Government water company accountability measures

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK Ask yourself What are your best people spending their time on right now? Exense reports, receipt chasing, month in close that takes weeks You become what you spend on it, and that's not what you're building for RereX is the intelligent finance platform that eliminates that work before it starts. AI agents that handle the manual stuff automatically, so your team can spend their time on what actually compounds It's time to get Brex AF Learn more at brex d. com slash aF Hello. I'm Andys Holtzm This is the news quiz of melted whilst we pop me in the freezer to R and Jill, welcome to this week's news quiz. al Welcome to the newscs. Later on, we will be giving you all tips on how to tell if your spouse is buying a higher than average number of motor homes compared. us tends to buy for example, one instead of none. But first, let's meet our teams, our two teams this week. In tribute to this week's weather and Kirst Aarm's prospects as Prime Minister, we have Team Toastie against Team Toast. On Team Toast, Scott Bennett and Aishha Hazarka Montine Toast, Bellahull and Kody Daher Scott Naish can have our first question. It's exam season, who turned over their paper this week to see this essay question explain what is wrong with the Labour goovernment in no fewer than five thousand six hundred words That is Tony Blur.gnant. It was long, wasn't it? It Is he still doing his degree? Was that his dision? I read the Potted version because I've got a ten year old daughter and I want to see a graduate. But it was interesting because he started a war within the Labour Party out of nowhere which completely unlike him But it it was interesting. some of the things he said about sort of net zero and things like that and you know, workers' rights, cutting welfare, it did feel a little bit like he was almost aligning himself with reform in a weird way. felt. Well, no it did in fact, I was quite surprised. They seemed like pretty standard labour policies, but he reacted like they'd tried to nationalise Gregs or Isa, what did you make of Blaair's return? Well, it was sort of the last thing that the Labour Party really needs right now. It's bit like kind of rubbing salt into a very open And it did have to say go down pretty badly amongst the sort of labour faithful. It did make everybody go, I' quite like the look of that Ker starmer now actually. But I think it's a shame because look, the Labour Party doesn't often win elections. He was the last big successful Labour prime mininister that we had. and when you think back to nineteen ninety seven You know That was the first time that a Labour Prime Minister had won power from the Conservatives in eighteen years. I mean, nineteen ninety seven was a long time ago. There were no mobile phones. know there wasn't twenty four hour media. It was the last time Leonardo DiCaprio was seen with a woman his own age in Titanic. like it was a long, long time ago. And the other thing that I loved about it is he did this interview with John Sopol of the news agents You know, John, I really don't want to be creating headlines about myself You're like that is a bit like Katie Price going, I'm done with plastic surgery now. It's just gonna age naturally I feel like Tony Blair has got a bit of a cheek. I feel like being Prime Minister in the nineties and early two thousands was a really easy time to be Prime Minister. All he had to worry about was like Jerry Halliwell breaking into number ten or the millennium bug, which may have been the same thing I don't know. I feel like since he's become Prime Mister, we've been visited by the four horsemen of the apocalypse. We've had famine, we've had death, we've had Liz Truss. And Now we've sort of got Starmer who's accidentally become Prime Minister. He's like blinking and staggering into this sort of hellscape. And now Tony's like karate chopping him with like his words. And I feel like this is like the most unforgivable thing Tony Blair has done whichich has make me feel sorry for Kir Stara. I honestly think in terms of the unforgivable things he's done It might be Iraq for me. It genuinely might. Do you think there'll be a million and a half people on the streets complaining about se right It's kind of vintage vibes, It's the latest nineties trend to come back I actuallyually I didn't vote for Tony Blair in nineteen ninety seven because I was a fetus and also massively right wing. Fetus is so phenomenal. feed me. But yeah, it's been interesting. He's been using a lot of football analogies like saying that the UK could be Relegated from the Premier League of Nations. whichich are kind of I resent when people try and use football analogies to explain stuff to me. It's like obviously I'm not going to understand It's like being like, o, the Iraq will happen because Saddam Hussein was offs side. It's like I'm not I don't It doesn't really help me get what he means. But I mean also in terms of being relegated from the Premier League of Nations, I mean, it's been a while since we qualified