Charity and Closing Thoughts

It is finally over. Sorry for getting overly emotional. But the wait is finally over. Baseball season is here at last. The excitement continues old season long at drraacings. com The official D Fantasy partner of Major League baseball Daily fantasy means no season long commitment Because I know a lot of you are afraid of commitments. Well, it's not that you're afraid of commitments, it's that most of you just can't get a date Anway and also Instant cash. instant gratification Why wait until the end of the season to claim victory when you can win huge cash every day? I think I put in the age for Huge I usually say huge cid. And humor I don't Draft Kings, it's like a brand new season every time you play. Just select two pitchers and eight position players. stay under the salary cap and you can be on your way to an enormous payday last year Peter from Colorado. That's right, He's a guy Peter in Colorado. People in Colorado only have first names. It's an interesting thing. If you've never been there, they only have one name. Peter from Colorado won a million bucks at Draft Kings in one day Just playing fantasy baseball H' up Thousands of fantasy sports fans just like you. I have already cashed in that draftings. Now it's your turn Hareon T draft Kings God. C now and enter promo code Gilbert Play for free You can win part of the three hundred million dollars in prizes being awarded this season. Use promo code Gilbert for free entry at draftings d. com d draftings dot com Draftings dot com Did I say it enough tim Hi morning. , He start Let' start my strule cl wise. Go ahead. Hi. Oh now.s start I think we already have high, so that's good. All. So I know say I know youa here but say h This is Gilbert Gtfried. and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. I'm here with my co host, Frank Santo Padre. Our guest today is an actor and singer, yes singer, who has appeared in dozens of films and TV shows, including the movieies The Long Kiss Good Night sour grappe scary movie and Cinderella Man. His TV work includes wings Murphy Brown, Mad aboutout you, Allie McBal, Sex in the city, Boston legal and damages. He was nominated for a Tony for his memorable performance as Hill in the Broadway revival of the music manan and most important feels connected to his Jewish heritage to the show Our friend, Craig Biercoo.s it's the person who wrote it, but it says resented not actually' Rents his Jewish. Yeah. let's see, because I had read this at one point and it's I would misquoted it as you were proud of. How long were you, Miss Qot? You got youon twice, didn't you? Yes So So you're not proud of your Jewish heritage. I am very proud of my Jewish heritage and claim it when it suits me, which is which sounds offensive, but the Orthodox act they get it. He the Orthodox gets me I'm good for the Orthodox. Now, but your mother wearing Orthodoxers. A. Your mother was a Jew. Yes. is a Jew. She's still alive. Well, hey, wait a second. But she stopped being a Jew. You can't stop being a Jew. You can'top being a Jew. You can stoping a Catholic. Oh God. There's always a close Our friends Om Leopolold stopped a Jew and became Catholic. Well, he's no not. If his mother's a Jew, then the people in the synagogue we werere all sharing a private little laugh at Tom's expense because I say can't leave. You can't cree and it's the creepiest term mankind has ever invented and of course it's credited to the Jews in the eyes of the synagogue Once a Jew, always a Jew That was come. I start e in the senate. No, no. Once did you? always did you Jack Gilford. was Jack And Bill Mason. Jack Gilford, Bill Mason. Yes, right. They were both sloppy. They were both sloppy. the network said, you know what? Let's try something else. What if they're both neat? And then twelve years later, they copied the play. Now, but your mother born a Jew Oh yeah, right out of the box. R in the book born a Jew J That was another That was Pat Conway. That was Pat Conway. Conway. Really O Conroay. Conroy. The Prince of Tide's guy. Yeah. ye. And And so she was born a Jew. out of the box, born a Jew. Yeah. And she out of the nana box, out of hot out of the nana box. And she became a Roman Catholic Note. Well, do you remember a guy named Fulton Sheen Bishop Sheeen. B. Fultonan, who was opposite Uncle Milty on your New York television, right? He also Fulton Sheheen had a big dick also. Is that right likeon? Well you got it He had a gigantic c. Yeah, he had a big bishop, dick, didn't? had a big bishop, a staff. a big crop. A crook. Pound the bishop,re. Oh, yeah, well, who doesn' You got it. He has a house that was somewhere around here. I think there was a big bishop. Bishop Sheine. Yeah,. But he was on TV and he was my mother still says, Oh he was so handsome and And it's like, Jesus, that's what a conf. That's a way to shine your bishop with bishop sheine. That's See, we don't pay you, but we'll be sending you a year supply of Bish Bishop sheine Listen, know we understand you're leaving Catholicism. we have a few partying gifts. Let's tell them what they got, Johny. They have bishop she. Lan your bishop with bishop she. actually my grandfather on my mother's side, And if I gave you a million chances to guess his last name and literally offered you all the money and I had Goldbergber Gumber batch. Y. You'd never guess his last. Howb you know not even close. And nothing you say and if you were here until the end of the time, you would never guess it. Yes. His name was distillator Distillator Phill Distillator who owned Royal Jackson, China He used to distribute China all over the world. and then people were turning off podcasts all across the country Y. Anyway, my grandfather was very wealthy and He said, well, if you're going to be Catholic, because they were Christmas tree Jews.. You know what I mean? Which is which is they they really they never went to synagogue. There was never any of that. They claimed it. So I was reformed I mean, reformed, not even It's reformed and then it's whatever they were and then Catholic. I say. Do you know? See, because I was always the kind of Jew. I never I wasn't Bar Mitzfood. N really followed the holidays and I like bacon. So your w you're not your wife. Y mother was you married your mother? This isious when do we start? start take. All right. Okaykay, okay. Yes, yes. So all I was saying is that my mother Converting was not a big deal in the family because you know, they wouldn't even have to get a new tree or anything. They literally they had a Christmas tree. They were Jews. That's how seriously they took their religion. All But they claimed it Becauseuse you can't leave. it's like it's like the cousin nose because you can't leave.in. So is it kind of like if you try to leave Judaism, there's that one Jew goes, he'll be back Yeah. Yeah. There's another door outside. It's like the Truman show. There's like, you think you're outside, but you're not. But but he said if she's gonna go Catholic Get me Bishop Sheheen. and that's the kind of power he wielded with the plates and the saucers and the tea cups from Royal Jackson China. And my mother went down to and I think it was around here. S some he had like a big bishop house and he used to come down she would show up for her Catholic lessons and he was like a big television. tellell them. Tell them. Yeah Yeah, Bishop Sheheen. Well you know he was a TV star. Y. He had a big show. I didn' know it was opposite Uncle Mil. I had done that. I thought maybe you had no I had noation. And she used to show up and then a butler would answer the door And then he would come down in his robes, you know, and investments. And they would talk about Catholicism the One time he opened this robe and had a gigantic God. Check out my Yes. This is Bishop Schmekel Now speaking of your parents Now wait, but your mother now is ashamed of being a Jew No, no, no. you are? I am. Yeah I'm ashamed of you. He's ashamed of being a guest. Now you have a large statue of Hitler in your house. No, I have a tiny little doll of Hitler, the Cry Fisher. Yes, that Cry Fisher.entood name drop. Oh, did you have a fuck carrye Fisher? No, no, No, no. Did you have a fuck Edie Fisher? Yes. Yes, I'm fucking him now Is it true? I was bequeathed his foreskin. And I'm wearing it now so I am. Now, if it true you you would blow Eddie Fisher and he would sing, Oh my papa. Well I still. And I had and while I stood in an an tailor bag Can you see And someone if you looked under in the bathroom so say Annt Tayeror, you go, some gay guy has an an Taillor bag. You've done a call stand. You've done a call back to the Perfecto Tz. Yes.o Tz. I listen to every show Yeah. And when I say I, I mean my imagination. len Tz. I never I always said Tz. Yeah, he was the guy that blew George Maharris. Or George Maharris might have blown him. I don't know. how does something like that get confirmed? Oh wait a second, Wait a second. I was watching a rerun. He's funneling my finger now. Oh was that your finger? Okay, I thought something And I'll let it go I sorry. I thought it was your cock. You have information on professionist Watching a rerun of Route sixty six, not a new one. not one the new season that had a different guy. So I guess they replaced George MahHarris. That I didn't know. after he was blowing Perfect O Telise or perfect O Teles. Don't confuse it with Gay Telise, the author. Yes, yes. or Tellis. I feel like we're in a shopping cart on a race train is this the fucking show? I came in on a train from Osk. I live with my mother. I'm fifty, by the way. Okay. Yeah I tell you that? Yes. Oh my papa T me now now the shopping cart on the slanty part is just tilting back and going on. it's slowly slowly try to get roll in here. To me, You are so grand it's papa, so gentle and so love. Is that the world you live in where the songs are just one note Is it just one note all the way through? Sing the national anthem Oh say C you see P the I don't know wh every he' talking about. It's a hard song to sing. Gilbert Gtfried h it out in the park First time didnidn't even warm up? Now now look So you're ashamed of being a jew. No, I'm ashamed of being on this fl subub. am radio show that I came all the way exactly on a train. I paid twenty six dollars. They said, you want the receipt I said You know what I'm going? I'm going to the end of the line They're like grand Central. I'm like, what's after that going to the end of the line. This is it. Let's work in my Swan song An empty pool. Well that was that was a traveling whilberes. And the line. Yeah. That's right. I love that song. Yeah. I like I like a lot of traveling mee too. Yes. R'ich Je F Lynn fans Big Jefflyn down. Yeah. Big Jeffln I loved Zoom Did you like this? Yes, I did. I saw I was a live I was at the last