The Peanuts Cartoon Parody

Europe is calling. Book your European getetaway with confonidence on Verbo. With Verbo careare included on every stay, we're there before, during, and after your trip if things go astray. Verbo, your trusted partner for every stay. Gigo presents a thirty second podcast between your podcast Today's story is shared by one of our listeners. It's called Betrayed by Bill. It was in that moment I caught who was staring back at me in betrayal, or more like what My insurance bill And with trembling hands I grabbed my phone and switched to Geio, saving about nine hundred dollars in the process and never to be betrayed again. Now that was bloody riveting. It feels good when the story ends with savings. It feels good to Gaeiko Hey everyone, Scott Okerman here and welcome to another bonus Bang where we are rereleasing great episodes of comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall And this week we have something very special for you. We are on the road at this very moment with our twenty twenty six ground beefing tour It's Paul of Tomkins, myself and the CBB all stars coming to a city hopefully near you. And so while we're out here, we decided it is the perfect time to showcase the fun and excitement of seeing CBB live. So this week's bonus Bang is going to be the first in a new series we're calling Globe Trot with Scott where we are featuring some of our very favorite live shows from Tours past. Now usually they are Tours past and we release older live episodes, But this week we're going to give you a little something extra here. This episode is from the current tour It's called twenty twenty six Tour Saint Paul. That's right. and it was recorded just last week On may twenty sixth, twenty twenty six at the Fitzgerald Theater in Saint Paul, Minnesota on the second stop of the tour And this episode features Paulph Tomkins, Dan Lippbert, Jess McKenna, and Casey Feay, as well as the reteturn of Lauren Lapkiss to the stage. That's right, her first episode that she taped with us from last week. So as you'll hear in the episode, our live shows are full of surprises with the funniest guests, the greatest crowds. So if you want to come on out and join the Good Tes, you can catch us. All of the tickets are available CBBworldot com slash tour. Now, if you enjoy this show and you want to hear other great episodes of comomedy Bang Bang, all'll add free the complete archive, as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't seen the neeighborhood Listen College toown, as well as every live episode we've ever done and the current live episodes that we are releasing one day at a time, as they used to say We have everything over there at cbbworld. com. beccome a subscriber over there and you can get all of that. Plus you'll get so much more. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of comomedy Bang Bang, but until then enjoy this bonus bang . Oh say Paul Hold on one se Tickling my taint won't make you a saint, but do it again and I'll make some white paint Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to mis. Butley for that can phrase submission Hi and welcome to comomedy Bang Bang indndeed. My name is Scott Okerman and o Please another round of applause, even though lesser. It doesn't matter. No more, more Yep, whatever you said Thank you so much for being here. One of our favorite places to play, whatever this place is called No, the Fitgerald Theater, we love it here We love playing Minnesota. our very first tour back in twenty twelve, I think we took a shot at playing Minnesota and our agent was like, I don't know. A lot of places don't play Minnesota and I knew That the crowds here were the greatest crowds in the world So here we are cut to I'm sorry, smash cuts fourteen years later. And here we are at this beautiful theater And we have a fantastic show for you tonight. How many people have seen a comedy bang bang show before How many people have no idea what this is Who is that Afully close Were you dragged here by yeah Now you guys are just pointty at each other. I wasn't even talking to you So you dragged her or she dragged you Okay, I was talking to them behind you, actually. Wait, brother in law, you really wanted to get out ahead of me thinking that you guys were together Maybe because you're wearing a hat that says salty Now what is the nature of your relationship behind them You've been doing this to him for sixteen years, What Subjectum to coming to this, That's very nice. So you have seen one of these, you know what's going on, but you have no idea what's going on Okay, well, I'm not gonna to tell you No, this is a it's essentially a talk show. Nothing you see here tonight has been planned in advance I barely know any of the people who are coming out here on stage. And I'm the host of the talk show, and we're going to have a a good time tonight. I think coming up a little later On the show tonight, we have some hoteliers. Wow As the French say We have a brand ambassador I'm now really doubting the fact that I paused after each one for applause because they get worse and worse A broadcaster Whoa and a writer So this is a good show. You're here on a magic night. And oh, by the way, this is the most exciting words in the English language, live podcast taping All of your reactions will be heard throughout eternity here. So yeah, so yes. Do 'em loud, doem often So we're going to have a good time tonight, but before we get to that They're ahead of me already Yeah A spontaneous chant of BR has already erupted. Is this possible? Of course, at this point in previous tours, I have done something that initialized is known as the BR Last night, we played Toronto And I gave the crowd the option of reallyally saying what is going to happen on this tour. I said, if you want the BR We will do the BR for the rest of the tour. The vote is not up to you, sir Huh who just said something The vote was up to the good folks of Toronto are friends to the North I don't care Whatould it surprise you to know Staint Paul that they voted to have the BR on every show this tour So it's time. let's do it. It's time for the balcony report. Here we go Most people know what the balcony report is, if you don't, sir, Mr. Salty. esssentially what it is The balcony is known as the apex of modern architectural achievement. When you're a performer like we are, you dream of playing theaters with balconies because that implies that there was not enough room in the venue to fit all the people who wanted to see you. They had to build upwards. And what you hope to achieve by the end of a tour like this is to have an average of one balcony per venue. Now I'm going to give you three numbers here tonight And I expect the excitement to rise with each one The first number I'm gonna give is how many balconies are in this venue. Don't look behind you D't spoil the fun The second number I'm going to give you is the total number of balconies thus far on the tour That is gonna be a higher number, presumably The third number, this is an added number for this tour, the third number I'm going to give you is the average number of balconies we have played Over the tour Bear in mind, this is our second show So these numbers may not be as impressive as we would like them to be, but once we get to that average, You want it to be at about one All right, here we go, you ready? Because I am pleased as punch. To inform the good people of Stt Paul That's a Fitzgerald theater Has two balconies And that means thus far We have played in front of three balconies That means we have played to an average of one point five balconies Whoa B empty seats? That's what she said Well I don't care Oh, that was those are good stats One point five, already up to one point five. Wow E, what else No, of course, there's nothing else. Are you guys ready to start this show? Here we go We have a good one Wanna make sure I get their names right They are of course, hoteliers Yes, they've never been on the show before. Entering the Eesteemed One Ters Cub Please welcome to the show, Dwn and Daon Denaot, please Dawn and Dawn D know, everyone Don andon, Well, thank you for having us for showing us! What a treat. This is such a treat. We've never been on a stage before. We never been on a stage. Have you even before we met? No, no, never once you? Me neither no. Oh, that's amazing. It's amazing Don and Daon,ice to meet you. nice to meet. I'm D and I'm done. Okay. spepelled differently or the same way. Why don't you take a little guess? This is always fun. differentifferely. Okay, well, why don't you guess? How? What are the differences? I would say the vowels. Okay. Possibly a consonant. Possibly Do you dare to guess further I'm gonna guess one of you is spelled D A H U N N. Oh! That's a new one on me. Never heardever heard that before. Never heard Whagine smack with a pen Have you been stuck with a pan, young man? Not today, but in the past perhaps, but why don't you guys just tell me the spelling of your names? That would be a little easier than me trying to guess. becausecause there's twenty six letters in the English alphabet in the combinations. And thirty two teeth in the English mouth Not mine, of course. Of course, notark. I gotta make room for the dicks It So early What just kidding dear? He' just kidding' just kidding. Sometimes we're naughty.ust a little justust a little a turny your m. It's not against the law. No, it's not. You could be naughty all you want. Unless you do something really bad. Like murder. That's more than naghty, then you go to youew and hell. Why do we send murderers to jail when they're