The 1986 Hand of God

Welcome back to Food Bse History. It's part three of the World Cup story. We're still joined by the Uhot boys. Hello! And we're this episode we're going to the Den of iniquity that is South America in the seventies. It's the sewer. Yeah. You keep leaving big challenges in South America this series. You're really putting some crunch and tackles in. Well, we're gonna see why. A we We're going to see why. Something we missed out on the last episode which I thought happened in the later World Cup, we should justent are animals. The opportunions are animals. Iian the Brazilians keep trying to fuck them. no, no, guys, you want goats. Anyway. In nineteen seventy four in the West German World Cup, we need to talk about Zair because this is one of the funniest moments I only realize yesterday that it's not actually what as funny as I thought it was So you wear at this moment So Brazil are taking it So Zaayia qualify and they're being led by a dictator in Ziir formerly the Congo called Mabutu Oh ye. Have you guys done this on your?' done Mab booty. So who's Mab bootoo big dictator. He he organized the rumble in the jungle as well. He's doing the sports washing thing fors Congo. Is there a story of supposedly this NBA player who he became mates with and went over there? And then this NBA player Rodman disappeared. No, it wasn't over was someone else. this guy disappeared and the story is that he got it in Yeah Mab Yeah that mean threatened Mhammad Ali as well. Yes, he does. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah Mabuta it's Zay as it's called there. Yeah and he he's got some insanely long name. he's changed his name too. Right. And it's sort of the ideal dictator look. powerful warrior who because of his endurance and inflexible will to win goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake. It's like that Welsh town That's my pet name. Big run up. Mobuto ses seckot Kkotun goendo Wazabanga You off by heart? Yeah. And he wears the iconic dictator look, you know what I mean? It's like leopard print. sort of soldiers' f vaper print. Yeah. couldould look almost airline Air hostess Yes. Yeah, quite like short's shortca youn't say to him No No. So anyway, so he he's they promise financial rewards for qualifying, they get embezzled and then the squads say we're not going to play. so then FIFA pay them directly to play Yugoslavia. They lose nine nil. Mabuta then directly intervenes saying if they lose by more than three goals to Brazil, then they wouldn't be allowed to return two a here. So that's the context. That's correct. So two nil down to Brazil when Brazil gets So the nine nil was a group stage game. Yeah. So theyes did not make it out of the group. Sorry to break that to you There's a game where they're losing tunel to Brazil. There's a free kick and then they're lining up in a wall. And this must be like the lastort twenty minutes of the game. So you know, never have there been higher stakes really for theers. One of them, a defender called Mepu Ilungo just runs out before the Bistles gone and just boots the ball up field. BBC spin this as like, Native confusion. Do doesn't know the rules. Oh doesn't know the rules. Now I genuallyly thought that's what this was until yesterday. Well God I listened to a podcast. I said, Oh no, it was because he was brilliant. I love this native confusion story. because when I I remember this from watching the FIFA Sanctioned box set history of the World Cup when I was a kid and Barry Davis goes, Oh, bless him. he doesn't even know the rules or whatever. But actually it turns out he was just trying to save his own life. Time wasting. He was time waster. Yeah. Be the other thing I heard was he was like trying to humiliate. Botube by M maybe he's the one that went to Fa and I didn't sorry I didn't know the rules. I re stick this on the DVD box there.. Well, I believed that until yesterday. And so I guess it's not as funny Anyway, let's get to South America nineteen seventy eight, Argentina This is an absolute powder keg. Sure. You know, the Hiroshima of the invasion of Port Stanley is only four years away. One of many British Hiroshimas. Yeah. I've lost count of how many Hiroshomas there's been in this series. So there's a military junter and these guys arere not good guys. They're not good guys. They're chucking left wing students out of helicopters, which I do to be fair is quite funny get to get some new cross golfner students right out in the bin fuck off. They Yeah, they're bad guys. Inflation in nine hundred seventy six exceeds five hundred and sixty percent Be the Argentinian economy is sort of like psychedelic at this point. It's kind of they started off being quite a powerful, they're like a miracle of the south. Yes. And now it's just like inflation is an insane It's just been spiraling for years now. Yeah. and it doesn't really get betterad In nineteen seventy six, a bomb goes off in Buenos Aires on average every three hours There was a political assassination every F hours. Every five hours there's a political assassination. God, who's left? Exactly. This is like the troubles on speed in Argentina So this is like local councilors this point, though. can't be I guess so. The bombing Jackie Waver. With the country completely ungovernable, the military juuna come in haulay Videa and they establish a regime which will commit the original sin of invading our force under the bord of the Falkland Islands. They will also disappear an estimated thirty thousand people But they inherit the World Cup from the previous government. and they think this is this is probably Apart from Mussolini's Worldup, this is, I suppose the most corrupt, the most dirty, the most sports washing The opportunity to re view nineteen sixty six was far worse than this, right? Yeah Yeah Be the of the Rd Cver. Because someone didn't understand the order to be sent off. They hadn't learned English. That's undernderneath the ground aren't poets getting tortured literally while people playing. No.act exactly. When England leftit the World Cup There is not some left wing students being thrown from a helicopter into the city. A celebration. Yeah. that was the swing and sixties so they were they were like close Exactly. Prime time for left wing students. So this is also, I guess this episode is Maradonna's story. Right. You know, Maradononna doesn't play in the seventy eight World Cup. Um He is was he seventeen? he's too young to play But this there's still a great team. They got like Mario Campz and Ozzi Adz Uh and they've they've got Sesarminotes, their coach who's like Maybe the thinnest man I've ever seen just chain smoking a real dog. Let's have a look at Ces Aarminoti Jhny Oh yeah, Sruce fory Ar just it just chain smoking on the sidelines U Is this where like that? When did Marona fall in a cess pit That was like when he was he was a child So he lived because he was super pooolor upbing, right? Yeah. like Yeah. Yeah, he fell fell into a cesspate. And almost drowned. So what is assesspit in a literal sense the shit shit in the ho of Arentinea is Yeahw in Arenta. just door over is thats tke of shit It's tank of shit. all the