The Oscars Finale and Final Thoughts

Hello everyone, producer Matt Lieb here before we get started on today's great , brilliant episode of Free With Ads, I wanted to remind everyone out there that, yes, the sting tones are available for anyone who wants to hear them. That's right. We have kept our promise. So go into the description of this episode and you will see a link to a Google Drive in which you can peruse our library of Stings . But yes, please enjoy all of the Stings and also thank you to everyone who subscribed to maximumfun dot org slash join . It really helped our show . It really helps all of the shows on the network. So we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Alright , time to hear this episode about the bodyguard This is Free with Ads, the podcast that asked the question, why pay peacock nine bucks a month to watch Kevin Cosner strut around some ranch when you can go online for free and watch him seduce Whitney Houston by doing the sexiest thing a man can do , show off his sword collection. I'm Dord Morris . And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is The Bodyguard , the nineties romantic classic with the hit soundtrack featuring that song We all know and love even if my heart would break by Kenny G . With us as always is the super producer, the He Freak Matt Leave hitting us with those timeless , everlasting drops . I think I'm not thinking I'm not gonna do this Do it. You think I'm not? I'm not gonna do it. We can only do ten seconds back. That's right. We have it to add Godzilla, so it counts as commentary. Godzilla will be added in post. Yes. The song for me in this movie was Queen of the Night . I'd never heard that song before. Queen of the Night rules. Good song. I'd never heard this song before and it sounded like in vogue, which I love in Vogue and it was like, this sounds like that free like what is it? Free or Mine and it sounded a lot like that and then I was like, ooh, Queen of the Night. So I've been listening to that strutting around LA my headphones . And I think like this whole sound track was all hit singles. And you know, obviously I will always love you who's become the thing that stuck around, but I think at some point, these were all kind of like number one hit songs. Yeah. Easily. Yeah, a lot of great music in here, a lot of great music , cold ass take the bodyguard soundtrack has good music. The best song of course being Even If My Heart Would Break by Kenny Gi. We love it Not just when he used it on the soundtrack people, there's a lot of wonderful d ivas. Yes. The Whitney Houston of the Soprano saxophone. Yes, of instrumental Soprano saxoph ze. Which can we all agree Whitney Houston is the greatest singer of all time? Like I her voice is like anytime it's like she's not even fucking trying. Yeah crazy crazy singing . Well hey before we talk more about the bodyguard which is as of this recording streaming free with ads, we're going to answer a question from a listener in a segment called We got Mail . You got mail This question is from Reddit. It is from Nick Western, they write . it sa Isfe to say that Ouija two Origin of Evil was the most surprise you all have been with a movie or is there a movie that surpassed expectations , either being better or worse even more? Yeah, definitely Ouija two, huge surprise given that Ouija one sucks so bad . But I think I had like heard that. I think that was the story of that movie. It's like oh hey , they made a prequel to this kind of bad mo avie and the prequels really . I didn't know it was gonna be that good though. It was like it is yeah, the is so wide . Just being better than the first one is like a feat. Like not a feat. It's like yeah easy . But how good it was was pretty nuts. Like yeah I will say for like movies we've watched that have been surprises . I was surprised at how much fun I had watching the Van Dam Street Fighter because I hated it so much when I saw it as a kid. I'm like, Wait, this thing is a blast. It's really fun . I was right about it being bad. I was right about it being bad as a kid, but it is actually fun to watch. Ghost, I think was a huge surprise just because I mean it's kind of a similar , you know, it's similar movie culturally to the one we're watching today I'm like, oh, I just kind of thought that was going to be this like bombastic sappy romance when actually it's a horror comedy about a buddies Whoopi Goldberg and that's yeah Patrick Swazey yeah yeah I thought it was gonna be cheeseball like you know and if there's che esy moments in it, but yeah, whoopy really fucking slaps in that movie. Yeah, literally actually funny, actually scary. The movie . Mine is also a Patrick Swaze movie and it's Roadhouse because I had never actually seen Roadhouse until, you know, we watched it for the podcast. And I was I guess I was expecting it to be incredibly eighties and bor ing. And I guess, I don't know, in my mind, I had seen like two scenes and it was people fighting in a bar and I was like, I hate this. I don't want to watch a movie about guys fighting in a bar It's just seems like it's gonna suck. And it ended up being one of my favorite movies . I was surprised by how much y'all liked that movie. I was like kind of blown away and it's like, you guys gave it tens. I was like, wow. Easy ten, easy ten . Wow. Well, I'm kind of thinking Predator was my and that's the most recent, but like, it's in my top ten favorite movies of all time now. Like I think that movie is a masterpiece. Like totally . Yeah, absolutely. And I did not think I was gonna like it like that . So yeah, that's the one for me, I guess. Also , I was pleasantly surprised didn't we did the Power Rangers movies. Yeah, that's right . And I was pleasantly surprised that it was just as good as when I saw it as a kid . I was right when I was eight. I knew what I was talking about. Like this movie is fun as fuck like so. All right. Well, thank you to Nick Wester for their question. Let's do it. Let's talk about the bodyguard. Hell yeah Before we talk about the bodyguard, we should let you know that this movie features sexual assault. So that's not something you want to hear us talk about. We're going to play some music and give you a chance to find another episode. Hello, we're back. It's free with Ads. We're going to talk about the bodyguard. So am I right, none of us have seen this, right? I never seen us had first time session. Hope you've seen it now, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're not Marie Cecilia Anderson who came from the show. Our watch the movie. Our only guest dos come on the show and not watch the movie. I say this 'cause I just got an email for her from her because she's mad. I haven't sent her a headshot yet, and I'm like, Well, guess what? Yeah. I'd watch the movie. I have movies to watch unlike you. Exactly. Sorry, I kept being sending headshots all over the place. I have to watch movies . Go watch or listen to the Rockadoodle episode. You'll know what you did. It was a great episode. And she was great. She was great. It turns out that you don't need to see a movie to be funny . Yeah, wait a minute, what are we doing? Actually watching That's our problem. Well, yeah, the so yeah, none of us have seen, but I mean, obviously we've all like the soundtrack was everywhere when we were kids. So we've