Wedding Attire and Intimate Mishaps

There's lots of very funny dilemmas coming your way in just a moment. You can watch every episode of Hel I Sex with My boss too. From Jordan's attempts to be a YouTuber back in twenty ten, seriously the second handand embarrassment is real. to William's reaction to seeing a fanny for the first time. There are so many brilliant moments that you need to see Search for help I seected my boss on YouTube and hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode. My mate bought a toaster goes through your online purchase history to tell us who you really are. You bought a pillow shaped like a boyfriend. Do you know what's the most tragic thing about that? G. Never turned up. Wow We find deep truths from your distant past. Did I need three dog hammocks for the car? We find out who you really are. I was Louis Walter's sixth favourite in a band of five. Our guests tell us Evereth. One day I actually had a bank statement and it said you have one million pounds. All human truth sits in your online shopping history. It's my mate bought a toaster out now, wherever you get your podcasts I mean, basically this is this isnooping, isn't it? Yeah. He's got a point Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern day life. Answering your twenty first century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, like what should you do if put play turns into piss play? Or what should you do if thousands of people have watched James Butuckley call you a briefcase wanker And what should you do if you've accidentally sextered your b? But we are not your usual agon answers A we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert. No we're not, Jordan North, radio and TV presenter, I'm more heatwave, you're more crime wave That's from Jump Cut Jack himself. Cheers, Jack Thank you. What sort of crimes do you think other than fashion? What sort of crimes do you think Jordan hass committed? Go Jack J on pon no Ben Hi boys. Hi Jack. He H up. What? Oh it could never be a pilot No. You can't be a pilot if you call Jack. What sort of crimes? What crimes? So there some crimes on the paddle courts. Oh I'm playing after this A you? You really into it? No you're not going to the gym We should just say Jack is on the mic because literally everyone is on holiday. Everyone's on hay. Everyone feels like everyone's on holiday on Instagram at the moment. I I should have taken the week off myself. Ben. And say St. Chairman Merita Stewart. Nfia. Where's Egon? North Wales. That's a holiday t? South Wales How you going to check out the North Wales I have. I like to give them a bit of my money. you know with the economy being down over there and stuff. So I've gone over there to North Wales. I'm sure the economy is I don't know. I've gone over to North Wales.ose quotes a jacket. You used to show them a bit of culture and all the proper Welsh do it. Wow. Okaykay. Hello to our former Welsh listeners. No they' like that In real, they'll love that N's offw, wasn't it Yes, really, I believe as well.. I believe I'm going to pour the GinD, but I believe you, Jeordan first time in eight years. That is notue. You make out like I do zero prep for this show I actually do. We just have different methods. I. That's. I'm being a wicked old teas. Oh, you've being a wicked old witch. Oh You've got a toast for us. I would like to toast some gen deers that have seen out in the wild over the past week. mean we're not at Whipsnade zoo. So first of all, that's a tiny portion. It's one measure double in there You never drink a hand. doing today. I like to loosen up before paddle So yeah So our first test is to im and Paul, the Je Davas that I met on the train. Okay, they were going down to see their son in London. Two men with a child? Yes, it can' hand. A And they were lovely. myself Don't do That's not I'm It's a joke because I'm obviously gay. No, they joke. They were lovely. do you know how they met? I was on the trail a grinder. No sorry, do you know how I met them? pretty. I was on the train and he walked past and frew down the Sunday Times business fun evening and went I believe your're friends in the Sunday Times this weekend I met them and had a really lovely chat room H from Bisburnom in Blackpool. From where? Bisburn. Bisbomam Bisburnom. say that every time. Also Dan In now a local, ye, right? I also said it's local all the time. He's at the bar. It's been a Gene Diea since twenty nineteen. loveove it So all of them, okay sllip through the nest. Well, to all of them Bottoms up. Do we have any light? Can we say that? Do there a roll call for Straight I think we do have actually quite a few straight m indeed. But I think we do, don't? There's a few Yeah. I was a fan of the podcast before I ever worked on this.raight And Jack is straight, Yes. Yeah. That's true. So if there is any of your like, we'll do a little chow out. Yeah Anyone at Th thems case Eurubi, lesbians We've said it from the start, you're all welcome. We are a broad church. We are indeed. How the Dickens are you? We've had a lovely little wk. We walked in together We commuted in. I William was a guest on my show this morning on capapital. I got the phone call. someomeone's dropped out. No that's not true. I just thought we'd have youngc come talk about Titanique. I don't want to mention it. Oh