Italy Enters the War in Africa

Your summer weekends fill up fast, but Crocs has your back. Road trips, beach days, last minute getaways, whatever's on the agenda, swing by your local store and find your new goat too Try it, style it, make it yours. becausecause the right pair doesn't just show up It shows off Wock out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest crox store today ist I'm joined by Horatio Gl.on. And we're back in World War two. We're in the desert. It's happening lads. The knees are out. The knees are out. I'm getting brutally tanoged. You are getting getting you're getting come back from I've been in the desert, and then you've decided that we're going to wear shorts and you humiliated me. You're being skinn moog Ctely. I mean, I look white the best of times, but I chose my podcast partners on their whiteness and now you've gone T yourself. Is out turns out I've got some u I've got some heritage att. Look at this. this is absolutely humiliating. and also I've got tiny knees and you've got big knees and then I've got a big head and you got a small. so it's like a weird combination world. But this is the beauty standards of most of history as a small head, big thighs because you want a head that you can Your head too big to be to drown in a man's thighs Yeah, orr a woman's size. Right. Okay, and My head's the perfect size Okay to fit in perfectly. Yeah like a walnut in between a woman's thighs. Yeah then also another fin tail that could f perfectly with a chin. I could tessolate with myself. Whereas my massive head's not going to be crushed by these knees. Your thighs are I'm going to take the edge of your back in massive co. What's a man meant to do? with thighs like that, but also you're more historically accurate in that you've got the British knobbly knees.. look you look like I'm got a patriot's knees. I don't know what's going You got some not today fucking knees guys. I I do have notot today. And I've just come back from the Western Saha Tenor Reef, but it' close to West Tara. Yes, well, I suppose it's before and after, isn't it? You're Monte before Yeah. and this is Monte World War O, This is Monte World War two. love it. Today we're talking about Monte and Rommel. It's the start of an epic four part series. It's a homerotic love affair. It is. I'd say this now Monty and Rommel North African desert is my favorite of World War I. This is basically all of our strangers. You know that the film with Andrew Scott and Paul Mescow? I've not seen it. I've not seen it. No you can You can assume It's two Irish cars fucking right? want in Rob's? basicallyly Yeah. That's why I go out of the room. That's why I like it. Monty and Robel, the North African desert, they're not too Irish folkks fucking. That's not what this is. a conservative dad at barbecue getting triggered. This is what I'm wearing It the barcue. No, it's not that, actually. You fucking. You're dressed like my dad on some early holidays in the nineties Be this is why I love about the North African Des a campaign. It is the highlight, the high point of big shorts Yes. This is where bigig shorts beats the Nazis. It's true. Its not something that happens again No, I guess big shorts have been a mainstay of the British Empire. Yes, where they've normally been mowing down indigenous people with a gatling gun. Well, well, so is your words You know, so it doesn't It've been bravely fighting off insurgents. Yeah. So I guess this is be lowing down the This is the highlight of big shorts because it's up against another foe that's kind of this is. This is like scouts. You know, this is the high point of brownies of scouts fighting Nazis in the desert. Yeah The Nazis are on meth. and it's sober men in big shorts who are saying no. Would you say arguably undernderrated theatre of the warar Un covered likeike I don't if it's in popular imagination that much North Africa it's one of our big things. We've got Dunkirk. Yeah, we've got Normand, got D D know but this is the this is the only time in the war where the Britons actually win without the Americans. Yeah. And it's also the high point I guess that's why no one else talks about it. Exactly. Yeah. And the Americans also When they land in nineteen forty three, they make everything that Monty does completelyirrevant Yeah. And they just didn't need to happen. Yeah. so I guess it iss a semiirrelevant theaterre in's notir relevant No, it's notir relevant. It's relevant for morale But the Russians are say Thankk God, Monty one in Al Alime. No, they're not theyre They you can save them. Yes. M. No. This is the mostion in big short. This is the most important part of World War two is the North African desesert, okay? Libya is the key for Libia cannot for Libyan desert must remain in British's hands. Yes. Now we're going to be dealing with Monty and Rommel. What's great about this theater of war is that it is firstly, it's the most gentlemanly part of World War two There are no war crimes. No, you're. There's no ins outs Grippen.. There's no Holocaust. There's a couple of bedouins who get blown up by field mininds, man. get out of the kitchen if it comes out the heat. You know what I mean? It's like I gre up in the kitchen. It's not kitchen's the desert. Take your pajamas off and put some big shorts on like a man.? It is true. It's the most gentlemanly theatre of conduct. It is genuinely end to end ding donon for the neutral, which aren't one. It's the closest the World W I gets to football. Yes it is. Be it's across a pitch, it's expansive and it's managerial styles. Yes, it is. sort of Lewis Enque's PSG versus Arteta's arsenal. I'd say it's closer to Croich versus Merinio. Yeah. It's like pet versus it's like the most stark iterations. Studying this it's been we'll get ont to it in more it is so similar to football. Yes. It's like creating overloads, you know in behind beating them off side traps. Yeah. It's desert warfare. it's the high point of World War twoo for the Brits, I'd say And in Monty and Rommel, you have these two personalities who kind of embody styles of warfare and cultures, cultures. Although interestingly, Rommel is not a card carrying Nazi Is he not? No. He's a sort of German military man who kind of is he's there all the way He's in the midditaryys in the Nazis. Well, there's a lot of revism about Romal where' like he' he was kind of a good bloke or something. It was like he was stilles which I disagree with because he was not a Nazist. So it's always like, yeah, but he was, you know, he didn't really He justt He just lo tanks No He's like a high one of the most important generals in the Nazi I's like, you know, but he didn't Hisart wasn't it? It wass bad hass pretty in. It's the badge of hiss h. What's the badgeeron his hat say? There's been less Nazi people than Rommald. That's true. It's not theoundsk of all the people have ever to have lived. Rommul