all heard the music. And I feel like this is one where I like saw so many parodies of it. Like there's a whole Simpsons episode that's parody really? Yeah, yeah. Also naked gun three thirty in the third, I feel like the entire last act of that naked gun movie takes place at the Oscars is going to be a you know assassination at the Oscars. I was like, oh I see. So that's kind of they're kind of doing bodyguard at least I think. Yeah. And I think as, you know, all three of us were probably just like huge comedy nerds as kids too. So I mean, I had a lot of stuff where I saw the parody before the original . Yeah What is it? Was it top secret? Is that which is the one with Val Kilmer where that is a Val Kilmer parody movie? Yeah, yeah. That 's Kilmer did a parody movie. Yeah, it's and it's awesome. It's hilarious. Super good. Yeah, it's really that's like one of the that's like, I mean, I think it's it's by the same guy who did airplane and goes weirdly and it's funny I think it's funnier than airplane. Yeah. Wow. I can't wait to watch it. It's really good. It's really good. And like that movie I saw first and then I saw pretty much every movie that it is making fun of like accidentally. And I was like, oh, that's that okay, that's that top secret joke. Well, to me it was like this was the first time I realized I couldn't go see a movie because I was, I think this came out in what ninety two? I remember two . And so I was not an adult yet. And so I wasn't allowed to go see it, but everybody was talking about it and there were kids at my school whose parents let them go see it. And I was like, why can't I? And then I never saw it. And it was like that was the first movie I wanted to see. And I was like, I got to see it and then I couldn't see it. And then I never fucking watched it until I was forty years old. That's crazy . Yeah. Yeah, let's actually talk about it. The movie starts we have I was about to say Valkylmer. Who stars in this movie? Oh yeah , Kevin Costner, there you go . One of those guys. One of those guys, one of those guys are moms were horny for. That's right. And I am horny . Yeah , you know, yes, absolutely. You know, Val, obviously RIP, but stayed stayed to hunk to the end. Cosner hunking it up over there on holy shit. He's hunking it up still. It's so good. He's not well he 's spoiler alert about Yellowstone everybody. Plug your ears if you want to know the ending. He dies in that. But like so he's but yeah, I've watched all of Yellowstone . Very hot. And the prequels in particular. My God. Oh fuck. And he's got the worst haircuts too. He's like, I think he's gotten better hair plugs since this and like it's it's definitely the I'm holding on to this hair as long as I can like and like and just reading the like IMDB page about this movie I guess it was this movie was supposed to be made many different times with many different like pairs of people . And one of those , the bodyguard was being played by Steve McQueen, the, you know, guy from Bullet. And I guess Kevin Costner got Steve McQueen's haircut as a tribute to the version that was never made. It's such a weird move but I guess that 's why he has this particular bad haircut in this movie Yeah, I think is I think he might have a producer credit on this movie or something because from interviews and stuff I watched and also Kevin Costner's eulogy that he gave for for Whitney Houston which is, like to right after the movie I watched that. Oh my god, it was so moving . Yeah, like I was a mess. What a hunk and like I was sobbing. And so he kind of made it seem like he helped to get her cast , he helped to choose the music. So part of it thinks he probably has I didn't look it up. I don't want it. IMDB has way too many ads on there. It's a slow fuck website. Yeah. Yes. IDB, get it out of there. I pay one hundred and twenty three dollars a year to use that thing. Why you got so many ads? Like IMDB Pro you used the pro . Yeah. And some I mean, other people are uploading shit to it. I didn't know people could do that. But like , you know, I got to I got to try to upload things with all of my many credits. Give me a break . You can put podcasts on there now. We can put every episode of this podcast on IBV. No , yeah. Yeah , you make it look like those star meters jacked down. Thank you Star Meter good. What's everybody's star meter? That's a whole other, that's a whole other conversation, let's talk about the bodyguard. Yeah, let's talk about the bodyguard. And not our careers. Which are going great fine . I think so too. I think we're all doing very good. Great. So yes, Kevin Costner, he's yelling, stay down. He's got a gun. Yep , he's the bodyguard and he's guarding somebody . Later , a guy with a very long ponytail is pouring him drinks. This is probably the guy he bought his sword from later on we'll get into his sword collection . But and he the ponytail guy says, Oh, well, let me bring you on for a permanent position but he's not gonna do it. This guy doesn't stay in one place for too long. He can't commit. He can't commit. He is just like any man. Thank you, just a classic fuck bodyguard. So yeah, he says his feet fall asleep if he stays in one place for too long. learned from the credits this movie is written by Lawrence Casden who wrote most of the Star Wars movies. Yeah. What? They wrote Empire Strikes Back . Yeah . I love that. Who wrote The Empire Strikes Back and he couldn't give this movie a good ending? Like we'll discuss that later, but I think it's a great ending. . I mean I think it was just kind of a about it. When we get to it, I think it's it's a very empire strikes back ending. Oh, okay, there you go . He turns out to be related to her. Rachel, I am your father. He gets that sword out, cuts someone's hand off. I love that we can't come up with a better name for a pop star than Rachel Rachel , I feel the same way but it's like Marin Rachel Marin starting Mark Marin Exactly Who are your guys constantly? Rachel, I am your podcast host and yeah, lock the gates because they're not secure. That's right . Anyway , so yeah, so a guy he used to work with comes to him, asks him to come do a big job for two thousand dollars a week. And he says which doesn't do celebrities . Which turns out he does do them . He does spoil it . He does he both guards them and has sex with them. He patch my secret meaning let me see what is the inflation of two thousand? Oh , so two thousand dollars in nineteen ninety two is the equivalent of dollar four thousand seven hundred dollars . Pretty good. I think that's still kind of low . I mean, I'm just thinking about how crazy that inflation rate is. What? Yes, this is more than double fucker. Well, I mean, I'd like to get two gallons of gas, am I right? Biden . Thanks, Biden In this economy thinking about like how back in the day there was money like in movies and stuff because she was like the biggest pop star for real and Kevin Costner, it's like someone I was talking to is just like how Master P. has like a huge house . And I'm like from Makeup Say uh yeah no but Master Pee is also did a lot of business moves . Oh he did . Okay was always, he on business . Okay. So it's like I don't know what those moves were, but he definitely did business . Making money moves. Yeah, no, it's like, so you could actually be rich from one big