Edict of Nantes and Westphalia

This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a fifty page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online makes sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responssees set upp required compatibility and availability varies eighteen plus First history I'm with Horato G. This is the Counter Reformation. It's part four. It's a very sad episode. sad Very, very tragic stuff, this. Yeah. the Empire strikes back, the Protestant Holocaust. The Protestant Holocaust. numumbers that you believe. I completely believe. Why would you doubt these numbers? And they're staggering You would write a denial of the denial if you hadard someone deny this. I would I would like to open like to den theoc the Poc Protocols the protocol Potocol. To summarize events, the The filthy, disgusting rotten Catholic Church had been bravely it mildly. putut it mildly and I had been bravely challenged by Martin Luther and my own personal hero, John Calvin. Yeah. But by the fifteen forties, The Catholic church have It's five AM. it's a kitchen, it's an afters. Everyone's on ping, everyone's on cooke and Martin Luther has opened the curtains. And he's covered in poo. Yeah Yeah. lightight streaming in and it's just the birds are tweeting and now it's like, right we' got to stop all this nonsers. stop chat and shit. Yeah You go to bed? Yes, Yes. Go to fucking bed. genuinely, it's like when I went to Charlie Thirtieth I felt like Martin Luther in this rotten You know, indulgent All Charlie's friends, know, They're all trans and they have no eyebrows. Finn has been quite confused because so many Charlie's friends have no eyebrows. I'm just confused. I don't know what they're thinking. You don't know if it's an Alopecia thing, you don't know if it's a political statement. C political statement? You don't know if they're on loononey tunes and they've tried to deactivate a bomb and it' explode the eyebrow. I don't know what they think. Yeah. okay. Anyway So the Catholic Church start to notice that they're losing the grip on the Holy Roman Empire. And so They initiate the Council of Trent. Tre Alexander Arnold. Ladies, calm yourselves. okay. There are episodes where we talk about engineering issues And again, you know, in the Chernobyl series, we talked about nuclear fission. many ladies left the house during that without spare pants and their days were ruined.. I'm giving you a chance. It cause them engineering issues. They had their own engineering issues. They had their own fisy problems.. I'm warning you now that when we get into the Council of Trent Similar issues will occur. Yeah, okay. This is not stuff to be taken lightly. Now the Council of Trent is an eighteen year Coun Theological meeting. Right. Okay. eighteen year long meet. I guess you don't have loads to do. Nowadays. No But this is this is this is an eighteen year meeting as how should we respond to Martin Luther's book, It really does go to show the upper hand the Protestants had with printing press Catholics had an eighteen year meeting. ith as a result of this Council of Trent They They work out what they think Right in response to Luther's challenge. They say that The face is not the only thing. It's also the church. Yeah. eighteen years this took.. The communion is actually the bloodo back in there. you come up with a m idea It eighteen years to just double down on the fact that actually is but that's Bllocks. That's absolute Bllocks. They say the seven sacraments are to stay in place which is. Now these now again W This is a Protestant podcast. Yeah So the sacraments are baptism, confirmation, Eucharist tenants. Anointing of the sake. holy orders and marriage What are the Protestant sacraments Work, sleep. Was it tat forer? Yeah Yeah, pray repeat. Yeah Yeah Eat pray love. ye, except don't love Don't know be pr Eat, pray, sleep Don't feel anything. Clench your jawer, your face explodes. Iignnore your wife. shake your kids's hands No, I'm not dad, I'm sir. They say the Latin translation of the Bible should be continued to be prioritized and they would still do indulgences, but they were not allowed to be marketed. Right so they weren't allowed to be like sponsored content or part of a brand. no paid advertiser. They also banned relatives from being appointed to church positions and they said that bishops had to live in their diocese Right They didn't want a roaming like fullse nine bishop. No, they didn't want like when an MP you know is not actually from the are area and they get parachuted in from Westminster But they also found the Jesuits, the shock troops of the counter Reformation These are mass missionaries who are basically go and spread the gospel of sin to try and break up the Protestant states So we get to the Roman Inquisition of fifteen forty two, okay. This is where the Protestcosts begins. O. D you talk the beginning of the Wars of religion that sort of is still sort of going on now in some ways? Is it still going on now? No? And' now now it's Christianity versus Islam. Yeah I guess so. Is there a Protestant Catholic? I mean, there's tensions in Northern Ireland, but was that the last? And of the old Celtic Rangers, I guess, is as close as it gets. That's football, isn't it? Yeah. That's a spectator sport. Sure. you know. This is a spectator sport for some people. This episode will challenge how much of a spectator sport this stuff is So the Roman Inquisition The these are the I mean, at this point inort sixteenth century. The Holy Roman Emperor is Spanish, I think it's still Charles V. Get a photo of Charles V, Charles., Let's have a look at the jaw. is this guy. He basically Spain is like a rogue state U and he sends his sort of spies across the empire But fuck me cled. That's Right, so he's like we're looking at a photo of Charles the V F. What's the noise that you think when you hear that? Oh I's what first m. What' what A first m! W was any experience in life that would cause you to make that fase Could you ever see yourself making an expression? that's what Finn's face was when he came to your third year Ver eyebrowsybrows. A you trying?in meetingsself with your eyebrows. What are you thinking? Are you pissed off at me? I can't tell. And what gender are you, either? I don't need to know But if I'm attracted to you're a blke, need to know if I'm gay,'s I need to know. That's the thing about genderutal, I know went did panic and go around asking everyone if you're gay, which is a weird. Am gay No, it's when people