is still one of the most Nazi people that's ever been But we're going to get it's the start of a four part series, an epic World War two summer. the knees are out for a couple of weeks. Get the knees out. We're going to be joined is the can Can. This is straight m can canan. We're going to be joined in part threees and four by Pierne Nvelli finally we're going to get blown out of the water autism wur autism and also our legs will be blown out of the water We'll never look more Less autistic than we' pitt the bellies here. Y we be like, fuck we really don't have any of. We don't know what's going on. Also yeah, is he going to has his legs out don't know yet. Be if I'm getting knemogg now by you, I'm gonna to get Nemoged by him. Belly. These knes are like these are top tier knees. I think Pianlle might be the only man who could drown your head in his fice I'm so moable Sight to the page to see that happen. Yeah We'll sit on a ratio's face and smother him with his I mean, I think maybe both of my thighs equal one of his thighs. Yeah's pretty interest. always comment on my th thigh gigantically. You don't you haven't seen. haven' seen nothing yet All right. Thy Thanos will join us in part three, part four. So in this part we're going to deal with Monty and Rommel's early lives. Now let's start with Monty. Bernard Law Montgomery. He's as kind of a British man as it gets is this guy. Bernard Lw Montgomeryontomery Monte Born in eighteen eighty seven, let's just place that for the listeners. Right This is fuck, this is before Just before Jack the Ripper and he is born After I'm U He's born thank you, Charlie. what have you found? He's born after the first Kipper. The first KippA was greated in eighteen forty three. So what is a kipper? It's a smoked herring. It was before Jack the Ripper. it was after first kipper U John Woodes Kipper John W would you created the kipper famous delicacy Is it a delicacy of kipper? Yeah, my parents and grandparents are absolutely hammering kippers. hamering. H haammering them. You you to hammer delicacy? my seals. What is it, Charlie? I love kipper. Yeah. I have them with my eggs. You're a smoked fish guy. I am. D. I had smoked fish. I'd pickled herring with my eggs on holiday and I could probably did I did it once and I thought I'll go back to bacon. I just need to know what I mean. tenores Hinglus buffet Be there's a lot of Germans there. There's a lot smoke fish going on. Right, right, right. Was it nice to a proper breather? Yes, it was, but we're back at work now, Charlie. Hello, it's Andrew Harrison here. A attacks on the American Democratic system, a paramilitary force snatching people off the streets moves to politicize the American justice system president indulging in unprecedented corruption Do you ever think the United States might need a total reboot after Trump is gone That's what we're looking at in a special three part series from the Bunker, your daily podcast of News Lout the Nonsense In Fables of the Reconstruction how to Fix the USA. I'll be talking to experts and friends of the bunker to look at if, why and how the American system could use a total rethink. Search the bunker on your favourite podcast app So Monty is born before Chack the Ripper, after John Wooder's Kipper.. That's pretty lovely. It's lovely stuff that. He's the fourth of nine children. His dad, Henry, Montgomery, he had met his mother, Maud when he was thirty and she was eleven. Yeah the actual it needs to be a little bit more playful. No I mean angry That's doesry when she's eleven, I'm not sure it is He proposes to her. sorry, I just want to get this out beforefore we go to what Charlie's found, he proposes to her when he's thirty two and she's fourourteen. Now you are Now you' 're not. You're thirty you thirty. twenty nine. Can you imagine proposing to a fourteen year old Can you imagine the G me a second, just just what are you How are you the cognitive dissonance of trying that? How would you do it? Give them some millions Bx of nerds, box of Um Howousing to a fourteen year old? Yeah, I don't know what you I guess they make them insecure and then to neg them. They need to assault them I give them body image issues. Yes ye. So you'll never find anyone else but me. Yeah, maybe. A that age dream because how vulnerable they are. Yeah ye. What have you found for us, Charlie? Somali man aged one hundred twelve marries girl of seventeen. Those are pretty good numbers. That's quite a small age guy for the Somalis, I think.ike five years He's old enough to be a great, great grandfather, but Ahmed Mohammed Dore claims that it's a dream. and He already has thirteen kids by five wives. what's interesting is a dream It is his dream come dream. What's interesting is that this is in the Gardian and they're not making any judgments about it. But also when it's that much, it ceases to become like an icky age gpped, you know what I mean? Be it's like It's past being's something else now. It's transcended creep. It's also a hundred five year old Malaysian man Sudar Marto who married a twenty year old in September. This is nice as we're moving on from the fattest baby. We have done all the fattest babies. We're finding out the pervious guys the biggest age gap. Astonishing. This episode is sponsored by Surfshark. Oh my God. I love sururfshark. They are our most loyal ponsor. Yes. We can do nothing to lose them. They're a VPN. 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I tell surfhop, I say tellell the internet, I'm in Britain. And it believes you. And it believes me. I can be a patriot away from home. Can I be in my shed, outdoor in my shed and I set my find my friends to down the road. So my wife doesnt know I'm in the shed but she won't bother me I know that's VPN's work. When you change your VPN, it doesn't mean that your find my friends just zooms into India or something. I would love that Can you scramble my wife's find my friends without me turning it off If Surfshark can unlock that, they've got my full support. That's what Surfshark does. It means that you can get past block content. You I set my VPN to Moscow. What's Rus today You need a VPN, a venal piles network I want to look at pictures of people's piles. Yes. I to look at pictures of celebrities piles. Is that a crime? It's not. Is it unwise? Definitely. It's unwise, but it's not a legak. VPN. very Pooy Nigel. Pooy Nigel You know, you need onening your life. Secure your digital life with Surfsharks, veryery pooy Nigel. Risk free. It's not risk free. We must reiterate this. Yes. Surfshark do not take any liability for for what you Google and nor do we. My God. You can go to sururfshark dot com slash Fvh. You know it, sayay with me. cheheck into the Fox Dp Vagina Hotel. Y. Click the link And you get four extra months of sururfshark Do not let the online threats catch you off guard. So yet Mon's Monty has a fairly brutal