IQ Tests and Embarrassing Moments

Go small. When you can go grand. Meet the new Vauxhall Grand Land Griffin. Striking alloys, sleek black roof, heated front seats, and 10 inch touchscreen. Everything you need for life on the move. Grand on style, grand on tech, grand on value. And during the Vauxhall sales event, get a grand of the new Grand Land Griffin. Or any other new Vauxhall. On top of all other offers. Search Vauxhall Car Offers. Offer to private individuals £1,000 including the AT saving on new car orders between 15 to 31st of May must be registered by 30th of June 2026. 18 plus Easy to Supply. Imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life. Imagine if you could help someone pay for university, help your community build a new playground, or help a child make it to that dream competition. With GoFundMe, it's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform. Trusted by over 200 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary things. Your ideas matter. GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies. Want to raise money for your kids' football team, or raise funds for a small business, a charity, or event. GoFundMe turn ideas into reality. And help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else raise up to five times more. So think right now. Who could use your help? Don't wait for someone else to bring change. Today, start your fundraiser in just minutes at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com. This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe. Morning. Morning. My co hosts. Oh you're gonna say cohorts. I could have said cohorts. What else could I have said? Well anyway. Colleagues, staff. Staff. I gave um I gave Alan uh a twenty C twenty C D audio um book of the Steve Jobs biography. Yeah I witnessed that this morning. Fat plastic still on M I B I believe they call it in the trade. Minting box, that's what Jonathan Ross calls it when he goes towards it. When I bought that pal out that time. Um and um I must say he wasn't as excited as I'm seeing by by the twenty C D Steve Jobs. It was an awful awkward moment when he said you said you said you wanted it. And Al and Alan went, did I? Oh no, he's got all passive aggressive, I can't bear it. There's a little bit of what the Cocknies call a bumster, I believe. I think we're allowed to say that on the readers. You can say a bumster. Um where you said, Oh, I've got something that I promised you ages ago and reached into your bag and I thought you were gonna bring out the D V D of Carnival Series Two and this is another a long running thing we've got. And then it was a thing that I don't remember saying Oh yeah that was still I'll still listen to it. If you don't like it, just throw it out the car window and mouth one. I'll tell you what, if I don't then I've got twenty new coasters, haven't I? Mike's a big fan of hers. Yeah coaster. Yeah. No, I shouldn't say this because somebody sent me this, so it wasn't it was nice of them. Oh. Do you know Steve Jobs? No, but thanks for the two. It's not work that much. Oh gosh. And we had a Well you know, the we've had one or two um Well We have actually. And we've also had many that have not said that. One man said, Stop going on like Doctor Who hashtag kids TV. Yes. And I'm about to marry that man. Yes. Well I'm gonna appear at the way with an axe. No anyway, so I am gonna stop going on about it. But we had um I was I watched the um the anniversary special last week. To be honest. There were large sections of it I didn't understand. So I I I thought I'd watch it again. Um so my girlfriend had been away for the weekend, so the watching of the anniversary was c was a painless experience, but the re watching of it when she was at at home. I was, you know. Um anyway, I I just I'll watch a bit of it, see if I can pick up uh I I I won't I won't bore you with details, but there was stuff I didn't get. I still don't get some of it. But anyway. Um We watching it looking for like logic I was trying to find out I was trying to find out how this uh I I didn't quite get how the truth worked with the zygons, I'll be honest with you. Okay. But anyway, um I got it now. Oh good. But then um she said to me I can't believe you're watching this. And I said Well you I I you said you didn't offer to let to let you watch anything you like. And you said she said, Can I just say you watching this while I'm in the room I find incredibly, incredibly offensive. Um Well for a start off which I didn't say to her I'm not sure you can stack incredibly It's not like very easy. I don't know if we've got any grammar listening, but can you that that's the the first text in this morning. Can you stack incredibly. Can you stack incredibly. I haven't been called incredibly incredibly offensive since the nineties. It's a big moment for me. Ink off. I think we'll reduce it to no hour. That was ink off We