Playing Brain Darts Made Up Games

Hello everyone, the Ellis and John Cinematic Universe is now available to all. Yes, head to patreon. com slash Ellis and John for loads of extra content, including our brand new film series The Adventures of Ellis and John, fully visualized podcast episodes twice a week and behind the scenes bonus content. So to watch shows, get ad free episodes, and come on adventures with me, Ellis, and Dave, head to patreon dot com slash Ellis and John. This episode is sponsored by Comarep the Mark et, the simplest way to save. Life admin can often feel a bit much, like when John is paralyzed by conflicting offers on dishwasher tablets in his local supermarket, or when Ellis's AI cap flap needs a software update in order to identify voles. That's why Compare the Market has introduced Auto Serge, the simplest way to help find the right credit card for you. Instead of spending hours comparing countless options yourself, just answer a few questions and auto serge highlights relevant options for you to regain your well deserved me time, which for Ellis is much needed revision on Rumbleo's cup winners, browsing the latest retro whales kits online, and thinking about Mark Hughes. And for John that's hammering strangers or online scramble to provide a brief escape from the restless ghosts that haunt his inner emotional landscape. So head to compare the market and try auto serge today. Compare the market, acts as a credit broker or not to lender , eighteen plus UK residents only. Credit is subject to status and eligibility. Representative APR twenty four point nine percent TNCs apply. Borrow and spend responsibly Hello everyone. Last week Britain was brought to a halt by record breaking temperatures . But one thing that was not to be called off despite highs of thirty six degrees Five Live's first annual trust and intimacy away . New Director General Matt Britton was determined for it to go ahead despite warnings from the BBC Board of Directors that it was inappropriate, ill judged and qu ote awoke hand grenade that was bound to blow up in our faces . However, all of their concerns were put to bed as we began our personal sharing circle in a yurt just out side Top Ness . Boundaries were top of the agenda, and after Rachel Burden shared that she valued honesty, integrity and open communication, Adrian Charles did his best to join in by telling the group that his IBS was playing up and he was allergic to pineapple . We soon broke out for our first activity, the trust ladder. We all joined hands as Dot Nadabayo climbed up a ladder as far as he felt safe before falling backwards into the welcoming arms of Five Lives News and Sport Team. Though tentative, initially, Dotton eventually graduated to the highest step, and there were tears all round as he fell like a feather onto a pillow. The second activity, a cuddle bath, was shelved after the Director General took a last minute call from the culture sector of Lisa Mandy . But contactless ballroom dancing proved a huge success, and the stars of the show were none other than our very own Ellison Dave, whose impassioned, yet tender flamenco display, done entirely with their hands, no more than a few centimeters from each other's torso, showed a level of poison eroticism that belied its PG rating. Last up, it was the turn of myself and Rick Edwards, who took part in the most challenging exercise of all, eye gazing. Designed to deepen connection, trust and vulnerability between partners , Rick and I took our seats in the consent cushions . Though awkward at first, especially when asked to place our hands on each other's knees, in time we relaxed into the intimacy of holding each other's gaze, and I became lost in the sea of Edward's beautiful green eyes. The ten minutes were up before we knew it, and we left the yurt arm in arm talking of plans to rent out an Airbnb on Dorset's Jurassic Coast . The mood in the office for the next week was more relaxed, more empathetic and more tolerant, with many of the great and good of five Live saying they rediscovered their passion for broadcasting. Then, however, they updated the login security settings, requiring every user to scan a QR code every time they checked their email and all hell broke loose . John Ellis. I mean this with love? Yeah you are class at writing to a deadline wellness BS . It is available now from all good bookshelf. I just couldn't do what you do because you'd forgotten to write the intro. Yeah So I arrived, we were recording at five. I walked into the office at ten past five ten two five and you went Oh God the intro. And then there it is abs someolute gold plated wellness BS That sort of thing goes on I would like to know what a cuddle bath is I've been to a sound bath but not a cuddle bath. Okay what's, the sound b ath? It's where you lie down and someone plays some kind of relaxing music. In fact , the sound bath I went to we talked about on the show and the guitarist got in touch because he was playing the guitar. Oh wow , but it was very relaxing and you meditate and I went with a couple of friends, including Lu Sanders, and I'm pretty sure Lou fell asleep and snored, but she denies that. Well, that's that good, is that fine? You know, you might relax. Yeah, the whole point is to be relaxed . But there's a very fine line. There's some schools of meditation where if you fall asleep, they hit you with a stick. That doesn't sound very meditative. Dated as a technique. No, they're quite strict about your form. Like if you start to slouch, they would hit you with a stick. You can't do that. I think you can if you agree to be hit with a stick if drop. Feels a bit seventies private school . Well, it's sort of seventies hundred BC private school. Okay . Yeah. With a with a sound buff, I think he's heated one of those ones . If you relax enough to fall asleep, then surely it's done its job is what I would think. No, its job isn't to put you to sleep. It's job is to help you sort of mindfully relax . Because it was like meditation, you don't meant to fall asleep for. No, you're not no, but it does happen and sometimes people guff Yes, yeah. That's more yoga though. Yeah, a friend of mine went to yoga with work and they did it after lunch and he said the guffing was hilarious because obviously you're guffing next to like Jan in accounts who you don't know that well but you do see every day and there she is just relaxing . I think just a body. Of all the places where guffs I think are fairly, you know, it should be accepted as in the yogas in the yoga gym . Tough one. I don't think anyone is free of embarrassment if they if they trump in a yoga class. I think if you're you know, if you're on top of Snowden or something like this one thing but unless it causes an avalanch