School Memories and Naughty Behavior

Hello everyone, The Ellison John cinematic universe is now available to all. Yes, head to patreon dot com slash Ellison John for Lords of extra content, including our brand new film series The Adventures of Ellis and John, fully visualised podcast episodes twice a week and behind the scenes bonus content. So to watch shows, get ad free episodes and come on adventures with me, Ellis and Dave Patreon d. com slash Ellison John. Hey, Howardidy partners, Ye H. This is a special message to our new listeners in the US of A Daddy. After the New York Times wrote a piece this week about Cry Connecting, we're welcoming our new listeners from across the pond, so I'd just like to introduce the three of us to our new friends from New York S Stateide My name's Alice James. I'm from Wales, is which in an American context is only slightly smaller than New Hampshire, but the GDP is considerably less because of various political decisions, which I surely can't disgust, Dang Nabbit because of the unique way the BBC is foundnded. M Mama. BBC neutrality, hey, that's ten pounds are crazy in a five pound sack If there are any top producers listening for the first time to the New York Times article, I would be interested in a Hollywood career as long as the shoot days is could to work around this s com as he does about basketball for CBBC and weels his fictures in the rootin tootin dang and doodin Nations League fear not, I've always been fascinated by the US. And on my mount rushmore of American thingsings, I would have homeerarage Barton Lisa Simpson let's face it, Muggie didn't bring much. And my favorite American food is beef burgers My co host is John Robins. John usually likes to refer to me as his under DJ, but the New York Times described him as my co host New York Times is the official paper of record. Hey John, you gotta suck it, man. This is how we do things stateside. Okay, buddy, you're gonna skin that smoke wagon or stand around whiston Dixon I mean, it's wonderful life To the end of this shter, John is our Stephen Fright And' were Hugh Gunt Quintessential Oxford educated Englishman if Hugh Grant was addicted to iPhone games in picolly and had made an absolute fortune by monetizing self doubt. On John's Mount Rushchmour of American Things he has Lou Reid, Frank Zpper, Bonnie Prince Billy, and Cameron Winter, and why don't y you bother me and call me a biscuit? He loves good o old fashion mums apple tarts I think they call it that apple pie. Oh yeah. I love American things. I think it's pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie. pumpkin t. the way my mum would make my mum He' lost it Hnt to Dave. Dave is from Manchester and you know when Oasiss ruined their big chance to make it really big in the US after Liam Spat at the nineteen ninety six MTV awwards and changed the lyrics of the song they were performing to a champagne Soup and over up your bum Itid's do Did it ye Champagne soup and over up your bar. Good humour. Well that's Dave. Dave could choose to be like Manchester Iite Gonzealas Lowry or Mike Atherton, but unfortunately his hobbies include doing balloons in Haler's car park, throwing trolleys into a canal and doing duts on the rugby pitch of was old school even though he's forty one drives an electric police car Dave decided to draw a lady's part in his Mount Rushmore, who I think from his radio X days that he quite likes less than Jake. Berway welcome to our American listeners because of the New York Times article. Welcome everyone. Yes, we are broadcasting with the political neeutrality, which will be new to you stateside. So if we keep our cards close to our chest, It's because were we to show our cards Our chest would be sacked. Yeah, we'd beick. Dang Nabbot. A hees again. Do you know I I guess I'm need Ameran listeners we got Um per week, per month Okay, so it's divided by four Pcentes You can do it for a week. I can do it for a week.using way the listener figures are reported. percentages of figures. last numbers. Give me a Give me a root and two in a second. So per week, I reckon we have twelve thousand American listeners. You back in the guessing game? I think we've got a bit more twenty thousand. Now this is this is a shame. Bless than both of you seven thousand six hundred and thirty three. I'm pleased I'mleas very pleased that. Population of a really large church se churches. I bet they got some mega churches in America. It's Edgeley Park What's that? Stop up g. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah My friend, Andrew is a journalist who now lives in Washington, DC. And in his in the office of his paper his boss went up to him to copy New York Times on the desk because the headline was something like this radio DJ, Does he know everyone in Wales? And he said Do you know that guy? Andrera picked up a piece of him? Yeah, it's my friend Daddy so I hang out with him and got it. Yeah, so in case you don't know, the New York Times wrote a global profile piece. Global profile piece on an element of this show. Yes 's pretty unbalanced in ex its coverage. I'm actually with John on this actually, Alice It was c rec connection focused to the point at which I thought it was pretty lazy journalism I thought was say Oh no, no that's be fair. not do that. No, that's not do that. A actually the greatest achievement of my life. It's have been a couple of. who loves prrint media. was so. Did you get a physical copy? I'm having three physical copies sentered. that's One for best which I'm going keep It's one which'm to frame and one which I'm going to give to A, that's lovely. Yes. So it was all about the Cumary connection and because I think America is sort of quite interested in community sort of, yes Uh, like Almost like they're big into like Welsh lineage and proving they're Scottish. But also if you're If you're from a big city in America, it's crazy. the same way that when we came come up with a feature producer Michael grew up in London It's insane to him. And My friend David made a good point, his dad was a teacher. and so very, very popular and also very well known in the local area. He said, I've been coming connecting my entire life. and what it does is I will meet someone There'll be a vague memory connection and no matter how tenuous, I then have instant trust of that person. Yeah. I think u I think in this increasingly atomized world, Dave, I think that matters. It wasn't less than Jake Jimmy Eat world was my. I couldn't remember which one of those Which one of the daft bands are? you dare actually just sound Daft. don't they can't eat Well monkeys sound daft, but you know, they're quite a serious bands these days. Yes, a well done Lllis neutral milk hotel. Yeah, some of Zppa's albums off. Oh yeah. Very few band names stand up to scrutiny Yeah, Beetles is a rubbish name because it's a pun because they were a beat group. Yes. That's bad. I don't think it's that bad. The Beatles is okay. What does cold playay mean Yeah. Yeah, it's a abander. It's ridiculous But you know that's the culture we're in. Also, you're going to be on Canadian radio It's weird in that this is actually what's going to make us big, Dave, you and me. Yeah, if we play our handards right here, No don't don't D't let him here. But if we play our cards right, this could get us into the big time. Could it? Yeah Madison Square garden. We're still just paying him five quid per comary connection. Yeah. And he barely gets them so gets them. Yeah, only per