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It's why summer is one of the busiest stretches of the year for people starting therapy theerrapapy is here for all the moments when you decide you want more, more support, more clarity, more tools Gro connects you with thousands of high quality licensed therapists across the US, offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Gro. Gro accepts over one hundred twenty five insurance plans. Sessions average twenty one dollars with insurance and some pay as little as zero dollars depending on their plan Visit growththerraapy dot com slash ACast today to get started. That's growtherraapy dot com slash Acast Grtherraapy. com slash ACast Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plans Step into the next era of casino play at Borgatta Online, with new features and an improved player experience. The reimagined Borgotta Online is here, designed to make every spin smoother, faster, and more exciting. 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I'm in a really, really really reallyally not good. don't know why it's funny It's my favourite thing when you're in a really bad mood I've got a bone to pick with you actually. That's very interesting that you said that. Silence speaks volumes. And the silence speaks volumes. Why did you go quiet then? What do you mean? It's very interesting you say that Because my new hobby is gold leafing bones, real bones box Look at that. How much time do you have on your hands? What you mean your gold leafing bones? Do know do you know who else did that? Ed Dean, Ed Dean, you know that? Wh? Is it already been done? Should Irect Genis? I don't You're not a It's already been doneough was he was a murderer Oh go And he made well he he mostly are you googling who he is? He mostly dug up bodies he did dig up dead bodies and he made furniture out of their bones like that So his whole house was like dead b but he did kill a few people as well and you That' so funny. Your response is o no, someone's done this before. Yes, a murderer U just I'm just I'm just I'm just burying some bodies in the back garden, Rachel, you're not going to believe this. Have you ever heard of Fred West? Oh, you're joking? You are joking. I don't believe this. Oh dear That's mental. Why are you gold leafing bones? ect You know Bessy. Do you not think I' something. I've been on the phone to the doctor this Wh whooa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa, whoa. Oh no, I don't want to talk about that because that's have I I've ye yeah' I've got some actually actually quite serious issues. But anyway, let's brush over that and see how many gs we can get out before before we're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah ye it was mental health stuff, I don't need to tell you that. But anyway I am very busy And hence o me just let me just rewind a minute because a minute ago I thoughtll lo I'll log that in my brain that she said that and I'll go back to it. And what I logged was you saying I've been collecting bones. Yeah Let's let's unpack that Shall we? Can I just say that they're u chicken bones. Okay. I mean, it doesn't make it better, but okay. I shouldn't be eating chicken full stock because I'm a vegetarian, but when I do have a chicken I boil the carcass to make a broth And then I keep the and I've kept the bones for yearsars and yearsars and ears. It's like Linga McCartney, aren't I'm a vegetarian, I'm a vegetarian. but when I do have chicken and boil the carcass, well, I think you should at least make the most of it if you're making if you're going eat meat, you know, I use every last Chicken whichich I'm sure they appreciate. Yeah. Anyway, over the years, I've collected a whole tub of bones. And I've always thought I wonder what I should do with them Anyway I've started Yeah, I've started like gold leafing them. They actually look quite f. Okay And Okay, why are you doing that? Yeah, I don't know Anyway, my's the only one to pick with me? Well, but well, something happened but you did Yeah, yeah yeah. Yeah. and it's quite serious and it's quite serious H you have any idea what it might be? And let me just pull up the date because I've actually I actually wrote it down Dt do this. What is it? Yeah yeah. And I thought I'll bring this up at later. Oh anxious. What is it? Yeah yeah, let me tell you Let me tell you, I'm going to keep doing this Every time you do something no, no, get this. No, no, no, you're like this. I'm not going to mention it at the time. I'm going to hold on to it No potentially months or years later. I'm going keep no I am. I'm keeping a folder on my phone. I'm going to make little notes and then I'm going to bring it up Years later. pererhaps twenty, thirty years later go Hey and you'll go, Oh, how are you doing? I'll go, Not good Aually not good you go. what do you mean? I'll go I have a bone to pick, Madame And go, what And you're gold leaf in some fucking bones in your old people's home like psych in your padded cell in the mental person home. Don't give her the bones. Oh, Rach, the nurse comes over, donon't give her the take the bones away from her. takeake the take Rachel and you're eating the carcass. They go take the take the carcass offer, but anyway, I'll