Textual Healing and Valentine's Problems

Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM. Podcast. Attention Podcast Fans. The podcast you're about to receive contains high-level riffing and amusement. Welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins podcast. You'd have been great at doing sort of radio announcements during the war. This just in on the BBC. Prime Minister Winston Churchill has made an announcement to the nation. The following broadcast is live. Um and uh yeah, I mean it would have been horrible if you'd done a Lord Haw Haw and had been doing sort of pro German propaganda with that voice. Yes. Do you know who Lord Haw is? No. He uh was broadcasting pro pro Nazi propaganda as but claiming it was the truth to try and uh sort of affect British people's morale during the war. You're listening to the Ellis James and John Robbins X VM podcast to continue with us. So is this things like um News in from the second front. Terrible Allied casualties. Some ten to fifteen thousand deaths and uh yeah, yeah, just to wind people up and he was I think he might be done. I'm gonna have to Wikipedia him as we're doing this podcast. Uh intro, 'cause I'm d I presumably he was found and tried for treason? I don't know. No, I mean y I know you don't know. God, sorry. Sorry, guys. I've gone in too deep. I just thought you knew about war. I know bits and bobs about war. Nothing un sort of unsavory amount. Dave, can you Wikipedia Lord Haw please and then When you've got the information we need shout it out. I mean need is a strong word. Desire. Uh yeah, I'd go with sort of could probably forget about No. You know we love you when you're riffing, Ellis. I wasn't even a riff. That was just a general It is three. It was a lovely crazy random tangent. We could start again. Anecdote without the punchline, right? Yeah. But it's barely an anecdote really had to guess a lot of the facts. It was sort of like a misremembering of something irrelevant. So anyway, back to Brass Tacks. He was hanged for treason in nineteen forty six. Okay. Lovely stuff. Um We've got a uh a little bit of correspondence uh folks that's come through to us at Saturdayxxfm.co.uk. This is from Brian. Who says I've just f l finished listening to the last two podcasts back to back and realised I've an anecdote that nails both text topics from aforementioned podcasts. Uh now these were the two uh text ins we had on uh embarrassing names you have for your partners, I think? Or when no, when you've embarrassed your partners have embarrassed you and when you've uh sent a text or email to the wrong person. And uh he says We have names which we call each other which is Horsey or My Little Showpony. These names derive from the fact we both often prance around the house bracket, sometimes naked, neighing and going. Okay. Sure. All po perfectly normal. I'm sure you'll agree, he says. I'm not sure if I agree with that. Now the second part of the story is relating to the sending the text to the wrong person. A friend of mine and I run a small betting syndicate based on getting the most results correct from each week's premiership games. The results uh gamble responsibly, I should just say. The results of which we relate that some twenty or thirty participants via group messaging. Every Friday night I play poker with some friends in the syndicate, and during one lull I decided to show my girlfriend she was in my thoughts whilst absent from her company. I typed out the following text. I love you so so much, my little gorgeous with about thirty kisses. I press send and was immediately greeted with simultaneous horror and realization of my mistake as several friends' phones beeped at the same time, alerting to them uh them to a new message posted on the football bet group. Tried to explain it away with the feeble copy and paste from her message to me, but I don't think anyone bought it. What a treat that would be to find. Imagine if you sent me a text saying, I love you so so much, my little gorgeous. Do what I would do. Stab your eyes out. No. I'd get in my car and I'd keep driving. Where's where's where's Ellis? We' we're on air in five minutes. Well I haven't seen him since last Oh my God Uh this from Sean. We mentioned this in the show, but just just for clarity I've seen you both live since the show started, and listening to the show at an extra depth when seeing you. J.R. did a good preview last summer in Crouch and was just ahead of Ellis James in terms of star rating. Fair enough, mate. You're a great you're a great circuit act. You're one of the most capable compares from the southwest to have emerged in the last. Ten years. Thanks, mate. Uh we've also we used to ask people to let us know where places they've listened to the podcast. We had a message from Mike saying, I'm listening to your current podcast, Poolside, at a hotel in New Delhi. The Bollywood music that is being played is the perfect background. And it certainly made up for for the five percent drop in quality due to your move to a new studio. That happened last week. There was a five percent drop in quality. There was a five I actually listened to the podcast and there was a definite five percent drop in quality. So if you're a new listener and you've only heard last week's podcast, we can do better. Yeah, don't judge us on that. Leave in us. We also had someone email in to say that they were listening to the podcast while they walked past me on Sheffsbury Avenue. Yeah. Oh mad. I was going about my business. Yeah. What? You were having a Yeah, mate. Oh, and someone says that they've been trying to Google image my house and they think they found it, which is less good. If we could discourage that kind of stuff. Than less internet criminal behaviour. 