completed. Well,agine if imagine if it was performance related Oh. What do you mean And that if I only got paid For every Cary connection, I'd be earning fifty percent of my forty seven point eight, forty seven point eight percent of my salary year. Yeah So it was lovely to see Ellis's name in print and mine in print once. Yeah. You were in there, I werent yeah? Yeah. I alsoso saw Ellis last week. It was my big party day Do you remember the BPD? Yeah, Th birthday parties in one day, as Ellis predicted, didn't make it to the third. Yeah well. Well, you just went home? Well, there was a travel error. Okay. Navigated to the wrong post code. Oh no Yeah. so then had to get an It was very untimely. Because I ran to a train station that was quite far away to get the most direct route, but it turns out was getting the most direct route to a place that I didn't need to be. How far away was it from the party? Well I could have got the tube from outside the first party, literally outside the first party, direct to the second party, ended up running to Kings Cross then getting an overground train and then walking for twenty minutes to a place that was just a Just a straight that's not you. I very good me planning this. So it meant I didn't really have time to go to the third one. But so Dave, I've got loads of cocaine knocking around that I didn't need You can't put on plants or anything, can you? No, he's put it straight on vinted, I think. No, don't do that of course. But on my trip John also doesn't have that on him On my trip from the first party to the second one, running to the train station, who should I pass? but Ellis James. O' party number one. yeah. Ellis was coming back from Bristol, because he'd done Bristol Comedy Garden I was heading to party number two. What was Ellis doing, Dave What was you doing? When a could oldll stare at a bin I've never seen a pin with that design before. And it really piqued my interest. And you know what was funny? is like I was Eice was like sorry I was just staring at that bin so I' never seen a bin like that before. And I looked at the bin and was immediately fascinated. Yeah was It was a pink recycling bin I think for clothes. No for electronics. That was it for electronics. Yeah I could put laptops in the bin. Yeah. Wha really? And like mobile phones and stuff. Yeah, that was it. So it was I'd never seen a bin on the street for electronics before Yeah And there was a list of all the electronics they would accept. And I just find it absolutely fascinating, but then I got caught. It was bigger even than that, Dave. Yeah, it was like one of those big pink bins.ike a wheel bin. Yeah. And you put slightly your laptop in. And when John caught me, it was like I'd been caught sort with my pant stamp. I became incredibly embarrassed and flustered because I was having a big stare at the pin Yeah, it's odd. But in fairness great bin. Good bin. Yeah. and interesting to know that you can I mean, would you I put your laptop in a street bin You wouldn't, I don't think becausecause of the because of the data I would on side microwaved it put it in because you can't even take the hard drives out anymore becausecause they're all sort of glued together. So you' my microwave. I would just keep it in the drawer with all my old hard drives until I die. becausecause that's what's going to happen Th then who finds an after you dead? It doesn't matter. Youare The dead have no shame No, they don't. She is one massive plus Yeah, that's true. We can do put that on a T shirt for the Roalt Hill H gig ad had for no shame and I stayed for Ellis's set U Yes, that's very good. It was good fun though B been part of lovevel They see a very good group of people. Yeah, the beans. All three in attendance C Wnak Before I had to leave, we had about ten minutes of great bana together. Yeah ye. And I made Mike try on my cool Dude shhades. And then we rifft as if he was an American fighter jet pilot Who did I see dancing on a video? Ben Prich Brother Papa. Yeah. Bonjamin. Was it a good night later into the evening? Did you get absolutely lashed up? No, I drunank lots of Murphyyss. Did you? Did you actually prefer to Guness? Wh! N huge. What's gonna get you sex? And it's become more popular because Stout is having a moment Is it really? Yeah, because Olivia Rrico like stouted. Is so God, Asian Really? So Guinness is like the huge drink amongst Gen Z and it's quite low in sugar and I think there are fewer calories in Guinness. Well, the amount of kind of pseudo Irish bars that are popping up around my neck of the woods now It's it's my little village now has two Irish bars in Yeah, And ten years ago, that wouldn't have even been that'd been unheard of. But they're everyhere, now. But now it's the Guinness explos. Guin is drinking Guinness. Yeah, they are. The Guinness is having a moment. And Guinness can't I sort of Guinness can't keep up the demands.one's everywhere's selling Murphyiess, which I actually prefer slightly weaker. And he's got coffee notes, Dave. How it? So I had a few pints of Murphy's it was quite good. Yeah good. Nice. And then I went home and Izy kept asking me the other night he'd been and I couldn't tell ex so pissed. R so he was hammaged. I just kept asking her to be quiet because I couldn' concentrate What but she's talking to you N not now, but it was good. That's all you need to know It was good. So all our new American listeners Oh yeah to means drunk and not upset. Yeah. Oh yes. Sorry, there are various obviously. Cultural things are going to get lost in translation. so I was drunk and not Just thout American business in the US. sury a state side So is do you feeling more pressure now you've been immortalized by the New York Times I never, ever, ever thought it would happen And because I like media It means an awful moreore than pretty much anything else has ever happened to me. Really? Yeah. Is it still a bit Is New York Times still big, big. huge. Is it? Is as big as it used to is. The website is massive. It's the only place to play Worddle it's massive. Yeah, it's true And there's that as well Yeah. And I think Donald Trump's takakingen them to court. How is he? Yeah he's still in the BBC as well. Well, why don't we just take him to court? Donald Trump? Yeah for Do want a p face. Being mean. Should I take him to court for corruption? Yeah, I'd love to John in room with Donald vince me on him before losing all of my money and all of my backer's money I'm, I'm not feeling a huge amount of pressure actually No Okay, interestnteresting. why not? You should be U Oh yeah, I should. In stateside. Act, Iven't giving a thought. Yeah, no'm I feel completely overwhelmed with pressure. Okay, well let's find out if Ellis James can connect with a fellow country person in just sixty seconds in the Cumry Connection It's another com connection Eis thinks his tactics andhip perfection. But his questions have one direction Where did you go to school You look d it Even sow Come on mate you must do No we've never met at all Now then, amazingly, it's not just the New York Times who are interested in Ellis's exploits He has become a talking point on Radio four With a recent feature on more or less, a program about numbers and statistics, Dror Kat Phillips, the Welsh maths expert on the show, said that the chances of Alice being able to connect with a Welsh person should be fifteen percent. Whoa. She said that thirty three percent would be a great achievement But Alice as you know is at forty seven point two