Reviewing the Reviewers

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Perfect day, Coco K It's an unreal adventure for everyone in the family Today at rooyalcaribbean. com Big time, best time, all the time. comeome seek the Royal Caribbean, Sips Registry Bahamas Hi, I'm Otsuko Katska. And I feel honored and a little suspicious about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Now where does this suspicion come from? It's too good to be true. It's really not when you get to know me. Pone is you Hear the yell back to school, ring the bell, brand the shoes, walk and blues, climb the fence, books and ps. I canil little we are' gonna any friends. I cannt little we are' on any friends Hey there, welcome to Konra By Needs of Friend. Joined as always by Sono Obsessian. Hello. And wow. That was Hello. Hello. You said it Austral Hello Hell there. Hell. And Matt Gorly and I'm happy I've got a bubblegum cigarette U yeah, at poperty Puffs like Candy puff cigarette. Yeah, it's got a little powdered sugar in it. Yeah. David Hopping. for my birthday gave me bunch of boxes of candy cigarettes and yeah, it looks like smoke's coming out you bow a little powdered sugar, but sometimes I have them hanging out of my lip. They're just up in my office. And he gave me a lot of them. I'll be honest with you think you look cool? I think it looks super cool. I think you do kind of look cool. Yeah. And you know, mean, I'm always kind of fascinated with smoking. Yeah me too. because it would be a great prop It'd be a great thing to have. Also I like all the accoutrement to go with a cigarette. Yeah. You know, the really cool lighters and maybe that little You know, art Deco cigarette K O one that stops a bullet Yes. Yeah. Yes. great. And I always think I never seen a movie. I always think. Yeah. So I've been trying to gauge when I can start smoking. Now listen, let me go out of my way to say peopleople don't smoke. You shouldn't smoke. No one smoke. It's bad to smoke. But you want to time it with when I want to time it. I feel the same about heroin. Yeah I'm serious. Yeah. Well, you know, people these amazing experiences and you think I don't know when I start to get you know, to within a certain amount of time before my my My clock is gonna run out. Yeah Maybe I'd start smoking and maybe I'd be a really cool looking old guy who's smoking and I have a really neat like sort of gold Dhill lighter from London. And I have this little case of cigarettes and I pop one one going on the side of my lip' hanging off right there. and people are like, wow, he's really cool and he's gonna to die very soon because he's old But what do we think? Is that something that's viable? I mean, I don't think I'll do it, but it's like if you get diagnosed with something terminal, like when you're like eighty five ninety. is that what you mean? Then you'll start then you'll take up smoking. L the minute you're diagnosed with something like that. they're like you know, no, this medicine we're giving you, there's a chance. They say're like They say they' still doctors say you've got exactly a week Here's some heroin you heroines my doctor. I want my doctor to say you have forty five years left But This won't really kick in til you for fifty five years if you smoke these unfiltered. So You know what I mean? So I get to enjoy smoking a cigarette for a really long time. see Okay. And trust me, I think I would hate inhaling smoke. What I basically do want is a more convincing bubblegum cigarette And I want a lighter. It puts a little extra sugar powder on my cigarette. cararamelizes it. It caramelizes my but. To smoke, you just want the accessories that come with smoking.'re saying ye Yeah. but its like you actually want to take up smoking. I want though, something hanging out of my lip that I can play around with, do little tricks, I can blow sm wheat Wheat? I don't know. What? like wheat? A piece of s. like a farmer? Yeah. Toothpick doesn't what.. Oh, that's the same. Yeah, I love it if all my noir detective movies had Hungry Bogart. ewing on some wheat. It's the opposite effect. Yeah. And he's like I have all the dames to walk into my place. She walks into mine. Look at those gams. Chomp, chomp, chomp. What is he a horse? could walk I'm just thinking other things that could hang out of your mouth, that could be acceptable. And the first image I threw to my mind was wheat that armmer does Celerie a Rudabga No, a Cobra. I a match stick like Cobra. Yeah, that doesn a match stick really looks like you're trying hard. Yeah. well So you think heroin for you I mean, we're talking and again, this is we're telling people you can't do these things. Th things are the hard. We're just talking about when you've got a very short amount of time left out the things we would do Yeah. I've never done hard drugs, but I would love when I'm at Dath door to know what heroin feels like because everybody that talks about it, every movie I've seen. No, no, no, it's all I don't think so. You don't so. think heroin is a magical experience. Haven't you seen train spotting go through a toilet I just I just I just know that haven' you ever seen red drinkking. The only thing looked disgusting Yeah. That's not sayan. I you're the only guy that looks at train spotting as aspirational. Wow. I could hang out in a really grimy Scottish bathroom With a bunch of skin heads. No I'm talking about the upswing of heroin and you have none of the bad stuff after because you're dead of natural causes. any? Okay, this is so dark. I want to just be the voice of reason and say I have a bubblegum cigarette and I think there's nothing. We're talking about bubblegum heroin. Oh, o, okay. ye. okay. No that' that's what I do. I can't think of anything that I'm like, I wna try that You mean just before you go? Yeah. I think if you were told you had maybe a month to live, you would say, I want a whole room filled with humus Don't you think? Beause you look Look that now. It's good for you. It's Garbonzo bean. No but a whole room? Yes, I want a whole room, but also no, it would have be around It would be like All the bad food you're not supposed to eat. All the steaks, all the candy, all the chocolate. But you know what? No one does that. No one does it. On Death Row, they do when they get their last meal. Fried chicken. Yeah You are dark today. Look at you, G, you're very a d dark blend today. They are. Hoin. thought about this. had heroin in your back pocket. What about this? What if they there was a restaurant called Death Row And you go and there's different cells instead of tables and you order your last meal and you can say whatever you want. like I want fried chicken. I want a triple cheeseburger, I want this. And they bring you a very high quality version of those things. And then a priest comes in and sits with you And then you're led out, but instead of to the electric chair, it's to your car. We're a valet. Hands you the key. That