Summer fan etiquette and closing

There's lots of very funny dilemmas coming your way in just a moment. You can watch every episode of Help I Sex with my boss too. From Jordan's attempts to be a YouTuber back in twenty ten, seriously the second, hand embarrassment is real. To William's reaction to seeing a fanny for the first time, there are so many brilliant moments that you need to see. Search for help I sex with my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you don't miss an episod e Just come back from this morning. Have you? Yeah, Susie from Makeup says hello? Oh hello, Susie. She says you're a favourite. Oh , she stumbling eyelashes. What do you think of them? Lovely cushion is like looking at a camel . Also, because we were talking about you so much, she's put a load of dry shampoo in my hair and I look like I've gone a bit gray. She's like, ooh because I'm talking about William. I usually give him a dry shampoo , so that looks nice. It's got it's got a lovely body to it. But she says hello. Oh, hello , hello to Susie. Hello. Are we ready? I'm ready, yes. Okay. Ready for a while . No , whoa, whoa, whoa, who,a whoa, before we start , I was here twenty seconds before we were due to start recording. Well, twenty five seconds before you thought we were due to start recording. twelve forty five was today's start . I'm thirty. No, no, no, no, I'll go through it. I'll go through it. If we're going to start episode, I just want to say, I don't mind. It was being facetious. I'm not being facetious. Group update for this week from Jack Arrival twelve thirtyty twelve for four did you arrive? Episode forty seven, right? I arrived at twelve forty four. I'm camera ready so I jumped straight in. So technically I wasn't late . It's now twelve fifty one. Yeah. It's now twelve one because you fuffing with lights and mics and stuff . So don't blame me . Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, a podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your twenty first century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, like what should you do when you discover your partner's secret stash of Viagra or why can't I say Peter Schemichael properly? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usual hairy fairies, are we, William Hansen? No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm all more aboard the Titanic, you're and is coming. Drop and panic . Oh, oh, look at that . You can't fishing. I've never seen you go floppy so quickly. Now I'm fishing Toy Story, you can't say Andy's coming because I have to literally drop to the floor and see my contact. Oh is it? Yeah, try it. And is coming . What do I do to get you up again? Andy's gone. And is gone. It's fine. Can I do that at random points throughout the throughout the rest of my life now? Yeah, for the rest of your life. So if Toy Story six comes out , can I then does that when the contract finishes? No, it's forever. Oh wow. I'm a toy, so it's just in me. So it's Tom Anks say Andy's comedy and he goes to see. That must be greater part, is the girl fluffy. That was by the way, that was from Josh. So thank you, Josh. Hi guys. See the whole Toy Story film. Have you seen it? Yeah, yeah. He likes it yeah. Have you seen the whole film? Yes. I'm gonna watch it again this Sunday at the time of recording. I thought you were only shown forty five minutes. No, no, I went to the full screening. Oh . I saw JB Gill from JLS . I thought he died. Oh, it was A A Gil. Who's Gil? It was a restaurant critic Who's JB Gil? Lovely JB from JLS . Oh, every minute's like an hour or whatever they say. Every hour is like a day.' Ohs the, that one. Gone for the same school of timekeeping as you right, we'll have our Jin and Debonay. I'm just going to pour it now. It's lovely in this new studio because we've actually got an ice bucket with ice and a proper measure. It's this new studio is lovely. Hate is gonna hate and I absolutely, that's not a proper measure, is it? It's two. It looks like a small one. Well, you don't drink it anyways. I'll just do it. Key and measure. Just throw it in. All right , I'll do four. Oh I can't win. Yeah, not four . Not your mother . How rude Okay, and now I'll do the gym. And are you keeping well? Yeah good,. Yeah. That's a nice jacket you're wearing. It's like a hint of blue in there. It's gray . I've got my TV jacket and my TV trainers on. TV train. So the only clothes I wear for for the telly and this one's why they're in good condition. Yeah, that's why it's in very good condition . Oh you shit . I thought that could have been one of those moments where you got something in and then only someone in the comments had noticed it. Not that read the comments. No, you don't. It's in good condition . Now look, can I just say full absolute full disclosure here, everybody ? I'm not going to go on about this every week. This will be the last week we mentioned it until I come out of the show.. No No, no, because you know, we've all got baby. Shut up. But I would like to toast the cast and crew of Titanique who have been lovely. We have now opened in the West End and thank you to all those who was your first opening in the West End? Yes, do you know , I don't normally open in the West End, but I mixed it up and we opened and it was very good. We'll talk more about it in a minute, but to the Titanic cast and crew, thank you for making me feel so welcome from the bottom of the oce an . Oh, that is quite strong. That's also what I need. How are you? How is your first week going on the west end? Yes , it's going very well, thank you . It's nice that we've actually now sort of done it and we've done it a couple of times at times recording . I'm looking forward to when it becomes sort of just routine. Yeah, because like, you know, yesterday we had to go in for a sort of working notes after the first night, so you're still sort of working the afternoon . I mean, the working notes went on longer than the actual show. But you're not great with critique, are you? Criticism? Criticism? I'm fine actually . I mean the one the one note that I kept getting before we opened is when I'm miming