five percent if that wasn't enough, Nick Robinson, the BBC's political correspondent, raised the Cum didn't. Raised the Cumry connection with the new firstirst Minister for Walesoking on the proam pololitical thinking His verd morning. It should be a Welsh national sport. Your joke. But Ellis is simply too good to compete. Let's hear a clip Have you listened to Coeagues on radio five Lve here at the BBC Play the game Gumy cononnection. Yes Alice James. It's a wonderful game The ones that I have heard, he does remarkably well and it doesn't perhaps altogher surprisingly surprise me knowing how Wales works. It's an extraordinary thing and he pulls it awful lot of the time, doesn't it? It does. They say, you know, when you meet somebody on holiday, you, the question might be between two English people, what do you do And you look for commonality in what you do as a profession, perhaps. in Wales, where are you from? And we know where that's leading So I'm going to add a new suggestion for your first hundred days in power. Cumary connection should become a Welsh national sport. There we are. Ellis James will be the undoubted champion. Would he be allowed to play even? I'm not sure. Yeah sure. You can elevate him to that. He could be the judge of it all How'd you feel about that iress? pololitical thinking. I didn't know about this. That is insane. It came out on Friday. the Welsh F Minister's accent is halfway to my favourite Welsh accent. He's from North Wales. He grew up in Anglesy, I think. It's beautiful. There's a bit called C city Fund. of Gwin in there? There is a bit of Gwyin in there, I think. No, he's a Welsh speaker from I think it's Anglesy, but yeah, but I think was born Cardiff, which is Rs Cardiff But he's a fan. Did you know? That was Matt. Yeah. He's been briefed, D. Oh imagine I think ye. I imagine you're like PS coming to in the morning. is bad and saying, right, here's what's happening on like criminality in the valleys. Here's what's happening on council tax. Oh, and can you just watch a clip of someone trying to connect with other Welsh people on Instagram because you are gonna get quite a lot of that today from Nick Robinson. My chest feels hot. Well, hot The pressure now has gotten me. Yeah. Consider it a privilege.h that was Fuzz That is absolutely bffling to me. In light of these figures and appraisals, do we need to reassess our assessment of Ellis's ability to connect? Should we really be saying that hovering around the forty sevencent to forty nine percent mark is actually Champions league level connecting Last week, Ellis failed to connect with Cer Lucy from Hendy. That took his connection rate to forty seven point two five. What can he do this week? We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name caller? Amy. Amy, Ellis has sixty seconds to find a mutual connection with you. Your time starts now A thirirty two Hels in Cardiff Where Charlot church went you know she' you? You don't know it. Okay, what do you for Lia? I'm a manager in an Iron Bevon Health Board Oh't you don't have to know not daughter, my sister, Dunia I'm afraid not. Okay, that's fine. If you want went to university, where did you go Cambridge. Cambridge what did you study Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic as an undergrad and archaeological hereritage and museums as a masters. So you't know my friend Rody Vineney works for the National Museum of Wales, do you? I'm afraid. Okay, that's fine. whichich part of colleage do you growre up in Penalon Oh my friend Louis lives there. U you would preer on the hethbard So you went to Howell's Let me think about this. This is annoying your're thirty two I quest don't know my sister. I did think about it a lot, yeah don't look at me like that, dude. Oh not you will love smoking. No this is respect. I believe this is respect. But he is poison. I get rid of him. I quit because I cannot broadcast with poison Okay Oh, Amy, I'm sorry to see this. not. I'm sorry. I really don't You were good. The enormous failings did not light your door Where you live in me I live in Cardiff in Adamstdown. I actually emailed in because you were talking about Cornock Road and I was walking down there at that point. Oh my God Adams down Oh, I saw a guy who lived in Adams Dumbleley's move to Prague Do you know of any connections I actually don't. I've got a little list of potential or tangential there. Oh love, give me a little g. L that potential or tangential. I like I like your allered thinking. Yeah Let's go. W should we kick off. Rivved Camarsthonshire Oh okay ten. I have a secret link to Carthenshire. My stepfather was a teacher at Strady where previous connection Heather Lewis was a head teacher. Yes. She left some beers at his house when I was staying there once. My mother was Kria's officer there. At one point When was your dad teaching there He yeah, my stepdaad is teaching that, Oh, we retired. Re o, twenty do something? Okay I will How long How long had his stepfather taught us Stradi Quite a while, maybe fifteen years. Okay o. he's probably took my friends son. Um That would be very difficult to establish and is not a company connection anyway. No If it's any conolation to UA cycle ps Astradi quite recently and said in that voice. Have you got any of the links Jentell in Carmarthanshire. Their neighbours at that point were Duane Peel and his family. So I have been in Duane Peel's orbit. He've been in the orbit of Due Pe passassing conversation. Lord, I know someone need to go out with him He went to the other he went to this not his wife. He went to the school when he was at school. he went to this he went to the school that we used to play at rugby But I have only ever tweeted Duayne Pele and got a response. I haven't actually met him Who's Duanneele? He used to play with beforews as. W Yeah, yeah, very talented player. So you've both sort of been in the Duanne Peel or both Yes. I've been in the all bit of peel. What's next on the? I think he offered to train me out to sprint before eraser M might but Vince once that I didn't There's a few too many degrees of separation There' like to be a connection. I do like the idea of being in the orbit of Pel. Do you have any other Possible, some people I go to the sauna with. Oh okay. I' talking. Jonathan Hill, ITV Wales newews presenter. Do know what? I did a pilot. forull BBC three of a program called the committee meeeting and he was in the front row. And he was in all of the cutaways we used. And he's a great audience member. He very He loves a laugh, but I wouldn't say I know him. Next, you want more on the list? Yes, yes, please Okay, these are really, really going down the pile now. That's all right. I't know if you had any Patagonia connections, Alex. My sister went then burst into tears when she heard one she'd being spoken in the street, but I don't know anyone from Patagonia. That's a dead end then. Okay, he what are yours out of curiosity Well, I went there a number of years ago and Isias Grandis M end of the year T Eleven, I want to say? Oh yeah. Wedding Oh o. In Wales an Argentinian and a Welsh Wedd. Oh, lovely. Okay. fininal word, which I don't think, it was Academia Ali, Patrick Sims Williams in Aberstwith. He's kind of history adjacent. Yes, no, I've I think I used to follow him on Twitter, but I don't know him, I'm afraid This is u I really like the fact that you've brought this is brilliant. It's potential con. This is also is a new direction for the feature There it's such ordered thinking. What' it potentials and tangentials? Potentials andentials. Well, thank you so much, not just for your call, but also for your diligence. Yeah. That's much appreciated. And also I guess reassuring for you to know there were no conect. Yeah. What do you do at the Unerin Bervon Health Board I work in planning. So that ordered thinking is probably quite. Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. Well, really nice to speak to you anyway, thank you. Thank you very much. I said. but on no. Okay, Alice. how do you feel? America as a nation is watching you I' certainly not watching of football Is that true? I don't know? It's not bad actually, Joe. I think they've got more into it as it's now warm. So true enough for it to work. Yeah. That'll be a great quick quote for my poster. Yeah, yeah. So think these jokes are true enough to work. I No, I know someone who works in plan of theHS but in London But this is what will happen, which is what always happens is that there will be a link and that person will contact meond. Twitter or Instagram or whatever. actually. We should be getting like logged into one of either the callall or Ellis's Facebook to see the mutual friends. Yes. That would provide proof if proof B needed be. I just really loved I love it when Listeners bring something to the table. side of the table. it's great. but yeah, I enjoyed that. Well, let's take a moment to gather ourselves before we give you some important information slash play a made up game, depending on where you're listening J Jeorge just say play made up game man This is not a drill. This is not a drill. Your life is at risk Do not but do not take your personal belongings. Exit from the emergency exits that were explained to you in the pre flight talk. If you were listening, Magine John's a pilot. If you weren't listening, it's on you. Okay? It's too late to read the little laminated card in on the front of the seat. And there's too much smoke I told you to count the roows. You put the mask on yourself before you do your kid, okay? For God's sake? Be you may not only be on your hands and knees, you may be inverted. And if you're six foot five and you're sitting in the extra legroom space you'd better save us all now it is on you attention, vibe tasters, Ellison John apologists, and Hammer Legends of the Patreon, there's a new Aventures episode on its way This Friday. Or should I say T new Aventures episodes on their way because it's so meaty. W. ot a drill, you're going to die No one's dying. It's all a little bit of light heive fun. Yeah, it's a little thing called station to station And I got of Dave and I had some time ago pitched to major broadcasters and radio stations that got turned down before Channel five somehow made it with the guy from JLS. Yeah, they didn't call it station to stage. Well, that's the thing, you see, it's either John or the guy from JLS. He loses out on so many jobs to the guy. The weird thing is we'd already planned this when that came out Yeah, but I think yeah, I mean, do do you want to we should we get into the music and then, no, no, no, do what we should do. G on. If the guy from JLS is going to steal John's work, food off the table John Robins.' already too much food the table to be honest, he's done me a fav. J John should be in JLS H much John. I have one question What wass a JLS? JLS? byband. What does that stand for I say you'd have to dance a lot and sing pop songs. John loves songs. John loves services. John loves services. Yeah Yeah. madeade for it. So we have made Believe me when I say this is true An episode where Ellis and I visit every services on the M twenty five. Hit the music. difference Dave said, Oh, we've got a special bespoke bit of music and it's the music but with the sound of someone starting a car before it. Yeahess different. what I meant was you needed to have said that we're driving around service stations to then hit that music. because if you haven't said that before that that sounds mad. Yeah. But now it makes perfect sense. So our next adventures of Ellison John is out this Friday, third of july one PM. It's the fourth episode after Pentathlon Marathon Bird watchatcher on and station to station. Yeah. Very nice. Ellison John Hving you on. As we said, it's a two part first app is out this Friday, the third of July, the second app Friday the seventeenth of July. If you remember already, you'll be able to watch the video on Friday at one PM. And if you're not already a member, and you fs for watching, head to patreon. com slash Ellis and John to sign up And as special Patreon content, John is going to be singing She makes me wannder. Take a chance on me. One shot. The club is alive Beat again and everybody in love As well as hottest girl in the world, Hold me Down and give me Life and a billion lights. What? That's the name of the song? No no, they're all different JLS. I thought that last one was one song. was it be cool?? Hold Me Down and Give Me Life is a song. Okay. Is it? Well that's what What's that mean? Hold me down and give me life. Oh no, it's a double A side. Hold me down and give me life two different songs. And then billion lights is what John is gonna sing. right. So when you're smoking a billion facts So yeah, the reason this is two parts is because It deliberate obviously. Oh, we were hugely deliberate when we realized what an overwhelming time and energy and expertise resource trarain it was to visit four services in a day with just a two person crew. It was. We're learning. Yeah It was hard learning than I anticipated. Well it was like our What was that film Verna Herzog tried to make Uh, They made the film about the making of it, even though the film didn't get made, wasn it? Qote. What's the name of the Werner Herzogg film about the making of the film? I don't know, but I can tell you that JLS had a top ten hit with hottest girl in the world which John's going to be filming for What year was that? Hottest girl in the world was released in Okay, so she still could be up there. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. fourteen years old. Still a porting place? A big time Best themed No It's called Bridge Oers. Burden of Dreams? No A A Fitz Caraldo. Fitz Ceraldo. Yeah That's it. yeah. So yeah, sign up at patreon dot com forward slash Ellis and John to check out station to station. I've seen some rushes. Have you? Yeah, it's fun. He's still with us for hurtz. Is he? Yeah big of course, yeah. He's got it just started an Instagram account. Oh really? Yeah, lovely Who's doing that? Him, I think? Yeah. Yeah, I give that a follow. Oh, he's very like on his modern and with it. Oh, that's good. He knows his onions. So yeah, it's our first two parter. Yes. and one hell of a cliff that halfway through last two parter. I would never say never. Okay. I didn't realise How much you would take out of us going into that many service stations? Y It was U A challenge It was a challenge, but a very fun challenge. It was. There's good stuff. There's good stuff from in the cars, there's good stuff from at the services and we're not giving too much away Um No we'll le that. There's some fun visuals of how John records himself at points is all I'll say, which is very funny to watch. So yeah, thanks very much. E everyone who has signed up on my Patreon. do patron. L how, did you hear that? Did you hear that, Alice Well who's been doing all the behind the scenes stuff, Dave? comeome on. Well, I was gonna a do one this week, but it was thirty