song back then and now it's like , no, you can't. Yeah. Yeah, Matt had all those top one hundred . Huge songs. You walked to remember to remember song. That was huge in Germany. They love that song in Germany, but we're gonna go to Eurovision with the walk to remember song . My girlfriend's got cancer . Iceland is like, I love that song .. Yeah That's why Iceland ic accent. We love this cancer song. Yeah. We like it because the girlfriends called it . We're huge in Iceland. So he decides to take the job. He goes to Rachel Mar in's house . He gives them like a bunch of fake names. He says like he's Alexander Graham Bell and Henry Ford. I don't know why he does this . I guess it's to prove that they have bad security they have bad security, which you figure is going to pay off at some point. Never does. There's also you keep mentioning the sword. The sword is , you know, you think it's like a checkov's gun thing and they totally just don't use the sword ever again . Yeah. So I mean it's to it's to turn her on because I think you know, I mean, Emily, I'll speak for you here. The most the thing you can do to turn on a woman the most is show off your sword collection in your undecorated dank bedroom no decorations other than a sword . It's so sharp that it can cut the silk in half. Oh, I caught it in Japan. I'm really into Japanese . Sure cool actually. I usually don't let stupid girls hold it . But I will say that I show my knives to people sometimes when they come over. Yeah, that's cool. It works. I have a dagger on my wall like most of the time. And then I've got my Green Ranger dagger. That's right. 'Cause you're cool. Those are collectibles. Yeah. Do you know that you can get a real Green Ranger dagger that's actually a dagger , like why would they why would they have made that? Why do you think? I don't think the Power Rangers company's making. Probably a nerd is forging it in his backyard kiln well probably Well, probably., but I hope it's also a flute Well, yeah, but then you have to put your mouth on a knife. Yeah . Well, you want to talk about being horny for knives. Sure. That's right. Yeah. So horny, you want to just want to put it in there and start blowing stay with me everybody. That's not a nine God summon the Zords we go So we meet we meet Rachel Marin. She's doing the most glamorous thing you can do in the early nineties, shooting a music video. She lly, high budge music video in her house. In her house in the she has a sound stage in her house, which is cool she ''causes a pop star that makes sense. Yeah, I know has attitude when she comes in her house. I love I love this character. Me too. She's great she's a really good actress fucking movie. This is her first movie . Like they, anyway, yeah, she's awesome in this. I think that woman is kind of underwritten, but like she's so good in this. Yeah . Yeah. And she so yeah, so they're shooting a music video. Kevin Kazer , he doesn't want the job for some reason that's unclear. He meets her. She's a kid who's into boats. Kids playing with some boats out in the pool and we 're of all the safety things a kid by himself at a pool that later we find swim ming can't swim. good point the one thing okay people know two things about this kid has two qualities. He loves boats and cannot swim. And they're just like, send him out to play by the pool. That is wild. I did not consider that. Yeah, what about a lifeguard, okay, bodyguard sure, right? Yeah. Get Has get Hasselhoff in here to Yank the kid out of the water. For sure, lifeguards are cheaper than bodyguards. No shit. Yeah. The top a sixteen year old you can get . The mansion in this and the pool is from the godfather. It's where they're from the where they find the horse head in the bed. Oh , that's amazing. I love that. Let's go. A lot of fun LA movie locations in this movie . So they have a huge problem with like stalker types here. Apparently someone broke in and masturbated on her bed. We do not learn who did that. You did that, but I thought maybe it was so he's you kind of see Kevin Costner noticing things about people which is really fun because it makes you suspicious of everyone when you see there's a lot of Ram herrings. Totally changes the vibe of the movie in this way where I enjoyed it so much more because I did not know that part of the movie was sort of a mystery serial killer kind of , murder mystery type thing. So you're like looking for these little clues and go on, Emily, you're going to see no it's the best but I think that speaks to the writing good and the character that Kevin Costa plays, that you could see him kind of finding holes in the in the house and then in her staff. And there's this one guy that I guess is her manager or something . And I thought for sure he was the guy Si were talking about Si? Yeah, because he way he kind of like stroked the bed when he went, somebody masturbated on the bed and then he was stroking it and you saw Kevin Coster go youa go gott. I didn't notice that is great. I noticed it and then I went, this guy's definitely the guy. Like and it wasn't. Yeah, there's a few different suspects . One of them is this mammoth cage from L ong Legs . Yeah, no kids . There's Nicholas Cage from Long Legs in it. And then there is the possibly the driver , possibly the sister who says these words, you know, she has everything , which end up being also the thing that the stalker wrote and then there is Mike Starr. Mike Starr . St Mikear r, famous character actor, you might know him as the giant from cabin boy, or you might know him what else? I was my thing from him like, oh, that's the mob guy from Dumb and Dumber. The mob guy from Dumb and Dumber. Yes. Yeah. He has he has played that guy in for maybe thirty years now and he once again crushes it as that guy in this movie. I'm not sure what his job is. I guess security I guess I think he's just security, but he's the worst of his job. I don't know. He's very bad. Why was he just not fired? I don't understand. Reeds is kind of like maybe he's like a guy from her like neighborhood who she hired and he's kind of like a turtle or something. Yeah. I like that. Okay , where he like because he's always like, I care about her, I care about her. But so yeah, it's right. But yeah, and you also think maybe he's like an obsessed weird turtle from Entourage. Oh yeah , like a turtle, man. I don't know. He kind of looks like a turtle. Heads big body. Yeah . Of course, I'm such a huge entourage head that I assume when I say turtle, no one thinks of the animal. They think of let's hug it out. Let's hug it out. Yeah. And finally, Lloyd, that's something else I know from Roy there. I had a roommate who used to watch it. Okay. Lots of subscribers. I haven't seen a lot of entrage is just what my roommate was watching . I don't know a lot of entrage. Yeah, there's no shame about that. I've seen all of Entrage. Are we gonna watch that for a bonus episode at some time? Not from me. Oh yeah. All right . Okay , so they got a stalker problem. A lot of stuff. We don't know who it is. Kevin Costner, he's got the whole cutting out magazine letters and stuff and they go a lot of work went into this. I'm like, did it? It's deco bodies. Yeah, I like to write that down too. I'm like, I don't think so . I could probably bang out a threatening letter at least thirty