sorry no. No it's al right because people are saying K keeps speenting capital all the time. I said, Well, it's my life, It's my job. What on air? Yeah, on this. Oh is it? Not that read the comments U So I said toan Can, we'll walk No no, I'm not walking. Because Jordan, it's hotter than the sun outside. And I just originallyough we didn't have a lovely walk and we were predominantly in shade. but I did think I'm going arrive at the studio at an absolute sweaty mess But it was fine. Yeah, it currently looks like he's sweating like a golf in Benadome at the moment, aren't it But you were fine. It's nice to walk if you've got time We had a stroll, we had a na. Yeah, proper catchchup And the tubes were down. The tubes they weren't down. By the way, lots of people have messaged me about that last week saying your tubes can be late and it won't update on the apps. Right? Orub, you know, sometimes tubes can be late for twenty minutes There's many things I am. I'm not a liar. You are what you are? Yeah, exactly. So we walked here today. It was nice. It was nice actually. Taybe I should come and pick you up at work more often. I quite like that. Just hear some of the things we said about to our colleagues. Oh Oh my go. And Mikey, your ears might be burning, but He won't be listening. Oh. Tuned out years ago. Oh f. I don't blame him. I don't blame him. What do you mean you don't blame him? impressions Oh I see. Yeah little shit, you're doing impressions of me again So yeah, how's it going? what's the crack? What else's been going on? Well, you know one star? I'll bless you. I walkedast John Lewis. You won't be contractually aware of John Lewis. N've heard of it? No, exactly. I'veal passed Joh Lewis on Oxord Strereatment today They're offering piercings now I don't think that's for Jon Lewis I'm gonna put it out there. They're not I know Claire's has gone under But now John Lewis has filled literally a gap in the market And they're doing piercings. And I just thought, o doesn't not sure about that. You're not very for pions. Well, my late grand Eetiquette grranny said if God had meant for us to have holes in our ears, he would have put them there. So she was very she was very against. Did she not have ears p? She not wear earrings? Clipons. Which are not very smart. I just wanted to point that out there, but she was always wearing clips. Really Like Pat Butcher. Like Pat Butcher. My mother does not have pierced ears because she even though Granny is long dead, she cannot bring herself to get her ears pierced because she knows that Granny will be up there Wing Absolutely love it Your momum told me when she first talkght about grandmother that she was a snob Yeah, she was a snob. All the best people are. But we all are, really.ave you wouldould you never get anything pierce No I I mean, I've got a prrince Albert, but other than that. Fucking big one if it's on yours.red like one of those ones that cow's have in between the noses. Oh, a big ring. Yeah, no, that' elsewhere. A bull bull ring. Yeah, you'd have that. Right Preuming, generalist are now going to change their slogan to never knowingly under hold. Coincidentally actually. It's my slogan elsewhere. I can't believe you get p' on each other. B night. I mean, I love a John Lewis but I just don't think it needs to be. We don't need to be offing percing, so I've got to reach the quarters, aren't they? Yes. Talking of quarters, arere we yet at the quarter finals of the World Cup? I said him on the way there. There was a bit of a lull in the conversation. so I said I don't know if you could tell, Jim Davvers by what Jordan asked me. I said,ave you watched any the World Cup? I don't know where it's got me. I was just filming for time. And he went, Yes. I went havev you went No. Not watched any of the England games? not a peak, mainly working when the shows are on, the games are on, where do you call them? But now I wouldn' even if I weren', I wouldn't be watching. So at the time I ofm recording I'm at wedding this weekend I want to ask you, what is the credit etiquette for watching the football at someone's wedding Do you think they should put the football on for people Deing up I can see both sides because it's their space. But what at what time in the day? about ten PM kickoff. You see this is where and I've said it for years, if weddings finished You know, didn't drag on as they all do. Everyone could be a winner here other than potentially England Who are they playing? Pama Yes, I know that are the hats. See, o, I know it because inn't that where that guy who faked his deaf on canoe? Yes. And the canal and Panama Canal. Oh yeah. Yeah So is it part of America? Is it South America? No, it's a country in itself, othertherwise it would not be competing the worldld Cup. Yeah, where is it? South America. Panama. Yeah Yeah,s I believe it's lovely Wh Who is statistically going to win between Well and I did say on air with my big goob that I reckon we wouldd be gone a fill. Very boring game zero zero No no. Whatever. No no. Yeahah, it was a. Well actually, maybe I should do that for Eeschemology. Why do we say nil, not zero or o? Were Nil come from? Its Nil Nil in it? is it French? Nil P Now maybe I'll look into that But yeah, do you think it is down to the host? If they're not showing it, you shouldn't really sneak