could have the Great British Ink off where people say not very offensive or do not very offensive things, but other people are very, very offended by them. I thought the Great British Ink off was just where people come along and get tattoos removed. That would be it will come. There's been a a great British Everything off. What happened? Did you make up then? Um yeah, we did um after twenty four hours. Twenty four? Yeah. Oh that's a long that's a long hours. Was it a really long Doctor Who program that you watched. Seventy five minutes. I didn't watch um I stopped watching it then. Oh did you? I didn't think I could carry on after that. But the thing still the still maintained. Well I went I um I went straight to bed in a in a massive hostage. And then um we spoke about it the next day. The Rao stays in the room for a good seven or eight hours I find, even if both parties have left. The Rows have got incredible stamina staying. They'll linger and anyway it's all it's all better now. I'm very very glad to say. And um what else did I do this week? I went to the uh the opera. You know. Lovely. What'd you go and see? I saw Sati Aga. Oh, I'm sorry. Satyagraha. I'm not sure about the uh It's one of those things where I didn't never really knew what the name was even though I was watching it. Oh yeah. It's uh it's a Philliet Glass opera. Oh it's one of the modern ones. It's a bad um Gandhi. You know I love Gandhi. Well I love Gandhi, but that's an extraordinary subject for an opera. In an opera form. Gandhi and Opera form. Yeah. Okay. been at home a bit this week back in Manchester where my family resides. No acting this week? No I have done I've done some but I uh I had a little break and so I was around and I was able to I know that Carl Crelly's uh acting a lot just like us today wearing a scarf. Yeah. Um but I uh I I got to take my little boy swim in to his swimming class which has moved since uh since I was last home. It used to be Thursday straight after school. And now it's Wednesdays at I think it was half five. I'm glad I'm glad. Yeah, I don't think you want turning up on the night. The reason I'm bringing that up is because the change in time has meant a change in the routine of going swimming with Cockerell Junior. I said to his mum, Mrs Cockerell, uh the other day I said, Oh, I'll take him swimming and she said, Fine, but you've got to go for chips with him after Oh, is that part of the deal is it? They have a little ritual. Because I work away quite a lot, little rituals come up in life that I miss out on. Can I say I love little ritual. Very good. So uh so he uh he goes swimming and then they buy chips on the way home. And I I approve of the chips. I'll tell you what, there's I I didn't find it very difficult to agree. You'll have to buy in chips on the way home. Okay, that sounds like a great plan. There are very few things in life that aren't improved by chips on the way home, aren't there? You probably are something quite different. No, no, I think that's fair enough. But um He burns it off presumably burns enough initially in his in his feverish. He's six, it's not that feverish paddling, but he does enjoy a jump in. And my wife called me stingy on this one. No. Well I find that way hard to do that. I won't have that said. How dare she? I don't think this is that bad, but she seemed to react to the chip. I bet we did. Did you share the new chips? Well no, I got the shit. The swimming Yeah. Well what happened was we went into the swimming the cubicle and there was a nearly full bottle of somebody else's shower gel in there. Oh you didn't use it? I took it home. You did. I was thinking No They were probably coming back first. They've been gone ages. I can't condemn you. In the 80s I would have drank it. No, no, I don't think it is. I don't think it is. I'm not sure about it. It's borderline. Cool household that could be covered with varuka. It was a very good thing. That is a very Caffy thing to say, I have to say. Cathy's my girlfriend. I I think that is a new thing. What if someone's listening to this who thinks uh well when I went back for my uh show Generity Garn it was actually the cockroach. Well that's fine. I bet it was pound shop owned brand, as well. No, it was Redox Fresh or something. I don't I don't know where you've given There you've described it. You know what they do on crime they took a photo of it. I don't know if that's that stingy. But what I really want to know. No, I don't think it's stingy, I think it's illegal. Really? I think it's psychotic. So we all know where we stand. I see it as a bit like you not um like letting paper leave your house with only one side being written on. It's a waste thing. I don't like waste. Yes, but the paper that I insist on writing on it's paper that's been given to me. I haven't taken it from someone else. I haven't taken it from someone else. It was unattended shower