Finding Fire Island Season Two

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Give it a try at midmobile d. com slash switch Upront payment forty five dollars for three months ninety dollars for six mons or one hundredy dollars forelveth, reired fifteen dollars for a month equival to taxas bees extra initial term only greater thanty gigabytes be slow netork busy term This is Fixing Famous People, The podcast where two reality television producers pitch solutions to save celebrities in dire straits So let's meet this week's guest and find out who they are helping us fix that never If you hadn't Hen Hark on the list, here's the thing. if you hadn't Should I say this for when we're you Well, we are rolling. Yeah. Clisters, you've joined us in progress here being you' You'll find out why we can't shut up already. Christopher, would you like to introduce would you like to have a friend friend, friendriend of the pod, a friend in real life, a friend to you, honestly. Go ahead. Yes Rothschild, from Hot Takes and Deep Dives, from Fing Fire Island, from the cult of body and soul, You know her, you love her. She's my God Thank you. So many hyphens And you're not none of you are ready for what your o's about to be revealed in this year We let's before we talk about Jess's very exciting next project, which has been swirling about end of all months, this June our pride month, appropriately. We approached her last week, said you hadn't been on the show a while. We would like to talk about your new project and we love having you as a guest. Here's a list of celebrities Who do you want to fix? And when I tell you that it took point five seconds for her to scream Helen Hunt Why Jess? why Helen Hunt? and then tell the listeners what we found out about you over the last forty eight hours that has me It floored. Well, I saw here's the thing. I saw the list. You have did the listeners know that you have like twenty took fifty person like listed any eode have. They all know it. They know. and all the they made it. They're the ones who submit the people to fix Here's a thing behind the curtain is I'm not that passionate about most celebrities. so I'm saying like, listen, I could get it up for Rosie. I could always get it up for Madonna. but You know, it's a miracle like pull that JO thing out of my ass the last sh like So I look at the list fully expecting that like there iss not going to be a person I give a shit about on this list. Meanwhile It took seeven second that when I saw Helen Hnt on the list. I cannot first of all, if she had not been on the list, thirty years could have gone by and I never would have thought to suggest Helen Hunt. whichich is strange for us to hear because what we then learned is that you are you are somehow the world's I know you're not the only one, but you are certainly and I am old person and you are in my long life the very first Kelen Hunt, super fan. that I have ever met. And when I say that listeners, go ahead, Jess. G what I responded. it wasn't just this, it wasn't simply, I'll do Hell on Hunt I had to tell you like becausecause you'll do Helen Hunt do what Im I no, no, listen, I will do her in the year nineteen ninety six A. Although she's looking really good now, but there's a twenty year stretch it's I mean I think'll get get her We'll get her I need the I need the people looking right out to know about this goddamn scrapbook. So so I wrote back absolute o Oh my Godd, O of course, Helen Huund, I have a scrap book. dedicated to her from my high school and college years Pause. someome of the people are going to rewind by ten seconds to make sure they heard you say you had a Hellen hunt scrap b And the well, it's not only Helen Hunt, but it is a scrapbook. I mean, it's probably like two hundred pages. It's humongous. thingsings that I would clip out of TV guide, Entainment Weekly, People magazine, like all the magazines that I subscribed to in high school, and I would cut everything out that I was obsessed with. So it's a range of like, o do I'm making fun of it, but I secretly and I'm sure Chris does do, I love it. Like I wish I'd done that. It is great fun of it. It is great, but when I tell you that it's when the video of it that we will put on the internet It looks like in a movie where like some famous person dies and then like, The person that murdered them has this in their house and this is the evidence It's like there's something like that makes me want to say Zodiac killer. L do something. Is it giving Yolanda and Selena? No Oh my God, not like worse Kelen Hunts , I'm not even going to say it. Do not go to a motel with Just Rothsteild for well, If you're going to fuck only, but make sure there's no weapons there continue I mean, I would say the people who have the most real estate in the scrapbook are I would say Helen Hunts at the top Eventually in my later years of the scrap book I mean, maybe Helen Hunt doesn't have anything on Tina Fay at the end of the day. like early Tina like season like Ien a face first year on Saturday Night Live I mean, certainly Madonna in the music era, like that's why there any Sarah Paulson in there? Is any Sarah Paulson from the teens or twenties No There's certainly a lot of inync L lot of insane. Why not? L lot of Justin Timber likeike I was in love with him. But in a non sexual way. Like like I wanted to be him, right What about Heather Modorazzo? Is she in there? Heather Modorazzo? No, but I do have another scrapbook that is On Gina Vershawn. Yeah, of course there's probably like highlighted dividers in that one isn't there? And that I've only And then of course I have like an L word thing And then there's somebody else who you won't know, like an indie lesbian who I like fucking worship When my parents retired, they started purging their house and my mother because I'm an only child has like a museum's worth of artifacts