shit flows into.t if it's even a tank, I think I think it was just h hit. There was hole in the ground. It happened some girl Glenbury or something she fell down into the loom swimming in it Yeah loving it. Yeah It'sin it implies life' love int it. It's like this French toile last. It's also known as the healing fields. ye So o, so Mariana falls in a big pit of shit. Yeah so he doesn't go to the World Cup Yeah. But is that his kind of sppider manan sor. Does he get bitten by a radioactive turd? There's probably a lot of coke in the shit? I could explain That's why. He's wandering around the dark, he falls into a pit' saved by his uncle Cerrillo jumps in and pulls to safety famous ging your young child to keep your head above the shit. As moral life lesson, I guess. Yeah're jumping in for a nephew Yeah don't know. Nonscy, isn't it? it nona to do that? wouldould you arrest him immediately? Crest Sriillo immediately. It was a test. Yes was And you failed. You failed. It the old witch tests of the So But now there's also a whole thing about like Operation Condor which was the American U like sort of funding. CIA CIA Hunton help me him out. Yeah. So what is it? So Argentina need to beat Peru by at least four goals to reach the final seventy eight Um, then they end up winning six Nil And there are all these allegations about whether it was fixed as part of a human exchange. Videa agrees to take and process, I torture and check out a helicopter, thirteen Peruvian dissidents in exchange for a favorable scoreline. Perian government. Yeah Econom records suggestoney is calling it processing. Yes. be data processing. needs be processed properly. Yeah. So Argentina allegedly ships thirty five thousand tons of grain to Peru And then they release fifty million dollars of frozen assets after the game It's been lost six now.. That's the exchange rate. That's the exchange r tells. Heo I'm Dorian Lenssky from Margin Story. And I'm Ian Dunn. We're the host of a podcast that tries to tell the truth about the political terms that we use today, none of the tribal bullshit, none of the irrationality, none of the hysteria, just accuracy and laughs as we try to understand the world around us We dig into history to tell stories that explain why we are where we are today. And we're very excited that we get to do this on stage as well And soon we will be doing it at our biggest ever live show. Yeah On september first in the Union Chapel, London, come join us there for a night of laughs, maybe a few tears and just a general feeling of moral vindication. There's a link to bu my tickets in the show note, and the good news is if you're a patron, you get a fairly substantial discount. So if you've been thinking of signing up, now's a good time We'll see you that King this is where Kissinger gets b. Kissinger and Madeea enter the Perubeian dressing room just before her So Kissinger, I mean, this is like he's just been bombing Cambodia He's shaking hands. He's shaking hands pressing the flesh. Yeah, but Cambodia just needs to sign something away that off. This is post Watergate Kissinger's just his footprint hisot hapints overver. Is he kind of threatening them? That's the subtext is Yeah. Yeah. the subtext that he's the puppet mask. like lads. Yeah, exactly. Peruvian captain later recalled it felt like a silent threat toguiseed as a diplomatic greeting Laving the players unsettled wondering whet the high ranking officials weren't visiting the home team instead There you go. Is that quite a good deal though for Peru? F w is it fifty billion assets and you get rid of them quite a lot grain as well. You probably won't to away that the And you get rid of thisance. This is P Nobby Solana It's like who's not Mlana Come on, Peruvian legend Newcastle winger It's like the only Peruvian guy.adan Paddingon bear. Yeah, that's all Peru have got. You never heard Nobbi Solano? No. Forber Solano. legend, Alberto. To give like Nberto styles. Nberto Solano. Name it another Nobbi. Yeah, holder N not person hot. But this is this this deal is really like You know when u Brittneany Griner that that women's NBA player got arrested in the U.S. for No sorry in Russia. She had she had like a weed vape on her and she was detained. It was like around the time of the Ukraine warar and they were basically holding her hostage. Sure, sure. And they eventually got her released by exchanging hard for a Russian arms dealer called the Merchant ofath. I remember this Merchant of death. was like give give you you got us beA plan and we'll give you mch of death. We'll give you back a merch of death. U Yeah, I dam. damaging to the world. Tmato, tomato Yeah A Framvich get him out. Yeah, he strikes that deal. So this is also the World Cup where the guy who had spent having many millions of pounds on the stadiums who had organized it gets blown up in a car bomb hours before the tournament starts. Now was that a suicide We don't know We don't. Camer are. I think he is killing himself. Much like Pickles the dog. we don't know. I think he just yeah. if there's a car bomb going off every three hours, then it was bound to happen. Y the odd law of averages. Well to be fair, I do think car bomb as a suicide method is fucking hilarious. Yeah. It should be used more. Would you do's a button or a timed one It if your time at twenty minutes and you just sit there All that is is just dad outside his house waiting in the car. And then the thing explodes. You can also pick who you wantna traumatize? Yes Dve through Yeah we're gonna say sixix chicks to legs in a big map, please Don't quick enough It's called fast food for a reason, Wang. I'd love that. I'm absolutely brilliant. Just traumated some poor M goal deployee. Next window, please Bang, fuck it up. Yeah, so Kissinger is the guest of honour at the tournament So I mean, this absolutely stinks this one. It stinks like the sesp. Marriedon Mar The felon. Yeah. Marriilyon's drowning sh. So so's the tournam. Derhan's wife doesn't even travel because he'd been there'd been a kidnapping attempt on his family. Is that right? He says Right. The is his wife won't let him after the After he was fucking everyone a German ear from the do. your doghouse. How's he not cft turning out the doghouse? Why isn't this wife just like running out the picture? shoulder? Yeah, she thinks you're in Netherlands. you cryfted. look at that he's on the plane. And his wife just sood there like, Where's your? Ankle breaker? God This is where friend of the pod, Joseph Mengelele Doctor doctor I apologize. Sorry, can I just do this on the? I apologise to Mengelele and his family The Nazisal. doctors support health workers. Supp workersupport this nation's doctors. Okay I'm on the balcony Bashing pots and pans for doctosices Okay but first do no harm. There's a hmocratic o that all doctors agree to. Yep. The original key worker, doror Joseph Mengeleay It's rumoured to have sat with the Hunter during the final. Now our listeners are very, very thick. They might not know they're ugly as well. They're very ugly and fan. Joseph Menge Joseph Menge. Now if what was the woman's basketball play called the Angelge. So he's the angel of