isri. That's a great idea. He's dark. You're talking about's a restaurant. He's talking about death. I'm talking about a good man.ody gets morphine on the way out mostly if you die in a hospital anyway. What is wrong with You know what? I really want to try morphine when. Okay. You know what? medicinal what? Your restaurant's called Hospice. Good luck with that. Mine's called Death Row. It's a huge deal. It's gonna be on Melrose in Los Angeles. Everyone's gonna go. I was had an idea for a restaurant called Resta Room and everywh it's a regular restaurant, but everybody sits at an open toilet What? No, but why? Oh my God, it's not real. Whls did joke But wait, how does it work? It's called Rusta Room. Yeah. You get your meal and your chair is a toilet. And so you don't have to go to the bathroom. You have to excuse me Are you're sitting there with your pants around your ankles? So far.. Are you sitting there with your pants around your ankles? If you like? Sure. If you like. If you like? You got to say it's not real by the way.. Caveat, it doesn't exist Yet. Th two are the worst aurant You're with us in this. No mine is like Willy Wonka's chocolate Factory. My idea of what I want to do before I die is Willy Wonka. No. Yours is smoking, yours is heroin. Which one is the sunniest one out of all of these? I'd like to end on my idea for a restaurant. Definitero. Everyone's this is my idea. I know people listening right now are rushing. It's a good idea. It's a really good idea Ia have a hell of a like Food stock and che It's like cheesecake factory. It's like the cheesecake factory. It's got a menu that big And I think you call ahead so they can get it old call ahead. Yeah. This is a very expensive restaurant. But like I would want like in and out cheeseburgers Exactly. C I call them and they would bring in they take care of another place. They take care of everything. Okay. Yeah. ye, but you have to wear prison overalls And you're in a cell. And the priest is, I don't care what's your religion and it's a Catholic priest because that's what's in the movies And that there's not negot phones from the governor from the DA and all and all the bad news just comes in. Yeah Nope, Nope, the governor went to bed. Yeah on get to happen. Yeah and then you get yourgated meal and then they lead you Oh oh, it's oh, you know what it is? It is an electric chair or a gas chamber. and then it's the last second. U that they you veer away from that and it's the valet parking. And you get a little doggy bag. That's a great idea. Or it's the gas chamer and you sit on it, it's an open toilet. Oh And say we're back in business. We're back in business. All roads All roads lead back to toilets. justust remembered had a. a big toilet guy. who's our guest today? My guest today, thanks for asking is a hilarious comedian whose standup special father is available to stream on Hulu and Disney plus. She's incredibly talented. She's amazing. I cannot wait to speak with her today. Welcome Oatsko Okatsuka I have been aware of your work, which I think is fantastic for a while. and then we met outside a comedy club in Los Angeles. What a blessing. On the street. And we were just talking about what a great experience that is. I was getting ready for the Oscars and so I was hitting all these out of the way clubs and we were outside the Eesian. Is that right? That's right, The Elysian Theater. Eesian Theater Yeah. And I' you know, when you stand on the sidewalk in Los Angeles, this is what's unique about Los Angeles. Any other place you stand on the sidewalk, but if you're on the sidewalk in Los Angeles People think that you're unmedicated and dangerous. So I mean it's just so weird, but there was just all these comedians standing around. I was talking to them and then all unwell, All unwell, including myself. Peing on ourselves. who are we dogs, you know R? People like on the sidewalk. Yeah. They don't have cars. Yeah people were If you walk in Los Angeles, there's been occasions where you know, you park your car and then you walk a couple of blocks to The pharmacy and if people see you walking in LA, the assumption is something's very wrong. Yeah, Conan's going through a breakup. Con's You know what I mean? I always tell my husband like because sometimes he'll be like, I'll go on a walk. I said on a walk, we don't do walks. Yeah. You know we're very pale and we're like nighttime people. and we've tried nature It's nature is hard. Nature is hard for us because we're very like We tried it. We went to like Joshua Tree, you know, because we got inspired by other people's Instagram posts Yeah. And while we were out there in nature, we were like, o no we ran out of things to talk about. Yeah things like that. Anyway, so I said, donon't go too far. People might think we broke up And so that's kind of the thing. But I love that you describe nature like it's a dangerous medication. I tried It scary. I tried nature once and I really didn't like it Can, it's just you and your thoughts Yeah for hours possibly. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, o, you know How long can I touch grass for until I'm like, okay, I've felt it. Yeah. And now it' back to my thoughts. Okay, Osc, you don' it's terrible. You don't go into nature and then just touch grass with You don't kneel down and touch grass with your forefinger. What do they mean by it? What do they mean? touch grass? I said, okay. And like there's a trap. No, okay. What' How long? I'm gonna tell you right now as your No, please ex As your friend and your physician, I'm gonna tell you right now You never to go You're never to go and you're botanist, You're never to go in nature again. I don't think any amount of talking to you is going make this a healthy experience. You, you said, you're not supposed to go and just touch the grass What know you're just supposed to be in it and walk around and breathe the air and let it sort of gradually, it's not a thing you accomplish You're You have a very sort of type A approach to, I'm going to go into nature. Now you're talking to someone and listening to someone who also doesn't go into nature. So I don't know what I'm talking about. I am not I should not be your spirit animal on this one. Do you think what what is it you don't have time maybe to go into nature or I think I too, I think we have a lot in common. I think we have a lot in common. And I know from your story and from listening to your comedy, we have a lot in common. One thing we don't have in common is you walked into our place on Larchmont here just minutes ago I'm stunned, you look perfect. Doesn't she look perfect? No, you really do. You're very beautiful, but you're also the what you're wearing. I mean, you it's all perfect Me you Yes. Man byite id bite. I love that. This is just You're being naturally. Oh, that's how you rolled out of bed. Oh I'm just celebrating. I'm just here celebrating. Oh my God. I'm just having cake