related to the life of Dominant Pa. And I now have them and like she did a lot of scrapbooks, like every every single thing I've ever done, but I never kept one on my own and now I wish I did. I know the things I liked because my mother hung ono them I didn't do it myself. No This was of my this was of my own doing And it's amazing. It's like every movie stub Every movie I saw Bet nineteen ninety five and the year two thousand. I'm talking ticket stubs for Step Mom, for Titanic. Yeah. I never talented, Mr. Ripppt They're they're classics. It's great See I have some of those things because my mother went through my pockets. Can you believe that? I mean, I basasically it's all stolen art the museum. I. Okay. All right, moving on. Andember heS, you give me Gina Gershon energy E day including right now including right now I've told you this before, though. L every time you bring up Gina Gershon on, I'm like Do you know you I feel like you live part of your life visually as her. Like you are tank top hair up. Especially since you have dark hair. Jess is in shock. By the way, everyone. She's in shock We've gone off the rail so We've got I don't know that I've heard that but I mean, that's I don't see what you see Well, I mean, we will I'd like to I'd like to do a brunch again. Dominic, why are you? Chr says we've gone off the Chris says we we're going to talk about this in Pown Chris has said we've gone off the rails as though When we begin with the Helen Hunt scrapbook, there are no rails here. like I didn't. From the moment I saw that scrapbook, I'm like, this is just going to be a boring. let's talk about Mad about you as good as it gets and then go back to our lives That isn't this No, I'm ready to go deep into the conspiracy theories that a lesbian. like before there was Reddit, I don't know what it was in the annals of like AL chat rooms, but like there was very strong conspiracy theory that she was a lesbian I mean, there's so many I have information on that Boots on the ground. Do you know somebody who's fucked her on the ground. I don't. I do not. I'm gonna kill myself. Okay, let's Wait, you just said clits on the ground, I have to laugh at that. I can'nt not laugh at it I know someone who knows something and' we'll discuss it here. But first we have to play the middle name game. I'll find it very hard to believe right. So we're just going to play with Chris this. Okay. hereere we go. Yeah, I know it is Christopher Kellen Hunt Those are her birth certificated legal Names I love when Chris does his neck stretch before as the information's coming. I'm trying to call in the spirit to tell me. you She was born june fifteenth, nineteen sixty three in Culver City, California. She is sixty two years of age and as a Gemini Christopher Michael Dorosa is Helen Hunt's middle name. And on the dominant people scale of get ability We're hovering around a nine. We're hovering around a nock. Okay. Yeah This is not a last name. this is not a If it's Helen Hunt is her name, Helen Hunt is her Helen Hunt is her name Okay, when I first was doing my next stretches, Eureka came into my mind. That is not my guess. That is not my guess. Okay. I don't know. I'm out of mind when I think it is is Elizabeth. Yes. Oh. Yes. Y Wow. I can't believe I got it. I can't believe I got it Oh my god. Oh my go. it's been a long time. It's been such a long time since that happened Wow. I can't believe it W And I love the psychic journey you took us on about how it came to you because Eureka my head, I'm like, he's gonna to get it. He's gonna fucking get it. Helen O guys crazy. Helen Elizabeth, Azarah Hunt Yes I forgot wasarried. You know, she was married to Hankz Ea for one year. year. No, I guess I didn't know that. I really don't know. full disclosure, here we go again with me not knowing anything about who we're talking about. I don't know that much about her No, I'll tell you every I'll give you that. I know.s I know I'm going to write the page six article like I can do it pretty quickly Let's do it this way to make it easier to digest for the clisteners. Let's do our greatest hits with her and then do our deep dive theories about who she's fucking or who she's not I just want to give like a timeline so people. younger Chris to us will know. So now me in my fifties, I you'll know the name of the movie, Jess, but there was an ABC after schoolool special And Helen Hunt when she was. So I was a child. So she was either a teenager or in her early twenties playing a teenager on Angel Dust who lost her mind and crashed out of a third story window. Angel Dust. And I am not joking. It was and it was they showed this in my it aired on ABC's an afterchool special and then they showed it to my school I was elementary and middle school. There was a Netflix thing about drugs about like people and like they're tripping and stuff like that. like Rosie Perez is in it and she talks about how she gets like cast in what's it called And they talk about this thing of like Helen Hunt being in this after school special. I remember this In nineteen eighty two, so I was Ten, eleven played a woman who while on PCP jumps out of a second story window in a made for television film called Desperate lives a scene which she mocked during a Saturday night live monologue in nineteen ninety four So she was actively a child actress Yeah, appeared on everything from the Mary Tyler Moore show to Saint ellsewhere, to Highway to heaven. She did a bunch of stuff What's also important for listeners and Chris to know is She's a Nppo baby Her father was a hely Her father is Gordon Hunt television director. he directed on the family, like tons of television. I know that. Yeah. know it. Gordon Hunt is major Wow you know, I was sort of stunned that she was born in Culver City, not only just because she's from LA, but because Culver City, whenever I think of it, is just