Final Thoughts and Upcoming Shows

Hello everyone! Following our success in the London Marathon, it wasn't long before Dave and I were asked to share our knowledge and experience with the elites of the distance running fraternity. Legs still aching from our efforts, we boarded a plane bound for ETEN, Kenya's home of champions, to speak at the high-altitude training camp. where we would address the marathon runners of tomorrow. It took a while for Dave to adjust to life in Kenya, and after discovering that cat was legal, he didn't sleep for two days and was found attempting to seduce a barrel of cooking oil. John took a more strategic approach by bathing in factor 50 sun cream and learning basic local phrases, such as What do you mean there's no premier in? What's the nearest thing you've got to a premier in? And Paula Radcliffe is a close personal friend. The big day came and 50 of the world's most promising runners sat expectantly in one of the conference suites as our host, renowned coach, Claudio Beradelli, took to the microphone. Please welcome from Stockport in a Bristol, UK, Dave Masterman and John Robbins. They have come fresh from the London Marathon to share with your tips to improve your running. So the Kenyan accent. Dave began. Cheers Claudio. I like to start talking about marginal gains. Claudio told me you only get teste every four months, but Mandy only stays in your system for five days. So after you test, grab some equis and they'll help you chill out. And if they do a sweat test. My mate Gibbo does this thing whereas if he's got a tag on, he gets pig skin from the butchers and if you put it under the sensor, it can't detect it. Smells rank after a few days, but then he just gets some more out of the freezer. Claudio's brow furrowed. Hand went up. What if you're not wearing a tag? Dave looked panic. I've not thought about that to be fair. Let me text Gibble, but I think he's at Cleanfield, so he might not have a signal. Claudia moved on. John, how did you maintain your competitive edge? Great question, Claudio. I knew my pace had slackened when I was overtaken by a man dressed as a microphone. Many of you here will be familiar with a run-walk strategy, also known as Jeffing, but once I'd been passed by both a foam bottle of Radox and an inflatable Tyrannosaurus rest. I had to improvise. And so, I'm delighted to unveil a new technique previously untested in the world of elite distance running, joning. Or the walk-walk technique. Simply walk 100 meters, then walk 100 meters, and rotate until you get to the final 400 meters, when you will have enough energy to break into a pained jog. The silence spoke volumes. They were aghast, and judging by the speed of their exit, eager to put our methods into practice. In the return taxi ride, Claudio graciously answered our questions. Me, can you get us any free new balance stuff? Dave, do they scan hold luggage at the airport? And though I left balanceless and Dave was taken into a side room for an interview at departures, we made our flight and celebrated a job well done. Do you know what? I think I I predict a bright future for you two in coaching, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Has you been there at the sharp end? Big time. You've run with the elites. And now I get to put on weight, sit in a tracksuit, and smoke fags. Yes. And I think we'd sitting in a deck chair just shaking through a big low tailor. I think we bounce off each other well. Big time. Yeah, like John Gritty realism. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big time. And I'll be the the guy that is probably a little bit too optimistic and actually hopes too too high. But you need a bit of that. I have I I can I can really see it. You be the sort of man management, John would be the science. Yeah. do in the science. I think I would also take charge of mental attitude and grit. Yes. Okay. Dave would take charge of team building exercises and weekend getaways. Yes. Inflatable sessions, center parks. Yeah. Absolutely. Well well congratulations. Obviously we had a big Maliphon debrief in uh Friday's episode, last Friday. We can announce we're going again for next year, aren't we, John? No. Thank you. Right. From Ben and Cardiff. Yes, I've seen this. I've can I can I Can I Offer some context first. Yes, you may okay. I don't do culprits. Yeah, because you two fingers to the man. And I'm bad at them. Yeah. And I spoil people's days. Yeah, it's because Johnny Rotten was actually just really bad at cords. Yeah. I I spoil people's days. Yeah. So I've decided to not do them. Why I don't do stand up at weddings. I did it once. I I ruined a couple's day. and I and then I retired from the stand up at the wedding scene. But I did get asked to do one for Admiral. Massive. The only Welsh company in the for two one hundred, huge company, big employer. And uh I think the Simon listens to the show and they said you don't have to do any stand up L, you just need to we just we'd love you to come and reconnect, right? I was like, okay, I can do that 50% of the time. That I can. Four percent. Anyway. So I They it was a big staff general meeting and it's casual and usually you would wear a suit. they said, no, no, it's funny as casual, but I thought, well, I'm gonna have to smart up a bit. So I wanted to buy you one of those tops like football pundits have, where is like a long sleeve button up polo shirt, right? Now there's a place in central London that does good ones. We were recording and my train was at quarter to seven. Okay, now the shop shut at six and we'd over recorded. So we'd run long. So I got to the shop at quarter to six. So I've got fifteen minutes to buy my top for the corporate event, right? So I went in, the staff were very, very helpful. I had all my stuff, I had all my clothing options and my suitcase and my suit and