So yes, yes . Yeah, we should we should be doing more of that stuff with five live . We should be going on that day we should be going on away days with bird and child's, I' wedlcome it. Well, Rick Edward is in LA. He's having the time of his life. He's having the time. Football? Yeah. He's doing a football daily with Lloyd, Lloyd Griffith, having the time of his life. It's the tone in his voice sometimes you know what five live breakfast is like, the tone does have to shift quite quickly 'cause it gets serious. Yes. But Rick's just having the time of his life up there. You can almost hear Rachel just trying to just bring the tone back to something that's going to be a bit more impactful. You're having a good time with Lygf. If I get it, that's fine. That's fine. He tells Nita about a they shared a tandem bike together and they're having a fantastic time in the Hollywood Hills. And then she's like unemployment's up by eight percent. Exactly. Yes, so it's quite a tricky balance. Rick, there's a cost of living crisis. Get back over in now. The PM's just resigned, Rick . I don't care who you do shots off How have you two been your little smashers? Good. I mean, it is a golden age for football podcasting to the World Cup. I mean, I thoroughly enjoy football weekly. So many games. So yeah, seventy two seventy two games to get rid of sixteen teams . Yeah, that's ridiculous. Are they going to sort that out for next time? Why has it happened this time? Is this just now the new forty eight world? Is it forty eighteen World Cup? They're discussing sixty four teams no I mean if we, don't, I think sort of the arithmetic of a sixty four team World Cup actually makes more sense because you just have so many groups and you don't get the third place teams coming through because at one point just do straight knockout. Yeah, yeah, like they fake up. Yeah . But no, we're certainly not going back to a more manageable, you know, thirty thirty two, I don't think. I think it's I think it's going to be forty eight and possibly bigger for him. Well, as long as the fan experience is front and center of all the decisions they make, then I back it to the house. Absolutely . Well, I mean, if Willes can't qualify for a sixty fourteen world we've got why not just do the whole world? Like every team in the world can Yeah , yeah but yeah, I mean I take it Yeah, yeah. You know, I always want to be involved in the party but how are you Jo,hn? Oh big,ger and better and stronger and backer than ever. I thought so. I thought there's something a bit big in the back term about you. I can look at what it is. Well, nothing but nothing. I was to say I was lying. All right, okay, I thought something fine. I thought something big had happened. No, I am filming a TV show. It's my return to the big screen. Bizarra. Yes, with Dari Brian, Dara's TV show. Mary's Club? No, the name keeps out there changing but I've seen that. The name is there is constant strong message here. I've got a question. Yeah , about the press release. Hang on a sec. Well, he's got to get the new idea Let's face it. The messaging is John and Dara's show of fun. Darra's doll appreciation society just dropped that in, Dave. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm Secretary of the Doll Club . So Dara Why isn't it Darren John? Anyway, Dara Darren Johnson. Well, Darren and John So the three guys got as recognizable a name. Oh , you're not familiar. Comedy show with Dar and John With Darrin his mate. That could be Richardson, Bishop, Robins. Yeah, but you're in the mix, of course, isn't it? Your brand loyalty. You have engagement levels are through the roof. Yeah, but not from the sort of wider general population. No, they hate you. No Well, no, they just don't know me. Yes. They don't hate me yet. Could I got you in the same room for the press because I saw the picture and it was it was from your cope Photoshoot. These pictures doing a lot of heavy lifting today. They're in the back flap of my book. I know it was a nice picture. I thought for a big TV and I'm not going to go because obviously you know everyone's busy and it's hard to get people together, but has there not been a photo shoot of you two together? I don't think they did a photo shoot. They would have used an old picture of Dara. Oh, really? No, fair enough. Dave, budgets it's a different they are what they are. They are what they are. They are what they are. Yeah, look forward to that. That's exciting. Filming that this week? Are you this week? Yeah Yes. , that's why we're prerecording this show. I did wonder because I did forget we're recording on Friday. Oh, I thought it was so we could go to the beach because it was going to be a nice day . No, but we are going to the beach for one of our ad ventures episodes, aren't we? We are, there is a future adventure coming up absolutely. And there's a lot of fun to be had down south . Not bird. Not bird down south. So Alice, you've been I haven't been on TV since I did Task Mester . And that was quite a while ago. Top tips, please. Bearing in mind my skin is currently quite bad, but they will have a major. They will be people to sort that out. Don't you worry about it I used to get very nervous and then I wasn't very good and now I care less and I'm better so I don't know if you can get some sort of Buddhis mantra out of that but I, 'll just walk in smoking . Yeah, but I found that the less I cared about it, the better I seemed to be. And I sort of started pretending it was radio. Okay because I feel very relaxed in an audio setting . So even when we were on live radio, for instance, I really look forward to it, but it was that. I actually looked forward to being on the radio and when I do this I'm not worried with television I used to get very , very nervous and I kind of let it go and I think that now my performances have improved a little bit . Does it not help because there's a role there for you to play? Does that kind of give you a framework a little bit rather than like being on a panel show where you've got to just be off the cuff riffing? There's kind of a it's difficult because you don't want to sort of be a character and also you do sort of need to be a bit of a character . Whereas on this, I'm, you know, probably to a fault, just me . But that's the thing, you know who you are now. I'm John Robbins. You're John Robbins . But like your standard got better once you knew that you were John Robins. That's true. Like , you've got to remember, John, I was there for your twenty ten to twenty twelve camp period. Correct . But that wasn't you. And the twenty thirteen sort of youth speak period. What was the Russell Howard's good news period? Was that camp or youth speak? I think that might have been pre camp. Oh, I can't remember