Anxiety Management and Quick Fire Questions

You ready for this? Oh god. What do you love about Spen? Do you communicate well? What turns you on? Oh no, Jamie. You went to a sex party? I went to a sex party. When was the last time you cried? Who's your whole pass? Who's Spen's whole pass? You asked him? I can't wait . Hi, I'm Vogue Williams and I'm in great company. Hello everybody. And welcome! We believe Spence is a psychopath, right? There's a torture something. We have a game which is called Spencer Matthews or Psychopath. Okay . That sounds like something Spanny would say. That's a psychopath. I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Oh I know, yeah. Do you just feel like you're like your whole body's just failed you, you're on your own and like like I can't believe why me, why me? The articles that came out saying that your relationship was on the rocks and blah blah blah. Oh my god, they still are. Even when we were on holidays there, it was like, oh they're making amends on this holiday. I'm like, making amends from what? Like, where has that come from? There was a big turn in your life, right? Because at 22-23, your dad passed away. He's had two heart attacks in two days. But how did you process the grief? I think I didn't. I kind of ran away to Australia. I just wanted to get away from the sadness. I remember when Spen said he was gonna propose to you. You let him do that proposal. Have you seen our engagement pictures? Thank you, Jamie. That was so fun. Well, hello everybody. Welcome back to Great Company. Thank you so much for coming back. Okay, I've got a few things to tell you before we start the show. Firstly, tell you who our guest is. It's Vogue Williams. She's a great friend of mine. She's married to one of my oldest, greatest friends, Spencer Matthews. I've had Spencer on the show before, and now it was Vogue's tone. She's just recently announced she's having a fourth baby. So she's pregnant again, which is incredible and amazing and exciting. Now I've asked Vogue to come on the podcast a lot of times and she's always kind of said, maybe not now, maybe a little bit later. She's finally said yes, and we're gonna talk about so many things. We're gonna talk about Spencer, her husband, her life growing up in Hoth in Ireland, um the fact that her father died when she was in her early twenties, anxiety, work, divorce, it's all in there. So get ready for this, 'cause it's gonna be amazing. And before we start, I want to ask you two things. Firstly, if you haven't subscribed to our show, please do join the amazing community of incredible people who are already following great company. It means we can keep making better shows for you that deliver great guests, because that's what we're here to do. And secondly, if you haven't already listened to my other show with my wife, newly parents, you can go and check that out as well. Okay . Here we go. Enjoy this great episode of Great Company with Vogue Williams. What do you what do you love about Spen? I think deep down because we're best friends before everything, we're a good team with the kids and everything. And like I think when you become parents, like I didn't want to lose myself completely either. I still wanted to do what I want to do. I love my job. I love working. I get such satisfaction out of my work. He gets such satisfaction out of what he does. And I think that both of us makes that still accessible to each other. We communicate well. We commu we do a lot better now, I think. Like if I wanna I was back in Ireland at the weekend. The last two weekends, he started to smell a rat because I was spending additional time there. Because I was like I'll just have a lion before I go home. He like will then like deal with everything at home and then like when he wants to go off and do something then I deal with everything at home. And I just think it's nice to have that kind of support from your partner. We believe Spen's a psychopath, right? There's a touch of something. There's a touch of something going on. He's so isn't he just like the maddest person to kind of watch sometimes. I I've said this before. People ask me if you could put a GoPro on someone's head and they didn't was on their head, I would be him. Do you ever watch him sometimes? And I'm like, who are you talking to? Like, because he'll be beside me and we'll be going for a walk. And he's like, And I'm like, who are you talking to? And he's like, and he'll tell me who he's talking to in his head. It will be a person. Like and he'll be as like thinking about a conversation that's gonna happen later. But I can just see him like this in the odd hand move. I'm like I know you're talking to doing in his head, preempting it. That's very psychopath. Okay, so we have a game which is called Spencer Matthews or Psychopath. Okay. I'm gonna read some sentences. You have to decide if it's Spencer who has said it or it's a psychopath. Okay. You ready for this? Yeah. Okay. Is this Spencer a psychopath? What if my problem wasn't that I don't understand people, but I just don't like them? That sounds like something Spenny would say. That's a psychopath. Is this Spencer a psychopath? The two emotions that I feel are greed and disgust. Oh, please let that be a psychopath. Is that spent? Spencer Yeah. He said it to me this morning. But it's actually a quote. And then he went, actually that's a a quote from movie, but yeah, send it to me. That's from American Psycho or something like that. My hero has always been myself. That sounds like Spen. It's Spen. Yeah. I asked him the other day, I was like, let's play a game, what would you change about yourself? And he was like, what? And I was like, well, what would you change about yourself? Physically. Like f we'll do physically first. And he's like, nothing. And I'm like, nothing Nothing. I had this list as long as my arm. I'm like he's like, Why would I change anything? Why would I change Yeah You're height? No Special Psychopath, uh do you have any idea how crazy you sound? Psychopath? That's a psychopath. Pain is essential. That sounds like Spenny telling you running chat. Let's see telling you something about running. I'm not a fan of being told what to do. That doesn't sound like him. That's Spenny. Really? Yeah, that's Spenny. I thought that sounded more like me. Being comfortable is terrible. It's detriment to growth. That's like something Spenny read in one of the three books he's ever read. I don't care . That sounds like him. That's a psychopath. Is it? But he doesn't care. Like if someone slags him off, he doesn't care. You know, sometimes you'd be like, ooh, that hurt a bit. Yeah, he he doesn't he he he doesn't have that like whatever it is. I'd love to have that though. Yeah. To not care what people think about me. But do you have that? No, not really . I do. I don't like people being mean about me. Really? Yeah. Because you have this strong like shell, right? That means. But then you get upset when people I try to avoid comments. Like, I mean, it's you see the odd thing, and I don't really care. But like if you see loads of stuff sometimes, it just like it kind of just it's like no one can really just shield themselves from absolute like you shouldn't read it, but like if you read it, it's like, oh my god, it's just it's relentless and you think those people like comes from people that you don't even know as well. It's so weird. So we this we're talking about comments and daily mail things and stuff like that, right? You do well on them. If I ever want to cheer myself up, I'll read yours. Mine are terrible. Mine are terrible. Yeah, but like these are people that have time to sit at home and like comment things. Do you know what I mean? Like I had this woman mail me. She was mailing me all this awful stuff. And eventually I just mailed some of her family that were like because I could tell by her second name because it was her own account and I just was like this person is sending me this so that's my new way about it. What were they saying? What were they saying? Oh just like awful things about like the way I looked and like just mad stuff about myself that wasn't even true. It's some idiot. I know, but some I'll ignore it most of the time. But if it's a an actual person and not like a a bot or something, I'm