Stalemate and Future Prospects

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Stalingrad is completely irrelevant to the war is lost Yeah at El A Alaman. Grad. Aerm Grad. To recap, Monty and Rommel are two professional soldiers. They have fought in World War O, where they have sort of outlined their new what was that? Sorry el was a hiccup. Right U you're gonna to have hiccups the wholepisode. I can't confirm ightact what you As a producer, you cannot have hiccups while we' recording. I don't think I can help that. It's not a protector characteristic, okay? It's notca. It's not a m to lose a King's speech, okay? have a hiccup. You cannot use hiccups as aage tryrying to scare him. Yeah. Imagine a mortgage. Imagine being married to a woman. Imagine being married to a woman who just sees her arhole as a pooh gutter and not a playground sorry. I don't know what I don't know what you mean at all there. Come on, you know what I mean? I don don't do you get that Charlie? No, you're ask a player try to upset me? y, I am. I'm trying toop hicupping. Right.'reing you're going be so scared. You try topress the hiccups out at me. Yes I am. You know, because you know you know when you scare someone and they no longer have hiccups, he tried to do that byy you imagining having a future wife who only viewed your ass as a boon gunter another playground And Fid was expecting you to go. used I used too many words didn't understand We're in the desert. okay. We're in the desert Where our soles are, poo gutters are not a playgrounds because there's a lot of sand getting involved. Yes, all right? The bottoms lovely, s. The bottoms are a professional broadcaser. The bottoms are not clean. it's difficult to clean your bottom in the desert front o This is Melvour Braggsort stuff. Unlike the picnic of the easastern Front, where bottoms are being why, right? Yeah There is sandy bottoms in the desert. o And these bottoms are Italian, so they're hairy as well. All right. As I was saying to you before we started recording, I frequently have to cut shit out of my dog's matt. That is my actual dog before you make a doke for my wife.. I wouldn't. I'd write them for you to say say Yeah. But you were saying because you're giving your dog away for a week ucer. Yeah. And you've said you' werere to pre cut the shit out of their ass. She currently has some driry shit matted into her fur at the back of her ass U if I if I just gave the dog to our producer, I would be giving other Charlie I would be giving you Charlie? I would be giving her basically a shit wrapped in fluff. Yeah, essentially. So you're gonna do it pre cut.. but as soon as you have to do that it anyway, I was wondering if you could put Charlie in, ' you've already got the scissors out. Well' down there. Yeah, I think we could just give Charlie and we cut some shit out. for us as well. I don't want you to do that. Okay No. You hold onto it like it's some kind of crystal, I imagine. Anyway, we're in the desert, okay? It's september nineteen forty. Italy has invaded Libya Italy has invaded from Libya into Egypt They've crossed into British territory. And the the Brits are like, what excuse me what the fuck Now, Italians have nearly a quarter of a million men, but again This is a big number. Huge number. that's a big f. But It's not a big four. No, because they're Italian. Yeah And you know this is practically speaking, five men. Yes. It's the same as five British men. It's a quarter m in the Italians or a platoon of Brits.ight. The advance has no liability, does? That's their main weapon is being a genuine liability. This is like a public health The key element is surprise, except they've surprised themselves. Okay Oh, right, we're invading, are we? So the advance has no plan and no long term objective that's not Mussolini riding a horse toppers and Cera. Because the Italian Navy in the Mediterranean is basically like a a Bunger Bunger cruise, right because they got the prostitutes onto the boats. Yes So they were shagging. It was a floating brothel. Yes. there. Lid. It's like we're going to set sail for C carro, get the prostites on. The prostites ride the. What were we even doing in the first part? I forgot, this is great. Let's hang out with these guys The u What the Italians do is they build a series of camps in the desert disconnected camps. This is the difference between the German camps and Italian camps.. There is no sort of infrastructure in between the camps. They're isolated. And they're thinking right we've got some times we're going to really hanker down.. they build really fortified structured camps pasta kitchens But they yeah but super far from each other so it's not at all aligned. And one of the big things about the North African theatre, okay, about the desert War is it is' probably the most autistic front because Nothing grows there. It's all supplies have to be shipped in It is a warist Ltely a logistics and the patreon sent me a link to an article, right of the most autistic board game ever invented. It is called the Campaign for North Africa. We've got the Wikipedia article up here In it was made in nineteen seventy eight. It is a strategic board war game that simulates the entire North African campaign. It is considered one of the most complex games ever published With ten recommended players, and an estimated total playtime of one thousand five hundred hours. Wow. It was not tested before release And no one the game, they think has never been completed. Right So if you just go down, who made it? It's made byich R Burg. Oh my God Oh. My God Pot Richard H. sorry, known as the Pope of wargaming winner of the Industry Award for Best Game Design thirteen times. This man is that's why I should say that's the patron that messagage me, Richard Hb. R Now If you scroll up to the actual too far for Berg though. He's won all these awards, but this is too much. This is his staling grant. R So this the game the gameplay, the gameplay is hilarious. A reviewer said that if you and your group meet for three hours at a time twice a