'Cause I uh unbeknownst to me, I've given a c I've given away a couple of clues as to where I live. Uh and Anyway team, do get in contact slash xfm.co.uk. Also on iPlayer, check out Ellis and I's uh video we did for Valentine's Day with uh Sarah Pasco uh as part of their new drive for new comedy shorts. Quite good fun. Yeah, because iPlayer is the future of broadcasting. T V correct, maybe. Pardon? Yeah, it's not the future of well if it's the future of broadcasting we're Sodid on the it's the TV broadcast direct. Do you know how it's called? Yes. Uh and it's called uh mu Sarah Pasco's music lovers. Yeah and part of the funny Valentine's Day. Funny Valentine's thing on the internet. I run out of steam. See ya folks. Love you. Thanks. Bye mate. XFM. Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM podcast. This is XFM. I am John Robbins and to my left is the fifth Marquis of Tonny Pandy! Mr. Ellis James. Good morning. How are you? I'm good, man. How are you doing? Really, really great. Really? Yeah. Oh. Because I've taken upon it uh myself to watch all of the Beatles Unfold on DVD again. It is so good. Is it? Love Me Do is rubbish though. Yeah. Really, really rubbish. Why is it rubbish? Well, it's only C D and G. And I d I I thought I I I th I thought that I liked all of the Beatles. But I think I start after Love Me Do. Because it's so boring. Vin is shaking his head. Classic pop. Classic Pop I I disagree, although everything else about them obviously is utterly perfect. Okay. Uh you can't blame a song for being simple cord wise, though. No, it's just really I I even played it to th to myself to think surely no. And it's just uh Love me do you know I love you and I thought myself Yeah it is awful How are you John I'm good Happy Valentine's Day man Happy Valentine's Day What have you done so far to celebrate uh Valentine's Day? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing because I don't believe the that it it it's a real thing. I think it's just a marketing ploy from Clinton Cards. It's just a a c a corporatization of uh of emotion which uh I think you know it's the man and the government and taxes. Exactly. I think it's I think if you need a day to show your loved one how much you've what what you feel about them, then I think that says more about you than than them, and I think it's awful. Do you know what I'd like to say, Alice? What? I'd like to see a Valentine's Day bank seat. With a couple and a heart between them, both carrying uh roses, but the roses are actually hiding a kalashnical. And the heart is made out of two pound signs back to back. No, it'd be dollar signs. Yeah, but pound signs work better because of the loops. Yeah. Because money is a gun. And it's a gun that you shoot yourself with in the pocket. And their pockets are full of blood. Yeah. And Tony Blair is under. Is is standing under them with uh Tony Beleyer is lying under them with a picture of George Bush. Yeah, and they're in love. With a Valentine's Card Day card written out to George Bush from Tony B. Ly. In bullets. In bullets and oil. And the card says, I oil you 20 pounds. So, Bunksy, if you're listening. I don't know where you get your ideas from, but I think we've just come up with another belt up. And also, Bunksy, if you are listening, stop committing crime. And uh just paint pictures on on canvas and hang them in a gallery. Yeah. Don't deface our streets further. He'd make more money out there, probably. Yes, which he did in um where he set up a pop-up stall in New York City. I love the way you can't see New York City's favorite voice. New York City. And uh he sold paintings like fifty dollars that then were immediately sold by idiots to prunes for um thousands of dollars. But dollars are bad as well. Yeah dollar Oh yeah sorry yeah dollars are bad. And drachmas. They don't even exist anymore. Euros. Euros are bad. Yes. Uh apart from Euros Childs. Your favorite singer. God, I wish there was a Gorky's I got it monk monkey anthology that was 11 DVDs. Well they'd have to make eleven more albums. Don't emphatic them. It's the day of love. Uh we hope you're relaxing with your loved one. Maybe making love. Uh early in the morning with coffee breath. Do Brush your teeth if possible before, and uh relax with Gavin James, the Book of Love. James and Sean Robbins. That was Rabbit Hole by Mr. T. Jamie T? Uh not A team member BA Barack. He um he did a lot of security work for people like Mohammed Ali and presidents