Seagull Performs The Music Man

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Come on, you're gonna be able to do it. Come on in the bang bang, comedy bang bang, coming in bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, mama, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, come in the bang, come on the bang, come in bang, come on the bang Come que vai She sells big bells by the bell store and my ears are ringing! Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! Thank you to Attila the Hyundai. Is that how you pronounce that? Hyundai! Yes. Thank you very much. You're my fact checker for today's episode. Yes. A lot of times I'll say stuff that uh I get deta wrong. Yeah. I mispronounce words. I need you here for me today. Okay. I'll validate it all. Okay, fantastic. I love this. Yeah. Just tell me I'm right even if I'm wrong. That's what I really want. Yeah. More importantly. I won't look into it. Okay. I appreciate this. Uh welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have an exceptional show. Coming up a little later, we have a ghost expert. We also have a bird. A ghost expert in a bird, uh coming up a little later on the show, but uh let's get to the the person who's Dulcet tones you just heard. One of the deeper voices in comedy, would you agree? Um sure. This is Are you gonna fact check this? Yeah, I don't know. I mean I'm not gonna Yeah, but the tones of everyone's voice and then be like, Oh, I am the deepest. Tell me someone deeper. I don't know because of how I don't have a list of deep voice uh But but I mean like can you think of anyone who's uh you know you know like if this were an a cappella group, you would all know exactly where you fit in. Yeah. You know? Comedy is certainly not an a capella group. That's not what I'm saying. No, but let me think if I can think of someone with a a A deeper voice. But it's been you mean specifically, of course, a stand up with a deeper voice. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Or I guess What if I'm the deepest voiced stand up? I think you might be. I can't think of a single other one. All right. Uh throw me? Yeah, yeah. Eddie Murphy. Go. Uh Hi. I'm Edd Murphy. I am in a Tight tight red suit and I yeah, this is it a would you describe my impression as dead on? You know how most comedians simply describe what they're v wearing and then go home? Have a good night, everyone. Yeah Yeah, I'm I'm America's deepest voiced comedian. I think you might put that on like a like a now a funny head shot where I have like a chef's hat. Yes. Um and like maybe a a little version of you peeking out from underneath the chef's hat, like a tatatouille, but you're just like a miniature guy. Yeah, yeah. I have yeah. A little a little mean. No explanation, right? No. People will know the show they're getting when they go see that comic live. Um, he is a stand up comedian, as mentioned. He is an actor. He has a new special called Here Comes the Whimsy, which is out now on YouTube. Please welcome back to the show, Eugene Merman, one of the Titans of Comedy. Hello. Hello? Oh, do you did you remember you're one of the titans of comedy? Yeah yeah yeah. Yes. Who were the others? It was Anthony Jesslinick. It is. It's yes. It's it's it's basically me and then People who have uh very uh beautifully crafted dark one liners. Yes, it was uh I'm looking at the episode now. This is an episode from March seventh, twenty thirteen. Uhhuh. And it is Anthony Jesselnik, Nathan Fielder, and you. Or the Titans of Comedy. Excellent. That is excellent. I'm in great company. Have you guys been touring together? Have you catched it? No, but I would. They're they're wonderful. Fantastic. Yes. I adore them. Um Eugene, welcome back to the show. Um Anything been going on with you? Nope nothing in the news. Oh that's not the answer I usually get when I ask a friend anything going on with you. Nothing in the news. That makes me feel like there something in the news. I'm redoing the w I'm I've been hired to redo the uh West Wing of the Wait, I'm really And here's the thing. I don't know what I'm doing. But he was a no bid contract. Yeah. No, I just got it. Uh I just got it because I was like, I have an idea. Um no, what what's going on with me? Well I have a new special out that's the one. New special. Here comes the whimsy and this d details your life Probably up till about, what, a month or two ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I mean, yeah, it taped it last year. Yeah, what is the what is the date that uh uh your life uh took a radical left turn? Um it wa uh March thirty first, you mean? March thirty first. Yes that's right. Yes. The last day of March. The last day of March. It's uh yeah. It's that's what you mean. They say beware the eyes of March, but uh you you had to look out for uh sixteen days after it. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Yes. Uh I was in a terrible uh car accident. That is what I'm hinting around. That is it made national headlines, perhaps even international headlines. Did you did you see any international headlines of like probably Eugene Marmin. Yes. Yes, yes, exactly. It was cover it was covered in all in like very fun Uh like vibrant Italian press. Mamma mia are you Jean? Yeah, exactly. Here he's not the voice of Gene, but imagine if he was How how sad that would be. Uh you you uh Eugene, if if if you don't know um if you if you're not out there scan T M Z, the thirty mile zone, of course. Yeah. Um or any of the national press, you may not know that on March thirty first Uh Eugene uh Merman pulled what we like to call a Eugene Merman. I Yeah It's like it's terrible when you do a bit and you're like, I can't even explain it. By uh uh uh ramming his car Ramming is fair to say, right? So yeah, I mean Yes, it probably is. I I drove and again, I don't remember it, so I don't know if I was Uh potentially like blacked out or unconsciously after. No, y yeah. So the chances of it being on purpose are I would say very slight. Like meaning I would knowing your personality. So so yeah so like And I talked to the policeman who saw the video of the toll booth and I and I and it sounds like the car. You ramped into a toll booth. Yes, yes. Which Look, here's the thing. A lot of people do ram into that toll booth, but not as many as don't. So it's probably a point oh oh one percent cars that pass by it. Many people pass by, some ram it, rarely in the afternoon, quickly. Um, so there's a version where I was either distracted or blacked out or something happened with the car. Like I don't know and I don't know that I'll ever And you spoke to the policem who saw the video you were saying? Yeah, and I spoke to him in general and he and I think in the hospital I had said that I you know, I remember looking at the map and you know, I don't know if there's like a quick turn and it comes up quickly. I I don't really know. Do you think there was someone in the toll booth that you were no person in the toll booth. There's okay do you think it's So it's an unmanned toll booth? So I was the only one. So it was not attempted murder. No, I wasn't like mad at a toll booth guy who'd really gotten me in nineteen eighty one. When I are seven. You are under oath. Yes. So I figure Podcasts traditionally are under oath. Yes. You brought your own uh book to to do the oath on which what is this? This is the unbearable lightness of being. Yes. Yeah, but that's what I do my oath on. Yeah. Um, and um so you ram into this toll booth. That's not the end of the story, because that that would be the end of the story for a lot of people of like oh gosh, I got into I got into a fender bender with this toll booth. You ram into the toll booth, you are unconscious. It perhaps you unconscious, or perhaps you are unconscious. Probably help continue. Oh yes, it's unclear. Whether you passed out and that's what you're doing, like even like is it like did I pass out for three seconds and then that's what there's an ER episode where someone uh passes out in the car. And rams into something. And they do a battery of tests. I hope they did a battery of tests. Yes, yes. Uh yes. And they were like, Oh my God, this accident, which everyone thought you were drunk for actually was you passing out as has let us see that you have a major medical problem that we need to fix. Did anything like that? Uh we're in the process of figuring out if I have uh yeah like a test don't come back as soon as they do on T V Well they they they do if you edit it the whole thing together. Oh we should do that. But yes, I am trying to figure out if in fact I have an arrhythmia or if I have uh like sleep apnea, or if there's a thing that could have medically contributed. So you may have been passed out before running into it or you may have run into it From a whoopse of types of like of like, you know, like you spilled You know, sticky Coke on your hands. Yeah. I might have been trying to playing with marmalade. Um I might have been eating marmalade out of a jar with my hand and I was like, Oh, my hand's sticky and I'm like distracted. But again, there was no marmalade found. You may have eaten it all though. Have you thought about it? It's true that it's possible I ate a whole jar of marmalade. It was Confused out of my mind. Um but but so you you may have lost control, you may have become unconscious, but then what happens is and that I have not seen this Anywhere but in the movies. Yeah. Uh the car burst into flames. I don't know exactly when because I'm not burned, so and and here's the thing, I haven't looked up the stories to be like, Oh, I made it. Have you haven't watched the video? No, because I don't know. It's it's probably quite disturbing. Yeah, yeah. There's some some uh trauma that you don't need. Yeah. So I haven't you already have enough trauma w regarding the incident. And then you have to answer questions on a stupid podcast about it. But I too. But like I had a concussion But the concussion w basically it was like I don't remember the accident. Um I know that you know when I was pulled out I You but the car the car is on fire and you are pulled out of it. I don't know if I was pulled out. I don't know how much the car was on fire when I was pulled out. But it was probably I remember being in the ambulance and seeing like car on fire. And being like oh I'm glad I'm not there. And then I remember thinking like Oh, this is definitely not a dream. This is like So you woke up in the ambulance. I thought you would have woken up in the uh in the hospital. So you won't briefly remember it and then the next thing I remember was the hospital. Right. But I put it together. I was like I was like, Oh, this ambulance took me to a hospital. So this is what I wanted ask because like you you see this in movies and T V all the time, the person waking up in the hospital and then You know, but you you n when you woke up in the hospital, you got it. You you I had I had known that I w I mean, again, I was sort of confused. I couldn't remember why it was where I was and I now then I was like, Oh yeah, I was going to Vermont Um why and why were you going to Vermont? Are you a dare? Oh okay. Um I was going uh to j uh to uh Julie Smith Glems home where who, you