already going to hell That's a great quest. It is in the criminal justice system . I'm interested. keepeep going. So la is it forced by two separate and equally important groups Co on, dear. The police who investigate crimes. M And the prosecutors have tried the cases Would you like to hear some of their stories How about their famous song? I love that song. I love that song. I would listen to it over and over. Do you remember they paid it at her wedding? Yes, they did. We said everybody get out of the flor. It was the fastest dents ever The pictures were incredible. Just a blur of motion. It was really a boomerang. We had the first boomerang at our wedding, really?. Meaning the actual Australian thing that R would cameang a weapon, Really? Yes. You weren't the first one. Yeah, we invited a lot of objects to our weddingses, we didn't What other objects? Front row was a bed. The top hat from Monopoly? Okay. The dog from Monopoly. The thimbol from a sewing kit that was sometimes used in mononopoly when someone lost the original thimmbol. A tiny hat for a frog, not from Monopoly? No, slightly tinier Are you guys big mononopoly fans as I We don't like organized games. No. The only game we've ever played together is Kpllunk. And that's when I push him in the tub So DON DAWN? Yeah Yeah. Now can you get to the spelling of our last name Denot is the name. Is that a certain ethnicity Italian? He is. Italian? Would you like to get some ethnicities On this recording? You're right, I'll pass on that, but why did you just? two passes left? Okay. And then something very bad happens. Oh, it's so bad.. So if Duno, I would I would think would be like D good You At least I didn't pass. That's right? You tried. Would you like a hint? Sure. It involves punctuation Like Tony, Tony Tony? M Exactly like Tody, Tody, Tody. Yes. D apostrophe. Yes. Keep going. Exclamation point.. D apostrophe NO. No, no D apostrophe U NN U. T know. to know. Wonderful. Denou Deno.es. Doo. D who? Doo. Deno. And that was your name. And you took his name when you arere you married or are you Married. We mentioned our wedding. Did you? I thought maybe you' brother and sister and you had a wedding with, you know, on the same day with each of each other. New each other. That's what we thought. you thought we had a wedding. we had a thought we were broth. brother and s. We had a wedding. wedding the same day. And we did one. We did one d. two wed. The lawn or lawn or the same song Which as everyone knows is dg, dg So you are together. You know, kind of women You see We'll always be together as ones. Yes, That's what we said in our wedding day. We joined souls. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. It was a beautiful ceremony. It was. The bed loved it bed a simple cry And what attracted you to each other, was it just the way you both talk L? Well, we ended up, here's the thing, neither of us talked this way before we. didn't. And then we slowly morphed together having a same voice. Yes, we had surgeries that pulled our lips like this But wholeo mouth, we call it We call it them. The doctors begged us to stop seeing it doctors at a much more typical term. I can't remember. Anus orphus And we just call it butlemououse. We just call it butlebouse. Yeah. And And I thought that you were trying to say that the more you were around each other, you guys met in the middle of how you talkks. But no, that changed. We started to say that and the way changed. One of the things that attracted us to each other was we had the same last name. Yes, we did Really? So I didn't have to take his lastpe because I already had it. And I didn't have to give her mine. And she already had it. She already had it, and you know you're not related to each other. We Y. That would be a sin. We took a prick of our blood and wiped it on a paper and nothing happened If we were related, there would have been flames. We're good to go Next up, surgery. Now you're hotelise.. Y Let's segue into that. Okay, we'd love to talk about our business. We do because it's our life's passion and work. Okay. You own one hotel, multiple hotels. have a bed and breakfast. So not a hotel. No But you can stay there, you can, and that's technically being a hoteler Wonderful. And this is your home or this is Yes. Interesting that you ask that. It is a bed and breakfast and we do live there. We do live there, but we have guests and we make them breakfast and we make the beds. Yes, we do Is this did the bed that was invited to your wedding? did they Somehow get involved or work. Te pit is not in our lives anymore. We had a bit of a falling out. Sometimes it's tough to look at the pictures in our wedding albums Mm. What happened? Did you have sex on it? or Did you? I don't know, honestly. We had sex with it. If you must know. So a thrupple situation involving a bed? No. We each had sex independently with the bed and then found out later. And it almost broke us. That bed seduced us and tried to tear us apart. It was crazy. It was nuts. We rose above and stayed together. We did, and the bed had to go. We tried marriage counseling, which was where we W your finger. wip my blood on the paper. And it didn't burst to a fleve. And that when we were good to go again More surgery time. You had multiple surgeries? Yes. Can't you tell we look exactly alike This time we did the news We made it as small as a button Yeah Okay, yeah. so you you had You had different types of noses before. It is very similar now that I'm looking at you both, yeah. I had an even smaller nose than I do now. So you got yours enlarged somehow. With the extra from your nose. Do you like them? Do you? I don't like our noses. Come on. C on. I don't like to comment on guests physical appearance. being invited to I wish they were perhaps a little more proportional to your faces. I'll take that into consideration for the next surgery. Yes, smallmaller face. Yes, So the nose looks bigger. Yes. Thank you for your help. I'm not quite sure how you get a smaller face. I mean, isn't it based on skull? What the doctorors to say So you are plastic surgery enthusiasts mainly, Is that what I'm getting? Are not enthusiastic about it? No. Surgery is no light matter Do you enjoy it when it's done? I mean, there's a lot of recovery time, I would imagine. We like bandages. Yes, we do. We like to lay in bed together and recover. We watch soap operas in game shows? Yes, we've seen every episode of General Hospital. Are you familiar with General Hospital? General Hospital. Yeah, it's a classic soap opera that's been running for decades decades decades. And we've seen every episode. And how did you have to go backwards once you started watching or did you started at episode one That's how we did it. And then we watched episode one thousand five. And then we watched episode two We we watched two thousand four. We go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, and then we're eventually going to meet in the middle. And we'll find out what happened then Who are your favorite characters at this point? Blackie Parish See the guy with the eye patch? No. Oh. That's a different guy. I think that's days of our lives. I like the little doll that came to life. That's no. I'm just you know That's f patches But I do like the doll. I do like the doll.. I wish we had a doll like that. We can. A living doll that would come to life for the bed and breakfast. Perfect for the bed and breakfast. Wouldn't you like to stay at bed and breakfast with a living doll? You can be a little server. A little server. May, I get you another hard boiled egg. Can I put your dentures in a salve No, honest dangers, right C on. That sound It sounds a little creepy to me. I mean a little doll running around and you wouldn't be running around. No Walking slowly. Y. So you wouldn't be doing like the Michael Jackson dance with that robot? What's that? Why you assume that There's a robot that did dance to Michael Jackson. Let's see it Well, I mean, if I had to imitate it, it would okay Oh no Oh no! The robot went down Wind down! The robot went to window! That poor little robot What! Oh. We can wrap you up if you need. We have plenty of bandages So Would you like us to talk while you catch your bre off? I'm good. We tell you what we serve every morning. Y everyvery morning. The breakfast part of the Peterbg This is really lovely. Why did you get into the hotel business? You don't want toar what we every morning? I did not hear what you just said. I'm still trying to recover. Is' because there's so much blood in your. I offered to tell you what we serve for breakfast. Yes, I would love to hear this. Yes. Hard boiled egg Wet boiled pancake. I we like the middle's gushy. O the middles gushy Tomato juice Tomato paste Are these condiments or drinks? Yes U rashs of bacon. Rashs of watu? I didn't hear what you said Did I you whichish I sh Did you say rations of bacon? Rashoes. rashers. Rashoes? I don't know what rashers are. I don't even They're big, big troughs you could stick your face in reallyally?. Go to town. We ring we ring the bacon bell. When we When we get somebody really eating the bacon, we ring the bacon bell and we do a little dance I would love to see it. Oh cool course! I'd love to demonstrate for you. Well, can you sing the bacon song? Of course. I'm sure you know it And bacon, bacon bacon. We eat it every day. Bacon, bacon, bacon. and this is just the way. We likek to dance for. I like that. I thought we agreed we could interpret the baker dance in our own way. We've worked on the choreography. I know, but I I feel like it's gotten stale. Oh so you're trying to