say they're gender neutral, it's like I know you don't care but if I'm a attract what does that mean? what does it mean for me? So are you saying only arly people should be gender neutral I'm saying there's a level of ugliness where it doesn't matter But If if your heart you should be gender neutral because Well it implies a lot for other people. You can be You can say you' gender neutral, but I need to know. It's like the Italian's that brilliant whoo's that Italian comic? who's got that bit about it?i Pilippo. So this realel where guys like in Italy, if you're gender neutral, we say L gender neutral if you're a bloke or lander neutral if you're a. Because in romance languages you can't actually everything has to be gendered. Yeah. So yes, I suppose that's how I look at Charlie's. What are you actually I need to know if I'm gay or not. Yeah, so he's at this point in history, Spain is a rogue state. It's basically sixteenth century Israel in that it's like it's causing chaos in violation of international law Okay, R. Charles the, that guy has got a network of spies who he's sending out to quell Protestants people the good guys. Right. Okay. So it's like he they got their own IDF. Mothad. Yeah Mothad. And he's sending Mothad all over the Holy Roman Empire to quell Protestants So one of the most famous examples of this is Galileo in Italy who are Now he builds a telescope. When was Galileo This is in the sort of early seventeenth century., right, right, right builds a telescope and he sees the moon. Like in more and now this is not high definition. No. This would be like he sees it in fucking three hundred and sixty Yeah rather than tell Dangerous if we stop talk about science again. Yeah.es sorry we' be very this is seventeenth century science. I think we have to back ourselves that we can we can, you know, It's a telescope and he can see the moon clearer than anyone else has. Right. And so he sees.id he make the telescope? Why are you asking me that? Why are you asking me that? And what was he trying to make? I't under that telescope. I don't know how telescope works. I don't understand how he sees craters on the moon in the seventeenth century. I don't understand was was trying make quuick shhot launch and it was sort of like when they met a penicilla when they discovered a penicillin Right When he left an old moldy sandwich out and it molded independently. He was trying to make theQicksh L launch masturbator he looks through it. he goes on a minute. This is got like ye, this got like ten. know that, you know that famous TV shot of the guy that walks across and times it perfectly with the. You get this and the rocket launches. Yeah. It's that, except you get this and it's just a guy going U yeah, I so Galileo didn't invent the telescope, but he made significant improvements ty times by. She magnified by thirty times This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. That is fire. Whoa, that's good. This might be the drink of the summer. Okay, I like this much too. I'm not worth it, okay? Try it for yourself. Starbucks refreshers concentrates are coming home. Find them in the coffee aisle and make it yours Heo I'm Dorian Linenssky from Mrigin Story. And I'm I Dun. We're the host of a podcast that tries to tell the truth about the political terms that we use today. none of the tribal bullshit, none of the irrationality, none of the hysteria, just accuracy and laughs as we try to understand the world around us We dig into history to tell stories that explain why we are where we are today. And we're very excited that we get to do this on stage as well And soon we will be doing it at our biggest ever live show. Yeah on september first in the Union Chapel, London, come join us there for a night of laughs, maybe a few tears and just a general feeling of moral vindication. There's a link to my tickets in the show notes, and the good news is if you're a patron, you get a fairly substantial discount. So if you've been thinking of signing up, now's a good time We'll see you that So he sees that the Mon's got craters on it. Yeah Which then now I think maybe the Catholic Church, they've been operating under this thing called like the One sky theory or something. things like the One child policy. Sort of in that they're like the moon doesn't have I don't know. But the fact, again, everyone's the is that everything revolves around the earth Galileo is a heleliocentrist. Right. so he's sort of he'sick Nick Cg. He's Nick Cleg but he thinks that the earth revolves around the sun. R Catholics are like, No, that could be you fuckllow. What do you mean? You're mental. Get off the fence., pick aside. He also sees that Jupiter has moons and then So the moon' what's through his telescope Again, don't ask me I fucking no. I don't care. I don't I'm not like our patrons will have telescopes in their bedroom. and they'll be pointing it down towards their neighbour's house. to look at their daughter. Okaykay. They're not looking up He finds out that If Jupiter has moons, that means not everything revolves around Everything revolves around the m E everything rollves around me. Slamming the door shut. Yeah. I don't know what he I don't know what this I don't care, all right? Right The point is what he finds in his little telescope. It means that it contradicts some of the stuff in the Bible that implies that the earth was just a flat. But again this is a two thousand year old. So they torture him? How do they torture Galileo? I think they put him on like a rack or something. It just your personal trainer, right? He was physically It was psychological pressure. Psychological pressure. Look up No Listen. Well, that's look, because the whole thing about Calileet is that he recanted all the things he said because he was tortured so much and he was like an old man. I didn't know it was just peer pressure. He was grounded for nine years. No, but listen, this is devastating, he said. The Catholics, you know, this is awful. Psych in some ways, you know, you can withstand physical pain, but psychological torture. That's far worse. F worse. Okay. Maybe it was cock and ball torture Maybe it was piss play. We don't know. He was confined to his house. He was put under house arrest. He was shown the instruments of torture to intimidate him into acc. Look at this. Oh. Basically Spain, Charles V F are Mossad and they have or maybe they're it's Iranian proxy Now, the Spanish Inquisition had been founded in fourteen seventy eight and it had been focused on