could I not mime to Celine's track? I need to mime to the backing artist's track because Celine when she's singing solo and I'm sort of singing . No, it's only Celine's for going out , which I thought was hilarious that they didn't find it very funny. So that's good. And I have become, I'm channelling the wonderful Nigel Havers in the Playadium Panto and I have ordered. It's arriving later on today. When I go into the theatre, I collect it. I've ordered some martini glasses and a cocktail shaker and all the potato peelers and things so I can have Martini in my dressing room rather than going out for one before the show, which I've been doing for the last couple of days and I decided that's going to become quite expensive quite quickly. So I will just have one in my dressing room. Oh, I can. Invite any of the cars from Crew and they can have one too. Do you know what? I think this could be your calling next, Panto. You do, Panto? I thought you wouldn't. Yeah palladium Panto, you'd say yes to? Yeah, I think we're away off that darling. But yes. I think you'd be good in Panto. Well, who knows? Which sort of provincial town do you think would take, William? Hello, Sunderland . Coventry? Yes, I could be sent to Coventry . Watford? Yes. Maybe people should write in and suggest their payments. Yes, I did try to get a ladder in Milton Keynes, but that's an old joke . On a scale of one to ten, how nervous we are for the Open is the most nervous fourteen . Is it the most you've ever been? Like we did Wembley Arena and all those arenas earlier this year. Absolute walk in the park because you and I can just make it up as we go along. Yeah, you can't on a Western show. Yeah. My biggest fear, I can never remember lines somewhere. No. Yeah, and we have flipping comfort monitors on at our feet. Give it away. I mean, you can bloody see them, George. We were just little notes on there. Yeah, well, they were but prompts in case we forget what's coming next, but you've got nothing, none of that on the west end. Did you get my flowers? I did get your flowers. Thank you very much. They were so lovely. Yeah, because I thought that's the thing to do with thespires and it send them flowers after the first show. Did you see what it said on the front? No actually because Mikey took them in. Oh, they were addressed to dame William Hanson because I honestly think when you get your knighthood, I think you ask for it to be a Dame. I think Dame William Hansen. It's very nail. It's so much better than Sir William. I put on it Dame William Hansen. Oh, no, Mike, I'm sorry. She sent me pictures of the sorry, Jehovah did see it. We had so many flowers. It's all been about him this week. Walked into my dressing room was like, I died. Oh, really? Yes. Who sent you then? Lots, lots of people, but yours were obviously the nicest. Sassy, Glen send you some flowers for us. That's our agent. That's our agent . Yeah. Yeah. So no, they were they were lovely. So it's all gone very well and I'm looking forward to my Martini Precho later. Oh yeah. This is great. Are you happy you're enjoying it? Yes, I am happy. And look, if you've come to see the show, we've already booked you very Thank much. It's been lovely to meet some June Divis at stage door as well. So it has all been stage door . Yeah. Oh , signing autographs. Yes, breasts. Have you been signing boobs? No, I mean, have you seen the audience who comes to the show ? Stage . Before we move on, yeah, 'cause we would like to talk. And is coming . I just wanted to test that. Jordan's gone floppy again . I haven't said it, but we could just take this minute just to just talk about whatever I want to talk about . And is gone . Have the review. And is coming . And is gone . He forgot something. He came back . And I think Andy. Yeah, look, it's Andy like fifty two . No, but it's ridiculous. Look what I've got on the bottom of every pair of shoes. Don't say you do. Yeah, I do got Andy written on the bottom of them. Sub that in that is funny. Sub that in Pharaoh. I have to have Vandy on the bottom of your shoe in a sharpie and I will generally write answers. Every pair of shoe I've got to have Vandy at the bottom of them. How have the reviews been for Titanic because story five they've been great . So they have. They've been some really good. Have they mentioned and how many of those have mentioned your partner? They said the Garden Gnome really made this film . Is that one of your lines? Yeah, to do sipping noises. Oh , if isn't it? So we do actually have a review that's coming. Do you want to hear it? Yes, go on spectrum. Here's a review. Have a listen. Absolutely adored William's opening the other night seeing him perform on stage with a bunch of queens. It's nothing like the sexed tour whatsoever, but he did so so well and I'm so proud of him. The audience, I think they've all been to the bottom of Brunch, but they seem to enjoy it. Wow, just slightly fabulous and I'm looking forward to going to the other forty eight shows. That is Williams Prodegy Viking . You pronounce her a prodigy I believe. Prodegy, don't be it's Shimichael, protege. It's prodigy. It's proteges, it's French. Protege. I think it's I think it's protege. Protege they're two different words of offering . You've put the D in it should be a ton. It's your protege and he's like a mini version of you. He is. Is he actually going to every show? No. What did you think come last night? I bet he will. Some people on your stories were saying they've been twenty two times. Like more times than you've even seen Mary Proper tons for Titanic . Well, no because I've seen Mary Props forty five times. Fuck . Alright . I didn't realise it had got that large Yes. Well, thank you Freddy for that. Yes, Mikey loved it. Freddy loved it. Stu came as well. He loved it so much. He hasn't turned up today, so he doesn't get to talk about it. He sent a voice now as well. As he? Who's coat is that jacket? Oh, I tell you what, there's two houses on the hill. And there is no bread so I'll have some toast. And I said William was fantastic. He really stole the show he did. He was absolutely lush, he was. I thought