month, you'd wrap up the campaign in twenty years It' North Africa It has been called the most complex war game ever designed, with a commonly cited example that Italian troops require additional water supplies to prepare pasta. Reviewer Nicholas Palmer outlined the actions for one side single turn. As a first step before playing, the player or team must make unit organization charts for every one of the hundreds of counters on their side And then each turn, they have to plan strategic air missions, raid maltar, plan axis convoys, raid convoys, distribute stores and consume stores, calculate spillage evaporation of water and adjust all supply dumps They keep going Reorganise units, calculate attrition of units short of water and stores, begin building construction, begin training, rearrange supplies, transport cargo between African ports, brring convoys tohore, deploy Commonwealth fleet, ship repair, plan tactical air mission if airplanes are fuuelled, begin air mission, which would involve a side mission of fly to air to air combat, fire fl carry out mission, return to base airplane maintenance pl land units or Merve Move units and a reaction, move more units. Th then you get into the combat phase. starts combat. Designate each tank and gun as deployed forward or back. Plot and fire barriages. retreat before assault, secretlyign all units to anti armor or closeer assault roles. Ajust ammunition. deplloy destroy tank markers and update unit records to reflect losses. Carry out probes and close assaults, release reserves, move rear trucks, begin repair of breakdowns, make patrols, repeat all movement a second time, repeat all movement a third time This entire sequence would then be repeated by the other player, which would complete one turn. You know, when you're like a family holiday and you're playing a card game and someone's never played it before. Yeah And use that explain to the rule. Imagine trying to explain it's simple. So we play this every year.. it's quite a simple game. we play it play twenty years. We play it every a generation But know what they say is oh, you'll pick up as we go along. Doesn't they say? This is the rules of. Let's do a practice round. You've moved your tank too early. you've not calculated the water evaporation from the desert. There's even wow There's evenable There's even a moment where they say that if you're playing as the British More of your water gets evaporated because you're not using jerry cans, you're using barrels mean I mean, it's the most and this is what people do for fun And then the reviews they say, this is not a game. this is a Historic simulation of running war campaign in the desert Absolutely incredible. Anyway. so that that's why the camp this theatater It' so autistic it's such an autistic magazine. tech It's all logistics. It's all supplies. Ultimately, you could say that is why Monte prevails I'm Arch Manning. I'm Madison Skinner, I'm Ev Yovich. I'm D Coria Mooore. want to train like a Red Bowl athlete. Tell us your fitness goals this summer to enter the Red Bull Athlete Challenge. You'll get to try each of our workouts for a chance to win an ultimate Red Bulll experience. They you have what it takes Take your flexibility beyond the mat PayPal Pay nothing at checkout. Th then enjoy a flexible monthly payment plan that works for you. With no sign up or late fees. Find yours then, and an easy way to pay. With PayPal. downownload the PayPal app to get started. Subject to approval. Pay mononthly consonsumer loans made by WebBank. available through PayPaling, N ML nine one zero four fivety seven. Learn more at payPal d. com slash pay monthly The FIFA World Cup is here and you can now feel the thrill of the pitch in FIFA World Cup laaunch Eedition on Netflix, a fast and fluid football game where your phone is the controller and the TV is the stadium. Play for your country in sixteen different stadiums with up to four friends. all included in your membership. scroll to the games tab on your TV and play FIFA World Cup Launch Eedition, now, only on Netflix So anyway, so the Italians invade except they don't. They build loads of camps and the camps aren't connected to each other at all. So even though they're quite fortified, they're not actually. They're not mobile at all. they'rere hunkred down M separary spaces. like let's split up all the forces And make them have no connects with each other. AQarter of a million men, The British garrison in Egypt has maybe thirty, forty thousand something like that The thirty six thousand troops. So they wait in these camps, the Italians until engineers were meant to build this victory road would go along. so that's still the main thing. That's the most important thing is building the road for the Parade M L. Be before the Premer League start, well, let's plan the parade rooute Now the North African theatre is quite unique in that it's basically there is one road going along the coast sorry Italians do it like the board game U, if I was playing it without knowing the rules And you hadn' planed on playing the game. Yeah, you't play it. that's how Italians play it. There should be one person who doesn't know the rules and they play Italians. ye. They think they're playing bogle. Well why don't you just say Hey? So they build these cabs and then the Brits essentially just pick them off. Yeah. So at the time of the invasion, Commander Earl Archibald Waveill, the Gulf in command He was a man who would be he would be asked about like a serious sitation. He'd be like, I'm just going gonna to play around and's get right back.le just clear it. please I just just clear my e. He's like a post gof clarity before he could be. Exactly. You can't do anything without post golf clarity. He had one eye, was caricatured as the old genereneral U and you know, pompous aristocratic an empire man Yeah Again, what's so great about this series this really this is the empire's last hurra ' men with big shorts who are trained in hot temperatures. imperial We're using it all the forces, you know, the Australians, New