all the kind of stuff, right? So what kind of top are you going for? Uh sort of it It's a cardigan day. No, no, it's I'm like it's Monday night football. Oh, I know exactly what you're wearing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Donny Murphy. It's a long sleeve polo. It's a long sleeve cotton polo shit. Yeah. So anyway, the stuff was very helpful and said that it suited me, which was good for my confidence. I left. But they said Yeah, but they would they did it in a way that I believed. Anyway, right, so I've got all my stuff. I said thank you very much. So I leave the shop. The shop is closing at six six o'clock. I run to Piccadilly to get the train up to Party Town. I thought to myself, hmm, I just don't feel like I've got all of my stuff. Forgot my suit at the shop. So I went You bought something and left it in the shop. No, I had the thing I'd bought, I'd forgotten my suit. I thought you weren't wearing a suit. I was gonna wear the suit jacket over the top of it in case. But I also I I was gonna take options 'cause I'd 'cause when they say sometimes they say it's casual and it's not casual. And then you feel like a goon, right? Yeah. So I forgot my suit. So I ran back to the shop. The shop shop is now closed. And they'd put a sign up and it said to the gentleman who's just forgotten his suit. We've left it at the reception of a nearby restaurant. Oh that's nice. I should run to the restaurant and say, Hello, I'm the idiot who forgot his suit. So I got the I got my. Very nice. They knew how stressed I was. So I ran to Pangton and I made the train about thirty seconds to spare, okay? Bingo wallop done. I thought that's all of the stress gone for today. Anyway, get to Cardiff. Uh, I was staying in a hotel night before. Uh, so I'd writ a little script, so I was writing I I was going through the script, I was a bit nervous. I was reading the briefing of the thing, feeling a bit nervous. Around midnight, I thought I've got to get up and sound, I'll go to bed, and I realise that the window was open. I thought I can't see for the window open. So I could just jump out. No, I got to close it. I can't close it, right? I'm using all my Group force and it will not close. So I st I thought this this isn't right. So I've I'm having a look at the window. And I'm trying to force it again and I'm both hands, right? And I can't close this window. And I thought I'm not calling reception to say, can you? Close my window for me. I'm forty-five. Yeah. I actually thought, what would John do? He's solution oriented. So I had a look at the catch. I realise that if you touch the cat, maybe but by quarter of an inch, the window would close by a quarter of an inch, but then if you let go of it Yeah, yeah. Close again. Oh, you would open again. So I thought, all right, how am I gonna approach this? It's now about ten past twelve at night, I've got to get up at seven. I thought I know what I'll do. I'll flick both catches really fast. I'll close the window really quickly. So I flick and pull and I pulled the window closed on my phone. I was about to say it's a risky move. I'd amputated my thumb. Oh I'm on the fifth floor. Above Milane, which is the street in Cardiff, all the bars are. And I was like, My thumb's in Milan now. It's gonna be five floors down and it's gonna be in a puddle. So I'm like, hey! Yeah. Hey. Right? Now. I looked at my thumb, it was still a touch to my body. Which was great. Good news. Still a touch to my hand. But I'm now bleeding on the bed. Yeah Oh I bled on my suit and I Funny you should say that, right? So I'm Danny's in bed next to him. This is gonna be on the front pages, Dave. You thought this was just quite a boring anecdote about someone forgetting suit. This is Slice. With half a thumb. So I punched my thumb up. And I'm got a plus and I'm too bad to call reception. Yeah. got the the nasal strips like Robbie Fowler's got 'cause there's something from snoring and I've got them from when I'd gone away with his Z, right? So I've got some toilet paper and I I attach that to them with a nasal strip, right, to create a sort of bandage. Yeah, that's good. I don't mind that actually. Yeah. I mean I would have called reception. At the first instant when I couldn't close the window. Anyway, and that It came back to haunt me, right? So anyway. So I'm like, okay, better get to sleep. Throbbing. Yeah, it will. So like half past one in the morning, I thought, oh, not not I would have liked to sleep more. Yeah. But you know. It it's fine. I thought you've done loads of stuff tired. This you can handle a What is it? Five hours kip? That's fine. Doctor Theatre kicks in. Doctor Theatre. And you know, you you do things that all the time, don't worry about it. So I thought I'm not gonna look at my watch 'cause it'll freak me out. Got up a a wee, looked at my watch and it was four fifty six A. M. You hadn't been asleep. Been asleep. You did this twice. In the last six months. You've had three nights with no sleep. Yeah. That's unusual. Uh on the train back from Well that was because of all the bumps. Yeah, but still a night with no sleep. I slept like a baby on that train. Oh no, I didn't like it. Uh and th then there was the just the one weird night that happens to be once you had dopamine came at once. And then Thumbgate. And now Thumbgate. Yeah, it's no wonder. Where'd you get your top Anyway. Um So I got up and I did. So I thought at seven a.m. I thought fine, just just if what's done is done. Yeah. So I go to the corporate, which is at the CA the Cardiff International Arena, the Utilitar Arena. Turn up my bandage. I was thinking to myself, when I was having a wee at four fifty six, I thought this doesn't happen to Rob Bright. Brayden is a corporate animal. It happens to well in partridge. That was good through my head. Trod on a spite. And I'm thinking to myself, some