off, should you? You shouldn't. It is a bit tight on the bride because it is a special day in it. and I mean, look, if everything has finished, and I think the key is, have the couple done the first dance if they're doing dance? you have to we didn't. But if they're doing the first dance, you can't really leave before then If they have and you've had a bit of a boogy thenen you could potentially sort of make your excuses and leave, but make sure you say goodbye to the hosts Booooky That bit for booie. Yeah Well el's been going on U Well I got into my pre theatre dinner, I go across the way from the theatre. By the way, the theatre which is called the Criterion Theatre, or as it was called on Capital Breakfast last week by Jordan who can't read the Citron Theatre. As for responsor I read it wrong. Criterion what's criterion? It's just a Just an old name. Oh okay. Yeah. because they used to be the Criterian restaurant next door. It's now a Masala zone, but it was previously a nice restaurant. I mean, I'm sure Masazone is lovely but it's a different vibe to the Criterion restaurant. Anyway, I go across thew way and I have I've got into two, I've never had one before, but now I'm boshing one almost every other day A burrito. Oh, I love a burrito. Yes, Well you want to go to this place? I love a burrito. It's really nice And they can stuff a lot in. Yeah, cardy. They keep on and I'm like like you'll never fit all this in. and then they sort of jg you know, j around and They're wrappid in tin foil Yeah. Is what you have having every pre show meal? Every other Won't have it today. What it? flav I bet you go for extra toppings now kind of bit. You know me? Yeah. I go for Chicken brown rice because healthy. Um Black beans as opposed to the pinto beans. or arell the same. anyway. there are two types beans that I go for the black bean. know a difference, mate? No, can't tell difference. No someome sort of fried vegetables, peppers and onions U guacamole you have to pay extra for that Do you sour creraam? Cheddar tese and a lemon sauce A lemon sauce. a lemon sauce. But you don't get a kind of pu, you've never drink. No.. No just have my water Yeah, I'm gonna to get a burrit after this now I'm down for one. You go to the place where I go to. I might actually go because I'm coming to see you next week. You are coming to see me next week I'm very touched Fally just slipped in. What time'ess kickoff That time to kick off. Curtain up On the performance that you are coming to is seven hundred thirty. seven thirty. If you're coming to one of our maturadays, it's either three o'clock on a Saturday or two thirty on a Sunday or if you're coming to an evening show on aunday, it's seven o'clock Seven thirty. seven hundred thirty. Don't be late. Well, no John, you're not the fucking queen. I'm joking. She would never have been late anyway, would she? No, it would have waited for her, but we are not waiting for you. Okay Why if forget stop in traffic, all the tubes are down. I' I'm having a few drinks before. Are you? That's the only way I'll get through it I' comeome to my dressing room I' Martino. Now I'm looking forward to it. How long is it each hat off U It's about two hours is at one and like three hours is act two. B be joking. I'm joking The whole show is two hours. Oh is it? Oh great. Yeah. It's not too long for you, great because I'm I'm very flated you're coming on play Thursday Depends how they finish in the group. Y hit But also they start late, don't they Shit An't all the games I are nine and ten. And you would genuinely be annoyed if I didn't come for England, wouldn't you? I don't tell you o, I'm going to be real with you. If you want to move your tickets to the following night that wouldn't as you come, I don't mind. Yeah But yeah, I don't mind when you come G Do I need England to lose on Saturday to avoid this My brother came to watch it for a second time on England Gana Night. And he did say to me before And he went, hope hope you're happy that I will be coming to watch you and sacrificing watching the first half of Ugana, but I won't seeing you at stage door because I will go to a pub and watch the second half. Well, he did that's where the whole I love you come from. because he said he loved you. That's where did. Yeahah, that's Yeahah. we'll sort it Do you want me to get think could put a screen on stage? This will be the third time of this Titanic The third? Yeah, ' before you were in it, we had tickets and I couldn't go. then the second time because I was working. Oh yeah. And then this will be the third time because of England. Well the thought were there. I'm sure you were great. Everyone's saying you werere great. Thank you very much. Everyone was saying you're great, so. Well, I'll come and not to watch you in the west End whenever you get cast in M No. lastast week we had a bit of beef with Wendy I mean Yeah. ye I don't know what? I don't know I think I've forgot Deathwish. I think yeah If I can remember correctly You were saying that your mum growing up used to say to you, Where else can you find somewhere that you pay twenty five pounds a week and get all your meals, all your bills, etcetera. You don't know you were born Yeah etcetera. and s something to do with working and I said and when was the last time Wendy had had a job or what was