Dilemma: Body Counts and Relationships

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ZOC DOC and book that appointment on your to do list You join us as Ben thinks because it's been away for a weeks. somethingomet's happened and the the vibe and mood change. The mood has changed his back. That's what I mean. I believe you'll find the other common denominator Thanks, guys. Thanks How We were delighted to have you back. Yeah I'd not have felt at that a single second. Then I gave you a hug and kiss downstairs. ward you want a salad box? You said you wanted a hug and kiss and you were being all offish with me Oh Well, what would you like me to do Just be normal That's quite hard for them. Be more you Can we stop Can you do what you want Love you Ben. Bye. okay. love youen. I love you, Ben. Gad to have you back. You were missed Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, The podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your twenty first century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, likeike what should you do if your mum and best friend have fallen out H How do you tell your partner that you have accidentally used water from the kettle during Duchin And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usual Ion answer are we? William Hanson, the UK Z Enetiquette expert and West End superstar. Oh bless you, you know, we're not Jordan North, Capital Radio show host, I'm Maul I did two for you there, you need to do one for me. And The star of Toy Story fiveive. Thank you I'm more writer, you're more right off. That's from Nicole. People are saying you can tell you're eight years in nine years into us, but Ge Divvers, you need to up your game on these Imar Yoms. That's all I'm going to say I remember the day when Ben used to text going, We needed more and more you or more, and we'd have to do it ough that. Oh God, that sounds like a long day at work Can we all just be nice to each other today, please Who we toasting to? That's too much gen. No it's out good it in Has anyone seen Twoy Story five yet?? I've got it in my diary to go That wasn't a double that was just under Yes, because you do o to one. Have you sen Tast thir five yet? I've been on a holiday. Shut up, chair. Yeah,ve they've got cinem l. They've got cinemas in Europe then Not sure they're doing, Iitha. And it would have been the Spanish the whole thing would have been the Spanish. No, they would have had a Spanish Celebrity do that. It would have been Juan Ne. everyones to chair Charan's still doing the Spish one, isn't she? but I think it's just you Yeah tellell you who's doing that Australian one. Yes, I've seen this. Fisher prrice No. Wh's Fisher I'm losing it. Oh my Godd, one of my favorite songs ever. DJ. Yeahah. I'm losing it and's from one of our many tars. Yes. Right, who are we toasting to, love? We're going toast to Benjamin Who sent in this message toar William Jordan absolutely nobody else. That's nice, that can stay. I'm a relatively new listener to the podcast and have been cramming over the last few weeks whilst I drive around for work. so I've reached series seven and have begun suing copious amounts of Dbono whilst enjoying your comedic tones, not whilst driving, obviously. G I never really enjoyed gin, but the D makes the G much nicer on the tongue I just wanted to let you know that an alternative to boni mixture I accidentally stumbled upon when one of my cats, Lord Jaffer cake Rum Tum Tango the first this is who's this from someone who's single knocked my G and D from one table directly into my wife's lemonade. I they were going Oh wife Okay Whilst I'm still experimenting with proportions, I believe there could be legs to the idea. Obviously, I'll let you, the arbiters of taste and Eetiette be the ultimate judges.o recreate it is simple, add the classic G and D, two parts to bonnet one part gin in this case beefater, to a tall crystal high ball tumbler with crushed ice, then top up with seven up. It's a wonderful slightlyeeten and fruity summer drink for a hot day which I believe should be called the L D I hope you both enjoy my long D and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it once I reach the current series. Best wishes Benjamin Guy and Izzy and Ben apparently oh, you literally have it. Oh so you're There was me hoping you'd forgot. So what is G's Gin and De Bonet with just that's just a touch. That'll made. Okay. Anyway, Benjamin, this is for you. So Benjamin. cheers. and I'm sorry for saying you're single. clearly not.. Benjamin was Anyway. Benjamin guuy, Benjamin Gay . Anyway, how are you? Yeah, I'm good yourself. Yes, fine. what have you been up to? You know, usual bits, usual thing. Jordan Sinon it looks like you've come from the gym. No, this is very I'm in my sports shorts and Dressed shirt eared. Where do we stand on wearing Harry Styles Jacob Lordie type Where do we stand on wearing sports clothing to work Well it's not sports clothing. look There look there are adidas. But also Gring a mustache A day one because you've got it donon't rub it against my phone. you've got a beard Yeah, so I would say it does fairly blend. Yeah, but I did have the beard short and the muststache longer Okay, so I'm gonna like that, do you? I'm getting there. I'm getting there of it. What dod you think? I never thought I'd be the person that grew a mustache. I'll be honest, we come to a pub on Sunday and I went I like you tash and he went, thanks. I said, I'm going to grow one been I've w for a while. He did. lookook there In this set photograph at my wedding. Ah Dusty crowd. Am I out of Yeah Am I out