Closing Plugs and Tour Dates

The ultimate cookout starts with the ultimate ingredients. At Whole Foods Market, no antibiotics ever burgers and kebabs are prepped and ready to throw on the grill Fire up a juicy ribeye, grab creamy potato salad and savory flatbreads from the prepared foods department, and round it all out with three hundred and sixty five brand condiments, chips and dips at everyday low prices. Whole Foods Market. Make your summer sizzle It's smart to always have a few financial goals and are really smart when you consit earning cash back on what you buy every day And with Discover canan. Get this Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of your first year Seriously Oh look. And we trust you to make smart decisions. After all, you listen to this show she turns at disiscover d. com slash credit card back come on back com back back bang com back bang back C Eating well, though I smell like hell. Welcome to Applebe's. Welcome to comomedy Bang Bangang. Thanks to Euripidity shhorts. Oh catchphr superstar, Euripidity shhorts. and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ockerman. Coming up on the show, we have A couple of water enthusiasts We also have someone who works in janitorial services. So this is Big day, this is an all star show. For government work you think he works for the government? I think so. Yeah, this is a city job. That's a city job. You think janitorial services that's exclusively city work. Not exclusively, but that's where the best are. Okay, so you when when you have an issue with your toilet I go straight to the to City Hall and I go, show me where the toilets are. I gotta talk to some. wait, so you're just taking dumps in City Hall while they work on your toilet. Yes. I see. I understand what you're thinking. Yeah, it's like when they fumigate your house and then you go to a hotel. Yes, of course.. When you say fumigate the house, I know what're talking about Come on, come on come on. All right, let's welcome him. He is our guest of honor in A bllock. He is entering the Very very exclusive three timers club on comedy Bang Bang. I've heard bad things about this. His career' not going so well, look Almost everyone in the world is in the Zero Timers club. Okay, that's fair. And one hundred percent of the people who do not live on Earth Whoa as well. If there if there is alien life out there, none of them have appeared on comomedy Bang Bang. So that's the easiest thing to get Yes,. One timer's Club pretty exclusive. Yeah,'ve heard. becausecause a lot of people wantan to come back, but I either say like, no, but you know, the two Timers Club, which you were in before, that's also easy to get into because even if you stink it up the first time I go like, well, maybe they were having a bad day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The three timers cllub Yeah Y career's on the downswing, my. It seems desperate. It does. Damn it especially since your first two episodes bothoth were in the best ofs Wow of last year of comedy. That is a rare feed. I don' know that a lot of people who have entered the a lot of people who enter the first time club, yeah, of course. Yeah people are excited to see them Oh yeah, Conan O'Brien. Oh, ye, will automatically vot for his thinging. Yeah. both of your episodes Hey man And he is entering the three timers club because season two of his show Dli Boy. Yes is premiering may twenty eighth on the FX network on Hulu. Oh God damn. This is the type of this is FX. This is the three timer behavior that I would this why I don't care. I can tell the honeymoon phase has worn off. Is it not on FX though? It's Hulu. Yeah So so they've taken it off of FX. It was never on FX. The effects channel. It was it was always hulo. It was just always H hulo. But I think was it developed for FX? I don't I don't know. I don't know. I think just Disney me. Yeah, yeah, we all love FX. We all love FX. Names shows we like on FX. Oh sure. Terriers? Terriers, We love Terriers. That's everyone's first show that comes to mind. E the people at FX, they're like, I hope people are talking about terriers. I think they acknowledge that was a huge mistake canceling that. Deli booys, I'm gonna second That has a second season in Terriers never got one. Wow. So we like Hulu better than FX. We do We do. Please welcome into the exclusive Three timers Club. Asafali back to the show Say it ain't so. I'm here. You're here. You have your deeli boys poster up. I do Yes. I have all the swag Yeah that you have so graciously sent to the house. Iz some weird stains on it, but I'm excited about it Yeah Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited you're here. Thank you. Let's take the listeners through your history on the show. Yes. The first time you were ever on the show was our first time meeting. Yes. We had a good time on that show. and during it You made me a promise I did. Yeah. You made me promise that The very second you Hung up the phone call that Dellli Boys was either canceled or renewed. Yes. You were going to call into comedy Bang Bang and leave a message telling us telling our listeners the news first. Yes. ye. and exclusive. Yeah. And exclusive. Now cut to several months later. I'm reading the trades as I am want to do in the morning. Yeah. trying to figure out where I fit into this show Biz lance. Every morning before you talk to your wife and child, you check the trades. Yeah. Am I referenced in them? No. Okay I guess I don't have any deals. And I am understruck by a certain article. Yeah that says deli boys renewed for season two. I assume, oh my go, Ossip doesn't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's told him yet because he promised me he was going to call. Yeah. I then read a quote in this article from you about how excited you are wh the fuck you say in theseI And I realize that you have betrayed our listeners. now Yeahah, I betrayed your trust. Is that an accurate? Unfortunately rec countounting of it up to this point. Unfortunately, yes, that is one hundred percent accurate. I made my promise. I broke the promise. You broke the promise. by the way, I feel like I said exactly what Rachel Madow says when she introduces someone. I think that's her kink is for people people to say Oh, no, you got it exactly right. You got it exactly right. That is accurate. Yet You came back Yes and this is to your credit. Yeah. likeike a deli man. Yeah. You came back hat in hand and you apologized to not only our listeners Yeah to me and to the American public wr large. Yes And that that that impressed me. Yeah. I have to say. that took a lot of, as we say in the business, Cononey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and And they say it like that. And I just felt really bad. So I wanted to apologize not only to you, but also to the global CBB fan base. And I was also to be honest with you scared of retribution Yes, because that has happened on this show before. We have taken out a few people in show business. People don't know this, but CB fans, there is a portion of them that do resort to violence. There is a CBB bump that we all have experienced in our life. come on the show, you see a little uptick in the ratings Unfortunately for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction and when CBB fans are mad at you. Yeah, your ratings can plummet. A couple of people tried swinging on me. Becauseuse I do stand upp and so I'd be hanging out like at the comedy store in the patio or whatever. And I remember I got swung on I got swung un. Now, you're not talking about swing like in swing kids. they're doing swing dancing? No There no would riot or anything like this. No, no, no. it was just a gentleman that had a tote bag on, which should have been my first sign. u that he was a CBB head and he he took a swing at me. And I sort of, you know I didid he say anything like you know you did or anything? He said that after afterfter security was sort of like holding him down. He's holding him down. I thought they're holding you back. No, no, no. they're holding him back And they said and he kept saying, you know, he knows what he did. He knows what he did. And then And you did know, right? I did know. And it kind of struck me at that moment of like, man, I really I really have to get back there and set the records. Is that your promise to the listener that if anyone sees you out there in the wild, get one free shot Okay, yeah. I kind of like Houdini, how he died, you know, how someone punched him in the stomach on the street. Yeah, yeah. Yeahah, you know what Sure, take a swing at me. Um, makeake sure that it's not a soccer punch. Sure, yeah that I have What is your definition of soccer punch? A So sockcer punch is sort of like kind of like what happened here, like I opened the door. And I was like, Hey, what's up guys And you sort of you sort of nut punched me. Yeah. underneath like from the back. you sort of got in there and sort of the best angle. Yeah. yeah. You sort of got there nut tapped me. And you had you had your GoP strapped to your head, which I thought was good. And you sort of nut tapped me and you I gott to download this footage, by the way to the website because this is gold. You gotta go video. Yeah. you gotta go video So anyone can hit you at any time. Yeah but only once and after if they come at you a second time That's legal That's that's legal for you to retaliate or okay. Yeah. this will be held up in a court of law. Yes. an actual court of law. And also can I say something after we after I did apologize on the show, I said that I if anyone to me I would apologize to them and I did that twice in Chicago Really so. So two people in Chicago and you were were you filming it there? Yeah, I was film came up to you and they said, Hey, you owe me an apology. and I And I was like, I'm so sorry. One time I was with people who did not know what know the whole saga. I didn't know the whole saga. and I usually download everybody that I meet And I apologize and they're like, what was that about? And then I had to tell them the story and they go, that's so stupid. Yeah. Little did these two people know they could have given you one free shot. They could have punched me in the mouth. Yeah. they could have taken a swing at me. Well we're happy to have you back. Delli Bys season two is on I almost said FX again, but it actually on Hulu, Disney on Hulu depending on where you are in the Well, I mean, Disney on Hulu here in the States as well. but ye U But it's may twenty eighth. comes out. anotherother ten Is that what we have? Another six. This industry is Butal. It's brutal. Snppy snip. Yeah Yeah. I mean, I've heard of editors cutting sh. I know Networks. I know. I know. And I know you and I wanted to ask you, Scott, like how have you been getting your fix? because I remember when Delli boys came out, you were like finally, sort of my search history and my television preferences have sort of combined. Yeah. How have you been sort of