ealans, the Indians play part in this And we beat the Nazis without the Americans. And then after this N, never really, but just, you know Obviously we're around on Do. Falklands is just we're rerunning it. It's a, you know. Well, as we as we said enactment. It's every forty years. Yeah, you know. Dunkirk and North Africa.. Then it's the Falklands and then it's the type of rescue. Yes. o. It does get You know L the scale goes down as we go. Anyway, so Archibald Wavevel, the golfing commander, the one eyed golfer, him and General Richard O'Connor lead Operation Compass in december nineteen forty, which is a massive counterattack. So it's one road going all along the coast of Libya, which at this time is called Syinica and Egypt And then pretty much everything south of I don't know,ant pic a town know Sfati is just inhospitable desert. They have these sand seas, the sea of sands. R whereere's like ocean you just get lost in the desert. And when we're talking about the SAS, which we'll get into on the patreon they start using the desert, which is part of the reason that they become successful. Because really it's a quite a narrow battfield. It's very, very, very wide. You need to be on the coast because that's where all theies are coming from because I don't need to reiterate the game. before you attack, you need to refuel to account for evaporation. How much more excess water? This is how Monte wins the war Anyway Operation Compass, the Brits pour out of Egypt and they just one by one pick off these big Italian essentially garden pasta kitchens. Yes. The Allies push Italy back into Libyan territory. one hundred thirty thousand Italian POWs are taken That's their main weapon is having to deal with that many prison of hostages. Yeah. many people who weren't even killed because they gave up. The police There's so many people. If you surrender en masse, you become more of a problem if you carried on fighters. O course. becausecause now They can just kill you. If you look at the amount of g in the gameplay of North African, the Western desesert company You now have to all their supplies, keep them alive. You have to keep them alive. It's a fucking nightmare. whereere do these prisoners w war get kept? becauseuse I've always wondered that were like massive. It must be keeping them the whole war. There's also this there's like four four British blokes P fifty ital. Is that like free range and battery? Well, the Japanese were battery farming prison. They were they were They just said You should not if you're eating Japanese eggs in the forties, it's not good stuff. way they treated them we were like human rights they said fuck off basically urose gets halted by the Allies. They decide not to push them further into Libya and out of North Africa. which is a debated. decision Yes. No this is where it gets veryent. Very interesting because Basically, what's happening is that the Italians have also gone into Greece att the end of nineteen forty But somehow in this kind of like nap Dbyike Yeah napmggging. They They finally found a place they got napmogged. And yet the t toers the tal that incompetent that they get flummked by the Greek resistance. Greek resistance. And that's not just throwing a plastic chair at the Italian. They can't handle that. So this now arguably you could make the case that Italy how bad they are fucks the war for the Nazis. Yeah. Because Hitler at this time is planning Operation Barbarossa. That's his big thing. His big thing. He wants to invade his dream. ty before the winter comes in Russia. getet it done before the winter However Because the Italians can't even beat the Greeks and have been pushed all the way back out of Egypt. He doesn't care about North Africa. That's just not. No Musolini wants to ride topless on a horse. Yeah That's his dream.. He's like a make a wish kid essentially.. And so Hitler decides that he Mussolini asks Hitler for help and Hitler agrees in january forty one Which then means that because he's scared of basically Italy collapsing. there's another front toend and also the morale boost it would give to Britain having a win under the belt. So he sends German troops into Greece They obviously make quite light work of that I mean they have done, they're still making lot work of the G. Germans are still fucking Greece to this day. Hitler ordered the Nazis into Greece in ' forty one and they've never left. The fucking boot inan Farfac fuck off. Stand up, get up that chair. My parents have been my sister has been in Greece for the last two weeks Every day I've got a photo of a plastic chair on its own. Really someomewhere? Yeah. Every day, justust a field with a plastic chair in it. Maybe the economy iss on collapsing. I I think it's right if they're not sitting in the sh they were empty. I think I think economies I think the economy iss booming by a haking Gace. Yeah. Stand up. the Greek Stephen Bartlner. Brian Johnson of. just I stood up but He's crazy why you cant do and you stand up It's absolutely amazing I' So, Rommel is summoned to Berlin to meet with Hitler in february nineteen forty one And they come up with Operation Zonenbloom Operation Sunflower. name for an operation. Sunflower. This will be the Germany's intervention in North Africa. They form a new unit, the Deutsches Africa Corps with Rommel at its head. So Rommel enters Tripoli in february nineteen forty one, March ninet forty something of that. And immediately what he does It's because he knows there' los of spies. he organizes a parade, but they basically do a loop And they just make it look like there's fucking loads ofight, Right. So the British P freak them out. The other problem is that the Britain had sent most of the Western desert force to Greece in an effort to try and save the Greeks. And also there've been this big old ding Dong in Crete where the Germans, I think that's one of the first paratroop assaults u on in the war And yet, they get they take Creek from the Allies, but at quite a cost's quite a lot. We should do an episode about Greek, That's quite