officially I wanted concert stududent. Yes, I was there. I'm gonna look for you in the crowd. Yes. I'm in the video. What was that other guy? I can't remember his name, prettyrety Woman Roy Orbison? Roy Orbison I was going to say Bruce Jenner. and Jeorge Har the guy he was in a group I would like to J Terrison. What' a response. Je Terrison I think say my papa I don't think so. But he sto he stole it R Papa Let's get to an actual question. Sure. Speaking of your parents, is it true or bullshit that your parents gave you a middle name because they expected you to be an actor? It's the truth. Yeah, and your middle name is Philip. No, my middle name is Burt Reynolds. Really. Pronounce Chicko. Wow Yes, that is true. bothoth of my parents wanted to be an actor, but neither of them made a series go at it. And they ran like the local community theater, the Harrison players. Why It's actually my mom, Ry New York. whereere you from? Yes. We lived in Ry, New York, and so logically, she ran the Harrison players. I have no idea why, but that was for a couple or so in the fourth grade. I was an extra not actually one of the news boys in Gypsy. two of the Harrison players. But they did they they wanted to be actors. thought listen, just in case, you never know. let's not saddle them with, you know a name like Bierco which, you know just sounds like It doesn't sound like show business. So we'll give them the middle names, and give him a fighting chance. So my middle name is Philip after my grandfather, Philip Distillator, and my brotherss is Lawrence, so he could be Scott Lawrence and I could be Craig Phillips. was so nice of him. That's the truth. So you could hear right away and go, o, that's a phony name.. Oh, who did he blow to get in a showp? So they sort of they wanted you to be an actor or they were just No they didn't became one. No, they weren't. They were barely there. They were No They didn't want us to be, but they it was, you know, I think my mom and dad when they first got married, they lived in a building with Richard Benjamin and Paul Apprentice and they used to have That's true. And I think all thought, hey, we have similar haircuts. and we're attractive people. We'll be actors also. but they really didn't take a a real stab at it. My dad went into business and my mother became And you know but I guess it was part of their world, then, I don't know. It never really occurred to me how odd that was until you know, right now. Now let's talk What my middle name? I don't have one. My Jesus. must have been an untalented little child right out of the box.t don't even bother with the middle name. This gu' never gonna to get an A. Yeah. My full name is Gilbert Mory Hamsteram God. Really? So they really did know that you were going to be a comic. Who was the first comedian that you remember didentifying with and going, like you. You mean gave you a youreacing. Yeah I was five years old and Oh chest pains good. My chest pain's good this early. Is that it? That's a good question. What comic did you first spark into? Let me see. I mean I remember when See, when I was a kid, they still would show the old movies on TV like the Mox Bothers and ye, yeah, yeah. The Stooges, Jerry Lewis I loved early on Yes And there so many. I remember The first horror film that I can remember seeing. What was I think I think it was Lon Cheney junior. That's a surprise. And of course my my I'm a big Lon Cheney junior friend. The indestructible man. Oh I never. Oh, I don't I don't remember seing it. And it had Joe Flynn I no. would later be Mcale, of course. That's a man. And all the Disney movies and the Bad Disney mo. And I forget his name, Robert Shay or something R you mean Inspector Henderson? Inspector He. Robert Shane. Yeah, yeah.. He was in that. Yeah SHA YNie. Robert She, the House of Un American activities went after it. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, he was a lefty. Yeah I have great respect for him now. Yeah. What did you watch as a kid? You grew up around? I you're not even gonna to wander close to the here? No., he's not gonna to question. Hes Well he said he gave it to He gave it to you Rrouout showow and Jerry Lewis. In fact. But I said, what was the first? Was there a comedian? and he just list He's asking you a question. Sone someone told me other Crazy friend Asheran He said when they were going after Robert Shaine Do sir of Superman. shit to them I produce a show where every week There's a man standing in front of the American flag. who stands for truth, justice and the American way. So let's go fight each other and see who the public stands with. Oh, I like that. Yeah. I hope that story is true. Yeah. And if you look, his left foot's right and chilly. Yeah. I think was I think it's the Illuminati. I think there were some messages. C we talk about the dumbest fucking move you've ever made in your life? She's a start song. Yeah. That's a jo other than this show. the Thumas Oh' agreen to this. Oh, I think he's in movie, but you No, move. Okay. you turn down part of Chandler being on Frank He's really going for it, Cray. Yeah, no. ye. This is a this is a this is a miscon I'd like to clear this up right now. I turn down the role of Rachel. I because I said I said, and listen, I went to school with a swimmer and I said, I'm not very uncomfortable with this. I mean the intenseces first of all He said Rachel, if you have a Puerto Rican accent, it's fine. They're m named Rachael in Puerto Rico. And I was like, well, Suck. So I went into the meeting and they said,, okay, and there was a hair guy there. You showing me this stupid wig, this like beatle like comb over Bob Denver wig and I'm like What is what are you to? He goes, It's all right. You're not playing a woman, but you'reuo if you play a Puerto Rican, your name could be Rachel, just try the wig on and this dress, which is if you were Scottish You'd wear a dress. So they had this An hour later I'm sitting in fucking dress with a wig and they got me in a falseto voice I says, I can't do that. You know who I almost am? I can't do this. And no, the truth is they They I had a deal with NBC the network, the television Yes. Oh that Yes, yes. and confuse at the time they had a network. And and meant. that you know, it was a holding deal. so they hold you. You cant audition for CBS or what's the other one A be CBC was an upstart, Y new network this and they and they pay you a certain amount of money and that means you have to do one of their shows. And so you go to meetings and people pitch you shows and you feel like a big shot because you're making as much money as a dentist and you're just sitting on your ass getting bored going to meetings. and then at the end of the season, that's when they roll out the really good shows. Now I was choosing between a show that at the time was called Six of One. which later became friends and another show called B friendriends So I'm not a dummy, you know. they're not allowed to say do this show, don't do this show because they don't know what they're going pick up, but they know which shows, look, we got really talented writers here and we got a really talented writer here, but this show SKw's young, the show SKw's a little older. They're not allowed to do that. So they're sending me a little message Are you gonna to do here's friends. read this script over the weekend ers Best friend Okay. So I read in Friends was a very it's a very funny sketch, but honestly my reaction was it's kind of it's Seinfeld It was signf. Oh, yeah And the part of Ross was taken by David Schumer, very good actor. I saw that U, and u And actually, I was at very good friends with Matthew Perry who figures in the story later because you keep the story. You done I'll circle back. I'llircle back. But just keep it. put a pin in that name. Okay, Matthew, let down in Hank' area. And I took them out to breakfast. I said, I've got our show because we were friends, very tight, hung out. I said, and I want this was before they cash from. I said, I want to play Ross Hank is going to play Joey, and you would be a perfect chandler. And I did say this. We went to practice. They read the script, they liked it. Now Matthew was doing a show had already booked a show called LAX two thousand This is how long ago it was. two thousand was still in the future.. Wow. LAX big popular airport, LAX LAX two thousand, he was a baggage handler in the future working with robots and it was going to h js. And this is like, wow, right? So that' that's what the show, he was now they shot the pilot, I believe. And I think they were like action, they did a scene, and then the network went, Of course not est they ever made decision they ever made. Like he went, Hey, where's the robot with the Samsoni? Stop it. Of course not. We got five talking dog shows. What are you doing? So so they stopped and he was free. Now in the meantime, while he was shooting that show, I had to go in and audition for friends and best friends. Now you say wait. if you were away, you would say, wait. Wait. You didn't was you listening? Did't you have I know you're not even facing me. Yeah I can't tell whether your eyes are open Oh God, he's gonna have work done to close them m So anyway, I So I had to go on an audition. I said, but, I have a deal. And they went, yeah, but we don't care. These are good shows. You'll have to audition with everybody else. I'm like, then why do I have a deal? And they're like exactly. And it's like all they do is just say fuck you in very polite ways of. That's all they do. You have a deal that makes you exclusive, sureure What do I get? Well yourre exclusive pick of the shows. Well, what about the good ones? No, you got to audition for the good ones. Like everybody else, you might not get them. And then you got to get part of the money back, right? If It's ridiculous. So I have best friends and friends. I read them both and I go in on meetings. I audition for Joey They're like and it's clear I'm not Joey. I'm you know, yeah. And then I auditioned for Chandler. Now when I went in and auditioned for Chandler, my Godd's honest truth I said, I went in and I imitated Matthew Perry You know, which is by now, you know, but you just sort of, you know, you hit a word that people would normally hit I went to that, you know, whver. I remember there was some and I remember the moment when I got it. I was there was some joke about I dreamt I didn't have a penis. He said he's at the central Park or whatever I didn't have a penis. And they and they said, what did you have? And he said there was a phone down there and it was ringing. and And they said a phone, and I went, yes sir, I just improvised yes sir. And they all looked at each other and I was like, I got the part. And I did, I got the part. Which was a non event because