in the sixties. Really? Yeah, yeah, he's got a hard bloke and he likes snickers. Lovely stuff. You're listening to Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM. It's Valentine's Day today and love is in the air. And um here's a fun treat, folks. Uh, for Valentine's Day to celebrate The love of people. BBC I player commissioned nine original comedy shorts. And um one of them was written by Friend of the Show, shall we say. Say no more. Friend of the show, Sarah Pasco. And features myself and Ellis James. Hello. And uh it was released yesterday, so if you head to iPlayer or Google uh Funny Valentines, ours is called Music Lovers. And me and Ellis play two members of a Norwegian band. with very different uh takes on the Norwegian accent. Yes. Neither of which are accurate. But both of which were borderline acceptable. Yeah. Although wildly different. We really are from different bits of Norway. Yes. And you could you could deduce that, I think, from the video. And um two days ago there was an exclusive screening for the video that me and Ellis attended, alongside top names such as Lemmy, the Scottish sketchwriter. And Nick Helm. And The head of BBC Comedy. Yes, who I ended up trying to talk to about Queen for ages because he likes Queen. I've never met him before. Really? Because I I I noticed that you wore a you didn't wear a Queen hoodie. No, but I wore a Queen T shirt. Anyway, I got bogged down in what I was wearing when I talked to the uh head of BBC Comedy about Queen. Um and everyone headed off to a cool London pub, but it was too busy and that made me anxious. Yes. So we had to leave. So then we went to Dickens' favourite pub. Which was great. Which was great. So we had a few pints in there. It's just me, you know? It's just the lads. Yeah. We should have been networking to improve our careers, but we didn't do that. We went to Dickens' favorite pub and and chatted. Also, in the first pub the landlord had seen uh Alice James's BBC three sitcom ha hashtag crimes and therefore would not serve Alice. Um because Ellis plays a minor in that role. And then we went to Pixar Express. Yeah. Like we always do on our big night time. So weirdly, uh Ellis and I had a more romantic day together to celebrate Valentine's than either of us did with our life partners. Yeah. I don't think I saw her that day. Well I haven't seen it today. She was literally left holding the baby. Well I was in Pizza Express launching it, going off menu. So uh XFM, we have tweeted a link uh to the video which you can watch. Do click it, do watch all the way through because they do have the technology. to uh tell if you have stopped before it finishes. And that may affect future commissioning decisions. Do they? Yeah. Oh my god. It's terrifying. Oh my kidding. So do and if you're listening to the podcast, do click it and look at it and tell all your friends to look at it and do even if you Mute it and have it on in the background. That's absolutely fine. It all counts. And if you think the my Norwegian accent isn't good enough, just don't tell me or anyone else or mention it. Have that as a personal thought that you then forget instantly. Alice James and John Robbins podcast. Hold Back the River by James Bay. He keeps trying, he's yet to succeed. Uh you're listening to Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM Now team, as you'll be aware, it's Valentine's Day today. Hope you're having a smashing time. However, Ellis and I are not big Valentine's Day aficionados. Our girlfriends are fine with that. Yeah, and if they're not, we tend to zone out anyway after 10 seconds. So um we were thinking today, if you could Rebrand February the 14th to celebrate another thing you like. If you're not a Valentine's Day person, what would you rather be doing today? Um For example, Producer Dave has had the controversial idea of rebranding it Tuner and Sweet Corn Day. Because he thinks tunerin sweet corn, this is a direct quote, is the best taste in the world. And he spoke to us off there just now to say that he once put tuna sweet corn on baked beans on toast. Now the reason I'm I've been quite quiet is that I'm still reeling from all of the things Dave claims to have eaten tuna and sweet corn with. How northern you are. Beans and toast is the madest one, but putting it in an omelette I also think is insane. It's not. It works. It was fine. It works. It works. It works with everything. It doesn't work with everything. It doesn't work with trifle. Cocco Pops. Trife. Cocco Pops and hummus. We could do a crazy food combination day. Because I know that Dave would eat all of the suggestions. I'd headline with my peanut butter and jalapeno sandwich. My girlfriend was telling an ex-US president, I think, used to have peanut butter and onion sandwiches. Shut you, well, Schmouth. So we want to hear from you. Text 83936 or tweet at XFM. What day would you like to have instead of Valentine's Day? I'd have watching the Beatles Anthology DVD my dressing gown. Yes. Although I did have that day yesterday. But you could have it in the second half today. Yeah, and I would Love to have that