Politics and Final Farewells

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Oh, he's pr essing the GATA Over 7457417769 Leave a voice note draw the line Frank off the radio gold every time laugh so strong they should be a crime. Yeah. Um that's what it is on the end. I was thinking of changing my name by Deed Paul to Jim Ponzey. Oh my. Do you know at first I was gonna say oh my god but I actually love it. Jim Ponzi also just that pause. And you go, oh this is my friend, have you met him, Jim? Yeah, exactly. Pansey. When you walk into Mr. Pansey, there was a message for you. Oh yeah. What what was it? They s they said Oh that that'd be a gr such a great name. You know I use false names on the road. Yes, you do when you check into hotels. Yeah, I was um I love that tradition. I think there's something very old school Hollywood about this. I was Milton Keynes for two hotels, but they didn't they just didn't buy it. It was too too well known. I had a fake. Light and Bossard, I've been. Have you been Light and Bossard? Oh Frank, that's some of your best work. There was a there was an agent com,edy agent, who had before he'd gone become a comedy agent, he'd changed his name by deed pot and his name was Joe King. Oh, okay. He was a really good agent, to be fair to him, but it but he'd he'd come up with that name like good fifteen years before he m worked in comedy. So when people met him they said you must be Joe King Rod was the middleman . Did he write a book? Only Joe King. I think they could I see Rod Rod Forrisbach . For esbach does sound like Forrisbach. It sounds ridiculous German . Do you know my German friend, Rod the following back. There are a few gigs where I would get challenged if I was opening for people more faced. I thought you got challenged. And what was it? Oh sorry for one gig the w the one that sticks out was I I introdu I was Keith Eopia. That's a bit racist actually . Was he was it is a bit racist. It's the name of a countrary. I know I'm very sensitive to this thing. But uh but what happened was I didn't know. Was it E or middle of the Keith E over? I don't like it still. But where it it it came up to was it got reviewed in the student paper. It was like a student pap So I didn't get a nice Yeah, there was no comment on it. But when I started there was there was lots of people with those kind of document s Yes, who's the one I saw the funny documentary on, Frank, recently? Oh that was I incognito. Yeah, Ian cognito. Was that quite common to do that thing? To give yourself a funny side And for tax avoidance purposes I was . Is that right? Well I you know I tied with the idea of where's Brom age It's the best thing you've ever done not to I know that would a that would have been a lot Because the thing is it's fine, but then you can't be, you know you can't be going to the Archbishop of Canterbury's house being introduced as Where's Promise. It's all right. Someone in London's heard of Where's Promise. So I noticed There was always like Mark Hurst who's a really good sniper, but he was formerly Mark My Words when he was a poet. Oh, was he? Yeah, he was, yeah. Okay. M I W U R D Z was his surname. My word s. It's true enough. Yeah. Anyway, how did we get here? Well that's a big question, isn't it? I think you want that that's on the uh the philosophy podcast that comes up after. Oh imagine that. I don't know if you're worse science uh person . Um well I don't watch science. But who who's your worst that you know of? I probably um it was the boat that um got the perpetual smile and goes into space . Uh Tim Peak? No, he's my friend. I love Tim. I want to say he goes into space, I mean in a in a sort of don't you like that one? I don't like people who smiles all the time when they're talking to me. What do you mean? I I went and saw um I saw Sherlock Holmes this week at the uh at the outside uh what's it not the outside theatre, what's it called? The Regents Park Theatre. Oh is that where you saw Soapy Dick ? Richard Arnold. That's what he calls himself, yeah. Does he call himself Soapy? Yeah, because he does the soaps. Oh I didn't know. So he says hi darling, it's Soapy Dick here. I was genuinely speechless then. This was up there with hands on cocktip. No, that's his name. He gives himself. It's a nickname, Soapy Dick. If you go if you shout that out when you see. He saw Richard Arnold, who's lovely. Okay . I did see Richard Arnold. Um but I I went ma I mean it's always nice to see him, but I I went mainly to see um Sherlock Holmes, the the