Flag Etiquette and Sharing Soap

There's lots of very funny dilemmas coming your way in just a moment. You can watch every episode of Help I Sex with my boss too. From Jordan's attempts to be a YouTuber back in twenty ten, seriously the second, hand embarrassment is real. To William's reaction to seeing a fanny for the first time, there are so many brilliant moments that you need to see. Search for help I sex with my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you don't miss an episod e Don't put that in I'm not having a podcast with my name on it with burping . I know we've done eight years we're not burping. For the record, I just did a big funny burp and Williams insisted on it . And yet nobody laughed. Williams insisted on it being cut out. Well, this is going to be a fun episode . Isn't it? Hello and welcome to Health ISIS for my boss. I need to do another bird. Don't swallow birth inside . The podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, something like cat, answering you twenty first century questions and finding solutions to everyday dadeliners like is it ever okay to wear jeans in a nightclub . Or how do you cope when you walk in on your boyfriend wrist deep in your mother? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usual burpee boys, are we, William Honun?s Definitely not Jordan North. I'm more clean ex. You're more someone's dirty exactly how Drew. That's from Joe . What a person ? I don't actually Mikey and I were each other's first voice. So good, aren't you? Yes, so good . Okay, who we toasting to? This week's toast goes to Tash who got in contact with this message. Hi, William Jordan from New Zealand. She probably sent it in on a typewriter. Just listening to the ice cold beer discussion . That was my plea. Ice cold beers, please. For the summer. And it results of ice cold beers. Get them in the freezer. And it reminded me of this advert a few years ago. You could call the number where you put your beers in the freezer and you'd get a call back thirty four minutes later when they were ready. You're all set for the summers Time for freezer bits, thirty four minutes. Apparently. I would say forty two personally, but it's much of a much ness. I love the podcast. It's the highlight of my week regaling my golfer gal pals with some of the dilemmas is hilarious. Saturday afternoon meat raffles aren't quite the same anymore when the prize includes bacon regarding wolf backing, especially after a few gins or puss y juices AKA Savvy Be all goes on in New Zealand Makes sense of them in New Zealand. Thanks to you all at sexed for the endless laughs , Tash in New Zealand. Well, let's toast Tash. To Tash. Tash in New Zealand . That burp's holding in now and it's We'll get it out, but do it away from the microphone and we will cut it out. Oh that's strong. That can stay in. That was a cute bird. There is no such thing as a cute bird. You actually do forget that we are friends, but you just take something quite serious. I don't I don't like it. Burping, farting, don't like it. What burping Expelling of any sort of gas from any part of your body. Sorry, pardon me . Pardon me . You are pardoned. Pardon . Say what? All right, that was that don't need to be rude. Hey, hey, hey, how's your week bin flower? It's been all right, thank you, Pestle. You say with your hands on hips, not looking camp at all . Stop camp shaming me. We a few weeks ago on one of our Friday episodes we talked about and you very sweetly brought it up because I've forgotten I've even done it because it was just nice . I had sent you randomly because you had said, Oh, that travel cafeter that I had, could I send you the link to it? And rather than sending you the link, I just sent you one. Which I thought was just it was I just remember at the time thinking, what a lovely boy he is. He is because I'll send me a link to that. And then two days later it was , I think it was a day later. It was the next day. It was the next day I was in my house and I thought, how lovely, how lovely. Exactly . And then you had also felt bad because when I had come around to your house a few weeks ago you had this lovely sort of digital twisty timer thing that you have for coffee tea . No, it's when I'm making my brew. You have to brew the tea back for four minutes. That's fine. I always have it set and I just press it as the kettles and then it beeps when the tea. But then you can twist it circular and you can twist it just the time. Yeah. And I said, Or could you send me the link for that? And you hadn't even sent me the link and you sort of kept remembering but then didn't do it . Cut to the next day after we record, I get home, Mike goes, Oh Amazon's here for you and I'm like, haven't ordered anything from Amazon. And I go to open it up and there no note, but there was the timer and I could have cried. It was so sweet. A bloody time. I know, but I went, he's he's yeah, that's that meant an awful quiet. Well , it doesn't matter how much is the it's the act and it was very sweet and we have used it. In fact, we've turned off our smart speaker. We don't use that for the timer anymore. We now use your twisted Didn't McCry. Didn't No, it didn't make me cry. Oh, I almost could cry. How do you put notes on Amazon? How'd you do that? Well, gift message. Yeah. When you're ordering it, is this a gift? Tick. And then you can write Yeah, last, that's not a thing. To William, you mean so much, use this timer the next time you're making coffee and think of me. I didn't know you can do that. Hi guys. Hi , he could have put to William. You're running out of time from Jordan. Everything's running with him, isn't it? Honestly, give it a break, you did the marathon. We get it. It's quite a good gag actually . Thank you. Oh, well