Reviewing the Reviewer and California

Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype. Yeah, like all the time. Yeah. I did that with an all potato restaurant. Oh no. Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great like impressions. then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about. yeah all the time. Yeah. LinkedIn has a word for that Bullpin. Bull spin. Yeah, Instead, you can get the highest Roaz of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bull spin Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend two hundred and fifty dollars and get a two hundred and fifty dollars credit. Go to linkedIn dot com slash Conan, terms apply Have you got an ass than Dus trading comppany is for you. I'm just reading what they wrote, folks For decades, Duluth has been making workwear for harder workers. You got an ass Sona? Yeah, I do. Well, Duluth companies for you from highly abrasion resistant pants to heat beating work shirts, Duluth empowers you to take on life with your own two hands. Ready to bolster your Nether regions? What the hell? Dh Naked Unders are the no pinch No stink. No sweat solution when your junk drawer is on life support. Oh God. They went my God They went too far. Yeah and you read it, you read it all. didnidn't even ask any questions. I just blacked out and came out of my mouth. So you do your glutes a favor. Shop at a Duluth T trading store near you or at duluthtrading dot comot Duluth trrading for folks who work their butts off Hi, my name is Erg Andre And I feel like sandpaper. I to O'Brien's friend. How are you saying me? I don't know. I realized last time I said moist. so I was about to say moist again and then I was like, No, you already did that then I was like, what's the opposite of moist? Fony' here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand the shoes, walk and loose, climb the fence, hooks and pens. I uil little are't gonna any friends until we are gonna be friends Hey there, welcome Con to Bray Nes a friend. I am joined by Sona Mosessian, Hey Sona. Hi Matt Gorele, how How are you sir Hi, good. Thankks. I'm going to attempt something that has very low odds of working. Yeah And I'll explain why I thought, hey Maybe we should talk about World Cup. It's a huge thing massive biggest sporting event in the world It involves forty eight countries, which's being hosted by Canada, Mexico, USA. But here's the problem. I don't think anyone here in this podcast right now, just the three of us really cares about the World Cup. That's not true. That is true. It's not true. I don't think you care at all. I'm sorry. it's the only sports I ever watch every four years I really enjoy. The only sports I ever watch. know you guys know that I don' care about that I actually love it too because soccer players are hot They're really That's why you watch. That's why I watch. When you're watching with your boys, you go, Id do that guy. Yeah, and I h five ' them, like, right boys. You, he can be your dad. Yeah. bad. Oh my God. You guys want a brother That's just, come on, man, clean it up, Shona. I love tack too. I don't want two. Oh two. that's nice.. My heart also has warm for the father of my children U Okay, I shouldn't say that. but I'll say is I wouldn't say the three of us are well versed in talking about World Cup, correct. R. And we are recording this, I think three weeks ahead of time. So we don't know where in the World Cup certain teams will be who will be eliminated. what's going on. So we're really attempting somethingomething that I think is difficult on maybe seven different levels. Yeah. And What's that? Did you say several or seven? He mixed both on seven different levels. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't let it go. I'm sorry. I I was gonna let it go. No no, but I have a hard time when I talk about sports of soccer. Oh, that's right. You didn't let that go. Fuck you. Yeah hit them hit them. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask Eduardo to really help us out here because Eduardo This This is something that's very near and dear to your heart. You need to supply the passion here. Okay. You need to supply the passion because I'm not going to get it from anywhere else on this table. All right. So let's talk about it. We're a couple of weeks in, what do you think has happened by this point? Who's been eliminated? Man, comeome on. All right. So I'll tell you that going into this, the top five countries predicted to compete for the final is Argentina Spain, France. Portugal and maybe Germany or England give or take one of them. the same as it almost always isout. So where are the Dutch The Dutch are actually considered a dark horse in this tournament. Yeah That's what I thought. question. No No, I did know that the Dutch and it's funny because when you think Someone' saying, where're the Dutch. you' be like, oh oh, he's making a joke. No, I'm not. They They're very good. Yes. And they could come out of nowhere. Wouldn't that be fantastic if the Dutch were still. I wouldn't be surprised if they're making a deep run. So if we're looking into our crystal ball That's a good prediction. And if you're listening right now and the Dutch are out of it, that's on Eduardo. Okay. I believe sure. I'll say Anyway Okay, so go ahead, tellell us more. Yeah, it's being hosted by three different countries all North American. What does that mean when they say hosting it Uh yes, that's where the actual events are taking place. Crect. But they also have to you know, when you hear host, sometimes you think they have to supply food, drinks, that kind of thing in the Olympics man. like the same game night I know I'm just trying to do a new thing where when you host, you really should be a host. Oh in charge for food and drinks. And there should are hudi aence and music? There should be music. you should it's just an idea. I Awkward banter in the beginning Yeah Yeah. Yeah exactly. And then people should say, Hey, knock it off if it goes after ten Every spectator has to send a thank you note. Well speaking of. Thank you notes are huge. Speaking of after ten, the cool thing about this one for us that live here in the States or in North America, the times are like reasonable times for us to watch. So I don't have to go to a pub at three in the morning to watch Croatia. play against Orlando. Correct. There'll be games starting at noon and the last game will be like at seven o'clock at night. So ye Yeah, it's full days of soccer. U the jury is something and this is something because I'm a patriot. America's getting better. Aren't we getting better? I know it's a long road, but what does America have to do to really be competitive in world soccer? That's a good question, I think. It's a great question. Thank you. They have taken a lot of steps forward and a couple small steps back. so this one 's a craps shoot YouS say some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're