play, which um was uh brilliant. I don't know who we got on to this though, but anyway I w,ent to see. This one is called Sherlock Holmes The Mansplainer of Baker Street . It isn't really . But it would be a good title, wouldn't it? It's great. Because he took a mansplaining. He took it I mean through the ceiling mansplaining It was like Steve having a wee. You had to sit down. Also the fact that he was mansplaining to a doctor, medical professional. Anyone, anyone. The police. Single-sighted. Yep. Anyway, um it was it was played by a g do you know this actor, Joshua James ? Oh , hang on a second. That doesn't count. The Googly name doesn't count. Oh okay, no, then I don't. But I know the name. He's in um down cemetery road. Okay. He's in that. I know what it is, but I haven't seen it. And um but he was in uh I I have read like three Agatha Christie's in my life, but there's one where the title is so so delights me. I will never read it because it cannot be as good as the title. You won't even find it's funny, but it cracks me off. The title is Why Dnid't Theysk A Evans. Yes. I like that. I love that. It's just It's just wow where did you arrive at the end of it you thought we'll have a quote from the book? Yeah, what about why didn't ask Evans? No, that's a bit too like just organic conversation. No no I m I like it. Oh fucking know what she's like when she picks one. Anyway, he was brilliant. Yes. But um and it was good there was a lot of smoking in it and stuff which And and as it's the open air theatre that we're more tolerant of that. Exactly. But I'd tell you what happened to me. I'd tell you something it was fucking freezing. Oh it's so cold. Did you what did you wear? Oh well I I thought I'll wear my Top hat and tails. My uniclo uh thermal top. And I thought then nothing can get to me. Huh I was wrong about that. I was absolutely I I'd a kill for a deerstalker. And I would have took the flaps down and knotted underneath. Honestly, I was I I did. Who did you go with by the way? I went with um my son. Oh that's so lovely. Yeah. And he'd never seen a show like ours before. He loved it. I I don't know what he made of the Alpia. We didn't talk about it once. Um but I lost the plot. I mean I literally lost the plot. Oh, because you were so cold? No well I don't know if it was hypothermia. I think it was. That can distract you. Well at my own you've got to be so careful with the elderly. Yeah, I could I could have been found later . That would I don't want to be found. I think the hypothermia actually that's what happened, Frank. I mean it's we should say Frank didn't really have hypothermia. No, but I was I was proper I was so cold. Was Buzz cold? He said he wasn't because thirteen year olds won't be cold. It's too vi oh I see, yeah. It makes them makes them sound a bit weak. But I could see was you know the the the blueness of the lips. That's always uh as I was saying to Mega Mind just the other day. Anyway um, I I I did lose the plot. The story I thought there's a uh uh a Shernock Holmes called uh The Gang of Four. And it's about four blokes who are in India and they make a pact and then stuff happens. But I think that m they got so worried that it was in India and and involved the Empire that the whole second half was basically telling us off for the Empire. I mean I I don't feel that I mean what could I do? No. But you had no influence. It was a lot you know those plays that tell you off? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You get a lot of them at the Edinburgh Festival in the eighties, we used to get a short. Oh, I think they're still. That was the great thing when we went to um Russell T. Davis's. Even though it was about, you know, gay people, trans people, I never felt told. We weren't told all. No, at any point. I'm sure if we'd spoken to Zap Polansky, he'd have told us off about something. But this was very, you know, the second half became how bad the Empire was, and then um I couldn't follow the plot. Right. And now in the original interference. Well there's a pig there's a pygmy in the original who fires poison darts. Is that okay? I thought they can't use it. They just can't use this plot. Right. So what they did he was nearly nearly ne like so there was a big- What do you mean he was nearly? Well they c you can't you know, have you ever tried casting a pygmy ? No exactly. Yeah, but that's discrimination, not giving the pygmy the job. Do they st I mean I don't know Steve, you know things. Do they still operational the the pygmy uh