Swinging Dilemmas and Final Goodbyes

Your dilemma divas will be here in just a moment. Before we catch up with William and Jordan, have you watched the show on YouTube yet? Their recent episode is a particularly good one to watch to see Jordan's genuine reaction to William 's huge news. Search for help I sexted my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you get notified every time a new episode is released. Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted the Luxury Podcast. Now this is really where worlds collide. I'm very confused already. Um so I would love to introduce you, Gene Devers and Bucketheads alike, to my two favourite co-hosts, Jordan North from Help I Sex to My Boss, and Jonathan Vernon Smith from the Luxury Podcast. Hello, both. Hello, William. Oh , we get a clap. It's like your affair your mistress your husband. My wife and my mistress have come together. Yeah. You can argue it as to who is who. Yes, it's like we've we've we've come together and found out your dirty little secret. Always better when you come together. Oh William. Oh don't you play the prude . Are you allowed to make jokes like that on the luxury podcast? Yes, but with a luxury twist. Okay . We try not to be common. Now, if you are a buckethead and you have never listened to Sexted, or you are a G and Diva and you have never listened to the luxury podcast, let's just sort of recap. So, Jordan, can you explain what sex did is about? So Hell by Sex and My Boss is a podcast that started in 2018. Uh Willie and I have been friends for many years. We've been friends for about the same time, 2011, we reckon we both met. And basically we uh act as agony aunts, agony uncles, or solution sluts, as some of our gene divas like to call us. And we basically help people with modern day problems and dilemmas. So things like um is it can be anything wide ranging from um it do you change the bedding when you stay at somebody's house in the guest bedroom or we had one recently if a a a gay man came in to find his partner fingering his mum. I don't think it was fingering actually . I think it was fisting. Oh yeah. No, I think he was fingering her. I think he was arm deep was the left. Yeah, but I think I think it was fingering. Either way, not great. Yeah . Whereas on luxury we did a whole episode about bins. There you go. Jonathan, uh tell us about luxury podcast. So the luxury podcast, well it morphed from keeping up appearances, the luxury podcast, which we began in Covid times. Yes. Um and then we ran out of episodes. But by this point we were having so much fun, we thought, well, why just stop there? Yes. So we continued. We did. We live our lives as Hyacinth Bouquet, as you know, Jordan. I mean, yes. You know both of us. And we do live our lives as the genuine hyacinth Bou quet. So we are kind of allowing Hyacinth to live on in us in our podcast. Exactly. And how you can be better than your neighbours. And as we said recently on Sexted, Sexted is chalk and cheese, luxury is cheese and wine . There we go. That's how we differentiate between the two. And you're the wine. I'm not quite sure. You're the chalk, wine, and I'm the cheese, because I'm in both. Oh, I see. You're a fine claret. No, I'd be a fine claret. No, he'd be a Malbek. I'd be a nice big bold Malbec. A nice big bold Malbec. You'd be a small peanut, wouldn't you? And so it begins. Can we have a drink? So what character would I be on keeping up appearances? Onslow. Oh, sorry, that came out to quickly that came out very quickly. I'm thinking more. I'd say more Rose. My sister Rose . The one who's been about a bit. Yeah. The slut . Okay. And who would you you and obviously you're both hyacinth. You could be Richard, the long suffering husband. No, I say I th who? Him. No, he's not like Richard. What are you talking about? See, I genuinely think you're more like Emmett . Musical. Really? Yeah. Now I just bought us a gin and de Bonnet, which is our signature drink on sex did. So this is so it's missing a slice of lemon, but we'll crash on. This is very odd for me having you both here. Let's toast Help I sexted the luxury podcasts. You don't you're not allowed to clink. No, common. It's common. We could have called it help I sexted my bucket, which uh could have worked just just as well Oh now let me ha let me have a G and D. You've had a G and D before, haven't you? Oh yeah that's good. Yeah. Now we have deprived Jonathan of going for his pre production. No, you haven't. Have you been? I got an earlier train. Oh I I don't like to miss an event at the pub. A pre production meeting. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean a pre-production meeting. Yes. Because we've met in the pub a few times. You've l I loved it. You love a pint as much as me, I I love a pint.. Yeah A proper pint and he's an ale pale ale drinker, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Real ale. Real ale, yeah. Really. Or anything alcoholic, really. Don't you like ale? No. No. I like ale, but it don't like me. Oh Oh yeah. Look east. Yeah. No, that's not a look east. Oh, is that not a look east? No, no, no, no. I I like I like Guinness. That's my favourite. Whiskey. Oh yeah, I cut I thought you'd like a Guinness. Bit bland . What? I found it bit bland. Oh my god. my god, chops fires. It gets you shit face. No, you know you know a Boddington's or a John Smith. I love a bodies or a John Smith. Well there you go, that's why you like it. I used to pour bodies all the time in pubbo work. I love I've not had a bodies in ages. No, but a Guinness is is like a a black version of that, isn't it weird? Yes no. Now on Sexted, uh I normally at the start of an episode deliver a line that sums up Jordan and my differences. For example, I'm more first class dining, you're more middle class whining. Jonathan. Very true. Well, is it Jonathan? I've heard his show. Middle class whining. Some BBC three counties, for God's sake. True. Um I didn't want Jonathan to feel left out, so here's one that we've written for you. I'm more cocktails in Soho, you're more a manly perilo. Oh he does the best impressions of you. You're not wearing a manly perilo, but you are wearing your action slacks. I have got action slack on. I'm always ready for action, night or day. I'm always ready for action. Mainly day . So today are you gonna try and teach me how to be more luxury then? We hope so. Okay.. Yeah Yeah. I think it's a cross it's a blend . It's like, you know this is in effect it's going to be the podcast version of Dolly the Sheep . I see I'm not gonna get and for RG and Dis, I'm not gonna get any of those references. Who Dolly Dolly the Sheep cloned sheep? From Wallace and Crommet. No The sheep. I just remember Dolly the Sheikh. Oh, it's Dolly the She cloned a sheep . Oh, is this in the news? Well it was, yeah. It was, it was. About the same time the Millennium Dome was in the news. Oh, they cloned a sheep. Look up Dolly the Sheep, Lancer. So how am I like Dolly the Sheep then? Well no, this podcast is like Dolly the Sheep because it's a sort of a hybrid of uh two things. Bizarre reference, William. What are you talking about? Now, of course, as you will know, Jordan, William is prone to fainting. He's a bit of a Marianne, isn't he? I'm sorry. Are you allowed to say that? What's a Marianne? Oh, is that a northern thing? I don't know what is a Marianne. Like a wimp, a hypochondriac. Yeah, a bit soft. A Marianne. Oh yeah, Marianne. He's proper Marianne. He's proper he faints a lot, doesn't he? Even as a child. Sitting down. So just in case anything should happen to him, it's probably a good idea for my future that we just try out to see if there's a backup. Okay. So can we just try one or two luxury questions out on you. Yes. Just to make sure that you'd be up to the job. Okay, go for it. I mean, not that you need the job, but I do. So I No, but it it'll dry up eventually. So Well George Jordan 's career. Yeah. As will all of ours. So it's always good to have a backup. It will. In many ways you're looking at it. And that's the only thing that's drying up about me. Thank you very much. You're looking at your future. I'm gonna punch you in the face. If if I thought you'd feel it, I would so good. Two pissed ants in it . It live together. You know those pissed ants that live together. One of them's a lesbian. And they're just like, you're two lesbian ants. Yeah. I am in boots. One of whom's got a wooden leg like my auntie Ethel . She lived with another woman and she had a wooden leg. Was she a is she the one that No, I don't think that's the Yes . I mean they always lived with other women, but they weren't less good. Is she the one that had the chauffeur-driven car? No, that was Aunt Anne. Oh the Auntie. Not a chauffeur-driven car, a chauffeur-driven Lardare . Which was on a budget. A Lardareva is the equivalent now of a what? Uh well it was a Russian vehicle that you could could you buy for three thousand pounds . I've never heard of a Russian car. In the nineties we had ladders and uh they were they were really cheap. You could buy a brand new one for three thousand pounds. And she had a larder reaver that was chauffeur-driven. And she came to visit us once. And I, as a kid, I used to like cars. So whenever anyone came to visit us, I used to say, Can I go and sit in your car? Bit weird. And bizarrely, most people used to let me. They'd give me my their car keys and I'd go and sit in their car. Different times. Yeah. So I went out into her ladder and I opened the glove box and two bottles of vodka and about four hundred players' cigarettes fell out. She used to sit in the back smoking and drinking and being driven around in a white larder rever. Who was the chauffeur? Don't know, some bloke. He turned up as well. Well, he had to, he's the driver. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so let's do some due diligence on Jordan. Okay. Due diligence. Okay. Are you ready? This is for me to be William's understudy. Yes. Okay . Now we have spent a lot of time talking about cleaning. Yeah. And I know that you like cleaning. I love cleaning. And I also know that you are a very good cleaner. So what is your approach to cleaning? Particularly when it comes to bathrooms and kitchens, are there some go-to products that you always use? And are you a fan of a high bath polish? Should we do bathrooms? Well we could start with bathrooms. Bathrooms for me, it's um it's got to be flash white bleach. It it flash white bleach. Yeah, it smells really good. You know the the bleach spray? Yeah. Yeah, I love use that in your bathroom. Yeah, it's the that's great. Get it in the bath, in in the toilet. In the bar. Yeah, in the sink, on the sides. Right. And then obviously I'm a I'm a I'm a harpit gal for the toilet. I'm not I'm not I'm not toilet duck or bleach. I'm harpit type of gal. So you mix that and leave it for a bit, but then I like to buff with either uh mirror window cleaner , or vinegar spray. Now, however, for the kitchen He's a lunatic. The kitchen, I'm a sif man. You can't beat Sif. What for everything? Yeah, Sif for everything. William introduced me as Sift Spray for stainless steel. And again, I use a bunch of spray. It was introduced to me by Jonathan. But I do like a microfiber clough and I like to um but I'm also a big fan of the scrub daddy cushion. Now you know the scrub daddy spray. I do, yes. Yeah, yeah. I prefer a scrub, mummy. But the the bleach spray, I know that bleach spray splash bleach spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm surprised you use that in the bath. Yeah. It's very aggressive. Yeah, it's great. Really? Perfect. Yeah, but with plastic tubs it'll be fine. Bitch, please. Plastic tubs. I I have a plastic tub. Oh, do you? Yes. High quality acrylic for a better class apprentices. Well you are you telling me you have what? Metal? Ceramic. Don't mock somebody. Ceramic. Yeah, that's right. Oh sorry. Who are we picking on? So can we just go back to bathrooms? Where where do you start in the bathroom? What's the first thing you clean? You do. You do to the top, you do to the bottom. Not always. That was what I was always told. It's very true. When I was younger. Okay. I used to work. I used to work for the Ramada Jarvis. So I'm quite an expert when it comes to cleaning bathrooms. Were you a cleaner? Uh yes, not for long, two weeks. I was a cleaner as well. I used to clean officers for the post office. Did you? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Did you use flash bleach? No, it was all industrial stuff.. Yeah But Flash Bleach I c I can highly recommend. Also, unpopular opinion, I'm a big fan of Shake and Vack. That's a retro reference. Yeah. Do they still make that? My mum and dad got me into it. I know it's good. I don't have any pets, so it's fine, but every now and then I put a bit of shake vac on my rugs and carpets. And what's it meant to do? Put 'em. Other than it's smell nice and gets everything up and it's so you pop it on your carpet, you'd leave it for a bit? Yeah, save it and then go around and then you vacuum it up. So wow. I like Spanish cleaning products. Yes, so do I. Are you aware there are some Spanish versions of shaken back with hub on the baseya. Yeah. No. You can uh shake that on, again you leave it, vac it up, chubon de base . Oh yeah. Okay. You can get one in nunuko Also old ones, I'm a big starcher as well. I starch my shirts and stuff. Do you want to do it? Is it spray or is it? Spray starch, yeah. So that's my favourite cleaning go-to products. But vinegar spray I love. It buffs everything up so nice. It is good. I just can't bear the smell. And you can get lemon spray now. The newest heavy? No, it's uh Astonish. Oh Astonish they yeah, they do one as well, yeah. You like astonished, don't you? Yeah. You use something that's astonished. Yeah. My moulder mildew's brain's astonishing . Well done for remembering. Do you have a cleaner? I do, but I don't know why . Because you can imagine you being very strict of her, can't aren't you? Oh yes. I do run a tight shape. Yeah. Yeah. Uh she largely just polishes because everything's already clean. Okay. So she generally comes in and polishes. But I do like her because in all seriousness she comes in once fortnight. I she's been once a fortnight. Yeah, she's been with me for years, Jordan . Since uh tw two thousand and seven. For various reasons I, was having to deep dive on Jonathan's Facebook page weeks ago to find something, which I actually didn't I think I did find eventually in the end. And going back to like 2009, back in the day when Facebook was slightly new, Jonathan's just uploaded a whole album of photos of his cleaner. It's important to let everyone know you have one. So I had a a Facebook album of my cleaner . Why do you have an album? Bless her. Yeah, no, she's happy. Right. Where do you do most of your cooking? Because I am an alfresco cooker. Outside. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't like the smell inside. Do you cook inside? Uh I do, but I'm I'm a big during the week just throw it in the air fryer. It's done in five, ten minutes. I love an air fryer. There we go. Oh Jordan. I knew we'd gonna get along. Honestly. Anything you can do in a cooker, you can do in an air fryer. Sorry? Anything you can do in a cooker. You can do in an air fryer. Honestly. I've met Chat Shuka in an air fryer before. Have you? He took his air fryer to the tip and it was working perfectly. Now why would you do it? I tried to sell it and it didn't sell and now I need to get rid of the best. He took it to the tip, a perfectly working two drawer air fryer. Do you know what I've just ordered? When it arrived to my house this week? What? A toasty maker. A good old fashioned toasty maker. I'm gonna toasties in the garden. You could have had one of the I've got one in my loft. Oh you could have had mine in from the loft. I don't use it. Apparently you can make them on an iron pan as well, just as good. But But do you do a toasty in the air fryer? You probab do you know what you probably could, but I'm just gonna do it proper in the toasty. Because I guess you won't get the griddles in an air fryer, would you? Oh they didn're delicious. Have you got a a Max Crisp setting? Weren't he a polit a Tory MP ? I'm sure Max Crisp was a Tory MP. In the eighties he got done for Diddly. Now you you butter the outside of your bread. Yes. Two cocktail sticks. Yes. Max crisp, five minutes. Oh great. Yeah you butter the outside of your bread, definitely. But yeah I,'m not the best cooker, but I can plain and simple. I can make real simple stuff and I can I tend to make a lot of brunches, like a lot of breakfast for my tea. So what do you think of people who, because they don't like the smell of cooking, have a show kitchen and have built an entire kitchen outside with portable gas rings, outside air friars and barbecues. Do you think those people are pathological? Yeah, I think that's a bit excessive. Especially in the winter, we've got time to be going out in the garden. Jonathan Okay. You'll do a uh a whole Sunday morning uh English breakfast, won't you? Anything out there. Really? Really? I just put my big coat on. Do you not cook in the kitchen at all? Hardly ever. Wow. On a Sunday roast. I well I have a big uh range. Smells great. No no. It does when it's f freshly cooking, but the day after, nobody needs that. Oh you're very extra. Yeah. Yeah. No, I prefer to do it outside and then all the smells outside, bring it in, eat it, job done. Grease, all confined to the garden. I know. Your poor neighbours. No, they love it. They probably love it. Oh, tell Jordan about Cecil's um fence. So my next door neighbour, I don't know why William finds this so funny. He's in his 90s and he has an allotment . And we used to have he changed the fence recently, but we used to have a hole in the fence. It was like that. Sort of yay pig . And he would ask I'd suddenly hear over the fence, Jonathan, do you like a courchette? And I'd say, I do quite like a courchette, she Cecil. And he'd feed a courchette through the hole and I'd take it the other side. And then he'd say, Do you like a carrot ? And I'd say, yeah. And I'd be fed vegetables through the hole. Cecil's glory hole, we called it. But when we replaced the fence there's no hole now. So how's he doing? He throws him over Jesus Christ true. Now obviously luxury podcast started up as a keeping of appearances episode by episode guide. Jordan, you do love keeping of appearances. You will sometimes text me with little clips of you watching it. Yes. How many have you seen? Can you quote any? I've I've seen uh many episodes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What's your favourite bit? Uh well obviously Hyacinth. Richard . But you love the Q Q QE two episode. Which I'd missed because I thought I'd watch them all and then he mentioned this a couple of years ago and I was like, What? He went, Yeah, there's an episode where that's the best episode. They're on the QE two and he came round and we watched it and had a curry . Um Jonathan and I went to we flew out to Dubai, which is where it's years ago, not recently, where the QE two is moored permanently. It's now a hotel, and we recreated various scenes. I'd I'd seen and I heard different times. But what was uh I can do Hello Okay, residence lady of the house speaking. I can do