how long ago was that? How long have you been married? Nearly four years. Oh my go. You were well ahead four years ago. You were well ahead of the time. But is where the mouache is obviously like I enjoyed it at the time, but it is one of those things where I feel You kind of look back and think H Yeah. Yeah, it was a decision. Yeah It's a fashion and it was I was Williams Uhhert at his weddings, I feel like you were an usshert. A sure. Yeah. I like it. Just if you have a big event that you might like there might be pictures of that youd look back and think, o that would be nice to look back at and then you see a massive slug on your face. or give it a few weeks I see how we go. Did cut like it She hated it the odcasion that she saw it. Obviously she was able to be out at William's wedding. so Yes,. Okay. What you could do We could grow one. I can't You know I have laser hair daring and literally I'm incapable. You're the only block all that's had laser hair treatment on the face. Really? M people have on the fs today? They just shave. No abuse but I would chave and then about an hour later would look like I hadn't. It so way your testosterone Hmm, yourour testosterone is next level. What? Considering how camp you are And a c and a feminine. No offense But your testos. Why would being a feminine be offensive? No, no, no, I'm not saying it is I'm just saying But like you got until Pride months over. I remember when you'd have a shaving and at like two in the afternoon, you'd have a full five o'clock shadow. And if I didn't have laser hair, then yeah, that's what you'd get. Yeah. So yeah, you I've told you why I had started having layers ahead didnn't I I mean've had it for a few years now. Cky little guy. I was teaching at a public school, I won't say which one Um in Oxyger. And it got to three o'clock and I was teaching like fourteen, fifteen year olds. and I can literally picture him now put his hand up went saw Yes, Bonzo, whatever his name was. If you're here to talk to us about manners, wouldn't it not have been polite to actually shave? I still see how he said Still. And of course I had. And did he not get told off? Why was there anyone in the room? What did you say I said I had actually. I did it just gs very quickly and just moved on. but it was so scarring. So he owes me an awful lot of it work. Llaserir iss not that expensive, but you know, ain It's quite painful. Cashs your personal question. Of course you can. How big are your bullocks Jump big bs Why do you want to know this? You have big old mahoganyy testicles? Why dod you want to know this? Just 'cause that's sign of testosterone in it? Is it? Yeah. Well, if we finish this episode early, I'll show you. Do you know that all like Pimates have different s of ratios between penis size and bulls So like if it depending on how many partners you have, because gorillas have like they're just like one male they have loads of partners. Yeah, right So they don't need a big willillie to like off. Okay So have a small willillie and really big balls. Right Because they have to have sex with all the other Tna Gh, Michaeless Tackan doesn't need to wear industry. That's twice today I've heard M.ayla Tracken. That is so weird someone else mentioned it this morning So Right. you I'm pretty sure that wass right. It's probably wrong, isn't it? Yeah, look, so A gorilla weighs three hundred and fifty pounds.ight That's a lot of pennies. That is. Their testicles weigh a mere thirty grams So they've got small Willy but big testicles No, okay, no I've got it wrong. They've got tucks. They've got tiny testicles Beice because they don't have competition from other males, but there are other primates that have loads of competition Okay Do you get it? Yeah, ye Yeahah. So we'll keep you up to date on the old mache Mqu I want the more like no why do you want? I want the mustache like short beard look. I think I'd do it. But why? I don't know. know Why don't you try when you go on holiday becausecause then in case I' going away two week? Well, then try it then Be I'm thinking I might try something new I'm not going to tell you what. I thought I'll do it over a holiday Because then if it doesn't suit me, by the time I'm back, we'll be back to normal. What is it Tell me What are you gonna try I might get something called a sleeve Tattoo. Yeah, I'm not getting that. Tell him what you're doing. You get your teeth done Well, now've got a complex amount of m te. just No. No, and also you can't undo that. So, you know No no, I don't know. We'll see Oh, you're gonna to get a pcing. No, you don't like You're gonna to have a pcing Bold Well You will why don't J leavees guess Okay You shaving your pubes for the first time B My job to be crude. ye. It fifty p in you , I've got all the lage of him Chese Pops Why are you thinking about me shaving my neat? I mentioned it If you didn't under need Do it over being a carrier bagg or over a toilet or just on't fow with a just patter and brush. I'm not talking. What is the correct etiquette of shaving one's pubic hair Just tidy up after yourself however do you do? So you take a dust pattern brush up however you're gonna do it. I li like the dust pan and brush method because then it makes you realize how many you've got Quite satisfy, you know, when you shave your te. M it for you but you'd stuff a mattress afterwardsow. Wow. And It's an exciting day. It is because not only do I get to see you here in our place of work, if you can call this work, I don't, but some people do But also you'll be coming to my other place of work this evening because Jordan North is