name community? I I know that because I know Ronald Dahl had to rewrite um token Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Right. But th there was like a second like about ten years after the original he had to rewrite the umpa lumpas. Because because I think he'd presented them as overly pygmy Oh, okay. Overly pygmy is one of the other names I use how tells. And so it's one of those things, if if Rahl Dahl is if if something is too bad for Raldarl and he if Rahald goes, Yeah, that was too much. Yeah. You're really in trouble at that point. I don't know. I don't know enough about the pygmies. Take on a Sherlock Holmes whether the you know whether the idea of apologizing for Sherlock Holmes is odd. Well because he doesn't feel like a representative of the age. Because he's so different from everybody else. Well I think he was, yeah, one of the first celebrated neurospicy heroes. But Joshua uh James did the whole thing in shirt sleeves. You love that Joshua James. I was in awe of him. He was in shirt sleeves at a wastecoat. I had like five layers. I was trembling. Oh I wonder if Doctor Theatre applies to freezing temperatures rather than the other Not that much though. Also the young and the worked out, they don't feel like we do . They don't feel the temperature drop like we do. No. I don't I mean I don't know. Um he had like a pink pink trousers and a pink waistcoat. You remember everything about him. He was brilliant he was he was brilli brilliant it's aant I I mean it was a brilliant production it's very exciting the open air theatre you really feel like you're in a magic magical world but um I couldn't follow the plot the only thing that w are the cushions on the se ats? No. Oh forget about it. Oh tight one. I can't do that. Yeah, you'll bring your own cushion. You've offended me today, you've offended the pygmy community. You're right both of you. I haven't offended the pygmy community. Imagine if Frank had to issue a formal apology now to the pygmy community. I would be happy to do that, but I don't think I've said anything. No, I don't think you have to be happy. I know nothing of their culture, I have to admit that . Right . But they d they I mean they're real things. They're not made up by Cohen and Doyle like the fairies. You know he believed in fairies, don't you? Who believes in fairies? Conan Doyle believed in fairies, the bloke that wrote um The Bloke. The bloke you wrote. I know but I've just never heard them referred to as the bloke. Did you think I meant Russell T. Dow I've just never heard it referred to as the bloat. There was a big scam in uh in Victoria. The Cottage and Fairies? Cotterdale Cot we can't remember what it's called. The ones at the bottom of the garden. Yeah. Yes, the ones at the bottom of the garden. Where else do you get fairies? Anyway. Cottingley? Cottingley fairies. I'd take your word for it. But he absolutely bought into it and staked his reputation. It was like it was like me and Superstore. He absolutely staked his reputation on that that they were real photographs. This episode is sponsored by BT . You know when you watch a big show or a concert and all the attention is on the people on stage which is great but none of it would work without the people behind the scenes. The lighting, the sound, the cables, and the person quietly making sure the whole thing doesn't suddenly well, stop . Modern Britain works a bit like that . There are millions of things we rely on every day that we probably take for granted. Businesses, running, services, operating, people staying connected. And behind a lot of it is BT . Their network underpinned some of the UK's most vital operations, connecting major institutions, small businesses, and millions of homes. They're also working constantly in the background About four million of them every single day. It's also why more homes and businesses trust BT than any other network . For 1 80 years they've built a legacy of engineering excellence. As a national champion of modern technology, they do more than just provide a network. They deliver the connectiv ity, security and expertise that power modern British life. BT. Behind brilliant things. Search YBT to find out more . When were you last duped, Frank? You weren't duped by Lance Armstrong, were you? Um I was always suspicious of him, may I say? I d I don't think I had any thought. It's a fucking cyclone But were you duped by anyone? Was I duped? Have you been someone who I thought was Like the Cottingdale fairings, Cottingley