getting do a lot of deli related searches, a lot of boys related searches. But finally, you're like brown boys plus food, here we go. Yeah. Well here we go,. You gotta put that in quotes Yeah, what you don't know about Scott is when he types in in nasty searches, he writes here we go. There should be a Google search by the way, that's just Google nasty Yeah Google after dark or something like that. because I'm tired of mixing all the searches up. you know, where like the predictive test text you know is like Do you mean this? It should not on this Google, I don't Not during the day. It should know after eight once the sun comes down, what type of search is you Exactly. yeah Yeah. But yes, I of course watch the entire season and we all know what exactly happened to the two characters that we all we can all name off the top of our heads. Yes, yes, yes. the end of season one. What is going on with these two very specifically named characters in season two Raj and Mir. that's the have been which is on your shirt, which is crazy. They are now dealing with the ramifications of having a successful drug empire What do we do with all this money that we have? Now this if you haven't watched season one, I would I would say go stop this shit. pause it. N not even positive, just stop it. Who cares? Go watch season one. It's a great season. It starts I mentioned this the first time you were on the show. It starts in one way. it zigs and then it zags. It became a totally different show than what I thought it was setting up and it is very compelling viewing. Thank you And so like this season with with our with our auntie, lucky auntie, who's like the violent enforcer of the show. Who's theorter Horna Jaganathan. Yes. She's incredible. Yeah. We're trying to figure out, okay, what do we do? you know, how do we handle this money? And then we come into business with one of our many incredible guest stars this season Fred Armisson. That's right. now it was this was part of this article I read in the perads of it. It was picked up for season two. Yes. And Fred Armisson is part of the cast now orast star. I don't know For this season, he's a series where egg. Yeah. Okay, so he gets killed in episode six Is that where we' We don't know that. You don't know that. whyy would you I mean, I don't know why you felt it necessary to reiterate it was only this season because we don't know I'm living in the present and every season is a gift J just like every time I come on this podcast is a gift, you know? How many episodes are you doing next season time Honesty, I would love that Three hours? Three hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although that's six episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you and this sounds like a great setup for season two,oy. is our friend Tim Baltsz, he was in season one. Is he in this season as well or now now, Tim Boltts, we love Tim Boltts. He's not here, so we can be honest. We can Let's be honest about him Um U I think it may have been like a scheduling thing or maybe meaning we scheduled Fred Armisson in all the days that we should have scheduled him And sort of the contracts that would have been thereof spread outortes, all combined in sort. you can't have two alpha dogs in a show What I was told on set was because I made a big deal about it. I sort of went up to people. I was grabbing sort of This is. So you got all the way to filming before you ever even asked I been remembered. Yeah. I went up. I sort of grabbed somebody by the Lapaalals and I said, where is he? I said Wh is? Yeahah where is he? And And you know, they first of all said, I'm catering. I don't know where you're talking about. And I said, wheres where where's Tim Where is he? You know, then it snapped in for them And it sort of snpped in. they go, oh, Timbalts America's favorite Timbaltss. And they said, frankly he was pulling focus. Oh, which a lot of times you want a crew member to be doing. Yeah, but not one of the cast. N one of the casts. They said frankly, and I was I was texting Bob Biger at the time simultaneously. Oh good. but I just wanted to rough someone up. You know how I am on Yeah, of course. And you're a monster. Kind of a bad boy monster. Yeahah ye ye. And I was texting Bob and I said, Hey, what's up And he knew. Yeah yeah, he was like. He was like, Oh about him? He goes Aesive, How can we never catch up anymore? And I go, Bob enough. I don't want to hang out. I w want to talk business right now. And I go, where is Tim? Where the fuck is Timothy? And he goes, Oh, Timothy, because he only knows government names. R because he's writing checks and stuff. And he said, frankly He I think he was coming for my job And when people don't you' you in a role. Bob Iger's job. Oh, Bob Iger. A lot of people don't know is that Tim was on the sort of executive track shortlist. Yeah, he was on the executive shortlist Oh I understand then because you got to beat that down. This is like when you go to prison, you gota just punch the strongest guy in there first. Yeah. so I understand just saying like, you know what, Tim, not today. And not on my favorite show, Dell boys. Not on notot on my favorite show. And so that's just in between us. Okay, good. Yeah. betweenetween us, thats that's kind of what Let me unmute your mic. Okay. Okay, good. Okay. Everyone's been listening to sence for the past Yeah. So on the record, who knows? Who knows what even out of it? It's so crazy. It's crazace. Yeahah exactly Well, that's good. We have a season two of Dli Bys and it's funny Thankk you. thrilling. violent. Yes. There are people in it. there' about half the cast are Androids, I for cyborgs. Yeah. Is that the problem? a lot of robots. We wanted to get ahead of that. The season we saw where technology was leading us. So we have about Three or four of those Tesla robots. Oh good. Oh good yeah. I love those guys. Yeah, and you love that. onees that tip over all the time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We have that one that you see on the internet that dances and then has a seizure. Do you have the one that kicks the guy in the nuts? Yes we do have that one too. We also have the one that people push. Okay, good. Yeah people push around a lot. And so it's a lot of robot heavy stuff. Oh good. good. And the entire season, I want to say ninety two percent AI Okay, great. Yeah so everyone has like six fingers. Yeah. so what we did is the wr the writing team of the show, they sort of got together and they It sort of typed in a prompt and kind of like how you do at night, you kind of go Yeah Bownelly sweating, Philadelphia on all fours. And you sort of let, you know, AI do its thing.. And And so they did that with the season. It came out, all of the episodes were written. Oh good within like twenty thirty minutes. And then what they did it's fast is they went on vacation Good. good. They went on vacation and they hit up like I think it was like somewhere in the Caribbean. Oh fun. They went on a huge bender. They visited honestly, they visited Epstein Island. They didid they really? I don't want Was it still up and running then like Neverland was for a while? They don't know ' they were tripping so hard. They saw stuff, but they don't know what the Oh okay. If it was real What was real what it was't Yeahah. They're officially, again, this is off the record. They're officially saying they went there to scuba dive Oh, okay. that they were just snorkeling, scuba diving and that kind of thing. But they definitely were there. And then they came back and then we're sort of in production. Oh, okay, well, that's that sounds like a great process to make a TV show. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. yeah. Yeah. and then the actors are robots and then Yeah, okay, yeah, this sounds great. Dli boys. So Fred Armiston is actually like sort of a robot. J I heard Yeah Fred' a good friend of mine Oh, that one's on the record, okay. We have Camille Nangiani. Oh my goodness. Y your best friend. Love him. Absolutely. A big friend of the show. I bet he's in the eightight timers C club. He's in the eight. I have some hope here. Yeah, yeah. no, I mean, yeah, he's doing great. I mean, you think I should get Jack Scott? Uh if you finished that sentence with off, then I I am in. Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, that's. Cumel, no, Camille, o my gosh, he's let me count these up because this is a lot here we O two He's in the ten timers Gob. Inane. Yeah. I mean, he's I mean, he was on his very first episode was in twenty ten Ely twenty. Soid do you think it turns around at ten because now he's doing like white Lotus and fallout? Yeah definitely. Yeah. had some he had some rough years with those Eternals. So I have to prepare for that Yeah. Th to seven is going to be a huge dip in my career Yeah. you're going to get jacked. you're going to be in a Marvel movie. I play Yeah. Yeah. Huh Who could you be? Interesting. Who would you want to be if you were if I was any superhero at all? I would like to be night crawler. Yeah. I think that would be really cool. Yeah this is my official like attempt get night crawler. Yeah, you could you could be in the total Allan Cumming pipeline where you night crawler and then you start hosting a game show and Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah, that would be awesome for you Come on It's a good idea. And I think also you know, with this lull that I'll have. I'll have plenty of now that I know it's going to be a lull, but it'll turn around at the end you know, I will go through like a bender phase I'll figure it out. You you say the word Lbsin? Lapin. Yeah. Do that He says that all the time? Yeah. Leapin. Lbin Lbin. I think it's a be Lb shin, I believe. Lb Sin. I have no idea. He just says that and he says, Ah all the time. Cool outfits. He's German. Yeah. How do you feel about playing a German Honesty, at this point, I'm okay with it. time has gone by You're al right. Yeah I'm not really concerned about being on the right side of history anymore. Well, this is this is great. Delli Boys is out there and then the X men franchise. What else do you have in the future? love I would love to come back to the Marvelinematic Universe. as my character Norm from WandavVision. Oh yeah, that's right. That's right. You are in WandaVision. You one of the nosy neighbors Wh's under whose spell, the Scarlet Witch. I'm also a coworker of Yeah, of Paul Betneany, of Vision. Oh, that's right. Yes, yes, yes. And he's got his show coming to. He's got his show. Are you in that? I'm not in that show. They've already cast it. They've already shot it I know happens right when I was like sign right when you were like, Hey, you want to do episode three, all of these opportunities. fell away. They the industry can sense the desperation. Yeah, this is bad. You got to stop coming on this show. I know I or try to cram your next six in Okay, really fast. Really fast. Over the next six weeks. Yeah U Yeah, just the next two months you'll be our main guest everyingle time and then you'll be over the hill. Okay over the hump. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. can do that. I can do that. Delli Bys this is very it's a very exciting time in a young boy's life when television show comes out in the second season. There's nothing like it. And do you think that like I should like for this ress run or like, Oh, you're doing a second press run? We're doing I never got. I never got a second one. You never got a second. Susan two came out and they were like, We're good. We talked we talked to this guy already. They're like, we talked to TV guy. We're just reprinting the article from last year. Yeah. Yeah, we're doing a second press run. Okay. And I was just wondering, you know, because you're somebody that's established in the business. Yeah. Is there something that you think I should do on this press run to kind of make an impact that that could maybe reverse this curse of you. Yeah. Well, you got to make a lot of promises, I think. Okay about what's not only going happen in this season, but we you got a plan for season three and We've been setting up this whole big conspiracy or something like that in season three. Just keep hyping that and o you know And then at least you get like one TV movie to wrap it all up like Deadwood or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah' be like, hey, you know, you you're going want to see what we have for season three. Yeah. do you have anything for seeason? You know, there's so many called the Rhymes of Schmaesason Shimamoa. Oh. I have no idea who you're talking. But I mean, are you one of the writers? I can't remember. No, I'm not one of the writers. But I do have I do come in there And That's fun. And I do come in there for them. And I go I go, hey. I go, Hey, guys, what the fuck are we doing here? Part of my language, partart of my language.. I get in there and I go, Hey, guys, what the fuck are we doing here? I must love you. And I knock over I knock over the closest ice coffee and knock it over with my right hand. Left hand is pointing I always go with good.. And you're doing a dramatic point too. You're not doing a comedy point. N comedy point is two fingers You're doing I'm doing a dramatic point. I'm pointing each of them.. And I go, hey You think I got to where I'm at by eating masino farms. And having a lkewarm ice coffee these people are on the writer to actor on show pipeline. Yeah, I feel like everyone I meet is on that pipeline. Yeah, Quite honestly, yeah. And so I'm sort of reminding them. and I say hey, you want You wanna get a beard like this? Get your shit together. You make me look good, I make you look good. By the way, your beard is so long and scraggly.ike you've been on a deserted island? Is that because of the show? orr did you film like Castaway two in during the break? Thats you're gonna wan to see at season three? Oh, okay. reallyally? Yeah, yeah. Stranded on a desert island. Yeah, it rhymes in Smas mas it away. I still have no idea. Yeah Yeahah, ye yeah. with Schmilson milson the small. Yeah.. And and so yeah, it's going to be, you know, I I feel like what my sort of reputation in the city is is he instills fear He rides a motorcycle and you don't wan to fuck with this guy. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. I was taking a look at your hog outside, by the way. Wait, which one? Also your motorcycle. Hey, come on am I rightide?? I wish you had a bell But you are Hollywood's bad boy. Thank you. We have Hollywood's good boy JackQua on the show. Yeah You're Hollyood's badoodsad b. You are two sides of the same coin. Yeah. I'm smoking cigarettes. Uh oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long ones. Yeah Carilla Deville in the holders. Yeah, ye, ye Wow. realal long ones. Wearing that Dalmatian coat Like when I put it in my mouth, you have to light it. You aren't just doing like Cuella Deville Cosplay at That's what I've noticed. And I was thinking maybe that should be like my move for press for season two. It's just come in with real mean guy attitude. Yeah, exactly. becausecause we love a bad boy, don't we? We love our anti heroes. Oh, or actually I was thinking, maybe I should go full bad boy and should I go full Shy L Buff and start fighting people in each city that we're doing press in? Sure, No, that's not b idea. didn't know I didn't realize you were not doing full bad boy at this point. You know I thought what are you at? Like eighty percent? I'm at eighty percent I'll go and I'll be verbally abusive. Yeah. I will sort of comment on people's outfits and I'll be like, o negatively or positively. Negatively bad boy behavior. Yeah Yeah. The words will sound positive, but my tone will be negative. Let me hear it. I'll be like, Hey Scot Good day for a button down I honestly, that made me feel good I don't know that you're having the effect on people you think you're having on. because people they keep writing you into the show, they write you good parts. I feel like you're just going in and complimenting people. let meet you with another one. Hey Scott Way to be in your kid's life? Thank you. that's so nice of you to notice that I mean, I work hard at it. I'm going around and I feel like I'm devastating these people and they're seeing me and they're being like, damn dude This guy, I mean, you hate to love him. You hate to love. I don't think that's what'. I think that people really do like you and that that they're they're writing you part. Let meet with one more. Okay, I guess I guess I gott to help you across the street In what situation are you saying that? I guess the context is important. Let's say you're like a hot ass eighty five year old woman, like a hot ass eighty five year old woman. and I'm just like I got dropping my gceries on the around. Yeah. No this is a nice thing you're doing. The callalling her hot is maybe a little over the line, but are you saying it out loud? or are you is that just in your mind? No, I say hot I say hot a hot ass You say that to the woman that you're helping you cross. but it is the summer. Okay, so she thinks you're talking about the weather. Maybe, maybe, but I know that I'm getting. Oh my God justust thinking about it. Thinking about this. Be a five year old woman that you're sexually attracted. Yeah, because I had to I had to I spoke at her funeral They invited me to her funeral. She passed away since you telling the story? Yeah. And I had I was there and I said, you know I said, I guess I guess I got to I guess I got to put your rest God just earned another angel. God just earned another angel. But I rolled my eyes. earns angels? Yeah. you know why. He works He works hard. He works hard. He works so hard. He works so hard. He gets to kill a lot of people at the end of the day. And this is another CBB promise, Scott. Yeah If you do pass away, I hope no time soon I will Um, I will I will do five minutes of stand up at your att your funeral. themes about me. Yeahry about you, Tpe five. Okay. Or about a topic of your choosing? You wantanna pick a topic? I'll pick the topic. tell you what. I'llick topic. I'll put it in an envelope, a sealed envelope. No fun. You open it at the funeral. Yeah. and then you have to do five minutes just riffing on whatever t. I die before you, you have to do five minutes of a podcast Okay, sure. att mine. Oh, oh, at your funeral. Yeah, and I'll give you a topic. Okay, yes, that's a deal. That's a deal. We have a deal. What what if we die simultaneously when we're on one of our many escapations When you're on the back of the hog and we're ripping down Franklin being like, Hey, man, we gott to do a twelve thirty spott at UCB. Those guys on Franklin with their hogs doing the wheelies of he Yeahase get them get out of here. We take a wrong turn, crash into the scientology center. Yep, just like we plann. for a right turn Oh shit. o. Hey man. crash. Wlcome U if we die simultaneously, then bet's off or do we have someone else sa you exactly what we were going I guess we'll just we'll just fucking, you know, just have fun in heaven. 'cause we're both going. That'd be so fucking awesome. You me b both in the heavenly band. I'm telling you. Jimmy's on guitar and Bonam's on drums and Hitler's on bass and we're just fucking ripping it, man. Absolutely. what are you playing in the heavenlyand? You're playing anything by the band three hundred eleven. Hell yeah. No letter, mter it about b The rapping guy. Oh yeah. man when peanut dies he's probably gonna say he's gonna to tap you on the shoulder. like you're at a ballroom dance like mayay I could. May I could in here. But we hope that's not anytim soon. Not anytime soon. We love peanut U But I'm so pumped. I'm so pumped about season two. I'm so excited for everyone to see Y. And, you know, for season three to to to, you know, for me to get that news and to be right back here. Yeah We're making we have another promise. We're making another promise. We're shaking on it I worry that the first time you're on the show. You You thought it was a joke. No, that's crazy. That's crazy. I've never made a joke promise. That's inse. Okay Because I was deadly serious about it. I'm very serious. I think it would be very, very funny for you to hang up the phone. And call me immmediately And I will when when I see that, what do you want me to do? Answer or not answer. I You want to leave a message that I play on the show? Yeah do I don't want you to answer thereby allowing me to to leave a voice message. You could also just text me a voice message or something. Okay, I could do that too. Okay o, okay. Yeah, I'll play it here on the show. Okay. and this is for For real. For real. When you when season three is Green Lid. Let's say however many episodes that is. Yes, yes. your first call will be me. And'll you'll let the and I don't, by the way, I don't have to play it until the news is announced. Sure sure sure. I'll hold on to it. whatever we need to do. I just o. I need you fresh in the flush of, oh my God, we got another season. I want that excitement in your voice. You're gonna get it. Daddy, you're gonna to get it. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna make you so. I'm I'm gonna be right here And you're going to console me if it's bad news and you will and you're going and we're going to party if's if it's good news. And ifs if it's bad news, I'll still play the the message. Hey, and that's a CBB promise. Yeah att your lowest of low, we will play it But also because you're going on to great things. You're playing nightcrawler. Yeah You're doing everything. Well, season two of Deli booys, I'm very excited about. season one. It comes out may twenty eighth on Hulu Hulu. Yes, that's right. Disney on Hulu. Yeah. And we're gonna take a break. Can you sle around? Absolutely. I' love. We have a show. We have a couple of water enthusiasts. We have someone in janitorial services. Come on. I'll talk to that guy. We're gonna be right back with M Afali. We're gonna be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, Squarespace It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place. I hate going to a separate place to get paid. Now you can get paid right there at Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to book gigs, sell services and get paid with built in scheduling, invoicing, and email tools You can create a standout site fast using AI or designer templates, No experience needed. pllus built in SEO helps fans and clients find you while custom domains keep your brand polished and secure. Showcase videos, promote events, or even monetize content Everything is designed to help you grow your audience and your business Check out squarespace d. com slash Bang Bang for a free trial. and when you are ready to launch, use offer code Bang Bang to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain Summer always changes how you get dressed, right? You want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable, things that are easy but still put together Well, I gott to say that is where Quintince comes in. They focus on high quality essentials that look and feel amazing. Think Breathable linen and soft organic cotton And Qince goes way beyond clothing too. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding, and more for your home. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything We get a lot of stuff from Quince at my house. My daughter wears one particular Quintinces dress. It's her favorite thing. We put in the laundry every two days, I think, because she always wants to wear it. Plus, we're getting a lot of bedding from there. It's really, really nice. She finally has a big girl bed that we have Put a bunch of quuince blankets on. it's really fantastic stuff. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quincez dot com slash bang bang for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Now available by the way in Canada too. That is QuNcE dot com slash bang bang for free shipping and three hundred sixty five day returns Qint dot com slash bang bang. Mint mobile plans are only fifteen dollars per month. Wondering what's the catch? There isn't one. There are no gimmicks, no gotchas, just unlimited talk, text, and data, fast, reliable coverage on the nation's largest five G network, and an award winning care team. That makes MintMobile a catch MittMobile took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for fifteen dollars a month. You can even bring your current phone and your number Choose from three, six or twelve month plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill. To get your new wireless plan for just fifteen bucks a month, go to mintmobile dot com slash bang bang. That's mintMobile dot com slash bang bang. Cut your wireless bill to fifteen bucks a month at mintmobile dot com slash bang bang. That's it, there's no catch forty five dollars upfront payment required, equivalent to fifteen dollars a month. new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above forty gigabytes on unlimited plan, addditional taxes fees and restrictions apply. S MintMobile for details Comedy bang bang, we're back offs ofoy. Dellli boy. Come on. Season two is out may twenty eighth. Very exciting. That is a Thursday or a Friday, what day of the weekke? That's an insane way for me to find out you're on the spectrum. It' somewhere around there isn't it? Okay, the twenty fourth I know is a Sunday.. twenty fifth is a Monday. twenty sixth is a Tuesday, twenty seventh is a way. It's a Thursday. It's a Thursday and we love a Thursday premiere. Don't we? becausecause Ths that that was The reason that all of the most popular shows were on Thursdays is because movies opened up on Fridays and they got a lot of advertising. What's the reason now? I think now it's a Wednesday. I think people like a Wednesday hump day. So Wednesday midnight when peopleone on Wednesday, hump day, they're out having Margar talk Tuesday, Thursday, they're looking around going, what the fuck do I do today? Well, what we're thinking about is Maybe on that Wednesday after you're absolutely trashed and smashed. it's now it's like one o'clock in the morning And now you're you're laying in bed completely nude, dripping and whatever. And you're like, hey, what are This is be them artificially made, man madeade, be them man made. Hey, come on High five. And And so we want you to turn on your TV and be like, I gott to unwind in a way. But what time does it go live? I think midnight Oh midnight on Wednesday? Yeah midnight. So like we're talking even nine PM on the west coast onn Wednesday? Maybe. I don't want to I'm not a time Let's make another proom here. It's not out at nine PM West cooast. You'll leak the episode. No Yeah, find my Vimeo account. It's going to be all on there all one long episode. So so just Thursday at midnight, yeah you' it's just right there. It's going to be there and I want you to watch and I want you to kind of like, you know Hold the person you' with clothose. Yeah. That's important these days. A lot of people don't you know, a lot of people come on this show and they plug their, o, I directed a movie. Oh, I'm a movie star. No. You're like a TV guy. I'm a TV guy but a lot of people are like working in movies but they never say, you know what? when you go see my incredible movie hold your loved ones I There's loneliness epidemic, Scott.'re really. It want these fucking losers to hold the person that they're with And and you know, take advantage of that moment or you're not with. O person you're not with. Yeah. Yeah Just if you're part of the male loneliness epidemic, you know, Lop there and find someone you don't know and just grab them. no, no, no, no, no, Unless it's me, don't do it. Unless it's me and I've failed my promise, do not do that. All right. Well, very excited for the show to be out. We need to get to our next gu. Yes. They are the two water enthusiasts I was speaking about. They have been on the show before. Please welcome back to the show The Boat Boys, MacGarth Darby and Haris Teter. Harris Teter. McGarth Darby! N a! It's something that you say at the beginning each time. and one of you missed it Who missed it? I didn't catch that One of us missed it. He was you, You're McGarth? I thought we were gonna do a Qatro. McGarth Darby. Harrisator. Osifoi. Scott Okerman. M Mura CaQatro! I like that word. I like Qatro. Now I understand the confusion. That feels good. It does feel good. Free timerers cllub We are also three timers. This is your third time on this show. Dood D. twice N a more iconic three. No no dose trio pick a card from the deck. any card. Any card you wants You're holding the three of clubs. Oh my God. That's a damable Timers club. Scott, have you ever had like A bllock and the guests also in the same club? Oh, no, that's true. Oh, okay, you're. Three Timers Club. I don't track really the insane people who are on the show usually after the first Look I tun out after ABuck. I'm going be honest. This is the first time that's happened first time you've had any club members We are in a lot of clubs I'm gonna tell you that right now Whse clubs are you in McGarth Secret clubs. Secret clubs? Secret clubs we cannot talk about. Is like skull and bone shit? Oh what exactly? because you guys You're both born of privilege. you were layabouts. Whereere exactly layabouts. Where are your boats located? Scott holding on Scott is L looks like Scott's holding up a sign. He's pointing to it. He's begging us. He's begging us. And the sign says Where are you from again? Please tell me I need to know. We'll tell you, Scott Sham Creek. She sh me if I sham Creek. She sham me I don't have to sham. She sh me shim Sim C Sim Croow Sh Oh I love this st. Sham Creek. that's. They track Shim Crok located in Charleston, South Carolina. Now I'm gonna tell you how you get to Shim Crok right now. Oh sure yeah. Technically it's in Mount Pleasant. a suburb also known as plastic That's right because everybody gets so much plastic so are dry. Oh I see not because they have credit cards. Well they have those too. They'd be swiping at bits of lace. They'd be swiping Credit cards, plastic surgery, Nameemore Monic Go on, Scott, say it Do No, that was a dose. Scott Okerman, Not enough confidence. None of a more iconic duo. Yeah You drop that hard next time. Someone would say I have too much more than my s Scott Auckerman. Too much confidence. N None a more iconic duo. Okay, Thankk you very much Now you were both your You're born a privilege and you're out there in South Carolina. That's right. And so you being in secret clubs does not surprise me. That's right. I've been in clubs since I was just a sperm Really, you were That's right The club would Because my diddy was in a club. And his dididdy was in a club before now. Mur dididdy Srotums were in a club together. The Scrotum club Eclusivity. When you're talking about Diddy, you're not talking about the famous Diddy. Oh, my diddy And m m m mumy Mimiy and Diddy. My Mimi and my diddy. We love our Mimmies and dididdies. I we have my granddiddy and my grandmimmy Were both of your fathers in the Scrotum Club together? Is that wereere they? Oh yeah, they were. Oh they were So you guys were conceived in one of these secret clubs Who knows? We don't know. We'll never know where we were conceived. Now if you had the power to go back and watch your own conception Yeah, would you choose to do it I if I leave? Your parents fornicating, copulating, love making. Y mom on top, your daddy on bottom onone Y dad on top. bothoth of them side saddles. you picked the position. M maybe'reing a boat now. They're roowing a boat together Maybe side saddle if they had the blanket on top. Are you worried though, if you picked the position then it wouldn't do the conception? I mean, like Yeahah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you really want to make sure it gets done, right? Yeah, I wantanna make sure that I enter this world. What is this tenet? What are we planning a tenennet style movie about Asafali's conception? Don't get us started on the reverse farts in Tet They cut them all out of the final not. Well, there were so many reverse farts. John. you hear the fart going back into the bird That's what Robert Penson tells him.. Oh yeah. They were reminding me that he was in that movie. Yeah. Yeahah Scottkerman, dissing Robert Pattinson, come on. No a more iconic duo L love him. love his work. It like you land in Tarleston, South Carolina, you get off of the plane. This is what you're gonna do. Okay, what do we got? You're gonna get in your rental car. Okay. It's gonna be some kind of SUV. too big, real nice and big Gas goeslord Escalade H three Hmer. Whoa. U Cybertruck Arivian to show that you're Blue dot in a red sty. Okay And then what happens? I then you're gonna take what road is he gonna take? You're gonna take the five twenty six into town. It's gonna dump