this fake permit, but So many gallons of so M gallons of lobster bisque. And that's an expensive soup. It is. And I had a big, it was like a cement mixer barked outside I obviously couldn't drive it right up to the reflecting pool like I wanted to Boy, that was a conversation that went on for a while They almost tased me, bro. So where is all the soup now? Is it just spoiled? Is this? No, I've been eating it every day I have the cement mixer on so that it doesn't swil, keepeeps it fresh. That's a cooking act, by the way. If you don't want to store something, just keep it moving putut some soup in a tup of air slaap it on a roomba It'll last forever Well, I don't know, canan we salvage this somehow? C Why are you asking me I wantna help you. That's why are you g me some ideas. I've been living with this for days now. You just told me. Why are you yelling? Why are you yelling? Because you're asking me, can we salvage this somehow I went right for your angry, open shouted mouth. Bug shows up Wh will the end of my woes be at hand? Maybe we could brainstorm ideas, you know? Okay, start I've been eating out of a cement mixer for days I need some help That's like if you went to the doctor, the doctor said, what do you think's wrong What would you do here? So I'm the doctor in this analogy. I'm the guy who's supposed to fix all of your problems You said you wanted to help. Then you asked me what I thought we should do. But if I had any ideas, I would have done it. Stop looking at the bug. I was like, could I stomp on it like a house cat I wish I' brought a laser pointer. keepep you occupied. So no, I don't have any idea how to fix them. Maybe you could like as a protest, you could dump all the soup, you know, Wh Maybe you know, the capitol, it's got that nice dome on it, you know what I mean? It is nice. Maybe it could be turned upside down Does it open the top So they can get some air. Like Astrodome? Sorry, the minute what No, it is the Astrdome. Minute madeade Park. Oh is it Oh is it no longer the Astrodome? Yeah everything is named after a product now. Yeah. Oh, you could get a product Is there a famous lobster bisque company that would sponsor? If you have to ask, I'm guessing no Is there a famous lobster biscuit company? Well, the most famous company that has lobster involved is probably Red loobster. Take your ass to Red loobster. That's right You know, it's conditional. If one meets certain Ex. Threshold There is one requirement. Maybe you could get Red Lobster involved and they would probably be able to grease the wheels over there to get the dome of the Capitol turned upside down And then what happens? I put the lobster bisque in there. As an in wor That would be amazing. peopleeople would be. And then you make big bubbles out of it and where am I I'm up there on the rim of the capapitol dome. Yeah, you're like, you know, you got those that hover pack, you know. Now I have a hover pack I should have followed your first instinct. You don't have any ideas Well, what are you gonna do? Just turn tail and run That's not the big chunky bubbles I know. Well now I'm ashamed You have grit, you have determination. You think so. You're the guy who didn't give up after you horribly Mo here Yes You're still out there. You're still doing it. Anyone else would have you know stopped performing and probably committed suicide You're you're still out there Sorry, I was lost in thought for a second I mean I guess there's no harm in asking Red Lobster If they participate in this, I guess they could finance the overturning of the Capitol dome. Sure. They would love to be involved in overturning the Capitol E it first, you don't succeed Red loobster? Wh I thought everybody went there. What This is like the Arby's on suunset that's closing Big news on the tour today A place that no one ever went to is closing. Oh no That had the drive through menu right next to someone's apartment window. That's right I think I think you can do it. I mean, you know, you need to Well, now I find Red Lobster's gone chapter eleven Yeah.be maybe you could get a, you know, I mean, look, a stunt like this could maybe get Joe Biden a lot of attention. Oh, Joe Biden, the president? Sure. Joseph Robininette Biden. Do you think he He' sanction this Sure. I mean, he's looking to make waves. He wants to do something noisy. Call him All Joey, baby. Hello Hey, Hey Sot. P. What are you doing? What What's happening? We're over at the at the Warner. Great theater, everybody, you know, America, people say Theater Theater is important What are you up to? you over there at play you know People ask peopleople ask the question, you what are you doing? I say Uh I'm playing Strateigo Spy wears a hat? Wh's a top hat And then one guy is a helmet with a spike on Listen Yeah. I lookook, it's this simple America Right Yeah. Hey. Yeah Hey, I want to ask Yeah, shoot I'm here with a friend of mine Big chunky Bubbles. He's an artist. Look kind of like balloon. Sor. But you know, first and fight, when we Kitty Hawk, they said, Balloon, we keep going Yeah. it's kind of similar to that. He's a suoup bubble artist. What No Oh Look, it's sim l look. It's simple. It's simple Artists, you can't win soup Yeah So I know But He's kind of in a bind. What do you need? What do you need? He's in a bind. Is he way beind She looking to make a deal. Yeah. Yeah, he's looking to make a deal and he has an idea for your campaign that would be really spectacular and noisy. Listen, if you donate right now, we're gonna match it by six thousand percent It's a lot. Yeah, it's almost like, o, if we can do that, why do we need to ask for money? Give it anyway Well, we had't vote for me. I'll be humiliated. Hiliated Not in