Rhinos and Closing Thoughts

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If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are gonna to stay high. and that'll be tough on the midterms for the Republicans It's guitar, Matt You're supposed to say r rope. Rut rope The sailor shirt is Yeah, you could explain it. Well, first of all, yesterday I got a summer cut and I suggest you get a summer cut. summer c. You can tell it's shorter. It's a summer cut. This is sort of a summer shirt Oh o. So I'm ready for summer Are you ready for summer? I'm just going to say Probably not, Ready I didn't even even to flip this back on me so quickly like this. Well, I mean I said summer cuts, summer shirts, summer's coming And then I see you and I go And with all empathy and compassion, this guy is not ready for summer I'm not. I have a black shirt and a black sweater. in a black cave. I'm in a cave. I don't know it's so black, My hair' still lit up from the back That was a happy accident You look at every single one. Yeah, I do. I agree You war stripes some recently and someone told me you looked nice and I' And then I just said, Oh, great, then I deleted the comment Any any praise you get I love the honesty. I remember some of the boy that Dave' a b guy's really funny And and I said, really? you think so And then I walked away Right and they go, Dan is good, I go Plato from different strokes, or do you mean They say to me Fadeess good. and I go What And then and then I walk away. They go, Spades good And you go The cards? What do you what do you What do what are you talking about? goodood? They say spades funny. I know Is it in a good way or a bad way? You know, it's all in how you answer because My friend was married and and and he talk to these girls and they go Are you married? He goes, I go, this is not how your wife wants you to answer that You should be like, off course I am and I'm crazy about her H would like this First you buy time ago in my married Am I married Are you married? Are you married Um, sure I mean I guess, you guess? It'sort of. If you go by the laws and If you go by the justice, o, the peace But yeah, and that was a good way I go, how much time are you buying by repeating the question Are you married? She's like flirting and he goes Am I married? And I'm like, there's one, two, three seconds then ultimately you're gonna to get to yes Are you married? Who wants to know? Yeah? Yes, but it's not serious Yeah, we're taking a little break and so I have a haul pass. The break is always. U By the way, something happened in Veg. I was in Las Vegas this weekend. I don't do not want Was was it don't I wasas it Caesar's or? Yeah I understand It was Caesar's with Nikki Glazer. We had to get a blast. She's good, right You know what she's u Is she good? She's good? I can't even jokingly do it about her. She's great. But hardest part is I usually follow her because, you know, we flip flop, but from yourine You're the senior in the class she's a freshman. Right. And she, I will safely say, she's hard to follow U So anyway wait, wait aute, wait a minute. sayay that again. She's hard to away Really? Oh I didn't see that one coming. Sor just coming back. Okay, so continue. There you go Why Oh, the act I know where she wears these heels and if you follow her, you might fall over. Is that what you mean? Is that what you? Yeah. Is that it? Is that what you're talking about? By the way, she is slightly taller than me already And then she has heels that can only be last used on the Kiss Destroyer album cover. where they're on seven inch shields. and you know I know what everyone's done people have done bits about this, but you go to security, you're going to your suitcase is up there and you take your shoes off And all of a sudden the women go, you know, I've never felt taller. then when the women take their shoes off at security, that Yeah, you know, that is where I hang out Uh but really to even the playing field, just for like an hour before my flight But my buddy, Bobby Miyamoto says he asked the girl out and she goes But I'm taller than you And I want to date a guy that I can wear heels around as she goes, he goes I think it's You shouldn't assume take you somewhere you're going to have to wear heels That was his way out of it. That's pretty good. This says it better. Thank you. I got into that joke and I'm like, I don't remember how this phays off But it actually somethingil they bed. Kind of a smart rejoiner. Well, why you why are you going have heels on when you're in my bedroom Right. When you're a taco Bell. Bobb's little, he's. He's got some sneaky bits He's got some game to that guy Yeah. He's a women Yeah. All right,' a good job. you say so By the way, speaking of Vegas Bobby. back at Caesars's in September, but that aside What happckets now, But that aside G us the what else they did this weekend there was I just saw this in the paper. The enhancement games, what are they then? U That's where it's the athletes can juice any way they want HGH TRT, whatever they want to do. They could be guinea pigs. Yeah peep tides o tides outer bides. Yeah. and then they compete and they smash world records. HBO. And TBS. Yeah. Yeah. family and friends on AO Max. It's all there, right? So they they there's a guy I just saw one clip It's kind of a funny idea. Well is it on canan I watch it today? I don't know. I only saw a picture but it was All I heard was twenty five million in prizes. That's a lot Yeah, there's only two guys competing. I think people could get into it if it gets some traction because one guy did a hundred pushu Now. ' not a lot for me and you, but for most people That's doable. but he did the kind which you know and I know because' athletes Yeah, but two guys standing there like this and he does them on their hands. So it's kind of wiggly Oh and that's