that. She lives. Um I'm trying to think of any what was that bolt like? Was it luxury still or ? It smelled how when were you born? Nineteen ninety. Ah . It smells of the eighties. Oh, okay. What did like cigarettes and life of that? Kept saying to William, we were walking around, and I just kept saying, This smells like the 1980s. You were never born in the eighties . But it smells every office, every building just smell it's it was a combination of carpet and cigarette smoke. Yes, cigarette smoke gets everywhere. Everything smells. I c I would quite like that. Yeah, the smell of the eight Have you got a strong heightened sense of smell? Quite. Yeah. You'd be you you know, if you weren't good on the radio, you could be another Joe Malone, I reckon. Really? Yeah, I reckon you should have gone. Come up with uh special perfume. Yeah, and candles and stuff. Oh I seen a film he he m he what was it? Colson. It was on Netflix and he loved the smell of his boyfriend's jock so he made a spray out of it. Halston? Halst who? Halston. Halston and he's sniffing his husband's jock and then met a smell out of it. So that was this and it was like a musky spray that was really popular in the eighties. Well the smell of testicles. Yeah and stuff. How horrible. Yeah. Nobody likes the smell of testicles. I mean there'll be some people that do . Really we've got some questions. You have an Egyptian goggles, you know. What? Are you allowed to say that these days? What's that? Well you put s testicles on someone's eye and go Egyptian goggles Are you laugh to say that ? My mates used to do it in uni and he'd be laying down like a setting go, and just put the balls on your eyes. Have you never had Egyptian goggles before? I've never had Egypti an goggles on my eyes. Don't check that. I think it is a thing, isn't it Well whilst we're checking that, uh Charlotte would like to know the absolute raw truth on Jordan's thoughts about Jonathan and Jonathan's thoughts about Jordan. How did you first meet? Did I facilitate? What were your first impressions? And is there any jealousy over their mutual relationships with William? I absolutely love Jonathan. I can't remember the first time we met, but I just remember having a proper laugh. It was through William Hansen, and I just remember us being really giddy and I I remember texting you the day later and saying, I love Jonathan. Was where was it where we first met? Was it my thirtieth? No. No. We've met before we were but we were both at your thirtieth, but we didn't. We had a good we were sat you hadn't met at that point. No, no, we were seated next to each other at his wedding as well, weren't we? Yeah. You're on the same table. But you had met before then. Yes, because you had to tell me off because I got the giggles. Oh yes. Do you remember? You got him really bad. I got the really bad giggles. And it was when William's father was giving this lovely speech. But it was nothing to do with William's dad. And you leant over and you went, Jonathan, stop it. For me to say that, it must have been bad. For me to say that it was really bad. It must have been Well, you weren't that bad. It was a great wedding though. But yeah, I I just remember thinking you are so funny. And I used to play Jonathan's clip sound. Yes, on Radio One. On Radio One all the time because he was you'd send me clips of him and I You laughing about um Cooper's Little Arrow when you did a phone on Valentine's Days. Your laugh uh when you lose it, so I used to play him out all the time, especially in lockdown when there wasn't really much going on. No offen se. So he gives with one, he takes When did we first meet? You did I think it was at Bush Hall when we did a sexted show. It was after that show. We did You've come to all our shows, bless you. Well, not recently. I would have been there otherwise. I know. No, I've always been to you come to your shows. You have. You've been there. Uh you helped produce one of the items. The He's Up with the Cock in the Palladium. Oh yes. He's up with the Cock Jonathan told me which exact jam jingle to uh recreate. Yeah. And it didn't disappoint. No . It was a great bit. It was. Um question from Levi . You did ask when Jonathan what was Jonathan's first impressions of me. Well it was at it was at Bush House and I met what? Bush Hall. Bush Hall Bush Hall Doesn't matter It was at Bush Hall. Bush House used to be a BBC building. I know why you said it, yes. It's near uh the strand. And uh yeah, no, I met I met Jordan then and uh I thought you' veryre nice. Oh, thank you. There's a photo . Actually, we'll put it up. Oh. There is a photo of the three of us. Oh, okay. Levi's got a question for you, Jordan. A picky tea or a barbecue. Ah. Oh . Good one. Good one. Picky tea any day of the week. But I'm gonna say this and I'm I've been one picking my time for it. I