out on Chuck Dolly Boulevard. Oh Chuck Dolly, we love Chuck Dolly. Is he used to being dumped out on or Absolutely. My God, one of the biggest cooks in town. Yeah, Chuck Dolly. Oh yeah, you're gonna rod him. You're gonna rod him all the way till you hit Then Coleman. That's right. Then you're taking a ride. Now listen up here. Okaykay. You're going to be you're going to be near the donoughut shop, which used to be called the Factured prone. Wh. That was the name of the donoughut sh? Thatater on It was called Factured prone, whichich makes you think of an asshole that was hit This asshole, Ben w blon style. Well this asshole has been hit gone too far. That's right becausecause you're being the Wh're giv me directions to go too far. Give me the right directions. Yes, course. You're gonna make a rot when you see the fractured pro. Not a left. Although you could go to the left to go to the Harris Titter or cross the street and fill up your gas tank. Right But I'm trying to get to Harris Teter, right? No Wait, I'm not trying to see you guys. They're trying to get to sh. Okay, but I wantan to go there to see you. shame C. I presume I'm going there because I've been invited to one of your boat parties. Oh yeah. He wants the invite. You want the invite to our big barbecue coming up. That's right. Yeah. we got a big you say boat Ogies awusive because as established, they don't have sex on the boats. No. No, we have sex on the dock, that's right Right. We masturbate on the dock. We masturbate on the boats. We have sex on the boat. I'm sorry.. It's like your version of taking your shoes off. Yeah. That's right. You don't have sex on the boat. Please respect the boat.. The boat doesn't need to be rocking anymore than it already is. Yeah. And I won't come knocking if it No you cannot come doocking, but you can come on the boat. knocking That's right. You can come a doct. So yes, I do want to come to one of the BBBQs. Okay Yes. Well a couple months ago we had our annual date redacted barbecue. I'll be a. Oh you remember went swimming l Yeah Perfect. You had a good time. And And how are your pardons, by the way? Everything work out? So far, so good, no complt. Have you re offended or we're always reoffending? Are you kidding? Have we been arrested? No. Okay got it. Have we been offensive? Yes. Yes. Speaking of pardons ee Scott's button down. Excuse me, I beg your partard on, but your outfit's giving me a hard on. Come on. These are great come on lines We're freestyling. Come on. comeome on, Jam cry. She buttons down. me my pants off What were you trying to do? I' know. I glitched out, Sot on. Don't get me freestylleing I will glitch out. Obviously Scott we had a great time at the Dructed barbecue back but there in the mo That's not why we're here was five months or so ago. That's not why we're here, Scott. We got another part here for a new barbecue. Oh o. That's a couple months from now. That's right. Okay, well, you know, I'm going to be out there in South Carolina doing a show very soon. What the heck in June in June. Oh, you're just barely going to miss it it's in May or it's in July? Oh let me throw a couple dates at you. Okay, seventeen seventy six twenty twenty six. N iconic Besquet. Oh so you're having a party on july fourth. That's right Yeah A we having a party? Are we having the most American party you can have? You know who's gonna be there, Scot. What we got God and a nap. She's coming again. Anna Nap? Anna Nap. An a nap. Is Anna Nap again? From the Nap family. sure. You remember from last time? Anna Nap I barely remember you. Tough love. Tough love. And I'm not talking to the characters right now. Albert and his sons. They're coming. They're coming, okay. That's right. All right, God.ow. J Div And Oscco. They're coming to. Jewel and Oscar. That's right Johnny Juel and Oscar Osc. Johnny Jewel from Chromatics. Whoa Vones is gonna be there. Vones is gonna be there. Oh! Ralph's gonna be there. Alberton'. Dominix is going to be there. A. Rph. Aldi's going to be there. Al D He day. Whole foods. moreore like whole paycheck. I know You mean h! U Lfood. Yeah, he's gonna make that. Okay. Ohood. H E U A you ex? Yeah. Ands cousin three hundred sixty five. He's coming to. Now he can freestyle Yeah. three hundred and sixty five will throw some bars out. Oh my God. This sounds like an amazing party Can I get an invite? can I go to this? Yeah? I was gonna to ask you, I'm likean weing plus on y'all handles shham Croke and the pussy that comes out of there 'ause let me tell you. Is there Is there dock space because I'm trying to f notot to be rude but I'm there dock space asking if there's dos Is there's space on the dock actually. Yeah. I'll bring like a Blanket. I didn' need a flooddy Oh That's how much fucking Pussy's gonna buy We're going to get knocked off the dock by this good pussy. Now you you better have some flies on Is it just because everyone's horny or because they've seen season one of Deli booys and by that time season two. Right. And it'll be pandemonia. It's gonna be, I mean, I'm choking thinking about thison pr. Yeah.. Season two of D seeason one of Delli boys. I got something in my throat. Yeah. This is a hardot air show. Yeah. Season two comes out. Oh I'm talokking. Oh It's so good. this full of poners What? sorry that. I'musy Well, I'm in. If that's what it's gonna's if that's what it's like I mean, I've heard about parties like this. Oh, it's crazy. We got pin' tail on Nancy Pelosi. Oh Oh. it's one of those parties. We're playing darts with John Podesta's shharpened incisors Okay. Wow, this is a crazy as. We got all the shoes that Trump gave to his cabinet. all those that don't fit them. The floor shimes? We're gonna polish those shoes together. And we'll have a bunch of markers so you can continue redacting the Epstein files. Oh, wow. A An food though? I mean, you said it was a barbecue, is it. Is there gonna be food. Is that you just asked Ar you I kind of want to know. Banana pudding. Okay, Ceslaw. Shit, this is all cold stuff. Yeah. My favorite Delily meats. Yes Mor I ona trio We didn't have the verb though normally. they wasn'ting out of you. Well, we're still building out the menu. Okay So you're a little unsure about it Okay, but it sounds like you have three I was thinking about what we had in the fridge. Right. I was like, we can make a potato salad. C you callall it a barbecue when you're not actually barbecuing any? Is call it a barbecue? Barbecue's not about the menu, it's about the attitude. I'm talking about a black and whack cookie that's right Orio Is it a hydrox over there Uhm I'm talking about a cereal that's in the shape of zero That right Here we go Why are you talking about these things? Th These aren't iconic. That's why we're not That's why you're not jumping in anagon Yeah I bad chips covered in taste No chos. Wow. There's a well known non iconic food. Right. C we have a limited menu. Can I ask you guys a question? Is there like all these foods, not to be rude. all these foods in combinations sound like it would be something that would really terr a person. It sounds like a colon stoppage. Yeah, so is there like what is the Bathroom situation, or is there something you guys have like a fiber kind of quest Yeah? Yeah. Anyone allowed on the boat to blow it out? No, no, no, no, no. No We do have floating bidets on the crach. That's right. So you get it all washed out. Get your floaties out. And is that considered just like a dip like you just dip your out? Is that just like a pool donoughnut that you shit through the middle of or Oh my God. This guy needs to go on jeopardy because ding ding ding, he just asked the Perfect question. It was worth, it was worth it. have You shouldn't have one question that's worth a million dollars they should. And then if you get it, no one else can win. What is shitting in a floating donoughnut in a creek? That's the million dollar question And that is what it is. That is what it is. It is what it is. O favorite saying. Name a more iconic saying. It is what it is. It is what it is. what we do is we lower you your lower half just straight into that donoughnut. And we hope we do it with the upper half? Yeah. Oh the upper half you're giving some head. I love it And you're holding hands with fingers interlaced like Mike Vel and Diana Rosini Look it up. Look it up.ook it up L alonees looking it up just like friends. L friend you hold hands like friends do. There we go. Fingers interlock. interlock. That's what best friends do. Look at us. Interlocking friend. Look at us. Look at us. You might as well call us Mike Brael and Diana Ridi. R Ridi. Noic. You wna hold the lady that you're with just like. Weirdly that comes up in the Didn't you just look that up? Okay, I mean, this is an older story, aboutout a month old or so, but Well it's going to be not every reference has to be ripped from today's headlines. No kidding. You guys were ripping references from some of the old headlines in the A block Right? So you just thought you you'd button down shirts. It was a play concerts You know, Chris Martin never reached out to that woman from the kiss cams. You never that I read that headline, like Chris Martin never reached out to me. Oh, he didn't talk to you a random person at his concert. like R right who ended up on the TV? He didn't talk to either them the guy he talked to the guy like best friends But but it matters more. He didn't call the woman. I bought tickets for the wrong night or the Rolling Stones and Mick Jager never apologized to me. like coover of peopleeople magazine. Yeah. That's what it is. Anyway, what are you guys talking about? Let's see, let's go through the roll deicks of what we talk about. Good Pussy. Good Pussy Foted the barberode. Toilet thing. Toiletuff The menus. Oh, nameame a more iconic corarter boynial What is this now the? Oarder Millennials? Oarder Millennials. quarter millennials. T two hundred fif of the Susquin centenial. B Sesquin centenial. Bquin Or the sester centennial. That's right Our nation she is having her birthday. What What O nation. We've been cing about Our nation is having her birthday. She's so beautiful. She so She's so pregnant with democracy. So she's wet as a shim crok fish. She's crowning. You Do you guys feel like right now is the best I feel like your vibe is this is the best America has ever been. Oh yeah. abbsolutely. But would I like to go back sure. How far back? I go back hundred fifty. Oh I go back toot. I don't know if I can go to this I don't know I go back three hundred. Oh God three hundred. Oh That's kind of take. I go back Send me back. Send me back. S me back, capap withith my boat. Can you imagine us? rolling up on Charleston Bay in our boats docking four hundred years ago Just freaking Happy to B there. Hey are y'all. I'm Harris Titor. I'm Bugart Thorby My meemora C do! Falling into the ck! save me. Why are you falling on the creek Be your boat doesn't exist back then? Yeah We showed up there Time travel