harder. Definitely it's really hard. I did seventy seven push upps in seventh grade Sana James Carvey Look. You know, I like to say strong in the upper body, you know, they'd call me my nickname in eighth grade was PetD push up, but actually I did forty pull ups when I was twelve Lly one No. Here's the ex. That to say to me. They allowed you, you didn't have to go like this. You could do this swinging gymnastics motion And a guy I held the record in the school for like an hour and then this guy was like had a beard. he's like twenty an hour. Let me try it And he did like fifty two. Buy it. goo ahead So what else happened? So that that hurt your ticket draw or what? No It is saying it was also interesting. I played golf in the boiling heat, but it wasn't that boiling this weekend U Overall was super fun And nothing huge to report. But what's the vibe? and what time is your social Okay, inside baseball alert, what time does the show start? eightight? startarts eight. thank God. Bad. Do you have a case I ever need you, Dana. It starts at eight because Data Carvey did me a favorite ones covered for me with Ray Ramano at the Mirage Ray, wonderful guy, hilarious guy.o. I don't give Dana one tiny bit of information the show starts At ten. which is at eternity Dinner around six thirty seven dying on the vine and then the show starts and at ten they always go. We're going to hold it a little bit till it fills up Okay, now we're at ten fifteen Then someone goes up first Now we're at ten thirty, Q Dana. And he gets off, that's late But I went back for more punishment. We've talked to this. Wh I booked it in July without thinking. So it was one hundred and twenty flights were cancellled. half the hotel was empty and they held and held and held And the crew guys were so so nice, so nice, but As I was playing it, I just said to them, I'll never do this again because I have farers' hours so I can be you know, I can do an eight o'clock show fine But for me to get up at seven, wait nineteen hours in my room and then get on stage kind of at eleven. I mean, it's not I can't even I can't do the math. But the guys were like, really, you're never coming back, but I don't know why, but they closed the whole hotel after that, turned into something. That was I'm not saying I should. That was a tiny bit of it I saw them rebuilding the mirage. It's now the hard Rck and they have a huge guitar out that beautiful volcano, I thought that was so cool. I thought they Go ahead They just put a huge guitar and the guitar the bottom of it is rooms And the neck is going to be like laser beams for strings. I like that. I mean, I just think it's kind of weird that what the actual name when it opens ' they had a hard rock and now they're calling this harder rock. And I thought that was an awkward thing to do, but it actually the final name will be the harder rock. Yeah. I stated the soft rock lookook that. even smile No no, you're already thinking of this. Yeah, I know. I was like harder rock, o, what can I do? Softer rock. Yeah, soft rock. Hey. You got the soft h. You're on FOTW flying the wall. It's fly It's ten twenty one of flying the wall ten twenty seven on the Dane Rock If you consider us Soft rock. Guess No, I love I love u I like heavy metal a lot. But just our vibe is more softer rock than like a I guess Rogan, I don't know which shows we could compare it to Well, it's, you know, I mean, just answer that for a second, David, are we soft rocka we could be. we could be. Yeah. I'm not yeah Come on getting around here Let's get serious. This gets out This serves of folks Right, here's Linda Ronstadt with Midnight Blue That's not hard, R? Here's cool in the gang with Gangy cool. I'm trying to Ice seenty I this in my act. Cool in the gang I go Here's one for the virgins What it celebration? Now I said Celibate, celibate. I'll never lose it That was not cool again. It was a different one. I love really bad puns. I love song parodies that are Yeah, I'm working on I may debut it because I just for fun was working on some ar stuff for our giggin Saratoga J fourteen Tickets are going fast. No ticket warning I just thought Neil Young has this song Cinnamon Girl So I might do a thing. It'll give away the joke. Sinnabun girl. The premise is that he sold his catalog and now they're making commercials. I wna live with a Sinabun girl. I mean, that's gonna to be the audience gonna to stand up And then at the end of voice overver goes Cinabun at your local mall, strip mall next to Pana Express. Then I've got Nil Young from McDonald's. Well, I dreamed I saw the golden arches In the yellow haze of the sun, There were burgers frying and I ain't lying and the pickle hit the buns. That's good,n't it? I know Yeah. U I can't believe I finished that. Now I can't do it at Saratoga. No you can. They want I have the guitar details. You want to hear the hits. giveive them the shit they like. Isn't that special. Don't be a girly man. Gota dam. They like this one because they just heard it and they go, I hope he does one with the pickle And I hope Spade comes out and does the tomato popping on a hamburer Yeah Well, you better bring it when we do Saratoga, you better bring it. Are you going to bring it No, I got a new one. hereere's I'll bring in. Okay, good. I just. But I'm working on the pickle because he's a little greasy and he slides out like this He slides out because he acts like nothing's going on. Oh, this is a follow up de tomato flying out someh out of the of the cheeseburger. He slides out like this. but he acts like he's not leaving with. he's just like sllowly inching back l on your car seat Here's a pickle because they have a they have a gun. they shoot the pickle into the bun. This is a pickle coming out of the gun just sitting there Yeah you doing, man? What's up? Hi okay We've reached new heights. No, we