change it now. I'm not trying to change it now. I'm just trying to compliment what you' doing. Okay, okay. okay, okay. Okay. Hey, Hey, Hey, we're good buddy good buddy. We're good b good buddy. We're the same no who same same. sameame name. Gonna have same eyebrow, same eyebrows and forehead March twenty first, I can't wait. Can't wait. Pig your problems. Dope Why worry about that? No problem. Why so long before that surgery? Oh, you heard us? I did. I'm sorry. I was The Doctor likes to make sure we're ready and we really want it. He keeps asking us every month. Are you sure? And we keep saying Yeses So why did you get into the hotel business or do you We like to cuddle people? We do. We like to tuck them in and then climb in with them. Make them nice and cozy. We like to tell stories. We like to tell a little ghost story before bed, or a happy fairy tale your choice. You just push the button on his shirt and it will tell you that type of story I have an electric shirt. Is it voice activated? You you have to push it. Why would you I don't voice activated. You have to push it. I mean, when you push it, it activates your voice. No, it tells me what the person wants. One says ghost, one says fairy. Wh listens. Ghost, don's it ghost Two button system, very, very And then there's other ones we've just added outside, outside. Treat, treat And then he wants a little brownie. We added this one for fun, bitch. Well, fun for you, it is fun for me. I like be called a bitch. So this I mean, this sounds more like. This sounds more like a like sexual enticement than a! You. We've never had sex. We've never had sex. The two of you have never had sex with each other. each other. We've had sex with that b. And other things. You're married. Wh not consummate the relationship? what it's about to It's about an emotional connection. We connect here. Not here Not here, here, here, here here here here. Nothing in the heaththing suit area Nothing but the bathing suit touches. It was in her vows Nothing nothing. The bathing suit touches. Jeez, you oe me a cooke Jase now Jigs, you o me another Coke I pronounce you mad wife We said that with the offffician. And then he was a Jinx d. And then we all had to get lots of cokes. That was what the reception was. A lot of cokes in one song. Was that the only other human that was at the Reception. My mother was there. My mother was there. My father was there. My father was there Are there's human beings My mother's a coat rack, if you must know My father's a big yellow trash truck And my father's a set of sheets unwrapped from TJ Max My brother's a broken Christmas ornament But they love us very much. Yes. They told us we could do anything we wanted to do except open a bed and breakfast And that's when we got naughty. We got a little naughty. Would you like to stay there, Scott? Would you like to stay? Where is this located? Is it here in town or? It's in Dor Makota Interested? If you ever find yourself at Dorth Noakota, please stay at a bed at breakfood We'll tuck you in and cuddle you. Tell you ahost story orail or give you a treat. Or call you bitish. Is it extra if I get all of them? Yes. Extra fun So I'm picking up you guys are a little eccentric. Well who is the AD? You're eccentric as well. You just dens a garoo boot. It's a good good point It's good point. But you I mean, you guys found each other, That's amazing. Do you get a lot of business at this place or who business We booming Boomy, everybody keeps booming! So many people coming through and they love to stay at a breakfast and bed at bed and breakfast. Our Yelp reviews are impe Ipe C you read some? Sure. P pull out the book. Okay. W you keep that wall That's a huge toone. Sorry for all the dirt Somehow this book always has an inch of dust on it everyvery st we pig No how. goodood junk This one's from Joanna. She said, What a lovely st. I was massaged all night by the lady And caressed all night by the man, one star Check this oneood out. This is from Cicero. My wife and I were celebrating our one year wedding anniversary, the paper anniversary. We looked in the newspaper and found this place. We're on the right track, we said. Well, I was told a ghost story, but I was woken up to be told the ghost story My wife was told a fairy tale when she was knocked on the head to go to sleep When I woke up, the man was holding my hand against a button on his shirt that kept saying bitch, bitch, bitch One star. I remember them. I remember them. Iteems a little unfair to give you one star. One star is one star. the Earth has one star, The sun. The sun. The sun Oace is raided the sun. Would you want five sun better than that? There's actually a lot of stars up there. I don't know if you've noticed them. There's the whole They're far away The one you really see is the sun. It's right up in the sky. And there's just one of those, baby. Get it through your head, sweetie bie. That thick skull of yours. You brain dead Mora. Okay, okay Allright, alright. All right I take a lot of abuse up here. Oh, is that so? We've never been on a stage. Is that what happened? No, no. Well, I mean yes. But I don't want it to happen. We told We were told it's part of it. is you' supposed to heck with the people on stage? No they like it? They like it. No, no, no, no, no. But whyy have you never been on a stage before? You've never wanted to act What, normal question Ied magic for many years. but it was always on grass. Y. And I of course sang opera under a turnover wheelbarrow bitch, bit, bitch, bit You wanna give it a try? I kinda do. G a little poke Mitch fun. It is. It is. It is indeed. Oh, I a rose. How did you? How did you two meet? This sounds like an exceptional love story. Oh was such a story. It was a meat cute. Whateever there was was one The cutest meat of all c all. Now I was riding a tiny pony through town Square. And what is tiny to you? Seven feet wide? A twelve feet tall It's just tiny to me. I was genting on the head of a pin And I almost crushed him I almost was gred and my horse said, B. And I said, Wh boy, what is it? And it said, The love of your life And I promptly rolled off. Oo me. The pin went through my eye. No, don't worry, we fixed it. I got a pin in my eye. Now we match And how long before you guys knew you were inseparable? We knew it on inst. We fell l in first size. Jks, you oe a cooke! I pronounce you man and wife. Cks of youke And that's how it went. The rest is history. Well, it sounds like an incredible business. It is It is And what is it called, if you don't mind me asking? Well, the gab couldn't be cuter. It makes all the sense in the world Itind of A to B when you hear it. Yes. you think I should have guessed that. Y. It's called Ebody Get ready to break your fast and be in bed with D ask number one Aory in. Doris Nakota Now, full disclosure, we are not the number one pasta factory. No But it's just the name. It's just a name Can I ask how many people Arive expecting a big bowl full of pasta. Probably one hundred percent. Yes, I would say. somewhere between a hundred and all Yes We don't serve pasta. We never do. No, I don't like the look of those noodles It looks like a brain turned into worms. Something out of a haunted house, indeed.. Grapes are like eyes And your hotel is not haunted? No, notot until we die. That's right. we will haunt it And I mean, when do you think you're gonna die if you had to lay odds? Well, it's probably february eighteenth twentywenty seven D one Thank you We have it marked on our calendar. Yes If it hasn't happened naturally by then, we'll take it into our own hands. Yes I'm going gonna strangle him. And Im strangle her. It'll be a murder murder You hoped to. Have the light go out in your eyes at exactly the same time. I practice.. Can I see some of your? Sure. we choke each other until we get right there And then we say,. So right there. Bak. That's about as long as it takes before we die. and then We have it timed out perfectly. And of course, when we do it, we're going to expel all the air from our lungs. First of all, yes, we'll go And also we're gonna put socks in her mouth ach oers, of course. I'm give old a nice silky pair of mine for him, That's right. And my big old knit wet weather socks So you have that to look forward to in forty five years. Y. How old will you be then? Probably in our fifties. Yes. G. Your children Oh Lady never do. I tell her never ladies. Okay. Don and Don to know, everyone Dwn and Don D know. B bit bit, bit Bch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. I feel like I' impressing different ones. I know. I want the treat button. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace,quarespace It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place I hate going to a separate place to get paid. 