still in it at this time in three weeks. Some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're actually. Where do you follow,drarda? What do you think I'd be surprised if they're still in it at this point in three weeks. say that they're not good. I just Is it one of those things where it's just it's we didn't U in other countries, it's just such a part of the culture and it's not as much here and maybe you is this a graph that's never going to completely take? meaneaning, will we ever be really competitive with Argentina, with Spain of these other know, I think we will get there. I think it's just taking a lot longer. I think we're competing as like the fourth major sport. Well now fourth major sport. att one point it was like the fifth or sixth major sport in this country. It's slowly turning, which I think the pickleball has slowed us down. I agree. I think theall the excitement around pickball excitement around pickleball. I think we were starting to gain And then everybody who was really starting to get interested in soccer or as of course, others say football They Pickle Ball came around and now I think it's that has added another hundred years. We should ban pickleball. There's a lot of overlap. I like that it competes. Are you playing the game I hope so. Also what's that game where on your iPhone you put headads up. Heads up. That's the way I think heads up I think heads up put us back another hundred yearslers of Katan I think I think What's that? Setlers of Katan. is that? It's this famous board game that everybody played for me. I don't. There's like bartering. wheats and textiles. Oh I love it when people come over and we have some wine. you love this bartering. I probably would. I probably would. I shouldn't be I shouldn't be negative about it, but I do think that heads up. Yeah. Um, something of Katan. You could get Katan but not settlers. Remember the hard one? I thought it was Chris Katan, I thought And pickleball. And then pickleball, I think those things have probably destroyed our chances of being competitive in what I call football and whated what to call soccer. Yeah, I just But anyway, that's what's happening I resolve almost every year to pick a team and really get involved and really follow soccer. So you're gonna pick? Yeah who's's your pick? You gott to go with the Dutch now I don't have to go with the Dutch figure of speech. This is true. and I think a worthwhile figure of speech to be honest with you. Do you know any soccer players? Do I know them? L personally I' I don't know the sport very well, but I'm very good friends with most of the players. Oh. Messy Messi was at my house like three weeks ago. Okay. He was No. He comes by a lot. You guys are not hanging out What are you talking about? Why would you find that hard to believe? He loves my house. And he always wants to go over to Sandler's house. And I'm like, what do you need Sandler for? I'm here. And He's like, Sandler, are' much more famous than you. And I said, Why are you talking in that stilted way? And he said trying to do an Argentinian accent. Yeah. And he said, you know so little about me. You do stilted accents. That's what he said This is all true. He said, your impression of me beles the fact that we are not friends and you don't know me in real life. That's what he said to me. And then I said, Beles the fact Why are you speaking in broken English? and then saying beleles the fact? And he said, this is a terrible riff. Don't do it on the podcast. No, I'm gonna do it severven times. Yeah. I'm gonna do it seven Sever Okay that's funny. That's funny. That's when you misspoke. Remember? I don't remember. Yeah so seldom. barely happens at all It probably happened so. Oh that happen. He's dying right.. That's your question. Sure. This is really dark, but let's say something were to happen to me, there was a medical event.. And then later on a doctor said Didn't you hear it in the podcast? the degeneration of his neuromuscular ability hear something darker. You've asked this question. I know.! But aren't you guys gonna I know that I've asked it before, but I'm begging you guys to please pay attention. Oh no! When I misspeak, donon't giggle say are you okay, Conan Move it along, let it happen. Yeah I mean to the great little faster. Y. And you can all do your pity episode. we're so sorry about Conan. Cut change. It's gonna be a Thursday episode. Oh on Thursday, we talk about Conan's passing. Oh my God, that would be great N stick around. We're getting together the cast of Facts of Life. Oh that'd be citeool. Can you name them all Can I name them all? Yeah. Toty, Joe. The real names, you you rookie. What? I wna hear I wan to hear their show names J Joe. Joe, Blair God, this show meant a lot to you. It didn't, but I do know the theme. Natalie. good Natalie. We're walking in here, I went today. I wonder, I'm not kidding you. Stop. I went, I was singing Facts Life I wonder if that'll come up on the show today. Io, Matthew. I'm not saying I'm psychic. I'm saying ose What? Are you watching it recently? No, it just came to m. Say something. A lot of our listeners think this thing is so well crafted. they must write it ahead of time and really work out the architecture of it and I want to say that I think this podcast episode proves that that is not the case. America screwed. because the soccer team. We they are. you know, we were just talking about soccers life and then it's facts of life. and then you're singing the song. take the good, you take the bad, you take them ball and there you have the facts al life The facts ale. You take the good, you take the bad and then what? You take them all and then you have You take the good, you take the bad you take No way You take it all You take the good, you take the bad And there you have the facts And there you have. I said'ere in the world lyr don't m sense't look like you don't know this but no but what I'm saying is I don't know this song. No, you didn't good you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. Oh, you take both Oh, that's right. that makes more sense. how that makes sense is lyrics. You know what song did make sense Charles was in charge Okay. Charles in charge of our days and our nights. Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights That doesn't make sense That doesn't makeense either. No why is the nanny in charge of your d's anight It's your moral compass if you' wrongight. It's too much responsibility for him. Anyway, that's our World Cup wrap up. Yes What a mess into Argonder All right, my guest today is a hilarious comedian and host intro. Oh my Godd. off the Eric Andre showhow on adult Swim. What a mess. Now you can see the people come for it. and this is what we promise and this is what we deliver. and I don't regret it. Now you can see Eric, our good friend in the new Netflix movie, Little Brother, a movie he made with mister John Cena. I will also say this is appropriate for this interview. It really is. It's all, the wheels have come off this trolley many times I always love when Eric stops by. Eric Andre, welcome Here's why I love having you on the podcast. You are a cartoon character. You're not a real person. And I am a cartoon character. I'm not a real person. And when we're together, I'm just happy because And the rest of America's annoyed. Annoyed and miserable at the shenanigans. But you don't live in the real world And whenever I you just don't. You just don't. Do you think I stand out? You are you're an insane cartoon character. You bounce off walls, you crash through ceilings Yeah to the delight of everyone. comomedy hero is Gonzo from the Muppacha I had this VHS tape growing up. It was called It was a clips episode of the Mubet Show Gonzo hosted in a Hugh Hefner mess and his wife was that chicken. Remember he had a chicken for her wife? Yeah. And he hosted this thing It was called like the weirdest skketches on It wasn't called the weird sketches on the Muppet S showow, but it was like the weirdest parts of the Muppet show had a more elegant show of the I'm saying And it was just a clip show and he was like Dick Clark, she's a slash you Hepner And he introde all the weirdest clips from the Muppet show and I would watch that VHS like over and over and formative for. It thought about that. For me, it was Warner Brothers cartoons, but I always thought, well, that's the highest form of comedy is people getting stretched out, elongated, people looking to Cameron going, and then falling. Yeah. And then I would walk away like an accordion. Those are the I just willed myself to be one of those people you would have a horrible and painful death. Yes. No comedic value. Eric, I would. But the coroner would say, oh my God We just looked at the X rays of his body. it's accordion. You know? And then they they would push on each side of my body and go like, Weird E Yenkovich would be like C and con and, con and and and. So for all those reasons, I'm delighted you're here really I leave. You had to forcibly remove me last time. I did. This is my favorite. you're one of my favorite human beings. Oh, that's so nice. When I look in then Why the angry male all the time from you? Well you die. And then you sign your name, yours truly Eric Andre. Why do you write those to me? and your return it dresses on them And they're filled with anthrax. I don't know. that is Yeah. I thought it was powdered cold. You know celebrities are not well Um I'm not a celebrity. I still drive an Uber, but As a passenger or No as a driver. It wasn't a good joke. You not also died in my mouth. There There a stone on my molar. Here lies Uber joke.ber. You'd be a great Uber driver Or a terrible one who wouldn't stop talking, but I would love it if you picked me up in a newber. That would be so much fun. What do you do when they start chatting you up? or back in the day, yellow cabs when you were in New York City when they start chat chatting It' going to sound weird would you would in and chat or would you just be like I think they want him to stop? No, no, this is this is what's weird. This is what's weird and I hope this doesn't put people off of me. But when I call an Uber, I did I bought one of those Plexiglass separators And I have it, it's heavy. And I carry it with me and I call it Uber when I get in, I quickly attach it. Oh God. You have one for each making model. I say I look up which car they're going to be they're like, Oh, it's gonna to be a Toyota four byx four. And I go like I know which one is for the Toyota four by four. I know which one is for, you know, I mean, literally every kind of . Your house is like a plexiglass That' it is Yeah And I quickly shout to my son and this is I won't let him go to college. So he just is the guy that he is my caddy for Pxiglass separators. And I'll just say things like it's, you know it's it' it's a sububaru outb. And he's like, got it. one year. And I'll go ninety eight. And then he rushes in. So that's kind of a dick move. and they always get very like, what the fuck and I'm like, shut up. I don't want to talk to you And then I actually drill into their seats and they don't like that You go Cirsty whisy, you know, talky walkie. No, no, no, no, no no. Now, what do you do? Because I would imagine We're probably similar spirits that you like to talk to people. You like talking to anyone Not in not in the not in the Uh Not in the cab. Not in the Uber. Well, it depends on it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm catching up on Wor and I'm locked in or and I' get my by my lap or or I'm doing work on the phone. What you building a rocket? you locked in.m getting the specs for reentry. You got to get just the right. What the hell are you locked? I'ming I'm trying to right I'm trying to write ideas. Okay. You've worked in this business. really. I've never sat down and written a joke. I just go You wrote on legacy shows. I did. I did. But I was never I had always in my defense, I did, but I was never locked in. No, I get it. I get it. I'm just giving shit because it's fun. know we're good guys. We're guys hanging out. I'm giving you shit. You're harassing me. I' I'm harassing you. You're conantly harassing. You show up at my house. I don't know how you get my address I think you look at the paperwork. I look at the return address on your h mail It's funny because the last time I saw you, I was doing a club here in LA and you were about to go on and it's the same thing. If I'm about to go on I had I'm not gonna to say ginger, you get that too often. I have my redhead friend from Australia, a very funny comedic actor, Reese Mitchell Instantly, you guys locked eyes and you went over to them and you went, when's the last time you got your skin checked. And you guys talked about I didin That for like thirty minutes. and then you went up and you're like, I got to get ready for the Oscars. in the matchmment And it was like they were instant best friend and they just talked about it in health And you kept trying to what two widows do when they've lost a husband or something? That's right. That's right. How are you managing? I'm getting by. And instantly, there's no hesitation. He like you looked into Reese's eyes and you just went right at. And you gave him like a dermatologist number. Yeah. You guys And was him off his shirt. And I did a very close exam with those special glasses and that special light And I did not like what I saw. Yeah, but it's funny how You didn't let me answer Rude, by the way. What how I am in an Uber and I I very rude No I don't usually like to talk. Well, I like to talk if the person's interesting, but it's a craps shoot. So the risk I do a risk assessment Yeah. And sometimes the person knows when to stop talking and start talking and sometimes they're interesting in stuff you're interested in Sometimes it's a crazy person. Yeah. So you do a little bit of risk assessment. So I don't because I don't want that like You know, three percent of them that are batch you crazy. There was a guy As soon as I get got in his car, within ten seconds, he's like, I love fentanyl man. That's my problem. And I go. I go, Wh. Oh yeah I'm listening to some tunes in You see my headphone? I was like I'm sorry, that's horrible. And he's like, God, I just quit though. I just quit. I go, Oh, when A couple of days and he's ping up to my house so'm like, G great, now this guy has my home address. And I'm like, this is an office. It looks like a house I live. It's an office. I'm going to work at the end of the day. It's kind of a weird job and I can't tell you anything about it because I don't like the fact have my person li. And he was telling me he's like the patches are better than shooting it up but shooting it up with the patch But I'm through with that shit, man. he's been driing you. Yeah he's been in charge of whether you live or die. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I u I'm plagued by that. dri and my heart goes out his his afflictions, but I was trapped and we were in like the thicket traffic like we're in West Hollywood at like five PM. So it was like the slowest what would take like twenty minutes to get back to my house took like an hour and a half, you know, And it was was the longest afternoon of my life. Yeah, it was rough. I always say this if the driver has been weird and they pull up to my house, I always say It's been nice u talking to you By the way, we're selling my house tonight. To Eric Andre Yes, we're here Eric Andre who by the way loves visitors. and is fentel. Yeah keeps vintage fentanyel. He keeps the fentenel right by his loose cash. He's got the loose cash room and the fentel room and a bedroom. That's it. I even a kitchen in there. Anyway Oh w. Yeah, I always say to people when they pick me up for my house or if it's a guy that like the Amazon guy recognized me or the UPS guy I go I just go, yeah, my Airbnb in this place pretty trippy Anyway. think about the address. Why is there a mural of you on the garage? Oh, That's why I Airbnb. Yeah do a self portrait on the Gunch. Yeah. Is this what you w to talk about? We are so ADD. I don't think we ever make a. single point. I looked away from you for a second and I forgot who the guest was And then Iison for. the good news is then I looked over at you and I was happy that you're here So it's nice to see you by the way Heyoni's disease also known as PD, is a condition that isn't talked about often, but it's more common than many men realize Some men may even feel embarrassed or reluctant to bring it up PPD may involve a buildup of scar tissue that forms under the skin of the penis, which can cause a noticeable curve of the bump during an erection That curve can lead to pain during intimacy. It also may affect a man's confidence and mental health.. It also can lead to frustration, depression, lowered self esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy If you notice a curve with a bump down there, it might be PD. The good news is it's treatable. A urology specialist can diagnose Perrony's disease and talk through treatment options. To learn more, visit talkaboutpd. com Have you got an ass than Dus trading compompany is for you. I'm just reading what they wrote, folks For decades, Duluth has been making workwear for harder workers. You got an ass Sona? Yeah, I do. Well, Duluth companies for you from highly abrasion resistant pants To heat beating work shirts, Duluth empowers you to take on life with your own two hands. Ready to bolster your Nether regions? What the hell? Duluth Naked unders are the no pinch No stink. No sweat solution when your junk drawer is on life support. Oh God! went God They went too far. Yeah and you read it, you read it all. D didn't even ask any questions. I just blacked out and came out of my mouth. So you do your glutes a favor. Shop at a Duluth trrading store near you or at duluthtrading dot comot Duluth trrading for folks who work their butts off This is a paid ad by Better Help I don't know about other people, but I know for me, I like to work And sometimes I like to work really hard then it can pile up I overdo it and I start feeling completely fried And I'm not thriving. And that happens to me sometimes and Sony, you've seen it. I have, I have. You work yourself a little too hard sometimes. Well, it's important to take care of yourself when things get busy by resting, recharging, and saying no when you need to Therraapy can also be a way to get out of autopilot and get a solid reset. Talking to someone else helps you get a little distance on your situation and maybe helps you cope a little better Therraapy with Bet Help may help you better understand your needs feele more confidence, set boundaries and create a rhythm that feels sustainable. So you're not just go, go, go all the time Better Help is the world's largest online therapy platform Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences and better help will handle the initial therapist matching work That's huge because picking a therapist is often a boundary for people Take a pause with therapy. Better Help can help life feel manageable again. So sign up and get ten percent off at betterterhelp dot com slash Conan. That's better HElP dot com slash Conan I' curious if because you have such and I want to talk about this too, you have such a serious music background. I was reading up on your. Norry, sorry. So far you've shouted two things at me. and boring.orry. I can't tell myself. You It's very hard to be. You like bring it back to serious. this is gonna stay seririous long. Yeah ye, yeah I love that you just dropped an album. And it's called Film scores for films that Don't exist. Yeah. It's a classical album. You wrote film scores for movies that aren't real. Yeah. And I was listening to it today. a bunch of us were listening to it and it's legit. It's really good. Thank It's really good.ited about. Thank you. And And then I was like, well wait, I know that you played jazz bass and you're serious. You like studied at Berkeley School of Mus I didn't realize when you were a little kid and you started playing tuba when you were really young. Yeah, I played piano at five, tuba and sixth grade and cello and bass in high school. Yeah. Yeah. And then so this was just something that was in you. like I went I went to school in Boston. I went to Berkeley College of Jazz Dadyo and I played I've played the Seinfeld team over and over again for four years. Yeah, and I canlicted Dime under a lamppost. That was a course I shot an apple off my wife's head or whatever. William Ss Buroughs did you know about And he killed her, right? He killed his wife. And then when the cops come, he goes, We were playing William Tell, the game where you shoot an apple. Yeah of the head. It