like, okay, this is just a little bit weird and I'll just I'll like that's what I that's what I did the last time. It's a good thing to do. I you know, like the the all the articles that came out saying that your relationship was on the rocks and blah blah blah. Oh my god, they still are. But why do they So they were coming out when Spen and I were remember when we were we were chatting about it last summer. Spen and I were in the process of buying our new house and I was like, this is just so strange. And even when we were on holidays there in St. Bart's, we hadn't announced our pregnancy yet. It was like, oh, they're d they're they're making amends on the I'm like, making amends from what? Like where has that come from? Because I remember when and I was talking to Spen about it, right? And he was saying it's actually becoming quite upsetting now that so many people are writing this crap . That really upset me. Because I was like, I don't want my baby like being born and like growing up and reading something like that. That's absolutely not true. And for us to have been trying for so long and to find it finally be at this point. I know, but like that's what it's like that's kind of what you have to deal with. And it's not all the time. And I get that like there's give and take as well. But like it's just I don't I don't know where it comes from. I think it I think it's just an interesting line to go with us. Putting their marriage crisis behind them. I'm like, what? I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Oh, I know, yeah. But that like genuinely it happens to so many people. I know. Like two out of three. And the reason I spoke about it was because I remember like when it happened, like not that I wanted it to happen to other people, but like seeing other people talk about it, I was like, okay, it's 'cause you just feel like you're like your whole body's just failed you, you're on your own and like like I can't believe why me, why me, but why not you? Because like it happens all the time. It happens like every like a two out of three or something. I know it's crazy. The the the statistics are really, really high. It's really high. And like I've had friends that have had extremely late miscarriages, and I look at that and I'm like, that would be the most difficult thing in the world. So you just kinda have to move forward with it. But then I imagine also when there's press and all articles and all these different things. And so when you speak about it, you're just like, well, what are the press gonna say? What are all these people gonna say? And then you have to manage that as well. When most people can sort of do this in their private life. I didn't speak about it at the time at all. And then only when like now but even with this pregnancy I was like I just don't want to say it. Like we got to a really late stage and I was like it's it's starting to get obvious now, like it's people are starting to talk about it, and so I was like, right, we're gonna have to announce it. And I got to this stage where I was like, Okay, I feel grand that we're able to announce it now because I didn't want to tell the kids so really late either. Um , and because of the last time, but I didn't tell them the last time, I was literally about to tell them and I wanted to wait till that scan. How did they take it? Oh, they're so excited. Well Otto currently wants to get back into my stomach. He's like I wanna get back in I'm like not no. I actually asked Spen to send you a voice note. Okay. I said to Spen, can you can you send me a voice note about Vogue? And I gave him no brief. I didn't think I said, can you send a voice note? Because I think it'd be nice to play to you. So this is what he said. So my wife and best pal Vogue, she changed my life for the better completely. Made me realize a few things about myself and that change was really needed in order to be a good enough person to deserve her. I'll always be very thankful for that. She's the most exceptional mother, beautiful heart, beautiful soul. The mother side to her is a thing of beauty. You should see her in action with the kids, always puts them first, loves them with every inch of her, misses them when she's away from them for you know, hours. And a deeply caring and and beautiful individual. Strong, independent, powerful Very nice of Spenna. He's very in touch with his emotions and how he feels about people. But we feel we feel like that about each other. We do feel really lucky that like you are lucky to find somebody that you can like grow like grow with. Like we've grown a lot. We've been together. I don't I'm gonna start the rumors again. Eight years? Is it nine? Is it nine? Eight years? When was it? Oh my god. He was twenty nine. Yeah, and like I mean that's young And you've been and listen and the the most amaz you've been through everything together and like Spenner's been so open about like drinking and da da and all the and it's just a whole thing that you've been through which is amazing. Like you do grow up with each other, like but like he was twenty-nine, oh my god, yeah he was, young when I met him. Like that's young to be getting married. Especially and oh also I don't want to separate, but like a being a guy in twenty-nine, like living in London, it's it's it's it's young. I mean, he was like a mad joke when I met him. I remember when Spen said he was going to propose to you. You let him do that proposal. You let him take me to the Lion King . Dwayne, can you I'm going to describe it first, right? And then you can describe it. You knew of it. I fucking knew. Why did you love that? Can I just can I just from my point of view? This is this is Spencer telling me he was going to propose to you, and I was really I was like, this is so great. Let's go. And he was like, I'm going to propose to her at the Lion King. And I went , I feel like that's not a great idea. And he was like, No, I'm gonna do it. And even now, when he says to me, he's like he's like the the the west end production of the lion king was on and at the end we were going backstage and suddenly I was like next to Simba and Nala and I was getting down on one knee to propose to you and it was so full on. He first of all. Can you explain what it said? Can you explain to me? Give me the whole thing. So okay, so no, it actually started from before that we were up in Scotland in his parents' place. And he kept wanting to watch The Lion King. And I was like, I don't like, I don't think The Lion King. Like I never watched it when I was younger. I kind of like I like I liked Beauty and the Beast, but like I'm now like 30. I don't want to watch The Lion King. And he's like, oh come on, let's just watch The Lion King. And I was pregnant at the time. And so then I fell asleep. And he was like Vogue the Lion King and I was like God he's mad about the Lion King and then so I was like whatever I'll ignore it like because he does he loves the Lion King yeah yeah and then uh and then all of a sudden we get home and he goes, Guess what, darling? I got tickets for the Lion King. And I was like, The fuck is it? This guy's mental . He just won't leave it. So I I was like, Okay, cool, we'll go to the Lion King. And uh and I had really bad morning sickness as well. So we're in the Lion King and like not even halfway through I was like, I think we should go home. I don't feel very well and he was like, no darling . Oh we have a backstage, backstage . Meet and creet. So we go backstage and we're introduced to these battered lions who are so wrecked from just doing a two-hour performance and they're like, God , we've got to meet these plebs. So I was like And they're like Hello One of them is Spencer Math, he's just been on the jump. This is this is I I think they're dating and this is Vogue. Can you just be really nice then? Because Spencer has decided he wants to propose. What do you mean he wants to propose us? Yeah, yeah, he loves it. I don't know if his wife likes it, but they're just excited. So what happens? He won't, he thought that they were gonna let him like in the the middle of show do it. And and they were like, no, like it's a West End show, like this it's a packed audience. We can't just break the show in the middle so you can propose. So that's why we had the