I thought, shouldn't I just have the part? Anyway, ' I have a deal. But I had to win the part, I won the part. And then the next day I went and I auditioned for best friendriends. I thought, this is gonna to be great. They're gonna They're going to put fluid out. They're going to put fruit out.'ll be there'll be a table with, you know, Tapas. I'll have, you know, they'll be a chef making omelets. And if I feel like auditioning, I'll, you know, And I went in and I met this guy Alan Katz, who is the loveliest, funniest, sweetest guy. And this show was about a young father who's married to this great woman who but he's a stay of home writer and they found this unbelievably talented girl who'd never done anything from the Midwest And I met her And she was she was nine or ten years old, she was so talented. I don't remember her name because I think she left show business Uh, because, you know, the pilot didn't go and she didn't care And she was so good. and we had such a nice chemistry. and I thought I want to do this You know, I want to do this show. I want to play this father. I want to work with this guy Allan Kats. I really like him. I like the people from Friends, but This just feels like Sinfeld I didn't think it won't or will I didn't, you know, that's the thing is After I said no, cut to me a couple of months later, Friends has replaced Christianity Crusades thousands of years Biblical stories, people dying, entire countries flooded with blood name changes of entire countries. This show comes along and Catholic people go, this is better Everybody's like there'll be this in Jewish people. and it features Jewish people. It's all about Jewish people It's working. the plan is working. So but you don't know that. What you have is two scripts and a best guess, you know? So I knew from the beginning. now it was weird because Matthew was freed up after, you know LAX two thousand. freed up and went in and auditioned and he won the part. I don't know who he imitated. It would be I would be upset if he imitated me frankly, but the fact of the matter is, I really do remember going in thinking, this is Matthew. And I did actually say, Matthew,, Hank, we should all do this together. And it ended up kind of working out that way. Wellaria went up on the show too. And he ended up doing the show. They offered me, you know, they were very nice They u they they offered me like every occasionally you know, like guest star roles. I remember the first one was there was an episode where there's a guy who's talking I think he's one he's one of the girls going down with him. And he's talking to them and he's got his leg up and his testicles hanging out of his shorts. And I said, I can't have the cast of friend. I'm okay with this. It's weird because I walk into restaurs now I'm the guy in Hollywood Everybody knows he passed on friends. Like I took a tumor. Like I took a tumor and bit into it like an apple going Like I'm some luotic. Why do you pass on friends? it was just violent. You know, whyy didd you get on the plane that crashed? Aere you crazy? Yeah, I could. I should have, I'm come to think of it. I should just gone to Denver. Like what, that's so crazy. But that's the way everybody think. I went into a meeting because I signed a deal with with a studio the next year and I went into a meeting and the casting woments started the meeting with You passed on friends? I was like, ye, but that's a nice start That's how you start. It's a great open up, but that's that's Hollywood. And it's kind of like everybody knew friends with that'll be in Yes one time. The thing is I, you know, you can't regret something that you I remember regret having you on usest. I regret being here. I regreted it. and I'll tell you something. I regreted I regretted I regretted your birthday party Wonderful. And it was like this is nothing against the party. That was a good part. It noting against the party, but while, you know, you want we didn't really know each other, which I thought you know, ten years the ten year difference I'll be sev.. If I'm inviting you to my seventieth. takeake me out. somethinghing's wrong. Take me out, you know. you'll be eighty firstirst of all, you'll be eighty. You you wouldn't know it anyway. You'd be sitting there drooling, facing the wrong way, eating mayonnaise on. Hey, can you say Oh my God, as Matthew Perry I remember o My God, right?' like that. pretty. byy the way, Matthew is Matthew is a Really tell the second I met Matthew, we did a show called called Siddney Valaryy Bbert with Valy Btbert now he's triumphant Return to telemission in nineteen ninety or something And Matthew was like nine and he was like twenty two years old And I remember meeting. I have a very clear image and He made me, that's my agent. I got to take I have a podcast I'm doing it now how do you think it's going He's screaming. It's like It's like sitting with Al Louis being electricallycuted. It mind numbing. I'll call you later. Get the fucking work, do something. My agine. mother. Yeah Anyway you were doing a Sydney with with Valerie and Matthew. And I met I met Matthew and listen, I was twenty five and I knew funny people, not a lot of but they were. I was a big comedy fan like you. Like, you know, Mark's Brothers, I grew up and I this guy is this is one of the funniest guys I've ever met It was it was like It was he had such I don't know what it was Rge or whatever the hell it is, but it was like u barely contained anger and he had learned to He had this like very knife sharp, precision dental instrument like delivery And right from the beginning, I just like This guy's amazing.'s the best thing on this show, which he was in the Sydney. It was the best thing on friends. And if I got friends, I would have gotten it imitating that guy That's, you know, I think he's one of the I think he's a gifted, gifted and completely unique like And you know it because by the end of that show, everybody's talking like Matthew Berry And then it was weird because In three weeks, the country was talking like Matthew Perry. That was strange. And the only thing I thought is, you know that there have been leaner years where I thought, you know what help right now is forty million. Yeah Is it forty a moment. gotta a mom for. friends., becausecause you know what? if I was in the could you imagine first of all, I'm a colossus. I'm like six, five. I'm like an inch under monster. you know? I'm like monster, I think is six six. well, I'm six four. sixix six is monster Frankenstein, you know. With that cast, they're all, you know, they're tiny little pen people. They're thin little tiny pen people. I would have looked like a Well what happened to What happened to them offering you guest parts? They offered a couple of naked S something. No, no, no. off The one that I remember was I can't be the guy with his legs open with his ball hanging. And the cast of friends staring at my testicle just feels weird. You know Gilbert would have done it. when I would have done that. He would have done that part in a second. Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Godotfried's amazing colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor Now now now this most importantly Have you ever fought Jennifer Anderson Remind me Now I know that Kidel listen, there's a talented cast she's the one that I whenever I have my hair set. Yeah, I have a lot of magazines and she's the ones. How much do you this got to be more paper dedicated to Jennifer Andiston's life than the medical An medical textbooks, if you took all the medical textbooks and all the spiritual texts and added them up to next to magazines telling you about Jennifer Andiston Which one do you think would use more paper? And how many times have they used that term? I hate the term. M. anything where they go as a Jew. It's E. Of course you do. Of course you do. Like when they go camp Anerson and camp Jolie. Oh I see. Oh when they camp go camp Jay Leno, camp C. You hate Port Mants as well. whereere they combine the names. Oh yees. Bran Branlina Oh. Oh God. all that shit just says we should have stopped. peopleeople are supposed to live ttill thirurday. Yes. We're running out of shit to do. I camp this, camp, that. I also hate baby bums Baby bump. Yeah. horrible. You know horrible. That's in the How much canoodling? Canoodling horrible Milk? Milk? You're okay with milk. Yeah, and then withil can. upil milk kill Yeahes. Well that's actually that's if you're masturbating your guilt. Yeah. likeike o are you in camp? Are which camp are you in? Oh, it's just the it's just a disturbing camp. You don't want a part of that camp Now let's talk about Cinderella, man let's go. because you don't want to talk about fucking Jennifer Anison Why are you referring to her like fucinking Jennifer Annais? Fucking J you Danny Alo Hey funny gu Jennifer and Hilarious. That was a great episode wasn't it? It hilarious Danny Aelo. Do I listened to that show when I thought to have lunch with Danyo, every so fucking fun. It can be arranged. And were you on that show? or was that before you were on? I have no memory of you on that show. He was punching me throughout the whole show. that in that real guinea way of Hey. Hey mother does that. Yeah. Hey. He wanted going boom. Yeah. I said, M I'm trained I'm a trained pretend boxer. I'll take you out Stop hitting me. I got reflexes. And it was so he was everything, every time he's making a point, hed stop punching at me. Two minutes into the show, he calls Scorseseia Dwarf Oh I remember that Be the first Gilbert's first question was, who do you hate And he just ran with it. He just had such a great episode. gota it and it was just he' just And he read off the train. That was the best Yeah because used to be the dispatcher for the MTO. Yeah. He read the entire train. We were throwning.' beautiful. Now now so Cinderella man. And one more thing about ALo, The movie once around two movies ever Two movies, I went the follow day to was see it again. Richard Dreifus was Deer Hunter. I was like I can't believe because that movie wasld in real time. Yes U and it was like that, but I went again because I loved it so much. And then onnce around, I was like, that was entirely delightful from start to fish, did you ever see onnce around Height is so Funny and that Danny Lo is so briiant and that you haven't seen it. I've seen bits and pieces. Is that you know I just went. No, no, that's where Richard D Richard D is makes a speech at one point that the wedding that totally sort ofeep. Daniel does this one thing where he wakes up Hm I can't remember what he says, but he wakes. Anyway, he's so brilliant in that movie. And I went back and I went I just came to see this actor I just wanted to spend time with this character again. He was so But but if you