was more of like a I think he was like the laziest excuse for homicide. I'm sorry, I made your podcast so dark. No no, you don't go. This is what peopleople love true crime podcasts. So we're going to one briefly. But that's what I always heard is the police show up and he went, We were playing in his wife's line there with a bullet in her head. And he's like, we were playing William Tell and I tried to shoot an apppple of her head, didnidn't work out, but she can arrest me. Yeah and the comics were like That's legally like I mean, that's solid. That sorry we bothered you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, so hestensively killed her and then went to the refrigerator, got an apple and placed it by her head. And I don't even know if he just said I ate the apple. Oh yeah. There wasn't even an apple No, I don't know. All of us are talking about this thing guess What kind of true crime podcast is this? is the best kind where people just shoot off their mouths about a crime that maybe didn't even happen. And I'm gonna right now say Eric doesn't know what the fuck is's talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. We both just kind of heard this thing. I I not self conscious because I was about to make the same jazz jokes that I made on your podcast last time. it was like Oh what's another beatnick that I haven't covered No one William S. Burroughs in then I heard your audience, everyone's butt hole dried out at that every at that momentisting and Adam came They they were all moist until that can we say that on your podcast? moist. You Puritan? Adam Sach will confirm this. No one's ever listened to more than one of these podcasts. We have a huge Huge number of people, but we're just working our way through Earth's population. But no one's ever after listening to one listen to another. Wow. a very strange way of getting it.'re like repeat your storyies at Will. We got a verdict on William S. Burrs. Yeah. It really happenedark. You're about to look up some dark nineteen fifty one in Mexico City. Yeah, William S. Burrows shot and killed his wife. And said he was playing he was playing Willam Tell. And how did he get off then? He didn't. He was convicted. Oh, Oh, he was. Oh, I thought I thought they were like. So did he go to for a long time? He was convicted of culpable homicide but served only thirteen days in jail before his brother secured his release on bail. Well mur He becgan to murder your wife. D Mexico down to Mexico He was later convicted in absentia receiving a two year suspended sentence. It doesn't seem that bad for killing your wife. Yeah, I'm just gonna say a message to all murderes out there. Keep that William Tell thing again. Keep an apple. and the William Tell story in your back pocket. and arrow. Yeah just a real You came into a bank, took all the money and shot someone. It was a William Tell game Yeah Iarely I barely know what William Tell is beyond a guy that shot an apple off of somebody's head with an arrow. Beyond that. I couldn't tell you Yeah gonna tell you a single thing about William Tell, what era? I know youad an overture. That's it. There is an overture Yeah for William Tell Do William tellell a fictional character? You went to Harvard smmarty pants, you tell us Daddy war buucks? That would be work if you're rich. I meant like an egghead. Yeah. Einstein. There you go. Einstein's better. I'm off my game today, Con. You are so off your game. You're just a big mess U and it's delighting. You root for the Kicks? Mrter Boston? Yeah, I am. You know why? You know why? You okay rooting for the Nicks right? I am okay rooting for theicks because I think it's it Good thing for New York. I spent a lot of time in New York. They haven't had a title since ' seventy three. I'm very happy for them. I Celtics fans listening to you right now. water shell out. Yeah. pie of shit human being. there he. That's my boston acc. What Celtics fan has ever committed violence? Look at up. I don't think it's happened I think I'm unsafe very Boston historically very safe I I'm happy for the N next. I am. No you can't You guys know there's like three guys in Dorchester right now pissed at you. Yeah. There's a guy in Alewife right now pulling his hair out Pony you Celtics fan and nothing else. Not. I cant. I can't do. I can do a brain tree accent, but not a coincidental.'s air in Nashationala. I can do Tooksbury in Andover, but I can't do Ruster When it comes to Massachusetts, I only do region by region by accent work. I'm the Fred Armerson of Massachusetts. I thought I happen today that would be funny and you'd have been good at this too. This would be a great thing for you, but I was convinced I should do this When we record this, I don't know when the airres, but the the the Nicks are up to games. They're looking for a sweep possibly they're headed back to Madison Square Garden. It's just like a huge thing. and All these, you know, hardcore Kicks fans who've been there for years, like Chalamet's hardcore Nick fan, Ben Stiller. Spike Lee has been in every Kicks game since they created basketball. And I thought it would be really funny if I dressed up in all this Kicks regalia and somehow forced my way in And did one of those things that some celebrities do where they act like I've been a fan all along, but they're just there for the gravy. And people I love ideas where people would hate me so much But somehow I get a decent ringside like courtside seat And I'm like, yeah, yeah and I keep going over shallow man trying to h fivei him and stilliller. And I've just got Nick goggles and a goofy foam hat. And we're number one. peopleople would be so justifiably mad. And then in interviews, I don't know who any of the players are. I'm not even sure how the game is played. they were shooting against thatbasket in the first half. What are they there for? And when did they hit a home run already? Yeah. And then I'm like, go Kix. G Kick Wouldn't people get so mad And if you were we got these tickets for free F R E E free. I even had the money and the fentanyl badges. Hello. I called WNP and I said, makeake it happen. get me in to see the K. Win the World Series of basketball. What a dick move. Yeah yeah. I don't know you must be fascinated by those things because that's been I've been five been I've been I haven't told anybody this. I've been photoshopping injuries of Kicks players and sending them to my friends who are die hard Kicks fans. So I've been photoshopping fake TMZ articles like Brunson Tors ACL this morning with today's date and texting them to my friends who are die Hard Kicks fans. And they're like, I swear to God, Eric, like your voodoo, whatever you think is funny right now, it is not funny. You are not funny. And the more angry they get, the more Franking out these fake phhotoshopped articles of injured Ns players right now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm losing'm ling rent. So