what year that was . I think you were building towards camp. Yeah, it was a bit . But it's still online. How is that still online? I'm forty four. That was my first exposure to Sabran Robins. What was it? Russell Howard's good news. I'm twenty. I was twenty five, twenty six, tell you one thing , considering how I did Russell House good news, considering how much it got repeated, the fee wasn't enough, was it not? It must have been on tele fifty times by one. But you just get one fee, I imagine. Yes, Stave. Yeah. Yeah, it's never search for yourself on YouTube. There's terrifying stuff out there . Yeah , yes. And I think we're quite lucky because we started to do in Standup in the pre YouTube age . Where is that? Now , if you start now, everything's on YouTube straight away from the beginning, straight out of the gate. We're also like horrendous. Well, you would do interviews and stuff that people were filming. I fred and you wouldn't even think. No. And you'd be like, Oh, great it's on YouTube and it's got like sixty views and you think, Oh, that was a waste of time. And then twenty years later, it's got twenty thousand views. And you're like, No, no, no, that was me being a bad . Yes. I didn't realize anyone was going to watch this. Yes. And it's hard to take that stuff down very hard. A mutual friend of ours had a very, very tough gig in Belfast at the Queen's was it the Queen's Hall, the Queen's Theatre? Oh, that gig was unplayable. Yeah, that one. The off the curb one. Yeah, yeah. And he or she or they had a very tough time when he got filmed and he or she or he or she had to keep DMing the person saying, please me, it's it's my career. This is not great . So yeah, that's the that's the promise. This is taken down. I think eventually . But you kind of you don't have much right ? No, he don't, no, if the guy filmed on his phone. Yeah, unless it says in sort of big bold type, no filming. But even then, how you there's no like if you a musician having a meltdown on stage , you can get your music taken down, but you can't get your not your work. Calling someone a big goose taken down . No, so I am quite grateful. There's very little stuff for me Oh my god, the upper mic era none of that's on YouTube. I've probably got someone on old phone. I'll well throw the phone into the volcanoes plural . So it's burnt by many volcanoes. Is it if he views or is it no ? No, no, just bad just bad poor quality . But also just the language you use changes . Like there are certain terms I wouldn't use now or certain , you know, phrases that we just would make you wince about. I don't say Daddy you anymore . And this doesn't click his fingers to an imaginary sort of fun k track anymore. Yeah, yeah. You say daddy . Yeah, I don't say groovy anymore . I don't tell my cats and I'm chilling. Yeah, my cats and I'm in people and friends. Oh cats. Got it. No, absolutely . But thankfully we dodged that. It has been a big week actually because I had to update the firmware on the carplay in my key esportage . How did that go? Well , well , well team built in obsessions Did you know that you can even do that? I think I need to do it in my car actually. But I imagine and this isn't a dig because you love your car. Yes, but your car is in that period where it's probably it's now very easy to do that. Yeah. And you've got the level of keyware, it's doable correctly. But it's deep. Correct . My car My car is twenty eighteen and it was made in twenty seventeen. Yeah , where sort of connectivity sort of just the technology wasn't quite there . So I had to go back eight years in time , I had to download an importer app . Yeah . I then had to sort of find my car from a drop down menu of like probably a thousand different models . Oh wow. Non Kia, obviously . Yes. Well, no, it's the Kia Downloader app. Right. That you download from a website and the extra dot exactly that you then install on your laptop . You then insert an SD card , which you can't actually do anymore on computers . So there's an SD card in my car that I didn't know was there , that you then have to plug in to my card reader. But where did you get that? I hate to get one on Amazon. Oh my gosh. So you then put it in and you have to download the update for your specific model and year of car. They're all different . It hasn't been updated in nine years. And it's the kind of thing that if you get the model of the year wrong by one, it'll make it much worse completely. And then you can't start again for some reason yeah. The download took two hours . Of course it does. Two hours then you have to put the SD card in your car and start your car . You can't turn the engine off on my year of gear because there's a battery discharge war . So the whole engine just turns off if you turn the ignition off. You can't like leave it. You know, you can have it on, but not running. Yeah , you can't do that. Okay . So you put the SD card in and I turn it on . So it says now updating , ninety minutes remaining . One percent done . So I should have to sit in my car with the engine running for an hour and a half sat outside my house and I couldn't leave it because the keys are in the ignition. Yeah . So I have to sit in my car blowing fumes into the atmosphere. And there's no way around that. That was only eight years ago. I know. Yes, my mother was thirty seven. Yeah. Yeah. It's the last time you interacted with an SD card. Well, I do quite regular fifteen fifteen years. Yeah . Dave's in tech. Dave's in tech. Dave actually lives in Silicon Valley. I think we don''tre recording all the stuff that we record. It's STILL Dave. SND cards are plenty. These are wireless. Yeah, there's still SD cards in the mix, aren't there? I've got to do that, I think on my Cup or my card's from twenty twenty one. Oh, you'll be already able to do it by Bluetooth so fingers crossed, it'll be a less involved procedure. Good fun though. And now the graphics on the navigation I don't use are slightly different. Is that all this time ? Well, I'm trying to it stopped recognizing my phone. It did. I remember it while I was in the does it work now? Don't know, couldn't take. Well, after I'd had the engine on for an hour and a half, I didn't then want to have like my phone I didn't want to leave it on anymore. So I'll find out on my next medium length drive. Okay . Imagine if it hasn't worked. If it hasn't worked, then I will quietly go to Belgium and sit down in Gent, in Ghent and I will go and quietly sit down in Ghent and think about my options until your body collapses and becomes the soil. Yeah, until my body collapses and becomes the size of and on your grieve on your grievestone it will say Kia killed John Rubbins with an asterisk to say that we do not hold Kia responsible directly for his