are going to get the stories sooner than later because we have so many of these news stories, but I don't have much to report on my weekend in my life. Niki was great. So we'll say that. She stayed for the AMA Awards and no doubt and I Ive cruised. Oh, that's right. That was on last night Who won The AMAs quite as Well, I'm not I'm not against them. I just I was watching Doc their show Oh, I was watch to Euphoria I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usingually on Sundays Around I hit it and then you can do rewind on DirectTV where it starts in the beginning. Sydney Sweeney is quite as As my mom would say, she's got huge boobs. Now, my mom says very busty And she busted them out last night. But I do like Zendayah's story better. I think I've said this, it's very controversial that side, but They really the old Euphoria, it's not like that. It's really just following these two Megastar. Okay and they're just going And Jacob Alordity they're two separate stories, but Jacob Alordty is a Oh J, isn't it? Yeah I didn't know. And the girl that plays Maddie. I don't know her name, but she's actually the sleeper of the whole thing. She's great Really cute girl and she's really good in it. So I get, um It's a little rough on the edge, a little uncut GemMsy because There's way more going on than the old. Alexa Demi Well, I tried to get my wife to watch it. So I read the byline. Hey, honey, it's a show. I don't know. Sydney Sweeney. Here it is. Syidney Sweeney on all fours wearing a dollar dog caller finds out her true love is actually I couldn't read the rest of it on on this show, but ye. we went to a housing show, peoplee searching for homes in Venice you're like, u a walk to the pumpkin patch on our farm to clear our heads Now we go out and feed the horses. We're really connecting to the horses And they jump around with joy and we give them carrots and little horse cookies and they're just you could do an Instagram about your horses and people would like it. They like to Calm down in line Well Horses calm you down. I mean, they're not the sharpest knife in the drawer. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag They're adorable And one is going to have a baby in July and I'll be out there and my Instagram's going blow up. You wanted action here' in a fourourth of July, baby They're not the brightest bulb on the strip What's the best way to say someone's not very smart? I like brightest bulb on this strip because there's so many light bulbs in Las Veg. I like this one because it doesn't totally make sense and they're not the crispiest chip in the bag I like it Like what would we say about Heather She's super crispy, Good She is accur is. Heather's got game today. I can tell she's a little Speaking of chips, when I went to get my thirty two dollars chips out of the mini bar, I noticed that They said they were healthy. I already tell you this. What kind were they? wereere they baked? Well, first of all It only has three ingredients. And I was like, that's good because mine have seventy five thousand So I said three is healthier. and the only ingredients is you tell me Potatoes, salt cancer I' like most I don't the third one, I'm just gonna to go out it's a hard take. I'm going go out on a limb. I don't like the third one. I like the first two It has potatoes, salt, L Garg disease I'm like Most of them are good for you. Potato, salt, facial paralysis. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah, potatoes are a vegetable Mhm. salt, you can have some salt Let me ask you a question Jerry Steineld hated when I'd say that. Don't ask me a question. Js ask, That's why I'm here Jerry. U So you kind of like you go into the hotel and you go, I'm not going to harvest them anymar. I'm not going to harvest them anymar leave it alone. Sometimes I try to get it cleaned out, but a lot of times it's there. It's waiting So you have a thirteen hour travel day, a delayed flight. Youre we're going like chop all that. By the time you get there All that promise to yourself goes out the window. You're in the corner. With just your underwear on with a snickers bar, a hineken and some lace potato chips crying Is that ever happened to you? Yeah, I'm literally just chewing it out of the mini bar because I don't have time to grab it. I know. Well, they line up all thes it's really it's every kind of hedonistic thing you could have. The everything. Soda booze, just v I don't touch any of that but like you do They've got Also It's mostly where my friends just say, oh, there's some free candy And then they just load up Halloween, they put in pillowcase and I go, I think I pay for this. they go Well, you do But then I go I go Let's go out in the hallway to the madeade cart or as I called it, the gift shop. And then I go Take a little shampoo A water, towel Well, I ordered a large b of sparkling water. Guess what it was ty five dollars. No what? It was over thirty No I love I wanted to under guess to make your story really pop. Comedy royalty, Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana and headads will Roll air apparent a highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co star Emily Lynn and a new star started ensemble, including Richard Kine Lauri Medcaalf, Jimmy Fallon, Meghan Moay Sam Richardson and Carry Koon plus an extensive cast of comedy Gs, sereriously extensive This is Wwall Cedy at the highest level When we last left our gloriously unhinged queen and her raven sidekick JoJo, The unlikely besties had fled to the woods for a simpler life while didid not last. Queen Mo is back on the throne and air apparent and facing her greatest challenge yet Produce an air before her fortieth birthday or lose everything and spend eternity as keeper of the menstruary. 