enforcing Jews and Muslims to become Catholics. Right Like u Make sense It makes sense why they'd want to do that. Yeah. What's this? It Spanish Equisition. So Yeah, it is actually, Charlie. Yeah. ye. However, once the Protestants come into it Uh they They start to clamp down, they use the same tactics on these poor innocent, you, hard wororking shs U So you have Protestants in Viadid And Seville. Well, they shouldn't be doing anything there to be honest. I do think if you're Protestant in Spain, what's going on? What are you doing there? Are you on holiday Maybe they're on holiday, in which casees it is even more tragic. Yeah But it's funny the Benador, I guess is a Protestant oututpost. Thank you. You're right. So there's like a safe space. It's Protestant Space Protestant Spain is Benadorm, it's Tenerif. You know this makes sense. Yes, it's fucking full English for fucking dinner. Yeah, Irish pub. Iish p makes sense, you know, plastic chairs Bald guys sitting there getting pink Wh who's the famous person who's Benador? There's that old lady No, is it? Be though it's better on me at a bad time Tking abused in the street Well, that it's hard to be P protestant in Spain. It is hard. I don't be as Protestant He doesn't know he's Potestant but He' swallows like a Protestant. Yeah fuc No too. You know the rules So yes, because you're right to think that Benador was proant Spain because the Spanish Inquisition labeled drunken mockery as Lutheran. Right. And eating meat on forbidden days was heresy. such as Fridays. You're right. And that really this is a battle for the soul of Spain. Right. And we are now left with, you know mainland Spain, orort of original Spain. And then these few brave outposts, sure. Th settle estates of Benador, Tenerf and I don't know, Iland't Canary Yeah. Canary Island, Morka, Morca, Miork, Manorca. Yeah, exactly.ah. They're saf for us to travel to. Yeah They, you know, they also ban they stop banning books and they have an index of all these pages that are All these titles that are forbidden? What books do you like to ban Um, What books would I ban? Why, I'm no longer talking to white people about race. I ban that, right but fans. U I'd also we don't know you pretty. When we don't know you pretty Yeah U band bands I'd also the several books that my I'd love to see the color of the books on the pre that you're burning because it'll be be colorful.ery It'll be pink, poppy like thatop feminism stuff. Yeah, exactly. White feminism ban. Now, I' tell you what I would actually ban is the several kids' books that I would ban.ite kids books? No, no, not J just I don't want to read them and my kids always make me read them. and they're f boring the enormous turnurnip band Burned, D done. U What's not? Oh bing Bing can fuck off. What's Bing about? I don't Bing is a cartoon of a rabbit who's a fucking wetter. Right And he's always good. it's bad lessons Yes, yes. He's with Fop. He's with Flop and How do you know this? I know that thing. Yeah Th this is Charliesids. No, this is Charlie's reading this How did you know about that? Because he reads at night okay famous Yeah, well it's a TV show that they made into B. Right. Okay. But B Bing can get in the bin, right? Bing's awful, Bing's boring. Yeah. Blue is brilliant. Blue's gooduff. Blue's great stuff. You can watch Bluey without kids and he really enjoy it It's Percy Pig good. Peppers's over Ppper Pig's live with pe Which mean lived with pepper pig My mate honestly lived with Pepper Pig in Berlin, the person who voysed peepper N Berlin. Pepper Pig lived in Berlin.pp' in Berglin. The peppers in Bergheim He found out he was living with her and then he kind of asked her what she did and then eventually it became clear that she went She's pepp she voice pepper pig erl in? Pepper Pig lives in Bll, the voice of pepper. I mean, this is all pepper. Pepper lives not popper. peepper, not poppers. Popa Pg. Peppers' poppers in Blls. U Right, well this has changed. I can no longer have that on my screen If I know that Ppper Big is fucking in Bergghheide, I' get. is Pepper? Pepper is about our age about sort of twenty nine thirty. This is it a she? People need Pepper' la it yeah People need to She's sending it. She's sending it yeah. Ver large. It' in Berlin. Yeah. you know, She's having it large. Berlin is not, you know, Berlin is not a Lutheran city. No, is it No God. Godless. Yeah. Well, that's pretty, I mean, I'd ban that then. ban that filth. Anyway, so the Catholics ban loads of books and they start to clamp down on Protestants. and there is the first Protestant man in Spain to be killed Bururnnt at the stake for being Protestant. a painter from Mew York, of course you're from New Yorker. Can't say anything these days Morkistan York gone gone salvo U And he never had even admitted to being a Lutheran, but he was executed in fifteen twenty three. Would you change your Facebook profile picture ad I stand with the goalor. Yeah. Now, they don't always kill the Protestants in the Spanish Inquisition. They sentenceced them to penance. They have to wear a sanbonito, which is a big sack The exile finds have a look at what the San Bonito looks. It's a look at San Bonito. It's a big sack with yellow red crosses and flames as decoration. It sounds likebury s.s like aai sht would have walk ten Oh, it's like a big dun'sat Is that where weair enough. Is that where we get a big danceat from? mean it's kind of fire though I don't why've decorated it so well That might be blood. kindind of goes hard It's not very hard. There's like a big sort tabard with a big cross on it. And that means that you're in I guess'd feel pretty viable. That's the equivalent of the Jews having the yellow star. Yeah, you know. So this is I mean, this is just devastatingly sad I'm struggling with this episode. The fact that humanity can go to such low. thinkink so low. Yeah. They had to make they made like a public show trial to rejoin the church. And they were banned from working jobs in medicine and law and they weren't allowed to wear jewelry, ride horses, or carry weapons what's the point of living? What's the point of being Protestant if you can't carry a weapon?. So death penalties were quite rare for Protestants in Spain. I dispute that. But also now it says here that there were more people that were killed in England by Mary Queen of Scots. Yeah than in Spain. It does sound like ten people per year with various incentives for Protesticism. That those too many. I do dispute that. I think it was far bigger