minutes. You write it out first and then you then you cut the little letters out. And also if you really want to be efficient, you just cut a lot of letters out like when you're doing nothing and then you have them organized by letter. Yeah. Really easy to do. And then you get some mod p odge and sorry, I just anyone who wants to write a manifesto or something like, you know, hit me up. Yeah, hit me up. I can 't really know she's got a lot of manifesto life hacks . Yeah, I know there's a forensic guy who's analyzing one of these letters. A lot of work went into this. No, it didn't . A lot of work didn't go into the prop. Like this is anyway . It was a PA kind of put that together on the exact , exactly. But yeah, so Kevin Costner, he decides he's gonna do it. He's gonna guard her . And she's got she's like can't quite tell what this event is that she's supposed to be going to. It's at the Mayan, a great old theater in LA who I think just closed . Yeah, I don't know. Or maybe got bought by somebody. I hope it stays open and you can see the Soulsi Concerts there because obviously it's like it's awesome. It looks great in this movie. It's such a cool venue . But yeah, this is supposed to look like a Mayan temple . So yeah, she's it's like some sort of pre existing concert that she's like dropping into to do her new single , it's's it like what is this? But whatever, maybe it maybe this actually happens. I don't know. Yeah, like promotional stuff for a small or like an album release that's like for, you know, yeah, but you're big in fans kind of but then there's a charity dinner happening too. Is that the is this the same? This is different this is like this is when she like she 's wearing like her cloak, right? She's wearing like her OP wan cloak. Yeah, yeah. Chestin. Yeah, she's like I have cloaks in this . People love cloaks and fills. Listen, secrets of Nym, great cloak. Oh my God, the best cloak. Oh yeah, sure. Are we celebrating cloak timber? I don't know all cloak movies. And then a cloak a could count. I don't know. Yeah, sure. There's some birds. Why do a few chickens in movies? A lot of words, a lot of talk, one holes, one hole . I mean the hat that she's wearing in this, could this be the worst hat, that silver weird headband don't want to call it? You know what? Let's go ahead and call it. Yeah, the word worst hat. Hey, well while , we're calling stuff, I do think Mike Starr is probably the tallest guy, right? This guy's easily tallest guy. There you go. Hell yeah. You have some more thoughts on the hat, Emily? Yeah, it looks like a thing like from, I don't know, existence or something where you'd like put it on your head and it would send you to another dimension and like someone takes it off of her at one point and yeah, we'll get into that. So yeah, so she goes to this concert, drops in , you know, removes the cloak, shows off her kind of like feature outfit. This looks really cool. I watched this movie and I'm like, I wish there was like better, cooler musical numbers in it. They're all a little bit whatever . But I mean the song is good. The songs themselves are great, but kind of let's have a big kind of crazy music anyway. Yeah . But then dancers and all that shit. Yeah, I know. It seemed like that would be a fun element here that they don't really have. There's some kind of musical numbers, but they're kind of quick and they look a little cheap. It's like they wrote it out of the budget by making every live concert she does be someone else's concert that she's just dropping into. Yeah. It's kind of like her on tour or something like that. I guess 'cause that would cost more and maybe they spent all the money. That should have been the sequel. Oh yeah, her him having to follow her on like a world tour tour. Oh no. Yeah, kind of wild they never did a sequel to this movie . It was the second highest gross movie behind Aladdin of the year. Wow. Well, there is bodyguard two actually. Is there ? It's but it's a sequel of bodyguard one Tony Jaw film, which is a martial arts movie . Well, there was I watched track a little clip of Kevin Costner talking about that he was there was going to be a sequel. I really do think he was a producer. He seems to be like, yeah, I think he was there was going to be a sequel and he was friends with Princess Diana and he had talked to her about doing the sequel. Oh my god being the bodyguard for the real Princess Diana and she was like, I sleep with you and I have sex with you in the movie. Yeah. Well now I don't know if this is true. You might be stretching the truth. I mean, there's no way to confirm it now, but like he said that, you know, we can make sure it's not a romance movie. It's just about me being your body guard and so she does say that. And he goes, but there won't be any kissing. And she went , I'm fine with the kissing. Wow. Wow . And she went, things are gonna change for me soon. And it was before the divorce away . Oh , that was like before the car accident . Well, yeah. He's talking to . He's talking to her ghost, she 's only that she's like, I'm gonna die soon. She should be grateful that they didn't do that sequel of Princess Diana because then it would be like two movies in a row where in real life both the person died and then be like, what a shitty bodyguard yeah. Yeah . It's a good thing he made Waterworld instead. Oh my god. And that was one . He was really cling into that hair in Waterworld. Yeah, do you? Which I wonder if I think Prince of Thieves was after this maybe, but boy, if we get to do Prince of Thieves guys . Oh yeah. That was a big one for me. Big movie for me. Love that fucking movie . So yeah, so this concert that she drops into turns into a total total shit show and then he has to like people just kind of mob her and then he has to kind of drag her he has to kind of pick her up and drag her out and that's the poster and that's all the like parodies I like love it carrying her out I mean that,'s the one where I this saw scene I'.m like, I feel like I've seen this a million times. Yeah for like this clip and these images were just like so huge . So yeah, he takes you home and and this is kind of like what makes her fall in love with him . So kind of like afterwards he's , you know, he goes like running with her and she's like, okay, yeah, can we talk about that because she goes she,'s jogging, goes, where are you? And she goes, I bet you didn't know I jog. And I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck? There's nothing It was very anchor man , like this is called jogging or jogging. Like she talks about jogging like it's just been invented . It's really funny. I was like, yeah, you're very slim. I would think that you probably jog or something like this, but he's just like, wow , you're not like other girls. You jog. You say, tell me more you go like stationary women . Who either walk or sprint . There's nothing in between with the women I date. Yeah. Ball walk. Yeah . There's a scene here before this where he's eating an apple with a knife because that's what tough guys do. Apples with knives. Honestly, cool guys. Yeah. Yeah, it's the contrast. you see It's the, you know, lame pussy ass fruit. Yeah apple, but the cool manly ass . Yeah. That's cool. And he has this like really great . I also eat macaroni and cheese with a gun . It's because I'm