happy, I'm glad you like your time. I love my timer and we use it all the time. So thank you very much. You're more than welcome. Which got me onto thinking ages ago , possibly even not even this year, we were talking about laundry almost became my other podcast and I was talking about I put in the wash sometimes with my white towels or white shir ts, t shirts, anything white really, I put in some ace for whites and it brings them back to life. I'm an oxy kind of gal, oxy crystals. Well, this is going to make this next bit quite awkward because you previously went can you send me some of that? Oh yeah, sorry. Oh , how sweet . So I did another order and I've got Usames . That looks good. So what do you do? Tell me , I thought you were an Oxy kind of girl. Oh no, that looks class. So is that like bleach? Yes, be very careful with that because that is bleach . Oh , don't okay. Wow, I was thinking that's so good. I've got a double band. That is so weird . I was talking to Charn about this today. I was like, I'm going to start. Jimmy works on show. He's jumpers wide. I said, What happened? He said his fellow bleach his proper bleachers. So do you put it? Do you put it in a bucket and then put the shirt in? Can you do that? Well, I believe you can probably do that, but what I would do is I would put some in the pre washed drawer. Oh, I don't know which one that can I just put it in anyone? Put it in the workout, which is your pre wash? Send me a picture of your drawers and I will tell you which is the pre washed apartment . It'll be the one with a one . The normal detergent has two little sort of lines. Pre wash has one, it would be the smaller compartment basically. Put it in there, set your machine to pre wash. Sliffin that now. Yeah, well that's your own fa ult. And then it'll be fine. Oh God. And then it'll just do a twenty minute cycle in the bleach . And it'll bring your whites back beautifully. That vest we're not in color anymore I don't think Troy Sevan was writing about the song about Ace for White. All right, and can I use that amioxide crystals? I would just use one at one. I wouldn't start mixing chemicals because otherwise you know your house mad on sites. You can't use bleach and fairy liquid , you'll be fine. Well, I don't think you will be. So not to say it's a bit of boy's fine. All right, I would recommend that. Well , thank you. That's really kind of yeah. now But you're in some sort of gift war. We are in a gift war. I've got these tried for you. Do you? yeah. It's for you . Yeah. I'm one of those drums. You're giving me two fingers. Okay , I'll get you some oxycals. I don't want oxycals. I've got accelerators . So you just oxy action. Okay. Who's there? Yeah. That bleach going straight through me. Oh, don't blame me on the bleach. I'm getting a bit desperate . No, I don't think I need your help. Okay. So you know, sock rates coming up in a couple of weeks. I do. Yeah, I've got it tattooed in my diary. I'm starting to get a bit nervous. Yep, I would . Okay . And I need getting a few games in. I want to organize a fiber side match and I've done it with Ladia. Ben and Jack are on I need to get a date. I can't find a fiber side place to just do jumpers on a park. Be a laugh, won't it? Now hang on, just explain to me what jumpers in a park. We just do jumper for goal poles. I just need a good kick about for an hour. Yeah. And we're going to have a pint afterwards, right? Sounds good. I never thought I'd say this . It's very hard to get ten majors together for football . Would you be up for being one of the men to play football? Are you up for it? What position would you like me in? Whatever. I mean have you ever played football before? No. Okay, that's fine. Would you be up for it? I'll send me some dates. We'll stick in there. It's fine. And fishnets? No , no, we'll put you in gold. Put me in gold or at back . That's how I like it, yeah. Okay. Would you genuinely be up for it? I would if it was could we make it forty five minutes? Yes, five yeah. twenty twenty. Seriously, would you just be up for a kick about Jat? You help me sort it out because I'm starting I can't go and play alongside Wayne Rooney and not have kicked a ball in a year . Oh you'll be fine. Do you not get any training with the soccer though? Yeah, do they not train? Yeah. Well, the thing is I'm missing the first day of training for soccer aid . Oh why? Yeah, because it's it's they were like so this is it's I've got quite a big announcement coming up Yeah finally so and they were like we really really don't like we have Hollywood actors and stuff and really don't like you to miss to miss the first day . And I explained I couldn't make the first day of training. It wasn't so much I could be and did they go with that excuse or not? No, and even there their top hunch show at Sucker Ed were like, ah , fair enough . Okay , so I can't announce it now but, as soon as I I am,'ll be telling our Gene Divas. And yeah, oh, it's quite big. My interest has piqued. Yeah . So that's why I need to get a couple of games in. So if you could help me out that'd be great. Well, I mean, I've got a holiday coming up. So as long as we've done it, you know, if you could just do it around my holiday, that would be lovely. Unless you want to come on a holiday with me. Speaking of which, hey, I can't get a five bite coat. I cannot for the life of me. Everyone's jumped on board. I can't get a bloody paddle court anywhere. Oh, your life is such a tragic for. You cannot get a paddle. Have you played it yet, Ben? I can't get a paddle court anywhere. I'm thirty. I need to start like you start getting the exercise . We need to have a game of pad dles. You're thirty six. All right, cheers. Am I middle age? . My mid thirties. You are