celebrated on a national scale. Do you know what I would like? And I'd like to think a lot of people would agree with me on this. National smoking day. Where for one day a year you can smoke anywhere. And it's good for you. And no, it doesn't have to be good for you, but it's just one day, so the rest of the year it's banned over. like normal but on one day you can smoke in the cinema, you can smoke on the bus. You can smoke on the tube, you can smoke in the bath. Aeroplanes. Smoke in aeroplanes. That would be so much fun. People would be walking around with pipes. Um walking into shops with pipes. I'd like to see that happen. In pubs. Just one day a year when you can smoke. I'd start smoking it if you could smoke in a pub. For one day of the year? Yes. Oh, well. be interesting to see what the health secretary's got to say about this, John. Okay, fair enough. I would say national uh Freddy Mercury Day, but already exists. Does it? Yeah, Freddy for a day. And what's that? I think it's December the first of the God, we're gonna isolate that sound and play it for the rest of time. Oh my god. Well hey Ellis, what about National Manners Day? What about National B listeners, Ellis came in this morning. I just didn't expect it. And he said John, I I ate a Chinese last night and I couldn't sleep because I was so full. And I woke up this morning and I'm still full. I'm still full now, it's been 14 hours. And you dr drank that fizzy drink, didn't you? To try and get a burp going. And then it's come when you least expected it. Oh I'm so sorry. That is That's what that's one of my lowest points in broadcasting. I need some real rubbish. XFM, Alice James and Sean Robbins on XFM Podcast. congregation by the full fighters. He's finished now. Cheers, Dave. Not you, producer Dave. I was talking to Dave Grull. I mean I don't know if Dave Grill is listening, but if if you are listening, Dave, just let the c the final chord ring out like you do on most of your songs, and then I'll be able to come in at the right time. Just because Brian May described you as a dangerous bam. Uh Anyway, uh long term listeners you'll remember that we used to read from Tony Blackburn's autobiography, which is one of the funniest books I've ever read. So in tribute to the great man, John has decided to write his own autobiography in the style of Tony Blackburn, A Robins Amongst. Chapter 14 Busy Ernim In spring 2005, I quit my job at Borders Bookshop, now defunct. Impulsive, yes. Brave, perhaps. Financially naive, no way. I had carried out a thorough audit and had four to six weeks of savings to bridge the gap between Open Mic amateur and professional comedian. A Wily Bath based promoter by the name of Jeff Whiting had seen my potential and booked me for unpaid work in clubs as diverse as Plymouth Vanangos, Exeter Havana, and Queenshall Minehead. The latter of these was a watershed moment. As I took to the stage, every eye was on me. An audience of 14 may sound small, but that's a total of 28 eyes. I used a mix of local references, improvised riffs, and proven material. The combination was a winner. Afterwards, the landlord approached me and said seven words that would change the course of my life. I can't not pay you for that. Unapologetic for his use of a double negative, he shook my hand, leaving a 20-pound note folded in my palm, like a mob boss or antique stealer. Words failed me, and my eyes filled with tears. I walked out to the seafrand and looked over the vast ocean before me. Not just the phys, the Bristol Channel, but an ocean of possibility. Taking into account petrol and food, I was technically down 17 pounds on the night as a whole, but all I had to do was earn ten times as much per gig four nights a week and I was home free. On returning to the open mic scene, I made sure to mention my new status as a professional comedian as often as possible. It was crucial that Ellis James et al. knew I was now operating in a different realm. I skillfully dropped in references to Plymouth, Exeter, and the £20 note in Minehead. They were a gog. I may as well have been Columbus describing the new world. From that day forth, I was a full-time comedian and my income came entirely from laughter, safe temping jobs, manual labour, data entry, parents, working tax credits, loans, and debt. I vowed to frame that £20 note. A memento I would look back on in years to come. However, it simply wasn't financially viable, and I spent it on rent and facts. Oh, that brings it all back. I did that giggy queen's head in my head. I only got ten pounds. Yeah. Envelope. Ten pounds comedian bracket Ellis James. How come you got twenty? Because of the standard difference. Thanks. We had an email in to say that someone had caught me and Ellis live uh after listening to the show. And I quote Robbins was slightly ahead on star rating. Yes, very good. You're the best. I get it. Although he told me which gig he'd see me at, and I wasn't on top form because I was tired. I remember The first gig back after that Minehead, and I remember mentioning it too many times, and another comedian going, Oh, my name's John