and what? That I don't know what I'm wearing. Sweet I was just here celebrating your birthday You don' want to back me up here and me. But you always you have such a colorful aesthetic. you are really you have cheeseet earrings. I'm just I'm obsessed of everything about your appeance. The outfit is just kind of perfection. the lines are I mean you clearly this is present yourself is important to you. I'm look like I'm in treatment for alcoholism I'm just wearing a And sweetie, that's a brand too. Yeah. That's also a brand. Well, I don't want to I'd like to I like to dress well But then you do this podcast, we end up talking about diarrhea half the time. So I'm not gonna to put on a nice time me because usually take us down that ro. That' your favorite time Th are so silly because you all have very specific brands that are so iconic. What I talking aesthetically, Yes. I think aesthetically something that makes a person iconic is can someone draw you very well? And yes, literally, you know, you good caricatures already. Right. Yeahah. true. Iiconic in like a silhouette like the Simpsons, you know, in the dark We see Sona's hair, your hairstyle. you know, your glasses would probably be prominent. Yeah. You know what I mean? I thought about that. David has his own brand of glasses. ye all are very aesthetically icons too. One thing that you and I have in common is we both have very distinctive hairstyles or haircuts. That's right. I Not today, today I didn't think about it much, but usually I'm sporting this kooky wave thing in my hair I don't know. it looks likeine gravity define gravityop It's a swoop.'s. There you go. I tried. Thank you.one okay to hear that No, I'm sternile now Um, but you have this very cool bold haircut as worn originally by Moe and the Three Stooges. and it's fantastic. It's perfect. It's very intentional on your part. Is that true It is yeah, it is. This is how your hair was when you were very young This was, you know, me when I was very young. A lot of kids were cursed with this haircut. they would say as a kid, right? My parents made me do the bowl cut. They put a bowl on me and Is this part of the is culture specific? Is that what you're saying? I guess a lot of Asian kids had it, but also I've met a lot of people across cultures who come you know, with stories about how they had it to. R. I think this is also very like before Mo from the Th stooges Friars. Yes. alsoso really Friar tuck and you know, and yeah, monks M have the bull haircut. And you know what I associate it with ease. It's easy to give a bull haircut. My mom had the Sears and Robuck hair cutting kit There's six kids. She should line us up. outside the kitchen and one at a time would jump up. into like a high chair and jp right across all the photos of me that you've seen when I'm a kidot That's right bang J just bang straight across. Icon and style Iicon ston I do think if any culture's doing it, it's because especially with kids, it's easy That's. So they probably just like snip snip, snip snip, you're done And that's why they do it with kids, but most kids at certain point, when they can take control of their own look, reject theable haircut. It's true you decided not to go that way. Yeah, because I said, if I'm gonna be the weirdo self that I am on the inside, maybe, you know, I'll just show it on the outside so that people will know immediately, right Okay You're safe, mayaybe. you're a weirdo. You're a fellow weirdo like me. you know, and you didn't have to conform to, you know, I still get a lot of messages once in a while, you know, from guys who are like, you would be more attractive if you would just do the long hair thing. You know? And it's like, well There were a lot of times in my life where I felt like a bit of an outsider or freak, you know, It's like embracing that. All the things that, you know, I didn't Oh no, this makes me look like such a I can't make friends with this haircut, you know, and now I just want to embrace it and let people know like Yeah, let you Is a freak flag fly? Yeah. What a tongue twister. Freak fly? Yeah. Yeah. It can go dirty so quickly if you say it quickly. You know what I mean? Freak flag fly Like that There's other F words get, you know, I'm just saying it can easily, if you say it really quickly, it's one of those things that if I was on the air live and I had to say freak flag fly really quickly, I'd be nervous. Oh o, you know I meanant sexually freak flag. like your're kink. Well, that's I mean that Yeah is that the say? is the saying more about sexual stuff than Like being a weirdo. I think it could go either way anyw way, you know, any way. Yeah. any freak any flag of any freak can fly Yeah Yeah in any way in any. That's really helpful, Sona. Thank you so much. Thank you. That's freaky. They it. Yeah And no one knows more about a freak flag fly on Sona. Yeah and that's a compliment. You are very comfortable in your own skin and you're happy just saying Whatever stuff you've been up to, be it legal, illegal, cel, dangerously wrong. She she's like, how did this turn into? Inder for help from anybody time me a thing and now it's I'm a freak of That's my flag flight. Let's get to focus back on Oscco. if you don't mind,. I'm happ happy to. Freakightly diarhee lady over here. But that's not important. importantery sweet. I think what you do is you You've Sometimes I'm like, oh, Conan, like this is a similarity I think maybe we have. I'm not sure I might be putting it on you, but like you don't want anyone to feel like an outsider too. And so I don't know, I feel like you just sensed me being like, Oh, I don't know how the saying goes. English isn't my first language. And you're like, you Sona, you're a freak. Yes. you're crazy. You do that. And you know what also a very good, you know, Yes and improv She is. teammate so she's like Yes, what are you doing? And then suddenly no one remembers. ASko doesn't know English. Suddenly Ak's You know, o, freak flag flies No one remembers it anymore. This is the genius of. Thank you so much. Eill, you just commercial. Until you just brought it up, Oscco. I did a very good job of you know distracting from your pain by brutally making fun of Sona. That's right M. Father's Day is coming up Hint hint june twenty first. W. We're not your children. What? children are not getting me anything. so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You' my employees and you have to. Well guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the Perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day David. Yes. as my sort of surrogate son. Okay Oh That's This is the son that I hired to buy me. Exactly. I hope that you're prepared Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things. First Oh there you go. You love a pun. We got your shirt that says the grill father. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies And I love grilling and they've combined them with the grill father. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's You got a gift Ooh. A ninja indoor grill. I just I think that looks really good. It does. So happappy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I wantan to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it Thank you, Macy'. Macy's makes it easy to take something your dad already loves Make it feel new again. Same vibe, better version, the kind of gift he'll actually use and appreciate no matter what kind of dad he is. Check out Macy's onnline gift guide for more ideas at Macy's dot com slash gift guide If you're try to be more intentional about what you wear day to day, Quintinces can help with that. They got pieces that feel easy, comfortable and still put together. The fabrics feel elevated and the fits are clean. They one hundred percent European linen shorts and shirts from thirty four dollars lightweight, breathable and comfortable. 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And kind of shining a light on what's the funny thing that's happening here without hurting someone's feelings, which I think is kind of a superpower. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah Like it's all about like, you know, wanting to be seen and wanting others to feel seen too. Yeah. Well, you've done this. Yeah, I' want to make sure I mention it now and we'll talk about it later too, but you have this special on Hulu called Father, which is delightful and amazing and it is up for any consideration, which it should be You talk a lot about your childhood And there are people that say, comedians that say, Well, I had a really strange childhood and then you hear about it and you go, yeah, kinda. Y story is crazily unique and sounds perilous, but you talk so well about it and you're so funny about it that sometimes the reality of it can get a little obscured. And so if you don't mind just talking about that a little bit because you're born in is it aiwan You' bn in Taiwan, but you end up kind of growing up in Japan in your early years, right? And there's a lot of stuff going on in your family. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm half Taiwanese. I was born in Taiwan. Day one already So my dad is Japanese. He stayed in Japan for my birth. Day one, the first face I see Coming out of my mom, and I don't remember this, obviously. peopleeople who were like, o, I know I have my memory starts from day zero. Yeah ye. I feel like well they're just lying..be you know, they're like, I did Iahuasa, you know, they're like, am my past self? was it two cats? you know? Like I haven't had what is it, the pleasure of having that kind of I put some in your cake. I'm have that image very soon. I'm feeling dizy. Why am I day one. Ostone day one. Sorry. So my uncle is actually my uncle's face is the first thing I see because he's helping my mom get me out of her. because he's not a doctor, but he was studying to be an OBGYN U And my family loves a discount And so because I was like, what? why didn't we have like a real doctor, you know? And so I think that's why they flew to Taiwan. They loved that there was going to be a deal And it was you were at a mall rel. It's not like getting your ears pierce. Let's let's go to the birth kiosk And then we'll grab an orrange Julius afterwards. I'm just outside of a Claire's. It is It was a hospital, but yeah, so So day one, that's already happening. And I find out later, my dad wasn't there because I guess the relationship was already rocky. That's, you, pretty early on me as a baby. And so three months after that, we all moved to Japan to reunite with my dad Um Yeah, and So My mom, you know, so my mom suffers from schizophrenia And my grandma was heavily involved in orchestrating, you know, my mom and dad meeting because she was It's gott to be hard to marry this daughter off, you know, in Taiwan. Maybe we G someomewhere kind of far. Maybe we go to Japan where, you know, My daughter doesn't really speak the language And so Wait your g but your grandmother's trying to Hide your momums schizophrenia or mental issues. There's mental issues. I think they didn't really know what was wrong with her, you know. Right. But she's thinking, I she'll have a better chance of marrying if we go to a country where people don't understand her. It's kind of like my inkling because I've said to grandma, you know, like Theres Taiwan's a small country, but you know, There's still I think here's the thing At the time, right, a woman in her thirties, single never had a boyfriend. they're like, what's wrong with her? Are ready to? And so, you know, I think there were multiple things going on. Lets Let's just try a different place. Let's just try a different country. And you know, she has a hard time making friends. Something is off about her, you know, so I think it was a lot of that. And so my grandma took the reins and saw in the newspaper, they were doing a speed dating event in Tokyo. So signed my mom up and went there, you know There was a language barrier, but I think Id like to think that, you know, when there is though, all your secrets can't be revealed, you know So I mean, your grandmother just sounds like a mastermind. She She's a criminal. Yeah. She's a criminal. My grandma, don't get me wrong. She She's a criminal. She also then took me to America. That's right. I live in Japan for how many years? I lived there for eight years. For eight years. And then your grandmother said And I'm going to tell your story for you. Yes, please I think more men have to do this for women. No. You should do a one your next one woman show, I should come out at the top and just start telling your whole story. And You would love that. Yeah no, and then you come out and have me beaten. You're helping me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here at a mansplain like Oscco went through You Grandmother says to you, we're gonna to take a trip and she takes you here to Los Angeles. Right ye. And then you realize over time, she kidnapped me more or less. Is that true? Yes, yeah. She said it was a two month vacation to Los Angeles again She's a liar. And right. so we're in Japan and then suddenly, and before, you know, I'm living with my mom and grandma in Japan too, I was living with my dad. He full on had full custody of me and then slowly, you know, was like, Hey, what if we spend more time with her? you know, Oh, we got an apartment down the street from your place You know? And so my dad was like, sure, you know, he was already raising two other kids of his own from the previous marriage. so And then my mom's mental health declined pretty bad. She was very suicidal in Japan. And so I think, you know my grandma was like, okay, we chang locations again, which, you know I'm like Swetie, it's not a location, you know, right? But I get it. like as a single mom for so long, my grandma was and then she was also now helping to raise me. I think