backstage viewing forest fan. I was like, why don't you just take me to the Houth? The cliffs in Hoth is like my favorite place. That's where I want to be scattered. And he takes me to the linking. Anyway, like so we're back there. And then and then he I can't wait. But then he proposed, but like the worst part about it is have you seen our engagement pictures? Smiling Oh it is so probably the stage manager who's like get out now you've done it Uh enough after you've opposed the weirdest thing is. Oh we've got we've got the photo . I so sorry for everyone who's in the podcast who's listening this. You have We're gonna put it up on our socials. That's funny. That is so funny. This is your this is your fourth baby. Fourth, I know. Man, are you kidding me? I know, but Jamie, once you get past three, you could have fifteen and it wouldn't matter. Like, my life is over now. My weekend, everyone's like, what are you doing for the weekend? And I'm like, oh my god, think of something fun. Anything interesting. And I'm like, Well, I've got football at eleven, then I've got another football at twelve forty five, which is a match, and then we take Chi Chi to pottery, and then like that's my weekend psych, and then Sunday is more football and but like it is the it is the greatest thing in the world, but it is the hardest thing in the world. But explain because if you if you know how hard it is, and pregnancy is hard, and all that stuff is hard, and it's like tarring and it's exhausting and it's expensive and blah blah blah so expensive. So expensive. So expensive. Man, it's I can' You havent even started school. Buckle up, Jamie. Fuck it. Can I say what happened to me? Apparently my baby needed an osteopath, right? Oh yeah, I did that for the first baby. And like no shade 'cause I don't know if it does work or not. I don't know if it works. Ziggy comes in, he's like, he's like whatever, like four days old or whatever he is. And then the person holds Ziggy and then falls asleep and she's like, see? Do you know it though? I'm like, what do you mean? And you can charge revert back to when you were a child. I don't I block it out. No, I say you were mental. I know way too many stories . Mental. Mental. Spanked myself in front of my teddy beds. Anyway, back to the osteopath. Yeah. I think that there's things that like we did with Theodore when he was first born and people are like they've just been birthed and like their shoulders are out of place and like you need to get their cranium or whatever like fixed. And I was like, oh my God, I have to go and do this. And then we went and did it. And I just I didn't with GT and I didn't with Otto. And I didn't do it myself. My mom never did think of it like I'm pretty sure I just like slept in a box . Like in Ireland, you were brought up and you were like 'cause I was looking at my kids the other day and I was like, what's like in your sandwiches, guys? And like cutting up strawberries and everything. I was like, I was genuinely making my own sandwiches at eight years old. I swear to God, but I wasn't going anywhere because it's not like my mom paid for a camp. I was just sent outside. My sister and I used to go swimming in a swamp. Like we can Yeah. Amory and I are we're feral. The process of being pregnant is hard. Pregnancy you find as in the birth part, easy or tough? I I look forward to it, I have to say. Really? I'd rather like be able if I could skip the pregnancy bit and like I'd I'd give birth ten times instead of having to do the pregnancy birth. Everyone's so nice to you when you're giving birth. It's like everyone is so nice. The gas and air is tremendous. Did you get to try it? I tried, I took I take it down, it's great. I was like, I was out of festival. Paris Fury came on and she said she named her baby Prince after doing Gastonaire. She did Gastonaire and then was like, I'm gonna name that. I'm gonna name him Prince. Like she is just like it's like the noise escapes her. She's just so like calm in the chaos. Me and you known each other a long time, right? Yeah. And she reminds me in some way of you. And I promise you that like in in like the best way. That's a compliment. It is a complete compliment. She's a complete boss. She says it how it is. She's very entertaining. She's super smart. And she doesn't take shit. No. And and it's real, and when you sit with someone like that, because when I'm with you, it's the same vibe, you you automatically respect that. Because you have you have this sense of just like, this is who I am, this is who I'm gonna be. I don't have time for any other shit because I've got three kids and other I don't really play into the bullshit. I don't think anyone should play into the bullshit. But people do though. Yeah, but p like I just think it must be exhausting. I couldn't really put on a front of of what I'm actually like because I think it would just take too much effort and too much time. D but were you always like that? Yeah, I kind of was. I was always quite self-assured and knew what I wanted and knew what I wanted to do. I dressed up as a model to go to a par ty . When I was like nine, I decided I wanted to be a model. I was rotten as a kid. Like rotten. No one fancied me. Like all my friends, everyone used to fancy them when we were like 12, thirteen I, was just like this alien. I was so tall. Yeah, yeah. I not a tiss to the name. I would be like So no boys fancy me. So you're just like a tall, like tall blank with a huge mate that I hadn't grown into. You went to this party as a model because you were like, this is what I want to be. I want to be a model and I but did you you wanted to be famous, right? I wanted to be a TV presenter. I wanted at one point I wanted to be a pop star. I used to go around and I mean, I I really can't sing. And I used to go to these auditions, but me and my friend would go and like I couldn't dance. She was a good dancer, at least she had the dancing., and we used to go I used to do street tap , jazz, and funk, and all these things. I was so shit. This giant at the back, I used to just kind of hide. But I would go to these auditions and like the audacity of me showing up and singing see Alicia Keys falling. Yeah, that really hard song without being able to sing, and you were going for that. Yeah. I was just hitting those I notes, scream So I was always trying to do like things like that. Because I think when I was a kid as well, I loved this idea. And I think that's what led me into like whatever we were doing now. I loved the idea of having the attention on me for whatever reason Yeah, I g I I was definitely an attention seeker, but I grew up in a family of four. So my mom and dad had three, and then they had um my little brother Alexander, my stepdad, and my mom. I don't know if it was looking for attention 'cause me and my sister were kind of just always up to of all sorts. Just like, yeah, nightmares. But but happy? So happy. Explain explain explain it to me. Like so you this isn't . Like Amber is my best friend in the whole world. And she's so great. She's so brilliant. She's so funny. Like we probably talk about five times a day. She is, I think, closer than a sister. And always been that way. Always been that way, but I think we are so close because I was trying to figure it out because I was like sisters are close and sisters are mad about each other but me and Amber are super close like we're really tight like I'm always like oh my god if I die first you have to come in with me I need to be buried with you. I've told Sven. I'm like, Sven, I'm not, we're not getting buried together. I'm getting buried with Amber. I think it's because growing up, we our life was different to everybody else. It's like we grew up in a time where like divorce was just just over the line in Ireland. This is 95-96, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like the whole country had voted against divorce before this. And then it came up to the divorce referendum again. 