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You can even bring your current phone and your number Choose from three, six or twelve month plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill. To get your new wireless plan for just fifteen bucks a month, go to mintmobile dot com slash bang bang. That's mintmobile dot com slash bang bang. Cut your wireless bill to fifteen bucks a month at mintMobile dot com slash bang bang. That's it, there's no catch forty five dollars upfront payment required, equivalent to fifteen dollars a month. N customers on first three month plan only, speed slower above forty gigabytes on unlimited plan, addditional taxes fees and restrictions apply. see MintMobile for details. Well, we have an incredible show. Can you guys stick around? S. Okay, great. We have nowhere to be until tomorrow when our guest checks out. You're not there. you have guests right now? Yeah. Yes. We've told them the story. They're tucked in retty early. They wanted to go to bed. Okay. Do you wantna call them? Sure. I don't have their number. you don't have your ph number? They won't answer. Why answer our phone. All right, G. you don't have answer, do you? See before you start I'm you. You brain did work. He so funy ass all Pieces of shit All right, shake it off. Shake it off. This was a great interview. You should be proud. Unless you was about to sing Till swift or you swifty All right, we have a great guest coming to the stage Uh They are a brand ambassador. This is very exciting. I don't know for what, but also joining the First Timers's Club. Please welcome Trade and Say, everyone. Trade and Say. Bch bitch. Trayon and Drayon, please stop Ty. H Hey Tg. Hella! Please have a teat T., Hell ya. Hell. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah Hellah.. Hell yeah. Hellah. Hell yeah. Hellah. Hell yeah. Your looks are hell yeah. yeah. Hellah. Hell yeah. Good yeah. Very nice to meet you Trading. Nice to meet you, Scott. This is Dawn and Dawn, of course. Yeah, Hellah. Nice to meet you. N to meet Doris Dakota. Is that where I place it? Doris Nakota. Yeah. is Ha, sick. C sick, very sick. Very sick, very tight. Yep. Fire. Yep Trayon, tell us a little bit about yourself. Absolutely my guy. My pleasure. startart with your gender That's a rude question. What an interview? Hell yeah, standards Just your ethnicity and your gender the first two s. Hell yeah, Is this a questionnaire? I just realized that was not discussed backstage. Hell yeah, he him, his male. Okay All. yeah Wonderful. And glad we got the hell ofay. So you are you twenty three year old man. love that. Obviously. Obviously. Obviously. Why is it obvious that you're twenty three? Becauseuse I'm telling you the truth Usually when someone says obviously, it's 'cause I want you to know you can trust me obviously. Okay. 'ause I said it. So you're here. All of our guests are under oath, by the way. Yeah, that's how I feel like interviews are. Tell yah. Yeah. So you're telling me Ruth, you're completely candid with us. That's right. You're a twenty three year old gentleman. That's right, Hell yeah And where are you from? I'm from right here Atlanta ten thousand lakes. Yeah, St Paul. Let's go Beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous place. Gorgeous place. Very hot today, very humid. Warm, yeah, I gotta love it. Gess do you know this? Cld a lot of the time God's honest truth, Hell yeah You're not lying. No, no, no, that's all true. This is real. It's real. this is real. Bch. It's actually that was higher. Wait, wait. That was a secret one. Wait wait. Can I find Bch. No, Really all of them? No B wait Wait. bit Dude, fix your shirt. Oh, it's fixed. Oh okay, hell yeah. The bitch is fixed. Is that a song? I don't know. It should be, should be. Let's. Is that a song? I don't think so, but do you have designs on making music? No, no, no. Sorry. You don't like to sing impromptu songs Well, I guess Trade and Say hasn't really thought that much about it You ever even tried? I guess I could try. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, let me try it. let me try one more let me try it one time for the first time. One more time. One more time for the first time ever, Hll ya. Whatould we say the big? Okay, big. Okay The pch car fs The fix on the pchures The pictures f Now never again. No, you're a. Nm not sure it's for me, you know? Oh yeah. That was beautiful. I might have just darted it in one and sounded a little like, have you ever seen a fox Down in a box, down by the bay, down by the bay. I' famar Do you listen to Children's music Eclusive? I'm not familiar with that one. Ever since I was a kid, I just loved it. You know what? That's 'cause here in Minnesota, we don't sing that version what are you saying? We sing I' in a great doark. Saint Hey Dg If not It look. Have you ever heard that one?? I haven't. You have a gorgeous voice. Thank. Well yeah. It was not talking to you, dog. It nice young man. It was definitely not talking to you. No, you do have a great voice, honey. Thank you. You do too. Thank you Yeah, you guys sound like tea kuttles. Thank you. Thank you. That's my favorite song. I'm a little teapot short and stout. Oh sick here Minnesota, we sing I a teaapod is going off. It's ne a grador That's what we sing here. That's how you do it. Yeah, we did kind of different. So now, from what I've been led to believe you're a brand ambassador. Hell yeah Whoa! Nanu, Nanu. Helli Iud did. Yeah I did. So I finished school and thenk I took a little backpocking trip and then it's time for trading to get the first JOB and I landed in absolutely a dream spot, my guy. Okay. I am just absolutely delighted to be working for Hidden Valley U And it's just like a beautiful way to spend one's time. you know, Valley is the makers of ranch. Oh I always thought it was a hidden valley ranch. I thought it was a ranch that was in a hidden valley. That's common that's a common conception. I won't even say it's miss. Be that's like what I've found working at Hidden Valley is like it's not about keeping secrets hidden. In fact, like they show me the recipe. It's not like a KFC moment. I'm just there You know, they say, Scott, careful how you spend your moments because those become your days and those become your life Whoa, I've never heard that. Really? Oh sorry, in Minnesota, we saying careful Let's find your moments Um And I've just landed in this absolutely beautiful spot where I get to spend working my working hours ten to four thirty Any timee off for lunch or Yep, a full hour fifteen in the middle. It's a great company Just mixing thats of ranch I stand I stand. I have to be like really grounded there, you know, but it's easy because I feel it and I just mix vs of ranch. Absolutely no ceasing, no stopping Smelling the beautiful smells of garlic powder and dried parsley. Then I take an hour fifteen for lunch What do you eat You know, right now I've been really into this is wild. I've been into turkey and breeze sandwiches. that I dip In wrench. Whoa. That sounds so good. What do you wear when you mix the wrench? Oh greatreat question. I wear whatever I want underneath and then on the outside, a white jumpsuit And then a hair knet And also gloveies And what do you want to wear underneath? Oh, it depends. Sometimes it's like part of my dad's Hy down vintage tea collection Sometimes it's like promotional shirts I get from donating blood. Sometimes Most of the businesses They end up on those shirts. Oh yeah, the like Red Cross thanks for donating. Oh, it's exclusively the Red Cross. For me, typically, but yeah, you're right. They do have sometimes corporate sponsors. I have some that like are from Taco Bell Taco Bell ex Red Cross. That's right Do you ever donate blood on your lunch break? Great question. I do because you know what? I gotta be careful and now I'm putting ranch on everything. Do you know that if you donate blood, it's like a five hundred calorie deficit? Oh wow. So I donate blood as often as I can. I can't believe that question finally lined up with someone I always wonder if people donate bllood dirk lunch Have you ever donated blood, Scott? I have, yes. What type you? I don't really remember. Yeah. It's hard to remember Do you know if you're paws are or neg? I believe I'm Paw. Cool, Sig, ye. Yeah. I'm not one of the great ones like O Ng. Sure. O to be O Ng. Yeah, but I'm just one of the regular. two out of the o no. I could save a gry dog. We learned that in school Everyone in Minnesota learns that So when you say you're a brand ambassador, it sounds like you're more the person stirring it. Well, I just find that everywhere I go, like you know, it the reality is like, Scott, I hate to tell you this because this might like drop the scales from your eyes. But most corporations are really bad. And so when you find one that's actually like upstanding, you're happy to ambassador their brand. And that's how I feel working for Hidden Valley, It's just good people, good pay hour and fifteen for lunch and I freaking love. How I spend my waking moments stirring vads of Ranch. Do you have a great big spoon? Yeah, thanks for asking. Did Did you have it before you worked there? Yeah, thanks for asking Great Is it wooden? Yeah, thanks for asking. When do they tell you how to find the ranch Oh my dear man B You can't touches me like that, I'm sorry. Yeah. Sorry. got his buttons all over the. No, he was just calling you a bitch.. Oh, D. Not you, him. Oh I skatching trees. Yeah. Hella. You okay? I'm fine. Hey man, you okay Do that thing where you scissored your hands again Oh yeah. You right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. You right? No, I'm not alright. I'm sorry, did I overhear that you your mother was a coat rack? That's true. Your father was some sheepets from TJ Mags? U Yes. Unopened. Unopened. Hell yeah. Unknown, man, The Hidden Valley is just just evocative name Oh. Yeah, do you know that there's a hidden valley in every state? No. Yeah, and you can they'll tell you where it is There's a hidden valley in every state, a dip in land that nobody knows about. But that they'll fully just tell you where is' they do know. They'll tell you. Why do they want people to think that it's hereidden? You know They're just making rent, right? Do they make the ranch in the valley? Yeah, where do you make it? Where do you go into the office? Okay, so you park your car at a distant separate parking lot. Okay and then you enter