America. In America Yeah. We had this idea. We thought it would be really fun for a campaign event if we were to you know open up the Capitol, the top you know like the Astrodome and turn up park. Yeah Min made. and then turn it upside down and then Orange juice. yack it. Morning. Mornings. Yeah, that's when you drink orange juice And then we would big my friend here has a lot of lobster bisque and we would pour it into the it would look like a bowl if you were to turn it upside down. And then he would make lobster bisque bubbles that would say Vote for Joe Biden. Um In November. Let me tell Yeah. tell. Yeah. let me tell. Sure Let me tell you something S This country Honestly Working people, sitting on the kitchen table Wanna know Biscuit How do we do it? And the answer is simple. America Consider it done It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen T. Great I'll have my assistant follow up with all the details. I gotta go about to get four across diagonally. All right, thanks, buddy. Bye bye. W Exciting news. What He says it's going to happen. We're gonna do this. Really? Yeah, we're gonna do this. We didn't get into the details, but I Oh no. This sounds like when I bought the phony perermmit that just had perermit on it. No, this is the real guy And you have his phone number f course. all that work I did with making Hillary's Bet two Ferns episode I got everyone on speed dial, or you know, regular dial these days. It's pretty quick. You just press a button I guess that's true There's no such thing as speed dial anymore. That's kind of s. It's sad, isn't it? Yeah, I guess in office phones I wonder you gonna say, do you Should we rolepl this? Sure. Who am Who am I? You're the office drone And I'm the boss Tonight come into the office. Good morning everybody. Wking hard, good, good. Don't steal pinens. Hello Glass. How you doing, boss Gladys, I've asked you not to smoke in here. I'm sorry, I'm just so fucking addicted. Hey language. English, thank you everybody. Wis I need you to call another company for me because we do business with them. Just any company we do business with? No ABC company. They sell one, two three s No problem, Boss Should I stop typing this memo? Yeah. What's the memo, by the way This is a memorandum about all of the All of the holidays that we're taking off this year. Uhuh, S as Such as, of course, july fourth. Yeah, Independence Day. Sure. The day our country was born. Same day I'm just a lse I' ting those' two seber holidays. like Christmas Day. Right. Legal holiday. The end. Okay. We work hard. Yeah So call ABC compompany. All right, here I go, bys Why is the phone so far away? I sustained a work injury. What happened I fell on my elbow Maybe your head, too ould do you mind pushing that a little bit closer? Gladys? I'm the boss, but here, reach around this old Remington. Give it the reach around There you go. Let me see Boop, Wait a minute. Are you telling me you don't have them on speed dial? Speedial isn't a thing anymore. Even on these phones? Not even on these phones. It was discontinued in two thousand three. Because of cell phones? I don't know Who am I the fucking pope Atlantas, you're fired. You can't fire me because I quit. Good. Get out This is my house. You should have thought about that before you had such a shitty attitude I'm changing the locks. Where am I gonna live? I don't know it. I don't care. We've been married for forty five years. You can't do this to me. No. That took me out of the scene when you mentioned being married Always a pleasure doing improv with you big chunky b our first time Not bad Well, Big chunk can be up I glad. Were you gonna call me big Jkie Be abon? No. rude. No, of course not. That's the devil. Big chunky bubbles, I think you're on the path to getting this done. It's very exciting. I need a win. You really do. Can you imagine you up there on the big, you know the rim of the Capitol build It sounds very dangerous now that we're talking about it. Fireworks going off behind you? What noobody's gonna look at the bubbles They would be illuminated by the bubbles. Maybe they could be fireworks would be illuminated by the bubbles. worse Or maybe you could do bubbles in the shape of fireworks Walk me through that. Or heard someone say Jesus in the crowd. Jesus How it makes me feel less alone. We'll work out all of the details. All I have to say is this is very exciting. You're back on top. Oh, than you, Scott. I'm glad we're friends now. We're friends, Big junky bubbles, everyone Congratulations Andand dogs are with you This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, Squarespace It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place I hate going to a separate place to get paid. Now you can get paid right there at Squarespace. 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Okay Can I get a Jesus for that? Are you excited to talk to another human being As much as I've always been. Well, I mentioned at the top of the show, you're the artist, I mentioned, but we also have a writer here on the show. Okay. She is a best selling writer. She has written The diaries that very popular movie is based on, please welcome Bridget Jones. She can DC It so Oh o this for this. Oh this for me divy is fucking mento. Absolutely me even up in the balcony for me divy I I'm so bashful like I'm so embarrassed U what is that Wonderful to see you. wouldould you like to have a see? w to hike Not really? Come here give me a hug. I missed you. I miss you. I haven't seen you in so long I' been so young, why us have chunky bubbles? Hi'm Bridget Joe. How are you going? Everybody good up here. I'll gonna be nice to you tonight. All right, wonderful. I promise