Closing Thoughts and Quotes

Lemonada You're listening to this podcast so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with progress ives save over nine hundred dollars on average. Pop over to progressive. com, answer some questions, and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, ninety nine percent of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive. com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back . Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates national average twelve month savings of nine hundred forty six dollars by new customers surveyed who saved with progressive between june twenty twenty four and may twenty twenty five . Potential savings will vary . I'm not giving up. I am selling the building The final season of FX is the Bear . The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay ? Nope, stop or not . We are outguns and we are out mans. We have each other . FX is the Bear, the final season, all episodes now streaming on Disney Pusl . Hello, we're here for more happ ier a podcast where we get happier. Join us for some weekend listening. It's observations and reflections, but we're kicking back with a looser vibe. Hey Elizabeth. Hey Gratch. Today we'll talk about whether we get tired of thinking about how to be happier . And I'll also ask Elizabeth about something she said unhappier in Hollywood that amazed me . But first, something making us happier. Elizabeth, what is something making you happier? Well, Gretch, I've talked a lot about how I've been socializing more lately, seeing more people, going out more, and what I've realized that is making me happier is that you can build your social muscles . So it can feel so effortful to socialize. And like it's so exhausting and the idea of doing it is overwhelming . But the more you do it, the easier it gets and it really is building that muscle . And then it takes less room in your brain sort of before like thinking, Oh my gosh, I have something on the calendar Tuesday . How am I going to handle it? I'm going be to so tired , but no, once you go out and start doing it more , then it's just easier to do. So many things, the more you do it, the more you do it. You're just sort of in the habit of it. It doesn't feel like such a big deal. One week you went out you go you had like four plans in one week? Yes. And then once you've done four in a week, well then doing one thing at a week seems like nothing seems so doable. Right. So again, it's like that muscle and I think it's just a relief or comforting to me to know it does become more incorporated into life and easier and more manageable when you do it more . Also it encourages me to keep doing it so that I don't let my social muscles atrophy. Well, and the thing about socializing too is if you do things, then other people will invite you to other things. If you post, then they invite you. And then if you show up, then people are like, oh, she's interested in this kind of thing. I think then on the margins, maybe you'll go to things that maybe you wouldn't have otherwise gone to. You're like, yeah, yeah, maybe I'll go. Yeah. But it's funny how taking the room in your brain, it is the kind of thing where with some events, I don't think about them at all, but then there are other ones where it just feels like it takes a lot out of you before you even go . Right, yeah, right . Another thing that is true and I don't know if this is exactly on the topic of building your social muscles . But when you say like going out leads to more invitations, et cetera, I also find that often when people are together , they start thinking about other things to do together. That is such a great point. That is so true . So often. No, or you go to an event and then you're like, Oh, we should get together for lunch. And so then you have a lunch with somebody that you haven't seen in a year. Yes. And so you want to be there when those other plans are being made because often those are really fun things. Yeah . So that's a reason to go. You know, we're always saying just show up or, you know, say yes, even if you want to say no and follow through and we have all sorts of tips and tricks for doing social things . And so one of them is be there when the plans are getting made. You know, someone's coming up with a fun weekend away . Yeah, you want to be one of the people on the planning end. Well, one of the funniest things and this was a long time ago now. That's an example of this. So you know, how have my children's literature reading groups? Yes. So a towering class ic of modern children's literature is Philip Pullman's Historic Materials sequence . Everybody in this kidli group knows these books because they are these towering classics and they're so good. And so there came the day when this was a long time ago when the first movie of the Golden Compass came out and we were all there and we're like, let's all go. And of course, all these people had work, but we just picked a day and all these people played hooky from work and we all snuck out and watch the Golden Gumpass. Now that first Golden Gumpass movie was no good. So we didn't enjoy the movie and we were rolling our eyes the whole time, but it was just such a fun thing and it was just the spontaneous thing like ooh, can we all just make this secret plan and meet at the movie? And then we met in the movie theater in the middle