death because they were using the best technology available for them at the time. Of course. Yeah. Mike Jar had a similar upgrade. Did it ? And so did Ellis's Beetle and so did Zof's Hummer and so did Michael's fiesta yeah . They're all clear. All cars are the same. All cars are the same and I think Toyota Corollas are normal. And Honda CRV's last a long time. Yes, and I think Citran B andolingo's are normal. Yes. And the Mondeo's back? No, it's not. I thought the Mondeo was back. What? I saw this No way . I'm sure I saw the Mondeo The Toyota Yarris is normal . Is the Mondayo Back? I've just googled Mondayo Back question mark . No way. Is Ford bringing back? Oh my god, only for the Chinese market day don you't ever do that to me again ? Why is that big for you? The Mondi was back. Yes, it looked great. The Mondi replaced the Sierra. So was its spiritual successor? What do they replace the Mondaya with the focus or the focus. It looks normal, Dave . What the Monde? It looks like all other cars. Oh, this is a shame. They just made it look like a looks like a focus. It is like a long focus . Yes. What is going on? Arena capture is normal. Yeah, it is as well . And Persia. And Persia. There we go. That's our new that's our new tagline for this show and per show. That's our come get me plea for the next top gear series. I think we did pretty well. I think it's been cancelled forever. Has it? Yeah, yeah, it was just of a series of errors . Yeah . Yeah. And if we do stop from presenting it , there are a lot of things I refuse to do. People will hate it. The stunts. Yeah, it's just going to be us driving affordable hatchbacks at the speed limit. And saying that they're normal. Yeah, saying that they're normal. That's what the show used to be . Yeah. It was Quentin Wilson era in the early nineties. It was like a fairly standard TV sort of car review show . But yeah, anyway, the history of Telly, hey, sound like a program about it. He's looking at you . Right, should we connect Big Time . He needs this . I connected with a man from the Times today. Did you? I got interviewed by the Times. Did you do it in sixty seconds? No, but when I actually I did yeah couple of mutual friends were Arbivan and it was absolute he was gobsmacked was he? Yeah . Great. Well that's a lot of a lot of talk of connecting away from the match in virons . Yeah, which is which is I think is fun. Camero connecting and that's the heart of it yeah. Are you carrying an injury ? You suckaka, you pacay osaka. Are you injury prone as a cum re connector? No , but I am I come reconnected at the historical association yesterday although you could have done it I was somebody that you knew. So I did a thing for the historical associations. Emily works in since this show asked me to talk about the importance of studying history as someone who's got a history degree. I was very happy to do that. And then she said, Well, Martin who works in the office is from Swanzie, please try and come and reconnect with him. And it took a couple of minutes and it was quite unsatisfying . And then as I said Sounds like what I was like And then as I left he went Do you know Frank Honeybone? I was like Frank Honeybone paired my first ever gig and then we just we realized that we'd both been in honeybuns all bit. Oh wow And then it was a very yeah it was really nice to see out in the wild. Well, let's see if he can do it in the enclosures of the zoo of Cumrry Connecting. We're under no illusion that we put, you know, the sixty second timer is challenging. There's many calls for the timer to be longer. I'm like, No, the whole point of this is that sixty six is a clean minute. It should be twenty minutes. It shouldn't. sixty six is perfect. That could be a patreon special. What? The twenty minute cut cut Were you trying to connect with one individual person for twenty minutes? Yeah, no, that's not all right fine. No, it's not. Dave , don't dissuade Ellis from doing bonus content . That's good a for you. Yeah, that's a good idea, Earl. Landscape, please. Yes time. Okay . Can Alice make a connection with a fellow Welsh person inside sixty seconds? It's time to find out it's time for the Cumrry Connection It's another ry connection Alice thinks his tactics of ship perfection but questions have one direction Where did you go to school ? You dark eleven snow come on mates you must do No we've never met at all There's no denying that Ellis has sleepwalked into a poor run of fall . His failure to connect with Amy last week was his third failed connection in a row. It's been a big few weeks for Ellis. First he found out he was headlining the Royal Albert Hall, then he had a piece written about him in the New York Times. Has this new fan fame gone to his head? Has he lost his ability to connect with the common Welsh person? In short , has Wales moved on without him? That was a question the time has asked for a question for no, yes, I don't know . Ellis's connection rate has dropped to forty six point seven four percent now they're cove ted fifty percent seems like a distant dream. What can he do this week? We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name caller? Gareth . Gareth, Alice has sixty seconds to find a mutual connection with you. Your time starts now. Asian school ? Forty four, Penwith . Abraster, Penmetic. Yep. Okay, SSC is Not quite now. Garimon Kayro. That's the one yes. Yeah . Oh wow . It's a bluming tangent. Same age. Yeah, this is it. Okay . Gwydnought in Nugth . Yeah, Needw withind No'oss well, yeah, yeah, in that crowd. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good . Who are these people ? Bring us into your connection . They are ex pupils of Accoli and Penwithic which, is a school in Abraswith, Washington Medium School in Abraswith . My friend Carmon, I've known since I was about fifteen. I was at university with him as well. I met him first at the Estativard, I think . He's a lovely guy, very, very funny Brooke Carmon and was an excellent runner which not a lot of people know, but then he just quit I'd forgotten about that until you mentioned it whenever you did on another podcast, I think yeah. Yeah. There was a guy from Aber ayron who was slightly better than him and they were part of the same. I think Garimond might have got like a Welsh vest but didn't get to run in the race or something and this guy from Aberayron was and so Aberayr was very sort of geographically cl osed up with and he's like that's my nemesis. Do we have any other connections you think ? Well interestingly you're talking about the out in the wild it's a sort of a connection it wouldn't count for the company connection but I'm actually a vicar and I used to be in Pembrokeshire used to be in St. David's and Sula All right so was getting