Wow, Washington DC. I love it. I love America As one can tell, you are not from America. You're from across the pond. And' from because I'm from England. I'm from the Yorkshire,hampshire And yeah, but I love America. Don't get me wrong. I love the Royal familyily. I love Pig Ben I love all the stuff in UK, but You can love America, like pajamas in the airport Yeah, Billy Race I rest U who else? What else?? Mcruff the crrime dog McGuff. ye love him. TV in the daytime Eth America. It's wonderful here We have a lot of freedoms that other countries don't have. Yeah, it's mad free over here. I love freedom. The Independence. I love an independent woman. most of all, yeah Yeah way they are P into him. Fuck What was that face about a lies scqureaming? Wef course we originally were from your country and then we severed ties. Yeah, I know. listen, if I lived in old fashioned days, I know for sure I would have been on the side being like, listen to me King O quQeen Hei there man Do its thing. Let them invent a hot doog. L let them Jazz music? Yeah, let them make their hummers. let them do what they do best. It's just mantal. It's mantal. Yeah. A lot going on With the royal family out there. We just saw Kate Middleton a couple of days ago make an appearance. Yeah, she's out. She's alive and well. well not well But she's out there in these streets. You can't argue with that. She's in the streets. everyverybody who was all about the conspiracy, I was in it for a minute on TikTok. I was like, I think she, you know went away. But she's back. Your suspicion was that she went away she wented, I don't know Somewhere else in Europe, Belgium or something. Ea. Where? Ebifa. Ebitha. But you Spanish Listen to that. Youre like you freaking fluent? I know that word Definitely. Yeah, Ibitha. Iitha Eit. But as a . A lot of people I wanted to say it too. It's fun to say. Iitha. Ibitha. You've been to Ebita Let' see Say But we're not here to talk about England or a be. No, no, we're here to talk about you, Bridget. You are of course the author of these wonderful diaries that the movies were based upon, the movies that Renee Zellger either won the Oscar for. She didn't win the Oscar. It meant so. I don't know Oh listen, so like twenty three years ago or something like that these Hollywood people come up to me and they like, C we buy your diay? We want to make a movie for M Diay? How did they know about it It was fucking big. biggest divy like whole world' ever seen. I think it g its record Really So all have to ask Do we need to Do we need to verify that? We might need to call him back. It shouldould be the world's thickest diveway. Thickest diary is what you think it was? And thinkick pes have. All right, let me call. But there's no way to know. Let me call You good goodness Freddy, Scota. Yeah, baby. What Do I make you horny?? What's going on, my man? Hey, I have someone here who claims they won one of your records. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting, go I'm listening. Who do you think it is Is it that guy with the really long fingernails Close This person has long fingernails. Yeah, with an out. Just for you. I hear a woman's voice. is that lady with the really long hair She's got long hair, but I don't think she won the record for that She does. Longer than mine Scotie, I'm out of guesses. Let me just solve your problem then because who I have right here is supposedly the record holder for the thickest diary. Thickest diary. I know who this is. Who do we got? He's a Brid Jon Did she say it You wantan to say hi? Sure. What as a man? How you doing? Re. I'm so good to hear from you. It've been too long. You're across the pond too, aren't you? I'm in Ireland, that's right. You're having some of that bread. I love the Irish bread. Oh, I love it so much. Also by the way, somebody backstage named Bread was helping me. So his name was Bread? Something like that. I think his name was Bread Yeah, what have bread. That name holds the record for Most misunderstood name Most people don't even realize there's a name Brett. They think it's Bret That iss absolute mental What's he saying? Is he talking about me? Yeah, we're talking about you Yeah. Are you being cheeky? What? You're being cheeky. You're being cheky cheeky Maister. You cheeky Maister. You cheeky little piece of mouse? You cheeky. You cheeky little mouse carcass. You little snippy snaippy ginger baby mouse. You little polka dotted bigig tailed packaderm mouse You did us a campster. Okay, okay I love talking with you. Okay, well, I'm too horny to keep talking Same. Okay, so good to talk to you. All right I'm going to say goodbye like a Brish person. Bye bye bye bye bye. by friend. Be's gotta be call me anytime. Anytime. Anytime. Okay, we're coming to Ireland No. Yeahah. A you kidding me? In September. What's the date? I think nine eleven. Oh boy I knew you were going bring up nine hundred eleven. How far in the show will be thirty minutes It's okay. It's eleven nine over the. It's better. It's not as sad. It's better Am I gonna see you about it? I hope so. I can't make any promise. Okay. I might have to do some work on the book. Okay, loveve you. I love you too. I love both of you. Love you br. Brid just says she loves you. Love you Brid. Love you bye You hang up first I don't want a man. I know, I don't either. He's going too money. You' gota hang up Hang up, same time, ready? Okay. Three, two, two eight, on zero or on one U zero. Okay,. Th, two, Nose. Nose One, one, zo zero Are You still there? Yeah. know All right, I'm gonna I gotta to B. Okay, goodbe Okay, love, by. Wow. I was mental. Who was there Oh, sorry. We just had to get confirmation that she got that. I'm the mad dickest dber in