he was brilliant. I'll tell you what it is. I'll go ahead and see him. Thanks Jean. And there is a moment because you haven't seen it yet. Let me know when you've booked . But no, no, 'cause you do need to let me know when you've booked so I can, you know, we can do stuff around it. Oh can I know? Like we can go out for drinks or dinner afterwards or whatever you know. It's what midnight I'll come at the weekend? Yeah, exactly. I'm assuming you're going to come on a Friday or Saturday. Yeah, it might come to Matine or have said that right? Matine, yeah. Matino, that comes from Matinay. Go to an evening show. Oh. Come to my dressing room and you can have a Martini. Oh, okay. Yes. But there is a bit in it that I wanted to do on Tour that was banned by you and Stew, potentially banned. Don't say like that. We say like was it the putting in the piece bit? No comment. Come to the check. Oh, okay. Do I still get a mention in it? Currently until that gets cut. Not by me, aren't you get notes. I mean, I had notes after the first day going, you know, this needs to my monologue was two minutes too long, apparently. So I had to do trim that by two minutes last night. Two min . How long is it supposed to be? That's a chunky amount of time . They basically caught planning. They said, William it's a two act show, not a three act show, so we had we had to trim. Okay . Anyway, did Mikey leave a review on a voice note? Yes as Mikey left a review. He were absolutely gorgeous and he was just so proud of my little flower pot tears streaming over the eyes no good I've just seen him up there on stage where he belongs. He went downlyload charred. I said Atlanta building site he'll have to come and they said fuck off Mikey no chance put he were good. No I looked across and Mikey and Stu were sitting next to each other and during the curtain call of night one I looked across and honestly that, gorgeous old queen was streaming with tears. My hear was crying as well. And sorry Stu . And I couldn't then couldn't look at my hears. I was like, I'm going to cry. So it was very emotional. I thought we were allowed to come to your first show. Well, my husband is, yes. I won't want anyone there . Well, a few people came, but it was fine. But you were worried yourself this Tuesday night, you've been in bed. Yeah, I'm tucked up in bed. Anyway , continuing the butch theme , let's talk about the big event of the summer . The World Cup. Are you excited World Cup? Which is happening this year in Mexico? Yes. It's on the tip of my tongue. America. What do they say ? USA and Canada? Canada? Oh, they're spreading it about . Okay . What are your predictions? Well, at the time of recording , England haven't played yet. Oh, when do we play? We're playing tomorrow. Tomorrow Tomorrow. Okay. To be fair, Grouplli is looking pretty easy for us. You think got garnered. El's not going to stand for loser. Good. I think I don't know. I'm going into every year and World Cup. I'm always like I never know. And then as soon as you start playing and winning games, you get caught up in a makeshift like it's coming up. It's coming. Well, with sacrament rice, I think it is. I had a nice sacran rice before the show last night . Rice has got a bit of sunburn . Claim Rice. He's got sunburn in the old what? You know when you see a joke and you go No , I had heard it. I just didn't think it was funny. I didn't do the joke. Oh no , you're about to do it. No, I saw a joke and then I thought no I can't do it. Oh okay. But you got sunburnt so he's caught the sun really bad. Fried rice. Exactly That's more fresh. Fried rice was fine. Yeah, but I think it'll be all right. I have said to a capital Kara's when I first started in twenty twenty four in the year old and I didn't really go out to watch any England games watched them at home but I said I'm going big. You're gonna go out to America? No out and watch it in the pub and stuff because that's where you soak up the atmosphere. Then I won't mind watching a game movie for his pal. So thanks . Do my prediction is that Croatia might be tricky, but we should get the nine points. Do you think? Ghana? The late games as well. No, they are nine times. I hope they've taken their melatonin and got good rest. Scotland are playing at two in the morning, aren't they? They are against Haiti . Gosh, okay. Yeah. Went to school there. It doesn't work sorry. The only thing I can't get my head around at the moment is who between Bellingham and Rogers, who starts? For me personally, Bellingham, which I say Rogers. It's an unpopular opinion. This is freaking out me. I do not you've taken an interest in my life. I'm taking an interest in your life. I don't like this. Like considering you're the only bloke I've ever bought flowers for and now not sure that strictly super true. That is, I promise you that true is . Really? Yeah. Who else would you buy flowers for? A book from your dad. Buy 'em for my dad's Father's Day coming up. I don't buy my dad's flowers. I should go with his father's thoughts that' from his father'.. Ive done the present This is the one. Is it this one? This son they're coming up now time of okay. Yes. Okay. But I think Bellingham for me . Okay. No, I think Rogers, but we'll agree to disagree . And as long as I look, food in the sticks . Yeah, that's great, yeah. Yeah. Harry Kane's got at least four goals in him though in the game. I reckon Can'll be alright, pick food in goal. They did my removals . Well, they're git . Do you think Pickford or Trader? They broke my hoover. Pickford or Trafford, who you going for? Uh Trafford. Yeah, do you think? Yeah, yeah. No Truff's a football ground, isn't it? No, James Trat. Gold . Oh yes. So I'd say him because he played for Burnley, obviously. Of course. And Pickford plays for Arsenal? Nope, keep going. Liverpool. No, close. Everton. Yeah . Oh , that was quite I knew it was a Northern team. That was correct. That's why I started with us . Yeah North London. Yeah, yeah, basically. I am in two World Cup sweetsteaks. How I'm in loads at the moment. So what do you know? I thought I'd felt a bit bad at entering a second . As I said it. Well, I'm