bad Yeah. But also just to like, I mean, yes, to say things like text people early in the morning. Why was Brunson operating a wheat thresher in the first place? Yeah. Wit What? I don't know Why would they trade Josh Hart to the pistons now betweenween game two and game three of the finals? They're gonna trade them. Okay. It's their team. And my friends are pulling their hair out. Well they of course they take everything with a I tried it. I mean, I think I do stuff like that all the time where I'm just deadly serious And I can still convince you, Sona. Yeah, I know, I fall for it. But you guys both seem to like humor that only you think is funy. Yeah that's Yeah richer Yeah I'd have Kevin Hart'sbank account, hopefully if I didn't have that affliction. I forgot you got to do comedy for other people And then I still don't see of money. I still don't see it that way. I'm still If you like this, you can have some. I'llld you don't, get out of my store. Yeah. I'll talked to Aly Wong and she's like on a private jet on her way to play like a soccer stadium and guitar. and I'm doing like the Chuckle hut in Coyote Bladder, Mississippi, like passing out flyers outside of the venue.m like Man, I should probably start writing jokes that more than three people like. Also, I really I got some pretty good laughs falling fifteen feet onto some spikes. And then' the recovery time. By the way, do you have lifelong injuries? No, no, no, no. Bring the jackass guys in here. Those guys are Yeah, very injured. evil can eval When Johnnynockstill starts going through some of his injuries, it actually makes my stomach queezy. It's like He's been here and I love the guy, but he's I mean, he broke his penis. He broke Yeah. And he had a catheter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. and his eyeball fell out that one movie and he had like back. He didnt headic there I had injuries that I used to brag about, but when I started hanging out with those guys, I'm like, o, It sounds like how they like England would torture people in like the year eleven thirty three. Like whenever you read about the Dark ages, you're like Damn, England really hated people. So how did you your tongue got torn out and then shoved up your ass until it was back where your tongue goes? Yeah. What stunt were you doing where that happens? Eng England was being quite rude for let'd say a thousand years. Yes T their own people and all their neighbors. Rude. Rude, rude. To the French, to the Irish They were being less than polite. Yeah. They were a little cranky for a couple of thousand years. Then they got out of their system. Yeah, yeah, Th they chilled. Then they went to India and Africa and they chilled out. Then they were cool. Then they were chill. Then they were chill and Australia. They were quite rude to the world. England. You made's taking England down a D't on this show. I won't be silenced. You will be silenced Love young panding to your Irish whatever Irish you have in 'ause you could be a little Scottish, too,ang. There's no I'm a hundred percent hundred percent. Yeah, I was trying to pander to you and you didn't take the bait now. I was like England sucks, right?? 'ause guess what? Hey, march seventeenth is coming up next year. Your favorite holiday Tonen Have you ever hate it ever for you. Have you ever wanted me wear green on Staint Patr's?ever I at least thought you would be like I hate ' Irish people don't like Irish people I always seeah, which just it's the thing. We just don't You hate everyone equally. That's good. I think it's good.'s good.'s health. I want to ask you By. I'm gonna change the subject and I'm gonna do something this semi professional, but don't hate me for it. You made a naked picture of me and I feel very uncomfortable every time you look down at it. You made a movie. You made a movie that's coming out. and it's just Epstein's emails at the bottom of your nose. Yeah. J EE Vacations at Gmail With my body drawn. So I can't try to book a plate on his brain and he won't get back to me. Hello You made a movie called Little Brother. V very funny movie with you and Mr. John Cena And you do there's a lot of you it's very funny, but doing very physical stuff. Yes. And I pray to God you have a body double for these things because There's some truly cartoonish scene. There's a there's please tell me there's someone who looks a lot like you Wh's getting thrown into a wall at six hundred miles an hour? This can neither be confirmed nor deny. I'm like Tom Cruise, I'm taken it to the grave. W. And yes of Of course, I paid a twenty five year old Puerto Rican guy to Side through glass. I'm in my forties now. I'm not you know If I injured myself enough on my own show, I need a little help. I need little helpope. I need little help. What I seem to remember is you made this movie with John Cina and you guys are very funny together, but I think John Cina once seriously injured you, didn't he John. So he he in reality, he did not. He did, you know, he We did a stunt that went to Back in two thousand, I believe. No, no, in two thousand. Yeah, I was kiding. I was trying to see how healthy you are now. No, it was It was twenty twenty. Was this twenty twenty? I think it was twenty twenty. You're from the show, Golden Girls, right? I'm talking about Blan Jabis. I love your work. I love your podcast. I rem. Your questions are all over the place. but kindindness of strangers Luck I'm just you have a blanche dubloc quality about you. I'm just realizeding do. I was very beautiful in my youth That people Yeah Randy old woman. The other Randy old lady And I'm floating around my New Orleans' Moer Raton, Florida Where the show took place Fictionally. Street car. Yeah. I you're You're talking streetc. Yeah. What is it I'm talking Golden Girls. Yeah. I was Is it Dboir? Is it Devau It was Blanche Devereaux on Goldenir Golden I was correct. Blanche Dubois. Blanchubis Wh street car name is there. Oh. So I was right and you' Lian Lee, right actress. Yeah. fixure characters, Blanche Dubois Yeah. My entire life upntill this moment, I thought Blanche Dubois was the redhead on Golden Girl. I do get why. They both have French ast names This might be almost names are almost identical until the last couple syllables. What is is Blanche Devreau? This entire Dau This entire pod broken joke for five minutes and you did nothing to help. This entire podcast is one of the it's like seven garden hoses that are hopelessly narled together And one of them's leaking and we're trying to untangle them to figure out which one to turn off the water But we can't. And there's just water everywhere In that jelopi with the triangle wheels, like we were dis How long he was talking about the Golden Girls and how long you were talking about a street carn? We were vibing, man We've got Rizz. I don't know what that means, but we don't know either. Who quoted it? I have to say. have to come clean here. I