interesting. Anyway, Rommel is in North Africa. Operation Sunflower commences On the twenty fourth of march nineteen forty one even though he'd been told not to do anything. But this is his great skill that he just goes narah. they're weak. So The Allies were expecting a much more cautious German approach I don't know why at this point the war. I mean, they should have picked up Gally for the last ten years, Germany has been steamrolling in three places.. The Germans have the Schwerr Panzer Speywagen whichich is an eight wheel heavy armoud car and it's much faster than British cars. Rumel was known as the Desert Fox because he would strike propaganda, right? Yeah. As's Goble stuff, right? Yeah, Gbble stuff U Irvin, this is what Roma will make his name because also this beginning in this war, unlike World War O, publicity is a huge part Yeah always commanders even the fact that we're talking about them with such personalities is partly manufactured. You all need to have an iconic look, you know, because it's a huge part of the propaganda.s Pet we a t shirt. one hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. It's just Honda Give yourself a Hondnder concept yourself idiosyncrasies. Yeah Monty decided to wear a beret. Yes, Monty wears a uniformu? You got Yeahah, you got to pick something that makes you stand out. What would you pick, Charlie? if you werere going be a commander and you wanted to have like an iconic piece of clothing L a bonnet Like a sick dog. I mean, there's something kind of terrifying. If you are a successful commander. I if you're successful. If you're not, you're just account in a bonnet in the desert I guess there's nothing you can't can wear that makes you look ridiculous if you're very successful commander. L look everything' wear. We're wearing shorts and a barre. So I guess if you are like as successful as like Rommel was in the early time the warar and you have like a dummy in your mouth It's terrifying. ' su it'd be like, D baby fall? there's a baby. Fuck.'s a naty napp.ed on it. Yeah, you're right, actually. But when we get to Monu, we get the next episode, he designs this uniform himself. I might do like denim cutoffs. Yeah. and then like a mesh vest frayed at the edges. Yeah, exactly. like a pink whistle. Yeah Yeah. Rommel starts he finds these tank goggles and he wears them on the bridge of his cap and that becomes his look. It's funny, you all have to have Pick out your customize your fight to base. But this is very very un Nazi. Yes, isn't it? It's kind of he's got individuality which is not really the Nazi way He's not listening to Wers. This is he's pet He's Crof. he starts just seeing gaps in the lines going through them and forcing the Brits to retreat. He doesn't engage the Brits like you know, he doesn't follow the laws of cricket and go you know town by town. He just goes, buuck it, we'll go around you, I'll en circle you Churchill describes Rommel in the House of Commons as a daring and skillful opponent, may I say, across the havoc of war, a great general He's probably the only general that much respect. Yeah, and this is why this theatre of the war, you know, is cricket. I think's also why there's a revisionism about his Nazism Totally. Well, I con'ly trying to say ye, you know, but it was actually But again, he was m he had no idea. He was a German military. Commander. He wasn't a Nazi commander. sure Your honour No, you couldn't be less nazy. No No listen, if you use the perspective of everyone' general Naziichmann't less for aazi Of all the Nazis It's the tallest dwarf. Okay? It's the least Nazi Nazi. All right. Now, Operation Sunflower continues into April of fourteenth. It also quite special needs, Operation Sunflower It's onfower Lanyard Yeah, It' like that coffee shop you go to. Yes, that's Operation Sunflower. Every time I go there, it is Operation Sunflower. Will I get a coffee? Who knows? I might get a banana Whatever. Oressation Sunflower continues. Rapid outflanking of the Allies. This is again, the ghost division. It would appear unexpectedly behind enemy lines before anyone can react And it's powered by Perverton, Nazi spepeed So there as with the Blitzkrieg in the Western frront, they're on they're up for three days, three nights. Yeah in the desert just pounding it through in on the third of April Allied personnel are pushed back across the Egyptian border. So it's this is where the dingdong begins right E to end stuff. It is end to end stuff. And Rommel is in a tank the front line. sure. He prefers basically taking initiative over any kind of planning. As we see in the board game, it was not how you win.. It's not a game of initiative. It does not reward improv. It's crushing planning Yeah Imagine playing a twenty year board game What happens if' just like acc counter get knocked off on? Well think about the life events that happen over twenty years. Get divorced. You definitely get divorced. course divorced twenty I was having to play it during the divorce. The different levels of proceedings ye Yeah amazing. Yeah. Anyway, so Rommel's also an absolute dog, of course because his to recap. he married G you engage with someone went somewhere else, knocked someone up, had a kid, went back and married his original one, and then the baby mother killed herself. But then she was called Wahlberurger. Wberger stammer. So all well that it ends well. Now, Zonen Bloomer, Operation Sunflower, the spepecial needs operation, it fails to capture Tobrrook A siege begins on the tenth of april nineteen forty one Tobbrrook is basically staffed with Australians. Yeah. This is. The Oussies are some of the most fierce fighters of the war apparently. in the Pacific theory as well. they're fucking nuts. Yeah. there's not that many of them, but they seem to They hold out for something like two hundred days. don't they how long is it sced you to Brook C you find out? What is it Char? What are you going gonna ask? A this kind of Are they more likely to be good because we're closer to them all being kind of prisoners Is it the closer you