in one at a restaurant I go to where I pulled Cura Sao. I think they're going to be really I've got them in the capital one. Have you? Yeah. Oh, we can both I've never heard of it before this. I've been there. I've been into the airport, yeah, in the Caribbean. Oh, okay. Nice airport And the other one is the one at work at Titaniquek, I haven't been we haven't drawn yet. The cast of Titanica doing a world. I'll be honest, it's mainly the technical style. Ah , yes. Rebello. Heterosexuals and lesbians, to be honest, but I've put myself in the mix. Get it yeah, yeah. Two pounds entry. You don't actually know where that money goes. No, the winner's charisma go there to the winner. Go to the winner. But you mean the sweet charis. I've been great . I didn't pay the other day . It goes to charity. It goes to the winner sought out after. It blows my mind that actually the World Cups are and you won't watch a single match happen. Easily I'd rather die. Even when England won, you won't watch it. Nope, I'll be on the stage. But what about Rogers ? Well, poor old Rodgers . Oh, I need to make sure I don't book Titanic for winning under plane actually because I will not be coming. I think my brother's done that actually. Oh , he's made a point of saying to me, I am still going to come and watch Titanic. That's how much he loves me. Oh, I wouldn't . Yeah, yeah, that is bore off. Do you agree. Come on, it's England. Did your brother tell you he loves you? Yes. Oh . Why do you find is that another weird thing we don't do in the North like put up photos of our family around the house? Izzy, can I just say you're Northern? You put up photos of your family around your house? . Maybe it's just my household . Again, it''ss sad recurring thing. It maybe struggles with affection. No, I see you even saying out loud I'm public. I love my three brothers to bits, but I don't think I've ever told him why do we phone one of them up now and tell them? Do you want me to say? Yeah., all right Which one are we gonna help a bit fascinating to know which one we're gonna pick? Whoever picks up quickest? What? Just you need to go, name a brother, just want ring you say, I love you, speak to you later. Hang up. No, we got a we got a little response . They all sound the same. Who are we ringing? Hello? Hi Brads, it's George. All right How about you? Yeah, not so bad. Just ring and say that I love you . Yeah . I love you too. You alright? Yeah, yeah, I'll I'll ring you back What's your name? Why say ? What do you mean you're not dying right here ? See ? No, you're on the podcast with William and I just said that. Yeah, he tells him his and brother tell each other they love each other, but I don't think we've ever do love you anyway. Oh , Brad. That's sweet, but thanks, Brad. I love the fact that you thought I was dying ? All right, no . Well, yeah, you can't just say and say love it. It's like when you think something's happening. I'm gonna survey in the middle of a Marba, old town having a survey as a I don't know what ? Beer? A cavasa. Yeah, little bit of lemon in it. It's like a going on this flip. All right, all right . Well, oh yeah, William wants you. Hang on. Hello Brad, thank you for that . I was just trying to say there's nothing, you can just say I love you. That's it's perfectly normal and healthy to say that to friends, family, et cetera. And I felt you should do that to you and all your brothers. How long? Well, so you ran everyone, what everyone else said? No, no, no, you were the first he phoned . Oh God forgot he wasn't the monster. Well, that's exactly what I said. Look, I don't want to interrupt your Sevasa or your holiday anymore, but have a lovely time and I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Don't message him. Well, that was weird. And it wasn't weird. It's perfectly noisy Right. I know probably some therapist is like, please fucking I feel fucking icky daughter's brother I love it. I've never told any of my brothers I love him. Is that weird? Just text him, haven't you saying, I don't really love you? No. I just said thanks for that . So that's very kind. He died in blessed. When you said no, you weren't dying, do you feel the slight disappointment in his voice that suddenly that will was not coming to fruition? Anyway, and how's your weeping? Yeah, alright if you'd have said to fifteen year old me that I would have done soccerade , Toy Story and Capitol Summertime all at Wembley in a week. I would never believe it's been probably the best but maddest week of my life. It's been mental. It looked amazing . Thank you. Yeah, I did soccer and I was very thanks. But it's been the more recent thing. It's been one of those where I had a moment this week of fortune says. So it was a bit of a pinching moment, but I'm very, very lucky. I'm very, very grateful. I am Tell you what soccerade now I know how footballers feel actually Yeah, just play it cool with us. That's all I'm saying . What do you mean? The amount of blokes that are like bro shaking me, you know, the bro sh ake, you know Yeah, I've had cab driver 's normal handshake will do. Builders , the lads in the gym. I walked in the gym the other day turned heads. Our gym. Yeah. That is why I ask you to send a voice note to capital as well. What was the new television? I just got out the shower . Oh no, this was a different one. I got out the shower yeah and what was the etiquette here and I said meate you wentes, Y, Je.an Soccer aid and I said, Oh cheers bro. He hugged me. He was all sweaty from the sauna. Sorry, have you changed gims? No. And then I went into the other guy who was there, Adam, and I was like, Yes, mate. And he's like, Yes, soccerade, and he just really sweaty. I had to get back in the shower . Honestly , never had a tension. I didn't like it. They played for twenty minutes . So yeah. If that? If that , we're not counting. How long are you on stage for? Two hours . On and off, on and off I do. I do come off this year. It's been an interview, but other than that. It's been a great week. It has been a really good week. Well, well done you, you should be very proud. What are you doing? Got a