she wass just trying to get ahead before the next disaster. So she contacted my uncle, her son, her other son who lived in Los Angeles already Hey, do you have any space for us? I think we're going try living there. He's like, we have a garage. She said, that'll do. And so yeah, we came here. but she only told me it was going to be a two month vacation. But you end up living for a while in a really small space. Right, right. with your grandmother and your mother And your mother who has this very serious mental illness and That is such an intense experience probably contributed to your abilities in comedy in some way, don't you think? I think so for sure. yeah And a lot of it comes from it's not like the sadness of it. It's really For me, you know, like our need to make other people laugh. I'm also a people pleaser. You know, being quick enough to be like without anyone noticing that like what I just dida is like mk the fact that maybe this person was feeling insecure over here. You know, mom All my life, I've seen her right suffer right now, you know, even as we speak, I know where she is, you know in her bed, you know like unable to moveo that much. she has seizures too now And so she doesn't have any friends. know, And I get to like tour and see the world. I get to hang out with Iicons, legends heroes of mine. You just said that because you don't know our names. I'm I'm here with Icons. That's what I say to the Uber driver when I forget his name. Sony, you're an icon Matthew was it? People call me Matthew sure. No And so you know, and so it's this that's like my want to make her feel not so bummed out. and so like could you re crazy all the time By being funny or outrageous? Is that the way you could connect with your mom if she was even in a debilitated state growing up Yeah, yeah. I was honestly afraid of her most of my life. So I didn't know how to make her laugh, but I knew how to make My uncle and aunt la. Yeah. because the family is so intense, you know, we grew up So they lived in the front house, but there was like, at least in the garage, there was no music in our house. there was my mom and grandma didn't watch anything. you know, My uncle finally installed a TV for us back there. And so I would watch like Chelsea lately. And then that's when I started even learning what standup was. But when we would have dinners together as a whole family, we would just eat in silence You know, we just witnessed a funeral. noody would talk. No silent. Eventually, I think out of survival, out of like making it easier for me, I started trying to make little little jokes U you know, I remember one time we had another one of these silent dinners. literally just all you can hear is just like things being cut on the plate. One time, my aunt asked for salt, we all jumped ' someone talked. We were like don't ever do that again. You know I was jumpy when Maddie came in with the tea,'s I think it's because of that It was always silent. It's like, Ohh my God. You know, what happened? And just she's like, salt, I just said salt. But had to retreat to different corners of the garage Yeah, to think about what just happened. We're being attacked, you know? And she just she just wanted a little more seasoning But so then, you know, we would sit in silence and and one time, I remember, we finished eating and I just said, Well, that was really fun. We should do it again. And then my uncle cracked the That's mine. Okay. Yeah. that's. I couldn't get out of my mom. Right The long stories. Yeah, sorry. No, but no, but I mean, that's I think we're not gonna to have any of that. No because I now apologizing here for telling a really great story. because I'm like, oh, you know, maybe I don't know how much you already know or not and I know, but I'm just fascinated by your story. and I love talking to really funny people and hearing how they made their way. That's one of my favorite things. or not just funny people but bunch of people we've had on the show, whether they're in music or acting or whatever writers I just love figuring out how people sort of like salmon swimming upstream. they have like a little idea that they're supposed to do something and they develop it. and then you can put any obstacles in front of them. They've usually figure out a way to get there. And I don't know if you had a lot of role models growing up You know, where you could see someone and say, if they can do it, I can do it. Were there standups that really you gravitated towards? For sure. yeah. I mean, you know, it was hard though, because I never saw so I was starting to see standups on like the Chelsea Late Ly show, for example. Yeah. And one of the first standup specials I saw was Margaret Chose through someone at church. I used to go to church. That's how they get immigrants. They go, do you want friends? Hey, welcome to the country. You want friends, right?es We speak your language. Oh, that's cool. We have free food. I like that. Yeah. And then boom. suddenly, you know, I'm at Jesus' camp There I am. Go Jesus. Go ahead get you. Go God. You know. I'm the cheerleader for God. I'm in the choir. I'm an alto. I'm an alto.. My uncle is a choir director anyway. Sing a Kantata, Do you know what? A really this was a huge inspiration to you this relious conversion. The way you talk about it. I mean, it really came in my life so quick. I mean, I'm from Taiwan and in Japan Jesus less countries. Yeah, you know? And then suddenly I'm getting baptized willingly. I mean, and then and in a choir singing alto because I could never hit the high notes. Alto is very hard. You know, we all know. No. Yes we do. Oh we do. allones you have to harmonize. Oh boy. No So had Josh Groan the other day. You getes to sing the melody. You sing a happy birthday, dear Coh, and I'm going Nobody cares. They go, Oh, that sounded beautiful. Yeah, because someone was harmonizing, creating an illusion that there's a whole group. Okay, you're very bitter about this. You've had so much success and you've achieved so much. And you can't get past this. Well, Conan, when you get kicked out of the choir Yeah B your uncle, who is the choir director? We kicked out for because of your musical abilities or because you were causing trouble I don't know, you just heard me sing. We did a canantata, okay? I only got to perform once with the choir. We did aa Do you know what a canantata is I was gonna to be quiet because I thought everyone else would know. No I have no idea. Timothy Chalamay would know. Yeah. but it's like a short opera.ortorta. It's like forty five minutes long. We did's a short opera Be I I could handle. I'm sorry. Oh, you and Timothy both. I Ag. Oh Turns out. Kidding I love opera. I was there last night at the opera. Which opera? Laem? It only lasted. He only last. You got that in your pocket. pocket. Lamaem., he left forty minutes in ' I had It's a urinary issue I love opera, but I can't go more than forty minutes