gel. Also it would have been used by other people who'd gone there and forgotten my shower gel. Some poor pence. Maybe it's even put there by, you know, Duncan Bannantine or something to help people. He's always in the habit of helping people. I think he is. But I like the little ritual of the chips, so I enjoy it. I like little ritual as well. I can't find him. Timing wasn't as good as that one, but you know what? I still enjoyed it, isn't it funny, we sort of uh we make do and mend. We were talking about them rituals what one finds oneself doing in life. Like when I have um when I have curry in there. And you know I'm not a big fan of curry, if you know. You hate curry. I hate it. No, I hate it. But whenever I um I still have it, you know, socially, I still follow the exact serving suggestions of the Vesta beef curry. I I I make a circle of the rice and then put the sauce in the middle. And not only that, but something I still think, which I used to think as a child is when I take some of the rice away with the fork. And the source starts to run out to the outside. I always imagine that it's a it's a citad that's been on the scene. And there's been a breach in the wall and some of the citizens have managed to uh escape. Always. Uh that's maybe if I had that vivid an imagination, I'd eat more curry. It sounds quite good. You're getting curry and a little Well I live in a strange dream world. Before I usually before I go to sleep at night, um I've got a iPad and there's a There's a thing called uh P VA bowling. You can get it's free app. I'm not that stingy, yeah you do. I could see you looked you looked anxious. It could be one of their sixty nine P job. Um But uh you can get the spares once, you don't get the full bowl and you just have to hit the spares. And I play three games every night last thing before I go to sleep. But not only do I, but in my head there is a full commentary. And uh uh and I'm um I'm like the top player in the world. But for some reason there's t there's like there's three American blokes who commentate on it and they're w one of them is particularly uh critical for me, even after all my achievements. And and and often m makes some quite cut in um comments uh and intrusive comments about my private life. Oh in my head. Is that all right? Someone told me that because of the smartphone daydreaming was dying out. Oh no, I do so much daydreaming. Because if people get a a g in the old days, if you were like in a doctor's waiting room, you'd just daydream until somebody called you there. Well I still sometimes play press conferences. I told you once I used to do that as a child, didn't I? When I um had a crush on Derek Pringle, the cricketer. Um I used to how this crush manifested itself was that I used to kind of pretend that we'd got married and because I was quite young it had been quite a shock marriage that I'd married Derek Pringle. And then um Derek Pringle and I did a press conference to discuss it. Yeah. Okay. How did it go? I thought all children did press conferences. I'm gonna get Derek Pringling on your birthday to actually do that. This episode is sponsored by BT. You know when you watch a big show or a concert and all the attention is on the people on stage, which is great. But none of it would work without the people behind the scenes. The lighting, the sound, the cables, and the person quietly making sure the whole thing doesn't suddenly Stop. Modern Britain works a bit like that. There are millions of things we rely on every day that we probably take for granted. Businesses running, services operating, people staying connected. And behind a lot of it is BT. Their network underpins some of the UK's most vital operations, connecting major institutions, small businesses, and millions of homes. They're also working constantly in the background, protecting our homes and businesses from cyber threats. About four million of them every single day. It's also why more homes and businesses trust BT than any other network. For a hundred and eighty years they've built a legacy of engineering excellence. As a national champion of modern technology, they do more than just provide a network. They deliver the connectivity, security and expertise that power modern British life. B T. Behind brilliant things. Search YBT to find out more. This episode is brought to you by Expedia and Visit Scotland. Start your story in Scotland. Experience the pool of wide, untamed landscapes, and fresh cuisine that feels rooted in place. Discastles steeped in legend. And feel the genuine warmth from locals you meet. And a place that will stay with you long after you leave. Start planning your own Scottish holiday. Today at expedia.co.uk slash visit scotland. So, um I'm uh Still picking dolphin off my teeth. Oh That's duffin. We need to talk about duffin. Yeah. Because these are part of there's this new wave of pastry. This is