a place where movie and TV studios exist. I forget that there are houses there, but I do believe you can't live in Culver City unless you work in show business. So Totally makes sense I forgot that she was in comedy girls just want to have fun with Sarah Jessica Parah Jessica Parker and Shannonherty. these were all before Chris was born did not remember she played Kathleen Turner's daughter in Peggy Sue got married, for which Kathleen Turner received her only Oscar nomination. wayay before this. She's also in an episode of She's in Swiss Family Robinson. She was on Mary Tyler Moore in Swiss Family Robinson. She's like ten or younger. Yeah, she's like really young in that. And then also wait, there was something else, The facts of life and N's landing. So she's in she's As a little child is in life. She iss a workking. Yeah. She doesn't have name recognition, but like people know who she is when you stand in Mor Mor and Mindy. God bless it Yeah Also, I remember Project X. this was in nineteen eighty seven where she and Matthew Brodrick who was so hot back then between Ferris Bueller and War Games. And so pairing up with him Project X as a graduate student assigned to care for chimpanzees using a secret airports project. I saw this in a movie theater What year did Matt about you startarail All right So now Chris is alive. Yes. I remember Mad about you. We watched Mad aboutbout you a little bit. And now your birth obviously jumpsted her in the fame depart She Ball Riser. U here in Man aboutout you, a favorite of many people, including my ex wife. Yes, I said, ex wife. And we were living in New York City at the time. It was sort of that sitcom, not as like impactful as like, I can see myself on sex in the city, but like a young married couple in the city in the early nineties, that sort of was like a little a shade of that, a flavor of that, if you will I think it was the most realistic depiction of New York of the Seinfeld friends, like all the this was the most realistic like they did the open every year they took new opening credit shots and they were like at the the subway station in Union Square, like the new famously the characters Paul and Jamie Paul Riser and Helen Hunt's character is Jamie, Paul and Jeanie met at a newsstand I think on the upper West side Yeah. Yeah So like they lived in the Seinfeld universe. Like they lived like, I feel like they all lived in the same neighborhood though Yeah Yeah because didn't wasn't there a crossover with this? Wasn't mad about you? Was't like Phoebe's sister in Mad about you? Ursula. Ursula Phoebe's twin sister origin the Ursula originated on Mad about you Yeah, that's crazy And then a few years later, they created friends. And she's like they were like, well, we're just playing that same fucking character hu. She's in twenty four episodes now that She's in the series finale. she was in season one to the end. And Helen Hunt was the breakout the series and one ton of awards. The same thing when Candace Bergen was in Murphy Brown, it was just always her and always winning. And for like a three to five year period It was Helen Hunt. She waseen smart. of that except Jean Smart had a career. I'd say even higher. I'd say even even bigger than that. Like she was just like They always pick one person out of a cast. It seems like and surprises me. like in the beginning When Felicity Huffman was the first person to win bestest Actress on Desperate Housewives, that confused me because I really, really thought it should have been Anyone I put her in fourth place of who I would vote for actress. Quite honestly, when Betty White was the first to win for Golden Girls I was like I put her in third place. likeike I thought Dorothy and Blanche were more of the lead On this show, I don't know why. I felt in the beginning that Paul Riser was The star I don't know if it was the writing or his performance. I felt like of the two of them, he was the one that would garner all the attention. was crazy to me. She was So at that time This is the era of all those stand upps getting their own shows. Seinfeld. He was that. Yeah, yeah ye. Ray Romano gets everyverybody loves Raymond, like every major breakout stand upp was, hereere's your sitcom And many of them everybody. Yeah. many of them Many of those shows ran for a fucking decade And we knew you Paul Riser was. We knew who he was just from late night shows and being in that same group of comedians that always did the circuit. Like people at home knew They at least knew his face, if not his name. Helen Hunt You know, she definitely worked steadily, but I don't know that she was she certainly wasn't a household name by the time Matab about you came around. The lesbians, the lesbians know Aa Brother. over here, this is where the scrapbooks were starting. E is I te.' dominic When the world's biggest batches are on, it's a great excuse to get together with friends. Enjoy every goal, every save, every celebration, and have a little fun. If you love vodka, without the hangover or loss of control, check out RK Zero proroof vodka. RK delivers the familiar burn without the alcohol. zero calories Zero suugar, zero regrets. Drink differently. Get yours at arKbeverages. com And then Ellen Hunt in the middle of it, well toward the end of the run of Mad about you truly breaks out of the mold. like it's truly this not just the star of Mad aboutbout you, the award winning star, but is now nominated and eventually wins best lead actress in a Motion Picture the Academy Award. for as good as it gets, which also wins best Actor for Nicholl S It's sort of, I don't want to say it came out of nowhere, but it was unusual, I would say at that time for someone who's on a By the time as Good as It G getetss came out, I don't think Matt about you was at its peak peak, but it was still popular enough that she was a sitcom star. No, it was at was at