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You can spark a tasty flavor sensation with these incredible shots today Ignite your taste buds with a firework freeze flavor five hour ennergy shot now available online at five hour ennergy d. com or Amazon I want to do something right now because I just thought it'd be fun to do it as more of a reocur. This is Scooby dooo Scooby Doo newews and I'll start And David's going to play Scooby Doo and I'll play what's this guy the guy's name? Shaggy. Shaggy. Well, Soob, the strait of Hormos is still closed. If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are gonna to stay high, and that'll be tough on the midtermss for the Republicans Guitar, Mat. I'm supposed to say Rubo Rut row. Scooby's getting smarter. He's really thinking he' through He's why one of the other countries, how are they feel Heather, give us another news story. And you're going to do Sooby news? Yeah An story No, I couldn't turn off the AC in my hotel. Well geez Gee Gee Soob, comedian David Bate, isn't allowed to turn the air conditioner off in his hotel rooms Rut Ro Oh got it. There was aly Yeah like seventy six. No That'ss your that's your punchline. How it is I will tell you now that we're getting into this, I did not want to get into this Oh boy These are big problems M When I went to bed, have you ever had a light you couldn't turn off when you're on the road and you can't figure it out so you go to sleep a light on in your b? Yes. orr curtains you can't close. Yeah S. sure. So I had All those things plus I usually get it wired by the second night But I'm usually gone by the second So my AC for some reason. I can't find the off switch and Nicki has the same kind of room like Niicki, Niicki, help She said, mine is an off switch. I was like have I much or I can't find it Well where did she tell you where to look for it? No I was too embarrassed to go out back for seconds. She's like She pr Got off the phone and this This moron doesnn't know how to off on the AC. So I left at that She looks up to me like I'm some tough guy, you know, So I got to keep that rep. I know, I know. Everyone does. Yeah. So part called down, the maintenance guy comes up And he goes, Ohh, yeah, we can turn this off. We do it from an iPad. Why is that peculiar to me Yeah, I'm living in Nazi Germany. That's a problem in those big fancy suites. Yeah, because they're so just open the curtain. there's all kinds of code and everything Yeah, so it's like opening a safe. Anyway, God forbid I even remember to bring my key to my Godddamn room. It's a twenty two thousand step trrek If you've done a two mile trek and you get your key, you're done to the gig, you're exhausted and Yeah yeah. it doesn't go And you got to go down Nor you find a phone in the hallway. excuse me Euse me's room seven Have you tried? Well, I tried opening tried opening the door. They never believe you. Have you tried turning knob We'll have security up there in forty four minutes I'm always like laying on the carpet when they come in And that's been Rad stories. I'm trying to brand our segments But I want to bring up the subject because it's been kind I think you might have a hot take on it The the increasing use in the media of the word slop Sop has always been around. But if you notice in the last ten weeks, it's just that slop. this is slop. Um What do you think slop means Uh, you know, this is a good question And I wasn't ready for it, but I have to say I have caught myself seeing that word and going I didn't think it was catching on, but I think it is Oh I did you used the sentence tell the viewers like a weird That's when I go Is this something people are saying now If you see some kind of live streaming show or something, allh that's just slop You know, That's just slap Yeah you see a comedian not put together well Yeah, just his new materials just slop It's nothing to do with you though. Jy Yeah Nothing to do with you Because everyone at the show this weekend said my act was slop and I thought it was flattering This offends me because actually in olden days and cowboy times, you know, you'd have like they'd put all this whatever they had left And just serve beans and rice and corn in a carrot or two and they would call it slops. Now they're applying it to media We loved it. And we loved it. in my day, we didn't have flame retardant sleepwar If you went under bed smoking, you woke up engulfed in flames. Wh do you do? I'm a burning corpse and I love it Wh day, we didn did inflaming hot Cheetos We swowed red ants. Just so people know this is the grumpy old man, an old guy who just loves the past And I'm working on one where he's going to talk about, you know, social media and Bluetooth and stuff. There was a time when David, this guy, David Spade wrote for me a little bit and you wrote Its grump old man joke that still works Yeah something about In my day, we didn't have Latex condoms took a rabbit skimmed and tied it off with a bungee cord and you used the same one over and over again. and we loved it I think that was your joke. That's right. Bungie cord is a funny term to put Bungee cord and a rabbit skin over a bunch of raven built Yeah ye Well, I like flaming hot Cheetos. We had we shoot up fire ants And we loved it. thenen we were helicoptered out That was the turn. That was Bob Otderkirk's turn with that because we were all sitting around riffing it, you know, coming up with it The return was that the guy talks about how bad it was, but they loved it Yeah. Oh yeah. that's it was when we loved it. Yeah, the turn is that we love it. We don't complain. We're complaining, but then we say now we. But you know, I'm gonna do stuff like you're gonna go. We didn't have AI. We didn't have cell phones. W look at me, I've got friends I had one friend I wrote him a letter once a year And and I never met him. He lived three miles away, but that the way it was a weep And you liked