finally coming aboard the Ship of Dreams AKA Titaniqu. I'm coming to see Titanique. Yes. I'm very, very much looking forward tos you. We're looking forward to ha you. I'm going to Devonshire before. Of course you are. Yeah. So having a few guuinness in there best a good location, actually because we're literally just across the road. How far A minute Okay, so that means I can Leave at twenty five past I would maybe be leaving about ten plus seven because also I have suggested to your party ten plus seven that you pre order drinks for the interval So you'll need to because it's only a fifteen minute interval Not twenty minutes like most other Western shows. No way They won't But, I don't want to fusser anything when I'm there. No, they won't be. Yeah You're probably doing autographs and the stools. No Oh, I just happen to have this sharpie on me. Always's got a sharpie with me, William, You never know when you need one, son And have you used it yes? No, no. It's been since twenty fourteen. I'm looking forward to it I'm looking forward to pubs as well, it's my favorite pub in London Good well, I'm glad If' ever If you're ever in London, go down to Devonhurt. it's the best Guinness. Just go on their Instagram. It's always packed. it's the best Guinness you'll ever have Yeah Tell him, Jordan sent you. Theyid you've scotched eggs, past snacks a lot. What can I expect andon are you going you've got another recording with Jonathan after this I do' going to be on good form. I hope so too Doctor Theatre will see me through U What a theespian It is Yeah. Dr Theatre. Door Theatre. If you're not feeling well, the adrenaline, the roar of the crowd and the smell of the grease paint will see you through. Oh so what they say? Yeah Yeah. No, we've had some lovely audiences actually. so and Thursdays tend to be good audiences because Thursday' the newew Friday. Hopefully, it's the prekend Oh my Godd, is that a new word? The prekend. Me and Vick you used to say it I'm going home. Of course. Yes, I knowew I'd heard it before. Yes Yeah, listeners no light to lear either. N quite took I re Yeah It's the prend baby. What does are there someone I know that calls it happappy Thurday Thursday? Happy almost Friday or something. Oh no, that's an ick. ye. we don't like that. In other news of important people coming to see Titanik, unbeknownst to me because I had asked for it if it was going to happen, I said Make it happen. justust don't tell me until afterwards. Okay My parents have s the shank. No. When tellell me everything Saturday night didid you have an inkling they were coming? I had an inkling in the interval because a few of the cast members who have met Mikey went Well, Mike is sitting in the dress circle because obviously he's so tall, he sort of kind of stands out. And did you know when Mikey was covered? No And I thought, well, if Mikey is sitting there, then, especially because Mikey had been the night before with his sister. Oh come Ohor Mikey likeike he goes to see shows repeatedly all the time You know Okay, love first. And I was because you know, we've talked about this before. My parents have never seen seextered live. They've been invited, but they have said previously, I won't be able to be me If they are there and they're sort of I do know what they mean. U So three weeks in They were there It was very emotional. Oh did they c well Because you know I take the mic out at you. Yeah I'm really looking forward to it, but I reckon I will be like the dad in Billy Elliot at the end. You know where he comes on as a ballet dancer Yeah that seeing grips me every time and he goes he goes If you want, I'll show you be funny L's of Bill Ellot But that'ss that's one of my favorite films and that's what I'll be like, I will cry tonight when I see you on there So what? What youre showing us here Why's the sound not coming out? Turn the sound up, yeah Now, I've done that d Con Pul Oh Oh, looky your Moses bemon Oh, that's gonna make me cry look Yeah That's not that h, but your momum's beaming. My father sent me a very lovely email Email Yp. You email each other? Yes I got an email on Monday to say, you know, it's just Oh no, because it's nice because then for posterity. I mean,' a Sally Rooney novel. L ss he must I' got in that? No, because it's nice because then in many years time, all the boys have that. I think it's very nice. I mean, he could have done a handwritten note but you know, any em was suice. Myad an email I like to think I've got an email. Your dad and an email all the time Greybow and eye Seea. Yeah. Greber at gmail d. com Make sure you don't miss the out out if you are gonna to use that. No, that will get through to Gabo. you. good. Thank you. But that's sweet. Didn't Williams Stad accidentallyCC you an email Oh, yes, he did. He did accident we see see me too there He' something I don't know about. No I don't know. He just accidentally se sheed me into the email Now I see any Do it Fucking good show the other day. I was quite skeptical. I thought Oh my go, what have I been bloody dragged along to on a Saturay night in fucking London when it's packed and busy. I want to be at home watching the television, BBC four. Anyway, your mother loved it. From what you can remember, she nearly got thrown out in the interval for being pissed as a fart And she was complaining that the champagne was warm. But I had really good bloody performance. She made me very proud. Never did I think I'd see my son prancing about on the west End U all my love, Daddy Pier's mummy says all her love too. Bloody good show. Bloody good show Wow, it's like he's