Final Dilemmas and Closing Remarks

Your dilemma divas will be here in just a moment. Before we catch up with William and Jordan, have you watched the show on YouTube yet? Their recent episode is a particularly good one to watch to see Jordan's genuine reaction to William 's huge news. Search for help I sexted my boss on youtube en hit subscribe so you get notified every time a new episode is released . Maria wasn't mastering the art of Macaron in Paris by accident. She booked a baking class on Get Your Guide. Fate didn't have the Brooks sipping matcha with a real tea master in Tokyo. They booked that on Get Your Guide too. And luck didn't have John learning the difference between bow and stern on a Mallorca boat cruise. You guessed it. Get your guide. The best parts of travel don't just happen. You make them happen. When you book your tour With NatWest Premier, you have financial experts in your corner, as well as everyday support on the phone 24-7. We could help you grow and protect your family's wealth with tailored advice from our expert financial planners. Plus, all investments are managed by Coots . Now for the really important decisions: more slopes or the sauna. You can with Premier. NATOS Premier. Tomorrow begins today. UK Residence 18 Plus. Premier eligibility criteria apply. Specific eligibility and fees apply for financial planning. Your capital is at risk. Entering the timer. Lucky old timer. Three, two, one . Oh, I'm sick of this timer. It doing that timer, I as a child, I if there was a button, I would press it. I was obsessed with buttons, levers and knobs. You got a button, I'll press it. You got a lever, I'll pull it. You got a knob, I'll do whatever you like. Hello and welcome to Help I Sex with my I haven't been ranting. It's just Uh sorry, were you not present last week? Observations. Observations Can I just do another drawdown rant? I am not. I don't know why I did Jonathan impression. It's because of our luxury crossover episode from Friday. And how do you tell your other half you're not into pegging? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your bus? But we're not usually like any answers, are we, William Hanson? No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more luxury spa deep tissue massage. You're more darkroom Kleenex tissue discharge Oh that's from Archie. Archie Do you know him? That's um Archie I'm I'm not one to judge but going by your name that's proper posh boy humour. And more luxury deep tissue massage or more luxury north. Dark room Kleenex tissue discharge! You having that one, Rory? Ha ha! I said I said he's more dark room Kleenex tissue discharge. Probably find him in a pub near you. Uh-huh. Henry, did you hear what I just said? Yeah. Okay. Um would you like to pour the G and D this week whilst I read this uh substantial message from Frere and Lincoln? I'll be mother. Who is going to get the toast? She says, Hi guys, I'm writing to show you that your logo has made it into my Lever's shirt. I'm sixteen, so don't worry. I've been a G and Diva for a while now and just wanted to say that your podcast is amazing and you guys were fantasti c on tour. As someone who with ADHD who often gets bored when listening to people just talk, I can confidently say that your podcast is the only one I can listen to without ever getting bored, so thank you. It also has been the best distraction from exam stress, so thank you both for being you and producing this incredible podcast. Why did you ask me to put sorry? Um that was a really lovely letter, Freya. I've just put G everywhere, D everywhere. Um and look, we've got a photo, we'll put it on the carousel. There help it's Lever's Day on a white shirt with a you know, a black marker and a red marker, you've recreated our logo, which is lovely. For an ADHD to say that they don't get bored of us, that's a complete compliment. Yes. Let me empty my pockets here. I don't know. Talking about ADHDs. Don't let me forget them. Well, I've got players in there? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine, just can't be all bits everywhere. Where's my keys? The sooner you are medicated, the better. I'm just gonna rip the plaster off. No, I'm worried about it because I've got one cut, but I'm worried that it'll I'm worried it'll take off my shine. No. No. I don't think that's how it works. And also if it does, from what I know about it, you I'm worried it I won't be able to do radio. 'Cause I come like Rayman on radio. Okay, well then try it on your holiday. Yeah. No, because then I'm most relaxed, I just read. Okay. Well, anyway. Getting the diagnosis is the first step. Okay. Anyway, did you have fun on our uh luxury podcast collaboration episode on Friday? I don't want to give too much away. No. Because it was very good. It was excellent. He was on top form Smith. So uh so were you. Well So give it a listen. It was on Friday's episode it was a good good collab. Good collab. I want to do it with the boys from in between us next. Okay. Joe and James. Yes. James and Joe. Yeah. Yeah. Do they have a preference on how they're said? Joe and is it another letter from Metropolitan? Someone just knocked on our door. In a very musical way . Is this receiving a package? Is it