without relieving my bladder. It's a terrible disease and I'm waiting for a big commercial that I get to do about a medication. You're right. put it out there aes to even ask you ask Thank you. we must respect our elders. You can't wit respect. How did I get here I've had this condition since I was fifteen. I urinate every eleven minutes.. You've been doing really good. Are you doing the? Well, I have a I don't w to tell you, I'm wearing a device right now. It's okay. I've urinated nine times since let me get. This got dark and thanks a lot, Sona. I did this The device you're wearing I'm glad you asked, Oscco. I'm glad you asked. You knowen I' gl you with Theono.o deeveloped by NASA. Listen, we're gonna to try and make sense out of this and I know I can do this. Right. But we left you at Jesus camp. You're getting kicked out of the choir because no one appreciates the incredible It was an Easter performance. It was the first one in the church. I love to sing loud because he has risen And I don't know. wouldn don't you do that too, I guess. So I'm not a trained singer. choir is a voluntary bass. Yeah, they can't be picky. There's no audition. all is welcome. Well, guess what? That means I'm on there too. with my skills. My uncle call it Npotism. I got to join, you know, pretty easily And then after the canantalta, I was never asked back Wow. He said, you love to single out And We could hear you. Wait, he wanted you to sing but not be heard. Because I was of A lot And he said sometimes you would also sing in English. It was a Taiwanese church. we sang in Chinese. and we could hear because I don't speak Chinese at this point. A bit just confused. I was in Japan. I'm in Japan. Now I'm in a Los Angeles in a garage. I left Tokyo for this to be undocumented. We were undocumented We were undocumented. We had no papers. My grandma papers.cause we were supposed to be here for vacation So we just applied for a two month P visa or whatever that's called.. Tourist visa for sure. And then we overstay that, boom. what happens? Suddenly we're here illegally. and in Japan, I only spoke Japanese. Suddenly I'm learning Chinese because I'm half Taiwanese too, and I'm living with my Taiwanese side of the family. I'm confused. I'm Christian now and now I'm singing alto. I'm off key. Of course I'm got to go into English sometimes. I think you put it best when you said a bitch is confuseed. You know, That is gonna be the title of my autobiography. Now you've got it.ut out here for. trying to make money for the rnt So When I first saw Margaret, it was just me like, o, this is so awesome. Okay, now I know this exists and she exists and You know Also at the time, I didn't even know I didn't know until I was like sixteen that I was undocumented and what that event meant, right? Because I wanted to suddenly drive like all my friends at school. L everyone was getting their permits. and I said, Grandma, I want to drive too. You know none of us drive. I think it'd be cool and then I can drive us around. We don' the bus dont we don't have to take the bus anymore You know, you're old, you know, and u It'll be easy on us. And she goes, well You can't drive, you can't do that because we don't have social security numbers. And I was like, oh That was the first time I had realized, you know What a way to find out. Yeah. I know. I was ye because I wanted to do B the way, you're here illegally. Yeah. ye. Yeah. Right, R. So it's like it comes to like bureaucracy, paperwork stuff, right? How would I know? I I'm just, you know, a high school kid trying to kiss boys. And I did. Yeah. that you don't have to be an American to do. That. go to school. Most boys don't ask for your social seecurity number. Oh thank God before. Well, I was always a stickl. Sometimes a girl would be like, What snooch And I'd say, well, hold on a second. I'd like to see various documents. that's yeah, that's why I was a virgin until well, Obama's first term. Okay. We call that a Nark Yeah. the school snitch over here. trying to get kisses still I do not tryust. I don't I like to kiss yah but I'd like to see your papers.ike this narp over here. and No, and so yeah. because I was surprised because there's so much you could do. I was going to school. I was in a cheerleading squad. Were you a good cheerleader I was You know, as a squad, we were okay. As a squad we were se we were okay. we were okay Sepparately, we were awful. What a great recommendation. We're not very good. We're terrible when we're apart. But when we get together, we're okay. Just tune in. We really kept we really kept people's attention with our spirits. You know? We really We were very self taught. We didn't have a coach, our cheer squad. When people hear that I was a cheerleader, they're like, oh, you were a jogke No, no, you don't understand. My squad, it was like full of girls who were like, if if it went for cheer, I would have joined a gang. You know? These girls were scary. Th girls I know I didn't know that being a cheerleader was the last exit before gang. Well, that's hilarious. Welcome to Venice High School. Yeah. early two thousand. Sure. Okay Ven No, me too. I was like, you know, I thought cheerleaders were like the bring it on girls. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure. And then here I am. I'm you know, I join and it's yeah, it's my first they were like the first girls to accept me Right? So my first friends were Latinas and black girls who called me Ccoco. They gave me a nickname. And some of the girls that I mean, they were like some of the girls were their boyfriends were part of the crips Oh well One of them. Juanita, I remember one time boyfriend calls her a bitch to which she pulled out a switch blade, put it up against his neck, and said If you call me that again Cut you and then Myself I was there, I said I said, D, you are crazy. You are crazy. I mean, I get the first part, but the second part seems extraneous. I'm gonna say extraneous. We're like I'll cut you. And then later I'll cut myself. Wait, Juanita, I'm very afraid of you cutting my throat But you do on your own time. Later. The drama. Yeah. The drama, right? She was a poet too on top of it. I was like, wow, so these were the kinds of girls. Once I got my driver's license senior year, the captain of the squad, she borrowed my car during lunch, went, got an abortion came back experience. What were your friends like? Oh my go. So this is the cheers. When I say yes, when I say if everyone for a cheer, we would have joined a gang. are Sddenly my friends in America, you know? And I was like, wow, like I have been snoozing. What is this exciting life? They we would go to One time we went to Denny's parking lot where a fight broke out between the cheer squad and the flag team. I had never seen such a thing. They were all in uniform. It was The Cer team fought the flag team. Yes, because one of the flag team girls started dating, Oh oh, no, no, no. onene