its peak It was at its peak. Oven. In ninety seven was about when it peaked. Yes. Okay. Wellli. the movie she does right before that is Twister. Do you know what I mean? Like so it's like shocking that she goes from Twister which PS great movie. it is a great And also li. I vividly remember watching the trailer, like the advertisement, like the trailer for Twister on TV But Twister was like a very parodied movie. It was a very like made fun. L it was definitely like a movie that got everyone Well sexually aroused if you're. Well they made fun it was very like the flying cow was the Flying cow was so good. If memes were a thing, then that would be the meme. The biggest meme ever. Yeah. That was the flying cow was such a big deal. And like it was a big movie. Like it was a thriller. It was a monster. Yeah It was a huge movie, but then like it's funny because then it's like then like the next big thing she's then she wins an Oscar for Do you know what movie as G as it gets Lost Best Picture to Oh Titanic, T. Yeah. ye Well, I mean, of course, stand a chance. Yeah, notothing dead Not even Dianne Warren stood a chance Now listen, I'm going to tell you that I remember two things about that year of the Academy Awards. Titanic obviously dominated everything except for actor and actress. Well, really none of the acting categories, but Titanic was dominant I swear I have rewatched this many times When Jack Nicholson won his his Oscar for as good as it gets, he did not turn around and embrace Een Hunt or anything like that and like and she's sitting next to him in the audience and he just like got up and the person on the other side and then walked up to the stage And I swear to you when he mentions her in his speech It sounds like he's saying Helen Knt and I'm not exaggerating it. He like tripped over hisds. I don't know, but he's like, and of course, Miss. Hunt, How do you rescess it just like Because I'm a gay man and I was watching it in nineteen ninety seven. Jess is white hot furious that she doesn't remember this and you two. So Matt about you continues wasas it seven seasons, Jess? Mmhm. They got divorced at the end? Was that the last season? No W they were divorced in the finale? They no, no, no, they never divorced The series finale brilliantly flashes forward twenty years and Janine Garfalo plays their adult daughter. tells the audience what happened What did happen Do you remember? They separated for like period of time. I don't know how long that was eventually they got back together. I think they were only separated a short amount of time. And like you see what happens to his parents You just see everything that happened. it's incredible. and then In recent years, in the last ten years, they actually rebooted I rememberad about you. I remember. And it says twenty nineteen is the ending. Yeah IMDB, which So in twenty nineteen, they rebooted it and BeCacause that was very remembered, that was when we were bringing Roseanne back all that like it was that was a moment for all of these shows. It was good. The reboot was shockingly not terrible I mean, then she Who is she in Castaay Is she his wife? that's like No she's Yeah the one the one that's waiting for him who then backs out when he yeah when he gets there. Yeah, he shows up five years later that she thought he was dead and she's like got a new husband and a baby Yeah, yeah She very briefly. It's just she's barely. It's just the woman in the first five minutes and then she's good in the end But she was nominated for a second Oscar two for As a sex worker The movie The Sessions and she's very good in it. It's a movie that didn't get like a ton of airple, you know, we don't talk about it a lot, but she's very good. She's a sex worker for Someone who's severely disabled. I can't remember, but I think I'm saying it. Yeah The I can't see Is it John Hurt who's in the iron lung and she's basically comes over and does what does a sex work. They're like therapy sessions. There's sex therapy sessions for people that can't go out and find partners on their own John Hawkes Thank you so much I think he was also nominated. And of course, that movie does not sound like a laugh riot, but it's it's a good movie and she's really good in it. And I remember thinking at the time It was good to have her backath. You know, like, She was great and as good as it gets. It's a great movie and she's really funny We can't not mention what women want, which was very good Oh my God. a very good rom com in that year two thousand era. Nancy Myers. It's not the greatest Nancy Myers movie but like it's it's serviceable. You will have to forgive the fact that Mel Gibson is it'ss it's sad it's sad that an absolute menace to society isn int it. But yeah, but it is was because humongous is. Yeah. it was it was sort of like a major It didn't reset Romcs, but the premise of being able to read minds and if we hadn't seen it before and it was actually a major movie It was probably was that the last of Mill Gibson? Do we think? was that the last goodood Gaces? Probably We're just we're only a few years away here from him calling that cop sugar tits or whatever the m other things Not sugar tits And the fuck screaming at the ex wife Oh, Mel. I forgot about sugar tints. I'm gonna lie to you No, but what woman right? You were right, Jess, that was where I was going next is like that was iconic But aside from that, like I really think she faded into obscurity after what women want She never She was never in a blockbuster. That was a blockbuster movie She really wasn't in one. She wasn't even getting cast in any, and I can talk about my theory why she wasn't getting cast in any, but it was basically pereriod the exception of like she started directing And maybe she wrote and directed her own little indie film, but in terms of commercial Sccess, she faded into obscurity for literally