got off a plane very recently from Morocco My mind an excuse for everything It is not working. And you know what? Yours isn't working either and I don't think you have an excuse. And together, we're just a big hot mask. And I'm very happy. I don't care This is a this is a disaster. Why were you in Morocco? I do some business there. Yeah, you're smuggling ash Again, I could eer confirmed or deny I Tom Cruz if he was smuggling hack. No, no, what did you ask me? You said I did travel se You know, this is like a cop over a travel show. This is like a cop who pulls a guy over, but the cop and the guy are both drunk. K see, your wallet. Wait, what? You have to step out of the airplane. It's a car. Wait, what We' just two big messes interrogating each other. I don't know who's in charge here anymore. I don'tch for the Golden Girl. I watched Golden Girls when I was young with my grandma becausecause I lived in Booker Town, Florida. my grand c caramed with my grandmother over and over again because I was very closeted I just wanted to cle here. This That liquid has been here fory this? We don't know if there's a Guinness. This. Yeah, I'm having you Guinness right now. That's my other problem. Okay. Now did you Wh did you really ask? I really I truly can't remember. I am gonna say this very clearly. changed let me tell you Sina. Y in twenty twenty. Oh yeah, he threw me. Okay so he threw me it's not much of a story. He threw me through a shelf on the Arigandrea show I destroy the set every time. Y I found out he was a big fan of the show So we had them come in He grabs me. He's like I grabs me throws me through a shelf. that part of the stunt was fine My art department we forgot the sandbag down the shelf and it had a metal frame. and even beforehand my Stunt coordinator' like, that thing's got a metal frame. You gota I don't like that prop I don't like that prop. You s I don't like that prop. I go blah, blah, blah, blah dude. I don't pay you to think longer. Now show me those abs, daddy. And then Sina threw me through the thing. He did the stunt properly. I went through the thing properly, but then the thing went It went over and it was the only season of Eric Underers Show, I got rid of all my body hair on purpose. I bicked my head bald. I wax my pubic hair that you can't even see on TV. Allana Glazer goes, you have to blur your crotch for why did you wax your pubes? That doesn't even translate. I go, oh yeah, I don't know. I didn't think about. These things These are the things professionistals talk about I have one question. Yes, Alana. Why did you wax your pubes? That's a good point. So I didn't have my hair works like like antennas. I know when stuff's coming because I have big hair. you have big hair. So I didn't feel it coming and the thing went over and boom gave me a big Fred Flyintstone and I got a concussion And I got dizzy, I was talking about things that didn't make any sense. And I went to the hospital and got a pods scat. And you immediately booked a podcast. came my. That was ten minutes before I showed up. Y that wasnt trip to Morocco, whatever. I'm trying to pitch a travel show right now. I pitch to the network you're on And because of you, they go, we already have a travel show. And I go, Conan stole my idea that I stole from Anthony Bourdang. Yes. Trust me, listen, you can have my travel show. I will give it to you. But you don't have to call it Conanor O'Brien must go. but it's with you and we don't even explain it to anybody And you get all the money and the glory and I just' like, yeah, but people are like, what is that White? Why is it Conel O'Brian must go? For five minutes, you were my newman. I was like, Oh' Brian. Oh he's after me. Oh he's nipping at my heels. I'm eating canned beans by fucking candelight. I'm like so No really I switched my SSRI by five milligrams by like this much. In which direction? I went up, I go, maybe I just go up a little bit and now my brain is like bam bab b. So I called my psychatist today ago and thinking I had to take the elevator back sweing. You should have, I mean, I'm on like fifty five pepttes. I'm gonna be ripped byy the end of this interview. I'm to have endlous breasts like Vivian Lee and S her name desire. like to Vian Lee and Gold G girl Yeah You SSRIs by the end of this. Why don't we do a little be on what I'm on. Yeah. I got on I got on him pretty late for a guy with my affliction. That's how I feel. did I wait for a really long time and then What said that his pride? I'm like, why did I wait so long? I know in my case, it was just nope, you don't take anything to make life easier than you do do things to make life harder Yeah. So I hair shirted it and I just was like, what's hair shirt it. Do like hair shirt means you're just like, I don't know, you That's not a phrase. Yeah, you wear a hair shirt I just collapsed. I collapsed. Bunks used to wear it to do self punishment. Yes. It's a kind Putting on a hair shirt. It's like Irish Catholic repression. It's like repression. E you're self anesthetized. Was it like that kind of thing? Yeah. I like reducing you to a stereotype. That's what I'm trying to do. You are reducing a stereotype onlyn it's exactly true. You're right Celticss right. England bad. Celticss good. bandry I do live under a magical mushroom in the forest H want a hair shirt is this is this phrase but basically I think that's what I was doing was saying I don't something that' It makes life a little easier for you, fuck that. It's supposed to be hard. And I did that well know well past the age when I should have been doing that. You're in your nineties now. So what we're talking like. Okay Yes. Did I fight in World War two? Yes. Was I old then? Yeah. I went into the battle at thirty five years old And you fought for the Japanese. the Japanese. The cars they make in twenty years are gonna be fucking amazing I shouldhould have done my homework. Anyway, another guuinness. So sweating. You are. You're a big mess Watch that I did climax several times. J going on here C't garbage No, she's throwing you some cleleanenck so you can wipe the swech. I just slide it like a bartender, but it doesn't look balloon. I just see a giant. And it's empty. Oh, there is one in there. Why? I was you want me to throw that out for you? No You recing? Budget I worry that if I do that I'll have patches of tissue all over my head it works. No. You made a movie with John Cina. Yeah, It's called Little Brothers. You guys are really funny together. Thank you. And I've been trying to talk about it the whole time. You're all over the place. We get it, dude. You went to Morocco But now you imagine the USA, A country with absolutely zero problems, baby. Hey! Don't you dare make political commentary here. Don't you dare. I didn't say a word. You will say You will say You will say. Do they got that chair in your little Moroccan p? No No they don't No, they don't Thank you I chant USA to