of the of a work day. It felt, I mean, I still remember it because it felt so implicit. Oh my gosh, it was like, you know, ditch day in high school or something like that. It was so fun, but it just came out of that group because I would never on my own have done that or thought to say to somebody, let's do it. It came out of just the energy of being together in the group. Yeah, and it was so fun. Exactly. Yeah. So that is really giving me a lot of happiness and it's also feels very summery going out and building my social muscles. So this feels like such a big idea to me. I think that we should do a whole try this at home about build your social muscle. And really think about what is it? I think this idea of if you've done four then one seems more manageable. If you're in the habit of it, it gets easier . If you're there, plans lead to more plans, plans lead, to recip rocal plans. So anyway, listeners, if you have any thoughts about building the social muscle and how to build the social muscle, it's interesting was that this is like one of our major themes right now. Yeah , which is connection the connection associ ation . Maybe it's also because people work from home. The idea of planning a social life or even networking events and things like going to conferences , all these things , they just seem like you have to be more deliberate about it. Yes. Interesting. Yes. I can't wait to hear what people suggest for building your social muscle. Okay, well, that's a very happiness boosting realization. You can build your social muscle. What about you, Gretch? What's making you happier? Oh, I have to say it again. It's the next . I mean, I can I just say that this is the bonkers thing is I've never really been interested in sports at all, but sort of as the empty nes something Jamie, he had these friends, they said, Okay, let's share these season tickets. And Jamie said to me, okay, now you're going to have to get interested in the Nix. And at first, I was like, No, I'm not going to do it. Then I thought, No, that's a great idea. I've always wanted to know, could I just decide to be interested in something . Okay , my timing was impeccable. In fact, several real igns are saying to me Gretchen, you should take credit for this because the minute you started paying attention, you started rooting for the Knicks, all of a sudden, they have these incredible runs . I'm like managing to take an interest in the next, it couldn't be easier because it's such a great team and it's they're all such good guys and it's all so exciting and fun and New York City is so enthusiastic and the games are so much fun and the New York City spirit is so high, patting myself on the back that I've managed to take an interest in the next but listen, you know me. I mean, you see how out of character this is for me. Yes. This is a stretch. This is a stretch goal for me . Right. And to be clear, you didn't just like happily go along to the games and not complain. I mean, you did your homework. You were learning about the players , thinking about trades, worried about somebody's injury. I mean, you really went in and learned. Yeah, when Tibeto got fired, I was very concerned. But it's funny the things that interest me is like, that's not really very important. I did a whole little happier on having your number be zero . And in a lawyer like way I said to Jamie, I simply don't understand how zero can be a number for the purposes of a basketball jersey. And he's like, a lot of people have zero or double zero is their jersey . And I'm like, how can that be? I did a whole deep dive. If you want to I'll link to that little happer where I go into the mysteries of zero and why people choose zero. But anyway, so that's not the kind of thing Jamie spends any time thinking , but I have gotten much more into it. And I'm so happy because it's brought me closer to so many people and allowed me to participate joyfully and sincerely on things where I think in the past I would have been like, oh go next and try to change the subject as soon as somebody started talking about it. Well, Gretchen, can I point out, I think the Nick's amazing performance in this finals has made lots of people happier around the country because just watching something so joyful is happy inducing. Yes. It's made me happier . I was completely into it and not even because I'm such aick Kn fans or have ever watched basketball , but because I was swept up in the passion of the fans , I was rooting for the fans as well as the team. It was just so big. But so here's something that's very interesting that I've noticed. I keep thinking if I were writing a PhD paper, and I think there actually is a paper that I want to look at, which is touching, the practice of touching and how basketball players touch each other . There's this whole thing if you take a free throw and then like even if you miss your free throw, all your players come and they touch their hands and stuff. I wish people would do this at a meeting all the time. Yeah, if my coworkers were giving me a pat on the back every time, I honestly think I would be doing a better job . But one of the things that was interesting to me is one day won, how often people said to the players , tell me how you feel . Explain your feelings. And Jaylene Brunson was like, I can't explain my feelings . Yeah. And Mike Brown said, it's surreal, who's the