Robbins, I've been to Minehead. XFM, Alice James, and John Robbins on XFM. Podcast. Iggy Pop's Lust for Life. God I enjoyed that. You listen to us, James and John Robbins on XFM, and this morning we are talking about um alternatives to Valentine's Day. If you don't like Valentine's Day, what would you like to celebrate on a sort of national level? We've had a great suggestion. How about girlfriend and you just broke up and so lying in bed listening to your favourite radio show she never let you listen to with toast and marmaite all day day? Mate, if she wouldn't let you listen to Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM on a Saturday morning, you're better off without her. Hit the road, Jackie. She is A moron and I hate her. She's a wally head. So you can tell her that. Hey, why don't you record this and send her the message, say, uh and I'll say it to her now, whatever your name is. Um unless obviously your partner was in any way abusive to you or uh was an unpleasant person, which he may be, doesn't say so in his text. Uh but if he was a nice guy, generally, we all have ups and downs. Uh but if in the main he was a pleasant man and like Tennessee and John and any fair and you wouldn't let him listen to the show, then I'm sorry, but you are an idiot, Ted. And I don't apologize for my tone. No. However, we you do have the right to reply so text eight three nine three six if you are listening and he was a bad man. I mean it's unlikely she's listening, isn't it? Well maybe she just didn't want to listen to him. Maybe she loved us so much she wanted it to be a private dancer. Alice James and John Robbins podcast XFM Now we absolutely love your correspondence at this show. We love getting your emails Saturday at xfm.co.uk. And so it's time for right email of the species Does sound like female of the species, but it is email of the species. We've we've isolated the email from female. So it's time to read out uh some of the best emails we've had this week. John hit me. Well we've had I think my favourite email of all time so far. This is from regular contributor Dynamo. and she has uh congratulated us on our full year because last uh week's show is our fifty second show. She says Pen Blue It Happas Alice. What does that mean? Uh happy birthday Alice. What's that Golddy Go called something? No, it's Well Schmidt. Yeah, you could probably make it up. You could have gone Pro probably have been Welsh, is that Welsh? It means office. Good. So Uh a Welsh Welsh language so complex you can make it up on the spot. It doesn't mean office, you idiot. I was playing along for radio banter. Carry on with the email. Uh so Dynamo has sent us a picture. of a farthing. This takes quite a lot of explaining. A farthing with Ellis on one side, the uh reverse, and me on the other side, the obverse. So I am in uh on the Queens for Queen side, which is obviously what I call when we play winner plays on. Quite a lot of assumed knowledge here, folks. Yeah, we should I should I should uh point out at this stage John is obsessed by fathings. If you didn't know that, you could be forgiven for wondering why Dynamo has sent us sort of a defunct coin from the pre-decipalization age. And before our quiz winner plays on, we always toss a coin. Ellis will say Tales for Wales. Which it says uh on his side. Another uh coin? I mean you really got friends and Why I don't say it in Welsh, which should be can funny gumbri. So I might do that this week. And um also on Ellis is on the reverse side. He is uh in the place of Britannia and he has the Twitter verification tick next to his head because he's verified on Twitter. And I've got a shield. And a daffodil and boxing gloves. I mean, the more I think about it, the more I think this has taken too long. And also wearing and it's I I mean It's done absolutely perfectly. I'm wearing the Welsh 1984 to 1987 Anti-Dance home shirt. I think maybe Dave we shouldn't have uh picked this. Tweeted it. There is we've tweeted it, so you can sort of piece together this. quite confusing uh amount of information as Dave said this is why we set up the email address for people to to send us in pictures of us on Farthings. Also uh the reverse has got 2015, the obverse has got 2014, which means it's a rare mystery. an awful lot of money. If you do have access to a this is sort of looking seventeenth, eighteenth century. This is eighteenth century, this is like George the Second. Uh but if you do No, George I Third, it's like late George I Third, it's like a seventeen sixty five. But if you have access to a Georgian Fathing press. then do make us a copy of the coin and we'd love to use it for um when a plays on though if you do go to that extremes maybe just give it to us and then don't contact us again. So there you go folks. What a wonderful theme. That's really made my day. So you can get in contact with us at xfm.co.uk or just tweet and text. Trends come and go. Your skin barrier doesn't. E45 lotion is effective science-backed hydration for everyday use. Fast absorbing, and trusted to do what your skin needs. No fuss. No compromise. Just