childhood in that his dad bec his dad's a religious man and becomes Bishop of Tasmania. Oh They all move to Australia and his mum, Maude, is an absolute cunt. Sure. She beats the kids because she does not want them to speak like with an Australian accent I think I think's absolutely fair enough. You' got to be careful You know, we're talking about Bernard Montgomery. We're not talking abouters you are Wack an os sort of thing.ike as soon as it pops up any s A M, shut up. Yeah. So he goes back to London when he's thirteen. He's nicknamed mononkey at school because he's mischievous. Monkey And in nineteen oh eight he is appointed to his first role in the arrmy, the Royal Warwick's first battalion and he's posted to Peshois in India. That where the Pesorinean comes from. must be where the Pesroirian comes from. So I imagine it's qu fruity place Sure Pesureon is mine nan of choice. Is anyone's ordinary curry? It looks like a pudding. It's like cake. Yeah I some shake with my caray He goes to Peschuois And again, this is what we'll learn throughout this series is that their personalities They really do have an impact on the actual conflict. hundred percent. And that's what's so interesting about the commanders during World War twoo is it's like literally your M's Brig test personality shapes the theaters of war It's start many people's lives. So what does that mean about Hitler, What we say about Hitler's What do you mean what' you saying about Hitler? Well say're saying his personality shaped the wall, I'd say so. Well, I'd say there was a lot of ideas going on. sure. I think yeah, there's definitely some temperament maybe shape the first stage of the war potentially. Possibly Possibly. It's too early to tell, I think It's way too early to. Now, Monte goes to India And again, this is, you know, we're India. This sounds like a fucking film I watch again again to gond. He now he, you know, this is the high point of the empire. This is, you know, he's he's putting on big shorts for the first time. He was born in the late eighteen eighties. So he is literally born at the height of British supmacy. I think it'll never end. He's born in Surrey as well. So it's like right at the heart of the heart of the big Empire at that time. So he's like the most British man. Best time and place ever But he does live till the eighties. So the seventies, I think Yeah. Yeah he's the longest living of all of them. So he does get to see it all to shit. Yes, he does. Yeah. But he's been sold that it's going to carry on forever. And he well, yeah, he arguably he saves it in many ways. Sure. Because this is the most important part of World War two. Yeah.. So he struggles to fit in with his battalion socially which is sad. And and this is, you know, this is in sort of Ed Wwardy in Britain Probably the most autistic time. There's beenbebe Victorian. I think Victorian Mut toistate. Ed Hwarding gets flaked. It does, but you know, it's still by today's standards, sure And And yet he is historians think he almost definitely had aspergerss, whichich makes Pianolli's appearance even more relevant. Yeah, of course. Even in an autistic time, he was too autistic Right. He stuck out, right. So he didn't drink H he didn't share banter He liked getting his big knees down banter to himself. Ban to himself. You've got to be sharing the bantern? No, I should no.. That's lady. That' My banter Y your own fucking b. I have banns with myself in a dark room In an attempt to integrate with his peers, he had both of his fore forearms tattooed, which he then later became very ashamed of and hid. So so my point is that both Monte Rom are professional soldiers, which is quite rare when we think about World War and two. and we think about conscription and the heroes are all conscripted. But in World War one They're both professional really wouldould you say that most a lot of the other big commanders are No, the commanders. I when World War one, the actual fighting force that's professional is minusule compared to you mean, everyone fought the war, but he was already there he's fucking he's up for it. They're up for it. These two, right? World one was just completely normal. It was just completely what he expected. Yes. he signed up. He was already there. Yeah. He was already in a trench in the sm. Yeah. and then everyone just el to joined him. Yeah. what are you doing here collecting books for my big shorts. So he's in India, but he he's in the army and that's the best way to cope with his bitch mother.. Rommel, Johannes Erwin Eugene Rommel. That's a Germnal name. That's a lovely name Born in eighteen ninety one two years after Hitler And he is born in Hdnheimann Brez. And this is, you know, this is what fifteen years, twenty years after Germany' become a country. He's not intellectual He's very sporty. Yes. simimilar to Monte. He's a man of action. Hes man of thinking. He's not a man of thinking. Yeah He's impulsive gets after it. He This guy loves it. Yeah. He loves he loves drugs, He loves pints, he loves taail. Yeah ye. yeah. He's the opposite of Monte Monty likes to get his knees out then go to bed at nine hundred thirty. As you said, it's autism versus ADHD. This is the clear ADHDs you've ever seen. Yes. So you won't let anyone finish the sentence I get it. I get it. Yeah.'s Let's go. So age eighteen, he gets accepted into the one hundred and twenty fourth Vertenberg Infantry Regiment. calm down Ladies, ladies, calm down. It's a very important part in anyone's life. Yeah When they are accepted into the Verembberg Infantry reggiment. o. It's like these's like a Barmitz. The W wasp Barmitz is when you're accepted into the one hundred twenty fourth Verembergs Now he now what's interesting about the German Wehrmacht at this point, you can call them that the arrmy, if you could even call if you call them the Wehmacht in ninet nineteen L in nineteen ten, even call you them the Wehrmach. C can't say that these days. I can't call. They are so there's two very different schools of thought with the military and that the Brits think reggimented command bureaucracy chain They've had to maintain a vast empire using a relatively small amount of people. so it's all about oil. It's also about stuff that you can ly globally to loads of different You should be able to read a booklet that explains you how to run a compet. It sccouts. Yeah. Tell him off if he looks like this Fuck off. you know they need to have a Have you got your race warar back? Yeah exactly. Yes, I have. Yes. How big of your short Rush? I will defer to the man with the bigger shorts very clear, whereas the Germans are that imperial insecurity because they haven't had a massac clonum by they' a new country. So they they Bank slate Yeah They're a modern force. But also they think that war is chaos and that you the fucking north fucking spirition in it. Yeah. So they think war is chaos and you