get? I imagine there's a wildness to the Aussies. Especially at the start, which Oh I thought, oh, thought I thought you meant the fact that they're besieged They kind of likeose we're in jail. I get it. That's stupid if that's what you're saying. No, I'm saying because it's quite a new country. Yes genetically.es no they I think would I would I would support that theory. Yeah they're tough. Your Honor, I'd support that theory The tough fuckers becausecause this so what? Australia is sort of colonized early nineteent century, right? So eighteen hundreds, so what you' saying F generations. Yeah, The. Those they' white people who in the heat. they've been accimatized to the desert Wh Whit' in the desert You know, angry. Dangerous Angry. Red Burnt There's nothing more racist thanite a burnt white. Sunburnt whites. That's how are most racist. Stay away from the sunburnt whites.one's like, God, it's whiteow's red power. That's what you' reed power. Yeah. SPF fifty, when was it invented I'm sure I'm sure it will track with instidances of hate crime Guaranteed November twenty twelve, Wow No Do know what I mean? No, no, no, how how first developed in the sixties? Sties, right But that know that's SPF When was suncream invented thirty two. byy an Australian. So this is to place this. is Yes, we should place. This is after the invention of Suncreen before the invvention of SPF fifty. So racism' being moved, but it's still it's in a midpoint. It's an awkward midpoint It's the beginning of the end for racism. It's the thirties. and the dead are you saying racism ended in the sixties then? Obviouslyed in the sixties. Obviously obviously it's common knowledge Have you seen another recent clip of Erl Musk? No It' was an unbelievable clip. but this time he's being interviewed by someone Oh, fuck, we have the Mandela one. The Mandela. got, Let's get. Yeah Earl Musk talking about Nelson Mandela We're just checking back This is so good. I mean, Be before you play this, what's fascinating about this version of Eerl is the interviewer here is quite different to the interviewer before The interview before is kind of like, o, that's kind of interesting. This guy's actually calling him out and it's quite interesting to see a man of such ignorance being called out by facts. It's quite interesting to see how he starts to this is I'd say this is we're reaching the peak like impenetrability of Erl Musk's self delusions. Yeah in that even an aggressive Pax mask interviewer He's just swatting it away Like it's nothing. Like this is excellent bowl and he's just like plonk.. Have you seen that that new wonder kidter, the IPL? No He's basically smashing boma around the park It's terrifying. He's seventeen. Right. That's Eal Musk gonna Let's play. As far as oppacing the blacks were concerned, that's not true. Every black had work. black Every had work. own their homelands and we were not allowed to buy land in their homelands More or less the worst that waseral. That's just completely incorrect. The homelands were fourteen percent of the total land of South Africa. The vast majority of the land eighty six percent was bllack people were forbidden from buying land which was traditionally their land. understand. This is just the basic understanding bas of what apartheid was. As an English speaking, South African Absolutely noustration thiss great The government is run by the off Cs group. T. Yeah, but you could vote. But you could vote Well, you could vote, but the voting was hopeless, you know. We win the elections, which we only lost because The numbers were too small. But black people were not allowed to vote. They were completely excluded from the election process.. I want to come back to some of the things that you have said in other other interviews we compared Tommy Robinson s to Mandela specifically Do do you agree that Tomy terrison? Do you think that Tommy Robson is like Mandela Yeah. know killed many people with the things that himan is scripted You know When did when did when did Mandela kill the women and children . Well beforeos they planted various bombs around the country. You know I don't I to get into that No I mean. But I think it's it's quite important to get into it because you say that he was guilty of killing women and children, but he was never charged with that He was he was charged with something else. He was He was charged with with he was charged with sabotage and conspiracy to plan guerrilla warfare against military targets He was never charged with a killing woman in children. I'm guilty No. there wasn't found guilty He wasn't found guilty of his pol. he admitted to he pleaded guilty to the act of sabotage and to organizing guerrilla warfare And so there wasn't even, I mean, he actually pleaded guilty. He didn't he didn't take the non guilty plea Well, I was there, you Well I was there. So it felt like I was right. What he wants to say is sharpie fucking nerd. Yeah. L people fuck about stat. Yeah You're a fucking nerd But what's amazing about him is how he's so bored by reality. Yeah. It could have been reminded of like we do this. I fucking I don't want to think that.'s funn we bring up Earl Musk is such a meme of person, but historically, if we think about now, in a hundred years how people will look back at twenty twenty six, the historic figures Putin Trump probably Musk will be viewed of the most historic figures of the last twenty thirty years. Well with his AI, Twitter certainly, but Erl is the real I was just saying for such one of the true historic figures of the age, which you will be remember. Yes, ye.. The fact that his dad who fed him. This is h we keep bringing them up, but it is of huge historical. As I was saying, I read a brilli book on holiday called The Netanyahu's by Josh Coen, and it's all about basically Netanyahu's dad who was a revisionist Zionist and he is the intellectual foundation for everything B Netanyahu's doing Very interesting, fascinating. in the same way. Look at the dad. Look at the dads. Always look at the dad. Look at your dad. Monty's