tough . And I kiss my sword and sleep with it at night. Yeah We're gonna eat this apple sauce with a grenade . He has this fight with Mike Star that is really like funny because great scene. He's just not he just doesn't have to try and beat the shit out of the sky. It's so funny. He's just so effortless and like really beats him up bad and just I know not break a sweat. It is very road house like this kind of road like you're kind of a little guy and everybody keeps saying that and it's like he's six one . He's not little. I don't know. And I forget the line he says at the end, but it's like a completely silent fight. There's not a single word is exchanged between the two of them . And at the end of the fight I think it's kept Kevin Coster says something like I don't want to talk about this anymore or something like that I don't want to talk about this again Yeah I don't want to talk about this again which is a great just a perfect line. It was so good. Yeah . So yeah, so they so she kind of like asks him out and they go on a date. They go to see a classic samurai movie. It's called Yojimbo and the English title is The Bodygu . Oh , and then they go to like a dive bar and eat hot dogs and I'm like what a fucking screenwriter fantasy of like I'm gonna take her to see a classic Samurai film meant to eat hot dogs and to show her my swords and then she'll be so horny she won't know what to do It was so strange to me because it was like oh is there like a moment in which like characteristics were actually cool because that they're showing him doing is something that a really nerdy guy would think is cool, you know? I don't know. If you look like Kevin Coster and you kind of do whatever you want. Sure. I think if you are by . I think if the guy had a neck beard and a ninja turtle hoodie, he probably would not slip. But these but so funny because yes, these are like total nerd and you're so gonna fumble the girl to be clear, this is everything he's doing is actually cool objectively . Oh yeah people don't consider it cool, you know, 'cause if you're hot, you don't even have to have a personality or have seen Kurosawa films. So yeah, no, I oh, Kurosawa is that the Bare Naked Ladies' song. That's where it's from. That's where we're done after that. Kirac awa got his start as the Subarator Bakareed N Lady Sombra went on to be, you know, one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. We've never watched a samurai movie. We should do that. Oh, you should have too. Oh yeah, that'd be great. I'm free with that, so let's do it. And then I can really understand the lyrics . Bare naked Ladies. Yeah. Yeah, we should watch every movie referenced in the Bare Naked Ladies Hit One Week . You could watch a Sailor Moon movie. There's some Sailor Moon movies . Aquaman, we could watch Aquaman sure. Okay . Which ones? There was a bad Aquaman TV show that's from like the two thousands. That's their surprise means. Yeah, I think we should watch that. I kind of like the Jason Mo ones . Yeah. I thought they're okay. The wigs, questionable, but questionable a lot of wigs. They're not with that . We'll get into talking about the wigs. Well, oh yeah, oh we'll talk about the wigs. We'll not escape our critique. Actually, I didn't bring this up in our bonus episode when you should go to maxim dot org slash join and listen to our bonus episodes. Yeah , but we did one about Matt's suggested favorite show Downton Abbey. Wigs were great in that in that show . Like and I don't know why the wigs were so do the British or they just better at wigs because the wigs nowadays . got They big crun chy. Look at crunchy out here . Yeah. And what do you where are you putting the budget of stuff? You know, I think like this movie you're like, oh you know , Kevin Costa got a lot when Houston got a lot. So some of the concert scenes look a little bit cheap. It's like where I mean, if you're doubting Abby, you gotta like throw that budget into wigs. Yes, right. Sure. That's where the money goes. So they're dancing. Yes. It looked like a fun date. That's a date you'd take me on for sure. I'm like hot dogs, yay. Like yeah sort of hot dogs woo . So they yeah so they go to this kind of like country dive bar and they do some slow dancing and this is when the first time we hear , I will always love you. It's not Dolly Parton's version of it. I know. Anyone recognizes that? No . In fact, it felt like they made a lame recording of it just to contrast how good Whitney's would be or maybe . Well, I think they didn't want to reference another like another artist. So they put a generic singer in it or they maybe had to pay too much for I don't know but, it was strange that they ended up playing some other version of I will always love you. Maybe they didn't want to compare them because people would be like, well, I really like the original . That's probably true. But also it's like, I guess Dolly Parton in this in the bodyguard universe does not exist. Oh could be it could be a yesterday Beatles yesterday by the bodyguard as yesterday. You heard it here first . So yeah, she' ands like this is kind of a cow boy song, right? And it's kind of depressing. And anyway, but this is then they kiss and we get a we get no proper sex scene boo and then kind of just they kind of wake up wake up in bed in that classic, you know ninety sexene, post sex scene way where like she has the sheet draped around her boobs , you know . And she looks beautiful. She doesn't have a perfect drool on her face or anything . So she's obviously, you know, like very, very into him and he's like, this can't happen again. This can't happen again . She's very mad at him, but yeah keeps him on because she just got nominated for best actress . That's right. She's also an actor and got nominated for an academy award so they have to like he has to guard her during the promo tour for this movie and at the Oscars and stuff like that So yeah, so they go to a they go to a banquet in Miami and the like intro music to them going to Miami is the ment Entertain Tonight theme song. Right I know what I was hearing. There's a little John Tesh voiceover where I mean, that was the, you know, signal at the time that she was being Hollywood is John Tesh was talking about her . So and I'm like, in this movie filled with great music, is the Entertainment Tonight Thees song The Hottest Banger in nineteen It was such a it was such a strange moment because I was just like , Is she on entertainment tonight in this particular like is that what that's supposed to be a clip from entertainment tonight? I think the idea is that yeah, they're just to give you a sense of how huge she is. Okay, okay. Just here. And again, maybe they would have like filmed it if the budget was different, but it's ned Hearing the music was incredible because I was just like all right cool ing song. This is a good song dude. Entertainment tonight still exist ? Oh, sure does. Entertainment tonight Yeah. It still comes on after like the local news, probably. I don't think they'll ever get rid of it. Like I don't watch, I don't watch TV. Maybe we should. Maybe we should watch real TV channels. I can't imagine. Yeah. Tonight's still on. It is hosted by not John Tesh, but two other people seem great Yeah, congratulations to other people . So yeah, so on this tour, she is trying