Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

There's lots of very funny dilemmas coming your way in just a moment. You can watch every episode of Help I Sex with my boss too. From Jordan's attempts to be a YouTuber back in twenty ten, seriously the second, hand embarrassment is real. To William's reaction to seeing a fanny for the first time, there are so many brilliant moments that you need to see. Search for help I sex with my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you don't miss an episod e . Hello and welcome to Help I Sex with my boss with Tony and Ryan all the way from Australia. Very special guest that we're gonna get into. What's a crossover? This is a podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering twenty first century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas . What is Tony and Ryan all about, please guys for our wonderful GM Divas? Well, we actually started as a demo for Tony to get a radio job. So I just said I would like pretend to be her co host so we could send the MP three out and we just put the demo on TikTok. People said where's the podcast? We'll actually make a podcast. So we did, luckily, Tony hasn't got a radio job yet and the in terms of what's the show about, it's really just whatever you would do on your morning show. Yeah , and us trying to make Tony look good to maybe work with you one day. Yeah, I'd love a job. Yes. So do you do your podcast every day then? We do. Yeah. So daily episodes and we just talk shit pretty much. Yeah . Day to day life, I feel like we talk about. Would you like to do this? We did, yes. Back then , Jordan worked on, well, you weren't even working, you're on work experience for the BBC I. was And booked as a guest to talk about something up market. And Jordan was there to sort of shaperone me into the studio and he made me laugh . I made him laugh and look at us now that was beautiful. Fourteen years ago wasn't old people bringing us up, isn't that? Exactly we could do this every day. Oh, I couldn't wait. I could. Could you yeah? Yeah. How would you do it every day? How long is each episode look like? Like thirty to forty minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Once you've done a breakfast show, like you have, like, this is easy. Yeah. We pretend it's hard, but it's like, you know, but it's also fun because we love each other, et cetera. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I think that's the pin up story because everyone goes to do work experience and goes, what if I just met someone and it works out and it goes forever? And you guys are doing that, which is crazy. So everyone who now does work experience anyway is expecting to find their William. Oh did you? Just like I found my Tony. You found your Tony. Did you two know each other before? . How did you meet? We worked at the same station. Tony was the audio producer. I just got a job there and we just met. And what were your first impressions of each other Well, I met Ryan and he was like, Hey going, and I was like, oh, I'm okay, but I've got a huge pimple on my pussy right now. Yeah Because we had to pile into the back of this small car because it was in the back of a Volkswagen golf. Yeah. And that kind of why had you brought your cat to work? She comes everywhere. And doesn't And we got into the back of this Volkswagen golf and I moved my leg over and it popped and I was like, You guys, oh my god because we did see people's park . We did the old dragon girls. Oh, and I'm like, What? And she goes, Yeah, yeah, it's over. It's like being in carry on home and away, isn't it? It was after a breakfast show then we went to the pub to have a drink at like ten thirty in the morning and we left at eleven PM just realized jugs and jugs of San Greyhaw. Well, talking of alcohol because I certainly need a drink after listening to that. We are going to if you need to have a drink after that by the end of this episode, we might need a wheel yeah. Okay Dead. Aspiration. Have you ever tried a gin and deponn?et No., I haven't You've presumably tried gin. Yes. Yeah. Have you tried D bonnet on its own? No, I don't know what Debonet is. Okay, well, as you can see, is it vermouth? It's not vermouth. No, it's like a lighter port. Oh , okay. It's a secret recipe. It was invented in the early nineteen hundred ' s by Joseph Du Bonay, who's a French chemist to help sort of the French army get their quinine intake up. You are meant to drink it just on its own, but the late queen mother, and indeed the, late queen mixed it with gin . And we have it with ice sometimes a slice of lemon and it's two parts to bonnet to one part gin. I just do two and two. Is that all the ice we've got for or dinary guess? Yes, I don't quite know what happened to the ice. It was it was good. It's a lot worse than it was like five minutes ago. I feel like it's really no, I think it looks perfect. Yeah, I don't like to cook. I love a negroni and I feel like this might be like a cousin of a negroni or something. Which is similar. Yeah. Oh , is this so quite tart? It is, but not as tart as I think negronas that I can't do in a gronade. Oh me either. I don't like the campari. Oh dear. What's your favorite drink, Min? I do really like a gin t andonic.. Good And I also am a slap for an espresso martini. Yeah. How about just a proper martini 'cause I would say an espresso martini is not a martini. It's not a martini. No, that's fair. I like a dirty martini with the olive oil. I knew you'd like it dirty. Thank you . Something about our conversation told me that. And I Ryan and I were talking about that on our show on Tony and Ryan recently. And I said, I like a dirty martini with the olive brine. He goes, oh, and sometimes don't they also put the juice of the