51% of people voted in favor of divorce. So 49% of the country thought that no one should be allowed to get divorced. It was mad. And my vote. That is totally mad. I know it's crazy. And it wasn't that long ago. So when my mom and dad were together, a portion of that time they weren't legally allowed to get divorced like it was crazy and then I even remember like going into the church like we used to go to mass it was back in the day when everyone used to go to mass sitting there with my mom, and then the church the priest started talking about second marriages and how they were wrong and that it was disgraceful and blah blah blah blah blah because obviously the priest wasn't in favor of divorce, and my mom like stood up and we stormed out of the church, and then she's like, Now you can go back there if you want, but I'm not going back. And we were like, fuck yes, we don't have to come back there anymore. And so, like, there was all this weird thing, and we were like a very like there was a minority of people whose families were broken up, and ours was one of them. And I think that my mom and dad just didn't get on at all. So like we always had each other. Did you know that your mum and dad weren't getting on? I d I think I did when I because I was very young at the time. So around five. So I'd like obviously you'd hear the arguments and stuff like that. And like it was not the greatest time. And I think even at that time, like the courts were kind of figuring out like how do we deal with something like this? So we ended up like living with my mom for three weeks. And then living with my dad for three weeks. I didn't even that's so wild. Yeah, but I always think like fair play to my mom because she then was working like three jobs at one point bringing us up. So like we had this, she was working as an air hostess and she was like she was babysitting for people and then she was working in a restaurant and she met my stepdad where she worked in the restaurant and um and then they got together. We didn't have loads and loads, but like I never felt like I didn't have loads. She was working three jobs. Three jobs at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I never noticed it. I think I think the only time I noticed that we had no money was when my mom was dropping me somewhere on a bike, like to a party, and I remember being a bit embarrassed that she was dropping me I bring my kids everywhere on my bike. But for some reason I was like, this is embarrassing. We don't have a car. Um but she never made a mom to fucking drop me on the bike. Mum. Not this shit bike. I remember what that bike looks like. I must have been like sixth. What a bitch. So what age were you when they got divorced? I think I was around seven when they got divorced. Do you remember that moment? No. You don't? I remember I remember having to live with my mom for three weeks and then live with my dad for three weeks while the courts decided who we would spend the majority of the time with. And my dad like my dad, I d I didn't I didn't live with him. I love my dad so much, but like he couldn't cook or anything like that. And like he just wasn't the right one to live with anyway. We got to live with my mom and then we saw my dad every second weekend on Wednesday and he never missed it. So so when my parents got divorced, I remember the like the exact moment. Do you? You know as a kid when Were you sad? I remember when my Your mom telling you Oh my god, hell iron for your mom. Yeah, it was a h but I remember we got taken into a room and it was me, my brother, and my two older sisters, and my two older sisters were maybe eighteen and sixteen at the time and they'd already been through a divorce. Oh god. Man, so it was heavy, right? And my all of them came into the room. And it was it's it looking back at that now, it's like the worst way to do something like that. Because whenever that happens, you feel like first you're being told off. So I was like, am I being told off here? Like why is I didn't understand. No, but how would you do it? Like you just couldn't wanna I think I don't know. And they said, look, you know, we're getting a divorce. And the only thing I could do was laugh. So I started laughing. My parents like, fuck, this kid's weird. Anyway, what's wrong with this kid? Um, and then you walk out and you just go and play. It's like it doesn't. And it was so weird until sort of years later when you sort of look back and you go, fucking hell we I I I was very much jealous of people who had like family still together when I was old. But you see, I wasn't. You weren't. This sounds terrible, but I was thrilled. Yeah, yeah, this is good. I my parents did not speak like they did not like each other at all. But my dad probably liked my mom, but my mom did not like my dad. So I played that so incredibly well. Like I was living the life. Like I was getting like loads of shit off my dad, and then telling my mom, oh I need this. And then my mom would have to buy me something. And then like my parents, my mom and Neil were really strict. So I'd be like, I'd ask, could I go to a festival at 16? And they were like, no, you absolutely can't. And I'm like, I'm just gonna go and stay with dad because I'm going down to my cousin's house this weekend and offer I'd go on a bus to a festival. I snuck off to a to uh uh where was it? Bened ina with my friend when I was seventeen with stolen money that I'd robbed off my dad and then how much money was it? I think I got to avail 600 quid . Whoa. What? Wait, wait, hang on. I sorry. I thought you mean like 20 quid. You stole. Jamie, I was going on holidays. Where was I going with 20 quid? Sorry, you're fucking You're driving to parties and bikes and then stealing 600 quid. This is the So my dad was a used car salesman. So he never had, he always had loads of cash. And so he'd put his cash in his bedside table. And I was like, I'd like sneak my aunt around the door and just rob a couple of fifties and then off I'd go and I'd be like a couple fifties. Well, Jamie, I did it over time. I didn't notice. Oh, you slipped them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, fine. I used to find like notes down the couch because he'd sit there after a few drinks because he was fond of a drink and he'd sit there and all the money would fall out of his pocket. So it wouldn't just be coins. Sometimes I'd find like notes down there. I'd be like, this is amazing. Why why didn't your mum get on with your dad? He was really difficult. Like he would be a difficult person to have to be married to, I would say. Like he was great, crack, and we had a great time with him, but like I definitely wouldn't want to be married to him and now my mom's married to my stepdad and they've been married god I'm gonna say I can't count over like 37 38 years maybe and they just have the best relationship like they just want to be with each other all the time. That's freaking amazing though. Yeah. No, they they get on like they have the best relationship. Because in your in your book, Big Mouth. Thank you, Jamie. Nice second. Don't worry, don't worry about it. Paperback edition out now. Link in the show description. Yeah, you said your dad told your mom in a way that she didn't deserve. Yeah, because I think she was just like she was a hard worker for a long time. She started working quite young as well. And I just I don't know. I'd say he was just difficult. He was like a big drinker. He and I think when anyone's a big drinker, it just makes things difficult for everybody else within their lives. And I think him being like that, like he like she was basically doing everything and she just I suppose that's when she was on her own. It probably didn't make much of a difference to her. But that's why even with my stepdad, I'm like, he must have really loved her to like to cause me and Amber, honestly, we were awful. How rebellious were you guys? Oh, like anything. So like give it to me. Like so, like anything. Anything I shouldn't be doing, I was doing. Anything. And I keep in mind that they were very strict. So like I didn't get caught for much. Amber got caught for absolutely everything. She feels like the person who would get caught. Like for some reason. And our school had to call them in and like Amber got caught for absolutely everything. But like we used to like you'd nick drink from your parents at the weekends and then I'd just go down and like you'd have this dolly mixture so you get a c uh did you used to do that? What is it? It only makes us a bag of sweets. Well, no, because so you'd get a bottle, like a five hundred mil Coke bottle, and you'd pour half of it out, and then the other half might be whiskey, gin, vodka, because you didn't take too much of everything because they would know then. So we'd fill up our drinks and I'd go meet my friends in the park and just get pissed all day Saturday and then just kind of arrive home like filthy and from over. From this dolly mixture. Yeah. You neveriskey. And you're like the bearers will never know . They never knew what me. They knew at Amber. So you would you smoking everything? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, like literally anything. I would just and I like And what about boys? Well I was a manger for so long that it didn't they weren't on the card. I'm gonna sh I'll get you a picture. They weren't on the cards for that long. And then I was always a relationship person. So like I not that I was a frigid, but like I just wasn't how would you put it? 're getting around the place. I wasn't around the place. And then I'm like, I hope I don't regret that on my deathbed. Like, I should have been getting around more . So, oh my God. When did you so when did you lose your virginity? Come on, folks. Sounds so creepy that. What did you do? Did you not make a video of this? Yeah, me saying that. Oh my god, what age were you? You were probably I was fifteen. I didn't want to start like that. Take that. I was fifteen. I'm actually that's not too bad. I was yeah, 15 was fine, but I didn't honestly I had no fucking clue what I was doing. And the girl that I did it with was like, have you done this before? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Oh yeah. Plenty of times. Mine was just like I just wanted to lose my virginity because I thought like Oh get rid of it. Yeah, I just wanted it. Yeah It wasn't like uh it wasn't a romantic thing. Oh no, I think I was like I was eighteen. Oh, you were eighteen? Yeahah, ye. With a boyfriend? With a boyfriend, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had I had a boyfriend who was older than me. Then I always had boyfriends. Then I met my next long-term boyfriend who was my boyfriend for like six and a half years. Then I met my ex-husband, and that was a long relationship. And then I met Sven. I mean, there was a couple in between, but like I I tried to date before Sven. I I really thought I gave it a good go. And I but it didn't quite. Because I feel I feel like you would be a great data. I just no, because I just I love people I know and I love my friends so much. And I I do I have started making new friends like you do. You make naturally you make new friendss at the job you're doing. But like I just love being around people I know, and I spend so much time around my family and people I know that like dating was hard for me because I would just be really immature about it. I'd be like, I don't want to eat in front of them. I mean even remember when I met Spen. Like the the like the whole toilet situation. I'd be like, I'm just I'm just popping across the road for some tea again. And Spenny has no he's got like he doesn't like there's no boundaries with him. No. So like he had his one bathroom. One bathroom in his bedroom with a slide door. Yeah, with a sliding door. And I remember I actually never thought of that. That is actually so where would you go you would go to Auray across the road? To the cafe across the road. Even a bit more awkward. That was a bit of a small door as well. Because weirdly enough I would live I live under I live below Spencer in the apartment. So you would go across to the kitchen. Well then I well the one time I was caught out, then all of a sudden the the sliding door opens and Sven still standing there and I'm like Sven. I'm like, this is why I don't want to stay here and you know what he's like he just kind of stands there because he's awkward and weird and he doesn't care so I'm just sitting there like please though But also there was a big turn in your life, right? Because at twenty two, twenty-three your dad passed away. Yeah. Which is that's a that at at that age as well, when you're kind of coming into life and that's the kind of time when you start to really like experience life as it is, then your dad passed. I know, I d it wasn't massively shocking. Was it not? Because he this is again, I think when my sister and I were so close. Yeah. He was sick for my whole life. Like as long as I can remember. I remember when I was I think I was around I must have been like ten and being brought in to see him. He'd had two heart attacks in two days. And like I just remember going in, I had a game away in my hand, and I remember going in to see him and I looked up and I got such a fright that I looked back to head and then I wouldn't again and he kept trying to talk to me. And I was just like, I just want to get out of this room. I just remember being taping. Because he just had loads of tubes and everything, and I was really young, and I just didn't see it. I was like, This is awful, I hate this. But then he was quite sick for for my like he loved smoking. He do he like he died of fun. Like he was always out having a laugh. He used to put butter on his chips. He was so unhealthy. I never saw him do exercise . And he used to smoke loads and and he drank uh but like he was always quite sick, like for our whole life. So then like then he had a stroke at some point. And then like going in to see him with that. And like there was loads of stuff all along the way. Like he spent a lot of time in hospital. But do you miss him? Ah, yeah. I mean, you think of things when like even when I'm with my kids, I'm like, God, he would have loved to have spent time with my kids. He would have loved coming over to London and like all those kind of things. So that you look at things like that and you're like, they're missing out on that. I was lucky to get him till till we did. I mean, he was young when he I I like young now, in today's terms he was sixty eight. You know, you don't seem to you don't wallow in pity. You and also you you don't like pity. It's just like, yeah, this happened, he had a good ride, whatever, we move on. I miss him. Of course I miss him. I wish I had more, but you know, you the you don't you don't wallow in it almost. I think a really good way to be like a lot of people go through really difficult things in their lives and like you can either allow those difficult things to kind of make you take a step back and just make you retreat and make you not want to do stuff and just be wallowing in what has happened or you can choose a different path and just be like, do you know what? No, I'm not gonna just live my life constantly thinking about this, constantly being like, oh, well, I'm just so sad about this that I can't move forward. But like it depends on what it is, and you kind of have to put things into perspective as well. How did you process the grief? I think I didn't. I kind of ran away to Australia because I had been in a long-term relationship. I was still with him when my dad died. Then we broke up. Then I met my ex-husband quite quickly after that, like really quickly. And then he was like, why don't you you're not saying his name, Jamie? I again . Brian McFadden . And you of West life fame. I can't think of any of your exes. Frankie Gaff. There you go. Yeah, yeah, it's that. So you met you met Brian McFadden in um Australia. No, I met him in Ireland. Okay. And then I moved to Australia. And I think that like all of the the sadness, like I just wanted to get away from the sadness and like people being like, Oh, I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. Like you just I kind of just ran away from it. And then I dealt with it when I was over there. And I was like, Oh, holy shit. I I went and got married and everything. Fuck. I just want to get into your headspace. So you're just like, I don't want this here. I think like it's too heavy, it's too people asking questions, so I'm just gonna get out. No, I was meant to go for three months um and then I ended up kind of just kept getting visas and staying. Doing work ? Yeah, I started working a bit over there. Modeling? Modeling, no. The closest I got to modeling was Irish modelling, where I mean there are some great Irish models who are actual models. Yeah. I once was employed by a burger shop