sort of like a sort of looks like a Cold War era building. Then you go down an elevator and your head kind of goes, whoa And you have a badge. And then when you're in there, you talk to your other stirrs and you don't remember what happens on the outside.. And then sometimes you can take your lunch break in this room with goats Although it feels like they're like, we didn't need this room And they might want to abandon it. But I love taking my lunch break there. att least I think I do. That's what I find in my secret journals I keep in my mouth. then Th you come back out? And your head goes war And your hair looks a little bit better. and And then you go home.. It's a great company I love working for. Ranch See, you don't have any memory of stirring the ranch or anything like that No, yeah Hia I don't, Scott, I'm sorry. I know that this interview is under oath. I just like, I don't want you to feel like I was lying to you, It was more that I was parsing information as I felt safe. You're being selective about what you told me. Right. weren't You sort of dishonest, you're right Damn I'm so sorry I did that to you Scott. It's quite allright. Im Sorry I did that to you, Saint Paul Win cities Greater TQwin City area And what about us? Of course, the Dins I can't believe I did that to you. Thank you. You're the ones I didn't love the most. Hh? cept Ecept your apolog Jinks. Jinks, you owe me a Coke Ceks. Now you owe me a Cke. Jeks. Now you owe me a Coke I didn't see it You know, we should add a feature to our bed and breakfast where our heads go wa, w Yeah, I think you have to have have an elevator, hell yeah. Okay, we can put that in. put that in. O a bucket where you pull me on a string. Ooh. I like that. So you don't have any memory of ever eating ranch? Well I've eat ranch in my life, but when I come out, I find little notes that I've rolled up and I've hidden in a false tooth in the back of my mouth. Okay. And when I pull it out, it says another eight hours of stirring And the companies called Hidden Valley and they say, we're not hiding anything from you. You chose this to escape some tragedy in your life. And you wanted this. And I go, yeah, that's right. So I mean, but you know what the tragedy is, right? No. For me. Wait, so the person about the tragedy? No, I just needed a job. I just think that's their boilerplate contract. Okay. So the escape is when you go to work, but then in your regular life, you still know about the tragedy No, not me. I'm fine. I'm seeing their boilerplate contract that everybody signs It is like, we understand you're escaping tragedy. And I was like, Doesn't apply to me, but I'll sign anyway. O. It's just a tough job market, you know? And how much do they pay you Unclear. So you don't get the money. I think they just pay for my house. What's your house like? It's an orb Interesting. Clear or opaque. Oaque. Hell yeah. That's the way. Yeah That wouldd be embarrassing whenever you got nude if it was clear. Hell yeah. Can you imagine being in an orb that's clear and you're nude? What are you, Gelinda?. She travels in a bubble, Scott. I've seen She's not nude, though Not that I've seen. Wicked is our favorite movie. We love it. We love it Youing weing the end. Let me hold your figure, thank you Tello. These two are special. They really are special It's really magical being in their presence. It really is. Do you have a loved one? U you mean like, am I dating anybody? S. I think I am dating someone in Hidden Valley, but I don't know. Oo, what are the clues? Well, one day the note in my hidden tooth said I stirred next to her today. and then when I was getting in my mazda, I like saw someone across and I was like, I feel like I know you Did you w to go up to them and No, I had to get home. I had hockey practice. Do you think? Wait, you play hockey? Yeah. Why are we not talking about that? Bro, come on man. Of course I play hockey. I'm from here. Okay Do I breathe? Do I know about grrey ducks? Have I seen a play at the Guthrie Theater? Hell yeah Hell yeah, two thousand nine, I saw Carolina change During Kushner Fest Tony Kushner, The very same In two thousand nine, how old was I? Okay, this will be fun math.ix seventeen years. A girl? A girl. Okay, I was six, helly up. It's a little young to be seeing Tony Kushner's work. Would you think Oh Caroliner Change? Yeah,'s great, Really beautiful. The washing machine sings and it's great. The washing machine sings. What o, like a brave little toaster. Look like my uncle and her aunt. How come hey, can I ask you can I ask you guys a question? Sure Sure. How How are you here? What do you mean? Well, like you're descended from objects. Just like how did you come to pass, I suppose? Is this like a beauty in the beast situation? Were they human at one time? but then they and they had you, but then they got object cursed and you had to raise yourselves. You've nailed it. I guess yeah. I had figured earlier when we were talking to him, I just didn't wantanna say anything. Were you worried that would be insensitive? Yeah, you started by saying, what's your gender to me If you know, someone's object cursed. Yeah. Itl to really bring it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever been object cursed? No, not. Thankk gosh. Oh And reallyah. I thought during COVID I might get into it, but no, no What was who cursed you? do you remember? Who cursed you? We weren't cursed? Well, no, we weren't Everyone we knew Everyone you know was cursed. old witch. An old crone an old crone of a witch. She was an old witch bed Hilarious. Yeah. But do you know that every time hilarious. That bed that we that we fucked was actually a good friend of ours Also the bed used to be a human. Y Y. Oh, that makes sense. A makeple was a human. Do you know do do was a human. The dog was a human. Is the dog an otoman no The dog is still a monopoly. The dog was a human that was turned to the monopoly dog. Oh The Ottoman was always anttoman But what a best man? Oh, what a best man indeed He was a great dancer during our dance. You let other people dance during your dance. That's sweet. It was the only song we played. Oh, notot a lot of dancing at your wedding. Just one great song. didid it go like this I wish we could be more people. No, it wentn't like this P dong. Oh, the Netflix mee Plose. Oh! You're showing your age. That goes Ggg. Oh, sorry. Was yours law in order? Y. Oh yeah, sorry. Oh, I wish we could hear it now. I wish someone would be able to play it If only someone saw wish somebody wasn't having earbuds in right now as we're Listening to another wee wish. You could make the song go. The earbuds are out. The gagunk from lawwn orrder not I be confused with the Netherlandings. we're doing this thing on stage Play the Lw and orrder song from our wedding It goes like this. dg. No no, You can't just say and not on mike. If only you had a computer right in front of you He's not. It's fine. We don't need to hear it right now. No, who cares? Who cares what we want? Maybe he'll surprise us later or not? Or not Anyway, back to the game Twelve angry men over there. Well, this I mean, this is an incredible story. There's an actual no,. againain, not you. Did you think I was just talking about what happened right then with I It wasn't my story. It was incredible. Many will talk about it for years to come Do you ever tell that as the fairy tale? The thing that just happened? Y is. We often do. It's our most requestedory. And then is your scary story the origin of how your family is still cursed as objects? No, the scary story is that we never get to hear the law and orrder song. Oh. That's terrifying. Oh yeah . Well, I look I think you're a very interesting person. Thank you.. A male person Oh yeah. A male person. That's right. Oh yeah. Who is a brand ambassador who stirs all day. Yeah, well, I think I do. I think I stir all day. Yeah. Yeah. Do your arm hurt? Yeah, it does. When you fell from heaven Oh Huh? Wait a minute, are you interested in that's f I'm interested in I'm interested in religion. What? Oh you want to know about heaven and hell? Yes. Hell yeah. Okay, yeah. Huh? sick Okayy, do you ever think about though like what do you picture when I say hell, Okay ready? One, two, three. Hi Hi Bry. wouldould you say? Would you say?ryink Bry. We said hi there. We said hi there. Oh. You two are weird Wait, what do you picture when we say hell, Scott ready? S One, two, three. Hi tonight. What'd you say? I said the Mc tonight guy. Let's try to do it so we really get it. We really hear it Hell yeah. What do you think of when you think of hell? One, two, three H there. What'd you say? An egg. Okay. No I said hi there. No, I said Hi there. What'd you say? Suicide king. Sure. Okay let's try again Let let's try it again. I think we've got it this time. this J two three Wh R Bar singing the national anthem Why Mike Rosanne Barr singing the national anthem? Oho, so we've got three high theres. Okay, so we're almost Wh Rosanne Barr singing the national anthem? Let's try again. Come on. Come on, I think we got it. Here we go. What do you picture when One, two, three. H egg! Why didn't you address an egg? h an egg? What said h. You said hi back I might go back to that. I Wh f tooth the nail. Sorry. Bch Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh wow Honestly, Scott, I just am realizing how much I don't know about my own life and it's making me feel like a fraud, you know? Yeah, it sounds like you're only awake for I mean, I guess sixteen hours? Yeah, how much do you sleep? A lot. Wait, what? How much do you sleep? I sleep a full ten every night. Okay, ten. ten plus eight six and a half. Plus time and a half for overtime. carry the three. So it's twenty four hours. in a day minus ten, That's fourteen. seeven and a half hours. Wors for eight You were like or six and a half, I thought. Oh cool Hell yeah. Okay. Trade and sway everyone. Tade sway. Hell yeah. Trade and sway. Trade and sway, sway sway sway Trade and sway, sway way sway. Tade and sway Say, sway sway, sway Stin way Stin sways sw wayays done done, done done don train train swar tra sway Gest way! Tradeom swear Tom swear Summer always changes how you get dressed, right? You want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable, things that are easy but still put together Well, I gott to say that is where Quintince comes in. They focus on high quality essentials that look and feel amazing. thinkink Breathable linen and soft organic cotton And Qince goes way beyond clothing too. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding, and more for your home. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything We get a lot of stuff from Quintince at my house. My daughter wears one particular Quintinces dress. It's her favorite thing. We put in the laundry every two days, I think, because she always wants to wear it. Plus, we're getting a lot of bedding from there. It's really, really nice. 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Head to wayfair dot com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less That's W A Y F A I R d. com Way fair, every style, every home. Gigo presents a thirty second podcast between your podcast Today's story is shared by one of our listeners. It's called Betrayed by Bill It was in that moment I caught who was staring back at me in betrayal, or more like what My insurance bill withith trembling hands I grabbed my phone and switched to Geiko, saving about nine hundred dollars in the process, and never to be betrayed again. Now that was bloody riveting. It feels good when the story ends with savings. It feels good to Gaeiko Luck guys. Oh wait. But the show's not over, dear. Wait, wait. Wh' that b up there? He' yelling bravo. Bill, is that you? He's wearing a tie dye t shirt Bill, are you up in the what is that? The opera box Bill Walton is here, everyone. Bill Walton Wow. Phil, you do you wanna come down on stage? What are you doing here Come on stage. We like talking to you. come on down. No No, come down here Down here Yeah, come on stage, please. Yeahah. come, come, come, Bill Walton, everyone. Here he comes Okay Bill Walton. Oh, how exciting. Oh I we might asot. I don't think we scooted too much. No this is good Yeah ye, yeah, yeah ye She's gonna really. There is Bill Walton everyone. No! You missed the stairs. There's more over there. you were closer to No there's there.ill there's two That's not a stair. That's not a stair. Wh's over here. What' your here stair. Use the stairs. Use the You forgot your scooter. Bill. Dude, who sco your scooter Bill. Wh scooter bill! We can't hand that. Oh my goodness Bill rooll this right off. Still, you use this one. There she goes If she finds a scooter, she's going to scoot Bhill, we have chairs for you. One second. I'll figure this out yet W look at that! And away she goes. Bill Waldon, everyone, Bill Waldon Chick. Did you turn your mic off are. S, there we go. Wow. You made it buddy. Here's it.'re here. No. What a cute outfit. They right back at you baby. Thanks. This is very fun. Scott Ocerman. Hi Bill. What a beautiful rendition of our Lord's song hell yeah, dog that. There was incredible It in the G city of Tins One of the great pairars of twwins Stt Paul in Minneapolis from Mary Kaye Ashley to Vincent and his brother Ven goo? No, no, no. what Vincent and are Ballo? No. Tenofreo? No, I don't think he's a twin. The Madman guy? No, huh? That Vincent? Who? Huh? Hell ya. Wh Which twin Vincent are you are you thinking? Vincent Lombardi? The guy who has a twin brother. Vincent and Julius Who? Vincent and Julius? We did these. We heard you say it louder. say Vincent Julius. Who's that? One was born big and strong, the other short and scary. Is this a poem One was born, was totally smooth, the other quite hairy It is a poem S Shell Silverstein Bot doog? L Marky Silverstein, it's a film about two men who are twins who look different. Oh You're thinking of A Dito Jakes, you owe me a Cke. Jakes. Now now you owe me a Cke. Jakes, now you owe me a coke. Jakes! Now you're Robert Durst. Kill them H all, of course I knew it. I knew it. You just sold to crime. Immediately, in moments, their names are Vincent and Juliaus on the moie. We don't care. Does the movie open with that poem you're watching it next to me, it does. Just a black screen. So you just say it over the opening credits? Yes. Every movie I start with a poem. Do you remember how I ghost say it again Unfortunately for me, poetry is as ephemeral as the air. Oh. Once I say it, it's gone. Try a new one. Okay. sameame movie? So a new movie, new movie movie . Give me a hint.. Arnold Schwarzegger gets pregnant Here's the problem. It's like watching Robert Frost at workor is writer's block. Two rows are diverging in front of you, my guy. And you're choosing neither. Pick one. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. I just didn't know this was gonna happen. Is your head hurt? All of a sudden? Oh, that's like when I go to work. It's like what I want to happen at our work. Right. I get to go wa, wow, wow, wow wow We have to buy a bucket. Okay, you have your home? The opening credits to Jior give you plenty of time. I just call for you That's what that was? Yes. I didn't understand it to beere. Try again, but don't listen to us. Okay. Bibberi Babi Boo. I lay inside a shoe. Bibi Babi back back. I think I'm going back Did that help? Let me know when I can start listening again. I'm zoned out. Pivity Bobby shy. Look, there's a little guy. Pivotity Bobby, uh oh This guy makes me scared It's a slat rhye and ty sllap rhyme. I love these two, Heah H.ill back. Bille, we're back. Are you ready Are you ready, Bill? You can't just rip a man out of a poetry phase. I'm sorry. He almost had something. Do you need more time? No no, Well, you seem like you want me to. Do you know, do you need more time? put this on I got it, I got it I got. Bippity bopppty boop That That's what said. That's a famous poem. I must have unconsciously taken it in when I was writing mine. Well, you can't c parallel thoughts. Parallel Oh, it's not parallel. That's calledld plagiarism. have you rested. Let's see if you rhmes with shoe. Let's see if you rhyes with shoe. Okay. Great, continue. Uh oh But that's also part of it I vibing. I don't know what I'm Satolog not Sat What's scatological What is scat short for when you're scatter? Shit? I don't think you should do that but when the great Sat manan does it. Thisother? I don't think it's short for anything, my God.at butter popet butter. That's butle pop. That's a Sat man. Yes, what's that short for? Yeah Satat.. Scat manan is short for Sat. is Stot, what are they talking about? I don't know. I can't wait to hear this poem. I'm very excited. Your first poem was so good. So good. We're all sitting. We're about to watch Jrior. I'll throw out the other don. Oh, our wedding songs. Sorry. No, that was the Netflix Yeah sorry on Netflix? Yeah. It just got added. Okay. Oh, I gotta go then. No, no, no, no, no no, no. Bill,re're in the middle of the show. Be honest,' never seen Junior, you guys.. you up Is there a movie you have seen? Oh D't say twins? Um, u Huh? Are you taking requests for movies that you've seen? Folks, who you seen a movie Name one movie. Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. You've seen that? Yes. It's how you like to go under your short. That's why I rented it. I was like, o, gu like me. Okay. And then I'm sure you have a poem for this one. Yes, I do. All right, hell, yeah, we're all both watching. Could we hear it? Yes Uh oh, you pissed off a man and it's time to go. You shouldn't have kidnapped Alysa Milano. When he comes for you, his guns are gonna be shooted. and during the climax the villain will be electrocuted. So it's like a spoiler poem I don't think like the beginning an episode of Colombo. Oh then we find out how Eissa Meta was kidnapped and how the villa was electrocuted and how they were shooted. And how Arnold Schwarzenegger discovers all of these things. Thank you very much, Don and Don Yeah. Yeah. Conggrats on that accomplishment, apparently Great suggestion. Why did you pick Commando if you don't mind me, Asking? Okay. It watching Arnold Schwarenegger movies was the answer Yes, And you want to ask her I ask you something that you don't have to answer Did you ever find him to be a sex symbol? Did you ever find him to be a, I don't know why I'm saying what you say. Here you go ahead. Did you ever find you to be a sex symbol?ange You o me a cke Jks. Now you owe me a Cke. Jks. Now you owe me a Cke Jakes now you ow me a coke. Robert Durst You wanted to ask something No. No, you did actually attracted to earn a choice. Oh yes, You didnt make you horny baby. Very well asked. Yes You just went right now? No.s just for talking about it. Oh yeah Holy shit Wow, like' freak in the front row. Hey, wow. Hey. Join the club. Scott, I don't have much time. Why? Are you time traveling? No, no, no. It't seem like the energy of that guy in that movie. I don't have much time. Is that Marty McFly? No, the dad You thought it was his dad? The dad in the garage. The white hair. Doc He called him Doc so formal. To be fair, what makes more sense? He's time traveling with his dad or a scientist