Professionalism and Personal Boundaries

Festival season is here And Apple Cache is an easy and secure way to split the bill Just send a request money right in your group chat in the M messages app. Once you're settled up. You can spend the money you receive anywhere, Apple Pay is accepted. Open your wallet app and set up Apple Cash todayay. Apple Cash services are provided by Green. Bank, meber FDIC. Enjoy the sunshine with sales on grill ready favorites from Whole Foods Market cookouts to sizzling newew heights, with their marinated salmon and Maid in house marinated beef and chicken. Entertertain with low price three hundred sixty five brand chips and dips, like hummus and guacamole, and sweeten every party with brown butter chocolate chip cookies. Remember to pack the cooler with probiotic sodas, sparkling waters, and more. Summer savings await you at Whole Foods Market Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco dot com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started Hey, Brook, Wlcome to Cono Briy's a fan. Hey, how's it going? Hey, Brooke, How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm doing all right. Where I don't see where you are in the world. Where are you? I'm in New York, currently in Queens. You're in Queens? Oh, terrific. And all I know about you, it says here and this is fascinating to me is that you are an Intimacy coordinator. Is that correct? Yeah That's correct. It's the best job in the world. Yeah. It is U, well, it's Okay Sona Sona, why don't you tell us? so excited. Literally Sona' the one that has thoughts about this. This is I mean, this job is endlessly fascinating to me. and I would think it's become more and more necessary as sex scenes, if you think about Back in the day, it was a It was a kiss and then the camera would drift over to an open window and some billowing curtains and then hand back over and people were smoking cigarettes and the covers are pulled up to their chins So obviously, as sex scenes become more graphic and realistic, You need people there to make sure that everything's copacatic. Is that correct? Yeah, I think the position came out of the Mu movement where all of a sudden The awareness of some of the abuses in Hollywood became very apparent And as a result, producers started being willing to pay for someone to be there both for guuaranteeing that actors can consent to what's being asked of them in a private setting with someone who's not in charge of hiring or firing them. Oh, right, right And then also exactly what you're saying, the artistic side of it, which is the fun part, is making the scenes more believable, authentic, compelling, absurd, whatever the need of that project is. Okay, I mean, I'm curious first of all, how did you become How does one become an intimacy coordinatate Yeah, well nowadays, there's schoolools you can go to. but I started back in twenty sixteen. I was an actor for a bunch of years and I tended to get cast in roles that involved intimacy or trauma and I realized that I'd taken years and years of study, I have my MFN performance and all of my teachers taught me how to get to the place of grief or fear or terror but not how to get back from it.. And I had a summer that I was doing three shows in a row, three theater shows Um where I like cried for four months, basically in every show. And I was like, I need a way to come back to who I am that's healthy.. So I started creating a warm down for actors and theatater started bringing me in to teach it And then I'm queer. I came out late in life. And when I came out, I realized right away, I wanted to tell queer stories because I hadn't come out earlier because I hadn't seen representation of bisexuality. Right. So I wanted to tell those stories, but I realized I had a straight lens.. And so I took a year and every day for a year, I read something or listened to a podcast or watched show or took a class all on queer sex of storytelling BDSM and Kink. And then theaters started bringing me into Stage that bondage scene And then one day a theater said, Hey B believe you are intimacy director again. And I was like, Dar Google, what is an intimacy director? And right about that time It was being named and people were paying for it. And I realized that this thing that I was doing that involved boundaries and consent, choreography and closure, which is the warm down section There was now a field And so I kind of had that, you know when people say that luck is when preparation meets opportunity opportunity Yeah. I mean, that was my journey and it was awesome. And then when the pandemic hit, I switched to film and TV, film first and then I got to do my first TV scene. onn june first, the first day of Pride on Harlem and it was a queer scene and that was pretty awesome and I was hooked. Oh, well good I mean, first of all, congratulations on I'm very happy when people find it takes a long time. sometometimes you know it can take all different amounts of time, It can take a very long time to find sort of You're calling You know, what you what you feel like you were put here to do. And it found it sounds like you It didn't happen overnight, but you found it and that's going to be incredibly rewarding. I have to say one thing is that I could see a lot of Charlat' getting into business and saying, yeah, I'm an intimacy coordinator, but they're not. Are there ways that you can say I'm licensed? Is there a license you can get? Is there any way that they can control it so that creeps like me don't become intimacy coordinators. That's what I'm saying. You're like, do it guys. Yeah, hey you guys, don't you do it? And I'll watch Conan, why are we doing this at a campground? Whu it This is my method. You know, This isn't even in. Yeah. Why are you taping this with an old super super eight camera So yeah, that's what I'm saying is you know we need to stop people like me from becoming NacC Corner. How are you doing that I'm really glad glad you brought it up because I am here specifically to stop you from doing. Oh, okay, all right, well, just try. There isn't any licensing. There are schools that offer certification or accreditation or a diploma, but really the marker in my opinion is SagAfter came out with guidelines for intimacy coordinators, which is a number of things you should be trained in. It adds up to a minimum, I think, of seventy five hours And then in order to be on the SG after registry, you have to have worked on a