the history of the world Yeah, Mad thickest. So it was confirmed. It was confirmed. ye. Yeah. Oh yeah. So that's wonderful. So you have the thickest diary. So I had the thickest diary he hoywood exacts come, they're like, we want to buy a thick ass diary off of you. I was like, ye, whatever. I was like, Oh I doew my be fucking once in a while. I sell it to him they make this big freaking movie, Scott. Yeah, two movies. Well yeah other day they made in the fourth. So they went from two to four. the third. What I didn' realize there how. What? That's what I said. I was litally sitting there going, Are you fucking mant up? This must be like a Mandela effect. There can't be three. There's three. There's Bridish Jones's Dver original. Right. We all saw it. we loved it How socked ass. The original's much better. ' then so there's British Jones's diary, and Brity Jones's diary Edge of Reason. U. Then there's Br Jon' British Jones's Diary baby. Bridid Jones's Diaries Baby. Wh she has baby. And guess what? This is what so mental about this one. Ed of Reason it's got Zbigas brunet, it's got Hog Grunk and it's got a fucking colin fart. Wait, Hogazoo Hug Grunk. Hug Grunk. Oh wait, the famous lover of blowjobs. He. Yeah. He might loves blowjobs. He loves to jail but. He was like he was like that guy in the name of the father. He was like, I'll go to jail for this. I don't care. That's right. Good for him. Don't we all love a good blow job? Sure I don't know that I'm willing to go to jail for it, but I'll take one you to it So anyway, so hug gr calloling f' up d in the first two movies, right? But didn then come round number three H No Doid she marry one of them in She kind of marries one of them. She marries a yeah, she marries Colin Fart, Colin Fart, but then they get divorced or something. Oh, okay. And so it's a big long thing. I don't w to talk about that. b. Did this happen to you? Did you get divorced and No It's all just fake, right? I'm like Where's the chamidia? L Where's the yeast infections? Where's the reality, right No literally. I had a question if I may. Yeah You have the record for the thickest diary? Does that mean that you've been keeping a diary your whole entire life I have sent some room writing inside the room, scquatching it all out. C couldouldn't have kids after I can love her bath I'm so sorry. No,'s for the best, is Lally I was the best baby ever to be born. pretty sure you could say withinness Not not sure we have time for another phone call, but But well, I mean that's of course, everything that's happening to you. Are you still working on the diary? Well yeah. And now they're coming out with the fourth movie by the by They're gonna need materials. Yeah, well I'm like I gotta get the word out again that my diary, this is where I set this record straight. This is a good shit. This is what they should be making the movie about. Not making Bridget Jones what about a boy or whatever it's called And that is the thick diary that you use. This is a magic diary. Oh, look at that very single day of my fucy life. Look at this. I thought it was one of those dictionaries you only find in the library Yeah, Library of Congress. Yeah, I did my research I misses you know, from being honest, I to get I want to get the ve out. What are you saying You wantan to get the word out? I get I want to get Joe Biden be my doctor. You you b to be my doctor. You mean like your general physicist? Yeah. Are your gynecologist or both Wh someone who has to do the whole fucking thing? Why I had to go to two different doctors, want to look at my postum, one to look at the rest of my body, you know what I mean? It's like c certain doctors, yes. certain doctors just stop and they're like, Oh yeah, that's all I need to know. And then other doctors are are like, Ohh, I'll learn a little bit more about the ear. ye. What about those foot guys? Come on. Come on Creepy. Start at the feet and then say, I'm not going any further up We have a guest on this show, doctor Henry Footman, I think, Harry Footman. Yeah, he's fucking mental ir What part would you if you were a doctor, what part would you want to look at the most? Look at 'cause I guess you gotta likeew and stuff Maybe hands are their hand doctors. Oh, that's fucking creepy. Oh sick. Nasty. Put your little pause on it. Like foot doctors, they should do hands too, right? It's like, why are it's the same fucking thing. Yeah, yeah But but when you go to doctor. Arms and legs, what's the deal? Bungeies G Congress, Sand Jies When you go to a doctor, they look at your balls and stuff, same like general physician. Yeah. Well I gott go to a different one It's always the most uncomfortable part too and mine is always like, I wish there was a better way, They're all lying They're lying. There are the twenty first century. Yeah. It's like everything else we can do with tools. this. I gotta just put my finger in there Oh well, they never bothered to try to figure something else out. They could put cameras everywhere It's going be AI soon. They're gonna be fearing around in there. It she was I would be a chin doctor. H Soelena Because of Jane Leno. st is cool. Also because of Rhymes was with Spin Doctor is my favorite man. I didn't know that about you. I love Spin Doctor. What's your favorite song by them? Probably two princes I mean, if I had to commit to a favorite. Sure. Yeah. Second favorite? Oh boy, o boy. Is it a tie with every other song they've made? Probably is. Yeah. I mean, I love them all. Yeah. So so two princes just barely comes into the top spot. Yeah but give us the title. The title of what? Oh One of the fucking songs, man. Oh of other songs? Yeah, just kidding. There's so many. So anyways, you