you were definitely mid thirties my late thirties. Next year you will be. Yeah, next year you will be. Oh shit. This year I will be. So we can't be doing this in our late thirties . I mean, we shouldn't have been doing it in our early thirties. Willy jokes and stuff. Mike, can't we go? Well, talking of which I'm going to braise the tone. Guess ask me what I did last night. Oh I tried to think . What did you do last night William Hansen? I went to a literature festival talk . I know on a Wednesday night. A literature festival talk. Yes. Mike and I went to go watch Anthony Horritz, who was one of our favorite authors. Oh yeah, Spike 's No Spike's Alex Rider. Alex Rider I used to read them when I was younger. Yes, so did I. I know he now does books for adults. I actually got charged because I never handed that back in and Anne Frank. Do you know ? Now he didn't write Anne Frank. No, he did write an Frank. And Frank wrote Anne Frank Ann Frank wrote Frank. And took them out. I took Alex Rider out at school library and Dan Frank quite a different book and I left him on holiday and got charged for him and went bad. Right. Yeah. Okay, well anyway, Anti Horat got a new book out a deadly episode and I went to go and I obsessed with all his adult books. I mean, I liked his children's books but as a child read his adult book. And Mike and I felt you'd love for them. They're good. Murder mystery is crime. And yeah, Mike and I felt very intellectual. On a Wednesday night, pottering was sort of local to us . We pottered on and went and watched a book talk. What was he like Anthony Anthony Horowitz? Anthony Horrowitz. Horrit. Anthony Horrowitz. Horrit. Horrowitz. Horrowitz. Yes, well done. Very good, very intellectual, lovely voice, good command of English, as you would hope . Yeah, it was it was very good. Okay 'cause some authors like when you meet them, they can be very introvert, can't they? Yes, or just batch shit. There's no in between where this. No I wouldn't say it was bad shit. And also the great thing is for those that like his books, he does a series of books in a different series to the one that's just come out called the Magpie Murder series, the Susan Ryland series, and I thought he was only doing three. He has said that in a couple of years time there will be a fourth. January is so excited. Look at Osbit see, this is good this year you see We go into our late thirties We're going to talk about book we should be more into books and I conceptual intellectual things. Yes, yes, yeah. What other books did you read as a child ? Well, young, young child I love the worst witch . I used to read them as well. Yeah. Was it Jill Murphy did the Worsewitch. Very similar to Harry Potter. Very similar. Predated Harry Potter actually . Let's not get sued. What? We did. Well, they can't summon. They came out sooner. They came out earlier. Did you ever read read a series of unfortunate events ? No, I know I didn't do that. Lemony Snickett? Yes. I liked, actually, Joanne Harris, author of Shockala . I didn't read that one, but she did a great book called Gentlemen and Players that's very at the time was very how do I put this modern. Today, very standard, very good book. I loved hunger games as well . Yes, they were books was about twenty one when they came out, I think . What? Yeah, you would have been quite old when they came out. Films were great as much. What about Captain Underpents? Oh my god, I loved Captain God that is making you young because I only liked Captain Underpants by Dave Spikey, who was in or Pilky, Spikey. Dave Spikey out of Phoenix . No, I mean, Dave Pilky. Wrong, Dave. Yeah, in America, Captain Underpants was a whole thing. They had funny names. Can we look them up please? And yeah, my aunt would always she was a big reader. And they were sort of the right age for my brother and my cousin Anne . And they liked Captain Underpants, but I always read them. Goosebumps, did you ever read? No, they were good. I thought they were bit common . How like as a teenager 'cause everyone read goosebumps ? Not everyone used to swap goosebumps bumps. They abandoned our library. Were they? No, they weren't. You were seen with a goose pumps, they were like, No, get Hamlet in your hand now. Okay. Well look at you. What were some of the captain's underpants? The books? Yes. They're great titles. I used to be able to do them verbatim. I can't remember them now. Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets? We saw talking lavatars, but yes. Captain Underpants and the invasion of the incredibly naughty cafeteria ladies from outer space, bracket and the subsequent assault of the equally evil lunchroom zombie nerds close bracket. That's not a title of a yuck is it? Captain Underpants and the Perilous plot of Professor Poopy pants Sounds right up your story. We're gonna move on from our high end book talk. I just want to bring it back as we're going into the summer yes , as you know , yeah, and I can feel it. Do you know what's very in for the summer now? It's always been it's been on the fringes for the past couple of years , right? And now a certain person has worn this item and I reckon everyone's going to wear them on and I'd love to see you in 'em . Speed Os . I think you live in your hot boy somewhere that you're having right now . You're in the gym , you know, you're looking great. Thank you . I think you should invest in a pair of speedhals and I'll tell you for why. Okay. So David Beckham's worm now. Like I said, they've been on the fringes for a couple of years . The gay community, you know, they've had him for a good few years now . Yeah, and they're wearing him . I don't think personally I'd suit speedos I've stumpy legs , right? You could have you could have a good body, but I think if you got stumpy legs, you don't suit speed up. I do have quite long legs. But we wore something Benedon, Ben and I you outright refused to feel member had a bit of a personality failure. So I think summer, hot girl summer twenty twenty six William Hanson in Speedhouse . I think you'd suit him because you're tall. Well, I do need to I do need going on holiday. I do need to get some new swimwear. I have got one pair of swimwear at home, but you know, you can't go on holiday with just one pair of trunks. I need another . But they are trunks currently . I think I know what I'd like in terms of shape. Start with short cut spe edos. Start with three inch short shorts or is it five inch? Money needs to be longer for me. Yeah, fucking out there. Time will be hanging out on a ctually, you and Speedos. . Wow . Yeah. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Will in them just tried to send you, I think Ben , you'd suit Jack me and you, we haven't got the it's not the shape . I'm not shaping shaming people. It's their Jack, but how tall are you, Jack? You would. And it's not the shape because old you're six three, yeah. All lads in old rugby lads in Australia wear them. They love those budgie smugglers and they like him. Not that I've seen I was told. But I'm just saying I think summer twenty twenty six. So Jean Davis would you just like me to buy some speedos and send a picture of me in the speedos? Would that satisfy? What weird, peculiar fantasy you've got going on in your head. Gene Davis, would you like to see William Hansen in some speedos on his holiday . Get in touch. I've got a lovely new Panama. Who? Panama hat. You know, I took one to Benadom, but I've upgraded. Oh, what have you done with your old on? I actually still have it if you want it. Your head's bigger than mine though is it. So look at your head I'd look like a knobby one of them. They could put some sort of felt lining in them in the band inside some sort of slightly . You can get for twenty queen on an airport. Yeah, well you've got a bobby a Skagnes one round ? No, that's a different type of hat. Oh yeah. That's an Ollie Merse hat. Pi hat, trilbey. A trilbey that you used to wear. Well, look, where are you going on holiday? Athens . You going soon? Is you in Athens in Greece with all those Greek gods a pair of speed up? The Greek gods were quite some time ago. You will, honestly Hercules. You'll turn heads on that beach, that's all I'm gonna say. Okay, we'll turn heads. People will be peering down the bottom of the sunglasses. It'd be like a Coca Cola advert from the nineties I don't want you. Like a broken record. I'd be okay. So just do it. Okay, just do it. No, that's what I said . Okay, final. Speedo is a brand, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Okay Trunks, swimming trunks . Proper one. Everywhere nothing at all . You have to the only thing is we're you though. We do you remember those hub of bubbles that used to roll up what? You know, like that hub of bubba that rolled up. What's a hub of bubbling gum? Chewing gum. It was like curled up weren't it? I would just on a little thing in it . Yeah, you'd have to do that with your knob . Oh or a fruit winder ? Yeah, a fruit winder. I still don't know what any of this is like an extension leader when you roll it in. Oh, I've got a hose like that. Do you know, can I talk about I love my outside tap Because in fucking in my last place I didn't have an outside tap and when I would go and sort of, you know, water my pots, I had to carry the thing through the kitchen and take the water and can fill it up in the kitchen. I hated that. I've got a tap out the front and out the back now and genuinely it's changed my life. Really? What you into your outside tap? Because I don't have to sort of shap a watering can sort of from inside outside. I've got two taps outside and I've got one that you plug in and then you plug in and it would come out the wall. It won't yeah, but then it goes around garden, apparently waters all flowers and stuff. Oh like an oscillator. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, check me out. But that's more of an attachment to the outside tap. The outside tap just comes out the wall. I never thought I'd say this. Please come with ec ymology No because I've got one further thing to say we've had him on this podcast previously sent as a voice message can you remember the lovely Ian who is my favourite announcer at Tottenham Cour t Road Tube Station. Yes. Look up, look out and have a great day . I've met Ian now. He chased after me up an escalation. We had a photo we're sticking on our carousel. We got a recording of him. No, we did. We played we did that a few months ago now. Okay. But no, he was lovely. We had a lovely chat. What did he say? Just, you know, you know, he thought he was on a flight the day before he thought of me that I could sort of teach some of the passengers. I won't say which airlines of how to behave. And I said that generally all my friends and family when we hear his announcements, it's not just the look up, look out, it gently puts a spring in our step. Mikey loves it, I love it. We all think it's just he is the I heard him this morning on the way in. What does he say? Oh, I can't remember it was about normal service on whatever line, but it's just so much so much joy because sometimes on train platforms or bus announcements, it's quite a monotonous voice and you sort of forget it or they're speaking too close to the bike bark yeah , move down the train, move down the train, move down the train pose, move down the traine, move down the train. But he does it with such a lamb. I just think we should we should commend that. So thank you in for saying hello. What's Ecetymology this