coach? It's surreal . And then even when some of the players did say it, you kind of got the feeling that they were saying the thing that you would obviously say like,, we've been working so hard and it's a dream come true and we're so glad to do it for the fans. It's interesting because I think people really are like, let me come into this moment with you. It is such a moment of happiness and such joy and relief and teamwork and tell me how you feel . But that's a very hard thing to do to convey that. And I think sometimes the players were just baffled. They're like, I just can't. It doesn't feel real. Yes. And I love seeing New Yorkers who are so diverse and you know, from all different walks of life hugging each other and celebrating together . And it's just a feel good moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny because also New York has all these songs you'll have a giant crowd of people and they're all singing New York, New York and then there's a giant crowd of people and they're all singing Empire State of Mind. And then there's the Go New York Go song that now everybody's like, What's the origin of the Go New York Go song? It's just really fun Yeah. So that's making me happier and goodness , Jamie . He is a lifelong knicks fan. This has been his dream since he was like four years old. So he is he's like, we got to do something big to mark the mom ent. I'm like, what? He's like, I'm thinking about it. So our whole family is like, Okay, what are we gonna do to mark the moment? It's gonna be big, it's gonna be epic. I can't wait to hear about it . All right, Gretch, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to ask me but first this break . This message comes from Harvard Business School Executive Education . Now is the time to invest in yourself and change the world with your voice. Our programs connect you with faculty at the forefront of their fields, introduce you to a global network of leaders and help you step into your full potential. The next chapter is yours. Let us help you write it. Apply today to accelerate your future. Learn more at hbs. m accelerate. That's h s. m e slash accelerate . I've been trying to say yes more to little adventures. Nothing huge, just getting out of the routine and going somewhere different for the day. And it really makes you appreciate having a car that feels solid and comfortable where you're not thinking about the drive, you're just focused on where you're going. That's what stood out to me about the Defender. It has that rugged design, but it also feels really thoughtful inside . And I like that there's a full lineup from the two door ninety to the one hundred ten and the one thirty was seating for up to eight. So it really fits different kinds of pl.ants And it's built with those durable, purposeful materials so you can actually use it without worrying about every little thing. It also has features that make driving feel easier like clear sight technology and the Pivi Pro system so you can keep track of where you're going and everything you want to listen to along the way. Plus with up to eighty nine cubic feet of cargo space and available three rows it gives you a lot of flexibility depending on what you're bringing with you . Explore the full defender lineup at land roverusa. com . You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who sw itch and save with progressives save over nine hundred dollars on average. Pop over to progressive. com, answer some questions, and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, ninety nine percent of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive. com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back . Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates national average twelve month savings of nine hundred and forty six dollars by new customers surveyed who saved with progressive between june twenty twenty four and may twenty twenty five . Potential savings will vary. Okay,' Lsizzie, there something that I've been meaning to ask you and this goes to your position volunteer or recruited to be a happiness guinea pig alongside me with all of these ideas. And I just was starting to wonder we have halfway day. We haveign Deser Summer. We have Designer Year, we have the challenges. We have Demarits, we have Gold Stars, all these things. You have Happyer and Hollywood too, which is a whole other podcast . Do you ever get tired of all this planning and talking . It's just happiness, happiness, happiness. Yes. What do you think? What's your experience? You know, Grutch, I don't really get tired of it, but I think I wear it somewhat lightly . In other words, I don't feel that I have to do every single thing we talk about or make it like if I don't do it then my life is over. Like I feel like I'm not an upholder like you. Yeah . So I'm not as rigid . But yet having the plans, making the lists, coming up with the themes as an obliger, it really helps me to sort of have that accountability . But if sometimes I fall down on the accountability, I don't beat myself up. If that makes sense. I feel like that's the perfect thing 'cause it's sort of like, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good because I think if people are too hard on themselves or extremely stressed out , then that can work against your happiness, but making the plans and aiming. It's funny because there's