have this diary? Yeah, got me fucking diary making the round reading it up I'm trying to get your bide and be my doctor. Look at my pussy So did you want me to read the bed H This audience obviously wants to hear some selections from your diarary. This is mental. You guys are obsessed Okay right, here we go. Bed I way It is a typical English morning in Washington DC. Woke up to the sounds of morning Jo and Mika having sex near the cherry blossoms G to the shop for a bit of slop and to see the Washington Monument. Odered myself a puffy plumpy pudding with a side of chunky county sauce. O suudden the guard be telling me I need to get out. Something about me pushing the tourist to the Lincoln Memorial Relecting pool, whichich is one third mile long and eighteen to thirty inches deep May. Clearly this man was in love with me and wanted to stuff me Girkin and Marjorie me Taylor Green Butoy again, who wouldn't love bridge Yeahay. It's mental. that happened this morning or? Yeah, yeah.ed I've been here for a few days, you know, waiting for you guys to come to town. That makes sense. I've been bubbing around, taking in this fights. Taking in the fights? Yeah This his mad fight in the streets. His mento. Wow. Wow. If I have any questions I didn't know That all made perfect sense to me. I didn't know there was another reflecting pool. Yeah, no, same reflecting pool, the one with the chunky bubbles. But it's the Lincoln meemorial, not the Capitol reflecting pool. Yeah, well if you go to the Library of Congress, that's what its formal name is. It's the one that Forest Gump lik gets up to his navel in, right? What? Doesn't he swim in it or does his girlfriend? What porno is this Did that movie win Rest Picture? Yeah. What what was going on So Yeah, what question should I have? Well I don't know. I mean, I can keep reading. Where were you that they said Nothing But you asked me a question? Yeah, where were you that the guards said you had to get out? I was in the Lincoln Memorial refighting place. Oh, I thought that o. There's g everywhere. I forgot. they said you had to get out. Then you revealed the location. Yeah, right. I'm sorry I wasn't paying good enough attention It's fine, I guess, but it's like litally like I love Americans. like don't make me not likeem Are there snipers on the roof of that place? Yeah. Yeah. There's mad guns here. Yeah. You guys love it. Yeah, give it up for guns S We're celebrities, so we have armed security detail everywhere. That's why we're so happ. Is Bred. Bred's your security detail. Do you have another entry there in the? Yeah off course I do D Iara. It was a typical English morning in Washington, DC. Woke up to the sounds of Joe Biden falling up some stairs. Falling up. Falling up. Wow. That is how he falled It's a better way to fall You don't hurt yourself as much Plopp to the kunk for a bit noog to see the Jefferson Memorial M seve some Dunky beefy bile with a side of mangy mercin sauce All of a sudden, the secret serervice be telling me that I need to get out. Something about me kicking the tourists in the penises near the memorial, which was designed by New York City architect John Russell Pope. My Philadelphia contractor, John McShane M. Kar this man was in love with me and wanted to jge me busush and feat me By judge But then again, who wouldn't love bigs Yeahay Is it question time It's always Christian time. What's up? See, you're kicking people's penises. Yeah, get ready At first I gave him a big hug And then later in the show, I kick them in the penises. Why kick anyone in the penis? That's the place that you don't want to be kicked in Well I didn't have brothers. I was an only child I don't know if you heard a fucking massacre my momoms youud event We forgot in pen? Anyway. But did she didid she swallow? She had swallowed it earlier? Okay. Yeah, she ate it. And in a women's body when you eat a pen it goes straight to your uterus. Oh, I knew that. I knew I have a question. Yeah. Is the Jefferson Memorial the same as Monticello or are they different things? They're the exact same thing D E no this stuff. It's a busy day there. Oh yeah, Mad quzzy. Yeah. Was that today Yeah So this the Secret Service arrested you? Yes, Secret Service arrested me, put me in the back of the clunker But don't worry, I ate me way out. It's edible? Yeah, made it twistlers. What is it called again? The clunker? The clunker? Okay. Is that a vehicle or a room or what is it? It's like you know the back of a McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah, it's there. Okay Say no more Visual confirmed. Are you a terminator? Wouldn't that be nice? Oh man. I wish.' wait for those terminators to come take us over. whyy won't they take over already? Who Iwchennegger G And the Skynet Corporation. Oh yeah, I saed that movie over the pandemic. Remember? I do remember. It took you to the pandemic to watch that movie? Yeah. Well I haven't seen a lot of the classics, Except for Bidgie Jones, off course. Of course. Yeah. do you have another entry b? ntil you goes more here I ever know. D area. It was a typical English morning in Washington, DC. Woke up to the sounds of insurrectionists getting off free G to the nub for a bit of skunk and to see the famous White House Ied myself some fudgy goopy glory hose with insidey yeasty pussy boys S' the FBI be telling me I need to get out. Something about me singing the star Spangled Banner A capella to Janet Yallen in one of the one hundred thirty two rooms, thirty five bathrooms and six levels of the building. Mag. Clearly this man was in love with me and wanted to chump me clump and four seasons me total landscaping en again we put it a little bit Bridgget Jones, everyone. Bridgget