remember that episode, everything we talk about, everything all the good work he did, he just drove it down. We said Moonstruck. He said I would a piece of shit Oh really? I like that. Yeah, I likek that movie a lot. like and I like anything he's in.. He's funny. He's in Yeah. Nowated. Wh am I kissing his ass? Can he help me? No, but you can have lunch with him with the Friars? I would love to have Illo. Damn it. Hello. Angry Gilberts. Sica that's never seen Dz. Scorsese. Yeah. get in up. Yeah. So in Cinderella Man, you played Max Bayer Yes. and And now Max Bear senior, father of Jeffro.. Yeah. Yes. Wh say Max Bear whose son would later beond Beverly Hillbert. he would. Yes, he would Now Bybsson. In the movie, Max Bayer is made to look really obnoxious and like a mean guy Yeah. And but I heard it wasn't like that. Not at all. The more I researched was which is my term for they Sent me film and I looked at. Yeah I never stood up. I had somebody turn turning it on and off. I didn't, you know. I don't mean to imply I worked. Someone else watched it and you said so. My imaginary assistant Keith said, listen, this guy's interesting. And I went, tellell me something I don't fuck to know. Everybody I play is interesting. G me an egg I love that you have an imaginary assistant. He's very good, Kef bit of a pr. Let's with this mother. So we have a lot in common. So so you researched it or Keith researched it. And I and he was try first of all, they tried to make this guy a mo movie star because he was so charming. And this was pre like heavyweight ever, you know, that the boxing industry wasn't like it hadn't been let, you know What's his name King with the c? Oh Jonn that. So heavyweight fighters were just me still meat potato guys, they'd fight They didn't fight like Once every three years, they fought like three times a week. Yeah. And They were there They were just swollen people You know, and they would and the gloves were like closer to like isotoner mittens You know, they were just something you had to cover your knuckles. you know, but just a little bit more padding. And And these guys would really knock the shit out of each other and And they would just they'd fight a couple of times a week. He, you know, he was a f firstirst was a fascinating guy He was the liverore lip And I think and he He got this strong right because he grew up in Livermore, California and he grew saughtingital with a life le. Yeah. Yeah Like you did. We're same we at the same childhood. So It was like watching channel nine. only with the sledgehammer and aount. Yeah. I ate a hamburger. So you kind it's kind of so you know where thes are. Yeah You could get in this guy's skin. Uh, so he so he grew killing and he developed this right. and that was, you know, he did. He killed a couple of guys arguably because He hit them so hard in the head that their brain was hanging by a thread and the next day they're having a conversation and then just went Oh and then they It did that twice. And one guy who died later and one guy who died in the r. seen it. Yeah. Yeah. And there's but it was, but it wasn't instant. It was't like you hit him and his lights went out. There's a moment where they're like, I think I'm, you know, and then they die Um It's a scary thing. I forget what it's called, but he did hit the guysy who heart his brain fell off, you know? And he went they had discovered while we were shooting the movie that he did go and try to warn him He went out to where he knew he was eating, I think, and he said, listen don't want to You gota ear of what. I think he felt he was he had like a rifle on his arm And an acting coach that I worked with or you know yeah, an acting coach I worked with came up with that metaphor. And I thought that was a really good, that's really good. It's like he knew that he could kill this person and he did not want to do that. And he knew I think when he went to the restaurant to talk to Um Wh am I blinking the character's name? but Braddock. Braddock. went to we went to the talk to Braddock. he was he really truly was warning him, but they played it in the movie. Listen, you needed to have a villain and you have a formidable actor who, you know, America looks at and is an icon, an avatar for, you know selfhood and strength, Russell malness, Russell Crow the guy who he's opposing has to be, you know, formidable. So There really wasn't time for me to be charming and nice. I had to be a bit of a prick And you know, I I understand that. I think there were moments in the movie where I was allowed to fart out a little humanity. But I was very aware that Max Bar junior would see this and that listen, who doesn't have father issues? But if somebody made a movie about my father and showed only the badust I' have problem. Did he ever contact you? He's a truthher father Max father. Max Bear Junror. No, Max Ber junror never contacted me. and I was told not to he wasn't going to be part of the research, which I understand. was we were making a movie And this was a fictional account of a realab And u you know, but I did read he did an interview and he was very complimentary about the work, but he did have an issue with the way that his father was presented. And I don't think he was un, you know, but I'm but he said, but he said he he took note of the, you know, little things like, you know, his his his father would hit some guy and he didn't like to have sweat on his gloves. he'd always wipe the sweat off on his shorts. littleittle things like that. he said he saw and was that was pleasant to see and feel like he was seeing his dad. That made me very proud. but you know This script and all that stuff was not that's not my issue. I can't control any of that how he's perceived, but I do try whenever I talk about it, I do say, lookook, it's a movie. Of course because this is he was a truly charming guy. They did try to make he was so charming and good looking. they tried to make him a movie star. He did a movie called the Przise fighter and the lady literally they're like, we need a title. We're opening Yeah. And they thought so little of this movie that they didn't even title it. They were t Prize Fighter and the Lady. put it up. And it was called Prize Fighter and the Lady and he dances he sang And by all accounts he was a likable guy. very very er very, but there's a big dance. I mean, his life story would be great. think he I think he died kind of early I still want to do something with now that I'm a little bit older. I would love to do even if it's a stage thing revisit the character and fill it out more and tell us story because he's a truly, truly. elegant guy before the you know boxing had any of that. There was no Muhammad Ali. In fact He fought Joe Lewis And it looks, you can actually see like two kinds of he fought Joe Lewis and I think Joe Lewis beat him at the Yankee stadium And u and It was like two different types of boxing. meeting each other It was like, did you ever see those cabot shows with with the comedians like and Bill Cosby's on with Jack Benny. Oh yeah. and you're watching it's a completely unique moment Benny looking at Bill Cosby on television for the first time and he's stunned and he's under Bill Cosby's, you know Bill Cosby's doing this bit about drumming, which is great And you're watching Jack Penny see new comedy coming. It's amazing That's what it was like this box. it was a different era. I did an episode of Cosby and for some reason, Milton Berl by at the set. I know act Yeah ye. No Milton Berl Lumbridge Ohah l that too. And and I I was standing there watching Bill Cosby and Milton Berl talk to each other. Oh yeah. And they both talked in shick, you know? Cosby would do like a long drawn out funny story and Milton Borough would go for like the quick lagh sl. Yeah, yeah, yeah slap and do a buck toooth face with his tongue sticking out And was it was like a lesson into forms of comedy It was you ever afraid when these guys age? They'll be having some sort of seizure it's just like the show. And it's just he's drooling, Don't commit like this. We're just out of arrest. Well two happen twow comedians died. Dick Sheaun. That's right. And park your carcass. Oh ye. And the audience laughed and applauded. Right both and they dropped. Well Park your carcass, who was Albert Brooks' father and Super Dave Daveine. Did't he die at a roast at a pr ro I think he sat down his Lucy Yeah. Lucy and Desi. Yeah. he sat down in his Arnez and Ball andcess put his head down really quick Like and they thought thought it was a Yeah. He's so funny. That's how you're gonna to go. the middle of the podcast. And Rick and you' talking. And Dick sh That's a problem. We'll just applog. We' be We'll be two guests in. does Gilbert smell funy? It's a bit of a the smell keeps getting a little bit more heart. You said you had spoken about fighting with Norman Mailer Oh I met Norman Mayleater. I don't know who in your press office can a fight? I don't know what kind of We got badote. We got bad enough vote. I'll get the shit out of him. Well, he knew a lot about boxing. He was the one who who was talking about how fighters once they if they kill some. Yes. Yes. Norman Mayler was there that was truly exciting That was a moment where I wish I read. You know, got you're sitting there going Norman Mayler and everybody's Norman Maylersre like, I'm the movie and he knows about and he's gonna talk to me and I wish I had read anything he'd done. I wish Gilbert had read the notes. Yes. Oh yeah, but that's how you feel. That's the charm. No, you guys have a Dean and Jerry thing. Not Lewis and Martin, than you Jones. different people who happen to be nameamed Jones and Jerry Jerry. they've never met and there's no chemist. you're them. You're them. He's Stean Stockwell. Dean Stockwell. Dean Stockwell was Jerry Jerry Hauser. Jerry Colona. Yes. Jerry Cona. It's a possibility What if they got together? Nothing. Let's go Yeah, but Braddock and Bayer became friends. Well ye there were pictures of them together at fights, you know, they would go and they'd hang out with each other. So that's why it's there's not going to be, I guess Cinderella man too. Yeah. something can't do without Harold Reamus. Yeah. I hear Murray's interest. I. Okay now now is is Russell Crowe as big a prick as he's made out to be in the press. He is a I'll tell you something about Russell Crow You're to tell you something about Ruscll Crow There are actors there are actors who, I believe, they subconsciously superheat the environment that they're working And I'm not even kidding. I'm not joking. And They kind of create an atmosphere that feeds the movie and that's what it was. There was there was a he was never outright, you know And he was it was a it was a very tense environment and it was like, I would