here. Lovely. Well look there is a photo of my father and Mikey the ent whichich is nice. And then my mother, you know, because theaterre is obviously near Charlesbury Avenue and you know there are some tourist shops up and down Charellesby Avenue. And there are t shirts that are on sale that say things like, I'm not gay but my boyfriend is, I love lesbians, et cetera Turns out my mother bought one and Mike and I got sent this pho show Get out the carousel That is brilliant, thenen. William's mum is wearing a t shirt that says I heart gaze She's looking fabulous there She is looking fabulous. All right, you see how I'm nice to you your mom I'm nice to your mum. You started some shit now Is she okay? She's fine Sure. Kate Norf's loving this by the way. G. This by way. I it takes the hece off her. She's She's living for this best thing I've seen No, I love your mother. You know it's as they call Lter in Northern Ireland, slagon. It's what you do to people that you hold. It. It's what you and I do to each other. Well, I'm so glad that your mum dad went to see you. I really. What else has been going on my little Westter end musical st? Well, it's actually quite sad. I you'll appreciate that. goodad. Well, Pou PcKeith. Who is Marco in the good life? I never work I thought you did. I'm very much like one thing me and William found out we had in common when we were younger is we had I love for like nineteen seventies eighties sitcoms, but I could never get into good life Oh d No, that's Terry and Jane, right? Yeah. ye. like that But yeah, I appre was she a loose woman of No, she was not. No. she's feeling lots about. I know But my Godd I would have watched it if I know she's an icon of British treasure. Because she was also Audrey Forbes Hamilton and two the Menner Born. Yes, I watch that. Oh ye, there we go.an. Cosion kn you got to the mananab Boma you didn't get good life. I love Tanab to the manal Anways. Anyways, I was very sad. She had beautiful diction And Keith, a little toast to you. So now I thought as a sitcom lover you would sort of appreciate that. Yeah, it was quite sad. Anything else with you? Oh, you know, oh God, got my shorts, I'm growing my mache I'm going to watch from best friendriend in a musical tonight. Life is good, my friend Life is good and I've been joining this. I don't know which . D which of the three things you' just said is geia ? Slatty shorts growing a slatty mouache or going to watch me and Titan Eat. Well, life is I think the shorts to be honest lifeife is good. good I enjoy I love it. I do love the summer. I don'm going away in two weeks. so Im going to Gce but I don't know why and it's bugging. 'ause I keep looking on emails, right ist I forget. I I say, I go to Greece, you go to Ch? Well, I don't know if it's Cu Cars. One of the seas I could even be a Morocco. Moroccoos in Greece. Cfalonia Barcelonia, No, Cefalonius in Greeen. Well the time are recording, so we don't know what's going to happen when this goes out because forgotten another again, but England have just beat Dr. Kongo. Kongo, he will see you now Who's Dror Kongo The Dominican Republic of Congo' DR Congo in it. Oh I see. Reddit how is doct. Congo in a You didn't watch any of the match last night. I was rehearsing. I rehearsed night. I didn't go to the pub I andm regretting it. But I will be honest with you. what I did do yesterday afterfter rehearsals, it was towards the latter half of the game in my dressing room whilst I was applying my foundation I just wear a touch of makeup on the stage I did look up the score Did you? Mainly to see if we were going to go out and we could put an end to all of this turns out We've got another few days of it. I still can't get over when you Luke and Joe Jo over for firstirst time I'd met Luke for dinner and it was England in the Euro' final. Yeah and you you didn't watch it. Well, Joe put it on, and Luke Mike and I sat there and thought talked about theatre Well, you know what time kickoff is on Someday H one hand Yes, and I'm going to say this to FIFA, any officials watching. Let's not put The next World Cup in a continent. Let's just have it in one country. Becauseuse now we got to go to Mexico, travel there They um Altitude is completely different So the Mexicans have been playing, we're already getting our excuses in. Yeah. So the altitude' really high. Can I just say I know very little about football, but wherever we played Mexico I suspect we probably wereies. I said it. sorry But yeah, let's not let's not have I woke up across three countries and let's just pick one. Yeah That way the times can all be better and we can all get into it a bit more. because I'm into it now stuck It's quite good to get into it if you're over on that side of the world. H hard they watched any games? Honestly, I feel shit usually. I remember For me, the best one was where where the A vu Gu Sal', whatever they were called. Afric. It was at Rock Fair and come on was in South Africa. who was South Africa, 'cause it's the same time zone. Yeah same time zone. Come on over night and watch two games. There were always one on at like seven and then another one at ten in class O nine. That's what you want. Yeah Anyway. So that's to set platter, whatever it's called atter. Well he It's not set platter anymore. It's Giani in somebody else hass not been a set platter for years. Giani Versarchci I don't know if you could hear that, but obviously a big part the world the controversy has been hydration breaks and Diego just took his second to have a big gold Gulp of water there. Yeahly. Well, that's something thirsty bitch. That's