capitalise on that chaos by giving individuals on the ground freedom to make decisions. So this is is Jogen Klop It's G. Yes. Well ye. this is the long road to the Gress to the Gigam press. fromrom early an early age he is getting used to the idea of an individualized command and a sort of improvisational warfare, which is quite rare at this time Imrov. So is into improv? He's Yes ending. And by yes ending, I mean he's bayoneting Itatalian. Okay, straight improv.. That's the kind of improv that I like I him broke. I like him broke.'sking about Rrommel's use of the Panzer division Oh you're talking about five nonzces in the basement in the Edburgh fridge. Oh no, I don't want to say that. sorry. I would like to see improv in the North African desert in the forties. Anyway. So now Rommel falls in love with a woman called Lucy Mollin in the summer of nineteen ninetle one., let's have a look. Oh dear. Okay. You don't know we got to see her back in the day Yeah, she your massive crush Yeah No, She looks like a colder Miria Margle' Shes not she's not hiding any jews in her attic, putut it that way. She's got a cold face. If you know what I mean, if you know what I've mean N you w put out. Never had to call that before. You been a proroudved hid'ing any jud the attic U so she okay, no u Better though, betteret though. P It's got that hair where You can be in your early twenties and you have like sort of six year olds Yeah. No no one looks that fuckable in the nineteen t s. You know You know, because the racial science is so good, but the women so fg me a how this makes sense,? The ideas make sense, but then the evidence is so you know No women did not shave their pubic hair during World War One. In fact, removing body hair was not a common practice women at all. I could have told you that, Charlie It's the seventies in the' the eighties when it It's a reaction again the seventies bush If we're tracking this reactionary shaving your pupes is reaction it. It's daily mail stuff. o? It's mail online filth Because the seventies is the height of the bush, okay? the height Really Yes. History has been going and in a straight line upwards with women's pubic. Whereas it the stylized bush? Be you're saying this is saying before it's no one shaving it. It's not stylized down there Yeah The proble is the seventies is when the cat the porn starts and you see angles that you'd never seen before And you think that is looks like a dead dog down there. Youve got to do something about that ladies. And then you get the eighties, which they just over correct and they just start getting rid of all of it and that looks mad. It's crazy.ra'sra. It's extremist. terrorism. You know, It's genital terrorism. It's genital mutilation. Yes hy time Okay, well let's carry on. let's move on each other's ty baby. Sorry. what' what's my pump? Is that my ass?. Right. No. Anyway, so he falls in love with Lucy Molin, but they they don't wed because he's busy with the army. So he goes back to his unit and then he has a bastard baby with a woman called Gertrude, right? No, Gertrude is the name of the kid. What's the woman called Valberger. Her name is Valberger. Stemmmer. Ker Stemmer. Ker Stemmmer. V Her name is Valberger. Bright's right. Gorgeous name. Oh beautiful. Beautifulaby D B Bar Yeahrw, Erwin and Valberga start a whirlwind romance of course. and they had a bastard baby called Gertrude Now he then goes back to Lucy Moolin and marries her and Valberga kills us Which you know, is obviously sad. Mberurger didn't kill myself, I think if your parents are calling you Val Burger, there's one romor. I think you really snooook on. I'm going to leave this gun on the table. you know what to do, Val Burger. When you turn eighteen,t you cannot live a life called Val Burger. How Val Burger Iss. did the Alburger, please. She dies quite young, I guess, so it's sort of it's in and out burger. Yeah. Anyway. But Gertrude and Robel maintaining a good relationship throughout their lives, which is nice.'sasted Bastard daughter.. Now they both fight in World War one, Monte and Ron Wart. Now Monte is deployed to France in august nineteen fourteen. And the book I read about this, there's a story of his first sort of supposedly what he does, right in combat is he runs in with a sword He trips over and falls over with his sword. There's another story that gets a medal for it. Well, there's another story that he essentially li they're charging and he scissor kicks like a German and stabs him And then everyone's like, yeah, I don't know if that's true. Yeah if this guy, this guy with knobbly knees just runs out and then fuckingano' a German. But I mean, with all these stories, there's no VAR There's no ye it is all o, I just went down that hill and like fucking killed like you shouldn have seen me. Yeah and I like I had no weapons. They had loads of guns but I had kung fu and I'd like make you stand. she goes to a different school. Yeah. It's like it's all that. I't know. Supposedly his first charge at Lacato, he charges, he falls over, by the time he stands up, everyone's dead So ye, well is that the one where he get shot in the lung. No, that's exactly lateater that's in October at Metan. He gets shot in the right lung. the script says shit. A German sh's in his lung and that's not cricket. How dyslexia of our researchers are spreading profound disinformation about a national hero. There's enough disinformation already. A lot of guys wear starars t shirts saying, Did you know that Mrency actually had a shit in his way Do you know that in World One, actually, the Germans would shit in our commander's lungs. D you know that And you want to conceptualize that. What does it say? in AI overview? Yes, it's possible, though very rare This serious condition usually happens in specific spepecific emergency situations rather than from inhaling particles. Airborne part. Pconium aspiration syndrome. se itpir It's not very aspirational. Fucking Charlieuzzling shit. this is anal rail gun? No would see this a butt plug to an MRI machine. mnetic metal. I it it's put an ail rail gun. No, no, no, no, There's an x ray of sound. There's an ray of a butound. speeder' s. but can' cor up your arms. The greatest personal injury case you'd ever heard butt plug, which was advertised as one hundred percent silicone It had a metallic core and it accelerated at the speed of sound into the client's chest cavity. D he do? No he survived major injuries Majorjuries. All right I mean, be careful No, I do just want to say if you're going to an MRI with a butt plug, I think you deserve whatever you get. It's like having a Cesarearian because you've. I mean these guys just can you fucking leave it at the door? For what you take a day off? Youre going for an MRI? How regularly you' wearing butt plugs that you forget to take it out Or just like Oh wallet keys. fuck my my buttck's in yet great. It's