think people are getting a bit fed up with the whole picky tea thing. It's everywhere at the moment. And um just let me finish. I I started it, it was a big thing I used to do on Radio One and on Twitter. It started. Well it started, but I like to I think I brought it to the mainstream. No. Um joking. And now I think everyone like every supermarket's jumped on it and stuff. But yeah um but I still love a picky tea it makes me happy a picky tea you know like when you watch you know when you watch Mary Poppins and it makes you happy going home knowing I'm gonna have a picky tea or when someone makes me pick a tea and have it in the garden. It generally it's nostalgic for me. My granddad nearly died at a picket . He nearly died at a picketee. We didn't die. So we used to have a pickete e. I don't think we called it a picketee, but it was a picketee. Was it a buffet? On a s no no, it's just sitting round a table where we'd have bits. Was it a cold collation? It was a cold collation, little bits, maybe some cocktail sausages, a few little sandwiches, and always served with a pot of tea. Always. Okay. And my granddad choked on a miniature sandwich . Why are you finding this funny? And what he literally, he choked . William is literally falling about love. It's not funny. He nearly died. He got a sandwich stuck in his throat and we were all like smacking him on the back and all of a sudden my mother hit him so hard on the back and this sandwich flew across, stuck on my grandmother's face. It's not funny . Why are you laughing? She had a sandwich and he would just kind of came back to life, the colour started to come back to his face. But he genuinely nearly died at Piketty. I don't mean to bring it down. What was the sandwich? It was a cucumber sandwich, actually. Yeah, but properly stuck on his face. Of course. Have a picky tea, you've got a cucumber sandwich. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Um well we are going to we're just gonna take a minute and we'll be back in part two, where Jonathan is going to help us answer some modern day dilemm Oh wow. This episode is sponsored by Heathrow Express. How's your time management? And what do you mean by that? Well, I mean out of the two of us, who always arrives first on time for the podcast recording or indeed any And this is where Heathrow Express comes in, as they understand that time matters when you're travelling from London to Heathrow to catch that important flight. Have you, William Hansen, ever come close to missing a flight before? Uh yes. Remember that time where Mike and I had to run through the terminal because we were running late and we nearly divorced. Only a matter of months ago now. How about you? Uh I mean most flights I'm pretty much rushing for. Yeah. Yeah, it's just normal to me. Standard for you. But when travelling on Heathrow Express, it's just fifteen minutes from London Paddington to Heathrow Station and trains run every fifteen minutes. Plus children fifteen and under travel free. Tickets booked at least thirty days or more in advance are available from just ten pounds. And there's no fixed travel time, so you can use any train on the day of your booking. So if the two of us are going to go on holiday together this year, you've got no excuses to be late, Jordan. Visit HeforExpress.com to book your tickets . At Now West, we know the power of a family that's got you back. From the small stuff thanks mum to the buying your first home stuff with our new nat wes family backed mortgage you can use a family member's income to increase how much you can borrow and own your new home completely in your name. Search NatWest Family Backed Mortgage. NatWest. Tomorrow begins today. Exclusions and eligibility criteria apply. Your home may be repossessed if you do not keep up with payments on your mortgage. Thank you all so much for being here at our wedding. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with a woman of my dreams. Speaking of dreams, have you ever dreamed of tasting all the colours of the rainbow? Because that is exactly what you get with Skittles. Five bold fruit flavours in every pack : lemon, orange, lime, strawberry, and blackcurrant. They're chewy, they're colourful, they're perfect. Just like my wife. So thank you for coming and remember to buy Skittles. Shamelessly promote the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. All right, welcome back to the G and Divas and Bucketheads. Or is it the bouquet heads? You can say either. Oh, can ya? Yeah. We'll say bucket heads, Joe. What do the what do the bucket heads prefer? Bucket the bucket heads. All right. Okay. Uh now this is a special episode of Help I Sexted My Luxury Podcast. Is that right? Yep. Help I Sexted the Luxury Podcast. Now it's time for Jonathan and the Bucketheads who haven't heard Sexted before to help us