why we got them this morning. Daisy's trying to be tr she's making us trendy, isn't she? They what they've done they've started um they call it Frankenstein pastry, don't they? So they've started mixing popular pastry based food stuff. Cronut. I suppose you'd call it a mashup. What did you call it? It's a mashup, isn't it? Yeah. So it's it's a mix between a donut and a muffin. Yeah, Cronut is half croissant, half donut. I bet Frank pronounces croissant. You know when he does that very self conscious French like cliché, I love it. Say croissant, Frank. Oh you mean croissant. Huh French, I knew I spoke French. Well I could do that every word. I'd move to France and my my whole everything would be like gargling. Yeah. Hmm. I um So this is half duffin half donut. I'm gonna be straight with you. I'm not I'm not um I haven't loved the duffing. I'm gonna be straight with you, I feel ill. It's it's not been popular in in the studio, so calling it a Frankenste I I'd originally thought calling it a Frankenstein food was a bit mean. And then I've tasted the duffing and now I understand because it's a sin against nature. I think that maybe Gore got the dropped the jar with the original filling and brought the um the evil man's brain filling. Yeah, I'm thinking that they could have done they could have been Why not go savory? Yeah. I was thinking you could you could have I I'm I like a sausage roll, but I'm going off sausage as I get older. I wonder if you could have a thing called a sausage. Going off sausage. As I get older. Going off sausage is the the target lucky of my new Autobiography. It's a bit uh a Tom Robinson beat me, too. No, it's um it's it's I I th I wonder if you could have a thing called a sausage hole. So when you buy it's just the pastry casing, but you can buy various um fillings in like sausage form so you could get some sweet things. Oh so it's it's sans toad, frank. Yeah, exactly. So you could say I'll have a sausage hole and I'll have um can you get me um Montelli Mar. Um In instep. Not in step, would that be the right word? What would you put into it? Insert oh Insert. Yeah, insert. I don't know what Montelli Mar is, but I've seen it on South Clipbox. Yeah, I have. What is it? Well it's all all I know is it's always on level three. And I don't often go down to level three. Well I must say I have that's not what I thought. I don't know if I've ever had a level three chocolate box, but Montelimore, it's one of those that it it there's a whole branch of chocolates that aren't fruit based. They're all they're more or less fudge chocolate thing. And Montelimore I think is one of those. But I think the chocol the uh the sausage heart the sausage heart It's versatile. Half the thing with these products is they they start with the pun and work backwards, that seems like what I don't like about these francotes figures is they've basically looked at things like Bramelina or or dog breeds and the wacky name that's all. They haven't done much with Duffin, have they? Well that was the surname of Duffy from Casualty was Lisa Duffin, so I can't I'm I'm biting into it fixing of Cathy Shipton. I love that you know that. I I love that's that's a generational thing because I think of uh Duffy from Please Sir John Alderton used to go, um Doffy. Um and now I've said it. Uh yeah, I'm so I'm thinking of that, the sausage hole. And uh maybe I'm thinking if you could mix up a prawn cracker and a pasta. And it wouldn't actually be that sounds attractive. There wouldn't be a prawn in it, but it would have a prawn element, so you could call it a prawnish pasta. Do you know what that'd play well in Birmingham, I reckon? Yeah I'm still if you've got any ideas for um pastry mashups drop us a line. I once saw um Arsena in a South African hotel lobby. Oh God I hate this anecdote already. What the hell happened? He ordered a an apple and a knife and four. And he hit the apple with a knife and four. Yes lots of people around. Like a red apple. I really respect him for that. Shows the restraint of the man. I'm worried about him. Alex Ferguson with a what was he eating in the corner. Well he looks like a Saluki. You know those dogs. I don't know, no. Yeah, they're they're like um greyhounds that are blurred, slightly the little fur a bit furrier than your average greyhound. He looks he's very slim. And if a man eats an apple with a k with a knife and fork, you think are you all right? You don't. You just think as I say it's got admirable restraint. Wow. Wow. Yeah, he I could see he'd done it before. He had a very uh his technique. I mean if I it'd be on the floor in ten seconds if I tried to eat an apple with a knife and thought. Yeah. But he um he had it it it w it was always in under his control. Right. Oh yeah. Um excuse me do you want to hear about my celebrity. Momentarily forgetting his native tongue. No, I think you realise that the uh white uh in the