seven degrees. too hot for it It's too hot for me. But yes, thank you. every to up on sign up on our Patreon. actually the Patreons's Patreon actually. It's theirs, really isn't it All right, well they can do all the videos there and I'll watch them Yeah, it's been great fun so far and we're going to continue to make content until we bl and well die. Good. Great. That's on record. O or my retirementel comes first. Yeah. Patreon dot com slash Ellison, John. And as a treat, I believe we can let you hear a clip of me reviewing South Mims. Here we go What a surprise South Mims has been. What a revelation. and I wasn't expecting to be giving schoolores like these early on. around me KFC Burger King, Taco Bell, the goodood Breakfast, subway, Fret, littleittle Wait chose. That's already a high score due to personally the access to the Pret and the subway, the Burger King Pizzer Express That took my breath away struggling to say what I would add to this So first up choice Gveotta give it a nine. Oh we giving away the sp just Wh a little sprinkle, sprinkles. S it leg, a bit of that. It worknders I mean, that's one score of many because it was a bloody long day. Oh yeah, it was a twelve hour shift. I had to drive home after that.'s a had and you had to go to another ser stop off a bloody what's the one halfwayor Nor Canes, whichich is fine but when it's your fifth of the day it's hell Good job, our employees don't have a union. So Check that out Yeah, absolutely. And if you're a Welsh speaker in London, for God's sake, come to my London gigs, especially Hijack me Holes. Hijack the ring f. I will always do that, Dave. only when I've got Welsh language gigs in I findine we're doing crosswise this Saturday, tickets still available Oh there. Yeah, a couple. a couple. Okay Okay, I think it's time for us to play a made up game. Would we like a new jingle? one hundred million percent. Fr Matt or from someone else? No, Matt', I mean, there's more in the tank from Matt, as we know. Matt isn't done yet. Okay. Matt's written a whole album of madeade upp games jingles. But we've gott to let other voices shine Yeah.bsute Yeah ye ye. So we have a new jingle from Sam Every and the Sam Every Big band. Oh love it. Yeah. This is from Sam. Hello chaps. I hope this email finds you all well. My name is Sam. I'm a drummer and band leader based in London. I run the Sam Every Big band. A seventeen piece jazz orrchestra made up of some of the finest young musicians in the country.ase worried about the split seventeen. But you're doing it for the love of it's for the craft, isn't it? Yeahah. Yeah We've performed sold out shows in amazing venues like the Ronnie Scotts Jazz Club., Peter Express Jazz Club. and one on Dean Street And a venue you' fairly familiar with the Royal Albert Hall is. And much like you Kings of Cents, we've also focused on the slightly silly perform my original arrangements of iconic songs peopleople know and love transforming songs you wouldn't expect to hear in a jazz club into swing in traditional jazz classics. We had some sres Thanks J. You weren't quite sure which direction to take your oo in. I've not made that noise before. No U We had some spare time in a recent recording session so I put together a new original Big band style made up games jingle for you It features tw this is an amazing effort. features twelve outstanding musicians and will hopefully bring a bit of fifties glitsz and glam pizazars to this week's game. donon your best suits and we' transport you back to that big Hollywood game show sound I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the content. The podcast continues to provide a nourishing escape from the chaos of the real world. Keep up the excellent work. Sam. Sam, I would like you to send me a dossier into some of Frank Zepper's most complex time signatures, please I mean, from a jazz perspective O optional though, is that? No, it's mandatory, but there's a long time. You can take as many days as you like. My and seven. My friend the jazz drummer, Dave Om would be able to do that for you. Yes, I would like that, please. I would like him to tell me about the song The Black Page. All right, I'll tell that Dave Are we you ready for? actually like the song? Yeah, I love the song, but I like it when people who understand music talk to me about Frank Saka. Oh yeah, bet and feel good. Yeah Hey ready? Yep, Sam, take it away. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday afternoon. It's been time for made up games. John Robinson Ellis James. It's time to play. We've asked the public to make a game. This isn't a bit about French rugby leeague. tryrying to work out fabricous se. we have a shame Well, you know exactly what time it is when there' posive declining she just got you ling You know us I for a made up game. Jes Ness James. You never know whichich way the guess it is gonna go. So take away It's time to play a made up game. It couldould have been the theme tune for the TV show. Yeah. That is Saturday night. That is grandma, son, grandchild all watching the same program. Yeah abolutely. It's like life, isn't it? Brucey. It's multig generational. Wow, Sam, cannot believe that my cognitive decline now has its own unique exclusive trumpet motif. I love the little flourishes after those two moments. So good. Great Dave So it really that let actually you just settle in you just set when I go and see the specialist, the specialist says, How long you've had concerns for? say, Well,, I've had a jingle mate. It was a saxophone flourish Oh good. Grief That's great I I'm never not impressed by the level of the level of quality to the made upp games jingles. Do send your own in Hello at Ellisonjohn. com U let's get to today's made up game. It's a silly one There's no guessing involved? Well, good because I'd just walk out. You'd walk out, yeah. fine. I'm confident enough to just leave the show. No, you're not? Yes, I am. Iave. Okay. If you make me guess, so help me God Beause it's thirty five degrees come into my w watch, I'd walk in again ' the aircon. Yeah. orll just stay in the cafe. Yeah. We'd have to say goodbye to you on the way out. Yeah. And it would be incredibly awkward and unciioned. Are you still here out? Yeah I'm actually sure I am. I see know what to do. catching up on some emails using the Wiifi and having some of the cucumber flavored water from the communal.. Yeah, that's good water actually fair. Fair enough. Stop staring at me, let's see Scores are scores on the doors. John's comeback march continues, Oh dear. Why is that o dear? Oh dear for Alice. Yeah, but you said it is like a neutral odear for all of us. Well, but I am the neutral and I wantanna see the come backack becausecause you're trrouncing him I'm having the comeback. No, but the cognitive decline jingle. the grand scheme of things, you're troutncing him of my scrabble wives recently Ill have you because Obviously sccrabble goes in sort of peaks and troughs and you do have games where things don't go so well, but I have maybe rather too eagerly fired off messages going, how the hell are you beating me And they're like, comeome on mate. Are these strangers or these people you know? People I know. Okay. I don't know if that's worse or better. U Scores on the doors. Johns John's come back March continues And we're over the moon. After winning last week's game of impmpressions are a privilege The score stands at forty even the third set. doesn't it? Wow. Ellis leading one game to love, John leading