of these people have come from Stoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought this doesn't happen to Bry Bryden he I don't know what he says but he does a couple of songs, whatever it is he does, but he'll turn up in his suit There'll be no blood on his suit. There'll be no blood on his towels and his thumb will be bandageless. Well you know what Bryden's doing. He's calling reception. Yeah. Yeah, he probably is. Bride and calls reception. Yeah. But I was too embarrassed. Anyway. So that's all I've got to do is come reconnect. I'm slept for 56. Oh my God. So I walk on. Uh um You know, obviously lots of people didn't know who I was and lots of people didn't listen to the show. So when I said I'll come make sure. Well, there. You got your fun packs? But 80 people went, yay. So what time was the corporate? Uh you do two. It's Admiral is such a big company. They do one in Swansea the day before. But is it daytime? Day time that was ten and two o'clock. Okay. Okay. In f there was eight thousand punters or something tough. I'm like I do a thing where I'm from I'm from come on, I'm sure I know I You know well. Yeah, well like uh let's get a volunteer I'll connect with you. Anyway. Try to connect with them. Chloe from Newport, who listens to the show. Really like Chloe. She was very, very funny. I didn't get it. Um And then you just look like you're a magician with a really Well, I was about to say, are they introducing you on as comedian Alice James who as part of this fun will do a bit of a cumri connection. Or are you literally going on come reconnect like a magician would do a trick. Yeah but I I did I did talk initi Yeah, I was I was a bit more I was introduced and I talked for a couple of minutes before before doing my book trick anyway so we got this email. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. There I was, expecting another blonde day in the world of insurance, when who should be hosting our yearly staff general meeting, but none other than Carmarthen's main export, Alice James. I'm not sure how much Alice can discuss this, as he may have added a clause into his contract to not mention the company, so he could potentially take the insurance market by storm. Two things I just wanted to mention. This is the ninth stuff general meeting I've attended, and this is the first ever where the F word's been yesterday. Failed to connect my head when. I was very literally rule number one. Well no, rule number one, don't trap your thumb in them. Yeah, Oh there won't be a rebooking. No God no that's fine. I'm not a corporate beast. There was a live attempt at a comedy connection, despite Alice not achieving the connection with twenty five year old Chloe, Alice did notice the young age and asked, What do your parents do? Advice given to him on a recent show so the man is learning. Thanks for making this year's annual meeting about insurance slightly less dull. Love to all Ben in Cardin. And by the F word, it doesn't mean fully comp. No, no, no. But still it was a ri it was I met some very nice people and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But the words general meeting But they're gonna vote him out. Well it just sounds quite It sounds quite boring. But you then then you've got comedians there and stuff. Which sounds like sparse. The comedians there's a DJ and it's it's funny things. It's very laid back. And then they stop protesting the proposed merger. This has left the stage, the placards come out. No, but it's um I'd never I'd never attended an event like it. Most corporates have very stayed and stuffing this wasn't like that at all. No, because the host was swear and bleeding. But the most corporate events are on the side of no swearing. You bought an edge to it, it seems. Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. The people who From other way worked with it very, very nice to me. So it's very nice to meet. Did did it work? Did the cum reconnect not as in did you get the connection, but did it go down all right? It's fine. It was fine. It was fine. Yeah, you might get a call back. Well I don't. I sho I shouldn't have I shouldn't have F and Jeff'd. What can you say? You don't got any kids in there, have you? No no no they don't have children working in call centers, Dave. It's eighteen fifty. So you're fine. No, no. But it was fine. But yeah, I just um I would have liked to have slept more and I would have liked to have had an a non-throbbing thumb. Yeah, of course. Of course. Well, shall we put Ellis's uh skills to the test? Yeah, we should actually. How's your thumb now? Uh every now and then I'll touch it. It'll be very sore. But it's um it's fine. It's still there. It's still there, thank God. Well, after his go at come reconnecting in the corporate world, can it would be so funny if you had Yeah, not hilarious. I would have laughed. I would have loved to have seen the um in-house footage for internal use only. When I closed that window for a split second, I thought, you've gone you've really done it this time. It's bad. Uh, after his go come reconnecting the corporate world, can Ellis make a successful return to grassroots? Yeah. Can he go back to where it all began? Can he connect with his fellow non-corporate Welsh people? It's time to find out. It's time for the Cumry Connection. It's another cum reconnection, and it sings his tactics are shear perfection, but his questions have one direction Where did you go to school? Ellis' reticence to go down University Alley last week meant he failed to connect with caller Eric. Martin Johns was staring at him in the face, but a failure to take the university route ultimately led to a failed attempt. That result put Ellis on 40 connections out of 84, a connection rate of 47.62%. It seems the elusive 50% mark will continue to be just that a dream. Let's see what Ellis