twenty five years. I remember her being like the mom and soul surfer and being like, oh, she's alive. Like I remember being like, I didn't know that she was like still around You you know what I mean? And then she would like went away again And again, did this thing for the sessions or whatever, but like I don't remember this movie at all. No this obscure It came out of nowhere too. Like she came out in random weird stuff. Yeah. It's very odd So then we have her in hacks, which very recently, which we all loved. And like that was brilliant in it. And that was like they nominated. comoming home like I felt like that was like bringing her. It was a fix is really what it was. You know what I mean? Like before L it was kind of a fix of her being like one hundred percent So I was I was disappointed that they didn't bring her back this was em No, what we're doing is We're trying to make sure like when she popped up during sessions, the sessions, she then went away again for a long time So now that she's popped up with hacks, I almost feel like we're trying to make sure She maintains. like that's that's what I feel like our goal is here. It's like she's not She had a great role once before and she was getting it She got an Oscar nomination and she still went away. So how do we keep what are we doing with her now basically But I know we want to put on our tinfil hats now. Yeah and I will just say the only thing that I rememember from a billion years ago is that she attended an award ceremony with Kevin Spacey. like they were there and a person who I know who worked for theirir representation said that it was it was engineered and everyone knew this because everyone knew they were both gay and that they sent them there together because they were both reasonably popular at the time, probablyably at like the same level Ish of fame. and sent them to the Academy Awards together because they wouldn't try to bang each other because they were both gay. Well, they wanted to the world to they wanted the world to think. Yeah. Yeah. likeike they were their representation was ye beard each other Obviously, this is all allegedly with a capital A and all of the letters are in capital. but it's something that It's not the first time I've heard it about You know, Here's the thing with Helen Hunt's relationship. So she dated Hank Aazara for a very long time. like almost seeven years, ten years. He was a regular onm that about you. He played their dog walker throughout the series. And then They were engaged for a long time. They finally got married and then they got divorced a year later and then Did eventually marry a man Another man And I think they split she was in another very long serious relationship. She had a baby that that kid is now like twenty something. And She recently It's been announced that she's in a new relationship So she's freshly in like a one year with a man So I don't know. It's a weird history Matthew Carnahghan, it looks like is the name of her. She never married him. who I would assume is and they sp and they he's the baby daddy, but they split. Right. Right, right right. And they were never married. And then there's another one named Jeffrey. Jeffrey Nordling, who is someone I guess she dated in the eighties and might have dated again within the past couple of years. pererhaps that who you're thinking about. I think that's her current boyfriend unless they split in the past couple months Oh yeah, seeee since twenty twenty two. They dated in the eighties and they've been together the past couple years He is an American actor known for his roles as Jake Manning on Once and againain. Oh, I remember that show. I loved it. And as Nick Bolan in desperate housewives When was he Why have we talked about desperate housewives so much this week Oh I know, I don't remember him on desperate housewives, but I know his face I know this actor. Oh, he was on big little lies as well He was one of the husbands on big littleittle lies. How funny, and he's with Helen Hunt You can Google him, Jeffrey Nordling She also had her child in two thousand four, which to me make sense of why she goes away so much. to like have a private lifeations just like raise her ch they like not have to work All these women with this excuse I'm sick But like that's at least why she' I'm gonna be in like one thing a year that's stupid because I'm just like helping out a friend. Do you know what I'm saying? Like she's like, I don't need to be in Twister two because I'm like here's something we didn't say about Mad about you. The last season of Mad aboutbout you, this was after she won the Oscar. The last season NBC gave Kalen Hunt and Paul Riser, one million dollars. I remember that Her episode. show. Mad about you was never Mad aboutout you was never friends. It was never signed for. It was never sex in the city. It was never will em grace So it's actually insane that they threw. I think they were so desperate. But I don't think it I don't think it is because there's just two of them You you know what I'm saying? Like it's really just it's so about the two main people. Whereas friends, there's six of them. So whenever they had remember whenever they like did their standoff and they were like, we all need to be paid the same R And we all need a million dollars an episode. they were like, well, that's six million dollars an episode just right down the tubes right at the beginning. Two million dollars in an episode is way less than that Does makes sense Yeah. And she just won an Oscar. So they're like, we want you to do this again I remember it being a big story at the time as well. andm thinking what Jess is saying. like good for you, but also Mad aboutout you wasn't the last season Mad aboutout you was it wasn't like a high Yeah, sure. It wasn't It wasn't riding as high as it had been previously. So why give them a million now? Like