Strange Dating Experiences in London

Hello everyone, I'm Jammie Lang and this is Great Moments Hello everyone. This is Great Moments, where I share some of my favourite moments from my conversations on Great Company. Something that's made me think, made me laugh or changed my perspective. and hopefully hopefully there's something in it for you too. So are you ready? Let's get into it When's the worst breakup you ever had Well, to be fair, I've had loads. Really? Yeah. because I'm very like when I'm in, I'm in, notot any moreore now I'm quite out. Do Do you do the dumping or can you get dumped Oh I can get dumped. It's quite a skill Really Oh yeah, I think I really don't Yeah. No. Oh yeah. Do you see it coming Yeah Oh ye. Yeah yeah ye. I'm never one of those women who's like it came out of nowhere. O O did onene came out and nowhere, but like I wasn't that into them. It was more of a relief because when I was sick and I'd these string aen when they break up me because it was like three months in the button. they werere like, Ohh, she's mad You know what I mean? Like you can get away with it for three months then you're like, you're staying over, you have to eat dinner, it you can keep it together. Yeah, three months in, they're all like they're out. like you could literally set your watch by it. Really? Yeah. but it was like a release. I was like, Gandal, let' just go back to meeting sort of full time. Thankks. You were kind of helding whole thing up to be honest You're in the way of my weight ls journey But no, I have I used to like I remember my first breakup, Oh, how are I, God. I'll never forget the pous Oh my go.ike I remember breaking up with the guy and when I was ten years of age and get out of his. I swear to God. I'm gamie. I've been g a long time, Jamie. I was an early started. I loved boys. I was boy mad. But you can't be ten and be bergonarded Oh my Godd. Do you remember the song I swear by the Mon? My Godd, pipes are h. I know because I've listened to it sixty billion times crying, holding his not numb trucks dog tags Which I'd engraved our names in myself with a compass. He't even he didn't even know I had his not num jo, Kltgs, dog Tgs. No joks I' just self flagelling when I' just hit my own back. le it's your fault. But then I remember my first serious breakup when I was I don't know, I must be in my twenties, I'd say. Yeah. And like obviously, because your first serious relationship, you're like, guess this is me now we're gonna get married and have kid. whichich is hilarious in hindsight, you know. Like I've girls come to my shows now and they're in their early twenties and I'm like, arere you gonna marry me and she's again? I was like, I Han You know what I mean? You need to speak to Angela. You're not this is you're too fucking young finished. but I was so devastated. Oh my God, I remember I like I gotta try out to his house I tried to doorstep him b and his mom was like he's not here. And I end down in sitting away waiting for I remember I remember I rang. so I r I went I was heart broken. And I was like, I just need to see him. He just needs to see me. and then everything would be fine. Like I was quite a needy girlfriend on him to try out hisouse, he was living with his moment onwere and he like, young And his mom was like, He's not here and she could see that I just wasn't going to go anywhere and she's like, Do you want to come in away from? I said, Yeahah. So he wasn't answing calls. I was ringing him off my little pink flip fan. She said, you want to ring him off the landline. My eyes lit up because I was like, Well, he's never gonna know that's me. Yeah, I'll ring him. Answers his what he thinks is his mother.an You your mom gotta ye Your momum's dropped to a radior. You don't come home in the next ten minutes. I've got a specific set of skills. So nuts took a bus took the bus the train. I got the ds. Yeah. He lived in Shank Kill at the time You took a st She the most. But that was just a bonus that she let me do that I could never have anticipated that I'd get a hotline straight to his mobile But I remember sitting on the dark n night. So, you know when you're brok know when your heart broken and it's like like I've learned a lot. like I fall I used to say like I don't fall love, I fall insane. When I'm in love, I'm so I have these very Like it's deep deep, deep deep. Yeah, these very intense relationships where it's like the worst of times and the best of times and you're breakaking up all the time. It's always that kind of never anything like is the type of person you go for or what? I'd say it it's a bit of me and a bit of them It's always you can't you can't remove yourself from all accountability. I know myself that it's probably that dopamine thing, you know, that kind of ADHD brain vibe's like this You chase that the high and the drama and also when something still, it feels boring. Exactly. And so you want it to be feel exciting that. It's kind of juvenile way of going about things as well. I hope that I don't behave like that anymore I've had some very boring relationships since, so hopefully that's a good sign that I've evolved. off my ts. This was be what it's like. But I remember sitting