for Europe as a country. I think It's all right. I think we'll get Turkey in the playoffs. I think we'll be all right Andy Burnham criticised Tony Blair for not mentioning what in his essay. He didn't say just how cool he was. The vibes of a supply teacher that lets you smoke his roll up. Come on, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I won't sell any one. comeome on ite. I used to play bass. comeome on. You know, they've like informally renamed HS two Northern Powerhouse Rail. and it's really interesting because that's what I'd like Andy Burnham to do to me No I think that might appear on this campeign video. It never arrived No any more answers to the question?'king about that tooeply. Andy Burnham criticised Blair for not mentioning what? I think it was inequality.. This is sort of Blaair sort of gone down this route of basically saying that labour shouldn't have brought in any workers' rights, They should scale back net zero. They shouldn't have repealed the oil and gas licenses I mean he just does sound like that mad uncle at a barbecue who has like two sips of beer And then it's like, do you know what I'd do, right? I'd get the immigrants to take down the turbines and get them to use the little fan bits to dig for more oil. That's what I do. it's just unhinged.es. that is how reform recruit their candidates. But yeah, Andy Burnham's obviously come out and said, Well, you're saying that labour is sort of not doing a good thing. they're not doing very well, but you're not paying attention to the fact that inequality has eaten away at all of these forces that he said that new labour have sort of championed, which is like business and sort of investment. And yeah, Burnham and Wed Streeting have said, well, you've sort of missed the point inequality. So what was interesting was the format Blair used to deliver his message an essay. So I'm going to ask my panelist if you had to write an essay to the nation What would the title of your essay be? and briefly, what would you write This is not to do with the news, but I've always thought that if I were to do a PhD, I would do it on the liminal space between monsoon and accessories Where does one soon end and where does access rise begin? Good luck fitting that into a PhD. do too. I would like to discuss why every parent suddenly needs a trampoline It's an epidemic. I don't know if you know this Next time you're on a plane, just look down They're like swimming pools. It's now getting to the point where if that plane's in trouble, if you just jump out, you'll be fine When the wind picks up, I'm chasing it like an idiot in my dressing gown down the st. There's no giant, they never go on it They've been on it twice Sorry, that's not the joke, it's just I'm ang. Yes, this is the news that someone somewhere pressed the reactivate Tony Blair button reasonons unknown. Reform often witter on about getting our history back Well they got their wish this week when Blair escaped back into the public domain. The seventy three year old six foot former prime Minister and missed opportunity specialist launched a strongly worded broadside At the Labour goovernment and comebacks come in many forms, of course, Elvis, Televise spepecial Steve Redgrave, getting back in another rowing boat, celebrity Messiah Jesus Christ, getting up unexpectedly on a Sunday morning. and Tony Blair a massive essay slamming his own party's government. He attacked Labour's quot almost infinite capacity for self delusion an interesting statement from a man best known for his ability to perceive imaginary weapons who chose the hottest Mday on record to advocate for abandoning Net Zero via an essay published from an institute he created that is named after himself. So self delusion seems to be running strong in that one And it's hard for Starmer to turn it aroundound given that not only are other politicians hostile to him, but the media very hostile to him as well, K Starmer could save a drowning puppy from a river and give it back to its distraught eight year old owner. and some of the media would report it as Starmer feeds weeping child to Carnival. Let's move on now north of Hadrian's wall. who showed a remarkable lack of curiosity A what this week? Nicola Sturgeon. Yes, correct. showhowed a remarkable lack of curiosity about her finances, the finances of SNP. That's correct. Yeah, Nicola Sturgeon, her estranged husband, Peter Morrell embezzled four hundred thousand pounds from the party of which he was chief executive That was between twenty ten and twenty twenty two. What were your personal highlights from the list of frrankly od things that So many. I mean, first of all, there's the salt and pepper grinders, over two and a half thousand pounds This is a party that' meant to be salt of the Eth. I mean but I think my favourite one out of everything was the quite swanky pots and pans the Le Cru, which is quite appropriate given he was a master of cooking the books for all of these m. I love the whole story because she said she thought it was his own money. Even if my wife and I had separate bank accounts, I