Wendy's last job or something like that. becausecause your mother other than raising four kids, almost single handedly at points because your father worked away L my mother, 've got a Ct and got a payroll job Let's put it that way. Well, Wendy's replies, All right She's sending the video on social media. All I'll say is, if anything happens to me, Mikey, I love you And please make sure myet books are taken care of. Even my sister in law, when she's seing the video was like, he's brave So ye, she's got a dog named on. This is Wendy's reply Wow, William Hanson, I very dare you. I'll have you know I was a very hard working stay at home mother And if you'd lived at my house had a charge of forty five pounds just for your cheek. so put that in your pipe and smoke it Wow. What do you think of that? She looked very glamorous. Where was she? She's on holiday. Oh is she or she is?. I't start creeping now What all was say is just leave it at that. She won't beaten You've got a right to apply, but my advice from knowing this strong Northern woman. is just Nod and smile. Mmm. Unless you want to cause more beef I know No, No Is sure? H Positive Not yet. I'd just keep it at that. Or we could just be some of that simimmers. Revenge is a dish best served cold Trust me She we will get the best revengeion I will't shake. It was a sixtieth birthday party. How was that? It was amazing. It was so good we had everyone around It was great, proper piss up, proper nov piss. Yeah, I enjoyed looking at the Instagram videos that you were putting out. I had them all up dancing til Not the frratellas. Proper mum tunes no on I found new audience actually. If anyone wants to book me for any Mums sixty F's or just huns in general or prosecco girls, I am your mom and now's it Pay them Sen a term, I add them all, I've got our shs. All I'll say is you're going to love Titterake. A What's thatant to me? You're going to love Tyson this. That's Whitney.. Even my dad look Grandma Glanys is going Look at. Have you ever seen a kitchen as wild as that? No I know . Suddenly, I don't feel bad about my own singing in the show. Anyway, it was all good. haveave you he my dad's speech? Wenday, happppy birthday, I love you very much. We've been married for forty one years. I've loved every minute of it I wish you a happy birthday, come and cut the cake. particularly the min know you with know all our family, friends and relatives. I'at a bit l Oh So there's that I was waiting for a joke. Well here's the joke. No, here's the joke. Listen to this, I can't believe you said this It way He Happy birthday to you come! a lot So called Wendy Blo and I' not done a lot of that now. his actual first speech was Amazing and then halfway through we're like We do it toes to night She went't there, she's upstairs getting blow up bed ready No one had notice it's suck off him blow up bed but we we had a good How was sleeping on the blowout? It wass fine. Eone was like treating me like a princess. It was like, it's gonna be all right? I'm there. know now're London ways. I was like Why'd you wind me up? I'm fine. It was comfortable. It wass really comfortable. I think glerm hair mattresses, you aren't going to want to sleep on it every night, but ass a one off or one or two nights. It's fine. It's abs honestly, it was It's great Good. R Really, really wholesome. It loveves Le and everyone was happ. And did most importantly, did Wendy have a nice time? She had the best time. We had a picky tea. Can you off course she did. Can you remember it I think so. Okay. Okay, good. lovey Should we go to M to get a momone? Yes, what we you' got us today, please What is it? Is it one I've suggested? No, I've gone rogue. if I'm honest. Not napkin rings again, is it Did you do napkin wing? Probably yes, I have. Why do teaacups have a saucer? but mugs don't? I don't know why the tit cus That's not a joke. Now I'll tell you after these messages Save more on what you need to get the job done right. Right now, at Lowe's. Get fifteen percent off, select custom entry and interior doors. Plus, save eighty dollars on the Wall twenty Volt Max two tool combo kit, now just one hundred sixty nine dollars. And at the Lowe's Pro desk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo, or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget And loes Vll through seventy eight while supplies l. Selection varies well location. Mya bought a toaster goes through your online purchase history to tell us who you really are. You bought a pillow shaped like a boyfriend. Do you know what's the most tragic thing about that? G. Never turned up. Wow. We find deep truths from your distant past. Did I need three dog hammocks for the car? We find out who you really are. I was Louis Walter's sixth favorite in a band of five. Our guests tell us Evereth. One day I actually had a bank state And it said you have one million pounds. All human truth sits in your online shopping history. It's my mate bought a toaster. Out now, wherever you get your podcasts I mean, basically this is this is sooping, isn't it? Yeah. He's got a point All right, Ge Devers, thanks for sticking with us. Right now, it's time for William Hunson's Etietemology of the Wek. H's the jingle It's William. William, The etiquette geek is knowledge. Knledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. Stle