on the dark gown out to his house and feeling like at peace because I was going to see him So they say it's like a drug and you've just g your drug's just being ripped off, it's calledld turkey. So you felt calm that you knew you were going there? they're grinning like an absolute fruit loop on the terrain. I never remember. I was in a lawn style top and a denim skirt and my furry boots Yeah. Do you think there's he didn't didn't didn't work out? Would you believe that Can you believe I didn't marry that man? N'ot shocking Do do you um W you like to married I wouldn't so if I met someone tomorrow and I was Again, mad about them because I do have it in me. Yeah, yeah. I do have it in me to go go to get mad aboutate them. And I think I've hardened up in the last couple of years. I don't think I'm the way I was. Like I think it's kind I'm more for men, I'm way more I'm not I don't fold where I used to fall as often as I used to f. I think you're quite tough I am quite tough.il three rides and I'm like, wouldould you love me if I was a worm? But like at the start I'm very tough. I'm too tough actually. Yeah. I've kind of hardened up a bit too much. I think with the job as well, the job became I realized pretty pretty quickly. the job is a bit of a cock block, really. Why? Because you have to be married to it No, that man, no man, no man is gonna to walk out of my show and be like, I'll slip into her I disagree. You're a different beast. I disagree. I think because we know each other and also you You kind of dabbled in a bit of comedy at one point, but like man the average person, I was I was doing a show in Plymouth Re and there was three straight men in the front row. and the whole show I was like, why not f are they there? And then after I was like, maybe one of them fancied me from like a TV show or something and he came and I was like And I was saying it to my tour manager and she was like, Ohh, why didn't she see it? I was like, no, because I know now. He will leave Cured There's not he's not going to be like he'll be lea now and be like, A your grant. I'm not taking that on. Even Vogue Vogue our mutual friend. She was she was trying to set me up with someone before And he asked my Instram and she's like, no, No, you're not having it. And I was like, whyy? Becauseuse you're hile. You're hostile But I think the job has kind of toughened me up and I think there's a certain amount of resilience required and I feel like I'm very independent now and I'm financially independent and I'm not willing to like You don't need you only need it for for theion, which is love. That you don't need it need it for love financial support, anything you don't know, you're f my own my own littleese s now, but I would and also like Actually, you know what? I I actually downloaded a datenap last night for the first time in Idt how long. was Hinge Okay's. And then five minutes in, I was like, U M I was like, Joanne, this is not the energy to bring to hinge. Youve rllge your eyes nineteen times. you've been on it thirty seconds I also think with there's a weird thing which the question is always asked women always. It's always about kids. and I don't know why they always ask that. I know. And women get to a cdertain age and it's like, well, wouldn't you want tona have them? with? I'd love have kids. You would like to have kids? Yeah I'd love have kids. I might adopt kids. I might just h back. Yeah My problem is I forget like I'm forty two and like life just sneaks up on you because it didn't happen for me with a man, because I think I'm way more self aware now and I realize now I was never going to be the type of I just was never going to be the person who got married at twenty five. That was just never what I was going to do. And Now I've gotten to forty two. I'm I I think I call myself a little problematically independent at this point So the kids thing, I assume it'll be something I'll probably do on my own. or my friend Rossy's gay. We were trying to maybe something we'd kind of genetically collab Really? Maybe ye But like then I'm like'm fully I'm touring until next Christmas some. Yeah. And there's a tricky thing, which especially with being a comedian, it's like Where did you put the bab Out of any job, I think that's the hardest because the way you make your living is tour and you have to go around the country and meet different people so then whereere do you put the bab? But then you have to prioritize that's the thing. It's like, well, if you're going to do it you need to prioritize putting time aside to raise the baby, do you want C't just have the baby and pick it up when it's eighteen But you're not in a relationship? No Oh No hence the download of the dating apps. Yeah, what is your type for anyone listening Oh, greatreat question. And you need funny Yeah, I mean the law, it's criminal Criminal isn't criminal. necessary, but it seems to be A little bit of time somewhere along the line seems to be a thing for me It's always white collar, which barely counts You know Maybe an eld addiction issue, but they've recovered, but they're probably, you know, maybe one sausage away from a relapse kind of vibe. An I stay away from spiritual vegans