was it that valuable to the lineup I guess to NBC it was 'Cause remember back then like NBC was like the comedy capital of the world. so they probably wanted to leave the brand intact Why does she always look so much like Jodie Foster? we have to talk about Crazy. lookook at pictures of them as children. They're the same identical. I don't even really think they look that much alike. Am I wrong? Oh my God. I'm not gonna to say wrong. Jess said wrong. I'm gonna say ust look at them again. I mean, they could be this ast sisters L I get it, but like I really would never ever mistake the two of them Here's what listen, when people ask me what my type is They're really two different. I have two types.. O fall in. One is like the Gina Gershan like that vibe. R other look I like The only way I can describe it is has a face like a bird Yeah, and that's both that is yeah. Yeah very bird. very, very bird looking. I love a bird a face like a bird, like a female b. Timothy Chalamay, if you will. Yes. It's almost like the bird rat category where it'sed's a feed rat. a rat. Did you say like a rat? Remember rat summer? It was that a summer or two ago they called theates. Yeah But it's just so funny to me that that I was always so into Helen Hunt because blondes and I have a real aversion to women with blonde hair eresting But this is for my therapist not the ching people I guess I just don't think of them as like the same because Jodie Foster is I just know her face so well because she's just so famous, you know what I mean from just like every movie that she's been in, I just like know her so well So I just don'tou identical. They look close like I know what you mean, though, but the way Carol Burnett and Vicky Lawrence does. Like there are people who think they look nothing alike, but I look at them and I'm like, Of course they were like, this looks like. There are some photos where they're side by side where they look very It really matters like the way their mouth is positioned. If when they have a closed mouth, it's the same because they both have that bird face and then lips So Jess, what is your LesDar? what is your Lesdar telling you have these two I'm not even going to say it. I'm not going to say scissoring. I'm not going to be disgusting. Have they Kellen Hunton and Jodie Bons. Have they have they done the dirties? No, listen, I don't know What's listen, I guess Helen Hun is straight. she's had these serious relationships with the guys. I mean whatever, but I just find her so mysterious I'm into the m. I think I love that she's a mystery I love that we really don't know much about her. She is a mystery I love that she's old school. I love although she's been posting more on Instagram She's just horrible It's like here's her some terrible photo of her. She's taking a selfie on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean, but it's like only her forehead. It's like very that generation And but I like that. That makes her seem like a real person, which is fun. That's the Instagram. She feels like a movie star to me more now than when she won the Oscar. Like when she won the Oscar, I was still very much like this is great that someone in a sitcom who is she deserved it and I do love her like was winning it. But now I feel like I don't know if it's just the passage of time or that she's been, but Like when she popped up on hacks, it felt prestige to me. Like it felt like, oh, you got Helen Hunt to do this. L I think that's Yeahah Great. You know, like it was a great It's the way I feel whenever I see on a very different level like I don't know, to when Cherry Jones pops up and as she did on Hcks or Janet McTar in anything. I'm just like Yeah and you're like, oh, they're like bringing the leegends like yeah, yeahah, yeah Cherry Jones is a great version of Like a great other person of that. Yeah. But like Helen Hunton Hcks, it's like There was no other person to embody or they kind of it almost feels like they wrote it for her Probably. They probably didn't. It very much felt that way Do you think Genean Smart walked into Paul W Down's office onece day and says, Get me Hunt or, we're done with this show? Yeah, probably. That was my Jean Smart impersonation. It sounds a lot like my Kathleen Turner and my Dominic Pupa I do want to say the lesbian I still have it bookmarked somewhere on my computer. On the dark web, there's a lesbian gossip site, but it's like a message board. It doesn't look like it's been updated since like ninety five, like the aesthetic of it. And it's kind of like the de listic. but Th because the last entry is, I think Queen Latifa might be gay. No, no No, no, it's it's still it's still active, but it looks like it's from The dark ages. I love that And in the day The Hell and Hunt thread was popping M L lot of activity in there. But is that because it's real or because you guys want it to be real? Both That's some of the because like I was like, giveive me your biggest conspiracy theory and you were like, she's with all these men. Like So it's like like I've yet to have anything that I need a tinfoil hat for But like, okay, so what inspires you to make this scrapbook J. Sabant You just loved her so much Well again, it wasn't Helen Hunt solely. You can literally see the phases of my different obsessions like as it goes on. And the scrapbook is covered over like four years. Yeah, sure. So they're like, oh my God. reet boys released the millnium,ere's where they releas millnium. H's where Madonna released music, Here's all the press around that Is there any Connie Bton in there No No, that wasn't happening. What from really That was a surprise that you wouldn't that you wouldn't like er for Connie Britton. Like you, you're mentioning Helen Huntt. I'm like, Connie Britain is like sex in pumps is like No, I totally agree, but you have to think of me in the year nineteen ninety