walk in and there'd be tension andd be like what cologne and what do I have on? There's tension. But was it was a natural tension. I never met him under any other circumstance. I'm sure if we were listen, maybe if we' do an Apollo twelve movie, and we' have to be stuck in a capsule together and counting on each other. He'd be a best friend. I'd be like Russesy got to stop calling. And it'd be like, Newart and Rickles, and I'd be like, I don't want to travel with you. the sunshine always together.ight. Yeah. We h We'll do the sunshine. like to see that. We'll do the female outcome. Yeah but it was also it just fed the movie. It was it was not without its challenges, but I also it's the first time I'd ever been I'd ever spent that much time next to somebody who's a really huge star. and I'm talking about somebody who they've got to have the they got to build a little tunnel from the the trailer to the auditorium where we're shooting because there are that many people hiding to take pictures. L I've never had to deal with that and I would imagine if I did, to be a little on edge You know? and I I've dealt with so little of that, but there were times I was like, N now. And the woman at Starbucks would go, I just demanded you coffee I a person. I can't go to the mall. You know, I have to do with. I can't go to the mall because by the time I catch up to everybody, I explain who I am, all the shops are closed. You know what it is? That kind of fame? That's what I have So tell me again, because no it's not the God wasas he not was he not trying to create tension because of your characters? I trying to I don't know because we never met thewn. And he said, listen, this was there wasn a moment like that, but you know, I walked out of there and There was some interview where I said because I think he had turned forty and I was like the person who wasn't invited, I thought, Oh, this is a thing. and he saw that. he was like, you know, he's imagining it. which maybe I was. Maybe he is one of those actors who because I happen to think that someone like Pacino or Brando or Russell Crow, any of these people Um It doesn't they're just good actors. it's the way they're that life coughed them up good actors. and some of them like even if I just don't buy that the studio made Pacino Pacino, I think the studio probably maybe helped him along or buffed some raw edges I think the I think basically acting studios and teachers are bit of a sham It's interesting. They can, you know, not not all the way they're very, very helpful, but like the studio takaking credit for a whole group of people. like you know, I just don't buy it. I think there' when went I went to acting school and I went in to Northwestern and I went in and the people who were good on the first day were the people who were good on the last day and the people who were terrible harder than anybody else and they were they were terrible But I've made it despite How bad I am You don't have great respect for acting schools then. I have respect for great acting teachers. I think that's credible. I think that's true and there are and acting coaches. but an acting school where you go in for four years and you study acting, I just lookingoo back on it for and I can only look I can only look at it Is it subjectively is I don't know. I You went to college, that's what you did where I grew. But you went for journalism, but everybody else Well well, originally went to journalism because I was scared to go into acting, and I thought I'll do the news. that That's in front of a camera. That's how stupid. I see I was. We interviewed Larry Storch for a group. The actor? Yeah, the actor. And Larry Stor said he was friends with Buddy Hackett the actor Is this so going so badly that you're actually Yeah, he's bringing Jack episodes. you're showing clips from past. No, no aard the clips so you're just gonna talk Yeah. tellell the same song. And so Larry Start said yes, buddy Hacket The to Buddy Hackett, the comedian that he was thinking of taking acting lessons and Buddy Hackett said to him, acting like It's kind of like learning how to drive in a garage. H It's interesting. I like that One The first show I ever did was the show called Our House W Wilfred Brimley. Jesus, you're a freak. J How do you know that? I do really. Does she have diabetes Wilford Brimle? I don't care. I don't care. ' in the commercial, he claims she does. Okay. you're stopping your own show. I don't mean The podcast arguably is, you know, you've stopped it, you know, but you're stopping within a stop. Let me help you Let me help you. like you I almost am. Let me help you, help you It was her first show I ever did and I played opposite Bill Huddleston Bill Huddleston. Did I come up with a reference? I know wait a minute. I don't I know David Hudleston. We talkking about David Huddleston David. David Huddleson from Blazing Saddles. Yes Damn. Oh, I was gonna be I was gonna be like the big Lbowski. Oh shut. Anyway, David Huddleston. He played my father in this episode. Don't mess with me B. I won't mess with you. That was that was a knife fight and I lost. I know shity and I deserve this c I deserve the cut. Yeah a cut man. I'll suture it myself David Austin, big fan Yes, and he's and very, very good and I'm so between scenes and I'm talking too. Jeffrey with G. Huddleston. No Phil Hson. And he's told me a story I asked him about where didd you study? some stupid question like that? He said Is method? What do you think mak us? I'll tell you about method Method is standing in a charcoal gray suit in a rainstorm while you play I'll start the story again. We just fully that out. You can't fully over gold No was. Okay, o. All right. Okay. so he says I'll tell you what met the method is like standing in a charcoal gray suit in the middle of a rainstorm Wh why you're pissing in your pants. It's a nice warm feeling inside. noody knows what the fuck you're doing. That's the greatest Michael Huddleston invitation you. Michel Huddleseston. Yeah. I heard James Cagney had said that exact same thing. Maybe he was quoting. Huddlson was a fucking line Huddleson. get his name right? He's one of theas important Bittle skkin was a lying fucking crick And James Kagney said it first. I still haven't finished the Bishopsines. I don't, said Let's go back.. We haven't returned the mikees on as Gilbert likes to say. We will return to Gilbert Godottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this Friday. The ocean chs you to save us all. The stories are true. The story has just begun It Disney Moana of Motunoui, daughter of the Chief Let's save the well. Ready? It's Maui time I'm gonna to eat whatever that is. His name is Heyy. Bzng. Disney's Moana, in Theatersprite A. rated PG. for rental guidance suggested. get tickets now G back to Wilfred Brimley. did you did our house. And he had diabetes He lied about having diabetes. You joke You joke but I don't care.. I don't care. And didn't you go back to working in a restaurant after you did our house and you were O house, You were afraid of Yes yes, yes. Well, I did the episode of our house in it was nineteen eighty eight before the war turn the century, but Gasoline powered car. Yes teelephone and walls I And the writer strike. Do you remember the writer strike? was eighty eight We had writer strike and that everythings shut down and you realize, oh, there's no reason for Los Angeles to exist because if show business shuts down, then nobody's sending flowers, noobbody' writing limousines, nobody's doing anything. It's just Rows of houses and apartments of actors jacking off And that's all it is. One big boot. I do that with or without a strike.. you've always been at home back at home. And so I decidedelines to do it B to Would you say he's crossed picket lines to do it? Wh he's doing it, while he's doing it They gotten off on it. They have seeed out certain picket lines. Sometimes when I'm jerking off There's a big inflatable rat Outside it That's how you know, I'm jerking up when you see the lodge mechan. lamp in the window. You know, you're joking self deprecating and everybody loves self deprecating. you were wonderful as that character. That big Big air fill rat, what movie was that? What was that The kids love that movie, but the parents like it too because it makes points that are pant. Did you ever fuck Wilford Burnley? Oh, when was I not fucking Wilford Burnley? St B was I mean he was he was, you know What Now Wilford Grill about her. She She was she was She was welcoming and distant. That was her charm. So back to the our house story, real quick. Yes. So I had done one episode of a show and then the Rider Strike kit, I came back home and need and I'm living at home with my mother, which is so funny because I've come such a long way because now I'm fifty, and I'm living at home with my mother. But But I had to get a job. So I worked at the American Festival Cafe whichich is what happens to the ice rink when people aren't skating. They put the thing down. Oh thirty tourists come spend a lot of money for a club sandwich and because they're tourists and they'll never see you again, you don't get tipped And so you've been trying to communicate what a club sandwich is to some German person and then sweating your face off, running back and forth with a guy in the kitchen going who do takeaking love with our french fries? You fuck you fuck. And And then running back out and going' fries are coming and they're going, G, go, go. And then they leave and you get no money and you're depressed. And I thought, I look like an idiot and everybody it's that guy from that episode of our house. That was my fear. Somebody was gonna have seen our house. Yeah and recognize it. It didn't happen. It wasn't a problem. But I was I was I was twenty two And I thought, well, it's over I peaked I'm not even going to get like a Jack Palant Westerns in Europe phase. You know like no Loni is not going to call. I just got a plane ride home. I got kicked out of show business and I'm getting German people club soon just. Who are you? I know you I know from. Now you you are in Absolutely horrible movie. Oh I was written wrritten by Larry David. You didn't now you thought that was horrible. I thought that was horrible. Yeah it was whyy did you think it was horrible? It wasn't funny Oh, I don't was that me? H Suck to high heaven? Hey Larry Yes. He said his ears were burning. That's right. Yeah. I'm talking to Frank Sano Padre. finished your he finished the name when I said it Frank Sanro Padre and Gilbert Gfried. Godfried No No two teas. The comedian came up with him, the improv, right? He's written for him. Were you the improv? were you the comic din? Which one were you? What camp? What camp were you? Anyway, the phone bit's over. Okay. That's my. both