now because I you like a little bit of. trying to hold a lot of shit behind them. Do you know what I mean? But you like a little bit of trauma I seem to, yes.es. Okay. Yeah. ye, there seems to be that seems to be my jam Yeah. Where are your wounds Yeah, let's roub the ws together Yeah. I actually think for the moment I'm actually I would My concern for myself would be that I'd closed down shop completely because I am' quite content And you have to be open. What so no sex forever? Well, no, I'd have sex I'm willing. You're willing to Yeah to let a man have sex in me? yes I am willing I leave my doors open every Saturday afternoon between two and three. and delivery to drivers I'm like, come on in' N not gonna to give you the code I'll give you the code after. C come on Let's make it. I intermediately sound this La was the funniest she ever told me. He once had a one nife stand with a guy and he didn't take his anorac off the whole time. He just wore his jacket. Oh my God, is that is so lazy. Like talkal about just get a wank sleeve. Why am I even here I know one of my mates Rll Vy kept his hat on the whole time, but I was like, like a truebery. I know like. hot That's just in timimber like, isn't And just one white glove. He kept his hat on. I was like, yeah, ' becausecause he's bald. She was like, o, I was like, oh, come on. It's classic one hundred one Have you ever had a strange one n s All strange I remember one guy I went on a date with them and I was again, I was in the aftermath of a breakup. Yeah, yeah. and I fancied this guy and it was probably the first guy I fancied after the last guy. And you know when you've kind of broken through that wall, you're like, o, amazing. And I just moved to London and I was like gonna you know, I'm gonna be like Care Bradshaw. Well you know, living my London life and I'm just gonna date and because I was never particularly promiscuous. I was very much like giving you This my flower. Yeah. It's gonna ruin it. Tell your macy you took it. I was always like that. So u But I was like I'm going I'm going to like, you know, I'm going be going to have that like really promisissive stage whatever. I don't think I'm really equipp for that, but I' Anyway I went to Dave this guy and I really fancied him and I was like, than God. So I was like, o how with you? He's like, Oh, okay. So I was sitting in the black cab with them because I just assumed all men wanted you to come with them I never thought that he didn't never crossed my mind And I was sitt in the taxi but then I realized his attitude toward, I was like, oh, you're like a little you're a little sexist actually. becauseuse he was like, well, look, I'm assuming you don't do this a lot. And I was like, o Yeah, he was judging me for going home with him. Are you so what? Yeah. Oh, Jamie Klineo, let's not be surprised. I am surprised by that. And I think I in my heightened state of like my new London life and I fancy someone was like, this truly this m to be absolutely. And of course he was like, I'm obviously going to have sexy, but I'm just hoping this isn't like how you normally behave She then have a weird like argument in like the text. I just remember it very clearly that stuck in my mind. I I was like, o, he's judging me I followed through anyway, obviously, because I was like, I'm new to London. I don't know where I live Having a clue what ch' bling I'm on. I'm stuck in this taxi now and it went back And the next morning Yeah was Ice cold. What? I mean had his back to me. and I remember saying to him, He was on his phone and I went, arere you back on hinge? I said he un hinge. I went no msw your mouse. And I was like, I was taking the piss. And then I obviously hadn't clue where I was. So I said, Listen, I don't know where am and he told me I was in like wherever you was like Woolfordshire or something He said I said, can I I said is there a train station nearby? He goes,es, down the road. And I said, do you drive And he said, yeah And he goes And he looked at me like as, I was going to do something really cheeky. And he goes, I'm not Joan, I'm not giving you a lift. And I said I Oh, okay. and he said, I said, whyy? Just out of interest he goes Beause that would be I'll never forget it, an unprecedented act of chivalry and I just don't think I feel that way about you yet Welcome to London, Jan And I started laughing. And' was like, That's so funny becausecause I was like, you're like you're're too much. Yeah, this is ridiculous. So I was like, I'm gonna to go in now and he's like, Oh be like that? And I was like, you're you. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I know you're grand Yes, that's the end. I thought I was like giving this gift to this man. Me For twelve hours. You lucky bastard? Yeah But Ien I call the Ajaca house explain. They ejaculate the he Really? A come on Ege, Aimmy I can see it in your eyes You know exactly what I mean. They get what they want. notot all of them know, not all m has type, blah blah blah, But like there's a pursuit there And there is that personal clarity of like, oh you're still here. Don't rob it on any wayay aice. Wow, you were all over me last night Yeah Pppose not clarity the attacate