was too powerful. I know I'm in the water now. I know swim! I can't swim. Dow me a floating, guys They don'tist! They don't floating. Drow me a piece of wood like Titanic You guys spend so much time on the boat and you can't swim? That's crazy. No We don't know how to swim. Swimming classes for poor people. It's right. We sink to the bottom like a stone of gold. That's right, onlyn witches float. Is that how you've lost people in your family? That's It's an epidemic in the Tager and Darby family. We go out on the boat, you know, we make the rounds on the boat. We say hi to people who were on the land. And then someone inevitably falls off sinks to bottom like a big old piece of gold and they die. Oh no. Scott, tell me something. Yeah what's up Mcarth. you ever take a bunch of old colonial bricks and put 'em up your ass? I I confess that hasn't even occurred to today. You need to do that next time you're in Charleston. You've done that, McGarth. Oh yeah.. feeles so good. Yeah. MacGarth's just tempt and fight Gonna end up like his grand Diddy. What happened to his grand Diddy? Oh He' still at the bottom of Shem Craig. Oh Just too many bricks in his ass. Too many gold colonial bricks up there. made any brke Tell me something. Yeah. I have time for one more. Scott Pase. Scott Lose st. He' fine. Loseing state I know, I know Cut us sl S. Cut us all. You haven't asked any questions.? I know I'm d. L I one question. Oh than God. Thank. Oh, this three timer' come to the sa. Have these tim. Have you guys ever had a fight amongst yourselves that ruined or causeed you guys to have riskpate relationship with separate barbecues. Wha Well, Yeah There was that one year? What could have come between two great friends like yourself? Two sex criminals. It was two thousand one. You remember? Oh absolutely. Which was my month and day and which particular day and what time? It was on Redacted. Oh no, oh And And what was the disagreement? We couldn't have been more at odds, Scott. No. Oh, it was such a dark day on date redacted. Oh gosh. What could you be disagreeing about on such a a dark day? It was the opposite of a sunny day, Scott. It was a clouded day. Got it. I don't know whether the weather was like that We can go back to the alan enting The sun was blacked out, Scott. Oh, it was bad Oh it was dark. Okay. but was I have to repeat my question. And you were just omplaining that I wasn't asking questions. Dear God, ask better questions. Oh my God, us up. What was the disagreement between Well So there I was in a grade school reading books to children When McGarth came in and whispered in my ear. Oh L the famous meme? Yeah. Mmes. Names? We't have We're not on the internet. Names are for poor people. Don't worry about it. Okay. Yeah. Okay good. The opiate of the masses. I don't care. I'm a puppet teer, not a pupp is sure. Of course. I leaned down at him. I whispered in his ear I h I said, o my go Can you believe that? ion reducted has just happened. And he just sat there, Scott wrote and he continued For How many minutes? Read the books. Oh Eight minutes. Yes, eight minutes I my Godone. S the rooyaliconic a man a minute One minute. To min minututees. three minutes. fourour minute, five minutes, six minutes, seven minutes, eight minutes. Ma more Iiconic C Seven to eight minutes is what I've looking up. Wow. So I'm surprised I knew that. Oh wow. So what was the disagreement though? Yeah, what wass like you guys were on the same page that this horrific thing happened in a date redacted place redacted. situation, But what caused you guys to have two separate barbecues at the same time? There's one thing that unites you. I said I'm an azerobic barbecue after I hear that news And I said, I'm gonna spend eight more minutes finishing this story U So so you just had the barbecue in those eight minutes. That's raw And an appap was there and a nap Bertinson'ss Yeahah. Adna App's whole family was there. Chuck Dolly came too. Y Uncle Taika. Airwon? Airw How long could n make? Too busy crafting a twenty five dollars strawberry? Yeah. I'm taking shots. Come on. Not that airwong. This' our gardener who's great at basketball. Oh airwong. Airwong Okay ye G Come on Last time I played with him, hed dungk so hard on my face He absolutely baptize me with his sack Thank God we were on the docks. go. Oh they go. You have a hoop up there, really? Oh yeah Right at the end of the dock. Yeah. You better not miss right or left. or you're going swimming with the gators. So this sounds terrible. I mean for those seven eight Biden's fice, we dunk R on. Oh For those seven eight minutes, you guys were in disagreement. You want You know, Biden's in pretty bad health when this comes out Bristol Fallms was lastter All happy Ivan AllrightP. Sprouts was there. Wh else Yes. Okay, we know we know usual suspect. you ever go down on one of those horses that take so you on a horse and buggy Round down downown Charleston? I have not. No, I' never even You ever been Dum ass and sons down Charleston? I have not. the buggy the buggy's too full, there's a spot underneath the buggy That's perfect for you, Scott. So you just hold on to the other side Cut us off before we tell you what the off. Okay, yeah, I do look, we are running out of time. Oh God. F Jesus Christ Scott off rununning out of time. It's crazy because this is the only episode where Scott's recording the tape. and he's seeing take a look at the tape itaps. Yeah running out of time. Are you gonna come to our Bosson Siss continial? I believe june nineteenth I'm out there and I'm not returning. C june nineteenthh You're not gonna sty No I have to move on to I have to move on to another city the day after. I'm so sorry. but can I still come? Oh absolutely. Oh ye. I'm gonna be there because Scott You never stop doing press And if I can get one more person, whether they be a pervert or not to watch Dell booy. That's Yes, I got to do. You just got this is a grassroots campaign. You're gonna be out there to all of these grocery magnates Yeah just're begging them to the Zoran Mandani of going to questionable lo. Okay. Oh know who that was that you just said Well, I'll show you a picture No, no won't see no show a picture of yourself. They're not heard difference. Dnder No, I'm sorry, I misgeendered you. Remember I love to gender people. You're a man, you're a man. I'm a man. Okay, I apologize, but look, we are running out of time. We need to take a break. Can you stick around though, because we have someone in janitorial service Come on next. Grassroots, moreore like, yes, dude, we can stick around Good job. All right, we're gonna come back. good job. We're gonna have more with MacGarth Derby, more Haris Teter, more Aaoi. We're gonna be right back with more comedy bang bang after this Your outdoor space should feel like you, right? You know, maybe you want a fire pit outside. Maybe you want a ice sculpture outside. I don't know that that's possible, but a fire pit certainly is, as well as outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor Well, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. You can shop with Wayfair Verified your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vetts everything by hand, using a ten point inspection, one point for every finger, testing things like quality of materials, functionality and features, and even how long it takes to build And with over twenty million five star reviews, you can hear from real customers before you buy. Plus, Wayfare deals with the hard parts so you don't have to. Installation and assembly services are available for a truly seamless experience. Now, I got some stuff from Wayfair. I think I've talked about this before. We got the little carpet things for your stairs because we had someone slip down and fall down our stairs And we knew we had to get some of these and there they were at Wayfair and now we're going up and down the stairs. We can't stop. We' I mean, we're definitely getting our steps in. We're doing about fifty thousand steps a day just going up and down the stairs because it's safe. Now, patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to wayfair dot com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less That's W A Y F A I R d. com Way fair, every style, every home Summer always changes how you get dressed, right? You want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable, things that are easy but still put together Well, I gott to say that is where Quintince comes in. They focus on high quality essentials that look and feel amazing. thinkink Breathable linen and soft organic cotton And Quince goes way beyond clothing too. They have custom upholstered sofas ceramic cookware, premium bedding, and more for your home. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything We get a lot of stuff from Quintince at my house. My daughter wears one particular Quints dress. It's her favorite thing. We put it in the laundry every two days, I think, because she always wants to wear it. Plus we're getting a lot of bedding from there. It's really, really nice. She finally has a big girl bed that we have ut a bunch of quuince blankets on. it's really fantastic stuff. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quintinces dot com slash bang bang for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available by the way in Canada too. That is QuNcE dot com slash bang bang for free shipping and three hundred sixty five day returns Quin dot com slash Bang bang. Gago presents a thirty second podcast between your podcast Today's story is shared by one of our listeners. It's called Betrayed by Bill It was in that moment I caught who was staring back at me in betrayal, or more like what My insurance bill And withith trembling hand, I grabbed my phone and switched to Geio, saving about nine hundred dollars in the process, and never to be betrayed again Now that was bloody riveting. It feels good when the story ends with savings. It feels good to Gaiko Comedy bang bang, we're back Asa Vae of Delli Bys season two. And you want to shout out any of the other cast members Sager Shake, Porter Juck of Nothing. Fred Armisson Camille Naniani. Lily Singh Do play someone with muscles like does? No, he plays he plays just a So he's not typecast. I'm worried about it. I'm worried that he got fit for the Marvel thing and then now he can only play no. He just plays like a really funny U laawyer Lloy to works out four hours a day Yeah I guess, I guess. twelve micro meals. We had six episodes. we didn't have time. I had. I had a four episode Arc where I just sort of sat down with him and sort of just ig Yeah, figured out what his daily routine is Yeah how to keep it going. Yeah. Yeah yeah, we didn't have time to figure that out. That's too bad. But yeah, it's a great, great cast this year. and I'm excited. I'm excited for you to see it. I cannot wait see it. may twenty eighth is when it comes out season two. We also have MacGarth Darby and Harris Teter