down the street. Thank you. Thank you, not even fair. Not even his teacher. Just a scientist he goes and hangs out at his house. A mad scientist.ember the opening out disgusting decant of dog food were Yes. You had the machine to open the can of dog food. and then they just kept bit. And then they just kept dumping dog food on the ground. Never seen it. Really? far as first five minutes. As far as I know, unless when I go down the elevator, all we do is watch back to the future Do you think that's what my tooth notote means? stirring? Like the plot is so stirring Probably. I heard it's a perfect screenplay. hell yeah Is that true? People say, you know, everything connects Okay, I'll have to read it sometime. Just say what they say, hell up So, you say you don't have enough time. You say you don't have time, what's going on with? I don't know. I justel I just felt that way You just feel like time is running short? Not really, I mean No, I hope we have a lot of time left.. I there There's so much left to do. I need to bottle up some of that energy, Scott Ocerman. I behave as if everything that is happening is going to end immediately, so I have to get every word out that I have in my mind so in case someone is judging me on it, I can change their mind about me immediately Understood, understood. Oh good. So what are you what do you I mean, we just saw you last night. What are you doing here in Sot? Saint Paul, the Twin cities of Minneapolis? I hate to say this, Godot, and I don't want to embarrass you You did a little movement last night and you got pretty exhausted pretty fast. I did it again tonight and I actually recovered quite well. He did a little movement? He did a little movement. He had a little movement. Not bell movement, D. Okay. That's pretty Scott Scott Scotological. Geep up a put of them. Peep up a put of them. Bom man boom, boom. A a little movement. A a little movement bit at that Scatman's wife in the next room, just like, godamn it. Every time he goes to the bathroom, he does the little song. What about the toilet things he's doing? Sorry, Scat Woman, you married Scatman. What can I say? Do you think her name was Scat womoman? Did you take it as a title? Did she take it over like us? Was it given naturally? and it worked out perfectly? Infectly? My understanding is they introduced themselves to each other and he was like, I'm scat man. shes like, A are you making fun of me? And then what? She said, I'm Sat woman. And then what did she say? Be know what she say You're a scout man. No Wh was she sick? S. Th wouldn't he s?. whenn't she s said? I'm a scout man. You should add that as one of your stories, like a romance story. Oh, get a new button. Yeah. a new button. Yeah, The meet cute of Scot manan and Scot womoman, Hllah. Hah Yeah p but. Okay, Is that from Walaand? Are you? Fuck you. Fuck you F youuck you! I have fuck you Wha who well well, well W I going to the hidden valley? Wh Oh That was fun. It was fun. I've never seen Junior before I we did a little movement, Hollly ye.. Bill, what did you want to say about the fact that I did my little movement? Scrotty I'm happy to hear tonight it went a little better for you But I started thinking to myself, You're on day two of the tour. You've got to keep your stamina up, the planes, the cars. As a tall man, you know that's killer on the hips and the nips. Why the nips, Doug? What? Why the nips? Seatbelt chafage.. It's terrible on the NBPC. My neck, my back, my pussy and my crrag You should do some stretches. You should dwell. Neck stretes? Dom, that's exactly why I'm here. Oh, Scott, I tried to sell you last night on a talk show. It show. If you weren't here last night and I don't know why you would have been. In our show in Toronto, you were trying to sell a game show. show. Yes. It didn't go great. It didn't go. It didn't seem like it was ready yet. No No, it needs a little more time to percolate. I started thinking, I've got a lot of skills. I'm a former basketball player, I'm an announcer, I'm an athlete Why not exercise videos? Oh, okay. Oh ye. So I thought we could run you through my new program, Bill Aesthenics. Bill Aesthenics. Yes. Okay.. And for the audience, and I truly hope that they're not just comedy fans What do you also want them to be fans of? All of my moves are gonna be named after current or former Minnesota timberwolves They're into it. Great. Let's do this. Fantastic. What do you need me to do? Scott, if anyone else wants to join? I think that everyone wants to jo this is the type of thing you can do Right when you get out of the bathtub in the morning. the morning. Are you sleeping in there Yeah, you go home after a show, you get in the bath, you fall asleep watching aed? Mils Hot milks, serving milk. Hot milks in your area? You fall asleep watching milk milking. and you wake up the next morning in your cold bathtub, iPad soaked again. U oh, gototta get a new one Before you go to the Apple store for a new iPad, you do a little stet some of this. Okay so we're climbingimb out of the bathtub. Yeah So yeah, why not climb onto the bathtub. Allreat, hereere we go.m sorry. And if you have a workout outfit with you, feel free If I have one right now, Yeah, just get comfortable. You're gonna to get sweaty scop. I'm basically just wearing what I What he o God? Oh, he's got it o, o. He's taking off his tie die shirts. And we have a green tank top underneath. He's putting his hair in a bun M ponytail? TBD. Yeah, Maybe he's trying to pull it out. He's really working on it. Maybe he's trying to pull his brain. He's doing E grimly. Out. I think he's trying to pull himself up off the ground. Outuch. Careful, Bill. Oh, it's not working. Out. Your gravity, unfortunatelyust t two. So scared for you, hell yeah It was almost like a magic trick. But I didn't know how I was gonna end and it never did He you abanded up Too hard Too hard, he said. T hard I'm still having trouble learning hair tyying. I never learned it. Okay, we can take you that. Okay. All right, what are we doing? So first, it's a classic post. You might know it as downward dog. I call it downward dang after Luell dang So this is Scott, if you want to start or you could follow me. I would rather follow you. Okay great yeah. Okay, watch the crack I'm gonna do it this way if that's all right I'm far from the crown, I'm okay. Yeah, you' good. Scott. Yep, get into that right there. So Scott, you're doing. Scott, you're doing your best with you're not doing it right don't get out of it, Scott getet back into the post. How do you know that was his best Beacause he's my buddy. I know he's always crying his best. Fair enough. All right, tryry again. Jeez, was he gonna kick my eye? You really joked out you through. I know. Get the fuck off my back, bitch. I hate this fucking guy, bititch. I hear everything. Yeah, I'm speaking into a microphone, you dumbass G did Mora. D'd you get slapp with a pan? B. Wha, whoa, whoa, whoa. Scott stay in the post? No I'll play your silly little game. Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, whoa, whoa, o, okay, take it back. No, no, no, I'm on your side. Okay. Wha whoa. What did I do? Nothing yet. All right, All right, let's see We're back into downward dang. and the whole idea of Downward dang is you're stretching your whole body. Pass You're passing? Yes, I know what would have pass. Don has used his first and only pass on Bill Athenics. Ohs. How it? I only get one. You get one pass. Okay, I'm doing it. You're doing the pose do the pose. Great, so let's get do our downward dangs.. Okay. Named after whereere are my Luell Dang heads at Great, great. Okay. Now Scott, you wanna really do more up Yes, King, where are you feeling itsy? U my butt hole Check all of us we're done. Okay, great. May I touch you? Yeah, sure You gotta spread that finger out a little sayay what Okay, great. May I touch you? Me Yes you. Yes. All right, so right here B bit bit bit Perfect. You should be able to breathe a little bit, but it should be tough enough that it's hard to say bitch That's just a button on his shirt, so. Oh, okay May I touch you? Y You're doing perfect. Oh, he just stay in the pose. I knew you wouldn't get back to me for a long time. I didn't want to do it that long. The point is Scott, you get comfortable staying in the pose, you're building stamina. Okay. All right, let's get into one that's a little easy. Okay, great. Okay. This is Carl Anthony Town's pose or Cat pose. Okay such such a cool name. I'm not familiar with the cat pe. No cap. No cap. Cat. No cap No cab? No cab. You don't have a cab. You don't have ever a c. No cab. Was I insinuating I was at some point? Yes. you. When did I insinuate I was wearing a cap? I think you knew. No, no, no, I was just saying no lie, no cap. Okay, everybody, I wouldd like to currently apologize for at some point in tonight's show insinuating I was wearing a cap. Did you say curmently apologize And so I'm so sorry, Piggy ood Good apology. Oh yeah, That's really good. Bhill. very sincere. Ver Bhill, how many poses are we doing? Yeah?Cuse that was number one. That was one. O of two. Scott, how How in shape do you wanna be when you're in Bunfuck Ireland Can we get the second pooe We'll skip cat personkins basically just hands and knees. we got the joke out there. Oh, cat cat cow. Okay, so we'll move intoow. Well cow is the other half of cat cow. and that's Jamal Calford. So The easy way to remember this is he's an assist king. So this pose will assist your back in feeling better.al C. That's an easy way to remember this pose So I have to know who this guy is. Ma Crawford H to know