two sets to love overall. that's the trs. This week's game comes in from Mark and Norwich. Dearllis John prodroucer today, I've listen toodast for a long time and I feel like it's time to contribute with a made up game With Wimbledon kicking off this week, of course, it's called Game, sets and claps I mindested The rules are simple One of Alice or John will serve with a clap. They will then alternate back and forth with what they believe to be good claps until someone messes up and delivers a bad clap. This is great. This is good. Yeah, it's very good. now. What single claps? Can I finish the rules, please? Yeah. And then then you can ask as many questions as you want. Can I just say that on the podcast I did with Richard Osman and Maisie Adam. Yeah We had to do like sync claps twwice They looked at me as if like, wow, I didn't know I was in the same room as the wor clappingtop clapper. Th big words going into a game. It's all about clapping. Ellice has got a very strong clapping game and a very strong clicking game. I amkings not's nothing to do it. And take that away from me as well. Thanks. The rules are simple. Either Ellice or John will serve with a clap.. They will then alternate back and forth with good claps until someone messes up until there's a bad clap. Yeah. What is a good clap? It's not all about volume, but more about the pitch, the resonance, that min pop you get when perfectly catching a pocket of air in your palm Any bad claps will be called fault by producer Dave. Youre do in the Wimbledon style though Noone F Yeah, you're good at that.. Oh wow, that's good. It's a unique. They don't say they he of the teeth. If you're as good as your claps that you are at your faults, you're in for a successful gameer I this. with the point awarded to the preceding Good cllapper. Now this is interesting And let's work out whether we want to keep this in. If Ellis or John believes a clap was bad They have the option of not returning with a clap of their own If they do return the clap, then they've accepted it as a good enough clap But you're also calling fault. I am calling, but I suppose you're You're almost letting the ball drop out by not returning the clap. But if you haven't called fault then what happens if I don't return Ellis's clap? If you don't return Ellis's clap, what would happen is, I mean, it'd be down to me to go to VAR. Yeahah but I think there's got be There's got to be trust in the Empire. Trust the Empire. Can I John Mcinrum it Yeah, absolutely Yeahah, absolutely at any point you won. Okay, so yeah, will this be down to me. It's down to the I w If I win, can I pack cash it and climb over all of the the shelves into Rodrigo and Jenny's area and stand on the table with all the expensive equipment? Yeah. Yes. I't quite like to see that. Okay cool Wh was Pat Cash the original final Wimbledon eighty seven when he went in Wimbledon. first presed of Pat Cash. He was soft. he was sexy. There it go It still is. he still is and he's cut his hair and he looks better for it. But he looked good with his longer hair back in the day. But it was qu an eighties Australian look. Yeah. Right. The scoring is obviously done in tennis style and the aim is to win one game Yeah Serves will alternate between Alis and John if a player faults on the serve, they get a second serve of course. so if you do fault, that's really goodoney. then Marks put I hope this works. E. You've got headbands to put on of course. My hair's m be m Well that you won't be able to see it now with your little headband wearing They're quite fluffy. I've already weirdly got Ellis and John headband in my house. Have you? previous incarnation. Okay. I'm not going to play with glasses like Martin and Avatolova. You could if you on it. Oh, your hair's got a good length of a minute for a headband like this. Yeah, it's just draping over. Okay. It's quite nice. How's mine then Dave? Yeah yours is good. It looks like Gary Rhodes. Okay. With a headband on. Yeah. Beause why would Gary Rhodes be wearing a headband?. They I've got a coin? Yes, I do. 'cause they would do that in tennis I think, wouldn't they? Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna to take a quick picture of you, John, not 'cause you don't look cool, just because it's just ' it's nice to take pictures of people Yeah. Is it crisscross that they have the really tall? There we go. Yeahah, I do need a haircup, but it's too hot. It's too hot. Okay. heads or tailsail. So first Tails for whales Cfinyumry, please. It is Tails for whales. I'd like to start then. Okay. so I mean, you know, give it a bit of pace, but you do need to be I need to be kind of trying to judge in between the sounds as well. Yeah. So you know, don't be like flying back and forth it'll get a bit messy. And my call is final.. Okay You any weight lifters chalk my hands are sweating to eat with. No in that case all our hands are sweating, so it's fine. Okay I need a pen and paper actually for the scoring of this. Okay Gameet claps Let's play. Oh ye, that one. Butes that's a concern Oh! That was bad I missed. Okay. We do a lot of sync clubs. so we do what I do one before the what Time podcast My clapping's usually good. Is that the level of snink clap you're doing at spot. I missed I knew that The pressure is mad cameame off the frame of the. this game called? Game setting claps So it's my serv. It's fifty ls. You can take my. John to serve I' play Oh really? Yeah, that was a bit lighter. Lally ye that was lighter. That was was a great Rally though. That was hart racing. Yeah, that was amazing. Hang on. Yeah, my heart race up. justust checking my watch. That was a good. This is what Wimbledon is like Yeah layers. Yeah. But It wasn't bad, but the thing is once you both get to your rhythm I've got to be listening out for the slightest My heart rate gone up from sixty six to eighty Eact becauseress And I'm clos I'm fning even if I close my eyes actually. I actually want wet hands He's wet his hat. You've wet your hands. That's absolutely huge at this level That's huge. This This is proper like Death or glory stuff no. Do you want to wear your hands, Alice No, no, no. I'm even sper what I've done in training. You never do anything ne rist day. No. That's like John taking on new gels on the day of the marathon. That's mad. You didn't do that? No, it didn't, but it's the equivalent. Yeah, It's the equivalent. It's thirty love to Alice. Okay, Alice to serve Yeah. Yeah. Okay Oh. Sorry I'm not the sameing words now How notot b They don't go Oh. Also he's got an absolutely piercing thousand yard stair what So off putting. Have you ever clpped with someone staring at you like they're trying to look through your soul He's wetting his hands again. Ga s. he sounds like a vet.. Right. He sounds like he's abouted to birth a cow. Well they're damp. comeome on, you can't you can't wait till my hands dry out. gamesmanship. Okay It's thirty fifteen John to serve. byye This is one of the best things I've ever been. There' a boat quuarter of a second. You gotta slow down a bit so hard me. It was about a quarter of a second before my hand hit the other hand. Yeah. I thought you've gone too high mate. Do you you done then? Yeah Oh Yeah was like, you've done it. is this This is game setting Caps the highest I think we just play this game forever do we hit this stage? U It's thirty. Wow. O a hot day as well the crowd needed this because they've come a long way. They're all hammered on pims. It' thirty old. It is thirty