to open the burger shop and they had made this massive burger, probably about the size of this table. And so like I had to wear like a t-shirt of the shop and I had to like lift the top of the burger and stick my head So that was the one. Like he was surprised what's in it . I'll show you the picture. You're you're part of the burger . And it's dying. And it was an actual burger. A giant massive burger. But you flew to Australia? Flew to Australia, uh, lived there for a little while. But what were you doing out there? What work were you doing? I did dancing with the stars badly. How can you do dancing with the stars in Australia when I was? Oh so before all of this happened . So I had done a reality show in Ireland. That's that's the one. Yeah, a reality show in Ireland. And so I started doing that and then Fade Street. Fade Street. It aired the day my dad died, and I always said he died of embarrassment from watching this . You saw that and said I'm God. This is too much . It was about a group of girls, wasn't it? Yeah. And it but a little bit like Made in Chelsea? A little bit like like yeah, like a really cheap version of Made in Chelsea. But like I I kind of was able to stay on the on the outside of it. So I had a boyfriend at the time, he didn't be in it. And so I avoided all that like dramas and things like that. Like I I I just like I think that you guys had to get so cutthroat. Ours was like vicious. Yeah, vicious. And and also I was talking about this state, like looking back at it, man, I don't even remember that time. It was kind of like an acting job for you guys though. That's what Spen likes to say a lot. Yeah. Spen likes to be like I was just acting I'm a fantastic actor . I was just acting a character. Really? Really? Okay. Well the one thing about Spen though, like because when I met Spen, I I just thought I was like, oh, he's gonna be a bit of an R SL because I'd only read things about him. That's why I'm always like, no, you have to make up your own mind about somebody because 100%. Never trust what you've read or seen about somebody. And it's it was so true to him that like as soon as I met him, I remember leaving the ski place being like I'm gonna be best mates with him. Like I he's so much crack and my friends too, my gay friends were obviously like, No, you need to get with him. And I was like, no, no, no, no, because they thought he was a ride. And I was like, no, but I think that we'll be really good friends. Cause this was on the jump. Yeah. And and you guys, you you guys were doing this show together, it was on Channel 4, and you were kind like you were secretly it was trying to be a secret, you were secretly telling everybody. Yeah, and I remember Spen saying it to me and I and I and he was like shot or telling people. I was like, no, that's not true. And and he but he it was the first time ever he was like totally on the back foot. I was totally on the back foot. Because you guys were friends and then you started hooking up. Yeah, we were friends. And I I genuinely I didn't want to get into another relationship. I was like, I can't. I'd just done some really good work with my therapist and we'd figured out what was wrong with me and yeah I I knew and you and McFadden had well there was other people after that that I'd gone out with and I was like I just keep going for the wrong person and I was like I need to I think the best thing that you can do when you break up with somebody is just be single for a while and just because I hated being on my own. And so I was like, I need to learn how to enjoy being by myself again. Cause I'd always had somebody to rely on, somebody to go to the party with, somebody to do there was always somebody there that I had to do something. I just yeah, I I love being around people, but I was like, I have to stop doing that because I'm jumping from thing to thing because I want to go out with somebody. So then I stopped doing that, and after about six months, I loved being single. Like I was having so much fun. Just go and do whatever you want. It was just like didn't have to report to anyone. No, I didn't have to report to anyone. Didn't have to freaking like nothing. Nothing. It was brilliant. And then I was like, I should do this for a while. And then I met Spenny. And I think sometimes you meet somebody and you're like, shite. We we tried to not like be going out with each other. And we were like, no, no, no, we're just friends, we're just friends, we're just friends. And then eventually it's probably the March or something that we st we're like, okay, we'll just succumb to the fact that we just keep coming back together. I was never a good dater. I'm just a I I've always been like better at relationships. Can I can I and I know it's it's a long time ago , but when you go through a divorce, right? Yeah. And it's public. It's really embarrassing. Just explain that to me. It's it's quite humiliating because you know people have started speculating and people have started talking about it and you're hearing it, you're like, you know it's true, and you're just trying to not let it out. And then like I think uh we released a really cringy statement as well, which I I don't think is necessary. I think it's I now that'm older, I don't think I'd be as embarrassed as I was. But I was just like the failure of it. And because so many people expected it as well. Like I remember my brother, my older brother Frederick, I was like, getting married, we're gonna get married here. And he was living in Australia at the time. And he was like, oh I just folk, I can't like get back from Australia, but I'll tell you what, I'll go to the next one . And he did. He came to the next one. In your book, right, you say that even on the wedding day you felt like this wasn't quite right. Oh yeah. But like it was too late on the wedding day because we had gotten married before that. There's no I don't ever harbour any real bad feelings. Things happen because they happen. We weren't right for each other. Totally. And I genuinely like there's no ex that like I'm not saying that I'm friends with all my exes, but I wouldn't like if I met them I'd say hello and it would be fine. 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's just a different time in your life. But I remember getting divorced being like this is just incredibly embarrassing and just feeling like what a big failure. And now I look back and I'm like, God, it wasn't really. It's just like it's not. That's worrying too much about other people's opinions. And I kinda I really try not to do that. Like Spenny's so good at that. He couldn't . He doesn't give a shit. Anyone thinks. It's amazing. He doesn't give a shit. But also I think it's like it's such a good point, right, for like people listening, which is where when you when you're stuck in that like it's like a it's like a storm in a teacup. Yeah. You think it's everything. Yeah. And you're like, fuck, I'm a failure, I'm never gonna come out of it. Oh my god. They don't. I didn't realize how many wicked documentaries you made. Yeah, I made loads. Loads? I used to do them all the time. What is your favorite one you've done? I did one on the prison system in America. And that was mad because I was going to meet the youngest woman on Death Row who I did meet. I actually just Googled her recently because it was so long ago. So she had killed a woman with this man. He was married to the woman. They killed the woman together. She got death and he got life. And it's just uh uh it was just the way because the way the press were playing and portraying her and stuff like that, and she was pregnant at the time and she went into prison. Obviously, had the baby and the baby was taken away. But I googled her recently, and now she she's uh reduced to life as well. But like it was the whole American prison system, so she was kind of the end interview going and spending time in like young offenders institutes and like these kids that like some of them I met people who robbed a car when they were younger and they got twenty years in prison. Like twenty years. That's their whole life gone. Yeah. For making a young mistake. For making a stupid mistake. But I remember there was like it's like kind of drill sergeants, like these women who were like in charge of