a whole line of thinking and having and this includes some of the great est minds in history. So I don't minimize this. If you try to be happier, you're getting it get in your own way and that a happy life is one where people don't think about being happy. In my mind, people don't hit a target by not aiming at it. Right. people And ar whengue this to me, they say things like, well, I don't worry about having a happy life. That's not what's important to me. I want a life of purpose, connection with other people , vitality, and curiosity. And I'm like, well, what do you think it would look like to try to have a happier life? Exactly that way. Yeah. I just wondered because it seems to me like you have fun with it. Like it's like off white delight. Oh, that's fun. But then you do get stressed out thinking like, oh my goodness. Well, I mean, I think just certain things hit really hard. We always do design your summer . You know, years are different. Some years it's not important, other years it is. This year as you mentioned for design your summer , I just on a whim without spending five seconds thinking about it said to myself, this summer I'm going to wear off white all summer between Memorial Day and Labor Day as of,ten as I can , whenever I'm out and I'm going to call it my summer of off white delight . And once I said it in my mind and then to you, it became a fact written in stone, written in the colored stone. Yeah . And I've really embraced it. I mean, I've bought these, you know, off white pieces, putting together different outfits. I've been taking my picture in the outfits. I've been lo gging it in the happier app, the design er summer section. Yeah . So that I have really gotten into and it's just like certain things you're really going to get into, whether it's because the way it is calls to me or the time of life or whatever . But here's what I know if we didn't do that, like if we didn't do designer summer , in a million years , it would never have occurred to me. Hey, I'm going to try this fun thing about wearing white all summer. Now , is it important in the world that I wear white all summer? No , but does it give me a little bit of pepp in my step and flare for summer twenty six. Yes, it does . Yeah . So it's the mindfulness thing, right? If we're not putting our mind to it 's not going to happen at least for me and I am not the person that would create a ritual come up with a theme or all of that if I weren't actively doing it because of the podcast. Well, yeah, and it's kind of like the thing about the podcast in general or my books where I'm thinking it,'s not that it's rocket science, it's not that somebody couldn't do it on their own. It just doesn't occur to you. Right. You don't think, oh, well I could do X, Y, Z. You miss an opportunity, not because you're not willing to do it, but just because you hadn't thought of it. And then you just, if you cross something off the list, that's very satisfying . It keeps something top of mind. Yeah. Or like, for instance, Sarah and I , because you and I would come up with themes for the year , then Sarah and I had the idea of coming up with a team theme , team symbols and all of this . We came up this year with being the killer bees . Yes. Now that's led to every Friday we have a killer bee work hour on Zoom where we invite people to work with us . We both have B rings that we wear, especially for like big meetings. We'll wear our B rings , which you know, nobody knows we're doing, but it's just our little thing.. Yeah We had last year hive twenty five where we got together, you know, for twenty five hours and worked every so often . So it expands into this whole world and I just find it so fun to be like a part of something like that. Yeah, you know, it just makes life richer . And I don't know, I just love it. Yeah. No, I agree. It just makes life more vivid and more interesting . Yes, more vivid. Yeah. Here's a question. What is your favorite thing of the year that we do? Like your word of the year, your list of things , design your summer . I feel like I'm moving into a phase where I'm really gonna try to start embracing designer summer. Oh, I feel like this year is the first year I really embraced it . You know, I want that to build. Interesting. I love the three igner D yeares channel. I found the one word theme really creatively interesting. I really love that. And the word is always very significant for me. Like this year being it being neighbor. I mean, talk about the Nix. That's part of the Nick , the neighborhood feeling of that the Nyx the city. And then door was huge, wave was huge . Salt, I mean salt might be my all time favorite one. The imagination of it. I love the list. I do feel like I get a lot of things done that I really want to do because they're on the list because I just really want to cross things off the list. And then I love the challenge. The challenge is always fun. We have amazing challenges. Well, see again, I wouldn't do any of that if we didn't have a challenge. Yeah. Yeah. But do you ever get tired of thinking of these things and being in charge of them? I don't, I love it. I find it endlessly fascinating. I have to say and I go through the world kind you of know what it' likes . I'm always like I got to write that down. Oh hold on to that thought we got to do that here, do that here, do that here? Oh no , I find it