here, the boat boys themselves. The boat boys Mcarth Darby Harist Titter, U, Mirdar, Rajdar, Babadar. Name more Dar family members. Go ahead, Scott Nem. I don't even know the Naem. They're from The show Daily boys. They're all your shirt wrot now. That's right I have the full call sheet on my shirt right now. Go ahead, read it off. Scott, read it off. Number two, Assa Vlli. I believe we discussed that on our first episode, didn't we? I'm number one in the call. I can't wait see y'all at the barbecQue. I well It I don't believe I'll be there, but Asa will be there. I will be there I will be there. july fourth. Merchoe bags and stuff like that. I'm talking about Black and white cookie that's been on the floor. A floro. That's what I'm talking about. Well, we need to get to our next guest. He's been very patient sitting here listening to all of this nonsense, but this is a serious guest. He's been on the show many times before. don't I don't he's more than the third timer club I have to I've been here a decent amounts. Yeah. but he is of course, he works in janitorial services. Is that what you call it or just plumbing is more of a That's what you seem to call it all the time. it's just it's plumbing I work at one janitorial service. Do janitorial services imply you do it for a bigger building or for one location? I'm a plumber. You're a plumberre plber I'm just a simple plumber.. Please welcome back to the show, Mike Ruby. Yeah, Mike ! Oh, that's right, you sigh a lot. Well, no, Scott. I came in here with a good mood, Scott, but has been a difficult episode to listen to. Why what's going on, Mike? Yeah. Mcott You guys are mentioning hotass. Yeah. Yeah, that could be a triggering You guys are mentioning You know, Allen coming. Yeah. Yeah. That happens occasionally in a toilet. Yeah, sure. You guys are mentioning sticking bricks up your ass. Yeah. Okay. Colonial bricks. Colonial bricks. I don't know the difference between the colonial brick and a normal. Are they softer? They're older But Scott you might think Maybe these are all bathroom related things and they're triggering to me. Right, That's what I assumed. That's what you might' have assumed, but you make an ass out of you and me Oh, I'm sorry to do that, De. Yeah Why does it make an ass out of me if you're a superid? I don't understand that phrase. Leave me out of the whole equation. I love stand upp comedy. God Now Scott, the reason this has been bothering me and I've been sitting here quietly, of course, Scott is what's going on? I'm in recovery, Scott Mike, you're in recovery for what? if I mean, I'm a sex and love addict, Scott. No, not you, Mike. That's right I've been going to sla meetings. No No. We all know Mike he's the no stink plumber. Yeah He guarantees that there'll be no stink when I do your plumbing. that when you show up, you'll smell good I will smell good and when I leave your house will smell good And but Scott, of course, is the last plumber in Los Angeles That's right. there was some some of there was a serial all the other plumbers in Los Angeles have been killed by a serial killer. getting revenge We talked about a lies of course. Oh. whichich you started, as I recall Well, that's still being figured out in court. Yeah. But he can incriminate himself. Yeah. We'll redact that part. As the last plumber in Los Angeles, Scott I've been Getting my dick wet, if you will. There yeah! Inar the toilet. No He's dking that thing in the tot of the water. Wow. I do have to make sure that my petis does not dunk into the toilet when I sit down on it but I have to hold it up. But no, of course, I've been having sex with a lot of women who have been calling over because people have a plumber finish I peopleople are just like, Hey, look at this guy he doesn't smell. I can see his ass crack. Let me see if I can have sex with him Okay. So you so you you didn't have a love and sex problem before No No This has been a recent thing. I've been on an absolute Ben discuss. This is a recent addition to your lore M you could say. When you talk about my lore, it's like every time I come in there's something that slightly tweak says my name at the end of every sentence. Yeah. That's right Sott. sure. Now You know, but I'm in recovery luckily. so I've you realize you had a problem? How did it Do do you remember hitting rock bottom? I hit rock bottom when of course, I was having sex with three women who lived in a Ding bad apartment and a littleittle arminium. At the same time. Yeah Well, no, they were all in their bedrooms and they would be like, all right, now me, now me and I have to get up, walk to the other bedroom, stop pumping and a pumping. Wh. You need a dock. And then I need a dock. Won't stop shopping I need do Well, I don't like talking about docking either. That's another thing that's triggering for me. Yeah. That of course, Sott is with two penises Connect byys foreskin Right. Wow. Now you did that during your Scott I don't want to get into my exploits, but I will explain my rock bottom. I was having sex And I was walking from room to room as they were trading me off like a little sex doll. Okay And I glanced over to the toilet And I realized I hadn't even gone into the bathroom, Scott. They called me over to do some plumbing. right? I didn't even see their bl bathroom. You did steps one through four, if I remember correct. It was probably steps one through six if I were. But you never, you never went into the bathom. the last time steps were completely abandoned, Scott Yeah because I was generally just fucking the people that were calling me. I'm so, so sorry, Mike. That sounds. And So that was rock bottom for me Yeah, I mean, it sounds great. I would kind of like lot of people anyt time I explain that as rock bottom, everyone's like, What, what are you complain about? That's pretty amazing. And they were paying me. I didn't even have to anything. They still paid you for being a plumber. Yeah, they'd leave a little envelope on the top of their dresser and they would say like, we left a little something for you over. And unlike some sex with random people, it was actually emotionally satisfying. Oh yeah. I would go in there and I would like stroke them and I would say stuff like you're worth it Yeah, but you're good. And then they would it would make you feel good. And they would say to me, you're such a nurturer and I'd leave just feeling so fulfilled. Yeah, but the worst part about this is I did not do my job, Scott I did not hit the bathroom I'm so sorry. wereere you leaving these places having had great sex, but the bathrooms are still in total disrepair? And sometimes because of the sex, I would go in there and you know, when you pee with a boner, you piss all over the place I haven't found that to be true. M. Oh yeah. You guys know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, like me myself and Irene. Yeah He tries to piss. He pisses all over the fucking bathroom. I was leaving the place dirtier than I was I was getting in there, Scott And did both of you see that at a very specific age or you remember? Oh yeah, it's one of the forformative memories. That's a Jim Carre. That's one of the bathroom scenes that got me into plumbing. sure. Is P is so hard out of the boner that it Knocks a picture off the wall. Yeah. I think it hits him in the face first wee. I leave that Yeah. nineteen ninety nine movie, I'm trying to just guess your age. Don't worry about my age. What bornere you born in eighty three? I'm but a simple union guy, Scott. Yes. Now, Scott, of course, because of this, I've been going to meetings And I've been, you know, sharing my story. I feel like the temptation with those meetings are you're gonna meet someone else who lies to have sex as much as you. Well, that's happened many times. I go into the meeting, we leave, the meeting turns the guy leaves, know the guy running the meeting turns into a straight up orgie. We had to tell him, you have to stay till we all leave. Right. Yeah. So, you know, he stays late. We all kind of are like,, you know, you can go. And he's like, I'm not gonna go And're like, no, no, it's fine we're just gonna to talk we promise this. We promise, you know, and then he goes into the bathroom, comes back with jerking each other off. Damn. So of course, Scott I, um, I'm in recovery and of course Because I want to get back to doing my job, Scott. So you haven't been doing your job this whole time. I am getting back out this, Scott I feel healthy enough to start working again. So the toilets in Los Angeles must be a mess. Oh it's not It's a Bism S scy. Yeah. I don't know if I don't know if you heard, but there was a day that all the bathrooms in Franklin Village weren't working. I didn't hear about this This actually Fom Gelson's. From Gelson's to UCB to the Taco place next door And I would say Somebody walked in at the UCB theater and said, Ohh, all the bathrooms are backing up with shit. We should probably cancel the show. Even at the Oaks. Even at the Oaks. But they didn't cancel the show. They didn't cancel the show. they ran the show and nobody could pee that one cater in the UCB with a door that doesn't quy close. I believe shit was backing up in that bathroom and they were like, let's do an improv show. E that trash room in the back where there's all those dumpsters and stuff and the performers hang out. Oh yeah, and it smells like absolute shit from the birds kitchen. Yeah So Scott, you keep saying so Scott like you're getting to your main point. A what point do you get to like your thing? Let me get to my main point, Scott. I'm getting back out there and of course I had to tweak My eleven step process. Okay. Okay Now am my comfortable ground. Okay. You had to tweak your process to accommodate. Yes Scott the v you're in recovery. As everyone knows, I have a patent and eleven step process for cleaning bathrooms or doing, you know, whatever plumbing. Any kind of work at yes But I've had to tweak them because of my sex and love addiction, Sott. So good to reiterate your premise. I love that G you Scott Hey, man, that's good story tellell. Thank you. You you want to reiterate the purpose of this podcast. You used to have an eleven step process that you have modified now that you're in recovery and we're gonna hear these steps I just w want to review that with you, Skott to see if you have eat. Okay, great. I would love to. Yeahah, I'd love to give my two cents. Now of course a dollar. Yes. Now of course Let's say Somebody let's say the oaks, the bathrooms backing up this shit coming out. You know, a random person's house They pick up the phone, they call me. That's not one of the steps. Step number one I answer the call. That's right. Yes. That's their steps. They have their own set. I'm calling you, that's not your belly. It's not. but for me, it an it startops when I answer the call. Okay. Now of course like a lady Ghostbuster. to answer the call. Now I will answer the call on a phone this time. Where were you