olive in there? I said, That's the brine. And he said, No, no, no, no, the juice from the jar. I said, yeah, that's what the brine is. So we all learn about brine. I love that other people got to learn it without one point five million people laughing at them on the internet though. That would be nice. Because I think it's pretty common knowledge. shall we Shall we do a toast? We do a toast. I think we toast the Commonwealth . To the commonwealth wealth. To the commonwealth . Allowed clank. No. Oh, no clinking. I'm paramount Clank you? Oh , I'll clink. Good. He doesn't like clink anything. very Very, common. It's because yeah look at me. I'm Clinkin' Dar. No, no, no. Now let's go back to Martinis because that's my natural. Do you like it? Yeah, it's got a kick out of it out. Yeah,'s it a slow drink.. It's very there I guess you're like a giddy drink as well. It's very there now my favorite kind. That wouldn't be nice without the ice. Like if that was warm, that would just be yaki turn. Some days they make us do it without the ice. Yeah. Well, we're in show busy. Are you okay? No, it's fine. I just it's really not very nice without the ice. Try it when you and if you're still here in London, there is I can point you in the right direction to restaurants and hotels that serve it . Not everyone does. But get them to put a slice of lemon or orange in it as well. Oh, orange would be nice. You like a blood orange, don't you? A blood orange in a granium delicious. Gosh, you don't care, do you? Wild. Crazy boy. Yeah, I thought I did I do care deeply about blood oranges, but okay, now I feel shame. Don't feel shame. What do you think is your favorite fruit? Jordan North. Very good. Yeah. He's quick. Yeah. I took you right there as well. Yeah I quite like pineapple . That is a poor person's fruit . Well, maybe in Australia, Madam, but not in Britain. Oh, I thought you'd like a fancy fruit, like a cherry or not an apple. Is it fancy of pomegranate. Oh fuckin' pot. We've just planted pomegranate trees in our backyard. Oh my god really yeah. Okay fancy fast very well apparently they get thick so the neighbors can't see when we jump in the pool naked. Oh , you've got it. And bonus, there's pomegranates on it. So yeah, okay. Did you know that every pomegranate has the same amount of seeds? Exactly the same amount of seeds. How many is that? I'm not she's got one good fat in his house. Maybe I 'm gonna love Tony . What do you want me? Come back on when next time you come to London Come back such a gentle touch. You just went to gesture at my hand but, a whisper of a touch. Yes, I try to touch her engagement ring. Are you engaged? Because it doesn't matter how nice your jacket is, it's not worth more than that ring. I know It looks like a lovely ring. Thanks . It does. What about the one on my hand ? Tell me, do you have H. Samuel in Australia? What's H. Samuel? Oh , it's a very upmarket jeweler's. Oh , I don't know. Do you want to know ? You want to know why Tony doesn't know about the jewelry in Australia? Everybody, because that's been handmade in Brooklyn, New York just for her broken. So you were trying to read me like a little witch. How rich is your fiance? Not anymore . You're buying aan bri Bry 's rich 'cause he's about to be married to her. . Someone's got a very successful podcast. Now, we're British. We don't talk about money. Very money. Are you the husband? No. No . I mean I wish No, we just snugger. Oh yeah. So we're here. We're together. Chava, beautiful. Yeah. I think he's the boss. He's the boss. So you've just had your the reason why you're in London is you've had your Hendu here. Yeah. So I was the mate of honor and I threw the hens party for the bride to be. With my fifteen hundred closest friends. Yeah. Our tarpa. And where was that at? Arot Txy Theater. Okay . Yeah, which is where's that? Oh, exactly. No. It's in the East End. I don't even know, but it's apparently the oldest theater at, but I feel like every theater says where the oldest theater. It's like the oldest pub. There are like four hundred old yeah exactly . But it looked like it had some really quirky, funky looking old like the interior was a real choice. They said when it was built it was the biggest cinema in all of . And all in the thirteen hundreds or thirty ' s. They just say that to idiot tourists like us and we go Oh we just ate it up. Yeah, we love that. That's where all the premiers were and all the fancy ladies went there. Yeah . And is this your first time in London? I know we're here two years ago because Tony wanted to see Taylor Swift. So we for work purposes did a meeting greet for our third birthday party two days before Taylor was here. Oh . Oh, what a coincidence? Yeah. Did you not do did you not taught Australia? She did I saw her in Melbourne as well . Oh, I see. What's your favorite Taylor Swift song? Thank you for asking me and touching me first. Pleasure. I love all two well ten minutes version. Yes. You hate Taylor Swift day. I don't really listen to your fashion to her music. What would you listen to style? Morning? I know that one. Oh nice. Yes. Obviously, well, what listen to in the morning, obviously capital breakfast. Of course. Drive math In person . Yeah., yeah How was that? Was it beautiful? Smell, she was amazing. I just I just fell in love with more. It was appreciated. But after meeting, I was like, She's got it. 