genuinely some Kleenex tissue? Who delivered them? A man I'll get through them, love, don't you worry . See you later. Bye. That would last you about two bliss hours, wouldn't it, Jordan? One and a half. Anyway, we had lovely fun on that, so thank you for all the nice messages. I'm good. How are you, my little Rose? My little Rosebud. No, I'm Ruth. Oh, are you Ruth? Yeah. Yeah. Uh I'm all right, thank you. What's been going on in your life? No, good. Well I I've kind of got an announcement of my own. Oh, here we go. Eleven A Reef, everything. I don't want to Eleven A Reef here, 'cause No, no. I'm sure, Jordan, it is on a similar level to being in a West End show. Yeah, it is. So um you you announced last week that you were gonna be in Titanic. Yes. I am going to be. The the musical. Which is fantastic. I'm pro proud of you. Yeah. Thank you. But um my news is my big news and You're going into Joseph Is that and this is somewhere if you'd asked Yeah. I would never have believed you. Long time ago. Um I I I'm I've got an announcement to make. I don't know how to do it. Stand by everyone, it's happening. Really. But um you might have heard uh but I'm I'm gonna be in in the new Toy Story 5 film. Oh my god! Are we gonna see your woody ? Keep them coming. Go on, any more No. All I'll say is I'm no Jesse. Contrary to popular belief. Lovely Well, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations. Thank you. So can you tell us any more? I Or do we have to go and watch it? Uh so last time you'll took the mic cause I was in another animation film. Yes, which did incredibly well. Ooh, that was but I have actually got parts. Uh I I'm gonna be a gnome. You can know. I've been character acting, I've been at the bottom of my garden with a fishing rod. I got a picture, you will put it up on a carousel. I've been method . Well to get into character. I've just just been at the bottom of the garden. Yes. Seeing how long I can 't squatting. And and does your character have a fishing rod? Pardon? Does your character have a fishing rod in the actual film? I'll send you a picture. A garden games really think in America. Well apparently so. Yeah. Oh well that's fantastic. So you obviously must have recorded it a while ago. Yeah, me and Sean. You and Sean. Sean's uh flamingo. Lovely. I can see that. And yeah. So it's it's mad. I can't believe it. A beautiful bird of paradise.. Yeah Which is fitting for Sean Welby. And a short, stumpy sort of thing that people put at the bottom of their gardens. Lovely. Do you are you doing it in your own voice or do you Yes, or if you are you doing a known voice? Can you give us a little preview of something that you might say? No, not there. Voice of experience None of you took the pins when he did his Titan ic. It was a lovely moment last week. Gee, there was fucking stews on the floor laughing in the back there . What? No, not there, down a bit. No. We had such a lovely moment last week, everyone takes piss out of it. Ben C what You're all shito uses. So if people want to go and witness your gnome and Sham's Flamingo, they can go and see the last ever toy story in cinemas. Oh, don't. Come on, this is like a big Pixar franchise. It's like I couldn't believe it. When I got the call I was like I I can't believe and w y many people don't know this, we we share the same agent, our agent, who we love dearly. And he's very like we we just love him. Yeah. He's very sassy, he won't mind us saying that really. Makes us look very normal. He makes us look very normal and we actually love him to bits. And um he wrung me and he's going through a little bit. He's American, he went, Oh yeah, and um to stor Sytory Five wanna know if you want to roll in it. I was like, What? He's like, Toy Story Five of like said would you like I was like, Yes, absolutely. He's like, Okay, I thought so. Nice. Absolutely. Oh, that's amazing. Well I can't I loved all the Toy Story films, so it'd be I obviously would see Toy Story Five anyway, but now I will definitely see it on day one. I'm not even joking. It's weird because you know you they say you don't manifest until you write stuff down. So I was just bored, do you ever do this? I just write lists of my favorite things. So like if sunroses. I just put like uh favourite tin food and stuff. You know, I just sometimes just I like to I like to As I said about ten minutes ago the sooner you get medicated Well d I do I just like and I play favourites for my nephews and stuff I was go right favourite Phil more. Oh I thought you choose the favourite nephew. Favourite tea and stuff. So I just before I got the call, I wrote down my top ten favourite films. So it was and this is in no particular order, it was Goodfellas, Casino, Godfather, Godfather 2, Shawshank Redemption, Boyhood, Top Gun, Toy Story, Titanic, Angela's Ashes . What I don't know I just I don't know how you find the time to write those lists. So yeah. That'll be a gnomon toy story. That's amazing. Thank you. Congratulations. And we went went to like the Disney studios to record it. And that the like the direct oh, it was mad and stuff, yeah. Uh Pixar. You met the director. Who directs an animation? It's very and he told me he was like when you say this next line, he's