fairings? was on Fatnish football that you saw through your butt Dave said um Dave thought that he had definitely got magical powers. Did he really think that? Yeah. Because that he said to we met when we first met you regal that he said have you got your house keys with you? L inike the real sort of I need I need to get into your house kind of a way. And we were all going, oh hold on. I didn't know we were gonna have to Steve you never said we had to bring our house. Anyway Dave got his house keys out and and he just um he just fondled them slightly and and Dave's housekeep bent like ninety degrees. And how does he do that, Steve? I've no idea. Do you know? Um it was it was suggested there was a th that someone secretly filmed him. Right. And it was suggested that he's got techniques that that are basically not real. He's got techniques. Well that that is magic. I was trying to pick my words delicate. That is real. I'm delicately choosing my words because I'm nervous about saying he's an absolute fraud. That's that's Oh you're almost lagging off the pygmies. But you're wondering about the phone. You're protecting Patty Arbuckle. How have you been dragged into the pygmy disrespect ? Nobody here is disrespecting any pygmies. Not on my watch. Okay? Let's go back to Steve and Yuri Geller. There there was it was he was being filmed for something like a gotcha Oscar. It was it was like a and like Noel Noel's house party. Do you remember Noel Noel Fielding's house party? Oh no it was Edmunds. That was very different, Noel Fielding's house party. Noel Edmonds House Party, he did the Gotcha, where they were sort of Steve Penck pranks. Oh yeah. Do you remember that? Steve Penck a purple suit. Yes.. Anyway And and so Gaylor doesn't know that he's being filmed and so he's showing off with some of his tricks, but he's a lot more lax at his own. Tricks It's like he gets a key and you and you can sort of see it's like something like he pushes it against the table and it's more obvious that he's cleverly using Ben for it. But have you ever tried bend in a house key by pressing it against the table? No. Yes. Because if you get if you can get a cheap fork we're in so please. I think it was suggested that Geller because when Gary McAllister takes the penalty against Scotland against England, sorry. Urie Geller said he'd moved it but he was in a helicopter above it The ball does move. But does he only say that after the things have happened then? Well of course. Otherwise Gary McAllister would have just let it move . I remember there was a documentary about him and he's in I don't know where he is. Is it the Louis Thereu one? No this is he's in some um Central America or something and he said uh he says to this kid, That's a nice dog. It's a nice dog, you're you have nice dog. And he says uh uh say you got a lovely dog, it's um five and the mum says it's twelve. Seven years. I mean I can get closer than in dog years. That's a fifty year difference almost. But it was the cut the woman didn't even like I was twelve . Why? If you're gonna prove your magical powers, don't stop to guess in dog ages. That's rubbish. The hardest age to guess. The dog's mortally offended. How dare you but have I ever been duped? Oh ask me um in the afterlife. Oh do you know I will, Frank, because that is going to be the biggest test for you. And if there isn't one, I have. Oh I'm sure there is one. Yeah, be fine. Yeah, you'll be alright. And you know what? Either way, what I love about your little plan is you're covered. Well, I'll be covered in soil and that'll be it . I've got the full song I've been duped in my head now because of it. Yes . Um what did what what were they duped by? Don't what me? I thought you were drowning that I was frightened to death . Sorry. Do you know what they're duped by in that sort of is there it the four it's it's Elaine Pohl who's on Lee Vogel so she's been due in Jupiter. Oh man . Um anyway, what's happened to your you haven't told us about your week or anything. What's the next thing? so So the big thing we've been doing. So this Sunday just gone, uh uh we got a kitten and the uh the kids were very, very excited. This was I had grudging we've got one cat already. You've got a new kitten and the kids have been asking to get a cat for ages, and I I I was I've ended up I look after the cat all the time. I'm the the only one who ever does the litter tray, etc. Alright. So I'd said, like, if you can, you know, if you're willing to to muck in, uh, and then my so my wi myfe wife found