to like make him jealous. So she starts like flirting with another bodyguard that's there that he knows. She has a type. It's bodyguards. Yeah . And so like in this party , they like she and the other bodyguard guy kind of like disappear and he like gets handsy with her in this like closet and she has to kind of like fight him off . And then kind of Kevin Costner realizes that he can't keep his eye on her everywhere she goes and he kind of like descends into kind of weird jealous madness. There's a part where he's looking for her and he just beats up a random like fry cook that's on his break. That's for that. I forgot about it. It's really rough. Yeah, it's like he 's looking for her and he like wanders in the like the back where the kitchen is and he's a guy it's like a janitor some shit. And he just beats up a janitor and then his wife comes in and please don't hurt my husband. Please don't hurt my husband. It was really depressing. Yeah, totally. I know. It's a real bummer So yeah, so the like solution to her , you know, kind of disappearing and the stalker letters are getting worse is like we're going to take you away. We're going to take you, you know, somewhere people can never find you. So like her and the son her sister, who is still kind of like acting a little creepy, they go to his dad's cabin . That's another like thing of like come with me to my dad's house , the most romantic, erotic place possible. It is like Aladdin but white people that's like, I can show you a thing I could show you a child and meet my daddy here . Here's a hot dog. Bet you've never seen on a chieve me play some chess here's my loc ation different from the rest of the movie . Anyways, just so you know, there's lots of snow that's how you know we're in very light 's the white guy shit. Like it's like bet you've never seen this chess before exactly. me watch Let you play chess, how erotic . Okay, so this is kind of where the big finale of the movie takes place. Let's take a break here and we'll talk about the rest when we come back. Sunscreen companies calculate SPF by testing it on volunteers' butts. There is a can of spam in the Mariana Trench. A Nobel Prize winning physicist from the Manhattan Project invented modern speed bumps. Mesoamerican native people invented kidney medicine that glows in the dark. On the podcast secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this kind of amazing stuff. Stuff about ordinary topics like sunscreen and spam and speed bumps topics, you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app and at maximumfun dot org We're back. It's free with ads, we're talking about the finale of the bodygu . So at Dad's house, we learn from Dad that maybe Kevin Costner's wound. Like the reason he's so squirrely and doesn't stick around is he was part of the secret service for Reagan and wasn't there the day Reagan got shot because he was at his mom's funeral funeral wife's funeral question. It was his they said Katherine. So I'm assuming he was married. I don't know. Yeah, I also don't feel like we got the whole backstory for that. It's a lady because some lady died and so then Reagan got shot and he never forgave himself. It's really crazy because they won't quite make it clear whether or not he the person who got shot was his wife. I guess you're supposed to assume so maybe his first love . Don't really know. They make it clear multiple times that he is mostly torn up about the fact that Reagan got shot . Yeah . And so watching the movie, I'm kind of just like, all right , look can we just don't I don't like when my hero is sad that Reagan got shot. You know, it's hard for me as a viewer. There's a personal thing where I'm just like, okay, I get it. You know, maybe the day of, you're like, oh, damn wish I was there. But then you get over it. Yeah , you didn't even die. Exactly. And look at Jodie Foster. She's stoked , right? That's why I did it. I'm on Jodie Foster's side. Yeah, for sure. But yeah, it's like the thing he does mention that he also worked for the Carter administration. That's true. So he's not there, yeah, he' thats apolitical. Apolitical. But like, yeah, I think it's just it's more that he sucked at his job this one. He wasn't there to do his job, man. Yeah, he's a man who 's a man of principle by his job, he's a bodyguard and he did not guard the body or particularly he also can I say like no like what is it discipline at all? He banged her so fast like it was I've been this is where I really had I was trying to understand my own feelings about it because on the one hand I was just like, well she's the one employing him. So technically she's the bad guy . And then, but on the other hand, that was just like also for someone who's obsessed with being a fucking bodyguard, you sure gave in quickly. Yeah, like come on. Your whole thing is like, oh no, I must be perfect . I have to protect the present. Well, the thing is she joggs. She joggs. She jogged. So he couldn't resist the jogging . I guess so. I guess. But yeah, it's hard because both of them you're like both, of them are dereliction of duty a little bit over here. Yeah, I think they could have built up the chemistry between them a little bit more like yeah maybe maybe before they bang yeah their chemistry is prepared. Oh their chemistry is pretty remarkable like it . They got it. Oh my god So so at the cabin weird danger stuff starts happening the kids crazy non swimming kid takes the boat out in the water. Everybody freaks out. Kevin Costner , his solution to the non swimming kid taking the boat out is to knock him off the boat. It's really wild. So he like jumps in and knocks the kid in the water , this like rope or this like motorboat is still like going around. I'm like a propeller's gonna fucking hit somebody. Oh god and yeah he pulls him out of the water but it apparently that crazy thing that he did was right because the boat fucking blows up. So put a bomb on the boat and like cut all the brakes to the cars, cars don't work, phones don't work . And he's like, well, let's stay the night and we'll go home tomorrow morning. It is fucking noon while they're having this conversation. Go home now, if there's a way to go anyway. Like, no, we just got to wait here where the lines have just been cut. Lowing Yeah . So it's like there's bombs about. Yeah, reattach the brakes. I don't know. Figure it out. You're a body. The police like body guards are not the cops. So it's like, I don't know. At some point, you got to fire Mike Star too. Let's be real. Was that even there? Love him. No he's not, but I'm saying it's just like, yeah, I guess this is technically not his , you know, purview, but still I feel like a lot of people been getting through to the house . That's all I'm saying. Yeah . So so kind of we what we learned what happened is that there's a killer after them because the sister hired one. She's like, I went to a bar in East L. A. And I talked to like a guy and he hired the killer. I don't know who the killer is, and the killer won't stop until he's I know don't what bar it is. He goes How and she goes I was really stoned this is the flimsiest fucking part of the premise in which there's a killer on the loose who I can't stop. I've hired him and I can't ever get in touch with him again. This was really weird. I was like, did we need