ready for a wedding. Local lad , got to the wedding rehearsal and then in walked the Ashers and the bridesmaids and Simon Davis walked in first. Oh wow, the basketball played for Top Norman, Fulham and Everton and Wales. I played I played against him and I've since met him and interviewed him . I had that very cool, obviously being the professional in the room of the room. Yes, yes. I'm now want which was your denomination ? Anglican church in Wales. Church in Wales. Interesting . I'm Sanders now, so I'm at Lincoln Sanders, you may know. Sorry, say that again. Sanders, I did. Yes, dad worked for the church of Wailers in the nineties actually. Right, okay. Estate's manager, so I actually need half an hour with you, Mate, if I honest . Okay, if you went to university. Wh didere you go? I went to Bristol as well. Yeah, I went to film and television. I studied. Oh did you? Yeah. Do you know my friend Redon Squids? I don't think so quite no. I didn't quite Squid ge or What was your journey from film and TV to the Lord? Well, yeah, I always gone to church, but yeah, no, I imagine my final year in university where felt yeah, I felt the corps really got engaged to my now wife Abbey and yeah started the process there so it took about seven years I think after that before I started and was ordained in St. David's in the cathedral there. Oh wow. Where do you study to become an Anglican vicar? Well, we at the time it was in Fundaff in Cardiff in what was then Sain Mtichael's College, but there's colleges all over the place here, there's Bristol, there's Trinity College there, there's Durham, Few in Oxford, etc. So yeah there's Wow A Church in Wills Minister called Ar win Thomas but I'm going back to the nineteen eighties now I'm afraid it's going to be before you mind I'm just googling him He had a tortoise I'm going to which sounds bad but is absolutely above board and fine. Yeah, yeah. I've what's your name sorry? Gareth. I feel Gareth we've got an awful lot more connections than that. I would expect so. I think we've definitely attended, I say, we've got one used to go to the super furies gigs in Tendi and places like that. Yeah, I was at that gig. A few . Yes. This is I think about one. I think I met. They had I saw Nicky Wire and Nicky Wire was standing behind me and I realized it all the Gorkies were there as well I stood near and near there I imagine it would have been yeah Yes. I've actually saw Arros Charles eating fish and chips before the show . You've done it again, Gareth. , thank you very much. I've got about another five hundred questions , but we're going to have to leave it there I'm afraid Garth. So thank you very much for calling in. Not at all. Thank you. Gee isn't it? Banno. It's a much needed victory there for Alice. Yeah, that might get you back into the forty seven s entially and just might start does now feel like if you ever get back to fifty limbs galore because it's felt like it's just started to drip, but it's still very possible. It's a beautiful cathedral Saint David's. Is it? I'd love to be ordained there. Yeah. Would that bring me peace? Absolutely. But you don't need peace. Yeah, of course quite peaceful as it is. What you need is turmoil. Yeah . Yeah It's maybe turmoil a day a week. Yes, yeah. Perfect. That's absolute. That sounds quite nice, actually. Yeah, that's a good balance. Yeah . Well, very well done to you. And what a lovely chap Gareth was . So I think now we will take a little quick break and play a made up game . Right. Well, I feel sated by that Commer concenection so, I think it's time that I destroy my mental health by playing another mid This week's made up game is a bit of a classic, but before we get to the game and the format, let's have another outing Sam and his big band's jingle from last week. It was first played last week. We're hearing it again ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday afternoon, which means it's time for Made Up Games which are in the games . It's time to play . We've asked the public to make a game . This isn't a bit of a friend'sch Ruby Lee trying to work on the panricious scene? Before we have a shame well, you know exactly what time it is . So when there's competitive declining Blossom to my favorite thing. Yeah, Bomb for Sega's got you winning . You know, son for a made up game John Bones and Nelless games You never know which way to guess it was gonna go So take care away it's time to play a made up game game . It's got everything. It has got everything You know how I said I never forget words in Welsh tried to occasionally in English. I forgot a word in Welsh yesterday. I couldn't remember the word for opportunity which is covered and I thought that's cognitive decline here it comes . No, I'm just forgetting a word in a language that is one of two that you speak. You're alright no Dan Hey we need you to book up your ideas, mate, 'cause I'd like you to win this one. And you as well, John. Good grief . Look, it's it's not it's not Betty . I said to Betty Gone Hair s today . It was quite nice. Dave, if we were brothers and you were our dad, you'd take a different approach. You'd say, you'd say, look, you've both got your strengths and your qualities. Yes. John's good at like games and and guessing fact and knowledge and creativity and Ellis, you've always got the plough . I was thinking about John's talent. We watched the One Percent Club starring the girl. You mister that? It is good for as a family. My kids love it. Yeah, Saturday night. On Saturday night . And I said to them on Saturday, we need John here. We'd be absolutely blitzing this. Are you good? My issue with the One Percent Club is I don't think I would be as good at it as I think people might think I would be . Sometimes I don't get them when I see them on Instagram . I've not actually seen the full show . But I've seen like all the clips. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. It is. It's similar to cryptic crosswords and you sort of have to forget what it's telling you. Yes, think outside the box. But I don't always manage to do it in the time. That's right. No, you've got thirty seconds. My son's very sweet in that Betty's very good at it, and some of the questions are quite hard. So she kept up the answer and he was going, Yes, yes, that's what I think. That's what I would say. Yes, yes, yes. Well, I think kids have an advantage because they can sort of they're able to see things from a slightly different angle. Absolutely yeah, they haven't had sort of form and grammar really drilled into them . Right. Scores on the doors after John's victory in last week's all time classic game set and clap. That was so good. What a game. Is there a video of that out by now? There will be a video out by now , maybe maybe not . Yeah The score stands at one game all in the in the third set John leading two game John leading two sets to love overall this. wee Andk we're entering the Made Up Games Vaults to play a classic. We're gonna return to BrainDarts We first played Brain Darts two years ago it was sent in by Sam. Who won it then? FAT the score the scores prior to playing it back in november twenty twenty four with John leading three thousand fifteen in the seventh game , but did he win? John did win. Great. Okay, good Yeah, John John did when we'll come to we'll come to a bit of that performance shortly because it was it was incredible scenes , to be fair. But you could get this. You could what makes you say that? Because it's a new game, new horizons, new possibilities. And there's always the plough . Here's the rules You calm the oxen so well you, got a n atural way with them . I can't calm the oxen Strong bones as John walks to Oxford University. Yeah . Here are the rules. You're proud of John I'm proud of both. You're proud of John and I calm the oxen. Yeah, you both got Ellis value. You can't eat degrees . You can't eat knowledge. Whales need to three times a day. Yeah . Can I share the blumming rules? Yeah go on, thank you. Produced Dave will give a category where all answers have a numerical value. Both players will start on a given number a kind , they will then give answers that fit the category to whittle them down to as close to zero as possible . The value of the answer is then deducted from the score. For example, if the category is Premier League goalscores and the starting point or the starting position is four hundred , the answer Ryan Gigs would score one hundred and nine points bringing the total down to two hundred and ninety one . Okay ? Players get When you smoking Adjoan? No, I'm just remembering because we did premier League . We did that was one of them in the previous in the previous game. Players will get a maximum, importantly, a maximum of five guesses per leg or per round , but you can use fewer if you want. If you think you can get zer too and you're confident that that's the closest you can get to one three guesses . Stick with three. And it's closest to zero wins. Absolutely. Yeah. Closest to zero after all guesses wins the leg. You must not go bust . Yeah . If you do, then you're out of the leg , okay? Mind you use a pen of paper? Yeah . Okay. Yeah, that's you want to . Dave will ask for each of your answers for each throw of the dart, as it were, before revealing the figures then moving on to the next throw. So you'll give each of your answers first so we kind of work together coming down rather than doing all of you, John and all of you Ellis. So we're kind of we'll play at the same time . If you successfully check out on zero, you get two points for that leg . Thank you lovely. It's very hard to get zero. Three legs are great. Most points at the end wins . Now last time we played brain darts , it went down to the final leg. John was on thirty three points . He did some sensation. Was this distance to Thornbury or something? And the category was distance between UK locations . Yeah. Let's see what John's final guess was. Oh, let's live a little. Yeah, let's live. Dave 's got Thornbury to Cheltenham. Thornbury to Cheltenham. He's gone back home for the final that's a lovely touch oned actually the crowd. Absolutely love that. He's gone home for the final leg . Thornbury to Chelten Oh my god . Oh John . What is it for? It's thirty two point five and you've got to round up when it's like you have to say that's magnificent . Incredible scene. Absolutely extraordinary here at five Good game. What a climax But back to today , round one. Yep . Studio albums by bands or artists. I'll have a couple of caveats to that in a second. Yep Starting score is seventy . Okay. Now according it is according to Wikipedia , we are excluding AEPs, we are excluding live albums, compilations, soundtrack albums, or posthumous albums . So it is hanging on what you exclud ing? EPs , live albums , compilations, soundtrack albums , and posthumous albums. Okay, that is interesting. That is interesting. So it's basically what Wikipedia is classing as a studio long play. Okay phrase and are you sure Wikipedia has this information for all artists? It has the information for all artists. Okay So have a little scribble . Seventy is your starting score. You have up to five guesses. Don't need to use them all. Are we ready with the first throw of the dart, of the brain dart. Yeah. John. Franzappa. Franzappa . Ellis. The four . Okay . John . sixty two . Oh wow . Ellis . thirty one . Okay , it's tricky because you just want to you want to get as close as you can because you'll both be good at this but there is always that risk. Seventy . Seventy is the aim. John can we come to you . Leg two. Throw two of the brain dart, John. What you got? Oasis Oasis . Ellis Neil Young . Neil Young . Now obviously Ellis has got a lot more to claw back here so he's gone for a much more prolific artist due to their longevity . John Seven . Ellis . thirty nine was what you needed . Oh well, you were within thirty nine . Forty five . Oh, I've gone bust. You've gone blood and bust. I've gone blood and bust. Now John there's always an extra point to play for here . And it's the guest duple's duple with his sort around . And this is a cheeky hidden album that you're not aware of. Who would who would I ? Because John, you're on one. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay . Would you go for an answer, Ell? The obvious one is stereoim seized, but they then did a follow up. Okay , like twenty five years later, interesting . Are you going to say stereo MCs, John ? I wasn't Dave, no. I mean, you could just take the point . I'll go Cameron Winter . He's gone . How many albums have a sage nod for Mike M Michana,el knows Cameron Winter's. Michael looks a bit like Cameron Winter, I think. How many albums have Didn't release out of curiosity? Hold on, let's just get the answer to this. It's one, it's two points for Johnny's blooming brain died again, hasn't he? I was gonna say either Alexander Skip Spence but I'm not sure if he only did one or Jeff Buckley . But I don't know if sketch es for my sweetheart around. Well, I don't know whether it came out before he died or not . So I wasn't sure that Grace was the only album he made in his lifetime. Could I have a quick guess? 