he's the assist king And that'll let me know that it will assist me And then doing this post. G I think of what this is gonna be. Okay, greatreat. Let's do. is sell this fucking show. Okay, all right, let's do it. I am deeply underwater financially and I need to sell a show where we do, well, what's it called Bill aesthenics? Let's Lets don't know I didude, I'd probably get you a hook up a hidden valley if you want You wantan to stirch? You want to stir some ranch St some ranch. Wait seriously? Yeah, Yeah, hell yeah. Stir some ranch. If they hired me, they'd have to take me for eight hours a day only stirring J So you're telling me for the entire day I could be near shelf stable ranch. My guy, it's like the best thing because you know, the way we spend our moments is how we spend our days and that becomes our life. becomes our life Drive my gl Do you do that in all conversations? Be I love that. Yeah. We should all sing mid conversation. It tastakes whimsy, Scott, sing a song. Now one that makes you whimsical. One that let the dogs out. No. Can we do the other pose?actly, how many more are there? There's a hundred. No I do the last pose. Okay, the last pose cororpse pose. So lay flat on the ground. Okay, that's easy. Stomach down or stomach up. Stomach up like a corpse idiot. Well what if you die face down, bitch. you brain deig Mor of? Fucking ass. I'm gonna die exploded. Who knows how you die? I'm gonna be exploded. So this is called corpse pose But in Minnesota, Timberwolves Parlands, we call it Julius Randall Meow, Claws in, cat. I once knew some twins named Vincent and Julius. Yes, O was very hairy and one was also smooth I Great Now the whole point of corpse pose is you're supposed to rest like you're dead and reconnect with yourself. So you're next to your bathtub the mat or on the little towel they give you at the hotel that you accidentally slash pe on out of the toilet. 'causeuse you're so tall and the toilet's so low that anytime you pe standing up. It p up, b pop. Pe up a butter P where just standing up. P on the towel. Guys I think Scott fell asleep. Oh, that's nice for him. You works so hard. so hard. Hell yeah. Guys, while Scotts asleep, I think we should get him a present. Give him a present? Yeah. We should give him a present while he's asleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. L we should all kiss him on the lipster, just like a little present Oh, I have the craziest drain Oh yeah.. Yeah We'll do it another time So Bill, that was the last pose that we were. Yeah There were, there were one hundred and ninety seven others, but get up, big Dg. You do three of those in the morning out of the bathtub. You'll be able to dance like Michael Jackson Robot with falls in no time. Thank you very much. Bill Welton, everyone. Bill Welton Io This man Ico. All right, we have one more guest coming to the stage. and this is someone who is not in the Eesteemed One Terers Club. He's been on the show a few times before. He is a writer. Please welcome to the stage Joey Salsa. Ladies and gentlemen. Joe Salsa.! Joey! Social media, gotta get social media Yeah, joy salsa. Per, hand, you take something, you take some. You grab some of that. Great Don't wor everyone, we're at the halfway markark of the show. Yes reat ye Yeah, J just keep it going the whole time. That'll be great. You don't have to do that. You can put it down. I don't have that much space Let me get out in front of it, He him. Nice to be here You guys remember that from a couple hours ago Joey so wonderful to have you and thank you for your patience. It's great. great. apparently, you're really pissed about it. Just trying to relate to the people. Okay, got it gota God. Joey, now you're a writer. We've had you on the show many times. have you ever been here in Minnesota? No, It's the first time, but I'm loving it. First time in Minnesota. Wonderful. Yeah..though they did steal one of my ideas. I always said I said, I want a cheeseburger. putut it in the middle And they do that here. The middle of what? Well, the patty Oh yeah, yeah, put the cheese in the middle of the patty. Hell yeah, hell yeah, A juicy looucy. Yes.. Yeah. What a disgusting name. Right? That's what you call me? It is. We shouldn tell about in public secrets st secrets are so fun My name was Soppy Cheese in the middle. Ooh. Not quiite as catchy, but yeah, it was a good idea. Keeps happening to me. People keep stealing my ideas. Right, you know. You've come on the show before and you mainly have wanted to write musicals. that right? Yeah Alexander the Great, not the one you're thinking of Hamilton. Y I wrote a song when I was the instrument third party distributor. I moved town to town and I'd scamem out. Oh, yes, yes. Do you think that the buying the instruments was part of the scam in your version or It was Yeah, I've heard yeah In mine it was one time. I fell in love one time, so I did it. I bought the instruments. Right. Do you think that the people were able to order things from the catalog though, if they chose to do that, they could order things from Do you think that the catalog was brought by? The man who was perpetrating the scam? Right. Or do you think it was just a thing in that era that everyone had the catalog anyway? It didn't depend on the man, R bringing the catalog. Do you think that there was such a specific instrument based catalogue that would be sent to these backwater towns? Do you think Or do you think there should be a song about how this one wagon would bring all sorts of things and they would enumerate all the many things But don't you think that it wasn't an instrument based wagon that would come drop these things off. It was more like a sears and rope. There's no such thing as a wagon that only brings instruments, so it's a moot point. Well don't you think that there is no such thing because This instrument goddamnit you got me Met M Mitch, fuck you bititch. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you fuck you! Wh didt you get the ch?uck you fuck you! Where did you get fuck you. We don't sell those. you sell his? Of course, you we sell the ditch shirts. Do you have a gift shop? Y. col shop. You must exit through it. So in any case, you've done a lot of musicals, they haven't worked out because you end up writing things normally that have already been written. They've already been done. Unfortunately. Y fucked. Yeah. But you're a man of ideas. That's right That's right. And so I figured I don't do music anymore, That's failing me. So maybe I should do a cartoon Right? Cartoon. cartoon. like, o, but I don't wantanna do a cartoon that everyone does, right? R. So I said I'm gonna make a sad cartoon. Okaykay. they are usually funny. They're funny.. M mostly yeah. So mine's about a bald kid who everything goes bad in his life Okay He's got a little bit of pubpicir on the top of his head, but otherwise completely bald. That's pretty sad. Yeah, every day he has to wake up, collect it from the trash can and put it on his head. He has to. It's not growing out of his head is he pulling it out of his balls and putting it in the trash? Yeah. And he does that every night, the night before? Every morning. Noight every night befores it before he pulls it out, and then he puts in the trash can. I didn't think this part would get so many questions You thought it was straightforward that every morning he puts pubicair from the trash. No, no, no no It's not his own pubicir. Oh. Maybe add a few more words to the pitch. Okay sh So his dad every night is pluucking pubes out of his ball. O shaving? Or shaving. Or mom. Okay. Or mom O Or older brother moving back home Or grandma, or grandma or dog O code rack. Yeah. but it is his dad. It is his dad. Okay And his dad has an amazing chia bush that grows every night? Yeah, exxactly. And' like a little boy pulling it out of his own trash can or the dad's trash can.ad's trash can No Sare a bath Cassic Yeah, classic. It' just a Eugene leevey looking bush down there. R Yeah. God. Exactly. So he's got a little bit on hair every single day. And then he's got a dog who's suffering from PTSD from fighting the war. Oh no. Yeah, whichich were the great one. Right the greatest. I think we can all agree the greatest. Sure. And then he's got a let's see here there's a kid, his buddy, he's always sad, suuck in his thumb a lot, cllassic stuff. And then his sister is a huge you'll love this one is a huge bit. Right, yeah. okay. greatreat, then there's a Two lesbians who don't realize it yet but in college like, I did call her S her a lot, you know? That's not sad. Yeah, that's actually if they do realize it, But they don't. N of No, not yet. I don't ever show that time. They're str Okay. But in college, they do. Probably. That's probably more age appropriate. Right That's the whole thing. They should do college years about their. shouldould do college bit of good 'cause hell yeah, this sounds familiar dog. I'm so sorry They should call it the sex lives of those two crew. Okay, Yeah. I can adjust. I can adjust quickly. What you say it sounds familiar It sounds a little familiar to me too. It sounds like some sort of cashews I've heard about. It makes me think of a Lgoon. Yeah, it's me. Yeah, dude. Yeah. mommies. I think I'm picking up what they're talking about. There's a local gentleman byy the name of Charles Schultz, who you might see the statues everywhere. He created a cartoon strip by the name of peanuts. with good old peanut. Charlie Brown Oh in. I meanes. No need to say, oh fuck about that. That's actually No, no, no, because good thing H, my character, I'm a big buster rhymes fan and u