tweak. It's time for William's etiquetteetiquettenology of the week. Jaa, Jaa, Jaa Has't Ben got a jingle? what was his one? Ben's big hole? Ben's Big Bnder, I think Oh yeah. should Mineatter. No, we shouldn't. No. Neither the jingle we bring it back if you are. I think, Jack, we'll have a Ben's Big Bnder next week. Aren't we doing another sweet L littleittle lies next week? We will be soon. Y. So soon, the Ben's big Bnder jingle got slated by you both, to be fair, Yeah, because you didn't go to lovely Steer. All right. cp have a saucer and a mug. I think I already know. Go on, tell me. Is it to do beauty the beast No Well, mugs basically became popular with the rise of instant coffee and tea bags. in the sixties and the seventies basically. But Yeah. but we're going to go back even further before we get to the sixties and seventies. We're going to go back to China, which is where tea is from, of course. And tea came over as I've said before in this podcast, tea came over to Europe in the seventeenth century But we in Britain, we didn't understand it in Europe, we didn't get it. We knew it was made with boiling water, but this was the problem for us because Europe wasn't able to make teacups that held boiling water. so we had to use Chinese porcelain. And indeed Chinese teacups, that still, if you go to Chinese restaurants today, they're those little cups that don't have handles, that don't have saucers, and they're much smaller And because they drink the tea, they make it with boiling water, but they drink the tea when it's much cooler than us. So you know you can pick up the porcelain cups and you don't scold your fingers. They also hold it from the top and the bottom of the cup. so different from us. So because we didn't understand this, we would then add we added a saucer. Now no handle, so the tea cup didn't have handle at this point. We had a little saucer so you could pass it from person to person because the hostess would often pass it to their guests So adding that sauce meant that she could do that. And then when we started to make our own porcelain in the eighteenth century, we then added in handles so we could pick it up. and the saucces remained because tea was expensive always served, as I say, by the lady of the House. and then demetas cups, coffee cups also came with saucers, but when mugs were introduced, saucers weren't needed because they were mainly used informally and the handle. Aa distribution, not the sourcer. So why do you have the sourcer So you could pass it. So the lady because I mean, this is another edemology now you're getting a bonus tea because it was so expensive because it was imported from China would often be kept in a locked caddy. You've told this out far. Yes, I know. And the lady of the house would wear the key for the tea chest around her decolotage. second time I've said that today would be here. and so the if I'll be mother or lady of the house, that was why it was her duty. Okay they would worry the servants were going to steal the tea because it was so precious. Oh goddamn those working class thieves. Exactly. Crime wave, etcet go back to that. So there we go. I've always been a mug type of guy. You've got mug ritten all over you. I like a big mug of coffee.. See, I don't like an overwhelming amount of liquidug I don't. I just like, you know, less is more So I've always lik you Now we do only see each other once ak, there was a joke about your hind actually Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need help with something, then do get in touch. you can send your tils of trepidation to help at sexomyboss. com You can DM us we at seex of myboss on the socials and also the addresses on the website is sex andyboss. com Come This is from William and Amy U Hello, William Jordan and the rest of the wonderful Sexed team. My fiance and I spent much of our spare time seeking thrills on roller coasters. Oh, those people ad about the Big Dipper. Unfortunately, this pastime often comes with a particular frustration. People barging past in the queue to rejoin friends who have been holding their place. I don't agree with that. No. Being British and courteous and keen to avoid causing a scene, we inevitably step aside and allow it to happen. However, we are left wondering what is the correct etiquette for challenging a queue jumper without creating an awkward or confrontational situation Given William's fondness for Disneyland Paris, we also wonder whether he has encountered this behaviour across the channel. Best wishes William and Amy I think that's such bad manners getting another pitt. It's all right if you' goes against the principles of curing. But even at a bar sometimes I'm thinking do I do You know if you're up festival at the bar It's all right if it's one or two of you, but if it's S shouldould just go up and order the drinks for your friends? In a roll line? In a roller coaster Absolutely not ex wait for seats. But in a bar, if it's like one friend, two maxs and it's allright But if it's more than that, I'd be like. Yeah. But then if everyone in the queue does it, then what looks like a short queue becomes a very long queue. Yeah, fairs Yeah. But also at a bar. rather than me joining you at the bar and going, Oh and I'll have a ginn and tonic or whatever, just you order me a gin and