old, yeah U Alice justve Bye Hello chance That was that was close. I think your one before that was actually a little bit close. Yeah, they were all a little bit close. You weren't full at any point, but they was just they were just skirting over the net. You know, a couple of them hit on tennis. You can't return those. It's hard, you know what? I mean it's so close because once you both get into your rhythm, at this time. att this level, it's the cup it's the final. Imagine she's this stage set to court Very risky to involve that cupping. Yeah, the cupping hand. Becauseuse when you get the air pocket, it's huge. Yeah, yeah. Also say, In case any, you know, bias insinuations here, I've got my eyes closed. It's actually quite hard to tell who's clapping at which point. So I am going off the sound because I close my eyes to concentrate Dave has been paid off. I've not I I agree with all your calls. I think my calls have been quite. you know, there's been pretty decent stuff But it is forty thirty to John It's atlast to say not very. I think I said that. did it John.orry I imagine thepke in that ro It's John to Serve Championship point A Oh I think that was a fke Yeah, I accept that. Yeah. but At this level, you cannot afford to make a mistake. No, but his were' also so full. That was like forehand back, forehand back It was a nice rhythm as well. It dinking. I like I was watching tennis. rhythm. The rhythm is nerve wracking because once you feel in the rhythm. Yeah. An deviation and it knocks you off your game. Yeah Well Joh wins. That's why it helped me to stare at you constantly because I'm not actually thinking your hands. Oh, I was doing the opposite. I wasn't staring at you because of your piercing gaze I was staring at my hands. What an amazing game. That's H my Mark. That's one of the best games we've ever had. If you're listening channel f nice one. Yeah, well done. You could have had a cultural moment. You've only cocked up there. You haven't had a cultural moment for years. twenty four hours in police custody is really good. Andnt Tuskmaster. Andas they bought us last leg. but they bought Tasmaster and And last leg has been on since twenty twelve. Is it? God, that's depressing. Yeah.'s fantastic. No fantastic news for them. So yeah. I'm gonna to stick with it, De. No I just mean the passage of time is depressing. Yes. That's not the show Yeah was fantastic because it's closer to the Vietnam War than the start of the last night. But today. Len And Nvano. hadn't been around for twenty years before Muly Colkin turned forty. I like I loved Pepsh, but Why not replace it with gamame set and clubs U who send that in? Mark. Mark, I am going to send you a signed copy of a photo of Ellis James via Ellis James' house in his own handwriting. I'm gonna send you five hundred bottles of shherry G that will weak him in. We play that every We should played every open We should do that.s do that l. We should do that at the Royal Albert Hall. Oh. You you imagine with those acoustics.. Oh wow. And also that has never been done at the Royalbert Hall before standing Yeah. becauseuse you could be like No, no, no, know, you're messing with the form now because John's pretending to serve with. You know, it's I've made two mistakes there. Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah. It makes it. Oh no, he's trying to go over arm serve with a claps. That's terribly his own forearm. that could be a bit of fun. Yeah Everyone's gonna be playing that at home for the rest of their lives. That is a game you play at home. Also, it does hurt your hands a little bit. Well that's fine fine. I don't want playimbs through the p For theuse for the cause.f That was an unfortunate loss. It was so tight. It hard to call. I won every point after I wetted my hands. You did So what we can do at the Rllber Hall will bring on a ceremonial water trough. Yeah. Well, I might have changed a lube by then. Uh no, that wouldn't help. I think that would make them just slide off each other. Dg I wouldn't know actually, Dave because I'm very good Christian. You're allowed to you just lbe for other things. are't you? Also Yeah, you can use it for sex as well. And that's fine. It It's short for lubrication. You can lubricate all sorts of stuff. Your car? Yeah, your little hooks on your swings out there. your doors The D forty type of it Lom can't use that for sex Absolutely I really need to emphasize that. It's just that enough. Yeah. No. for God's sake, keep the bitty faty out of the bedroom. Oh keep it in the garage. And if you have snicks in the garage, put it in another room. Okay you finished and then pop it back in. They've missed a trick though Just getting into that game would have been a fun PR stunt. No. It was thought that was good putting. Should we put some WD forty on? WD forty Yeah Yeah. They've missed a trick They have They have missed an unexpected trick that none of them would have seen coming. Maybe it has been brought up in a meeting in the past and they've all gone Cive, A you mad? Yeah, I would love to chat to the guy who brought it up. Yeah WD forty There's your made up game. Where we are in the grand scheme of things Well, I I mean there isn't ask us anything, but I feel that's quite a strong way to bow out, although are we a bit short due to ask us anything? peoplee want to know our thoughts. So I've got a good answer for the first one So haveave you seen? Oh, have you seen him? o. Right. Ask and we get to play the house. Remix of course. So here we go, this is where you can send any questions to Ellison John. Hello at Ellisonjohn. com and here is the fantastic jingle that we have for it. you Is it sunny, Is it rainy ory kindow. Send your questions in, answer youo surely again. Whatatch is shoeide was the name of your very first pad Fantastic You can ask us anything, We will answer it. What have we got, Dave? From Ryan. What's the best business ide do you've ever had? That's easy. WD four. Yo, my boys. A yo, Yo Whilst working on my friend Stagdoo, I got to thinking about designing the perfect day. Then for some reason, I thought about you Todgers Then I thought, I wonder what Ellison John's perfect days would look like. So my cue to you, to you, the you the both is. How would you design the perfect day for each other? So John designs Ellis' and vice versa. Well, I've got to see. My stag is in the top three days of my life. he's kind of already done it fair play And I if John were to get married, I could not compete with her Perfect it was. huge. if the effort you went into, it was honestly perfect from start to finish The only Mable's element of luck was that the weather was good. If it had hammered down the rape, it would had to have done something different My love language is acts of service. Yeah, I thought Well my name is not being pleasant company Yeah, I was on my pike the other day and I realized that I was cycling through Tuls Hill and I thought John loves doing kind things for his friends. Oh for me a task. I you to go, John's terrible company. You' riding through No. Okay, well let's go from John to Ethis first, John, What is Eis' say today? just repeat the stag. So given the same people the stag activities are a side park. So my perfect day for Ellis, I was thinking be a breakfast of cockles on Barrafundle Beach. Oh my God, he's done it again. But Ellis Good in the morning, so it's a brunch of cockles on Barraifundle Beach. He knows him. He knows the lad. Then driven to St. Fagan's In a nineties car, with