of the cheer squad's ex boyfriends. And I said, Oh, what? What is this? and Yeah, I was trying to get on board because I'm such a scared to catch. I don't fight Literally like the only things I fought are like helped fight are the voices of my mom's head in the garage. Yeah. And you know, but did fighting for my life to stay on the choir. That's the only things I've fought for. Is this so the fight starts to go down. Did you What did you do? So I was scared. I show up with Juanita. They already Everyone's in uniform.. Juanita's just hitting herself in the corner I'll get you and then I'll get them. should have done that. canan you imagine the flagy would have retreated Yeah. Yeah. This crazy bit. I'm gonna first punch myself. thenen I'll get you if you're not careful. Incredible when he is just backwards with everything.. Incredible she's all cartoon like I love that. Oh man. I'm cheering her on ' we're cheerleaders. Sure. No so I'm on the sidelines. I don't know what to do. and one need is like, I'm gonna to get in there. I'm gonna get in there. The fight started. People are dragging each other on the ground. but first off, they march in, okay? The flag team comes in with their flags. I was like, is this Westide story? It's Westide story with flags And it's confusing because it's like a the flag team was also like Latin and like black girls too. Yeah. So we look like we're on this we don't know who's fighting who. Thankk God for the uniforms because you'll get confused. The uniforms up a lot. At least with West Side story, it's like okay, Puerto Ricans versus the white people Yeah, ye. simimilar dance moves. It's confusing, you know what I mean? Yeah. These girls, yeah. so thank goodness for the flags because then I go, okay, that's not my squad mate. You know, And the pom poms we have the pom poms. Dumbest fight I've ever heard. Eily the dumbest fight I've ever heard. But I'm trying to know who won. People are gonna interact. There' no winning Sweetie, there's no winning in violence. Yeah. Yeah Did. Yeah. Yeah. win.orry. I'm sorry I Yeah David. Except for maybe Juanita's boyfriend. Wh was at home going, Thankk God, I have a break tonight. Have you kept up with Juanita at all or any of these people? Yes, we're on Facebook. Oh that's nice. Facebook. They still call me Coco. a few of them have come out to see my shows Okay, that makes me really happy. Yeah Yeah. ye Oh, I was the you asked me for my role. I held everyone's jewelry because they were like Coco can't fight. And I was like, Yeah, I was just told yes. And so, you know, the seed in cinderella Right. You had one of those TSA bins C Let's have it all, cllink, clink. Now get to it, you two. C it up. Yeah. So thank you. a more, you know, modern reference. I'm referencing Cinderell. I'm like, you know, the scene in Cinderella. He's like, how about the TSA yesterday? Wh Yes. Any way I can help, Id like to help. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm like, you know, Cinderelle Cinderelle, Cindere Who's watched Cinderella lately? Anyway, there's a scene where they're throwing things at her and she's like holding the jewelry and the clothes. Y' not go to the ball. That was me the fight I was holding the jewelry and then just shouting positive affirmations because again, we were cheerators. I could do that J U A N I T A. was the spell forita? So those were all Yeah. Why did I don't know why I went and becausecause I was asking about this fight. And I'm curious because the Hulu special that you did father, you're talking about because so much of what we talked about today, your father's introduced at the top of your story. And then I think you guys were st strrange for a long time Right And this is your reconnecting or reestablishing a tie with your dad. Right. Yeah, it's true. He didn't He missed out on my cheerleving days, my choir days, my Jesus camp days. Right. In a way, it's cool though, because when we got to et up and we really got to reconnect. Has he been living in Japan this whole time? So he's been living in Japan, working as an engineer, raising, you know, my half siblings So once we were undocumented, Another rule. that I didn't know was you can't leave the U S if you want to come back in, right? Got it. So we were stuck here And I suddenly, you know, I didn't get to say bye to my dad who's in Japan, super busy, you know, raising kids, single dad. and I didn't get to say byye to my friends there. So I just felt super like suddenly Oh, like I didn't get closure from you'reut you're cut off in an unnatural way. Yeah. And then I got busy, right with like cheerleading or trying to get a driver's license. I finally got my green card. when I was seventeen, we did the visa lottery program where you know I guess my grandma, the hustler, Fguler, pretended we were in Japan still the whole time and she put our names into the lottery. I mean, first of all, I want this woman running my life. Yeah. I also actually I want her running our foreign policy. Job away. He's right here. I think Your grandmother just would beat out David so quickly. Yeah. ye. I mean, you can't do these things. If you can't get me into a Japanese lottery system to become a full citizen of the United States. You've never all the time. It's a Lulu lemon today and buoughty me some underwear. That's true. I didn't do that Yeah And she she do that? She could do that too. She she could do that too But she's doing like international, committing international, I don't know. I say crimes, but she really was able to with a network of other grandmas from the church and we know grandmas, like the network of grandmas, they're true They're making it happen. Yeah, they're true like gangs. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're telling each other, you know the best deals at supermarket or, you know, they're telling each other like what loopholes, you know to what bank to go with if you want the higher interest rate or whatever Yeah. And so through that she figured that out. And then every year she would apply for the lottery and every year, you know, our names wouldn't get pulled. And then on the seventh year, all three of our names and so man and that's how We got to get a green card Well let me be the first to welcome you to America. Oh Oh what a place.. Thank you so much. I'm assuming I'm the first. It's been a while. Yeah, but probably no one else had the courtesy to say that Okay. So welcome you. I mean, you're kind of like a diplomat Right? T so many countries to many countries You're the orange haired American man that they'd rather see when you go abroad, right? And you done that for us. It's true. That is true. That is true. I'm trending ahead of other orange haired people who tend to show up in countries sometimes. for us. I mean you closed the gap for us on like or you tried to get ahead of it with Greenland, you know what I mean? You've really done a lot in a lot. I think I've done so much