really loves this particular breed of cat. What's it called? So it's a Somali. But the uh the breeder that my wife found they had to do a zoom chat to see if it's uh the ethical breeder I hope. Ethical breeder um and uh uh and the thing that swayed it, the thing that meant that she was delighted to to allow us to get one of these cat one of these kittens. Well you had to be interviewed to if you could have one of her cat. Yeah, yeah. Oh it's a big thing now. They're so strict about it. So it was g so the kids interviewed. Yeah, yeah. And she but she funds Yeah, yeah. Yes Frank. It has to be ethically . And she's got a rescue so she funds the money she makes from the breeding, she funds a her rescue cat, so it's quite nice for the case . Yeah, no, they they met the rescue cats. But the thing that swung it was this place is in South Birmingham and the thing that swung it was uh my wife s on the zero. So you don't say no one in Birmingham would ever say South Birmingham. Do you think it's a scam? No, I just I've never She didn't she didn't say this is my No. It just you wouldn't say it's not like North London and South London. Oh okay. I'm I'm going I'm going down to South Birmingham tonight. Although such a South Birmingham thing to say. Go on. Sorry so the s the thing that's right on the zoom chat with my so I wasn't my wife and the kids uh more I said, Oh yeah, well my husband's a a comedian. He he he works he's just been touring with Frank Skinner and so I love Frank Skinner so much. Oh , she didn't say she loved you, that's hard. Well she wouldn't have heard of me. But you swung her love of you was basically the thing that swung it in our face Is it that's pricey, isn't mind you I can't. This was discussed between the wife and me. I had nothing to do it. with Disgusting. I had parents who ripped me off. Stole my acting money. I know I talk about it quite a lot. I've never got over it. Well this was all arranged with I I had no idea we gave him that much fucking document the French lieutenants for me. Oh my god. I'm well I'm glad you brought it up now. Is this a documentary in waiting? Yeah. Yeah. Um well listen I hope you enjoyed the cat now So we so we uh we got it on Sunday. It's a tiny, it's beautiful little thing. What are they what uh what's the look of one of these? So it's sort of smiley. It's quite sort of uh so this one it's it's silver cream is the uh apparently the official phrase. It's got quite per ky Egyptian ears. Has it got a fluffy tail? Yeah, little and fluffy, weird little sort of very fluffy Victorian sideburns on the side as well. Oh I love that. Like for Victorian philanthropists. I love that kind of beard. But the i the the the the current cat is not happy at all. Current is not that I w if I was being called the current cat, I wouldn't be that happy. The incumbent cat is there's a leadership challenge underway. If you're the current cat and a shovel arrives on Amazon, the kids are told me that I'm not allowed to interact with a kitten because I've got the smell of the of the current cat on me, Bonnie. And and so Bonnie's been freaking out with everyone apart from me. So the kids I'm I'm expressly forbidden to play with a kitten. And what's the new kitten? Oh that was almost a rap, wasn't it? Well there's a lot of debate about the name. Oh don't get frank on this. He hates it when people go on about dogs' names. He's like whenever I walk with him and I say what's the name, he's like, Why do you ask the name? Who cares? Well people say that to me, it's a nice dog, what's what's its name? Well you say what's his name? It's the only prone thing I get really angry at. Yeah. It's a she actually. Yeah. Anyway, um I think it do you know that I think that honestly did give me an insight into why people get upset about pronouns. I hate it. Fuck off. When people call Ray she I get really upset. I totally agree with you. But Frank thinks it's a bit silly to care about the names. He's like what's the point What what are they gonna do with that information? Other than steal your dog? No, because I think it tells me about the owner, the name. Well we we wanted the kids to be able to agree on a name themselves. It was like their thing that they could do together. And the the original, the breeder named it bullet. You know what happened? There's a bloke at channel four who that his wife was pregnant for the second time and they said to the first child, right, you can name the child. Very sort of media modern parents. So the kids said okay, Shrek . And