nineties MOT certificates in the gloveot nineties in, nineties inc where He is able to take a group of a small group of school children and some friends around St. Fagans's and teach them about sort of Welsh history Then five PM kickoff, it's the swans. Oh, great with the smells of beer, urine, sweat and frying onions And then all off to Clubby Vu Bach in the evening for an A Ros Chles solo set would be day and a half that in it but I mean, that's That's right up there, isn't it? And At any point during the day, he gets to hold up a red card and get half an hour on his phone If he's tired Okay, I mean, yeah. I mean, but this is not a competition So no no no Okay, John's Dday U I could name he sort of his ten closest pals are in the Alps and I'm trying to work out if how I would involve music. You know, because the gig would maybe like a private gig or something. B PB and you don't have other people getting on his nerves Oh so food is a big de because John loves to cook, so I can't look out if you get in a chef like Al's kitchen to sort of make everyone a curry Or if John wants to cook himself. But if he's cooking himself, that's obviously time consuming. But two birds one stone. Everyone's out there prizise him on the Saturday night. Who barged you through the door? just so they're about start thinking about food? George Egg Oh' And then you got Gege. Not only is a surprise guest that you didn't think could make it, he's now cooking you a blooming. Yeah. And John likes surprises. so it would be he'd have thought that John George couldn't make it Yes and then suddenly he's there and he's making food. Also it' be lovely to go around an al pine market with George Egg. Yeah you'd be buying all different things and talking about the different flavourors. that would be lovely. The weather' absolutely perfect. Yeah That's the things. it's not too hot, it's not too cold and the place is staying has got air conditioning if it's on the warm side vaping permitted Vaping' encouraged. So people who don't vape are made to vape. Vaping day in the Alps with Bonnie Prince Billy and Gege Eggs. fantastic. Also, Bonnie Prince Billy' got two songs with Mountain in the title and one of which starts with the line if I could eff a mountain What's the next slide? Lord I would eff a mountain and I wouldd do it with a woman in the valley. Lord, I would Eem mount. How you? No it's not worth wor not worth interrogating it too much, is it? Yeah. And then at the end, he fs the mountain in front of everyone and we've all got to clap. just gotap encourage but just with his eyes Yes Otherwise it's a bit salt burn, isn't it? gotta be careful. Yeah, it's not try at any level. Very nice question. Thank you, Ryan Good. John another quest John. All right, this is from Bjorn. What was the naughtiest thing you did at school that you got found out for or that you did not necessarily know I think it probably sends a better message if you got found out for it. Um Oh I know what the biggest finishment I got at school was. Okay that's good That's a good. Oh arehead to teacher retired he'd been the head teacher since before I was born. So we had a big And he'd been there when the school had been established because it used to be a boy's gramma school And then it became a Welsh medium secondary school So we had a big assembly and laude him for his achievements. And I stood next to a funny friend who made me gickle throughout. and even though really it was his fault as the giggler. Yeah, yeah. I was the one who got in trouble and I was made to hold the door open dinner dity in the queue for the canine For like twelve weeks. Did you? Oh my were giggling. I'd giggle throughout the thing. L I wasn't even listening to the assembly, but the you once caned me for having a chalk penis draw on my back. Yeah As yourself two questions How long why The deputy head went absolutely Ballistic And and then what I did I sort of got round it was I took a book took a door stop. So then I was holding the door open because there was a different queue if you wanted a cold lunch. Yeah So because was because I was reading a book and it looked like I wasn't being really punished after about ten days, she let me off dididw to school on the last day and Again she went absolutely ballistic and threatened to expel me. Yeah. And I said, well I've been accepted to university. She said, Well, wait wait until Cardiff University. find out about this. It wasn't a skirt wearing in solidarity with Wasn't there something to st do with because girls weren't, but you know She wasn't willing to accept that argument John naughty, naughty, John? U Well, I stabbed a girl in the bum with a pencil when I was six. I that's a roller coaster a new twist at every word I think. Oh, and then's I don' there's this thing where I just stabbed a girl. I mean I was in that was not I wasn't in that was primary schoololutely. So I wasn't even a junior school. I remember getting told off a off, but she'd been mean to me. thought Yeah. Well in terms of like teachers, I was I was and erably well behaved to the point which I remember every single occasion I got told off But in terms of actual naughty stuff, I mean, just smoking on school property brackets general for four years So like smoking out but smoking like on the sixth form site going for cigarettes down the alleyway at lower school Um, in terms of actual naughtiness Uh we once got a class detention. For someone was like people were being disruptive and the teacher said, rightight, that's it. you're all in detention And then I forgot about that because I'd never had a detention before. And you hadn't done anything wrong? Yeah, so I didn't turn up at the class detention, so I got an individual detention. That was the only time I ever got a detention. That is incredibly unfair. I'm surprised you forgot. I'd have thought that'd be etched into your brain to go to because because it' so unusual. We got it. because you would go up to sixth form, which is a different site for drama So we were often like you'd get something and then it was almost like you were stepping into a different world because it was all the grown up kids and you were in uniform and So you'd sort of have a laugh on the way back and smoke more fags We didn't have tention in I was school. Yeah No, but I think it's because it was a rural school. We had kids coming from thirty plus miles away, R. So I think would have been unworkable and you couldn't really do it just for the town kids could you all to be everyone so we didn't do it. I once I would sometimes weave into my homework slightly sort of risky references. So I remember once one of the teachers was dating one of the other teachers. And They're out very happily married with a wonderful family. That's lovely. But I put in my French homework something about them being together on a date. She got very upset. Oh did she? Yeah. The most upset I saw teacher was In RV In about nineteen ninety six, Casio brought out a watch where it was a remote control for a telly. remember Yeah, I remember that yeah. Yeah. And we were trying to watch a video about the Hindu faith or something. And one of the boys was pausing it and rewinding it and f forwarding it and she thought it was an act of God and bur tears. becausecause she obviously she wasn't doing it, but the video was just and then she'd walk up to the video play again and then he'd press it just before she got to the video to. So it was it was like she was being haunted Yeah unlike the