know, directed the special and we have a a label together uh along with our friend Odity. Um and the three of us were meeting up to, you know, work on stuff related to putting out the special and And then you you don't arrive at this preplanned meeting. No, because I I made a stop. You uh I decided to stop at a hospital for several days. Right. So do do now this has happened to me occasionally where someone doesn't show up where w where and when they're supposed to be there. Yeah. And you your the mind starts kind of going like Is this person alright? They're not answering their phone. So so I think what actually happened was w whoever pulled me out Or I think a few people pulled me out. But one of them asked me if I like a for a phone number and I though I had a concussion and was baffled. They want to be a bad I remembered my wife's phone number. Okay. And so I gave it to them. They called my wife. And then she called and let J and so then Julian out of T came to meet me at the hospital, which got it. You know, so so it all we didn't not that we like were like, Okay, let's finish our meeting. Um did the whatever you were meeting about, was that ever resolved? Yes, yes, we we ended up. Uh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I got the I m signed uh vinyl that will that was mailed out a week later. Yeah, so everything worked out. Don't worry. Can you imagine if if this had a different outcome and you didn't get to sign that vinyl? I know and then people had paid for it and then you have to Refunded and then my final specialist called Here comes the Whimsy. Then I'm And it's just so sad. So I'm like obviously like so like lucky and I have no idea what happened or what caused it. And I and I think like You know, there's guesses of what Again, like all be able to even if I find out that I have a heart condition, I don't know that that's what happened then. It's just that I have a heart condition. You just have to guess on all this kind of stuff. Yeah, I mean and and all I can do is be like, Well, if I was distracted, I'm not I probably won't be. Like Yeah, d um ha has it have have you thought about getting behind the wheel? Yes, I drove. I I mean the first time was I don't know, week or two later where I literally moved the car from down the street to our like parking the to our drive. Did you have any kind of like No, I was like this is fine and then the next day I like drove my son of school and I was like, This is fine and then we had planned And then a couple of days later you're just like on your phone while you're driving. Yes, yes, exactly. Well no, I it took me a while, but I looked to see if I had any incoming or outgoing emails or Right. So I know that like That wasn't a thing. Um but I you know, I I don't know. Um and w if If it had gone the other way and we're so g so glad that it didn't. Yeah. Was there a plan in place for like Bob's burgers? Is there a line of succession? Like does Dan Mintz get to like go up and start doing your part and someone takes over his or what Yeah, I don't know. I uh I I I haven't inquired as to Who they would get. But yeah, I'm not sure. Who does like a kid, who plays a high voiced kid. Uh Um I don't know. Has anyone ever had to re like uh do a couple of lines for Eugene on or no, sorry, Gene is the character name on Voss Burgers. Indistinguishable. But you know what I mean, where like, oh you you're not available because you're uh in Bali or something and they go, Oh get this guy to do No, I I don't I don't believe so. You've done one hundred percent of the dialogue. I believe that's true. And you and there there supposedly is no plan in place. The producers is not I am unaware though. Who knows if now there's a backup. Because you know, I've always said this, I feel like, you know, you don't want the West Wing effect to happen where like one of the the main actors passes away and then you're unprepared and y and they were only like five or six episodes away from the the show ending. Uhhuh. I've always said that every Any actor on a show. needs to come in on their first day. And film a scene of them clutching their heart going so that it can be incorporated into the show a little bit later. Yes. We do that on Bob. I mean they have a lot of us just going ah Um Yeah, I don't know. Um I do you think that would you prefer that they kill off your character in Bob's Burgers where you to where you to no longer be here? No. No. I I probably you want him to go on. I want yeah, I want That would be a tragedy for the family, wouldn't it? Yeah. So so I don't know that what Bob's needs is a deep, deep tragedy where like the middle child dies. And then like episodes are not about it, but like Always. It it just I feel like the there's an easy fix which is like he dies and then cut two it just says cut two two years later. That way there's like we don't have to see the grieving process, you know, and it's Yeah, but here's the thing. And by the too nobody ages. So so two years later, what are you then making everybody older? I don't think you're doing that. That would be fun though, wouldn't it? See everyone two years later. I I mean how how old is Kristen's character? She nine. be great to see you at eleven. I don't know. She's so perfect at nine. I know, but I mean it would be it would be kind of fun to see her like entering sixth grade. Yeah. Uh Yes. It would and all that that entails middle school. Yeah. You know, first day of middle school. I think this is a good idea. No, every episode is first day of middle school. Right. Yeah, yeah. Um, and so um your special you don't you don't address it in the special because it happened beforehand. Yeah, it taped it in. What is what is like the if it was your last word We we mentioned how weird that would be if this was like the last special you ever put out. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna at least tr quickly try to make another one. Yeah, is there is there anything at the end of the special that would sum up your career? Like if it had to be had to have been the last one, like You know, or is the last line of the special just kinda goofy and you're like, Well, that's the last thing we ever hear from. I think the last part of the special is people tap dancing. Really? Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, see. Do you think you would have made the in memorium? Do you do you know? Oh no. Oh of like the Emmys I bet you would've. Emmys maybe, yes. I know you would've. Emmys y maybe, yeah, because But I'm not in I'm not in it. I'm in like one and a half movies or something. Oscars. You would No There's no Like there's no version What about the Grammys? Latin Grammys? Latin Grammys maybe. I wonder if I would make like the People's Choice Award uh in memorial. Do they have an in memorium? Have you ever won a people's choice award? I don't think I've been nominated, but maybe Bob's has. Probably. Yeah. Probably. I think I said. I think I said probably because Bob. Yeah. Probably. Probably. Uh Yeah, I don't know. I but you know I now want to make a list of or organizations that I think would wish me well if I died. It is slightly interesting experiencing almost your own funeral. Because lots of people reached out and it is like, Oh, this is what it would have been like if I had had died. And and then but everyone's like and he didn't die. Like I mean, no one's disappointed. And well I think they also like the amount the new the news and the fire whatever was so insane. Right. And then I'm kind of like I mean I d I had a I fractured. It's not like you had a a a heart attack and everyone hears about it and goes, Oh my God um you know, it was just so crazy to to You know, to read it in the news first. You know, before anyone reached 'cause sometimes there's a little bit of a you know uh a game of telephone with comedians of like, did you hear about this? Did you hear about this? It was pure like TMZ, like what the fuck just happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was also obviously so insane because like I also have no idea what happened or caught. I mean, I reached out to my friend who works on Bob's Burgers just to uh you know, see what what he knew about it and you know, and so I got a little more information. 'Cause I was supposed to record the next day. Um, and I couldn't. Um and and so I uh yeah, so so we I call like my wife called Bobs and let them know and then so everyone there knew I was basically fine. Fine, yeah. But but you know, obviously. And you're and you're like you're not burned up or anything like that, and you basically wake up in the hospital how how long are you there? I was there for essentially three days, two and a half days. Why why so long if there wasn't Well because I broke my wrist and then I uh so I broke my wrist and had surgery on it. Oh, okay. Um and I had fracture or broken two ribs in my sternum and had a concussion and maybe like a bruised lunch. Like there was I wasn't like not injured, but I wasn't like Uh so injured that one side had surgery and it's and And also the the person next to me who's very nice man, but also he listened to the news very loud. So every day I would hear my story of my car accident very loudly with new pieces of information added each day. And so it was like by you know, at first it's like the you know, the governor's detail saves this man from a burning car, and then it's like Good news, that man is Eugene Babbing! That's what we were when I was filling out like the discharge hospital papers, it was mu the story of it being me finally revealed as if that was like the funnest thing in the world. We got a great big surprise for everyone. Yeah, you could know his voice. Oh my gosh. Yes. That was that was f fun. And and did the guy in the bed next to you who was hearing this news, did he ever go like Wait a minute, are you? Yeah, so like in d after maybe the second day or something, he's like, Hey, you the guy from the crash? And I was like, I am he's the guy who called TMZ, didn't he? No, I think TMZ just call the hospitals in the area. And I don't know how many there are, maybe It was the first or third call. What so do they do they know it's you when they're calling hospitals in the area or are they just calling hospitals? And then and then you know, th and the nurses were so sweet and the staff there was so sweet. And then when that happened and I was sort of physically shaken. They were like, We can make you a private patient. And I was like, Oh, what's that? And they're like, Well, the where nobody can call you And then you can make even a password for people to come. But then of course the only people actually visiting are like my friends and family. So it's like very funny where like the next day they ask my brother for the password and he's like, What password? And then so they have to come to me and be like, Uh this guy is your brother and I was like, Yes, yes, please please let him visit me Uh. Although it would be really fun though if the TMZ TMZ guy says like, you know, I'm his brother and potentially your brother and call probably hospitals and have to speak to me. Wow. But yeah, but they reacted very quickly and then after that it was probably hard to call. Well, I