bite there on your leg. Don't me to pop it. The showers? Anyway, shall we go to your etiquetymology? Yes. What forgot this week? Oh I've just had a fantastic idea for an etiquetymology. No, I know what I'm going to do. Be the only time you don't care . It's b soarring but, I'll do it in a minute. Is after these messages I'm going to tell you all about fish knives inspired by that letter from Ryan the other week asking if it's a faux part to use a fish knife as a dinner knife. Stay tuned . Here's the jingle. It's William William, the etiquette geek, his knowledge. Knowledge quite unique. He'll give you manners, manners subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette emology of the week ja . Now , this will be the first etiquette emology I'm not interrupted in and is coming. So are fish knives common ? Yes, basically in short, but why? Well, fish knives and forks sometimes called fish eaters first appeared. No you can't shut up. In the middle to the late ninet eenth century. They were mainly seen in silver plate, the flat shape of knife and four was designed to make eating fish simple. The point of the knife, because the knife has a slight point , makes finding any bones easy. But why is something so practical? Because they know necessity invented them. Why is it so common? Well, basically the middle class had new money. During the nineteenth century, improved industrial practices made manufactured goods cheaper, and this also brought those change sides. This also brought wealth to a burgeoning middle class who wanted to distinguish themselves and establish their own rules. Now, this was particularly the case in America. If you've watched the Gilded Age, which we talked about before , it's sort of that era. Suddenly everything had a piece of cutlery, like strawberry forks , not just fish knives and forks , asparagus drongs as well, ice cream spoons . And basically, the new money in America said, look, we can afford all of this. And old maw it's vulgar. Now, the Royal Family rarely serves fish, definitely unboned fish. When they do, they still use two forks, which is considered the proper way to eat fish, but a bit of a faff. And is gone . And he's gone. Sorry I was not enough there. Yeah, you can . Yeah. No, but I thought that was a very successful I should get a marriage. I did hard disagree. I think it needs Jordan . Thank s the Oh man that's the kind of thing you've ever said to me. You must be the only producer working. Thank you in the media that's ever said that. That's so lovely because in my head I'm the only one here that isn't replaceable . So that's really fun. You're the only one here that isn't . So remember this advice I was ever given. It's from your old uncle Jordan here. We're all replaceable. Never forget that true. Yeah, we're all replaceable. Never forget I'd agree. No , no , one minute you cock a walk them next year of feather duster. Well, I'll tell you again. I'll tell you this when we were doing the publicity photo . What ? What's the minute cook or walk in the feather does you know that? Morgan used to have that in his shape. Yeah, yeah, we're all replaceable. Even he was replacable. Ratings he brought in for GMB. Bosh, gone. Well, when we were doing our publicity photos for Titan eight, we were standing we were all stepping, shut up. We were all standing this is proving your point. We were all standing there as a group. And then they went, and William, if you could just step out for a minute, showbiz 'cause they'll be the ones they use on . Yeah. So, you know, if they offer you an extra six weeks with you? Oh no, because I'll have to cancel holiday. Going to Disney with my niece and nephew. So that's very exciting. Which one? Annie and Henry? No, which Disney Paris . What do you mean ? I love Disney, Paris. I've never been, I've never been to Paris. One of these would you like to go with? You me and Ben will Eiffel Tower? I've decided that when you go on a European break, it's better to go with friends . Okay. I slightly disagree, but yeah, I know what you mean. Okay, anywhere. I would say hol aiday with friend s is different from a holiday with your loved one or with family or whatever. They all have hope or so. Do you go are you like at stage where you and Cat go on holiday and then after four days you don't really know what to talk about? No . Answer, y es . She's never there . You've got lots to catch up with. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. When you go away for a week, then just puts himself in front of the mirror and talks to himself. Ben's like, did I tell you promoted at work? I'm executive producers then now . Oh really, when was that two years ago? Longer than that. You're gonna do the problems and dilemmas now. I am time for them but I'm going to switch the iPad off because I've had some notes this week like you from our production team that I read the iPad when you're reading them and it makes it I look a bit disinterested on YouTube and stuff. Yeah. What are you doing? That's why notes. How would you honestly, I'm such a technical . Right. There we go. I'm gonna be one of those old people that ain't got a clue how to turn telly on. Yes. Oh, I'll be terrible. Isn't that what you are now? The Tyell in my house winds me up 'cause well, you ordered it. Switch it on, one upstairs on. Well, that 's an egg's gone. Content or problems. Tell me problems . The telly in my house winds me up and then heating's on a frigging app. What's that all? Yes. Heating on an app. I've just minded Always app. Forget the password. It's more for hot water for a bath I just have to put mergers in. No, it's good because in old days you used to ring and say I am Mum, you'd ring out Arshaw and say I've just played forty, we put immersion on and she'll be like, Yeah, Dad. Immersion. Don't tell your dad because now if we fancy it hot in the bedroom, we just fire up an app and within thirty thirty minutes it is. Our first dilemma is from anonymous. Let me start up washing machine. It's got an app on now as well. Put it on a delay timer, see if washing good fine. Good. Yeah . Halley would have been Jordan. This past