can do today. We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name, caller? Christian. Christian, welcome. Ellis, you have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with our caller. Your time starts now. Agent School. Forty nine, the sculpt of inconvenient books. Sandrus, do you know uh Mark from a Kirf? No. Okay. What do you do for a living? I work for Angle City Council. Yeah, okay. You don't happen to know Gary Pritchard, do you? Yes. Whoa whoa. This guy doesn't need thumbs. Who's got one thumb and is good at come reconnecting? This guy. Talk about the Pritchmeister General. Top guy guy. I see him at um Wales football matches. He's been going since nineteen ninety six. He's been everywhere. He's been going. What he's born. No, to Wales since nineteen ninety six. And I know his son Evan as well. How do you know uh Gary Christian? Uh to work. He's a councillor, isn't he? In Angus. On Angus. Yes. Yeah, and so you're from Flandrus, but you don't know Mark Baker? I know of him. Uh don't know him personally. Interest well, but I suppose you're a bit younger than him, aren't you? Fan Roosevelt's a small scene. I've never heard it before. Well, you're not even giving that Mark Chap a surname and this and Mark from a c it's Mark from Catarnia. Oh right. Mark Roberts, but I would 'cause 'cause the but he was in a bone called the Curve First. Oh right. The bodies um Uh who formed in Slund Rust, but they are Slundrust's greatest musical expert. Do you know Brian May from nineteen eighty four? Okay. Yes, it is it is like that, actually. Um Christian, do you know any other connections? Well yeah, that wasn't a connection that I was uh thinking of. So do you know do you know the the people Gary goes to Wales games with? 'Cause I know a lot of them, like the Boar brothers and Dot Lin and Doynwen and people like that. No, no, but you're on the right track in terms of people that we would know proof of So who so if you're forty nine, so you're not much older than me, but you're from Sandreuse. So who who's it the who are you thinking of? Oh you you're in the wrong location. You need to go further north and to the west. For the what? An and it's money? Okay. You got your map, Pellet. I have got my map. You've got your bath it. But you didn't need it in fairness. No, I'm looking at I'm looking I mean deep into the Oh not Tristan it was um Do you know Tristan or Win? I'm just that no one's his boss. You're his boss? This is huge. What's Tristan like as member of staff? Fantastic. He's a top guy. I've been going to Wears Games for years and years. He yeah he he speaks very highly of you as well. Yes. And I may or may not have seen some WhatsApp videos, but you know, we'll leave it at that. What WhatsApp videos have you seen Christian? Can't leave it at that. Well, they might been snoring in Lispens. Oh yeah. We have a carousel to populate on Instagram. If you could send them H D on WhatsApp to the producer who contacted you. You will be a part of the Ellison Johns cinematic universe. Yeah. No, thank you, Christian. Neither would just stone either, because he's a good man. Yeah, but he that but Yeah, but that's different. Christian is Tristan's boss. So he has to do what I said. Yeah, absolutely. And I can't affect I can't afford to offend Tristan. No. So just I'm trying to think if there's anyone else from From and it's Do you know to when? Uh no, not personally. No of him. Any more from yourself, Christian? No, it was the it was the home banker to you know what's weird though, because he's from Clunkeny, we've had a couple of who knew of him but didn't know him. So I'm sort of I it's it's finally good to tick Tristan off because he's been um he's been bubbling there or thereabouts for a very long time. But anyway, nice nice to you, Christine. Thank you very much for your call, Christian. Toma. Funnily enough, I went to see Big Thief last week at the Brixton Academy. And someone walked past me wearing an Asian school t-sh from our predator range. And I tapped him on the shoulder and I pointed at his t shirt. And he kind of just went, Oh, all right. And then walked on. I don't think he recognized me. Oh really? Or maybe he was wearing a cap. Or maybe he bought it from a charity shop and he's a predator. But it was nice to see an Asian school t shirt out in the wild. You don't see them very often. You don't see them very often. No. Now we have dropped in here if there is any more anecdotal in between the two features. I do have an anecdote, Dave, but it's risky. Okay. What does this mean for us all? This is exciting. Well, I don't know how to this anecdote. I got a few questions before you do then. Yeah. Is it legal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Do you regret it as much as I do it uh as much as I regret swearing at Admiral Staff General Meeting? I don't regret I I've done nothing wrong, I don't think. Okay, I did I shouldn't have sworn at Admiral Staff General Meeting. It was bad. Are you wanted by the No I'm not wanted by the police. Okay and I'm not prejudicing anyone. Okay. Uh okay. So you know, Ellis, I okay, the way I'm gonna couch this is I know that some people listen to this podcast with young ears. Oh nice, okay. So you might want to. You might want to review The anecdote before You might want to hit pause here. Take it away in your own time. Okay. And uh come back to it. So you know, um Ellis is not about you. You know, Ellis is now our sort of our our staff vigilante. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. So Bizarre, I had an adjacent experience. You were speeding into it No. Um I became something of a justice of the peace. Great. In my local area. Please say you performed a citizen's arrest. That would make you laugh so much. Uh A verbal citizen's arrest. So I was walking to the station. Near where I live. And on the way to the station is a small sliver of woodland. Right. But it's It's like footpath. It there's always people there. There's like a scout hut on one road, there's a main road on the other. So it's not like Beyond at all. Right. It's just a small park run goes through it. Teenagers doing balloons. That kind of stuff. Yeah. So I I'm walking through and I just thought, you know what? I I always go on this Path. I'll just go on the other one. Um And I saw some Some like bags and people's bags just abandoned. I thought oh that's So weird. And I thought, you know what, it's great that I live in an area where people can abandon their bags. I love that. Because people don't nick Amazon packages from the front door. This is great. I'm just in a place where it's all like, you know, doors are always open, locks are made of paper, that sort of thing. Because we've got poach thieves on our street. Big issue. Uh and then I walk on a little bit further. And I it's one fifteen in the afternoon, a bright sunny day. And I see a involved in an act of tenderness. In flagrant. Yeah. Um Uh I 115 in the afternoon, weekday. The sexiest of the days So I thought My first reaction was Mm. Well done. You arrested a bunking couple. Naked. Not naked. No, it was it wasn't the the main act of tenderness. It was one of the close allies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the adjuncts. Yeah. Oh, just kissing. Kissing on the case. Yeah. And Then I got annoyed. You are They were shaking hands. No. I got annoyed. Firstly, because it was in a public, very public place with where like scouts and guides come and play. Secondly, I got annoyed because the guy was wearing over-air headphones. Ha ha ha So because you wanted them or No, because I thought that was and disrespectful and just made me feel sick to my stomach about m young men. What would you have said if you was listening to this podcast? Um Now's not the time. But do subscribe. But do yeah, you know. To enter the Ellison Johnson Cinematic universe. Google it. Um so I I interrupted them. Did you? I bet you gave me right a fright. Well Uh no, I shoute Really? Like not living. Could this be any more inappropriate? I shouted, Really? Could I be any more offended? You could at least take your effing headphones off, mate. What an odd thing to focus on. It's so weird. If I if I If I was involved if I was involved in what the coup were involved with. Yeah. And a man remonstrated with me for having my headphones on. It would be Why would you be wearing headphones? I wouldn't be. Well exactly. But I if I am. If I maybe over stimulation you know scares him. Maybe he's listening to a meditation podcast. No, I th I've got a feeling it's a weird like Yeah, and there's a celebrity who I won't name who go has a very bad reputation for. Tillman. Can't be clearer, it's not. It's not henman. Um When they were shouting Come on, Tim, they meant something else. There is a A celebrity I won't name, who is has got a very poor reputation for the way he treats the women he's intimate with in his life and sometimes wears over air headphones during Congress. Right. Anyway. Text me. I shout it. I shoute, really? at least take your thing headphones off, mate. And he wouldn't have heard that. No, he did hear that 'cause I was about ten yards from him. And um he scurried away. pulled up his pants. And I stomped off to the train station. What did what did he or she do? Uh I think very confused. Yeah. Um And then I got that weird adrenaline of like, am I the bad guy? Yes. Have I done have I and I'm sort of a bit shaky like I got that when I told the guy off of speeding. Yeah. And it's like it's It's like your chest is full of hot hugs. Because I'd it's one of the very rare moments I'd said what was in my head to a stranger. Yeah. But I think it is fair. And there were people like walking their dogs and around. It's one it's not like I'd been on a long run into the middle of the woods. No. And You're not you're not you're not on the South Downs. No, in that situation I would have been embarrassed because, you know, okay. Love is gonna love. And the countryside is the countryside. It's for all people enjoy. Being that close to a to a mole hill can make you marmorous. But they were two hundred yards from a Tesco Express. Yeah. And that's the issue. Yeah. You could you could probably hear people tapping their oyster cards from vantage point. But they know what they're doing and they're probably They they like it. Well I think. But he didn't seem to like it when I shoute really at him like Chandler Bing. Maybe just like friends. Um so yeah, uh have a go, hero. Just protecting the decent You had a go. protecting the decency of bucks. Well done. Thank you. But yeah, well what would you have done in that situation? Oh he totally ignored it. Really? Yeah, yeah. I think I would have. You did the right thing. Also, when I get angry, I sound like a Westvalian. teacher from the nineteen seventies. But that's a good tone for that sort of thing. It is in West Wales in the seventies. Like if you're teaching in Armandford. Yeah, but if you've been like You do want to- Exactly, that's perfect. Hold on, interest. Don't know. I mean I would say Early twenties. Yeah the most amorous of age is I can't tell how old anyone is anymore. Yeah, neither can I. Yeah. Once you're over the age of eighteen, you could be eighteen or seventy. Sort of it's just whatever. Yeah. Everyone looks the same. Yeah. I'd have probably thought if you honestly look eighteen. Yeah. Thanks, Mate. I appreciate that. But like that's but that that's bad for me. I'm trying to describe you to the police. Um obviously quite sore from a marathon age? Eighteen? Yeah. Well well well done. You did the right thing. I think so. I think so. The headphones It's an interesting take for that to be the thing that you went in with on the