the prisons that the young offenders were in. And I was like, my my director was like, we're gonna immerse you in it. And I was like, okay, cool. And then after about an hour, I was like screaming in my face. I was like and I it was about an hour into it and I was like, Maria and I can't please tell them to shop shit. Is it that brutal? It was brutal. But it was fascinating and to see how people get their lives back on track after being in prison, like even like down to like removing all their tattoos and like their their gang tattoos and like there's these bakeries in LA where you where like they employ just people who have come from prison and it's like trying to make your lives for themselves again. But geez, yeah, like What is it like inside an American prison? Obviously, like if you're like committing crimes, you should be you should like do the time as they say. But like I think some of the crimes are just like you rob a car a couple of times, like does that mean your whole life gets taken away from you? I'm with you. It's absolutely crazy over there. But I did uh a documentary around sex. Let's go. Here we go. We were invited to this like as I lean in the sex party. And it was in the You went to a sex party. I went to a sex party, but it was in like so it was a sex party that happened all the time. It was like a sex club kind of in London. In Offaly, which is a county in the middle of Ireland. And we drive into this industrial estate and I was like, Oh, it's not very sexy . We get in, we get in anyway, and I was like, oh my god, the whole place just kind of smelt like death hall. And it was just like these beds. It was the most unsexy place it ever been. And then the people started coming in, and like some of the girls were like total babes, and then then there was like all these different men and like they were they were swapping partners and stuff like that. But then like You're watching all of this. No, I didn't get to see too much of that and we weren't able to film that obviously. But then like you have like the wankers in the corner who were just like Just there like curving on the office . Ah, wouldn't it? So when I was a kid , what a way to spend an evening to uh go drive to a industrialist in Ophaly, whatever it is, and drive to industrial estate. Go in, have a wank and then just leave. Imagine crazy that's your weekend. There also, once you finish, you'd be a bit like I feel a bit low. Yeah. Ah I gotta book an Uber. Like how do you get home? Like in the middle of nowhere. But I was expecting like this eyes wide short thing, like all these like glamorous people with all the like masks and stuff. So uh but I loved all those that I got to do. Like I just found them so fascinating. You did it you did a documentary, I think 2017, where the with the opening was when you had just had a panic attack. Oh, I did want to rent anxiety. But it but so explain that to me. Do you know what my anxiety is really good at the moment? I really like you obviously get it. Yeah. But mine's much better. Yeah, I think that you have to find the main triggers of it and what like I was going through a really hard time when I was in that documentary. It was really, really difficult. And I wasn't sleeping. And you know, when you'd fall asleep, and and then you wake up at one in the morning, and then you're not sleeping. And then I'm like, okay, I'm good. That's why I'm so obsessed with sleep. And then I'd know that the next day would be awful with anxiety because I hadn't slept. So I was just in this cycle. It was awful. But I think that when you figure out ways to manage it, like the best thing for me is like not drinking. Like when I drink, even like I don't drink that much. I don't really like the taste of alcohol, but like I do like to get drunk sometimes. But like that could be like three days of me being anxious then. And I can't bear it. It's crazy . And also having kids and then hangover with a kid is like have you done it yes? Yeah, I did it. Oh jeez. It's like the worst experience I've ever had. It's because it takes you days to catch up, then. So you're da ys catching up with your sleep and no I just that's a main trigger for me and I think that like not drinking I haven't drank that much in a long time I think that that really helps it's so nice to because when you're anxious, you're like, I'm never not gonna feel anxious. No, but when in 2017, when I was doing that, I had to, I was on beta blockers then because I had to, I couldn't manage it properly myself. And I couldn't like uh you know when you just can't see through it because you're just like, okay, and they were it they then helped me to just relax a bit and then I was able to go. You can see the wood from the trees, right? So you can kind of go like, okay, this isn't all consuming. I get it now. So then when you go back into it, you know there's like an escape, right? Yeah, you're not like in a blind panic like running around. So that was a good one to that was back in the day. Twenty seventeen. Twenty seventeen. That's when you met Spen. Yeah. And he knows loads about it, doesn't he? A bit exciting. He doesn't even know what it is. No, he doesn't he does know. Can we also just talk about your podcast you do with German quickly? 'Cause if you haven't listened to my therapist goes to me, it is truly one of the greats. We have Save uh Vogan Amber as well, 'cause I do. I know Vogan Amber as well. It's and hundreds and that took over from you and Spen, right? And that's great as well. I haven't listened to that as much. That's where the rumors came from. Sorry. Oh really? Yeah, because when Spenny and I stopped doing our podcast together, like, oh and it was because he wanted to go tal andk about running and I didn't talk about running. He loves talking about running. I feel so lucky that my job is to chat to my friends. Like I'm just sitting there chatting to my friends having such a laugh. And like if I go into it and I just like I've had a bad day or something, like I just know that one of them is gonna pick me up and I'm just gonna feel in such a good mood after it. Joanne McNally has sold sold out the Apollo nine nights in a row. She is Which is insane. And I she is one of the greatest comedians. She's very funny. But what the what your podcast did is gave her also the the platform. Yeah, it c it changed both of our careers. Massively changed both of our careers, and I'd say it changed the way people thought about me as well. Because with a podcast, you're you're just being yourself, so people just see what you're actually like. And before I think they just kind of thought that I was a little bit um probably a little bit boring and just like like they just you you don't really get in depth with people online, not really. Like you can show your personality to a point, but not not as much as you do on a podcast. But like Joanne and I never thought that our podcast would do what it did and it really did change our careers and and what we're doing with it. And Joanne's like about to sell she still did two arenas in Dublin. Like it's incredible. Yeah, we did five arenas in um in Ireland and we did this how nine thousand a night. I know it was it was mad. How do you think she's gonna do in the traders ? I think she could do really well. I mean it's such an amazing group. Oh my god. I've known for so long. I just tried to pretend that I don't know because I hate keeping secrets. But she I think she'll be really good. I don't know if she'll be a trader. I don't know how good Joanne is at lying. I don't think I don't think she'll be a trader. Okay, who do you think is gonna be the traitors? I think they have to choose Rob or Romesh. I think they'll be Rob. I think Becca. I think they'll it feels like Romesh will be a traitor. I think one of them, because they'll have to screw each other over. Like Alan did with Paloma. They'll have to do something like that . Yeah. So I reckon Romersh will be a traitor. I think that Richard E. Grant could be a traitor. Jerry Hall is honest. I know it's all. It's unbelievable. Granda Hart. I love her. Richard E. Grant would be amazing. I remember I had to interview him for Lodpibel . How was it? Was it good? Sounds like it went more. And you know what Ladpible they're like? Just kinda asked. And I was