Jonesones. It'' manto to be here. Please get the word out about me diving. I want Joe Biden be my doctor. You almost sounded like Adrianne Brody, introducing Sean Paul on Saturday Night Live Ladies and gentlemen, the weekend Salt and pepper The three best, three best ones. Salt in pera Summer routines live or die by how easy they are, and honestly, if something takes too much effort, I'm out. That's why Groons is my go to. It's one daily pack of gummies covering my greens, vitamins and minerals. Plus, it has six grams of prebiotic fiber, which is more than two cups of broccoli, no mixing powders, no giant pills, no hassle. I just rip open the pack and I'm done. They taste good and make it easy to stay on top of my health Even when life gets busy, save up to fifty two percent off with code podcast at groons dot co. That's code podcast at grns d. coot Carters has your family covered for every summer first. for steps, for swim lesson, or for sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents shine thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details. Visit Carters dot com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you I'm Serena Williams, and I'm healthier on Re. I've lost thirty four pounds a year with GLP one's diet and exercise. On Re, you can access GLP one options, including the first FDA approved GLP one pill for weight loss. Go to Re dot co slash journey to see if you qualify. fourteencent to twenty percent average weight loss in one year in non diabetics with obesity or overweight with a weight related medical condition versus two point two percent to three point one percent in placebo R RX only to stay informed about serious side effects, go to row. co slash safety All right, well, this is very exciting M. I mentioned that some relatives of mine are here This is the first time they've been on the show And I certainly know their names by heart Please welcome my aunt and uncle, Lark and Harkley Jingleheimer. The Jingleheimers Scott Scott! Sot Silly st. I'm trying I don't wanna be silly. Hi baby boy. Sing it Scott.ud Y aunt is singing to you don't'. T around, show them your little butt. Show your butt, Scott. Oh Scott! Everyone look at his little butt. Classic relives. What a butt What W U T B U TT. I've got a s losed Lark. Of course, yeah. This Of course, my aunt Hartley. Right. And my uncleart Lark. Yes. Yes forget my name. God. It's like you don't even remember us. Of course, I remember. I mean, you're distant from me. We Dignant Scott, your mom's a bitch. Stupid, Scott. She's stupid. Stupid Scott. she was stupid. S you Stupies. That's stupid. Scott, your mother was always afraid we were gonna steal you. We wanted you. You You wanted to have me as your son? You want you to be our little baby Yeah be my by my daring M be M baby now Yeah How wanted you, Scott? Scott, Don't be stupid. I'm stupid. I don't wan to be stupid. It's great to see you guys. I feel like it's been a million years since we caught up, but it's been a long time. I shouldn't have let you. We gota don't be to step to You guys like music, it seems. Oh we love it music guysy. Don't be stupid And you live here in the city? We live everywhere, Scott We live on a boat We sail around the Seven Seas. Yes, we do. Singing. Singing is yeah. What do you do for I mean, it's been a long time we need to catch up. What do you do for a long time? I should have left you withithout a dope beat to step to. Have you heard that one yet Are you musicians by trade? Are you Scott, you know what we Don't be stupid. We wanted you. We wanted to adopt you. We wanted to make you ours. We wanted to lock you up in a bedroom and never let you go We make jinkles. You make jingles. Jingle hammers becausecause I'm divorced Jinglehimmer Schmitht Divorced from from whom? From From Mr. Schmidt And this is my first marriage, but I do che . D't stupids, I'd never say my name, see my name. No one is around you. S me I love you. You and see my name, see my name. Can I just see if I have this stng You were married. To a man named Schmidt. mister Schmidt. Mister Schmidt. So your name is Jingleheimer Schmidt. But now you're married to a man named Jingleheimer I let her put the last name blast. Don't put the biggest name blast. D't be stupid. That didn't clear it up Who are you? Are You're being stupid? You're being ignorant. My name's Big Chuckky Bubbble. Big Chuckky Bubbles Sorry, Th these are my friends, Brid. What is that? Hi, Brid, arere you from another place? Yeah I remember across a pond, Maybe your bay now you have a fucking boow or whatever What's it called? It's callede Hamps of Yorks Sires. Oh, Gross. Nasty, disgusting. Stupid. Stupid.. Now write stupid. So you guys write jingles and these are the songs that are used in advertising. No always done, you've named product. product. Name any product. Any product, we've done the jingle for it. Shoes Soo soo s s Speran Soo shoo soo S S Sper An Oh. Fing shoes, stuff like that. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid. stupid So you just took the beach boys' Bobaran and What are you talking about Scotch? Don't say things like that. Oh, that's a lie. That's a lie. We wrote there We wrote that. How many jingles have you written? Have you written ones that we would know? You should know all of them. You shouldt knew that one. You must don't watch television. Well, Lark, we can do one that they know. S somethinghing like the best part of waking up is Rvioli. It was me in lock in the eighties? That was in the eighties. Remember the eighties? I don't even remember Rviolia. What is that? You've never seen a woman's raviolia I' stupid.' be stupid. It' seen a ravio. I used to show you magazines when you were a child And there were advertisements for it When a woman's healthy, she has a mad big raviolia. And when she's pregnant.. The raviolia is dark as hlls, God That's a deep tomato sauce on that raviolia. Scot Iaught you everything you needed to know about women. and that was the first day I believe you've forgotten all these years. When's the last time you had sex? Laur. I no, I shouldn't say it that. I've been on tour so couple days ago You've been collecting road fes Oscar I thinking Rb's as well for RBs R bees play that fs these dos We've got a fan, donon't be stupid. don' be stupid. I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. Did you guys do the pizza bagel one? Of course. Pizza bagels. I've been a pizza bagel. I've been a pizza bagel. I've been a pizza bagel. I've been a pizza bagel Is somebody gonna match my cheese? Is somebody gonna match my bageo Yeah,. You don't remember that one? So yes, yes. I'm s So many questions for you it's been so long. Y questions for me I don't I mean, you last time I saw you, you were just a little dink It's been a long, yeah I don't want to say's been a long time, been a long time. Its been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely time. I was doing Led Zeppelin, but no one could hear me d that a Oreo . We were hired in house for Oreo. We Oreo. In house in whose house. We We made millions of songs for Oreo I wantan to hear at least five more What did you say, Scott? I sp. I will spake your roum. D make a spake him. Y spake him, please. He needs it I'd love to hear some more Oreo songs. I love Oreos. Sore Oreover? S'more. S' more. Name a year, Sy. Any year? Any year that we've fourteen twelve. Don't be stupid.. That's stupid. Okay,een twelve. That was before Columbus sailed the ocean Bue From your piece of shit, man Yeah, no, I agree. I love America. I hate Columbus How about a twenty twelve? Lark knows ever hear and every song. D to Lark. twenty twelve. twenty twelve. I hear your heart beat to the beat on drum changang you came here with someone And so are you here in my arms? Let's make them might. Like we Oreo. This one was for double stuff It never mentions that. Yes, it does. Listen closely. I hear the heart beat the beat of a drum Double stuff now. Ihame that you came here with someone So I so in my arms. That's the most ofight Oh Yeah. Sounded like someone was saying double stuff while someone else was saying Oreo.ercial That's how commercials work. Stupid Stupid. That's called subliminal messaging. Stupid. I canan't believe you. I'm gonna to spank you guys. please don. I'm going gonna wrestle you.ank you. You're going to wrestle in years. Remember when we used to abuse you as a child Your mom would drop you off it would park the Forida has one hundred fifty on your head F flatten it like a pancake. remember that, Lark? And then we' blow it back up with mouth to mouth resuscitation. But we'd give you nasty thoughts Iink a nasty thought we'd blow it through the straw up your nose and blow your head back up. That's why you're such a fucking little freak now. Wow, wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Oreos Can I with you while I get as w, Os. Can I hear nineteen ninety three? nineteen ninety three. A, the year you were married? Yes. You were married in ninety three. Were you working together before then? Of course. Of course. We've been working together since we were child actors.. She was cheating on Schmidt with me. And you were child actors on the same show? Yes, Leave it to Bieber. ave it's to be the who, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. Remember that dep we wrote for it, but they wouldn't take it. We't take it for some reason. nineteen ninety three. one two three into the votes. Dogie Dogin, doctor Draid O yells Re ready makeaking an entrance. so back on up. 'causeuse you know we about to rip shit up. They're talking about the pack when you open ri and open. You're allowed to say shit in O commercials commercial you can say shit. We can say shit in our commercials. Can you do that in your piece of donkey ass No they don't have swearing over there. It's meantal. Nobody swears. I de little know the c' worords here. And I swear By the moon and the stars in the sky I'll be there. I'll be there. I swear. I swing like the shadow. Oide I'll be there. I'll be there Full better Rll up better. that do was p I love you withver reree of my heart and more That was nineteen ninety five. Yeah I do remember that one. Yes, of course. Yeah, it was a five minute long commercial... It was nudity in it rem. It was nudity. It was nudity. If you looked closely that commercial it was full of titties. And then we got sued by Rviola. Raviola. We said you can't do two commercials in one, we said watch us Scott, where have you been? You haven't reach to us? to be honest, I didn't remember you existed. I don't remember any of those childhood memories. I had a very painful childhood. I blocked most of it out. What did your mother tell you about us Nothing. Um It was a surprise to me when you wrote to me to tell me that While we were passing through that you Police are coming For you, you nasty perver. Nasty you nasty perver. You've been a nasty per. You've been you've been a nasty per Is somebody gonna match God's freak? Scott, we sent two hundred and thirty messages in a bottle to try and get to you We're glad that finally one got to you. Yeah, I'm not really a beach comber, so I Beach comomers whoa whoa, whoa, whoaa. Remember that them song?ember that show? I don't No. Oh, exactly I like to leave it to be for one Hey, fuck you Don't make me come over there and squeeze those pviolios. I wna see it I apologize for Bridget. That's But She said't fucking me. And you apologizing for No I didn't. I was stupid. I heard it, you did You know,k bigig chunky bubbles over here. He has a big july fourth show that he's gonna be doing. Maybe he could use a theme song or something like that.. Let me describe to you what my show is And then maybe you can have inspiration for your themam C ome of the Capitol Bing is going to be inverted, then filled with lobster Bque, then I will stand on the rim of it making bubbles reenacting George Washington crossing Delaware while fireworks explode in the background thinkink Let's think. Okay, okay. I think I have something. You'll hate this. And I'm proud to be an American, or at least I know I'm free. and I won't forget the lobsters that d gave this suit to me. and I proudly stand up on the rim looking at the one today. 