like, show me you show me it in your character. And then he gives you direction when you got your fishing rod down. He should he show like he give you direction and you start to believe you're a gnome. Jordan's more of an unknown. It's a big deal for me this. Well that is such lovely news. You're gonna mean Titanic on the West End. Eight nights. I'm gonna be in a um multi-billion pound Disney Pixar franchise. So Soon to end. So um yeah. That's amazing. Yours, thank you. Yeah.. That's great Which one's better? They're different. One's a one's a film and one's live art . What? No, it is one's live, one is you know a film is a different proposition. Exactly. It would be like comparing Titanic to Titanic. Exactly. Obviously more people will see mine, but you know , and I'm doing press junk kit and red carpet with Tom Hanks, but you know. Yeah. Yeah. Well I'm I'm too fair. I'm going over to America in a few weeks, so I'll watch it in the cinemas there and see you. I won't be in the American. Oh really? I don't think so. Oh okay. Maybe. But I think it's the European one. Well not presumably the English language speaking one. You're doing your German accent. Oh yeah, I was there for hours. The Spanish one I nailed. Is that You're all shit out, sir. You're all just on the floor laughing. Is that all you say? There's all I don't want to give away what I'm going to say. And are you in? One scene, several scenes? Uh just one scene. Okay. I'm not going to give it away, but yeah. I mean I mean the scene. And are we sure they haven't cut the scene? Well, I don't yet. Just for sake of argument. But it's you know . It started off with now I've got parts and then maybe one day I'll be in my own Pixar film. You should be very happy. Thank you. Question for you. Now that you're a film star. Mm-hmm. Well, actually we have a film star after the pair of two. Oh my god. Because you did your other one. What What film franchise could you go into next? Well not what's the next move? No, there isn't this is honestly. What do you mean there isn't don't think small, think big. I love these are the big this is the biggest movie. You're not gonna get much bigger than this. Choice Choice Six. I mean three Apparently Tom Cruise don't want to do any more Mission Impossible, so And to be fair, you aren't height. I'm way taller than Tom Gruffy. So I don't know. I don't fr from from gnome to bond. Oh my god, Jordan North for the next Bond. You know. You heard it here first. Move over Jacob Alordy. Yeah. And for character Tin, I could like pistol whip you or something. Oh I'm sorry. Pistol whip? What Bond film does he pistol whip anyone in? I could be your Bond girl. You could. I can What would you do? Ah, Mr. Big Cock. Wow, okay . This is a mahogany cock. This is uh ah we meet again Mr. Bond. We do Mr. Mahogany Big Cock. Ah, Mr. Bond, do you expect me to die? No, I expect you to swallow. Yeah, I'm still thinking. Yeah. That's a great character baddie. Mahogany Big Cuck. I mean I know sometimes the particularly the the vintage James Bond films were maybe a little bit on the nose with character names, Pussy Galore, Octopussy, we had as a an entire film title. Uh uh Doctor Goodhead was the uh Bond uh girl in Moonraker. Was she actually called Goodhead? Holly Goodhead. Mm. Uh it's quite on the news. Moonraker has the best ending to any Bond film where they are they've cut they're coming down from the moon, coming back to Earth. Bond has obviously seduced Dr. Hollygoodhead. They beam into Roger Moore, innit? Yeah, they beam into the best Bond. They're MIC. They be beam into MI6 and the camera picks them up and draped with a sheet over them, Bond and Holly are going at it, and M says What on earth are you doing, Bond? And Q says, I think they're attempting re-entry. It's just the best joke. It's so great. I was in an old tell room next to him one night. Oh, here we go. I know this joke. Oh well. You've drawn you've done this for eight years. All night, all day does oh Roger Moore Izzy, don't laugh at that. Oh, Roger Moore . Well, there you go. What sort of bond would you be? 'Ca myuse brother has a theory with bonds that they alternate between a dark chocolate bond and a milk chocolate bond in terms of sort of so Daniel Craig would be a dark chocolate bond grittier whereas milk chocolate would be someone like Roger Moore. I'd I'd I'd maybe be in more of a spoof. Uh oh what am I like ? So white chocolate pot . I'd be more Austin Powers. Okay. And would you want what sort of gadgets would you want? 'Cause they are casting unless they announce have announced b before this episode goes out. 