weekend, one of the women in our office got married. I'm looking interested. Yes, I know. As work and is coming and it's gone . As work colleagues, we were all invited as reception guests with invitees stating arrival at the venue from eight PM. We were all delighted for her and she had been talking about it nonstop since she got engaged. Jordan is now overcompensating. She also mentioned how excited she was, particularly because a band and DJ were playing well into the night. We all organized babysitters, got dressed up, there was a black tie dress code and lifts sorted to the venue which was quite out of the way for most of us. When we arrived, the band was in full swing, but the bride and groom were nowhere to be seen. We assumed they had gone to their room to make the marriage official. About an hour later the groom appeared looking less than pleased. We asked a bridesmaid where the bride was, and she said she didn't know, but hadn't seen her in over an hour. The groom then explained that the bride had a headache and was calling it a night at nine PM. Both sets of parents were clearly not impressed, neither were the groom's friends who all felt their mate had been shown up. She was apparently berating him for not coming to bed with her . The party had died to death and without the presence of the person we were there to celebrate it all felt like a waste of time. So our dilemma is as the bride, presumably partly responsible for paying for the event, is it rude to leave your own party early? Yes. Those invited for the evening reception didn't see her. She has been talking in our group and posting online as if she'd had a crazy night, which is confusing everyone even more. Your expertise on this etiquette dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Thank you both. I mean, unless you're really ill and you're like, bulging , obviously . And yeah, I get hopefully you're not on your wedding night. No, I get being a bride and groom, like you don't actually get a minute. You can't even finish your drink the only yeah, so you should probably make effort a headache unless it's a separate headache a migraine . But severe headaches at school, though But I think she was quite rude there. I think that's very rude. It doesn't sound very two sides to her story, but I think that was pretty rude. So I would okay, yeah, I sort of do agree , particularly if you're going to then have evening guests and this is why I've said it before. I would, if you can just have guests that either you're a guest or you're not a guest, don't have this two tier entry system of guests because then if you do want to retire to bed, even with the person you're mar rying and you want to sort of disappear, then it's fine . It is your party, if you're paying for it, you leave when you want to. That isn't technically a problem, but yes, it does appear rude . And leaving your groom in this instance there not ideal . Yeah. What would it feel like if it was if you were hosting a dinner party and you did that like that ? Yeah, it would be ridiculous. But also, I mean, this is this I've done that. I've gone for a tactical nap. What? Yeah, did it when that pay payer took long to cook? Yeah, I just I crashed. I was trying upstairs and had twenty minutes. I had to crash I would say this is a modern dilemma because historically, even our parents generation and before , you would go away. So you would sort of you would go and change and then you would literally leave for the honeymoon and the party would continue . The actual couple getting married staying is a relatively new concept. Weird though I'd be well paid off like oh, I don't want to go into Manchester Airport when everyone's on piss. Well, you don't necessarily have to go to the airport, you could just go to a hotel and you know. Is that where your mom dad did? Why don't I wasn't there? But I can't remember what ? When your mom pregnant with you ? No, she was not. No, I came three years later. Oh , maybe ? Not you. Not that hey, I'm not judging . I mean not what these red kids have been paged by it's a modern let's not sit here and work it out anyway, so I would say it's a modern pred icament. My mum and dad got married at nineteen, can you believe that? Wow. Well, when you were eighteen, eighteen and married and ran they had Ryan at nineteen. Well, you know, if people get married older now than the nature . But yeah, short answer, yes it is rude. I think it was a bit rude. And if you are going to wedding and you're a bride, try to try to make the most of it. You don't have to be the last one up, but no, absolutely not. And you do want to leave together. Our next slummer is from Dan, Dear William Jordan and all. I have an etiquette question that has been driving me to despair for quite some time and I would finally like some sort of closure, if you will. Why is it that on escalators, the etiquette is to stand on the right to allow others to pass on the left , yet on stairs it's the opposite . Why can't there be at least some sort of dare I say common sense and both modes of D slash escalation be the same? Might sound like a petty thing, but it's generally been driving me nuts for years. Can you shed any light at all on this ? Thanks in advance, Dan from Manchester. I hate to be this person, but if you are coming down to London or any major city , stand on the right because it is particularly bad at weekends. Oh, it's so bad and you can spot a tourist in London. I hate to be that guy on the Tube because in London stand on the right, I don't stand in the middle, don't stand left because some people like to walk down and go faster and I have to go excuse me and they think you're being rude. Like ye,ah . So why is that? Why is it different? Because it is left in it. I would say it probably goes back to swords. So for stairs , it does. He was having sword fights on the tube. No, no, not that old. No one . But on stairs, obviously your sword carrying hip was your left hip. And so probably going up the stairs, obviously stairs has been around longer than escalators . And someone at TFL or someone decided that when you're standing on an escalator