soft, smooth, healthy looking skin every day. Grab your E45 lotion now. James and John Robin Podcast. We've been asking you what you would replace Valentine's Day with if you could. Um R Bryn Richards says we should have National Bee Day, as St. Valentine is also patron's day to beekeeping. So it is confusing because National B Day sounds like sort of the government's One sanctioned type of B Day. Yeah. It's yeah, it's like a national initiative to do with, you know, cleanliness with you on in your downstairs. Yeah. So you'd have to call it National Beekeeping Day. Um I've been to uh the house where Sherlock Holmes retired to keep bees and they've got a blu plaque. That's fictional. Blue Plaque wasn't. What? That's like saying I went to Superman's house. Yeah, well if they had a blue plaque there, I'd say that. Why you're not going to be able to claim that lived. Well, are you the sort of person that goes to L Lord of the Rings world in New Zealander goes, but it didn't actually happen. Yeah. Glad I don't go there with you. I like the fact that um patron saints they often have the the patron saints for a couple of different things. So there's like the patron saint of lost Yeah. I mean, I'm but I'd be bung up to be that. I'd love to be the patron saint of lost calls. Who's the patron saint of lost calls? Saint Anthony, I think. And then there's a patron saint of lost things. Yeah. Who you're meant to pray to when you've lost your oyster card. Who are Saint Etienne the patron saint of? Great music. Alice James and John Robbins podcast. Time for textual healing. My girlfriend ever lived on anything. My dad lifts women. I've got a mustache. I'm loath to shave it off. Are you in a relationship? With my mustache. Sexual Sexual That's right, it's textual healing. So we have a caller on line one. Caller are you there? Hello, hello, yes, I'm here. Hello, and uh would you like to remain anonymous? Um well you you you can call me Steven if you like. Steven with a PH. Okay. Um that's that's not how I spell it. So that would sound That would be fine. Uh problem, Stephen. Well it's Valent it's a Valentine's Day problem. I'm in um I'm in Chilton Open Air Museum where I am every Valentine's Day. And I've been coming here for About fifteen years because there's a very special lady and we we meet here once a year in the Iron Age cottage. And um And we and we sort of we we get get off with each other for about an hour. And um it's really it's really terrific. And then um and then we part company and then we went to see each other for another year. And um I've got I mean there's a couple of problems. I mean the the the first is I I I want to talk to her because she she leaves her eyes open. When we when we have a when we snog and I find it a bit unsettling. It's not very romantic, is it? No. As as the righteous brothers attested to. I mean the problem is that I when when when I I think I'm quite a good kisser, but I I I I like to leave my eyes open too. Right. So it provides quite an intense scenario. It gets a bit much, which is that why we can only last an hour or so. I would like it to ask a chat, 'cause we we're just staring at each other, just I mean, just Right up close. Does it give you a head? It does a bit, actually. I must say I feel a little bit nauseated by the end of it. It must be quite hard to focus your eyes for something that close. It's very yes. I mean by the end by the end of an hour I can see about you know I can see about sort of forty eyeballs. I mean she's real there's a real kind of sort of compound eye thing going on. It's like kissing a fly. Right. I I just the other the other issue is I I don't um I don't know what her name is. Does she work at the Where was it you said you were? At Chilton Open Air Museum. And does she work there? I don't I'm not sure. I mean we've never been we've never chatted much. She definitely told me her name the first time, but I I mean we we were getting off with each other and I was rather distracting and I couldn't remember it. So now Now we've met each other so many times it seem doesn't seem appropriate for me to ask her directly. She certainly doesn't wear a child and open air name badge or anything. Are you on Facebook? Oh that's a terrific idea. I am on Facebook. Because then you would have a friend request and as long as she hasn't used For example, a cat or a cocktail and sunset as her profile picture, which women women are wont to do. It's quite frustrating. Then you'll be able to see her face. Uh yes. Well that's a terrific idea, name wise. Name wise. I wise uh Elis, how would you approach that? You're quite the expert in love. I would uh start blinking just to ease her into it and then close your eyes for a couple of seconds and then open them very quickly again to see if she's followed suit. I didn't I wouldn't want her to think that I was falling asleep or getting bored. I hope you en enjoy it, Stephen. And um we we very much appreciate you calling in and mate, go get 'em. Go get 'em. Yeah. Best of luck. Enjoy yourself. Thanks ever so much. Love the show, guys. Okay, cheer we go then. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM podcast. You're listening to Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM, but it's not just our dulcet tones you'll hear throughout the show. It's also seemingly our bodily functions. We have isolated a clip of something that happened earlier, if you've just tuned in. Ellis was overtaken by a rather embarrassing bout of windy pops. Basically my mouth is open. 'Cause you tell me that there's a national flooding movie three day. George News. Yeah, jow dropping news and then this happened. What's that? I think it's December the 1st birthday on air! Oh my god, we're gonna isolate that sound and play it for the rest of time. Indeed we have, and indeed we are. Producer Dave is now lining up the clip. Here we go. There you go. Classic burp. And again? Lovely stuff. That's the kind of top draw broadcasting you can expect from us here, say that culture's been dumbed down in this country. It's a good job that they've cancelled the Sony Awards this year because they would have just had to give all the awards to us. We've suddenly become Every five year old's favorite broadcaster. Yeah, that I mean that's got sort of mixed That's you know. I don't know. We could always do C C B Cs that's it on? CBBs? Yeah, is there a C B B radio show? There should be. CB. Very good. Very good. That's a form of radio. Oh, we should have gone straight into a truck then. That would have been so funny. Nice one, Dave. Thanks for making us look like real idiots. Ring the bell That's the good radio bell XFM Ellis James and John Robbins on XFM Podcast. It's time for Winna Plaython! This is the part of the show where Ellis and I compete over five questions on our specialist topics in order to play a free track. Ellis, what's your track for today? It is going to be Black Rodel Motorcycle Spread Your Love. I didn't know you're a fan of Black Rodel Motorcycles. I've seen them live twice. Have you? Yeah. It's quite a long It's quite an ungainly title. It is, yeah. I'm going for the Smith, frankly, Mr. Shankly. Oh, lovely stuff. So last week, Ellis, uh my specialist topic, the US Office, beat your specialist topic, which was Sleeper. Sleeper. And I did really well. I got four out of five on a tie break. So this week uh you have gone for the mod movement in the sixties. The mod movement of the sixties. So we flip a coin. So you go first. Tails for Wales can funny gum Z. It is Tails for Wales. Yes, but actually because it's one of those coins that makes up uh the United Kingdom crest, it's actually the English lions, it's Tails for England. So sorry about that. Does that still mean I win? Yes. Okay, right. Alright, then I'd like to ask you your questions first, please, John. Okay. Now uh Girlfriend wrote these, big fun of the American office. She's gone deep this week. Okay. So five questions on the American Office starting now. They filmed in a real office in the first season. Is that true or false? False. It's true. Devintes had lots of different job titles. What is the longest job title he has had? Um My girlfriend's got a lot of time on her hands. Assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. Correct. John also has a lot of time on his hands. Question three, which part did Angela originally audition for? Uh, Pam. Correct. Shh, I almost screwed it. Name what is the The name of Angela's cat. Is it Twinkles, Sprinkles, or Winkles? Uh Sprinkles. I need to have a word with my girlfriend. Because she's let me down and she told me that these are gonna be hard. Question five. What is the name of Phyllis's husband's company? Uh Bob Vance refrigeration. Loved it. Loved it. Those are actually the easiest ones we've had from. She is. Thanks. It's easy to see. Thanks, mate. So five questions on the mod movement. What did he get? For God's sake. Come on. Okay, right, before Ellis gets barred from radio, come make any a quiz. I know. Yeah. Five questions on the mod movement starting now. From what words does the term mod derive? Modernist. Correct. What book by Colin? McKinnas was one of the first examples of the term being used to describe British youth company. Absolute beginners. Correct. In 1964, the Who briefly changed their name in order to capitalise on the mod market. To what did they change it? Oh the high numbers. Correct. What two brands of scooter were synonymous with the mod movement? Vesper and Lambrette. Correct. I think we're going to avoid a swear here, Dave. Which military symbol became one of the main images associated with mod culture? Red, white, and blue. The three concentric circles. Yeah, what's the technical? Come on, mate. Don't make me swear on air. I'll give you that. It's the Royal Air Force Round 5. Thank the Lord. Always wanting to avoid profanity on the radio. I'm glad Ellis won this week. Uh so Ellis to celebrate your uh victory, we're playing the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club with Spread Your Love. Ellis, James, and John Robbins podcast X. Take me to church by Hosier. If you want to take someone to church tomorrow, then do so. Maybe not Stephen Fry. He'd get annoyed. Um So