think she would have said something when she saw a Christmas day a week coming through the hallway. You know, I mean, his ring doorbells saw more action than Andy McNab, you know. But it was just interesting that I looked at the purchases and on all the websites they had to have a drop down menu That's how much there was. And they categorised it all. and my favourites really from this is there was Two Dyson hairdryers for a bold man. That's when you know that youre just spending money for the sake of it. And then the best one he bought a PlayStation free, an Xbox one and Nintendo Switch, along with the game's Grand Theft Auto and FIFA He is sixty one And I think that's incredible. I'd love to see a sixty one year old man play Grand Theft Auto because I think it'd fail a mission just trying to find somewhere free to park. You know, trying to outrun the police in a stolen motor homeome without going in the bus lanes. I think it's wonderful. I do think that the items on the list though do kind of let Nickola off the hook a little bit, because they are all the kinds of items men buy when they're having a midlife crisis. It's just like luxury pans. He bought multiple Swiss army knives A school that says it has everyland. He bought multiple. just I love the image of a sort of Scottish Edward scissorhands coming down the stairs, Nicolaas' trying to do a household task. What's that Dollan? You want a tiny screwdriver? I've b seventeen An man who needs help. Nicola Sturgeon is absolutely adamant that she saw nothing, she knew nothing. I mean, even though the living room must have looked like the ground floor of John Lewis. Be the details are fascinating in it. on october the fourth, twenty twenty one, he purchased a heavy duty bolt And then on the tenth of october twenty twenty one, he purchased a set of bolt cutters Something bad happened in that cnterpart. bad. Yes, this is Nicolas Sturgeon's modern twist on the twelve Days of Christmas. On the first day of Christmas, my former true love gave to himself some really weird stuff The former SMPMP Joanna Cherry suggested that Sturgeon had shown a remarkable lack of curiosity, which seems to be becoming one of the key clubs in the politician's golf bag. It can really help you not get too distracted by, for example, the first few decades of Peter Manleton's career. Aside from the criminality, it's just a bit of an odd call to embezle thirty thousand pounds a year from a political party until you've got four hundred grand. The morally correct and legally upstanding thing to do is to find a tech billionaire to just fling money at you. And then you can buy your games consoles, your luxury toilet brushes, your motor homes, and your onesies completely guilt free The Oesie puzzled me. I just don't think I could enjoy a onesie if I knew I hadn't properly earned the money to buy it. There No satisfaction prancing around in a onesie if you haven't grafted for it. You want to be lying on your sofa, dressed like a baby thinking, I deserve this. At the end of our UK politics, Rr Scott and Aesa have four. Bella and Cody have six Our next question, Wh has been on an unexpected holiday to a tropical island this week of us. Correct. Yes Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it's been tropical in the UK, which is interesting because I know that my life has changed a little bit years ago with my mates we'd have been out sort of laid out drinking beer and I just got a WhatsApp from one of my close mates and he just went Six loads done today. Iust sent a picture of his washing on the line and I thought We are in trouble. is But yeah it's I mean what was amazing is everything falls apart, D't it? sllight temperature change all falls apart. and one train company cancelled services to minimise disruption which Oviously I mean it's like me saying to my wife, Gemma, too minimise stress, I've put the children up for adoption. Have you guys enjoyed the heat wave so far? Yes, I mean my blood has sort of been perpetually boiling because of the geopolitical situation of the last twelve months. so the fact it's now nine thousand degrees outside means I'm in a rare state of equilibrium Any tips for how people can keep keep cool in the current heat wavave? Yes, I my strong advice is that you keep your socks in the fridge because if you're a menopausal woman, your shoes will already be there. so that will be very, very end. The other thing I'd just say is just think about the people from Scotland because they are really, really struggling and Scottish people are just not made for the heat. Scottish suntan lotion is the only type that is properly water resistant because it has to be And things are so bad, it's been reported that there are bush fires in Edinburgh, which makes me think of very posh ladies in Morningside with a urinary trx infection. Yes, this was the heat wave to end all heat waves. Sorry, a heat wave to be a precient harbinger of many more similar heat waves to come. but quite a literal warm up for the ferryy bowels of hell that many of us are heading towards. It's been hot, damn hot, real hot, so hot