seven, likeike what was coming whereere would she have my Cistroaut Right. Well, like where would I have seen her Dony Sot stop She's looking at Helen Hunt's white tank top. She's not looking to c Bad She's not looking for that freshly fucked fall that Connie Britton's always know. I would I best hair in Hollywood. I absolutely the best wig And it's like it's like it's humongous. It's like we can all do it have a like a like pitch a tent underneath it. You're telling me to watch my language and you're using phrases like pitch attent Fantantic. How dare you All Christopher, are we are? We are, but I don't know what to pick. I don't know, either. we may need Pray for one minute just becausea like her getting a really good role like dh, but like that's so easy Do you know what I mean? L me, honestly, the fix was hacks, but I don't know where you go., but it didn't work. how do we keep her there? I don't think she wants to be there. She came out of nowhere for the sessions and then we let her go. So how do we keep her here? What do we do? Is it a role? is it a know what it is Jess what's you pray by the way have to pray What's my middle name? Yeah I think on my first appearance here, I announced that I don't have one Which is shocking. Oh my God, you did because Judy also didn't have one too and I that's right This is famously the first time I was on here. I thought you were heterosexual Oh ye, remember that? rememember that And I thought you were fucking with me aboutike you're gay. you were making fun of me I looked a little different I mean, I carried I looked like Michael Moore then. That's why I You did. You know you Don't donon't even lie about it. I looked like Michael Moore, and you know it. Christopher No you did. Yes, I did You didn't look like Micha Moore. did Wh Where's Michael Moore Can he do something? please? Are we dressing up as me? for Halloween? I don't know Anyway. Jess, do you have an idea Just I'm just curious. I do have an idea. I think I feel like Ryan Murphy could do something with her. Noope, noope noope. It's gonna be a no stop Why because he rins We don't accept we don't accept Brian Murphy as a solution here. The eye roll we just got was humunonguous. How. He'll build some whole thing around her and then three episodes in and it'll be terrible. and then it'll that's the problem. He'll do to her what he did to Patty Lapone on that Hollywood series, which I'm still not forgiving him for. Yeah Um Okay. I have one too MeTV is America's number one classic TV entertainment network, airing over sixty of the greatest TV series every week. Now, MTV presents The Golden Girls of Summer, showcasing the best of the Golden Girls. Watch Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia, Weknights on MTV at ten PM nine central. Log on to meTV dot com now to find out where to watch MTV free over the air and on cable, satellite, and select streaming services. Me TV is memorable entertainment television Here we go The word pander is not even I put that in it's like Skyriter font and put it all over the thing like, you know what I mean? Like just blowing up on a billboard because that's what I'm doing right now to the to the judge becauseause I'm like, okay, she could have like a big, really good role, which she could do and it would be great and she get nominate for another Oscar Ballbot. like no shit. like so can everyone. like That's not a fix to me. Okay Then I'm thinking like then she could just do all these other guests roles where she's like that becomes this big, great guest star all the time. Like a Jessica Lang or like a you know what I mean? Like there's all these, which is like good, but like that's normal. So like that's not a pitch to me either Ey, what she needs is for her big fans that are lesbians to come out of the woodwork to really champion her again I think she should be in like a role where she's like a late in life lesbian that's like discovering her sexuality towards women And like it's her and like some other like Potty, You know what I mean? Like who's like tryrying to think of like Like her and we can we can discuss who the other person would be, but like remember when in Black Swan, like it was the perfect star turn for Mila Kunis and for Natalie Portman at the same time to really like elevate both of them. It could be like Auby Plaza Sure, yes. But like what you're pitching essentially is like a reverse carol. Yes Yeah, but like it doesn't even it could be someone else her age that's also discovering it or something. Like some And like you know, I fucking love that movie Carol is like one of my favorites at Like of all time. S. And so I think like a late in life lesbian bllossoming film would have people like going king crazy Us included. And I know that that's like exactly what Jess wants to hear But I actually do think it's a good versus just like her being cast an X roll for a blank thing because she's not to do a memoir She's not going to do like something crazy She's seemingly like a very, very mild mannered person The men so like The men would be like, you who cares No, exactly Like there's all these avenues that we normally do that I'm like, no, no, but like like a late in life lesbian like discovering that you're a lesbian And she could be like, rememember that show Gypsy on Netflix? It was one of like the best ever You don't hear from Jess becausecause she's having a silent stroke right now. It could be Naomi Watts. Yeah, it could be Naomi Watts. I don't like Tu Bands But you seem to want to fuck everyone we're bringing up though. I mean, I gotta say I may have to dye her hair red. But like with both of them stepping out on their husbands to secretly meet up in the city, like that's so good Should we write this? This' going be really fucking good. But like that's fun. And like not a not a heated rivalry like where they're just like banging