an MRI It's serious, you know Take it fucking take a day off mate Right? So yeah, you get a fucking Giddaffied and an MRI because you've left a butt plug. I think you get you deserve it. frankly Anyway I can't stress enough how that's not what happens to Burnd of Montgomery in World War one. He is got shot in the life. Well his Wld W experiences are all pretty funny. They're all kind of like Bernie Hill clown right So None know that heroic, they're always just him slipping m. That's what's terrible about World War O is that it is just calamity Yeah. in there's no heroic because it's all just blokes You're running running and then getting shot So he's shot in the right lung. All of the war heroes are the people who just manage to slip at the right time by chance basically. So in this instance, he's shot in the right lung Dead bodies fall over him. he survives. He weakened at Bereys, right? Yeah. basically. And then British forces try and they think he's dead And then they hear this play make a fast And then they basically someone is lying on him on top of him for hours being riddled with bullets. Yeah, because just takes You can see that he's alive and he's just fucking Yeah. and he just takes it. He gets shot again in the knee by the way. when they're railingllets down, he stillsot gets shot tw And his buttplug goes through I mean this guy Yeah, the sniper puts him in an MRI. he's like great. No wait Anyway I'm So he then this is so funny. he goes to recover. He thinks, right, well, that's the worst's going to get. And he rejoins just in time for the song. I mean, this is what fun about World War. my great granddad fought in that's nice. Rin is just in time for the s. Few.t I wouldn't have want to have Som Fomo. My great granddad, this is what's brutal about Worldar one is that he so he got shellhock in Gallipoli, wrote book about it. absolutely fucked Gipoli, wentent home, recovered, comes back, brilliant som hates it, obviously, bad time gooes home, recovers, comes back Ep. I mean, it's like can the guy not catch a break? Did he fight Epper I think he went to Epril. I think it was mainly done by the time of the Yeah. What was it the twenties? the twenties by that point, know, Spanishil was holays. Anyway, so what we realiz is that the song in particular is because he's a courier from the front lines to the generals is that these generals are nowhere near the front. And he's he's like this this isn't working. This chain of commands with the men in B which is difference with Germans to British, right? Yeah The British there's a lot more the class system it's a lot more high as the German and is much more. Well, they're not at this point, but Rommel is so this is where Rommel starts to come into his own. So Rommel, he's a platoon commander in the twenty seventh division who fights in France and also Romania and Italy, whichich is a theatre the war that doesn't get talked by as well. Italy is this sort of like Northern Italy southernont Yeah, because Italy joined the war quite late. and then Romania did something very funny. Romania because it's Austroa Hungary. So all these countries border Austria Hungary, which is actually it's where the war started that's actually where. So Romania joined the war quite late on the side the fighting Austria Hungary in order to try and get territory from them Rommel Rommel is part of the reason that they get absolutely slapp back. So Rommel leads this sort of job But also I'd want to make my name against Romania and Italy. Do you know what I mean? Yes exactly. sl down. Well, ye, it's an easy it's in that Saud Abia Taudi League But he so Rommel actually He starts this kind of quite mobile improvised warfare, which for like Lk but you know'site it's got Nazism basically Yeah It's free jazz. Yeah. He fights in the Romanian Mountains and in the Alpencorps and then again corp looked good. Well I mean, this is before Nazis th this is before they started dressing really well You know, but also Alpcore in general, the front of Milker. Yeah, right Like south like Bavaria. Yeah, cows. What are those people in those adverts thinking? it doesn' matter what they thinking It doesn'tatter. It doesn'tatter about the policy. D't ask the questions. enj Enjoy the v. Enjoy the postcard. Yeah, yeah ye. becauseuse it's always like a perfect scene and a guy lay. Don't turn over the postcard and read it. Just enjoy the view. Yeah Right. He's very this is where he starts to this is kind of croiff Iax He's starting to get a sense of like let's just let's keep moving. Let's not this the trench warfare is B bollocks. whyy don't I break the lines, go in behind, alwaysways trying to go beind the lines. Sall amounts of soldiers breaking free, causing chaos because you cause chaos because if you can get behind them, immediately they start thinking they're completely fucked because they don't how many of you behind them. So if they're on two fronts immediately they think they're completely fucked get a huge of people surrender, even if you've got a small force. Yes if you're behind them. So in october nineteen seventeen I' sorry, what I wanted to say was for Romania, they fight they've joined the war. Rommel slaps them back. They then a day before the armistice they declare war Austria Hungary again just so. They can at Versailles get like Transylvania and a bun of territory from it. Brazil joined the war in nineteen forty five. Yes, ye. World War two. Yes, no. mee too. Yeah I know they were bad. There we were V day. So october nineteen seventeen at the Battle of Caparetto, he captures eighty one guns and nine thousand Italian prisoners, which as we'll come to know it's not actually that hard. Yeah, It's pretty seemingly. A mainstay in this story is how hey As bad the Italians are at war. It's very f It's kind of annoying fight the Italians because it What do I do with this many Italians who have surrendered? Yeah like An a couldical I'm hungry. loistical nightmare of dealing with dealing with Yeah I give up. I'm hungry. Be basically before Rommel gets into North Africa, Britain and Britain fighting Italy is essentially a bunch of adults process this many people a bunch of adults looking after some like fucking foreign exchange kids It's a bunch of Italians. My feet. I'm bored. I want to I' hungry, I need sleep. Right? Anyway. Monty fights in the Irish War of indndependence U and what's the quote goinges everywhere? What's the quote He says to go the Irish should get that up He does not like the IRA You surprised.'s he's a stage He's not screaming up there are. He no he's. He would hate kneecaap Yes, he would, evenough those kneecaups were always out invisible. Monty wrote that Oliver Cromwell or the Germans would have settled it in a very short time. Which is quite that's a spicy thing to say. That's a sort sandbroges. Monte quote. Now, in nineteen twenty seven, he marries a divorce, Elizabeth