SG set for at least sixty days. So if a producer's really looking for someone who's suuper qualified Then That's one way to to tell. But I also think asking someone about their process is really useful because not every I see is greatreat for every project. R. And I'm a big believer that you need the right IC for your project What is I mean, I want to get into some of this because there's so much I don't understand, but me. U There are Are there devices or kinds of garments that people wear because you can't really have u people you know, touch touching each other certain parts, right? So what's What is the barrier to that? What is Be I've always heard that there are these things and you hear about it and you're like, I don't know what they're talking about Yeah. You're exactly right, it's called a barrier. Okay. And if it's a sag after film There can be no actual sex acts So a bara can look a number of ways. It could look like this. Oh yeah This is That is the least sexy thing of ever. So no went. Oh yes. and you're basically holding up what looks like a giant eye pad.s like ye. Yeah. I'm glad's I'm glad she has pro' a. Okay, o, okay. so what is that That's a very. You're correct that sometimes filming these scenes is the least sexy thing you'll ever do. This is a modesty garment with a barrier. It's made by Covier in New York And basically this is for someone with external genitalia. some might call that a penis. And basically You would put all everything in here and then you would Height and then it's taped to the top of like right below your belly button. and inside is a barrier And a barer is to reduce sensation and prevent the transmission of fluids. Okay, u A couple of things here. First of all, that thing seems huge. What do you do with all the extra room? Is that for Is that for cash and credit cards too? Absolutely. Cell phone. I'm just looking at that thin being like there's a lot of extra room You know, I don't know what kind of freaks you're working with But I keeping a book in there But Brook. Okay Fluids Yeah We have to talk about this. Is this something and I'm asking, if you're listening right now and there are children in the car, you know, what are you doing? But Do people get themselves in a state while they're acting where there could be various secretions Honestly, not very often, if at all. Okay If someone were to get aroused, for example, there are lots of things you can do to Let that go. Just think about do. That's what I do. Just think about nineteen seventy five Red Socks and it all goes away Noait no att com to active vengeance thinking about Dwight Evans. That's good looking man over there and ye right field. Yeah. Anyway, U So It doesn't happen that often is oh my God What is The thing that's depicted U in most sex scenes that you see that's the most inaccurate. You know what I mean? Something where you're Yeah. They always do this in scenes and it's not how it really works. Well, two things actually, I would say. one Um a like very fast orgasm where it's like we started touching and now we're all orgasming together at the same time. Yeah. But the other I would say is We often don't see the moment of Like insertion where you know, like All of a sudden, they're just having sex.. But in real life, it takes some effort for the penis to find a vagina, for example And you mean the actual moment of coordinating this part goes into this part and it takes a second, right? Yeah. And I think because we're not actually doing it, people forget that there needs to be that moment of reaction of like, oh, something new has happened. whether it's a breath or a slight shift Or something. Yes. Well first of all, thank you for getting the word out there that sometimes there can be some fumbling U U some Some confusion about what goes where you know it's no, hold on a second. Maybe one knows the hole, but it's dark. You're getting yelled at. You you know what I mean? You're getting yelled at. Yeah. What are you doing? I mean you've never got happen so many years and you didn't get better? That kind of thing Oftentimes you're trying to eat a sandwich with one hand. You know? because You didn't get a chance to eat after the podcast. I'm speaking very generally. Absolutely. 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AppleCash services are provided by Green. Bank, member FDIC Enjoy the sunshine with sales on grill ready favorites from Who Foods Market. Take cookouts to sizzling New heights with their marinated salmon and madeaid in house marinated beef and chicken. Entertertain with low price three hundred and sixty five brand chips and dips, like hummus and guacamole and sweeten every party with brown butter chocolate chip cookies. Remember to pack the cooler with probiotic sodas, sparkling waters, and more. Summer savings await you at Whole Foods Market Getting enough protein in the morning isn't easy. You want something that fits your routine and tastes good. That's where silk protein comes in. It's a new plant based protein milk with thirteen grams of complete plant protein Plus three grams of fiber and fifty percent less sugar than dairy milk Core glass blended into a smoothie, or added to your coffee for the road. Silak protein helps provide the nutrients you want more of with a great taste. Shop now for soak protein at a store near you So much of intimacy is about reaction. So if we don't have those moments of reaction, We lose it. and so much of us get our education from media, our sexual education. and So when we show these things that are impossible. and of course, we can traamatize things, but we're we're doing a disservice to folks. Well people now watch these things and they think, oh Uh, you know, it's easy to do it standing up in the kitchen Um, do you know what I mean And it's yeah, I'm telling you, it's not. It's not easy, Eespecially it's not bridges overgramed that I hold You know what I mean? And then you try to incorporate cake batter that's nearby. Well, because you see it, you think this would be a good idea and then you get yelled at again. I need to throw up Broe batter Come on I can't, I gott to go. Where are you going? You got to nowhere to go.. What do you use? Do you use drawings, charts? What do you do to try and instruct people when you're explaining how the sex scene should work kinds of things sometometimes I just use my words. like Sometimes I do use images U Sometimes I use action figures. I have action figures