kids over there, there's a scot over there. I was I think I was sort of trying to be slightly light hearted about it. That's good. Um But yeah. I just I'm imagining him telling his mate, yeah, me and Wendy. popular name amongst young people, isn't it? Me and Carol We're in the woods. Doing that. And then uh bloke and a big thief t shirt come between told me to take off my headphones and I ran away. No he didn't he just No he didn't take off my headphones 'cause he thought it was disrespectful. It's it is quite weird. Because when they would have regrouped, that's what they would have said. They'd have either said, Did you ask me to send my headphones off? And when do you say he did, actually. Well no, it 'cause there was maybe he works for another company. I got, for want of a better phrase, two bites at the cherry. Because I went, Really? Yeah. Okay. Q embarrassment, scurrying, clothes being Then. At least you could take your bloody headphones off, mate. Yeah. You know, for a final little jab. Comic book yeah. But anyway, there you go. So Yeah but be interested on people's thoughts if they've ever been in similar situations. You can as in not Yeah, as in an onlooker, but uh An accidental one look. Not a Have you ever stumbled across acts of intimacy? How did you react? Have you done it in headphones before? Have you done it in headphones before. So what's the music? They would be very difficult emails to read out to have you ever stumbled upon an active intimacy. We'll have to be in the triple X Ellison John cinematic universe. Yes. We'll do a dirty patriot. Because maybe if If Wendy also had headphones on did not. Did not maybe they're both listening to the same podcast. Maybe they're both listening to a made up game. Or the same sexy music that gets them in the mood that they would usually in the same time. Yeah, but but no. No, that wasn't the case. Oh. So there you go, let's play a made up Blummin game. Made up game time! After one hell of a run for the previous jingle. uh which was the um oh what was the name the men of the many men sound system thank you producer michael uh was fantastic we have a new jingle from dan in Norwich hi to the kings of content I've attached a new made up game stong Stoned. I'm flustered. John's fluster me. I've I've attacked. He's turned me on. Oh, good grief. Let's all go on separate holidays for a week. Tenerife, Dublin, I don't know, the Cape of Good Hope. Would in ears have been different for you? Well, I probably wouldn't have seen them. No. From that distance. Okay. I've attached a new made up games song in the style of an old Irish drinking song. I hope you enjoy. Love the show. Dan Norwich. Hit it. Go into battle on a Tuesday every week One is victorious, the other takes defeat. Some games are easy, some games are hard. It's a point glass really bigger than a credit. Let's play another, let's play a made up game. Made up, Made of Kames. Let's play another with John Robbins and Alice James Make up Let's play another with John Robbins and Alice James. Lovely. Reminded me a bit of the water boys. Waterboys are in there. Yes, I enjoyed this. I am Clute. If you know that band from the book. Might know that band. Reminded me of Barry Glen Denning. Did it? Okay. Yeah. Lovely. Brilliant stuff. I love music. Do check out Fisherman's Blues. That's a super. Herb album. Okay, well, in which case listen to Proof by Ion Clute. Fantastic song. Uh scores on the doors. Ellis has kicked off the third set with intent. Roundly thrashing John in last week's game Historical Celebrity Cemetery. So it's currently 15 Love in the first game of the third set. John is leading two sets to love, but is the comeback on? Bit of faith, man. Science, isn't it? Well I I said no because it's extremely evidence based. No, but then there will be no sporting comebacks. This is a big one. This is Istanbul. This this is Istanbul. This week's game comes in from Andy. Hello! Big fan of the show and thought it was about time I contributed something, so here is a game I've called Autobiography Lexicography. Me and my brother often play this game at Christmas when we spot random celebrities on TV flogging their autobiographies. We revel in the titles of these books, some going down the name pun route, James May. May I have your attention, please. What's wrong with that? It's just funny. It is funny. It is. But he's trying to reacted like that's how his publisher would have wanted him. Yeah, because you'd get the attention. Yeah, you know it's on the nose, but it works. You tend to get people's attention if you say, May I have your attention, please. It's not James May my journey, is it? No, it's not. Um Others going down the job slash life pun route. Roger Moore, My Word is my bond. Just talking about all the times he's kept his word. I said I would return his carjack to him and but two weeks later it was in his front porch. kept my word. A week after that, I asked to borrow a step bladder, and the same thing happened again. I told my wife I would meet her from Heat Throw Terminal 2, and I did. I was there at 415, five minutes before I said I'd be there. Okay. See it works. That's what the book's about. Not breaking promises. Very loyal man is Roger. So loyal. Uh in each round, Dave will name a celebrity who has released an autobiography. All you have to do is guess what their book is called. Did they go down the Pun Alley a like James May or did they take the life slash job route like Roger Moore? Or have they gone off piste completely? Uh Dave will award the the scoring system works, okay? Dave will award two points if you are bang on with your answer. Okay. Or, if no one gets hit, he'll award one point to the answer that most impresses him. Well, are we trying to be funny or are we trying to be accurate? Good question. It's very unlikely that you'd guess my word is