Carver, adopts her two sons and has another son. But then ten years later, Elizabeth dies from an infected insect bite. Chist. And he then goes, right, well, I'm not going to I'm just thring myself I'm going to ignore that Yeah. No, That's what he says. No. The doctor goes, she's gonna to die and he goes Whateever. No If if Monty was born a hundred years later He would be alongside Rick Danton in that tie cave. Sure. you know. This is the long road. is the long Radson. And similarly, if Rick Danton was one hundred did it, he would be in North Africa, you know? Rommel's getting stuck in a cave. Yes, right And Monty's got to come and sort him out.. So Rommel stays with the regiment. Now obviously the interwarars in Germany are chaos. but Rommel is in the army and so there's a lot of policing, suppressing riots. He writes in the thirties. So he stays in the arrmy d all this time. he does. They both do. He writes in the thirties his kind of You know, his Bible, his manifesto, there's a lot of manifestos being written at this time, Thursty Germany. H is called infantry attacks. And this is the sort his signature battle tact goes viral. in the m People are doing it. Yeah. People are it's a huge success U now When we get to World War two, okay, Monty is captain. he's deployed in France in nineteen thirty nine with the British Expeditionary Force. He's also deployed in Palestine. Is he? Yeah, so with the Arab uprising against British funded Zionism. Yes, he goes there to put that down as well. So when Monty's in Wld W in Normandy in World War two, he nearly gets fired because he issues a blunt circular to his men about sexual health saying, right everyone because do you remember in the Dunkirk series? this is where before the Germans attacked West There is this period where the British Exeditionary Force are in France prostitute to throw in They' dirty ton cloths out of a window and everyone's scrabbling for the r cloth the rash cloths to sniff it You know, it's a Feral and there's a massive prostitute. So he says everyone's got to wear condoms And Bishop Bishop goes You need to wash your mouth out. Th to have more tact Because Monty is like Arson Venger, you know? Yes. If you go into if you go into a shous they' smoking fags at half time and Meron's drinking pints ight even though you want' knill down And he just goes, whyy don't we just stop doing that? Yeah, it's weird actually Pays football like Rommel would But managers like Montes why he was so successful. Yeah It was a combination of the best of both. Yeah But anyway, so he survives that that episode. Now Rommel, meanwhile he oversees the training of the Hitler you. But he's not a Nazi, It's important, we must say about Rommel, we don't know what his views were. He was also Hitler's personal bodyguard.az not in the Nazi machine. because this guy couldn't be less of a Nazi. Because there's a lot of high ranking German military men who are from the kind of East Prussian tradition, the Bismarck tradition The really pompous sort yeah ye B tash. Yeah, right? porky guys. ye But But then obviously the Nazis have hijacked this military and made it much more kind of racial sciencey. And not all like Rommel is a military guy. He's not a racial we. There was also a conservative anti Hitler movementes which comes into theazis modernizes No I'm not saying I not took the words right out of my mouth. I'm not saying that's not a positive or a negative. water balm Okay, but they're seeing is they're throwing away a lot of the white heat Nazi technology. But there's a lot of more because there's a Cervatives Prussian Hadsburg tradition. Yeah, then there's a lot of them That will ultimately be part of Rommel's downfall, which we'll get to in part for. Anyway. So he yeah, he's chosen to be Hitler's personal bodyguard And by that I mean he'ity Houston The bodyguard. Yes. Is that what to the Do they're not fucking the bodyguard and what you I've not watched it. I'm straight. don't know why you're asking They're not fucking. So it could be it's a sort of that' be great remake of the bodyguard. What Hitler,it Hler and Robel and then because I think he defends Whity Houston's life and then it becomes like very erotic and they kind of get with each other So we don't know can't We can't know. We can't know if Rommel may had a bodyuard two or the prequel. So yeah, when he's his personal bodyguard, it's more that he his squadron or his men is like his escort unit his escort battalion, there go. It's not a batalioncort escorts. It's not your dad's escort battalion Anyway, nineteen forty is when these men they first start to clash. Now they they never actually meet throughout this entire story ' aware of No, it's a bit like Gordon and the Mardy. Yeah you know, they never they never actually meet, but dramatically, I think people like to think seexual tension. So in nineteen forty, this is when the first on begin.. So Rommel U Rommel slices through Romel Rommel u Because of it his closest to Hitler Rommel gets put in charge of the seventh Pzer division So he get he fires up the rankings part a lot of So there' a lot of Pussian military because he's quite young for his position, Rommel. Yeah he's also working class and he's not from the kind of aristocracy the Prussian aristocracy. So the Nazisn all good. No, listen, it's a social mobility story. Rommel is commander of the seeventh Panzers, which are gets known as the ghost division because they under his leadership. they just fuck off and no one can keep up with where they are. Like no one keeping tabs on the on the movement when they're invading France So he leads from the front whichich again is very unlike you know, this is part's part he's become tied to the Blitzkrieg because he's is the main proponent of the Blitzkrig, right? He's probably the best actor of the Blitzkrieg. In actor of it. Yeah. I mean, strategically someone else was Matt von Manstein was the guy that come up with it. But on the ground, he'll do Blitzkrieg better than anyone else. Yeah because he's not listening to orders whichich is more Blitzkrik than Blitzk. So they'll be like stop here and he's like, I can see a gap, fuck it. ADHD. Is this is to podcast on two timees spepeed? I'll do it live. Yeah. He's the ultimate. do it live. Yeah. So he invades France, leads him the front Fuck them through the Ardem, hot knife through butter he's going through the Ien. he's batting all those pigs away. Yeah. fuck Doesn't matter. Pigs are flying out of his way. The siege of Leo where they capture like I don't know, thirty thousand troops or something like that. He gets to the coast, he captures shareb. There's the race to the coast, right? because they're all like we need to get there as quick as possible. Everyone's got a panzer division. go. Yeah he wins that. So he does, but also he is on Perverton, the Mh. Sure. They're all They're all on meth. Right. So