than that fififteen, twenty people, maybe? Maybe even thirty Okay, The number rose to ninety three a year. This is a disgrace. Okay. Wh Where are the memorials?ere Where's the pile of shoes? wouldn't be many shoes. Where's the pile of glasses? okay? You know? aboutout five pairs of glasses. No, they all call glasses they're working, they're reading. They've got to read the Bible. Right. Catholics don't have to read R Protestantasism is about reading. It's a book club, basically Pston isism Yeah Yes it is. see a circle, you read it, you talk about each chapter and how it made you feel. Yeah, it is. You have been part of a book club. My ex girlfriend went to a book club happened to be there was my now wife because we were friends before we got together. Right. And I was with My now wife My now wife U they they they so they cross paths and at that particular book club Um, My ex girlfriend cried. Were you dating her at the time she was at the book? Yes. My so she cried. What are you doing at this time You betting on is this when you're in your betting placeace? I'm betting on virtual cockfire Im say cans of Polish Lager getting on not yeah,'m not I'm not in a good place. But she cries because of because I hadn't fucking made her a good enough vegan dinner or something something Yeah or something. or I be r to a friend don't takeic. And then and then my yeah, my wife remembers that. And then looks like this guy sounds good S sounds like horrible fking else. sound like your friends aren't laugh. this guy soundsucking hilarious I'd love to go to this guy. No I was majors there already Right, so anyway, o so what she heard from your current girl from what? What what You heard her side of the story then my mou my wife was like,, I think think maybe you're the problem Part of you already have feelings for your Oh I fancy the whole time I said the whole time. I met her when I was eighteen and I was likeink the book club. And then B was like, No. And my wife was like, n nah. Let me ever look for other options. Yeah yeah, please, anyone. let's find anyone else. All right, No one fine. And then she started And then but I was determined. I was like a World War one general. I was like slowly Ye by year. Right. We will progress the long g a long game. Yeah just And then she started you know, the biological clock starts to tick. She starts getting slightly older. you know, suuddenly I'm looking more and more like a last option, right She starts throwing her friends, the lights come up at the club. Who's left? Hi She starts telling her friends in front like human shields. Right. you them off That's not gonna work for me.. Fike off love. I see what you're doing there. In the bin, right? Out a window. defefenest strightor G out window. I threw several of her friends out the windows and it made the wedding awkward because all the bridesmaids were paralyzed U No anyway. and then eventually yeah, afterward twelve twelve, ten, ten years ten years I wore her down. That's one of those beautiful sties I I w. And she signed the Treaty of Versailles in a railway carriage And and u And there was a piece that was An un easasy piece. Uneasy piece Listen, now we've had kids there's something brewing. Yeah. and I think maybe the deal that she's got will eventually lead to Yeah, she's h. She's getting angrier. gettingting angrier is that. She's going to move her troops to the Rhinand and there's nothing you can do about it. I think I can do. No. But yeah, no that anyway, but that was the only book club I've ever been the part of and you weren't the part of. Were you there? No, I wasn't there. I was at home Right, Not cooking dinner. Right. But then she was so picky that I could never make the dinner correctly. so I just gave up Yeah. I said, well she got a takeaway and then she fucking cried or something She was always crying. What's she up to now? I don't know. I don't know But I wish you well. Yeah But so'm gl I'm not there. Is your wife now a big crier? becausecause yeah Bbe, it's like three times a day She can't expect me to react to her crying as if it's crying if it's that Reagan because she's devalued what crying is boy who cried wolf. It definitely is a girl cried fucking Girl who cried Girl who cried whenever.. No, she doesn't cry much. No. She go solid You got to marry them. That's aough one. You got to marry them Y baby just constant your moments. know what I mean Well crying doesn't mean anything if you're crying a fucking as a sunset. I feel like women cry like men wank though, Its thought like cleaning the pipes. Yes, you're. For them, I think, I guess if you saw one of us cry, it would be like it's such a serious thing happen every three or four years and it would mean what's happened to so thing My wife has ever cried hanging upside down with an apple upp her us You don't know that. Right? I don't know that. You don't know that. a life that you don't know. Fny, becausecauseuse that implies that women are masturbating once every four years when a relative dies, or. It's really serious. No, it's serious. Oh, dear. No she's upstairs, she's masturbating. Somebody's gone very right crying as Catholic. and so, you know, these Protestant men look, they're wearing their tabard, they're sort of they're Jewish stars of the sixteenth century, but they're dealing with it. They're just cracking on, you know Be their faith strengthens them. Right. So now Charles the, you know, sixteenth century Netanyahu, he has his spies everywhere and he starts to infiltrate other areas like Paris, Constantinople, London, Brussels and through their embassies, the Spanish are operating This awful network R anti Protestant activity. I' and you You Australian? who have you got to Chral? It's a Nigerian man who is setetting a world record for the longest crying by an individual Let's hear what Cry sounds like Afran Cries are great And he was temporarily blind for forty five minutes with headaches and a swell of face because he claimed to have cried for seven days as part of a trend of record reccord attempts in Nigeria to cry as much as you can Did he win? I don't know Now what's interesting is Protestantism in Africa because I feel because Christianity was brought by European missionaries. Yes from Northern Europe, a lot of it, most of Africa is Protestant, right Yes. It doesn't seem to manifest itself in a particularly Protestant way. No, it comes out Catholic, almost Why are you okay I mean,'s prostitutism meets African youicar was Catholic You know, because they're not