'Cause a lot of them are small, aren't they? It's like a big gun. Could be a fob for this building. A fob for this building would would help the fact that I've still not got a fob key to get into this building, my own studio. Well, surely as as a spy, you could break into this building quite easily. I might be the spy who shanks made. Yeah. But no, it was good I'm I'm chuffed to bits. I am and I was I've I've been having a real like big bout of imposter syndrome lately. So that's that's's it been a bit especially when I was filming for that. So it's been nice. Filming got a nice pep talk off Wendy. She's like, no you deserve this. So yeah. You know when you have those days that you think I don't I I get it, I get it I everyone gets it, but I get I've had it pretty bad the past couple of weeks. Oh I don't know. But I feel like you're a bit shit on radio and you're a bit annoying. Anyway, so it's been nice. Well, congratulations. We're all I'm sure Toy Story Five is out very soon in cinemas. You can pre-book your tickets now, I'm sure, and uh we'll all go and see you as the gnome. I've got a like beard and stuff. I can't give too much. Well yeah, it's not me. Okay, fine. That'd be weird. No, because you said you've got a beard. You mean your character. Yeah. Well no, because I am the character. Anything else been going on other than sort of you know, Hollywood films? Not really? What about you? What have you been up to? Well I've been told I need to so are you in the gym? Do you ever do something called a lunge? I'm not a big fan of lunges but I try to do them once a week. Right, yeah no I d uh he gets me to do lunging all up and you know that in uh in my gym, that sort of thing in the middle, the sort of the track. The track. Yeah, yeah. So we lunged across that a few times. And I've been doing it recently and he told me, he went, No, you're doing it more as a curtsy. I bet you thought that was a compliment, didn't you? I said, Yeah, what's the problem? And he went, No, no, you need to do it more as a lunge and I went, Joel, for that is his name. Check it up, Joel. Jack it up Joel. I said, Did you know I have a Guinness World Record in curtsaying? So it's only natural that I do that. He looked very confused. I don't think many of his clients have ever turned round and said that to him. So I am doing my curtsies as lunges. Oh the thought of you doing a lunch gives me the ick. Do you ever do a Trump? I'm sorry. You need to like has a Trump ever come out when you've done l lotunch a because I've got an excellent pelvic floor . Okay. Yeah. So I don't. But we should I do want to, and actually once I go into the show I have a lot of free time in the day. Uh because everything else is coming up my diary other than Thursdays. Um I'm going to we could go to the gym together . Sure. We could work out. We'll just we'll just need to get it out of the way and do it. Don't we? And then we'll go to the gym . Do a nice big trumpy gym workout. No I'm not going to work out with you if you're gonna farth all over the gym. Me and better gentlemen's right gentlemen, because we always l never do it in there and then whenever we go down the stairs, downstairs, we always trump in the little hallway, don't we? I don't know if Bender I've I've never We've done it a few times. That's not true. We've fought in that hallway all the time. You do. Yeah, you do as well. And we giggle like year fives. Yeah. It's cute. It is cute. Never do it in it for you, lad. Izzy had other hands. Pull me finger, lad. Oh fucking hell, Izzy. Have some class. Um other news. Yes. Now I you didn't I didn't actually message your friend and mine, Chris Stark, but I have gone ahead and got a barbecue. Have you? Yeah. What did you get? It's a ninja . Was it a gas run? It's gas. Ah, Willie. I've got a gas run, it's a mistake. No, I wanted a gas. Might as well have an oven . What well what what's yours? Gas. Okay, but what should I have got? Charcoal. I don't want charcoal. I'm not sure it's good for the environment. It is, you can get environmentally friendly ones. You can get environmentally friendly out now. It would be more environmentally friendly, just have a piece of fruit. If we're going down that route. Yeah, but you can't serve fruit to your garden guests, can you? My garden guests. Can you? No. It hasn't gone up yet, to be fair. Because I don't know what to do. So I'm trying to find a hand. God my god. You can't even put up your own bloody A barbecue, apparently, is very complicated and it's got gas and I don't sort of want to like sort of blow the house up 'cause I couldn't put I got someone to do my garden just because it needed proper doing, but I'm on top of garden, now I'm jet washing. The only thing I don't do is put pictures up. When you your barbecue, did you assemble yours? Yeah, I did actually. Well would you like to come around and do mine ? If I can jet wash, yeah. I've been jet washed. I don't need to be flipping jet you can do the front to be fair, I didn't jet wash the front. You can do the front. If you want the neighbours though, it'll be What? Well splash splash zone and be like SeaWorld, you're in the splash zone. Noisy and stuff. Yeah, SeaWorld. That's what we were all thinking when I said splash zone. Well, yeah, and SeaWorld. When I used to go to SeaWorld as a child, see Shimmu, R I P. And well, the show is. And uh you would you would have you know you'd if you sat near the front it would say you are in the splash zone. You know what I was quite I think I know this story. Yeah. You enjoyed your food. And Brad's and Dominic's and I was in bath once. My mum ran me a bath and meld up past and went. Oh shamoo, how long are you gonna be in? That's not good . Were they in the splash zone? Probably, yeah. Um anyway, yeah, barbecue is there. It's not actually put up, so I can't actually do anything