death.. So I guess' a woman's ice hoc.'s a difference the merchant of death, you know that's grubby, that's financial. The angel of death that's holy angel of death svess g He was the guy in the concentration camps who was doing Nazi experiments. Yeah free ye, free styling Ex Basement jazz. Yeah. So he's rumored to be guest of honor at the at the hood That's how dirty this is. Yeah becausecause he's the one that actually got away. Yeah. He's the Nazi that the genuinely want to go away. He is the one that got away. Eichman tragically illegally. It was illegal Iillegal to extract Eichmann back to Jerusalem. It did nothing illegal in Argentina. He was was very law abidingorming citen. Yeah L It is a disgrace. Yeah. And Israel need to pay for their stch Yes. ye. We need to we'll deal with this rail now. we get to but there' ra crimes. Yeah. We need a tribunal. We need the Iichman trial trial where we put judges on trial. Yes, Statute of limitations surely of mine. Exactly that was ages ago. twentywenty years ago. Can a man not change What's happened to forgiveness in this age of cancel culture? Anyway, we see just like an upsstanding citizen in Argentina. It was very bor. Iman had a family. You could set your watch by him because you'd turn up at the bus stop at the same time his watch was itt? It's the point that they making. Yes. But yeah, he worked in a Mercedes factory and he didn't even want a promotion U you know, I mean, He's a humble guy. He just wanted to live his life for this family. And is that a crime A straight man with a mortgage. extxtradited by the Israelis. it's sickening. absolutely sickening. Anyway, Joseph Mengelele is a hero who lives free in Argentina and is invited to watch the sevententy eighth Fal allegedly they Nazis as well, the Hunter? I think they' more It's irlevant. Yeah. It's more like you're a Nazi. It's like, all right,ate don't need to.in famously don't mind about Nazis. So's into him for his medical work. For them they're small talking, he explains entirely of the Holocaust. He goes Oh cool. All right. like doctor Phil. So that's why you were aboutound for the nineteen fifty. All right, It's Holocaust,. No he wass telling me, he's holocausted to the Holocaust I studied history at University. So what what's all this stuff about the Netherlands ties with Israel made a referee unsuitable for this for the final. theyve got an Israeli ref Well, that is with Mglle in the crowd, that's agrace. Come on ad right to a b. It's gonna to trigger Yeah, yees. He's got a lot of trauma and that Israeli reff is taking him right back to the process. Some of his darkest. his best mates got extra by the Israeli gver In Argentina. In Argentina of all places. Yeah. Well, I guess male mental health wasn't a big thing. It' before mle mentalalth. We should place line seventy eight. It's before mle mental health. when is the key male mental health moment? is it? Is it when Tyson Fury does a documentary about ha it being sad? What's the kind of the moment where male mental health? It Alister Campbell's rehabilitation from war criminal to podcast was mental health. Initally I was depressed. Oh mine. Okay. fine. No, there must be like a defining moment for men's mental health Is was it a show? Isn't it the Aacis reunion last summer, isn't it? Yeah, Well, that's the end of it. I it was when it was cured. It's cured now. Of course. Every man is fine Anyway, so they protest that there's an Israeli ref and so the FIFA to be fair, it hears them says you're right Let's put Natalian instead Um Argentina's players walk off the pitch for seven minutes u the crowd is is is chanting. What's what's the thing with the so like literally next to the stadium there is the disappearing ail You can hear the crapp That sounds like an amazing event. Sorry it's not disappearing jail. D disappearing jails Secret cinema withith the magnificent Dctor Joseph Mingle. And his marvelous medicine Yeah So yeah, just seven hundred meters away, the people are being tortured in the Navy S schoolchool of Mechanics. So is that because the crowd drowns it out? It's quite a useful Yeah, and then but maybe also of the prison just so it' torturing you can't. Thekotball stadiumions are good for sort of caper on there. Yeah. And then prisoners are hearing the chanting and and the guards are like, yeah, that's that's for our regime. Yeah Right. they're not say they're torturing saying, they're laughing at you. Yeah. they're showing pictures of your tiny knob small. So the people being tortured while and the photo, can you get the photo, Charlie of the ticket tape at the end of the seventy eighth when Argentina win the final. it's like you can hardly see what's going on. the amount of white and blue ticket tape that comes out It's glorious. All right. I didn't know where you were going. No, it's a maz. It's very amazing. It is animals. It's bit about torturing It's pretty amazing, is. So the Netherlands gets to the f we slagged Argentina off a lot But do fair the tick tape you We're a fan of fair we got f. astonishing. Ch. I think that's probably not cricket. None of our business. None of our business. The ticket tape. Yeah. We're big fans of. So fan. So again, this is so this is Holland without Croiff in their kind of the end of the tot. So they made back to back finals. Yeah Yeah and they l They lose both times. And then they when' the van Bonles later That later' twenty ten Yeah but they're not the Dutch are not playing total football in twenty ten is awful this is a ide it's real I isn't it Is Dirk Kout the ugliest man discuss? Wait, hold up, let's get Dirk Kout out. I mean, even the your lovely blonde hair So No, if we do ugly football as, he's not scr like just come on No come on out Lord of the Rings. Come on. Nothing close to Jolian Lescott, Frank Ribery. not D G you saygly Dutch foot Did you say Dutch footb? I said the ugli man. Riank Ri. Yeah But but these men are sccards. Oh is that come Yeah, I think the Scard does a lot for him think's because Frank Ribery's gun like, I knows I got scarred. It's like, take the scar away. Yeah. same same result. Yeah, same result I actually think Bobby Chartlon's gott to be up there with that and not again Bobby Charton up, hold up. he's got a heroic twenty two year old hairline You, look at this. are you talking about? It's pretty knnobbly I I mean hair a com overver. was As a nine old, as a twenty nine year old with a com overver. Yeah. We have lost that as a society. Yeah Yeah. This we go to Turkey That's not aw woke hairline that is This man has got right w us Anyway, so Argentina win the sevententy eight World Cup which absolutely stinks. U And this sort of starts to well, continues the tradition of complete Latin American shit hsery.. So let's get to Maradononna U born in what on an onion farm or somethingit wasn't it? Born in the cespit? Yeah. Lved his life in a cesspit, wasn't he? Born in a shanty toown of Buenos Aires And you guys got't married on, right? Oh a big time. Yeah done for you I mean, there's the Coke, obviously. Yeah. So I suppose what we'll get to eighty two, but when did you go to Napaloli and start really y I think it went to eighty