uh in the FN4. And then the what you wouldn't know if it walk the eating ippy or that would gang going the sloki. Eating an apple with no of a walk in it. That's what happened. Anyway, that's a little story from uh my South African trip. Who suddenly seems to f lost his ability to speak his mother tongue. I was telling the gang earlier that um Alex Ferguson said gang. Yeah. Alex Ferguson was. That was the moment we lost it when we got the gang. Alex Ferguson was saying people think I'm football obsessive and Arsenal Vangers intellectually said, but he's he's obsessed. All he ever thinks about is football and watch his Bundesliga games Tuesday night. He says, Whereas I've got loads of interest My favourite film is Sea Biscuit. City fits. Yeah, he's truly. He loves the art house. Oh, he does, doesn't he? So yes, here we are. I'm uh I I'm Frank how was it apparently it's one of the um why do people say congratulations survived the move, but you've made a slightly better postcode. I read um A list of the most traumatic things that you can do in life. Yeah. Does one of them work on this show? Work on this show and make a mistake. I think that um where is Charlie this morning? Or not laugh. She recovered from one simple uppercut. Welcome to the show and not laugh. Staft. Yeah, staff. Staft. Yes. The traumatic experiences and obvious ones like bereavement and pa and um partnership splitting up and stuff. And then moving a house was right up there. Top five. People get really angsty about it. And I thought that's ridiculous. And then uh Do you agree now? I do. Really? What was most stressful about it? Well It and all its eatness was quite bad. Um I can't find anything. I I didn't I couldn't clean my teeth for twenty four hours 'cause I c couldn't find a toothbrush. Still power. Not near enough to tempt me to buy something I already have. Really? Yes. I probably I buy about four toothbrushes a week. Yeah, just because I'm travelling in reverse. I I just thought you'd the one person who'd back me on holding out to I find that toothbrush would be me, turns out the white area of your extravagance. When you say buy, do you mean they came free in an airport kit? Or I ask a hotel to bring one up. Yeah, if I uh You still have to pay for that, don't you when they bring one up. Oh not anymore. No, it's gone like Wi Fi. Some of them are doing 'em for free. Not that you two even know that makes me sick. Well this shirt I've had this shirt on for four days. I can't find a shirt. Shut up. I have. Sleeping in it as well. He's been sleeping in it. I'd say something can't find his pajamas. I thought you'd had a lot of starch on those collars. I'm completely honest with you. My girlfriend, uh Catherine slept in it two nights ago. She couldn't find anything to sleep in. I expect she looked rather sexy. I like that. Yeah, but but this shirt I put it on the I thought I cannot find another shirt, so I put it on this morning. You know you go down into the armpit area. I found that the left armpit actually weren't too bad for four days where the right one is in a terrible. How did that happen? Well your right handed more exertion. I just thought it would get more air. And there's that game of tennis you played in your full suit as well, wasn't it? Oh yeah. I forgot about it. How big is this new house that you can't find any shirts in it? Well I'm coming around for an inspection later so I hope things are in a ship shape. Yes. No, well they're they they sound a bit like shipship. But they're not that no, it's um I like a removal men. Do you know once an ex boyfriend of mine actually told me to stop flirting with the removal men. He said if you'd stop flirting, maybe they'd get their job done. He was right, I was I I love a mover. Do you have I was um you know I um go to um a a a local hairdressers which is a nine quid a haircut. Big man. Yes, I can see that. Big man moves house nine quid haircuts get you um this week. I went there and uh I wan I like to tip because I think it's a nine quid haircut and I've always thought I'm quite a generous tipper because what I do is I make it up to twelve. Really? That's a twenty f Steady. That's a that's no thirty three percent tip. Hm Which is you know. There's gonna be mass purists texting in saying, Well, it's not quite or some Well, you know, it's rough. Yeah. Yeah but uh for a nine pound haircut. I tip twenty. Tip them twenty for a nine pound haircut. Yeah, you'll seem mad. Five pound to the hair washer, twenty to the uh stylist slash colourist. But I had the different this whole conversation's making me feel a bit ill C can I just say that that if it's if the haircut is nine pounds, they're essentially saying we want a pound. It's You just round it up. Yeah, but it used to be this is my problem. It used to be seven quid. Then I'd give them a ten. Oh, so you're locked into the wrong. When it went up to nine, I thought, Well