'Cause she walked in and she's like, No, this outfit won't do with this screen. And she went out and and got changed I was like, I respect that. She wouldn't like Devish or anything. She's like , which is a professional life . Her attention to detail and I was like, I am here for it and she was so lovely. When was that? When was that? When the new album came out? Oh, like so recently. Yeah, yeah. Tell us. You've seen the ring in real life. Yes. Yeah. How did it compare to this one? It made Taylor's look like it's from the pound shop Let's say tell me about the faff of Taylor Swift coming in as in light was there people coming in checking stuff security it was totally chill and we claim that she was totally chilled she had quite a big crew of her and stuff but it's Taylor Swift but she, was so chill, she was nice down to her. What a good . She brought bread in for everybody. Sourdough. Yeah, the sourdough. We should have brought sourdough. Yeah, you didn't. She doesn't. What did you bring? I brought my winning personality . Yeah We also brought our appetites because for those playing along at home, this studio is next to a food market and holy shoot, I would be so fat in here. Don't eat anything. Hates that . He hates that food. We just ate so much. So when you leave here, it's gonna be clearing up time and you'll walk down that street and you'll see it when they're getting rid of the slops, you'll regret your life choices. You said we're gonna get Dyra. Yeah. Yes, probably. I'd write the rest of the weekend. But you've got to try Kendall's brownies downstairs. Oh yes, they're made in a cake. It sounds like so Oh, some so we are obsessed with these. Who's Kendall Kendall? Girl downstairs. She serves . Is she the one selling the cat food at the door? No, that's someone else. Orange is a chocolate orange chocolate. That'll be regular. Fuck it up. We don't really do a lot of chocolate orange industry. Chocolate pomegranate. Have a bit. Well, what's the ediquette of just slamming chocolate the face. It's fine. We're all friends. You've talked about the spot on your vagina, so I mean, I think we're seeing I did. What's the etiquette of using the cocktail stirr as a spoon? Oh yeah. We could use it as an animal. That is very common. I am one. Well, it's it's contagious. These are gonna be the best brownies you've ever had. Oh Atlanta. I just had a little corner of that. That is delicious. They are nice. Kendall does a very nice shit . Is Kendall single? That's fuck. No, I don't think she is. No, I think she is. I don't think so. Quite hot. She's not. I'm gonna prepare a recent breakfast. Sorry, you basically not single because you just said she's hard and you went she's not Well she's not my type What's the way he's not her type for you? Well she's a woman so yeah, I'm a shot, I'm gay. I hate that you're gay. I hate I didn't know you were holding the phone there . Should have said nasty, you've left a nasty . What is it about the gays you hate? No, I love the gays . Who's your favorite gay? My favorite gay, oh my god, I love Trixie and Cartier. What? Who the fuck is that? Trixie and Cartier are the drag queens. Oh no, don't do drag no. Why? Oh my god, you're the worst okay Madam, I can show you there are quite a lot of people who would disagree with that statement . Many, many people prophesy. Drag queens aside. Yep. Who's your favorite gay ? Stanley Tucci's straight? Yes. That is a shame for all of us. This is so hard. He's a famous gay . Oh, Troy Sevan. . Have you watched his architectural digest? Yes. It's amazing. That's that's in our town right Yeah. Yeah. Trace of it. He's from Melbourne. Oh, it's well . He was from Perth. Eas Isy he.? Yeah from Perth . Do you know him? No. What's called idiot Perth mode probably . Yeah, he was perfect like a YouTuber and then he moved to Melbourne when he was cool. Just like you. That's what people do in Perth. They get cool and they move to Melbourne. Melbourne. You have many gays in Australia. We do. Yeah, it's a strong beautiful population. Yeah. I'm one of the only breeders in my friendship group. I'm sorry. So straight. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. I've got friends that are breeders, but that's a different sort of breeding. What do they breed? Arsoles. I'll show you later. Arsoles . They breed arsoles. I went to a very inclusive arty fund school like my favorite gays in Australia are all my mates. All your friends? Yeah. That's nice. That's a lovely one. And my daughter, Mabel has fifty seven uncles who are fabulous and want to take her out. How old's Mabel? She just turned three, Mabel. Oh yeah. Oh, that's great . So they're getting a bit of a personality at three, don't you? No, at one, they don't do a lobby do they? Well, yeah, exactly. Antonio's their godmother. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, 'cause you're off to Italy next time . Yes. Do that. They'll love that. You see that go down very high We joke but like, is that is that dangerous? You know ? The Italians are fine sound. Do you know any Italian that you could teach us maybe to take over with? Ariba Derci. There we go. That means goodbye If I grat seem to thank you and then the waiter might say Prego. Prego to you. Go on there . Is it Pre go? Prego Maybe after this we're back to breeding and what else is Italian? Oh, Davre La Toilette is where are the lavatars? That's good for me. Yeah, that's good for me. Are you incontinent? This is like fifty times a day. Oh, you've got a bladder like an egg cup too. Yeah. I've got it. You need to know what? Bladder like an egg cup? What's an egg cup? You know what? You put your little egg cup Yeah. Almost spoiled . Who was in the word? Yeah. I thought you said egg cup and I was like, it's an egg cup. It's his accent . It's beautiful. Do you think your listeners will understand him? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. We in Australia, we love an accent because we don't hear our accent. We do. So when we hear okay How would you describe our accent in just I'm just gonna fuck myself ? Not a word, but a sound if you were to describe like your love or disdain for accent. In a sound, how would you describe it in a sound . Like, you know, like if I would describe it in a sound, I'd be like , you would be I would say it's very round. Yeah, because you sort of you modulate, don't you? You sort of you don't pick one particular pitch, you sort of go up and down for everyone Yeah, exactly. So that's what you choose from that. Yeah . But I don't see one pitch we'll pick more. Yeah. I also don't really know what that means. I'm a huge pitch, yes Out of use to, who would you say is more William and Jordan? So William, how would you describe both of us first for your both of us? Fancy Yeah, I'd say fancy and fan cier 'cause you buy fancy. A well to do boy by default is like, you know, it's nice. It's really nice. Yeah. Fancy and fancier. Yeah, I think that's not I've never been called fancy . Look at those pants, those pants are beautiful. Wear them stunning. Can I adjust? Maybe fancy and rich . Oh he's loving that. Wow. Didn't everyone's eyes are in the room just dart anywhere else but up here. We don't talk money. No, we're British remember. Oh, we don't talk money. But that's very British. But looking rich isn't talking money. Oh, you can look like, you can look rich without being rich. Not honestly , this is just ASO I didn't ask and this just marks a space so it's all like I didn't it's not like it's fancy. Can I teach you guys something about the benefits of discussing money openly? Correct because it's not kosher here, apparently, but no. Tony was doing the same job as a man in Melbourne and she said, Hey, what do you earn? And it turns out it was a lot more than Tony. And Tony wouldn't have had western. Yeah. Yeah. And so Tony would never have known that if not. So you got to advocate for each other and that's the benefit of like, it's a bit awkward at first, but if you go, hey, we're just colluding and sharing info so we can all get out. Well, that's when it's perhaps okay to try. We A havemerican friends who are just like, how much you earn in a year now and I'm like, Oh, no, British know how much money you earn I don't know I'm gonna do it like this we just ducked that would be yeah that would give me the I work in the studio at Capitol like everyone here is so British this by the way. Everyone in the studio at Capitol, have no idea how much money there. We just don't you never talk about it. I think yeah, it's it does feel weird, especially for talent. Yeah. Talent out. We use that term very loosely . Yeah. Oh, it's not about being talented, it's about the talent. Yeah, talent. The talents in the room everyone behave . Now, you said to me when we were sort of you arrived that you mentioned on your podcast a lot Titanic. Yeah, but we do prefer that you use its Christian name . The Army's Titanic. Yeah name indeed. And are you talking about the actual ship or the film or both? Both. OK. The film. It's based on a true story. Yes. I'm aware of that. Yeah. I know where Williams Go Melissa because there's a play they know. Yeah, I've heard when I saw the name I knew you were doing a play, but I didn't realize it was it's an easy actually. My apology . You don't strike me as like a silly boy and isn't Titanique a little bit silly? Titanique? Titanique? That's where you can go up at the end of a sentence. That's a good idea. When you say silly, you know how it ends ? No, but it's like a silly show. Yes, it's a send up of the film. Not of not of the disaster should just point out Are you the one who's doing the head when you're getting railed on the glass? Is that your move? Or we have to come and watch it to find out We do recreate that scene yet. How do you recreate it? You have to come and watch it. When's it on? Are you on the one? It's already on. What's on? It's already to come and see it. Yeah, I'm not in it yet. When are you in it? Five minute from the ninth of June. In only a matter of days. C youan answer Tony's question? Yeah, are you unfucking or getting fucked? My character is not in the garage. Yes, I'm sorry elsewhere. Were you getting drawn naked laying like a beautiful friend? No, that's my daughter. So I play Ruth and I play Kate Winstlet's mother. Hello my God, that's wonderful. That's not no that's not good. You find Caffy Baby. That's Molly Brown . I love Cuffy Baby. I fucking love Caffey Baby the same birthday. Oh my gosh. Molly Browns. Totally agree. I was the role I was born to play . Yes, yeah. I think my son's about your size. Yes. Thanks everyone. It was amazing. I also love that I got off of the role and then you jumped in. Well, you didn't know the line. No bad. You're so much better around it than me. So now just what's your favorite bit in Titanic? Oh, I love the part when he goes, when he'sing s atitt the top of the stairs and then stares in and turns around and he goes, You want to go to a real party? We have that line and stand back and I'll shoot you all like dog. Yeah . Oh, it's crazy that she was about to form, but you had the time to take off your pants and coach, isn't it? Oh god. Thank you. I actually do need to re watch the film before I start the show because it's wonderful. Every time I have seen it, I watched it in four parts on an elliptical at the gym. Yeah. The first time I watched Touchan. We had it on when I was in college, we had it on repeat from Friday afternoon to Sunday night and just across the weekend you kind of you come in and out to catch it all in the end. Yes . Every time I play cards which is never, but you know, and that the first scene where they like, and he's like, I'm going to go to America. Yeah, every time we go , I love that vintage. When's it leaving? It's leaving right now. How tattoo it leaves in five minutes? Oh my god, this is literally like I'm doing the show right now. Yeah. So much