mean it it is a bizarre thing, I'm sure, to go through something like this, hopefully decades away from when y you know, it'll happen for real. Uh you know what I mean? Uh I hope that In fifty one years, when I'm a hundred and two, I do it again. Yes and whatever, you know, that'll be my final chap. Exactly. But it's it's uh you you you must have some inkling of how loved and respected you are within the community and Yes, there was a a very sweet outpouring and lots of people texting and Yeah. And it it w it yes, there there there was uh And and we don't always know that. We you know, we uh uh sometimes can be like, I wonder what other people think about me. I bet they talk shit about me all the time. And then you find out that no, actually they uh they they in enjoy your company and respect you. Yes. Um and we are very glad that you're here, uh and not uh uh, you know, wherever we uh d did you get any kind of like No, I I mean look, is it really tempting to be like I spoke to God and he told me these things and you have to follow my new cult. Yeah, exactly. Like as you guys can imagine, I'm fireproof, so I think we Should do everything I say. Um no, I I mean like No it was just Dreamland that was I mean I yeah, I was just unconscious and then conscious and and very confused and very like upset and traumatized, but not um Yeah, you know Do you think you'll ever go through that toll booth uh again? Well here's the thing, the funding already exists to remove it. Like meaning e by the even like because a lot of people do crash into it. Not like again More than tone. Right. But but but the funding is there to remove the toll boots. So this was already in the works. Because I think it's not I think it's an unhelpful Does it collect money or I believe i it does through some sort of free pass through this for the rest of your life. I mean I I uh I wish there were ceremonies for removing a toll booth 'cause I would absolutely attend. But I can't imagine. What's the reverse of doing a big ribbon seal a red tape together? Um I would I would gladly be there for the Unveiling of no toll booth. Um Yeah, I mean you're like the patron saint of that area now. I bet they should erect like a statue there and I'll all I do the statue then or Oh I don't think they should well maybe they put the statue on the side of the highway. Oh I wouldn't want to do a thing where like we've replaced this now with a statue you have to dodge. But um. Well, congratulations, Eugene. That's uh it's a it's at least uh an interesting experience. I know you probably were in some pain, uh and uh you seem you seem okay now. I am I am relatively. I mean I think I'm just so thankful and I am much more okay than one would imagine. Yeah. From whatever. Was there anything not not to continue dwelling this, but was was there anything that you were like, oh shit. Now I really know I need to put this So this is sort of the The truth is. Um, as you know, like my First wife died from cancer. Right. So I had already prioritized my life in a way of what was sort of important and meaningful to me. Right. So I truly didn't need another life lesson of how valuable life is. I was all set. So so now I'm like, oh life is super duper precious. And it's just like I don't know. Yeah. So so so the irony is is I already like I I live, you know, in in like a place near friends and family and I already sort of prioritize the things. Do you feel do you feel like who's that dude in the Bible? Job, right? Uh I mean he's certainly in the Bible but I don't know enough to Yeah. You know, where it's just like, Man, why is this all this shit happening to me? Yeah. And then you look at uh I'm trying to think of anyone else in comedy who just has an easy time of it. Oh, I don't know. I I imagine everyone in com no one has like an easy. One of the other titans of comedy, like Boy, why didn't this happen to Nathan Fielder or Anthony Oh, I don't know. People would be uh it it can't happen to Nathan Fielder because people would be like this is for this is like he is recreating a toll crash. He's gonna recreate my thing. That'll be his next series will be Him rebuilding that toll booth on a stretch of highway in Indiana. Well the the special is Here Comes the Whimsy and um it's getting great reviews all across the board. It's on YouTube and it's free to watch or um and two thousand dollars a view. My recoup plan is yeah I just need Seventeen people. And there's no GoFundMe or anything for you, or there is No. Sorry, that was too dramatic. Yeah, I just no, I have a that's r uh you mean for the special or for just me. No, just for you. I mean you're uh you're a Holly you uh you have a part on a long running sitcom. Yeah, I I have healthcare through SAGAFTRA as I I imagine a lot of us do. Um saying that we tie healthcare into people's jobs, isn't it? Yes. Though I think until I'm sixty five I'll have healthcare and then I probably have to just never never crash again. Um however it works. Do you think do you do do you think you will drive now and have you been driving with extra care? I or are you d have you just slipped right back into the old like I think we were driving Recently and I like let like probably like five cars in front of me and my wife's like, What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm just very, very careful. Um But yeah, I mean that's the thing. Like I think I'm you know, I'm gonna sh like all the things that could have caused this are Basically like s like me being distracted, something medically with me, or something with the car, or probably some common. It's not like another car group. No, there was no other car. Yeah. I wasn't trying to stop s or jerking in any way, which means I don't know, it was probably in some sort of auto drive Um probably, but not Definitely. Um but it doesn't but again, because I wouldn't intentionally drive quickly into a toll booth smoothly, I have to imagine it was probably in some sort of mode like that. And then probably something happened to me to not make me stop it. Maybe you thought it was something else, though. It's true that there could have been a glare. I don't mean it was empty road. I mean you thought you thought it was like something that you like a duck or something that you wanted. I mean a toll booth it is possible that there's some sort of turn in the way the sun you know anyway, these are all possibilities. There was a thing with like the insurance claim where you basically have to be like, Am I fifty point one percent responsible? And I had to be like, Yeah, I mean no one else was driving. Even if it's all these other things. I can't be like, Well it wasn't me. I'm ten percent responsible. Shaggy defense. It wasn't me. Yeah, yeah. Um well uh here comes the whimsy is out right now, and uh I implore everyone to see it. There's no better time uh than watching Eugene do comedy. Uh I've I've been seeing you since uh God now for twenty five years I feel like I think uh I I think I saw you out here at the knitting factory opening for Stella. Stella, yeah. Yeah, you know, and uh uh it's it's just one of the most unique uh minds and comedy. And honestly, he's one of the titans of comedy, which says a lot. Um and Um, we're gonna take a break. Um when we come back we have a ghost expert. We also have a bird. Great sound good? Yeah, it's it doesn't sound good. It sounds great. We're gonna come right back with more Eugene Merman, more comedy bang bang, we'll be right back after this. Imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life. Imagine if you could help someone pay for university, help your community build a new playground, or help a child make it to that dream competition. With GoFundMe, it's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform. Trusted by over 200 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary things. Your ideas matter. GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies. Want to raise money for your kids' football team? Or raise funds for a small business, a charity, or event. GoFundMe helps you turn ideas into reality. And help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else raise up to five times more. So think right now. Who could use your help? Don't wait for someone else to bring change. Today, start your fundraiser in just minutes at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com. This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Eugene Merman is here. Here comes the Whimsy is his special. You can get it on YouTube. What are we talking about? 60 minutes? 61? 62? Where Yeah, I forget its exact length. I I think it's somewhere in the fifty six to fifty. Is that one of the things you forgot in the accident? Yeah, I forget the exact length of my special. That's the I have A concussion. And uh I forgot the accident and the exact Time length of my special. Okay. Well uh I let me look it up for you and uh here comes the whimsy. Yeah. It happens to be fifty seven minutes, fifteen seconds. Ah, I'm gonna have to click on it in order to figure this out. People in this room. And that's the first line of the special. Well that's yeah, that's John Hodgman introducing me. Oh well, John Hodgman, our good friend John Hodgman, who owns a boat. Um it is fifty five s minutes and two seconds. Okay. Yeah, that's that's pretty reasonable. Okay, now I'm gonna ask you again and see if you remember. How long as you're special. I don't wanna get this wrong. I believe it is fifty five minutes in two seconds. Wow. Okay, great. So there's no long lasting damage here. What we don't know is do I still have short term memory. You'll have to ask me at the end. Okay, I'll ask you at the end. Yeah, yeah. This is a good test. Okay, we need to get to our next guest. Um He's a ghost expert. Uh please welcome to the show Devin Green. Hello, Scott Ackerman. Great to be here. Oh, what an interesting uh accent accent. It's kind of hard to pin down, isn't it? Where uh where are you from? It sounds a bit Irish. It's a bit ir it's mostly Irish. I'm on a Whee Island to the west of Ireland. And I although I should tell you it's uh it's um It's a metropolitan area, and I've been told many accents are in play. I see. Oh, okay. Well it's it's and that's where you were born. And that's why I was born and raised Island's name? Grumbledum. Grumbledum. Wow, heavy. Is that near Dingle? I think it is. Yeah, I'm not much of not much one for geography, I'm afraid. But I believe it is. Yeah. People famously don't know the geography. It's pretty far from. It's pretty far west. Yeah. Well I know Grumbledum, but once you leave the island, you know it gets a bit foggy. Well it's so nice to have you on the show. Is it? It really is. Oh, it's great to hear. That seems like it's a surprise to you. I'm not sure. It's my first time in America, so It you I heard you a bit prickly here. Oh no, not you as a country. Oh okay. Yeah that could be that can be true. Yeah. But no, we we uh at here at Comedy Bang Bang, this is the show where we talk to interesting people. I'm one of them, I think. So that's it. Let's hear your details and I'll we'll decide after that. You make a proclamation when I'm finished if I was indeed interested. That's right. Now you are a ghost expert, which's right Yeah. Seems interesting to me so far. Looking up. Yeah. So uh tell me about uh what you're an expert on. Well I'm a history of folklore and uh ghost tales and sightings and hauntings. Oh and in my uh home island of uh Grumbledome I give tours. 