bring it up then I'll go. You may recall this incident. So there's an incident Okay, that happened on the twenty eighth of May so I've made a note of it there. And could you have you had any idea' so uncomfortable? Have you any any idea what it twenty eighth of May No Oh yeah So 'll just I'll just have to bring up the file Okay, see my laptop, so let's bring up the file.. It's not it's not What you're doing is It's like It's a little word called accountability Okay, so let's pull up the f orders Oh fuck man. Wait, wait. This is't so Listen, listen go on Yes. Yes is important because you need to you need to learn. Okay, so I've lost it. shit, I've lost it. Okay, so it was in an email, it was in an email, okay that we were both in And it was quite important Okay, It was quite important. You had an out of office reply. So bear in mind, we've got to sound quite sort of quite sort of business like c So here's what we said, here's what we said. Yeah. here's what So it's it so it's an em map. It's quite important Okay, and this is what you replied. So you've got and I'm going to tell you how what it's about Yes So a normal person's out of office is professional. You wrote this, it reads as follows. And you tell me if you can see the problem here. So it's an out of office reply and quite an important work email that we were both involved in. and your out of office reply says, hello I currently have limited access to my emails. For anything urgent, please email and then there's the names of both your agents there. Yeah. And underneath, why have you written this? Underneath it says, this is your out of office reply. It says, they're both really nice. Okay, that's not that's nots that that's not the issue. This is the issue and I can't quite believe I'm saying this Underneath that, it says Laura Love Chill. What are you doing L O R R A Laura Love S silla black. That's what you sound like Laura loveve. That's what you sound like But how do you think that's appropriate? Laura a work email, you've gone Laura L O R A. Laura Lve. It's an important workout. Can you imagine? Jesus me I saw that and I thought, this is the person I'm associated with And she's signing off an email Like a common chambermaid . This is how Listen this is how you sign off this is how my out of office reads. Dear sir, Madam. I am Unfortunately, ill undisposed and not of a disposite I am, unfortunately unable to attend to this matter with immediate effect Has one has one noticed The summer evenings are upon us Dandal has one noticed the light at this time of year I do hope you are well. I'm thinking you are No, no, this is how I wre this is my out of office. You've never put an out of office on in your life. Yeah ye, I have You are constantly in my thoughts I long I long to be with you. Y Y the war I pray for the war's end and if I do not make it back to England, Please remember, place a single rose upon my gace. Jesus Christ. P a single rose. Your sincerely the utmost respect Alistter Green, Esquire That's my out of office reply. Yours is Laura Love Chuck, What are you doing? What on earth are you doing? The impression that loes people is absolutely appalling Why have you gone to war Because men do what men have to do, Rachel. Do you think I wanted to go Do you think I wanted to go to war? But you get the call up for King and country and you you're damn right you're damn right I took that pledge and I would do it again tomorrow. You war I never wanted to I never wanted to go to war I never wanted that. I'm not a warrior, I'm a poet Stop. As it as it happens Get out listening? Listen Whennce, once I was ab part in the battlefield I did, I did I didith come into my own Hell I'm I' confused No no, you askking why I went to war. I'm telling you why I went to war. There's a very I didn't want Rachel, I did never want to go to war.ve I've got not want to go No did not want to go to war. I sim I'm a simple tradesman. I'm a blacksmith by trade I'm not a blacksmith. I own the blacksmiths I've got people working for me. You were a poet like three secondso. Yes. The poet blacksmith never heard of it The anvil doth shine in the morning light Worcestershire. Worcestershire is beautiful. I'm from Worcestershire. I'm a blacksmith poet and I'm at war. Do you think I want to be at war? I've got nice I've got a good thing going on I run a forge Wh I h No don't listen to me. I Do you know what I do Can I tell you because L the hoof stuff do I hoof sho shoes for horses, not shoes. Yeah, horsse shoes. I hope I hope shoes. that's what you called. If you knew if you knew the first fucking drink and this is what getakes me about you. If you bothered to learn the first king thing about blacksmithing You would know about one of the blacks amongst other things. so one thing is I batter swords with a big hammer Okay, to make them You know, whatever. And the other thing is right And and the other thing is I put hooves I put the the horsse's shoes on the hooves So what's Whenence the shoe whenence the shoe doth perish They come into the Shire, the parish And they go tw Yeah, yeah, the forge. they go Whereth Whereth the poet's blacksmith And low. I'm here And lo I present myself Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why drivers have enjoyed