dad, Monty's dad plan He proposed to a fourteen year old. Did't marry until she was sixteen. T was to fourteen. Planned, planned He met an eleven year old and he went, well, five years of planning. account into account for the evaporation of water. o. Who's May mask is that's? l is momum's a dietitian but then Eor Musk is one of the strangest builds of all time Elon Musk's chest How does one acquire this chest? Yeah, what's going on There, Like look at that, I've never seen that build on anyone. I'd kill for that chest I need absolutely rips L look at a beautiful boxy figure. That's the ideal man, man It like a b sh. What you talking about? Wele beauty standards. That That's myale beauty standards. I want a thin back and a massive upper chest. No belly. No belly. huge chest Massive ripcaage. smallhe. small head. The lateral razors he's doing. How has he got? He looks pregnant but like at his chest, phenomenal Aarently it's because he's had like a gastric t or fucking emp but still he st through it and it it's like I walked it phenomenal. So anyway, so the Australian its like he's got a pillow under it like a jumpper that. He looks like he's had to have reconstructive surgery after a butt plug has gone through him and then. 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The prriceline app. It's got hotel deals, flight deals, rental car deals, all of those deals in a bundle, deals, game day deals, concert trip deals. No one deals more deals than priceline Bold your horses, there's more. The app lets you filter hotels by neighborhood, vibe, star level and amenities like pools and spas and beachfronts and. Wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me off I sl Anway We need to back just to spe on Eerl Musk, which isn't important. He's the grandfather of the pod. Errol, if you're listening, please do more interviews We love it. I love it. we'd gl you on the show. We get you on the show. Ideally over Zoom. there's something funnier about him over Zoom because he looks like more of a dad. But also there's a delay and I think he's more in his element over Zoom. No I don't believe that at all. No It feels like Faceetime, your dad. I'm in my own house. I'm in my own house. Ill say what I want in my own house You're on a Zoom call a li podcast. I don't care. One woman's another woman. fucking. The blacks were not oppressed. Yeah, you could vote but they never won who you voted for. so it' pointless a mental point. Lax didn't have the vote. Yeah no one I voted for one anyway. So was pointess. I didn't have the vote. I was impressed. No. You had the vote. Oh they didn't win though. So apartheid was against me. Anyway, A hero He's on the wall of the theod F of theod grandf of the pod. So the rats of Tobrk, the Australians, that's what they their name. They're not just calling Australians rats. They hold the besiege port for two hundred forty one days onene of the great sieges of the war Tbrooke constant bombardment. There are times the rats because they hide underground in caves right? So in the daytime they would hide underground while the Germans would shell them and then at night they'd come overground and they'd fight and try and push them back Yeah It changes how many Times is to Brook change hands in the course. of the North desesert. Well I mean, Pierre will know this off top of his head. Three times? Three times during World War two this is also so this is Romalt's height is in the sort of summer autumn nineteen forty one. Now Hitler at this point has invaded the Russian front, which is kind of a sort of side quest really. It's kind of irrelevant sort of the grand scheme of the war But he's sucking more and more troops and resources that way, which is taking a crucial manen away from the most important This is the big mistake It's Hitler's great mistake. Yeah is that he prioritizes Russia it should be porizing Liby. And again, we must say, why are the Nazis here? It is because well, they're here because the Italians fucked it. Yeah. But why the Italians were here is that they you know what? I was going to say they want the Syars Canal. They don't even want that. They want Mussolini to ride on a horse to a cararro because they misreembered a history book about Romans book Yeah. Now Operation Crusader happens in November. and this is under the first commander Claude in Lck, the orrch. I don't know how if I'm saying that correct Now he was a homosexual, we think I think a lot of people is the size of the shorts. he was wearing hot pounds. spots a homosexual in the desert campaign very easily, in that everyone was in big shortpart from the general who was in tiny denim cutoffs. And' so weird about that? about that, generenal He's was wearing high heels W they arere you homosexual? How did you guess It's your denim cut offs that have nooty writtden on your ass. G got juicy written on the back. I'm fighting fire with fire,? It's desert Kems. No, so it was rumoud that the Orc was let off with a warning from his superiors after a relationship with young Indian boys. It's a different time India boys. lovevely But it's one of those times where it's a slap on the wrist for paedophilia. ase But this is again, the forties, you're slpping on the wrist Yeah. And also this is what I mean, it's the last spasm of empire, right? Racialized pedophilia Young Indian boys Crazy See that's your thing Young Indian boys Why is it crazy? that's your thing? was just crazyies living a some. There's a lot of young Indian boys listening to this An? Pre L of young Indian boys. to this. Yeah. and he'll be hurt that you think it's crazy. that' be hurt that it's crazy. You you think it's crazy that you'd want toolest a young indb b It's not you've completely distorted my word It is no, it's obvious. No No, I said to live in a time where you could be slapped on the wrist for racialized paedophilia. Right. And I wonder you say that's worse pedophilia. I Yeah, I am Not to be all awoke. No, probably. As' in my campaign literature, I'm standing for the Green party. I am no longer Rping Well I'm no longer