they had to go with it, but they made Shrek the second name. Did they Shrek because they're modern parents. They should they couldn't just go, Oh, you're shot up all you got. I think I think Gary Delaney on his birth certificate, his name is Baby, 'cause they the his parents hadn't decided. So so he was officially Which has got quite a nice kind of gangstering to it. Yeah, very gangster. Anyway, so you were gonna go for bullet s That's a bit Premier League footballer with an XL bully. And we didn't, yeah, for that reason we call the cat bullet. No so the breeder it was originally called Bullet and we what we were going to rename it. So the kids had The Breeder called it Bully. Yeah, yeah. And we were going to rename it. And so the kids had agreed on biscuit. Okay. And then it's arrived and now my son is going, no, I've decided I'm going to call him bullet. And there's so the thing we'd hoped would unite the kids is now tearing them apart. Oh no. I mean You thought you'd dodged a bullet. Very good, fine. Why don't you actually dodge a biscuit? But they could they wanted to get your jammy dodge a biscuit. Well they wanted to call it something beginning with B, because Bonnie. They wanted they wanted another 'cause Bonnie was a rescue and so Bonnie that was the name . Yeah, but Bonnie now has been utterly rejected and shoved to one side. Yeah. Bonnie's got an awful life. It's only a matter of time before Bonnie lies over the ocean. The only other boundary And don't bring back my body to me. No, exactly. It's I happened to me. We had a lovely dog tiny when I was a kid. So I don't know why but Tiny's really anytime Anyway and then my my brother's girlfriend bought him a whippy so the whippy came into the house. Tiny never got over it. Simple as I think you described it as Tiny became ill with jealousy. Tiny Tiny did. Tiny's first started falling out and everything. It was terrible. Isn't that awful seeing that dogs are so capable of awful human emotions like jealousy. It's so depressing. It is, it's like you know, it's like moving another woman in Oh, we've all used that it'll be nice for you to have someone to talk to, excuse. But in the end, it always leads to upset. People have said that to me . They say, Oh, do you think you know Ray's getting on a bit now? I'm just saying it's gonna be very upsetting when we have a threesome, I always insist it's another bloke. Frank, please don't say things like that, it's disgusting. Why is that disgusting? Because it is. I think it's very modern. I don't. I hate it. Wow. Wow. I know I don't know because you're my friend. And I just find it but I'm not saying other people people are entitled to their proclivities. Okay. Let a thousand blossoms bloom. But I you can't carry on the rest of the thing. This is I'm not sure. It's the Australian man. Australian politician, Bob Cater. Do you remember him? It's a Catter, this Catter. I um He had strong views on gay marriage. That's not true No, that's why we didn't continue, Frank. Okay. Well we didn't it. You'd you'd express your arm . Anyway. Oh where were we? So anyway, the cat and so the So the name the name is still in uh limbo. The other name beginning with B that they like because they watch Eurovision was is Bangaranger. Oh that's quite good. So so that's a possibility. But the most frustrating thing is I'm still cleaning out the lither tray. So so that' Is I've been lied to.. Mm The trouble with Bangaranga is that it will date, won't it? Yeah, yeah. You've got about two months in it. I'm gonna use that on my as my hotel now. My surname's gonna be tan . Well also Bang atan. Hello, I think he's gonna suite with Jim Pansy. My boy 's the ginger one. You know the redheads. You see see he's a little uh thick around the middle as well. They tend to travel together a lot. My my wife's family are mostly redheads and they're all they're all Australian and Ranga in Australia is a sort of friendly slang term for redheaded person. So banger. Yes, that's right. That's right. But as a result, banger ranger has becomes it means something very different to an Australian So that's the reason we're gonna have to overrule that. No, but you can't it's difficult to explain to a to a ten year old why can't tell elderly Australian relatives. We've called we've called the cat shagger ginger. Yeah, you can't do that. It's so inappropriate. I think there's something nice about it. People say worse things about gingers in my experience. That's true. Uh the idea that they're sexually attractive, I think, is