you've both had Larry David write for you. He He wrote a bilot for you I was in a pilot Oh Norman's cororner Yeah Okay Is almost as funny as sour graes. I'll tell you this, if sour grapes, I agree that sour grapes kind of missed Fisz Weber and I were like, is it gonna to be like the producers? Buckle up. Yeah. Buckle up Ione ever, you know Be u 'a this is You know, get it, get all the mall walking in now because those days are going you are never walk in that movie. There are some good moments. Can we use that on the one sheet? Yeah, take it. They have their moments You know what? when I read the script. And if you read the script It's laugh was a giant funny on every page someomewhere in the cooking And I and I lack the self the ability to look at myself to blame myself. so it can't be me. to very funny guys, you ins. I don't know what it was. You know, I do know he directed it and there were, you know, maybe maybe he shouldn't have directed it. I don't know. I do know that these tell the story and I don't remember his name, but he did tell me that he chose the cinematographer. He interviewed a lot of people and chose the cinematographer because he was the shortest one and felt he could lord over him. It's a good reason Also, he after the first day of shooting, he sat down with me alone. He went, listen, and I didn't, oh God. I'm fired He went Listen I'm gonna start chewing with my mouth closed ' I'm fifty. What the fuck is this Stit with my mouth open. Look. And he did. and then that was what he wanted to talk to me about. Oh God. And he was fifty and I'm fifty now. Well, and you know what? he had created Seinfeld and I'm living with my mother w no, there's that. It's like Speaking of Larry David, you made another film that Larry David was in. You made three you were in the threeree Stooges for the Farley brothers. Yes. Yes. What would you like to say about that film? I enjoy Well, first of all, I enjoyed the movie very much. I thought if you If you're going to I don't know about recreating something like the Three stooges. Well Gilin and I talk about that movie. I mean, the three guys were great. They were They were amazing. Yeah. I don't know.'s hard it's hard to say I saw it once. I saw it out of context and I saw it on opening day which bumps it up. you see something or the premiere. You see something of the premiere, it's already like forty percent because everybody's like this is good good good, good. And and I remember enjoying it, but I do remember When I walked in the set, theyew I knew Sean, but I But I didn't know the other two guys. and they said When you walk on the set It's going to freak you out. And I went, okay, that's a cute thing to say. I'll remember that for when I do Cavat. Yeah. Or this good panel. It's good panel. But listen, I walked on the set and they were just guys dressed as the Th serers and they snapped. They'd been working together for a couple of weeks before the movie started out They went into it and I was taken aback. And when you're and I don't mean taking ab backack, like taking it ab back. I mean like when you were literally takaking aback When you're literally taking it can you take a step back That's what I took a step back. I was taken aback. Yeah. And it was really, really weird. I know Will Sassso who played Cly said the way he did it was he just imagined Cly like working a marionette. He said it was very clear. he's never ever done that before. It was strange. I't I never really talked to them about it. I just thought, that's I'm not a huge huge I was more of a Marx brothers guy, but I loved the Th Ses and I was very, very aware of them. And you know, I stayed at home and watched television. That's all I did as a kid knew And they had it down.ree guys were They were amazing. I just making a remvie about something that's already burned. It it is sort of like if you recast Blazing saddles and just said we're gonna do Like you would be like first of you'd be like, why It was a toll order. Yeah those guys but it was done with a lot of love. I think they they, you know, listen, nobody sets out to make something. but I remember we were you were the heaviest. I don't You know, even when we made sour grapes, there's some things that just don't cook, but everybody is there and everybody's scared. And Larry David, I mean I think it's pretty obvious I'm sure he's very happy to be the wealthiest man in the world. But I think what he really cares about is The next thing he does that's that it's funny that he's doing that he loves that. And so there was no cockiness and he was working very hard and You know,, it just didn't cook for some reason. It didn't cook right And but I don't know why, but the script, mean I'll give you the script. The script is laugh out loud, funny. I'd like to read it. And I hope he makes another feature Yeah, I didn't like the three Stgious movie. I know. Yeah. I'm getting that. Yeah. You know, can I get something that that was gonna be my guess? Okay. I'm sorry, I brought it up. I know No, you're not This is that kind of show. This is Yeah. This is the kind this is he would have preferred it with Seaan Penn in the Larry part, I think. Yeah, it was originally gonna be made with Seun Penn. Funny. Yeah. Seaan Penn as Larry. Funny. Go ahead, who else? Benicio del Toro Mo I get funnier. And Jim Carerey as Curly We look the thinnest Man in the w tall Yeah and funny and Angry people Yeah. I saw they smoke. I thought they're angry. It would have It was the weirdest film ever made type of. It's like an production shoot Yes yes. Well that yes, that just recasting it and reshooting it, that's that would be entertaining. I wish they would do that with certain movies. It would be great to see something like, you know, the swarm and just. The show business was the swarm, which is what a reference. The swarm, which is you remember the swarm even as a little kid? Mike O K. You're like, I think they're just blowing down They're just blowing styrofoam black chips. they don't even look like they're flying. It's just like these hundreds of chips that just It looked like they they made dots on the film like with a pen. Right. They just shooting over. They had someone put ink in their mouth and spit it on each frame of film. I think it was I don't know. I but it doesn't look like a swarm of anything and I've never seen a swarm of anything It was you looked at it and goes, I'll tell you what a swarm looks like it was just they would go, but an start the moving, they would arc and then shoot towards the ground. It sounded like some guy in a mic going . Well that was Henry foed. That was towards the end. He was just passing. Yeah. It was this colossy bag at a tiny little hole That was a swarm. You're right Yeah, it just off after Rong and it was A it was just ladies and gentlemen Bees and people who aren't dead yet. likeike just we didn't have the love boat. They were like, We need up walking. Just keep them walking. Is she in that or am I thinking of the airport? O of the Gloria Sans I turns up and Luia to Havalin, one of them's in the swarm. But look it up And the airplay movies. the airport movies. They're not they're not You know Erwin Allen Do you know that airplane wasn't a it wasn't a parody of those airports a parity zero hour. Yeah hour. Yes. I remember let me say one thing that you don't know. Eactly. Hey, I got my mother's list hand I remember catching zero hour on the late show and it really is The exact same script. Yes. they did It's even the fish, they're poisoned by the fish. Yes And I gave up the wrong day to quit smoking That's's hilarious. You know what I've been looking for and I can't find anywhere is and I and I and I did Scary movie four, not the stage production of it movie I was there. I saw Glen Ford do the original one The one was thir NSLX kitten, nameamed Lee Grant. was opening night. She did then she broadly Grant was in the swarm W she? She was. I was in love with her N airport seenty seven The movie. I don't know, did the place But I saw a airport seventy seven with Lee Grant, I thought that is that woman's sexy. And that was like the original milph. I just like, Oh ye beautiful.s sex. That's the one with Jack Lemmon and Jack Lemmon with the mustache. Yeah Yeah ye. Yeah. He had marital problems and then he ended up in a plane underwater the b plane fromom the w message. Now the funny thing with theirir plane, it's based on a film noobbody zero hours which you watch you're like It's as funny as airplanes. Yeah And it's based on a film nobody has to know about zero out to laugh at airplane. And yet everyone trying to do a satire after airplane, they want to make it exactly like a movie everybody knows about. Yes I don't know how that If you ever worked with him bro, off course not. But but they are top of the line. So let me No. But they but they had like a Bible and they of this comic Bible, which is basically the rules and all the movies that copy that, you know, like the exorcist mov like all that they and even the ones that Leslie Nielsen did, like they had these rules about jokes that you're like, oh, that's right But these they these other movies, you can see them breaking left and right. L, you know, if there's a joke, if two people are talking in the foreground and something stupid' happening in the background, they had rules, you know, you can't they can't be talking about anything. that moves the plot along obviously because the idea is they gott to be Lking at this thing. so you have to just have chatter that no funny names Oh yeah. Well, that was all kind was offuff like that but there was stuff that was more complicated. That was one of Luren Michael's rules when launched Saturday Night Live. They called it the Walter Crank Kase School of comomedy. No funny, no funny names of, you know, the news anchor doesn't come out funny R. These satires used to hire Leslie Nielson figure. Well, we'll hire Leslie Niels so'll make it a parody. R repossess. They did the exercise. right. horrible. Yeah, horrible. Yeah. Oh and he was in one cold two thousand one a space traravesty. Yeah horrible. Well the one the brooks one isn't any good, eitherrag the Dad of. No. I mean, airplane is such a funny title because it's so it's such a secretly awkward word for the title of it's close to airport, but airplane sounds so stupid for some reason And they started doing stuff in these satires where they'll go well, we'll dress someone up like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic will' make it look like he's on the Titanic and he'll and everyone will laugh because They saw the Titanic when like see the Titanic. Yeah. There was a moment in Titanic. I thought every I saw Titanic with a buddy of mine and opening day with the Zigfield packed And everybody screaming and I