this? It was almost like they were like, we just want people to not be able to guess where this killer what the deal is with this cut like killer. And it's like, that's not why we're watching this. Like we're watching it because we want to see these two people make out. Like I don't. So but the sister also it's like God , it didn't really build up very much that she hated her this time. I mean, I thought they made it pretty obvious at least with the , you know, the comment about like she has everything, the way in which you could just sense a few lines she had earlier on were like just I don't know, very jealous. You could tell she was jealous of her sister. I was like, okay, so they're trying to kind of subtly build a case that she might be the one who's going after her. I thought they did a good job of setting her up. The problem was that the payoff was that she one night got so stoned that she end up at a bar and met a hit man and said kill my sister and gave him the money and never is able to contact him ever again . That's the stupidest idea . It is. Also my sister would kill me herself . She wouldn't need to hire anyone . So I would think it would be more a better choice to go the sister is the killer. Like she's the one who's been writing all the notes and stuff breaking her style. , like make her that, but also like there is a scene during this where because her sister's also a singer, but not that great . And she's because like she was like, I'm a singer too. And I'm like, Are you? I heard you singing that song and I'm not really impressed. She also played apparently plays a guitar. There's photos of her playing guitar. She should lead into that. I don't know. Yeah, but so she was sitting there singing like this gospel hymn s. And then Whitney Houston comes out and just overshadows her when she's trying to sing alone. So good. In the woods and I'm like, oof, yeah, that is rough. She can't even be like, I would try to kill, I'd kill her too. Like, can I have anything? Like, I'm just sitting alone on this porch and you have to come out and fucking oversadow me in front of the trees . So yeah, so there's so the sister hires this hitman who we don't really see . He kind of creeps into the house and he kills the sister. He thinks the sister is Whitney Houston kills her. There's like a little shootout with Kevin Costner, but the guy escapes on a snowmobile . So the guy's still out there , but Whitney Houston has to go to the Oscars. So our next big scene is at the Oscars . It is at a theater where the Oscars absolutely do not take place and the Oscars take place in a mall with the David Busters. That's true. Glamorous movie theater and I'm like, Where's the David Buster? That's where the Oscars actually take place. Someone told me that it closed and I will die. David Busters closed? Well, I'm going to look that up because I love that David Buster's and David Buster. It used to have a what was Cabo Wabo ami Hagar's camp. It didn't . That didn't stick around. There's also a weird comedy club in there now. Oh yeah. Yeah. There was a hooters comedy club. Oh wow, wait a min ute. Is it in, is that related to Hooters? Yeah, you I mean sometimes they get those too confused . Oh, I don't know what it is, but it's a newer one . But yeah, I love that shitty ass mall. It's like it's just there are so many empty little spots, but it's like, well, you could go to Victoria's Secret and Sephora and Dave and Busters and that's it . So it's at this kind of fake ass ars. Robert Wool is the host , Artelis himself . And he's gross. He's like telling the grossest jokes and in this world where there is no Dolly Parton, there's also no Billy Crystal apparently. . And he's telling just generic non showbiz jokes. One of the ones is like the New York economy has gotten so bad that the mafia laid off five judges. I'm like for the New York economy, why are you this none of none of this joke should be about Hollywood anyway? Right. Yeah, yeah. And then like he's doing crowd work about people's like speeches at one point. Like you can hear it. I was intently listening to the joke writing on the fake Oscars host played by Arlus. And I was just like, dogs shit, guys, you know, at this point, you actually can just hire all writer. Yeah, you know, yeah I mean, I understand Lanches out there. You could give them a thousand bucks to write some actual Hollywood joke. They should have gotten like a stand up comic like to do it. I mean, listen, the fact that they got Arlus was probably a big get in this universe and which there's no dolly partner or Billy Crystal. Yeah , but I just think the joke riding was shit. So it turns out that the hitman is posing as a camera guy guy Bill Billy Crystal. Kevin Coster, wouldn't it be great if Billy Crystal was the body doing wrong parodies? That's the parody we want. Kevin Costner finds him, shoots him . We see that the kind of creep guy who had been writing the letters of yeah, a very long legsy looking guy who've seen a couple times as just kind of like in the crowd and, you know, maybe isn't really responsible for any red herring. He's just a red . Well, they gu Iess the cops had like gotten him and figured out that he's not the killer. There was something about that. So I don't think he's is he the one writing the letters? He is. He is so the letter writing and the herd getting assassin ated are just unrelated . Yeah. That's one is just a weird stalker. The other one is a hit man hired by his sister hired by her sister while she was too fucked up Jesus Christ. I've never gotten stoned and been like, I want someone dead. Especially not family When I get stoned, I think I'm the funniest person alive, and I'm not. I like write down stuff in a notebook and I'm like, oh that's a good one. And then I wake up the next day and I'm like, Jesus Christ. Also, how lower are your standards as a hit man that like one drunken lady can come up to go like kill my sister and you're like, okay, like dude , right. You are so you're gonna get caught. You're gonna caught me . If you took the money and she's like unable to contact you anymore, just don't kill someone. Right. I know. Right. You can just take yeah, you can take the money anyway. It's such a funny way that you like, yeah you can just run. That's a very good point. Yeah. So yeah, so that's kind of the end of the movie. We see them kind of on a tarmac later. She's leaving on a leaving on a plane. He's got a little arm slang to show that he had been injured recently. Yeah. He took a bullet for her bullet. Oh yeah, jumps in front of the bullet, the camera guy took a bullet and it was the assassin that harassed her at that right. That event in Miami and he was also a b odyguard yeah so this was a bodyguard Kevin Costner knew from before . So you know, he had previous experience with this person and realized he was there on a different job. It was bodyguarding , it was body killing. And it was a gun that was inside of a camera. Yeah, but still with a laser pointer, which I love that . But someone will notice, right? That's a good movie tech sting. Like yeah, sure. What was it? We got tech. Tech film tech. So yeah, so she gets on the plane, they kind of decide that they're gonna they're gonna separate, but then she tells the plane guy to stop and she gets off and they kiss and then a weird