four. Okay. so it was a bit before that you got to C. into it in Barcelona. Yeah. he was playing at Barcelona and like wasn't I think he got a bad injury or something there and got really into gear. Right. Like apparently there was a journalist that went around to his house when he was out injured and went in and it was just like Eleven AM eleven AM on a Tuesday.' just like Sarface, just like they're a pink pk table with just like mounds cocaine. And I guess I a great time. If we talk about the cultural differences, I guess, especially from your sort of Calvinist upbringing, this is something you won't me to relate to. Maradononna had a close relationship with his immediate family. Disgrace for Yeah. He spent a minimum fifteen thousand dollars a month calling his parents and siblings. C callall C Lara mobile? How are you wacking up that kind of money? callalling your parents? I don't know if you can relate to calling So basically you I'm saying' fifteen thousand dollars a month on not speaking to my family. So you calling your sister nine hours a day Backing up the bills No waste of time Hm are they even chatting about that point? sureurely it like he's on a lot of gear at this point as well is it just got a lot justs just business ide. So he's like he's from a twve from a twelve year old, he's like he's unbelievable Maradonna. He is probably the most naturally talented player ever to be go you think? Yeah it's most fun.' a football character as well. Beause I guess the big comparison obviously is messy, but Messy was mad enoughout the gear, I guess. Well, he was sort of doing it without He had the hormone injections. Yeah why it was fun. Yeah I guess ' Messi wasn't banging Mari Dota did this all on shit pitches bang and brasses. Yeah. And also had the build of a ds player. Yeah. That's what's funny about it. Yeah. It's Joh Beluci Cart in the Blues Bothers. Yeah He scores the greatest goal of all time, all time while having a BMI of forty.. Yeses. But I mean one of the great documentaries is the film about Maronor by the guy at Dami Winehouse. I always forget the direct his name And they show this footage of the cycle he got into Anapoe He's like you know, he'd be training for three days. He'd win a game single handedly and then go out on a sort of Coch and booze matia four four day bender. Oh ye not sleep Then basically the next day on a Thursday, treadmill, oxygen mask you doing cling films or about b bags. swe to start the whole cycle again. That's basically how Charlie pished this podcast. is is. He's in a bin bag now. just sort out there. Asif Kardi, that's his name. Anway. That's a great though There's another story the book the Doc is based on has a story that Maradonna did coke in the pope's bathroom. Wow in the Vatican. Yeah. Wow. he went on all he was meeting the pope and he went on all night bender the night before And his agent was like, comeome on mate Rin it in, but he stayed out. And according to his agent He demanded to go into the pope's bog and just put one away Amazing. Do doing lines That's the most up on the mth. It's the most Catholic thing I've ever heard doing cocaine in the pope's bathroom But you would like for that trip, I think he got invited and his family's Catholic. It' quite big honest. his like m and dad and He's been on the phone for them conant for what they know about us is they come over and They're at the hotel and you know you' like you've seen the pope tomorrow as probably. an early night, probably. It's not his bag. In ninety five, the Pope invited Deg Mar on to the Vasican promote anti drug camp. I mean that's absolutely all. great. I't know's anti dru campp, well. it' more like look at the state of this. Yeah ye. Oh that's a drug. Well, he's not a great ase founded drugs becausecause it's more like If I do loads cooke, will I be married on it? That's.. want it all. He's at the fac of can cake. Yeah No. so Now his first World Cup is nineteen eighty two, which is in Spain, which has just transitioned from Franco From Franco to democracy. So still f their food. The m The main crisis that the tournament is defined by Britain' southern border Britain's southern border has been breached The Argentines as if it wasn't enough with their hosting of the Argies. Yeah. It is overshadowed by the British Hiroshima and the British Nagazaki. Yeah The invasion of the Falklands Islands In april nineteen eighty two. century defining warlime. Yes, biggest, biggest injors to centurial. We live in the shadow of the Falkland Islands to this day as we've said. The British goovernment have to consider if they would participate in a supporting event alongside the aggressor. I mean, yeah. That's a tough question There were calls for a boycott. Yeah as there would be But then thatcher goes, well it, hang on. that's not. if we boycott, then you're basically giving it Yeah They've won, haven't they So Thatcher says, well, it be good for morale. So they send look at her there resplendent washing Kenny Kegan on the left. Yeah. great. Brian May U So now in ' eighty two Maradononna gets kicked to shit Is eighty two where there's a photo of him going through the Belgian team? There's an iconic photo of eighty six weaving. Yeah there's a photo of all the Belgian defenders and he's like he gets kicked a lot. Yes. twenty three fouls committed against him in one game. Um, U And so what had happened in the Falklands is that Maridononna thinks he's playing uh for the boys The Hunter and Argentina have put our a news black out. so everyone thinks it's going very well. Yeah. It's only when the team gets to Spain that they read Spanish newspapers and they go, Oh it fuck. Tort Stley has fallen. Yeah I'm So he's twenty one, he's fully grown five and he makes his debut distracted by the true nature of the Falklands. Daster from his perspective, they lose one little to Belgium. The next day, june fourteenth, Port Stanley Falls and Argentinian's surrender. Rejoice. Rejoice, rejoice. It to to say. During the tournament all Yes. You know the su front page, the Gotcha G think the Bell G like during theeg Allegedly. Allegedly. There's no C has ale in it The cameras were turned off for the few minutes. Ol Grana had a old. Got A Y jenta Yeah, but I suppose this is all leading into the Jingo is it's aorld Cup suun. I mean the Tabboys are never more rabid than if it's the World Cup.. So if there's a war on as well, Yeah, it's the sun up there absolutely. Yeah. It's peak suun. So yeah, Maradonna, now is this the World Cup where we get to the second group stage? there's two groups There are some weird ones are there? We have a shit Worldup Well you say that, but we have just recovered the Falklands. Yeah. I think that needs to be put into the context of this shit We st the world no one It gave us any credit. Yeah Th Wld Wars We stood alone. Thank you, Jack. Three worldorld wars Al we stood alone. Again, we stand alone. You know, the world expects us to do be the global polican. it's not t tenable We're stretched. you know, We've sorted out Germany, we've sorted out Korea and they're asking to sort out the fork. I mean, guys What is the UN for? that's not to sort out the Falklands. So