Ducks have been falling from the sky, fully cooked, wrapped in pancakes with a dash of plum sauce and some cucumber. So hot that Nelson, on top of the conveniently named Nelson's column has stripped down to his underpants and has smeared all the bird shit over his face to use a suncream. So hot that the annual cheese rolling in Gloucestershire became the world's first fondu Bob Sled race Not just in Britain, tennis players have been fing at the French open, the last remaining glacier in Indonesia is disappearing fast, and Bel Zebub has officially relocated the farry bowels of Hell to Washington, DC, which will save quite a lot on transport costs long term as well. Meteorologists have warned people to look out for medical symptoms including headaches, dizziness, nausea, vomiting and fatigue, which could be signs of either heat induced illness or of having watched the news. At the end of that round, it's four to Scott an Aisha, eights to Bella and Cody If your best finance people are doing expense reports, chasing receipts, or spending time on monthnd clothes, it's time to get BEX AF, a GentTch finance that eliminates that work before it starts Learn more at brex d. com slash AF Our next round addresses the threats to our young people and to civilization in general posed by modern technology, so to try to counterbalance tech's unstoppable evisceration of everything that makes us human, the questions in this round will be delivered using old and or obsolete forms of communication. So the first question in our tech round will be delivered by a messenger on a horse Delivering a scroll And well, the question Well, unfortunately some of the ink is smudged on the scroll in transit. So you have to tell me what missing smudged words should be in this headline, Labour is set to announce a crackdown on children What words are? What words are missing there? This is Labour's social media ban. Yes. They are talking about banning social media for the under sixteenens because it's making them all mentally ill kind of based on Australia's model who have done a blanket ban Wes Streeting. he's come out and said, to treat the social media companies like the tobacco companies And I actually completely agree. I think if you're under sixteen, when you go on social media, it should have a disgusting brown filter like they do with the sort of fag packets. You just barely see what you're watching horrible brown and then you'd occasionally get a sort of pop up image of a man in his thirties in his pants, scrolling on social media with the words Kevin hasn't seen another person in seventeen days and he lives at home with his parents. And I think that would solve the problem One report found that nine of the ten platforms were just accepting People's word about their age and not requiring any verification. I find it funny that all of these places are like a pub from the sevententy or like Russell Brown outside of Sth form The alleged Sth form. I think what's really interesting about it is because they all compare it to smoking, but the difference is I think we had some retrospective knowledge of the dangers of smoking. whereereas I think with social media, like there's a revolution that's happening in real time that we're all going through together, all generations. And I don't think that's anything we've had before. So there's no like hindsight. And I think a lot of the parents and the adults are just as bad as the kids really We're just as about like my daughter plays football, my youngest and she scored her first goal the other week and I missed it and I was there I was too busy on Instagram liking a post of my mate's daughter scoring their first go. So I think the issue is really how you change things. And I think the one thing is kids find their parents cringy. so I would just say let loose the parents on the kids' social media And I would love to see them comment under all that I got you that jumper. know. Things like well done and every post and this tune really slaps. words that parents shall never go near. And I think they'll quit within the hour, I think. I do think social media for young people is terrible, particularly young girls. I think there's a lot of bad stuff going on. and I think it's really bad for these young girls, these teenage girls to have this device telling them that they're fat, they're not good enough, that they're a massive loser because that is what your mother is there for. That is job donon't let the tech bros take away all of these women's jobs Yeah, the goverment is continuing to look at legislation to reduce the damage of social media on younger generations or at least delay it until they're almost adults. which I guess is a stumble vaguely in the right direction. because in Australia it came in a few months ago and since they banned children from using any social media in Australia, all Australian children have been compomposing symphonies by the age of nine, like Mozart used to, discovering new scientific theories like Little Bertie Einstein did and becoming qualified interior decorators like a young Michelangelo no social