of the show is now making sense because you're surrounded by poor people. Yes. Some of the back near the propellers and doom at the eye. Yeah . That's a great . That's a great thing. Hey, can we, you know, could you walk ? This is what I propose. Okay, okay. I'm gonna get up , I'm gonna walk around behind you. Yeah, I'm gonna hold you. Okay, and then you're gonna look into the camera and you're gonna pronounce, I'm the King of the World . How do you feel about that? So am I Kate Windsmith? Say on a hell of a he says that he says that with his friend who he gets on the boat with Oh with the garage. Yeah, you can do that anyway. You are wearing linen, so if you get a semi it's gonna show. I'm just going to sign you as well . This is amazing. Okay . And what do I say? Tony, you do the song. I feel like I'm flying jack every night in my dreams . I see that so nice and I just was it Market ? It was Hannah Culture go on stay with me forever . Ne Wherever are , I believe that my heart heart was going bow bow bow bow bow . You pulling out his way Thank you so much. Thank you. That was amazing. Suddenly, I'm not feeling as bad about my singing in the show. That was amazing. Like that back seat . That was so good. Right. Well, crashing on in our podcast, we normally share advice. People write in with dilemmas and we give up somebody J and Divas contrast . I like J and Davis. You have Jane and the Momet Divas. That's awesome. So you doing this every day? Literally yeah every episode. I thought we were at all yeah it was a little bit no . No, that's the ice. The iceberg it was the special for you . You do normal NAR yeah believe. Yeah, tell us how that works. Well, it's quite self explanatory. We TAPA, a Tony Ryan podcast listen er, will ride in and they'll say, I do this thing in my house. Do you reckon that's normal? Or do you reckon that's nah? And we weigh in and then people share their thoughts too . Oh, Naomi Tappa Naomi had a question for you guys. Okay Tell you what, let's go to the messages and when we come back, we'll do some dilemmas and some normal or no's. This is nah, normal what? Normal normal or nah . Okay. And you have to print out NA H. Isn't that cute how rich people say ads are messages? Messages. That's nice. Here's some lines from our sponsors. Oh, do a joke and then leave it tell us the punch line after. We usually do a jolly joke of the week as well. Give us a proper rude ozy joke. Yeah, you do the feed line, then we go tell you the punchline after the break. Okay. Messages. All right, and then we do the whole thing. What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? We'll find out after the break . All right, G and Divas and Tarpers. Am I saying that right? Yeah. Perse. Thanks for sticking with us. It's a special episode of Healthy Sex and my boss with the hugely successful Australian podcast Tony Ryan. And Tony and Ryan is still with us. Thank you. And now it's time for Tony's Jolly joke of the week. What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I don't know. I don't want you to peanut butter your dick in my ass Yeah, there it goes. There it goes. I'd be alright if it weren't for the snakes and spiders, I'd be all right in Australia because I think you would. A similar sense of humor. My dad works at the Australian embassy. You'd be the Prince of Wales over there. And they drop the C word all the time and he didn't realize it's a term of end . Yeah, it is. Oh Graham, you're a fanny. Yeah. See, we're not even glowed to say it here. I like it when we leave today because you guys have been so nice and welcoming. I'll say to Tony Oh, good . Ah . You can say it and you can say it. That's the highest like honor. Yeah. But if we kind of went, your mate, that's not good. Okay . Oh yeah. Okay, nice. Well, before we get on to the dilemmas, do you want to give us some normal nulls? Yes. Well, we've got a lot of crossover in Fancid es a specific one from great. Although she's given a fake name because she's sort of embedding to something like that. Oh, okay. So this is from Tapa . Shimoni. Shamoni. Shamoni. That's what I shamoni Serving bad snacks for guest . We have good chips and good candy, but I'm not wasting them on guests . So when someone comes around, I go, no, don't get stuff out of the cupboard over there. Get it from this drawer . And the guests believe it's similar to like getting out the fine child . Like a nice towel for the guests? Yeah, they go, oh, we've got the fancy one. No, it's the sheet one. No , no, I'd say that's nah. I'd say that's a NARD guests around then if you don't want to go to any effort. Yeah, that's the British and as we disagree a lot, but I think if you got you get the good stuff out. Or just have the good stuff for both you and the guests. Don't buy the rubbish. Oh, that's a that's another way. Probably a great solution. Yeah, Tony, what about you? I would say Nah but only because when people come over, I wouldn't probably have snacks in the house like because if I'm doing a big cheese board or something, I go I get to enjoy that as well. You know what picky bits are? Yeah , we love picky bits. Be that. Yeah, we or if we went to a restaurant and go, Oh, should we get this should do this ? Yeah. That's your personal question. Oh my God, I've been begging. What temperature do you wash your underwear on . It's a big issue for us. It's the one. Do you use celsius of Fahrenheit in Australia? We use celius. It's the one thing we fall out on. So I wash mine on thirty . What do you wash your knickers on? I just put them in the well actually my partner does all the washing , but I don't think I've ever selected the temperature on a washing machine. You are probably riddled with bacteria. He thinks that underwear should be washed in sixth. Oh, at sixty. Yeah, it's a big thing we fall out of. Don't they all shrink? Yeah . And just to destroy the fabric. That's another personal question. Please. Did you piss in the shower? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, anyone who says that he is a liar. I had one of the biggest arguments at that point with my husband, now husband over that . Because he does be sinners shower. No, he didn't well, he has done it, but not whilst we were together, but he said it wasn't a problem and I mean it gets washed away, isn't it? No. Has he pierced in the shower with your when you're both in it? We've been married ten years. We don't sorry, we've been do you guys have little sword fights in the shower? We've been together ten years. Dreams crossed and I was like, oh god , I saw my brother's. Yeah, well that's his. And then your dad'd just come over and piss over . Yeah They know their parents. That's a real nice thing for them. The answer to your question isn't? Oh, sorry . Would you like to do another normal or no? Yes, well if you don't like that, you're not going anywhere. No pissing on each other we pissed on each other? Nah. We've gotten close though, I reckon . We've probably both pissed in the pool while we've been in there together. Absolutely. We've seen each other naked. We have seen ninety eight percent of each other's bodies. Yeah. I've never seen him naked but I've seen him in these boxes. How was that? How was that? Made in the mani was his today. Was his body wider than he was? For all other men. He has got the big old mahogany cuck . I've never seen it, but you know what you can just tell someone's packing. You packing hate . You got a slier in there . Honestly, Tony. Show me that dubnight. Ryan, it's like when I do it. He's like , I felt the aura of it. He does give you big energy. Yeah. You give big degree . Right, thank you. Are you dilating ? I don't think you know what that means . I think that's where it does It does that. Whatever. It's that, isn't it? Yeah, but that's probably not what would happen if I was aroused. Oh, right, what would happen? I feel like your clique would get getting gorged and you'd get like the pussy like you get like, you know, the pussy tingles , which is nice. Okay, you got some water If you want to know how well Tony and I know each other to To conceive our daughter, Mabel, we had not our daughter His wife. My wife. Yep. After years of trying, we went to do IVF . And during COVID, we weren't allowed to go into the hospital. So I had to provide a sample at home of calm . Thank you. I was just going to say sample . And then you've got forty minutes to because your house to still be warm and you've got forty minutes to get it to the hospital and drop it off from when you've produced it. Yeah. So I was gonna drop it off at eight o'clock and Tony messages at seven hundred and fifty going, what are you doing? You thinking of me? It's going . Oh amazing. So you knew he was having a wife. Yes. And she goes, Hey, what do you have to? I'm like, fucking know what I'm up to? Yeah. Now just leave me alone for a little bit. Faster after I text you think about me. I was like, I'm struggling. Can you say something else after that? And then I didn't have a car at the time, so I had to get an Uber with my semen in my jam and take it into the hospital. Antony was a part of that journey with me. Modern medicine. It's lovely. It's a modern love story. It's another New Mona Numan . Not normal . So because we're traveling at the moment, you know, we're out of a bag keeping things light, I forgot to bring a shaver. And so because I was getting pretty much naked at our live show the other night, I asked I kind of looked at myself and was like, oh, shit. And I asked Charles who works with us, can I borrow your shaver? To do Why were you needing to tidy up? I wasn't wearing it. Can I show you what I was wearing? Yeah, quite a quite smuggler. I think that's normal. Budgie smuggler. Okay. Do you guys have budgie smugglers? Yeah. We do. We do I don't wear them. You do. I don't wear speeders. You love it. You'd wear me coming down to the Oh wow. Yeah. You'd wear a speed. Don't you zoom in? You look great. Wow. It's for fancy hot guys. Well, that's very sweet of you, but I love that staircase. That's a Troxy Theater. That's the Troxy Theatre . You look very handsome. Thank you. But as you now know, I was like, yep. Okay. I don't want to say so you used your mates raised. Well, I said could I borrow it and Tony nearly died because I think that's a nice I think that's a nice for me too. But I want to pose this question to you because we've been talking about it. What is worse borrowing a friend's shaver or borrowing a friend's toothbrush? And so when toothbrush and then you have to take it back after. So you have to use if you have to choose one or the other . I reckon toothbrush is what I would rather give. Would you share your toothbrush with your respective partners? Yeah, fuck yeah. No problem , but a shaver , no way. All the micro cuts in the skin and stuff, that sounds like a problem for me . And I am fucked. Like that I'm fucked, but like, I'd think that's crazy . Well , okay. Would you like a dilemma? Sure This is from Anonymous, so again they've chosen to stay anonymous like one of yours. Hi William Jordan, the Sex of Team and Tony and Ryan, hope you are all well. I love listening to the pod cast on my walks to work. I was catching up on recent episodes and I heard you discussing the name of William's new gardener. One of my friends started dating a gardener and this quickly led him to earning the nickname Bush trimming bill . As you can probably imagine, she wasn't the biggest fan of this. Anyways, onto my dilemma. It was completely irrelevant. My husband