only certain Americans can get. version. Yes Hydration break sponsored by Gatoray, Gatoray, Gatorate. everythingverything's sponsored. Fucking referees' eyelashes are sponsored Oh you know, you've got to pay the bills, I suppose. All right o Oh, it's John's Jolly Joke of the week. It is. Yes, it is. It's big, big day. It's big, big day. Let's have the jingle. Cue the jingles off If you like a chap? who's cheeky and Northern, you're in for a treat. With a Jordan and if a giggle is what you see? You're sure to love Jordans joy Joke of the week J j j j j You fellow who wrote the Jingles went to see you last night is? He did, Steh came to see me. Stephven. Nice one, Stephven. He said it was excellent and he appreciated the in jokes. I'm dreading the in jokes because I know one of thems aimed at me. This is from Ollie Brinkman on Instr Seside you and love the podcast G got a joy joke of the week for you. I bought a dog from the blacksmiths the other day Taylorplint punchline. the punchline. I'll tell you the punchline after the break This episode is sponsored by ZockDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start We've definitely been there and that's why we use ZockDoc Actually over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed, but we hopped on to ZockDoc, found an in network dentist, had great reviews, saw real time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day, and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation ZockDog makes it easy to search and compare over two hundred fifty thousand local in network providers across more than two hundred specialties. so you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly Taking care of your health just got easier, download the ZockDog app today and book that appointment on your to do list. That's ZOC DOC Zakda Quick question, When was the last time a display ad changed your mind Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With ACast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions. You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting acast dot com slash advertise All right, Gene Divvers, thanks sticking with us. This week's Jordan's Jolly Jokeer of the Week goes to Ollie who says I bought a dog from the blacksmith the other day As soon as we got home, we met a bolt for the door. That's nice, that's funny. You've got to know what a blacksmith is, but it will. Everyone knows what a bllacksmith is Some people may not. Thout another. he doesn't. She was educating Platin, would you expect Doodle, dood Yeah, I think that's it. We'll just stick with that one, shall we? Lvely, we'll should get onto the questions and dilemmas. Let's do it. And remember, if you need our help with something, then do get in touch. you can send your tails of Trepidation to help at sexomMyboss dot com orr you can dar us we're at seexMyboss on the old socials. And remember, we have no ideas what's coming up. We're reading them for the first time Can I just say or read the comments? No, you don't at all But a lot of people have been commenting saying, I preferi it when Jordan reed from the iPad ' A glaze over. Halfway through So you just do whatever you No, I'm not going to read off the iPad base it up unt to not read the questions off the Pad when Williams reading because it looks bad video That' what Iz said but a lot of people have said that I'm glazing over So Let's go O ourur first dilemma is from anonymous Hi boys. I've got a bit a dilem. This summer I'm hosting a gathering of around ten people in my garden. Two of the guests and I speak another language. One grew up in the country, the other spoke the language at home growing up and I've studied it for years. so it's natural for us to chat in it or speak it in combination with English. The other guests, however, do not speak or understand it or speak another language that they might chat to each other in. Would it be a faux par from the French full step, than you. If our conversations, just between us, were in said language, but we spoke English with the wider group or when chatter isn't as lively, lots of love and on. Yes, everyone wants to speak the same language Oh, see because you do always think because they go, d no. You think that's slugging me off However, If I spoken of a language, I think it'd be nice to speak to someone in my native tongue I mean, do it for a bit, but I think it's all right. If it excludes others and they feel they're not being included, that's when it's wrong. If it's just the two of you talking and others aren't listening in. O, maybe it's more permissible, but generally you want to talk in the language of The P eight. Yeah. I think If it's just used too, then it's fine. It's a great question Yeah. because you do always think when you're a you go. very so God you're saying I've got fat legs. I know Iew I all these shorts. My legs, they're too fat for this, Oh God. Yeah no, good thing. Good H This is from Brian to the right honouble William Hansson, notot a member of the cabinet, but thank you. Mr. Jordan North and the everver patient EPB. Why there you go. N Eetechology. Yes, whatever it's called. Eechetemology. called R honourable All right?. Oh look at his face, he knows that's a good one. That'll be a good un. Well, it's only a gooden if there is actually an interesting answer Where is it come from rightight honouraable? Well, I will look into it. whoo do we call right honouraable? Is it I can No no certain peers as well. Okay, there you go U Westtern Cleveland Sorry I' that funny. I'm writing to you from Sydney with what I believe is a niche but pressing