yeah, as I said, Maridononna gets kicked to shit and by a guy called Claudo Gentie who's is he know' Belgi or something. When told he' was playing too aggressively, Gentie said foootball is not for ballerinas ot not so gent T today after all Lovely stuff. A Ballerin is doing coconut Pokes p That's my Rada gets sent off in a game against Brazil in their final match for violently kicking Brazilian midfielder Batista in McGroin Which you can see a photo of there. Yeah,'s that's not cricket. It was retaliation. It's not Dave Balutista Battista, the rest not him. So but as you say in the eighties, he then moves to Napal in what eighty who won that old Cuotland Jes. was eight min it It's Italy. No. Do we go out the group stage? There's a second group stage that we go out. Brian Robson Wantna know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it, how friends turned us ono coffee culture and super layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, trainspotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress and what it was really like to be a spice girl plung back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, bumster jeans, and lemon hooch With Talk nineties to me. Listen now wherever you get your podcast. and if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk nineties to me out every Monday Hello, it's Andrew Harrison here. Atacks on the American Democratic system, a paramilitary force snatching people off the streets moves to politicize the American justice system president indulging in unprecedented corruption Do you ever think the United States might need a total reboot after Trump is gone That's what we're looking at in a special three part series from the Bunker, your daily podcast of News Lout the Nonsense In Fables of the Reconstruction, how to Fix the USA. I'll be talking to experts and friends of the bunker to look at if, why and how the American system could use a total rethink. Search the bunker on your favourite podcast app ays we lose to Spain or draw against them? anyway. It's We have a terrific kit in eighty two. That's the admiral one. ye. that now has been resold and the most born cnts in the world buy so it's ruined the kit. But So let's talk about Maradononna in the eighties in Napoli. You guys have done extensive research on Maradlla. Yeah. So Ied I mentioned the cocaine uses but he dodged it with a fake penis because obviously you're going to take drug tests in the eighties. Right. So he had a thing Apparently quite big prohic thing is if you canre to get a prosthetic cock to dodge drugs test,'re going to make it make it biger Yeah. No no. you're gonna It's to be realistic. Yeah. Yeah. we can't be putting out a massive fake long. I mean small in the way. when you get the big one That's the od one. rest big rest big c put your other cck he's not cheating to do that and snooooker, it's just sometimes you'tach across the table. It's just like he's a step up. You need one of those a little w for a v. he fills it with Baby, urine. Yeah. Where's he get him out from Right. So. So takes his son's piss to do drug tests' sort of Bri Jhson, ask, is comparing his eirectction Johs compares reactions with the son. Yeah There's a link with for him and Maradononna, I guess, but they live quite' quite different philosophies.. different lives. you see Bri John's latest that he's measuring his girlfriend's vaginal pH. Well, thank God, someone is Is he getting one of those pieces of paper sticking it in and it's turning purple Yeah chehecking the oil. Yeah. got You've got to change the oil the oil. Top one percent of China's percent she was For acidity do you want? Do you want acidity or alkaline? I guess you want the neutral, don't? You you want to be six on the scale? No, that's water You want slight acidity, I think. Slight acidity. whatever she's got the best one. You want it to be somewhere between three point eight and four point five. Yes, you want it to be quite. Is that a vagina?. That alkali, or is that acid? That is acidic. Highly acidic. which nally prevents the overgrowth of harmful bacteria.. There's a an agreiness to it. Yeah It's a white wine vinegar. Sharpness. Yes, you don't want a raw apple cider vinegar with bits No But you want a bit of shart battery acid. You don't want to compooach your mother downam this. All right? You want salsa salsa A bit of balsamic to just all drizzle over yourore nose. In case up to your period beginant our vaginal environment. vaginal it's like my house. Your ecosystem. My vaginal environment becomes more alcoali. Yeah. Interesting. Anyway, so he fills it with withy fills it with baby urine and then just does the test And they just think that's him. Mike Tyson did it as well, didn't? Yeah Mike Ton class. It's called the Wizzardater. This device is big in the eight. So it must be the precursor to the Shiwi. Yeah Yeah I think they've been repurpos. So now they're stopping how do they get around that now? I think now you have maybe have to them or hang on Maybe someone has to have aice hug on it just to make sure. L cheang for wigs or anything think its just like Yeah quick sege. But if he's using a fake penis, he must be doing it in the same room as the person running the test. Yeah, because he does have or what jumpinghead O you was us all day. Yeah, maybe that's it. Anyway ends up in a museum and then someone breaks in and nicks it and it's never been found Well, Pickles is dead. Yeah ye Of course I smell a rat. I smell a rat. So yeah, so in Napoli he goes mental he gets in with the mafia he's doing coke he becomes a kind of hero of now he still he still he's basically God and I think it's the most romantic player club combo. Yes because obviously they win the league under him, which they haven't done. Yeah. I don't think they'd ever won it. No no. And the Uaf for Cup, I think he too as well The Wizenator, the original synthetic urine product. original. Yeah You can still get them,uh? Oh my day wow. Greet.ic sccreet. Let's get a bit more. Just touch and go So but is this a company that sells this for to take a drug test Yeah, but I'm not who's falling f No other pric synthetic urine device or fakeed Iildo matches the wizardator. All fake Iildo. Right. That a purpose. Swiss Army knife for the gadget Okay, shout out to our Par Back brown Latino chanel, white. Lovely. So let's have a look at Oh, Latin,'s Latino, is that? Marada? is that's not supporting anyoneure. If I pull that out at the drugs test,' Maradonna, kiding at that's how white white goes becausecause it's turn. Yeah. evenven the white is is white to be fair they've nailed it. They've nailed it they are they know what they're doing That's an extraordinary company That's our partner for this episode, The Wizenator Touch. What is the RRP on one of them? one hundred and twenty nine dollars one hundred and twenty nine.e if that gets you to keep your job up of course, it's cheap morely. Yeah. Shout out resonat. also do they do flashlights as well. Of course they do of course. They do a whole range of stuff out? What do we So is this website Is it Is it a sex thing or a j? thing shagging. Just chuck in a flashlight get. Paradona