Mastering Informational Superiority and Connection

A really I'm not giving up. I am selling the building . The final season of FX is the Bear . The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay or not . We are outguns and we are out mans, but we have each other . FX is the Bear, the final season. All episodes now st reaming on Disney plus. A great tool that blew my mind when I went to CI. So I was twenty seven years old when CIA recruited me. I thought that I was a good conversationalist. I thought I was pretty good with the women. I thought I was like at least a better than average social talent . And then I realized very quickly that I was a dumbass , right ? And a big part of my dumbassery was that I spent most of my time talking about me , talking about my history, my experience, my qualifications , my ideas, right? CIA taught me that there's a very simple process to rapidly build trust and influence in other people. And that process involves asking two questions and then making one validating statement . And then after that validating statement you repeat the same cycle again and that the process of asking questions and validating other people's ideas subconsciously makes the other person think that you are like them . And it makes them feel like they are interesting and they are important and they are relevant. And then they have a dopamine rush that makes them feel good being around you. Now you're a dating expert . What's a good intro? Like role playing. You gotta ask Emma. You're gonna persuade Em, you're gonna get influence over her. I mean persu,asion first . What's like obviously it's a situation dependent, but are there like is there a bank that you start with like your go tos? Also I'm an actor so it's a little bit I mean I'm sure you are also an actor. I mean that's kind, of what you had to do as a spy . But let's do can we do in? Let's do it. So M. I'm going to ask you not to act. I'm going to ask you to try to be genuine. I don't even know who I am, so this will be fun. That's all right. So from what you've shared today, I already know you're a mom and I already know that you're and I've watched your channel enough to know that you've been through a divorce, right? So let me start with this, Em. I will start with what did you do first thing this morning with your kids? What was the first thing you do with your kids today? My kids didn't stay over last night and my other ones in college . But do you want me to take an example of when my kid was at my house? No, I want to start right where you were. Oh , of course you do. I can see what you're doing. Okay, go ahead. I need to meet you where you are, right? My older son's in college and my younger son is at his dad, so I woke up alone today. What's it like to wake up in an empty house when you know you're a parent? It's two things. It's kind of a sadness, kind of a pull. My son describes it as there's an invisible string, you know, very that's very, long because wherever he is, I'm attached to him . And then there's also an element of kind of like, I don't have to wake up, make a lunch and get the kid on the bus by seven in the morning. So a little bit of relief as well. I swear that you just described what I wonder about my own future. Like when my children leave, I feel like I'm going to be sad but I also feel like I'm gonna be happy . Should I write you a check for a million dollars? Is that what happens ? So what does that mean for your what does that mean for your work productivity? Does that make it very easy to work or does that make it kind of distracting to work? No, I think I'm pretty practiced at it. I've been divorced for twelve years , so I have a rhythm that I've fallen into when I'm alone. What does the rhythm for work look like? Well, it means that I can take my time making my protein smoothie or whatever I'm going to do for breakfast. And then I get to sit down, do some emails , you know, look at my phone, check the news, just once. Don't want to get obsessed about it . I actually also start my day with a protein smoothie. I use a protein called True greens. Have you ever heard of them? They're pretty amazing. No study come together on a Windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get of both worlds get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred and sixty five premium and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn at Windows. com slash student offer. Law supplies last ends june thirtieth terms at aka dot ms slash college pc. So what's the protein that you use? Well they used to sponsor our podcast. I use pure e, which is it's a vegan protein powder. I also use vegan proteins because first of all, I just find that they are easier to digest , but also I find that vegan proteins are more a bi able solution for long term muscle growth when I'm older. That was the cycle of three. That was a cycle of three. The last cycle had one question and a follow up , but I could feel the rapport building. It was happening . How did it feel to you though? And you know what was happening to you ? So how did it feel to you? It felt like I was at a bar and a guy was trying to get me into bed, but that's just because that's my fear about people like trying to connect with, you know, me. Also, she doesn't like to talk about herself in when asked questions specifically, so like you're putting her in a very awkward position I definitely I felt like oh you're relating to things. You're finding the similarities, not the differences . So yeah, I would imagine that it does. It feels like a connection. It feels like you get me. It feels like I want to share more with you. It feels like I'd go on a date with you if you gave me your number. So here's the twisted side of this very effective dating technique. I don't want to make a spy baby yet though. We need to have three days per.fect He doesn't have protein in the morning . He never imagined his children leaving the house. All of that was fake. No , actually the twisted part here is I now know a great deal about you M. But you still don't know anything new about me from that process, really. Right . I know that you start your day in the morning. I know that you like to move slow. I know that you have a child in college and a child that's at your husband's house. I know that you used to have a protein sponsor for this podcast. Did I not ask enough questions about you? Is that why we're not going on a date? I grew up on Blossom M. If you want a date, I would fly to LA and take you to dinner. I will just tell my wife, I have to do this. But what you're saying is that what you were able to do was establish rapport, establish trust, and this kind of connection without you actually having to reveal anything about yourself so that if that's the relationship you need to establish out in the field , you haven't really given up anything of yourself. Correct. It's a tool that we call informational superiority Now, you feel good being around me, hopefully , but you don't know anything about me. So when you meet your friend and you say, I met this guy, she's like, tell me about him. You're like, I actually don't know anything about him. But he's very interested in me and that's what's most important . But we've all had that moment. We've all had that moment where we realize I actually don't know anything about that person. That's me and Jonathan. Like, why are we here? That is now essentially Jonathan , what we are able to do now is we just created a systematic process to make that happen all the time, with clients, with customers, with possible future dates, with in laws, with business partners, it's predictable because the human brain is predictable in any language and any age. So what you've created is a way for to get information but more importantly , for someone to feel comfortable with you that you have shown interest. And because what most people actually want is for someone to be interested in them and to have space held for them and reflected back and finding similarities. There's nothing people love more than, Oh my gosh, that person understands me and has little sparks of similarity. You're exactly right. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. 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