etiquette conundrum. You've come to the right place. I pride myself on hosting executive candlelight suppers and occasional bonvir luncheon complete with luxury munchets. I'm under no illusion that I'm hosting a state banquet, but if people leave thinking, well, that was rather lovely, then I've done my job, Brian, well done Now to the issue A very close friend had a medical procedure that means she can only eat very small portions. Naturally, whenever I host, I make sure there's plenty of food and I plate everything in the kitchen before bringing it to the table. The problem is this, everyone else polishes off their dinner, leaving a satisfyingly empty plate. My friend, however, almost always leaves a noticeable amount behind simply because she physically can't eat anymore.ake smaller amounts. The same thing happens when we go into restaurants. I hate food waste but I would hate even more to make her feel singled out What is the correct etiquette? Do I quietly serve a much small pro portion than everyone else, accepting that it will look different from the outset? or do I serve everyone the same amount, knowing full well hers won't be finished and simply make peace with the inevitable leftovers. I'm aware the obvious answer is just ask her, but somehow that also feels like drawing attention to something she'd probably rather not think about while preparing for my outdoor luxury barbecue Yours in the highesteem and in faithful anticipation of your wisdom, Brian I have two things to say, but I'll let you go first. Now you go first I was going to say just ask her, but if you're worrying that that's going to single her out say to everyone Right, before I serve, how hungry are we all feeling and you just go round the room. So you're not singling her around.. Be actually do you know what? there might be others that areren't that hungry. The other option is do it as a buffet and then everyone can help themselves. Well, I was going to say, just make her a smaller one and I don't make a big deal of it. I' probably appreciate that because then she won't feel like she's being rude the one she lives. Yours is a good one. ask everyone. Mike a smaller one. but I must say as somebody who has people people you're eating a lot less than you used to. No, I'm not. I think you are. No, I'm bloody not. Have you seen what I've just troed Okay, todayod you've been going at those browners there's now tomorrow. Brownie andess by, Diego's that are for that. Sorry, Jeord, I was just sniffing about your bagging and a s it, but don't tell my mum and dad because it's an sandwich and I'mad you remember Yeah I won't say about Dieago Fucking out of me, budy canan I eat the rest of your basty? Yeah My bty. Al You're weird. First a mile of that happens. I't I don't serve. Whenever I have people over, this was introduced to me and I think it's great. justust help yourself if youer put it in the middle of a table or on the side of the island or whatever and just get people to serve their own. And that would I think that's better and I like that because Then you can have more of what you love and less of what you don't like. Yeah. I think it's old fashioned to serve somebody's food from personally When you come to my house, get stuck into the. I mean, I've always said, you know, why bother serving you guests? you know, why have them over? Wow. You love it when you come to my? I do. I always love it. Haven't been over for a while, justust saying. Oh yeah, it has been a while, watch I've never been 'ause you'd never want to come because I do. I mean Jeordia hass never been to mine I will, I think we'll need sort a little sexted. We could do a sext to capital breakfast get together. Why C capital breakfast? just have sex. There's a knock on sex. Let's do two separate nights I'm busy on now. Ill have to be on a weekend Okay get these all together No just to us. There's enough on the team. Yeah. The sextit pir Well, you know what? shho it up your ass Why' it do a nice thing? No it is a nice thing, but maybe you do just a capital break,. They said they' not. They like I'll do bbecue someere Oh we look he's getting stressed already. tell you, why don't I host the Capital Breakfast one Basically a guest presenter at the moment. That's true. N. This is from Molly. Dear William Jordan EPP, I go to a perfectly standard public gymn. One lunchtime during the absolute carnage that is the twelve one PM rush, I noticed a big hench bold man camped on the Smith machine Dickens is a Smith machine. Sofhia Oh Thank you very much. Squatra but the bar is connected to it I patiently waited, convincing myself he must be nearly finished. After about fifty minutes I finally plucked up the courage to ask as politely as my socially anxious little soul could manage. Hi, how many sets have you got left? He laughed. He then said twwelve. Sorry, darling. twwelve. He was nice about it, not rude or anything. At that point I briefly considered changing gymss' identities and possibly countries I only had my Bulgarian splitquats left. Any girlie on a quest for a bigger bum knows these are a form of legalised torture. I also have a medical condition affecting my ankles, so they're much easier and significantly less likely to end in an A andE visit when I can use the support of the Smith machine instead of dumbbells. Now I'm conflicted, Part of me thinks, well he's paying for his membership and technically he can spend all day recreating the world's slowest workout if he wants. But the other part of me thinks monopolising one of the most popular pieces of equipment for the best part of an hour during