talking to anything about Ray, is that what you're gonna say? They just don't listen. They just do it all the time. All right. It's pointless. It's pointless when doing about R. Absolutely pointless. Whatere is it? hit on by an Indian boy at the Scrussian spa And I just kept calling him brother I justn't I didn't know what to do because he was like He was a young indndian boy. He was quite young, yeah. He was massaging my kind of was he saying send balls? What was he saying bum Snd bum. And he was like massaging my bum He' in the sus? No, he gave it as a kind of f You go to gay spar? No, there are gay guys there though. There' that a gay spa? Yeah. Well there's gay guys everywhere I think there's more of them than the sp far you go to. Yeah. And he kept and then I was like, how do I do this? How do I let make this not sexy anymore? So I kept calling him brother and I think that worked. Let him off. Hell thanks. that feels really good, brother Just tell them one anecdote about what you did. Just tellem what you did last night probably. Sounds quite gay. Heres me, brother That feels really good, brother. I'd say don't say that's. Id say Id say brother B Yeah rather than that feels you touching my ar feels really good, Brother. I did feel really good. I just don't want to do anymore. Right that veryer polite Thank you So he it's under his leadership. Right? The SAS begins because They're not they're not they're basically on the back foot the entire time the Brits and that Rommel has cleaned through Libya into Egypt And the SAS is ultimately born out of some very frustrated top ranking. soldiers whoustated with the oration. Right and And they're not we're not on the front foot because u Orch is just saying we've got to just protect Cairo. R Rumbel's just Dushing through them. I'm So Operation Crusader is launched in November of ' forty one This is the big counter offensive to try and stop Rommel. And they meet at the first battle of El Alamain. Okaykay. Now this is a key stretch because essentially This is the last on the south you've got the is it the Qatara deepression? I believe. It is the Qatara Dpression. Have you been the Qatar Depression? Ive been Qatar Depression. I've experien the Katar depression. O course. That's when I got very bored. What youed like a b of Asia. the guitar depression now is that just a load of sand? Is that a posh way of saying sand I don't actually know but it I think it's a lot of sand. the Qatara Depression. W it a canyon and it dips? D don't know. Maybe that was the people who built the stadiums at the World Cup. Yes, you're right. That's exactly what it was. The Qatara Depression. It's a big load of sand and basically so that's sort of essentially a hard border on the conflict. And then at Alamena' this stretch between the Qairo deepression and the coast, that's the last bit before you get into Cairo, Alexandria, Suez Canal Alamain deep into Egypt actually Yeah right on the back right before the surace canal. So Pressian Crusadadeer had broken the secedure to Brook. They push Rumel back. And then in forty two, by february forty two, both sides have rebuilt their strength to launch fresh offensives. So Crusader had forced Rommel back to El Aguila, which is don't I don't fucking who cares? Yeah July nineteen forty two. The first Battle of E Alamaine Deep into Egypt Rommwell has advanced and brought the Axis forces all the way back in. So one again. Crusader pushed them back towards Libya. He's invaded again into Egypt But the problem with his style is that you can only go so far before they. run out of steam, right? Because it's one long road And Libya is massive, maybe not the size of India, but it's very big, right And also at this point, like malt is involved In that Malta is a key strategic island for the shipping. And so there's a lot of British naval operations trying to stop interrupt Axis supply lines I mean, Britain must have much better Naval U The Mediterranean must be easier for them because they never I guess it's isn't it? Yeah Spain aren't featuring at this point, of course. So Italy it's all it's all basically won and lost in how the supply gets from Italy to the coast or Malta. So there's a big battle for Malta the Luftaffe do look like that's happening during this. This's all happening during this, right? But the problem with Rommel is that he' just sees a gap and just goes over it and doesn't think about he's got how the water evaporation. S accounting for using Jerry C. You would't pay the board game No, yeah mododely word That's why Monte within. Yeah. Because he was playing the board game by himself. Yeah. Yeah. Iagine playing by yourself. That's real, That's real. Do you know what? I'm gonna to put a bet now that Pierre has at least heard of this boardameure So the first Battle of Alamne It's a gay an in denhim cutoffs, fighting Rommel who's sucking on a dummy. Now there are a series of ridges and positions and the control of these ridges changees hands multiple times. We should say actually a bit about how grim life in the desert war was Yeah for lies we think about the flies. I don't know if we want to do another episode where we talk about all of Wld W and we rank all the things, but have to do that.ry putut in the diary Can you hide your ereion, please? Sorryry Is that half mile? I love to rank theatres of war. The quQueen is at Windsor,orry, the quQueen is at the Buking Ball. Thond therge fallen. Beause I don't know what's the worst conditions across all theaters because the jungle is pretty fucking awful Desert is bad, Trench is bad. L what is the worst one Like yeah, you'd imagine Mediterranean is quite nice. but Italy gets like that's pretty brutal along with the because there's no infrastrure in Italy, so it's all just rocky and climbing up. But the flies are awful.s the sand, obviously, the snakes You know, they're all wearing kind of like a mosquito net books trying fucking snakes. The desert's filled with fucking snakes. talking to you, Laura.ch Well, that's that's the Orc on Instagram live and it's't cut