it or we loved it. I could go either way. I'm not, but you know what you like like lien on your closer. we love Yeah, and it's all about the show. We didn't have comedians on stage struggling to land a joke before they get off. We petered out to silence and random booze. and that was the way it was and we liked it. W, we loved it. Yeah. we didn't have comedians. We had one random guy would light himself on fire We laugh and laugh. Yeah. We didn't have a comedian tell. We had a guy we called smartass His name was Sartyass and he was the funniest guy around So we're done with that one. No I just run out of jokes. Yeah, I know. Should we go to stories? Let's let's go to stories. We have it in you. We got a big day ahead of us. Oh by the way, would you on the beach, would you rather have David Spade shows his jaw dropping physique David Spade flaunts his incredible abs. If you were beach and got on daily mail. M. better than t day to slay. I'm ten seriously. I don't want any picks my shirt up. I'll never take my shirt off at the beach again. Did you ever notice did you ever notice how guys who lived in the gym, no matter what, their shirts coming off? Hey, look, the cloud went away Look, it came back. comes off anyway Yeah touch the sand. Yeah, we'll never know what's beneath. I don't know. I'm too shcared. I've gotten bad pictures on the beach and like Okay hereere we go. Sam Ellie. One of your favorites, Sam Ellie. love him. did something I didn't know he did that. Mokey the bear. Well, apparently you do. I still only you can prevent wildfires. You know what what's interesting ' been doing that voice for a long time, notot all commercials that they're doing now. Now he's very talkative.' Smoking talks too much. I'm just amazed by his voice. I was somehere on the same day and year Pan began Wow. onn the exact same day. On the exact same day. When was that? O fith. Alien intervention. Wow Unbelievable. Yeah nineteen forty four. Um forty four. So he's eighty, twenty eight years old Um I like, you know what I used to say O and we're in forest fire Now it's wildfire U And now it's like only you can prevent cllimate change. Oh yeah. What about this one Aace is a place with the helpful hardware man Let's That's a nonsc whitter We're moving on from smmokey L bear to toware store now This is a place with the helpful hardware folks Ace is a place with the careful hard on man ACE is a place where the helpful hardware people that are employees but we don't want to offend. I give you a sex joke and you didn't even go for it. I know. I don't like wiener jokes anymore and I don't like when you do them all the time Okay let me make a note because I won't remember. Now I switched it around jokes. Now I do a lot of weirer jokes. I almost said that the minib bars have like Blue chew, Viagra and boner pills They have a lot of stuff in there that you Oh, they have an intimacy kid in some of these hotels. It's a little box with just intimacy toys. I know intntimacy. I've never opened it. Can you tell me what's in it? I like when the hooker says, Is there anything for intimacy When we make love at a minute Is there anything in here for not gagging when we make love? Is there any intimacy gags? and whips There's Yeahah, they have a whip, but it's only it's only this long. so it doesn't really do much Can you grab me one of those intimacy butt plugs? Okay, that's far, too far. Okay. Oh, Wiener and butt plugs, we have now ding ding, ding d started it, and then I went back. I said, Oh up in season. I just won three hundred thousand dollars on Plymar. I bet that you would say Wener Why don't we get sponsored by them? We could think of the dumbest bet that you would say Wiener and butt plugs during this exact episode within three seconds of each other For that, I say thank you I say thank you say. Thank you My name's G. My name Where's the Garth Wig? I was just saying that. Wh's the Garth wig? I have a Joe dt wig You know what The original original? I don't know where it is, but You know, funny Funnily enough H Garth would never get a summer cut B the way. No, Garth is like Batman or Superman. He's got a uniform. It's the flannel, the t shirt, that hair and those glasses. Look at his face I know. look how buoufontte that is. That I know Boufonteism, I like. That's a terrible buoufonti. Heather, what would you like Garth to say to you? Hey Heather, hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're looking good Sexual harassment. Swing, Singing. Swing is harassment for sure. Sing h. Yeah, this fe this podcast is so funny. I love is the love put kist. Oh that's a new one. I like that he's mid laugh in that photo. Yeah, It's a very happy. Yeah Hey David Spain. nice is you again. How many pasures can you do I guy did one hundred because he's a baby man Yeah. And back when I was in my prime, I did six million push jobs and my factorals would be like garbage can sides You should see my rhomboids Now all I do is wear a tuxedo. Every day I put on my tuxedo the we it speed. In case you guys need me for the podcast David Sade, I could very easily take your little chicken arms and make a little chicken stew out of them. do It doesn't make sense. I like it. You do? Yeah, I do like that. All right All right, we're talking one. All right, next story. Next one. then I'll come back with a puppet Oh hang on. Okay Oh cute Oh, it's a dog and a little a little lambbs's in a little cart. Mary had a little lamb and he in. Oh and he can stirs. It's Kiki G. Is she's steering the cart look like a Kiki. Yeah Jeez, it's Let's see if she can pil apart Solid hyight man, too. I think it's a lamb on a platform. Oh geekk. I'm jalous with all that land is the fuckirl Then you would be jealous of me. I am jealous. Whoops Turn Kiki, you're gonna kill a rabbit What if she flipped and exploded? Heki get away from the