peak lunchtime while doing exercises that could mostly have been done elsewhere is deeply inconsiderate. To make matters worse, I'd seen him let another man work between his sets earlier. So either I completely misunderstood Jym Equet or I simply wasn't worthy. Sadly, I lacked the confidence to ask if I could work in two. Instead I wandered out of the gym, silently cursing this man while trying not to fall down the stairs. So please, I need your verdict. Cock or not. Is this normal gym behaviour that I need to get over or was this hench bold Darling, committing a serious breach of gym etiquette. Many thanks, Molly I think twelve is too much. It's too much. It could have been worse though, It could have been on his phone. You know, when you're like waiting and someone's on the phone for five minutes in between sets twelve is too much, but maybe he should have offered and said, do you want to take it in terms? Yeah. feeles like a bit of everyday sex is a Yeah it does does. It does. you're right there. Thank you As fellow off feminist as well, I think you talk. Why are you laughing at that That was me being serious. Do you know what gives me the a when blokes call themselves feminists? Like no, no, no. You've just done that. You literally just done I was joking. I like now I'm getting name, but like you know when they't go as a feminist. I'm like, yes, we all are. You don't need to Do don't want to me Well we all are fies, we all ag. Well not, notot everyone is, sadly. Well otherwise we wouldn't need When when guysy say it my t shirts and stuff. Anyway, what' Jan sayays is it does sound like he's and a bit sex is there. But twelve is too much. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to go and hide. Go back to the gym and next time he's on it, you stand down and say, excuse me I need to do me Bulgarian squats. I want an to ask like Kim Kardashian So let's take it in turns. Bosh Yeahah, during peak timimes, lunchtime, before work, after work Everyone needs to whatever the piece of equipment is, whether it's a treadmill, whether it's the Smith machine I would say maximum ten minutes on it per person It'so Beverly Cullard she was U She used do like gym classes and stuff. Yeah. because your mum had her exercise video. Yeah, she had lo lots of exercise videos. actually They were like best sellers.. But her whole niche, she told me this, Her whole nichce was because back in the eighties, nineties women wanted a small bum So her exercise classes were to tighten the bum and make it smaller. And she said now everyone wants a big ass, a bigger ass because like So it just comes in and out, yeah But she used to like bums in Tums classes and stuff. T Yeah, because that was the thing to have a small petite What sort of bum would you like to have I like small partetite bottoms. Dear H dear I don't know, I never really thought about it to be honest I take me out, she's all right Yeah. We weren't talking about your ass. No what bom would you like? Yeah we were. We were. He were we? Yeah, that's what I was asking about. Actually don't show the cameras. Don't be a complete thirirsty. No I'm not gonna be. I'm not gonna I'm talking myself. I'm talking about if you go to the gym to work on your bottom, do you want a small pit one or do you want a big? I've never really thought of it. I just mass is meassn't it You've just got what God gave you. Yeah Exactly I've got a very small bottom You do What's your favorite piece of equipment at the gym A you a Sith machine person? Favourite machine is probably the nding He It at it We give him stick, but we're better and he easier. You could tell he won't air last for you. A bit rude to Jack and James? No, I know Jack and James love him, but he's out b any We love Jack and James and Izy and Zarf, Izy Z offw were here last week. I like he gets the best out of me That moment when we were coming up with that We were coming up with that idea for the tour. I wish we filmed it, it was a moment That just gets me as a producer Come on, George,, it was a beautiful creative moment. It's like, come on Jo me. I was like, you're near there, George, Come on now. Come on, George, you' nearly there. So honestly isy it was a sited to behold. It was beautiful. Come on, we get there. I said, We just need suit when we come come out after the interval Anyway, we got that So what we should do is I'll dress as William's mom And William dresses is my It was a great moment Anyway, next time All I'll say is there are two moments in Titan E tonight that I always think of you at because one is something that I wanted to do. that you Ky Bh them potentially I Ki bhed. Well, you Slash everybody. expance to. and there's another bit which Tw It' actually I'm sort of not really involved. I'm a little bit involved in it, but you will like because of previous conversations we've had about musicals. I always back you up with creative Hideas. We done on that one. Oh I said to your, I'll back you up I did remember She is. You said you back me off on the curs. Yeah, as I was reminded about on a train I said Paer said, If you want that curl, I'll back you up. bring this together I' give a shit about Kerns, but I bite y up. and wasn't the curtain a good idea? Yeah, and that Bulgarian curtain looks great in my living room right now. so it's called an Austrian drape. Oh, what am I thinking? And it's in my downstairs looom. So Bulgarian curtain and Austrian squats, what am I getting wrong again there? No, Bulgarian squats.. Okay. in all seriousness, what is your favourite gym? I've just never f left the chair again. Oh wow, that was. if you