a Wait, what's happening there? I need to try and figure out what's happening So this gentleman on the bottom is laying down, enjoying himself. I't tell what the sex was of that person because it the leg is up One knee on the ground, one foot up and he's pleasuring this guy. And if we wanted to turn it into a threesome, right? we could just add her. Okay, she's underneath onto his It looks leg and she she's fisting. Oh she's fisting? Oh she's gonna fist to this guy. She she's pushing her f Okay, so All right, there's that is two males and one right? describe what's happening here? some people are just listening. They can't len. You've got to check out the video, by the way, and it's on YouTube. You've got to see it Uh, it's incredible Um, But yeah, this is a this this would be a kind of particularly difficult scene to just talk through. Yeah. I mean, try to try to explain that. That's a So I have's an drawing. It's that you don't know the stairs are turning into more stairs or turning into more. I mean, it's a very confusing. That's a Dali painting. There's a melting clock in the corner. So yeah Okay, I see what's happening That's not a situation that probably comes along every day You know No not that one specifically. Yeah, probably not. And what movie was that for? Is that? Toy Story five? What is that? Oh just you just got fired from it. fired. They're now editing me out of Toy Story five. As we speak. Don't worry, it's a one hundred million dollars fix at the last second. Pixar has the money So you have those Those figurines ready to go. I mean, it's not like you have to improvise with a GI Joe and a thor and an ironman, right So I have a whole kit of stuff I bring to set. I bet you do the barriers you saw, these guys. I use this for a barrier sometimes. what is that? That looks like a turt. This is just a squish meow, but sometimes if someone's having a rough day It's a little bit Hilarious if I just put this between the two people U because you can't have a bad day. when you've got a squishmallow near you So I think I'm aware that I'm not an actor every time a true actor every time I see a sex scene And I think I don't know how these people do this. You know, because there's seventy five people around them. Uh and I just can't imagine how they do it. orrgasm, you know, pretending to orgasm U it's just in you know, and then there's a sound guy, you know, two inches away from you who just had a liver worst sandwich and you know what I mean? Yeah or a chw tobacco and it's just insane Absolutely. I mean this is why we don't get aroused very often because there's all these people around, but you could do it if you wanted to, Conan, because it's actually so technical I worked with an actor recently on an orgasm and we choreographed it, we like voiceoggraphied it what the breaths were going to be, what the vocal sounds were going to be so that She didn't have to make any of it up. It was ready to go. Anyone can do it if they want to do it. Okay, but here's my question Um, do people ever Because sometimes they're drawing from personal experience. So when an actor is re teending to orgasm, they're really telling you often what they sound like or the sounds they make, which is very personal Right? Isn't that kind of strange? Has anyone ever revealed their sounds to you and you're like, Ohh boy. You know what I mean? Well, someone comes in That's why this position I'm just saying I'm gonna take this a little further. No. Let's say you were working with me and I was in a movie where it's required that I have sex, okay? And there's a scene and you say, okay, Conan, and I'll say, well, let me just freestyle the first one. Yeah. And we've got the little squishy between me and in you know, the actress U and squisha, squish, squisha. and I'm there and I'm going I just you heard me freestound I'm going Whitman, you know And you realize that Ohf, Jesus Christ. Those are the sounds Conan makes And then when he reaches his climax, he shouts the name of one of our great poets, Walt Whitman. I mean, I've just revealed to you And I think I just did right now everybody listening what my jam is. That's my jam I think that's one of the reasons that it's so important to have an intimacy coordinator because actors should not have to bring their personal experience to set. Brand got her job. I know. So you're saying you would prevent you would prevent me from using my true noises and My certain peccadillos in a scene. I would give you the opportunity to do something that the character would do rather than What you're say What if the character's name is Cronan O'rion And he's a tall Irish guy from Boston You know what? you go for it. Okay. Yeah U I just I think it's endlessly fascinating. And I bet you they're always coming up with new technology. They're going to keep coming up with new things like here's a spray. the guy can put on his penis that encases it in a inert goo U that will, you know, keep his penis from becoming around. You know, they'll come up with all kinds of crazy new stuff, you know? I know they will. I don't think they have. I want to spray Come on, scient. Hey, NASA, let's get on it That's what we need is NASA in the intimacy coordinator. I think we could make a partnership here. I'm just saying I I do think all Foolishness aside, which is a lot of foolishness aside, but It's really good that you're there doing this. and And it's stunning to me that it took so long for people to realize that You know, We need someone on set to make sure that The actor is taken care of and has an an advocate you know, in the moment And when you said, I mean, things that there should be so obvious, but canan't be talking to the director or the producer who can be who can have you fired. You need to be talking to you, Brooke. You're there telling them I'm on your side and let's make this work for you So that's that's huge. That's a great service you're providing Yeah, and I find that actors, if they're given all the information, They're ready to go for it Most often there's not an issue Often in the past, actors weren't given the information in advance and things weren't choreographed. So it was just like, go for it. And then you are bringing your personal experience because that's what you know. Yeah whereereas now we can say, oh, you've got a boundary about blank Great, let's talk through the story. Let's bring the director three other options that will work with your boundaries And