thought everybody was having the reaction I was, which is The boat's sinking, he just grabbed a hose. he grabbed a fire hose, and he's going to fight water with water. Yeah. That's what I said. And everybody's screaming and laughing. and I just assumed fighting what is it ridiculous? And the person who was in front of us turned around and said, I hope you're satisfied. You ruined this movie for a second. We' in the actual Titanic disaster. Listen, this is one movie I didn't ruin. I anyw I'm not in that movie. I didn't I'm not in that. I didn't He said, No, you're talking making smart remarks. I said, somebody making smart remarks. somebody. and everybody was like, Yeahah, why why were you making jokes? The boat was sinking. The boat was sinking Yeah They were These two people were in love and I was like, oh my God. I felt like I was in like the planet of the Apesers. I really was looking around going, so they're all apes. They're all aes. They're all apes. Yeah. I was hoping that two of them And I think he's an unbelievably talented director. let me finish. Cameron. James Camer. easy to work for. Act actually, you know to look at unbelievable to look at Terminator two, one of the movies. Hey, you just you just was punchline of an old show business, Joe Two agents are talking. Yes. Yeah. one. Which is great. So now you're gonna tell the joke. I drive the three people who are listening. further away from their podcast machine or whatever the fuck you listening. Oh they had dials to turn down. No, I'm tired of listening. I tell you something I tell you something that your wife loves you very much and there's no such thing as a podcast and these are made of chocolate Do understand that nobody's hearing this And that your parents pay her a lot of money to keep you up the ledge. that that's what's happening Go ahead Go ahead, tellell me the setup Jesus What's the joke? T Tw agents are two producers are talking. O says the other. You know who's the biggest bitch in Hollywood? Meryl Sreep. Meryl Sreep has no talent. She's mean, she's stupid, She even smells bad and she fucks everyone in town And the other one says, Hey, Meryl Streps my sister. And the other guy says, let me finish You know why you're a genius? Yeah, can I may I? and I don't normally And people throw that term around. Yeah. And I'm one of them, not me I'm certainly throwing it around now You're a genius because even though people saw the punchline coming As far as you know, they stuck around to listen to you tell that joke. and that's why you're a genius. And I'm throwing that term around just like anybody. Oh God. Do you want to talk about the music manan or I I was never in at No. No Oh you. Yeah ye ye. What would you like to talk about with the time that we have left? That between the music manan and the Cinderella man, thoses the two of the gayest sounding superheroes I've ever heard of, and I'm not even clear what either of their powers are. What are you doing? Oh, look at this list of names Go ahead., go ahead Card Gilbert's going to ask you here, Gilbert We're going to ask about working with some of these people Podcasting, go ahead All ahead What was it like working with O fucking Daby Cb I have a lot of time So try to it to start. Try to cond it. Yeah Learning. Learning Go ahead. Learning, gentle yet firm, learning a discipline disiscipline administered over a long, long slow, aching, yet hygienic experience. Yeah, go ahead. next g. What was it like working with or eating out Larry David Sashhold We can cut out that last part. What? I stole that question sixty minutes. Yeah. cored Lry Larry David. cored Larry David. We covered Larry David. And he's by the way, he's a genius and people throw that term around around throwing it aroundase. You should go see his play. This He's live on stage. Give Larry a plug. Yeah Okay, what was getting out Bob New Heart. Now she is she when she came up now she came up with Don Rickles. Now those two were like it was like they were roommates. They had a little They had a little they lived in the village. they had a little you know, and they'd go out and they'd go to parties to be seen. You're in Newhart Yeah second God, constantly. Yeah. Cstantly. Well now was all about, you know, we didn't have anything to talk about. I real, you're not talking any. Why youre always on the phone you never talked to me and he's workking. He said, I'm working on material, but he didn't have a co wrriter. I said, That's funny. He said, Okay. And then I heard that he soole it for Shelly Berman. Is that, I knew he was gonna to go there. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Shelly Berman was angry at Bob Newartly get a phone bit. which is kind of funny because say peoplee talking on phones. Geor That's what's And Georgie Jessll used to do that. I did it first. Hello Mama, this is J on you. But I didn't have phones. Oh yeah, And on me. Well, I would your son. and the one that's Geor address her address it U No, no I'll ask him about it at dinner. I'm not clear about that Do you remember George Jesll's big kid song That was one of the albums that I was thinking of giving you. Oh A when bright the shiny light That st me run from I found is my my I was very try tall I strange all bright through' coall My sm is my Mother's e always dwing sw I s When you look over Yeah until I reach my Oh B b, bum M! We should point out that Craig brought a gift. He's one of the only guests that actually brought you a gift. Milk Cayman. Yeah, b Lab brought you a Milk Cayman album. Let's ask quickly about the music Mas. since you're talking about music. Meredith Wilson's and music. You told me once that you had to audition for Meredith Wilson's widow. That's right to get the part. Oh. And what was that like? Because you were gonna gonna Have you ever seen Nunfuckerss three U becauseuse you were going to be Hmerican but this time we're Cathelican You were going to be compared toreston, no matter what you Yeah, because that's the and it's such an iconic part. I was can I tell you something honestly? firstirst of all, She was formidable and I had yes, I had to fly out to Los Angeles. She pulled up in a she was being driven in a Rolls Royce. and sat down with her prim little Nancy Reagan suit and And I sat in a rehearsal room and I went so. And I said, I don't know why I did this, but I guess I needed to listen, I need to control this room and I'm So I just said this is from Pippin And I started singing Corner of the Sky. And this was not an ironic lady. She just was staring at me. but that was what I did. And I just I just for some reason, I was like, I own the room. So I just did what I didn'. And I you know what? I was ready at eight. I listened to that album over and over and over again. and I was ready to go at eight. I learned the lines because I needed to learn the lines. But every song I had in my head And There was a lot, you know, like I My timamre was like the way I auditioned was the way I did it pretty much. And there was always a little bit of press in the be there was a part of me that went I wonder if I should break up and do the, you know, do just. I thought, why? like this is the way I this is why I love it so. This is kind of what He made right choices. I don't need to go left. little is okay. It's better to, you know. So the but you you also can't You can't imitate through a show. You can't do that. You have to connect. So the most important thing was I didn't think about what it said. That's I sang it and that's what came out. If I sang Beetle song, I'd probably sound I'd sing it like Paul McCartney. It wouldn't be the first time it would be very sad to hear me try to do that. That's the way people know the music. They love you can't separateated. So I knew what I had to do and I know, for fact the reason I got it was You have to put you have to ground the character and they really have to be in this situation. The show doesn't work if it's just a collection of really great songs. It has to be this if this guy doesn't take go with this girl. if he doesn't realize that he's a snake. They're both going to spin into space forever. They're going to just be lonely for the rest of their lives. If if you don't actually create that. And Rebecca Luke, her Blade Marion, she was brilliant. And if If you don't have that connection and that isn't at stake, people won't watch it and it won't do well. And I think the reason the show was good was because Susan Stroman was she directed the show very well. She didn't like reinvent it, which they've done on Broadway, which is almost always a mistake and terrible. But she did the show, It was very clear, said you can't wink at the audience. That's in the script. You can't be. You can't be Chevy Chase doing this playay it for real. and Also, something had happened in her life, herer husband was supposed to direct it and he passed away And she mourned it and she's within the year took it over And one of the most amazing things I've ever seen was she was directing Rebecca Lucer, You know that song goodood night, by someone That song and It was just Rebecca and she and me in the room. And Rebecca sing a song and Susan Stromman just stood up said, W you excuse me for a second went outside, came back ten minutes later. eyes were beat red and she went I apologize, continue. And I thought, shit, I'll never I can't fuck off at all. I can't scrow around. She just lost. She's mourning her husband. This song is just about one day I'll find the person. She did. He died. She's heartbroken and directing and working. I have I got nothing to complain about ever. I better bring it. You're good in the part. Thank you. Thank you That's all That's it You were great in the. You were great in the part. It all the way from Aa. I don't care for anything. No, I know. You didn't hear any of that story. You know you snore? No, I Listen to the story you do listen to the podcast, I don't recommend it. But if you listen to the podcast, if you ever do have trouble sleeping, which you clearly don't, listen to the podcast, you snore through the whole thing But it's okay. I learned to talk around it We're gonna wrap it up. Okay, we're gonna wrap it up. But before we go, let's start.. I have to ask you about bathing with Biero and John Malkovich Yeah, which I'm gonna say to our listeners, you can find online. Look for it. It's hilarious. How come you only did one episode? And how did you get John Malkovich to sit in the bathtub? Well, that can't that I can tell you that we shared an agent Oh and that was a n U I'm shared an Asian No, we shared an agent and the agent said, how about John Malkovitich for this thing bathing with? Because it was just an idea I had And I'd been walking around with this idea for years. and I just thought, well, let's do it. Uh, I told my