week, please? Completely forgotten . Hold on . That's my job. What? Like, you always have them prepared. Yeah, it's fucking irritating, isn't it? What? Geez . Oh, I know. I'm going to talk to you all about potchi. Now can you remember a couple of weeks ago? Pochin, no poochy a few weeks ago. Just let me speak . As I said to you at the weekend, let me finish . Sorry . Thank you. Carrier . Can you remember a couple of weeks ago we had a letter in from someone who had their Louis Vuitton bag stolen and actually had a dead dog in it? Yes. And I made the joke it's a shame it wasn't Pucci , which you and a lot of other people thought I meant it was a pun on Gucci . And as I said, I think Pucci is actually a brand in itself and I was right . So I've flocked into who Pucchi was , and I'm going to tell all about it after these messages It's William William the etiquette geek his knowledge knowledge quite unique he'll give you man a smile subtle tweak .'s It time for Williams Etiquette Metiquetimology of the week cha cha cha cha cha ch cha cha cha cha So Pucci it's a fashion house Italian fashion house obv,iously, that's got nothing to do with Gucci was founded in nineteen forty seven by Emilio Pucci after a chance meeting with a fashion photographer. Holiday in Zermatt and on leave from the Italian Air Force, a one piece ski suit that Pucci had made for a friend caught the eye of a photographer. Now on the back of this one image, Harper's Bazaar magazine commissioned Pucci to design a skiwear story which was published the year later in for ty eight. Pouch's sleek creations redefined sportswear and when he left the Air Force he established his own eponymous fashion house, which he based in Capri , which was at that time the home of the emerging jet set with the increase in aviation and initially designing swimwear only it's come full circle. Maybe I can get some poochy speedos if they do them. Pouchy soon moved into making his own signature silk scarfs and the prints, still to this day, they're very bold sort of geometric , strong use of colour , captured the era, particularly the psychedelic nineteen sixties, think Austin Powers . And indeed Marilyn Monroe was buried in a poochy dress. Get away. Poochy and Gucci , very different and nothing to do with poochies. How'd you spell puchy? Like Gucci with a P, P. U. C C.I. And who came first Puchi or Gucci? Probably when was Gucci founded? Probably Puchci actually. I reckon Gucci. No, I reckon forty seven . Yeah. Gucci's nineteen twenty one. nineteen twenty one, so there we go Gucci. I thought so. Gucci is more you but different spelling. Gucci . Yep. I don't have any Gucci. I'm high street, babe. I'm proud What's that? Evaness. Shock . Should we go under the questions and dilemmas? Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch, you can send your tails ofp treidation to help at sexomybus. com. You can DM us, we're accepted my boss on the socials or you can write to William Hanson who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards with executive self seal envelopes. The address is on the website sextedmyboss dot com Our first dilemma is from Safia. Hi guys. I'm a twenty seven year old female and have recently started snoring so loudly that it's affecting my boyfriend's dreams . Recently he has had dreams such as a brontosaurus roaring at him and a chainsaw being pulled to start , and these are brought on supposedly by my loud snoring next to him. His dreams are obviously majorly amusing but also rather embarrassing for me, and he often makes me sleep in a different room because I keep him up. What should I do? Safia . Now, this is quite close to him . All I can say is, and I speak from experience and I won't go into it, earplugs . So are you the snorer or the no? Is Mikey a snorer? He's never normally been and he actually has always said he could never date a snorer. And I was like, well? Good job, I don't have that policy . So is he been keeping he gets to a certain age, Jordy? Is he very out of character for my kid? Yeah no, I'd have you down as a snorer. No never snorter myself . Yeah. I want I've had a few drinks I'm like water hog A water hog? Yeah. Piss everywhere. Snoring, not that bad, but yeah . Yeah . Earplugs would be a good thing. You don't like earplugs. You got ear out . Well, that's the point. Yeah, it makes me feel like what if you get burgled? Well, you won't know. What are my earplugs, they just fall out after a couple of hours anyway. Set. Separate bedrooms, maybe? Well, that's what it's never glue. Especially if you're young. That's never young. What age do you think it start? It's okay to sleep in separate bedrooms. thirty five. Do you reckon? Okay . No, whatever age you want to. I always think give him a nudge. White noise machine . Get a kick , get nudged, get kicked . Roll them, get him to roll your you on side because usually if it's on your back it's worse or no wonder it's no get him to put earpods in. Oh you can't have earpods or go and seek medical advice and you get one or there is that. And they're really cool because it looks like you're on top gun. The sleep apnea masks. I have a problem. I have a problem. I think that's another one of my ailments. Sleep apnea . Well, yeah, you've got it. This is from Charlie. Dear William Jordan the Sexed Team, I'm recently engaged and as exciting as this is, I have one friend who's causing me grief. She is due to be married this year and when she got engaged two years ago asked me to be her br idesmaid. This caught me off guard as I didn't think of us as being that close. We got a lot of this, don't we? People asking to be bridesmaids not that close. We had only really been friendly for around six months after meeting through our partners who are friends. I thought she was