and everything, but like a real Page Turner like lust Kind not not a hed rivalry But you know what I mean? Like that would be so good. They're so old it would be seated rival.ated val be. I'm not doingute. That that's fun And then she can lean in in the press store of it to all the like you're lesbian rumors and like, putut it to bed that she's straight and be like, I am actually straight But like I'm giving the I'm giving the gays everything they want a chain, you know what I mean? L That's my pitch I'm not even sure that I should pitch anything only because I'm looking at Jess, who is doing everything but oiling herself up and like getting in a tub and speaking about this only And I mean that. I don't think there's I am not going to have a pitch that's better than this and I'm also stumped. So as my official pitch. And it's been a while since I made this an official pitch. Kelen Hunts Paul Riser Reional touring company on Golden Ponds And I kid you not How How old is Jeneka Ruffalo She's sixty one years old. Oh, never mind that. I was going to pitch Jen G Raffalo their sitcom daughter as the daughter for Un Golden Pom. She's way too old. She'd have to be like fifty, like maximum to play it Anyway, that's my official pitch is Hunt. Riser on Golden pond And honestly Broadway, not a regional touring company. Aroad like them on Broadway, this is now a legitimate pitch. them on Broadway and on Golden Pond. It has not been revived on Broadway for An error. What needs to be seen. Let's bring it in. Let's bring in some comedy chops some Oscar winners And then Helen Hunt can be nominated for his hononey and Paul Riser won't. They'll continue their tradition of Paul Riser doing saying, what am I doing here Damn you, Helen, Hunt Jack Nicholson can could go to the opening night kneel his ass in there. But he's alive by then. yeah. I just saw him. he was leaving either the markark or the Carlisle for something a couple of weeks ago And he's like ninety or close to it and he stopped and signed some autograph. He wasn't like particularly buttery about it, but he was he did it. He took pictures and signed some autographs and he walks through the cane and he moves slowly He's ninety years old Something like that, right? Fucking nuts All right, Jess. Hi Jess. There you have it. your dream pitch plus the thing I said, who will win this week? And by the way, I didn't just like throw this like I this is t would be. No, that would be great. Like they would do great in it. And I think it would actually be really buuzzy if they did this. It definitely would. And I really was stumpedough, to be honest. like your idea is great and I can't come up with literally anything but unolden I want to throw my hat in the ring should be a co producer on Chris' project. You could write it. Let's write it together. I am ready I'm free after September. just begin.'mot free after September That's So it's safe to say that I win M Yeah could you not A brilliant win Christopher. A brilliant like a brilliant idea Activating the lesbians would be is good. Do you know what I mean? Like it really would get her going. What people don't realize is the lesbian community actually is the most they can mobilize in a way in a like there's like like the fiveive minute man soldiers, you know what I mean? that they were like ready to go and I mean, if you look at the success of these Eward people now even like twenty years later, these two cass has wrote a book and like it made the New York Times bestest seller. Nobody knows who they are except for three lesbians. And then just I'm just saying shhit really can get done if you mobilize the Lesbian community. Yes, cororrect. Oh, don't I know it? Thank you for this win Well for being here. Jess, tell us about what you've been working on. There's another thing coming down the pipe. A Well actually by the time this airs, there will be three or four episodes out So I did a second season of Finding Friar Island Incredible Tell us about it. So the first season, for anybody who didn't listen to the first or listen or watch the first season, it's a documentary on the history. It's sort of like a bitchy gay documentary on the history of Cherry Grove and the Fire Island Pines. And the first one has Margaret Cho, Joel Kan Booster, Matt Rogers, Lena Bradford, and then people who've been there since like the nineteen fifties to like help shape the story and I narrate through it. And it's very funny and like sort of fascinating. And in this new one, it's Billy Porter John Waters legend, Julio Torres, who's writer on Sateurdayight Live. I love Julio Torres. He's very funny in it. Lena Bradford, I got back. And in people who like you love like Ben Rimelauower, like the people, you know the Ben Rom hours of the world. and this season goes deeper into the history of the Pines because The first one dealt a little bit more deeply in the history of Cherry Grove just because it's a richer history. And so I was sort of pitched the idea, Hey, how do you feel about doing another season, but this time really exploring sort of the crevices of the pines that have like really never been told. It's I think it's really good. Like I'm so happy I did it. I think it's great and it'll all be available. You can watch it full documentary We worked very closely with a video editor and I filmed a lot of footage with people who are in the series. so Billy Porter says some outrageous personal shit in the third episode. Don't Don't miss the third episode. I'm sure It's so good. I know about some of it. It's great. Like in in season one, Joe Kbooster talked about being part of a two hundred person orgy on Fire Island. And in this one, I think the Billy Porter stuff is a lot more compelling. It's it's just personal And we talk about the history of cruising, like Dominic, did you ever do personal ads like an HX magazine or like nine hundred