like, so do you wash your feet in the shower or do you let the water run over them and he was like he's like this is high brow yeah so so who's your who's your whole pass? Oh Skepton I was not expecting Skepter is your whole bus. I've been invited to a Where you said ant, as in like ant Ant and and you were going ant I love ant and deck. You'd have to take them both down. You can't choose one. Like at that sex party . I didn't Jamie'd Anyway, so now I've been invited to a wedding this year. Yeah, I skeptic going. I skept us going. But on the s what would you do? What do you I' havell just had the baby ? You'll look great. No no. I'll I I will either be in labor or in the hospital. So I'm gonna miss it. I was like But would I love Do I want a Spanish baby? Will I have it up? Yeahah, ye . Good for the passport. So maybe But what I love is like like same with Sophie when when she generally like met her her hall park, she was like, Well, I guess it's happening. And I was like , I I don't I'm so confused here. This is like a hypothetical combination. Oh no, I'm a wimp. Like I wouldn't even say hello to him. I'd be like he'd probably find me rude. Because I'd be like I'd like Immature baby, I'd be like, oh yeah . No way. Do you think that I would have the I wouldn't have the confidence to be like, huh? No . He sp Spenendsce Hallpass? Who is Spence Hallpas ? I don't know. I don't know if he'd answer that question. He wouldn't answer it. I don't think so. Who's yours? Spencer's B so who mine? No, we were talking last night about uh we were watching Chef with Bru is it Chef with Bradley Cooper? What's it called? Oh, Burn, it's great. Yeah, we were watching that and we were uh we were talking about Alicia Vicander and Sienna Miller. Very difficult to decide who's hotter. Yeah. They're both such rides. Great shout. So maybe one of them. Buggy, thank you. Thank you, James. Thank you. You're on who's your whole pass? My whole pass is uh Dakota Johnson. Love Dakota Johnson. Oh yeah, she's fun. She's just fun. I think I'd be like Oh, and do you know Margot Robbie, no? No. Well, yeah, Margot Robbie, but like She's maybe too gorgeous. She's too she's too hot. Or um I said Sydney Sweeney, but then that was a bit obvious apparently. Margot Robbie, someone had her as as their bridesmaid. Like Jesus crazy. There's no way. Don't do that. She'd be wearing a bag over her head. Give it a lie hole. Bag walking out. You're not allowed to be seen at this wedding. He's not bringing me wearing a bag on the head. For the whole dinner. Just soup all over the bag. I don't care. Keep the bag on, Margot. Don't you dare remove us. Super wedding those hired . That's what I got from that. Bogie, thank you. And listen, your book, um, you can go and get it now, the link is in our show description. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you, Jamie. That was so fun. You're the best. Listen so it was so great. We like to end our conversation with eight quick fire questions. Are you ready? Okay, go. What's the single phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up? Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. Come on, let's go. A good one. Best compliment anyone's ever given you. Ooh, span just there. I like that's the I think that that's the best compliment you can get saying that you're good, mother. What scares you most about yourself? Dying, my body dying. Oh really fine. You were scared of death. So how are you not? You're Vogue's really scared of death. But I don't understand. Like you're all walking around like it's not it's getting you all. Just so you know. This is not just I'm not singled out. Yeah, I know. It's again you're going to die. I am going to die, but like but also like why you what what is it so scary? I just I just don't like the idea of it because I I like to know what's happening and I don't I obviously I don't know what's going to happen but like I actually had therapy about it because I was so insane for a while. Like I'd be walking around and I'd see old people and I'd be like oh Jesus and spending would be like what's wrong I'd be like oh they must be so worried they must be so worried at their age because Oh my god, they must be so worried. Are you okay? Because death is like so close and you must be thinking about it every day. Yeah. Shit. I wouldn't even ask my mom about it because like she's close. I'm like she wants to pretend it's not coming. Okay . Oh, it'd be coming. But sometimes I do think to myself that I wouldn't die. Like if it was like a plane crash, I th I would be it'd be crash. I think I'm gonna survive this. Oh god. I listen to anyone ever I take off, take off and landing Enya only because I'm like at least then I'll die listening to Enya. You listen to Enya? Yeah. That's quite nice. Yeah. How's it Anna? Did you go to my singing lessons ? I did actually. Yeah, yeah. After your dance lessons. Okay. Uh when was last time you cried? Last time I cried. Oh, I watched Hamlet . That's full on. Oh n not just cried, like literally lost the I haven't seen it because apparently you shouldn't have you just had kids. Oh my god, but she's so incredible, Jess Jesse Bookley. She's amazing. She's insane. Have you have you watched I Swear Yet? Oh my god, it's just brilliant. So good. So good. Yeah, I love that. What's something you can't let go of? Something I can't. I'm a terrible grudge holder. Oh, it's bad. Do you hold grudges? Yeah, yeah. I'd take it to the grave. I would. Like if me and Svenny are having arguments. You could just hold on to I will die before I will say something. Yeah yeah yeah. Do you know what I'm gonna hold on to this. Terrible track. You better apologize because I will take this to the graves. What's your guilty pleasure? I love watching rubbish TV. I love like yeah, like reality TV. I love uh the Kardashians, I'm terrible. I really I've watched every single one of their shows. I love everything that they do. What turns you off? Uncleanliness. Yeah. What turns you on? Organising. God, I love organizing. Organising. So much. Like organizing like a house. Everything. I just love organizing. I was organizing my toiletries, yesterday and like putting stuff into bags for other people and like clearing out and organizing. I'm one day I'll live as Marie Kondo, but I have so much crap at the moment. So all when you've organized a house and it that is like the the Oh, it's like I I have storage,'ve loads of stuff in storage and I'm like I booked in to go there for two days in June like 'cause I have to get all the baby stuff out. And I'm like, I can't wait to get rid of all the stuff that I don't need anymore. So if Spen if you would have come home and Spen was organizing, would that be a real? Oh my god, if Spen was it's never gonna happen. Have you ever seen him cook? He's a great cook. He's a very good cook. But my God, you'd rather do it yourself. like who's cooking? If I say span, he's like, no thanks because he knows he has to do the cleanup after. No . So just won't go. I like I remember when Stan and I did like this TV show hunted. And because he doesn't have any I don't remember that. He doesn't have like perception of stuff and like we'd be like living in strangers' house that we've never met. And he would like go to the fridge and like rip open the hummus and start like leave it on the side And I was like, crazy. Like these we've never met these people apart from when we when we like stood in front of their car and like hailed them down. Like when he met my stepdad and my my mom, like we wouldn't like Irish people, like not that we're standoffish, but like we do like our own space and spanny's like, hello Neil. And like he's like, he just rings Neil all the time. He's like, he's my best pal. I'm like, my Neil? And he's like, no, he's my Neil. Okay. Okay, what do you like most about yourself? I think I am a very kind person and loyal to people. That's the best. Okay, Larson, what song would you like to be played at your funeral? Oh, Dr. Dre's album 2001. Great shout.. Yeah And get sketch to perform. Oh yeah. No, I don't want to see me in death. Yeah, don't see that. I won't look good. No. Embarrassed in death. I'll literally start turning in the Spen you couldn't Skeptic on your life. Thank you for being great company you're there so fun thank you