a nice girl, though not my kind of person, and she had a concerning lack of close female friends. In a panic and out of sympathy, I said yes. I didn't stand on business then like I do now. I spent a fortune on two different Henus themed out fits beauty treatments, etc and she has been difficult at best to get along with. I had planned to distance myself after the wedding, especially after she made a homophobic joke at one of the hens and after being called out told me it was just a joke and that she has a gay friend. I tried to wind down our communications as at this point I can't really stand her. However, now that we're planning our wedding, she has assumed that she will be my brides'maid. I'm yet to decide if I'll even have any and when I told her this she brushed it off saying It's her turn now Oh she sounds awful She sounds topsy She sounds awful So I have come to the experts for your opinion How do I make it clear to her that she'll be lucky to even be my friend for much longer. Never mind my bridesmaid without souring the relationship between my partner and her fiance , Charlie. You've gone on two endos with this girl. Oh, this is your sounds absolutely horrible. This is your area of expertise, I think, Mr. Hansen. Charlie, do you want to be friends with her going forward? If the answer to that question is no? Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid. Yeah, yeah. What is the you haven't said one redeeming feature about this person . Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, but be ready how you're going to take on the battle, have a good response and just be like, yeah, I've got other friends that I'm closer with. And if she says it's wise, I wouldn't I wouldn't say that That's a bit that's a bit much. What ? Would she sound like a bit of it? She does sound like a bit of I wouldn't sink to that level and go well, I got the friends I'm closer with. Oh, I wouldn't say that. Okay. If you're not having bridesmaids, don't not have bridesmaids. If you want bridesmaids have bridesmaids, but you shouldn't need to explain your thing. You just go , you know, these are the bridesmaids that I was always going to have. What did you do? She says, Well, why have you picked them and not me? I've just go this isn't a discussion. Respectfully it's my choice, but she does sound terrible and I don't think you should have her in your life. Yeah, I don't think you ask her. Her saying it's my turn now. That's not how it works. Why the cynic in me is saying did she actually invite you to be a bridesmaid for her because she's just always wanted to be a bridesmaid? Maybe because no one's ever asked her because she sounds horrid. Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, but also don't not have brides. I wouldn't even invite her to a wedding. No. Don't not have bridesmaids 'cause of her . But Charlie, look, get back in touch with us if actually she always makes you laugh. She's got a lovely heart. She makes a nice lemon drizzle. If there's anything that you particularly like about her, let us know, but I suspect the answer to that question is there isn't. Did you have any bridesmaid at your wedding, will you? I hate you . You looked lovely in that dress. You didn't have any best manner or anything, did you? Uh . My brother was MC but no we didn't have you couldn't get any better men than us what we decided . So we were our own best men This is from Richard Hello William and Jord an. I have something of a vexological dilemma. Oh, what's that? Flags. And yes. As in pavements, stone it. No, flags as in really, is that what he's called? Yeah. What? Vexology. Well, I believe, so my wife has some Canadian family. Her great aunt has a dual Canadian and British citizenship. She and her husband are very proud yet understanding Canadian are coming to stay with us soon. I have both a Canadian flag and a Union flag which I'd like to display during their visit. What's the etiquette around arranging multiple flags which goes on top? Can one wrap two flags around their shoulders like you've just won Olympic gold medal? Can you even drape a flag over a chair? Can you sit on a chair with a flag? If anyone knows, it's you guys, please help. I love the fact you put guys there. So is this one of those myths? It's not called the Union Jack . We can do this as an SK ROGY if you like. I would call it the Union flag. Why not the Union Jack? Well, there is a belief. I don't think it's particularly true that it's only the Union Jack one at sea. Yes. Yeah . Yes, the Navy. But I will look into that. Now I will come back. We'll look at this . I think it's a navy thing. It's called the Union Jacket sea. In the Navy. In the Navy. So it's a Union flag. Yes, but anyway, going back to the Canadian flags are quite fascinating. They are quite fascinating and some countries take it very seriously. Yeah, they do not in America, they have so many different flag rules. Really? You can't. So you know in Britain sometimes they have flags like outside every house in America is just the norm, isn't it? Yeah. They're much more patriotic, sort of outwardly patriarchic than we are. Flags in America, you can't have stars and stripes bedding, for example, or cushions. In America there is a belief there is a law that prohibits you, whereas we do that all the time you can buy union flags bedding. I had union flag bed in Well, that's fine. There's no law against it. You can't have But in America you can't they like if you are folded, you have to fold the flag in a certain way into a triangle . They're very, very respectful of their state symbols. Okay, whereas we're a bit like put on Bunting. Do you know who we've got the best flag? Who? The Japanese . I think, you know, like some days when I'm trying to get out of