movie kiss where the shoulders cover everything. And can people learn how to kiss good? Like there's I don't know. I think movie kisses, I've seen some good ones, but it's rare to see a really good movie kiss. Yeah. And then we kind of get a shot, this kind of ambiguous shot of him guarding like a senator . And we're kind of not sure. Are they together ? Are they not? We don't know . I think they're together. I do too. I kind of thought that 's where they lost. Do we think he should have died? I like the I think I, you know, there's stuff I like about this movie and stuff I don't. I think the ending's pretty good. I mean, I kind of like that it's ambiguous and you know, it's a pretty like yeah classy way to go out. But I mean, I think there's also a very more weepy version where he dies and it's beautiful. I think the ending should have been he dies or they end at the kiss the him being at a senator's thing hardy it's kind of you know it's so darky I thought that was their way of making it clear that they were not together that his first love is guarding bodies that's I just thought it was really weird ' thencause the movie ends at the most awkward image of Kevin Costner just kind of going in there going I'm a broad egg and then it's a living and then they leave the image up for like while the credits are playing on the other side are going. Like, no, there's a great freeze frame. Keep those keep it up while with the credits roll. It's the most unflattering photo of it. Very strange yeah, he's just like hi, okay , hi guys. Yeah, I was like, oh, this is kind of like a seventies paranoia movie or something. I don't know. It's the JFK movie 'cause he did JFK . That's right. That movie. So he's been a bodyguard. He's sem bodyiguard. He loves it. So yeah, that's when we get, I will always love you over the credits. And yeah, hey, the movie's over. That means it's time to talk about the Hunkwatch. Oh yeah, it's Honkwatch . There's only one. Any huge thoughts on the hunk? It's Kevin. It's Kevin Costner. He is my hunk watch in life . Like I have such a crush on Kevin Costner, which I think he just had a divorce. I'm not sure if he's a good or bad guy. I haven't really looked into him. Let's not think about that. Let's not think about it. Let's say hot guy. But he hot guy. He's like, I want someone to pick me up. Matt's the only dude who's ever picked me up before because we did it in an episod e of Good Mythical Morning. Yeah . Or Good Mythical Weekend where I went nobody could pick me up and you went, I could pick you up and then you picked me up and I was like, We 're a little girl because I'm a big lady and if I'm tall and big and nobody could pick me up . I picked you up though. You did, you did. It's definitely it's Kevin Costner . I mean, yeah, it is , I think there's for me that that's clear. Don't cold . I will go ahead and give it to Whitney Houston who I know awesome in this and like and and just her like seducing him is really sexy and it's like you know the character is a little underwritten . But she makes everything out. She does. Yeah, it's great. And as you mentioned, Emily, I think them going from not liking each other to being totally into each other happens pretty quick , but you kind of believe it just because of I think her acting goes a long way with that. And she's terrific in this wild that it's her first movie. It is wild. Yeah. Okay, those are the hunks. We're gonna tell you what we thought of the movie overall when we come back If you like too many podcasts, you'll love SoundTeep with John Link Roberts. It's got clips from all your favorite podcasts such as Diary of a Tiny CEO, Leonard Sprague. Tell me how you make your money. I go to the beach and I steal people's towels. Remember Armor. Do remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves in the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight and Elti John's lobby songs. I'm here today with Kinky Dee. Hello Kinky Dee. Hello Elton . There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for sound tip on maximum fun. Boop, boop Hey, we're back. It's Free with Ads. We're gonna tell you what we thought about the bodyguard, but first we want to remind you about our bonus episodes. Yeah, that's right. We like shows . We like shows . That's our bonus episodes that you can hear by going to maximumfund. org slash join. As we mentioned earlier for this particular episode of We Like Shows. We watch Downtown Abbey as per Matt's request. It's my pick next month so I'm gonna make sure it's something good. And yeah, you don't just get to hear We like shows but all our bonus episodes we've done a ton of free with ads TV , twin peaks, Frasier, Twilight Zone, all of this stuff. Tons of fun. Maximumfun dot org slash join and maxfunstore dot com if you want to pick up submerge. The bodyguard . Let's rank it on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials. Matt, you want to go first? Yeah, I'm gonna give this a nine. Okay. I know that's crazy, but it far surpassed my expectations in terms of what this movie was. It was legitimately entertaining and the chemistry between the two , that's, I think, was the unexpected thing for me because I thought the movie you know seemed, I don't know, kind of schmalzi at least that's how it's been played in popular culture. So I couldn't imagine that the two of them would work so well together and it was incredible. To the degree where afterwards I was like, did they actually fall in love? And I was like trying to find proof of that. And there's a lot of fan theories , you know, a lot of weird parasocial people online who are just like, oh, if only they had been together in real life, he would have saved her. And it's like a lot of insane stuff, but I'll admit I kind of went down that rabbit hole as well. And I loved them together. It was really fun. Great movie, nine Emily, what'd you think? I loved it. It was entertaining, but the weird murder plot stuff was just so weird that I kind of had a tough time with it. The first half of the movie is banger. Like it is like so good. It was better than I thought it was going to be. I was like, this is really like well written. I kind of love it. But then the it felt like they didn't quite know what to do with the like murderer like storyline so they just threw it to the sister, which was so weird. I don't know. So I'm gonna give it like a seven point five. I really liked it . But there was some like it was almost like showgirls kind of esque stuff going on at the second half . You know, in show girls when she just like walks in and murders a guy and you're like, Where that fucking comes from ? It's like yeah it was kind of going out of nowhere sometimes if you just start killing people that's that's fine. Yeah, but I mean , the acting like is killer. It's it's really good acting. The music is amazing and the chemistry between Kevin Coster and Whitney. And we love Whitney Houston. I'll watch her, I would watch her do anything. I know. Yeah, I was maybe a little less hot on this. I think it's like a six for me. I had a fun time watching it fun to like actually see this , you know, like super iconic movie that I know from parodies and pop culture, fun to actually sit down and watch it. , I think it kind of didn't come together. It seems like nine different movies kind of and