gas truck Kiki Kiki fly like you did yesterday when I dropped Aid. Kiki, please fly What' I going to say something on the new That's what people have a lot of spare time. What do you think we should do today? I don't know. maybe put Kiki on some kind of put some wheels under there, little electric thing we control it with. and just have her go around the. Kiki can't walk is that the problem or Kiki's just having some What do we think? Kki Les don't work. No, I think he was just nnaapping up there and they could remove it around I don't think Kik was steering at it. I don't think Kki knows what was going on. Kiki, don't lose that number. All right, let's try another one. Okay come on We did good Kiki was interesting. I don't believe that that Anything's going on. goodoodbye. Tell me if you would do this Okay yearss hold on, and let's see Is that what you like? Suff about a goat Cor Simes they feel like different things. Gohe sorry This is Bungie Would you do this Ella Nice and tucked done. keepeep your legs nice and relaxed. H right, you ready Three two Would you sit though? Well wait a minute. it's supposed to go down and then come back. It there's no bungee Oh there's no bungeie. Let me see it again.'m hoping they hit that fucking mini tram ot a chance. It's all dingy and A little bit of wind ' everyone's got diarrhea when they hit All right, you ready He I Heather Heather takes her yes back. now it's a no She's done have you ever jumped on a plane danner or no Jumped out of a plane now. I'd be scared I'm nervous in the plane. Why would I add to it Jumping out your plane? U Would you go on that ride at six flags where theyd bring you up and then they No know, then you just Free job now I went there with Harb Bensson She's like, let's go in the car crash. It's like You go ninety miles an hour and hit like a telephone call. I like People are calling lawyers. you're like on this Tick you up off the wheel That's what I want to do I went to a go cart place in Montana and it was kind of these red necks. Okay, here's you guy getting your go cart And then they joined us in the go cart and my friend. So suddenly they're challenging tryingnce they were just running the cash. suuddenly they're going racing us. So I got real competitive. It was I had a friend next to me, so it was a two thing. and I went around, I swooped him And I go, the hunter becomes the hunter. Now the teachers become the pupil. Whoops, the students become the principal and then maybe we'll become the County controller. now the city comp controller becomes the comproller. I couldn't think of another studupid Iid know. By the way, the city of might blow up. No city of a what is it this time? Orange County There is a Not a reactor, but there's something that was so full this weekend in hot They said We're just going to casually evacuate forty thousand people And that's probably Here's the trick though, it's ten miles away Well, from LA it's probably thirty forty miles, right They said in a ten mile radius to get out You know what they didn't clear out? Disney L Wha who what So forty thousand citizens citairs has to be shepherded out and shitty buses go where know the house. We don't give a buck. just leave But if you're in a teacup and there's a wall of toxic mud coming out, you just spin around. It smells funny I know when it happened though because and I'm not making this up, but they changed the theme song to that little cave ride. they go, It's a stinky world after all. It's a chemical world that you're breathing. I' get I can't think that. It's a poison world in this radius It's It's a poisonous world after all. Please exit to the right And get out of your and don't wake up The sewage hut will be waiting for you. and after that, the plastic punishment room That's good. It's it's something chemical and they said over there's three of these Did you hear about this or not? There's three. No, I did, but not in detail. I didn't Biggest one that was going to blow up They sent a fireman in over the weekend or a couple and they found The thermometer I'm hearing onlyn goes to one hundred. If it goes over one hundred or how much it goes is bad It stopped, but it hit one hundred They don't have much higher So it might explode at that point Yeah And then they found Good news Dany you wouldn't think it because you're dum But there's a crack And so they said, that's actually letting So the air out of the balloon. Okay pooison air It's also saving it from going So they said it might still break. spill over the parking lot and be chemical poison. but They're trying to tone it down. These are the things you just never think about and then you're like, Why isn't? Well, did you kind of work at a chemical plant or something? You seem to have comprehensive knowledge about this? I've seen silkwood Yeah. You've seen Silkwood and you've met Care I've seen silkquid and I've taken a naked shower and scrubbed myself with a steel wool brush like Merl Street Oh yeah. you remember that scene? Oh yeah. And they' like this. like because she got nuclear Wte Or as Trump would call it dust. We got to get the dust. We need the dust. It's going blow up G straight to hor moves straight overers he didn't go to that wedding Do they have more Better things to do than go to the whm. I mean, I think I think optically you can't go to a wedding. Right H think so Looks bad And they moveved the wedding from the White House to somewhere else. but Oh D, that was his His son getting married, right U Baron didn't D didn't go to the wedding. and watched it. Was he too tall Yeah I there's some I don't know. I don't know if it's true but I love the gossip. No one gives a gut Oh no time I' gonna feel bomb for. Where, what are you doing? No one gives a goddam. No one gives fuck about sewage. Godddamn it lady, you can either suck my dick or step on