fall if your chair here, Jordan neitly went off his chair by then just then. that's a cracked head. So we never noticed the blood up the wall because it would just be more blad. He had a nose bled this morning just reminded me Okay,s all about Well, it's because you had a nosebleleed. That's quite retro. I feel like nosebleleeds are like they They're the same folder as likeQicksand They only existed like twenty years ago. Yeah and they at primary school. I had a nosebleed. Well, that's lovely. No, in all seriousness, what is your favourite machine at the gym? I don't know Are you a cardio girl? Are you a weights girl? I like the free weights. so I don't know you the machines. more of the free weights. I like the leg machinine So why you do that? I don't know what they're called. Yeah, this's just leg leg extensions. Oh F that far. No there that No pty calf. And's your calf iss a cf. Now on the other side. Oh I never touch it. Oh that. sllap it You I mean you haven't cars like me? No, you've got the best calves. Thankk you very much. What's your favorite machine, William? Oh for God' sake can we move on, please. I've been trying to moveving on for five minutes. I like these is either the ab or abuctor where you sit there and you go, w, and you push your legs out. Bery both fun. That oneon't give you abs No I know, but it's called the ab or Auctor Or is that the one with the layers? Oh right, sorry I have freatment. Oh no, it's not for it. Well, it will give you abs spot Well, no, because you're at exercising your thighs. Yeah Anyway What's your second favorite machine? God. This is from Polly. Hi boys. I've recently been to see Tyanique in London with my lovely daughter Rose. after she booked specifically to see William play the part of Rose's mum, no relation to either of us, whichich we both loved. William was hilarious and made us laugh throughout the whole show, so thank you for that. I can't wait to see you. What is the etiquette when waiting at the stage door after the show when other actors appear that were also very entertaining, but not the actor you're waiting to see Do you politely ask for their autograph and photo? and how long should you wait for your favourite actor in case they do appear or not as sadly as the case? I do however have a picture of you wearing the particularly fetching headband and pearl necklace. Yours in hope of two sign photographs, Polly. PS, we both love the podcast. I can take this one Allright? Oh, okay. Oh walkers It's a joke because Sometimes I might have come out backstage after a sexed show. Everybody wants you. Pople humored me asking me for a picture and I was like, I'm not the stage. Everybody wants your. pits fine. Iy. They're on the way. they're like, Ohh my God, are you chancecy iszy and And he's like Yeah Oh we want a picture from me Diva. says it on my t shirt. And then they go. Are you social Joees? She's like, yes. She just stares at them until they're comfortable And she goes, And Nidiss Walker. Hilarious U Yeah, I think yeah, in all seriousness, any you know it is particularly with things like Titan E, which is such an ensemble piece. you do want to say, well done or you know people bring programmes, get everyone to sign the program. You do want to say something. You don't have to sort necessarily have long conversations with everybody. anyyone that walks through, they've all work as hard as anyone else. So yeah, I would say you say something Yeah And I know exactly which show they came to and I know exactly why I didn't do stage draw, which I have been doing every night because I had to go and do some interviews in the dressing room. so I'm sorry. And it was in between shows. Who did I didn't leave there? Oh who did you do interviews? Well, Beious people It was actually not for Titanake, it was for something else. Just imagine you were there in your Cravat Martinia and comeome on in darling, come on into my dressing room. So it' a gettinging character of this actually wentent on a cruise with Pero for two weeks to just try and emulate what Ruth would have been going through not only as a mother but as a woman. No my friend suggested that I should maybe get on board sort of the speaking circuit on cruise ships. and I said, I don't think after this, A I can get on a cruise ship because we're talking about sinking every night. So I think I need a break. and also need go beyond cruising Yeah. Oh, I've been watching have I told you I'm in a bit of a Lacko I Hyperfix hate and oncosta Concordia at mom Fascinating. b Should never have happened that. No. No errible You've said that before. you' that It's a new Netflix. T tell you what, whyy don't we try and make a musical about it? And Jordan can be in that thinking ship musicical. conordque. I will not go down with this ship. I will not go down with the ship, see? that's It's a bit of work. Yeah. Be he didn't he pissed off You captain, you could do You could do to the musical the music of Dua Lipa, you could you could do the story of the Costagan Cordia. told B youa Lapa No, we need someone like Another Canadian Drake Drake Sh Tain. Sain They don't impress me much. Yes, that's when that's when the captain walks off. You've got a cruise ship, but have you got the touch? Don't get me wrong. Yeah, you keep me on night. You could also have. But you're sinking your ship in the middle of the night Cost a Ccorde hek Let's write it, let's pitch it. Man, I feel like a captain. Oh I'm gonna write this. Let's go down. Sorry to the people involved in' got to Ccordia. Just for contractual reasons, I am in no way associated with that musicical.