you stand on the right . So I would say the rule sort of exists it's the tube or escalators that are the anomaly here, not general status . I guess when you're walking there you are on the left, aren't you? So like on both st aats you're still walking on the left. True. The different place. It's a different in Singapore, though, it's the other way around. It's very confusing. You have to walk on the right and stand on the left throw me. Throws me. Yeah, I was told recently that when I offer help to people with their bags at the airport, at the airport or at the train station or at the tube, it's an ick It's not an ick at all. Apparently I look for it . I look to help. Yeah, I can see you doing that. I don't. It's just to see if the people to see if there are people . To see if there's people that need help. If there's someone right next to you, then yes, you don't cross the terminal to go and help someone. No . I think going from wear cables. Thank you, Ben. Thank you. You'll be dead nice to me today, Pal. Thank you. I like your training. That was more sarcastic than the thing it was a bit much when he went from terminal five to ten or two to do it. Apparently as well, I'll cross the street to give someone money . It's nice to be nice . Humble brags in all seriousness. Does anyone have two pounds on them? Because they do actually need to pay the sweepstake at Title Eight. He stepped too quid on it. Well, I know. Apparently I can mom's whatever that is. I'd rather give cash. Eat in happy days . That's the fun isn't it? This is from Anonymous Halley William Jordan and of course the rest of the team had. a I very messy heartbreaking breakup with my ex a little while ago and I'm just getting myself back to normal, but there's one big hurdle I can't quite get over . When I was with my ex I introduced them to some of my closest friends and they all really got along. Since the breakup my friend,s are still very close to my ex and see them regularly . But now I barely see my friends. We used to hang out almost every weekend, but now I'm lucky if I see them once a month. They never message to invite me out, but I see photos of them going out with my ex. It's soul destroying. I've tried to talk about it with them, but I was shut down with responses like I feel like we've gotten closer. I've tried instigating meetups but keep hitting being busy. I'm now the point where I'm waiting for them to reach out , but it seems to never come. Do I stop hoping they will? Do I accept they're closer to my ex now than me? I lose sleep over this every night scared to lose them. Any advice would mean the world to me, though I've never met you, you feel like close friends who can give me unbiased judgment all my love anonymous. That's I'm glad you brought this up because this is such a tricky one. Like breakups are messy at the best of times of mafia . But with friends, I always fought the rule of thumb was well so say if we broke up what professionally or or if we were together or we broke up professionally I'd get Ben obviously . But then you can have them. It's who it's tough, but I suppose it's who they were friends with first. If they introduce you to them, you and they don't sound like great people. I think you might have to right. I know it's this is a really hard year, but you might have to accept that they're moving on and if they want to be friends with your ex, that's fine. You should try and make other friends, but generally rule of thumb is if they were their friends originally , they should try and avoid their ex partner. I would say it depends on the context of the breakup . If one person did something really horrid. That's a fair point. Fair enough. No, anon has not he said it's very messy and heartbreaking all breakups are , but in terms of heartbreaking, not necessarily messy, we don't know the reasons why . Maybe Anonymous did have an affair, and the friends are thinking well you were a bit of a dick for doing that. They might not have done. They might not have done. I'm saying we don't know the reason. But if there is some reason like that, or God forbid it was worse than that, then I can see why friends would go, well, we're going to cut you out . But if just providing that let's just assume it was just you became different people, it drifted apart. There is no reason why friends have to pick a side. You can still continue to be friends with both, if you want to be , but then it becomes difficult when let's say at weddings and there are going to be times when you've got to be all together in the same room. Yeah, fair enough. But also they're their own people and they can make their own choices as heartbreaking as that is. I'd try and accept and move on and maybe leave the ball in their court now like hopefully you don't message them and they'll start to miss you after a while and reach out and like Hey it's been a while and hopefully that can re kindle it. Good advice. Is that a Monet behind you? I doubt it . What is that picture? That's not Monet. He painted Ree's fingertips, didn't he? That was he nice, madam? Oh, you get your gosh sitting opposite sister sister Wendy ? Quite, don't worry. She was the nun art critic. No, Claude Monet did not paint me his finger. He did. He doubled he used it. Do you mean Manet ? No. They used the light brushes and he dubbed it, I think. Yeah, there was he used his fingertips. Remember learning it in school? You don't mean Van Gogh? He chucked his cockt, didn't he? Yeah. Oh, was it his ear? It was his ear . Oh, chopped who chopped the cock after. Oh, he chopped his ear off, but he painted with his cock. No he did . Did he chop his yeah, chopped his ear after he? He did. For whatever reason. This is from Eleanor. Hello William and Jordan. My girlfriend and I have been doing long distance for almost a year now because I'm studying abroad. She's coming to visit me in a couple of weeks for anniversary, yay. We haven't seen each other since Mid January, so we are very much looking forward to seeing each other. My problem is I'm scared there are going to be some steamy expectations. Firstly, I'm living in a shared flat with very thin