prorogressives name Y prrice tool for years now. With the N Your Price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So, whether you're picking out your first policy or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options Progressiveot comot find a rate that works for you with the Name Your prrice tool. Progressive casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, prrice and coverage match limited by state law. Everyone treats summer like it owes you happiness, L days, pool parties, your best life on a loop. So what does it mean when you feel worse? The summer blues are real It's why summer is one of the busiest stretches of the year for people starting therapy theerapy is here for all the moments when you decide you want more, more support, more clarity, more tools Gro connects you with thousands of high quality licensed therapists across the US, offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. The therapist you want takes your insurance on G. Gro accepts over one hundred twenty five insurance plans. Sessions average twenty one dollars with insurance and some pay as little as zero dollars depending on their plan Visit growthapy dot com slash ACast today to get started. That's growtherraapy dot com slash Acast growrtherraapy. com slash ACast Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plans Who's doing all the blacksmiths? Haloth you old? And I'd say Halo, sir Yeah, that is exactly why I did not want to go to war.' the last thing I wanted. I'm running a bus I'm running a business. I've got four people working for me. fourour apprentices are working for me and' trade. So are they young boys and girls? I don't know why he's making it out there some sort of Epstein situation? Is' entirely innocent? It What the adult men at war? Oh yeah, sorry Yeah, they are, they're children essentially. They're young children. And the good thing is you don't you didn't expect to wage in those days, you know Well now what I'm talking about now, this is happening now because I' obviously Well, I'm not remember if I'm at war now. But anyway, I did not want to go to war. And the point being, yeah, I apprenticed some young people from what I call young people from the village where I didn't pay them wage, but I said, you'll learn a trade. and I promise you, it's the same way nowadays people in the media expect young people to work for free and go, Yeah, you know, if you do this for free for a year, you know, you might you might end up being a runner, you know, So it's a very similar thing Well I went to them if you do if you listen If you do your apprenticeship for a year, you could well end up hoofing a A shoe and a horse. within Six months. but carefully. So I ye well, that's what I said. Yeah. but I know I mean, trust me, I've been in this game a very, very, very long time and I've seen people come and go But when it comes to shoeing a horse hoof There ain't no one better in this business. But basically they work for me so that I can work I need to work on my poetry. I can't be I can't it's honestly I've this is actually no slight to people blacksmiths if there's any blacksmiths listening to this, please Write in, don't think so somehow at gmail. com and let us know your experiences and if they mirror my own but this is no slight on any blacksmith and I don't mean this, but I had what I call a higher calling. and that was poetry So I became poet. and in many ways, the war informed a of my a lot of my poetryer went to be published to greater claim. I might add Okay. Your sincerely Alista Green. So that's my out of office anyway. So I mean some people go, does it have to be that long? Could you just say I'm not on my desk at the moment? And I go no, because that creates a very bad impression. if it was a potential employer. And if they see that That's actually I'm going to get a linked in and put that on it as well. because if if a potential employee see that they go, this is a guy OkayK this is a guy who means business. he owns a forge. He hoofs horses poet and he's also a warrior on the battlefield and I've actually got medals to show that by the way before you ask. No, you haven't. You sure about that?. You sure about that? Yeah. So if I showed you my medals now, what what would you say Go and get them can I Do you want to know why Do you want to know why? because they are currently displayed in the Victoria and Albert Museum And I've lived there on loan. So why don't you for once your life think before you speak? My medals are on loan as part of an exhibition at the Victoria Albert Museum entitled Heroes of Our Age What did you do to earn them? What heroic things? Well, that's I rescued several wounded soldiers from the battlefield and also fought and also there was a hundred There was a hundred as to be hed Oh well. let me fininish woman Let a man finish Hes to Betsy. I really I really have had it up to my b I' liming eyeballs with you today. really you you are trying You are try my patience today woman. So so what did I do? I had a hundred what is known in warfare as enemy combatants. attacking me and I was protecting two wounded soldiers. I have no idea why you're laughing at this. I to death and destruction It's no laughing matter and that's actually title of