with it. But I'm quite excited that I've reached a new level of butch. But I do have a lovely Liberty Print barbecue apron, so that's going to offset it. I I bet you want to was barbecue, it's more salad with you, and I bet you put everything in the oven first, don't you? I've said it before. Most things taste better in the oven than on a barbecue, but I appreciate the sort of the sort of the Neanderthal gene. It taps into barbecuing outside. Who are you gonna have round at your barbecue? All those twinks going, oh raw meat! Oh uh how gross! Raw meat? I hope it's not bloody raw meat. We're fine with our sensation Chris and Humor . Don't they won't like none of your lot'll appreciate none of your friends will appreciate a barbecue. Freddy at a barbecue. I think they'll all love it. Trying to think who else . Jonathan likes a barbecue. In fact, Jonathan actually could come and and do the barbecue for me. Jonathan would be. I'll do the salads. I'm looking forward to marinading the meat. Because they've got some lovely new Osolenghi um uh marinades at wait tropes. I met him . I met him on Saturday Kitchen . Yosamon Yosamung Sorry, several G and D's Yosamot Here we go, this will be good . Yosamotalengi. Is that what his name is? I believe so. Um talengi. Yeah. Yosem. For those uh wonderful genius minor know him. He's he's he's always on side of the kitchen and he's got a couple of shops and restaurants. Yeah. And he's got some beautiful cookbooks. His best cookbook he did, because quite a lot of them are very complicated and you need to be amazing. No they're not. I won't hear a bag. Simple is very good. It lives up to its uh I had a really bitchy my really bitchy friend Matt once when he was round at the uh at the house warming, came around and he looked at my cookbooks and he went, Hmm, I'm spotting a theme. Simple. Make it easy. Yeah. One pot dishes. I could have punched him. Well he's he you can tell that when you've eaten eight yards before. Excuse me. Hey. Corn beef hash. I or I just like to do like one great big thing that you just like pop in the middle and just like let it go and people help. Greek lamb trade break, throw it on a figure I've never done you Greek lamb tray bake. That is a Monday to Thursday. What my mum did she got it from freezer, threw it on a tray and whacked it in the oven. That's all you do. But hers with smiley faces and turkey dinosaurs. Well this face isn't smiling. Okay. But um Art Alenge, I've met him before. He's a lovely fella . At least I serve on time. I always no, because I purposely don't serve on time, so everyone gets pissed. I think what what did you do last time when we went round with Sean and Chris and Chelsea and James? Was that a paella? Yeah. It was it was more of a breakfast by the time we were eating it, wasn't it? Yeah. Um we haven't hosted in a while. Oh I've got my neighbours coming round actually. Yeah. Everybody loves good neighbours. Yeah. I sent put one of my one of your posh postcards through door. Well, your posh postcards. I know that you got me from moving in present. Lovely. Yeah. Um, just before we move on. Uh before we uh recorded today's episode, I was absolutely uh eviscerated, or attempted to, by his standards, by producer Ben. Producer Ben, would you like to chip in and just recreate what Hi guys. Hello. Well th this was this it started a few weeks ago actually, Jordan. And I'm I'm keen to hear your thoughts on this. So obviously I ran the marathon, I don't know if I mentioned it, no. I'm in a movie, but I'm not glad to mention it . And I made the decision that I think was the right one to book a day off work . The day after the marathon. Yeah, of course. To help to aid in my recovery. Yes, of course. Bearing in mind that when I have not booked a day off of work to aid in my recovery previously, William also had a go at me. See Glastonbury episode. Yeah, one of them is Gl I wouldn't Glastonbury on the par with running a marathon, even I reckon Glastonbury's harder. A full weekend at Glasgow. So anyway, I then on that day off posted a lovely picture on my Instagram story of me in the park. Me just lying there , chilling. Yeah. And William replied to it, being like, You've had a day off after running the marathon. He's such a bitch. He is. And I was just like I just thought it was unprofessional. Hang on a second. For someone who can He ran a marathon in three hours, give the lad a break. And thirty seven minutes. And thirty seven minutes. For someone who can swan around town whenever he wants to, getting his hair cut bloody hours whenever he wants at any point of the day. Honestly. Having a maybe like a casual breakfast. We sound like putting it in as a work meeting. Oh, we sound like his parents. When he starts work full time in a few weeks in this titanium, he's gonna bloody hit him. You won't know what you won't know the real world world until it's hit your last. You'll want a day off then. I know you will. He will I guarantee after that forty-eight show run, William will do absolutely the square root of fuck all. On the Monday morning. Who's put fifty being you? Yes. Yes. Well I have but tell them, Queen. You go diva. We're snapping. Yeah, we're snapping our fingers. Yeah. What is lovely