of five years loves to cook me gorgeous dinners and he's always experiment ing with new cuisine. One evening he made me this gorgeous green Thai curry and it was absolutely delicious. Now following a romantic dinner we both got quite excited and made our way to the bedroom . With his hands down my trousers I qu,ickly had the horrible realization that he had not washed his hands. Chili . With my vagina burning from the copious amounts of chili and ginger he'd cut up, I quickly excused myself and ran to the bathroom to rinse off what I could. Please do let me know what the correct etiquette is for when your partner causes your vagina to burn horribly as a result of cutting up aromatics. Love the podcasts and I wish you all the best. Souda cream it's good for burns. You can't put that in your pussle. Do you have psychop hy? Yes. Yeah , and vaginas and wow together and ginger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we have that. Do you? Yeah. So what would you do? I feel that this has happened to you. It actually hasn't I don't think I would excuse myself and not tell so my partner Tobs, I'd be like, Oh my God, did you wash your hands and he'd be like, fuck no, I didn't . I don't think I would need to excuse myself at all. Like he would I would tell him . He would be abreast of the situation. He's abreast of most things that I do. Yeah. Okay, good. There's very little left to the imagination. He in the best way. Well, I don't think it's the best way. He arguably is the best way for us. Yeah. Too knowledgeable and too in there. It's like I happen to you and your wife, anyone you've previously dated. You've fingered a lot of girls . How old are you if you don't mind myself? How old do you think I am? thirty one, thirty two? Yep, that's correct. Oh, actually. He's about to turn thirty nine. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because we've talked about this. There is a demise of fingering across the world at the moment. It's such a shy. Honestly, I've suffered recently. We'd gone nights hour and people just got fingered left . He was like on a dance floor in night class. I was about to sit on a dance floor, a good old finger. Yeah. My mate just be like, you said, I've just fingered that girl over there. I mean, we get a bit . What do you think the fingered to fucking ratio was back in our day? I think you had to do it 's a ten to one. Yeah, defo. There's a comedian nickal. Yeah . Mickey Flanagan who says you finger him and tip him up for a bit and then but yeah, you do look like a man that's fingered a lot of girls. That is a huge compliment. That is a compliment. That is fingered any girls? William? No. He's a golden what are you call a gold star gay gold star . What I think the equivalent might be is applying deep heat to a sore part of the body and then going to take a piss and using your hands to be and then realizing oh, , I've just used AP P. And now my penis is on fire. They are all laughing. I'm guessing it's happened to a lot of people . Yeah . Because most people that have been athletes have applied the DP that'As, why I looked at Will. I was like, Hey, he probably played a lot of sport back in the day. I'll bless you. Yes I'm so so sporty. Another one, this is from Paul. A few years ago, we popped into bath. That's a nice sort of place in the southwest. Oh, not like the bath no bath it's a city. It's a city. Like a bath mate? Jane or Bridgeton, a lot of Bridget's book. I've never seen Bridget. No, I wouldn't bother. It's all filmed there. Regency. That sort of thing. For a spot of shopping with me, the wife and the kids . We found a space in our preferred car park and proceeded to wander off into the throngs of Bath City Centre. As we walked up the stairs, I noticed what I thought was a pink and grey baby's rattle or toy presumably dropped by some poor little kitty. Being an upstanding citizen, I picked it up with the intention of leaving it on the wall beside the stairs so that upon returning to the car park, the parents of the now obviously distraught child would spot the toy and be joyfull y reunited with it, my good deeds done for the day . However, once I had the toy in my hand I noticed a button on the end. At this point I realized somewhat naively that this was not a child's toys expected, but in fact a set of vibrating anal beads. This is where I did what any normal husband and father would do and proceeded to chase my wife and two daughters around the car park, waving the discarded anal beads and shouting at them sniff my fingers Filliam It's not normally what goes on in bath. I of course found this absolutely hilarious the rest of the family not so much with cries of what is wrong with you you are disgusting being aimed at me for the remainder of the day . After a few minutes of terrorizing the family, I did eventually leave the beads on the wall as originally intended, although this time expecting them to be retrieved by their rightful adult owner rather than child. The beads were missing when we returned to the car park later that afternoon, so I can only presume they were safely inserted back where they belong. Needless to say , I did have to find somewhere to wash my hands very quickly after this incident. I am not a total animal, but I do still enjoy recounting the story whenever the topic of animal beads is mentioned. Which is often yes . So my question is this, what is the correct hair to get when picking random items off the floor with good intentions only to discover they are something very different from what you expected? Cheers , Paul. You do that's another thing. You don't used to find dildos and stuff all the time. I don't know if you did porn mags. I don't know if you did. Yeah. You always found a stash of porn mags and like mainly