one of my poems. I' got back to that, but one of the better ones all better. They're all better. There's no fat. There's actually no fat in the poems. There's no bad. People say about my poetry, there's no bad poems. There's not a single bad poem. They go, How come every poem is so good? I got dinner Okay you're not as eloquent as Australia. I feel so unwell Yeah well think how I felt. So anyway there was a hundred Of enemy combatants attacking they What do you mean? one hundred? Like you'd be surrounded. One hundred. Yes,es I understand. I was surrounded. They surrounded me and I was with what? like bayonets and guns and Yes Why didn't they all just shoot you for a minute why they didn't shoot me. just use use your nooggin for once in your life. If there's anything up there in that head, use it and think Do I really have to spin it out? Do I have to spin it out Yeah Don't have to spell it out? Yes, please A little thing called mind control Oh. No That makes sense to me now. No, no, no. Cry on. Just think about this,e what I call the power of positive thinking. So they were surrounding me. a hundred soldiers surrounded me with guns and they went, donon't move, donon't move You know, and I went keep the hell away from these guys. They've got families. you and they looked at me and I went someome of you guys' got families and they're like we didn't think of that actually. And I go, you've got jobs to go back to. Do you want it? Do you want to lose your life today on this battlefield? So help me God, I will do you some serious damage suunshine And one of them dropped his g like he was shaking and like a bit I could see the piss coming down the bottom of his leg and a bit of me and a bit of which is another title of one of my poems. And a bit of me thought I felt bad, but I'm like, I've got to get out of this situation. And then I looked around me and all hundred of them were trembling. And they dropped their guns immediately and they said And they said to me We know with said I've never thought about it that way And I said, Well, maybe go why don't you go home and have a little think about it then and then get back to me? And I actually sat there and waited for them and one by one they came forward to me and this was quite weird this. they bathed my feet And I anointed I anointed them with the cross on my forehead and I They yeah, yeah, it's mad. And I said to them Thou have sinned But I forgive you. And then they They said, Are you Jesus? And I went and I went Y Yeah, I which And they went, Oh are you joking? Are you joking? I went, they know, I said to them, Well, as you all know, if you've follow me on Instagram stuff, a lot of people don't know when I'm joking And I go, Oh so this is a joke. I go, is it? And then I go, Is it real then? And I go, was reality. and they were like, and one of them jed when I said that, I thought that's because he mind. No, yeah, of course it does. His mind was so blown by it he cameave in his pants and I went and I looked down and said, is that appropriate? And he went, Oh, yeah, sorry. it's just like what you said to me on so much. I gave me my pants. and I went Look at your pants. He had his trousers on obviously. he wasn't wearing his pants, but you could see you could yeah, you can see the stain through the trousers. I said, whyy don't you go and wash yourself off and he said that's That's an excellent idea. He said, How am I going to hide it? I said I said I said I said, I might well be the Son of God, but I can't solve everything. And we' haveve had a chuckle at that. and anyway went on his way. I said, B up to you anyway, whatever you got up to, mate as long as it's not war. So anyway, that was Well it's m Well, that was one of the medals. I've got twelve. I've andm and I'm more than happy to go through them all. It quite a little long ItQite one of the longer podcasts today. Are you sure? Are you sure? I find what I find so fascinating is that you you managed to control a hundred men's minds Yeah with your own and yet You can't sometimes. Write an email because you get so anxious Well, that's why I gotten out of office. so kind of kind of covered that already. You' not thin againain, you're not thinking. you just sometimes I do wonder what I do wonder about you sometimes. I really do. I do I do sometimes I think I don't know what's going on with her sometimes because I've just been talking for a good fifteen minutes and establishing you about my out of email. I used to genuinely have an out of email that said I only reply to my emails once a week if it's important, there's just not you're just not going to be able to get it to me. You can whatsat me, but I might not answer that anyway. But I didn't write on it. I just said only reply to emails once a week on a Monday U so If it's important, you' can going have to leave it Sucking out And I might go back to that at the moment. I can't really, it's a bit annoying, but you know I do think there's a liberation in doing that, although most people obviously can't do that Yeah, I was working with someone who I was directing something that she wrote and she At the bottom of her email, it said I will not respond to any emails post four o'clock. Yeah, that's great. And I thought you arrogant and then I