my dick, but make up your fucking mind Is know what he says in land man Land man he says some stuff like, noope, but yeah, I love it when sew each you know belongs in a container when it puts out you know I get nauseous, you know? Because no, you're a wonderful chemical Alchemy, my poisoning is not my favorite activity. I'd rather be dryly humping in the next room I like that stewage belongs in a container. Okay, It's very true. U Oh one next one next Sewwage on the loose is not a good thing. Sewage talk M Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid sentence and think, wow, maybe I S shouldn't have had that extra coffee this morning Yeah You have I have two, or the time I realized my flossing game was more of an optional hobby than a routine habit. It's funny how little things in your mouth can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself And that's exactly why I love what smile Generation does. They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand the connection between oral health and overall health. because what happens in your mouth doesn't just stay there. It affects your heart, your brain, and your overall wellbeing Oral health issues have even been linked to long term conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and Alzheimer's. So Caring for your smile really is caring for your whole self And there's a special confidence that comes from being proactive Regular exams and screenings can catch potential concerns early. sometometimes before you even notice symptoms. Yeah, to learn more about the connection between oral health and Overall health, visit smilegeneration d. com slash fly That's smile generation slice fly T learn more about the mouth, body connection. and find a trusted provider near you All right, now before we get back, we have a message from Ashley, the mosquito about Orin. Hey besties. Hope all of you are high key, so excited for summer. It's literally giving all of us mosquitoes life So we thought we'd help everybody make the most before Orcin Pros try to ruin our fun Remember, if you have standing water on your lawn from the pool or the sprinkler, just let it sit there The more the merrier when there's standing water, there'll be more mosquitoes. P any moreore Next up is a bit of a hot take, but we're so hyped on it Let mosquitoes inside. what could go wrong? Just let us inside, please. Thanks, love you Finally, the number one rule this summer is do not. Under any circumstances, speak to anybody from Orkon That is literally so cringeent and will ruin the vibe of any get togetherether we might be having. Take it from a mosquito. Orcan proros know literally everything about us, period. Don't visit orcan. com for a free estimate today. Now let's go, suck some blood. Now let's go, suck some blood. Number one with a blood bullet Croros trust the Home Depot for heavy duty storage solutions for any job site or garage. Right now, get up to fifteen percent off select storage and organization. impmact in water resistant toes, and shelving built to hold up to two thousand five hundred pounds. Storage systems have space for all your tools and protect them in the garage, on the job site, and everywhere in between. Save time and maximize efficiency with adjustable shelving customized to your business's needs Shop and safe on proro Gade storage at the Home Depot, how probs get more done All right, go An older rhino I wandered into a town I like rhinos. an older rhino In my day, we didn't have food. We didn't have one hundred five thousand pound beast they decided you know Id probably stay out of his way. Let him roam It just he picked up the pace Yeah. No Oh is another rhino Oh they're they're they're mating. That's that's flirtation. That's how I flirt. Yeah Yeah that Nicki Glazier finding Wh's gonna go on first Yeah exactly I'll go on for you cl. like this. someomeone just go on Enough They're just plain daddy Oh, the dog is going. you some rhinoos just spinning their tail up. We got a squirter Wh I hope they're making This is about a woman. They're fighting to see who gots to mate with the female Shit. It's always about a woman. I thought it was just about a rhino roaming around at first, but I would have just said, I don't think that'd bother me. Yeah, I don't mind the love games you're playing, but maybe you could, you know, quiet it down just a wee tab because you know, my hearing aids just exploded Why is that so funny? I love it. Oh something about I do like the way the dirt kind of builds up in the cracks in your skin I guess it's because He was one of, I guess the first to kind of claim that sort of complaining the way he would leap at it like No, No, you're great, but, you know, I'm allergic to pablum. I just my my analyst doesn't think I should have a bowl of pabum in the morning, but Please let's Let's not drive straight into the oncoming traffic Tace thans. you got you got three hundred Cutouts in that closet of yours. I got up Denis se's a show he goes Yeah,'s just I guess they used to call it jumping the shark, but it's a little past that, I think It's arm wrestling a blue whale. I think we're getting to that level. Even the shark took off for me. All right, anotherother story and then we'll get out of here. Yeah, let's get gotta We always have to get out of here. We. Let's make it nice and sweet for the people. Okay. This is, I don't know That's people fall. So he's playing that and on a ski lift. You just wade till people fall. So people fall and he plays that. That's kind of funny. That's, you know, it's kind of like, what are you gonna do today? I don't know. Well, maybe I'll do that w, w. Did you bring your trombone Y Yeah. canan you do the negative like someone just fucked up or fell down? You mean whp, wp, wp,. Here's Dana, this is easier to carry on the lift. This is Dave. This is my audio