was doing a lot of shagging that as well We'll call flashlighting Apparently, according to one mistress in Napali, his thing Was he like to suck that big toe Thatakes sense. He's a wronger. He's an absolute wronger.'s unusual. Yeah If for a football, maybe that's.on I reckon Chris Sutton and Gar South get a flesashlining before games. There's no shagging to all that, but you can flash on the flashlight of course Y with the socks on. full kit, full kit should shouldn't f quly as possible. It's about my own relationship with my own. O of my favorite videos is Gar Southgate when they talk about they're interviewing all the vill team about drink the drinks. Yeah. and they're all like Oh ye, I have ten pipes of the week. I like a rumen cooke and they get to Southgate and goes, Well, I mainly drink water but weekend water and stuff like that. Stuff like water. Whg go Eog's doing Guness. tenen Ginness is whatever. Has how you approach foreplay changed with marriage or does it? How I approach for play does iticallyantically U is it more kind of no nonsense or is it more I suppose I have got more Sam Alladice. yeah. Yeah, I think. Iose it used to be more total football than seventeen. I was a I was just trying to findine. I was a Dutchan the bedroom, yep, of course. switching pos S Oload on the right wing. Youve got another guy. Where' he come from? Y.'s yeah that's a hred help. ye.' substitutions. But no now' retty much It's meat and potatoes., it's gone back the thirties, really. It's. I mean the ideal goal will be from a goal kick, two touches. The perfect Bang game touch bang. The perfect game man' no no. of us are coming. Neither of us are coming No one can sle every go ever go to sleep. It's possession based.. hold on too it. Hold on to the orgas. Don't let them have it.on't them have it. They can't one.mark. If you have j, can't have one Come as early as possible. Yeah sh up shot then you win, Yeah, shh shop shop. Yeah. Get into the corner flag. But that mean, shop you a toe or something. No, no. Rot the clock down. Wind it down Maggona becomes great friends with Fidel Castro in nineteen eighty six. They're similar fellas though, I think they were similar. They are. It's abs of him with bleached hair. Christ didn't know he.'s a massive tattoos' quite big C face, the blue chir. Yeah. It's quite large there. So, Maradononna is he's got a godli like Yeah he's got can you get up con strain It's not good. Does it not work? It does not not work. It not turn to screen. Fidel Astro Fidel Astro. It does not work. Butid Fidel Astro. But also we didn't say he was having anal. So't It doesn't make sense. Charlie put on the screen did Fidel Castro like anal? Yeah Because he wanted us to set him up for a pum that was Fidel Astro But yeah, there was no tid or fact that Fidel might take. Think himself back there. Absolute idea. It doesn't not work. It doesn work Fidelcastrate, baby? not even. But it doess not relate to anything. Nothing we were talking about No anyway. Fel Castra came in this story about five seconds. Let's get Let's get to eighty six. Now in ' eighty six, Colbia were meant to host the World Cup Cy went through the floor because of the like the f drug Fuckingll mate here F What the Farkingll, mate? Well they f fucking honey Is this calledool Fark. It's calledool Fark, isn't it? Cous f this man F I'm got fast! Far here now, we can't as wellc. We' got no fid stadiums. Fark. And you sit with the sea Colombia so What is it? What is it It guera It's guer the guerilla arrmy and stuff. Anyway, Facken They it's the first time that a company first time our country's won the World Cup and then resigned from hosting it because they couldn't do it Uh so I so Mx Mex go take it again U and I quite rate that though lease it please have it, join it. I can't do it It fuckking An another iconic knot today? It is another icon. One of the first iconic knot todayays was the Egyptians in nineteen thirty years ago. Not today.' Not this month. Not this month Not this world Cup. And then again, yep, Colombia can't handle it. so could you put it on? I can't be bothered. ' you do. We have to do it, I so what Mexico had a massive earthquake just before Mexico. five thousand people died. and then the Mexican government basically used the World Cup to mask their own f. This is every World Cup D disaster really. The key pop political tension is in the quarterfinal between England and Argentinea. This is like dad law. Yesat my dad still goes on about. Y toally my dad My my dad gos married on a fucking cheating bastard My dad and my uncle would still talk about this in the same conversation about like the war. Did they talk about this as if they fought as if it was a them watching this was like them fighting on a D day bitch. No, you don't get it. You didn't see it. I could see on live, he touched it. Live. Argentina, this is retribution for the Fklands. Right. Whereas for England it's just, you know sure it's retribution for us. Yeah. I mean, you fucking invaded. Marona said in his autobiography, it was like beating a country, not a football team Although we had said before the game football had nothing to do with the Malvinas warar, we knew they'd killed a lot of Argentine boys there, killed them like little birds. and this was revenge. You started it get off our southern border. okay? So now there there were tensions from the off, right? with in the crowd. peopleeople are like I mean, We go for it. Yeah ye. This is what the World Cup' all about, though, isn't it? Yeah. fighting a war on a football p. That's what Jules Re, who founded it, it fought in the First World War and he was trying to make a cy It's like an outlet. Yeah. No. It's another theaterre of. It's notal. Yeah. Let's open up a new front. Yeah. You completely misunderstood it Jeoresockff. It's about reinforcing existing wars. Yes, exactly ye I think u Carlos Tz's dad or uncle, was was at was fought in the Falklands. And as a result, Tavez refused to ever learn English when he was at Mady Unight lived in England for like nine years. never you. I mean, Tabz is kind of quite a fascinating player, right? because he seemed to hate football. We're talking ugly players. He's very h. He's very hideous. He loved going to Disneyland. Yeah, he's a simpleon. Yeah but he just like would he just hated football He never seemed even though he's an unbelievable player, he just hated playing it. He loves P peaky blinders. That's the one time he'll speak English to say by order of the peeaky Blinders. Yeah So there' these two iconic moments in the same game. Yeah The first is that there's someone kicks the ball in the air Steve Hodge And then Mariadononna fucking punches it into the goal. Mor is five foot five, and Peter Shilldonon goal is over six foot. and it gets out jumped. I mean, you can see the photo of it now. It'ss clelear asday. Yeah Yet another war crime to add to the list First they invade Port Stanley, then they punched the ball into the bett The Wh's the referee? Who's the referee What nation is the referee Let's have a look at that. Come on. Who is officiating the eighty six? Straight of our dads watching that game isn't it? Wheres