it's a level playing field. Yeah, but Monty is not on Mh. Not. Monty is in France asking people to wear conducts Meanwhile, a methhead is steaming through a pig forest, right? Yeah, there's no psychedelic nature to Monty at all. Everything's pretty grounded in reality. So Monty He's a man who does not understand subtext. He's a Presbyterian man. He does not read poetry. He reads signs. What does this sign tell me? He reads timetables. He doesad He reads bus timetables. He reads door signs. He lik He lik to know what streets is on. He loves good signage. He respects it. Yeah. ye.. He would not be a fan of the current fad for putting male and female and disabled toilets as like animals. They didn't do that with a table, actually either the dog we wheel Yeah U no, but it's like, you know, is it? It's a short look, b I had a bit about gender yeah All toilels gender neutral when it's essentially like, am I a robin or a vole?, you know ere was it, Charlie? Do you think the pigs in and the forest would have known pig's conscious of war? likeike would they have thought that there's a war going on What would they have? They would' have thought this is something Well We've got the episode title now. We talked about a lot of stuff, but I think that's the key question. It's conscious of war Now we've got to the nub of the story. Th you just think something's happening. L this is all a bit full on Yeah, they probably do think it's a bit mad Yeah. But also but also if they haven't known him what else have they known? What about a young pig hass only ever known more? No you know what No a pig, a pig that was born in like nineteen ten You know, I don't know how long pigs live thirty years. I mean, they would have seen the they would have seen Chryice. probablyrobably not last. In Belgium You You've got the killing fields of Flanders, then you' got the battle the Balls The oldest pig ever is called Baby Jane and she was twenty three So P wouldn't live that long. So she would have seen quite a lot in those years. Do you know what dates did was she liive I passed away in seeppttember twenty twenty. twenty one She aet pig. So she saw nine hundred eleven. She saw nine eleven On TV though, right? No No, she was there Really? She She was hang from George Brush's ear Any's time, huh?? Wh's my chief staff gone? I knew it was mistake hard as a pig. Why' baby? Why's baby Jam? It's h truffling in my ear? Look, we respect how old you are as a pig. we do need someone who can speak English to do this role. How does a pig say a second pigy sit the tow would be my guess. Yeah. Monty in nineteen fortyit Monte ququits himself incredible because he's going to bed at night now nine thirty every night. He he has these massive one hundred thousand troop maneuvers that refines I don'ts some of the sentence. believes in preparation, rehearsal, organization and a lot of exercise. But what is fororties's exercise like? Be now obviously there's loads of gym culture, there's loads of like science put into it. Back in the day, like I look like the fastest man in nineteen forty. Do you what mean? I look like I won the Olympics. You same by a hundred yard dash. t with my legs like this. know How much protein they're not doing protein shakes. So what is it? Is it star jumps? they're eating kippers? Yeah Yeah you know, so it's funny that they no one lis like Ry there's no Royd. No, peoplee are doing star jumps and jumping jacks and they're eating they're hoffing kippers as recovery Yeah, maybe just like the bicep curl. Yeah is probablyad think the starbells. Yeah. But they're also doing that thing where they climb up a rope and then they jump over a frame and just fall over. Yeah. They just doing that constantly. Burpees They must be doing burpees. They're doing situps But then their recovery is not a protein shake, it's kippers. Right. So he led a thing called exxercise Tiger where it was a hundred thousand troop manoeuvre. It was like a massive bleep test with one hundred thousand people. Yeah, but he's basically practicing all of his sort of tactics he would then later employ. And it's all about preparation. It's all about only attacking when you haven't you know you're going to win. I mean, historians say Cum' experience in the World War O. Yes being stuck under someone being like, I really don't want to end up here again. Yeah What can I do differently next time U because I guess he's marked by trying to minimize casualties, which I don't know is. A lot of commanders over both wars get talked about being pretty careless with Yeah, but he very Yeah, he's very, very careful with them. But also Rommel is he's disobedient Yeah and he's also't slagg him off. No I don't sorry. I don't I don't wish to speak a of the dead. But he doesn't listen to his commanders and if he sees a gap he will just keep going. Yeah. So one of the most interesting aspects of this is that so M Monty This is where he kind of gets known to the top brass because he he fights a rear guuard action near Dunkirk or near S Yeah we talked about bra briefly. Yeah. this is he plug a hole. He plugs hle's looking for holes. Yeah. Well, Romel gets Mon a plug in him. Yeah. for Monty's got the butt plug Yeah and Romommel is going for an MRI flying through him, right Rommel is seeing an open ary. He' brilliant. Monty's like what. he's saying everyone put condoms on. His whole thing is filling holes, stopping things, you know. Monty sees an empty MRI going Ba plugs to them I don't care I'm getting in it That' Rell does. So he's basically the ultimate British Danel holiday.t get the whole war effort is Dad waking you up. Past family in a fany pack that's strapped underneath my shirt. When you went to Tenerif were you Were you playing at Monte or were you playing it Romal? It was pretty it was pretty mononty. Yeah. it was pretty monony. Get there early settle down ex wallet strapped st to my chest underneath my underneath my shirt. So he Ronte fights a rear guuard action that actually ends up saving a lot of British lives because of his organization he's probably in charge of the only bit of the BF that actually equits himself with any honor or grace Meanwhile, Rommel is gacked up and he's ordered to halt by Hitler. Now he listens to Hitler here. He does he does stop And yet if they push forward, they should have he could have But then this is one of Rommel's great problems is that because he's so such an itchy foot, he's always on the accelerator he oververextends his supply lines. ladies Careful There will be a lot of overrextended supply lines in this episode in this series, right? Which means that because the panzers are actually only like, you know ten percent of the troops. the rest are all in fucking horseback. So they blazing a trail, that you got to wait for the guys to catch up petrol and stuff. light the lights streaming through the window, ex. So Uh meanwhile In North