is that um Ben, just like you, Jordan, is so easy to wind up. I'm not easy to wind up. Easy to write when he puts this little sort of thirsty here at my legs, tired legs in the park. He says you turned it up in gym kit the other week I've got the receipts, you asked me. Also, and while I was talking about thirsty, you're a right thirsty little bitch these days on social media, so why'd you neck in? Christ. What have I done oh Jesus worse than Izzy your ass is always out on bloody social media I'll see you in court well you will Christ Well, I don't know what to say. Other than would you like an etiquette ? Yeah, what's it on? Being a thirsty little slut . Over to Jordan. I'm not thirsty. Days off work . That's so much I can say. Am I thirsty? I just reshare reels from capital in here . I'm going to talk to you inspired by what we were talking about only the other week about is it the Union flag or is it the Union Jack ? You asked for this. You can tell we we're both you a holiday. We'll tell you the answer after these messages. This episode is sponsored by Heathrow Express. How's your time management? Um well it's better than yours. And what do you mean by that? Well, I mean out of the two of us, who always arrives first on time for the podcast recording, or indeed anything? Fair point. And this is where Heathrow Express comes in, as they understand that time matters when you're travelling from London to Heathrow to catch that important flight. Have you, William Hansen, ever come close to missing a flight before? Uh yes. Remember that time where Mike and I had to run through the terminal because we were running late and we nearly divorced. Only a matter of months ago now. How about you? Uh I mean most flights I'm pretty much rushing for. Yeah. Yeah, it's just normal to me. Standard for you. But when travelling on Heathrow Express, it's just fifteen minutes from London Paddington to Heathrow Station, and trains run every fifteen minutes. Plus children fifteen and under travel free. Tickets booked at least thirty days or more in advance are available from just ten pounds and there's no fixed travel time, so you can use any train on the day of your booking. So if the two of us are going to go on holiday together this year, you've got no excuses to be late, Jordan. Visit HeathroExpress.com to book your tickets . With NatWest Premier, you have financial experts in your corner, as well as everyday support, on the phone 24-7. We could help you grow and protect your family's wealth with tailored advice from our expert financial planners. Plus, all investments are managed by Coots . Now for the really important decisions: more slopes or the sauna ? You can with Premier, NatWest premier tomorrow begins today uk residence 18 plus premier eligibility criteria apply specific eligibility and fees apply for financial planning your capital is at risk It's William, William the etiquette geek, his knowledge knowledge quite unique. He'll give you manners Manners a subtle tweak. It's time for William's etiquette et cetty manology of the week. Ja ja ja Now this is quite complicated, so buckle up. The death of Elizabeth I in sixteen oh three, just after four o'clock, had an unintended consequence that had not been considered. With the accession of James I, England and Scotland became one realm, because James was the former king of Scotland, so we became the kingdom of Great Britain, all whilst maintain ing separate constitutions. The problem, however, arose at sea. Whilst England had its own flag, the flag of St. George and Scotland that of St. Andrew, the joining of the crowns caused a problem for flags on ships , which flag was the Navy to fly? Initially, vessels on the Scottish Royal Navy flew the Scottish flag above the English one and Scottish ones above the Scottish. However, this was bad etiquette because as mentioned on the episode a few weeks ago, you don't double flag national flags on the same mast. So in 1606, James I acted and created what was initially called the British flag by combining the flags of England and Scotland. The term Union flag first appeared in sixteen twenty five. The Act of Union in eighteen oh one added the Red Cross of St. Patrick representing Ireland and forming what we have today. Now we get into the Jack deb ate. Many people refer to the Union flag as the Union Jack. And Jordan's Jordan's yawning, but I'm going to try not to say that personally. And just as many equipped to correct them that it's only the Jack when it sea,. well Well is that true and why do we call it Jack? Well basically in old English Jack means something diminutive. So when a naval ship flew on a small flag on the um bow, it was known as the Union Jack, the Jack or the King's Jack. In sixteen seventy four the Admiralty clarified that the small flag would be known as his Majesty's Jack, or informally the Union Jack. But basically both names were used by the Admiralty. So is the Union Jack only called such when flown at sea? Ish, but it is complicated because the government stated that in the House of Lords on the fourteenth of Jyul 1908, that it may fairly be stated that the Union Jack should be regarded as the national flag, and it undoubtedly may be flown on land by all of his Majesty's subjects. So whilst they are sort of both correct, you can say either, the royal family, who are sort of the authority on etiquette ish, uh say union flag, whereas union jack is more or informal or affectionate. So it was it did start at C did start at C More formerly it's the Union flag. Yes. But now it's the union i it's com colloquially known as the Union Jack. Correct . So I hope that clears that up. That was that was very interesting. They always are. They always are. Thank you. Thank you. Should we go into the problems and dilemmas? Yes, please. Let's. Now that I'm a movie star, do I have to scroll my own iPad or Oh go away. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tells of trepidation to help at sexandmyboss.com. You can DM us, we're at sexandmyboss on the socials, or you can write to William, who, in the fullness of time, promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards of executive self-seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sex tedmyboss.com. And remember, we have no idea what's coming up. Our first lemon is from Olivia. Dear HRH William, Master Jordan, EPP, and the rest of the Sexted Gang. My long term partner's grandfather passed away this weekend and I'd like to send his grandmother some flowers and a sympathy card. But do I say that they are from just me or me and my boyfriend? My boyfriend and me. It seems kind of odd for them to not be from my boyfriend too, have I? I was always under the impression that someone grieving does not give flowers in a card to someone grieving the same death. I might be totally wrong in overthinking it, but I would appreciate your help nonetheless. I have the honour to remain your obedient servant. Very good. Olivia. Oh I don't like that. That's how you sign off. That's how you sign off to a monarch in the very traditional form. Not someone being your obedient servant. No, good no. Um oh no, you're overthinking it. It's from you and your boyfriend. Yeah, simple that one. You wouldn't not put your boyfriend, it'd be weird if you didn't . Especially as his grandfather. Put from both of you to any funeral. Yeah. Generally flowers the person who died, one of you's eight of them. Well, there is always that. I would generally flowers are in loving memory of the person who has died rather than to so rather than to a specific person. So if a relative of yours, let's say Jordan, God forbid, passed away, I would not say, Jordan, here are some lovely flowers in memory of or Jordan, here are some lovely flowers for you, thinking of you, love William. It would be in loving memory of X. The exception to that rule is if you had actually never met that person, then you might write Jordan thinking. Yeah. But if you have met that person, I assume you have . Uh then yes. Yeah. Send them from both of you. And lilies are apparently a funeral flower, but roses. You can send anything really. It depends what sort of funeral they like. You could I mean we've someone that we know's uh has had a gone through a death so we have sensor some pale pastel pinks rather than sort of bright colours because we know that they wouldn't want white lilies. So we've done that. Our next dilemma is from Coon. Dear William and Jordan, let me start by thanking you and the whole Sexted team for the many hours of entertainment, making me laugh out loud more often than I care to admit during gym workouts or on long flights. Before I get to my question, let me give you some background information. I work as an in-house videographer for Part of my job involves travelling all over the world to film boats and ships and even though I would love to go into detail on the difference between the two, my dilemma does not concern floating objects, but rather air travel. My frequent work trips enabled me to gain the top level in the frequent flyer programme of our national carrier. That'll be KLM. This allows me access to the business class lounges at most airports. It is a welcome perk when I travel alone, however, occasionally colleagues of mine are booked on the same flight. Often these people I only vaguely know and don't work with directly, even though they often do know me because of my unique job within the company. Also good to know, most of them travel less than me and therefore don't have lounge access. In comes my dilemma. I must admit that I much prefer to wait for my flight in a lounge surrounded by free drinks and snacks to an overcrowded gate next to people I don't share much more with than an employer. However, I also don't want to be the snooty anti social filmmaker who just disappears until it is time for boarding. So what is the etiquette for this class division fabricated by the airline industry? Should I show solidarity with my colleagues and share in the suffering or, can I make an Irish exit after check in and see myself to some middle class luxury in the lounge? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Kind regards, Kuhn, Rotterdam, the Netherlands. Well I would say you're trying to have your cake and eat it there. Of total on later. You're sort of asking us for the impossible. I appreciate you won't be able to take all of your colleagues into the lounge. You might be allowed one guest, for example, rather than four . But I mean it's a lovely problem to have. It's a very first world problem, but you can't have your cake and eat it. However, there are some airports, uh particularly in the Middle East, where the entire terminal is replicated on several layers. So if you are travelling business class or first class, your gate, so the gates are replica, there are three points. So you once you're in the lounge, you're bored from the lounge, so you don't have to come out the lounge and then find the gate. That's fancy. Yeah. And so actually you don't see anyone else. But that's those airports. Most airports don't have that, although I think it's a very sensible innovation. Look, not it lasts forever. Enjoy that business class lounge while you can. So go for it. Don't feel guilty. Go for it. I won't begrudge anyone if they said that I'm gonna go in there. But also take in a colleague from time to time. Go, right, this week I'm bringing in Jordan, next week it's take guests. Then it's Sophia. But you don't want to have to make small talk with colleagues before a flight? Well, I probably would suggest it . I think it's nice. Personally. This is from Anonymous. Hey guys, I had an incident some years ago when I was on a bus on my way back home to Wigan. I started feeling very uncomfortable with some stomach pains, which soon became a desperate need to poo. However, this bus was stuck in traffic and I wasn't sure how long it was going to take to get to my stop. Hodor. Hodor experience. Must be a wiggin thing. Oh, Hodor's from Game of Thrones. Oh is it oh right. Oh he was trying to hold it in. Uh as more time went on, the bus still barely moved, and I began considering more options. I sent a text to my mum letting her know that I may have to shit in a carrier bag. But don't worry, I did not give in to this idea. The bus began moving and I managed to get into Wigan Town, where I got off the bus and walked, or rather waddled, to the Grand Arcade. I managed to get to the loos in the Grand Arcade and had the biggest poo of my life under the U bend and above the seat. Can't you read what it says? No, I'm cleaning it up for everyone. I tried flushing, but as you may imagine, this was the beginning of the problems. The water raised and barely went back down yet for some reason I decided to attempt a second flush, which just made the water fill to the rim and nearly pour over the edge. What should I do? I asked myself and decided there is only one thing that I can do and just leave it. So I used loo paper to place on top of this giant turd like some kind of hat. I waited for the looze to go quiet and I made a run for it. You may wonder what happened after. What about the poor cleaner that would have to tackle this monstrosity? Well who knows? All I can tell you is this incident made it into the local newspaper after the looes had to be closed off due to flooding. How big was this shit? That also flooded H M and the floor below the looes. Shut up! So was this the correct way to handle this situation? I asked this as this was not the first or last time this happened. You need to go who king who's writing in King Kong? And for anyone worried, I have seen a doctor about the issue and to check my anatomy. It's IBS. I've bet it is anonymous. How big are these turds? Wow. You causing bloody chaos. Also, what was the headline in the newspaper? Get back in touch. Massive shit causes flood. Big evacuation of the Grand Arcade. Yeah, that'd be good, well. Yeah. Big turd causes. Yeah, send us the newspaper clipping. I'd like to do that for a bonus. Big shrug causes flood. Oh . Um I also if you personal advice if you have a block of toilet, but don't don't we're all tempting Do you do you talk about this sort of thing on luxury podcast? Yes. Right, get get the toilet brush and try and like shove it down the U bend. Jordan, we did a whole episode a few weeks ago about bins. Oh okay. That's my sex to and that usually helps, especially if it's paper. But then try to knock off the paper. I know it's some dirty business because not wasn't when all the paper wraps out on the bug brush. But yeah. You need to you're a friggin' haphazard. You want to start taking Tupperware out with you? Oh Wow. Well lunch box or something. How big is your bloody tupperware for that? Need a Pringles box or something for him. Pringles box? Yeah. Big long thing. Tube. Yeah. A few of them are fake.. Cube How big are these shits? What we talk like the size of an army. If that's true. That's the biggest poo you've ever had. I don't know. I don't poo. This is from Mitch. Gede Coppers apologies in advance for the sex podcast adjacent question, but recently having started dating again after exiting my last and first relationship of ten years, I've encountered an unusual issue regarding the s Christ I'll take this. And my ex, yes gay, never commented on it, so I just assumed it was normal size, and while yes, I have seen porn, I never thought it was anything special. So now that I've entered the dating world, the consistent feedback is that it is monster sized and porn worthy. I endeavour to provide a humble response, but it becomes such a focal point of attention in that moment that it makes myself