walls, and my flatmates do not need to know all that about me. Secondly, I find it hard to finish with other people. And though my girlfriend knows this, I don't want her to think she can't satisfy me or that I'm not excited to see her. Any advice? Love you guys, your podcast has been a lovely reminder of home while I've been away. Maybe maybe if you've got the money hotel? A hotel that'll serve the first problem solving the first problem. Your girlfriend's only right and expecting a bit of, you know , rumpy bumpy. Better How's how's your mother? Better beans. How's your father? How's that ? Oh, I think Bitter rumpy pumpy. Yeah, please don't say you've never said that to her What have had a bit of rumpy pumpy? Yeah. So I don't think it's all wrong there. Shoot, y'all . Been a long time. Yeah. If you're long distance, bitter scissor won't go a miss . So I'll let you finish this one. So maybe get a hotel but also for a couple nights you can forward but also don't overthink it. Like I have lived many housemates and you do know that if their other half come in, you kind of make yourself scarce for , you know, you got to cinema for an afternoon and you say, You got placed yourself? You don't have to say Toy Story five? Yeah, gone see Toy Story five or maybe hint to your housemates if you could have an evening to yourself , but you know, if worst comes to worse, outdoors okay. That's my advice, but yeah and don't worry about , you know not being able to finish . Like, yeah, if someone it's fine to finish yourself off. Sometimes it's fucking sometimes it's great. If your girlfriend knows about it, then there's no problem with it. I think you're in your own head about that. It's great. If you finish yourself off and everyone's up, then fine. Exactly. I have nothing further to add. Always said that. Our final dilemma is from Vic, do William Jordan. Well, it's worse than running with scissors . Scissoring with a rounds . That's a good one. Yeah, Andy's come . I'll finally say come . That's more of a not seen that meme because obviously Andy got a bit older he's in his toys would have seen it all wouldn't they? It would have done. I always sometimes Balz would have seen that would he. Do you have a midway through thing? They have a midway through thing. I hope my grandma's not watching forever now. Why is that going through your mind? Is that weird? Because 're sick . I'm not sick, but you know, they say a little Robin comes. They say that's someone you love . But do you ever think, Oh God, I hope my loved ones aren't watching. When I go to heaven and my grandkids and watch ing cross a wankin' I won't watch. I'll go Oh Maureen Sleeve it is wanking again yeah at that age we'll pop back in in an hour. An hour It hasn't fallen off. I hope we do, loved ones. I hope they give you better privacy when you 'll one day we'll know . Our final dilemma is from Vic, D aniel? Yeah, you know? No, I haven't. Thank you very much. Our final dilemma is from Vic, dear William Jordan Etel. As the summer season gets fully underwear, I have a dilemma about the etiquette of using a handheld fan. I should be attending both Qeenus and Wimbledon this year, and it can get very hot, especially for a lady of a certain age. So, should I follow the example of the lady next to me last year at Queen's who used her fan liberally, first on her face, then on her chest and finally lifting her skirt and opening her legs to find herself where the sun doesn't shine or should I sit and melt in a very modest and English fashion? Thank you in anticipation of your advice, Vic from Surrey. Sorry Surrey. Very sorry sorry question. Is that a handheld electrical phan or a wafer? I guess it doesn't matter either off . Oh, can you imagine that? It's a very I can imagine you ever had a wafer up your trousers? I can't say I have no . I think it's fine to waff your face. Maybe you can do that. Maybe a declotage. The breast area, the declarge because that can get very sweaty and planting. It can the breasts get very sweaty and clammy in the summer . Don't don't speak from experience . So you have to give them a little waft body. But I would say lower than your stomach now. After all draw the line at wafting your fanny. Can imagine that your heir at Queensland starts wafting your fanny and goes Ooh I think we got fish and chips on the menu Well I'm offended by that on behalf of everyone . And put in mind of last summer when you invited us that lovely festival on the riverbank and it was absolutely like thirty five degrees . Oh yeah, yeah. It was thirty five degrees black, tie everyone, was sweltering. I was the only person in a tenth of about a thousand that kept his jacket on and after ten minutes I was fine. The body regulates. Yeah, you did say that. That was the first year they've ever said gentlemen can take jack itself . You're not coming this year. Mikey's still coming. Mike coming, I should be elsewhere. Yeah, where will you be? I forget. Yeah. So we've had to get a few replacements in. A few. Yeah. There was only one seat. Chris and Shawn can't make Shawn and Jake can't make it on. Oh, well that's why I pulled out. Is it 'cause they weren't going? Who's coming then? A few people, listen that. You got the numbers, don't worry. Well, I'm sure it's only you know, only replacing three. I mean, you're not asking to replace a whole football team. It's hard. And I'll keep going on, but Trad getting three lads together for paddle . All girls. It's a nightmare . It's a nightmare. Nilly Rang have you played? Neilly ranged Ben. Yeah, did. Have you played? Oh, we said we should have run you said we should have been going here. I'm taking him hours to get to you. How does this work? Because I'm in the head. I'm getting worse than all paddle I play . I'm getting worse. Paddle's not even a sport . It's it come on. Is it regulated? It is an Olympic sport. Get in there. It'll be in the Olympics soon. It's great. How often do you play, Ben? Daily . Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then do get in tou ch. Let's head together . You can send your tales of trepidation to help at sexidmyboss dot com or you can DM us