'Cause I like this. I had two . There was a flash in the Pan Indi band called Viva Brother . And that's what everyone at home is thinking. Yeah. Well, it could just be someone who released their first album this year. Yeah So I was trying to rock my brains for the newest artist. And the other well known one. Yes, one point that was new radicals . Yeah because he didn't even make the whole point of I can I can go away and write an album, but this is all you get. And you're doing it to prove a point. Songs for the people, I think. Yes. Can you still write songs for the people? How many albums did Bob Dilin write? Was he released ? Lauren Hill course on what a record as well. Did she only release one? Forty. Oh, I scribbled Bob Dylan out. But nevermind. Well, forty would have been too much as well. Oh yes, it would have been though I'm glad I scribbled . You would have been less bust with Bob Dylan. Yeah. If that's any console right to nails to John he's blumming showboating to get out Do not stand for it tricky around this one. I think that was, you know, that was a good wheelhouse around for fun. That was good fun. Did the Beatles have eight? I think it's more than that. When he said I could finish it for him Well, the fairies at nine, I think I did a very quick hit. I think the Gorkies might have had eight. Okay , but I'd have to do the head I'd have to do the proper mask. Round two Wimbledon titles . Okay . five hundred . And are we all saying Whimbledon? It's up to you if it depends on if you want to use a bit of color. Happy to say Wimbledon good Starting score eighteen . Hm , which limits you a touch singles titles Men and Women of the Open Era from nineteen sixty eight . Okay , okay . Yep . Okay . Ellis will come to you first. Who's your federer? Feds, Feds Feed the Feds and your score. Now once we've named someone, are they off the table? Yes. Yep, cool. But if John has written down Roger Feder, he's also allowed to start with Roger Feder, is he presumably? Yeah, 'cause if yeah it's only a problem once the number has been made public. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you could have written that down. Yeah . John, Pete Sampras . Pete Sampras is in. You'd be quite a good host of one of these. You're very good at the slightly tense pause you tell us I love it. Yeah, before you tell us what the score is . The scores are in for throw one of Brain Darts, Wimbledon Titles. You both still in play, you'll be pleased to know. Yeah . The starting score was eighteen Ellis, you came in with Roger Federer. Yeah . eight , eight. Okay , which reduces to ten . Sampras , seven. Lovely. You're at eleven, John. Yeah . Go again, please chaps. Unless that's as far as you want to go, I doubt it is. Ell I'm gonna take a risk. Oh a risk. Impossible for you to take a risk What do you mean? Could you use a risk of it? Is Feder okay, then it's not a risk . Is Federa number one? Yeah. Oh, okay, then it's fine. What I'm about to do. Alice, take that, take that blummin' risk mate. No fac Jocs . I've also written jocs. Jocs . Jocs has had seven titles . Elis. You're down to three. Okay, John. You're at four. Yeah . This is it and this is living. Okay . Are you going again? Yeah, straight in . Hit me. Boris back in. BB B squared, John. I'm going Andre Agassi, Andre Agon . Very confident from Alice James. Well, no I think it's a risk. Okay , but I'm enjoying this game so much. More than three . I don't know when it's first to like seventeen. It was seventeen in nineteen eighty five I liked Agassi as a player . Yeah, it's quite a very interesting book. Yeah, it was really interesting is autobiography. Okay . Because I could I've got quite a few ones that I could play it safe. John Agassi to shoot for the moon. Okay . John, Agassi , one title. You're down to three. ninety two. Ellis, Becker, three titles. Oh, well done. Zero Row. I would never have been that I would never have been brave enough . But I love the game and I'm having fun. That is a question. Do I get to keep going? Can you go? Okay, yeah, he's still in play because you got up to five darts to throw in your mind. So he's what's he using of three? But Elis is checked out first. Surely if this is Darts, that there's a bit of feel there isn't there? Because I can name three people who've won it once. Should we call it if you think it's fair to Ellis if you get zero on the same attempts as well that's very gracious. It actually looks gameplay Yeah it doesn't it's good gameplay to the third round. Can we play this forever ? Yeah . Trickiest round of the three and we'll give you the criteria. I want them to be fine. No, no, no, no, no, no . Flight times from city to city Oh F off, John. Well, Dave. Also , is this like published flight times? Because they're they've started doing this thing where they just add an hour to the flight time to allow them to be delayed on the Bloomingtarmac does my head in. John the criteria. Yeah. According to mapper. co , the calculator uses the great circle distance formula to determine the shortest path between two points on the Earth's surface. But is that the same path a flight is taking? Yeah, because is that what Left Hands are doing, Dave? The tool then divides that distance by an average commercial aircraft cruising speed of nine hundred kilometers per hour. Why don't you just use the time it takes? Come on sky scanner you goon Can we go on skyscanner? I mean , there's an easy way doing this? Oh, I saw it. No, use that guy. Use that, use that because they're all slightly different anyway. Yeah, cruising speed of nine hundred miles per approximately five hundred miles per hour to estimate total flight time, an additional thirty minutes is added per flight to account for takeoff climb descent and landing procedures. So it's working out how long it would take as the kind of quickest distance Time you need is forty minutes. Forty five hours Is what we're working with, okay? From where what do you mean? Are they all from London? No. You can do whatever journey you want. Okay. Cities cannot be repeated. Yeah. Once a city has been used by any player, it is out of the game. Okay . John first, please. London to Melbourne, London to Melbourne. Ellis. Dublin to Auckland. Dublin to Auckland . Does the city have to have an airport? Yeah, 'cause that's the one we would find on the mapper. co. The results are in John London to Melbourne, nineteen hours seventeen minutes leaving you with the remainder of twenty five hours, forty three minutes. Ellis, Dublin to Auckland, twenty hours forty two minut es , leaving you with twenty four hours eighteen minutes . So you're in similar territory here and we go again. Leg two, dart two, John. Glasgow to Sydney. Glass go to Sydney . Alice, Parlis to Sydney. Harris to Sydney . This is like Darts where you're just going for the big treble twenties to start with and then it'll get interesting when it starts to become Yeah I mean if either of you get a zero zero here that would be incredible Yeah John Glasgow Glasgow to Sydney nineteen hours nineteen minutes which leaves you with six hours twenty four minutes . Ellis