folks, uh we're coming up uh to the end of the show today. It's been an absolute pleasure. Um We're both feeling the strain. Ellis only got a couple of hours' sleep because he was disturbed by a Chinese meal. I last night played uh again Take It to Ride, the game we were talking about last week, um the board game with my girlfriend and I was quite tired and I tried to sort of you know we were talking last week about names you call your partner. I often call her my goose. And you you did the same weirdly, don't you? Well, I uh I once asked my girlfriend to say the word goodnight as a goose would say it. Slightly different. Let's not talk about this. I find it deeply embarrassing. And I was sort of reach I wanted to say, shall we go to I think I said something like um Should go to bed? And I was sort of a bit tired and I sort of went for darling and goose and end up saying, uh, would you like to go to bed, you douche. She was a bit annoyed. But it was an innocent mistake. So the folks as as promised. Uh last week for our one year anniversary we're releasing a special podcast which is um the in the complete Tony Blackburns. Uh so that'll be out sometime this week uh alongside our regular podcasts. that we didn't I'm not sure he has much awareness of anything that's going on around him. He interviewed my girlfriend. Yes, yes, yes. That was good, wasn't it? Yeah. You said yes, yes, yes, like a an old person. No, I know, I know. I'm doing it again. I can't stop, I can't stop. I walked into my kitchen the other day, I was on my own in the house, and um I walked in and said, Oh what a lovely winter sun I felt quite old. Yeah, I was um it it had it had rained. And I said to myself, ooh, everything feels very fresh now. I thought, I am a farmer from the 19th century. Oh I actually made a note of some of the um some of the quite middle-aged things I've said in my house. I made them in my little show notebook I have. One of them was something I shouted at uh a loaf of bread. Medium sliced my eye uh because they were too thinly sliced. Oh right, okay. Another one was, the estimated cooking time for oven chips needs a radical overhaul. Which is true. They always take longer. Lovely though, aren't they, oven chips. Oh, they're the best. God, that would be my desert island ship. Was it ships? More hams. More on? More hems. Lemon chips? Why? Salt and vinegar? Yeah, but what about normal chips? Oven chips have spent too many years trying to recreate the high street chip. Let's be honest, you can't get a fish and chip chip. From the oven. I disagree. I think it they're two different foods. It's like baguettes and sandwiches. They're two different things. And I like oven chips. No. And I like normal chips, chip chop chips, but only north of Birmingham. It's impossible to go in London. Just you try to get back onside with the liver puddle. Sorry, Liverpool. So team, it's time to go. Check out the podcast. Check out me and Ellis' uh video on iPlayer, and uh look forward to the Tony Blackburn special. We've had a lovely time to see you out. It's the Coroners with their tribute. to Tommy Cooper, just like that. Thank you very much. Goodbye. If you like this podcast, why not check out some of the other great ones available to download at xfm.co.uk. XXFM Josh Witticom. We are joined on the Josh Witicom show by I'd say I'm gonna say obviously James A Cast excluded. Probably the man that most sums up the spirit of the Josh Wittercom show. What an honor. I was hoping you'd be saying something like that, though, because my my self-confidence has been low of late, but I was a lie. Why's your self-confidence been low of late? I just think that I haven't been capturing the spirit of the Josh Whiticam show enough in my everyday life. But it turns out I have. Well anyway, let's go on to the topics. Uh minor things you've got competitive over, well starting with uh not appearing on the trail. Are you a competitive man? I'm a very very competitive. Are you? Yeah, but but not over sort of minor. Yeah. So what kind of things do you get competitive over? So I was on the train back from uh it doesn't matter where the gig was. quite late at night on a Friday and three quite a bit. Oh that'll be another one for the trail. Yeah, this is none of this. Get let's skip the preamble and get straight into it. Three drunk men in suits get on the train and they start playing another great dice based game called Perudo. Which is all about trying to guess what dice are under the other people's. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. And I was on the seat table next to them. There was no one else on our carriage, and I had my headphones in, but I immediately did that thing where I paused my music, so I listen to them playing the game. Not giving away. I love that. I love that. Staring out the window, but they they they had had a few and their voices were raised so I could hear everything. And they were getting several quite basic moves wrong. And at one point I just I just turned around and took my headphones out and went, um ones aren't wild when when I'm viewed down to two dies.