am I gonna tip them less now? It used to be seven quid. What is that during the peasants' revolt? So I think I announced it on earth that I'd gone in and and there'd been a bit of um Customer um disgruntlement. Um They won't be seeing me in here again. Nine quid air. So anyway, I uh so I had in my head g twelve quid. Yeah with three quid thing. And then I had the twelve quid in my head and I thought, oh, plus my three quid tip. So I had a different woman, a woman I don't I don't normally have. And I I I I got it in my head that I had to give for twelve quid plus the three quid. So I gave her fifteen quid. Oh. Oh my goodness. A sixty six. I'm calling it a Catherine Jenkins percentage. Yeah. Um and the trouble is she was quite an attractive young French woman. And I wonder if she thinks all this middle age man's got a bit over excited and given me an enormous tip because uh you know, he it's been such a thrill for it. So I I didn't feel I could go back in and retrieve it. No, you can't go and wrestle it back off. It's really nagged at me. It's honestly you want your money back. I just I thought I I As as the cockerel's facial expression suggested, three quid is a is a I think that's plenty. I set it at nine, I've given them. I think if you're having those sorts of haircuts, I've been a four. I've been a damn four. What sorts is that? No quid haircuts. I've had a similar thing with the local car wash to me. It was twelve. I used to pay fifteen and say, Oh, don't worry about it. Yeah. Um and and now it's gone up to fifteen. So I I did it the other day and I've I rounded it up. I the car was filthy, so I I gave them the full twenty. Can I tell you, I cannot go into a car wash without singing uh hula music. As soon as I see the cleaners. You know when the cleaners starts going those things. I've never never managed to get through. It's one of my uh One of my compulsions. See I hate IQ tests. Yeah. Who does those things? I had to look at some of the questions. And there was one like, Okay, it the day before the day before yesterday. And I just thought, Oh, I don't want to do this. Yeah, I can't be bothered to think about it. That's exactly it. The thing with these questions, there's so many of them where part way through you lose the will to read the rest of the question. I don't need so many of them that I like. That score, you know. It it Oh I find my spatial awareness always lets me down. I can do the words, but I'm not good at that. Just generally though. If someone said to you if you met someone in the bar and you were chat and they said you're actually I'm a member of Mentz. Would you be impressed by that? Would you think more kind Have I bothers to join. Ghost just bothers to do the test. Yeah. Sorry if any of our regular readers are members of MENSA. But read a book instead. All Peters in the school. Read some stuff you can talk about. What do you how can you use these in life? Well here's one for you. The day before the day off about it. It's off and told you before. Leave me alone, I don't know who you are. I love a riddle. You like a quiz? You love a bit of uh my first is in, don't you? Oh I love that. You love my first design. My first is in fish but not in fowl. Oh yeah. Oh they're the best. I always think high IQ people, it's always footballers in Brit Eklund, people like that, isn't it? Dolphin. They always say, Oh I've got a h oh Dolph Lunkard has he got a high IQ. I think Vorderman's quite a big inventor. How is she? From a barber. Good. He says, Hi Frank, Emily and Alan. I just opened our barbers in Chesterfield. Not to be named. I respect him for that. Yeah. It's probably only one barber in Chesterfield, that's why it's meant to plug it. First customer of the day, number three all over. Okay. Really bad morning. I have three round the sides and uh take a little bit off the top, that's what I have. Uh he's also added really bad. I I say that because if if I die looking a bit shaggy, you know what haircut to give me as part of the spruce. It's uh it's number three all the way around and a little bit off the top. I mean not many commercial radio shows use it as their opportunity to do a living will, but it's nice that you do. Exactly. We're gonna go itemise your whole new house contest as well, while we're while doesn't want to pay the legal fees. Okay. Anyway, can we go back to the barber in Chesterfield. Uh so this customer's had a number three all over, really bad morning breath. Proceeds to cutting his hair while awkwardly listening to you talking about the tipping situation for. Now. He is not a known tipper. But after his seven pound haircut, he left the whole ten pounds. Boom. Now we're not sure if it was a pressure from you or the fact that it's Christmas. I think it was probably pressure from the fact that me, a self confessed frugal person, admitted to tipping and uh this person's thoughts. Your attitude my