representation of your set at Caesar Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade. Then you hear my theme song come out. What is What one do you come out to I do different ones. For a while, I got on suspicious minds. I don't know why. Oh, that's right. because it makes me laugh You come on It was a big screw up where we had suspicious finds and it wasn't coming out for Daners Oh was that the live podcast? They brought it up for Chris Rock instead, I think. Right. I just came out We were already out there. It was some yeah But you know, they're trying to do the right thing, but We have, he know, here's a song though they're mad. they don't play when they come out. We're just like pick some dopey song I have in Vegas left. My home and noa with didn a dou one of us I or nine. It's Elvis singing Promised Land. Oh, really Elvis too. We're both doing Elvis. there and there there. Well sometimes if the music is too cool, like I would do Inter Sandman by Mallica. don't, don't, don't. And it was so intense and then it would cut off and be like I felt like I was a squeaky little f there. Hey everybody. And the second before you just want that to keep going. It' like tonight. And then you go I'm Dana Yeah, it was a great heavy metal band, you know, Dcibels of twelve and now I'll do my soft shenanigans for an hour and a half to silence. Left my hearing in the room. No It's a perfectly good song. It's just that you know, I'd like to have something I can follow, you know, but yeah, you don't want to be too much Louis C. Cage just walks out, I think. Does Nikki have a theme? Nicki Glazer does, but I can't remember it. She intros me Oh, she does good girl by Well that's her wasn't that a name of her special? Good. Yeah. And then she has a song she wrote for it She wrote a song and they and they made me put music to it and that's kind of. She wrote a song. Yeah. she's actually a good guitar playing musician Really? I gotta write a song It's always Taylor Swift and you know don't happen One of the nights they mixed up and put Taylor Swift's good girl because She loves. Or was it Carrie Underwoods Oh, they put the wrong one because I just got it There's twelve hundred and thirty eight songs recorded and released with the title Good Girl. Well, Nicki's is Great. I' enough it. U You see best. She gives me good intros though. I have to say Nicki gives a good intro P for Well, I try to do the whole, you know, sort of Uh UFC things David Sace. Oh yeah You know that I try to sabotage yougo This next guy, whatever, Dane, I don't know Some guys think he's funny. just it'll be over in forty five. I'll be back.'ll just be nice, you guys be nice. Yeah, he's a beginner Do you ever find this like you're in the hotel room? you got the gig that night and you're looking at your notes and all of a sudden you start going God, this needs a tag. This kn's like this and you start writing a lot of jokes right before you go on. Scary, but yeah. I did something new at Vegas that night because the crowd is so good the first night. When they're good, you can think more and you go, you know, I bet I could squeak this one in and they wouldn't punish me because they're really on the vibe. And sometimes like at the comedies for us week I was going to try three things and after the first one, I go, nope They were not buying. I know. it's the energy rides it. likeike I wed two tags or one tag that I like.s it's the bit about ultra, Does your tongue seem smaller than it used to be? I do like this hand Side effects include elongated torso, thick matted stomach hair and sudden anal closure And then I wanted to do one your hands sp it's diseases that they feel like they're making up. You see the commercial. Do your hands contort spontaneously into offensive positions You may be suffering from flip offffia. Hey, honey, want to go to the beach? Sure. It's like Teret. All right, honey. D you do the raspberry th thumb down sign spontaneously in embarrassing moments? Hey, honey, want to go to the beach No you go.'. Honey, guess what today is our anniversary It should be something Sam No but it's like you're trying to stop or It's our anniversary Oh, that's great, honey You might be suffering from raspberry thumbdown But it's like it's a disease, you know I see this H What's that about? You hit the you hit the button Wanna go to contert okay. But these are things you don't want to happen. No, I know. this is different Okay, one more then I One more to go do nothing. I'm gonna go hike up a mountain And we go I me go pauseing for it. so had her Aple days ago, this a c year old man was thrown thir old man was throwingck by the community. A local recorded it confronted him. Now this is in Hawaii where you don't throwing rocks at us is a large part of the reason he went viral. So some intern say a fine won't hurt you, we'll just broadcast your name, phone number, address, and the name of the business They don't do something do I can imagine headache for him. Buts I like that guy manan hunt for him and serve them a bit of street justice before his vacation ended. He's now also under a federal and state investigation and is looking at a fine of up to fifty thousand. And he's being hu nutsack in Tes square. Well for throwing a rocket at a sceneline, was that what he did Well He changed his story a little bit He said he was trying to scare it off or something. He thought it was a shark Anyway I think Beedating was enough, but then they go We went and beat up his wife and kids also But in Hawaii, they don' play around with that if We kidnapped him and flew him to Cambodia Yeah. And we strung him up under a hula tree where the local natives th rocks at him for seven hours. We covered his newborn baby with fire ants. We lear his lesson. We had that we called the seal and the seal was waiting for I hit him with a rug