paris to Sydney. ninety hours twenty one minutes, which leaves you with four hours and fifty three minutes . This is it, this is it . Hm m. Alice, are you locked in? Yeah, Alice is in John to Mosc ow. Oslo to Moscow. Ellis . London to Tenerife. London's been used. I haven't used London. I've used London . Oh, cities cannot be repeated once a city has been used by any player it is outlined. I was saving London. I didn't realize I thought it was just me. Okay Bristol to Tenerife Oslo Oslo to Moscow . I'm tense about that . Are you? I'm tense about the whole game, but I'm enjoying it. It is a serious enjoyment. It's the same similar feeling to the Clap game last week where I don't feel like I'm gonna humiliate myself. It's not a guessing game in that regard Oslo to Moscow. Two hours twenty, John. You're alright . Four hours four left . Four hours four minutes left for John . Ellis, Bristol to Tenerife , three hours thirty nine . You're down to one hour fourteen . Okay , so it's interesting now because this is where you could really overshoot . But John , you got four hours fifty three . All right. Four hours fifty three, yeah. You sure? Four hours four ? Where am I reading here? Oh, sorry, I was on Alice's. I was on Alice. four I was four. Sorry. I was on Ellis' little table . I've got one . Okay, we'll wait for John. Now hang on, how many throws left have we got? Two each . Brussels to Marrakesh . Brussels to Marrakeche. Ellis . Lewton to Edinburgh. Luton to Edinburgh season remained in the UK which I think we all the crowd saw that coming. I could get super close . Yeah . Making the sound of a plane . Cause did we fly at Luton Mari Luton to Edinburgh's genius? Okay. She must have flown that, I've been? No, we' donre not. We've known a couple of times they showed it. I was always on the train. I reckon that's gonna be fifty men. I've flown from Cardiff to Edinburgh, and that's about an hour from where I once missed a flight from Cardiff to Edinburgh because I got my time's confused. I went to Mr Flight from College to Edinburgh's I didn't realise he needed a passport I said to the lady, I said, But I wouldn't need one if I was on the train. And she said, But you're on a plane. And I said, Oh, good. And I had to cancel a gig. Did you? Yeah, the Edinburgh University gig that Avalon used to run. I just turned it with my wallet and diagnosed thinking that was enough. And it was a teaser mistakes, makes All right , I don't know what happened. Well, I didn't know what happens here, but it's interesting because there's a bit of cornering that's starting to appear now . John, Brussels to Marrakech . You had four hours four minutes left . Brussels to Marrakesh is three hours eight minutes . You have fifty six minutes remaining. Yep. Ellis , Lewton to Edinburgh. You had one hour fourteen left. Yeah is one hour, three minutes. You gotta find that Eleven and you got it flight. Well, well, you don't. You could just call it there because John has to beat that . But he could absolutely overshoot, of course. A friend of mine was so scared of flying that he went on a course and on the final day of the course they flew from Leeds to Manchester I think and it was about fifteen minutes. give him stuff but I'm not I can't risk that so I'm going to call it at eleven minutes . So Ellis is locked in eleven minutes. That's safe . Hang on hang on hang on for gameplay even th,ough I'd like to win this game , if John beats me, yeah and gets closer to the pin than eleven minutes, I'm going to have to stand up and applaud him and kiss him and then cuddle him and kiss him more. Yeah . 'Cause you've only got one guess left. That's the other thing. Yeah. So you don't want to go too short either, I suppose. So hang on, how much have I got left, how is it? So you got fifty six minutes left that's, I think, I think under the hour is the trickiest is the trickiest thing to work out . If it was an hour and a half, I'd be fairly confident . Because you could undershoot here as well. Yeah, but there's internal flights that I would be fairly confident with but under an hour , it is tricky and you can see his incredible mind working. Is that watching Michael Jordan shoot hoops ? Well, no because he did that instinctively. John's using his mind. Think girls. Yeah, to learn how to shoot his hoops though. Yes, that's true. Imagine because I did say there is no way anyone could get zero . It's too specific . Imagine we should just all why don't I take our tops off if you get this I'll tip my top off if you get to zero . If he gets what? If you get to zero, I'll take my top off. Yeah, we all will put the stick on the counter . He deserves that . There'd be a blue plaque on the record hall this where his would be sensational gameplay it would He's he' hasving a real trouble trying his teeth with his fingers which I've never seen before Exeter to Manchester He's in Exeter to Manchester . Fire up the machine, Michael . Even I had so many options in my mind. Yes , yes . Well, Michael is doing a face . Exeter to Manchester You had fifty six minutes to play with . You came in . At fifty one minutes, there's five minutes to spare. He's like loving done it and he stands up to take the adulation of the four people in this room with him . God . He's doing like the Cristiano Ronaldo . I realistically was never going to get an eleven minute flight was like Do you want to have a pull to Manchester? Do you want to give it a whirl? Liverpool to Manchester Well, out of curiosity Liverpool to Manchester. Well just we were preparing for leads to Manchester, which would have been thirty four minutes. Okay , so that wouldn't have done it. So I don't think Liverpool to Manchester would have been under either. I mean, I don't know thirty three. Can you get a flight from Liverpool to Manchester? No, but that's why they use this system because on sky private jets. On sky scanner it would say, well, that's not possible . Right. But you've got to get up and get down. It was never going to happen for eleven minutes. Of course, yeah, yeah. I couldn't land in that. Take off in time. Bristol to bath . The old eleven minute flight. I was considering Stanstad to New castle . Okay , but I'm glad I went exiter to Manchester. If you'd said to me at the very beginning of that game you're going to end on eleven minutes with a throw still to take . Artist said, I'll absolutely accept that. I'm pleased with that. And I don't think John will be both joined very for him to get down to five minutes is making me attracted to him . Michael did give me a very special look after the schools came in. Did it? Yeah . Wow Stansteads Newcastle got you fifty four minut es. And did you need fifty six? No, that would have been even better. It would have been two minutes later.