tonic. How would you deal with it I haven't dealt with this at Disneyland Paris, but at Disneyang Shanghai when I was there in twenty nineteen. We had a lot of this and people would go, I'm joining my friend. and we would go, Who's your friend? And they'd sort of point vaguely in the distance. And I remember literally pushing people back over the barrers gently go No, because they were just trying to climb over the barrass. It was actually the most interesting thing other than Tron. o Oh my Godd, the Tron right there is amazing, but that's a whole another story My friend's contact lens flew out But yeah, having to police the quQue was quite fun. Two brricks policing the ceue. My friend's contact lens fellow Have you been to E Disney? Noope haven't been to Hong Kong, Disney, haven't been to Tokyo, Disney. Have you seen Cfower anywhere? S get us Why do I like Disney Yeah becausecause I'm a bit thick gil That's what I always think of Why is it you like Disney? Because it unlocks childhood memories. Well I know someomeone really close to me who likes Disney, but she had a lot of childhood trauma Well, everyone has trauma. So some of us deal with it. Disney makes you feel happy It does I can't Ive told you I'm going to is why I've only extended, than you for mentioning it is why I've only extended for one week for an Oh, they did ask me, darling, would you mention I've been extended on Titanic for ak or not me? But yeah, you're doing an extra week aren't? And can I just say thank you to the Gene Divis who all messag me becausecause I think on this podcast previously, and you had said, what happens if they want to extend you? And I said, No, I'm going on holiday. And then when it was announced, I was extending, that my DMs were flooded with What about your holiday? It's the week after Okay, so I He's not missing Disneyland, Paris? No. whyy don't you go on a proper holiday? a flying flop pown Because I did that a few weeks ago. Yeah, but you've worked hard, you need a. I know, well, I know well this How long are you going for? To Disney Paris, Three nights. Is that it We're doing Paris beforehand, just us and then we are meeting They don'll need to go to Paris A lot of people say they don't like Paris. No offense to their friends. Yeah, but Okay, I don't think the French need to take events of that. but You would like Paris. I'll show you, Paris Show me your paris paint you like one of my French girls. Everything's a reference. This is from Katie, Dear William Jordan produceren and the seexed team, a long time, loyal G and Diva here coming to you in desperate need of your wisdom. For the past two years I have lived beneath a woman I know only as the wood butcher. At all hours of the day and at deeply questionable hours of the night, she can be heard hammering, drilling, banging, scraping, dropping, and generally behaving as though she is involved in the production of a prime time home renovation programe being filmed live above my head. The epicentre of these activities is unfortunately almost directly above my bedroom. Over time this has transformed me from a fairly relaxed and reasonable person into someone who can sit bolt upright at the sound a distant cupoard closing three floors away. I now sleep with earplugs in because I have developed the hearing abilities of a nervous woodling animal. To make matters worse, once her daily carpentry shppt has concluded, she often flaps a sheet over her balcony, sharing my balcony was what appears to be the byproducts of her latest woodworking project Naturally, quite a few neighbours from various floors have complained about the noise and her responses are always the same. She is apparently chopping chicken Now I'm no expert, but I' have cooked a fair amount of chicken in my lifime. You need to go and get a freaking warehouse or a studio. Yeah, N once needed a power drill. People are so selfish. However, Fate has a wicked sense of humour. I've just been offered the apartment directly above her, which brings me to my dilemma. The reason I'm wanting to move apartments is in large part to escape the wood butcher and her industrial poultry operation As a decent person, I know that revenge is wrong, but as a tired person who has spent the past couple of years being startled awake, I feel there should be exceptions. Would it be terribly bad to get to suddenly develop an enthusiasm for step aerobics at five AM? Would a mini trampoline be considered excessive? If I dragged a dining chair across the floor for no discernible reason at eleven PM, would that be frowned upon Should anyone complain, I would of course respond with a universally accepted explanation I'm chopping chicken. William, how does one seek justice without becoming a vigilante? Equally if you can think of any more other subtle ways of annoying her, your suggestions would be most welcome. Yours faithfully, a future upstairs neighbour and part time poultry processor What a lovely question. Well, I wouldt be subtle about it. When she starts banging, I'd get on my platform. she heels, now that I've got any. I'd start moving furniture around and I would bang on those floors Armageddon's about to happen. That's what I'd do. That's how I'd get back at it And when they do start making noise those through this no long we a broom on the top of a b room on the