offs. snakes every real problem with this is all the fucking snakes. So Br if Britain lose control of Al alamne, then they basically have a free run into S Canal. Yeah. So the Panzer Divisions come launch a massive assault first of July. They do sound like the Pana Divisions Do you know what I mean? It's close. It is close. And they sound like they're sniffing panties as they go. They're going they're furiously huffing panties. Yes. Well at this point maybe they think it's. Maybe the part of the surprise is that they call themselves the panty division. Yes. and then people are expecting strippers to and actually It's it works the Charie sure Mh adult Nazis. So despite being outnumbered, the Indian brigade, that's not what I call This we call the local mailoral elections in London. Sadiq's cabinet, the Indian brigade, they hold out for hours. There's a sandstorm, which means Axis tanks overrun the position. This is d it's wor shine.fair not to get awoke with it, That's one thing that there's a lot of white revisionism, but one thing that I think they got right is that that the Indian war effort is not mentioned at all. No. No one brings them up. I they did a lot. They do appear a lot. do a lot. yeah. Yeah is just never brought up. It's the empire's theassic empire thing. When we're in a pickle, please help us guys As soon we're not in a pickle fuck off. Yeah. But at this time, you know, Gandhi's also sleeping with running his mouth, running his mouth. He's the real terrorist, of course. course. The real villain. The real villain in the story is Mahatta Gandhi, But anyway. Now this Indian brigade gets annihilated, but they delay the German advance, which buys the eighth Army time to reorganize it at Allean. The eighth Army is what is the army that's fighting for the Britits, the Allies So The geography of the area mean that Rommel can't actually outflank because of the Qatara deepression. So's the geography is sidem. It isent Yes, sorry. The Bruma gets very, very sad He's allergic to good views.. It's all pretty gnarly stuff and Rommel ultimately by the late July, goes on for about a month, but ultimately supply lines are too stretched. He cannot get fuel and resources to the front cant get the bag in. He cannot get the bag in. Yeah, it's like now you're if you keep getting the bag, you don know't out of the calmown But you ran out of the bag, the come downown' setting in. It's trying to pull the guy again, were too We're in the middle of the fucking desert. Yeah. It' take three days to get here. We're gonna have the come downown before the guy gets here So that because the supply lines go all the way back to Libya Yeah, they essentially get exhausted from being on drugs meth whole time So essentially the first Battle of Ed Alamain stalemates. Now Brits are obviously fucked. Everyone's knackkeered.. The coordination between the multinational forces was quite bad.. The Orc was a gay guy Denham cutoff. He wasn't really concentrating on things. The Oc. That's what he's called the Orc. It sounds like a or a bear or an otter's a gay guy. Yeah It's an ugly hairy gay guy an orrch lack. I don't know how you say it But u They're obviously knackered from the fucking heat and the. I mean, it's also it's going it's freezing at night though Yeah. It's all it's pretty it stre about Yeah Yeahah. It's a pretty bad time. How would you whereere would you want to be placed The f or war I would like to be a sort of garding Bertta's garden Eagles nest. Yeah. Yeah. L line of defense. So really clean you're not getting involved at all. You're just standing at Trpss the nines.ight And I walk out with when Easy Company get thereight And I just put my hands up on blood and all shit. That's good. Yeah like that. Anyway. Stalemate, Rommel has completely Rommel has taken most of North Africa and yet he's been halted by a stalemate at the First Battle of E Alamain we've normally got halted by it. It's how complicated this is. Yes. We're stuck in the desert. We ask sand in our tanks at the moment. Yes. We're breaking down. It's all looking. The Brits are exhausted. Knackered. We're knackered. We need We need autistic man with knobbly knees to out. Yeah. We need a down on holiday. is low Morale is low And our next episode, we will deal Comeeth the hour, Ceth the Atist. Monty will be here but some be in the belly. He'll be joining us We are flying an Autist in to rebuild the morale of this series. Gally, we've got lost in the desert. and now we're helicoptering our own Montgomery will be deployed next to sort out where we are. Now those next two episodes in the Monty Romel series are already on the Patreon, we have three pounds a month You too can join a community of people that play the North African board game. stop advertising it It's done. Yeah. Okay. toooo many peopleat too many. D' join. Don't jin Don't join. We're having the best time Don't join. It's not great It's's awful. It's awful. You' hate it. You' absolutely hate it. Now negative, is thatt what we' try? You'd hate it in.'d. You'date it in. It's more of the thing you love. No it's less.'s less. Yeah, it's less. Yeah It actually cheapens the whole thing Yeah And there's loads of there' loads of women in it anyway, so you inexplicably. Yeah, somehow by all our best efforts. So don't join the patron. Yeah. Anyway, the rest of the series is on it though. And we're talking about the SAS Anyway. That's for the patron. We'll see you next time with Genalli for Monty's arrrival to the North African Theatre. Until then, goodbye. Goodbye There are two types of business owners, those who are busy and those who want to be busy. Toast is designed for both, with tools to keep you humming and help turn grind into growth. That's how you turn busy into business. Tast built for busy. Have no fear! Chosen Foods is here to defend your favorite foods from the forces of seedy oils and sketchy ingredients. With cooking oils, salad dressings and mayo all powered by the good fats from one hundred percent pure avocada oil and simple delicious ingredients. Chosen Foods