um is a plus. Yeah. Okay. Good night. No, no, we're still on. But yes, but so th my my wife and kids wanted to say thank you to you because they they feel like you are an important part in securing the kitten. Yeah, if that cat blinds one of the kids week one , whose fault is it? Moggins. Is that is that what you're calling it now? I think I think I prefer bangaranga . What about banger ranger? And then it could be named after like one of those. We love the rangers, don't we? In whenever I go to um Hamster Teeth with Frank, we always see a lovely ranger. I don't what are they exactly? I was hoping you'd tell me because well last time I went you went, Oh good it good morning. Oh yes You always say good morning to the ranger like you're the sort of local squire. Well you know it's it's nice as people um clearing up the hypodermic s. Oh no. And do they have do they still use condoms? I hear them sometimes in the morning bringing in the sheaths. Bringing in the sheaths. I'll tell you what they're picking up more now is the do they still do the NOS? The young people those little silver things. You know the NOS, they love the NOS. Is that all that is that we're talking about the same year? Well it's not that, darling. It's nitrous oxide, okay? You sometimes if you do if you're doing a music festival you'll hear. No walking to the comedy stage at a music festival you'll hear that. Is it called now? No, it's called it's called not Oh okay. Not nit nitrous oxide. But you see, is that what that history is? Can we say if you're listening, don't try these things. They are um what doll people use to make interesting I think I think that's the best anti drugs advert, quite genuinely, I ever heard. That used to be a drugs campaign, younger listeners. Anyway, we won't go. We won't go there. Oh, let's not end on that. Do people say that still, Frank? Don't even go there. Have we had have we done outside world business? No, we better do some quick . I know it's all right. Why do you make it such a drama? Yeah, but you make it such a drama. Oh my goodness. And it's we're talking about Somali cats. Well that's all right. Th'eres room for both. There's room for Somalian cats and not Somalian. Oh, I'm sorry. Somali cats. He's he's hijacked our hearts. Who Sir Mal Sir . Parents were a big Bob Marley fan. You've got to add all of these on your list, Frank. You've got some great names here. Come on, give us an outside. So y uh Frank was recently talking about hating broadcasters who use filler words such as like. And don't know. I thought he might find it interesting to know that Royal Naval Officers and other forces, I assume, are taught never t to use that type of filler when addressing the ship or making any commands. So it's and I I was fascinated by this. I looked this up. So all these words are essentially banned from the vocabulary, which is like sort of kind of You know. You know. A big no no is also probably or maybe can't actually say those words. Basically, I bet that's uh Oh they don't like basically the navel. And the re well you can probably guess the reason behind it . No. Oh, well, there are two reasons. The first is that it implies a lack of authority in that person. Yes. So it suggests I don't know if I trust them. Sherlock Halmes and ever does when he's mansplaining. No, but that's because he's mansplaining all the time. He's never listened to anybody else in his entire life. I don't think he ever has. Can you imagine Sherlock Holmes saying, I I wonder if you could help me. I just wanted your opinion on something. Has he ever said that? Never. Why didn't they ask Evans? No, does ex because no one would listen to Evans. That's right now, he never consults ex other experts. Does he ever ask what um Watson's opinion? No. Doesn't he? So what's Watson's role, does he say really? He writes down what um he's a sort of a James Boswell was to Samuel Johnson. He writes down what Sherlock Holmes . He's a gimp. So he just sits there . It's known the gimp of Baker Street . I think you have you visited him back in your earlier years. Yeah, that was Gimp Pat and Z. He's the the brother of Jim. That's when that's for late night check-ins . Exactly . Oh man . Oh dear. Anyway, I was fascinated to discover that because it's so the first reason is that because it's it's dangerous, because imprecision is dangerous. But the problem is that people don't do it you know, the people on Sky News who say yes, well Mans on has uh y y you know , th they're they're struggling. They haven't decided