answering the call last time? Well, I used to have to close a lot of porn tabs in my goon cave You've never mentioned that at all. I never talked about my clearances. Well, I guess it's only been in the last year. How many monitors you got on there? I got my phone, my iPPad, two monitors and a projector screen. And you have a standing desk? I do have a standing desk that I have it go up and down as I you know thrust my. And what's your head to head record in wank battles I gotta say, I'm pretty good. I'm like thirty six and three. Oh my go. this guys. It's a heavy weight. Yeah It's a heavy weight. of course Haciao's record. I make sure that my goon cave is still there, I just don't use it Okay, so you still call it a goon cave, but you have' a remodel Beuse it's in a cave. What I do is I answer the call on my phone, Scott. Okay, that's good. That's step one. Now step two in the shout Okay, this is very similar to step two of thees of your pre. Now of course, this is to assure that I don't have any smells on me when I come over to your place. That's right. But this time there's a no jerking off rule in the shower. Okay, yeah, so you're not gonna pull the Kevin Spacey in American be.ot jerking off in the shower. even though the water dripping down myidle nck. No favorite I see that? That was a favorite part of his day. He's like, can we reshoot this? Yeah Can I add some narration? Can you mic me while I'm cranking my juck in the show? Guys guysys, we can't talk about Kevin Facey jerking up. Yeah' trigg in steps together get. You' triggering me right now. I don't want to fall off the meat wagon. two of course, I do not jerk off. Now step three I drive to the house. Okay, this is the same step as before This time I put the windows down and you know I turn my windshie wiper on and I make sure that I can get some like window washing fluid splashing so it can get me in the face just to take my mind off of the sex of a car going through a tunnel. So distract you enough. Just to distract me because of course,ott I'm always driving through tunnels when I'm going to these jobs. Yes. When you see a car going into a tunnel else do you of that y. What else do you think of? That's a penis going into a hole. D't' a hole't It's a fish going into an ass ass. That's what I think about. God, you guys are the most triggering two sub I've ever been around in my entire career. N a more triggering to What is step four? Step number four, I get out of the car, I take off all my clothes, and I spray myself with various scents. Now this is very similar to your steps back. That is my original step. Buting this time when you take off the clothes. Take off the clothes, I leave my cck cage on I' of course, always caged up to make sure that I don't get a little boner. Uh. Is this like a Wicker man type cage? You could say that. It's not made out of wicker though. that would be very dangerous But I keep my cock cage on. I spray myself with a bunch of perfumes. Okay. Suvage Yeah, yeah, Obsession for men. Tommy Hillfy. of course Now step five. Now I get into the house ask the customer to point me in the direction of Tw different steps, by the way. No, no, no. get into set you do this thing. This is one step, Scott. Okay. Now, I ask the customer to point me in the direction of the stank. Okay. But before I warn them, I say To forcefully. Why would pointing forcefully be an issue? I don't wan to engage my subkink, Scott. What is your subkink? If they point somewhere and they say go over there, I say, yes, master and I crawl all fours looking in the ground. Okay. Have you guys ever been in an airwand where a guy walks in with a dog basket and he's on a leash? Have I ever been in an air wand with God walking through with a leash Yeah, I've been in our mom. That was me Al I once bet Eir Wan, my gardener, that he couldn't beat me in basketball while wearing a dog mask. I lost the bet. But the dog mask doesn't really hit to the basketball playame Well now of course, I've been point pointed into the direction of the stain. Okay, so what are we on six? We are on step Six, Scott. This is where I float off the ground like Peelau float into the bathroom. right Stanky stanky. Stanky stinky. But on my way, Scott, I call my sponsor ood. And say, I am about to do my job. I want you to know, my cockcage is still on. You know, we talk about baseball for a little bit. We discuss the LA Dodger scores, that kind of thing. And you know, that's a really good time for me to check in with myself because you're floating youroatating of your body I'm not doing anything else. I can use my hands. me pick up my phone. The hands free. Hopefully it's a long float to the bathroom Yeah But that baseball talk doesn't get you horny. them talking about getting to different bases and all that. Whoa. Yeah. I mean look, you're right. We do mostly talk about the scores of the games, but yeah, talk about b some balls it was eight six to nine. Oh. Oh no. We cannot mention a game that was six sixz nine. Yeah. four I'm sprung Of course, Scott when I get to the bathroom, I hop into the customer's shower to wash up any residual stink that I picked up on the way. Sure ye. And now this time I do jerk off Why do you? I just gott to get the gunk out. Like it's's it's it's been bking up in steps one through. Yeah. It's like for me, I just gott to get it all out. It's like it's like in that movie u u there's something about Barry. clean a bathroom with a loaded gun. Right So even though you just called your sponsor You're jerking off Iily on hand. But I make sure that it's like there's no there's no pleasure in it. It's really a really like. It's mechanical. It's a mechanical workman like jerkle. Is this through the cage Oh yeah, yeah. it's just it's just tapping on the cage with my head. It's just like Tapping on the cage gets you there. Okay. So the cage is long enough for you to be hard inside the cage. Yeah, you can say that. yeah. Okay. doesnn't have to be too long. I got a little little wena. mayaybe you're a shower Yeah, I'm not. Okay. So you are grower, but with a little wener. That's true. Nowot. That's unfortunate J cat Step a very important step Okay is disassociate Scott. That's right because the plumbing work is so It's so nasty disgusting. I can't really be a part of it. R. It's disgusting to me so I have to disassociate. Okay. And of course, Scott, when I disassociate now, I need to make sure that I don't think about Pis That's what gets you there is thinking about penises? I mean a lot of things get them there. I can't think about tongue kissing Okay Okay. They' be stinky socks Dirty stinky socks. suuck in my own dick. Oh Oh Oh yeah, I couldn't think about. Putting fingers in my mouth. Putting fingers in my nose Putting fingers between my toes. Smelling floss. ellink false after you put it in your mouth. Be tied up at David Busta's bathroom. Oh man, with your points card in your pocket. After dark. Lauren Boebert jerking that guy off at Beetles Juse. love. That one's a legitimate.'s a real. Love Bob and my secretary. Oh. hi, you look good today Eat and asscale without you. L and tie Look at that Sniffing pits stinky stinky. Read in twwilight while I take my shets This is poetry. Whipping my little bottom with a horse whip and saying, Nay, name Being tigled with an extra fluffy swiffer and saying T he. eleven steps is long enough. You had to add a sublist These are things I can't think about shooting a big ass gun G getting slapped by Will Smith on stage. That's topical. That pool scene for wild thingsings. Yeah. Oh yeah. And of course, playing pool at Buffalo Wild Wings. So these are all I actually just disassociated for a second. Okay. Oh, you're back. I'm back. I'm back. Mike. Yes. Oh to be honest with you, I'm crying over. It was It was beautiful. beutiful. most beautiful horny stuff I've ever heard. It is beautiful and' such a shame I can't think about those things when I disassociate. Can't do it. okay. No step nine through eleven, prettyty standard. hit my head on the side of the sink step ten I wake up and hope the bathroom's clean and of course, Sott step eleven If it's not clean, I set the house on fire. Yes, everyone' hang it along with you in order to because you don't want to clean it. No, I don't want to clean it. But if I amm not able to do my job, I will set the house on fire and kill everybody inside. And that protects your Google reviews. Oh yeah, I can't get less than five stats. Yeah Aston' hard to prove. It's true. It's very hard to prove, especially without a motive So, you know, Scott, I'm still in recovery. I'm trying to do my thing, but this has been a very triggering podcast. So''m going have to go straight to a meeting after this. Okay, whereere are the meetings usually held, by the way? Oh, the meetings are held at the u I hate to say it, but at the pleasure chest. The pleasure chest. Okay, that is a local reference to Yeah yeah, yeah. A place I don't even know what it is. It's a sex store. Oh, okay Sy, it's funny because your picture is up there it says number one customer. Yeah. This punch card just fell out of my car. actually says number one customer, but I C dumpster ye. herees. Thank you. Don't say c Dumpster. Oh God, I'm getting st the st pushing it out on of my cage right now. Took a lot to fill this dumpster. Dumpster is bigger than a trash can, that's for sure. Y. Well, Mike, I know I speak for our listeners when I say that our thoughts are with you. We hope you get over this. Thank you, Scott. Thank you. You wishing for you. Look, I really hope I can get over this and hopefully return to the show withith another subtle change to my nors. I hope you can too. but M Mike Ruby here, the No stank plumber. It's always great to see. Yeah. you want to stay away from the barbecue that these guys are is do do triggering. I gotta get away. Are you sure you don't want to come to the says Mennial. Come on, Mike, one, one last One last hurrah before you get on the straight O last fucking suck One last Yeah Y system. And your bathrooms on the boats are probably disgusting. so you're not allowed in the bathroom on the boat. first of all, reallyally? I'm not even allowed in there. Think about it. One last hurrah and then you can maybe haveb it what's keeping you from being clean It's gonna be people with sticky barbecue hands too. Oh yeah. It sounds like there's not gonna be any barbecue this place. Something called a Foro. Freo' an Oreo that's been in floro. Yeah. Damn, this sounds It's tempting. You know what? mayaybe I'll go Clean the bathrooms in in the on the boats. And maybe I'll fucking suck a few people there. I have a plus one. You could be my the two of you. I could be a plus one Yeah. As if this is incredible. Come on, I gotta do some press for the show. Come on! aall shame c T shame me evall shame shame Shames man Shameare think I like these guys. I think you were singing a different song me I was singing a variation of upbm Cripples Creep. Cripples creep? Yeah