every foreign country I go to. And they like it?. Tell me more of this USA. He wears I dress like Uncle Sam. Star sppingled Top hat outfit But it goes back to the beginning of the pod when I talked about the the worst Halloween customer I ever had My mom God bless her soul, but she said, I'll take care of it and she got me an uncle Sam costume and it was like nineteen seventy I of Vietnam, nineteen seventy three W Daniel And I'm like I got this and was and we've talked about it years ago on the podcast Yeahah, we bought it. Do an image of it? You gotta put a picture. We Yeah, we did, I think, find one. Yeah. Put a picture Pe put a nude image of yourself on the screen right now. G get some clicks. Let's see what you're working with. All right, well I think you would be quite pleed that yours isn't like that. I wna see what you put your wife through. I'm gonna say twice a year. Why shes c You're so far off. P hit the big tree. Sor, why are you just laugh?? Why can't you jump in and say that's not true. He's very sensual. C Why would I say that? Just from what you've heard You're supposed to have my back on these things. Itxual. Wait, wait, wait, canan we talk about my movie, Conan? I don't want to. Dude, help me out, Dg. You guys are funning together. Trying to plug a thing here. Why don't I do it? 'cause you're in no state You're crashing, You just took the wrong pills. You need to get a real F milligrams of Zolov, dude, I'm cardian. Isn't it funny in your twenties,'re like you're like text to your friends, Get me Coke, G me Molly, G me mushrooms. in your forties Get me Ppecia, Zolov, Butrin. Something to moisten my gums Is that a thing? You bet it is. What? You make this movie? It's very funny. Thank you.. And my curiosity is you guys must have known beforehand that you do well together. I mean, clearly he had been on the show. He had thrown you through a bookcase, but I love Joh he we're tootallyally opposite. Yes the way we look, the way we behave. so I knew like instantly That's a recipe for a good comedic duo. Yeah. And I love his work ethic and he's got comedic chops. You look at him. And he does this giant lumberjack It's like he he doesn't make sense. He she shouldn't exist, but he does He knows Mandarin fluently, do you know what this? He plays virtuoso, like piano, like concert piano. He's the most interesting man in the world. And like he's just he's got comedy chops. Yeah. It's not fair. No, it's not. And you have to have comedy jobs where no one will talk to people across the street very good athlete And a male model at a.. But anyway, know I look like Snuffalagus. Yeah. last time p, you told me you had great teeth growing up. That's what I like. 'use you are a handsome man and you're tall. You're tall and you are a handsome manen. But as soon as you said you had greatad great teet in front of my mouth. I go That's why I's a comedian. There are plenty of other reasons why I was a comedian. But the great teeth You need those things as a child. People are surprised when I like I tell them I meditate and I my homework and I got like straight As in school. they're like, wa Yeah. They think I dropped out of like fourth grade and just like ate candy until like now They think I'm just like, I eat a gummy worm sandwich every morning. I think I go home and I'm just likeg Which yes, I do do some of that. But you know what I'm talking about. Well, I know, except I really do those things at home and I don't meditate. So I could use more Eric You know, You wantan to snort some Lex a Pro Dog? Which one are you on? I'm on a new one. Oh, really? I'm just on straight prorozac. Oh old school. Old school. I mean proac And my prozac was developed in the fifties. Oh you have vintage. You have like an artisanal It's very hard to. use d. conas prozac. And you run out a lot. Yeah more effort prorozac. Yeah. It says goes well with cigarettes U Yeah. When you started, did the demons just go And you were like, oh, I didn't have to live like that for that long It was annoying. It was annoying What was that all about? But no, I credit Andy Richter. Andy Richter is the one that said You know, why don't you get some Take the help. Yeah and it doesn't change who you are or anything. I thought it would. That's the other thing. That's why I didn't do it. That's why was h I was like, I won't be comedic. Yes, that's what I thought. Yeah. and clearly, I'm right because I'm I've been a mess this entireck. But I was like, it'll change my personality. I don't want to be like catatonic. I thought I was gonna to be like Jack Nicholson when he gets electrohock therapy and one floor at the cuckoo's nest, justust like Like vegetabled Yeah. and I was like, I can't that'll ruin me But I was I guess that's part of it. Yeah anxiety. Yeah. Obsessive compulsive thought loops. I am really just bringing this podcast down. No I I won't let you plug the very movie I'm in. We're not plugging that anymore. We're now plugging Lexipro Eric Andre, you are what I want to be when I grow up. You're just you're just I so love being around you. You're being super serious.. I just I've always loved you all the times you came on my show crashing through things. And you're just a force for good. So I'm super happy for you. I'm happy if you made this. I mean, and again There's not just the movie, there's also this album that just tickles me. Film scores for films that don't exist. You're such a hyper talented guy. and please come back and make even less sense next time. 'cause these are these are my favorite episodes. They really are. They good. Peace out T pop Eredits. Oh Gonon always says peeace out Tupac whenever he ends anything Hey this summer, if your group chat's thrown around, we should get away, consider Scotttsdale, Arizona. Yeah Sure it's warm. That's kind of the point, isn't it. 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Some restrictions may apply When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant You keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns With Granger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call one eight hundred Ganger, click ranger. com or just stop by Ranger for the ones who get it done Do guys want to do a review the reviewer? Well, I think the answer is yes. Okay G. Yeah. I always say yes, just as we planned it. Yes. This is where I go to Apple podcasts. I find a review for the podcast and we can talk about it. We'll review that tr. So. We have Katie Jordan Wolf title is Ghost of Christmas Hell five star review. If Conan had wanted my five stars so bad, he could have just called instead of haunting my dreams like the ghost of Christmas Hell Guys, I'm still reeling. can't get the ling image out of my head from a nightmare I had last night. I guess the spirit of Conan won't rest until I rate the damn podcast and Ghost of Christmas helped me in my horrific vision Conan was the villain of Terminator two Judgment Day