Africa Germany had been stripped of all its African colonies under the Treaty of Versailles. Shing that no one should have to go through. Yes. It's a very difficult time when your African colonies are stripped from you. And this is this is part of the reason for Hitler's rise is that there are Germans going up What happened to Togoland? Where has my Togoland gone Now Togoland was geninely take a man's Togoand? No, You can take the man out of Togoland. You cannot take Togand away from a man. Togoland was genuineally the name of what's now Togo and I quite like African countries just having land after it Zamibia land Zamibia, that's not even a place. Zambia land. Anyway. Because it feels rushed. Yeah, fucking totand. fuck it. So Britain essentially controls Egypt. Italy had controlled Libya because as we discussed in the Gadafi seriesa isafy is This is out of this. Ga this is the soup from which Dadafi emerges, right U Gadafi's born think that they'd actually know way's a child of Monty and Robble. He is a child of Monon Robble and he gets the ultimate butt plug up the MRI. Anyway So Italy had invaded Libya in thirty six. I think. Mussolini had great designs for a sort of newew Rome. wanted to control the other side of the Mediterranean. France controlled Morocco, Algeria and Tunisia. and yet Britain essentially controls Egypt U And the Suez Canal, which of course Britain had and France basically built That's how they get to India and this subcontinent. Yeah, that's a key artery for the whole empire. And you see how crucial it is when about three years ago my wife got stuck in the canal when we were on holiday there and twelve percent of global trade was halted. I mean, I don't know I told her to go outide It was reckless We should have gotten around the the Cape of Africa. I don't know why It's longer, but its but it's feasible. Fasible. You know, it was an impossible dream that she'd fit through the Surace cananal anyway We learned our lesson and again I'd like to apologise for the mistake of taking my wife to Egypt. I've learnnt my lesson. We will be going around the Cape of Africa anyway. Now Italy had stayed out of the war until On june tenth, which I think is maybe the day that Hitler goes to Paris. Uh This is so j The original E is in Paris, the Martis are in Paris. june tenth, Mussolini declares war on France and Great Britain because he thinks this war is basically over. Br Britain are going to fall soon. France already has. I want to get concessions. I want to be at the table, I want to get all of the British empiireres African colonies. And so begins one of the poorest war performances of all time, may Maybe of all time. because North Africa is Italy's war. Yeah, right? And they have so many men Yeah, this is this the first they're fresh. they're going into it Yeah and they they fuck it fuck it beyond belief. Yeah It's absolutely hilarious right These are not Romans. No. this is no, no, no, no These are this is the modern day Italian And this is this is how you you really see Italy as a country can be framed from the kind of Caesar fighting the Gauls to Mussolini in Libya. Yeah ye, right. The decline is marked over those two thousand years. So the Italians are not really equipped or armed or planned anything. and they don't really have any kind of motorized units. They also don't think sewage is something you should think about or care about. so they're just shitting all over the place That's true. most of them get fucking dysentery because they just think like they kind of think it's sort of like gay to digg a latrine,. What you doing? So basically, all Mussolini had planned is that he had an image in his head that he would ride into Cairo Beare chested in a white horse, like Napoleon. Yeah. So he goes, right, let's work back from that So I'll ride through Cairo So he basically says we're going to we're going to build a or like a massive desert road Yeah. I don't think he understands what a war is. No. He thinks well I want to ride through Egypt. I'll build a road. That's one thing I definitely know. I'm going to be a horse naked. I can see that now. You guys work out how it happens. Yeah. Anyway, on the thirteenth of september nineteen forty, while Britain's you know at the heights of the beginning of the blitz. Italy crosses from Libya into Egypt and it is the official start Dess. Okay. The most important parts of World War II, essential to begin. The scene is set for our two characters to engage in a duel that will define the century the North African theatater of World War II. In our next episode, we will deal with the Britainons' fighting the Italians, with Rommel's arrival in the theater, with Hitler's intervention to help Mussolini, the desert fox Blitz Ceg, it's met in the desert and it's the first battle of Alama Alama.y versus Saukraut versus fucking baked beans. Who's gonna win? It's a absolute disgusting. horrible triif. That's gen genuinely what my kids ate on holiday and the buffet. Beraout.'s North African theatre. North Africaan inclusive Beans, sauerkraut and spaghetti. For that episode and the entirety of this four part series with our guest Pianvelli, sign up to the patreon where we just hit forty thousand. I mean the numbers sting I think we should stop it I should probably stop advertising it. I' getting's getting embarrassed It's scarish'. We've stopped announcing it as well. Yeah we can't be because we're privatelyeducated.''s sc. Have a word announced it and we think we're going off that model. We are now the size of Salisbury I can't wait for the Fin versus history Patreon poisoning Anyway, sign on to the Patreon for or don't. I mean I think it's enough now, isn't it? Yeah you guys pack out. Do you know what? ourur Patreon exclusive episodes are higher ranked on the Spotify charts than some other people's main podcast. O's embarrassing. It's embarass. So deactivate youratreon, Cn to the patreon. Let's make it more of an exclusive group Yes. You know, it's the problem. So house' not doesn't really work as members club because everyone's in it, you know? the oppositeouse' the opposite soouse. No it's not really an exclusive club it used to be So it's not This is a deactivate. Sorry, that's what it's most like. It's the Mega prison in El Salvador. Oh really? The fucking Richard Mayiley just went to. Yeah ye. but maybe the morals of the people involved are better in the prison, I. Yes, I'd say so. ye. Anyway, the entirety of the series is on the Patreon and also I should say our Patreon exclusives This Fortnite is the history of the SAS, which comes out of the desert Wars. And I read Ben McIntyre's book on holiday and it's fucking excellent And I've also watched Rogue Heroes twice. I'm so fired up for that.. I love it. I love it airport soces. Anyway, that's on the Patreon. We will see you next time for the continuation of the Desert War. Bye bye for now. Goodbye