to say you know. But I think it would be helpful for the people on Sky News, well I think the the good people of Sky News to know this that this is actually banned in the military for this explicit reas specific reason I'm sorry, because it conveys a lack of authority. So if they said to them just so you know, the military actually banned that because it's a definite journalists on Sky Nose and they say yeah, so uh Ed Ed Davies said that uh th that you know, I I think I d I'm I a hundred percent. Who was it was it Chris Mason? Was he the B BBC one he would would he he would st startart reports with things like Oh dear oh dear oh dear things couldn't get worse for Rishi Sunak. Oh I don't like that 's that but that that doesn't that suggest confidence doesn't it ? Yeah, I don't know. I I just I know what you mean. I like I like them to sound very nineteen fifties, my newsreaders. I want precision . I want I'm not saying I want, you know, cancellable racism are my worst thing is when they get those people on who are they spend their entire life interviewing politicians in a really aggressive like the Interrupting them like it's really horrible. And then they give 'em a human hiss interest story and they're talking to some poor woman who's been involved in the tragedy and they're still a bit nasty. Andrew Neal was the worst interrupter, Andrew Neil interviewing people. Yeah, but we used to quite like watching him on that politics. What was the one we liked with Michael Portillo? It's making us sound like Brexit voters, but can we just say we didn't agree with the politics always? But we just liked the show. I didn't Well the weird thing is my kids don't know that Portillo's a twat 'cause they s they saw like based on the stuff that's not just take that as a now he's now he's on trains. Yeah, well that's the thing because we'reell I found that very difficult because I remember I had lunch with him, Frank, and I was very Did you? Yes, I once had lunch with him and it was very difficult for me because I liked him as a person. This is where it gets complicated. Well because these days he's a likable buffoon in ridiculous trousers going on train How's that Frank? He was once asked when he was a when he was a Tory MP in the nineties, some someone i it was asked about the homeless problem. He said that someone said to him, Look, can you imagine what would you do if you were homeless? And he went, I'm T And other things that you can only say up until the age of forty nine. Yeah, well I don't think you could I don't think you could have ever said it. I certainly wouldn't say it of myself. I wouldn't put poor Tillow in the good looking branch. Oh I don't know, he was all right. Oh well we're all different . Don't put yourself down Frank, you're good looking. Oh short , I am not. Just so you know if someone pays you a compliment, it's best not to say, Oh shut up. Someone from a PR really works. I sp met a woman from a PR company and she said, We sent you all those photos and we haven't we haven't had your okay from them. And I said, Well why do you think that is? Why? I don't care . I don't care. What do I care? Why not are they gonna pick one of me sneezing or something like that? No. Anything else, I'll just take what I can get as far as photos are concerned. That's not my brand. Okay. It's internal. You can't see what I've got. Thank God for that. Not yeah. Right, come on then. Well we're finished. We're done now. We should we should nice to see you, Steve. I don't know about you, but I'm bored now. Yeah, I'm getting a bit bored. Thirty-five minutes that's me, Don, really. I think we've done enough. We've all said enough. I mean she's pregnant. She's not having God. You thought she was just an arm buckle No not proven. She's not she's not having it, you know, today. It's not like the old days when women went to work until they actually were yeah. People have they'd have babies in the factory. Factory? What prayers a factory? Anyway, look, we we love Sarah, we will really miss her. But we got Sandy who seems really nice who's arrived today, so we continue. Yeah. We move. You know what they say? The dude abides . Steve knows what film that was from. I'm not gonna let him say. So anyway, Sarah, you leave with all our love and um next time we see you you'll probably have a big smiley baby . It's the Frank Skinner podcast . A new winter change is blowing . It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going . Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalon UK