my bond. The Roger Moore story. Yeah. I think well I think if you're confident that you think you can get it bang on, you're risking the humour. Okay. So you are probably well it's a risky move, isn't it? If you think you know, and maybe you do know it. Yeah. We're gonna we're trying to make sure you wouldn't know them bang on, like as in you would already be familiar with it, but So it's not my book which is out. This week. No, it's not. Okay. No, because we're all aware first Twelve Drinks That Changed My Life by John Robbins. No. No. I mean a Robins Amongst the Pigeons is a much more sort of what we're looking for. Yeah. Yeah. Mine got posted yesterday. Did it. Yeah, it's good to get the email. Um to avoid any uh here we go. Yes, so two points, bang on, one point for the most impressive answer. To avoid any foul play and to keep the game about guessing rather than knowing, after Dave has named the celebrity, he will ask you both if you know what their book is called. If one of you does know the the name, we will skip to another celebrity point of the game. Well, I think it well For instance. Craig Bellamy's book is called Fellow Yeah. But you would never get that. But surely the point is if we know we get the points. Well I think is if you If you know ahead of the game. I suppose so, but this is about the creativity of the game. But it's not, because you get more points for getting it right. If you were to get it from the select, but it has to be a guess. You have to remember that China goes into the Bursmiths and learns autobiographies. Capital of Brazil, but if you know, you don't get a point, but if you guess it Bang on, you get two points. I think because the game here is, the skill here is taking the celeb, taking what they do, and working it out. Rather than going, I actually know that, so it it takes the fun out of it a bit. This stinks, does it? Okay, well let's go. Five rounds, most points at the end wins. Round one. Yeah. And Fitchmarsh. Okay. The thing is some of these you could try and do both. You could try and get it right and also try and be creative with it. I think Tich Mars is in that sphere. And that's arena. How are you, John? Good. John's got one. Alice is scribbling. There's no way it's this. Right. I get the sense neither of these be bang on, which means we're playing vibes. It's vibes in the area. Ellis. Titting about. John. A book about tits. Because he writes erotic fiction. Yeah. And he's a guard map. And he's got tit in his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he write erotic fiction? Yeah. Does he? Does he? Yeah, loads. I did not know that. He's quite famous for that. He's won sort of those awards for bad erotic fiction. Oh yeah. Bad sex award, is that what it's called? Yeah. No rests all that kind of stuff. Neither of them are right. Really? And it's Alright, so which which one do I The one that scans a bit better for me is titting about. So I'm gonna give it to Alice. But obvious it's a similar ballpark. I mean, can you I reckon I that was his other book. I don't despite though that in as a joke they said should we call it a book about tits? Yeah. Okay. The book is called Trowl and Error. Okay. Uh it's 102L is. Round two Actor Shane Ritchie John's in. John's locks is in early. Ellis is in as well. I wonder whether. I wonder. Is there a same answer here coming from the two of you? Who knows? Shane Richie, John. Rags to Richie. Ellis. Get Richie or Dietrich. Ha ha ha. John's Bang Arm. Yeah, yeah. It's Rags to Richie. It was, yeah. Great. Um I'd had another 10 seconds. I reckon I'd have got Rux Richie. Would you? I just I was so pleased with Get Richie or Dietrich. Now did you know or did you just did you have a stab. Why would I say Yeah. You read it. I didn't, I have not said that. What the fuck? Trickier one here for a few reasons. It's one all as we go into the third round. Pop singer. 2-1, of course, because you've got two points there. Oh he's he's yeah he's he's jumped into the lead. Round three, pop singer, Miley Cyrus. Are you r are you being rude, John? No, good. Oh, you don't know. Well not pleased with this at all. No. I don't really know enough about her career to Come up with a decent plan. Alice. Wrecking ball. Yeah, fine. Fine. It's not the answer. Oh. Because I was that was what I was I was shooting for the moon there. Yeah, because you just go yeah, go down the road the biggest thing in their career. John. But seriously. That's yeah. Yeah. This is Phil Collins album. Is it? But seriously. Oh great. I don't know. But seriously. Okay. My first guess was eight miley Cyrus. As in Eight Miles High, but that doesn't make any sense. But I mean actually closer, weirdly. Because the answer was miles to go. is the name of the rubbish. Unless maybe she's got a song called Miles to Go. Maybe she has. But it doesn't sound like Miley. No. The point goes to John, but seriously. It has to. But seriously. It's more It's a bit more if she is an enormous star. If you were walking through. WH Smiths at Partington Station. And you were like, oh Miley Cyrus has got a book out. It's called But Cyrus So Many. So many things would have had to have, so many procedures would have had to have failed for it to get. for it to get to that stage. But it's a more the the art It's a creative round. It's a creative round. He making people laugh. You do need a Tony accent again. It's a bit it's it they're both clever. They're both smart. But I think there's a there's a few little references in there which does make it pretty impressive and it's impressed me. So three one. We've got a f I might skip the next one because I think just one of them will know it. And if they don't know it, I think they'll both just get it. So I'm skipping. Okay. Do you want me to say which one skipping? Yeah. Stuart Broad. Okay. So I'm moving on. David Hasselhoff