no condoms. rightight looad of babies. R Yeah, it is funny, that, isn't it? Yeah. And then P Protestism meets Asian and it just kind of bounces back Yeah. It doesn't take se back. It f off. Rent descender. Yeah.'ash It's a squash court. You can't like Asian Confucianism or whatever whatever they're kind of they already figuure the shit out. They have. they're so ahead of all of us. Yeah. Like they're a religious. Yeah So like that actually that's very protestant to basically be like Yeah, but they aring about like atheism, aggnosticism. they're just like that been done next. Yeah, we all agree. They're the Protestant like know, they're the beacon on the hill. Definitely. Japan basically. Japan. Yeah, you know. Suicide Suapuku. I mean yeah. doeses it get more products than that? You know it's interesting Puicide is very much a Protestant thing, right? Y the Catholic Church says that's a big no no. Yeah. The Protestants like, how about it? Yeah checks out a window. Yeah, if you're a burden Or if you have some mental health issues, k kill yourself That's how you sol everything. Yeah. So there's a lot of respect for the Japanese approach. It's the easiest solution. If you've disordered someone I apologize. kill yourself. ye burden with your apology, Kill yourself, you know, Yeah, why are you holding on to guilt Give yourself Exactly U so U now let's get So there's been a big there's a big war with the Dutch that the Spain Charles Fth because the Dutch are Calvinist at this point in the early sixteen hundreds It does make sense.. And Spain start fighting them U I don't know who wins it goes on for fucking ages. R? The Netherlands was part of the Holy Roman Empire and they then own which was also in Spain and they fought back and became this like very like stubborn city state. Be this is the start of the Dutch goldolden age. Yeah right? So they do they defeat the Habsburgs?ically the Habsburgs are kinderdam The most Protestant city, one of the most Protestant like foundations Becauseuse it was like, it's chit land, right? Yes. It's built on a marsh. Yeah. they' basically constructed canal from nothing and they all wore the same outfit. Yes. like that garb. Yeah. I guess it's not anymore because now it's it's filthy dead It's filthy Ders. Yeahah. Now as we explained last episode, the Calvin had set off this huge battle for the soul of France Was France going to be a country where people didn't wash and spent their days mooking pastry flakes out of their pubes? Or was it going to be an actual nation? Right We lost that one Y Tragically, tragically. But it does mean that people who work have somewhere to go on holiday. So it's not all bad. Yeah. But now France had a fork in the roads U and in the late latter half of the sixteenth century and they fell asleep at the wheel. There was a big battle of the so called French wars of religion And we're going to be should we we unplaced any of thishould we place the St Bartholomew's Day Massacre which is fifteen seventy two, which was fifteen seventy two, right fifteen seventy two. Let's say this is after Henry theIh Yes And before eating with Todd Is he the modern day Henry of the eighth? He's good with Todd. Yeah Sos how many, it's just a call game pouring gravy on a fucking sandwich Its interest though, because he gets a lot of hate because he's a fat guy He's a fat guy who just sort of like eats and the juices go all over his face and he doesn't seem to care how disgusting it is. Yeah. But then firstly everyone needs to everyone has a fat guy that they watch. Yeah eat. We You're lying if you say' your guy. Everyone has a guy. It might not be your guy, but you've got someone. You've got someone. Yeah, It's just different taste, right? So everyone's got a fat guy theyre watching o he he also you know, the first few videos I saw, I thought maybe he had Down syyndrome. Right So I could have gave him more credit Oh this is really nice And then real he didn't and I thought, actuallyually, I do think you could eat in a better way. Sure. A cleaner way. Pull yourself together. Well just it's so, you know, sometimes I' m Is it not your fat guy? My fat guy is is it Rate my takeaway Who's that guy guy? Yeah go my fat guy Todd yet, it's too slick almost. Even though he's like It's just too like I feel like I'm being lied to. This guy, he sits outside a takeaway with his own set upp. Yeah. and it doesn't feel slick. He just has a table And he gets brought a shit ton of food and he just piles his way through it. Yeah. It's not quick edited It's just a man. Test cricket wororking his way through I'm a huge big job. Yeah look at this. just this is some of the ugliest streets in Britain. He's raining. He's on a trestle table eating three portions of fish and chips This is my go to fat guy. So shout outrate my takeaway Keep doing what you're doing. Now Calvin Wantna know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it, how friends turned us ono coffee culture and super layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, trainspotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress and what it was really like to be a spice girl plunged back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, bumster jeans, and lemon hooch With talkalk nineties to me. Listen now wherever you get your podcast. and if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's talkal nineties to mee out every Monday Hello, it's Andrew Harrison here. Atacks on the American Democratic system, a paramilitary force snatching people off the streets moves to politicize the American justice system president indulging in unprecedented corruption Do you ever think the United States might need a total reboot after Trump is gone That's what we're looking at in a special three part series from the Bunker, your daily podcast of News Lout the Nonsense In Fables of the Reconstruction, how to Fix the USA. I'll be talking to experts and friends of the bunker to look at if, why and how the American system could use a total rethink. Search the bunker on your favourite podcast app Calvin had sort of bequeathed these huguotes Bequeath this' niceeathed huguotos. T too close to quef, isn't it? Bequeathed. Yeah. I'd bequefing. I' I bequeath him. sorry, who just bequeath Bequeathhing at Let's see, Who bequefed in here? It smells fpecially, who' just bequefin? Doquef smell Sorry? to quetsell Yeah young, o. Yeah, you're young, you're young Yeah. You're naive. You come back to me in six years and tell me quefell., when I was your age, I