three tip was that you were aghast. No, but rewrite history. I think you need to round it up to the nearest sensible number. So it's obviously. Just is a fa yeah. Yeah, do you think we get a commission on that? I just want him to spend it wisely. Don't use it to get men's um um forms. Have you ever done that those online IQs? I detest. Of course I haven't. Who does that? As soon as you put your name in. Like it's a matter of course. As soon as you put your name into an online IQ thing a thing should come up and said, You are not intelligent And then it should go black. Chicken flag! Yeah, because Who? Who wants who needs that kind of Well maybe people who I don't know. Maybe I can understand maybe if people didn't pay enough attention at school and you know, things have worked out so that they feel they want some sort of badge of intelligence. You don't mean You never hear anyone say oh I met uh blah blah de black. He's a bright he's a bright guy, isn't he? You seen this thing the day before the day before yesterday. You'd say we was talking about and he had you know, he had some interesting views. No, I'll tell you what you said. He said my first is in fish. Oh but then I would think Okay, he's a bright guy. And also he's a riddler. Extraordinary. As parental embarrassment, I don't think that's as bad as Bernie Eccleston. Did you see him in this? That was brilliant. What he's done. Well fine, would you care to tell us what he's done with you? What he's done, he's he's arrived at the revolving doors, he's looked up He's waved at the paparazzi, he's gone inside. He's forgot to step out of the revolving door. He's done a three sixty. He's come out and he's thinking well there's paparazzi everywhere. The great thing was he just forgot to get out of the revolving door. Poor old Burney's. Frank, his face afterwards. You know what it reminded me of? You know when you pretend to throw a ball at a dog and it looks a bit hurt and a bit confused. That is exactly what his face all his all What I like is the paparazzi when he arrived. They all went all the all the shutters all excited. And then they started to walk away and he went, Oh no here we go, he's back again. I love that. It was like a Scandinavian town clock. But him just coming out every thirty seconds. Oh, Bernie, I could I could have hugged him. I'd have probably missed first time, but then got lower Yeah just cut the top of the head first hug. I thought Bernie Eccleson should have just faced it out. When he did the full three hundred and sixty, should've stepped out and gone uh And one more lap to go. I felt for Bernie is you know, when they greet the paparazzi, it's always how are they gonna deal with it? And he did he put a little finger up as well. The finger. Oh finger and I know 'cause when Andy Colson I noticed when he greets the press, he says morning gents. Oh Morning Gents. And the finger I put on. Back to him. It's just a reminder. More intense. Now about the strings, Bill Arthur. Embarrassing though, Bernie Ecclesston. My mum lived on the same street as the school We we lived on the same street as the school and my mum had a scoda when scoders were properly rubbish. Yeah. That was pretty embarrassing because I had nowhere to hide. I had one when they were rubbish. Did you? Kids. When you went past kids would go scoda! Yeah. If those kids are then sat next to you at school, it's quite a long day, isn't it? That's what I have. Yeah, but that I mean I was I was forty. It wouldn't sit next to me. Of course if I I get in uh successfully um to the Star Wars open audition driving down the road with one of my new um showbiz friends, people are going, Yoda Oh I'd love it if you were friends with him. I'm gonna be friends with him, I don't do adverts. You and Yoda coming out of string fellows. That was a really awful moment in my life. No, I do which is more depressing, Yoder or uh Kevin Bacon in those other both. They shouldn't have done it. Yoda and bear in mind he's you know, he's the slave of the animate. He doesn't have to The chances are yes or no? It's a bit like when the Daline Arma did those wonga.com as Yeah, that surprised me. I think the future is orange as well. My dad used to see I never got to the bottom of it, but um there was a man that used to come around, uh one of the club men who would come round and collect money. We always had people coming to the case. That's all you had. My dad used to buy a suit a year. He'd have it made to measure. He was a bit daff that my dad. Um then he'd come home on his hands and knees one night. But anyway, um it this like Sammy used to come around and Sammy um used to play the piano. Sammy we had a piano in the house. No one could play. But Sammy would come around and play a piano. And uh it's a uh My dad would say, uh, I'll I'll play a bit now. My dad couldn't play the piano. But he used to sit and s sort of but not for a joke.