'cause it ain't no doubt I love this lay God bless the Aria Beautiful Lord How was that? How did Oreos get in there? We are paid by them. Still? Yes. Sort lifetime contract. Any song you write has to have Oreos in it? It has to. If we say hydrops, we'll be shot I take on it Lark. How about something like, well I heard it was a fourth of July thing so something like like oh baby you're a chunky bub. You filled your tooths and tummy up. You filled it up with goo o o. So bend over do a poo o o Oreos I guess the first one He Don't justrespect my wife, I'll buop you a one. Do you guys ever do commercials across the pond? Well you do a British commercial for one of the desserts I'd be eating over there? What What desserts do you eat over there? Like something like a goopy girkin. Goopy gkin? A Goopy girkin inside a puffy plump plumpy pudding Did you say a goopy girkin like a tiny pickle? That's your dessert? You guys are awful. Oh, that's what we eat man Okay. Start us off h. Okay. Goopy girg Goopy girg Goo Goopy goopy Goopy Goopy g Goopy g Goo goop bigigger biger Go bigigger go bigger Goo Goooo biger Goo biger Goopy gir bo bo bo Okay very good smad hornoney at the end. I noticeding my tune about you. Yeah, I'm pretty sexual actually. I'd like to see you fill to the brim with goopy gurgs. Too late, I'm stoped Open your mouth. Yep, I can see one poking out the back of your throat. You should join us later. Lark and I are gonna get a drink at the White House. Hello No what, I'd love to. You guys like into like tripod stuff or whatever. I triogs. That's what it looks like when lark's standing up when it gets out of the shower Yep, he can lean right on it. I lean over like Michael Jackson in the dirty dian not dirty. was it An are you okay? S Chroodle?es. Thank you, Scott. Wow, my boy. My boy. Oh Lar. My He's so little, donon't pick him up. Should I pick him up? Scott. Let me pick you up Scott B A you saying that hurt Oh no. Gide your phone, I'll just take your text Lark. Sometimes he's a tripod and sometimes he's a kickstand. If he leanans too long on it, I have to kick it out the way and say Lark, let's go. And I fall forward. All of my front teeth are false You got implants? Yes. Yeah, like L Island style. I see them now. They don't have implants over there. Yes, the dentil is free, but the teeth are all pieces of gum. We did a chicklens's commercial and they gave like a full mouth. That is so nice, see? We're very generous over there Chicklets. kiss my ass, Brit I can't tell if you guys are gonna fight or fuck or. We're gonna do both We' do both. How late is the White House open? I gotta do the meet and greet afterwards, but maybe I could hang out. Join us at the White House. Are you crazy? We don't have a plus one. We already used it ont her Yeah, I'm coming literally So do you have any exciting work coming up? Do you have, you know, some new theme songs. Well than he a few comments, guys. Yeah? I thought maybe we could do a little theme song for your show. You don't seem to have one. No, it wass a great one. Reggie Watts, cool, you know. R U how do I explain him? O. James Cordon Wh? James Cordon Is that a British person m Sorry, I mentioned. donon't pick me up again. Reggie Watts, he did the theme song already, but I would love to hear, I mean, you know, maybe this could be a bake offff. Maybe you do a better version, you know? Wow. Hn, sure us off. It seems like you should start off one. Oh do I need to start one off Will that please you? Lark, don't let her get to your head. She's getting at my head. What's the show called? Scott, Don't be stupid. It Right up it's called Cedy Bang Bang. Oh. You could point your name would be a part of it. Oh, that's too bad, Scott. Yeah, you got got to. That's a QR code you could point your phones at And what? I don't know. It takes I did it earlier, it takes you to the Faces of death videos I love those, riveting Scott, it needs to have your name in it. Okay. How about this, hun? Yeah Ready? Yeah. Some folks want a Scotty boy with a Scotty toy in the neighborhood. Oh. And that's it 's I mean, it's not bad, h it? I. Everybody loves SOT. There's another tea, but SO te tea. You can get yourself clean, You can w on your day. You can eat a cple Aa What do you think about that Scot It's kind of just as stupid as the one we have, so Try it for one week. It's just one episode. Okay, try their theme song and see if people like it. Maybe I think we're gonna be in Durham tomorrow. We can use it there, Mbe. Pick a year, Scott. What's that? Pick a year. Pick a year. Okay, Pick a theme song from you based off who we wrote dur. Okay, nineteen hundred eighty six. nineteen eightight eighty six six Wow. Okay. So what do we That was the year we lost our daughter. We lost our daughter I'm so sorry. She was a stowaway on the challenger She wasn't supposed to be there, we told her not to go The weather conditions were poor