for the world.. But I think like the alto in a choir, I'm also overlooked And I think that's another way that we're. Thank you to the Nod Altos. Yes. That's what I do. I have to ask you this before we wrap, your father, how does he feel about this crazy success you've had? Oh my gosh. is he Guessing he's really proud. Yes, he got to see me perform a couple of times on my international tour now. And so it's cool. you know, I was saying like he missed out on, you know, my choir days or cheerleading days and stuff like that. But also he kind of missed out on, you know, me struggling to in my comedy career, right? Like trying to figure it out I said, okay, finally, let's try the stand upp thing. And you know, it's wild that after years of trying it, years of doubting myself, maybe I'll go to like art school instead as a backup plan, which is a terrible backup plan, right? Why go linear? Wh also an unemployment Yeah a degree in creative writing and B art, boo creative writing. No this is art school. So creative writing is literally like if you want to turn into two words, that's your thesis. You know, it's like that. So you know, he missed out on those years, but then I was developing my voice and then when we met again Right? It was me doing an international tour back in Japan to thousands of strangers who know who I am in Japan. when you come back from like work or school, you say, Tadaima, I'm home and your family members go, O Kai. Come home And so on That show where my dad was there I tried saying it. I said, Tadaima, I'm home to these Japanese audiences All thousands of them together said Welcome home And I was like, o, I almost broke down and cried. and You know, my dad could understand those parts. And it was really cool because it was like, you know, I hadn't been home like that in twenty two years, you know, it's yeah. so it was really cool that that was how we got to reconnect. It is like you're You know, it's like the Superman myth he's put into a space capsule and you know, when he's a baby. and shot off. and then if you catch up with him, twenty five years later, whatever, ten, fifteen years later, he's Superman. And it's just this thing that happened that you couldn't foresee, but it's magical. and I think an amazing gift that your dad gets to see that. Sometimes you gott to make people miss you and come back, you know ter. Why isn't that the whole thing?? Well, listen, OsO, the special is beautiful. It's on Hulu, father and I wish you all the best in Emmy season because you deserve it. You are so funny and u You've got a great spirit and it was just it's nice to get to know you better becausecause I admire you and then to have you here and talk. and we got to chat a little bit and bond out on the sidewalk outside of that comedy club. That's. But I rembered leaving that night and I was like, oh, this is unfinished business. We have more to talk about. So I was so glad you could come in, and I hope you come back. Oh, thank you for having me. You guys are true kindred spirits And if I may, now I cheer. Okay. I really I've really set it up. Yeah. go Give me a Cat. C You got your C, you gota C, give me an O. Oh, you got your o, you got your o, give me an N. And You got your n, you got your N, give me an A N an n we got Can. Y. Well I like when you ended, there wass a little bit of We got Can Oosco, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me Heyoni's disease, also known as PD is a condition that isn't talked about often, but it's more common than many men realize Some men may even feel embarrassed or reluctant to bring it up PPD may involve a buildup of scar tissue that forms under the skin of the penis, which can cause a noticeable curve of the bump during an erection That curve can lead to pain during intimacy. It also may affect a man's confidence and mental health.. It also can lead to frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy If you notice a curve with a bump down there, it might be PD. The good news is it's treatable. A urology specialist can diagnose Perrony's disease and talk through treatment options. To learn more, visit talkaboutpd. com I was at the airport was waiting in one of those long lines. And I kept saying, Hey, let me through. I'm Conel O'Brien. and they said, shut up They wait in line. I went, Okay. And that's so sad. It's a really good story. But I was hungry. I didn't have a snack with me. You gotta keep And I didn't wanna lose my place online and go try and find something. I know. That's when you gott to have nutrra grain on you. You gotta always have a snack in your bag and when it's a nutrra grain, it's perfect. It's perfect ' it's the right size, it's handy. It's also nutritious. Yeah. Okay. You can go anywhere. It's made with ten grams of whole grains ten vitamins and minerals. These guys are obsessed with tens and no high fructose corn syrup. Nutra grain nourishes and it hits the spot with delicious flavors. They got strawberry, apple cinnamon, blueberry flavors. I just had a blueberry back in the snack area. Yeah. withith a little bit of a glass of milk. You earned it. Nice job U nice job. Find nutritious and always delicious Nutrog grain bars at your favorite store or online retailer today. And look for new Nutrra graen crunchy bars and stores near you. Oh, I'll get that crunchy I will All right, we're into do a little segment. Normally, we do this with Matt Gourley and we do something called Review the Reviewers where people call in with reviews and we listen to them and then I respond to their reviews Gorley's not here. he's on paternity leave. and because he's out and we don't have review the reviewers, I thought I'd just supply the call in reviews myself. Oh Okay This is so sad. So what's thisisten this is This is Jack Munsey and he's coming to us from Cleveland, Ohio and he says, let's play it right now Pressing a button' you're doing. Iist do Conan O'Brien needs a friend all the time It's the best podcast ever. Conan's mind, like I listen to his mind work And I'm like, this guy' splitting the atam. I don't even have a question. It's just that funny a show. And it's like I also think I don't is it me or is he like the coolest guy ever? I don't know But uh I don't know, Conan I don't even have a question here. You're just incredible Well, wow, that was pretty cool. Oh That was so nice.ice mrter. mis. Muncy,. Thankk you very much. I don't think I'm splitting the atom.'m just Sing things that come to my mind and it tends to dazzle, I guess. You know what I mean? I don't know You know, it's weird if you have these superpowers, you don't walk around going, oh wow, I have superpowers. You're like, I'm superman You know, I can crush this piece of cold when it becomes a diamond. Yeah. Another day, another dollar. You don't get amazed by it because you've lived in this body for a long time. Sure. What do you think about me? Yeah. goodood enough. What do you think about me? Wh whom