the reference Ali Belinasa from Tunisia. The Tunisian ref. I really like Bin Larden. Binarden is refereing my mate lives next to the Bin Larden's inors it,arent A lot of the Binnardens have endorsed. Yeah Are you sure it's like the Bin Lardens? Yes, it's the Bin Lardens. The Bin Lardens live inndorset. My mate Charlie is a neighbours with the Bin Ladenss inndorset. What are theyors?'re pretty nice ye. One of them's like a sort of like instant influencer hottie isn't sure?? And one of them's a painter, like a artist. They're like an aristocratic I know they're a rich sudi family. Yeahah, but they just like to go to the beach. Yeah, and this was he was like one of twelve. If one of them is terrorists, like, you shouldn't be judged for what your siblings do. No You' allow to live in Dorset as a building actually I feel like we' just re reabing binloss and out of nowhere, willn't it P peopleople len to the story of the Wor Cup and go well, let's just reate. It' just a bad ach Yes, Well, one out of twelve I guess. If you buy twelveggs one of them be smashed. Anyway so Mariadona punches the ball into the neck. The Tunisian ref I was going to say is I really like it. There's a particular type of dad who can't mention a ref without the national nationality. That's my dad's first question. Yeah. Where's every game? Where's the? you game'soid. Yeah'sunisian Yeah You know what The Tinisian R. No You remember b Yeah What are the Trinisians like Dad. What do they do? Minutes later, he scores what is undeniably the goal of the century, which we should get on because it it is pretty glorious where He runs sixty yards, basically h from his own he from his own half Bepeat to everyone And let's get some Argentinian commentary out You're still you excuse me That something, exxcuse me it's cheing Itounds like It feels like It's like the British defense is incredibly polite. Yeah. It's sort of like the sorry. C just can I squeeze past? Can I just stop you rightide there No back's come back. I've not finished talking to you say you're allowed on this floor. Now C we just replay the commentary and instead play footage of the Brits taking Port Stanley,? Just for the listeners at home, I'd like to see Britain entering Port Stanley in June eighty two. raise Fag raise, just play that, Charlie, just play that and then put the sound of the Argentinian commentary on L loveve, lovely stuff. Glorious to watch another one it's got past another one. Oh, look at that Absolutely they ten to the weed. ten to the weel bed. Yeah No It's a bit a fun one. England Argenta is a bit a fun one because it's random. Yeah. Anded. which is just like it it's a bit of a like And the football cr's happening is around ninety eight Yeah, it' fun just like I guess we hate the Argentinians. Yeah. Who wouldd think it? Having a random rivalry? Yeah. Did you want Argentina to win the World Cup with Messi? Yeah I did. Yeah. how much does your hatred for Argentina weigh up against? I didn't D you not because of this?t forgive. I like that. so that's a real. I that. I respect that. No, you have to mess' transcendent. It Jack wased that final with this back turn up this holding. I was watching E standarders. But the French win? was a was well becausecause he also got the hundred years War, which I I haven't really over. It goes deep with the French exxact Sporting guitar that tournament. Yeah, Eactly. Football won that tournament. No, yeah, but that was one of the great footballing finals. But also what I liked about that final is that so this era and Maredononna is the same as Plle is this was where player would win the World Cup almost on their own or at least a narrative of like you've ascended to the football gods because you won Worldup Maradon'sorcu. Maridona'sor Cup Pe'sor Cup M Solini'sorldup M Solini's Wldup You M m it to the Panthon of the Greats And you take Messi. Well ye, definitely by the time Messi won it, that story was gone because you couldn't do it anymore because it wass more about the Champions League Whereas Messy winning the World Cup felt like when I was watching footage from the nineteen seventy woke up and it felt like a sort of What was it true sporting It also felt like a narrative. The closest like true history watching it live. It felt so historic. It was such a Be the salultt bay was there. Salt exactly the trophy literally this moment, it's so much of the greatest game ever within ten seconds's like a trophy sault. And then the gu you're brought back to E earth and you realize God, everything is crraacked. And then was that Wen's World Cup where the head of the FA started kissing the player? Yeah right off the machine J give it to the eyes. Yeah, yeah, what were they wearing like? What were they wearing . You can go Red rack to a boat U Now his mother, this is Louise Robaz, his mother went on the lowest stake hunger strike of all time. The shortest hung strike joined church and she was hunger strike for maybe ten hours. Not even sure she missed a meal, actually. That's just intimate hung stri. your hung strike for two breakfast in London. It's very healthy I can't do this anymore. I can't do this Please I'm So yeah. now Argentina go on to win the World Cup in eighty six a disgrace U But again, Mariada it's a new trophy. When's the new trophy coming? is it for eight sixleast nineteen seventy, I think that's for the So it's been a new trophy since then. Yeah The pick of him holding the trophy Yeah yeah, it is great. It's And then Maradonna's story to finish that off because he when does he retire from He gets it all goes wrong in Naples. He sort of loses protection from the authorities and he fails the fails the drugest. He leads to Argentina, where he's then he gets banned from football for fifteen months. Did he fail a drug test during a game I think it's after a game. I thinkelebration w in the next. ninet nineteen ninety or ninety four, in ninety four, he gets led off by a ner celebration 's g. Beause they drug test him after the H of Gold Game as well. Yeah. And apparently he admits it to whoever's the England player called for the test, he says Yeah wasn't it It wasn't the England player, Steve Hodge who then got his got his shirt Yeah They were They u Um So Steve Hodge like, yeah, they got called in for the drug testing. Marijana' is obviously the like smug is fuck. He' just humbled it in and he asks him for his shirt and's like, I'll just keep this. Goes back to the England dressing room. Obviously everyone is like off that he's got married he got the fucky little cheating Weasels chart. And a few years ago he sold it What was it millionine mill Is he doing it because he loves cocaine or is he doing it to be better? If he starts like this think I think it's loving he lo It doesn't help. It's not for the game. I mean not you're not doing cocaine because you love football? No, I love coce. You love cocaine. Yeah. think I think that's the thing with cocaine. There's no alt was hancing as a producer doing the concoction of drugs you do on the weekend?'s hurting I getet the bit of an ag on. Yeah, I think so. But yeah, he then goes to Argentina and they bust him with like five hundred grams of