media and they're getting stuff done. One final question for this question, our old form of communication for Bella and Cody, is a cryptic oracle given to me by the now retired former ancient Greek god Apollo. So you have to interpret my oracle Multitudes of young people will be neat. Yet for all It will be messy Is this young people out of work? Correct. Yes, ye. Y. Who's who ye? I think it's the acronym that is the problem here Be neatound like it's quite good to be neat. I feel like you want an acronym to sound bad. And so I mean, you don't have to be too crazy about it. I've got a few. So if you changed it to not in work or training The acronym becomes Newort you don't want to be a new or. And then you could do can't work, can't learn, can't train. That's K, which sounds like a German insult. Or you could do one that's just hanging around at home. whichich is whichich I think is the best. If we change the acronym, then I think more people would be in work. I can see I can see some politicians going for that, particularly the ones who are completely unique national treasures Oh I mean, it's obvious a bit of a worry the lack of opportunities for young people. I mean my heart goes out some really because it is difficult. It's like the perfect storm and it's quite difficult to get that first run on the ladder in a career. my daughter's sixteen and she she wants to be solicitor. So you know, as a father, I've given her some unpaid work experience and she's really no,'s really taken to it she's done my will last week. She did my life insurance and then to thank me, she's booked me three helicopter rides over Heelman provroince But I think that's a joke by the way. I think there's a lot of jobs going to AI and tech. and so my answer, I think to make it easier for them is to double up on jobs. So like you know, like the police, you have G cop and Bad cop quite literally in the same room. And like when you go and see a doctor, you know one of them cus you, the other one asks you to cough. You split up the rolls. O when you go you know GP receptionists, one of them's absolutely no help whatsoever and the other's exactly the same I do think it's upsting really, isn't it? you don't want that lost generation. I think it's the first time in years it's sixty percent or something. It's quite high, really, isn't it? Yeah the government have suggested various possible solutions to the youth unemployment crisis including just waiting for another Wld warar to give our youngsters something to do like we always used to in the good old days. reeducing youth unemployment to a record low by reclassifying existential dread as a full time job and also reclassifying all working adults as children if they play games on their phones on their commute to work. I know who you are. So have any of you got any suggestions for what jobs young people because a lot of the traditional jobs are no longer there. I it does feel like the easiest way to be successful these days is to be a NppO baby. So what you should do is work on your parents to turn them into Oscar winning actors and then just work back from that, I think that's a good idea medical trials Right, okay. Right. I think sixteen to twenty four Prime of the Lives. Lot of spares in that body. You know, it seems extreme, but if you want a career, how much do you want a career? I was wondering if comedians were included in these numbers because as a comedian, I'm neither employed in education or being trained. So I figure if comedians aren't included that I think we should just reframe it and just call all of these billions of sixteen to twenty four year olds Give them a work in progress and call them a comedian. That's it. They're not out of work, they're not neat or cel cut or Hars.er They're comedians. I think there are loads of like ways that people are forgetting that you can make money. you know, just like rob a bank. Just steal a horse, like put your nephew on vinted. There are loads of ways the SNP's like I mean it's aected satury jobs as well, because that's how far it's got. I loveved my satury job. I worked in a garden centre and I knew nothing about plants. I mean, it was ridiculous really. I've lived with my parents, never been in the garden and I just used to meck them up and it was a real joy. it was a real joy to watch a pensioner go to the customer service desk and ask for a whispy pubis. It made my dead It didn't last long to move me ono tills. We can't lose that is what I'm saying Well, that means that this week's search show is a draw Breaking news just reaching us some details of the clean water bill announced recently by the government for water company executives to get paid at all from next year, they will have to swim a mile in one of their own rivers And then drink a gallon of water right to walls. Also, they will be forced to give consumers more choice on the liquids that come out of their taps. So as well as the traditional water consumers will now be able to get milk, cider, gravy and the mulched down souls of the damned. Thank you for listening to this week's news squizz. Goodbye