did you Initially And then I no that's great. Yeah, I'm gonna do that, I think. Yeah. I think I'm going set up one that says, ' realistically, I probably have to maybe I don't have to check them every day, but I might set up one that goes, I check my emails. You know, what you call those things that it's not an out of office, the thing that you have at the bottom of your email? sort of Is that what it's called I don't know, it feels a bit Now I've said it out loud I'm like, do I want that sort of come as that No that's sort of sign off like that's important need this at the bottom. You know what I mean? But I might do just to st people's expectations and go I check my emails once a day at nine AM. And then I don't check them for the rest of the day So if it's it will have to wait. There's, you know, maybe you also have to say, donon't ring me. I won't I don't answer the phone. I don't like being in WhatsApp groups. If you try and put me in one I will exit it. I don't want it's the's mental strain of like I don't want this. justust leave me I don't like now that WhatsA groups get started for jobs? Oh it's they dontly unnecessary. And you can't put an out of office on No. I think it's really rude. It's so rude. Yeah, yeah, it's so rude. And it's also really unnecessary. And one thing I think that's happened in the last s a few years is The implication that you're not going to do it unless you get these constant messages. You're like, Yeah, if you fuck off You will get the work done. If you email me or whatsApp me every other day, it's won't get done. Yeah, because you're just making me so anxious. Yeah, you're making me anxious and you're also making me angry and if I see you, I' fucking smack you But I would I would love that as an out of office I would love it. It leavave me the h h Hi if if I haven't replied to your email and you this is my out of office. If I haven't replied to my email and you send me a follow up email punch you when I see you I will spit at you Your sincerely. I'd rather be punched Yeah, I think I don't like spitting thing. No, it's like a hygiene thing, right? I don't like it at all. Yeah. would do you mean this spitting thing? like it's a like Yeah, I supp it might I have seen people do that in like It's sometimes fuckking disrespect. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Or yeah, my algorithm sometimes shows me fights. or watch's a lot my street brawls and stuff. I really bragged about my algorithm a couple of episodes ago and did you Yeah. Yeah, about it being all nice with dogs and stuff and it's It's toxic again now. Oh is it? What's it got on it? You only need to fuck up once. Oh it's it's just yeah, loads of fights Brawls Yeah like yeah, abuse. Yeah. Yeah. that one that one wasn't actually that abusive. Yeah. I need my dopamine hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to keep going till I find something that makes me really angry. Yeah really raises my cortisol. Yeah and really puts me on medication for blood pressure Yeah, I get a lot of that stuff now, yeah. It's awful So anyway, what war was it you were fighting? I'm sorry we're done with that I remember What are you talking about Imagine did that really really gaslate you Yeah. We've just been talking about we're talking about algorithms for twenty minutes. Well war? What do you mean war It doesn't matter. The actual war in question doesn't matter. When you put it this way, a need to no basis, a need to no basis. You're not, you know, you you hopefully fingers cross you won't have to You won't have to see the things I've seen. Let's put it that way. And it was it's not pretty No, I don't want to I don't think I'd be great in a war No, I don't think you would actually. No. I like to have clean hands Gee We should have listened to my podcast before we started this because Yeah I do think Istand them. No. and I did listen to one once and I thought this isn't very good But it was very successful one And I thought, I just can't don't know how to talk like this. You know, like sort of about like I don't want to have banter. I am paranoid about that with this podcast, I'm like I cannot if I ever sort of end up a position where I'm making like a banter podcast of like what I just you know, like Just fucking two people just having to laugh. I'd like you know, I think we could manage to you know caveat that with frequent references to suicide, murder, drugs, mental collapse and stuff like that. Like in my head, I'm like, yeah, I can justify it on those grounds because that's the constant battle really justifying things to yourself and thinking donon't know how comfortable I am You know what I mean? Well, we're never comfortable Yeah mean yeah, that's true. So Last week, if you remember we did the spec Svers to try to spec savers. if you remember the and when well was we was practicing an ad for spec saavers. Oh yeah don you remember when we were Sc savers come to come to spec saavers U whatever it was, come to spectators So unfortunately and it is with great regret I have to tell you that Spepect savers have not been forthcoming. They have not contacted us or anyone associated with this podcast in any way to take up the offer. So I shall simply say this You have made an enemy of us