Coke I it's a ridiculous. it's like a flower. Yeahs a slap on the wrist, obly. Of course. Now the when he goes back to now Italia ninety this is where Maradonna falls foul of the The Napalally crrown because he basically splits Italy in. He basically makes it like a North south thing By saying to the Napoli lot Uh the North hate you. They say Naples isn't Italy. Yeah. And so they support him because he's just won them the league. Yeah Yeah. he's got Yeah he is God. So that means that when there's a game in in Naples in the South against Italy A lot of the Italian fans are supporting Arentinea. Wow. There's a semif S scouters, aren't they? They are theyapers are the scousersly. Yeah. And they do a poll of most hate worst villain of the twentieth century in northern Italy and he wins it by miles. Hitler. Yeah, Hitler's like distant fifth. Well it's northern Italy. Yeah ye exactly Hitler. So Italia ninety is kind of England's great rehabilitation because it's the eighty to be dogged by hooliganism, which we're going to beking about on the Patreon did a lot of stay in disasters. Some funny than others. This is more more romantic Ands the more romantic. Yeah. Well have a better wo up, isn't it One of them. I think it's considered the most fun. Be you got the Marriedona story. Yeah Cameroon. England do well Yeah. Cameroon, Roger Mzoger celebrating. But this is when African teams like they they throw off the shackle of the a thing and then Cameroon actually perform well. Yeah. It's the beginning of Germany ruin it by winning on penalties though Yeah. Is it the least corrupt one so far? No, because the mafia get all the government contracts and build all the stadiums and yeah it's a complete racketeering job. So they put the money that FIFA gives to Italy basically goes all into the Italian underground economy like with the Italian economy. Ital Italian economy. Yeah. you're right. In a way I like that, though, I think iss a bit more sort of It's Italian. It's very hes.ared to like compared to like the corruption today, which is just just like state sponsored stuff Just hard working Yeah Don Cone more like corruption as opposed to corruption Yeah, I guess it's more it's more romantic in Italy because if you're not corupt in Italy, why are you going to We all like the godfather. Yeah we workk a holidayce a while. Yeah. go to Italy. I don't think you could do the godfather with Jian. Infantino doesn't really work as well. Tay I am gay. You come to are my gay My gay daughter's wedding. My disabled daughter's wedding. My migrant worker's daughter's wedding. Don Giani. So it's known for like the gas's tears, obviously And Linaka does a big sloppy pool of the pitch. Yeah Yeah which is what he was going to name his production company. called a goalhanger. Yeah. I that' It's going to be called big sloppy p pit most known for Soorry Yeah shit on the pitch. or being a girl hanger. Yeah. tough. Yeah Anyway. Anyway, that's when Marononna loses his protection. the Italian authorities because they're so for dividing Italy they're like, right, fuck this guy rip the wizator off, let's have a proper test. So by the end of the eighties, nineteen ninety, Italian nineties like football is undeniably big business now. England fans are rehabilitated. teelevision means the whole thing worked globally. The tournament's value no longer lies in the prestige but in its commercial Right Geopolitical influence And it's about to enter its most lucrative age the nineties and probably the most nakedly corrupt. That's why I say the journey is there is there just more cameras now? Well, yeah, I'd say I mean, imagine this four K cameras but it Miss Lini'sorld Cup. That's what I mean. Yeah. There was instead of like there's four photos of the entire nineteen twenty eight World Cup Yeah like that's why it's not naked that willll get away with. I mean there was that one game where the referee was playing basically up front for the other team. the referee intercepted a pass. Yeah, just basically just yeah. So we're going carry on the story in our final part, which we're on the Patreon. The Uside boys are going to stick around for our exclusive episode on Hooliganism Or rather they already have because now it's Monday and they did It'sready been done. We't know what's happened. We can only apologise. Incredible U join the Patreon and also watch the uphot, check it out, great podcast. What you about? What are some great episodes you've done? Whatere are you most popular? Lary one Lter that's a patron. the lotter that's an absolute favorite. K you talk about Keen Peterson really enjoyed whoo he did. Now, you tellld me that he listened to that episode. Yeah, apparently Ke Peton listened to the episode. And he's not he's quite thin skinned,'s old K.ot known as a laugh KP. No, I haven't been switched here out of out the studio yet. No it KP that didn't say his views on the episode No I bumped into this guy who who his mates with Kein Peterson and said that he said that he'd watched it. I think he saidly enjoyed it. England's arhole genius. Yeah. And we just did a Roman Abramvich one that's got down very well because his story is mental how he came up. Yeah ye days I who was doing Did you talk about Charlie when you went on? Robin Friday. Yeah, the LSD footballer sort of hing at in Payt Lwis. But I say my favorites are Snooker. Gold Aager Snooker and Dark eighty. We should get you back on to Gold Mager Snook. Snerbsol. Unbelievable. I love snooker. And then obviously we're doing a of worldorld Cup stuff. Yeah, we're going to be doing a lot of that Yeah can cance Yeah because the priceices. Yeah, just you know, taking a stand against the politics., we just we realized that we could just stay at home and eat a hot dog and then just set fire to one hundred and fiftyllars and have a similar experience. So we do an episode every week that's all the funnest stories this week. So there's a lot of gossip coming through about. Yeah guys you're kind of bringssip back stight Gossip in scandal. I mean life stories are you are straight man gossip. Yes, it's like you are carrying on tabloid era because yeah the taboid, the goldenge tabloid is dead. it's not the I mean, these guys are oskirsing every night. Yeah with scy hacks, with ps which to an upskirt. When the Freedom Protiller was captured by the Isalian Jant That's what these guys' doing. Brillant a brilliant pod check out the upshot. Anthing it's a plug just just C a pl you will find it on spotsify Apple, YouTube A uphotes Wherever you find uphot podcast Whatever you get your podcast. And if you're on the patreon U rememember, we are doing a live alternative commentary Rutch match ame of the century big one.rumble in the jungle. Switzerland versus Bosnia. It will get spicy. It will get spicy. We willll make sure it gets spicy. Looks they' got lot of albanians,witer of sectarian t White on white violence. and it's live on the eighteenth of June on the Patreon. We'll be doing that live. That will go out as the that week's patreon episode. We'll carry on the Worcup story next time. For now, than you boys to the uppshort. Thanks Thank very much. We'll see you next time. Byee