agent said, What about John Malkovich? And I went said I'll call him. He's interested. He'll talk to you. You go to the hotel and I was like And I thought, a birthday coming up. What is this? So I go over there and it's John it's John Malkovich. And I explain he said to what is this? I said, And I was very aware. I'm in a room with John Malkovich. this is my opportunity to work with him. and I'm about to say this. we're going to be in a bathtub and I'm going to bathe you and ask you questions. That'll be like Charlie Rose except instead of a wooden table It's a bath, as though talk shows done will never talk about the fact that I'm bathing you. and I'll just ask you questions. An went Okay And I went, let me say it again. I want to have said it again because eventually I would be bathing you and I don't want to bathe you and have you go, whyy are you bathing me? And I explained it again. I't do it And we showed up, we shot it at Carrie Fisher's house. Yes, that Crie Fisher come full circle. I didn't. I did not. And and the bathroom was actually, if there was ever a bathroom where they should shoot a TV show, it had like a big floor, room for cameras and there was a piano in the side. If you wantn't to ape safer if we ever. Anyway, we shot it You know, we chat for about an hour. We cut it down to about two minutes And it's so weird, and I didn't even under it's hilarious. I didn't I was like, why is it funny? It's not And we shot a second one. with Richard Dreyfus So a second one O while I was driving, I almost drove off the four hundred five scared the shit out of me. the Retrodrive. I was like, Jesus Christ. And he said I'd like to do the show. He goes, Now I'm not going to take my shirt off. And I went, Well, I got production problems I'm going head to head right. Why would he be in a bathtub without his shirt? Yeah, that's exactly. I said, Well, the whole thing is like it's and so we got him there and the guy who I was working with this guy Rob Cohen said, The Jew Rob Cohen said Rob Cohen said, just like it's like porn, you get him. justust get the girl to Tarzana and into the hotel room. We'll get the sht. I don't even know what that meant. I don't even know what that meant. I have a feeling We got there, now Drevus is there with his wife and his daughter. Now I'm in a bath with Richard Dreyiffus between my legs and his daughter and his wife are going, takeake your shirt off. He's like, I don't w want to take my shirt off. And I just like, Well this is nothing else is a unique moment. And the show was funnier than the first episode. but the show, but that show I didn't Rob, the other guy said, let's just show it anyway. And I said, it's funny because we had do you know, he was we had mashed potatoes and he was building mashed potatoes. Oh, you did a close Everything. He did everything we asked. I asked him to do a scene from Jaws and that's not a boating accident. I said, but that's not the way you did it He goes, That's the way I did it. It's not as good. And we had all righted stuff. It said Do good in the movie. this just sounds like you're some idiot in a bathtub. Do it, do it. And he was so funny, he was so game, but he had the shirt up. And I realized, o, the whole thing is just it's awkwardness. It's just complete awkwardness. And it just I just thought I want to do it one day, but it has to be two guys in a bath I think Gilbert will do it will you You know what, And that's the other thing is we realize that the show that it can't be somebody who would do something. Oh' funny Gilbert, first of all, Gilbert I guess because you would never be invited to do something That's an argument. You could go that way. No, no, no. You know what Well, well listen. you know, there there too gets back to those. How like in the airplanes movies. Yeah U, they I think the studio said, Oh, I'll hire a bunch of comedians. Yeah. That's why And they said no we want like play. Isn't it amazing how you're like, Oh, Jesus, every cliche down the line is true. You just said that. One person even said whyy don't you just, u like soap suds all over him. Oh yeah, yeah. and I was like, Be whyy do underwear with hearts on it? They're like, yeah Right? Yeah Fny underway it funny. So if we come to your apartment, there is there is footage of you in the bathtub with Richard Yeah. Yeah, yeah that's yeah that's l That's invitation only. Okay. But I do want to I do want to do the show. They wanted they still ask about it. they want to do it. There's a way that I want to do it. and like, with the dream guest is like Kissinger. No You know who was gonna to do it? And I'm saying this to shame him because he backed out was I meant Sanic versus Salmon Rusty. Salmon Rusty is the nicest guy in the world. And and a friend of Care Fisher's, yes, that Carry Fisher. I did not. But Salmon Rustyanest. Salmon Rusty, but not the one you're thinking of the he was going to do it. Ma. You're not interested that I was gonna to bathe Selmon Rushies. That is gonna show up. Don't mention Riter. He cash Oh Godd Cass his ass, That's what he used to call. You going to the cast party? Yes. didid you. like an awning. Did you? It was like a It was like a Did you ever go down Melma Riter? Yeah, and you know what? That's why it was like a parking garage down there I'm to plu bathing with Berico, Look for it online. It's brilliant. And and I hope you do another one Thank you so much. Thank you. Did wey F the Jeffersons ever blow you Well Define ever And that's gold. You wantanna cut it there, you w want to do it little Oh God. Come on. Okay. All right. We're gonna do what we should have done an hour ago. Wrap this episode up. There's so much we could talk to you about. Do you ever walk around and go, this interests me because when I turn fifty, But do you ever walk around?ike I remember looking at people when they were like, I don't know, seventy five, le uno why don't people like, do you ever walk around as I get older, I think, Ohh if I now I'm the age where if I had a heart attack, people would be disappointed. They go, Oh, no' would be surprised. No one would be surprised, Like a heart attack. Like the older you get, and then it's like, oh, well he was fifty. Listen, you know, he must not have been taken care of. Maybe he got a little Do you know what I mean? Like the de now I just how if eighty year old people walk around going, Jesus I just go What's that? What's that? What's that? Is this it? Is this it? It's How do you like? When you watch comedians get old, they like when the three stooes slap each other and he's's Oh Jesus, you're gonna hurt him. Yeah. He's on my wrist Charlie already had a. Can you Chl with the wrists? Yes. Wh that felt hitting him. You're stabbing me with your wrist. Also, my friend, you have a charity that is very close to your heart. Yeah we wouldd like to talk about. Yes. Great choice of words. The pioneers of the first infant heart transplant baby Baby baby bubble in the baboon heart, all that really? That was that was Loma Linda University Children's Hospital. and I visited their amazing people. and I just want to give them a plug because they sure. they have they they they don't ever turn away a child in need and they, you know, they can always use the money. So if you want to text U Kids K ID S at two seven seven two two They will deduct ten dollars from your phone bill and it will go straight. All that money goes to keeping Lomainda University Children's Hospital open. And they're amazing people. Please do that. Terrific. Loma Linda Children's Hospital. Kids two, seven, seven, two, two. All right then, what's your favorite gag and airplane? And then I'll ask Gilbert Uh, favorite. Physical gag or bline That's a tough one. I'd say one in another the train. I'd go fuck one Why didn't it's the guy wait in the cab? Why was it just the guy waiting in the cab? I should have said that. What kind of idiot says, you know, I don't know. I don't remember. I remember watching the movie. I remember like very clearly like I remember watching it and I couldn't breathe. and I remember I've never seen a movie where I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. L this I this is the way peopleople sound like on those comp like two thousand year old man when when when it sounds like womenen are laughing like they're being stabbed Yeah. can't tell of nobody laugh like you know, you know, and that's another thing getting back to how they wanted a highire comics instead It's like they hired Leslie Nielsen who would make those kind of movies. Y in his day Then Leslie Nelson started to realize he was funny And he never be doing those And ye they kind of like when they did scary, they did the scary movies like These were the guys of David Zucker and I was like, Why are you hiring anybody that's funny? Like Yeah. I was mainly known for stuff that was so maybe there was an argument for like nobody nobody watched any of the TV shows and they saw cinder elements. So you can do this They had funny, like people who were known funny. and I just thought orr the guest stars, you know, like the people who were like, you know, visual jokes, you know, And I just thought, you know who I like who's an amazingly funny person like Chris Elliot. I just thought hilarious. But he shouldn't be in the because know you know it' funy right? Yeah. ye Why we're angry about this, though we've got angry. we're talking to someone today, this is Gilbert Josh. Jesus. And this is shut the fuck up. This is I wanna end this show so badly Hi, I'm Gilbert Godfried. This is Gilbert Gotfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co host Frank Santo Padre. We've been talking to someone who fucked carry fish. Oh Yes. fuck Cry fish. Oh, you blew E fish. No, I went fishing Eddie Is it Br Eddyrackd Br Yeah, That's it. and you heurard it. you mananggled it up and scrambed and made it dirty.ry Don't be potty funny. noobody needs you to work blue. Why do it just be you? Pople like you. I want to meet you There's nothing in there Would you like to say the guest name A? Craig Berko. Yeah, who is ashamed of his Jewish heritage. come on, that's not incorrect. Come on. Thank you, Craig for doing the show. It's your mother who was ashamed of her My mother's gonna be ashamed of everything after this. I hope she doesn't hear thats Oh God Hey it's Ran Renold here from MitMobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for fifteen dollars a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollars bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile dot com slash swwitch Upront pay forty five dollars for three months ninety dollars for six months one hundredy dollars forel month, reired fifteen dollars for ath equalent to teaxasess extra. initial term only greater than fifty gigabyes be slow netork is busy t