Finding Courage and Embracing Vulnerability

Hello everyone, I'm Jammie Lang and this is Great Moments Guys, welcome back to another episode of a Great moments. H hope you're having a good day. Now we are looking back at my conversation with the incredible Ashley Roberts Now Ashley was a joy to talk to Pisssy Cat Doll. She's funny honest, open and I learned so much about her during our chat. Now we've picked one my favorite moments to share with you. and if you like this, you'd love the full episode Okay, you can find that in the show notes so just go and click on that. Okay, so enjoy this great momoments with Ashley Roberts I started doing therapy when I was about twenty seven years old. and I suddenly started to realize like a lot of things. Yeah. Like I thought I was gonna get to the age of like thirty and someone was gonna open a door and go, come in here, hear all the secrets. And I was like, brilliant. I can't wait for that. I can't wait for. Yeah I can't wait to find that out. And then thirty years I was like, fuck Eone is guessing. everyone doesn't really know what's going on. This is everyone's first. This Noone's had a dress rehearsal. No. This is it. this is it. Yeah. I mean that was a scary moment. I think Rubi said like fake it till you make it. likeike it's just and it's such a sort of cheesy line, but it's true. Like none of us haven't figured out We're all trying. But at least I think, again, like with doing this book and sharing it is I want people to be open to trying new things that could help them feel better and help calm down, you know Because anybody, even if you don't have high stress levels and a lot of anxiety, like this kind of stuff will help you just feel good Do you think being positive is a coping mechanism or a defence mechanism W Oh a bit of both, you know Be I have that as well. I love the I love being positive. I really like that. And when actually when I had this in relationships in the past. When I was in relationships and people were being negative I didn't like, I couldn't handle.'t handle that. I can't handle that. Don't bring that in here. And that wasn't so good. so it wouldn't allow other people to express their emotions in a relationship that well because I didn't The ne space. I didn't want that space. Okay. I'd rather deny that Interesting. not at like you mean Even at all like Oh wow I never ever liked it. I never liked it. Interesting. I wonder what that. And so then when I started doing therapy, I started to understand like how you can open up and understand these different emotions. And then I started to be able to accept negative emotion and realizing that actually being positive all the time, you don't have to be that You don't have to be all this height and stuff the time, but actually being still and feeling the emotions is a good thing. Yeah, there was this study actually that like There was a high percentage of people that would rather get electric shocks then sit with their own emotions I mean, then and the percentage was like extremely high So I think that just goes to show. yeah, I mean,, you know it's not necessarily fun, but that's sort of how you get through it on the other side and get growth and evolution within yourself. Being positive is a great thing, right? Totally. But too much of anything is probably Do you know, when I u When I spoke about my darker times, which I never had done really before and I'd opened up about like the way that I felt and things like that, it was So good to share because it made everyone perceive me differently and they realize that there were different sides to it. Yeah. And I almost feel like this book that you're doing is going to do that for you as well where you show every side of yourself and that authenticity that is coming out is That is what's powerful. Well You know, I feel like it's interesting you and I, right? Because like you said, when you see me, I give off light and you're the same way. Like when you're in that when I come into your presence, I know I'm going to get like a burst of joy. but also you were very inspiring to me going on that run and being vulnerable within that. I'm serious because I was like, look, like wow, like he's really opening up right now. And I was in the midst of writing this book and I was like, okay, like it's time. it's time to sort of be a full human, right? becausecause we're not all just one thing. We're so complex. and Um, Yeah. I feel like there's I feel like I'm kind of maybe growing up a bit as well just to be able to share all this. But you were a big inspiration for me during that. So And look, And the thing is, is I still look at you as this big all of joy, you know, even though same to you. You know what I mean? So you haven't lost that That spparkle, if anything is probably brighter and reaching more people. ud this is a really annoying question. I actually kind of hate it when people ask these things, but I'm gonna ask you because well, because I think it only because I'm on that path. And I've heard you speak about it. know we always talk about with There's this silly analogy that people talk about where women get it concerned when they think about having kids, right as they start to get older Would you at some point want to have kids U Well, I do open up a bit about this in the book. It has really never been a priority to me. Even as a young kid, I told my mom, I'm like, I don't think I'm on ks. I don't really care if I get married. It wasn't like I was the girl planning the wedding and seeing the whole like you know, pick a fence and all that. So I kept thking, well, maybe when I get older that will shift. And I'm like really shifted Uh, so in. I mean, who knows we you know every day I think we got to allow ourselves to exist in the possibility of waking up the next day and feeling different, although you know as a woman we've got our biological clock. But again, going back to but isn't it funny just quickly that it's so interesting that when Because it's sony. there's a weird there's certain things in life which I find b up. Yeah. If you said to me, do you drink? and I went, No, I don't drink Eespecially in English courords they go. Huh Yeah and I'm not a murderer. I' like that is don't drink. And I think it's sort of the same in life with kids. when someone says, Do you w wantna have kids? and you go, Well, I don't people tend to go What What? I know right? What but you're meant to. That's what you're meant to do. is And actually there's no Right or wrong weed life? I mean, I'm gonna say two things. One, I told you I was going to break the cycle. so there's that Two, I love fluffy these I mean, like I could have like a load of dogs and be in heaven. So I think I might just have a little fur family And be so al right with that. I mean, and that's how I feel now. whoo knows later down the road is twenty twenty five There's all kinds of of ways, but that, you know, that could just have a fur family and be like be as a piggin, you know what? Pig and shit. Pig shit I I heard that you said there wasce you said I wantan to spend my money on traveling because that's my love language. That's my love language. Oh my God, get me on pay for L likeike you're always on a plane. I was like, yeah, I don't have kids. I spend all my money on traveling. 