roof. d't interest just your ceiling. it sounds like it's a rentedpartmentid Pe don't realise I am so lucky that I don't have noisy neighbourors saying this only the right. Having neighbourors that aren't noisies and actual blessings. Yeah, ruin your life can do. So I am with you and I sort of I get where Jordan's coming from, I get where you are coming from anonymous. There is a great temptation to get your own back It's working on the assumption that once you move flat and you Thus don't hear the choppping of the chicken anymore I think you just probably Now you're tempted to be passive aggressive and get your own back, but actually once you move, you might just go whatever, S that and it Get banging when she starts banging. I have a massive orgy Even if you're not into that, just say My house is free, goo for it. make as much noise as you want. I think you've got to do all your banging in whatever word a massive gang bang How noisy are they? Well I can' imagine them being noisy. Can you? Yeah? But I would say it would depend You'd have to do it when she's not making noise because you're doing it when she is making noise, you won't hear it she's making noise So you've got to do it you got to get in the gaps. What's she doing chopping? What did I G and get a workout? I would say more the flicking stuff on I would flick stuff onto her balcony. Oh that would annoy you more. That would annoy than the nise. Sort of what you're doing, I mean, it's annoying, donon't get me wr, but it is half a me saying is in the privacy of your own But the flicking things onto a balcony, that would annoy me more This is from Anonymous Eter get help, please. They go straight in. I'm going to a wedding next year. My son is the lucky page boy Proper top hat and tails job for him. Oh I know where this is going. It is a family member of my partner who I really h get on with. The rest not so much. real life missses Bouquet, the lot of them. I haven't been to a wedding in years. It's a church wedding followed by cricket C club reception. proper Northern wedding. Oh sounds great. How posh does one dress for this type of wedding? Do I wear a fascinator or is this not enough? I don't want to be judged by the family, which will happen anyway keep the anonymous I mean Whyre not the thunder rolls like they called es I can't say it. So again. the Thunders called I can't say it because I can hear you. We're not Neanderthals. We're not Neanderthals. We do scrub up well up north and we do wear fascinators I would ask look gorgeous in that onening about sixtieth. Thank you. Yeah. I would ask around and ask other family members just on a WhatsApp, not in a group to say A you wearing a fasinate? Would it be al right to wear a fasinate? Ask around. I'm doing it this weekend at the wedding. And are you wearing a fascinate? No, I'm like Are wearing a tie or not? I hope to say. G genereral consensus, no one's wearing a tie Wh don't you go wearing a tie? then you can always whip it off? Well, I might have go wearing a tie But yeah, I would ask around just say are you wearing a little sassina? what you wearing this weekend You just wear jeans and an mthop? You can't wear jeans in an athop for a wedding can you? Illar a dressve got a new dress for Mers, but I can't yeah just ask around. can you can never overdress. I would well. Yeah, exactly. It's better be overdressed than underdressed. I would take Jordan's advice, but just ask, askk the hosts. What's the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom wearing? Ask around. Are they wearing a hat? Are they wearing a fasinator or nothing at all and then you can take the lead from them. becausecause if they're wearing a hatch, then I would go down the hatch route rather than the fascinator route is what I would say. Just ask. married oming up for four years. Jesus was Four years ago. It was, Yeahah Good day. than you. That's that's if someone says Someone Northern ass has you a good day It means that were really good. Oh, that were a good day, weren't it? I'm very flash. We always talk about when I went to Hadoc races twenty nineteen. simimilar to myine wedding. We all say that were a good do that. It was just a really good day Really good day, Right, good day. Yeah, you were a good day Thank you. Really good though Very nice highly recommend. This is from Sott Dillam and Jordan. I'm in dire need of your advice. My brother and I am planning my mum's sixtieth birthday party. Oh you've come to the right place. We've just done mine. With a your mothers, with help of a friend of mine. We've got a cake and balloon sorted. It all you need Cake was wnders just instantly, what flavour Cake flavor louffer cake. It were nice though. The problem is my mum's friend. She's trying to take over. She's ordered decorations, balloons and more ain I've seen jokes, I'm not going do. She's ordered decorations, balloons and more that don't fit the vibe. They're honestly tacky, for example, Champagne bottle balloons. What'song with them? That's what we had As you know, some people are right snowby, Wendy's I'll show the Wendy A Kitchen right nice How do I tell her to politely back off? My friend and fellow G andD is organizing the balloons through her party planner cousin and is understandably annoyed about my mum's friend's actions. Any help would be greatly