here. Yeah, and they're like, George, we just need you for ten minutes to sign this off. And sometimes I'm in a bit of a rush sometimes and sometimes I reckon they had the the old Japanese flag was a bit different but they just went right here we got this and I go what's that? White circle red circle white background ye,ah, that'll do.. I love it It's very simple. It's very simple. Very clean. Very simple. So in answer to your question, Richard, having had a little tangent, Jen, Davis, let us know your favorite flag. We'll do that on socials And I would say you can't double so with national flags, the Canadian flag which is red white with the red maple leaf in the middle and the Union flag, which hopefully most people know it looks like listening to this. You cannot double flag . So sometimes you see examples of flagpoles. You see it a lot in America of one pole and you have one flag flown at the top and one immediately underneath. Double flagging would it's called double flagging would be fine if you were doing let's say the Union flag and then the St. George's Cross . Okay . That would be fine because you've got national flag and then in effect a regional flag. Yeah, okay. Or if you had the Union flag and global's flag, your employer, for example, that would be fine because that's a corporate flag as opposed to a state flag. But you wouldn't have the Canadian flag and then the British fl ag on the same flagpole because that's wrong from a protocol point of view, they would have to be at on identical height flagpoles . Okay , so I wouldn't drape it over a chair . I would probably fly the Canadian flag because you are receiving the Canadian family and I would sort of just keep your Bunion flag to one side. But I love the fact Richard, that is the most important thing going on in your life and we're all here for it. for it. This is from James. Dear dilemma daddies AKA William and Jordan, an EP. My girlfriend and I live in a first floor flat. We have someone beneath us and above. We are about to move out and have come to a dilemma. Do we buy our upstairs and downstairs neighbours a parting gift? Our upstairs neighbour has been so nice and we've had many a conversation when we've bumped into each other outside or on the communal landing. I'm not too worried about doing the same for downstairs as they've only moved in within the past month. My partner Shannon believes we should get something for both, I believe a friendly goodbye sufficient should we see them before packing up and leaving. Many thanks for the highly entertaining podcast James and Shannon . I mean if you want to get people overthink gifts there's no wrong with buying some gift. It's a lovely job. If you want to do it and it feels right, do it. Yeah, you don't have to get the other ones one. But if you think something's right, do it. I always think that you, know, when you have to ask to get a gift, just buy it. If you want to buy someone a gift, buy it. Yeah. But if nothing else, if money doesn't stretch that far or you don't want to, what you can do is sort of the day before , knock on their door and just say some nice words. Thank you for being lovely neighbors. We've truly enjoyed getting to know you. This is our number and address for any forwarding mail. If you haven't done a redirect, don't get me started on people whose house you buy and then they don't do a forward. Just got thoughts on that. Been a year . And yeah, that's what you can say and just say nice words. What's an appropriate gift to buy someone that's leaving the house? Homeware voucher for their new house. Maybe some you don't know their taste ? Bleach ? Bleach . It's what you got me. Taste for white state. But I'm not buying that 'cause you've moved house. I'm buying it. I get a bottle of wine. Olive oil, olive oil. Oh, do you know what? Do you know what? You are good, Ben . I think getting someone a bottle of olive oil is actually really nice. I think I've got a bit of an olive oil collection going at the moment. Yeah . You've got extra virgin . For a long time, love . But yeah, that's nice. Little olive oil. Olive oil is very in at the moment . It is. You know, like gin added time . And then olive oil. You can buy night because it used to be crisp and fried. When I grew up, that's the only thing I knew about . Nana broaden my horizons and I can get all different types of olive oil. Yes, you can. The best olive oil I've ever got. Do you know what? Vico got me an olive oil gift. Of course it is. And it was it was from it she, yeah, it was nice . Where was it from? Well, I think she made it. She 'd love a person who makes their own . She was and I said every time you have it starts going which is why she replied a fun stuff margin but she got me a gift. Yeah, I like that. Let's gift. Let's be more olive oil. John, that is literally your point that you brought up on this podcast, that's what I call . You've talked about your olive oil. Yeah, but I've never bought it as a gift for something. I said you do. I've been giving a them as gift. Oh I did. I got some on a olive oil. We had lobster on the front for Christmas . What about picole ? Again, I've been gifted that before. I have a little mini amper. I'll be honest. I've been gifted, I tell you what, I've been gifted. Tell me. It was very nice, but they've all got out now. Out of date, but then if it's in water , what is it? Chuckneys . Chuckneys don't go out there. No, it says Best Before It's Fine. Best before is different from experience . It'd be fine in it. Especially if you have an open dip. Yeah. Yeah, totally fine. Bottle de Bonnet. Bottle de Bonnet Bottle soup. But the bottle is a good gift. You've been given pickely, I'll be honest, that's a re gift . I can sense it that you were given a re