was saying in questo smell. Yeah. Come back to me in ten years and tell me quQef dont smell. Yeah. Now we need to talk about the Huguenotose. That's my point. Calvin bequeathed. Francec's Huguenotuse. qued out some hugots. We qufed out some Hugenaots. And between fifteen sixty two and fifteen ninety eight, there were these French wars of religion. Now the Hugenots are quite they French Potestants. I think they're very interest V very interesting. Contradiction in inter turn. But then it's almost like the blend actually ends up being quite effective because that wherever they go They're sort of like Jewish people. Wherever they go,re they're like a small community that's incredibly effective. like literally a minute from where I live. tyype in Princelet Street, all of the I don't know if you've been around like East London with those preserved Georgian houses. Yeah. thoseose are all Hugenose silk weavers. came to the area, it was a shitty area but then basically made, brought all the silk weaving. So like these crazy streets that completely preserved are all Hugenot houses. know South Africa, the Stellenosch wine region. Do you know the Stellembosch? that's all settled by the Stuaots. B Yes. Now the Huguenots were the first ever refugees Interesting. That's where they weren't the first ever refugees. They' the first ever people to be called refugees because it's a French word your sort of Protestant view of the world These are the first refugees There has been a of a lot of war a lot of displacement has happened before that. Like I said, fifteen seventyver everyvery time people have been persecuted they've been like, well, I'm just fucked I'll just stay here Yes, and it' Protestants who came up with a fucking word for it because they needed it. because they actually didn't stop fucking weeping You know, they didn't sort of sit in self pity. they got on with it. Right. Can you let us in? Who are you? We're refugees.. Oh I see where you are now. Yes. So it's a huge it's like thirty year thing and Calvinism had become very popular in France amongst the nobility U and the quQeen of Navare became a Calvinist in fifteen sixty. I don't know who that is. she's important Who cares? Not me. I don't care. Anyway, it sets off. The thing we need to get to is the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre. Not on St. Bartholomew's D. I know. Is nothing sacred This is a pivotal moment towards the end of the third religious warar that were not. Bloody. like farast and furious films. In an attempt to secure the peace A marriage was planned between the King Charles Ith's sister And the quQueen of Navreres's son. Now it was the quQueen of Navarre, some Spanish woman Who ca So who cares? So the peace agreement also saw the return of Admiral Gaspard de Coligny, who' a huguenaot to the King's court.. So they see this as a way to placate the Protestants and to try and stop the war So they hold this wedding in august fifteen seventy two in Paris, but it's a red wedding. It's a a trap Is it? Yeah? You know, Admiral Lackbar. Is his name? Is that his name? I mean justiral It' name. I just said that I thought E is. Admiral Eon. prop. Anyway, so a few days after the wedding. So what they do is all the Hugan and aristocracy and leaders, they will all come to Paris to attend the festival hell, right Th then a few days after the wedding Colony, the admal the admiral is shot from a window. So it's not quite it's not on the wedding day No, but a wedding goes on for like, you know, it's festival. Yeah, right? So the assassin escapes. So it's like a sort of's' early JFK stuff. Yeah, right And the Hugenaot leaders demand that the king tries to find the assassin. but many believe it's a red it's a false flag and the plot had been organized by the king. Right, right. And so one Huguenot then threatens the king or threatens to kill someone else. And the king basically like, right, preemptive strike, lock the doors, lock the city gates. let's just fucking kill them all And it's Hollyash. Do you remember the Aztec night? Yes. sad night? The really sad night. Nche Trist.es. The sad night. I remember Nche Triste. They they just butcher everyone. Yeah. That's a similar thing that happens in Paris. So on the twenty fourth of August Kill squads are formed and they kill Colin, the Duke at around four AM and his body is left on the street and it's mutilated by Parisians before being thrown into the Sine. The fucking trying to make fuguar out.rob ten thousand huenoots are killed in Paris And that's the upper estimate but it ass eed. Igoring two thousand. look what Huguos look like like to a French Potestant, how are they swagging it out? Are they just eating cheddar? What's the drip zone? Colony's head is sent to the pope Okay, that Is that a Huguot? He's in Denhim cuto offs. That's the problem is it's French Protestant So just a little element. J an element an element of game. what's the commentry. That looks like me Inen a cutp, that does s look like you. It looks like an old This looks like you in twenty years when you finally accepted your sexuality. This is when you've said I've been living a lie So this is all of this sort of like super straight Protestant guy It's been a's been me projecting I'm gay.'s It looks exactly like an old gay silverf. That's me going to Charlie's fiftieth But now are you trying to fit in? Yeah, I'm trying to fit in I've had twenty years ag go to your party where this time I'm gonna trying a hi! Happy birthday Mm. Yeahah, if you're not if you're just listening, we're looking at a so this is Henry the Fth who is the French Hugenot who ends up I think winning the religion. He is dressed, I mean, it looks great. He looks like Ppper Pig and Burn, doesn't it? He's got little denim cutoffs U he's got a little bit of u he's got a camp look in his eye Uh Oh he's also wearing silk briefs actually. And he's got a little c cutless Yeah gotot a little sword. So anyway they basically butcher all these Protestants in Paris. I mean, you know, I'm starting to understand why I just don't. S a in Paris. Right. makes you feel at ease. It's, you know It's my Auschwitz, You know? Yeah. Why is everyone laughing and drinking and having a look? Yeah, this is a site of a. It's a holy s It's a horrible, horrible place. the violence spreads outside of Paris. It basically sets up a train of reprisal killings U ten thousand dead across the country two hundred thousand flee France. This is an interesting side note The Ssar Ivan the Terrible sent a letter to