appreciated. You're sincerely Scott. May your mum friend has been They by your momum And they'll know it just as well I think you're going to have to accommodate her I would say, find her something to do. Just and say, lookook, we've already got balloons, we've already bought them. Thank you. Don't waste your money. don't waste your money. You don't want you wasting your money. I tell you what, could you bring the napkins? Or could you do the cake just find something That's a good one. If it's really that bad. I don't think it's just. She's trying to take over everything. Okay. That's where I'd go. Thank you. we're organising this. I think you'd be quite firm about it. I really appreciate how, but we are organising it. It's all under control, but could you please bring the napkins? water or something. Give her something to do. This is from Lucy, Good afternoon, William, Jordan Diego and EPP and the rest of the Sexted team. I've been listening to the podcast for nearly three years after one of my clients mentioned she listens to your show during her nail appointment. Safe to say, I was hooked and have recently found that another client is also a fan, so we can often talk about your show during her appointment. This is amazing. We both agree the luxury podcast won was brilliant ub a crossover Yeah in general the say the luxury podcast is better. We'll never know I have an etiquette question for William. When it comes to hanging out the washing, I'd like to know, should I use plastic pegs or wooden pegs? wooden pgs are more sustainable. T know my grandma used to cover her knickers up with a tea towel. I love that. She was so cute That I ever told that? No,'s part of your backyard honestly this and the backyard had a toilet outside. old L drop. She I've never I've never used it, but she said, ye a shit W'reit five minutes to eight plots. ca long drop Anyway, but she used to cover her Nickers up way te towels How cute is that? You see, that's sophisticated. Yeah. I think that's nice. We don't all need to see what goes on next. I don't think it matters. Oh, and she had a little penny that she used to put her pegs in at front. And used to keep her pegs in front there. but I don't think it matters, wooden or plastic. Should I leave pegs on the line? There's more pegging chat I would this is the pegging chat I'm here for. I don't always have to be rude J says Um No, I wouldn't because I think then the weather erodes them and particularly the metal hinge, so I would keep them in a bag and probably inside. I'm going to cry, thinking' grum mr in a penny. Tell you what will make you cry? That woman on the train from Belfast to Dublin picking out her laund. I'm actually going gonna cry I thinking I'm going grumorow and a penn Should it be packed away do old to go have a brew here Ride S skipping min it A' gonna cry my grandma in pity why he's fucking wrong with me Should it be packed away when it's not in use? That's the wordy gig. Okay. Yes I would say say I'm actually crying up the grandp What is wrong with me? bless you. G on God. I work from home and sometimes if it's a nice day I have to have my washing out. having three kids it needs to be done. My clients will see my washing, so should my washing be out when I have clients such does this look unprofessional? Should knickers be on the inside of the washing line? Well there we go use A Jordan's likerandmother's technique put a tea towel or something It a towel over. Absolutely love the podcast. It's the only one I can listen to over again. In terms of if you are working from home and you're operating your nail spa from home, there is that. I mean, you could close the curtains or put some sort of a Venetian blind so you can angle it so people aren't looking out on your washing But you know, it's your home It's one of the sort of pros and cons of working from home. We'll put this up the carousel on Instagram. And if any GNDvers want to scroll down my very first Instagram post was my best mates. some these's on the washing l That that was your first. I wonder is there a way to find out It is my very first post. I can't be able scrolling. if you scroll right down It was come on your profile it won't take long I posted that. I was going to say, you hardly post that much. Yeah. I don't want to be rude, but like some people do, some people don't. Yeah. But there must be a way on archive to find and to go. But we'll find it. It was my very first post and I think it was like Big Dave Zondy's hashtag. I don't know But do you think you need to you can leave the pegs on the line, can't you? No, I wouldn't. you I take them out. I think A' look messy You're also going to collapse the washing line when you're not using it and sheave it But also the moisture will get to the the joints. You know how much washing I've done at this heat wave's been a I've honestly, I've got an empty there's nothing that makes me happier than an empty washbket.'m doing I'm getting through loads and loads. It's great put washing in Stunning in hour, it's dry. That' fantastic. So one good thing about it H have you seen that game they do in Australia? Where they pin wine bags to the was was? Oh I't seen that yet. the drink was it called those Spinny ones. Merly gigs. Is that what the con? No They might be called that. they're probably called, you know