immensely satisfying to have a place to put all these things because I love remember the thing with the ladders all of a sudden , I was just like my goshadders, ladders are so dangerous. How do I spread the word? I just stumbled across this. So I was so happy to be like, oh my gosh, this is a big happiness stumbling block. People beware of the ladder . And so to me it was immensely satisfying. So to me, and then with my books and stuff and then even like five things making me happier, I love having a place for all these ideas to go. So I don't get tired of it. Oh good. So it's good. We both enjoy it. Well, that's good since we're both doing it excellent. Wonderful exactly. That's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, it would be hard if we didn't. If we didn't, yeah, that would not be a happy existence. And now for a spotlight on a tool. Halfway day is coming up soon. Halfway day is july second . That makes it a very useful time to review your twenty sixth for twenty six list. We all made these lists at the beginning of the year, but you know, sometimes our aims change over the course of the year. Sometimes you have to adjust them for the summertime because schedules change, energies change, routines change often in the summer . I put together a collection of resources about reevaluating your aims and adapting your habits for summer and you know figuring out how to keep it going for the second half of the year because there's plenty of time. Keep going . All that can be found at half your cast. com slash design your year. All right, Gretch, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to tell me, but first this break . Hey, it's Julie Louis Dreyfus from Wiser Than Me, etc just popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill, but that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow. Our ancestors would be confused. They use their food scraps as compost, or as animal feed, or in weird soups , all the stuff we did before garbage was invented . But But composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross . 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I stop reaching for anything heavy or complicated and just want pieces that feel light, comfortable and easy from the you know, the first second I put them on. That's why I keep coming back to Quints. They're linen pieces especially have become my default this time of year. I have a linen button down from Quints that you know it's one of those pieces that works for everything for travel, for dinner, for weekends. It feels much more expensive than it is. I love that Quintz uses high quality materials like European linen and organic cotton, but everything is priced fifty to eighty percent less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints. com slash greeten for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty five day returns . Now available in Canada too. That's Q INC . com slash Gretchen for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns quince dot com slash greeten . Okay, listen, there was something that you and Sarah were talking about unhapp ini Herollywood. I was absolute ly flabbergasted I think of you as being a true TV person. I mean, obviously you write for TV and you create shows for TV, but you also love TV . And you mentioned that you have trouble with the mechanics of watching TV and I was so staggered by this, but also so relieved because I'm like, why is it so hard sometimes to just watch TV? Yes, I was talking about how I hadn't been able to turn on any of the TV's in our house for like two years. So how would you watch TV? You watch TV. So I had been watching everything on my iPad or if Adam and I were watching together, you know, then on the TV but he would have turned it on. Why will say once it's on, I could navigate, you know, I can find survivor. Yeah . It's just getting it on and in the right place to do what needs to be done . And I feel like for years, our TV's have been getting more and more confounding. And I feel like every time we make a move to make it simple , it gets more confusing. Like I'll never forget when we got our first universal remote that was supposed to be like the thing that changed the game, that made all the things coming together so easy. I never figured out the uni versal remote. And we ended up deciding we had a very bad universal remote, but that was the beginning of the end for me . We have so many different remote controls. I can't remember what turns on what what, order ? Now I will say Gretchen, because I was talking about this and because it came up because there was something I really wanted to watch live on TV, which I will admit was the summer house reunion. There's a big scandal going on at the summer house . Adam figured out how to turn on the TV in the office and taught me to do it, although I will say I have been doing it, but it's still sort of me just pushing buttons to find what I need to find. So I am turning it on, but then I still have like a random pushing of buttons until I get to where I need to go. So when Adam does it, is he also kind of doing that or does he like push, push push and it comes on easily? So certain TV's he knows confidently how to get them on , but others he, has to do a little experimentation if it's not one he uses very often. Yeah. Okay, here's a note to all of you who are good at this kind of thing