answer some modern day dilemmas. Are you ready for don't read the questions in advance, Jonathan? Okay. Yeah. And uh well, we've got some sexted listener questions for, presumably you, Jonathan. Georgie has asked if you have an impression of Jordan since he does one of you. Why are you laughing and choking on a sandwich Hello Meesy Three Counties. Hi, Delphine, yes. I had a little winkle. A little winkle! Ow, little winkle! He's on three counters, not capital. Literally you launched into that within second five minutes on doing now. Ye Yeah right off you go No I I don't do one of you I don't William does a good one away. What is it? I'm not freaking What the hell? I'm not jabba the ho I can only do one northern question. Ooh, you mentioned bastards. I thought that was uncanny. Also I show that you would not get away with these days that we're selector. Patsy, my thing's my fanny's letting off a right pong. My fanny's what? Letting off a right, Pongko on Do you not remember that? No. She starts wafting it. Oh Well crash on. Reg an has asked uh Jonathan to settle the debate. Who is Cam per out of me or Jordan? You . Easy. Oh, Camp. Oh, don't play that. Campers are all a pink tents, love. Is Jordan Camp?. Is It is C camampp. I'm not camp. A bit camp. I wouldn't say I was camp. We're all camp. Yeah. You work in the media, love. So course you're camp. But you're more camp. Okay . Sorry. Is that sorry, is that not what you want to be? I think I'm quite butch . You are not. Rude . Uh Brian asked, what could Jordan do to be more luxury and executive? Oh but What's your bladder like? Have you got a good bladder? It's like an egg cup. Is it? I knew you would have a little feeble bladder. I don't I don't mean to be rude, but you just reek of little blood . I do. I'm a I constantly piss in. I've been for so many tests. I've had so many doctors' fingers up the arse. I I constantly and I'm Some of them at the GPs . But I have a very weak bladder. Sometimes I'm up twice a night for a week. Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's not luxury. Is it now? No, so a luxury bladder is a bladder you can hold for hours and hours. Really? Have you got a strong bladder? Yes. Yeah. I pride myself on going for hours and hours. Can you do a whole radio sho w? Um I could, although I don't. That's the only time I do go during the newsbreak. But any other time, I kind of you know when you you're quite desperate to go. And I like to think, no, I'm not going to give in to this. No, no, no. That could surely there'll be many medical professionals that at your age probably wouldn't advise that . To be fair. To be fair. How many times should you go during your show? Uh uh at least sometimes once at least once an hour, sometimes twice an hour. Twice an hour. So honestly, I am such a pisser . Yeah. Drinking water and coffee and stuff. Now Jonathan has very strong views on people that drink water, don't you, Jonathan? Um Yeah. Yeah. Well yeah. People drink too much water. They do. People particularly like look I mean, look at Izzy there with her tank . That tank makes me feel sick. I'd like to uh and I I don't like to be rude, but I'd like to club the young to death with their tanks . Because there is absolutely no you're not climbing the Sahara Sahara, you're sitting here watching a podcast, and she's got a vat of water. It's absolutely ridiculous. A small little glass to have the occasion al sip just to moistens one's m one's mouth is all that's necessary . You do not need a tank of water. Okay . Water. So to be more luxury . To be more luxury that executive, I need to a better bladder. Yes. Um try and stretch it. Oh just hold it. Okay Do you are you one of those people that if you're leaving the house, you go to the toilet when you leave and then when you arrive somewhere, maybe twenty minutes later, you I need the loot. Yeah. Oh it's so it's it's I'm thinking it's getting life deliberating now, whatever the word is. Debilitating. Debilitating. Yeah I do, honestly . And you can't piss anywhere in London. You go into a costa and you're like can you piss? Like, no, you must leave, get out. You must not come back here unless you buy an can't have Costa Coffee because well goes right through you. It runs through me like a vague. My new Labrad or, she can hold her bladder for twelve hours. Oh. Now that is luxury. Should we go on to a dilemma? Yes. All right, are you ready for this then, Jonathan? Yes. Dear William Jordan and Jonathan, I'm going over to my friend's house for the evening just to socialise and I wanted to bring a drink with me as I feel it's the proper thing to do. I have a very nice bottle of spirits that another friend gave me for my birthday, and I'd like to drink it properly with people, but I haven't had the chance to do that yet. My dilemma is this I'd like to take this bottle with me, but I also don't want to leave it there. At the same time, I don't want to appear by taking a bottle round and then taking it back. So my question is this What is the proper etiquette for taking a bottle round to a friend's house? Any help would be much appreciated. Archie. Jonathan. Archie? That is absolutely outrageous. You do not take a bottle round to someone's house that you then try and take back. No. That is unacceptable. Would you agree? Yes, so they they want to take it well, but then drink it. Take it back. If they don't drink it. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's a gift for the host, not for the most. Yeah, you can't, even if you take it round for you to drink, unless the host says take it, which I always do when people come round, they always bring gin and stuff and I'm like I always say don't bring out round, I've got loads of stuff in. I have, I've got a big bar . Have you? Oh I've got like a big bar of drink uh gin's vodka so I don't need any more but if they bring it unless it's like usually if it's a crap one I'll say take that back with you. I think you said that to me. Yeah. William doesn't have vodka in his house. No. What's the etiquette there? As a good hole. He thinks it's bad that when he came round. I went, I'll have a drink and he went. I said, Would you like a martini? I said, Yeah, vodka. And I said, I don't have that, I do any do gin mark. I said I'll have a can of lager then. Don't have that either. Well he's etiquette expert. What Grace Host. What you should have the basic . You should. You should have lager. And someone who reads that famous book that or the media knobs have, me included. That's my first rule you should have the basics, Jack Daniels, vodka. Even not for you, for your guests. I'm just saying. I don't have vodka. I would I would always have lager if I had French. I think you should have vod ka in. Just a bottle of Smirnoff. I have got uh when I was in Argentina last, they sell in the pharmacy ninety percent it's just called alcohol. Would that do I don't think I d I don't think you can drink that, can you? I d well, if you dilute it with enough coke, you wouldn't know that. I don't think you can drink that. I think it's for medical purposes. Yeah. Well, medical or cleaning or Okay. Yeah. Uh final dilemma comes from anonymous. Hello, William Jordan and Jonathan. I'm writing to you with a dilemma. My partner and I have always had a very adventurous sex life, and I've recently got into the lifestyle. For those unaware, it's swinging. Aww. There is a very popular website for those involved in this lifestyle, and you can search for profiles near you. Imagine my shock horror when whilst browsing the site I saw someone with tattoos that I recognized, and in said photo they are in a let,'s say , compromising position with another person. Important to note that on this website you can see the people who have viewed your profile. With this in mind, and to limit any potential awkwardness, I didn't view the profile and scroll past it. I thought nothing. I'm not sure my dad is shirtless in the photo, and if you hadn't already guessed where this is going, yes, the tattoos were on show. Oh the same tattoos I saw in the profile on the site. My parents split when I was young and he hasn't had a relationship since. I was absolutely mortified and have no idea what to do. So I guess my dilemma is this. What do I do and how do I approach the situation? I'm pretty sure he hasn't viewed my partner and my profile, however, I'm scared he may come across this. It's obviously not something I want to discuss with my father. However, I don't know what to do. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated. Love the podcast. Thank you for all the laughs over the years. Well first and foremost, don't shag them. No. 'Cause that would be illegal. Illegal. Just to clear that up. Yeah. But second thing, maybe block them or hide them from seeing your profile. I'd block them if you can. I don't know what website this is. I don't really understand. So there 's the father a swinger. Yeah, or on this swinging profile to meet It's in the family. To other couples, to meet other couples. So I'd block the profile and just say nothing of it. Ah. Yeah. I've been to a swinger's house. Um why does that not surprise me and surprise what were you did you give swing it and dabble or no so uh I live not too far from Radlett. Are you aware of Radlett? No. So Radlett is a uh it's a a town just outside Borham Wood. Okay. Between Borhamwood and St Albans. Okay. And it's known as one of the swinging capitals of the UK. Wow, okay. And there's a swingers house. So I went there for a tour of the house. For radio. Yeah. Just that's the key bit of this story that you haven't you've left out. And I ended up uh in a dungeon on a sex sling . So I've been to a