gift. Just a bottle. It was a few jars it was Pickely . Yeah. Well, it sounds lovely. I hosted a curry night and my friend Emma sent over afterwards. Hello, where was our invitation? This was a couple of days ago. She sent me that we've been friends for fourteen years. Some Chutneys to say thank you. Oh , it was nice 'cause chutney, curry. Did you have mango chutney available as part of the curry and was it like a sort of cassag? Kassag gift to be like next time you better be? Oh, we did. Yeah, I always got mango chutney in my house. Our final dilemma is from Mave' thats absolutely fascinating. Dear William Jordan and the team, longtime listener from Ireland, but my first time writing in. While listening to the two Johnny's podcast recently, a dilemma came up that immediately felt like it required an expert opinion. Who better to ask than your good selves? If you said Maeve, is it not Meve? Maeve, I'd say. OK. A situation arose in a workplace gym before the start of the day. One man realized too late that he'd forgotten his shower gel. In a moment of desperation, he asked the person in the next cubicle if he might borr ow some. Someone he didn't really know just recognized by sight. The reply came back, No, I've no shower gel, but I do have a barre of soap. So the question is, what is the correct etiquette here? Is it more polite to accept the offer in the spirit it was given despite the shared nature of the bar of soap with someone you barely know, or is it better to politely decline on the grounds that some things, even when generously offered, cross an unspoken boundary? Crucially, how do you navigate this without causing offense? Kind regards Maeve. Great. So bar of soap ideally if it's been up the crack of someone's arse . Which you do with soap, don't you? Why are you sharing a gill ? But you wouldn't you wouldn't want to share someone's soap. Depends who's so you'd say no, it's all right thanks. You just have a wet one . It's just a wet shower, which I would say you smell worse if you've not used. I think if you've you have to use some sort of cleaning product, yeah. Yeah, I think if you shower sometimes without shower jet and it's just water, you'd still smell the Just say not, just laugh I'd laugh at and go, Oh no, you're alright or last time I used it I came out in a rash Yeah or if you feel like you're gonna offend them, just be like, Oh, thank you. Hold it for a minute and then give it back. But don't drop it. Do you use baraside at home? It's been known and you shove it up your arse. I don't shove it up your house, but you know, when you do that, even now it's the most dignif ied like you know when you've got to do your bum crack . Yeah , yeah. Don't shove the bar of soap. I don't, but if you're doing it with things you have the soap in your hand. I don't do that like that. Dare. What? I scrub it up and down my chest, get a bit of a lather up and then just move that about a bit. Oh dear, see I use a too much too much . I use a loofer scrunchy. A lifer. Every morning. And even I'm constantly going on holiday and buying them from boots, you know, a little scrunchy . Why do you keep buying them? What? Why did it because I always end up leaving them behind? Do you know you need something to larva yourself up? Yeah, hands are turned. Oh no , a proper lufer. I bet you have a lifer, is he? You're an Northern girl. You do, don't you? It's an Northern thing. Cat has a lufer. Yeah, yeah, you do. But you never loofer you never loofer your bum. No why? Because then that's you're doing your bum and then you're going over the rest of your body. Would you share a toothbrush? You've probably shared a toothbrush. I've done it desperately. Type absolutely would not. I've shared the body of a toothbrush and put my own head on it. I've done my toothbrush , right? That's fine. That's fine. Would you share a comb? Yeah. Yeah, I think comb's okay. Yeah, not permanently, but you could do it as a one off. Nail clippers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's fine. Spongre flannel . Probably not a flannel? No. I'd share a toothbrush but not a flannel. Towels ? Yeah. Again, towel a crunch and a crunch. Yeah, I would share it with my ki, but literally wouldn't share it with anyone else. Yeah. I love your speech but I want to show you what to tell. Why? I don't know. Duck butter . Oh, pen. I've got crabs . No not anymore. Never had crabs, thank you very much. Have you not? No, have you? No, right . It's just deadlights for pup, though. It's not to be embarrassed about. No, is it? Yeah, I think so. Do you have to use the knitting comb to get them about? How would you get rid of the knit comb? Do that ketomology? I'm doing union flags for God's sake. Do crabs instead. I w knowanna you get rid of it. That's sorry, this medical corner . Yeah, probably best going doctors. Anyway, the bar of salt for me always reminds me of Christmas. Get an imperial lever at Christmas . No, does anyone else do that? You got the really nice posh imperial lever at Christmas. Your mum would get it in. One with sticker on. Oh, I hate that. Do you know the one I mean? I do know the one. The one with the black sticker on. Why? It then gets on you. No, no, no , I don't care where you get it. Why has it got that sticker on it? It's just imperial leather. It's fancy . Okay . We get that a Yankee candle, I think. Oh, it's Christmas . Anyway, let's not wish the summer away . I would decline it . Are you okay It's been a long day for you haven't it? Yeah. No, we're not dicking up roads, but it's been yeah, yeah, fine. Bless you. I am fine . Okay . It's fine. I've still got a smile on my face. Please can we stop commenting and not read that the comments and saying, George, you look absolutely knacked. I am fine . Okay