Mitch Buchanan, of course. Jums in the first time. How are you, Alice? Not pleased with it, but I've got an answer. Got one. John. Hal the record. That's great. Yeah. Zero hassle. Ha ha ha Alles trying. Well is Hof the Rec I I would No I wouldn't be surprised if Hoth the Record was the name of his book. You're both wrong. The actual title is Don't Hassle the Hof. Okay. Of course. He say that, didn't he, I think. Yes. I've heard that phrase before. They're both good. I'm gonna go zero hassle. Um which makes it three times. Why w what would that say about an autobiography? Well he's a laid back dude. Yeah, there's no peril. There's no nothing exciting about the book. Hop the record. Wow. You're gonna. Have you read this? It's sizzling. Yeah, the stuff he says about Mitch before. Zero hassle. What is it is not anything about him in it. No, it's not saying that actually, John. It's not saying that. Is it saying Dave who wants us to draw? No, I don't. No, I don't. It's saying offer of God is a better answer, Dave. What are you doing, man? Dave on drugs. He's not he's not winning with our attitude. But I also I love sporting integrity. Do you? I think I do. Actually, because David Hasselhoff's been through a few challenges in his life. And he's not writing about any of them in his book. No he is but he's fine what he's saying is hey guys it is no hassle It's a self-help book It is no hassle for me zero hassle book and he doesn't get any hassle no because he's So it would need a tagline it would need to be zero hassle brackets What I'm saying is, I'm talking about myself and telling you stories, but I'm not that bothered by it. And it's a self-help book. And it's by David. I've been through a bit of stuff. Alright, guys. And it wasn't any hustle, actually. But you know what? At this stage of my life, it's it's it's more of a long subtitle. Yeah, okay, fine. I crushed my I crushed my car, but it was zero hustle. It's three two to John. My my scoring is final. Now which one do we end with? There's a few good uns here. Shame worn. Taking a bit of a punt, because you might know it, but I I don't know. I mean Alice needs a two-pointer here to win. It's been on the Ladbrooks sports book of the year panel three times. And it was this was this ever on the Ladbrooks? No. I've never read Shin Monsort's biography. No. Although I would read it. Oh yeah. Okay. Okay. Um Alice. Spin Doctor. John. Don't shame I didn't warn you. Yeah. Okay. It's so nice for John to have a plan B, if comedy goes wrong. He could be a sub editor for a tablet newspaper. It's almost like someone saying it to him as well. Don't shane I didn't warn you. Don't shame! They warn you. Oh goodness. Well the answer is, so here's the here's the tricky thing. Again, the answer is closer to where this is, because it's no spin. My auto bars. I considered no spin, but so boring. He's gone for it. Because I actually wrote no spin down and crossed it out, but I just thought it was too dull for a. But that's not true. That's the thing. Yeah. That's very true. Um It's it's don't shane I didn't warn you of course. For an entertaining title. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid. Which does mean as much as we were all rooting for the draw to take two extra time. No spin. What would would that have You got two points. Yes, that would have been a draw. As long as you didn't know it. I don't know it. I've not read this book. No, no, if if you had um if you'd got if you'd won that round with a correct answer, it'd been four three to you. Okay. Which fun game. Should I it is a fun game. Louis threw gotta get through through this. Yes. Um Peter Crouch, walking tall. Gene Simmons. What's Gene Simmons', do you think? It's just hell. Close. Kissing makeup. Oh very good. Of course. That's a good one, yeah. Yeah. Well don't tell us too many more because we could do this game again. Yeah, enjoy that game, actually. Well thank you to Andy. The autobiography Don't Shane I didn't warn you. Dave, we could even do this live on stage at Sheffield at the Crosswire Festival. Well, on the 4th of July, I tick it's still available. Yeah, and I think they're also still available to all my friends, the official after party. You get a discount if you go to Ellison John and then to the official indie disc after party afterwards. It's not. Dave, I'm moving to Sheffield just to make sure I don't miss it. Okay. But it's not just us, is it? Oh hold on. We haven't got the script. Ellis and John are performing, but there's also the Grunt brothers. Tell me ten things about you. Tell me And Sponnets. The car podcast. Ha ha. Uncanny of course is that you're coaching about books out of birds. There is a well we're in now, aren't we? What else do you want to plug? What else we're here? John's books out the audio book. Sounds. Distant pods on d BB C Sounds. There is no My Friends in London on the twenty seventh of June with Lou Sanders, uh Harriet Kemsley and Sophon. Oh that's nice. Well that'd be good. Yeah. Yeah. And I and I've got another on it, which I'll tell you later. And that's probably enough of that, John. Yeah. That's enough of all of that. Uh maybe we'll play that game again. Do send in your games to hello at EllisonJo.com. Seek us out on the broader expanses of the Ellison John cinematic universe. If you'd ask me until about the age of forty if I liked puns, I would have said no. Hanging out with you. It actually has made me really love a funny pun. Don't Shane I didn't warn you. Well it's gonna tickle me for the for an hour at least. I haven't I've forgotten my book, so I'm I've got nothing to read on the train hall, but I'll just be laughing at that. It's really good. It's very good. Well there we go. Thanks everyone for listening. It's been emotional. And we will be back with you very, very soon. Absolutely. See you next week. Come on.