'a that's what I love to do. I can do it because I don Sheh be shaked away. And do you know what I swear my God, so many people, so many people, whether they want to agree with you or not are going fuck's right. She's reckon right Yeah one hundred percent, a hundred percent. I would have That's a little cute, you know, man coming over and serving it to me. Sounds fabulous. And I've got a kiddy pool What are you what do you like in a relationship? O What do you like when you're in love? Yeah,ah well, I mean, you know, there's been many areas of love, but I think that this current one I'm in is quite nice. It's consistent, it's kind, it's thoughtful, it's romantic, it's It's my nervous system. And honestly, I swear to you, Jamie, it's because I've been doing this work. Get out of. I swear because Just been a shift. Even my my friends, my closest friends, I said, you know,'ve got my close circle. likeike they were like, Ash likeike you're different. like something's different. And when you again have a shift in perspective, right how you operate in life then shows up differently. And sort of becausecause you can react differently. you process things differently. self awareness of, I mean, also that, you know, I've gotten older, but my boyfriend's you know, younger than me. And I was like, first of all, I was like, no, we'll have, you know, this is fun, but like not gonna go anywhere serious. but actually The kind of human that he is, I was like, oh, that like my nervous system around you is really calm Wow. You're consistent, transparent. Um J just a beautiful human. And I was like I want to I want to lean into that instead of The other relationships that sparked up something that was probably what was more familiar to me U as considered love, you know? Did you find in some rel when relationships seem to be hectic and chaotic and dramatic and barry and you' like, oh, that this is what it should be like. This is what a relationship should be like. Oh yeah, all the chemicals be going off the bells, the whistles and you're like We! J just rouge flags flowing all over the place. But you c you c Waving that red flagy like gover Rver ' doing a parade down the street and I'm like, Yeah, this is you. You. Get out of me. do this. It It's right because then when things are like when someone turns up and they're kind and it feels more still, that doesn't feel as exciting. But that is because the way that sometimes our brains work calmness and stillness feels boring. But that is what we should be off. Yeah, But in a sense, it's not boring because we laugh and we have a good time And we're creative together and there's so many other beautiful nuggets that come with it. So yeah, and I honestly I'm like what I did lean into him is like Not physically or maybe physically, you know, all the leans. I patted myself on the back because I was like You' during it, you went Yeah I was like, you like That was good. Yeah. I like it. You like it? I like it. we like it And I was like, yes, Chica bet you're choosing new things. light ask how much younger is he than you He's seventeen years younger than me. Let's go. Let's go By Cooper and Gi Hidei, twenty years no Nobody even like Bats an Island. You think I give a shit. I I think it's freaking great. I in the beginning was a bit like Oo, I don't know about this. But again, it was like the kind of person and human that he is where I was like, Im I've dated load of guys my age and older and they be acting like thirteen year olds. Ctely. emotion intelligence is like of a five year old. so wow. What do you look for in a relationship? So what do you look for in a person Um like, you we want to have a good laugh. That's super important. You want to have fun. You're so funny. You are so funny. You You are so funny. the two of you too. I mean, I just can't, I love you guys so much. Yeah, it's having that playfulness. haaving a laugh, again, knowing that you're not going to be judged for how you dress or how you operate in the world or you know, just being being able to be yourself and be fully accepted of that is an awesome space to exist in. And if someone's listening, right to this and they are maybe in a relationship that they No isn't right But they feel stuck? How do you get out of that Well, listen, I'm not, you know, a life coach over here. that's you are Do you. Yeah, I feel like you are.. I mean, you know, sometimes we got to do brave things like let me tell you that some of the relationships that I left were not easy ones to walk away from. but I knew in my gut it was what was needed to be done and it was tough getting on the other side, but thank God that I did, you know, And I think if you can find that courage, that bravery within you, listen to that, act U you know that it's not right for you, right? And like, come on, like this is such a gift that we're here. Like how do you want to spend it? And I know we cause a lot of chaos ourselves So having someone by your side that makes you feel better is important There's a lot going on. you know, we need we need a good Ride or die, partner and cry. say, man. What is the bravest thing you've done Gossh you know, I've done a lot of interestnting things. I mean you talk about like, I mean, I've danced with snakes and'm I'm so fearful of those things that that felt pretty what is it? What is the thing that you are just the most proud ofself? you like ye, is it this book? you think? I was going say currently it's definitely this book. I mean, honestly, even though it's like It's ironic because even as I'm talking about something that brings me so much peace and joy and comfort and it's it it's caused me a lot of like of anxiety and stress because I'm opening up about things that I haven't spoken about. and I'm also putting myself out there like passassion overrides that so much. So I'm like, all right, Chk, you just got to do this. And this is a thing. Like you said, none of us haven't figured out. We're just we're all just trying, you know, and so putting one foot in front of the other, trusting the process and just showing up anyways, even when you feel a bit like, o I'm not quite sure if I could do this. Shing you always get something out of it. There's always a lesson. There's always maybe someone you meet There's an opportunity that might come in that wouldn't before by, you know, just taking that step Oh Feel the fear and do it anyways