the king expressing his horror at the violence. Yes. So you know you're doing something. If a guy called the Terrible Yeah is going chill out. Yeah. And the terrible was the guy who enjoyed putting people in a house and then blowing the house up Oh that's quite It's quite fun,. There's different ways to fucking skin a chicken isn't there? Yeah to sk getin a fucking rabbit. That's quite a fun way You go in that house over there do anything. Yeah, justust kidding ouse gone. gone with it. But all the Hugoes then settling in like South Africa, Ireland, Y. And they're one of the most successful immigrant but theyre like Ugandonians. Yes, they are yeah. Who's the Huguenau Prty Patel? Right Can we have a look, who's the most attract hugo? So like Hugo immigrant success stories. Yeah. Piiannaavelli. Piannaavelli Famous Hugotos today Yeah, sure. S see what happens. Nigel Farge. Youre joking. No way. You joking Nigel Farage has got Hugano ancestor He's European immigrant Farraage is of Hugano Orige. Yeah, that's where the fucking name Farages. Simon Le Bon. King Hell Warren Buffet Charl' Thron It's Nigel Farage, D Pont. It's got Hug and our ancestry. Howard Hughes, the fucking aviator. So but this is very Jeskar Chastain,. That's very interesting though is that you imagine Farage living in France It doesn't make doesn't work He had toight had to fight his way out This is Farage's origin story He his ancestors fled We see Farraage's Hugo Link's. Can you just type it in? Let's get a bit more this doesn't this make so much sense? Yeah Like this is, you know, Potestant Protestant math Potestant The only thing that they agree on is smoking That's the only thing he does. His interest includes French Hugonots, Protestant refugees who fled persecution in Franceouthern England ross the channel to Kent. His great grandfather's parents were German I mean his wife's German Yeah But that's isn't that amazing that it's almost like his destiny is to strike back at France It makes a lot of sense. It makes so much sense I mean, a therapist would have a field day with this, you know? So the Stt Barts I think I think it's the worst massacre in France R So Admiral Colony that that Hugeno thrown from a window, decapitated He's defenestrated, decapitated, castrated and then dragged through the streets by a mob D depends which order you want capitated to be first Yes Yes, you don't wink for defenestration. Yeah, orchestration. I think the worst order of that is constratedenestrated, then decapitated. It's like Henry the X wife. Cstrated, penestrated decapitated. Pregnant women were disemboweled You should be doing that. No. No thanks. Caesarean Children participated in torturing Protestants Apparently the River Sine ran so red with blood that Ru on the city down the road, they all got water poisons. They couldn't drink water and died ofnesss because they couldn't drink the water because it was all full of prost and blood There was the displayed bodies, neighbourors, you know, neighbourors started just killing ross since they found them. It's very, very sad. It's the saddest I've heard of The saddest thing on the podcast that we've done dealt with so far. You know, we like to have a laugh Sometny Somet not funny Why are you laughing I think it's important not to make light of serious things for the sake of comedy. No I know we know have a laugh, but some things are just are just sad and No listen we should put a trigger warning at the start of this episode because it's a really sad one Okay. I didn't know about this and I cried several times before I can imagine. Yeah, It was been really hard for you. Yeah. I did. It was hard. And you know, it's part of your lived experience as And I will be we will be taking a break for the podcast while I go on a pilgrimage Hugan areas of France. and I will be putting Instagram photos of me touching walls cry Kissing the turf. Yeah Anyway, so by the late fifteen nineties France is fucking knackered because it's just been' really gone for it. They've gone for it. these's constant wars And then there's aenry I think there's a power struggle between three King Henries or three Henries. T of them kill each other and then Henry the fourth, the guy in downem cutoffs. Yeah. He is he basically the last one out standing And he is Hugenot, but he converts to Catholicism in order to basically sacrifice his own religious beliefs for the sake of the country. Oh interesting. And he issues the Edict of Nant U Not the Edict of Non. It sounds like the Edict. That's our thing. That's the other word for the Operation U tree. Right. That was the exclusion to the Operation N tree was the Edict of Nods R Anyway, the Edict of Nant fifteen ninety eight, which is a revolutionary document because it legalizes two different religions in one state, which had been done before, but not in a state that was as intensely Catholic as France Yeah. So this is kind of it's not religious freedom, but it's two different Tlerance. Right. religious tolerance. Right. And so he's Hugo but he sw of sacrificed himself Catholicism is the state religion, but Protestants allowed the right to worship. And this is based modern France is Protestant now It's got to be minimal, minimal. I mean the reason why Spain is as is is that they basically wiped all the proest themsel and in Italy as well. They just they clamped down too hard Um Two per twoo percent Exactly. But this is actually quite interesting the Eedicts ofon because this is when you start to get the idea that the state unity is more important than religious What uniformity Yeah, the state' more important than the religion. Yeah. So this is this is quite protestant idea. Yes, it is. This is where you, you know, there's been so much, so many wars for nearly a hundred years and they will continue to sixteen forty eight. But this is where you start to get the sense of like, should we just chill out about the god thing? Yeah and maybe maybe we're more French than we are M maybe we just we all band together and say, who the fuck are those German pigs? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, none of us wash. Yeah, exactly. What are we doing in fighting? Yeah. And so Sicker sixteen forty eight is the birth of the sort of the start of the idea of the nations. Right Right. But this is when that starts to initiate And thenitially to the thirty yearsars W? Yes we were playing an episode on, but it was actually too impenetrated. It's insane. The thirty years We don't know anyone involved. it seems to be the biggest thing happened that we don't know anything about It's the thirty years War for like Central Europeans is as important to them as like we would learn about the Engish Civil War. Yeah That's our version of it. Yeah. But the thirty years War very quickly, we'll do it. We'll do a series on it at some point Th years war, sixteen eighteen, the third deministration of Prague, Yes, okay, leads to a series of rolling conflicts. There's like a Spanish phase.. There's a Dutch phase, there's a Swedish phase, a Danish phase. It's like aed Mashby, There's just different tents with different things going. There's constantly Swedish by a guy called Adolphus. Yes, who's like insane Yeah This one' swweden One of the second time in history of the Sweden went full base mode. Yeah and the never again. Uh neverever I go neverever again. And then and then you have basically maybe twenty percent of the population of Germany die in the conflict And it takes them a hundred years. May more than that to recover. R. But the piece of West Falia, sixteen forty eight, settles the Protestant Catholic issue in that every state is allowed to choose choose right what they want to follow Ch actually, why is it called the Reformation What actually got reformed The church in what way feel like we we've quite comprehensively dealt Yeah That's kind of the m thing that we talked about. Yeah what do you think happened? I honestly don't know Do you know the difference between Catholics and Protestants? The Catholics are a bit more serious, but the Protestants are more boring. I don't think so. What have you? They like chains. Catholics like jewellelry. Yeah.. Protestants like cricket Yeah, ye ye it' sort of it's more English than the Protestant. And the Catholics are more emotional and the Protestants are more repressed. Yeah. that's true. I don't really know. It's like we deal with this the first five minutes ag so one of this series. And we mentioned it regularly through Well actually got reformed then. So what from what to what? Catholic to Potestant. Yeah Be if the Catholic church didn't really exist, it was more there was reformation made to the church Some people thought We don't need these reformations thought we did, and then they came up with Catholics or Protestants to represent them. So what was happening before that It was just the Western church. Yeah, it was just the church, church Christianity. And has there been any more Reformations? R yes, there's several differentism can now break off a we talked about Calvin Proletariat. No that's not, that's a wrong word. That's a different thing. Pesyterarian. Iignore Pianian Proleitaria is the kind of communist idea are not involved in the story? No, Well, they are probably that? accidentalirrelevant. Yeah. Cincident. Incidental. Yeah incidentalight Thank you. Yes There's no unified church of pescatarianism. We did say before this episode, actually Charlie, if you want to ask some questions it'd be quite helpful because this is a bit more of a chewy topic. Yes. we you ask questions about the topic rather than just try to help because we're trying to work our way through it. Yeah got what was performed? What's the reformation? Well we just answered it then Well, thank God it's over You be the Reformation, d mean this series? All of it. Yeah Well, I think I think you know, if we're going to give you any feedback Yeah, it's the maybe spending less time finding images of men swallowing pooing condoms and actually sort of it may be engaging with the history. to get I will say to get to four end the fourth hour and for you to say waterc reform is quite deflating Well, I'm your audience. Well, that's fun that you are. I don't think you are But you are you know, it's a reminder to never leave a man behind, isn't it? You're the nearest us. You've got Yeah I don't know if you're an audience. You're not the audience, but you're just geographically the nearest to us.. It's a reminder that you can only go as fast as your slowest member of society. Right And I guess it's quite deflating to think that we've got to the end of this and there would be a listter going so what is the recamation feel I feel like we actually engaged with it. Who's Martin Luther? I have a pool I have a pool. I honestly think I've leared the least in this one. Okay good. Well, that's a great way to end the series. Yeah. now so that's been the Reformation O has it? I don't know. let us know if you if you have no idea. no idea. I feel like we engage with it quite. I think it's very. We got some pretty interesting ideas to see, you know who I think it explains so much of culture Yeah psychology Eplains family history. explains my prejudices entirely It can always be mapped onto what I think about most places in the world. how far the Reformation is spread.. I don't think it takes an expert though to read between the lines with I don't think it's There's no reading between the lines. That's what I'm saying. It's tracing getting rid of reading between the lines. Yes,ad what's on the lines. Read I don't like them because they're Catholic It's tracing over over a racist slur that I've written Anyway If you'd like more, we'll be dealing with the Amish on the Patreon which is bit more interesting than I thought it would be. It is very interesting. That's Anab Baptists. And we also I think tomorrow on the Patreon we are releasing our live special JFK assassination recorded at the Hangy Empire last year. It was at the end of a Nine day tall. nine day tall some great stuff and Es they said like an hour and a half special. that's for sale.. if you don't want to join the patreon You can just buy it as a one off. Damn. How much? I don't know yet. I haven't decided to quit. It'll be more expensive than signing up to the pagure, sure. But's less expensive than like a curry Yeah less expensive than the car. Yeah. ye Thank you to place this. To place this, it'll be more than three pounds a month. It will be less than the price won't be It won't be less expensive than the street food curries with their chopped chicken with their toenails. It will not give you the same effect as a An unlicensed street vendor in the Bombay. Right, okay. If it does, I'm not taking not of possibility. I can't say what you've eaten when you're wair when we edited this special, we didn't wash our hands. No That is true. and I did use my feet't. Anyway, that's on the Patreon and we'll see you next week for a brand new topic from all of us here at Finversse History. goodoodbye. Goodbye