'Cause there's many uh it seems so soon for you to move on to your side business. Sure. Like we haven't explored like, you know, let's stay on fo No great, of course. That we'll put a pin in that. You know what I mean? I mean like I'm barely just registering with you know I didn't mean to rusha. Let's let it soak in. Yeah, I would love that. Now I'm a man of mostly Irish accent from an island. Eugene, do you believe in ghosts? Um Be honest. No. Okay. All right. But I believe that um there's things that uh we don't know. Okay. But uh they're probably not ghosts. We know that. That's not real. We don't well, let's keep the first part there. So y but but you believe that you are in contact with goats? I have been in contact with many ghosts. Okay, so you're not just an expert on them. You you actually correspond with them or I have corresponded. Many pen pal. Are there things they can tell you that you would otherwise not be able to know? Yes, very much. I love I love talking to ghosts. They know so much. They know so much. Yeah. Are you uh you know, we've talked about uh several times about how putting on a show for the ghosts is masturbating. Um I think of it. Yeah. Is that is it the the do they when they talk to you do they say they love it. They love watching people masturbate. And they report in They're so tickled by it, you know. They like the different people's styles and only really they have the knowledge of that. Yeah. Um and what is the first ghost that you ever either saw or heard or raised in an island so full of folklore. I'm not sure I can tell ya the first When I knew about it. Uh I suppose my favourite when I was a child. Greenly. Patty Greenley. So here's the thing, Scott. If you're a naughty child and you're in the Castle Greenly. Okay, or Miss Patty Greenley was a servant. All right, then you misbehave. You'll hear Mrs. Greenle's shoes. Bind ya. Oh no. Pit Pat. P And if you don't run away immediately. You get covered in juice. Juice. She was a she was a maid, she brought juice. Is this she d does this as a ghost, or this is when she was alive? And is alive. So you she used to throw juice. Well when she was alive, as I understand it, it was celebration. You know, she'd come into the room of cat I feel like I'm losing ya already. So it wasn't something where she was in charge of the juice, but she would just deliver it calmly to people. This was the thing when When she was alive, she would literally throw juice on people. That's right, yes. As a celebration. Well she was a maid, you've a servant of the castle, so I'm assuming she had many other duties, but it wasn't her only thing like she's the throw juice woman that we contact Every eight days. No, I doubt that was her only respon I have to say no more of her as a ghost. As a ghost that's all she does. Okay. But I imagine in her life that was just one of many activities. And is the juice uh a ghost as well? The juice is real. So so she goes around finding real juice. That's what she does. What if you just didn't keep juice in your house? Then she's out of options and what she does is you're here to pit the pat the pit then she goes Oh shit And then that's it. And she goes somewhere else where there might be juice. But I give a tour to Cal and I leave juice around because it's a great back to the tour. Promise I won't stay long. It seemed extremely related to what you're saying. It's okay, no, go ahead with it to her. Nah, forget it. Th I leave juice out if she's got no juice, you know, she just sort of says, Well, you know, shape, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh that I mean that sounds creepy. Uh I don't necessarily want juice. I mean, I w I feel like if a ghost threw juice on me, I would then Kind of be like ghosts are real and I would I would when I in certainly would in the telling if I were to be like Eugene, I swear ghosts are real, one threw juice on me. What I would say to you is I definitely believe juice somehow was thrown at you. I just but wouldn't you believe it more than oh I saw a creepy thing and I didn't know what it was. Yeah, I guess if juice came out of nowhere unless you were like I I Like earlier in the day I was working on a juice catapult. Yeah, or there was like ju juice on in a glass on your desk and you were like I don't think I I bumped it. I think a ghost spelled it on me. But if I was like there was no juice anywhere other than in the kitchen and suddenly something threw juice on me, there was no one else in you would you might go like I'd be like, Yeah, that's probably a ghost Or or or maybe I'd be like invisible monkeys are real. And they're mischievous. That's true. It could be. So they're alive. They can't be perceived by uh they're outside our visual spectrum. Yeah, like uh light uh bends around. Exactly. So it'd be like, Yeah, so there's probably two possibilities. One is ghosts are real and the other is living invisible monkeys that light bends around. Are all are real. And I would be like, Oh, now I don't know which thing to believe. Right. Well, there's no way I'd be a monkey because uh A monkey wouldn't share their juice. Here's the thing about What you don't know about invisible monkeys, obviously, is that that's kind of their thing. They share juice. Well I sort of noticed no such thing as invisible monkeys, so we don't have to talk about it. It's an interesting fanciful sort of notion. Some would say there's no such thing as ghosts. Well there is because I've seen them. You've seen them. Okay. And you've seen Patty Greenly. And you've seen her. Well no, 'cause she's invisible. But I've seen a tray of juice. A floating tray of juice. That's right. And w and did did you hear Miss Patty Greenwee as well? So not see. What are the uh what are the five senses? There's well there's seeing for sure. Yeah. There's hearing. Oh yeah. I love that one. There's uh feeling, which is One I like, if you know what I mean. Yeah, because you're horny. And then you love the sexual pleasure of touch. And then the other two we never really pay. Who cares? Yeah, who cares? Mostly those three. Seeing, hearing, and and touching. Mm-hmm. The monkey the monkey stuff. Well that's not really monkeys. No no I'm saying the monkey see, monkey here, monkey do. Oh, I guess do is doing is a sense. Doing is a such I think that's touch. And then there's also taste. Can you taste the ghost? Uh You tasted a ghost. I have not tasted a ghost. I think taste is that I've smelled a ghost. What? Taste is just touch. No. With your tongue. Well taste is touch and taste. Well you know how if you put your hand on a lemon you would only feel it. But if you put your tongue on it you would also be like, Oh, that's uh But you're also feeling it. Shouldn't it be a subset of of Touch. I think it's like three three B taste. Well I hate to be overly semantic, but in that case, isn't sight also touch? Huh? Huh? Sight. Cause it's light. A simultaneous huh on comedy bang bang. Double high. What do you mean side is also touch? Because light light is touching your eyes. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Okay. We need this. So it's basically so touch and then everything including smell because it's vapors touching your nose. Yeah. Sorry to get so mad. Hearing is is I guess sound waves touching your nose. So it's just one sense. It's touch. Yeah. And sometimes it touches your smell, and sometimes it touches your ears. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or your wiener. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, can ghosts sure. Oh have you ever had sex with a ghost? I've been sexually aroused by a ghost. I don't know. I hadn't touched one. Okay. And w what was it that was so sexually arousing about this particular ghost? Well you know the scene in the first ghostbusters when Dan Agra gets a blowjob. But this is a dream sequence, by the way. That's a dream right. in Ghostbusters. A lot of people their memory of it is That Dan Aykroyd legitimately got a real blow job from a ghost. This is the most I've seen you this whole episode. You're ready to really get the continuity straight. But it truly was a dream sequence of him of him. So it's even less meaningful than we thought. That sequence was even less needed. Yep. So truly no change to the story. But so so you you this happened to you where a ghost uh unbuckled your pants or no? No, but I was I was alone in a castle north and grumbledum. out that scene for me. Which part acted out the Dan Ackerin part? No, just the just the blow job part. No, but what character was the ghost that I thought was doing both characters? The ghost and Dan Akar. Doing both, yeah. Sort of switch to go. Sorry, was it two? One ghost Oh one ghost sort of folded on them. He was like, Watch watch this, watch this. I was like, Okay, yeah, show me. And he did he goes, You know Ghostbusters? I said, Yeah. He's oh what watch this. And he did the and then he lay down and he switched. doing he would let me know he'd be no Mac Rini lay down And um Was the fact that he was a ghost so enticing, or I I'm just saying like if a It was performance. If a dude were to come up and go, Can I act out this scene from Ghostbusters? I don't think I would get sexually aroused necessarily. You don't know that, though. 'Cause this guy I don't think it was 'cause he was a ghost. Well you try it. Sure, acting all right, act out the scene from ghostbowsters. Okay, yeah, no, and I'll tell you if there's any movie I'm not an actor, but I'll do it. Okay. Okay. How are you, by the way? I'm doing good. I'm good. Thank you. Oh, it's I love to hearing your story. Do you guys want to do uh uh do you wanna do both parts or do you want Eugene to be in in on this? Sure. Would you like to be the ghost given felis show or is that not great laying down in the cottage? It's the twenty thousand dollar pyramid question. Do you want to give or receive? And by the way, you don't have to do either, I think. I would do a you know what? Can I do a little of each? Okay, we'll eat switch. Yeah, switch in the middle of it. Yeah. We'll see when we're going to probably. I'll start doing both parts. And then when you say switch, you take over both. Okay. Okay. You're gonna do both? I don't know. And then when I say switch, he's gonna do both. No. I want one of you to play one and when the other both of the one. When I say switch, you switch parts. Okay. You fucking lunatic. Sorry, I'd like I thought I was doing bullshit Why would you think that? I'm not an actor of a broken bridge you're a Hollywood actor doesn't have anything to do with it Sure, but I don't know. See, I heard I hear prickly prickly hands. Okay. All right, go ahead. Because I think we've described it enough that I think I'm gonna nail it. Okay, okay, you're gonna be the ghost. I'm gonna be Dan Ackroyd. Do you need Dan Ackroyd? Do you want to get into the park? Somehow. You should start. Yeah, you should you need to be accurate to lay it down, you know. I'm Dan Aykroyd. Describe what you're wearing. Uh I'm wearing a scientist outfit. I'm I'm I'm wearing a jump a ghost jumpsuit. And a belt buckle. I definitely have a belt buckle. It definitely was a belt buckle. No, he must have had pants on and a shirt. Yeah, he must have pants. He's just one of those guys sleeping in in the air. And all the things that you with a belt on. Exactly. And are these things that Dan Eckroyd is saying right now? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm Dan Aykroyd, I'm sleeping in my pants and belt and shirt. And I'm falling asleep. By the way, this is a dream, so he's it's not like he's sleeping in them. Oh, he's just lying in the dream. Oh, I see. He's lying down, but he's just he's not sleeping in the dream. Exactly. I I think he wakes up and he's probably wearing like pajamas or something. Oh, okay. Great. Although I don't remember. I'm gonna look this up. I don't know. I think it's a dream. Is this the end of the movie? I don't know it. Or was it the stape of Marshall Amade? Or does it just end with like, uh, that was weird. I'm gonna look up ghosts. I honestly didn't know it was a dream until right now. Yeah. Ghost but the look it on YouTube it's Ghostbusters Dream Ghost BJ scene. Okay, all right. So that's that's enough for me. This is this is answering some of my old child has to be to watch Ghostbusters. Do you want me to skip ahead and see if he wakes up? That'd be great. Sure. Just so you have all the information. I'd hate to end it wrong. Yeah. Okay, he's he's waking up Oh no, he is asleep and he's waking up and he's wearing pants. He's probably not at off. Taking a nap. And he's tired for busting ghosts. The ghost is is uh you see the ghost above and then it turns invisible, opens up his pants, and his eyes. Okay, right, he falls back in bed. And he's receiving Oh, and then it just ends right there. So I didn't know. He does they don't show him waking up then. In this clip they don't, but then we can find it. People talking about it? That's not interesting. I don't think so. All right, I'm Dan Ackroyd. I'm lying down. I'm probably very tired from busting ghosts. I'm wearing pants, a belt, and a shirt. Okay. Isn't that what you said you would do? God fucking damn it. You said though. No, I said in the middle of the scene I'm gonna say switch. And then you switch parts. Oh, I get it now, right? Holy fucking shit. Um apologize, I truly didn't. Just float, just float around, come on. Mm. Look up here! I'm a ghost switch! Well I'm a goo's brother. I'm a cone. You weren't crossing your eyes. That's the one note I would give you. I appreciate that. You appreciate my note that you weren't. I do, yeah, next time I do it. All right. Well that uh that was good. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. No, it was perfect. So how was that was that a raping to anybody here? Oh that's right. That's why we're doing it. Yeah. I feel like we added uh The level of ver ver si m vermisid uh versimilitude. Thank you, versumilitude. That's a tough one. I can only imagine how many people are gonna listen to that part over and over in private. That'd be a shame. I I now was it arousing, to be honest. Don't lie. I'm gonna be honest, I was more upset with you for getting the switch. The whole concept of the switch. I feel bad because I think if you weren't so mad at me it it would be arousing. We'll never know. I was too in the character And so when I was Aroid, I did get aroused. Okay. Yes. But when I was the. So you were aroused when you were just doing it. Just now. Yeah. When you were Ackroid, yeah. Only as Ackroid. Okay. But when you were when you were watching this ghost reenact both parts, it just got you. Well he was so in it. Yeah. And why was he why was he reenacting this for you? I asked him. It was by request. Yes, he was like, Do you want to know anything from beyond? Do you wish to know secrets from your your dead ma? I said, Hey. Ghostbusters. And he had? He loved it. So he was born uh or or he died after nineteen eighty four. That's right. As a ghost he saw the movie. Oh w oh he saw it as a ghost. Oh okay. Well no yeah, he died before. Jesus fucking Christ. Get your story straight. I'm really sorry. I get why you're so frustrated. So he's a ghost and he's watching Ghostbusters over someone's shoulder as they're watching it. What other movies does he like? He only likes ghost movies, but there are many. There's Ghost. Ghost, of course, is a great one. Ghostbusters two. Yes. Six sense is a ghost two. Did he have an opinion on Ghostbusters two about how they have the patches on their uniforms with the ghost holding up a two, like they know they're in a sequel? He did he was very upset. He would have loved you. 'Cause he was really upset at the continuity. He would have loved me? Why can't he love me now? He's a ghost, right? Is he still a ghost? Oh what no, I destroyed him. Oh this particular ghost. Why? What does that mean? Well you can s you can f so the real a ghost is a spirit who hasn't moved on to the beyond. Okay. If you sort of either helped them or sometimes banish them, they move on. And and in a way their ghost existence is over. So you you m why the verbiage destroyed him? You banished him? I banished him, yeah. He was an evil spirit, so to help him move on meant he went down to Why do you think he was evil? Because he didn't I mean he got you aroused. He didn't do it good enough for you? No, that part was great. He then sort of belittled me and he goes a real bully. Okay. Wha why what were you doing to make him act like that? I was s sort of telling him he was a piece of shit. And he got mad at me about it. Number one, why were you telling him he was a piece of shit? Well because He's done this thing for you, he's acted out this scene. Well he started criticizing Ghostbusters. He started with the two Patch thing and then he was sort of like the first one really is uneven. And it jumps around. It goes, The pace is all wrong. If you're not already worshiping Bill Murray, it's not a good movie. Okay, so then then you say you're still a piece of shit. It shouldn't be criticizing. You know, it's so hard to make a movie. And then he says you have a small dick. Has he seen it because you are aroused at this point and you've taken it out? Or took it out. And you were you were manipulating it, or what what exactly were you? You just took it out and it was fine. He said the performance is so good, you've you got me turned on. He said, No way. I said, Take a look. You took it out to show him. That's right. He sees that you have and and this is you admitting. That's right. And I was like, and this is because you're such a good actor. I said, you could have been in Ghostbusters. He said, who cares? That movie sucks. That's not what I was saying you were admitting. I'm saying you're admitting that you have a small penis. That's right. Oh no, yes. Okay. So yeah I absolutely do. How small? Well, you know, subjective of course. You want inches. Yeah, yeah. I'm not I'm not saying what's the general feeling of how small it is. I don't know. Yeah. I mean from from uh you know I don't know the conversion from metric to a mar I think it's about tree. Three three inches. Oh, okay. Okay. I mean that's you know fully engorged. It's respectable. How about when it's flaccid? Uh half. Four inches. Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that be something I get a recommendation? The man with the magic shrinking penis. Um, well this I mean look, this is a an incredible story. Now I know you wanted to say something about the tours that you get. Well just that's what I do, you know. So I'm here to promote them. Okay. So if you're on the island of Grumbledum, come on look me up, I'll give you a tour. And is there any other kind of reason a tourist would go to Grumbledum? There's hills everywhere though. Okay, well it's a r it's a beautiful you know, people go to Ireland to see the the majesty of nature, you know, and it's a lovely lovely island. Yeah, Scott. What about leprechaun? Do you ever see one of those? Sure, many types. Okay, that's a separate Okay, all right. You brought it up? I know I brought it up. I've very call everyone in Ireland's seen leprechaun. Have you ever, like, gotten to the end of the rainbow and got the gold and all that? Well, I've seen I haven't got my own. It's rude, yes, it belongs to them. Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to take it. I thought that if you If you got to the end of the Rainbow thing. You earned it. They yeah, you earned it too. That's what I taught. But they were just like That's the first it's like a taskmaster. There's all these things you gotta do after you get there. And that's I guess it's sort like breaking into someone's house going, like I earned it. Let me have the stuff. Exactly. Yeah, sort of sort of like well no it's still our Are there ghosts of leprechauns? Yes, there are, yeah. Of course. Wow. That's that. Yeah. That's cool. Can you think I mean are there must be ghosts of everything, like a vampire. Anything living. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, ghost cat. A ghost cat. To be ghost cat, yeah. Oh yeah, every animal's a ghost. Flies, mosquitoes. Sure, but most of them move on. They they move on to the great mosquito heaven or is is heaven segregated by segregated by species, that's right. Yeah A lot of heavens. So I bet there's a man heaven and a woman heaven. You know what I mean? I bet. I bet there is. I bet there is. There's certainly like a It seems like you would know because you talk to ghosts. Well only see when they're here, you know. We don't know. Even they don't know. They don't know, because they haven't moved on yet. That's great. Then why was this one ghost who uh reenacted this pivotal scene from Ghostbuster saying that he could relay information to you from beyond? to other other ghost of of relatives of mine who hadn't moved on. I see. I understand. So my my mother, for example, died when I was just a young boy. How y'all? Uh thirty two. Thought you were about to say thirteen. Thirty two I mean thirty two. Thirty two, you're old enough it's a tragedy, don't get me wrong, but you're old enough to be able to process. She wasn't great. To be honest. But sure still, she shouldn't do. Why was she not great? Would she criticize Ghostbusters or sort of be like, You're a know it all, you know? And I'd be like, You know what? I take you're not great. Yeah. You're a piece of shit. Would she say you have a small penis? She did. Yeah. Which I feel was her purview. She's the one who created it. That's right. It's her fault. That's right. You you know, you're Thanks a lot. You think there are exercises that a mother could do to make sure that baby is bigger? I'd imagine yes. You know, like just just stretch it out every morning. Maybe even just sort of Yeah. Could be I mean I couldn't hurt, right? It's interesting to think of how many people in the world there are and how w we would never have an answer to this question because of I take with enough ultra sounds and sort of cagles you could maneuver the fetus within you to sort of stretch. Yeah, stretch out before the birth. Like like there must be some sort of like spirit gum or something. You could stick it to one side of the uterus and then like gum. You know what I mean? Isn't that oddly named. Isn't that funny? Spirit gum and you're a guy who's a ghost. Spirit gum. You know, would I mind seeing a ghost with a big beard attached to his face? Yeah. Ghosts are very funny. What's the funniest thing that you've ever seen a ghost of? You want me just to immediately come up with the number one. Come up with? What do you mean? I mean I mean you you had to have ranked this. No, I'm in my life. Yes. Easy for me to tell you. The funniest thing I ever saw a ghost do, the Mary Tyler Moore funeral scene with the the clown. The reenactment of this these guys are huge pop culture fans. And I'd never seen the episode. But when I saw them do it. I've seen that part though on clips. Is that right? You get the gist. That's all I've seen is the ghost. You know what we're talking about, Eugene. The Mary Tyler Moore f uh uh clown funeral. She just starts laughing at it, and uh they can't they can't get through the funeral without laughing at it how ridiculous it is and then when they the the the preacher or whoever is running this, uh finally says like okay, let it out, go ahead and laugh. Then she bursts into tears 'cause it's so sad. Isn't that Isn't that funny? Doesn't comedy play on expectations. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It sounds very it sounds very funny. Yes, was the funniest thing I saw one do. Oh, and I saw a a g uh really funny, even better. I was mid fart and a ghost emerged. What do you mean your mid fart? How long are your farts? This was a long one. Every fart has a mid. It's it's you know point five seconds or two seconds. The fact that something is able to occur in the middle of one of your farts Well I was holding it for a while, so I was I don't care. Well just meant I was very conscious of when it started. I'm interested. I was mid I was on a tour and I was holding in a big fart. And I was like, oh I just get to the end, you know, and then fart in private. And it's like I can't I can't anymore. Maybe to be quiet, you know, hope maybe won't be so much. And I sort of like, I just tried to quick push through it. And I started the fart and it was tremendous. So at least 10 seconds long. Wow. Just a fluttery sort of Ting and mid mid-Far de Ghost show up and said, I'll have what he's having was so funny. I mean It's not a bad thing to say after that you're a ghost or not. It was great. And then he left. Then he left. Okay, never knowing. But anyway. But they must have gotten a thrill on that tour to see something. They look it. It's like a whale watch. You know, you you go and you hope to see something. You just hope to, but you don't know. You never know. But they did. They saw wouldn't make fun of me if I didn't. Well Devin Green. Greenglove. Green Green Glove? So sorry, it's Devin Greenglove. Oh I said it wrong. Greenglove. Your name is Devin Greenglove. My name is Devin Greenglove. Weird way to go out on this interview. I wasn't listening before. Yes, that's my fault. I'm sorry. All right. Devin Greenglove. Wonderful to have you here. Can you stick around? Sure. Does that upset you? Does it upset me? Yes. I'm not upset about anything. I don't give a whether you live or die. You're not like my friend Eugene. I just met you. Sure. Yeah, we have a relationship. I don't give one shit about two fucks about you. That makes sense. Well I'm glad I haven't upset you. Okay, good. But it's Devin Greenglove and it's my fault you got I'm so sorry. All right. Well I'm glad we cleared that up, right on the dismount. Um Devin Greenglove, it's wonderful to have you on. Can you stick around? I got nothing to do with it. We have a bird coming. We said something. Yep. We're gonna be right back with more Eugene Merman, more Devin Green Glove. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life. Imagine if you could help someone pay for university, help your community build a new playground, or help a child make it to that dream competition. With GoFundMe, it's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform. Trusted by over 200 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary things. Your ideas matter. GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies. Want to raise money for your kids' football team? Or raise funds for a small business, a charity, or event. GoFundMe turn ideas into reality. And help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else raise up to five times more. So think right now. Who could use your help? Don't wait for someone else to bring change. Today, start your fundraiser in just minutes at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com. This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe. Comedy Bam Bang We're back, Eugene Merman is here. Here comes the Whimsy is the special available for one and all on YouTube dot com. Is there a specific uh URL for it or uh I'm sure there is, but I don't know the URL of it. Does it have like percentages in it? If you go to Pretty Good Friends, which is our record label that And it's look I didn't have any trouble. I just put in Here comes the Whimsy and it's not like oh is it Eugene's or the Aerosmith album. Which which one of these two Massachusetts things. Oh, that's right. They're from Boston. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. No one else existing. Um we also have Devin Greenglove who's here, a ghost expert. Hello. And are there any ghosts around here or I don't see any right now, but I'll let you know. All right, let us let us know. Okay. Um we need to get to our next guest. Um This is a returning guest, been on the show before. Uh, he is a seagull. Please welcome Louis Pantano. Oh my God, Scott. Thank you so much for having me back. I am desperate. Thank you. Yes, it's so good to see you. You are, of course, a seagull that we have talked to before times I think a couple of times you are the uh you inspired the T shirt uh that we've sold uh starring your likeness. Yeah. I mean I'm on the T shirt. Yeah, but uh and what does it say on it? It says something with french fries and choking on them or something. I don't know. It was my big back this this is the way I like to snack, is that what it is? Something like that, Scott. A limited edition T shirt, but um Uh, you're back now. Yes. This is Eugene, by the way. Hello Devin. Nice to meet you. And um This is gonna be a tug of war of accents. I can feel myself already being pulled. You're slipping into this one? Yeah, I give me five minutes and I'm gonna. Okay, just say something Boston specific, like how do you like them apples or uh the law was very formal in that regard. There you go. You're in. Um it's so great to see you. Thank you. What's going on in the seagull trade these days? Well, as you know, I've been trying to make it in show business for quite some time. That's right. You what what were you in? Uh Eugene's been in one and a half movies. What what have you been in sin? I've been flying through the studio of Dancing with the Stars. Um I've just really been kind of swooping in trying to get my name out there. And this is unsanctioned by Dancing with the Stars, no, they don't like it. They might even say we have a seagull problem somehow in the studio. They might say that, you should ask 'em. Um Scott, my family last time I went home, they said you have to make it big or you have to move home. No. Are they footing the bill? Uh no pun intended because uh birds have bills. Yes, and feet. I guess it's a double pun? Yes. So So this is my Hail Mary. Uh you're my biggest show business friend. Um I'm I'm gonna try to Well you know, Eugene Merman is here and if I were to crash into uh a toll booth in a fiery thing, I don't think I would get a DMZ uh uh article about me. Think you would. I think you'd be surprised how interested they are in any I don't think it would make national news for several days, though. I think mine didn't for several days 'cause it took people a few days to realize that I was in the car. I think people would care, Scott. Yeah, they would really care. I'm not saying people would wouldn't. Here's and I know the sense to leave, but Try it? Yeah. Can you give me some tips? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the one thing I can't do. I'd be like, I guess drive quickly. But I guess what I'm saying is is Eugene has more pull than I I mean, he's on a show currently. Right. Oh, I could be your understudy. I I are they looking for a gene understudy? I I don't know because of uh how I I I'm not I don't hire Uh my audition. I'm not part of the casting. But I I but I'll definitely say, hey, I met a really great seagull that if uh you we need a seagull that's from Boston Uh uh you know, show us. You're gene? Are you Jean? Okay, no, I I could do Jean. Yeah, let's see it. Yeah, let's see it. This is me now. I would say pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. And that that's your catchphrase on the show. Uh, I think I said it in one episode, but certainly people appreciate it and and say it a lot. So I think that' wh why don't you throw it in a couple more times so it could be like dough or whatever, you know? Okay. Who says that? It is part of the Simpsons, Homer Simpson. I'm not familiar. Scott. I think Haven't flown by a television when that's playing? No, not yet. Um I think I should reboot something. I think that's very popular. Ryan Coogler's rebooting the X Files. Great. Uh what other reboots are going on these days? That's about all I can think of. Right. But what if I bring something back that people are maybe missing? Maybe night rider, but it's like a bird in a car? Yes. Yeah. Or a man in a bird. Or oh my God. Like a tiny man riding a bird? Yeah, right. That's like super helpful. Yeah. That talks and and has but a computer voice. Yeah, with like AI glasses. Why not? And it can hack anything. Yeah, some of those Ray Ban meta Ray Bans maybe. Yeah. Both of you are wearing. Cool go and the show's called Cool Go. Yeah. Oh my God. Spencer for hire. Set in Boston. There you go. Yes. Yeah. Now we just need a tough bird friend. That was a show that uh primarily concerned it with people hiring a guy named Spencer, is that right? Probably to solve so things. Yeah. Oh hey, you're still here. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Just enjoy it. How's it going, David? I would yeah. Um yeah, Spencer Fire. Have you ever seen this? No, I'm not familiar. Robert Urich, is that right? That's right, yeah. Yeah. Wasn't he on Vegas? He wasn't yeah, yeah. Just the television show with the with the on the sh on the city. Oh. No, I think I mean uh he may he may have been in it at a certain point, but yeah. I was thinking more like I could be the next Ethan Hunt. Oh, Mission Impossible. Yeah, they finished that up, right? I can jump on out of an airplane and calling it Final Impossible or whatever, but I I bet it's a lie. I bet they do more. Oh okay. Well so maybe not that one. Um Oh I don't mean but but no I mean No, I got a long list. Maybe you do like Jason Bourne reboot, but it's like airborne. Okay. Or Airbud. Airbud but to the seagull. And they pass me the ball and I explode into feathers. And there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't do that. That a seagull can't play basketball. Yeah. Um maybe your it your your beak punctures the ball and it deflates and everyone's like ah No don't insult me. I don't want it to be in an animal movie. I'm sorry. I don't want them to give me peanut butter or whatever to make my mouth move for my lines that someone else. To be fair I have been giving you peanut butter this entire episode. It's so good. Do you want to be seen as a human? Do you identify as human? Yes. I can I'm I could play a human. No problem. Yeah. What they can do with CGI and make up and effects these days, right? I'm gonna keep going down my list of reboots. Okay, what am I gonna get. Well this one feels a little insensitive to do in front of you, Gene. I guess it's the phantom tollbook. It's the phantom. I was thinking of the phantom tollbooth. Remember that movie? You could ha yeah, you could be like call it also the phantol booth. Yeah. The phantom tool booth. Tool booth. Yeah. What about the phantom toolbox? I feel like we're getting far away from the content of the original thing. Just regular toolbox. Then what the what are we talking about, Scott? Come on. I' this is serious, Scott. I have to move back home if I don't get this. I'm sorry This is serious. And you don't want to move back home 'cause the it's a crowd nest or Yeah, well yeah, I don't to go back to just like terrorizing people. On Cape Cod. Yeah. Nest, by the way, or do they do they just fly around until They just fly around trying to get your sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. I mean we do more than that. Sorry. We try to also get like Yeah, we don't mean to be reductive, but Yeah. What have you got on a sort of reality show, you know, maybe like um The voice. Oh oh my gosh, would you guys turn your chair around for me? I mean we could read act it right here or just turn our chairs around Eugene. Okay. And let's let's uh and Devin, yeah, go ahead, turn your chair around. You got a a chore. Goodness. Yeah, do you Do you have a karaoke staple or anything like that that you that you like to sing? I've heard that you've Settle down that you've no one's moving. Found a girl Maybe they can't hear me. That you're Married. No, they're not moving. Uh they're not moving. Are your chairs stuck? Can I help you on sneak the chairs? Look here. I just realized something. I don't know. The rules of the voice. Yeah, and I was and I definitely at first decided that what we were doing was the mass singer. But then I was like, Well, I it's not the mass singer because that's a person who don't know who they are and all we know is who this is. You don't you don't there's not an added level of we're all we're gonna turn our chairs around so we don't guess who this is. So everything so why do people on the voice turn their chair around to be confused by if this person has a marketable look. They just want to hear the voice first. And then if they're interested in coaching the person, they turn they they they hit a button, their chair swings around and the and they w they then own that person in terms of I mean not you know, not in a bad way. Yeah, own them, yeah. I got distracted, I turned around, I got lost. Lost in your wallpaper. Yeah. Do you see it? Is there a ghost or anything that you saw? I don't think so, but it's just so it's so. I don't know. They must all have finished their business and moved on. I'm gonna be honest, Scott. My confidence got eviscerated watching three people not move their chairs. I would have turned my chair around if I knew if I knew any of the rules. I just did what I was told, and what I was told to do is turn my chair around. I was never told is what happens after. So you so you w you like her Uh, I enjoyed I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. You enjoy Louis singing and you would like to coach Louis. Well I can't coach, but I would have turned my chair around in the spirit of affirmation. In the spirit of the voice. I should have sung something from the Phantom Toll Booth. Or an Irish song. Maybe if I had done an Irish meet you had. I totally was distracted. I it sounded great. Oh my god. I was not distracted, I was locked in. Yeah, do you know any Saw Doctors? No? Oh my god. This is humiliating. Forget it, Scott. I was gonna suggest a lot more reboots, but I just I think you're right. I know I think you need a pep talk here. Because I think you're very charismatic, Louie, and I think you know it's just your parents are being hard on you. No, I'm packing my bindle. Don't pack your bindle. Don't pack your bindle. Here I go, packing my bindle. You need determination in this business. I mean you need You know, Eugene, you can speak to this, right? You were uh you gotta do is you don't stop. You just keep keep moving forward just a little bit each day. How old were you when you made it big? Uh fifty one. Okay, I'm eight years older than that. When he found out he was on T M Z You're s you're fifty nine years old? Yeah. Oh that's incredible. In seagull years or incredible. In human years. In human years. In seagull years. Yeah. Yes. We're like tortoises and that's That's why there's so many, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen a seagull ghost before? I have you sore many a time. Oh, but and there is a seagull heaven. Yes, that's right. Every animal Zone Heaven. Camel Heaven. Seems like there's not a lot of room up there then. That must be crowded, you know, sort of sectioned off. Well, especially for like Fly Heaven and Mosquito Heaven, they live such short lives. There must have been so many over the years. But maybe when you're up in heaven you're not taking up space, everyone's passing between it. Or you're so blissed out, you don't need Tone of space. Yeah. It's sort of like New York. Oh wow, this city is so exciting I can live in the th three hundred square foot of the city. Do you think Mosquito Heaven is someone else's hell? Do you think they double up to save some space? Yeah. That's right. So yeah. Mosquito heavens all just all the people are there who like Hitler's. Cow hell. Yeah. For bad cows. But don't they love swatten flies? I don't know. But cow heaven could be like a vegetarian's hell. Right. So you're a vegetarian you go to Although I guess I guess in cow heaven you're they're not being eaten. Yeah. But that's that's the only thing. How do we know they don't like it? How do we know they don't like it? Cows who love being eaten. That's their heaven. With uh let's see. Vegetarian people trying to eat them. No, this works. This works, okay. Yeah, vegetarians who don't want to eat meat and girls who don't like to being forced at like gunpoint, but who are the people with the guns? Well the heaven is that heaven for That's good guy with a gun. That's where they go. Yeah. Okay. So you go to cow heaven. You gotta make the vegetarians. What if I reboot Tot Gun. Oh love it. This is great. And I'm the plane. Yes. And Tom Cruise is writing you. Who? In Russia, Tom Cruise rides you I don't know who that is, Scott. Oh my god. You'd love you uh you wait, you know Ethan Hunt? Yeah, of course. Okay, that's it's the guy who plays Ethan Hunt. I can't picture his face. Maybe a Jerry McGuire reboot. Oh, um show me that's not that, is it? That is actually you're right. Depends on what you're about to say. If it's your tits Yeah, show me your tit. Something entirely different. And if it's your show me your small wiener, it's the ghost talking to me. But if it's the money. Oh yeah, show me the money. That's Jerry McGuire. What's the plot of that? It's just the guy who wants people to show him money. And then eventually someone shows him money and he's like, Thank you. Good night. Simultaneous goodnight on Comedy Banda. Oh my God. That's wild. I think you should just keep going. I mean Persistence is what this business is all about. Show business is so humiliating, Scott. I can't do another minute of this. I don't know. Well then it sounds like it's your decision to quit. No, I don't want to quit. I want to be famous. I want to be famous. Why do you Well, that those are two different things. Cause seagulls get a bad rep. People don't like us. That's true. You're the villains in things like uh puff and rock and uh in a lot of children's uh cartoons. Or in books you know, also if you're reading a book about disease. Yeah. You don't come out good. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean in Little Mermaid you you you you're one of the fun characters. Yeah, what's that guy's name who does that voice? I don't know. Who does the voice? Yeah who does the voice. Uh it's um what's the what's the fucking seagull's name. What else has he done? Um Yeah, look him up. He's like a old Hollywood guy. Dom Delaware got a Dom Deleuise who does the voice to the funny seag I don't want to bother my internet. To the funny seagull In a movie called The Little Mermaid. Oh my God, I don't remember. That's the new one. That's the remote. Um Buddy Hackins. Yes. Sha Poopy. Yes. Sha Poopy. Sha Poopy. Should I get You see, I this is what messed me up is I was in the Music Man in high school. That was my senior show. And it gave me the confidence. Did you play? Um I uh what's the like the trombones? Scott, I I seagels can play men. I did the entire opening number to that show completely by myself. What do you talk? What do you talk? What do you talk? Wait a minute. I did that completely by myself. How dare you, Scott, here goes. That's a song between like twenty salesmen. Yeah, you think I can't do it? You think I can't do that number right now completely by myself. All right, go ahead. Charlie, you're an Anvil salesman. Your firm give credit. You're gonna regret this. No, sir, nor anybody else. Cash for the merchandise, cash for the button hooks, cash for the cotton goods, cash for the hard goods, cash for the soft goods, cash for the fancy goods, cash for the noggins and the pickins and the furkins. Cash for the hogshead cash and demicon. Cash for the pickles and the something in the fly paper. Look. What do you talk? What do you talk? What do you talk? What do you talk? Where do you get it? I'm gonna go faster. You can talk, you can talk. You can bicker, you can talk. You can pick bicker, you can talk, you can talk, you can talk, talk, talk, talk, picker, picker, bicker, you can talk while you want it, but it's different than it was. There ain't, but you gotta know the territory. Quiet, you need a viscu in trouble. You need it, you need to put a cracker in the package of the package. You need biscuit and air tight, secondary crack to make the cracker bell. Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete, obsolete, obsolete, obsolete, obsolete! Crackerbell went out the window with the mail trip, but the stuff changed the approach, Calvin. Salesman made it pretty hard. No it didn't know it didn't, but you gotta know the territory. Gone, gone. Gone with the hogshead, casket, demigod, gone with the crackbell, gone with the pub and the bell in the bear. Ever meet a fellow by the name of Hill? Hill? Pill, pill, pill, pill, pill, pill, pill, no. Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute. Never heard of any salesman. Pill no, he doesn't know the territory. Doesn't know the territory. What's the fellow's lie? Never worry about his lie, never worry about his lie. The cracker bro bean up to lead or the you need a biscuit in an airtight seditary package on the bottom of teeth board. Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute. Never worry about his lie, never worry about his lie. Dog on thing, he's just a bang feet bell ringing big uh the never rip board, never the ripboard salesman. How try to hell tilt, hell to. Hold on, hold on, I got it. Tell us what's his life. He's a bake and he doesn't know the territory. Look, what do you talk? What do you talk can get it? He's a music man. He's a what? He's a what? He's a music man, and he sells clarinets to the kids in the town with the big trumbone and rat a tet drums and the big breath bass, big breath bakes. In the piccolo, the piccolo uniform too with a shiny gold braid on the coat in the big red strip bum. Well, I don't know much about bands, but I do know you can't make a living selling big trombones. No, sir. Mandelin picks, perhaps. And here and there does harp. No, the fellow sells bands, boys bands. I don't know how he does it, but he lives like a king, and he dalys and he gallies and he plucks and he shines and when the man dances, certainly, boys, what else? The piper pays him. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But he doesn't know the territory. Wow. Big part. There were only a few somethings and I mean I think it's clear that what the reboot should be is you should do a one seagull version of Hamilton. Yes. Incredible. Finish. This that was incredible. It was amazing. I skipped a big part. Well in your point of view. In your opinion, did the music man uh was part of the con? Was he provides the uniforms? Yeah. I and the whole band, but then He ends up doing it and he falls in love with the librarians. Well, sure, we know the plot. I just that's one sticking point. Um, that was incredible. I look I can see why you got The bug. No again, no pun intended, because I'm sure you've swallowed bugs when you're flying around. Um but um expensive. Yeah, I've send some mosquitoes to Mosquito Heaven, I guess. I would imagine if I were to drive around without a windshield, I would be swallowing bugs all the time. So it's not I mean it's I almost just passed that what I was doing then. I'm gonna be honest with you. It seems like a I started seeing white at the edge of my vision. Really? Yeah. Maybe Eugene, is this what you were doing in the car? Oh my God, Eugene, you cannot be doing it. The last thing I remember is eating marmalade and singing the music man, a thing I've never heard. And so I was like, How is it possible that I know this? You cannot drive and do a Patter song at the same time. That is too dangerous. We don't have the breath for it. Yeah. That was impressive, I gotta say. I think you have it. And quite honestly We need to find a place for you and showbiz because No, my brain is uniquely broken. This is not good. I think now next time I see a musical, I hope it's one person. I think dividing it up over lots of people's cheating. Yeah like I've seen musicals with like little kids where they give one part to two kids and they simultaneously say everyone. Who cares? Let them you know Let me see one girl do all of any. Yes. Oh my God. Oh my God. Is that your dream? To do Miss Hannigan, Annie, Rooster? Oh my God. Easy Street. Oh, Father Warbucks. What to me. He's a priest in the Irish version of Annie, and I remember the millionaire magnet? The original version's Irish and it's a lot of Catholic priests who sort of dated that taken out. And Annie's a nun? Annie's a nun. Yep, Warbucks. He's a priest who adopts a nun. I'd see it on it. She inspires the queen. Yeah, oh my gosh. Wow. I love the Irish version of Annie. I love the Irish version of all the musicals. Yeah. And she has red hair, so that, you know fits great. Yeah. And no one out known in Ireland before nineteen sixty had pupils. So that fit great for the time. Well that I mean look, Louie, you you got the you got the goods. Your parents are wrong. No, they're right. No I see now that they're right. We've we've seen it right before our very eyes. You're a star. You're a star. There's absolutely no market for a person that can do the entire opening number. I wouldn't have a bird. You're not a person. There is a market for a bird that can do it. Yeah. The mere fact that you're a bird and you're talking to us right now. Yeah it I mean That alone. Oh you just need Yeah, you could tour as a stand up. Yeah, you need what you need is representation. Good a good manager believes in ya. Are you are you I mean I am a I'm a bit of an administrator, so I could get you booked at Grumbledon. We've got great theater. Ghost choice in Grembledon? Well I I'd love to. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking we get you in a downgraded yourself to just tour guide. I'd put you in a musical, but sure you can help me run ghost tours. Yeah, I think I could do that. It'd be easier for me to teach ya. I mean, uh this is part of the problem. You don't have the confidence to say, like, I want to be an actor. You're already just saying I'll be a tour guide. That seems like the most important thing that he was talking about earlier, was how he was a tour guide. That is my ting, but I've you come out away to grumble to my I'll get you I'll get you a show. You had a great theater. Yeah, you could you could do the uh Edinburgh Fringe Fest or something, you know? And then you could be on all those sort of British kinda show games. Yeah, exactly. You could be on Taskmaster. Yeah, Would I Lie to You where you tell stories about being a bird. I mean who knows? If you're lying or not. Oh yeah, David and Lee, Matt like I feel like I could really hang with those guys. What's the ten cats one and countdown or something like that? Yeah. Bird from Boston on a British panel show. I love that. They'd love it. Yeah. All right. Uh you know what, I'm gonna give it one more shot, Scott. One more shot. And if it doesn't work I have uh no hope that I did book you to run one tour. Just now? Just when you said you'd do it. So you had to stop by Grumble Dom and just do one. I got booked. I I don't have to move home. I got booked that time. You got booked doing a ghost tour. I booked? Oh my God. I would like to thank God, obviously. Um I'd like to thank my parents for not believing in me. Um It'll really help it'll help my business when people come to see ghosts and it's like not only that, a talking bird is gonna walk you through it. Yeah. Yeah. I would see that. That's amazing. Well, congratulations, you booked. Yes. And Scott, next time I see you, I will have an Emmy. I okay that manifest one of your own? Or contributing to the Semi. Well, uh guys, we are running out of time. Uh we only have time really for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plug. Please read the notice on the podcast When it's time to speak your words, please don't be a foe Keep them quick and simple Make your meaning win Now it's time to speak your words Now the moment is Yeah, now the moment All right, that was Heart of the Plug Bag by Hallelujah Ape. Thanks to Hallelujah Ape. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBB World dot com slash plugs and you can upload them there and find everything you need to make the remixes for our closing themes. And uh Eugene, what are we plugging here? My special here comes the whimsy. Yeah. Yeah. And uh I mean that's the newest thing you have out there. Sure you could go and investigate all of Eugene's career. Sure. Yeah, feel free to listen to other stand up of mine. Yeah, you'll probably be interested after you watch Here Comes the Whimsy. Exactly. Um and then Bob's Burgers is still on Sundays. Sunday. Yeah, I think it's it's back, yeah, the spring, meaning it it started back up. New new episodes. New episodes airing now. Yes. And how far ahead are you? Uh are you like two years in the future you've already recorded? I think we generally are working on the follow the next year. So so I think that yeah, it takes probably about a year to make an episode. Wow or something like that. Such a good show and uh we're we're glad you're here. And uh let's move on to Devin Greenlove. Devon What do you want to plug? Plug me ghost tourists if you don't grumbled Grumbledum. far west of Ireland, please look up Devin Greenglove for me tours. And uh There's gotta be a better way to direct people to your business. Look up Devin Greenglove, once you get there, like there's gotta be s like look up my name and then see if people have talked about me and hopefully they'll have a link. I don't have a website. I'm just saying like before people plan to already go to they could buy tickets in Okay. I don't give a shit. You go ahead. And then also uh got um Let's go. a podcast. Screw it. We're just going to talk about the Beetles. Uh host by Will Hines and some others. Which is um exactly as you'd expect. People talking about the Beatles mostly saying they were good. I believe I was just on this show recently. You were just on I heard your episode where you talked about Paul McCartney. Yes. And uh you were great on it. Thank you. There's a comment that I was uh gonna thank you for. So yeah, we got cool stuff like they got cool stuff like that. What did you say your favorite Beatles song was? Oh, did you have one? Uh that that never came up, actually. I don't know. What's your favorite? Uh it's definitely not the one that the Beatles cover band would start their sets uh with when I worked at Cafe Cordial back in the nineties. This happened once before. This is my least favorite. Uh, because that would tell me, Oh boy, I'm in for the long haul. Um I don't know. I'll have to get back to those particular people on their own show. Can't wait to hear about the Yes. Um and Louis Pentano, what do you plug in? Uh, obviously check me out in the Ghost Tour. Um I just uh received word that I get to be the floating juice tray that we use to trick the tourists. That's a private text. Just to me and U. Wait, wait, wait. Don't you worry about it. The Patty Greenle's The floating juice tray is fake? No, not always. No, no. Not always? No, it they get a bird to carry it, so it's not fake. Oh, no wonder you perched up when we said there'd be a bird on the show. No, sometimes uh I'd also like to plug Hey Riddle Riddle, it's a Riddle Podcast. Um if you're interested in that sort of thing. Um I have not recovered from doing that opening. Okay, yeah, just take it easy. I genuinely feel lightheaded and juice, don't worry. Oh my gosh. Uh well I want to plug, hey, the comedy bang bang tour starts a week from today. Sounds great. If you can imagine it starts uh May twenty five in Toronto. And then we continue around the Midwest for a couple of weeks. Saint Paul, Madison, Chicago, Grand Rapids, Royal Oak, Columbus, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Kansas City. And then we go to the south, uh, Atlanta, Nashville, Charleston, Durham, and then we go back east, Washington, DC, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Fairfield, Connecticut, Portland, Maine. And then we're going to the UK, if you can believe it, and Ireland?