in your father's bed. No, it wasn't in his that was in the shed. No, no, don't don't. I once said I found my dad's pole mags in the shed and I had to do an official apology and my mum went fucking mad. She went mad . She went proper. She 's not all good. Yeah, she weren't my dad's good. Has your mum spoken to you since? No, we speak all the time. They weren't my dad's they were they were in the shed before. Oh, someone left them there. Gotcha. We moved in thirty years ago . Yeah, let me come back to that and take a bit . What would you say is your favorite type of comedy if you were to categorise it? Oh comedy. Like I like quite we like all the sort of the very dark human seven to eight is nine to six . I think the category of smell my finger and pull my finger. Yes, highly underrated. Yeah, right. What 's degree would you call that? That is the category. Yeah, right. And when the dad 's running around with the Adelbeads saying, Please smell my finger. Smell my finger . That's good. You see, smell my finger? That's a scary movie. Right. Officer Doofy. I've never heard Officer Doofy in a British accent before. Do you want to flow my finger? And he's like and that's good stuff. This is the I've never seen the scary Boofy. You watch Freddy got fingered? Yes. These are like cup for up on. Daddy, would you like some sausage? Daddy, would you like some sausage? Yes. Yes. Have you ever seen Mary Poppins? I have. Yes, it's fantastic. Mary Poppins. It's my wet dream. Watch. Thank you. Where did you make her? That's amazing. You've been in Mary Popper. Yeah, in a ballet. In a ballet , who were you? I was Mary Poppins. You were Mary Poppins. How old are you telling me everything about? I was probably fifteen or six . Yes. Yeah, and I was doing ballet RAD for anybody that's interested in what type of ballet was yet? It was at A theustr Raloyal Royal Academy of Dance . Thank you. Yeah, and I played Mary Popinson. Yeah. So when you said, have you seen something beautiful? Yes, I have. Lovely. Well, that's very nice. I'm very jealous of you. Are there photos ? Oh no, I don't think so. Back in the day. Do you guys know of here the Australian Children's Choir? There used to be these famous ads for Quantas the Airline where the Australian Chrenild's choir got sent to New York and London Bridge into the Outback and they made these big beautiful ads and they sung I still call Australia home. Have you ever seen these? They're really famous. So Tony wanted to audition for that to be a part of this beautiful thing that happens every year. And her li mumed to her and said they don't let first girls in. I was like, Oh, I think it's only on the east coast they do it. And I was like, well, I'm in WA I won't be able to. Yeah. Oh , I have to play Mary Poppins instead. And it turned out I think that's an upgrade more. I really take that as a compliment but wow the Qantas Game still called Australia home is iconic. Yeah . We recreated the ad and I sang it all around Australia . Oh she re auditioned at age thirty for the Australian Children's Choir and it was a great audition and the ladies like the maximum age is fourteen and so he was like you know what we're really doing is so great . This has been so lovely. Oh, you're at. He's happy as well that was Yeah, wow. There's nothing left on the Party is sort of dinner parties 'cause he's not he drinks now when I first met him drink. So he will be like getting on it and I'll be like, Where's your vodka which he never has in? And then you'll say something like Can I guess you anything else? Or my new favourite one, you must come again when you've got less time . Or you'll say time. What? I actually gonna need to process that a little bit. That is no but also I do amazing. I'm not directing that at you. I'm just saying I'll do that over . That's okay. For me, I always say, we've got much on tomorrow. I'm like, Oh, you're the tomorrow that's let it go . Oh, so what's the plan for the rest of your week? That's our sea. Exactly. And but I think it's better that than to go fuck off. Well , seventy. Well , I would never do that. I would just be like Tony would stay as long as you want. Such a people, please are. Tony would sit here for sixteen hours just 'cause I wouldn't want to say like, please leave my fucking house. Yeah. She would just yeah. But thanks for having us though. It has been cleaned ago. It's great. Have you ever had a snake in your house by the way 'cause that's why one of the biggest engaged yeah Tony had a snake in a shower like a few weeks ago. Oh my god this is, what freaked me out like I'm so scared. Well, whenever I got me to stop in full of them, I was still scared. When did you do Army ? I started armed celebrity over here. I think Tony said that to be a dick that it was true. Yes . Well, where else would that come up? Yeah, so true. Yeah. Besides your shower? I just the thought of coming home and knowing a snake could be on the mountain. Yeah, I had to call the snake catcher. Yeah, this out of things Yeah. Tony Fellman on Instagram and he's got this great idea. The snake catcher. Yeah . Not the snake . And wasn't he just like this? He was so chill, he was wonderful, but he was a lizard. Oh, yeah. Okay. I said, Can you come get the lizard, please? And he said, Yeah, she'd be right. Just come up. She'll live in our own town. So it's still there. How big was the lizard? About this big that's quite that's about sort of five inches. Have you had one in your house? Is that just a normal? Oh, a snake. We've had literally kangaroos in our backyard 'cause we've moved out of town. How about crocodiles and allocators? No, you don't have a backyard but crocodiles . Tony, Rain, thank you so much . Thank you. We've just done a collaboration with Jonathan Vernon Smith